The Commercial Break - TCB The Lost Tapes - Box Of Broken Toys!

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

Bryan and Krissy discuss reality t.v. and virgins, female viagra and the first (and awful) episodes of the show on this un-aired content from The Commercial Break.  ** TCB Season 3 starts on January 18th 2022! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And welcome back to WSHIT's News at 715. It's news you can use before you snooze. And now over to our sports desk, where our brand new sports reporter, Mark Bodymouth Johnson, is going to give us an update on all the sports balls and how they're hanging currently. Mark! Thanks Jack, I've never enjoyed working with someone so much in my life, don't your way to give me a call? Let's go straight to Sports Ball. Football today in the Crab Baple High School semi-finals of the township of Crab Baple semi-finals.

Football game, I'll tell you what, what a ground in pounder it was. Mark Derrickson throws for 54 yards down the center of the mouth. Touchdown Crab Baple. I'm telling you I was there I sought with my own two eyes. It was as if little men were playing grown man balls crab apple wins 75 to 33 over the city of grape nuts now over the basket ball where the semi-pro basketball team that's been playing in this town for Too many years to count lost yet another game That's a 356 game losing streak when will these guys get their heads directly out of their shoes? I do not know Jason Drinkle standing at five foot to our center for what reason

I cannot understand decides to throw the ball to the other team on 16 different occasions. So you can clearly see how this one turned out 162 to 7. Not even sure how we scored those 7 points I believe they were given to us out of courtesy. Wrestling on the mat at the Krabapple Township Community College this afternoon as Missy Ledbetta takes down this young lady, don't even know what her name is, but look at that stranglehold. Passes clear out, had to go to the hospital, lots of blood, it was a sight to behold. Go Missy, she's a state champion or going to be a state champion, I'm not even sure,

I don't even know if they have state championships for girls wrestling, but if they do, she's gonna go, and I'll tell you you what this girl is super impressive. She also makes my smoothies every morning at Joanne's smoothie bar, head on over for a discount tell them that I sent you. And finally, today, two young men who cares about their names, decided to enter themselves into the national pillow fighting contest. They lost, it sucked, that's not a sport. Get over yourself boys, put some pads on and grow up. And now back to you. I'm not entirely sure what was said there, but I'm not a sports guy, so maybe I'm not the intended audience. I will mention that it's 2021 and girls do play sports. You're

gonna fit in nicely here. At WSHIT mark, you're a bozo. Like the rest of us, we'll be back after this, cover some break. This gives a new meaning to the name FeatherWidth. It's... Why would this man be throwing the ball to the other team? Has he never seen a basketball before? This is incredible. Look at this girl throwing arm bar. I haven't seen someone pass out like that since my uncle started talking about Joe Biden at things

Soccer is not a sport. It's what you put on your muscles You're an Italian restaurant. Oh my god Why are we using pillows to compete? What is that? Is this a Cindy Lomper music video? From the early 80s That's it Jason takes the basketball down to the other side of the court give it to the other coach and let him decide what With it you're a dibs yet. I don't even know where to start this sports cars thing But that well, I'll talk more about sports if you want me to, Jack, but I don't know you $12 for

shit. Wait, that's the other guy. We'll be back after this, cover, alright. On this episode of the commercial break. When Chrissy and I first started recording this show, she was at her house and I was at my house. We were using shitty microphones and a shitty Zoom-like system to record remotely. We felt that was the safest way to do it.

But there was something missing, something was off, and we felt we never got the sound quality right, we never got the video quality right, and quite frankly we were unable to communicate in a way that we normally do. So in early 2021, when we felt it was safe, my wife and a couple of the show friends put together a studio in an empty room in my house. That made all the difference in the world. It's just so much better to be sitting with someone when you're doing this kind of absurd and quite frankly mediocre comedy podcast, but it also allowed us to batch record episodes,

meaning we would record multiple episodes in one day a couple of days a week. Most of those episodes made it out, you've heard most of them, however, a few of them are lost toys, their children that didn't get paid attention to. They have no parents, no one cared about them, because they weren't as good looking as the other podcasts, and so they were grounded in the hard drive without any love, food, light, or attention. Well, I'm letting them out of their box and you get to listen to them. Here it is, the next episode of TCB The Lost Tapes. The Lost Toys episode will be back on January 18th. Until then, enjoy this never before heard episode of the commercial break.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah! Yeah! I'm Ryan, this is Chrissy Anne. Happy New Year. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in podcast universe.

It's another episode of your favorite podcast, The Commercial Break. The Commercial Break. Not the other commercial break, but the commercial break. But continue to review us because we are just so tickled pink about the fact that we're getting all of these wonderful reviews We're just a little disappointed that it's not necessarily about our show That's right very concise info can size info kind of review is that about a podcast very concise info

I know but I forgot and I said oh look how concise we are We are concise if there's anything that we're not, it's concise. I'm just going to throw that out there right now. So if you're new to the podcast and you're expecting decision, you're not going to get this consignal word. Sounds like it should be a word. It should be. I, let me ask you a question. Would you, if you were a virgin at your age, at 40, well, at 27. Yes.

Would you, would you go on a television show and say that out loud to the world? Ah, no. Let me, I'll tell you why I'm asking the question. Let me, yeah. There's a guy on the new Batch Thoret, which I haven't been able to watch because I'm stuck in the studio 24 fucking hours a day.

But there's a guy on the new Batch Thoret. Is that with Katie? Yeah, I think it's Katie. Yeah, but my wife's watching, and she's keeping me up today on what's going on. There's a guy named Mike, who's avert. Now, this happens often on the Bachelorette Bachelorette. I think it's kind of like a casting checkmark

to have at least one virgin on the cast. To see how things go. So that they can make fun of him secretly. Yeah. Dude, no one, if you haven't lost your virginity yet, that's okay, cool dude, whatever you want, right? However, it's gonna go down, it's gonna go down. Whenever it's gonna go down, it's gonna go down.

Yeah. But don't think for a second that they're putting you on there for some altruistic reason of showing the world that you two can wait till you're married to have sex. They're putting you on so they can make fun of you. Well, I'm pretty sure the one guy who just came out as gay was also a person. Oh, yeah, he was a version two.

That's right. Big football player. Yeah. Listen, I think it's funny that he went on there in the entire time. Yeah. Pretended like he had 21 women vying for his attention and the entire time, he was a virgin,

which seems to me to be absolutely anytime I'm not going to be gay. This would be it. This is the test. Yeah, I'll tell you what, I'm just going to push forward 21 of them and see a one vagina. Peaks my interest. My or peeks my something. Still waiting for that ED medication sponsor to come up. We're here for you. Roman.com or whatever it is. Roman, yeah. Roman's the big one.

Yes, Roman. Me and my wife are having trouble in the bedroom. Our intimacy was lacking until I got Roman. Now I have an erection lasting six to 12 hours. I can't come but my dick as hard as a rock. I'm kidding. I know erectile dysfunction is a real thing. Yes, that's why there's so many pills. There's a lot of pills.

Now there's a female viagra. Yes. Actually, I met her on clubhouse one night. Oh wow. I met the person who created the female viagra. Wow. Yeah. I don't know what it does, but it's out there.

It's called the pink pill. I don't know what it does, but I's out there. It's called the pink pill. I don't know what it does, but I guess it juices. I guess it juices y'all up or something like that. I'm not really sure. Yeah, more probably. Maybe we should get some of that. We'll give it out as samples and people can report back to us about the pink pill. Yes.

Because even though she was pretty clear that she was the inventor of this particular medication and she had sold it for like $200 billion or something to the company and she was pretty clear that she was the inventor of this particular medication, and she had sold it for like $200 billion or something to the company, and she was a very, very sweet lady. She never really indicated exactly what the pink pill does. I'm assuming that it sends blood down to that area, just like the blue pill does. The arousal.

Yeah, it's like connects with the arousal department. That was just what I like to call women's complicated piece of machinery. How's your arousal department. That was just what I like to call women's complicated piece of machinery. How's your arousal department? So romantic. Hey, Astrid, how's your arousal department? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Madingas in your realms of departments see what happens Like it's not a rouse. I She's like I do you department you aren't you aren't even on the same street dude Department you're not even in the same building you gotta take it four floors

Head left when you get to the elevator and you get to the elevator. The lingerie. That's right. That's right. Oh, poor asterisk. Poor asterisk. She married me. She was like, this guy's so cool.

What a cool American guy. He can play piano. He can play piano. He's so good at guitar. Karris if he doesn't have a boner. Karris if he doesn't know where my arouse of the apartment is. He can't put it in my spaghetti house. Who cares?

I watched this television show. I don't know if you've ever seen it. Tim and Eric, awesome show, great job. No. It's a adult swim show. Okay, I love the adult swim. And then they have something called Dr. Steve Bruehl, which is like an offshoot of that particular show.

Yeah. It was filmed years ago. It's like hasn't been on in a decade. But the adult swim, it's just the funniest, most absurd kind of humor that you could ever have. And they always, like, what's funny to me is the nomenclature that you use for certain words, right? They'll say, like, you know, oh, I've got a, you know, a gut busting my spaghetti house, right? And it's like they're talking about the vagina. And I just think that's so funny. I'm so stupid, I'm so three years old. I

laugh, I'm like, invented night, you know, Matthias drooling on my shoulder. Now I think spaghetti house is fun. So there you go. Oh, hey, how the heck are you? It's Brian Green, co-host of The Commercial Break. I just came on quickly to let you know that due to the current coronavirus surge and it affecting some of our family members, Chrissy and I are going to start season number three, one week later than anticipated on January 18th.

That's a Tuesday, Mark calendar, kids. But until then, I will continue to bring you fresh content by cutting up canned episodes and sending them on your way. Go to tcbpodcast.com if you want to watch any of the videos or listen to any of the audio, right there from our website tcbpodcast.com. Please do send along a text message or a voicemail with all your well wishes. Two, six, six, one, best the number two. Yo, that's six, six, one, two, three, seven, eight, two, nine, six. 661-237-8296. Make sure to follow us on Instagram, at the Commercial Break, and for content you will

not get on the audio version, go to youtube.com. Slash the commercial break, subscribe, and like any of the videos that you like. That's the way it works. Until next time we talk, please listen to our sponsors and use their specialized URLs and codes. If you're so inclined, and we will talk to you Freshly in just a couple of weeks I mean if you want to

I'd like to get a job sometime in the future Brian Recorded in history forever and ever with your spaghetti house and whatever you talk about best to you. Yeah, we did have a guest that actually refused to say best to you. Yes. Like I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. That's stupid. What am I?

Who was that Oscar? I was like, best to you. And he's like, what? And I'm like, say it. It's the thing that we say. And he's like, no. So stupid. What are you guys talking about?

We love Oscar, but he did not want to play along that day. He didn't want to play along in general that day. I felt like I was scared with, maybe he was having a, maybe it wasn't the best day for him. Or you can go to youtube, youtube.com slash the commercial break and you can do the same thing. I realize you can't tag a friend there, but leave a comment regarding your favorite episode

on your favorite episode. Make sure you're a subscriber and you will be entered to win. I realize you can't tag a friend there, but leave a comment regarding your favorite episode on your favorite episode. Make sure you're a subscriber and you will be entered to win. Okay, no longer shall I delay with the big announcement. Okay. The commercial break, this little stupid podcast that we started a, I don't know, year and some change ago has reached half a million downloads

as of yesterday when you're listening to this. Half a million episodes, cheers to you, cheers my tea. There you go. Half a million episodes. Let's, so I thought we'd do a little reminiscing on this particular episode. Okay. About the early days of the commercial break.

Which was, I honestly wish we could throw those first 10 episodes to you. It's really bad. I mean we can't On the on the off chance we might get one additional download. I'm gonna give it up there Because you know what people do is they go to the podcast that they find right and they're like, oh, that's really funny Let me go back and listen I do the same thing. Yeah, but you what you do is you don't go back to episode number 17 You go back to episode number one. Right. And you go listen.

And so that episode number one is constantly being downloaded. It's, you know, it's one of the higher traffic episodes. Is ours? Is our, yeah, it's our episode number one. Really? Oh no. I mean, that could turn people off.

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. But I mean, it's just really bad. When I started this podcast, for those of you who are catching up midway through it, we're on episode number or whatever. 80 or something. 80 or something, and we're in the 80 range. When I first started the podcast,

I originally had the intention of starting a podcast regarding the commercial real estate business, because that's what I do during the day, or that's what I'm doing until they decide not to deal with me anymore until Spotify picks us up. So Spotify decides to give us that Joe Rogan money. But what happened, I found that first of all commercial real estate is a really secretive business like the developers, you know, they're into all kind of shit, right?

I work with you a little bit on the, oh yeah, that's right. By years ago. Yeah. And it's just a weird business where everyone, and people don't necessarily want their information out there in the world. And my intention was to put together a daily or a weekly show

where I could share information about the coming and goings of certain developments and developers. Yes. But I quickly realized that I probably wouldn't have made clients for very long if I did that. So I was like, yeah, you know, that's just a bad idea. Let's not do that. But in then many months went by and I just found myself attracted to the term, the commercial break.

I thought, I can't fly. I know, I can't fly. I was like, you too. You too can be sailing in style on this use kayak from Walmart I felt like I've been drawn to the podcast like fame fortune none of which exists in podcasting I'll go there any idiot with an iPhone can do it. I'll go there. Yeah. And so the podcast took on a couple of different iterations between bad idea number one and bad idea number five

and then I finally stuck upon a good idea, which was I really don't know what I wanna do. So, but I do know that when I get together and I have a laugh with my good friend Chrissy, at least I have fun. Yes. Maybe that's interesting enough to at least record a couple of episodes with Chrissy.

I'll put it out to the world and I'll see if I can, I didn't know, I was just kind of flying blind. We were. I had no show prep, I had nothing. Yeah, you literally threw a microphone in my car window. It's a COVID. And I threw it out the car window, scrubbing with asperity in the entire way.

Like, I don't want to COVID. And I dropped it off at your house and then I went, okay Tuesday, I guess we'll record. Yeah, plug in. Plug in and the result was unbelievable. It's magic from our moment number one. Literally like a wet carton church. That's how it went over.

Do you want to go back and do you want to listen? Yeah. Do you want to revisit episode number one? That first few minutes of episode number one. Okay. Let's do that. All right, hold on. Let me do that. You've got a different intro than two, right? Oh, everything was different.

Yeah. We didn't know, I didn't know what I was going to do. I was so clueless. And I thought, I kind of thought that I was like doing a good job back then, I was like, oh, you know, I could do this podcasting with a big deal. No, it's so hard. So together, and you know, I knew how to edit.

That's what I did know how to do. But I just, Chrissy and I had no show prep. Now listen to the How Bad. The first three minutes to four minutes of this podcast is, we always review other people's bullshit. We're now gonna review our own bullshit. Yeah, so we're gonna turn the plan. Let's go to the goose, it's good for the good.

Half a million downloads later. Half a million. That's just like, it's an insane amount of downloads. Before I get started with the reminiscing, I wanna say this, with all seriousness. We appreciate everyone who's been listening since the very beginning.

That's only a few people because there's like six listeners in the beginning. But everyone who's been listening since, everyone who's come along halfway through, everyone who listens to an episode of this show, we are super grateful in all sincerity for the immense amount of momentum that you've given us.

And we might not still be doing this unless we had so much positive feedback in the form of people listening to the show. Half a million downloads, most podcasts, when I say most 99.9% of podcasts will never reach a half a million downloads. It's just not that big of a medium yet. And so to reach a half a million in a year

or a year in some change, is an incredible accomplishment. And I say congratulations to you, my good friend. Congratulations to you. This is a team effort. We really appreciate it. And, you know, to be serious for half a second. Thank you for starting it.

And throwing that microphone at me. Throwing the microphone out the car window, which is exactly what happened. I bought an Amazon, I bought a microphone, actually, it wasn't on Amazon. I had a microphone sitting around, and I just threw it to her out the window. Okay, ready? This is the very first commercial break episode,

April 15th, 2020, which was recorded just a few days earlier. Listen to this horse shit. Hi, and welcome. I'm Brian Green, host of the commercial break. What am I doing? It's like a heart plane in the background. I'm Brian Green, host of the commercial break. I know, I know. And there's, why did I think this was funny? The point was to be funny. And I mean, I guess I say some funny things a lot But you make that you make the call here. I'm a son a father He's probably like what?

There a husband a passionate pragmatist a Facebook doctor and a Twitter epidemiologist I started the commercial break after the world suddenly locked down in early 2020 I'm saying this as if I had been doing the commercial break for months and months, I started the commercial break back in 2020. Back in early 2020, it is early 2020 you shithead, like you're fooling anybody, it's episode number one. It's like we're in a real life commercial break. Every podcast will interview experts and idiots alike. We'll give advice. We have interviewed nobody. By the way, nobody will come on this stupid joke, except for Oscar.

A son had to survive this lockdown with only high-speed internet, Netflix, food, and air conditioning. We'll talk to people with opposing viewpoints, and we'll get the stories behind them. Together we'll dive deep into the world. Oh god, if people live a passing people? No, we won't. We hate you. I don't have anything to do with you. If you don't agree with everything I say, what am I talking about?

That was the vision. That was the vision. That was the vision I had actually. And so I realized, so I'll stop and I'll tell a little story. So when I went in between, bad idea number one, commercial break about the commercial real estate, and bad idea number five,

which is the idea right before this actual version of the commercial break, I had an idea, and I shared it with my friend, Allison, which was I was going to call people with incredibly crazy viewpoints, like, crazy QAnon supporters, men who couldn't get what did they call them in cells right? Involuntarily celibate.

The preachers. KKK member, you know, people who have just incredibly unpopular opinions, I was going to get them to come on and then rather than just make fun of them for 40 minutes, I was going to actually try and have a conversation and get to the bottom of why do you feel this way? Like what happened? So I wanted to, I was trying to do something earnest, but when I started contacting those people, when they just were so, it just wasn't gonna happen.

Yeah, they didn't want anything to do with me. And even the people who did agree, all they did, they had a list of talking points and that's all they wanted to do was just hit the talking. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. During and after the age of corona. So enjoy the episode of this commercial.

Like the age of corona is that similar to the age of Aquarius? The age of corona is the age of corona. Yeah. By the way, 600,000 people in this country have died of coronavirus. 600,000 people. When we first started recording this, it was like 12. 600,000. It's insane.

Have you lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the real estate market recently because you've been scammed by scammy scammers? Don't worry, I have spent at least 13 seconds learning how to turn the tables. YouTube can be a Nigerian real estate scammer online for free. I'm gonna show you how to make multiple fake Facebook pages and you're gonna become the king of internet marketing. Buy my series now today, 1999 plus 1999 shipping and handling. And right now, if you act quickly,

I'm gonna throw in another package for 1999 plus 1999 shipping and handling. It's a deal you can't beat, I'm gonna do a friend package for 1999 plus 1999 ship in a handling. It's a deal, you can't beat, it's gonna do a friend, it's gonna do a family. Give it to your dog, it doesn't matter. Everyone's gonna be making money on this brand new suit. Okay, ready? So you had the theme song by that one?

I had the theme song, I picked that out. I picked that out. Uh, actually, so the story behind this particular bit, which we started doing at the beginning of the show until it just got out of control. I was doing like 12 minute bits. If you go back and you listen to the first 20 episodes, you'll hear that there are rather lengthy audio productions put at the beginning of each one.

Some of them going on for like 10 minutes. I was putting together bits, like my own skits, with 5-10 voices, and then I was editing together bits like my own skits with fives and voices and then I was editing them Every week it was crazy. I was spending like 15 hours on these things But this particular bit how this all got started was Chrissy and I and Jeff and Astrid went out to dinner one night Yeah, and we started talking about Rachel was there too. I think that's right Rachel was there We went to that like Chinese the Asian buffet restaurant which was incredible the market food stall food stall so we go there and I'm sorry why does this just scream like that so we go there and

After what we had started talking about real estate scammers like online real estate scammers It kind did you see late night? You know the infomercial types types, the guys who were into selling the dream about everything. Your YouTube can be an inter, real estate billionaire tomorrow, all you have to do is face 70,000 dollars. Yeah. So we started talking about that, and I recorded that particular bit. I recorded long before we had the podcast,

while I was taking a piss in my bathroom of a different house that I lived in. And then I sent it to the group like, you know, oh, here's an addendum to our conversation. I know. And that was the first bit. And so when I started putting together the first episode, I was like, Oh, I should use that and put it at the beginning of the episode. And now I still think that that one's pretty funny. It is. But some of those other ones are like, Oh my God, Brian, you're just dragging on forever. There's nothing concise about this show.

Just so that you can have nothing concise. Nothing. Nothing. No. Now, listen to how bad Chrissy sounds. We gave her a microphone. Listen to how horrible she sounds. We were also remote from each other.

Yes, we were not recording in the same room. We had to start with the same room. It was the age of coronavirus. Yeah, until September of last year. We had the age of coronavirus. Yeah, until the Pembroke last year. The age of Corona. Coming up on this episode of the commercial break. We paid some guy to do that. We're going to get you a microphone eventually.

It's perfectly fine to be honest with you. You sound perfectly fine. No, you don't. I don't know what I'm talking about. You sound perfect. Chrissy had a microphone. The problem was it was unplugged in. So what you're actually hearing is like my airpods.

Yeah, your airpods are something. Let's get this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was nervous. I know. You were nervous. This is what you sound like. I don't like it. However, looking at a map of a landscape. Why are you looking at that map? I don't like talking about it. Hey, it's me. I'm over here. I'm looking at a map of Atlanta. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get from point A to point B.

I'm trying to figure out who's going to listen to the stupid podcast. I'm looking at a map of Atlanta. I don't remember what that was pertaining to. The squad cast. The video system that we used to go back and forth if you want if you didn't have somebody on the other line they showed you a map of where you were that's right even squad cat even squad cast was bad back then yeah use your face back to the permissions oh my god so. So this is me thinking this is funny

and putting this at the beginning of the show. Listen to the commercial break here. Coming up on this episode of the commercial break, done by a professional audio voiceover guy, because I realized how shitty it was when I didn't, you know. Coming up on this episode. I'm so loud. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the first 15 minutes of our podcast, which I won't make you suffer through, well, actually here, you want to play a little bit of it? Okay, hold on, okay. I'm gonna, now I'm playing this, now we're through all the, you know, the pre-show bullshit here. Listen, mug. What is that?

I don't know, it's like gay pride or something. I thought it's beauty, that's like gay pride or something. I don't see it either. What am I talking about? We look like they're having the best time in the world and they're in the quarantine. I know, right back in the psych... She's like writing signs and rolling in the grass. Who was that?

I don't know. I cluttered that. We're talking about one of our friends. Yeah. But I cluttered out their names, because I didn't want them to feel upset that we were talking about them. But listen to you. But I cut out their names because I didn't want them to like feel upset that we were talking about them. But listen to you. Listen to how bad you sound.

How is bad. Oh, sorry. Stick with it. Don't worry. I'm like, they are perfectly better. That's their great. They found them. They are.

It's just that they found themselves. They are. They found themselves. The rest of us are like, my bank accounts are fucking focused on the sunshine, man. I'm happy that some people are still staying optimistic. There's something generally funny there, but we're just like fumbling around so badly. Meanwhile, you're in the moon, you're somewhere, you're like fumbling over a TV radio. But far far away. So bad.

And then we spend another couple of minutes trying to get the audio right, which is embedded into the podcast. So literally what you're listening to is Chrissy and I trying to get the audio right on our first episode. And we go on to blah, blah, blah, blah, about nothing. I am so embarrassed. But I mean, I'm really

embarrassed by episode number 79. Also, I got a role with it now. I got a sponsor. I got a little going back and listening to those earlier ones because we were working on some kind of project. We were working on the best of episode. Yeah. Which by the way also one I like a fucking Led Zeppelin to no one listen to You can you can go in our You could go in our analytics and you could see how long someone listened to the episode for right the general snapshot of how long Most of our episodes are up in the 90 plus range So if you do listen to the podcast you're listening to almost the entire thing Yeah, that best of episode that I worked for at least 40 hours on.

I worked on two of them while we were calling for Christmas. And I put together little clips from every single show that we had ever done in chronological order so that you could get the best of the shows right there had two percent, two percent. You didn't even make it through the introduction and you turned it off. I don't know. Yeah, they're like, ah, it was bad. The first part of the video. Yeah, they're like, ah, it was bad. The first.

Yeah, we've already heard those. It was bad. I really hated it back then. I'm not going to like it now. Right. I'm just here to hate. Listen, if there's nothing new, I'm going to go now. I you don't mind if I go now.

I was going to say it's upside two or three. It might be three is really funny. I remember being funny. Now, this is funny as in like, just last December. Yeah. And I was trying to go through. Yeah, well listen, I think by the time we hit episode number three or four, I think we did like the episode Chamalama Ding Dong,

which is the name, which is, you know, my brilliant naming conventions also, which I'm sure you're sick of. Tell us what the episode is about. Why do I have to listen to figure it out? Can't you say on this episode? They're right. They're like most human beings.

No, Brian's got to figure out some, you know, weird name for every single episode. Jamalama Ding Dong, which was the episode we did about preachers, which I think then, then we started to get some traction. That people were listening, I believe, then somebody found the podcast and put it up on a Reddit board or a Facebook board or something

because we started getting, you know, three, four, 500 downloads in that third episode. And I was like, holy shit. Yeah, what happened? Who's listening? Because we don't have 500 friends between the two. You were looking at a map of the world. I was thinking you were trying.

We were giving shout outs to each new country. We did that for like seven episodes. We give a shout outs to each new country that was listening, which was horrible also, like anybody gave a shout. Even the people in the countries were probably like, I think we were trying to make them feel better. I think we were trying to make them like convince them to stick around.

We're like, well now that we've got seven listeners, we gotta keep six of them around. What can we do? Lodvia, that's right, with Bangladesh. We were so happy. We were just so thrilled by every new listen. Yeah. Just surprised.

Yeah. And our goal was to fight to keep every listener around. Like we wanted to keep them around. Now, turnover and podcasting in general is very high. You know, there's so many podcasts out there that people generally, they stick around for a couple of episodes and then they turn, right? They turn off and they burn. So you constantly have to get new listeners and if you can keep even 50% of the listeners a month over a month basis, you're doing a really good job. And we

keep about 60%, which I think it's good. But I just am so, I don't know what to do about those first couple of episodes. We keep them around. Do we let them go? Because again, I don't know what to do about those first couple of episodes. Do we keep them around? Do we let them go? No, because they're getting like, I don't want somebody to get excited about our podcast and then say, oh, let me go back and listen to the first ones and then figure out that we're frauds.

That's, we're definitely frauds. We are definitely bad at this. We've done something right. We have half a million listeners. Yes. And I don't know if you remember, we also like the, the, the, remember in one, you know, three month period, we got like two hundred to five star reviews and we were so excited. The, in back in September or October, the traffic just started to explode. Like we went from

a thousand listeners in the course of a couple of weeks to a thousand listeners in the course of a couple of weeks to a thousand listeners in the course of a week during a show. And a one-show period, and we were just through the roof. We don't necessarily know how all of this happened, but man, we couldn't be more grateful. I got to say to you, we could not be more grateful that you have decided to tune in that you've decided to listen. And all along the way, we tried new things. We did. Yes.

I don't know if you remember, we had a club at one point, the break room, where people could sign up and then we would do an after show. Remember, we did an after show, which was if you thought the first five episodes were bad, the break room was like the bad version of the first five episodes of your show.

I mean, like a conference call. He was like, you made an asteroid. Oh my god, we were trying to figure out. We were trying to figure out exactly what we were going to do. We were going to give them a newsletter. I've never been to talk about candy that made you shit. Ah. Ah.

That was like our big feature. I was so stressed out yet. Andy that made you shit. Candy made with pure O'Lean. Jolly Rancher O'Lean. Yeah, it was, that was our big idea. Hey, we heard of the new O'Lean Jolly Ranchers. You feel like Chrissy could have Amazon.

Look it up. It's all in. I wanted to buy like Chrissy could have Amazon. Look it up, it's all in here. I wanted to buy some so I could try them. And I was gonna report back on how bad my diarrhea was. Great. Great. Nothing with the best commercial break, called a blister or whatever we called it, the break room.

It was so bad. By the way, for anyone to join the break room, we've thrown your, and then we were like, if you're one of the first hundred people to sign up for the break room. It was so bad. By the way, for anyone to join the break room, we've thrown your, and then we were like, if you're one of the first hundred people to sign up for the break room, you'll never pay for the show. As if they were going to pay for it. We did have a model we were going to try and follow. So we tried the break room where we put out a newsletter, we put out exactly two newsletters.

Before we realized that was a waste of fucking time. No one opened it. No one, not one person. We had like 600 email addresses and two people opened it. It was Danny, my brother, an asteroid. And then we, and then yeah, a asteroid on subscribe and I, I was the biggest insult.

I was like, okay, sorry. I was like, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. When even the person who created the emails doesn't want to read the email, we're done. This is not good. We might come back to the email, but okay, so we tried the email.

Then we tried the after show, which you had to be a member of the club to get to the after show, which, so to be a member of the club to get to the after show. Which so in our analytics, I can look at every single episode, including the after shows, which were bonus episodes. And I can see how many people have downloaded it, right? So you can go to like episode number, whatever it is, you know, 49 and see the 20,000, 25,000, whatever, 30,000 people have downloaded that episode. Yeah. You go to the bonus episodes and it's two downloads. And I'm pretty sure that just to make sure I'm sending out the right episode, I'm the one downloading that episode.

No. It was probably me. Yeah. No, no. The people that sign up for the break room, no one downloaded that after show. No. Chrissy and I were basically talking to nobody for six weeks. We did that for six fucking weeks. We did that after show. No. Chrissy and I were basically talking to nobody for six weeks. We did that for six fucking weeks.

We did an after show. I remember the last after show. We probably had to redo an after show too because the audience didn't look all too shh. We probably redid six of them. What are you talking about? If we did six after shows, we probably redid in six thought. It got to the point where I just didn't give a shit.

The last after show is literally six minutes long. And it's me talking about how much I hate doing the after show. You know what we should do? We should re-release the after shows into the while. And let people listen to, if you'd like a copy of the app, I'll put them on YouTube. How's that? I'm gonna put the after shows on YouTube.

If you're interested in watching them, I'll put them on YouTube in a separate playlist playlist and I'll call it the shitty after show. I'll call it and I'll put it up there and you can enjoy just how bad those after shows were. So we did the after show. Then we did got the great idea as we were rounding the corner to season number two. Let's go ahead and start a Patreon because if we got you know six or seven hundred people to sign up for the break room, we can clearly get six or seven hundred people to sign up for Patreon. That did not end up being true. We did get a couple of family members to sign up.

That was, I mean, that was basically, we got a number of Patreon listeners, but it wasn't many. Yeah. And so I think we put out three Patreon episodes. So we used to do only Wednesday episodes. Then I moved it to Tuesday because I felt like two days were a better day just for our own scheduling purposes. So we did maybe the first 35 episodes were always on Wednesdays.

And then I started releasing them on Tuesdays. Actually, you want. And then I started releasing them on Tuesdays. Actually, you wanna know why I started releasing them on Tuesdays? I don't know why. Because I got really excited about release days because we saw a bunch of downloads. I figured that was there. But I couldn't stay up late on Tuesday nights because I had something to do on Wednesday mornings.

So I was like, but Monday nights, I'm good. Wow. And so then I used to do a Friday episode that was a Patreon episode. Yeah, that's right. The Friday was Patreon. That's right, the Friday was Patreon. So, behind a paywall.

Behind a paywall. You can't get it unless you pay. I think it was like $2.99 a month. We can get anybody to pay. I talked to podcasters all over the world. In my, and I'm a consultant sometimes for other podcasters, I talked to podcasters all over the world in my and I'm a consultant sometimes for other podcasters all over Yeah, and they have the same problem. No, no, some of them are charged like $49.99 a month Like I like 10,000 people and so like I wish I had more and I'm like you're making four to $90,000 a month and it's fucking podcast

What are you talking about I couldn't make $7? gas. What are you talking about? I couldn't make $7. So that was another brilliant idea. Then we rounded the corner. So then we dropped that very quickly. We're like, okay, we had an ad network that came to us. And they said, would you like to be a part of the ad? That was exciting. That was exciting. We got very excited about that. And so that is why you hear now commercials inside of the commercial break, which let me stop for a second and tell you this. I told you this way before when we started doing the commercials. We've been doing commercials in our podcast for about two, maybe three months.

The commercials, why they may be annoying to you, to serve a great purpose. Chrissy and I are actually freed up to do more content because now that, because our spouse is now a creep that we can do that more than once a week, now that we have income coming in from this. And the more income that we have coming in from this, first of all, the happier that we're gonna be, right? There's no doubt about it, who doesn't want to make a living doing what they do.

Yes. Or what they love to do. But second of all, it allows us to continue to broadcast without having to try things like go to Patreon and throw it behind a paywall. So we're very excited about being a part of this ad network called Advertise Casseboard, exclusive with them. They're awesome. So if you are ever in the market for the products or services that you hear, make sure to use the

URLs and the codes like I tell you to because that will help those advertisers re up with us. And it's just two or three minutes of the show. You can listen, it's Chrissy and I reading them. You can listen to them. So we have, so now we feel like, okay, we're on a ship that's sailing in at least in a straight direction. We don't have to keep on jiggling and jagging all the way through circles. But then March, Clubhouse comes along

and Brian decides he's got more brilliant ideas. If we just did the show on Clubhouse, we're gonna be million. I love your spirit. Yes. It's my AD your spirit. Yes. That's one of my ADD spirit. So I went head long into clubhouse. I mean, you jumped.

You did a full blow. Full blown body slam. Body slam and two. Belly flop, right? It's been to the clubhouse pool. And I was there for hours on end every single day. I told my wife, this is if we can just give me six months on this application and the world is gonna change.

We're gonna be famous. Spotify is gonna be knocking at our door any moment now because I am in Klobals. I remember when you first started doing it, I was like, whoa, okay, this is cool. Yeah, this cool. But then I realized that you were in it like 20 hours a week. 20 hours a week.

Oh, like 20 hours a week. Yeah, I was like, how did you leave that? And you have a brand new family? Yeah. I know, I got two swaths over and you say, Happy Father's Day, I'm on Clubhouse. And I started this comedy podcast club, which I really felt like was going to be a big center

for comedy podcasting and people were going to come on and they were going to do live shows and it was going to be fun. We did accomplish that in some small way in the sense that we managed to make a room on Sunday nights called Only Joking with a guy named Eddie Brill. And one of our very first guests was Bill fucking Burr. And Bill Burr came up. Stephen Wright was on the very next week. We've had Caroline Ray. We had Brian Kylie Suzie. Suzie Esman from Kirby or Enthusiasm. I mean, these are a mate, Dane Cook. Actually,

I interviewed Dane Cook on that same thing. The Fons. The Fons Henry Wingsler came on. And just this last weekend, we had Dick fucking Cavitt. Dick Cavitt. He's like an American treasure. If you don't know who Dick Cavitt is, and I know a lot of our audience is much younger. Dick fucking Cavitt is an American treasure. Go watch him. He interviewed John Lennon and Yoko Ono for a week straight on his program

when they were being hunted down by the FBI when the FBI was trying to kick them out of the United States. The Beatles had broken up, and he was the first guy. After Woodstock, all of those artists flew into the Dick Kavid show the day after they played Woodstock. They went on to the Dick Kavid show. When Johnny Carson said no, when whoever else was out back then said no,

Dick Kavid said yes. And he literally had a conversation with them sitting there for hours on end. And he is brilliant. He came this last weekend, but the problem with Clubhouse. That's the great news about Clubhouse. It allows you to have access. Yeah.

It's a very exciting place to have these kind of conversations. Yeah, you can jump in a room and be there with Elon Musk or a fan of comedian. And Elon Musk or Joe Rogan. Or, yeah, who are, right? And so I've been leading these rooms with these incredibly famous and wonderful comedians and entertainers,

but the problem is with clubhouse, is it ends up being a clicky, bitchy popularity? Yeah, like a high schoolist. Where if you're not in the in-crowd, then you're on the out-crowd. And the in-crowd is only a few hand-selected people, at least it seems to me, by the clubhouse executives themselves, that they put their weight, they tip the scale with a few certain people, and the rest of us are out there fending for ourselves.

Unlike some other places like TikTok, Let me give TikTok as an example. TikTok looks at Instagram and it says, wow, Instagram is making stars out of these young people, but they cannot monetize that fame. Unless they go out there and they have to get sponsorships, they're not monetizing the views that they're getting, even though those views that they are getting are making this app incredibly popular.

Oh, Bill, right. In other words, Instagram is winning in all directions, but the person who's creating the content is not. So, TikTok takes that particular business model and says, let me flip it upside down. Let me pay the people who are giving us the views who are making us successful. They're gonna be our partners in business.

And TikTok has now exploded in popularity with the younger crowd. Instagram TikTok has now exploded in popularity with the younger crowd. Instagram still has got a billion users. I love it. Super popular. But TikTok is doing it a little bit. Instagram has tried to copy TikTok. Now they're trying with reels. But they're still not paying people based on views. Yeah. They're still not giving anybody any money. YouTube is the same way. YouTube will allow you to to make money off the creations, but they tip their fingers on the scale and decide they essentially decide who's going to be the winners and who's going to be the losers too. Clubhouse is doing that, but in my opinion, doing it secretly,

right? They are saying, you know, we don't want to be in the creator game, creation game, so we stay out of it. You guys figure it out, right? That's it. Yeah, but we're gonna secretly pick a few people that we're gonna keep pushing out there in the world and make them very popular. When they may not be the best creators around, they may not have the best shows around, but we like these people, so we're gonna push them.

So it becomes a big popularity fucking contest. And so while they could approach everybody in an equal way, or at least start approaching some of the creators, and I'm not saying like me, but like me, and say, hey, you got a great show going on here? How can we support you? Yes. How can we help you?

How can we give you visibility and stability inside of the app? They don't do that. They turn their backs on people like me, and then they secretly push other people. While I'm not saying they're good or bad either, it's just, it's clear what's going on. It's all about politics and clubhouse,

in my opinion, has made a few huge missteps, which means I'm gone. I'll see you later. I'm not gonna create content for free on there. So now we've moved on. So now we've moved on. To the next thing, right? Stay tuned. Stay tuned. We've got our eye on fireside. We are content creators. And whether or not

our content is good is up to you. And you have spoken loudly. You may have already turned the station. You've spoken loudly and you don't like our content. We understand. If you think your content is as we do, you're probably long since turned, we understand. If you think our content is as shitty as we do, you're probably long since turned off this podcast. But if you have one of these sticking around for bits of wisdom, here it is. We are content creating, and we would like to be a part of the conversation

if we're creating that content. So as we move in past a half a million downloads, up to episode number 100, we're grateful for every person who is enjoying this content. Yes. We really enjoy doing it for you. And we are only going to pick four or five additional platforms and we're going to try in the next half a million download.

That's so sweet. We're not going to confuse you. Yes, thank you. I'm not gonna confuse you any longer. Right, just a couple more. We're just gonna try a couple more. Yeah. We've just got a number of them to get through. Spotify's got a new thing, Facebook, Twitter.

By the way, no one came to listen anyway, so it doesn't fucking matter. We did some clubhouse rooms that you could have thrown a bowling ball in there and not hit anybody. Yeah, there are people that tuned in and then immediately tuned out. So that's the kind of support we're getting from clubhouse. It's clubhouse is full. If they just would have, I don't know, sent me a million people into the room. I would have happened. If they just would have forced the application open on your phone. So when you were in a meeting all of a sudden, Brian's talking about removable vaginas, the pleasure, pleasure department. What I call it, pleasure department. What do I call it? Pleasure department.

Yeah, the around the department. The around the department. And you're spaghetti house. You dingus. Yes, well, I think it did pop open in my friends. We were the main go. And also popped in. And Jessica's, what is that? Our breakfast. Oh, it our fric is oh it's the glove house

yeah we're just here hanging out in glove house on the elevator in my conference call yeah hey listen I'm not I'm just I'm sharing my opinion about clubhouse right I actually had a lot of fun in there, and I made quite a few friends, and we even did some stuff that ended up being good for business. Let's put it that way. Yeah, exactly. It's a good networking tool.

It's a good networking tool, and I hope in the future, actually I don't hope in the future. I don't want to spend the more time on that. That's okay. I'll be there once again. It was a moment in time. It was a moment in time. It was a moment in time.

One moment in time. Who did have Caroline Rice phone number? I do. Yeah. I have quite a few phone numbers actually. And no, you can't have it. It's a fucking idiot called it texted me the other day and it's like, I just need Bill Burr's phone. And I'm like, oh, you do? Let me get that right away to you. What? That's supposed to fucking ridiculous to go ever heard. Did you actually think I was gonna give you Bill Burst phone number?

Unbelievable. Honestly, I had forgotten all about that incident where someone was trying to get me to give them Bill Burst phone number. Like, if I'm not using it, you're not using it, dude. I'm putting that in my back pocket for an emergency like you know into the world type shit and I just need a good giggle we're the only two human beings left and I just want to laugh I'll call them up then second of all we are well past a million and a half downloads now and so thanks so much I mean what a

fucking insane number of downloads just crazy and onward no-borden here we go season number three right around the corner on January 18th brand new studio What a fucking insane number of downloads. It's just crazy and onward and upwarden. Here we go Season number three right around the corner on January 18th brand new studio content ideas guests games a whole bunch of shit Coming your way so stay tuned until then Unaired episode of TCB the lost tapes comes at you again this week and next week So, you know, chill out. We'll get there, we'll get there, just gotta get over the coronavirus. That's all, just get over the coronavirus

and then we'll be back in the studio. For your pleasure. So that wraps it up for another episode of TCB The Lost Tapes. Until next time, we always say, we must say we love you, best to you out there on the podcast universe, and bye! The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays. New YouTube clips drop daily at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Haudley with additional content provided by Tina Connell. you