The Commercial Break - TCB Infomercial w. Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Kyle Kinane joins Bryan & Krissy to chat about following your dreams when nothing else is working out, Paul Giamatti, and the joys of being self-effacing. Polycules/Polecules We can’t get through��whole article anymore 800 Pound Gorilla & Dirt Nap We are judgmentally pro-polycule The 7 year college experience Mike Tyson vs Paul Giamatti Hair metal Downers in the burbs Car stick figures Bitcoin Illegal activities The shackles of marriage Be the dick in the story Kyle’s start in comedy Jesus? Drugs? KYLE: Dirt Nap No Accounting For Taste (podcast) Tour https://kylekinane.com/ LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and age that we're in are the Fast and the Furious movies. Those are my favorite ones. Arguably, we know they're the dumbest ones out there. They're dumb, they know they're dumb, and we know they're dumb. And we're still like, give them to me. How dumb are they? The last one was called Fast X for Fast 10th. There's 12 of them. On this episode of the Commercial Break, Kids' birthdays love a good Paul Giamatti impersonator. Yeah. Yeah. I was talking to my wife about our upcoming kids birthdays and I was like, I don't know who we're going to get. Is Spunky the Clown?

Uh, Chuckles? I'm not sure. And she was like, Paul Giamatti, Brian, it's all the rage on Tik Tok. Have you seen the Kyle Kinean impression? She's, listen, Tani's turning eight and her favorite movie is Sideways. So if we just could make this dream come true. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break.

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this crappy podcast. Chris and Joy, only best to you, Chris and. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Yes, we sure do think we're funny. All right, here we go. Cheesecake Factory, a podcast back online.

TCB infomercial today with one of my personal faves, Kyle Kanane. Are you excited? Yes. Okay, all right, just making sure that you're still there with me. Me too, I didn't know if you were gonna follow up with something else. Chrissy was like, wait, we have a guest? Yes. You didn't even with me. Me too, I didn't know if you were gonna follow up with something else. Chrissy was like, wait, we have a guest?

No, he was awesome. You didn't even surprise me. No, Kyle was great. He was awesome, we watched his special. Love Kyle, his brand new special out on the 800 pound gorilla YouTube channel. It's called Dirt Nap. He's got a number of other specials,

hours of comedy out there that you can watch. You know him, go to our YouTube page, youtube.com slash the commercial break and you can watch. You know him. Go to our YouTube page, youtube.com slash the commercial break and you can watch us interview Kyle Kinnane. You will know him instantly, probably just by his voice because he was the voice of Comedy Central for a long time. Did you know that? That's right. You did know that. I was reading that. There you go. Look at you. You're studying up. I'm proud of you, Chrissy. I'm proud of you. Thank you. And I noticed that he was also too on the green. What is it, the Big City Greens?

Big City Greens is so hot right now. I mean, I'm so hot right now with my nephew who's eight and loves that show. My kids loves it. I'm like, I guess who I'm interviewing. No, you can't listen to the podcast, but for future, you can know. Yeah, but I tell my kids this too. I've interviewed these people, like Reggie was on a kid's show, Reggie Watts was on a kid's show that my kids love. We've had a couple of Big City Greens people in

now. Big City Greens is all the rage. And if you have children at the age of 12, then you know. Yeah, it is really funny. Wow. Disney Junior wasn't like this when I was a kid. I didn't even think Disney Junior was funny when I was a kid. Now I'm an adult and we all think it's funny. They're really doing a great job over there. Big city greens, check it out. But more importantly, 800-pound gorilla on YouTube. Dirt Nap is the brand new special. KyleCanane.com. He will be in with us in just a few minutes. But before we do that, I do have to address one topic that you sent me. This is actually Chrissy sending me some content ideas and I love it. Polycule. Yeah, polycule. We are finding out all about polycules. Polycule is the word mashed

together, the word polyamorous and molecule mashed together to make polycule. How that has any relation to what it actually is, I have no idea, but you know, whatever's good with you. It's fine. Exactly. Fine. Each to their own. Be fine. But it sounds very complicated to me. Oh man, does it sound, I get a headache just thinking about it. So 20 or more people that are in a polyamorous relationship. In some cases, a lot of people in these and the polycule is not like polyamory where you have multiple consensual non-monogamous relationships or partners. It's where you all, like multiple partners have partners, it's all a big, they call it, it's really actually hard to describe

because they can't even describe it. Yeah, they say that in the article. Yeah, they don't even know what it is. But it's like a community and everybody's just loving. Yeah, I mean, they describe it, they kind of, like one lady had a diagram, I think it was on Reddit or one of those things, they had a diagram and she put it together and it looked like a V and she had like what they call the nesting couple, which is the original couple. The starter couple. The starter couple. There was a, there's some of these don't have hierarchies, but some do, and they had a hierarchy and it was.

All molecules are different. All molecules are different. I mean, I just like, this just blows my mind. I know, it's pretty fascinating. It just sounds like dicks and vaginas flying everywhere. And everything in between. I don't even know, like the FedEx guy. I put the FedEx guy on the beat. Yeah? Yeah. Hey, FedEx guy, thanks for dropping off the package.

Can you drop off your package in my wife's best friend's cousin? We're all part of a polycule. You don't mind if I videotape it, do you? I'm just going to touch your ass a little bit. Is that okay with you? Okay, cool. Yeah. I don't get it, but I'm all about it. Yeah. Amen. I mean, that's way too adventurous for a guy like me. I mean, but I do, I appreciate in some, on some level, I appreciate what's going on in those polycule relationships. Yeah, exactly. No, I know.

Like I said, each to their own, whatever works. Astrid and I have been together for almost a decade. It'll work until it doesn't. Yeah, it'll work until it doesn't. And I can guarantee that it probably doesn't work on a lot of levels. There's probably a lot of infighting and arguments that go on, don't you think? I would think so. Probably.

But Astrid and I can't agree on anything for an entire day. How do these people agree on, you know, whose partner is going to be with who and jealousy issues? If you're in a polycule, I desperately want to talk to you, desperately. Not to make fun, not to poke fun. No, just to learn. Yeah. I have genuine curiosity and I would like to learn. So hit us up on the phone line because I just love to talk to you for 15 minutes and you can try and explain exactly what this, what this is. Because when the New York fucking times can't even give you a description, you know that it's something way too complicated

for everybody to think about. It's like, what? Huh? Right. I know. I didn't even get through the whole article because I was just confused after a little while. Yeah. You know, there's, I find that a lot in life is that I can't even get through the whole. Yeah. You know, I find that a lot in life, is that I can't even get through the whole article anymore. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If it's like Trump or Biden, I can't even get through the whole article.

I already feel upset and depressed. If it has anything to do, I mean, let's face it, we're inundated with a lot of information. Yes, tons. And polycules are inundated with penises and vaginas. And it's hard to really wrap your testes around exactly what's going on in a situation like that. So, when the people in the polycule have a hard time describing what the polycule is, but they just say,

in this one particular article, 20 or more people involved in one big and growing or shrinking or whatever relationship where everyone kind of swings with everybody, heterosexuals, homosexuals, pansexuals, all kind of sexuals, all the sexuals going on. All the sexuals. You, if they can do this right, then I will believe in communism. We can just go, just be communist. We'll all just live in one big polycule and see how it works out, right?

Yeah. Am I right? If you can figure out something as basic as not making your girlfriend or boyfriend jealous as you're having sex with the FedEx guy who just walked in the polycule, you can figure out anything. I am sure of it. I'm going to ask Kyle about this. What do you think? We should ask Kyle.

Because he's got to take a stance. Yeah, he's got to take a stance. We can't let Kyle go without him falling on one side of the table or the other as far as polycule is concerned. I say, yay polycule, but will Kyle say nay polycule? I don't know. We will see. We've got to ask him. So, Chrissy, I've got an idea and I'm just going to throw it by you. Why don't we take a break? And then through the magic of podcasting, then we'll just zoom

him on in here. It's kind of like then we'll just zoom him on in here. It's kind of like Zoom. We'll zoom him on in here and he'll be able to talk with us and all the friendly people that are listening to the podcast. Brian, I love that idea. I thought you would. All right. We'll be back with Kyle Kanane.

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then follow us on TikTok at TCB podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really, we're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCV. And don't forget to check out tcdpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break. Hey, Podcast Universe. I'm super excited to be talking about an old friend of mine,

Jordan Harbinger, and his podcast, The Jordan Harbinger Show. You know that Chrissy and I don't do a lot of talking about other podcasts, but The Jordan Harbinger Show definitely deserves a mention and here's why. Imagine the serious version of the commercial break where you actually learn facts from actual experts and in-depth interviews. All the crazy, interesting, weird and philosophical stuff that we find on the commercial break to have fun with. Jordan takes some of those same topics and he applies a degree of serious journalism to it and

he is an excellent interviewer. Maybe one of the best in the business in my opinion. We know for a fact that a lot of people who listen to the commercial break also listen to the Jordan Harbinger show. So if you haven't yet taken a listen, go search the Jordan Harbinger podcast on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts or head over to his website, Jordan Harbinger.com. That's H-A-R-B as in boy, I-N as in Nancy, G-E-R. Jordan has been a long time supporter of the show and many people have written in and thanked me for turning them onto Jordan Harbinger, including one of our staff members who is like a Jordan Harbinger super fan. And to quote her, Jordan Harbinger is like the commercial break with actual facts and

a lot less laughing. We think you're going to love the Jordan Harbinger show. So go search on Apple, wherever you find your podcasts or get started with those starter packs at JordanHarbinger.com. And we want to thank Jordan for being a supporter of the commercial break. And he's here with us now, Kyle, thank you very much for showing up on this show. Thank you for coming to our show.

Do you bet you, yeah, I had to go all the way to my basement to be on your show. Kyle, Kyle, you got your brand new special out, Dirt Nap on 800 800 Pound Gorilla on YouTube. I took some time, watched it last night. I got to tell you, as I already told you once before, but I'm going to repeat it so that the people who are listening can actually hear it. It's probably one of the best hours of comedy I've watched this year, and we do watch quite a bit of comedy for the show. But you're like prolific too. You just did

another hour of comedy like a year ago, didn't you? Yeah, well, this hour, most of this hour and the last hour were all kinda came up together. They were all kinda, they were not necessarily about the pandemic, but it was just, I was writing a bunch of stuff. There's a lot of new things happening in life.

And so I, you know, had a lot to pull from. So I just had a lot of material on deck. So put the one hour out last year, this is the second hour of that writing spree I had over the pandemic. So good. I'm not gonna try, do your jokes or tell your, you know, quash your special.

I gotta tell the audience though, 10 of the funniest minutes of comedy of 2024 is kyle talking about the fast and furious franchise go watch it on youtube okay uh inquiring minds want to know where do you stand on the very controversial topic of polycules polycules polycules sounds like molecule or polyamorous, but no, we've put them together and now they're a polycule. So I'm just wondering where do you stand on this? It's very important that you take a stand.

Wait, it's a real, I mean, it's a lot of cules. It's a- Yeah. It's a- That's a lot of something. So here's what a polycule is. A polycule is like polyamorous relationships, but it's many different relationships

that come together as one. It's like a beehive of dicks and vaginas, is I think is how I interpret it. 20 plus people? 20 plus people. It seems very complicated to us. Getting together. Oh, and it's a sex thing.

Yeah, I guess, or like a relationship thing. We just read about this. A little community. Yeah, now we're stumped ourselves, actually, on how it works. It's like they're polyamorous, but instead of just having multiple girlfriends or multiple boyfriends, they have like multiple,

like the FedEx guy could be involved, you never know. Like they have a big diagram, they put it together and they explain where people go and who you can have sex with. So it's not, I mean, and I don't mean this disparaging, but it's just, you're just kind of out whoring around. Yeah, that's it. That seems to me just with like 20 people.

I mean that with no shame. Yeah, no. That is your choice. We're good with that too. It's just a fun, I like the term. Me too. Polycule. For anything.

Anytime the cat wouldn't come home, cats out whoring around. It's just a fun term. That's right. Yeah, I used to think that polyamorous meant it was like French for your marriage isn't working, but now I understand that non-monogamous, you know, non-monogamous consensual relationships

are a big deal. Yeah. And apparently since the pandemic when everybody opened their drawers. I've never. And it's, yeah, anytime somebody's like, oh yeah, we're like in an open relationship, like you're just not broken up yet.

That's all. Yeah. Never, I've never seen one that's. I know, I don't know. That lasted long, you know. No, we talk about this. Why did they get married to begin with? I don't know.

Just kind of do your thing. Yeah. I have friends that had the best of intentions with polyamorous relationships, like they really were, like non-monogamous. We love who we love. We're going to do what we do. We can integrate. kind of do your thing. I have friends that had the best of intentions with polyamorous relationships like they really were, like non-monogamous, we love who we love, we're going to do what we do, we can integrate. And three months later, they had divorce attorneys sending letters back and forth to each other and came off the brink only because they stopped having relationships with other people.

Yeah. Let me time share my love and affection. Let's see how that works out. Much like regular time shares, it ends in disaster. It ends in disaster for everybody involved. Nobody's happy they tried it. It sounded great on paper. It did, yep. Have you ever had a time share? No.

Yeah, of course you haven't. I've never had a threesome. I'm a real buy the book kind of fella. How did you grow up? You grew up, like, I feel like you and I are twins because you grew up just a short hour and a half drive from me, born just around six or seven months difference from me, and then also probably a different hospital completely. So in my mind, we're like twins. Did you?

You grew up in... Original. Yeah, original. You grew up in Addison, didn't you? Pete Slauson Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's this hour and a half away you're discussing? Jared Slauson Oak forest. Well, hour and a half if you take the travel. Oak forest, which is down near Oak Park and Oak Lawn. All the oaks are together down there.

Pete Slauson Where are the oaks? The cluster of oaks. Jared Slauson Yeah, the cluster of oaks. Pete Slauson Yeah. Jared Slauson How did you grow up? Did you grow up in a particularly religious family? No, no. The kind of obligatory Catholicism that was pretty big in the area. I didn't go to Catholic school, but I did go to CCD,

so Sunday school. Yeah, I went to that too. And so then my parents didn't go. They would drop us off for CCD. Why are you going to church? We already went. We had to do this when we were younger, now you gotta do it. And nobody's happy about it. Are you kidding me?

Wait, your parents would drop you off at CCD, but they wouldn't go to church at the same time? They'd be like, no, this is just something you gotta do on your own. Yeah, they're like, this is your son, we need you up for this. You don't go. We went, when we were younger, you gotta go. I don't think that's what church is about. Yeah. Listen, it's perfectly safe in there with all the priests. Don't worry about it.

Yeah. You're fine, young Kyle. See you in three hours. Yeah. And then when did you, did you go to college? Did you have the college experience, Chrissy and I were just talking about this? I went to several. Oh, you did? I went to a, yeah, really, really Goldilocks the whole college experience,

just kind of, had to try a few on. I went to College of DuPage, Codd State out there in Glen Allen, Glen Dale Heights. I loved, I loved, that was community college. I loved it. And I only went for a year, because I was like, well, community college is great. Regular college is gonna be even better. I made it about two months at UIC before I failed out. Yeah. And then, uh... We said yeah like we knew Kyle was gonna fail out.

Yeah, of course. You know, one of those... A dropout had to be in there somewhere. And then I went to Columbia for five years. No, you went to Columbia, you followed that up with Columbia? Everybody follows it up with Columbia. Not New York Columbia. Oh, okay. No, come on, you're from Chicago, no, the liberal arts, you don't need a high school diploma in Columbia. Columbia College, Chicago. If you Goldilocks your college education, I don't even know what I call my college

education. I showed up for a few classes and then decided that cocaine sounded much better than any classroom that I was in. Yeah, that's what a real idea is. Yeah, that's where all of the- That's a real marketplace of ideas. Yeah. To this bathroom or this club. Technology and the future are right here on my nostrils and my brain.

We're gonna change the world right here and tomorrow all I'm gonna want is a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich and a nap. I promise you. I got all the, you're not gonna believe this, you guys, but I just found all the answers. Exactly. The string theory, I figured it out, it's a polycule.

They're in the bathroom at Medusa's, yeah. We were talking about, I was just talking with a friend of mine, we had Steve O on and he was explaining to us that he did, one night he had like a five hour cocaine bender with Mike Tyson. And I was like, yeah, I still can't believe that. And I'm like, why would, yeah, how was that? And he was like, oh, he's the sweetest, nicest guy.

I think cocaine is such an anxiety inducing experience in the first place, at least at my age it probably is, that I would be so nervous to be stuck in a bathroom with Mike Tyson all fucking hot and stuff. Yeah, I only see like a pit bull, like just a trained fighter. You just see one trigger that freaks him out and you're in a stall with him.

No, right, in closed space. And he uses those fucking bricks to just pound your ass in. Is that fight still on? Yeah, it is. Oh yeah, he's gotta fight the YouTube fella. Yeah. What's his name? Paul?

Aaron Carter? No, Jake Paul or something? Honestly, it might be. Yeah. I don't know who out of that group, but. It's Jake Paul, right? Yeah, I think so. Jake Paul.

I can't imagine. First of all, I can't imagine. Paul Giamatti? I don't know. It's a go off. Is Paul Giamatti going to fight Mike Tyson? This is insane. This is insane.

I give Giamatti a one in a hundred chance. I saw his training videos. He's working for it. He's working real hard for it. You know, they announced that. Paul Giamatti. Ha! Ha!

Ha! I don't think I can do it. Get out of here. Get out of here, Dice. God. Mike, why do you want to get out of here? Why do you want to do this, Mike? Come on. That's the worst impersonation of Paul Giamatti

anybody could ever see. I know, I didn't do it. Really? As I'm doing it, I'm like, I don't know what he sounds like. He sounds like that. I've never tried to be Paul Giamatti in my life. I don't know, he might have a career in it. Kids birthdays love a good Paul Giamatti impersonator. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Jared Sautner Yeah, I was talking to my wife about our upcoming kids birthdays and I was like, I don't know who we're going to get. Spunky the Clown, Chuckles, I'm not sure. And she was like, Paul Giamatti, Brian, it's all the rage on TikTok. Have you seen the Kyle Kinnane impression? Brian Smith She's, listen, Tawny's turning eight and her favorite movie is Sideways.

That's right. So, if we just could make this dream come true. Her favorite movie is Sideways. Cause it reminds me of Mommy and Daddy. And also my fictional child in that joke was named Tawny for some reason. I don't know why. It. Because you're down in the basement learning ZZ Toplicks with your Tawny-contained poster. Yeah, it's the white snake, yeah.

Somebody had to keep those cars clean. That's right. She did with her ample breasts, her ample bosoms. Somebody had to writhe around. I wonder if David Coverdale was a polycule. I would think so. You've got to imagine, polycule started, like all good things, probably in the glam rock days of the 80s.

Were you like a glam rock guy when you were growing up? I loved it. I grew up on the back end of that and the beginning end of grunge. Yeah. Yeah, me too. So I had to like bridge the gap, but I like the late 80s like hair metal scene. I loved it. Yeah. Yeah, so let me ask you a question. So were you like, which hair metal bands were your favorite? Name one or two. The first concert I ever went to was Poison and Warrant. Nice.

Holy shit. Yeah, back in the day. Yeah, back in the day. The Rosemont Horizon. Yeah. Yeah, the Rosemont. Oh, god. Yeah, I liked, I still think Tesla's a respectable band.

I have to agree with you. Yeah. They were just a good rock band. They didn't go like crazy with the hair and makeup Solid band went and saw a couple years ago. Yeah, so you so when Guns N' Roses comes out I'm gonna see if we have similar experiences when Guns N' Roses come out and you're just a young Kyle Kanane They're in the suburbs of Chicago. What do you think about Guns N' Roses like blow your fucking mind? I Remember when Guns N' Roses? Like, blow your fucking mind? I remember when Guns N' Roses, so that was, I think, 1986,

but then it took a couple years for Sweet Child of Mine to really... Yeah, I think like, 88 or something like that. Get out, yeah. And I remember... Oh yeah, I remember that song playing. I remember a kid that I thought was cool was in the parade, like the Community Days parade. He had a boombox on the float.

And he was playing Sweet Child of I'm like, this guy can't even get any cooler. And he got cooler. I mean, he's already cool. He's in a parade. And they let him have a boombox and he's just gonna play guns and roses. Coolest guy I've still, as I describe it now, show me a cooler guy than that.

I just imagine like it's the guys riding down the float parade and all the parents are like screaming and covering the children's ears. This world is falling apart! It may as well be right, yeah. This bad boy doesn't G and F about what people think of him. Tipper gores at the... Yeah. Well, I bought, I wound up buying the tape at Stratford Square Mall, which is currently

about to be destroyed. Oh really? I follow some subreddits about the Chicago suburbs. You never think of a whole mall getting destroyed. They're always like inside of it, there's always the functioning parts and this is like, oh no, they're going to tear down this mall. But I bought the Guns N' Roses cassette and it had the parental advisory and they let me buy it anyway but I was at the mall with my mom I was like mom check out what they sold to me and she's like ah it says print I don't know if I should let you listen to this

I'm like well I bought it so there's nothing you can do. What are you gonna do mom? She didn't give a shit. Yeah she didn't give a shit. My parents wouldn't let me get like when that big parental advisory thing came out. I remember my first two tapes Beastie Boys and DMC are the first like tapes that I own my parents got them for me for Christmas But there was like something that I want like Huey Lewis in the news or something I wanted Huey Lewis in the news and my mom said that time. What's that? Yeah, it was huge. Please. He's huge now

Yeah, a good Huey Please, he's huge now. Yeah. A good Huey Lewis concert. Only news I want to listen to. That's right. So, but my mom said, mom, you know, Santa brought me or whatever. I don't even know if I knew that Santa was real or not at that time, but I'm like, hey, I didn't get the Huey Lewis in the news one.

And she says, yeah, it's too adult for you. And I said, it's too adult for me. And then I had Run DMC and Beastie Boys as the two tapes that I did show up with. But I had- I think they met adult, like, this is what adults, is that like mature, maturity level? It's just like, you're too young to be like,

to turn into this guy. You're too young for freeform jazz exploration. I'm sorry, it's just not you. You don't watch public television. Comes with a free copy of TurboTax. Like, oh. This is just, yeah. That's just not going to be fun for you. It's not going to be enjoyable. So how did you end up in Portland? We, uh...

Your wife's from there, right? Yeah, Mrs. is from- I'm gonna go with your girlfriend, sorry. It's, uh, it's we define it. We let the spirits define it. Yeah, we were in LA. I was in LA for 17 years. That's where we met and were together.

And then the pandemic happened and we had a chance to, there's a house that like her and her brothers co-own that was gonna be empty for the time being, right at the beginning of the pandemic. You wanna come up here and occupy this place? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Get out of a major city and have a yard. Right.

A yard to drink beer in and just kick back while everything seems to crumble for a little while. Exactly. I mean, you talk about this on the special, you give it some time. But yeah, one of the things I had a question about with the special is you say, you know, A, I just felt like it was time to go back to the suburbs,

right, chill out a little bit and, you know, get out of the big. Change of pace. Yeah, change of pace, you know. Yeah. Go from four ounces of Coke to three ounces of Coke a week. I get it. I'm on the same path. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's all downers out in the burbs. It's all prescription medication. I gotta wake up early, work on this yard. So do you... Go ahead. Oh, no. I was gonna say, yeah, I don't...

It was more like the choice was not made for us but like oh I'm going to go to the suburbs let me try and pivot and enjoy this slower pace let me see if I could do it and I had no problems yeah me neither I did the same thing but I have 12 children so yeah I've 12 children and they're all really young and it's hard acreage Acreage yeah, I got I got a little bit of acreage and I got a pool and a place to lock them away when I'm irritated with them So I feel like that's that's the best. Do you really have 12 or you be having me on? We listen you we started with poly cool. I don't know what kind of

So I don't know what kind of stuff you got down into down in Oak Lawn or wherever you're from. You've been to Amish country already, and you already have a bunch of kids and no zippers. I don't know what's going on down there. That's why they have all those kids, no zippers, nothing to keep the genitals in. When we... When my wife and I were driving around... I'll tell you the story. When my wife and I, because everybody asks us, and I don't think I've ever said this on the show, but my wife and I were driving around and we see these stickers on the back of the car.

It's mom, stick figures, mom, dad, you know, Kyle, Joel, whatever. They actually put the amount of children that they have, the sexes of the children through the stick figures, and then some of them even have the names of the children on the bottom of them. I'm like, how fucking ridiculous is that? Why would you let just broadcast that to the world?

So when we got this show, I started fooling around and every time I say how many children I have, it's a different number. And so no one really knows how many children I have, but the answer is three. I have three children. But they're all under five. It seems like 12.

It seems like 12. That's, yeah, all under five. I do the stick figure people, I was wondering how dark you can make. It seems like 12. It seems like 12. That's, yeah, all under five. I do the stick figure people, I was wondering how dark you could make those. Like, if you had like the mom and dad, like two kids, and then just like a little tombstone. Yeah. Like, I just, just like, just to see if you could mess with like how much you could mess with people.

Like an abortion tally on there or something. I don't know. I don't know. Not anymore, Kyle. Can't do it anymore. No more abortions. This is Tawny, this is Toby, and this is a marker to remind me

that I just wasn't ready. I was a freshman in college. Just put little tombstones. Like mom, dad, little tombstones. Sorry for all the drama. Yeah. I had to get my degree first. It was a long night at the sorority.

Do you find, do you find as you're getting older, I'm just asking a question because I think this is true. Do you find as you're getting older, you talk more about the weather. You know what? It's such an easy thing to bring up that's not divisive. True. Yeah, true. That is very true.

I didn't think about that. I don't think I talk, you know what? I think I'm a bit from a family that there's no such thing as dead air. So I think that's where it comes into play. When you talk about your mom on this latest special on Dirt Nap on YouTube, 800 Pond Gorilla Go Watch it now, when you talk about your mom and your dad, that's like a super familiar scene to me because my mom is the exact same way and my dad used to tell her,

you're going around your ass to get to your elbow. Tell the end of the story. Like he would tell her. He would be like, Vicky, you're going around your ass to get to your elbow. Let's just wrap it up, could we? But she would spend days on the phone with people and just yammering about what.

And they were the neighbors. They were like right next door. And they would get together all the time. And yet my mom would find another two hours of conversation with them after they had already been talking for two hours. And so it's its own gift. It really is. Yeah, it really is. And now go ahead. I was going to say that my friend has a phrase instead of going around and ask

it to your elbows. He goes, I asked you what time it is. I asked you what time it is, not how the watch works. That was his way. works. That was his way of saying that. And when my mom calls I feel like like you do when mom calls it's like oh god I mean Chrissy knows this my mom will call and I'll be like I gotta take 30 to 40 minutes I'll be back in two hours I don't even know when I'm gonna get out of this hole I'm not even sure. Yeah yeah and it's I you know I try to acknowledge that like oh it's just somebody's got a lot of they just they built it all up and they're happy to talk to you. Yeah's, I try to acknowledge that like, oh, it's just somebody's got a lot of, they just, they built it all up and they're happy to talk to you. Yeah. So I try not to be, I try not to be rude.

Sometimes I find myself being rude. Sometimes it's a gentle bumper bowling ourselves to the end. And we were talking about this and this was the this was the subject we were reaching for here. But I know I wind up doing the same thing because my girlfriend called me on it. Because like the special I did before I talked about how my mom will just say these like these things that seem to come out of nowhere. But then two weeks I woke up my girlfriend woke up I was already up and apparently the first thing I said is like,

so, I've been putting a lot of thought into these barrel saunas. And that's the first thing, she didn't know that I'd been laying awake for an hour and a half looking up barrel saunas on my phone. Just waiting for her eyes to open, so I'd be like, anyway, I've come to a conclusion on the barrel saunas. I was looking into those things too they look pretty cool. Yeah it's not necessarily

what you want to hear about when this is the first time you open your eyes to greet the day. Good morning. Yeah this is I know this is what you were dreaming about is like I wonder if Kyle's come up with a decision about barrel songs. How does she call you out like what is like is she just like, hey, honey, honey, listen, it's too fucking early for the rambling. Can we just like put it away? Let me get a cup of coffee.

We'll get back to it. Yeah, or if it's, you know, if I've been on the phone with my mom or something, like, oh, she just says stuff. And she'll just be like, well, yeah, barrel saunas. All right, touche. Appreciate it. Keeping me in check, and I value that. Exactly.

Well, now I have a question. What is a barrel sauna? Because I like the actual barrel that you just like heat up? Yeah, it looks, it's, it looks like a giant wine cask on its side. Oh. It's a little door on the end and you just sit in there and yep, it's a sauna. Yeah. I got real into them being in Portland and we had a gym membership. Or they had a nice sauna and the winters here are pretty gloomy. I can imagine. So, it was like some sort of body warming effort, hot tub or sauna.

Probably going hot tub, even though the other week I was pretty stoked. Hot tub's just more, it just lends itself to that polycule lifestyle. I agree with you. I try to achieve so much. I'm picturing people with wine. But I've taken a stance. Yeah. I've taken a stance as of late, and that is I only want to go into a hot tub

where I understand the chain of ownership, right? It's like kind of, I don't know. It's like DNA evidence inside of a courtroom. I want to know the chain of ownership. Who owns it? It's like a Bitcoin. A documented history. Validation.

I want to see your ether ledger. Do you get into Bitcoin? No. No? No, by the time somebody explained it to me, it was up and down and gone already. My buddy who knew about it 14 years ago or 12 years ago or whatever. I wish I would have listened to him. I know it just seems too late now to figure it out. My little brother had this kid that we grew up with. He was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, I wish I would have listened to him, but. Yeah. I know it just seems too late now to figure it out. My little brother had this kid that we grew up with.

He was like, derelict would be a nice word to say, but he's a very nice human being. I think he means well, but I'm not sure all the cylinders fire. And so he would do stupid shit, like, you know, take a pound of heroin from one state to another with a gun because someone told him to do it and make a thousand dollars.

Oh, you know, he would do stupid shit and like, oh yeah, wacky, high jinx, a little pound of heroin. I know, I didn't expect that. Felony trafficking? Okay. Murder? Murder for honor? This crazy ragamuffin and his hijinks. I know, when he's so angry, I was like, what? He's spying for the Iranian government, that's silly little guy.

He's always up to something. And he would just get himself in these, like, okay, criminal situations, whatever you wanna call them, what they are, criminal situations. But you know, he was dumb. He was just like, and I don't say dumb, I don't want to make the guy feel bad if he's listening, but he was just a little like, yeah, he couldn't really put all the things together sometimes.

So he moves out to California, and then because he had a warrant, in California, he runs down to one of the islands. I can't remember, one of the Virgin Islands. And in the Virgin Islands, he meets a guy who is setting up a server farm inside of one of the houses in this location where he lives, in this neighborhood where he lives.

So they're at the pool or at the bar or whatever, and he says, hey, what are you doing? I see all those big boxes show up at your house with all the electronics. He says, I'm mining Bitcoin. And he goes, he's like, what the fuck is Bitcoin? This is years ago. He goes, what the fuck is Bitcoin?

So he explains it. And then this guy,'s like, what the fuck is Bitcoin? This is years ago. He goes, what the fuck is Bitcoin? So he explains it. And then this guy, on the advice of his next door neighbor, whoever lives, wherever he lives, he says, get yourself some of these servers and start mining. And I'll even front you the money for you can give me whatever 30% or whatever it is. So the guy is now, he sold a lot of that Bitcoin. He got in very early.

He sold a lot of that Bitcoin. And he in very early. He sold a lot of that Bitcoin. And he now never has to work another day in his life. I swear if you would have looked at him 25 years ago, you would have been like, I just pray he makes it. I just pray he makes it. He's not doing, he's doing stupid shit. I just hope he makes it. And now he's living in the castle.

Yeah, he's got a house there and he's got a house here and he's got a house everywhere. What happened to the warrant? He paid an attorney to go take care of it. He got Mike an attorney cash. Money. Money took care of the warrant. Money, money, money.

But- Oh, that's kind of odd. But you think about like, it is the people that gamble or would take a risk on some wilder ideas that, you know, nine out of 10 of them are foolish and don't work, but it's the fortune favors the bold kind of scenario where, yeah, everybody else just doing what you're supposed to do and not taking any risks. I wanted a piece of it way too late, but. I unfortunately am not bold. So I take a lot of risks, too late, but. I unfortunately am not bold.

So I take a lot of risks, but it's on the dumb side. I'm a buy low. Buy high. Buy high so low. Yeah, yeah. That's right. Buy low. Lose proof that you own the shares in the first place.

Forget about it. Call it a wash. I think that's how I get. Yeah. You know, I used to have Disney stock. My grandparent, my grandma would buy Disney stock for us for our birthdays and for our Christmases for like, I don't know, the first 12 years of my life, they would buy Disney stock, buy Disney stock.

And back then you would get like a piece of paper in the mail and be like, hey, Disney stock. Yeah. Shares, can't for the life of me find that paper. Can't for the life of me find that paper. But I am almost sure that I would not be four episodes a week on this. I was gonna say man, I don't know how much Disney might pay off like a new Nissan Sentra. I don't know what you got. Yeah that's kind of what I got. That's the level of podcasts we are, Nissan.

Damn, y'all can afford Nissan Sentra's? It's tough out here for a podcaster. I know you know. I'm not. I only go once a week. I'm not buying Nissans. I'm not getting Japanese made off of it. How long have you and your girlfriend been together?

We will be celebrating 10 years in a few weeks. Oh, congratulations. Congratulations, Kyle. 10 years of avoiding marriage. Yeah. Do you really just feel like, like, leave it up to whatever it's called? Is that kind of your take on it?

It's like, we're together, we don't need to prove to anybody else, have a piece of paper, none of that bullshit. Yeah, you can't get divorced if you don't get married. True. Wow, what a really smart take on that you can't get divorced if you don't get married. True. Wow, what a really smart take on that. I wonder if I could take that to my wife. Smart?

I don't think that's, I don't think it's smart. I think it's, I just, like the people that like, you know that somebody's gonna get divorced and you know they wanna just be married, it's like, just date somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Just be with them. Why do you need the legality?

Like, why do you love court so much? I think a lot of people get stuck in their heads. It's like, we should break up, but instead let's get engaged because that's the next natural step. It's like, you're dating and then it becomes more serious and you have that honeymoon period. And then you're like, well, let's move in together That'll be fun. We can do that and play house for a while and then you know, you get irritated with each other You should go to therapy But instead you get a ring and I just feel like that's that's like the mistake that some people make I know I made one like that

No, my current marriage is lovely, but I'm twice married. So my first. Okay. Yeah, I just think we probably. Round two. Oh, you are? No, for you, for you, round two. Oh, thanks.

Oh, yeah. Round two, and I'm not doing another one. I'm way too old for that. My back will give out if I have to. If I have to do another honeymoon night. You know what I like about you Kyle? And I don't know if I get the right take. I'm about to analyze a little bit. I see you as like a militant hippie. Like a hippie, but a guy who's got a real, like you got pointy edges right you you have your opinions and and you try and

like navigate the world in a kind and aware way but if something was to make you upset you'd you'd let people know am I getting that right yeah I try to my first I wish with the exception of road rage, I get angry about stuff and it's never like at the end of the day me going, yeah, and I was right. It's always like, well, I remember how you just yelled like that in the car for no reason. You let these things take away your happiness. Yeah. You let one turn signalless driver eat up four hours of your day.

So yeah, it's an ongoing quest to not leave behind a worse place than you found it. You know, campground rules, so I guess that's pretty hippie. Leave it cleaner than you found it. I really do appreciate that attitude though, because I think that the world could use a little bit more of it. And I don't know, you come across as like a real nice, self-aware guy who also happens to be fucking lame. Fuck you, babe.

No, I guess I could be a dick. I know I can be a real dick. I think that's the whole, that's the engine of all the comedy. Yeah. As we, like with comedy, every comedian gets to like paint the picture of whoever they want to be to the audience And it's the ones that like I don't agree with anybody that comes out as the hero when they're telling their own story. Ah I only like comedians that come out like those a piece of shit I did this wrong. Like that's what I like like that's more honest. Yeah, I think I'm with you. Like, I resonate more with self-effacing people

who can look at themselves and, like, you know, they can be the butt of their own joke and braggadocious. And we have experienced this just on the show ourselves. We've had a number of comics on it. And I just think the ones, there's a few that came out, you know, with, I don't know how to say this. It was hard. Name names. Name names.

Name names, you name names. Come on, the commercial break. Gossip time. Well, there was a. The Hollywood minute. Well, I'm telling you what, Joan Rivers was an asshole. I'm just saying that, Joan Rivers was an asshole. I'm just saying Asshole, so I speak of the dead But sometimes you can just tell like, you know, they they it's I'd have a hard time fitting the head on the screen

but then there's people I think who Can laugh at themselves and are self aware about it like, you know And I think that to me is I can relate to that more than someone who just comes out and bloviates for an hour. Yeah, I'm the only subject that I'm qualified dissecting. Yeah, that's fair enough. This is the only thing I'm an expert in, is being who I am. I'm not an expert in anything else, so I can't talk about stuff. And you should do it like this, and this is how the world should be.

I'm like, ugh. Where did you first develop your love for comedy or, you know, just to want to try this out? I was, I used to go, I always say, I was like, I saw it on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson first. I saw Stand Up and then I had cable. We had cable TV at an early age. There was like all the late night specials that were on. And so I was watching. I didn't even know where you did it real.

I thought it existed only in television, like a TV show. Yeah. Like I didn't know there was stand up comedy clubs. I'm a little kid. I don't know about nightclubs. Yeah. And then I go, there's these people there. There was a comedy club that was not far from my house growing up. I just remember asking what the building was. I don't know if they had it painted outside of a comedy club. I asked my parents, like, what the comedy

club? I know what comedy is. Like, people just go in there and laugh. I'm like, what a stupid sounding building. I honestly thought it'd be like, instead of a dance club, people were just like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, like. It still doesn't make sense.

It wasn't explained that there was somebody in there telling jokes to make the people laugh. I just thought it was a bunch of maniacs were packed into a place laughing at each other's faces. Like, all right, well, it's music. You dance to music, so you laugh at a comic club. I guess. I don't know. So still, I still didn't get a real good idea how that stuff worked. I'll take a nitrous oxide on ice, please.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a bunch of giggling idiots over in that room on the side of the highway. So then I found out, you know, I obviously learned that there's Zanies and there's the other comedy clubs and read in a newspaper when I was working, I was working at a gas station to read all the newspapers that came in for that day and there's one like, open casting call for some comedy festival at Zany's downtown. Like, well, you're on college number three and you work in a gas station and you deliver pizzas.

Maybe, maybe you got to get over yourself and try out some of these dreams that you had because nothing else you're doing is looking great. You're a fifth year Columbia student. You got everything going for you. Fifth year that. Seven year total on college if you're keeping track. They made me graduate Columbia. Like you took enough credits, you're getting a bachelor's degree. I don't want one because then I just have to leave here and get a job and then everything's just going to suck for the rest of my life. I got my graduate, and I just moved to LA. I'm like, I may as well have a shit life out on the coast.

Ah, I could see the student advisor. Kyle, your time's up here, my friend. You've had so much as we love you. You've been in college for seven years. You were going to get one of these. I'll fail a class, just watch me. I'll start all over. Let me start all over. Yeah, I'm changing majors.

It doesn't matter. You're getting a bachelor's degree in what we don't know, but you're leaving this campus hammer with what you're lasting on you. Yeah, it really was like general studies or some shit. Was it general studies? Is that with a bachelor? It was it was set like with a focus on creative writing but it was just a real the most Columbia College bachelor degree you could get. Yeah. The most liberal arts bachelor degree. That is fucking funny. So wait was so like Zanies was your first?

Did you just decide, hey, I'm going to go give this a shot? Why not? I did that open mic or that showcase they were having for a festival. And it was like, there was comics that drove in from all over the Midwest to trial for what would wind up being the Comedy Arts Festival, US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, which was a very big HBO. Yeah, which I wound up going to and bombing spectacularly in 2007.

Did you really? Like it was just a miserable day on stage? I just didn't do well. I wasn't, yeah, I think I got drunk, felt the pressure, I just didn't do well. And that would have been eight years. But so yeah, so I got drunk, I felt the pressure. I just didn't do well. Yeah. And that would have been eight years. But so yeah, so I did that, then at Columbia I saw a guy that I saw at the Zany's thing

and I'm like, so you do comedy in town? This is pre-internet, or at least pre-me, knowing what the internet was. Right. And he's like, oh yeah, you go like the Chicago Reader and here's a list of open mics. And you go to these, you sign up, and he told me where to go.

And so once I started going, I went to open mics for like I think three or four months, I just went and watched before trying. Because yeah, I'm not gonna be the funniest one here, but I always looked for who was the least funniest. And then saw that they would come back week after week. And I'm like, that's the most courageous person here. If that person can be that unfunny and come back

every time, then I can do it too. Because I'm not competitive for the top. I just need to see that I might not be the worst to get me to try something. Yeah, you're so right about that. First of all, never done stand-up comedy. So I just think there's a lot of respect in going out there and walking that razor's edge every time. You just never know what you're going to get. There's not a lot of respect. Well, you're getting some from me.

But it's like that seven foot walk to the microphone. I mean, you just, do you still get those, that anxiety, those nerves? Does it still feel like there's a rush going out there on stage? Yeah, there's, I mean, especially when it's like, okay, here's new material. Or I want to try and like, you get it's like, okay, here's new material, or I want to try and like... You get locked into like, oh, this kind of works, and you can get a little tone-deaf to if it's really working, or if you're like, oh, I have the cadence of a joke.

I said it in the form of a joke, and people laughed. But did they laugh? Because it was funny, or they're laughing, because like, oh, here's the rhythm of the evening that we're in. Yeah. And so I can find myself going, oh, here's the hour that I have planned and I'm kind of going through the motions on it. Everybody's laughing where they're supposed to, but I'm not feeling it. So then that's when it's like, oh, we got to change it up. We got to start with a different joke. We got to do that.

And then you're still a little nervous and excited. Yeah. It's still unpredictable. That's what's awesome about it. It's still unpredictable. I still bomb. Do you really though, do you like really bomb? I think most comedians do that, you know,

just to try stuff out. We were talking with Margaret Cho and I know I've heard Amy Schumer say she bombs too and does stuff around in LA and that's how you figure it out, you know? Yeah, it doesn't feel good and then if you are doing what you get a little bit of a reputation if you do well enough in comedy,

you're like, oh, this person's funny because people know you, but then you don't get to bomb. Yeah, because if nobody knows you and you bomb, they forgot about it. Oh, if somebody that they know. That's why Portland's great. Like Portland, I just get to practice and, you know, eat it in front of people and then,

but they know, they know what kind of show they came to. Yeah, they understand that generally, your batting average is pretty good, but it's fun to get out there and work on things and sometimes things hurt and sometimes things miss. If it's a free show, I'll mess around. If people paid to be there, I don't want to go goofing around when somebody paid some money to see some comedy. Kyle Kinean does free shows in Portland. I want airline tickets. How many times a week are you doing, do you do? I mean, it's like I was in town last weekend, so I had a spot Friday and said,

but there's spots, you know, 15 minutes, 20 minutes here, there. Yeah. Once, I'm on the road so much that I'm not really clamoring for stage time here in Portland. Yeah. So once or twice every couple weeks, I'd say. But if I'm home, if I'm gonna be home for a stretch, then I'm hanging around at the shows and seeing if they need anybody. But right now I'm gone every weekend doing comedy, so when I come home for the few days between, I'm kind of just chilling out.

So this is a question I ask a lot of folks because I'm really generally curious is that do you still do you enjoy the traveling part of it or is it just like that's part of the job I'm just going in I'm going to see a hotel room I'm hanging out the club and you know yeah I wouldn't say I wouldn't say enjoys the word but I'm not bothered by like I know people like oh you gotta go to the airport and fly every weekend like I just I don't know how you can do that like I don't know how somebody sits in a car for, at sometimes over two hours a day. That's 10 hours.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like I don't know how you do that. And are you going to a job that you like? Right. Probably not. I'm going to the thing. Yeah, I'm going to the thing.

I'm going to the place where my childhood dream came true. So, any little any little bump in the road to get me to do comedy like, Hey, remember what you're doing this weekend? Remember, remember that you're gonna go tell jokes for a living? Yeah. Maybe we're not so bothered about the middle seat right now. Where do you go and do you try and like, just a minutia question, do you schedule around the weekends or does that just happened to be when the shows are you know can get sold and it's the weekends Are the times to do the shows? Yeah, I mean that's how so for a long time. I would I would travel like a band

Yeah, I would try and be like well put me I'll go to the southeast for two weeks and Then let me just do a different city every night like a band does. And that got you know I got to play a lot of weird smaller towns and and that's I got built up a good like kind of grassroots following from doing that early on. Yeah.

And then because you know early on they'll try and book you in a comedy club. Well comedy clubs are you know the 300, 250, 300 seats. 250 on a smaller side. Yeah. Some of these clubs like 400 seats and you're doing five shows in there. Geez. Wow. So that's you know there's your 2,000 tickets. Yeah. And that's if you if nobody knows you and you're selling 30 tickets or something, that doesn't feel real good when you're giving 30 seats in a 400 seat theater. So I was like, well why don't I sell 30 tickets at some weird improv theater that I'll come through and do on a Tuesday night, and then Wednesday I'll do

the same thing in another city three hours away and so on and so on. But I did that enough that okay now I got a following, which is cool, and I can actually sell these tickets at the comedy clubs. And comedy clubs, traditionally, they're like Thursday through Saturday. Or Friday through Sunday now, because that's when people get the babysitters

and make that sense their night out, yeah. And comedy clubs have really, I think, come a long way from even the, you know, 20-some years I've been doing comedy. They're kind of like, they're quite like, they all kind of collectively up their game for the most part and not be like kind of like corny money laundering spots. Comedy clubs, not to say I don't know what they're doing behind the doors in these offices. But they're, you know, yeah you get decent food, you get, you know.

I went to see a buddy the other night, and me and my friend were both commenting, because in the darkness of the Comedy Club, you see a server holding a tray. Like, it looks like, you know, 18 pint glasses full of it. And they're moving in the dark. Right, in between people. And operating quietly, and it's crammed together. It's not like a restaurant. It's basically like, that is,

those are like green berets to me. Yeah. They're servers in comedy clubs. They're like SEAL Team Six to me. Yeah, I think you're right about that. It's like, when I go to the comedy clubs, I also have taken note of how stealthy the service staff are.

Oh yeah, just SR-71 swooping in. How much weight is that? I never worked in a restaurant, so I never, and that's what gives me anxiety. I'll go on stage in front of 400 people with new jokes, it's fine, but don't make me bring drinks to them. Right. Because then you got drunks like, oh, that one's mine.

I'll help. And they don't realize it's balanced and everything. I just panic. Even on stage, I will panic because I'll see the tray going through. I'm like, oh my god, please be careful. I'm like, that takes my attention away from my own. For sure.

So tip those people when you go to a comedy club. Yeah, God bless. I mean, amen. For sure. I went, who was it that I went? I went up, P Davidson was like working on material, right? And so he went to the smaller club, a little bit outside of Atlanta.

Not the world's nicest place, right? But it was a place and they had, you know, places packed. There's probably 200 people in the room. And it's like person to person, back to back, butt to butt, nut to butt. And they have these 12, 13, 14 service members who are just like going through the crowd, taking orders, because that's where these clothes,

in a lot of cases, make their money. They have to, they want to sell food. They want to sell drinks. And this girl has a tray of, I don't know, wine and something and she spills it. And what I think would, even in a restaurant, take away attention. Like everybody would turn and go, oh, that happened.

The way in which her and the staff just kind of got together real quick, cleaned it up and were gone, it was almost as if no one even heard that this glass just broke in the middle of the opener's set and I was like, wow these are really good. And then you know you think that people are like leaving a dollar with some change on the table and I'm like come on guys you at least order 20 dollars worth of food give the guy a five give the girl a five please stop that. Yeah I think the gratuities worked in as it should be built in for the but those yeah they're just Comedy has worked in as it should be, built in for the best. But those, yeah, they're just, that brings me that,

oh, I hold my breath, I'm on stage, I hold my breath when I see the lights catching a full tray. I mean, comedy clubs are restaurants. I work in a restaurant every weekend. Yeah, that's true, yeah. That's what it is. I mean, we can try and make it seem like, oh, it's art, man, What are the truths to the people?

I am a component in a restaurant. You were the entertainment. You were there to keep them there longer, so they have made them in a good spirit, so they drink and eat. That's one way to look at it. I am there to move units. Yes.

Move those Mazsticks. Just like anybody in a polycule is. Just reminding everybody. We're bringing it back to a polycule. Any comedian with an ego, just remember, you help sell chicken fingers. Calm down. Calm down. Tell me more about how you're a philosopher.

Oh man, he's got the number. I think he knows what I'm talking about. Philosophize me some spinach dip while you're at it. God, you're up some honey mustard. Yeah. KyleCanane.com is where you can go to buy tickets to his tour. There's also a link to his brand new special, Dirt Nap, on the 800 pound gorilla channel of YouTube. Kyle, personal favorite,

I've really enjoyed your comedy for a while, and I think you're doing God's work out there. Thanks, that was my intent was to do God's work. Hey, I think we're just here to help. I mean, it's not obvious, but I'm trying to spread the word of the Lord. That's right. Hey, real quick, because this is a question you should just answer, real quick. What is your take on God's spirituality?

Are you like a I believe in God kind of guy, not believe in God? Real quick. Real quick. No, I'm kidding. We have time. Don't worry about it. I'm just kidding. Jesus is all right with me.

Yeah, I don't know, I'm still in the fun stage of just taking mushrooms and... There you go. Being like, trying to be all right with whatever somebody else's interpretation is. I think it's gonna be, God's gonna turn out to be math and I'm bad at math. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

But much like math, I don't get it, but it's keeping things together, so. Right, it's true. Right on. Oh, I. Somebody's putting these equations together to make sure the sky doesn't fall, so okay then. Right on, keep on taking those mushrooms.

Oh, and I read this somewhere, or heard somewhere somewhere somewhere that you did ayahuasca, too. I Did not you you did not do? No, it's time. I was talking with a Neil Brennan. Yeah, okay people are taking that they're quitting the booze. Yeah, I'm doing all kinds of stuff Yeah, that's God's work right there ay Ayahuasca, that's God's work. Yeah, I mean, I've thrown up off of plenty of drinks. I don't need to do it again. And trust me, Ayahuasca is not like a being drunk.

It's not a bad hangover. It's like death a million times over. Sounds fun. Have you done it? What, did your live change for the- Yes, I would share with you that it certainly did. And- Yeah, you got divorced.

Yeah, that's why. Actually, here's a funny thing. So I got to go to do ayahuasca at this ceremony. It's funny to me, maybe not to my ex-wife, but I go to this ceremony and, you know, we're there and we're supposed, we're doing this like, it's funny to me, maybe not to my ex-wife, but I go to this ceremony and we're there and we're doing this like, it's a three day retreat. And so the first day it's a lot of meditation and all this other stuff, getting ready for the ceremony,

like with the shaman. And we go outside and the facilitator's like, listen, go outside, stare at the trees, connect with earth, whatever you do. Just, you don't, don't smoke cigarettes, don't talk to each other because we're trying to stay in this little bubble of our own head space.

But this guy who I know comes over and he looks at me and he goes, where's your fiance? And I said, oh, this is not for her. This is not her type of thing, right? She, she, she's not coming to this. And he goes, hmm, interesting. And I said, why is that interesting? And he goes, well, I just don't think the two

of you belong together. I think you should think about that on your journey. And I was like why is that interesting? And he goes, well, I just don't think the two of you belong together. I think you should think about that on your journey. And I was like, oh, okay, thanks for. The fuck? I'm not even kidding. I still know this guy to this day. And in that journey, he was right. I mean, at the end of the day, the guy was right.

He was right. But that ayahuasca experience, just it's hard to explain. And I know a lot of people will say this. It's hard to explain, but it's like you can see the molecules around you and how they all intertwine. And then you also die a thousand deaths

and that death and birth process just can give you a, I mean, if it doesn't change you, you're a better man than I am, I guess, but it certainly changed me, for sure. But there is a lot of throwing up and yelling and screaming and sweating and peaking. Which it could be any weekend for. So why not have a transformative experience on top of it?

That's right. Listen, Zany's on Saturday, Ayahuasca on Sunday, back in Portland by Monday. You'll be glad. Listen, if I'm going to cry and shit myself, I'd gone Sunday, back in Portland by Monday. You'll be fine. Listen, if I'm gonna cry and shit myself, I better be a better person for it after the fact. That's right. If I have to bring extra underwear for this journey, it better do something for me.

And it will. I just don't wanna, I'm not getting kicked out of IHOP for no reason this time, you know? Really. Kyle Kanane, thank you so much for joining us here. Thank you guys, it was a good time. It's been fun.

You know, we say this a lot, but we actually mean it this time. I would love to have you back because, yeah, I would love to have you back. I think there's lots more to talk about. We could have fun. So will you? We just got to the Iowa's Confidential Theater.

I know, we just got to the important part. Ha ha ha. So we would love to have you back and I will make sure that that happens if you're agreeable to it. I would love to. I owe, I'm years overdue for an Atlanta visit. Nice.

Oh, and if you come to Atlanta, come on in. We'll slide up after you. Kid Yolanda Studio. Yeah, have you been to Atlanta recently or on this tour or no? No, no, I'm just, for no reason Atlanta is always great. It just didn't, didn't put together on this, this year's bookings. I was playing variety play houses where I would play. Yeah, that's a great room. Yeah. Love it. Yeah. That's a great room down a little point.

But I'll be, I'm long overdue, and I love Atlanta. Nice. We'll come back in time. When you come, I'll buy you dinner, Ayahuasca, and you can come in the studio and hang out with us. If you're going to throw up, throw up with a friend. You know what I'm saying? Let's roll the cameras.

Let's make it count. Yeah. Holy shit. If you're not getting the views on it, why are you doing it? Why are you doing it? True. Yeah, content. Well, I see these videos on Instagram now of people doing the Ayahuasca ceremony down in Costa Rica or Colombia or wherever they are.

And it's like a hundred white people, hippies from the United States all freaking out on a back porch somewhere. And of course they're filming it for Instagram. It's like, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. Nothing says ego death. Like, like, subscribe it for Instagram. It's like, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. Nothing says ego death, like, hit subscribe. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So, thanks, Kyle. We appreciate it. Thank you for joining us today. Thank you, guys.

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBdio. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. Jared Liesman Well, there you have it. We got our answer on the polycules from Kyle. He says, yay to polycule, but not for him. That's what it is. And I say, yay, yay, to the two. That's my double yay, Kyle's stance on it. Not for

me. I'm too small of a person to get involved in such a big situation. You know what I'm saying? I got my hands full over here. What am I going to do? Like, I need to get be getting more people pregnant. Speaking of pregnancy, you hear all these people getting pregnant on We Go V? Yeah, I did. The Ozempic stuff. The Ozempic and We Go V. Yeah, I'm concerned for a few of my friends. I mean, I don't know, but I don't know if baby's in the mix. I don't know if baby's the thing they want to do, but you never know. You might pop out a We Govy kid. And that's something we should all pay attention to as far as I'm concerned. I never asked Kyle about We Govy, or Ozempic, which I meant

to ask him about. Why? I don't know, but I just felt like it. Kyle's looking slim and trim in his new special. He looks good. He looks healthy and he has got that beard. I like the beard. I think the beard does him good. Yeah. He's got like the Portland look going on. Yeah. I guess when you live in Portland, it kind of soaks into you. I think it's hard to live in a place like Portland and not let it rub off on you a little bit. It's like living in San Francisco or New York or Miami. If you live in a Miami, you're going to get, you're going to feel a little Latino or Latina when you leave, right? If you're living in New York, you're going to have a little bit of an edge. You live in Chicago, all of a sudden you're eating hot dogs and pizza that's way too big. If you live in

Portland, you know, you get a little crunchy. And I'm not opposed to that. I mean, as we discuss, ayahuasca in Portland go like peanut butter and jelly. You know what I'm saying? I think if Kyle really wants to do it, he can probably find someone who can conjure him up some ayahuasca. So, let me repeat, just for those of you who have not heard it yet, or who are not paying attention when I said it, pay attention, class. Let's go. KyleCanane.com is where you find out more information about all of his show dates that are coming up, and he's got quite a few going through May and June, you can go to 800 Pound Gorilla, the channel on YouTube, watch lots of great comedy, but right there, right in the front, right now is his brand new special called Dirt Nap. It is well worth the hour and 12 minutes.

I promise you it's fucking hilarious. I know I said this to him, but I got to tell the audience one more time. You got to watch the 12 minutes on Fast and Furious. And then he goes in on his mom and it's just, it's hilarious. You gotta watch that. And then file Kyle on Instagram and all that good stuff. You can, by the way, you can watch that special and find all that other information on his website, kylekinane.com. I really appreciate that he came in here last minute. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. And what a great guy. And put him on the back list. He's coming back. He's coming back.

Now, you'll know who we don't enjoy interviewing when we don't ask them to come back. Or you can go back and listen and figure out who we didn't enjoy interviewing. No, I'm kidding. We enjoyed everybody. We loved everybody. For sure. I've had fun at all of them. I have.

In my own little way, each of them has been an adventure in and of itself. Exactly. You never know. You never do know. You never do know. Yeah, because you know a lot of times they're one way on stage and then interviewing them may be a little different than you thought, but that's good. As Neil Brennan said in his new Netflix special, which I hope you've watched by now, but if

you haven't, go watch it Neil Brennan said you don't want Kevin Hart to be humble You don't want your basketball stars to be you know Choir boys, that's not it's not what they're built for They're built for speed and destruction and or comedy as it turns out, you know or acting or whatever So there you go. It's been fun. Yeah, it's been fun. So kylekanane.com, he's on the back list. Let's do this. Let's tell the audience how they can find out more information about us, which is more important. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go. You find out more information about the show. All of our tour dates are up there too. All of them, every one of them. If there's a tour date in the future, it's gonna be on the website, just know that.

You can watch all the video, you can listen to all the audio or TCB, TCB-dio as Christina likes to say. You can hit the contact us button for your free TCB sticker. All you gotta do is hit the contact us button, drop down menu, I want my sticker. Give us your address, away it will go.

You'll have in a couple of weeks or months or however long it takes to get to you. We want you on the show to talk to us. Please dial 212-433-3TCB, that's 212-433-3822. Text us, let us know what you wanna talk about. Ask TCB, you need our advice, you have a question, comment, concern, whatever it is. If you wanna be on the show, we'll get you on the show. But you got to text me or text somebody and let them know what you want. Add the commercial

break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash what Chrissy? The commercial break. All of our new views up there and selected episodes, we sure do hope you give us a subscribe. All right, Chrissy, I know that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. That includes Kyle Canane. Much appreciated. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say. Goodbye. That includes Kyle Canane, much appreciated. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for watching!