The Commercial Break - That's Lynda With a Y To You!

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

What is more ridiculous: this podcast or Bryan’s spam text conversations? We’re still talking possums/opossums Caitlin found the possum ep! Bryan takes spam texts very seriously Bryan reads his spam text convos How are you? Not good. Lynda! Bryan vs the anus The Atlanta water main breaks Bryan shares a NextDoor snafu The Rise and Fall of Clubhouse NextDoor drama! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  Download & Listen on the Audacy app To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I sleep till noon because you know I'm a problem solver. I sleep till noon because you know I'm a problem solver. On this episode of the commercial break. That's weird. I just got another picture from another person named Diana. Is she your twin? He says, I don't know. Excuse me, are you Linda? And I said, this is Linda with a walk, not with an eye. You know that, Diana. Why are you asking me stupid questions? By the way, how's your mom? What are you trying to tell me?

I'm sorry, it was a mistake that I added the wrong number and I got you. I hope you don't mind. And I said, if you continue to call me Lindo with an I, I'm going to get very angry. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Eww! Eww!, yes, yes, yes, they're aliens and we know there's been a lot. There's a long deep divide amongst the commercial break listeners right now about Oh possum or a possum and then whether or not we You know just possum or whether or not we even have possums on this earth. I want to settle everybody down

I'm not looking to divide the country any more than it's already divided. We got enough troubles to worry about We're not gonna go a shit out over possums But I do want to thank one of our listeners We got enough troubles to worry about. We're not gonna go ape shit over possums. But I do wanna thank one of our listeners, Caitlin, is a great listener, been listening for a long time, communicates with us frequently. She found the episode where we are talking about possums, and I've got that tape to roll.

And it wasn't too long ago either. No, it was less than a month ago. It was a month and a couple days ago. We talk so much on this show that we don't remember. I don't remember that just a month ago. It was a month and a couple days ago. We talk so much on this show that we don't remember. I don't remember that just a month ago, we had had this whole conversation about possums. I thought for sure it was years ago. I was like, oh, she must have gone deep in the catalog and found me saying something about possums that she wasn't happy about. But no. Ah, it's just like 10 episodes ago.

Nay. Yeah, it was like seven days ago. I mean, it's crazy that we couldn't remember that. It's so insane! I'm- Ha ha ha ha ha! We are old, Chrissy. We are old. Okay, for those- Again, I think we just talk so much. We do.

That we can't remember. It just flows. What are you gonna do? We're at that point in life where there's only so much information we can stuff in our brains. We're at the point in our life where four days a week is even too much for us

and we're the ones creating it. I'm sure a lot of listeners would agree. Shut Brian up is basically the sentiment on the Apple reviews right now. Okay, okay. Not everyone's gonna be happy. It's not for everyone. But those of you that don't know,

Joe Dombrovsky was our guest last week. Go take a listen to that episode, Joe was great. But Joe, at the end, he apparently did his homework on the commercial break. He did. Because at the end, he said, before I let you guys go, I have one more thing for you. I was reading your reviews and I found one and I'd like to let you know.

And the review basically said, I was a big fan of your show until you started talking about possums. They belong here on earth more than humans do. And I was like, well, that's where we're at. Possums over the commercial break. It got that bad. But I could not for the life of me, Chrissy Ora. Now we were like, when did we talk about possums? I have no idea. I had no idea. Well, it turns out just a week ago is when we talked about possums. And so, I actually have that tape. I've pulled it. Do you want to hear it? Yes. Okay, this is from the episode, The Kids Are Not Alright. I don't particularly remember what we were talking about.

I don't either. But I actually think I, since I listen to it, I do recall us having this conversation about me saving a seagull. Yes, a baby seagull or a young seagull at the beach because it had gotten some kind of cleaning solution for the submarine base that was down the street. It got some kind of cleaning solution on it that was toxic to this poor bird. And we took a 40 minute drive to go drop it off in the middle of the swamp in Florida, and that bird got loose in the car and started flying everywhere. So, that's where we're picking up on the conversation. Now, when I'm about to play to you… Somehow it segued into possums.

Of course it did. Sounds exactly like the commercial break. Somehow we couldn't keep our train of thought. Sounds like us. That tracks. That math is mapping. I remember that. Yes, that math is mapping-y. If someone says, ADHD podcast and the commercial break in the same sentence, it resonates. Beth Dombkowski Yes. Jared Sussman It tickles me in my warm spot. You know what

I'm saying? Okay, so here we go. I'm going to play this for you. So, it's not Chrissy and I talking live. No, that, eh, probably about the next minute. This is actually from that episode. The kids are not, all right, here you go. This is what I said. This is what got this person so upset. And by the way, this person, well, I'm not going to name because, you know, we don't need to start some big, you know, doxing war or anything, but I'm just going to share that if you want to come on air and talk to me about this, I'd be happy to have that conversation. We would love that.

I'm open-minded. I'm still not going to like possums at the end of it, but that doesn't, we don't have to hate each other because of it. Okay, ready? Here we go. Here's the, here's the bit of tape. So, you know, like I have this empathy for animals and when I see something that looks helpless, says Brian right before he says possums shouldn't be on earth, hurts. I want to help it. I nurtured a squirrel once back to health. Like I want to help it, but I can't take all of them in and then just leave them there indefinitely. It's, it's insane to me. I have a friend who's got basically an animal hospital going on in their house any given time. There's snakes and reptiles and, you know, squirrels and possums. This is true.

I do have a friend. And on the other day on Facebook, when I looked at her Facebook page, she had a bird of some sort, like a brown bird, like a regular bird, you know, just a bird, the brown bird you see outside. The Brown Thrash? bird, like a regular bird, you know, just a bird, the brown bird you see outside. The brown thrasher? The brown thrasher, and the bird was chasing a cat around the house, pecking it. It was so crazy. Oh, that's funny. Okay, back to the tape. Raccoons are all running around everywhere.

Every time I see a Facebook page, there's another fucking weird animal in their hands. The other day, they're like petting a possum. I'm like, what are you doing? I think it's full of disease and nastiness. Like, my goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel bad for you. I'm sorry, I just don't.

Because you're kind of weird. You're like little aliens crawling around this earth and I'm not sure you should be here. So I don't know if my empathy extends that far. If you're a dog or a cat or a cute little bird, those things I wanna ask. I mean, I'll swerve to miss it. Yeah, of course you swerve to miss it. It took me like five seconds to be funny.

Yeah, you thought about that. I was like, yeah, yeah. Okay, first of all, you realize that I got to do, Chrissy and I got to do six hours of talking a week, right? So my opinion on possums is just based on my initial reaction. I'm trying to tell a story that turns out to be funny. We're improv. Yeah, we're improv. So I'm improving my opinion on possums is just based on my initial reaction. I'm trying to tell a story that turns out to be funny. We're improv. Yeah, we're improv. So I'm improving my opinion on possums, but I do agree with myself.

I do agree with myself. That's good. You stand firm on your position. I don't think I said all that. The weird, weird, weird, weird part about all of this, and we probably need to put a pin in the whole possum situation. We've talked about it so much now. No, I'm keeping this going. I'm going to roll this for weeks. Weird part was that right after that, there's a baby possum in my yard. I know. I have never seen that before and I had to take a picture of it and send it to Brian and Brian goes, see, it does look like an alien. It does look like an alien. It's got that long weird tail. It's got those beady little eyes.

But we agreed yesterday, or last week on the show, that babies, baby possums, okay, we're gonna give a break to the baby possums. They didn't choose to be here. They didn't choose to be possums. What if you're a possum in your next life now? Oh, I know I'm gonna be a possum in my next life. A possum or, I don't know, a possum or a,

I'm not gonna say it. All right, so there's your- Thank you, Caitlin, for helping us jog our memory. That's right, let's wrap this argument up with, Brian's not a huge fan of possums, but I would swerve to miss it if I saw it running across the street. I know it serves a purpose here on earth,

and, but my opinion doesn't change. I still think they look like aliens and they're a little bit strange and roaches and possums. I just don't care for them. So whoever made the comment, whatever your name is, whoever made that post, I welcome you onto the show. We can talk about this like adults, or at least you can talk about it like an adult, and I'll continue to be a child about it. Yeah, Palsom Haters Unite. Here we are at the commercial break. Are you getting these phone calls, text messages from random people asking you if you're a certain name? Like, hey, Bob, how are you? Been a long time. Yeah, now I do. And I get them and I'm assuming they're scams, so I just block them. Yes, they are a scam. Yeah, right. They're trying to

get you into one of these scams where they build a relationship with you. Oh, well, who are you? What's your name? Send me some monies. Send me your account number and I'll... We can be many happy friends if you just send me your account number. What? What'd I do? I thought we were friends. You can't send me $5,000 Western Union? No? Okay. Send it to the Bob, care of Darjeeling Limited. Green guards or whatever they are.

Green dot. Green dot gift card. Green dot gold cards from the American Express. The money, the FedEx men's are on their way. It's a plane full of money. That's really funny. That was back from, was that back from our first season? Yeah.

I had had a... One of my pastimes, because I don't have enough free time, because I have so much free time to be doing this. One of my pastimes was two. That was back when there was just one child, I think. That was back when there was one listener. Astrid. The FedEx Men's Are Coming, I think think is the name of the episodes, probably in the first 50 episodes, I gotta imagine. But one of the things that I like to do is I don't

let the opportunity go by. When a Nigerian prince wants to give me money, I take it all the way. I was sharing this with my brothers. I one time, on an old email account, I one time had like a two and a half year long conversation that started at Clear Channel when I worked at Clear Channel. So this is going back to that. And it went on long after I left Clear Channel. What would happen is the guy, you know, told me he was a, you know, he's Nigerian and he needed to get money out of the country and blah, blah, blah. I strung that guy along for two and a half years with the most ridiculous of requests, responses. You know, I have one leg, I'm trying to get the cow to take me to the thing. You know, my grandma won't let me out of the house because she's having a bad hemorrhoid day. I mean, it's like I had everything under the sun. I just

thought it was funny. I was entertaining myself. And what I think was actually going on, and then he would stop talking to me, he would stop sending emails for a while, and then it picked back up three months later. And the thing was, I start to realize that I'm not talking to the same person. They're just selling it to the next person. See if you can get money out of this guy. See, you know, these are big, big organizations and operations, usually run by, you know, underworld criminal gangs, but they are run very much like a professional office. If you've ever seen these guys that professionally, not professionally, but they bust these guys on YouTube.

They'll like- Netflix had a whole series after it too. I know. And I'm watching these guys who invite the scammers to interact with them. And specifically the type of phishing where they will say, you need to go to this website and type in some information and then we're going to fix your computer. We're going to get to the

bottom of a bank problem. Yeah. We, I get, sometimes I get the one that says, did you just order this $8,500 thing on Amazon? Please log into your Amazon account. And it's like www.scam-2-1-india-.com, right? And you're like, that's not Amazon. You don't ever click a link that someone sends you, you don't know them. But these guys on YouTube, guys and girls, I assume, on YouTube who are fighting this kind of scamming, what they do is they get engaged with the particular guy, they get them all hot and bothered that they're going to get money. And then what happens is they turn it around on the scammer. They're so good at, I guess, programming and computer stuff that they will find the IP address that the scammer is writing from, and then they will log into their cameras.

Yeah, and they'll say, we're looking at you. Is that you? Because I'm looking at you. And the scammers get all freaked out, right? It's great. It's high entertainment. It's high entertainment for 2024. I can't do that. So what I do is when some, what I've been doing for the last couple of years, as we all are starting to get these spam text messages, trying to get you fishing, they're basically fishing for you. What I've been doing is I've been responding to them in multiple different ways and multiple different personas, just hoping I could have a good time with them, hoping I can at least distract them for a couple of days so that they don't have time to scam somebody else, right? I like that.

So, I'd like to, I would love to go through some of these text messages with you because I think, and you know, just to kind of add some more color commentary to this, I understand that if they have your phone number, then your phone number has been leaked on a database of someone that could be scammed. They have more information about you, right? It's not just that they're randomly texting your phone number. They actually know who they're texting, likely, who they're texting, where they're located, and that they have money. You have gotten it all wrong, Mr. Scammer. I don't have any money. Good luck scamming me out of any money. I mean, I don't know where you got my name and information. I don't know how much you paid for it, but it's wrong.

And what happens is, if you respond to them once, then they pass that information along over and over and over again, hoping the next person on their scam chain can get somewhere with you. To all the frustration in the world, I have responded to so many of these people that I now know I'm in the crosshairs. They're really trying to get, someone's trying to get money out of me, but I don't even let it go that far. I mean, I'm never going to give them any bank account information. I'm just having fun with them. I keep on asking them questions. One time I had a guy and I could share this with you if you want to go that far into it, I can share this with you. I had a guy, he called, he texted me, I responded, then he said, you know, oh listen, you know, I actually have a problem. I need to get some money out of this bank account that I have,

like a typical Nigerian. Yeah, it's frozen. It's frozen. But as soon as I can, if you'll just pay me first, I'll pay you back a million dollars. So I had him going. I got him all hot and bothered. I told him I was gonna get my grandma to take me to the Walmart, that I just shat myself, I needed to change my diaper. I took it all the way to Walmart, taking screenshots of other images online

of Walmart's gift card racks, the manager at Walmart. And I kept sending him this stuff as if I was in the Walmart myself, right? And this guy was like, please don't tell anybody what you're doing because then the managers will catch on and they'll want to ask you questions.

Did you send it? Did you send it? Did you send it? It ends with me sending a picture of Long Dong Silver, half hard, right? And the guy is like, you should go to hell for all of your dirty talking. And I'm like, and where are you gonna go for all your dirty scamming? If I'm gonna go to hell, we're gonna go together, brother.

You know what I'm saying? He was sending you pictures of like piles of cash. Remember? That was way back in the day, the FedEx money's guy. Yeah, he was sending me pictures of piles of cash, remember? That was way back in the day, the FedEx money's guy. Yes, he was sending me pictures of piles of cash that he was loading into. A plane. A plane that they were going to send to my front door.

How do you want the money? I want it in cash. Great, the FedEx men's are on their way. That's what he said, the FedEx men's are on their way. And he had a picture of someone pushing like a crate full of someone pushing like a, like a crate full of money into like a C-150 cargo plane. And he was like, we wrapped it individually for you.

Oh, thanks, thanks. I appreciate that. It was awesome. I should have said, can you Christmas wrap it for me and show me a picture? My son likes Mickey, can you please do that? I mean, these guys, they never stop. They're just as bullshitty as I am,

and they're good at it. So it takes one to know one, we go back and forth, left and right. But most of the time it ends after five or six text messages, but I have gotten a few of them to take it pretty far. And it always ends with a picture of Long Dong Silver because that's my calling card. Exactly. Here's a big dick. Take a look at it. All right. I'm going to get my phone. We'll read

through some of these. I think you'll be highly entertained by this, Kirsty. I think so too. So let's do that. If I know you, I will be. Oh, you know that. When I'm sitting here at 10 o'clock at night editing as my children are screaming and my wife is wondering whether or not she has a husband. Brian's just responding to scams. Brian's talking to scammers from Indonesia. Sending dick pics to Indonesia.

If my wife ever looked at my phone, she'd be like, what are you doing? Oh, just sending big dick pics to my friends across the sea. You know how it goes. All right, let me take a break. I'll get my phone and we'll talk through this. We'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course.

And we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. and you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show.

Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm gonna thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is hard to believe that half the year is gone and each year seems to go by faster and faster. But at this halfway point, I think it's a good time to stop, look at some of the accomplishments. And of course, it's also important to check in and see what kind of progress I can make for the other half of the year. One of the people who's been instrumental in helping me do this and stay focused

on the tasks that feel important in my life is my therapist. We talk about therapy a lot here on the show. Chrissy and I are big proponents of it. We do not shy away from sharing our excitement around therapy because it really does work. Therapy can help you smooth out the rough spots in your life but it can also be a place where you can stop for an hour and think about the things that you are doing right. I've said it before and I'll say it again therapy is awesome in the bad times, it

is awesome in the good times and everything in between. And so if you're thinking about starting therapy or you've had therapy in the past and maybe you're thinking about re-engaging a therapist, might I suggest you try our sponsor, BetterHelp. It's entirely online, it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and it's suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and then you get matched with a licensed therapist. The great news is you can switch therapists at any time

for any reason, no additional charge. So go ahead and take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com slash commercial today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash commercial. They'll give you 10% off your first month for being a commercial break listener. It works if you work it, give it a try. Betterhelp.com slash commercial. And thank you to BetterHelp for being a continuing supporter of the commercial break. It's the most anticipated WNBA season in history. So you know what that means.

Court is back in session with Queens of the Court, a WNBA podcast. I'm your girl, Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Jordan Robinson. All WNBA season long, we'll bring you interviews with star athletes, analysis on your favorite teams. And lots of hot takes. Order in the Court.

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contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to any operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Okay, so I got my phone and I just happened to get one of these before we came on air. So I thought I'd talk to you about this one. Ready?

This is what made me think about this in the first place is that I've been doing this for a while. All right. So this text message, random text message from a random, what seems like United States based prefix, but clearly they're not from the United States. I haven't seen you for a while, comma, let's meet. It's great English actually. It's pretty good. I guess they're using AI or something. And I say, oh yes, it's been a long time. After the gerbil got stuck in my anus, I didn't have much free time on my hands as they were stuck in my anus. How are you doing? I miss you so much. To which they just responded, aren't you Isabella? I'm Eileen. And I said, yes, it's me.

It's me, Isabella. Okay. So we got that one going. We'll see how that one works out. But I've got so many more of these. Hold on one second. Anna, are you at work today? And I said, hey, yes, I am. We have 242,000 chicken anuses to test today. So my fingers are a little bit tired, but it's almost Friday. So hopefully we get all those anuses checked in time. To which they responded, oh, I'm sorry, my assistant left the wrong number. I hope I'm not interrupting your beautiful day. I go, well, one of my favorite things in the world is chicken anuses. I guess it's not that bad.

I'm doing what I love. And then I said, how are you doing? They didn't respond. I think they figured out that I was fucking around with them. Okay. My assistant gave me the wrong number. Here we go. Hey, Delilah, long time no, Delilah. That's a 1927, Delilah.

Hi, Delilah, it's long time no see. Are you free next weekend? Let's get together and have dinner. And I said, hey, Susan, I'm actually flying to Malibu to meet Ron and then we're gonna drive up the coast to go to the winery where we're going to watch whales in San Clemente. And then we're going to take the wagon to get service down in Barksdale. And after that, we're going to go to Hollywood to have dinner with Robbie De Niro. So I'm

not available next week, but can I send my helicopter to pick you up? Are you still getting vaginal rejuvenation done at Dr. Swamp Ass? I've recently had some problems." And they said, sorry, I think I have the wrong number. I hope I didn't disturb your wonderful day. And I said, no, Susan, it's me. By the way, Craig tried to send you that $12,000. Can you give me your bank info again so I can wire it? Stopped right there. Of course it did. Oh, here's one where he says, it says, hi, how are you? I said, oh Lord, my exploding hemorrhoids are back and my gout is flaring up, I'm hanging in there just like my balls. And he says, what are you talking about?

And I said, is this my grandson, Hoagie? And he says, do you want to suck my cock? He said that? Yes. And then he goes, I won't allow you to suck my cock because you don't deserve it. And I go, that is very nasty language, mister. I'm going to report you to the International Council for Small Penises. Do you want me to just send you some gift cards now?

Or do you want to continue the conversation? Okay. So let's see here. There's another one down here. Okay. Hi, how are you doing? How's it going? I said, oh, things are dying because of the terrible llama related accident. Thank God you called, I need a ride to the veterinarian. Oh, here it is. Okay. Here's one of them. It says, hi, how are you?

And I said, not good. And then it says, hi, I'm Diane. Nice to meet you. And she sends a picture of a beautiful Asian woman. Right? Three pictures in a row, actually. Same picture. And by the way, I put this in Google images and it came up a million different places. And I said, that's weird. I just got another picture from another person named Diana. Is she your twin? He says, I don't know. Excuse me, are you Linda? And I said, this is Linda with a Y, not with an I. You know that, Diana. Why are you asking me stupid questions? By the way, how's your mom? What are you trying to tell me? I'm

sorry, it was a mistake that I added the wrong number and I got you. I hope you don't mind. And I said, if you continue to call me Linda with an I, I'm going to get very angry. I asked you how your mom was. She said, she's good. Thank you. Are you a woman? And I said, I'm a woman, 89 years old with a dog named Francine. But Francine isn't doing so well. She got her back leg stuck in her ass. And I don't have a ride to the vet. Can you help? And she says, oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, but I would like to be friends. And I said, only my friends would know how to spell Linda.

She never responded. Oh, this is so much fun. That was a newbie, I think. my friends would know how to spell Linda. She never responded. This is so much fun. That was a newbie, I think. Yeah, that one went on a little too long. These come like every day. So it's just, you know, that one, Cornelius, I didn't respond to that one, Cornelius. I wanna find the one that I went all the way to

that, thank you for choosing, no, that's Angie's list, which is almost as bad as these guys. Lauren Ruffin Is that thing still around? Jared Sildes Yeah, it is actually. They're now called Angie.com and they're actually a sponsor of the show. And I actually use them. This is not an advertisement, but I've actually used Angie and they, sometimes they're lickety split quick and you get someone good. Okay, here it is. It's a really nice weekend. Let's go for an outdoor trip tomorrow. What do you think? And I said, oh, that would be great. I'm taking the Learjet back home in a few hours. Hey, I wanted to send you some money for your trip. Can I get you American Express

gold dot gift cards? Does that work for you? What's your address again? I want to make sure that that gets to you quickly. That $10,000 doesn't need to go." And he says, just send it to the White House presidential palace, to which I send him a picture of a guy holding a dong in between his ass cheeks. And I said, I put this in there too. I hope this brings you many happy holidays. Ha ha ha. The presidential White House palace. The presidential White House palace. Clearly from the United States.

Oh my gosh, Christy, I love these. Anytime you get them, send them to me. I will. So that I can respond. Give me the number so that I can respond. And finally, Hi Jenny, I'm traveling to Atlanta to Mary next month. Would you like to come with us? And I said, Oh yes, I just need a chair for my dog. My dog doesn't do so well on the floor, so I'm always having to roll it around in a chair. And she says, Oh my God, I'm sorry, I think I entered the wrong digit. I hope I'm not disturbing you.

And I said, you're more disturbing the dog than you are me. As the dog got scared and jumped on the floor. Now I'm afraid he's dying. Do you have a veterinary phone number? And he or she says, I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're talking about. And I said, you don't know what a chair is? understand what you're talking about." And I said, you don't know what a chair is? She says, yes, but I think I have the wrong phone number. And I said, no, you most definitely have the right phone number. I'm just wondering if you know what a chair is. She says, I think I have the wrong phone number, but I'd like to be friends. Would you like to be friends? And I said, if my dog survives the floor, I might call you back. Danielle Pletka That was pretty specific too. I'm going to the wedding in Atlanta.

Jared Svelte And they said Atlanta, so they clearly knew where I was, if that makes sense. Oh, here's one I didn't respond to. I wish I would have. Hi, Daisy. Do you have time to travel for Italy together over the Christmas holidays? I said, Oh my God, you know what's crazy? I'm in Italy right now. I came to Rome to check out the opening of Guy Fieri's new chicken wing and Tuna salad buffet. Have you ever smelled Guy Fieri? He smells like Drakarnoui chicken wings. When are you coming? And she says, Oh, I'm sorry. Isn't it Daisy from Thailand? He smells like jacar noir, chicken wings. When are you coming?

And she says, oh, I'm sorry, isn't it Daisy from Thailand? And I said, no, but I do happen to have a Thai food place right down the street from my house. Would you like to meet there? And she says, I'm sorry, I looked up Daisy's phone number and found yours. I guess it's very close to Daisy's phone number. Oh yeah, a person in Thailand has a very close phone number as you. Yeah, that's right. So, she says, or he or she says, so I sent the wrong message. I hope

I didn't bother you. And I said, oh no, no bother at all. I haven't had human contacts in almost three years. I said, I came to Italy, but I've been locked in the room by my parents. And she said, oh no, I'm not trying to talk to a child. Are you an adult? I said, it depends on what you call an adult. I have hair on my penis. So my mommy says that makes me an adult. No response after that.

Chrissy, this is so much fun. I wish we could do these all day long. Hi, Cornelius. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. Cornelius and Delilah. Yeah, Cornelius and Delilah seem to be popular names with these. It's Emily, the veterinarian, my pet is sick.

Are you free right now? Things are bad now. Can you come to my house?" Wow! And I said, no, unfortunately, we just… Unfortunately, a man just walked in with his head stuck in a horse ass. This could be a while. Please send me pictures of your sick pet and I'll do my best to help you.

Which they said, oh, I'm sorry, I think this might be the wrong phone number. And I said, how many other people, how many other vets have a similar phone number? Don't waste my time or I'll have to charge you for the missed appointment. Ah! I love it, I had no idea you were carrying on

with all these people. Oh, here's one. Hello, hello. I'm Vanessa, Anna, you ordered a painting last week. It's finished. Do you have time to pick it up for tomorrow? I said, oh, that must be my mom. She has had my phone and I've been to hospital

with painful proprietism from all the video chatting. And she says, do you have time to pick it up this afternoon? Wish you a speedy recovery. And I said, sure, what's your address? Yeah. Yeah. And she says, Anna, don't you know who I am? Don't you know where I live? You often order from my shop. And I said, Oh, that's my mom. She's been doing the online shopping, but she has clit-toe proprietyism from taking the blue meds. I have to do it because I have

hyper hemorrhoid CIDA. I thought it would be a help since my soft schlong disease is really bothering me. But this must be a big mistake. Her schlong is different than mine. Okay, do you use telegram? Beth Dombkowski They said that? Jared Sienkiewicz Yes. Okay, do you use telegram? They completely ignored what I just said. Okay, do you use telegram? And I said, my mom might be using telegrams. I think that's the way she talks to people when she was young.

I don't know how to do a telegram. She says, no, download telegram on the app store. And there's a bunch of interesting little stickers on it. We can have interesting conversation. I said, oh, my mom doesn't allow me to download those kinds of things. When I turned 30, she gave me my own phone, but I can't download anything.

But I do have a PayPal and I could send you money. Just ask. And she says, no, thanks. Tell me when you have time to pick up the painting. And I said, as soon as my mom recovers from her clitoris, the painting, I mean, it's so strange. Pick up a painting, Chrissy, everybody's got to pick up a painting. Don't you understand? But also get going get on Telegram. What's that? Yeah, go on Telegram, where nothing can be tracked or traced.

That thing cuts both ways, my friend. You know what I'm saying? Okay, and I thought there was gonna be, there was one more that I wanted to share with you. Oh, as promised, here's your Delta Airlines thing, to which I said, I never fly Delta. Hey, are you Dominic Martha? I said, no, I'm Martha Dominic,

but you almost got it right. He said, oh, I'm sorry,ic, but you almost got it right. They said, oh, I'm sorry, I must have gotten the wrong phone number. And I said, did you really? They said, yes, I'm so sorry to ruin your beautiful day. God, there's like a script. I know. And I said, no, no problem,

I'm just here trying to get my wife pregnant. Do you want pictures? And the guy said, no problem. I'm just here trying to get my wife pregnant. Do you want pictures? And the guy said, fuck you. You could have so much fun with these guys. So much fun with these. Why don't we do this? I'll forward you mine. Okay, forward me yours.

Just give me the phone number and tell me what they said. And then I'll respond to them from my phone and they'll be totally confused. Don't be like, hey, I just got this text message my phone and they'll be totally confused. They'll be like, hey, I just got this text message on my other line. Is this Ana? What's that? Is this Ana?

Is this Delilah? Is this Dominic Martha? No, it's Martha Donah. Cornelius? Cornelius. Cornelius? Delilah? I think OpenAI is going sideways on this one.

I really do. By the way, do you like my third grade responses? Not just, I'm here testing chicken anus. Yes, they're amazing. What does my mind always go to the anus? I don't know. It's just one of those things. I wonder if anybody out there does this too. I mean, I can't be the only one that has fun with these.

They're going to come anyway. Somebody's got my number. It leaked somewhere. So if it leaked somewhere, then I'm just going to expect that this is going to come. So, what I usually do is after a period of time, then I'll report it as junk, right? I'll just go back and block it and I'll report it as junk. That's not going to stop them from getting new phone numbers. I mean, for God sakes, there's a million different apps that you can get burner phone numbers from. You can use those things left and right. Now, don't ask me how I know that, but it might have something to do with the show, but

I'm just saying. One of these days, I'm going to break out that old, because I printed it out, and I actually gave it to like, I think my brother one time for Christmas, I put it in a box, I wrapped it, and it was like 27 pages of emails back and forth between me and this guy from back when I back in 2008 or whatever it was and He was a little pissed about the present that was not there when he opened up the box. He's like, what the fuck is this Brian? Your brother my brother And I said listen, it's just me being funny so he got a little fluffed but he took it home and like two weeks later He was like I just took the time to read through most of this. And I got to be honest, it's really fucking funny. They are. He's like, they're trying so hard. And I was like, I know, can you see how frustrated they're

getting? Can you see? You know, this reminds me of, this reminds me that we have not actually checked Nextdoor in a while. The Nextdoor app. Maybe we should go ahead and see what's up on Nextdoor. What do you think? I like it. All right. We're going to have a, I guess, a Tomfoolery related episode as they always are. And yeah, let's take a break and then we'll be back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCB-dio. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast.

And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. That's all for now.

Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. Okay. For those of you that don't know, about a week, week and a half ago, Atlanta had two, three major water main breaks. Yes. Tell me more about this. Like five. Five? Yeah. They just were happening all the- I don't read local news, so I'm totally clueless about this.

And because I don't live in the city of Atlanta proper, I don't get any of those notifications or anything like that. But so what happened? Yes, there were a couple of water main breaks, and businesses had to close. People had no water. We had water, but you know-

Did you have to boil it? Yes, it was all boil water advisory. And this went on for days. And then there were, there was just another one in total. I think there's been six or seven. But why? Is there like an explanation for this? I know.

Was there like water pressure went wild or something? I don't know. Yeah, they haven't come out with that yet. These pipes are like a hundred years old. So yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. More than a hundred years old. So here's a little story and this is piggyback on the next door stuff.

I'm prefacing this because I want you to know that some of these next door related posts have to do with the water. But I'll say this, is that, you know, Atlanta has been notoriously behind on updating its sewer and water and sewage systems so much so that back when we won the Olympics, the 96 summer Olympics to come here in Atlanta, the, I forget, the Environmental Protection Agency started fining the city of Atlanta, like $50,000 a day for years because they were dumping raw sewage into the Chattahoochee River. Yeah, that's right. Because they did not have a sewage treatment plan for all the sewage given the growth of

the city on the back of the announcement that the Olympics was coming here. That's really when the city boomed. You know, in Google Earth, you can do it like a time lapse. And so it goes back as far as 1986, I think it is. So if you watch 1986 through 1996, the city goes fucking apeshit. It's like it goes from, you know, like a smallish medium-sized city to a huge city in just a decade. It's crazy. But Atlanta had to get their shit together by the 1996 Olympics, or the EPA was going to do something about it, I know, but I remember it being a big deal. And so we kind of got our shit together and they've been doing water- Patched other things.

Patched other things, put steel plates on. Here in Atlanta, we fix roads by putting big steel plates that kill your tires. There are great things about Atlanta, and I do love our city, but just like every other city and other cities who have had much more serious water problems, like lead in the water, where is that in? Detroit. Yeah. So, so far we've avoided that kind of disaster, but to have five or six water mains break overnight.

Beth Dombkowski Businesses like the aquarium. My nephews came in town, we were supposed to go to the aquarium. The aquarium had to close on a Saturday when school's out. Jared Ranere They had to drain the water out of the aquarium to feed the rest of the city. And so, is that right? Is that how the story goes? Okay. All right. Just checking. Yeah, but that's an interesting question. But restaurants closed, people didn't have, I mean, whole neighborhoods did not have any water. Yeah, there were city councilmen who were trying to like get special provisions to pay businesses that were unable to make money because of this. And this went on for like four or five, six days

in some cases. So next door is going crazy about this. Of course, I don't live in the city proper, so it really has nothing to do with where I live. We did not have a boil watery, a water advisory, and Nextdoor is local. If you've ever been on the Nextdoor app. Nicole Soule-Nicholson Yeah, you have to put your address in and get confirmed. Jared Saskar Yeah. And then there's like a 10 mile radius that it'll send you the news, unless you request to put it out. But I don't play with the settings on Nextdoor because I only read it for entertainment. The one post I made on Nextdoor got 650 responses, all of them terrible. Like every person was a basically a moron. What did you say?

I don't even want to share it here because I don't want to get everyone on that end of the. It was early on in the pandemic, right? And I put, I made this, some lady was having trouble. Something was going on because of the pandemic, there was trouble. Like, she needed something, she couldn't get something, she was sick. And so, I re, I think I like copied and pasted it. And I said, you know, now's the time to come together as neighbors. Like, you know, we should all band together, we can get through this if we just, you know, a little bit of love and a little bit of care. Right? And I think this is like right first, second, third episode. I know we had started doing the podcast, but I just kind of put this heartfelt, we should help this lady and

we should help each other because it's scary time for everybody, right? Well, I didn't know the average age of the Nextdoor user was 99 years old and they had certain philosophies about life that didn't include caring about giving a shit about anybody else in this world. Wow. Because they were like, you know, fuck this fake pandemic and fuck this bull, you know, I mean, they were like literally going crazy. There was a couple of people in there who were like, you know, well said, we should help, blah, blah, blah. But most people, it was just a platform for them to get on their high horse and talk about, you know, all the problems that the Democrats caused. I guess, I guess that's what they were trying to say.

Okay. So, so I never posted on Nextdoor again, because I realized quickly that this was not my scene. These were not the people, this is not my vibe. Instead, he jumped on Clubhouse. Instead, I jumped on Clubhouse to realize it was my vibe, but everybody else left. It's like going to the party. It's like you walked in with a to realize it was my vibe, but everybody else left. It's like going to the party. It's like you walked in with a turd hanging out of your ass. Everybody left. It's like you took a shit on the floor, I swear to God. We got in there, everything was great for two months, and then just shut down.

I don't know what happened. That clubhouse, man. That clubhouse, that was your thing for a while. There's gotta be a documentary made about that. There has to be. There needs to be. Somebody has to get to the bottom. The rise and fall of Clubhouse.

The rise and three month fall of the best social media app that never was. I know, yeah. It was like an illusion. It had all that valuation and people were just freaking out over Clubhouse. And then. Freaking out, Chrissy, they were freaking out. I mean, at first it was invite only.

I got an invite early on. I joined right, you know, when it started to kind of get, get some traction. And, but I didn't know much. And for those of you that don't know, it was an app that you would talk. Audio social. It was just audio social. Yeah. So you would, it was, it was an app that you would talk. Audio social. It was just audio social. Yeah.

So you would, it was like a Zoom call on an app without video. So basically your little avatar would be in a room and then there would be speakers up above and the audience down below. And this person who was hosting the room could pull people up to speak or they could push people down back into the audience if they were done speaking or just didn't like them or whatever. And it became this whole fucking thing. I mean, there was dramas and problems. Oh yeah, I know. You were hosting, I mean, that was fun. You were hosting some comedy

nights type things, right? Well, it depends on who you ask if I was hosting or if they were hosting. It depends on who you ask. But I had this idea to start the comedy podcast group, right? Yeah. And so I started the comedy podcast group. We hooked up with this guy named Eddie Brill, who booked David Letterman's Comedians for years and years and years. And Eddie was like a stalwart of the comedy community.

Everybody who was famous, who was a notable comedian, had at some point interacted with Eddie because of his position with David Letterman. So Eddie, all credit to Eddie, not to anybody else. No one else interviewed anybody. No one else made those phone calls. No one else connected this. Just to be clear about this,

I'm gonna set the record straight. Eddie said, let's get Bill Burr in. Let's get, who else? There was Suzy Essman from Curb Your Enthusiasm was on there. Who's- There's some good people. Who's the Boston comic that everybody loves?

The guy, shit, he wears a hat, he talks really in low tones, like very monotone. Steven Wright, Steven Wright was on there, but what broke Clubhouse was the Bill Burr interview, and it almost broke me. It was fucking insane. There were thousands and thousands of people in that room. Anyway, I say this to say the clubhouse was a thing for a minute and we were on it and

then it was as if poof, poof, it just went away. It just went away. Sorry, no more clubhouse. Oh, I guess we're not doing this anymore. We went from having like 800 people in a room to having like eight people in a room basically overnight like eight people in a room, basically overnight. Well, what it kind of morphed into then was a lot of conspiracy theory stuff. Yeah, yeah, it always does. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's read Dexter apps. Here we go. Okay, enough with the clubhouse. I don't want to get into it. Okay, I have heard about all the trouble with Atlanta water. I think this is because we have a black mayor. Oh my God. You don't even live in the fucking city and you're going to be racist by default. That's fucking insane. And they don't take it down. Like,

I mean, it's just incredible. Okay. That was starting off with a one banger. This is my cat, Andre. Andre needs fresh water. Do I have to boil? Living nowhere near the boil watery advisory. I found this. I'd like to alert all Brookhaven residents. I saw this snake in the park the other day. I think it's because of the water main break. You think the snake came out because of the water main break? And thank you for alerting all Brookhaven residents. Brookhaven is like 20 square miles.

Don't be more specific or anything. Don't worry about the snake's path. Is it a big snake? What's that? Is it a big snake? What's that? Is it a big snake? It actually is a big snake. It looks like the snake that I put in the river one day. So maybe it is.

Maybe, maybe, hey, maybe it got stuck in the thing. I don't know. Black Lab looks lost. I don't want to approach. That senseless picture of a black Labrador about 300 yards away. Black Lab looks lost. I don't want to approach.

I'm looking for office person one day a week, Tuesdays, four to six hours. Medical clinic. No more information. We have a bathroom wall with a lamp that needs repair. Thanks in advance. No problem. So I just moved and have some appliances I need to buy. Overall, what would you say my next step should be?

Oh my God. Go look at appliances flyers. Yeah. Yeah. Chrissy, I'm not even, I don't even have to look too hard for these. This is insane. Okay. I am recently going to be, I am recently going to be in the city for a while on business and would like someone to look over my cat.

Any good recommendations for interesting places to visit? This puts picture of cat. Look over my cat. Look over my cat. Don't look under. Look over my cat. Looking for recommendations in the John's Creek area. Thanks. Oh. Looking for what kind of John's Creek area, thanks. Oh! Looking for what kind of recommendations? Just recommendations.

Yes. Lost Kitty found. I caught him in a humane trap. A humane trap. Oh, look. Night Ranger, photo by Chuck. That's a good picture of the singer. Jared Sussman That's it. That's all they did. Okay. Looking

for outside membership to tennis. Okay, great. We had a couple of visitors yesterday. Beth Dombkowski It's like no one has a computer. Jared Sussman It's like they don't. Beth Dombkowski But they have a computer in their yesterday. It's like no one has a computer. It's like they don't. They have a computer in their hand. It's their phone. It's like they don't speak proper English or something. They're just making weird sentences. Has anyone ever had experience with angel companion?

Oh no, this is not a funny one. I'm looking for bubble wraps in other packing materials. Do you know where I could get some? Oh my God. Fennex.com? I don't know. Any peeps have good contacts for a criminal attorney? Thanks. How about a region out on next door for a criminal attorney? We need to get our dryer out of our house. Any suggestions for a reputable company who does

this? To get your dryer out of your house? Okay, I guess that's kind of, at least it's giving some more information. Oh, this one is funny. I read this one the other day. I realized that if I needed to take my cat, God forbid, to an emergency vet, I have no clue where to take her. I just recently went to emergency vet near my house. Any suggestions? What? You just realized you have nowhere to take her, but you just recently took her. She took her. Yes. Key found. And so much picture of Key. No other information.

Oh, this is cute. Where? I'm gonna put a picture of Keith. No other information. Oh, this is cute. Yeah, this is cute. Sweet robo hamster, sweet robo hamster. Robo hamster? What's a robo hamster? I don't know, but color me interested. This could be fun.

Sweet robo hamster looking for forever home. How long do gerbils last? I mean, honestly, forever home? It's not a fucking toucan. It's not gonna live 200 years old. What is this, a sea turtle? No, it's a hamster. Okay.

Comes with cage, full of, a bag full of food, my daughter never plays with it and I feel bad. It's low maintenance and the cage tends not to smell. If someone is planning on getting a small pet for their family, this could be a great opportunity to save money. Kirsten Khire, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH, MPH Money. Because they cost so much. I know. This is a very tiny hamster, so it's not for young children. Okay, thanks, Kelly. Actually, I probably would have taken that ham, it looks like somebody's already responded to that. Well, that could have been like a little rat.

Yeah, looking for a fun bus to take 30 older adults to the winery in October. Kelly, you're a fun bus. To take older adults, 30, 30? You're looking for a bus to take 30 older adults to the winery in October. Please no stripper bus suggestions. Stripper bus?

Where is there a stripper bus? You mean like with a pole? Yes, oh my God. This used to be my favorite ice cream dessert. That's a picture of a box from 1928 called ice cream cake roll. Oh, the ice cream cake roll was good. Does anybody else like the band Kiss

looking to start a fan club? else like the band Kiss looking to start a fan club? Wow. Wow. Yours is way better than mine. Oh, Chrissy. You just say, you have younger people living down there. Yeah. I guess that's what it is.

Yamaha keyboard doesn't work, but you're welcome to have it. Okay. I'm calling immediately. That's what I'm looking for. Broken keyboard? Yeah, I'm looking for more shit in my house that doesn't work. I got a room full of it called the studio and I'm looking for additional stuff. Looking for someone to replace cabinet door, expose hinges, and hidden hinges. Please make sure I talk to the manager. Please make sure I talk to the manager. Oh, this is so much fun. Grilled iOS 17 has me a little bit confused. Where did my photos with my husband go?

What are you fucking talking about, lady? Oh, I love it. Oh, here's one. Oh, this is crazy. Oh, here's one. Oh, this is crazy. This is like classic. Can anyone recommend a gutter cleaning service? My husband recently fell off the roof trying to do it himself and I refused to let him give it a second try. This may be a stretch since it's not in the area, but anyone have recommendations for

a farmhouse where I can pet the chickens? That's what they're saying. I can pet the chickens. Pet the chickens. I think you probably don't pet chickens. I'm just taking a wild guess. I haven't been don't fit chickens. I'm just taking a wild guess. I haven't been around too many chickens myself, but oh my God.

Wow. That's too much fun. I need to go through mine. We could go through all. Mine are just, mine are not as good as yours for sure. Oh, I wish that I could just do a whole podcast about next door. That is funny. That gave me the laugh I was looking for.

I woke up kind of wound up this morning and I needed something to decompress. I wish that I could just do a whole podcast about next door. That is funny. That gave me the laugh I was looking for. I woke up kind of wound up this morning and I needed something to decompress me a little bit. You needed to pet some chickens. Yeah. Well, you can pet my chicken. You can choke my chicken too if you want. Ba dum ba ba.

Yeah, check with Jeff on that one first. Yeah, I will. Oh man, I'll tell you what. Okay. Thanks to Caitlin. Caitlin's got her weeks worth of coffee for doing us a favor. We certainly appreciate it. If you have any of these scam or text messages and you've been responding or you'd like someone to respond, send me the information. Do it on our phone line. Two one two four three three three TCB. That's two one-433-3822. Toll free from anywhere in the world.

Don't worry, we'll pick up the charges. You can leave a voicemail or you can send us a text message, which is what 95% of the people do. And so many of you texting us and we really appreciate it. Sometimes it takes a day or two to get back, but we have some great listeners out there. I mean, you guys are wonderful and we certainly do appreciate it.

And then we have some shitty listeners out there too, but well, I guess you gotta take the good with the bad, right? You have to. You absolutely do. So comments, questions, concerns, content ideas, ask Brian's mom, my mom's coming back on the show, I think next week maybe.

My mom's coming on the show, so ask for mom's advice. I miss her too. She's feeling better, so you can ask for my mom's advice, no matter what it is. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, she'll take it all. She dealt with me. Exactly. She's seen it all.

Trust me. There's nothing, you're not going to throw any curve balls her way. And if you would like to be on the show, tell the story, ask a question, whatever it is, let us know. Hit us up on that text message hotline, 212-433-3TCB. TCBpodcast.com, that's where you go. You find out more information about the show, all the audio, all the video, and your free sticker.

Hit the contact us button, give us your physical address, and we will send you a sticker. Guess what, Chrissy? What? It's really coming true. It's really coming true, it's really coming true. We put it in the book and it's gonna come true. Merch drops soon!

Oh! Woo! Astro's working on it right now. Stay tuned at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tik TOK and youtube.com slash the commercial break. Thanks Dr. Phil. I feel like Dr. Phil would use next door. I'm just sharing. All right. Okay. I guess that's all I can do for now. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye.

Goodbye. Bye. I take a dick and keep on lickin'.