The Commercial Break - TCB Fall Classic: Live from Shady Oaks

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

EP837: TCB is on "Fall Break" so Bryan reaches WAY back to EP102 for this TCB Fall Classic. Cover your ears because Bryan is breaking out his one and only recorded live show from 33P! (Fun Fact: This is the most hated episode in TCB history!) TCBit :Crabapple's #1 Wedding Singer! Watch EP #837 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Youtube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tcbpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.tcbpodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ CREDITS: Hosts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bryan Green⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ &⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Krissy Hoadley⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits & TCB Tunes: Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green. Rights Reserved To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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With the arrival of fall, WSHIT is so excited to bring back its annual wedding expo. This show focuses on all the wonderful vendors available here in Crab Apple to use when exchanging your noomshules. Now we'd like to focus our attention on little Drapy Anderson. Drapy Anderson is, of course, a wedding singer, locally known for his increasingly interesting renditions of popular songs. He's willing to sing at your wedding for the low, low price of $50. He would like a plate of food additionally. Let's listen to Drapi's interpretation of this classic song by Madonna.

I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through it. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you. I was beat, incomplete, I've been hard, I was sad, and blue, but you made me feel, yeah, you made me feel shiny and new, like a virgin, like a virgin. You've got to admire little Drapi's perseverance and creativity. Drapi wanted me to pass along that he's also available for Bar Misfas and Kinsign Euros. We'll be back after this commercial break. Hello, Brian, Chrissy.

I want to say thank you making me laugh so much with your show. I listen for your show from very beginning time. Please keep making episodes. Love to listen. Best to you. On this episode of the Commercial, It's fall break for the kids and mempho time for Chrissy. So we're taking a little break this week and throwing you some TCB classic entertainment.

In the now long and illustrious history of the commercial break, no single episode has gotten more negative feedback than this TCB classic. It clocks in at episode number 102 and includes some of the most ear-wrecking music you will probably hear until the next Justin Bieber album comes. out. For almost 100 episodes, and the 10 or 12 years previous to us getting on a microphone, our friendship, I had been telling Chrissy about my time as a lead singer in one of two rock and roll bands in my late teens and 20s. The first one, of course, is 33 Willie, which we now affectionately refer to as 33 penis, and the other one was Chopper Johnson, which we now affectionately refer to as, well, Chopper Johnson. No funny title needed. Those jokes tell themselves. After I got on this big megaphone, noticed the commercial break and started talking

about it, one of the members of the first band I was ever in, 33 penis, called me up to tell me that he had some old tapes from one of the three concerts that we played. That's right, we lasted all of three live shows. One of them was in the living room of a friend of a friend's house during a house party he was throwing at noon on a Saturday while his parents were out of town. That rock and roll lifestyle, you got to be careful, those noon house parties. You know how that shit gets out of control real quick? Anywho, I'm sure I blab out about it on this episode. This is apparently long before Chrissy and I learn how to actually use our microphones.

So, Chrissy sounds like she's underwater three miles away. But because you know I love to troll you guys, I thought I dig deep and give you this TCB classic live from Shady Oaks. I'll be back at the end to wrap it all up. Bye. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yes, another episode of commercial week. Good afternoon or whatever time it is when you're listening to this. I'm Brian.

This is Kristen Haudley and happy holidays. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thank you for joining us on yet another episode of the commercial week. I am headlong into a bad addiction of falling off of the wagon. I am no longer a teetoteling TLC reality show watcher.

I've found myself dripped, steeped deep in the land of scripted dramatic television. From the 80s. From the 80s. On free air TV, I get through my Roku. Also known as the 21 Jump Street Channel. There's a whole channel. There's a whole channel. It's a whole thing.

They're dedicated to nothing but the first four seasons of 21 Jump Street. Street. What happens when they play all of them? They just repeated it? That takes days. Unlike here in the year 2021, fast forward to the future, when Johnny Dup is old and wine soaked, can't get a job to save his life, right? They actually make like 42 episodes a season back then. Now they make five, and they call it a season, right? I remember when I was watching Melrose Place. I saw the same thing. I'm like, dang, there's 25 episodes in one season. Check out a season of the Love Boat. It's like 69 episodes of the Love Boat in a season.

And they had like 32 seasons, like 312 shows. There were five seasons of 21 Jump Street. I've now gone through the entire Wikipedia page just to make sure that we understand what we're working with. How addicted I really am. There are five seasons and 127 episodes in those five seasons. So there's a lot. I mean, it's like 25 episodes per season. That's a lot.

Right. You watch an episode, you watch a season of Better Call Saul. It's like two and a half episodes. Yeah, exactly. And then you're done. You've got to wait another three years to watch Better Call Saul. But 21 Jump Street just goes on and on forever. So I'm, and, you know, it just plays 24 hours a day. So I'm catching it like kind of randomly on the television. I'll catch one episode of season one and two episodes of season two. Okay. Mixing it up. Yeah, I'm just mixing it up. You know what I'm mixing up horrible storylines. I was watching one where John. I'm sure you don't need to know the bad story anyways.

You don't need to know. It's just a brand new episode every time. Yeah, this is, so here, I don't know if you know this, but there were three big television networks that pretty much controlled all of TV for the longest time until cable came along and then came the fourth network in 1986 known as Fox. So now there are three big, they call them four big networks. That's Fox, ABC, CBS, and NBC. Yes. And this was the first bona fide hit for Fox. It beat out a lot of the other things that were running at the same time, played on Sunday nights, you know, prime time, 8 to 9 p.m.

when it first came out for the first three seasons, and Johnny Depp absolutely fucking hated the show. He hated being, he hated being an idol, he hated being on, you know, team magazines. Too cool for a fucking school, this guy, yeah. But I guess the money kept him coming back because that show is atrocious. I mean, the storylines are fucking ridiculous.

There's not a black person to be found in the entire of the show, except for the captain on season two, and then Holly Robinson. Okay. And every other black person is just a caricature of, you know, bad stereotypes all around. Yes. But let me give you an example of a couple of the plots that go on on 21 Jump Street. Recently, I watched an episode where Johnny Depp is sent in to take down a teacher who is teaching creationism instead of evolution.

Like, because that's a thing that the police do. Right. You're under arrest for teaching the Bible. I guess the 80s was a different time. There's another one where a guy is recruiting models from the local high school, but they actually turn into porn stars. Now, I could see how that would be problematic. You just really want to take care of that. There is the, Holly Robinson is set in to fall in love with the world's biggest weed dealer.

He's dealing 40 tons of weed a week, and we got to stop them, but Holly falls in love. What to do? And is she part of the crew, the undercover crew? Oh, yeah. She's part of the undercover crew. Then there's Joey DeLuza who plays in season. one, two, and three, he plays Robert somebody. Okay. But then in seasons

four and five, his name changes and he plays a different character all together. What the fuck? And the bad guys just, they recycle them, like there's, you know, there's a character actor who plays a bad guy in season one. He comes back and plays a different bad guy in season number two. It's brilliant. It's just so bad. It's funny. Yes. I love it. I'm deep into it. I can't stop

watching it. What do I do? Somebody help me. I just, I should get back to Big on 90-day fiancé, that's what I should do, which I watched the other day, by the way. So 90-day fiancé now has a show called 90-day the single life. All these people whose relationships didn't work out, they put them on a show called 90-day fiancé, the single life. So it's basically like if you got rejected or you just had shit luck on the first version of your season, then they follow you around as you're a loser single trying to make it

out there in the world. And Big Ed, remember I talked about Big Ed? Remember Big Ed with the big neck? Yeah, poor little guy. I mean, just poor, poor little guy. I used to think he's funny, and now I just think he's really just a sad character who I feel for. Like, I want to give Ed a hug. He falls in love with yet another 28-year-old waitress around his town, right?

And he asks her out on the date. She says yes, obviously because the TV cameras are with her. She seems like a nice girl. But why else are you going out with Ed when you're 28 years old? The guy is 57 years old. You have no interest in a three-foot-two guy would, I mean, he's just a, his neck is as white as he is tall. I mean, if you sit him down sideways, his neck goes higher than he does. I mean, that's just the reality.

Is it because he's working out? No, it's because he has some kind of like a birth defect, right? And it just happened that way. It's like his neck, his shoulders and his chin merged together. He's like this. It's just bad. You know, he walks like this. We've seen people like this, right?

And listen, I'm not making fun. I can only imagine how difficult life must have been. But he seems to have weathered it pretty well. He's got a great sense of humor. He's not afraid to talk about his big neck, right? Ed and the big, small Ed and a big neck or whatever he calls himself. But last night I'm watching just like, I only have 15 minutes in between 21 Jump Streets to watch 90 Day The Single Life, quick.

Let me find. I just got, I got to scroll through to the good parts, which is Ed, basically, right? Okay, right. So Ed's on date number three. He's talking to this girl and he's like, you know, he really wants to find out if he's in the friend zone because they're on date number three and he can't tell whether or not she likes her. The rest of us watching clearly understand that this girl has no romantic interest in him.

What's really going on here is A, she wants to be. on television, be she needs a friend very badly, or C, a combination of the both, right? But she's not going to be romantically involved with Ed. We already know this from the beginning. She's a cute, 28-year-old waitress, who, by the way, has been married and divorced twice at the age of 28 years old. Okay? All right.

So, I mean, I'm not making assumptions. I'm just saying I'm a divorcee, too. I'm not saying we're all, you know, filled with baggage. We're just mostly filled with baggage. So date number three, Ed decides he's going to bring this girl back to his house to meet his mother. Okay. Which is a horrible idea on day number three.

Under no circumstances should you bring your date back to meet your mother on date number three. No. There's no reason to do this. None. Zero. Yeah. But he does. And he sets them.

He's cooking in the kitchen. Mom's out on the patio with the drink. And he says, listen, I'd love to sit here and she, you know, the little girl. I don't know what her name is. Let's call her Andrea. Andrea comes in and says, you know, oh, hey, you know, the welcomes. I'd love to talk to you, he says. But I want to make sure I'm cooking.

I'm cooking a really good special meal for you and I can't do both. You're too distracting. You're too beautiful. He's laying it on thick and he's like, I want you to go and talk to mom. So he's setting them up for a little conversation. Okay. Because he wants mom's approval and he wants to make sure she like, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they go out there.

They're a little awkward. Way awkward. The whole situation is just totally fucked up, right? So Ed and Ed's the girl and the mom are talking and it's, you know, she, the mom starts digging in and it's clear she's not ready for any relationship. She just got divorced. She has a kid. Like, I don't want anything.

You know, I'm just, whatever it is. Having fun. Having fun. If it's friends, it's friends. If it's more, it's more. But right now, I'm not looking for anything special. At the end of the night, when Ed and this girl are alone, they have the same conversation where she says the same thing to him. I'm not ready for anything.

I'm just take, let's just take it slow. Let's be friends. I love the way that we're communicating right now. I like that you check in on me and all that stuff. But I am not ready for anything romantic. That's what she says to him. He's walking her to the car. She goes to give him a hug.

And he grabs her head. to kiss her. Oh. And she puts her head down. Oh, no. And he ends up kissing like her eyeball. Oh, God. Right?

And this is her response. No. No, you can't do that. And I'm like, oh my God. Like, it's so cringe-worthy. She said, no, you can't do that. And she walks out the door. Oh.

Ed is then sitting there left with a bottle of vodka crying to himself that when I, I'm giving up hope that I'm supposed to be with anybody. And when there's nobody to have, there's nothing left in life. He's crying. So now I'm crying. So now everybody's crying, right? We're all crying for it. Meanwhile, the cut to the girl that's outside her car, the producers are like getting

this extra feedback, right? They're like, did you expect that? And she's like, no, I thought we were on the same page. I told him, right? Now she starts crying because she's upset that she made him feel better, right? So she goes back in the door like a wonderful young lady, a wonderful human, actually, goes back in the door. and sits down with him.

He's crying, she's crying, and she says, listen, I'm so, I'm more worried about how you feel that I'm worried about what just happened. I want to make sure you're okay. But I thought I made it clear. I thought we were on the same page. Ed can't catch a fucking break is how I initially reacted to this. I'm like, Ed can't catch a fucking break. The guy can't get a girl to save his life.

He fell in love with some 19-year-old Filipino. That was never going to work out. She didn't even speak any lick of English. She doesn't speak a lick of Filipino, right? Right. Now he comes back to America. He's extraordinarily famous because of this single-life show, this 90-day fiancé show. And he can't for the life-extordinarily famous in my mind.

I wish I was 90-day fiancé famous. I wish. Who is the smart ass who sent us in a question? You guys should talk about 90-day fiancé. Fuck you, man. So now Ed decides that I'm going to use all. All of this free publicity for myself, I'm going to use it to hit on the local bartender who's 28 fucking years old. Oh, yeah, why not?

So at first I think, poor Ed. But then I think to myself, Ed, there's someone out there for you. It's just not the 28-year-old hot fucking bartender at your local fucking watering hole. That's not where you're going to find a girlfriend. Ed, you're 57 years old. I have friends that are in this position. This is what they do. They're a four.

They're looking for a 12. You know what I'm saying? They're looking for, they're looking, and then they look at me and they go, well, you did it. And I'm like, well, I'm a different story. I'm on the commercial brick. Right, exactly. There's a lot of, you know, people kind of roll out the red carpet for me. My balls hang low and they swing to and fro.

You know what I'm saying? I'm just a different kind of guy. I've got a scrundle sack that people like. Do you know what I'm saying? You getting what I'm going from holding? I am like the luckiest man in the world. I have fallen upward all my entire adult life, and I continue to do so. I'm surprised I have children that have all four arms.

With all the drugs I did, I'm surprised they didn't come out with scales and a tail. Like, ooh. Hey, dad, it's from all the MDMA. The ayahuasca. It was great for your sperm count. No, you're doing a great job. So, thank you. So I tell these people, I say, hey, listen, you can't be a four looking for a 12.

No. You can't be 49 years old looking for a 19-year-old swimsuit model. Right. You can't be 52 years old, spending most of your adult life watching college football and drinking Yeager Meister, and then expect that some 22-year-old co-ed, who's about to be in med school, is going to love you for who you are. No, doesn't work like that. That's not how life works. Sometimes, sometimes we get a little lucky and we find a Venezuelan friend who's beautiful and attractive and happens to be blind as a bad time.

Yes, I'm not really sure. But most of the time, we need to swim in our own pool. That's just the way it is. Ed says to this girl at one point in the night, he says, he goes, you know what, age is just a number. And you know what her immediate response is? I don't think that's correct. I actually don't believe in that.

Yeah. He should have taken all the signs. And she's right about that. Age is just a number sometimes, but not all the time, right? And so I say to my dear friend, Ed, if you're listening, and I know you are, Ed, swim in your own pool, but that's what you got to do. There are plenty of girls out there who probably find you very attractive and are ready to rock, right? They're ready to take that neck for a ride. I mean, I'm serious.

But you got to swim in your own pool. You got to start thinking a little bit more logically about. about this. The 28-year-old waitress who's smoking, you know, smoke show is not going to date Ed no matter what television show you're on. And you also have to take into account, there's the television show factor. Right. That's true. You've got to kind of figure out a way to suss that out a little bit of that. Yeah. I don't think I'd be able to date somebody that was on a TV show. I don't think I'd be able to date somebody who was on 90-day fiancé. Yeah, because they only, they only showcase train wrecks. That's it.

You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thing you can do before 10 o'clock. Hi, cats and kittens, Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void, like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-3-3-T-CB. That's 212433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian, I need a race.

Complement Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans. Or tell us a little story. The juicier, the better, by the way. We'd love to hear your voice. because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials. At the commercial break on Insta, TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch...

Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. And TCBPodcast.com for all the info on the show. Your free sticker? Or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date.

With my dog. No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is Pork Chop Day. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute.

This September, leased a 26 XE90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Hi, I'm Nancy Cartwright. You may know me better as the voice of Bart Simpson. On Simpsons Declassified, we're diving into the mysteries that keep the Simpsons forever young. Have you ever wondered how the Simpsons regularly predicts future events?

Who better to ask than the show's creators, performers, and writers? The celebrity guests, be sure to follow and listen to Simpsons Declassified wherever you get your podcasts. A couple of months ago. I promised, a couple of shows ago, I promised that when I finally got a hold of any 33P material, the band that I was a singer in when I was 15 and 16 years old, or any Chopper Johnson material, 33 Willie or Chopper Johnson material that we've been talking about since this show started.

Yeah, pretty much. That I would play it here on air as comeuppance, as fair game. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, as they say. It was only right that I play, if I'm going to make fun of everybody else, it's only right that we make fun of me. True. Right? True.

Okay. So the day has surfaced. The day has come. As much as I tried to. Did you pull this out of a box or did somebody give it to you? I did not pull this out of a box. Someone sent this to me. An old bandmate?

An old bandmate sent this to me. I actually knew that someone had a copy, and I reached out, praying that they didn't actually have the copy. But knowing that in good faith, I had to make the effort, right? I figured if I emailed and it went, nothing happened that I would never play. You're out of it. That's right. 33P would be buried forever.

I'd just stop talking about it and people would be a joke. People were like, was he really in a band? With few, if any, people ever remembering the 33 Willie even existed. this guy being one of them. Well, I was shit out of luck that day because he's like, I sure do, MP3. I've been waiting. You want that Dropbox?

How do you want that? Hard copy, Dropbox, Google Drive. Zuma, tell me how you want it. The FedEx Men. You want me to come hand deliver that to you? You want me to start my own podcast called 33P? And I'll play it, then you can re-record it. How do you want that?

So I knew that the cat was out of the box. I knew I would not be able to avoid it for much longer. And over this last long holiday weekend, it arrived. And I feel it only fair that I have to play. Wow, the moment has come. But before we do, I think we should make fun of other people first. Stick with us. Well, you'll hear some 33 people before the end of the show.

And it's going to be the episode, if you remember the episode where I talked about, a couple episodes where I talked about we played live from what I called a retirement home, where everyone was sitting around and we were. in front of a fireplace, and people were like, left the room because they were like, this is a house party, man. You stopped screaming in my ear. Dying of the zeed! You were about to hear how close to the truth. My story was. Okay.

Okay. Ready? But first I wanted to say a few things at first. I'm going to throw you way back in the way back machine of the commercial break. Bebe, boo, boo. We're going to go back to episode number two or three. Oh. Tell me if you remember this.

Dan-da-dan-da-dan-dan-da-dean-de-dean-dean-dean-dean-de Dean-Body show. It's the Dean-Body show! Yes, I absolutely remember. I stumbled upon a guy named Dean Bode who was doing two podcasts a day for like a year on end. Not one podcast, two podcasts a day. And he calls it the Dean Bode Show, because his name is Dean, and the dog's name is Bodie.

Bodie is apparently 112 years old. Right. And living in some studio somewhere in East Cobb or wherever they are, right? And Dean Bodie, it was the most amazing thing to me because Dean would sing, he would sing songy through the entire podcast. It's like 15 or 20 minutes long. Yeah. And he'd want to sing about, I don't know, the camera, you know.

Ah, the camera, welcome to the camera. All the little cameras back. Right. He'd do this whole C-songy thing through the whole thing. And it became kind of like idiot savant material for me to listen to. I was watching Dean Bodie at one point I was like religiously watching both episodes to Dean Bodie

because Dean would I mean he was the consummate entertainer to whom I'm not really sure to the dog I think right But he the way that he opened the show was this Dan it da danit danit dan Dean Bodie show at Dean Bodie.com

He was just like going off about this Dean surfaced Okay so now that's episode number two or three and then 100 episodes later Dean surfaced He's been following us. He started commenting on our YouTube channel. Okay.

And I was like, look at that. Dean Bodie, still kicking, still doing his thing. Yeah. Still doing a couple episodes a day. Still got the dog. Still Dean Bodie at the Dean Bodie.com. Good to know. He was, I really felt good about this because I was sure.

You know, the statistic is that most podcasters die after episode number seven. Well, Dean was already on an episode number 100 by week number two because he's doing seven of these day, right? So I was like, I'm pretty sure Dean's going to just go. He's going to peter out at some point, right? He did not. He continues to do these daily episodes with his dog. Wow. Is that not amazing?

Yes. I wanted to shout out to Dean Bowdy. Absolutely. Because it's not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but go check it out. You have to check it out. It's like it is a testament to human perseverance and attitude. And I don't know. You know those guys who like walk up Everest without oxygen or dudes who do the highlining

across the Grand Canyon a mile up in the air. and you're like, wow, man, that's really ballsy. Like, I would never do that. That would never be my thing of choice. Good for them. I would never choose to do two podcast episodes a day. That's a lot. Yeah, I do two of podcast episodes a week under duress.

Under duress. But I wanted to say hello to Dean Bodie. Yes. Hi, Dean. He's been such a cheerleader of the show. He was back then. He just popped up out of nowhere again. And I just want to say, Dean, he's milk toast.

He is so nice. He is the complete opposite of the commercial rake. Like, we are rowdy and stupid and opinionated. And Dean is just a nice fucking guy who's out there. Even keel. Yeah, even keel, talking, telling stories about his life. You know, he goes to the CVS. It's a half-hour episode on the Dean Bodie Show.

And I just wanted to say hello to Dean. We love you. And we hope you're doing well. And congratulations on all the success. I think he's like 286 episodes in or something like that. okay okay one additional thing i wanted to get to before are you stalling i am stalling are you noticing are you noticing yes i'm pulling your we're getting a little microphone trouble i'm pulling okay yeah i know that's covering your face kind of here hold on you're still figuring out the microphone

we're still figuring out the microphone here there you go okay all right is that good you feel good about that i feel good about that uh-huh yep right below your chin now hmm right below your chin It looks like the whole thing's connected. I'm framing myself. You've got to check this out of YouTube.com slash the commercial break. We're trying to figure out how we work the microphone stands that they're not in our face. There you go. There.

Yeah. Perfect. Look at you. You're going. Back. Okay. I guess I'm going to have to do this. Yeah.

I'm so nervous about this. I know. Well, it's just the time has come. Here's the story. You're a good man, a big man. I'm a big man. for doing this. I'm a man in my word.

I don't want anyone to say that I didn't do this because I did do this. This may be the first and last time this ever gets played on the commercial break and who knows how long this episode stays out there. I'm just going to put that out there. Could be brief.

Here's the deal. I'm 15 years old and I start a band with a couple of friends of mine. Dan and Mike. I won't give away their last names in case they don't want to be heard. Yeah. Dan is an incredibly talented

like an idiot savant type musician. He can play multiple instruments extraordinarily well. He's such a great technical musician. And he is the lead guitarist and or the bassist of our band. And then there's Mike, who is a drummer, a self-taught drummer, and he's very good himself. And then there is me. And I am playing guitar, and I am singing, and I'm writing the songs. Oh, okay.

To the band that we named 33 Will. So bad. At one point, we got asked to go, I think this is actually a. our first show. We got asked to go and play a house party. We had been practicing in Dan's addict for like a year and making up these horrible, horrible songs that you're about to hear. And at one point, we got asked to play a house party. Somebody that Dan knew was having a house party, their parents are out of town. It's like a Saturday afternoon at like 1115 in the after. I mean, it was like totally not conducive to this music. I'm not saying this is going to make

the music any better if it was at night. But I'm trying to give myself some excuse. It's like 11.15 in the afternoon. We're playing in someone's living room. We've moved all the furniture mainly out of the way. So now it's circling the room. And people are sitting on couches. Well, a person is sitting on a couch. And we're playing in front of a fireplace in someone's pedestrian house. Okay. And north of Atlanta. Okay. Here we go. Ready? Here is how the CD covers from the beginning until the end of the concert. Now, I don't have the time to play all of it. So I've got to be choosy. Every, every, so they.

Oh, my God. Okay, so let's just start. This is the beginning. This is a little mood music. I can hear a little twinge of like a pearl jammy thing. Oh, yeah. There's a furl jamie thing going on. Oh, my God.

Tuning up the instruments getting ready. You know, you got to prepare properly. You want to make sure. You got to be sure everything's in tune. It's like when fish does a jam. Right. They're in between jams and they're transitioning, yeah. You started with the transition.

We ended the transition. It's like starting a sentence and ending it with a preposition. You're getting going. This is the 26-minute intro. We're just so scared. We just keep twanging around. Eventually a song will come out. We ought to have to play the ones we wrote.

We're already five minutes since we haven't even played a song. No wonder people left. They were like, where are these guys tuning their instruments? Call me when they're done. You guys should have taken care of that outside or something? I just do it sunny side up. Sunny side up. Sunny side up.

Okay. All right. Now I'm going to go hide in the corner while you listen. This is so bad. It's probably not that bad. Totally. It's that bad. It's that bad.

so bad. I'm so embarrassed. Okay, all right. Oh my God. Okay. Nice. There's the only talented musician in the group playing the baseline. Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, we should have kept it like that. It should have been the whole song. Do you just keep on going, man? It's all you. Mike and I are heading for the... Mike and I are heading. We're going to go upstairs and smoke and and sing right. We'll be back when the important part starts. I think there's another guitarist. I don't know who he is. It's very,

it's very doors-ish. Yeah, it is. Very moody. This is the end. This is the end of your musical career, my friend. This is perfect for 1115 on Saturday. afternoon. You know.

We're going to bring things down a bit. Let me bring it so far down. You can't hear me singing. Yeah. I'm picturing. With all the drugs I'm taking. Nice. Well, you kicked it up a notch. We're at like a 13. The party's at like a 1.

Oh, back down. Get moody again. If you notice there, I started singing way before I was supposed to. I'm 15. Give me a break. Yeah, I am. I am. I mean, good for you to try. Thanks, I appreciate that.

I mean, everybody's got to start somewhere. This is where we started. And the podcast is where we ended. Listen to my voice. I sound like Scott Stap from Creed. Shut and light up! Shutty, got up! I mean, the bass line is good, I think.

It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, we're going to give it up to Dan. Yeah, the, no, Mike's good. Mike's a good, solid drummer. Yeah. This is my heavy-ta-up. You've always had a love for Laplouse.

I never stopped. Oh, yeah. Take it back down. Oh, yeah. Guitar solo. Is that you? I don't know, actually. I don't know if this is me if there's someone else.

Because we had a second guitarist sometimes. And I don't know if that guy is with us or not. Sounds like me. Sounds pretty bad. By the way, this is the same talentless guitar playing that I impressed. Astrid's parents with. also my singing voice shutting light up

shutting light up shutting light up well in fairness it was like a time when there was a lot of angst and screaming and grunge was kind of if I'm 15 this is 1991 so I mean this is just when Pearl Jam and Nirvana have come out I mean not even I don't even think some of these albums

I didn't even about out Like Allison Cheney. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. And we are just channeling that energy is what we are. Oh, yeah. The crowd is really responding to us by walking out the dog.

You're wearing your dog Martin. I was. Same Doc Martin as I was wearing a 22 with a fish coat. Did you have a chain? Like with the. Oh, you know I did. Oh, you know I did. And not a small chain.

Right. A long chain. Like down v. Oh, my knee. And not a real chain either. They're the kind that gets wet and it starts peeling because I'm 15 and I can't order it. Right. I can afford a Fender Stratocaster, but I can't get a pair of shoes, clean underwear, or a chain that works.

But sunny, tight up! Oh, it's so, so bad. Don't be too hard on yourself. You know, sometimes people, they like, meditate to their former self. You know what I'm saying? Like, they believe in like, you know, the string theory and multiple universes and time is just a dilation and you can talk to your younger self. Okay. I just keep telling my younger self.

You're eventually behind a microphone. You're not much better at that either, but at least you're not screaming. Sunday, tight up! And where are these lyrics coming from? I'm talking about all the drugs I'm taking. Oh, well. Oh, man. I bet I have the lyrics.

somewhere in one of these lyric books. I should bet. Lyric books, yeah. There's, like, there's 22 songs in here, folks. So there will be another episode of this, and I'll try and get out the lyric book. You were like a season of 21 Jump Street. I was. Well, a couple of them are cover tunes.

We actually do the end, I think, by the doors. And we do, uh, and killing in the name of by Rage Against the Machine, which is a song that, like, it just come out. So this must be 1992, actually, probably. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. There we go now.

I'm channeling my internet Anthony Kitas. Here we go now. All three of the notes were playing sound really good. I do with that what the rest of the song says. I've only heard Sonny's that up. Well, you can't hear me because I'm not talking. I'm not actually singing. the microphone. This is the thing that I remember doing. I was, this is, by the way, it's

just, can you imagine being at like an afternoon brunch house party? This is what's coming at you? No one was brunching. Let's be real. No, they were doing cake stands in the back. Yeah, there was a cake. Smoking pot. Just trying to chill out. You take advantage what time of the day. It doesn't matter what time of the day. Yeah, that's correct. All these guys were hoping like widespread part two was walking in the door. and they got creed five years before creed was a thing they're like wow that's a really bad impression of any better you couldn't get any better you couldn't get any better or any better so there you go hey we paid inside the budget which was zero dollars and zero set

I don't even think we got free beer at that point Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me or Chrissy, at 212-333-3-T-CB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too.

Mm-hmm. Just call and say something. anything or text us and we'll text you're right back promise then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker it's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide you get the point follow us on instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube dot com slash the commercial break best to you and astrid especially astrid summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana, that's a yes. A nice tan, sorry, nope. But a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine, no. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Oh, this is it. The day you finally ask for that big promotion.

You're in front of your mirror with your Starbucks coffee. Be confident. Assertive. Remember eye contact. But also remember to blink. Smile, but not too much. That's weird. What if you aren't any good at your job?

What if they demo you instead? Okay. Don't be silly. You're smart. You're driven. You're going to be late if you keep talking to the mirror. This promotion is yours. Go get them.

Starbucks. It's never just coffee. Anyway. You just needed the experience. experience. Oh, we got plenty of experience. I remember a thing that I did. I wonder when one where you fell off the stage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think my music, I think my singing got a little less like in, like imitative. Like I wasn't trying to imitate somebody. Here, clearly, what I'm doing is I'm trying to imitate a bunch of different singers of the time. And I'm not using my own voice.

Not that my own voice was any much, that much better. I'm not, I was not a great singer in any stretch of the imagination. But what I've noticed about some of these old recordings, I have a habit of moving away from the microphone because I think I'm scared of being heard. Scary. It's scary. But then when I get loud, I'm like, okay, well, I might as it'll just scream at this point. Shake it in.

Sunny's on up! Yeah. I'd like my eggs and sunny side up! Here we go now. Come hurt his mother. Exeter Macon! Creaming the Macombie! What are some of the other names in your songs?

Do you remember? Do you remember? Yeah, I've got them. I've got them right here. Slide. Slide. Slide. Slide.

I think the Goo Goo Goo Dolls then stole our song. Remember that? Why don't you slide? Yeah, that was it. Why don't you slide? That was it. It was most definitely. I think it was called.

Smile. No, it's slide. Okay. Yeah, it's like, why don't you slide? Remember the Goo Goo Dolls? Oh, yeah. They were like a hardcore punk band that turned into like, you know, gogo, gooo, go, go, go, go, gaga. Why don't you slide?

What other songs did they sing? Uh-huh. Ah, God, I can't remember. Yeah. Yeah, they were bad. It was bad. We all sang their songs back then, but it was bad. Yeah, you don't hear those songs on the radio anymore.

Okay, this is. By 33 Willie. Before they were known as 33 Willie, we were known as Slowhead. That was the name of the band. Slow Head. Slow head. Make up your own interpretation of that one. Yes.

15-year-old boys. Ha! Dan-da-da-dan-dan-dan-da-dun-dean-dean-dean-dean-dean-dean-dean-dean-dean-dean-oldy show. Slow-haid. Slow-haid. Oh, my God. It's so bad. It's so crintry.

33 Willie Slow head And Chopper Johnson I don't think I'll have references to penis I just want to I want to say this I don't think slow head was my idea

I don't know whose it was but it wasn't mine I would have never named my bad slow head 33 Willie was a much better name Was this the same band too Where you showed up and Tina dropped you off And you were That's Chopper Johnson

That's the act like this is my teen This is a teenage band right This is a high school band We're doing this thinking that we're going to be famous. Yeah, obviously, the talent is not there yet. I don't know where the talent scouts were, clearly. I mean, you were still developing.

Yeah. In many ways. Puberty, basically, was how we were developing. I still wait for my balls to drop. Stop me down up! I just can't get over how bad that it. This is my teenage band. But then in my early 20s, I joined a band called Chop that I affectionately named at some point Chopper Johnson.

We named Chopper Johnson at some point. Chopper Johnson was a more adult band. They were. I don't even know it at me. Meaning you were adults in it? Meaning we had to do porn to pay the bills? I don't know. I think we played at the strip club once.

I'm not sure. I don't remember. Oh, my gosh. Meaning they were older than I was. It was a more mature band, if you will. And they had recorded albums. They were like, and they had the same, their manager was the touring manager for Rush. Wow.

So their band manager was the touring manager for Rush. I mean, that's big. They were going places until I showed up. They were well on their way. And then he joined. I came and took a hammer to the track. Yeah. Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to change the name to Shepardons. That's right. And I'm going to sing. And we're going to really take off. Have you guys ever heard of 33P? No. Let me play you one of our clients. Plastics.

Sunny Tide up! Staddy's item! Don't a saddle. Hello. Listen to the chairs. Listen to the crowd. Not one person. Not one person.

Said anything. They were all like, wow. Okay. I guess we should come back later. What time you say your parents get home? Seven. Can we come back around six? Will these guys still be here?

Oh, my God, I'm laughing so hard. I'm crying. I don't know if I'm laughing because I'm embarrassed. This was, yeah. So when I knocked on that, when I knocked on that door. If you did this last week, then you could. Yeah, I could have done this last. Imagine.

Imagine in a little record label I picked us up. You know what I would be? I would be like a puddle of mud. That's what I would be like. I would be like that West Scantland guy running around drunk and high on heroin trying to explain my music. And people would say, Yeah, people would say, don't worry, everything old comes new again.

Not for some people. I don't see the Goo Goo Dolls running around with a farewell tour. You know what I'm saying? It just doesn't work that way for some people. I don't want to be running the, you know, boys to men, what's left of in sync, and 33P. What is that music complicate? Time Life Music Collection presents the best of 33P. Enjoy all the old classics

Like sunny side up And slide You can only find this collection exclusively on time life I would love to see a VH1 behind the music With 33B I'd like to see any of us Survive 50 years old

I'm picturing you like a stool You know, y'all are all kind of hanging out. There's a black curtain behind you. Pictureing stool is about right for 33P. We also were playing behind the porta-potties at this particular party. Not one person clapped. What's half crowd. Yeah, tough crowd.

Tough crowd. A crowd insinuates that there were more than one person listening. That's enough. So to get back to the story, when I showed up with Tina, I answered a person. like not a personal item but an ad in like a yeah the creative loafing a local alternative trade ring looking for singer looking for singer you know band with whatever you know album looking for singer and so that's when i showed up at the door Tina dropped me off and the guy was like here take these songs and call us back in a week with some ideas and i was like i don't have a car

or a phone but i still have my blue dog martins from 33b You want to listen to Slide? Why not? Why not? Oh, yeah. We're in it. Now. Yeah.

Yeah. We're in it. Yeah. Hey, Mike's drumming pretty good here. Yeah, he's getting going. Yeah, I'm not sure what I'm doing, but Mike's going. I'm sure I'm going to come in and ruin the song in any moment. Yeah, there I am.

Remember Rob Zombie? Remember Rob Zombie? This is kind of Metallica, yeah. Remember White Zombie? Yes, White Zombie. Yes, I sound like the guy from White Zombie. Why am I trying to emulate the guy from White Zombie? Oh, he was successful. Was it White Zombie? Yeah, it was White Zombie.

No, not White Zombie. White Zombie was with, oh, that was the cranberries. Never mind. You seem like you're getting more confident. Yeah, or drunk. Well, I'm getting more confident because I realize no one's listening. Because you are getting drunk. Yeah, I realize no one's listening.

At this point, there's no one in the crowd. So I'm like, oh, I'm playing to nobody. It's just like when we're playing in the attic. Yeah. I think I've been in the attic. disarmed by the fact that there is no one there and we're just kind of treating it now like band practice right and at band practice we can be as bad as we want to be right and it shows you never tell me what you're looking for what you're looking for

To be fair to those of you who were not born or around in the 90s, there was much worse music than this that was playing on the radio. Not the singing, but the actual music part. I just want to let you know that. All right, Mr. Dan, we have to be slapping on our face. Like he knows how to do you have plenty of practice at home. What? This is Dan slapping on the bases.

He's had plenty of practice at home. There's some comic relief fun. Hey, I'm Brian. I'm here at Chuckles Laugh Factory all weekend long. Oh. Wow. witty banter, Brian. It's Jim Morrison-esque.

It is, it is. As Astrid heard this? Seven miles. As Astrid, no, she is not. This will be the first time. I'm praying this is one of those episodes. She won't listen all the way through. I'm Brian.

I'm Brian He said he was listening I'm Brian In case you're taking pictures For some magazine Who cares? B.R. Y. I'm Brian.

Like I'm introducing myself to people. Like, I'm Brian. Nice to meet you. People are like, dude, enough. I thought Dave's parents were gone We're going to get a hammered. I was going to French kiss my girlfriend.

Instead, I got to listen to this shit. You're blocking the stairway. I can't even get to the bedrooms. Fuck, man. I shouldn't have taken that LSD. Slowhead is killing me. The guitar's ripping into me. Like a million knives.

What's surprising to me that I didn't remember is exactly how hard the band is, like where it's hard rock. Yeah, it is. I thought it was more like a little, like, little more gentle. Oh, it just cut out there. I don't know why it just cut out there. But anyway, it cut out there. Listen, you get them. Yeah. Well, good job. That was tough. I know. Well, there you go. If you even made it this far in the episode, kudos to you. As mentioned before, I literally got four or five emails that bordered on death threats regarding the terrible nature of the music being played on that particular episode. I never claimed it was good. I just claimed it happened. And what's good for the goose is good for the gander or whatever the saying is, if I was giving it, I figured I should be able to take it.

My feelings are still hurt. You guys really didn't like 33P live at Shady Oaks? I mean, the recording quality is top-notch. Who doesn't want to time travel back to 1990, whatever, and see a young Brian Green with a chain around his waist and his stinky Doc Martin's kicking the shit out of some rage against the machine covers? Ah, to be young and young. It's all coming back.

It's all coming back to me now. All right, as mentioned before, we took a little break this week. Thanks for bearing with us. We'll get back on our high horse next week. I had a chance to sit down and talk with Impractical Joker and stand-up comedian Salvo Cano. I've got some special guests lined up for next week. You are not going to want to miss this, unless, of course, you do want to miss this. In which case, I just ask that you give us a follow so we still get the download.

I'm gross. I'm not above begging for downloads. Additionally, I hope and wish that you give us a shout at to. 212-4333-3-T-B. That's 212-433-3822. Text us, call us, questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You know you can do it. I just hope you do. Please go ahead and give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break. Extra credit if you hit us up at TCB podcast at TikTok, since there's almost no content up there. I might just throw you an extra sticker if you show me a picture of you following us on TikTok. Go to the website. You can see all the video and all the

there, TCBPodcast.com, and of course the infamous YouTube. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. All the episodes are up there, every single one of them on video that we have, that YouTube hasn't banned, or that I forgot to hit record on, they're all up there. Go ahead, follow, subscribe, comment, you know, do all that stuff. One more little note. I do have a couple boxes of extra merch from our recent merch sale. Some of the pieces were sold out, but I have some universe.

sweaters, hoodies, and t-shirts. I don't have all the sizes. I'm not going to have everything everybody wants. But if you're interested in some merch and you missed out on the sale, well, and you know, we'll see what we can do. We'll see. No promises. We'll see what we can do.

Anyway, I love you. Best to you. And until next time, I will say, I do say, I must say, goodbye. Bankmore oncours when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at Scotiabank.com. slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank, you're richer than you think. Calling all book lovers.

The Toronto International Festival of Authors brings you a world of stories all in one place. Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more with over 100 authors from around the world, including Rachel Maddow, Coutourou Isaku and Kieran Desai. The Toronto International Festival of Authors, October 29th to November 2nd. Details and tickets at Festival of Authors.ca.