The Commercial Break - That's a DHB Spike

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

He's got guns, an ex-wife, AND a kitten? That's what we call a DHB spike...because I Do Have Boner! Hambone & Hoadley--I mean Bryan & Krissy--get advice from Bravo, who is "the shit" at telling stories. Hambone & Hoadley! TCB, violating policies everywhere! Daisy of Love… Bryan’s history of MTV & VH1 Secret Princes The princes find love in Atlanta Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work out for any of them Lord & Lady of TCB How do you pick up women when you don't have a title? Another day another Holiday Inn conference room Blah, blah, blah It’s Bravo! I do business… Is it a cat or a tuft of dick hair There’s a real difference between a teacher and an instructor at a gun range That's a DHB...a deadbeat hipster boy? Nothing like calling something gay to impress the ladies This man is a nightmare The bar is so low…you couldn’t even trip over it Keno??? Don’t touch a woman’s face! He was preselected then deselected! This guy doesn’t realize that he’s revealing…that he’s the worst LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I know I know but if you open up a little pocket and shove some of that salad in there I'm telling you and a bit of mustard salad in a pack On this episode of the commercial break It's called do you have a boner dhb? Do you have boner? Anytime we get a DHB spike, your erection goes up a little bit and then goes back down You know what I'm saying? You gotta keep it on your check. Anytime I say the word cops, guns, pussy, trot, truck, gay, I got full DHB, full DHB.

Oh my god. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The heart wants what the heart wants. Yes, and dogs, welcome back to another episode of the commercial break. I am Brian Green. This is my dear friend and super intelligent. Very beautiful. And sometimes got sharp elbows. Chrissy Hohley, best you, Chrissy.

Best you out there in the podcast universe. I'm just letting them in one step at a time on your personality. I know, I still like the cracking. Oh, the cracking is good. It's got to find another sound that I can go with. And then there's always hand-burning, hopefully. Oh, hand-burning, holy in the morning.

Might be coming to you sooner than you think! I couldn't stop laughing last night, thank god. Oh my god. Hand-burning, hopefully. Hand-burning, hopefully. We have to execute that. That is definitely something we have to do. And it might happen sooner than we all think.

I know. So there you go. We'll keep you posted. When we know you'll know. So I was talking to our editor, Christina, who may join us on the show here shortly, but not today, but shortly, episodic-wise. Christina is also becoming a super fan of the show

and she edits the show and she's such a great job. I feel like she's like the third member of the team here. We're really the fourth member because Astro's in there too. And Morgan. Oh, and Morgan is like, forget about it. Morgan's a YouTube queen. We love the way that she edits the show. And she's doing all the TikTok videos too. So all this traction, I say all this traction, we're getting a little bit of traction on it. It's more traction

than we've ever seen on social media is happening on TikTok. You've grown by a thousand percent. I know. Which means zero to a thousand. Zero. Two thousand. Yeah. and not a thousand followers a thousand likes We haven't quite convinced people were good enough to follow But they like the videos. So that's what's important that algorithm is weird too I understand why people get so like their heads pop off their shoulders Yeah, because sometimes you get a million views and then other times you get two and it may is there's no rhyme or reason to it

And we've had quite a few videos that have not actually shown anywhere because they violate the policies of the platform. So. Well, it wouldn't be the commercial break without violating a few policies. Violating a few policies. That's, that's on our, that's on my LinkedIn. Violating policies.

Welcome to the Vex of the Commercial Break. Violating policies everywhere. Write that down. That is the new tagline for season four. Welcome back to the commercial break violating policies everywhere. So I was talking to her and she was sharing with me that she was listening to one of the episodes while she was editing it and said, Hey, are you really watching Daysy of Love? Because I just finished watching Rock of Love and now now I'm watching Daisy of Love, too.

It's so good. And these shows, I know that this is hard to understand, especially if you're a younger listener. I know you may have no idea what I'm talking about. VH1, the channel that actually used to play music all the time. See, here's how it goes. Let me start with the beginning. Let's get a little rewind.

MTV comes on air, I think 1982 or four. One, 1981. I was just reading a story about it today. MTV comes on 1981 and it is full on pop culture. They stick themselves right in the middle of the hair metal and kind of glam rock. Michael Jackson and Madonna. And yes, dire straits.

Yeah, all those things, right? So getting the video age. Yes, and they make super stars out of so many people because now the powerful format of video is connected with the music that everyone is loving and listening to on their stations. And it's still all mainly controlled by a few record label executives

who determine who gets out there. But now MTV throws a wrench in the mix and now they're playing videos from new bands and new artists. still all mainly controlled by a few record label executives who determine who gets out there. But now MTV throws a wrench in the mix and now they're playing videos from new bands and new artists and so everything is kind of getting caddy wonkis. But there's two formats of music that are popular during this 80s period. One is the glam rock and hair rock and one is yacht rock. Super soft, smooth and soul tree, love songs that... Yeah, shoday.

Yeah, shod yeah, shade I don't know you be 40, you know all these bands who are so cool too because I mean before this you couldn't really see your Your rock stars the rock stars behind the music you've heard the voice you maybe saw Something about an album cover. Yeah, album cover. Maybe something in a magazine or something But I mean this these these videos were full stories too. They shot, I mean, beautiful settings and just totally, you know, took you in other place. They crammed way more plot points

into a two-minute, four-minute video than they ever did in any porn movie I ever saw, but they were all basically porn movie plots. You know what I'm saying? Beautiful Girl Nox on the door. Scantily clad, then she's washing your car with her boobs. I didn't get it, but whatever, wasn't for me.

But this is before the 90s when grunge, when things took a realistic turn toward grunge. But anyway, these two formats, rock and yacht rock. And that yacht rock was not the MTV audience. The MTV audience was super young and they were into this hair and yacht rock. But if you were a leather jacket wearing studded, had your hair painted like floccasegles kind of guy, you probably were listening to

some yacht rock and you just didn't want to tell your friends, right? Because some of those songs are good. They are. She's like the wind. You catch yourself singing those songs because let's be honest, they're catchy D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- video hour one, I'm not even really sure, but VH1, that we can play the more softer side of rock. It can be the less edgy version. It's your parents' MTV, that's what it is. So VH1 is born years after MTV is born and now you've got an alternative place to go for that type of music.

And then VH1 has its moment in the sun when it's starting to play some, like as the 90s turns, there is this pop music that is not grunge, not hair metal, but it's starting to play some, like as the 90s turns, there is this pop music that is not grunge, not hair metal, but it's hard to define. It's like, you know. Well, I mean, MTV then started to branch out into a little bit of the reality thing with real world. That came in the beginning of the year.

In the real world and they would do that. And in the spring break episodes. Yes. And it was all kind of, you know, still a lot of it. Gear-tor you know still Yeah, really geared toward teenagers and 20 some things And VH1 was a little bit more mature, but they had their moment in the sun They you know, I remember like the Lilith Fair like VH1 covered Lilith Fair Which was the first like female oriented festival out there And so they had their moment in the sun

But they also then latched on to the reality show genre. And when they really got good at this was like 2005 to 2010. And they had this string of hits, flavor of love, rock of love, daisy of love, love of love. I don't even know. It was all love of love. And it was basically the bachelor with a bunch of bat shit, crazy human beings. And the way that it was edited was so fucking funny. human beings and the way that it was edited was so fucking funny. The way that these editors manipulated the storylines and would use sound effects and all this, it was really, really well done. And so now, a number of these, you know, you see Pluto TV, 2B TV, Hulu, they're all buying these rights that are probably super cheap to these television shows so that

they can fill their app with a bunch of content. Yeah. And so, to be, which is where I'm watching, it to be as free, it pops up a commercial. Maybe once, maybe twice and a half hour show, you have to watch a minute of commercials, but they put all of these old classic reality show tell, I say, oh, there's only like 10 years old, but these classic reality show televisions that were so funny at the time, they put them up there and I am loving it, Chrissy.

You're here loving it. Yes, because I don't have time to get into anything serious, so I just watch this shit in the background, and it's too funny. Daisy of love, on rewatch. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Oh, wait. What?

Let me stop you there. I don't have any, I don't have time to get anything too serious. And by too serious, do you mean all of the shows that you watch on the ELZ? Is that your serious content? Yes, that is my serious content. Those John's to check. Those John's to check.

Those John's to check and I'll tell you what they are better than ever. Though I just love that little family. I pun intended. And so I'm rewatching some of these old classic values. The good, yeah. Wiggling my way through all of the content, I have found one that I think is just so fascinating

that I never saw on first watch. Print, secret princes. And I don't say princess, princes, secret princes. Secret princes. They find princes, four princes from around the world, Prince Lord, whatever, Shall I ever remember this? Yeah, vaguely. Chrissy, the first one is filmed in Atlanta.

And first of all, it's kind of surreal. It's filmed in your neighborhood, by the way, all in your neighborhood. So everything is Virginia Islands, little five points, your apartment complex is shown in this TV series more than once. And so these four kind of print skies who've not had so much luck finding love,

not based on their actual titles, they want love. They don't want someone that wants them for their castles and their mansions. Of course, guys. Now, who wants that. Who wants that? Who wants that? Who wants all that money and the fame and the fortune? I mean, listen, I think these guys are going

about it completely wrong. If I'm poorly. Yeah, we eat with that. I have a fucking castle. Yes, I have 12 castles. Everyone. I've got cars. Get around.

Everyone gather around while these four men wash my balls. It's the afternoon bow washing. And that's how some of these guys are, right? They're so primped and pruned by everybody else. And they treat everybody like shit. Some of them don't, but some of them do, right? And I mean, there's one scene where this Indian prince, he's getting his feet washed by like 12 different girls. And then he's like, don't forget to do my, whatever. Like, don't forget the pinky toe. And I'm like, oh my God. These are probably the same guys

that are chartering yawts and below deck. Chrissy, you know that it is. You know that it is. More caviar. Because in the show, they, you know, so they go to America, they drop all the pretenses and titles, they get new names, and what they do is they live in a shitty house with like no cable and broken water and roaches crawling everywhere,

and they have to go get jobs, and they have to go out and find their princesses based solely on their personalities and looks. You can imagine how great this goes for some of the guys. Right? Some of them have no idea what to do. Few of them are just their natural born sleaze bags, so they know exactly what to do with the women. And then one or two, there's only two seasons,

so there's eight altogether. One or two seem like they actually genuine nice guys that are really just looking for love. Nice princess. Nice princess. Nice princess. Yeah, and nothing says I want to hide my royalty like going on a television show in America. I thought this about halfway through the first episode.

I'm like, is this really to find love or is this to make sure that everybody in America knows who you are too? You want to get laid everywhere in America also. Yes. It is a funny, funny fucking show and it is super interesting and you have got to watch this show. Now. Are we going to watch it? No, we're not going to watch it.

Oh, okay, I just need to write that down then. Mentally, right? But we could. Do you want me to pull some clips? Well, obviously. Yeah, yeah, but we could. Do you want, do you want me to pull some clips? Well, obviously. Yeah, yeah, please. Okay. So I felt like now was a good time to share with those princes

who may be watching the commercial break. Probably, it's probably prerequisite for all royalty to check out the commercial break. You got to imagine. Yeah, exactly. You know, get your face stamped on a coin. Yep. Watch the commercial break.

Yep. You know, Jaggery Yacht. Jaggery Yacht. Listen to the commercial break. It's better have the commercial break on it. God damn it. Where is the person in charge of the music? Where is my dial turner?

Who's turning my dials on this yacht? Of course, you know, Lord Mount, Baton of Musty Balls or whatever. Kids, Lord Mount, Lord Mount and Musty Balls or whatever's name is called. You know, by the way, on the first season, I'm just getting into the second season, but on the first season, all four of them

find somebody to take back, you know, they have this big announcement. They did. Yeah, they have this big announcement. They go to a party and then all of a sudden they're show up in their full attire with their special metals. Surprise.

And they, they're so nervous about asking, telling these girls the truth, they've been lying to them the whole time, telling them the truth, and then asking them to come back with them to their place of origin So that they can see how they really leave and hopefully, you know fall in love with them Well, you still love me after you know

Yeah, please still love me after you know you'll never work another day in your life Can you ever fight it in your I'm so nervous. I Don't know how to tell it. I'm so nervous! I don't know how to tell her I'm a billionaire! Who has two women who wipe my ass every time I take a doodle! You can imagine how plus to these girls are to find out, because first of all, two of them have been on exactly one date with the girl. They really had a hard time finding love. They were kind of like, you knew it was going to happen.

You just watched the show and you'll know. And two of them are like, eh! Eh! Wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap. So they're in Atlanta, they find these four girls, all four of them show up to this party where they reveal it and then they have to break to them that they've been lying. What do you think the reaction is of all four of these women? Seriously? They don't go, you've been lying to me and so on and you rotten bastard. It's like, hey, remember I told you I was a lawyer?

I actually work as a dog groomer. It's like, remember I told you I was a dog groomer? I'm actually Lord Mount Busky balls of Sir Kensington. And I have 12 castles around the world. Do you mind going to my my orca castle for a couple of days? Do you mind? We're gonna take a plane. It's not my usual 747.

It's a 737. Dad's got the 747. Are you gonna be okay? These women, like any other human being, would be, I'm not saying it's all women, but like any other human being, if I had just blindly been dating somebody, you know, and then they had a TV crew falling around

for what reason I'd owe down. But, you know what I'm saying? Like, why do you had a TV crew following around for what reason I don't know but you know what I'm saying like why do you have a TV crew? Oh you're out. Their cover story was you know they were just four regular joes making a show about how they get along in America. Come on. You didn't do a little bit of investigating on that one. I have a feeling that but when the cameras were off that there was a couple text messages investigating on that one. I have a feeling that, but when the cameras were off, that there was a couple text messages going back and forth.

I'm actually a prince. Here's a picture of my jet. Here's a picture of my dick. Please take some of the end of this show. Here's a picture of my dad signing a million dollar check. So when they make this reveal, it is exactly as you expect it. These girls don't even question the fact

that they've been lied to for four weeks. Of course not. They're just like, yes, yes, seriously, yes, yes. When do we get leave? I hate my fucking life. When do we leave? And, but it doesn't work out. I double checked, this is years ago this was on.

I double checked, it doesn't work out for any of them. In the end, at least season one, none of them. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. I just said that because I haven't seen it. Well, do you really care if it works. In the end, at least season one, none of them. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Just said that because I haven't seen it. Well, do you really care if it works out in the end? Just watch the show. Just watch the show. It's interesting. Yeah, but in the show, it seems like they all work out,

but you're talking they didn't actually. Well, in the show, they kind of end it after they go and they have a couple of days with these people. Right. Then there are a couple conclusions, but there are a couple left open ended as if they had really walked into the sunset and things worked out. But the truth is that most of them are still looking for real love. How hard is it to find love when you have a when you're a Lord? But I do understand that can also be very probably difficult at certain times. I don't know because I'm never going to be a Lord, so it doesn't matter. I'm the Lord of the commercial break, which is like being the Lord of the flies. Lord of the lady. Yeah. The Lord

and the lady. I'm Lord and lady of TCBLLC. Would you like to look at my studio? This is my roadcaster. It shall be bequeathed to anyone who marries me. No, I didn't say queef. I said bequeathed. Would you like all these wires? None of them work. These curtains cost over $40. This wire is specially

has been sitting around one ring. Oh, that's waiting for its day in this side. It just keeps me feet around the table. How many men do you know that rule over this megaphone? Oh, this 40 inch flat screen TV on sale at Walmart now. Shh, don't tell anybody. I'm trying to find real love outside all the fitting flare of the commercial break.

Oh my God. So terrible. I bet a couple of ladies would like our ring lights. You know, those come in handy. Yeah, I don't want those kind of girls. I don't want the kind of girls that are looking for fortune and fame because that's not what I have to offer. But I do have these TCB letters I bought at household goods. I do have these TCB letters I bought at Household Goods. You'll get those two, don't worry. Would you like a vacation? To the motel six down the street.

And with as long as I'm with you, I'm happy. Only the best. Only the best for you. G-C-B Hey you, guess you. I hate to interrupt all the fun, but I just want to remind you that tcbpodcast.com is where you find all the audio and the video, plus you can contact us to get your free 21EPM sticker. Just go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button, tell us you want to stick or drop us your address, and off we go. Plus you can write to us at 855-TCB-8383. That's 1-855-TCB-8383 for all of our international listeners. We'll pick up the toll.

Go ahead and text us. If you have comments, questions, concerns, content ideas, we're taking them all at 855-TCB-8383. If you want to view the commercial break and a whole new light, go to youtube.com slash the commercial break to see the fully edited episodes. You'll love it, or your money back, I promise. While you're at it, hit us up on Instagram at the commercial break and TCB live on TikTok.

So let's take a minute to hear from our sponsors and then we'll be back to this episode of the commercial break. I thought it was a good time to point out to our lords and our ladies out there how you go about picking up a girl when you have no titles. So I have found our us a new po- new? A new po- Okay. It's having a conversation, telling us how we tell stories,

how we string together a story. So it's interesting enough to keep a potential or prospect love paying attention to you. Wow, if you need help with that, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. Let's take a look at this guy and then you tell me how you think it's going. Okay.

All right, without further ado, trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do, do, do, do. And here you go. Here's a new paw talking about story type. Look at this guy. He looks like the,

is he a member of Weezer? I know. He's got the sweater. He's got the sweater and the huge head of hair. And, you know, this is where you go for the latest styles, stylelife.com. Stylelife.com, that's where I go for all my styles. This has been parked by GoDaddy.

Yeah, this side is for sale. This side is for sale. This side is for sale. 99 cents a year. Which is kind of the one of the really famous ones because it's wait, let me start for you. What we're going to do today is we're going to go over storytelling, which is kind of the one of the really famous ones, because it's very accessible.

Here you are, you're in a group, you're now talking. It's kind of natural to start storytelling to each other. It can flow. There's no kind of gimmick or anything to it. You just start. You got your flow on, bro. You got your flow. What's your flow, bro? Oh, this, I can already tell. This is the group of guys that he's talking to must have an

extraordinarily hard time finding women. Yeah. Hanging out, getting to know each other. Reason that storytelling is so powerful is because bragging is not powerful. Bragging is reverse powerful. See, this is exactly what they were talking about on the Prince of Secret Princes. Bragging about all the stuff you have is not powerful. What are the fuck are you talking about? Yes, it is powerful.

First of all, bragging if it's real. It's not bragging if it's real. Yeah, if you're bragging about stuff you don't actually own. I Don't walk into Starbucks and go I'd like a binti latte fata farder and Quickly my 747 is waiting Depucking lot dextur First of all second of all to point out about this video is that looks like they have the same cameraman as tcb does It's like the cameras move all over the place So go into a setting, you say like,

oh, my ex girlfriend is a famous model. It's like, you're like, you're done. Like that's my girlfriend isn't. My ex girlfriend isn't an ex model. I don't understand what he just said. I don't know. First of all, second of all, that fell flat in the room because no one said anything. If you're the one telling us how to tell stories, you're already losing. And also, I'll point out that again, we're at a holiday in... Oh yeah, conference room. Yeah, at least they have a stage. Yeah. I have somewhat of a riser. A riser, that's probably a better word for it. Look at those stage. for it Riser it's not exactly a stage You to do right we can all agree that would just be really strange thing to say to somebody you just met right what if it was part of a story

You know what if you what if you're like you start one time. I fuck to girl who was not a model Huh, huh? What do you think about that story? This story about this crazy thing, and then somewhere in the story, somewhere in the story you just so happen to mention. So now her car is broken down, she's just back from this photo shoot thing, and I have to go pick her up.

So I'm driving down there to pick her up in the middle of this whole mess and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, you have me convinced there, Dr. Seuss. Well, I need to know the blah, blah, blah. Yeah, what's the blah, blah, blah? You can't skip over that. What kind of story leaves out the plot? Let's try to be down to pick her up.

Her car broke down after her photoshoot and blah, blah, blah. I have this crazy story to tell you about how someone's car broke down. There was an accident. The dog got killed. Something said on fire on his helicopter. Have you seen my hot ex girlfriend? Okay.

No. What are you with the rest of the story? Oh, I said, I don't want to brag. I don't have brag. Now, right? Whatever. Hold on one second. Hello to brag now Right what happened hold on one second in your life that did a photo shoot. It's there But you're not bragging about it. It was part of a larger story. Does that much make sense? I'm not at all I want my money back in the crowd

Nothing better for you right now You've all met him briefly. I'm going to bring him back up to the stage. He is one of my best friends in the world and he's the shit at storytelling. It's Bravo. Give him a little love. Bravo. Yeah, he's the ship. It's going to be good. So Bravo's going to tell us that he... Bravo? Yeah, it's not. It's not his Bravo. He better have some good stories.

First of all, second of all, he looks like a shorter Jeremy Renner, minus all the good looks. He does. Yeah, minus the hot. Okay, and I'm going to kind of just interrupt him and just kind of point out where some of the spikes are. I'm not even gonna point out all of them. I'm gonna leave some of them for you guys to find

without me even saying. You know what drives me crazy, Chrissy? When someone's giving a presentation and they're holding a microphone, like they're the fourth B-steep boy. You know what I'm saying? So what you want, what you want, y'all? I'm getting to get the story telling from my man,

what's his name? Maximus. Bravo. Bravo. Why is he holding the microphone like that? Is he about to bust out a rhyme or something? Yeah, where it's like all the way up. Yeah, all the way up.

That's how I used to hold my microphone in 33 Willie. Feet. Feet. Feet. Feet. Feet. Feet. Feet. Okay. So some of them I'll point out. Please, but it's a loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo- answer, I go, what do you think I am? And generally most people think I'm a dog person. And I go, interesting, because I actually used to help my buddy train dogs, my friend and my brother, bread American bulldogs that are like 120 pound pit bulls, but I actually

have a cat. Who cares if you're a cat or a dog person? And if you're getting laid with that question, I'm been doing it wrong the whole time. I'm working waiting. What do you think I am? Well, interesting. I used to be a trainer for a dog. I'm a cat person. Oh, yeah, I fucked a pigeon. I like to have off the seagulls. Now that's a story. Now that is a story. That I could get behind that. That's an interesting story. You walk into a bar and you is a story I could get behind that was an interesting story You walk into a bar and you tell this dog a cat or a seagull person no

But I did one time get arrested for a whack it off on top of a seagull Which is an actual offense in the law And then people usually think her and smile at that and I was like yeah I was actually leaving work one day and I came out and my truck was parked. So he's just gonna stop him already. Do you guys get...

Hey. You guys should practice this before him, really. I'm gonna stop this, really. Yeah. The guy, what? What? What is happening here? know so far there's no story He's told no story what's he what he points out? I said what he points out But I just also want to point out myself that mystery man here. What's his name?

Bravo I can't remember bravo looks just as surprised as the rest of us That he's being interrupted. Yeah, they should practice this. They should talk about it before him. Shit, he's got a job. You know, he's employed. But seriously, you know, a lot of guys walk up to a woman and they start telling them what they do for work. And it's like, I didn't ask you what you did for work.

But he's telling a story and he's conveyed that he does have a job. I am Brian, I do business. I'm Brian, I'm a professional seagull masterbader. In my case, I try and avoid at all costs telling anybody what I do. So what do you do? I've been gafffully unemployed since 2020. I sell advertising to my unemployment. I sell advertising on my unemployment. I do business.

I do business. What kind of business? Business. Yeah, business. Why are you prying? General business. Yeah, that business, you know why are you? Are you prying? General business. Do you need to know every detail? Geez. So nosy Also already I heard the word truck. So he's got a car. So it's not a bad job the guy can afford a car Right, but he's not coming up and saying hey, I got this sweet truck. You want to come outside and see it?

You know, that's like the lamest of the lame, but this is the subtlest of the subtle. When did he say that he's a truck? He didn't, he said, I don't know, he said my truck, I don't, he never said he had a truck, first of all, I don't think. Second of all, hey, I got a truck,

you wanna come see it? No, I don't. Date rape guy. Being a bad effect, it's got a great effect. I come outside, I look under my truck, and I see this like something underneath it, as I start getting closer, it's like this little tiny furball underneath it. And as I get really close, I noticed there was a guy masturbating. It was a tuft of dick hair. And so there I am with this guy stuck under my truck,

whacking off, and his dick hair is everywhere. Realizing this little kitten. And I've been Phoenix back then, and it's like summer time, it's like 120 degrees out. And this little kitten's like under my chair. That is ran over it. So I pulled out as fast little kittens like I don't know. Over it. So I pulled out as fast as I could because I hate cats. It depends on whether she says she's a cat person or dog person.

Which way the story goes. It's a little puppy if you're a dog person. It's a cat if you're not. And I've been teaching all day. I was actually I work at a gun range. So here's a little more detail. All right. Let me rudely interrupt you again.

When you have no idea, I'm going to do it. I used to work at a gun range. I think I found my dream guy. He's got a truck. He works in a gun range. He teaches other men how to tell stories. I'm without her asking. She now knows that he's a teacher. And she is a teacher is a stretch here. Yeah. He's an instructor to gun range. And the structure of the gun, the teacher make. No, it's not make a teacher make. It's not a teacher make. Chrissy's an English teacher.

She's got an MBA and sentence structure. Now I do business. Yeah, I do business. I'm a business person, currently unemployed, but I've been a business person on the normal day. Which is kind of a cool job, you know? He's an instructor, he works with firearms, it's kind of neat, but he's not bragging.

It's part of the story. So I'm like totally wiped and I just wanna go home and I have like my range bag with me and I just wanna get my truck and drive away and I'm trying to like get this cat out from underneath my truck and it won't leave. So I like come up with a decision to show you they're like risk it

and like drive away real slowly. Hopefully not running over that cat. Should I risk it and? Crush it. Yeah, crush it and... Crush it! Yeah, crush it's head and it'll get all mangled in my new engine on my sweet truck. You want to go see it smells like dead cat? Yeah, I don't want to get blood on the newer poultry. So I decide to kick the cat until it passes out.

So I take out my gun, where I'm a gun, it's because I'm a gun instructor. And then I start shooting my truck. In hopes one of the bullets gets rid of the cat. Or should I try to wait and get this cat out so I don't kill it. So I'm deciding. Choose your own adventure here. Yeah, turn to page 90. If I'm a woman, I try to avoid the head, turn the page 200 for the safety.

I just want to get to the end here now. I don't care. He's got guns in his hand in one hand. He's seen a cat under his new truck. He doesn't want to get blood anywhere. You know what? I'm nice guy. I can't like kill the animal. Can't even take the risk. I'll try to get it out. Which, you know, another DHB spike spike anytime you're showing compassion it or a DHB spike what is that I don't know I can't even think of something that I might be Like out of yourself. I don't know. I don't know deadbeat hipster boy Positive quality like that that's gonna be a DHB spike I

Get on my hands and knees and I start like wiggling my fingers and making these like really gay kissy noises. There's a spike. Yeah, nothing like saying a really gay kissy noise to impress the ladies. With your gun bag and your truck. DHB spike. DHB spike. That guy's outfits giving me a DHB spike. DHB spike. That guy's outfits giving me a DHB spike. He's got a white beginning time. White skinny time. A sweater. Cardigan. Cardigan. White pink shirt. Yeah. Long that goes

long to them. It's like your grandfather's cardigan. Yes. And then the bright pink shirt. Yeah. He's got the Seth Rogen, uh, aka.a. super bad look. Yeah, but do in 10 minutes. Yeah, Seth Rogen made money, dressing like that. Things not budget. And actually, a couple of my buddies pull up, who are like Phoenix cops, they come out and see me. All right. My buddies pull up that are Phoenix cops.

Yeah, my buddies pull up that are Phoenix. Pretty obvious. Huge B.H.B. spike. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Pretty obvious. Huge DHB spike. Ha ha ha ha. Huge b. Yeah. DHB spike. It's called do you have a boner? DHB.

Do you have boner? So anytime we get a DHB spike, your erection goes up a little bit, and then goes back down. You know what I'm saying? You gotta keep it under check. Anytime I say the word cops, guns, pussy, trot truck

gay I got full DHB full DHB. Oh My god Guys hanging out with the cops in his city. He's obviously well-networked. He's well-liked He's got people in positions. Who are these people? Have they ever read a newspaper? Hey, man, I'm cool with the cops Fuck What the fuck man

I don't know in the circles I travel around Power that are buddies of his. And they ask me what the hell I'm doing. And I'm like, oh, there's this kitten underneath my truck and they're like, run it over. And I'm like, I can't do that. So anyways, I'm sitting there for about 10 minutes. So that's actually another one because somebody,

that dog goes in. That's no shit, another one. I have a feeling these guys charge $10,000. I had to get in the door and then spend all night and all their money spent all night and and all their money drinking last night and whatever hotel they're in and now they're just making shit up as they go along. Okay, you tell a dumb story and I'm gonna get up and talk about DHB spikes.

What's DHB? No, I have no idea. It sounds professional. He didn't run over the cat. That is a DHB. No, that is another one because he wasn't socially pressured. It wasn't like his buddies were like, run it over and he's like, oh, what the fuck, I turned the car on and I tried not to hit it.

You know what? He stops, cares about the thing. So fun? Wow, this guy's a... He's... Look out Chris rock. Here comes this dickhead with his dickhead boner D H B. Another dickhead boner moment.

This little kitten starts moving. It takes a couple steps and it runs up hops in my lap and reaches up with its paw and brushes my cheek and starts purring as loud as like I've ever heard a cat making noise before. All right So there's a there's a lot happening there. Okay one if I was a I've got so much DHB right now My eyes that's right. All we need to do is throw in DMB on DHB. If Dave Matthews band was included, forget about it. You're getting, you have wet drawers already, don't you? It's a drug to like DHB. DHB.

The DHB. There's all that in there too. Yeah, I'm sure they have. Pretty girl, you really would have touched my face. Actually, if you got around, you would have probably touched my face too. You get close to true. Exactly. No, but seriously, that touching your girl's face like that, it you got around, you would have probably touched my face too. You get close to true. No, but seriously, that touching your girl's face like that, it's this like, intimate piece of Kino, Kino touching, right?

That Kino touched. I've been on the Kino diet for a while and I don't, I played Kino before. Kino, yeah. What? First of all, I never wanted someone to touch my face. No, of course not. But I just met while he's telling me his story about his guns and trucks. No, this guy's a total douchebag.

He's saying all the wrong things. This is not the story you lead with. Guns, cops, trucks, pussy cats. Just because there's a kitten thrown in the mask. Yeah, just because you have a kitten as the center of the story. First of all, second of all, what is the fucking point? You didn't kill the cat, congratulations. I don't kill blue every day I wake up.

What do I want? I'm gonna cookie or something. So he gets to do it and it's not weird, but at the same time, he's like making this physical connection with her. Also, in that part of the story, an animal jumps into his lap. Come on, you know, a girl's gonna eat that up.

Like dogs and cats, they're taking like sense evil. Whatever I'm having trouble connecting with a girl at the bar when she's like, just ignoring me. She doesn't want my drinks. She won't give me her a phone number. I just say, I just had a lizard jumping my lap. I can sense these things. I've got to think in my trousers right now.

You want to see it? No, an actual snake. Sorry. I should have clarified. That's a really good person. I'm going to write up to him and meet something. Let me rewind that just once. Who he is.

And it starts purring and the little things like all skin and bones it's covered in grease and like my heart melts I actually feel bad for it. And my ex at the time her parents live down the street. I stopped. I stopped. Collaborate and listen. I was back with my brand new edition. I'm not going to say this one who got it.

Raise your hand. Who got it? GHB spike. GHB spike. GHB. DMB GHB spike. GHB. DMB GHB lean on the lean. You know what I'm saying? Lean mean fight a machine.

I'm on the keto. I'm on the keynote. 2247. Nightmare on M Street. There's the spike. 31 flavors. I'm on the spike. Here we go right here.

He mentioned his ex. Which means he's had a girlfriend before. Which means that he's pre-selected. He's another pre-selected person. He's pre-selected for what? She's an ex. She's an ex. Yeah. He's like, seems like a rub to me. I got preselected, then I got deselected. Now I'm getting reselected. That guys worth dating. And seriously, women take that hard.

He had an X-go from the broke up with him. That guy's a charm. Yeah, that guy's a charm. Don't let that guy's a Yeah, that guy's a child He's the gun instructor with an X girlfriend who doesn't kill cats on purpose. He's a catch D H B Full bore Work cut. They don't have time to sit here and meet every single one of us and get to know who every single one of us is.

They need shortcuts, okay? They need ways to quicken this process for them. And if another girl said he's awesome, he's probably awesome. He's at least worth giving a real shot to getting to know. I wish that at all was something that worse. He's just not awesome anymore. He just became not awesome.

He just became not awesome. He was the beginning. Awesome. Awesome. Not so awesome. Awesome. So I drive down the street, take it over to our parents' house, we end up giving it a bath and feeding it in the parents' house.

Yeah, we respect this whole situation a lot more if he's like, and then I married my girlfriend, and then now we're happily married, and this is what works. That's right. I get what they're saying. Like I understand, I get it. I get what they're saying. They're wrapping a story to give some indicator

of who they are as a human being, but this sounds so disenfucking, genuine that you would just practice this story and drop all these certain things in, just to get someone to think that you're a nice person. That's something that should come naturally. People should think you're a nice person, that's something that should come naturally. People should think you're a nice person, not because of the story that you just told

that's way too complicated for actually what it is. I would have said, I went outside of the bar one night, it was as kitten, it was all like mangled and stuff like that, and so I took it home and I washed it off. I don't want to put my girlfriend, my cops, my guns, my instructor, it's too complicated. This coming from the guy who talks for a living, by the way, the nicest cat ever. If you don't keep it, we'll keep it. And my ex at the time kept

saying that she wanted a cat. And actually, I leave this part of the story out, like when I'm telling it to girls, but it was actually my ex-wife, and she kept saying she wanted a baby or a cat. What? Wow, dude. Wow. I'll leave this out. I leave this part of the story out,

but I'm telling it right now. I love when people say that. I love this part of the story out, but you're not leaving it out now. Well, no, he said when he talks to girls, he leaves this part out. He leaves the part out that he used to be married and they wanted a baby.

Oh, oh! Oh! Yeah, sure. Wrap some lies in there, too. That'll get him. I wanted a baby, I wanted a baby, I wanted a baby, and then it changed. I want a baby or a cat,

and literally like two days later, God sent me a cat. So, I'm thinking, I leave the part out. I'm braw, that's it. I leave that part out. So, I end up a cat. So, so I'm thinking that I leave it out. I'm brawling that out. I leave that part out. So I end up, I'm like thinking her parents like it so much, my ex wanted a cat. I'm like, you know what, maybe I'll take it home and see how it is. So I end up taking it home and as I'm driving home, I hit petco. Because I'm like, all right, I gotta get like some kitty litter and some cat food and all that stuff. Yeah, it's a whole thing. I gotta, it's a whole thing. I gotta keep

this thing alive. It needs food and water. Well, might as well hit Petco and see if one of the sweet bitches behind the till is ready to fuck this cat lover. I'll tell the story to every woman I see at Petco. And as I go in there. Yeah, I just saved this cat. He was under my car. Let me tell you a story. Yep. You have a minute for a story. I was gonna run a show for it.

So I was at the bar the other day and I ordered gin story. Yep, you have a minute for a story. I was gonna run this show for a minute. So I was at the bar the other day, and I ordered gin because, you know, I can afford gin. I see this big, like tough guy walk with like a rot wilder over on the right side of Petco. And over on the left is the cat food section. And I go in there and there's like these two dirty hippies playing with like the cat toys. And I was like, I don't wanna be on that side of Petco.

I wanna be on that side of Petco. So I waited. I was actually so embarrassed buying like cat toys and stuff. I actually waited till everyone left. And I went like got the kitty litter, got the kitten food, got a litter box. I went to the checkout line and actually, um, really hot. Wait, wait, wait, there were two dirty hippies. There were two dirty hippies. Yeah. He had to point out there were two liberals over there on this side. But then Donald Trump Jr. was on the other side of this route. And I don't want to be a pussy or anything. So I waited till everyone left the store. So I wouldn't be identified with those fucking bastards, lib darts. What in the fuck has this has this country come to when you can't just go get cat toys for your cat without feeling like a pussy or go to the dog section be it's so you

know go to the dog section without feeling like you're assaulting somebody. This is crazy. You need to take your girlfriend to the dog section. According to our last video. Yeah. Let your girl go get the pussy toys. Yeah, check him out. Check him out. Check him out in the checkout line. And actually, as I got in the line, I was actually really embarrassed about it. I would have rather have gone to the store and bought condoms and tampons at the same time. So, what? This guy's got mental issues.

What the fuck? You're so insecure that you can't walk into a pet co and buy a fucking cat food. Dude, you'd rather go by condoms and tampons. And why is that so embarrassing? Nothing's embarrassing about any of this. I go shop for all kind of weird shit. I don't give a fuck with anybody thinks. Exactly.

You wanna know why? Because I don't give a fuck with anybody thinks. I'm not looking for my next wife. I'm not looking for anybody to be impressed with me. I have to get cat food because my cat's gonna die if it doesn't eat. Gotta do that one. Condoms, he's buying condoms,

he's sexually active, right? He's comfortable talking about it. Obviously, socially intelligent. Oh my God, he actually said that to a girl telling a story that he would rather go buy condoms and tampons than buy cat food. Oh my God. If you don't run from this human being

after hearing that story full on, full through, I don't know what's wrong with you. Yeah. Don't worry about that, That happens all the time. So I go to check out, she ends up bringing me up. She's like, oh my god, did you just get a cat? And I was like, yeah, I just found this like little stray underneath my truck. And she's like, oh my god, that's so cute.

And I was like, yeah, my ex-girl wants a cat. So I ended up, I'm taking, I'm taking my wife. My wife? What's a baby? Yeah, my wife wants a baby, so I got a cat. Let me know, I have a whole bunch of cats And I can give you some advice and stuff. So right then she's already I Yeah, right then I literally dropped her drawers and I screwed her

Waving an American flag over her head With a gun in my hand My wife is now my ex. Yeah, that's why my wife is now my ex, but who's counting? It's my fourth but who's counting? My name's Bravo. My name's X-Wayne. Bravo. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- I need this like info on cats. I probably could have got her number right then. So I'm like crap, this chick thinks it's really cool

that I rescued this cat. I probably could have got her number. He's married. He's married. Yes. Then I took it home that night and it ended up sleeping on my chest all night and I was hooked and now I have Kelly. All right, give it up for Bob.

But not my wife. All right, give it up for Bravo. He just told the least interesting story we've ever heard. And you paid $10,000 to see it Wow, we are in the wrong business There's a room full of people that just paid $10,000 to hear Bravo's shitty story about guns and cats and what a pussy all the liberals are Oh, man politics has ruined everything in this country every fucking thing We please go back to a time when no one cared about politics because that was much more interesting. I felt much better. Yes. At least not as the

device. Dispice of jeez. You can't go into a cat store and buy cat without being a dirty hippie and if you have a rot-wilder than your superman, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I buy tampons proudly. Proudly by tampons. Because I use them as straws, that's why. Just sharing that with you. They're biodegradable. That's the new straw, Chrissy. It is, tampons, yeah. It's the new straw, just check that out.

Google that. Chat GPT, that shit, my friends. Chat GPT, that shit. Alright, well, another fun episode of the commercial break. Here's what you can do for us or for you. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go. You can read all the show notes.

You find out more about Chrissy and I. You can listen to all the audio. You can watch every single episode on video. And you can get your free 21 EPM sticker by hitting the contact us button and send us an email with your physical address. And let us know you want that sticker. We'll shoot it off to you just as soon as we can. Uh, at the commercial break on Instagram,

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Toll-free, we'll pick up the charges, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We're taking them all 855-TCB-8383. And one more thing and probably most importantly, youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. If you want to see us in a whole new light because you're actually seeing us for the first time, youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Like and subscribe.

Morgan will edit the videos to your delight. I swear to God it's funny shit. Go check it out. And hey, for all of you that who's been leaving nice reviews and ratings do that more often Do that more often because that gets the word out about the show. All right, Chrissy. Well, I Guess that's all I can do today. I think so. I gotta go do some storytelling with my wife. So Until next time I love you Until next time Chrissy and I always say we do say and say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say you