The Commercial Break - Thank You For Being Candid!

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Bryan tells Hoadley about a YouTube channel he found with the very first Vlog! Pollen is in full effect in the ATL and Bryan is dealing in weight. Then Bryan recalls the first time he and his friends experienced the freedom of a car. Plus Bryan convinces his friends' mothers that he is a minister for a night on the town in a creeper van.  LINKS: Watch this episode on Youtube Subscribe to The Commercial Break Podcast Youtube Channel New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1.661.237.8296 (661-Best-2-Yo) FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail]   A Chartable Top 100 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 100 Comedy Podcast  Top 1% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) A Hot 50 Podcast (Podcast Magazine) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And welcome back to Krab Apples on WSHIT. I'm Jim Myers, focusing on Education Week here at WSHIT. We have so many teachers to be proud of here in Krab Apples, but none quite epitomizes the definition of kindness, caring, and love for our children like Ronda McMillan. That's this year's Teacher of the Year. Ronda doesn't know it, but we are going live into her classroom. To take a sneak peek at what makes this teacher one of a kind. Say it! No porn credits!

Come on! No porn credits! No porn credits! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, grade teacher, Ronda McMillan, keeping our toddlers free from the scourge of pomegranates, one seed at a time. It takes a village to raise a child, and Ronda, your deft hand, is exactly what this village needs. We'll be right back. After this, commercial break.

["Comersale Break"] On this episode of The Commercial Break. Oh! I was just checking with my computer up in my head. Yep. Makes sense. When I snored a bunch of cocaine, it definitely affected me in one show, A-Shay, or form. My nasal passages were not the same the next day. I'm just

in the powders about the same consistency, depending on who you get it from. If it's been stepped on, you know what I'm saying? If it's the chunky chunky, then, you know, then you're like, sweet, I'm gonna be up until Tuesday. I'm gonna fake a heart attack later on today. He goes to Lennox Mall and they are just filming a day at Lenek's Mall, right? Back in 1988 and he's just fascinated by everything. This is the most incredible mall I've ever seen in my entire life. Must be the biggest mall in the entire world. Must be, you know.

He's like so dry and entertaining and people are staring at him. Not because of any, not because he's hanging out with RuPaul or because he's gay or anything, but because he's got a camcorder in his hands, they think he's a movie star or something. He got his license the day after freshman year started. And so his mom gave him this little minivan to drive around, a Mitsubishi minivan. It was basically hollowed out in the middle, it had two captains chairs and a bench in the back. And it was like, he was like, so I remember being there that first day he was driving around on the show.

The police van. Almost. Yeah, or a petapile van. I'm not sure which one, but we were 15. I like it so much. Yeah, it's we. We hope. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Yeah! Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Theresa Caputo. From the picture, yeah, we've made it through our Theresa Caputo drama. Wow, people got, people are upset. Yeah. People get an upset about that shit. What the fuck? This is a joke, I mean, it's not really a joke. I actually think she's a shitbag, win bag, but, I mean, listen, I don't know Theresa Caputo personally. Yeah, I mean, maybe she's a perfectly fine woman

when she's not pretending to talk to dead people through her that wig of hers, but, you know, is the only thing I see of her, she's a shitbag, windbag. That's all I care about. People got upset. People scam me. It's like, it's like Bernie made off level bullshit.

And you know, people get upset about that. But we knew that. We knew that was gonna be a lightning rod. Some of the things we talk about here were like, oh shit, people are gonna get really pissed about that. We don't hear a fucking word. And Teresa Caputo, all things. Get the whole internet comes out of the woodwork.

Fuck yeah, Jesus doesn't love you. Jesus doesn't love me. Because it's a Teresa Caputo. What is that of the do with Jesus? I know, right. She doesn't even use the word Jesus. But I do have to give credit to our good friend, Draco Wolfe.

Draco Wolfe is a commenter on Facebook. So somebody put Jesus loves you. Like as if, you know, I think she was saying it in a way, I'm assuming the comment, how I took the comment on YouTube was Jesus loves you, even though you're an asshole talking about, how spirits don't come to life, whatever, right? As if that was gonna hurt our feelings,

or something like that. And then Draco Wolf replied, Jesus does not love you. And then I said, well, that sucks because I was waiting on BTS tickets from him. And he said, well done, commercial break, you win my subscription. So Jocco Wolf sounds like a 1980s bad action flick villain. Like, Jocco Wolf is coming to get,

you have to fight Jocco Wolf in the final scene to win the woman to win Serogesica Parker, one of the other Brad Packers. Over the Brad Packers. Yes. Emilio Estevez in the whole game. Hey, I'm Brian. This is Chrissy Anne. Happy New Year. Welcome to the commercial break. It's episode who gives a fuck and it's episode who gives a shit. We just know we're back here in the studio producing fantastic content for you my friends and Welcome aboard TCB podcast.com is where you go you can find out more about Chrissy And I read all the show notes you can get access to our entire library there. I don't know how long it'll be up there

But for now it's there So go ahead and do it and please do us us a favor. Go to the YouTube channel and subscribe if you want to see what we look like. If you want to see what Chrissy looks like, you would like to see what Chrissy looks like. Go ahead and subscribe at youtube.com slash the commercial break at the commercial break on Instagram for exclusive content.

You can only find an Instagram and interaction pure unadulterated interaction with Chrissy and I. Here's some really exhaled tonal adulterated interaction. Thatissy and I. Here's some really exultated interaction. Adulterated interaction, that's what I should have said. And here's some exciting news from the land of the commercial break. We will be doing live clubhouse shows. That means we're gonna record some episodes

inside of clubhouse in the second week in April. That is the week of the, whatever that 15, the second one, just, I don't even know, I don't get a calendar. I don't even know, I don't even calendar. I don't keep it, I just all runs together. The second full week we're gonna be doing shows during the weekdays, if you would like access to Clubhouse and you don't have it and you have an iPhone,

you can get a hold of us through a DM on Instagram and we'll make sure that we get you an invite properly and appropriately. And if you're already in Clubhouse at Brian Green, B-R-Y-N-G-R-E-N, or at TCB ChrissyK-R-I-S-S-Y, and then you can join the commercial break club when club members will be able to come in and interact with us during the show.

We have some fun stuff lined up. We should have that. That was gonna be fun. We tested it one time to make sure that the technology was there. We didn't have any followers or any club members at that point. And I think we had like one person creeping. Yeah. numbers at that point. And I think we had like one person, one person creeping. And I don't. Based on the language they were using to address their name, I don't even think

they spoke English. So they were probably like, ah, funny show. Very fun. Yeah, Henry Fonda. Ah, Henry Fonda. I don't know where that guy is, but I'm sure he's going to come back with a vengeance one of these days. It's the way he works. I wanted to know where that guy is, but I'm sure he's gonna come back with a vengeance one of these days. The way he works. I wanted to tell you that I have a raging toothache going on today. Oh, that's the worst. The suck. Yeah.

When I was a kid, we had a dentist, and that dentist was not a very nice person. He actually was arrested for some kind of masochism with children. He was like putting water into the needle that supposedly had, you know, a Nova can in it. It was like a whole- People are crazy. People are fucked. They're really fucked up.

And so this was my dentist when I was a kid. So I have a fear of dentist, very sensitive teeth. And so I take, I like manicure my teeth. Every night I spent like 20 minutes on my teeth, every morning I spent 20 minutes on my teeth, and the afternoon I brush after I eat, because I don't wanna go to the fucking dentist. I just don't, for not for anything except for a cleaning.

And I got a fucking cavity. Man, does it hurt? It's like, nothing like a home on your tooth, so brighten up your day. Yeah. I have it, I've had one cavity, so, and your entire life? Holy shit.

I had like one cavity a year going on there for like a nine year stretch. But I like one cavity a year going on there. I got nine years stretch. But I can only imagine. Yeah, but it's awful. But I was avoiding the dentist for a while there. I'd be like, oh yeah, really? Cleaning, I can't make it today. You know I'm saying like I just did my COVID back in 1984. COVID. I stumbled upon the most fascinating and I'm just telling you that because if it sounds like I'm a little nasally or under the weather, I think it has to do with the fact that my tooth's been hurting for 48 straight hours. What's the pollen season?

Oh my God, it's just awful. Getting ready to happen. I have already have like a quarter inch of pollen on my car. I know. So when we went out to the car this morning to take Matthias to school, he kept on repeating, I'm a yellow, M-I-D-O, yellow, he speaks Spanish too. And I was like, what is he looking at that?

And then I realized that he was looking at the windshield. Oh, it was yellow. Fucking disgusting, man. I should get some nasal passages and screws all kind of shit up. Yeah, I'm kidding. I love Atlanta, but I hate the poem. It's so pretty. It's so pretty.

It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. I want to walk this morning and everything's just birds are chirping and butterflies and I'm fun, but. Yeah, you have these clouds of dust that are just following you around. It's crazy. Sometimes you can look in the trees.

And it's the stuff you can rustle. Yeah, as they rustle. And it's really the pine, I guess they call it the pines of the pine. Yeah, the pine pollen or whatever. The stuff you can see is not to bother some stuff. It's the stuff you cannot see. It's the bothersome stuff. I mean, I can't imagine that snorting all that pollen is whatever, the stuff you can see is not the bothersome stuff. It's the stuff you cannot see, it's the bothersome stuff. But I mean, I can't imagine that snorting all that pollen is like, doesn't affect you in

some way, shape, or form. I was just checking with my computer up in my head. Yep, makes sense. When I used to snort a bunch of cocaine, it definitely affected me in one show, a shape or form. My nasal passages were not the same the next day. I'm just, and the powder is about the same consistency depending on who you get it from. If it's been stepped on, you know what I'm saying?

If it's the chunky chunky, then, you know, then you're like, sweet, I'm gonna be up to Tuesday. All right. I'm gonna fake a heart attack later on today. But sometimes you can walk, you can be driving. Like we'll go up to South Carolina sometimes soon to visit my parents. And we'll just drive these, you know, up in North Georgia

where there's just lots of trees, that's all it is. And if it's a windy day, you can see clouds of yellow dust, just, I mean, huge clouds of yellow dust just traveling across the highway. It's insane, it's like snow. That's the best thing that you get. Do you see other parts of the country? Get it like us?

I got to imagine. I mean, I think we're known for it, but I got to imagine, I don't remember this happening in Chicago. Right. No. I think it's places with pine trees. And I think it's the southeast of the United States. It's pretty much where all, where they grow natively here.

And then we have the dogwoods and those bloom too. And those are beautiful, but they also let off a lot of stink. So, hey, I wanted to mention, I wanted to tell you about this YouTube channel that I found. I don't have any clips of it, because personally, I don't think it's like, I don't think it's like comic material,

even though a lot of it is very funny and interesting. I just, from a pure interest standpoint, I wanted to tell you about this YouTube channel I found. It's called Five Ninth Avenue Project, the number five spelled out ninth avenue project. And there is a guy who lived here in Atlanta, or I think he actually lives in South Carolina, but was here in Atlanta quite frequently back in the mid

and late 80s, and he would travel between New York and Atlanta with a young RuPaul. Right. And some other like Michael Aleg, the guy who was doing throwing the parties, the like, what do they call the party monster? There was throwing the parties back in the 80s that may or may not have murdered somebody. Do you remember? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Okay. So you got to remember that this is the height of the AIDS epidemic, right? And this gentleman, who's gay gentleman, is documenting every moment it seems like of his life for about five years on a VHS handheld video record, camcorder, yeah, like the big clunky kind. Right. And he's just, I mean, even though he's in the gay community

and things are very lively and he's having a lot of fun, obviously, and he's hanging out with RuPaul, right? He's just like a normal Joe, but he is literally vlogging his entire life before you even know that vlogging is gonna be a thing. Yeah. He's quite frank and he's now being credited with being one of the first vloggers ever.

I love stuff like the celib looking at pictures and videos from that era. It is so fucking fast. I mean, the guy going to McDonald's is fucking fascinating. Him traveling in a car from New York to Atlanta is fucking fascinating. Him walking the streets of Atlanta back in the 80s. Oh, I love this.

It's fucking fascinating. His entire life almost is documented. And I think they keep like releasing these new videos that they find like edited or unedited. He releases of, there's a video of the day before he died. He died of a heart attack. But. Does it like his family, family and friends?

Yeah, his friends I think. Yeah, I think his friends or his partner is the one who actually found all these video tapes and then decided to put them together. Oh, I can't wait to see this. It is the most who actually found all these video tapes and then decided to put them together. Oh, okay, well, it's interesting. It is the most interesting thing in the world. And I shudder to think that only a couple hundred thousand views have been had of the channel

because it really is the most fascinating reality show I've ever seen in my entire life. I can't stop watching these videos at night. I'm like, this is awesome, this is incredible. And I hope you find yourself hooked or addicted. I mean, if you're interested, go watch it. This is a snapshot of what it's like to be a gay man in the 80s during the height of the AIDS epidemic.

So there's not a lot of conversation about that. You can just take yourself back to that time with a lot of stress and fear going on in the community. He's going to these parties where Andy Warhol is, where the party monster is. He's in the like the nightlife of Atlanta, the drag queens that were happening at Backstreet, the famous club here in Atlanta.

It is just so fucking entertaining that you can't, and he's walking around with his camcorder, he goes to Lennox Mall. He goes to Lennox Mall, and they are just filming a day at Lennox Mall, right? Back in 1988, and he's just fascinated by everything. This is the most incredible mall I've ever seen in my entire life. Must be the biggest mall in the entire world.

Must be, you know, he's like so dry and entertaining. And people are staring at him, not because he's hanging out with RuPaul or because he's gay or anything, but because he's got a camcorder in his hands, they think he's a movie star or something, right? He's just saying people are like waving to him and he's like, hey, you know, waving back, the thing is he's carrying this thing and filming himself the entire time.

Can you imagine just carrying a camcorder around his heavy camcorder around for hours at a time? It's crazy, it's crazy, it's so awesome. We thought that the real world was the first reality show ever. Yeah, this is it, though. Here's the part that sucks for everybody. And maybe it was meant to be this, obviously, it was meant to be this way. He was working on a television deal to put his life

to put these videotapes out there to the world. And apparently had codified some kind of television deal or was in deep talks to put these out to the world in some edited fashion and he passed away at a young age. I know. But now we get to see like the unadulterated. Yes, he lives on. He lives on.

And I just gotta tell you, Chrissy, I hope you get his hook desired. I'm gonna watch it. I'm gonna watch it. I'm gonna watch it. We are not sponsored by them. I am not saying this for any of the reason, except I think that if, you know,

if you're into that kind of thing, there's hours and hours of wonderful entertainment. When I'm sitting here editing videos late until the night, I'm like, I gotta have a friend. I feel like he's my friend now. Yeah. You know you ever get that way? You ever started to get into television show

or like you're some kind of YouTuber and you're like, wow, I wonder what he's up to, right? Then you remember it's 1989? And like, oh, he's not around to hang out. Uh, okay I'm getting concerned taking a breath. I had to take a deep breath It's a deep breath and mine my two thorns. I had I'm getting concerned about my children. Oh, yes I'm getting concerned about their dating lives Oh, yes, I'm getting concerned about their dating lives.

It's kind of young to start worried about that. Well, I mean, it is. I Brian. It's your mom. I feel like I'm my mom just give a shit who I dated. Never mind. That's it. My mom was not interested. She would invite people, you know, please,

thank you. Yeah, please, please, Dave, I said, I just need another friend. I need somebody else to talk to. Hi! How are you and Brian doing? How's things going? Hey, Chrissy! If you were dating me back when I was 15 years old,

it was likely your phone was going to rain. Hi! Hi, Chrissy! It's Mrs. Green. How are you? Hi, Mrs. Green. Hi. you? How are you? Hi. What are you doing? A podcast.

A podcast. Oh, that sounds very interesting. It is 1996, remember? It's been a year or so. But okay, we'll suspect. Going to the mall. Going to the mall. Going to the mall. How are you and Brian doing?

Fantastic. He's such a handsome, young man. He looks exactly like his great, great uncle Todd. You know, I remember Uncle Todd. He was from Indiana. We call him Indiana Uncle Todd. Uncle Indiana Todd. Uncle Indiana Todd. Just like the movie. Well, I just wanted to call and say hello. You want to get your nails done next week? Sure. Yeah. You want to come on the, on the porch and smoke cigarettes with me? Sure. I'm so much fun. How old are you? 15. Yeah, I started smoking when I was 12. It's my best. Don't tell your mom. I won't tell her you don't tell her. Do you want to go to Laura?

Ashley and Treyon dresses. Oh, they have to have the cutest little floral prints. Sure. You want to, you want to floral, floral print moomo? With with big shoulders that come down to your ankles. All the girls are wearing I'll pass on that one. Ah, if you want to come over and tease your hair, I'll be happy to do that. You want to dye your hair? Yes, permit, permit too. Oh, I did. It's wonderful. I did. I dated a girl, a named Laura once and I like and heard to like an Umatherman type. She was very tall and lengthy. Umatherman was very popular back then, Paul Fiction. That was even 15, 16 years old.

But I always thought of her like kind of like an Umatherman character. That was my avatar for her, right? Because she was long tall and lengthy. And then she had this, you know, very long hair at the time. And so after a number of conversations, I felt like she could be more in with them than if she would just cut her hair.

Oh no. So my mom cut her hair. I think straight bangs too. Straight bangs. Oh my God. So my mom cut her hair on the porch. Yeah. Oh, Lord.

It was like a dent of inequities going on at my house. My mom would just let anybody smoke cigarettes like on the porch, if it was nice outside, in the garage, if it wasn't nice outside. My dad would always let anybody smoke cigarettes like in the garage on the porch if it was nice outside in the garage If it wasn't nice outside my dad would always be looking at her with you know loving loving disapproval everything that was going on in his household Like how did I lose control? Well, he's letting these children smoke cigarettes How Bill stop we were doing it when he were 12 But dad's like I didn't smoke cigarettes No, he actually did smoke for a while, but he quit when he worked well. But dad's like, I didn't smoke cigarettes.

No, he actually did smoke for a while, but he quit when he was very young. I'm getting concerned about the dating world, because I'm starting to read about all these kids and how they're navigating the dating world, and I'm watching these television shows about the pregnancies and, you know, 14-year-olds, pregnant, and it's making me nervous.

Well, not that I'm not going to... You're probably just nervous thinking about what you were like when you were dating age. I'm nervous that this, like, I'm one day, I'm gonna be in the studio, like, working on something and then all of a sudden I'm gonna hear this. ["The Star of the Rings and Weekend!" So, hey!

Hey, Mr. Green, it's Craig! I'm here to take your dollar out! Woo! Woo! It's like a jeep with no doors. Yeah. Roll bars. Yeah. Tar-Bow.

Yeah. The Ed Hardy cut out shirt. Yeah. I mean, my lets maybe back in style by that point. Oh no, it was way different. Yeah, way that fashion is cyclical. That's right, very well. But I'm worried about, like I think about some of the rules

that we had when we were, like here was one of the rules and this is what I started going down the road a couple days ago. When we were kids, we had this rule that you could not bring a girl into the bedroom under any circumstances, you could not be alone in your bedroom, right? If you were gonna go in your bedroom,

someone else had to be with you preferably a parent and then you certainly could not close the door. Right now. No, no, that was the huge known if they did let you go upstairs. It was with the door open and it was for a minute, right? It was to go up and like I don't know show them the new shirt you got or something like it wasn't that and yet we still found a way to run around and fuck and I mean like I'm just so concerned about this because I'm like oh I think about the same thing my dad was probably thinking the door's gonna stay open.

That way I know exactly what's going on in this house. The truth was, is that my dad would be down in the office and I'd begin to vlog up right behind the door. My dad would be like, is the door open? Sure is dad. Oh. It sure is. Hi Brian.

It's your mom. Hi Brian. Hi. Hi Brian. Hi Brian. It's your mom. Oh, it sure is. Hi, Brian. It's your mom. Hi, Brian. It's your mom. Everything's fine.

And Doris, they're fine. I know. Or we just run down to the basement. That was the, you know, they. We'd be down in the basement. Yeah, or there was some other parents that were out of town all the time. Ah, yeah. In high school, we used to have this wedding house

that everybody would go to all of the time. It was this guy and he lived with his dad. No mom was in the picture and the dad was out of town all the time. So his house was just like the party house and where things happened. When I was 13, 14, no, 14, freshman year, I don't know how that was, freshman year.

Our friend got his license, Phil, got his license. Like the day that school started the freshman year, because he was one of those kids, it was like, you know, the oldest kid in the grade. You had to be, you know, 15 the day school started or whatever it was, yeah, the cutoff. And so he was like the cut. He got his license the day after freshman year started.

And so his mom gave him this little minivan to drive around, a Mitsubishi minivan. It was basically hollowed out in the middle and had two captains chairs and a bench in the back. And it was like, he was like, so I remember being there that first day he was driving around on the zone. Like a police van. Almost.

Yeah, or a pedophile van. I'm not sure which one, but yeah, or you know a pedophile man I'm not sure which it was but we were you know we're 15 I like wheels. Yeah, it's we That's right. We drove that thing around and all we we went into you know Gas station after gas station bings packs and packs of cigarettes and you know, we were loading up on camel wides Because camel was really good at marketing to children Yeah, I know that has a cartoon camel you find a dick in the middle and like because Camel was really good at marketing to children. So with the cartoon, Camel. The cartoon Camel, you find a dick in the middle,

and find a dick on the leg, and then you'd be like, and then they put out Camel wides, and it was like a toy. You know what I'm saying? It was like cool to have Camel wides. I'm smoking a wide cigarette, it's giving you more cancer. Yeah. So it's giving me wider cancer. It's covering more of my lungs. So no

Sooner do we get the do are we in our freshman year then There comes an opportunity that only comes around in a young man's life every once in a while And that is is that the local church is having a lock-in right a teen a's lock-in It's gonna be a bunch of shaperones and the priests are gonna be, you know, dittling little boys in the corner or whatever the fuck they were doing. And they were gonna lock in and then, you know, it was, they were gonna watch movies and you're gonna be up all night, you know, I don't even know because I never went so I don't know. But we had this idea that we could convince our parents and the church was literally at the front of my neighborhood, literally at the

front of my neighborhood, you at the front of my neighborhood, you could walk from my house to this church. And we convinced our parents that this was something we wanted to do. And my dad was like, I promise you every parent was suspicious of us, right? But we were going to Catholic high school. And my dad was like, you wanna go to the,

you wanna go to the teen life walk-in? And I was like, oh yeah, I don't, Jesus is cool, dude. Jesus, man, I wanna go get some God in me, you know what I'm saying, dad? And he was like, this was like, oh yeah, yeah, Jesus is cool, dude. Jesus, man, I wanna go get some God in me, you know what I'm saying, Dad? And he was like, this town's like, but shit. But it's at the front of the neighborhood. I mean, how much trouble could you get in, right? And so my dad was like, sure, you know, absolutely.

And so then everybody decided they were gonna tell their parents the same thing. And my friend Phil had the car. I hope you've told your parents, then you're this and you're not not listening or they're not listening. Phil. But we had another friend and his parents were much more strict.

His dad was like a military guy and his mom did not suffer bullshit, no bullshit. She was like on it. She knew everything that went on. That's the tuner. She was like the Karen of the day, right? Bibi bibi bibi bullshit Bibi bibi bibi trouble, you know she hated me from day one. She was like I could just tell you know

I'm when you're a kid and you can just tell the parents hate you. Yeah, I got that feeling a lot in my life I don't get that I get that feeling from my dad most of the time too you don't get that okay well I didn't And tell them to tell you it's not a great feeling. No, I can imagine. So This friend, which I won't say his name, but this friend says to his parents, I want to go to the teen life lock-in this weekend, right? We, by the way, we have no plan on what we're gonna do. We just know that we have a car and a whole Friday night to ourselves, right? Without any parental supervision. What are we gonna do? I don't know. Drive around, smoke camel wide. So this friend tells his mom and dad this,

and the dad was out of town, because I think the dad was in the military. The dad was out of town, so the mom says, no, not unless I can talk to a chaperone or one of the other parents about this, because I don't believe you. I don't believe for one fucking second. We're gonna go to the walk-in at the fucking church, right?

Doesn't sound like any of you. And certainly not that Brian Greenfield, he is just full of shit. Just in him smoke, you can't avoid it. He's got camel eyes all over his breath. He's got this dick wet, I know it, I know it. And so we're all communicating about this. And he's like, I don't know what to do.

Unless they can talk to another parent or a chaperone. I'm like, I'm not gonna put him on the phone with my dad. This is gonna all blow up at that point. Right? Right now we're getting nervous. To which someone replies, Brian, you're good at voices. You should just do it. And I was like, okay, sure.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello, this is Mr. Peter's. I'm going to be a Yes. My son tells me there's a lock-in this weekend at your church. My son tells me there's a lock-in this weekend at your church. That's right, ma'am. A lock-in for Christ. Okay, and exactly what is going to be going on? Food and beverage, and I think we're going to do no sex, definitely no sex, and absolutely no drugs. We will have them locked immediately in the facility. Hmm, interesting. And where is this located?

At the church, ma'am. I know what part of the church. Uh, it's gonna be in the part of the church where we usually hold these things in the back. Located in the back. Hmm and where are you from? What's your story? I'm one of the facilitators. I've been part of the church for a very long time. I'm like a priest. I just don't, I'm not fracked. Oh, very interesting. Where did you grow up? Missouri. Oh, I don't even know. I've never known somebody from Missouri. It's a very nice place to visit during the summer, ma'am.

Will your son be able to attend our walk-in? I'm checking off in the names right now. Like now all of a sudden I'm like, I just want to go off the front. Right, exactly. And she went deep. She has like 12 more questions about my personal life. Well, not my personal life. Mr. Peters' personal life. I don't even know what Mr. Peters is. And I'm doing this fake fucking Southern accent.

I'm from Chicago. And she finally goes like this. Well, I certainly appreciate you being candid. And I will talk to my son about this. Bye bye. And I was like, oh my god, busted, totally busted. She used the word candid in a fucking sentence. Who uses the word candid in a fucking sentence?

No one unless they know your line. Thank you for being candid. Right? I was like, oh my god. Two hours later, we get the call. She said yes, I can go. And I'm like, whoa! I was blown away. I'm sure I was moving in and out of the accent.

I was probably doing some French German, British accent. Hello. Hello, I'm from Missouri. Ponsuo. Ponsuo, me and me go. Tootsuite. Tootsuite, Armada. She says yes.

Wow. Pull pull it off. Or did you? I haven't heard the story. Now Friday night shows up. Here we are, everyone's, everyone is going to be dropped off at the church because that's where the lock-in is. Yeah.

We don't even know one person who's attending, nor do we know any of the chaperones. We have not signed up for shit. We don't even know where we're supposed to be dropped off at, but everyone gets dropped off at around the same time. Let's call it six o'clock at night on a Friday. It's like autumn, right? So it's still sunlight out.

And so, okay, bye. You know, my mom who dropped me off, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Is she's like, hey, okay, do you want me to, hey, Brian, do you want me to walk in with you? And I'm like, no, mom, it's okay, I got it, thanks very much, I don't want to be a bear,

you know how it is, mom, I just want to be a bear. So I go and I walk up toward where the chaperones are all standing outside, welcoming these, you know, hordes of teenagers that are coming in and then I take a right and I go in the tree, yeah. I have to go with my camel wide and the smoke in the camel wide out front of the directory, I'm like,

I have these kids show up, I'm fucked. I'm gonna sleep out in the tree. Everyone shows up. Everyone kind of does the same move. We all get in Phil's van at the time. And then we go, right? Along the way, somehow we have now picked up two girls, too. Girls I'm unfamiliar with, but they were girls

and we went and picked them up at some point during the evening. And now we're off. And we're all just kind of you know Drive in a rock the back there's no nothing feels taken turn No pouring out of the window and by the way the missy bc van has like it's like load in the ground You know they say they have the high the low ride and this is really low ride But it wasn't because it was cool. It was because that's how it was built. It was a piece of shit.

It was like a wagon with an engine on it. It was, yeah, and the engine was in the, like in between the two front seats, like you could lift up a panel and see the engine. You're, if you ever got into an accident and it emits a BC mini van, you were dead because it was basically like sitting in the front of a bus. The engine was in the back and you were in the front, you just went flying.

Anyway, so we drive around for a couple hours and now it's, we're starting to realize we have no fucking place to stay. It is cold outside. It is getting cold outside. Like it's like, you know, in the third, it's in the fifties. But in the fifties is cold. So someone gets a wise idea, let's camp. Well, of course, you know, it's raining.

So we only have one tent and there's now there's six people. And so, everyone bails, except for me, the kid whose mom I spoke to, Phil and this one young lady. Okay. Okay. Okay. We decide to go pull up under some fucking power wires

somewhere, right? And just like in a parking kind of area, but like under the youth of power wires. Yeah. It's 12, it's 12, it's midnight, the doors aren't gonna open at the lock and until 9 a.m. is when they're gonna open. So we have now nine hours to get. It's counted like a good idea.

It sounded like a great idea. So now it's me and Phil, if I remember correctly, it's me and Phil were sitting in the front seat and this other kid and this girl are now making out in the back seat, right? And for nine fucking, and we can't turn the car on because we don't have enough gas. No one's got money to pay for the gas. That's right. So for nine fucking hours, we're freezing cold in this.

God, the Amitabese van. Listen into somebody smack lips all night long. It's not even interesting, right? It's like, you're like, oh, this is so, so, so much. We don't have a phone. There's no phone. There's no cell phone. There's no magazine. It's just us kind of looking at each other. They're going to see stupidest fucking idea we ever had. What are we thinking? We should we would have had you kick the church We probably would have met hot we probably have met some hot girls At least had a piece of pizza and watched you know

Jesus comes lately or whatever they're playing on the fucking screen right we would have listened to the team life band play God God. Oh Jesus God or whatever they play and then we would have listened to the team life band play, God, God, oh, Jesus, God, or whatever they play. And then we would have gone home. And, you know, it was right near my house. So, it was come to worse, I just, you know, pop a lock and head on home. Well, no, now I'm stuck in this fucking van for nine hours, doing nothing but listening to my friend make out

with some check, I don't know. I could have been his best night ever. Jesus, probably was. He probably remembers that for the rest of his life. I remember it as being the coldest night I have had my entire life. Then we all got dropped off back in the morning and then, you know, and then we all come popping back from the tree when the doors open out and we're like,

oh, hey, you know, my, I think my dad picked me up and he's like, I wasn't. I'm like, yeah, you know, kind of sucked, actually. Kind of sucked. And I think my dad knew. I think he, yeah, he was like, yeah, I think he said something along the lines of, it sounds, sometimes it sounds a lot better than it actually is. And that was the truth. Oh, bad news.

Sorry, you picturing your children doing this. I'm picturing my children doing everything that I did and scaring the shit out of me, right? And I can only hope that they're smart enough or lucky enough or stupid enough to get away with all of the shit that I got away with. Because now there are applications, there are pictures, there we're talking to one of our writers,

and she was saying that like now they're sending each other nudes when they're 14 of 15 and 16 years old. That's a fucking felony. You can go to jail for that shit. You can go to jail for being the parent that looks it up and goes, hey, you know, your son sent his cock to my daughter or whatever the hell it is. That's, everything is so sensitive

and it's so hard to navigate being a teenager in the first place. And now you've got all this other stuff. Yeah, the sensory overload of just instant messaging and instant, instant, instant. She was telling us that her, one of her kids was on that roulette. Whatever that is, you know, like chat roulette. Chat roulette. Yeah. I have not even heard of that.

I've been on Chatterbait, which is a whole different one. All together. Chatterbait. It sounded like chat roulette was creepy. When we were working a clear channel, chat roulette came out. Chat roulette is basically this app where you turn on your camera and it's you

and then up pops someone randomly around the world and then you guys can start chatting, right? But as you can imagine, this gets you into all kind of fucking trouble. Well, right, she said that her son was in the room with like some dude in Germany. Yeah, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, the guy that's shirt off and he was like, welcome.

Avita-dinn. Avita-dinn. Let me see your little pushy ball. Oh, God. I want to see your little schmuckish mocks. Let me see your little fish kebab. Oh my God. I want to see your little shmuckish mocks. Let me see your schnitzel. This is called schnitzel room. We show each other schnitzels.

God. And so it is really scary. And then I think about like taking the next step, then there's chatter. And the thing is that I can try all I want to get these. We have a son that's two and a half years old and he knows how to work the iPad better than I do. Yeah.

And the tough part about growing children, growing children at this day and age is that you can't keep them away from the screens. They're everywhere. So on occasion, we will give him the iPad. We have to start taking the iPad away. We don't give him the iPad anymore. We were giving him the iPad for 15, and he would be able to listen to Spotify and Sonos.

Listen to his music. That's what he wants to do. He loves his music. But he started being able to get on YouTube, and he was watching those fucking videos of the people that opened the prizes. Oh, right. The things are huge.

These people are making millions dollars. It's opening up fucking toys. Opening presents. That's all he did. They open eggs. These eggs that have shit in them. I don't even speak a secret language and they talk and weird,

I'm brainwashing my child, I'm sure of it, you know? But, and the funny thing is, is that these people are making these videos, they never show their faces, they only show their hands, and they are getting hundreds of millions of views a month. They're making millions of dollars, my son watching them open up a fucking heck. I can open up a fucking,

what are you doing here here because the commercial break Struggling to make a dollar fifty two I'm gonna say I was just starting to have eggs on the bottle The commercial break episode fifty whatever it is the next episode is gonna be us opening up to eggs That's it just eggs all day long. Oh my goodness making that's a fucking nation. Here you go We give him this iPad and he gets on YouTube and I said, no, with the YouTube, I'm not going to allow you to watch YouTube. You type YouTube is a machine that will just show you random shit

and it's meant, it's, it's whole purpose is to drive you to think, to watch more, to watch more, watch more, watch more. Yes. So I take YouTube off of the thing. Well, guess what? Within a day and a half, he has now figured out how to get on YouTube on the internet. He can't even spell his own name and he knows how to get on YouTube. And so I'm like, well, that's it. I've had it gone, but I can't protect them forever. Eventually,

they're going to be there. And now you got these fucking applications like chatterbait. chatterbait is one purpose and one purpose only, I'm sure you can figure it out is a masturbation chat Revive that's all it is which I have been on and during our clear channel days. I was a performer I was known as 33p This is my sign for the day Check that on YouTube slash the commercial break And so when we were a clear channel, this thing came out and I saw an article about it. And I was like, you know, on our work computer, I was like, oh, this is probably why I got like go. I guess.

So I, you know, I type up, up, up, up, up, up, up. No, the IT guy was going to strip clubs at lunch. So I remember that. I don't want to say too much because he's an IT guy. And he probably still has a locator on my phone, 30, 13 years later. But while he was a nice guy, he was the definition of an IT guy. He was like back in his little hole in the server center, watching what everyone is doing on their computers,

including me as I was scrolling through chatterbait. And for every 22 cocks, you got one saggy tit that was it. Or two girls that were like, would flash you and then turn it off, right? They would be on the night. They were just fucking with people, right? And I was like, this is a stupid app. But now I'm thinking, oh my god, my children could be watching or on there. I either or.

What does it matter? I mean, look at this guy. I'm not a cat. That guy is going to be known forever. I'm not the cat guy. Wouldn't my son does something stupid and he gets put on video and then forever and ever and ever. That's the thing.

This commercial break will live on forever somewhere. It's going to be like five ninth avenue project somewhere or somehow. It's going to be on for it. Chrissy just looked like, oh shit. I think. Oh yeah. That's right. And God, Chrissy just looked like, oh shit. I think. Oh yeah. That's right. And God, we are not sorry paperwork yet.

That's right, lives forever. We should start opening up eggs. I think that's a better route to go. I was fast-forwarding like 40 years if I should be so lucky to live then, I mean, watching this is gonna be fun. This is gonna be a ride at 90. Or we're gonna be like, what were we doing?

I know, or I'm just gonna have all timers Is that chatter made Who's that who's that sunburn guy? Who's that guy looks like root off the red nose rain to you? Oh He's the old singer from 33 P.P. He's the old 33 P singer grandpa. He's a front man. I love 33 P.

Still the best band that ever lived. There's second album four inches to fuck. For those of you who don't know it, I don't want to make, I, I, I, I often times complain about podcasts doing this., I don't want to make, I often times complain about podcasts doing this so I won't do it, but 33p, 33 Willie was the name of my first band in Sinsn High School, and we were talking about a couple episodes ago and I said, what a f**k I had to ridiculous name. And I thought it was so important.

I was just fought for it. I was like, 33 Willie man. 33 Willie man. And they're like, no, it's like a number on your t-shirt and a car. Where did the Willie come from? It came from the car, Willie. Like the 1933 Ford Willie.

That's the name what it is. That's how I got 33 Willie. But everyone, but no one else fucking knew that. And by the way, that box was sitting in our practice room. Might heard his dad, like one of our band members, dads like to make the toy cars, like the collectible toy cars. Yeah, and I just saw it. I just saw, you know, and also in this collection Dad, like one of our band members, dad's like to like make the toy cars like the collectible toy cars. Yeah And I just saw it. I just saw you know and also in this collection available a 33 Ford willy and I was like 33 willy

33 Yeah, that's a cool name, and that means something. It's dramatic and sensitive. Women are gonna go wow 33 willy Willie This is stupidest fucking name ever. I don't know why I was so married to it. I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry. We could have been something We could have gone somewhere We could have been if I just if I just would have let go of the 33 willing It all started off wrong we called the record room for that first appearance and I said and he said, well let's name your man 33 Willie. We're gonna have fun with you on Thursday, three o'clock.

By the way, I later learned that the record wasn't even open at the kick. We were playing to nobody. He was just like, hey, come on in, Thursday, three o'clock. It was a huge crowd every Thursday. It was him and six of his buddies gets these guys with him, 33 penis. Look at this guy. Look at this guy. The jack, that helped.

He just fell off the page. That was so dramatic. That's so tough to say. Yeah, I hope he just fell off the page. I was so dramatic. I fell off the stage. Dying on the street. Oh, good. Did he just fall off the stage? He did.

Wow, 33 penis leaves in all out in the stage. They leave it all out there. Shoot your shot, 33 penis. Shoot your shot, 33 penis, shoot your shot. Ah! Ah! Ah! Thanks for doing this, like a smoky...

Yeah, it is dark. Yeah, because we've been smoked cigarettes in this dark, and like, just like this, the lighting back here, but there's no front lighting, and so, you know, the guy behind the board is like, I don't give a fuck about 33 penis. What I fucking care about 33 shaft and their stupid songs It's like another any better one to be like every other asshole You know, and I'm like check check check check we do sound check He's like no you're actually 12 minutes into your seven minutes set We got to get the next band on

62 cock. 62 balls is coming up next. So you can get off the stage. It is. I appreciate it. 88 balls. So there I was. So there I was with 33 feet. It's behind me.

And I got my red stratic castor. And I'm like, you know, it's behind me. And I got my red straticaster. And I'm like, you know, it's all just dramatic song. I mean, I'm so dramatic. When you go back and listen to those songs, that lyrics are so dramatic, like literally. I really wanna hear this. I just can't let it happen. I do, first of all, I don't have any old 33,

really stuff. There's only one man in the world who owns that and that's the old drummer. And he has like, he has the CD and the tape I thought Kevin brought you see Kevin brought me a different band all together Oh, you're in another one. I know when I mention that name because I don't even think I have the copyright to that music So I don't want to get the hunt started because then I mean you know what I'm saying? Like I don't want to open that kind of arms. Yeah, but

But I was the singer of that band for a while and Kevin found an old practice tape. Yeah. And man, is it fucking horrific? I mean, it is just horrific. And the lyrics are just ridiculous. It's like Brian, what were you thinking back then? Why is, you know, it made sense back then. It felt felt right.

In the eight are from the penis. It came straight from the penis in the age age of barren-aked ladies and mark-mographed, one man cut through the bullshit, Brian Green in 33 penis. Tell us what this new album's all about. It's me going back to my penis, Jack Crun. I feel like this one's more dramatic than the last one. Is that even possible?

It's pretty dramatic, Brian. I literally wrote a song about a girl dying on the front lawn. Oh, God. Like, she was doing heroin and died on the front lawn. And then she died on the front lawn. And, but I got the same reaction from everybody that it's a herd of the music. Like, one time we played a house party that was really just six other people. And I think they came to hear like some house music, right?

Like some party music. These guys are gonna rock, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da You know it can you know the lights can you turn off the fan light and just meanwhile it's noon Like going in the house We want some dramatic effect, you know, and then Brian comes out with his bullshit and they're like wow This is a it's a dramatic like Let's just hope when it come here and have a beer and we'll come up with my underage girlfriend Oh 33 penis is yet again dominated another conversation. So sorry. Oh, I don't know.

I don't know. That's what happens in the show. The new tagline is a break from reality and into absurdity. We're living up. We're living up to these. We make promises, we keep here. It's 30, excuse me. 30, 30.

That's a commercial break. The commercial penis here. Here are the commercial penis. BetterHealth.com slash commercial break for 10% off your first month of therapy. Thanks for sponsoring the show today. BetterHealth.com, tcbpodcast.com, the brand new tcbpodcast.com is where you can go to find

the entire media library, read show notes, find more about Chrissy and I, 470, 5, 848, 449, is where you can text us if you need a clubhouse invite, if you want to find out more information about us, you want to share us a share an idea for the show, whatever you want to do. It is up 470, 5, 88449, and at the commercial break on Instagram, we have a link tree to all of our pertinence, all of our socials, clubhouse, all that. It's all out there.

Yep, join the commercial break club on Clubhouse to get access to the live shows, the shows we will be recording live in Clubhouse in the second week in April of 2021. In case you're listening to this in 2026. In case I'm listening back to this in 2050, this is happening in 2021. Right.

Get the clarify. Yeah, and that's it. That's all I gotta say. Oh, join the Comedy Podcast Club if you get a chance, too. It's a club that I started to support. Comedy Podcasts. Yeah. The whole category.

Yeah, a lot of cool people are joining that, too. And there's a lot of good stuff. A lot of great stuff coming up. And if you want to know about it, probably the best place to learn is on social media at the commercial break It's only so much we can get into here in the show and I don't want to make it 15 minutes of show liners So that's it. Well, thanks to spend another fantastic episode about my penis. Yes And who's gonna argue with that? I love you. I love you. Until next time, bye!

The Commercial Break, new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays. New YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com. Slash the Commercial Break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the Commercial Break on Instagram and join the Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley, with provided by Tina Kano.