The Commercial Break - TCB Season Roulette: Season 4

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

EP933: We are going to play a little game....Bryan will pick a random episode from each of the TCB seasons and YOU listen! It's a win/win or lose/lose. You pick! good luck....Today, Season 4 is up to the wheel.  TCB is a The Commercial Break LLC production Visit: www.TCBpodcast.com Insta: @thecommercialbreakBryan Green on Insta: @BryanWGreen Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Created by: Bryan Green Written by: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley Produced by: Astrid Green & Gustavo  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The TCB season lottery TCB classic Brian and Chrissy are on vacation, so why not throw together a couple of random episodes that you can listen to to you to catch up in case you just started joining the show TCB. Marathon, Marathon continues. We're rolling right into season number four. Now, if you ask me, what I remember about season number four, not much. I was drunk for most of it. Nah, that's just a joke. I really don't drink anymore. I have 12 to 13 children, and therefore I can't drink.

It's impossible. They won't give me five freaking minutes alone. Who wants the parent hung over? I don't know how parents do it. I see all these parents on Instagram, drinking wine and having beers and going to the bar and hanging out at country music festivals. I just can't even imagine.

I much prefer to lay vertical, take melatonin, and pretend my life is a lot less complicated than it actually is. So in case you're just getting up to speed on why we're doing the TCB, Season Lottery, TCB Season Classic Marathon, Marathon. Chrissy and I are not in the studio this week. I'm at a conference. She's taking a little time off. And I decided to play a little lottery,

a completely random drawing of one episode from each of the seasons, one through six, and then we all get to be surprised together about what episode pops up. Now, because I've been paying attention, I think I've actually randomly picked a couple of good ones. If a good episode of the commercial break actually exists, I might be picking them literally blindly. I'm opening up a file.

I'm dragging it in. That's it. It's all I'm doing. Let's be honest. It's a lot less work for me. Okay, here we go. Season number four, spin the wheel, pick a card, slang the slot.

Whatever your expression is, here comes your next episode of the TCB season lottery, TCB Classic. Chow, chow. We are not a middle-aged lesbian couple, and we're not gay for each other. Yes, we kissed one time,

and yes, it was awesome. but that's in the past now. On this episode of the commercial break. Oh, that's a really nice thing for you to do on a first day. Yeah. You figure it out. I don't want to do any more. I don't want to deal with all the personal details.

You figure it out and I'll show up with my dick hard and ready to go. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. retakes her rightful place on the throne. Chris and Joy Haudley, my best friend, my co-host. Best to you, Chrisie. Bestie Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. She's back. You don't have to text anymore. She's back. She's back. Nothing has happened. You don't have to call Hollywood reporter. Or look in your crawl space.

Yes. You're doing what? What is that? What was that called? What? The people who were like living in people's houses? Oh, yeah, frogging. Frogging.

You weren't frogging. Chris, she was just frogging in my crawl space. sneaking around when everybody's asleep. Well, you did that. Back when we were single and ready to mingle, you were creeping around my house in the middle of the night. You and my dog, Bots. Yeah, you and Bonds.

That's just following you, eating a meal. She was like, oh, I have the Christians back. Oh, that means I'm going to get a late night dinner. That's right. My parents' dogs did the same way, I think. That Bots was the dopiest dog. She had like those big droopy eyes and jowls and she would just follow her around like, who-hoo, who-hoo, and she was just a sweetheart.

She was a sweetheart because I think someone beat her into submission. Not my ex-wife. She said, here's the story. So, but which was a dog that my ex-wife brought into the relationship. She had, the dog was like a year old when I met Julia, a year, a year and a half old. Yeah. So the dog was so well-behaved. And from the first moment that I met the dog, the dog,

the dog was absolutely attached to me. It wouldn't leave my side, almost ever. And so she lived in this condo building. And I never forget, the first night I spent the night there, her trash was full. So I took her trash out like a gentleman. I go down to the trash chute. And as I get to the trash chute, which is like all the way at the other end of the hallway, I turn around and there's bots just right behind me.

I didn't even realize. And I was like, oh, my God, you're supposed to be out of here. Slipped out the door. So I'm like, wow, this dog is so well behaved. And she's like, well, that's because she went, that's because she went away to a training camp. And I'm like, what's a training camp? And she's like, I don't really know. But my mom sent her off for three weeks to a training camp.

She came back so well-behaved. And I'm like, she'll probably beat the shit out of that dog. But the story was, the reason why the dog went to the training camp is because Julia left for work one day. And she would leave bots locked in the bedroom or otherwise the dog would get into the couch cushions and knock stuff over. had an apartment with some nice stuff in it. So she was just trying to keep the dog safe and the house safe. She came home one day and the dog, she had closed the bedroom door and the dog met her at the door. And when she got home and she's like, what the fuck? How did you get out? Like, no one was in the house. She walks to the bedroom door and this dog, Bats, had chewed a hole in

the door and let herself out. Literally chewed a hole in the door. Got so anxious that that Julia had left that she chewed a hole. It walked out the door. I've heard of the chewing. I have heard of like the, you know, scratching. I think that's probably what she did. Yeah. She probably scratched.

Got to go in that way. You got to go that way and then just used her mouth. Choose a lab. And you know, those labs. They have the worst kind of energy when they're little because it's so cute to watch them kind of fumble around themselves. It is so cute. But they will destroy the ship out of your house. Yes.

And shoes. Yes. We used to have labs too. And I remember. Did they eat your shoes? Yes. All of them. Shoes got eaten.

The wood on the high heels was just too much. Yeah. They had to take it. But the dog ended up being the sweetest dog in the world. I mean, really, by the time I knew it, she was just fine probably because she had PTSD. I don't know what they do with those training. We tried to send Blue to a training camp, but the guy was like, ah, ah, ah. Yeah.

He was like, uh-uh. Not doing. You're so excited, too. We were. This is it. We're going to solve all our problems. We're sending it away. We're sending Blue away.

She's going to come back and reformed up. That was all I heard. That's all that ever happened. Because the guy refused to take her. He asked for a few videos of the behavior. She's, she can't, there's nothing to be done. He said, listen, bro. First of all, I got all big dogs here.

And I'm a little nervous about that small dog running around the big dogs. Second of all, the little dogs, no matter how hard you try and train them, oftentimes they just don't take to it because they're little bitches. They're awful little bitches. That's right. You know, we're playing with the dog the other day on the floor. And like, we're playing like a little push and pull.

The dog's old now. It's like, and she's not really old, but she's like eight years old. Eight, yeah. So we're playing a little push and pole with her like this ring. And then. They love doing that. I know. They love it.

And then I shake it around. Yeah. So she's got this, she's being like a puppy again, right? And ever since she had that knee replacement surgery, she's the stupidest thing I've ever said. The $20,000 knee replacement surgery for my dumb dog. So we're playing with her. And then she's like playing with the baby. And she's being real sweet about it.

And then 15 minutes later, she's just walking around the house with that hind leg up in the air. And I'm like, fuck. I just paid $20,000 to get that knee replace. Well, I didn't pay it. The insurance did. Thank you, insurance. Pet insurance. Yes.

All pets. Insurance. Thank you very much. This episode is sponsored. I should be pitching them for the rest of my life. Right. Was it the same leg? No.

It wasn't. But I had to actually go to the surgery center and bring her. in there to determine whether or not it was the other leg because I could not fucking remember and even could ask her it. And so I take her to this place. It's like Saturday afternoon. So, of course, I got to go to the emergency vet, which is where she got the surgery done. So I go in there and they say, oh, no, it's the other leg.

Okay. But they. Great. Yeah, great. So you mean there's no coverage here? And she's like, nope. They guarantee the knee for a year. Oh, wow.

They guarantee the knee for a year. As long as you take care of her in the first six weeks of recovery, then you're good. Like, after that, it's on them. It's their work. It's parts in labor. Parts and labor. So I take her there. And as soon as the doctor vet walks into the room,

Blue is perfectly fine. She's running. She's jumping. She's not putting her leg up whatsoever. It's like you call the doctor because you're super fucking sick and you walk in the door and you feel great, right? You're like, oh, I feel so much better. Or you take your car in because of that noise and it refuses to make that noise.

It doesn't do the same thing. So I'm like, God damn it, Blue. This is $200 wasted there. And then I bring her back home. And then Monday, my regular vet called, hey, you heard you went to the emergency vet. You want you to bring Blue in here? We'll check her out.

And she's got her leg way up in the air. So I'm like, yeah, you know what? Actually, it's not fixed. So let me bring you in there. That was supposed to be this morning. I wake up and Blue's bouncing all over the place. She's fine. And Chrissy walks in the door.

She got that leg up again. I'm like, fuck. What the fuck? Blue, stay consistent. I will say this about Blue. She is not a bitch. She is. She will not complain.

She has literally had her head run over by a stroller, and she didn't win. She's a tough, tough chick. She is. I could use a little bit of that in me because I get the flu and I cry for three days. I want my mommy. Actually, I don't want my mommy. I want Astrid. Oh, poor dog.

When you had labs, would they, you had dogs all your life? Oh, yeah. Growing up, well, my grandparents had labs. had a bunch of labs like two at one time and then one died and they got another one and you know kind of continued on and then we had a lab too my mom was a big animal lover so we had cats dogs fish whatever we didn't do birds but um yeah birds are tough they're a different yeah if i think i hate blue for all her parking get a macalla in here whatever those fucking things are so yes i grew up with dogs all kinds of um cocker spaniels labs little dog shih Tzu's the um did she like foster them or Or she'd, like, bring them in and you owned them. Yep, we owned them. Oh, okay. It was a little surprise for my dad.

Surprise. When ever he would get home. Well, your mom and your dad got married like seven times. Surprise we're divorced. Yeah. Surprise, I want to marry you again. Surprise were divorced. Yeah.

I can't imagine. My dad would be like, oh, my God, another one. Another fucking dog. Really? Please. I mean, he had to spend as much money on, like, food and vets and all of that as he was doing on this three kids. No shit.

It's expensive to own animals. And they are children. But there's one big difference that I've noticed between the 12 children I have running around here and the one dog I have. The children actually get to a point where they can tell you what's wrong and share with you what's their upset. And you can manage occasionally to calm them down with a soothing tone of voice. However, the exact opposite is true of the dog. Because she can't tell you what's wrong. So when her hind legs up in the air, I can't tell you, she can't say, ah, it hurts here.

It hurts there. Yeah. And she just barks incessantly when she wants something. She can't actually say words. So in some sense, the dogs become more difficult to raise than the children. And they're just as fucking expensive. Yeah. Luckily, the kids live a lot longer than the dogs do.

Or at least you hope that they do. Yeah. So while you were gone, we interviewed Steve O. That is incredible. I'm so excited. I hated to miss it. But I know that you guys did a great job in my absence. I really wished that you were here, but Tina did a great job sitting in the seat.

And I wanted to share with you that, did you hear, have you heard the episode yet? It just came out a couple days ago. No, I have not. So, Steve-O shares this story about how he goes to the Ringling Brothers Circus Clown School, okay? With the intention of getting a job. Of course he did, because it's Steve Fuckado. He goes to get a job at Ringling Brothers. That's why he went to the clown school.

But they refused to hire him because not many people like him. So he's just kind of acting like an idiot. So he manages to get a job in a new fledgling division of the Royal Caribbean cruises called like guest activation, which means that they're going to bring clowns and other magicians and people. And they're just going to walk around and make people happen. Oh, okay. Essentially. So, but Steve, while he's.

he may be good at his job of activating guests, whatever that means. He is not a well-liked person amongst the other clowns. So the clowns get together and they vote him off the island. They say, if Stivo continues to work for Royal Caribbean, we are leaving. But Stivo's agent gets word from the management at Royal Caribbean. They're just trying to give him a heads up. Like, hey, we're not going to renew his contract. It's not working out.

But we'll let him live out the rest of his contract, which, includes going to train on the brand new Royal Caribbean, what a princess of the seas, the largest cruise ship at the time in the world. So he has to go for two weeks and train with these people on all of these activations, but he knows he's getting fired and he also knows who fired him, like who got him fired these three clouds. So Steve is like, fuck these clouds. I'm never going to be on this ship again.

Fuck these clouds. So as his last hurrah, he calls Jeff Tremaine, the producer of, of, he calls the guy from Big Brother, which is Escape magazine, otherwise, Hooligan magazine back in the 90s, right? He calls him and he says, listen, I'm not going to have this job anymore. I've already been voted off the audience. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get on a cruise ship and I'm going to start walking around on stilts.

And then I'm going to set myself on fire and do a pratfall. And I was like, oh, my God, can you imagine? They didn't end up doing it on the Royal Caribbean Cruise line. But I was just thinking to myself, can you imagine Steve-O is like. walking on stilts outside on a Royal Caribbean cruise. And I had this, last night I had this dream that Steveau and I were on a cruise ship and we were like, I don't know, having a beer at the bar or something like that. And Steveau goes, hey, Brian, watch what I can do.

And he gets up on these stilts. And he's on fire. His legs are on fire. The stilts are on fire. And he's walking around the cruise ship. And then out of nowhere, one of my children comes and pushes him off the cruise ship. He was unfortunate demise. And I was crying and yelling at my kid.

Like, why did you kill Steve O? What do you have against Steve O? What did Steve O ever do to you? I don't know why my brain works this way. Why was I dreaming about... Dreams are funny. Yeah, they really are. I have the weirdest, strangest dreams sometimes.

I do too. Did I tell you? I think we talked about this. One day, ten years. ago, 12 years ago. I have this dream about Lisa Kudrow, but like the friend's version of Lisa Kudrow, right? So I have this dream that Lisa Kudrow and I have a night of hot, passionate sex. Wow. It was so all-encompassing, so deep, so intense that it took me three days to shake the dream. Anytime I thought about Lisa Kudrow, anytime, anytime, uh, anytime, uh, anytime,

I looked at another attractive woman. All I could see was Lisa Kudrow and having sex with Lisa Kudrow. It was this weird three-day period of my life. I called the Kudro days, where I was just like. The Kudro days. My Kudro era. Right. And I could not shake this dream, Chris.

If ever had a dream you just can't shake. Like, if you've ever had a sex dream you cannot shake? Yes. Yes. And it's usually about someone that's way unattainable like Lisa Kudra. Yeah, something that's really bizarre. Listen, Steve-O's management made the poor decision of allowing him to come on the commercial break.

But if Lisa Kudrow's management ever makes the decision of having her on the commercial break, I'm telling her about the Kudrow days because I must tell her about the Kudrow days. I think I went around. She'd be flattered, I'm sure. I think I was dry humping couches if you're thinking about Lisa Kudrow.

For like a week and a half. I mean, do you get a little hot now when you see that, because I noticed on HBO now has like the whole. you know, library of all of the friends. Oh, really? And it shows up in like my featured thing. So I'm going to think about that.

I'm going to think about your Kudra days now. Think about me fucking Lisa Kudrow, like an absolute porn star champion. That was one of those dreams, you know, where I had her up against the shower wall. And I was like, ah, I, I. You were able to lift her? Yes. I was able to lift her. Now I just have to ask Astrid to stand up on the step that we have inside there. Can you stand up there?

Can you do all the work? Because I'm a little bit older than you, and I'm not feeling so sharp right now. Is that at all possible? No? Okay. Well, then let's just have regular sex like normal married couples do. Let's take a short break. I got a fun one for us today.

You're back. I want to ease you into it. Back for the second time in two months. I know. And so happy to have you back, by the way. And I know the listeners are, too. I know. Thanks for all the love and support.

It was a sad reason I was gone. But we'll tell that story there. Yeah, we'll get back. Whenever you're ready, you can tell that story. But for now, let's keep it light and full. Yeah. Let's talk about dating back then versus dating now. And what I want to more specifically talk about is dating shows back then versus dating shows now.

So we'll look at the cut. We'll look at Love Connection. Today. We'll do Love Connection. Tomorrow we'll do the cut. All right. Let's take our first short break. And then we'll be back with more fun here on TCB.

My Chrissy oldies back, everybody. Woohoo. You make this rather snappy. One too. I have some really heavy thing you can do before 10 o'clock. Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void? Like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-3-3-T-CB. That's 212-433-38-22. Feel free to call and

yell all you want. Tell Brian, I need a race. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans. Or tell us a little story. The juicier, the better, by the way. We'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials At the commercial break on Insta, TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch, oh, that came out wrong.

We put all the episodes out on video. YouTube.com slash the commercial break and TCBpodcast.com for all the info on the show. Your free sticker? Or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I got to go now. I've got a date. With my dog.

No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day. All right. So we have reviewed both the love connection and The Cut. A version of a dating game, televised dating game or video of a dating game back in the 80s, the love connection with Chuck Woolery. Some of you may or may not be aware of. And then a very right now, in the now, the cool thing is to watch The Cut.

Okay. On the dating game, you actually had to go on a date with someone before you judged whether or not they were one for you. You had to spend time with them. Right. Now, all you have to do is just look at them or get one word out of their mouth and you can decide to press the button and they have to leave. It's so fucking shitty. I don't understand. And this tomorrow will review the cut. And when we do that, you're going to see just how quickly judgmental these folks are. And it amazes me. Like, how do you survive the dating world when literally you can say hello and somebody goes, nope, not for me. See you later. Like, spend a little time.

with me, right? Just spend an hour with me. Now, on the other hand, at the love connection, you had to meet some stranger at their front tour and then go spend a night with them. I don't know. There's some kind of middle there that makes sense. It's like a coffee date we have to go on. And then on the other extreme, there's naked attraction. Oh, naked attraction. You just straight up are naked. I'm thinking that's the best one of them all. Let me show you my dick. Is it good? You like it? All right. I got no ass, but my balls are fine. Cool. Let's go on a date. I really want to know how those things work out. I wish they had a follow-up episode. Maybe they do have naked attraction. I just never seen it. But today, let's review how dating was back then, and then

tomorrow we'll get into dating, how it is now. Okay, here's Chuck Wollary with another episode of Love Connection. I was trolling on the internet. As you do. Oh, man, do I like to? And here we go. Another fantastic episode of, what the fuck Chuck. Let's see what Chuck has to say. Welcome to Love Connection, where old-fashioned romance meets modern day technology. Oh, yeah. Where you hear all the intimate people. Yeah, modern day technology. I guess it was just video.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure television had been around for about 60 years at that point. I'm not sure what he's talking about. But just like today, people use the word technology. It's like people use the word AI now, right? Well, infused with AI. Right. Really? Is that really a selling point?

You don't have AI. Don't lie to me, Sprite. You don't have AI in your cans. That's not true. You know how you know this is from 1980? There's literally a minute and a half long intro. Anybody watching this today is already bailed. They're already like, I'm not interested.

Like many people are bailing on the show right now. Yeah, exactly. But it's always unpredictable when two strangers meet trying to make that love connection. Oh, yeah. And now, here's our host, Judge Walker. You've got to love the set design, too, that looks like it's like Valentine's Day. Yeah. And has big, huge hearts.

And two, like, sectional couches. It looks like your typical 70s sunken-in family room. Did you ever go into a house? back in the day when they had the sunken-in-in-in-family room. They had like a big circle in the middle of the family room. Which when the kids went to bed, the adults played. That's right. Everybody threw their keys in a bowl and started giving each other hand jobs.

Lay out the drugs in the round table. Hey, Steve, great job coaching the kids on soccer. Kids are asleep. Can I give you a hand job, Steve? I guess so. Let's go to the sunken family room and get it on. My wife's going to put a bunch of blow. in the kitchen and pillows in the sunken family room.

Wow, they're showing a crowd shot and two guys got really excited. They, like, stood up and clapped for Chuck. Yeah, maybe Chuck's been to a couple sunken bedrooms. Oh, yeah. I bet Chuck was wild back in these days. He's, like, got to be internationally so famous when the love connection was on that you know, you probably have to assume that Chuck was fucking, you know? A lot of people fuck Chuck. That's just probably what happened.

Or did he do, did he get the questions like, we were discussing their day that people get that are in the industry. You know, like, I'm really trying to get into podcasting, Brian. What do I do? Or our friend Rachel, the voiceover. People really want to get into that. Jeff, my husband, people come to him with the music industry stuff. I still can't get over. I wonder if Chuck got, you know, like, hey, can you match me? Yeah. Hey, I really need to meet a woman. Yeah.

Because I've never had one. Hey, after all those criminal convictions, I'm having a really hard time meeting ladies. And since the internet's not around and no one will find out, you might set me up on a blind date. Yeah, or I want to be a TV show host. How do I do that? I won't get over this. We met at Chrissy's House the other day. And in the morning, and Jeff was telling the story. He runs this huge music festival called Mempho in Memphis. And every year, the artists get bigger and bigger and bigger. It's like a bona fide big festival now. And some people will call Jeff and be like, hey, my kids got a bank. and you think you can play men foe? Yeah, sure, no problem. We'll have it. Yeah, he could sing for Dinosaur Jr.

Maybe he can come up and play a couple solos. Nice to see you all. Let's get started by meeting our first guest. Now, he's into scuba diving, skiing, dancing. He dates at least twice a week, and he says that most of the women he meets are always complaining about their problems. Randy Blanchard is in car sales. He's 34 years old, looks 62 years old.

As they all do. Yes, they all do. And also, it looks like a mass murderer, if I don't mind saying myself. Welcome, Randy Blank. No one pays attention to their hair that much unless they're ready to kill somebody. Sure. Well, everybody's got problems, I guess. What kind of problems are these women?

Well, basically, you name it, they've got it. I mean, insignificant things, work, private lives, relationships. I mean, work, private lives. Insignificant things. Vaginal discharge. I mean, these ladies got it all, Chuck. I don't want to do it with it. I want head while we're driving down the 101, and that's it, quite frankly.

Both my problems. Yeah. Listen, clean my laundry, do my cooking, give me head on the 101. What else do I need to know? I don't want to hear about your private life. Can you imagine being married to someone like this? Well, he's divorced. Oh, that's true.

I don't want to hear all about your private life. That's your life. I can't imagine. I think I have a friend who acts like this. still to this day. Customs are nothing. I mean, there's something

that you should just be able to throw off to the side and forget about but they want to dwell on them. I don't know if they just like wallowing in self-fitting.

Well, maybe they want you to help them. Ah, those broads, they're always wallowing in their own personal problems. I don't know. Let me get my problems out first. And then if we have time

later on, maybe we'll talk about your private life. He's like Ron Burgundy. He's like Ron Burgundy. I think Will Ferrell may have studied this guy. I do.

I just saw him snap out of it. Put one foot in front of the other and go forward. Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth. God. Get over it. Yeah. For the third time in this conversation,

do you have to talk so much? This guy is such a showbitt. Oh, my God. Forever. Okay. I don't mind everybody what happened. Yes. Chuck says, okay.

This is going over like a lead balloon. Let's get on to something else. Because I don't want to ask tough questions. Chuck never asked tough questions. Oh, no. He never pushes on. There was that one episode where he kind of pushed back on the guy. Studio audience saw Randy's three choices.

They voted for one. We're going to take a look at all three women and catch you up today. First, it was Sharon. She prefers dating men with blue eyes and a college education. Nancy avoids men who wear gold. Blue eyes and a college education. Huh. So she wants a...

She wants that's it. They're in her youth. That's what she wants. Blue eyes and a college education. That's... All right. James and use hairspray. Kristen describes herself.

Wait, the second lady, her name is Nancy. She's 29 years old, and she works paging companies sales. Yep, the old pagers. She's probably still at that job today. Self-confident, but gullible. Now, the audience vote was recorded yesterday. We'll get to that little later right now. Randy's going to tell us who he chose.

I chose Sharon. Chose Sharon. She's backstage. Say hello to Sharon. It looks nice. Sharon looks lovely. She does. Let's see if she's got any problems.

Let's see if she's got personal life problems. I don't want to deal with. Hi, Sharon. Hi, Chuck. Oh, she's already pissed. You can just tell, by the way, she said hi to Chuck. Hi, Chuck. She'll make trouble home, okay?

All right, tell me about the date. Well, I'm basically new down here from Northern California. I moved down a couple months ago. So I called Sharon up. She lives all the way down in Costa Mason. I'd never been there before. All right, stop talking about your personal life. Get to the date.

So basically I told her, look, I'm putting myself in your hands. Just pick something for us to do. We'll have fun. That's about an hour. Oh, that's a really nice thing for you to do on a first date. Yeah. You pick it. You figure it out.

I don't want to do any work. I don't want to deal with all the personal details. You figure it out and I'll show up with my dick hard and ready to go. One and a half hour away, something like that. There's a little bit of a cruise. Yeah. So I hopped in the old mobile. I drove down, came over to a house about 11.

Mobile. Mobile? Mobile? What's that? Two square wheels and a horse. Came all the way down from Northern California. Took me six years. I did the Oregon Trail in four weeks.

One of the biggest problems I was running into is she was wearing the same perfume that my ex-mother-in-law wore. So it was, I mean, I hate my ex-mother-in-law. She hates me. So it started off on a real bad note to begin with. But I figured what... I instantately, she said to myself, what am I doing here? I should be back selling cars. not worrying about her personal problems.

Heck, let's go ahead and try and make the best out of this. So we hopped in the car. What the heck? Let's try to make the best out of this. Thank you, Chuck. Thank you for finally getting a pair of cahones and saying something relatively subversive, but kind of passive-aggressive to the absolute asshole who's sitting on the couch. What?

Let's see what happens. I figure I drove all the way down there. Let's give this poor girl every chance. What? Give this poor girl a chance. Just because she was wearing a weird perfume? Perfume? By the way, she doesn't know your ex-mother-in-law. They didn't corroborate to make sure she had the same perfume on.

You asshole? What a dick. We hopped in the car and she said, well, I've got this real nice restaurant picked out. And we drove down to Newport Beach and we go to this restaurant. I knew we were in trouble the minute we arrived because we were like the only people there. Hang on just a minute. Hang on. Hang on. Just one minute here. Let's talk to her for a minute. Don't worry about her personal problems, Chuck. There's nothing interesting over there.

Say, you remember any of the conversation in the car, or was there anything that's first? Yeah. Randy, complimented me by saying of the girls he chose, one was a beautiful blonde girl that looked like Elizabeth Montgomery, and the other was no competition at all. And then he liked my personality. So between beauty and personality, he chose personality. So he started scoring points right away there. That's how I do it, Chuck. I like to tell them how it is right off the bat. Listen, you're ugly. Right.

But you got some dick-sucking lips, so I decided right off the bat to choose you. And here you come with all your personal problems, your perfume, your vaginal discharge. Why do I have to deal with all of this? I told me I looked hefty on the video, but scrawny in person. Well, I figured, you know, I'd tell what's on my mind and what I'm thinking. So you get to the rest of the only one. So we got only two there. Menu was real limited.

She picked out the restaurant. She's a little ditsy, which is a lot like my ex-mother-in-law, too. Oh, my God. Wow. Well, he's just hitting on all cylinders right now, isn't it? Oh, fire in a way. I see this as a, if you were single, this is the kind of guy you would bring home. Is this, Jeff?

What a dick. Yeah. What a dick. God, guys were terrible. in the 80s. Every episode we do it. Some machi's most chauvinistic jackhole who thinks he was born to service women. We go to this restaurant and it had about the world's best service. I mean, there's like one waiter there. We're the only people there and he'd ask

a silly questions. Like, would you like a fork? You know, something to eat with and what have you. So the service was really poor and it wasn't going very well. But considering Randy had suggested we go on a picnic and shut up without a picnic basket or anything else in hand, what we were supposed to do on a moment's notice. So, but it was okay. So you just picked that on a moment's notice. Right, basically. Well, thank God he didn't bring the picnic basket.

He probably would have left you tied to a tree somewhere. I would not go to a park with that guy for sure. I wouldn't get in the car with that guy. Especially if he told me that I don't like you because you're wearing the same perfume as my mother-in-law. And you'd be like, thanks, but you know things. You looked hefty on camera, but in person you're scrawny. Yeah. Is that a compliment?

I guess it's kind of a compliment. You're a lot skinnier than you look in your pictures. feeling about his personality of lunch now well let me tell you Chuck he's not the most exciting guy in the world in fact Randy's about as

Randy was about as much fun as watching paint dry there you go girl go get him but anyway I thought well hell let's try Kissner and see what that's like now

let's try and fucking her and see what happens what oh my God this is classic well I figured and I drove all the way down here, bad service at the restaurant, and she smells like my shit house ex-mother-in-law.

You know what I'm going to do? Have sex with her. That should solve all the problems. Let's put my dick in her mouth and shut her up. Oh, my God, Chrissy. This is crazy. It's awful. Well, I didn't know what to do.

It was either swim or let him kiss me, so I let him kiss me. You did? Just a little one on the, right here. Because I didn't know what else to do. I was a wuss. I should have just jumped in the water, I know, but. Anyway, you know. Well, shame on you too, then.

Shame on both of you. I was getting really bored, and I suggested, well, let's go back to your place. And wait, maybe we can go out dancing later and do something. Let's go back to your place. I'm bored. I'm bored. Let's get back to your place. Can you get naked for me?

No, not right here? What about your place? Do you have any more of that perfume? I can throw it out of the window for you. There was some kind of thrill somewhere. So we went back to her place, and she checked the answer in the machine. which was lit up like a Christmas tree, and she started making all these phone calls. And, you know, the epitome of the date was I was sitting on the couch watching afternoon

game shows, you know, typical of what was happening with the date. Afternoon game shows. What time did this date start? 9 a.m.? You start off on a bad foot anyway. You've got to do dates after 4 p.m. Coffee blind dates at 1 p.m. You know what I'm saying?

Okay. If you're going to go on on the date date, go after 7 p.m. Or if you have children after 4 p.m. But here's the thing. You can't expect to have a fantastic date that starts at 9 a.m. And you're going to a restaurant where you get bad service. Yeah. It's the afternoon crew.

Never go with the afternoon crew. No. It was probably like switching. It was probably a switchout, you know, like 2.30 or 3. Yeah. Right before the evening crew comes in. That's right. Evening shift.

They're still selling last night special. You don't ever go to a restaurant during the afternoon during the afternoon. Never do it. I let's interject here that at this point. Randy might have thought it a wise thing to perhaps leave if he was just sitting on the couch by himself. But, no. Yeah. Well, I considered it, but I figured I had driven an hour and a half.

You know, I figured try and make it work somehow. I mean, it was a long drive. Traffic was real bad. And I didn't feel like going. Well, how did it end? Oh, wow. She just planted himself on her couch and didn't leave? What the fuck, Chuck?

All right. She's totally ignoring him. I know. Doing answer machine stuff, calling people back. He didn't pick up on it. Oh, he actually did pick up on it. He just made the actual in-the-moment decision that it doesn't matter what this woman does. I'm not leaving this couch because the afternoon game shows are on.

All right. Let's take our second break. We'll be back in two and two with more love connection. Okay. you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me or Chrissy, at 212-4333-3-TCB. That's 212-4333822. You can be on the show too. Mm-hmm, just call and say something.

anything or text us and we'll text your right back promise then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker it's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide you get the point follow us on instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com slash the commercial break best to you and astrid especially astrid all right back with more love connection here on the commercial break or no love connection or no love connection. Well, he's trying desperately by just planting himself on her couch and not leaving. And all else fails, just sit on the couch and watch TV. Well, listen, I did that a couple times, but the only reason why is because I wasn't legally allowed to drive.

I had to wait for the taxi. All right, let's hear more about this date. Well, how did it end? I don't know. It ended basically the same way it went just mediocre. I took her out to dinner, you know, figured, you know, let's take her out to dinner before I go. She had a phone call was an emergency from work

or what have you. I bet she did. I bet she did. You know what? I've got an emergency of work. You know what? Someone just chat on my desk at work.

I got to go clean it up before my boss comes in. I'll see you later. Feel free to watch the afternoon game show. She had a phone call. It was an emergency from work. Oh, yes. She had one of an emergency meetings.

Is it really? No, that was actually a fake. And that was Plan B of Plan A. Plan A. Plan A was my girlfriend's car broke down, and I had to go pick her up. But Randy loused it all up by offering to go with me. So that didn't work. This is classic.

Good for her. She had to try two. She had to try two. She had a car emergency with her friend and then a work emergency. And he's like, no problem. I'll go with you. Can I bring your color? TV? Can we record these afternoon game shows on your VHS machine?

And I had Plan B, which my boss, who was also a co-worker, pretended that we had a meeting. So we went, so he came and picked me up to go to this meeting. She had to get her boss to come back? And did he leave at that point? I'm guessing not. I mean, how much shittier can this situation be? Head up against the wall, sometimes jump. Anyway, it worked out pretty well anyway, because I ended up going to a club pretty close to her house, and I met a nice woman there and ended up... Oh, I bet you did. Let me hit up a club now.

It's clubbing time. It's 5 o'clock. Well, it's cocaine. It's our... It's cocaine o'clock. Let me get in there. Oh, my God. So 30 at the morning!

It was nice. Well, let's take a look and see to the audience. Yeah, let's see. See what happens. Kristen, 85%. Wow, they picked that one girl. I'd buy a bunch. I wonder why.

I don't know. I didn't see the actual clips. Should have picked the blonde. I think she was blonde. That was the blonde. See how I think she was woman is? Elizabeth. I just murdered four people.

Oh, look, he's got little chocolate teeth, too. I know. God, he's creepy. I bet I, no, I'm not going to say it. Never mind. I bet I know what the current. version of this guy looks like. I bet I know if he's alive what he's doing. He's in the villages. I promise you he's down of the villages. I can go out with Kristen. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

Yeah, why not? It didn't work out with the first girl who kept talking. Let me kill off. The second girl probably keep talking. Sharon, we're sorry that things didn't work out. We do have a nice gift for you. Thank you. And maybe we'll see you again. All right. Thank you. And, uh, Randy. Oh, Sharon could have been nicer. She's perfectly nice and sweet. Yes. She just got hooked up with a real asshole. I hope they don't give him like a second show.

I know. Well, they're going to ask him to do the second date. He said he would. But I hope they revoke that backstage. Yeah, I hope they do too. I hope they give this girl a warning about what's coming down the pike. There's know what happens with that. And we're going to come right back on another couple right after this.

Oh my God. Okay. So that's the, that is the 80s version of a dating show. sent you out on a date, you actually had to spend time. Good luck getting the guy off your couch. I mean, imagine in 2023 a dating show saying, go to someone's house and pick them up on a blind date. You'd have to have three or four security guys with you in 2023. No one in the right mind would do this. No. I think didn't Andy Cohen try and revive this show, the love connection? You're right. I think there was something about that. Or blind date or something like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I remember watching it and feeling like it was good. Like it was, oh, that's funny. That's good. it never came back. I'm probably sure for security concerns. Right. This is insane. And then to have such a douchebag, but we've reviewed so many of these episodes, I mean, probably six or seven to eat at this point over the 400 episodes of Love Connection. And every guy seems like the same guy. They're all chauvinistic pigs who just think the world of themselves and can't stand the fact that the girl has a personality. Oh, right. Yeah. That girl had a personality. And that's what he didn't like, I guarantee it. Feelings, what a those?

Put those back away. I don't like those. Big and scary, like the dinosaurs. I don't want to see that. What is all that? All right. So glad to have you back, my friend. I'm so happy to be back.

And I know. I hope you're back the whole time, but if you have to take some additional time off, we're here for you. We love you. I love you guys. You do what you got to do, girl. we'll be right here slaving away

making 600 episodes a week for five listeners you know that's how it goes I don't know if you've heard with the podcast industry not doing so hot right now Spotify just laid off 18% of their workforce 17% of their workforce

that's insane that's insane but of course they paid all that money to all those podcasters I'm not sure all of them worked out yeah because now I see them a different network and I'm like oh I guess it didn't work out with Spotify All right, TCBPodcast.com. That's where you go.

You find out more about the show. Chrissy and I. You can watch all the video. You can listen to all the audio. The entire library is right there at one location. TCBPodcast.com. You want your piggy fronting sticker? Go to the website.

Hit the contact us button. Click that drop-down menu. Give us your physical address. And we will be happy to send one to you. Or Astrid will be happy to send one to you if you want us to sign it or something like that. And a lot of people unbelievably do. Why they think our signature is going to be worth anything in the future. Or maybe they just.

just like the fact that we sign them. We do. We do sign them. Yeah, we do. We do sign them. Stacks of them at a time, actually, which is kind of crazy. So go get your free picky fronting sticker, series number five in our series. Listen, audio scavenger hunt postponed until January, because I want Chrissy to be here while we do it. So that's postponed until January. Some people have texted and asked about that. We'll get back to that, and I promise we'll let you know when that happens. 626. Ask TCB the number three. That's 626. Ask TCB the number three. questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Ask Brian's mom, ask TCB. Send it all there via text message. It's toll free or leave a voicemail. You can go to our Instagram page. It's getting millions of views right now for reasons I are, I don't comprehend. That's right. That's right.

That's a commercial break. TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all we'll do for right now. I think so. But man, do I love you. I love you. And best to you. And best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we always say, and we must say goodbye.