The Commercial Break - The Connection Couch Cowboy

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Cowboys can be found everywhere even on The Love Connection couch! Bryan and Hoadley open up Love Connection week with a classic clip from the cowboy episode of TLC. TCB is introduced on a Zoom call as the "show that's not for everyone" Bryan recalls his days a very scared pilot Its Love Connection Week on TCB A cowboy and city slicker go on a date and agree to disagree on everything! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Name something couples do to spark up their marriage. How about get together with other couples? What do I mean? What do I mean? I just mean that uh... Not talk. On this episode of the Commercial Break... I just couldn't believe it. I was like, oh my god, how? Here's like, I don't know how many people in the room. You know, there's some zoom in from all over the place.

And she can't even say two night swords about it. Well, they say it's not for everyone right at the front of the show and I like that because that means turn it off now. That's like a parental advisor. Yeah, explicit lyrics. So one plane relays to the next plane relays to the next plane and that's why part of the reason why there are highways in the sky. Do you know this?

Yes. Is there a highway in the sky? Yes. Like, can you take well-worn paths back and forth? I've seen that on the fight thing on the Delta seat map. Oh, you have? You know, like in the back of the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's just drawings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's that. It's that. Now, how do you think southern women are different than southern California women? Well, just in general, ladies from the South, it just got more 10. They got more 10. They don't have to attend. You know, they got one worry and one worry only.

That's whether or not I'm 10 satisfied. That's right. T and T bagging. Those two things are the only thing we have to worry about down in the South. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. BOOM! Cass again, welcome back to another episode of the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend, Kristen Joy.

Holy best of you, Chrissy. That's you, Brian. My best of you all there in the podcast universe. Now the hell are you. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this The Commercial Break. It's not for everyone, but Fag News and Fiction is guaranteed in 30 seconds or less, or your money back, go to the brand new TCB Podcast.com to collect your earnings and my friends, we're here! We made it! We made it and you made it through the incredible intro. Let me tell you a funny story. I gotta, we have some friends at a place called Pod Fest, which is like an industry thing, right? It's an industry group.

Let's call it that. Trade group. A Hobnob group. A Hobnobber. Yes. We're all Hobnobbing. We're slapping all over our Hobnob. We're big shots.

Yeah. You two can have 500 downloads. I just like saying Hobnobbing with big shots. Yeah, Hobnobbing with big shots. I don't know that any of us could consider ourselves big shots. Actually, there's probably a few in the grip that we consider ourselves big shots.

Not sure they are, but I guess. So I get invited to go speak on a, like for those of you that don't know, my day job, I work in the industry, right? I work in the podcast industry. And so, why anybody trust me with their show? I don't know. But anyway, they pointed to the commercial Reagan, they go, what a rousing failure. They must know

what not to do. Exactly. Do the opposite. Yeah, he's like, whatever you do, Brian, tell us so that we can avoid those things. So I get invited to this, like, you know, monthly group that they do about a particular topic. And the nice young lady on the, and there's three of us, there's three other industry experts that are on there, right? Okay. And so, what on quote, I'm sorry. What on quote, yeah,

quote on quote experts. Because it's kind of intethetical, like a podcast expert, like none of us really use it the other day. Exactly. That's a wild west out here. We're just all try to, you know, have fun and make a buck. So the nice young lady who is presenting,

who's like introducing all of us, she goes, oh, you know, here's our three guests, and I, so Jordan Harbinger is one of them. No one of, you know, friend of ours, you know, I'm sure you've heard. I'm sure you heard the commercials. Sponsors every episode, you know, this guy. So he- But people are hearing our commercials on his show too. We got a every episode, you know, this guy. So he-

But people are hearing our commercials on his show too. We got a review about that. Oh, we did. Yeah. Oh, there you go. So they think Jordan Harbinger. For turning him on? Yes.

Oh, look at that. There you go. One. I paid a lot of money for that one review. So Jordan's there. And so the lady says, you know, one of the things we like to do here at this pod group, you know, is we like to make sure that we tell a, we say something we like about everyone's show who comes up and does the present.

This is like the round of dinner table. What was the best thing about your day? Yes. What was the best thing about your day? What am I thankful for on Thanksgiving? What am I thankful for? So she goes around and, you know, Jordan Harbinger, 40 million downloads of month or whatever, one of the world's biggest podcasters.

So it's not hard to kiss his ass, right? She's like, oh, he's a bigwig. Yeah, interviews the world's most fascinating people and constantly the top podcast ever, whatever. And then she does the other show, which is also a very nice, like summarization of what she liked about the show. And then she goes, this, I swear to God, this is what she said.

This is recorded, and I will get it. I will get the audio of this. She goes, and then there's Brian Green. He is doing the commercial break, and it's him and his friend, Chrissy. And you know what I like about the show? They say right up front, it's not for everyone. So you know that it's probably not for everyone. That's what she said.

And then she moved on. And I was like, what the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Yeah, that's like a sideways, what you like about the show. What she really meant to say is they say right up front is not for everyone. And I was one of those people. It's not for yes God bless. I mean bless her heart. I know just you know, you can't like every podcast, but it was clear

Yeah, she was quickly trying to move on from what she liked about it. Yeah, and get it. We're not everybody's That's why we have the tagline is not for everyone. It's not for everyone It's like a wacky morning zoo crew combined with dirty locker room talk. It's just an obnoxious show. And guru type, you know, downward dog. Yeah, downward dog upward bird, reverse cowboy. Wait, have a look at all here, pigeon. Peacock.

I just couldn't believe it. I was like, oh my God. Here's like, I don't know how many of you are in the room. You know, there's a zoom in from all over the place. And she can't even say two night swords about us. Well, they say it's not for everyone right at the front of the show. And I like that because that means turn it off now. That's like a parental advisor.

Yeah. The explicit lyrics. Yeah, she didn't like the fact we were talking about. Pudendas at the top and the bottom of the row. Sorry, sorry, lady. But God bless you, I know you have a tough job. I'm not trying to bust your balls. I'm sure it was.

I don't think she's listening. Of course, she's not. She didn't listen to three seconds of the show. She saw the title. She read the show notes and was like, I'm not reading. That's trash. It's making the podcast industry look horrible. Sorry. Sorry.

They stood around. Each to each to their own. We run around the studio here and I was professionally mocking up our camera angle. And so in order to get some lift on the camera, I just had to take a book and put it under one of the tripod feet. And what I got was what I just happened to grab off the bookshelf, which I haven't seen in years, is my flight. What do they call it?

Flight log? Yeah, my flight log and official record. Yes. Which every pilot gets pretty much your first flight or your second or your third, certainly. You get a flight log had official record. Yes. Which every pilot gets pretty much your first flight, or your second or your third, certainly. You get a flight log, it's got just a lot of lines and then a couple of columns about things, you know, it's like, it took up this time,

that time took off from here, left from there, and then you're supposed to write the notes, right? Write the notes about the flight. It's if anything went wrong, if anything went good, where did you go, how did you do it, what flight, what level did you make did you make, all this other stuff. You got to make notes about the flight, and then you have to exactly time your flight. Because flight hours are an important indication of how experienced you are and can make or

break you getting a license. So I was like, oh my God, my flight log. And it's like 26 hours or something. It's nothing. I have no hours. You have to have like 10,000 before you get in the captain's seat for a Delta plane. And so I have 26. I don't even have enough to qualify.

You made a first step. I did. Or yeah, first fly. First fly. I think I told this story many, many episodes, probably an episode number 12 or something. That when I got my brother-in-law wanted to be a pilot. He is training to be a pilot. Actually, he's passed a lot of his tests. He's almost there. He's almost a commercial pilot. And so one day he says he's here in Atlanta and he goes, I want to go look at some schools here

in the United States for flying. And there's a very famous one down in Daytona. And we happened to be in Florida at the time. And he arranged a tour. And then the whole family to be in Florida at the time and he arranged a tour and then the whole family was down in Florida and on the way up, Danny and I were gonna split off from the group and we're gonna go spend a couple days touring these schools, these two schools. And so we went and you know, it was like a very professional buttoned up operation.

Lots of student pilots there, you sleep there, you eat there, it's a college. You're a really intensive program. And then when we got back to Atlanta, he's like, well, let me look and see if there's anything in Atlanta because of course his sister lives here and maybe that's a smart idea to do that. So we go to this pilot school,

which is based out of the back of, you know, like an old airplane hanger in an office upstairs that is clearly not the same experience as the real deal school. It's literally a couple of offices with a flight simulator that more looks more like an attendee. Like an Hark or a Tari Gage.

Yes, that's what it is. It's really, but the guy who runs the school is like the coolest dude ever. And what he's really doing is he's running a school for children to learn how to fly. That's his focus. That's his main, that's his thing, right? He flies, he teaches children teenagers from 12 to 20. How to fly

Plants for you was perfect for me. Yes. So we get in. So Dan, so the At the other flight school, the professional one, we took a tour. We sat down. We talked to people. You saw the facilities You got to look at the planes, but you did not go up in a plane, nor did they let you fly one. That was the opposite of what happened when we came to Atlanta. We went to this small, a private airport, not small, actually. It's a private airport called Peach Street to camp. Yeah, I've been there. The first thing the guy does is, as soon as we walk in, there's like, hey, hey, hi, five, slap, slap, yeah, cool, cool, man, yeah, you know what the best way to get to know if whether or not you want to be at my school and I want you at my school, let's hit the, let's hit the skies.

Let's hit the skies. And I'm like, wow, Danny, you get to go fly. And he's like, oh, you're, you're going to, it can fit, you know, you can fit in the back. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, for me, I'm the kind of afraid of heights, you know, it's not my thing. The second we get up in that fucking air, like this, the whole experience, he, by the way, he puts Danny in the driver's seat, who has about as much experience as anybody on the street flying a plane, none, right? And immediately Danny's flying the plane.

Immediately, the guy's like, he just lets Danny fly the plane. Danny gets out the checklist, the whole nine yards. So I'm like, wow, I'm not only am I really nervous, and then we get up into the, we're fucking 3,000 feet, 3,500 feet in the air. And he's like, all right, let's practice some stalls. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

don't stall this plane. But of course, you know, no one's listening to me. So I think you turned off my headset at one point. So you hear my little girl screaming in the back. This is such a crazy experience, fun experience that I decide when Danny goes back to Venezuela. I decide I'm going to go to that school. I remember this. And I talked to Astrid about it.

She's like, no, I don't like this idea at all. But, you know, I can't stop you from doing something you want to do. And this is before the podcast, by the way. So I really had a lot of extra time in my hands. So the scene for- And you were one kid less. Yes, one kid less. I was two kids less.

I had no kids. I had zero children. Yes, that's right. So I go there and I don't know why I thought it would be any different. I kind of thought that Rohan would like this guy Rohan would take me up and he would show me like Danny had had a little bit of experience on a plane. I had no experience sitting in that seat.

But no, no, no, no, no. Rohan's like, no, you're flying the plane, bro. And I'm like, I don't know how to fly a plane. He's like, how do you think anybody learns how to fly a plane? You didn't know how to drive a car when you got into a car the first time. And I was like, I don't know how to fly a plane. He's like, how do you think anybody learns how to fly a plane? You didn't know how to drive a car when you got into a car the first time. And I was like, I guess that's true, but it was in a parking lot in the church.

I was gonna take the ground. Yeah, I can't fall from the sky. And he's like, listen, it's not that hard. Just, it's a two-seater plane. Like, you're gonna figure it out. I'm right here with you. Anything goes wrong. I gotta set a controls.

We'll figure it out, right? Yeah. Cold comfort, but anyway. As long as he doesn have like a heart attack when you're I know and that's has happened yes people had that has happened to student pilots some reason the other pilot gets incapacitated and they end up yeah I mean trying to fly the plane there's well-known cases of people landing commercial jets and they have no fucking clue what they're doing, right? So... Case in point the movie airplane. Yeah, case in point. There's like a blow up doll. I know, the blow up doll landed.

It's so can we. They basically fly themself. It's take off in landing part that's really, that's really you're doing. And then if you get into bad weather or sticky situations or an engine falls off or something like that. But no shit, this guy lets me fucking fly the plane. And I am like, holy shit.

So I, I, that is really hard rain. Yeah, that is like, my roof's about to come off. I'm so hard. It's like, it's like, it's like, crazy. Welcome to Atlanta in 2022. It never stops raining. We live in a fucking rainforest right now. So I get to the end of the runway and he's like,

punch it, go. And I'm like, okay, so I'm like slowly, throttling and up, he's like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, and I'm like slowly and he takes my hand and he pushes the throttle. He's like, you gotta fly it. You gotta get it for speed.

We fly and then we land. And the landing was the scariest part about it. Sure. So I did this however many times. 15 times maybe, I don't know, however many times I have in my little book. What's interesting to know, Chrissy was saying, well,

and I said, everything is so controlled. You have to write everything down. If you have any interactions with air traffic control, you have to report those, You have to write everything down. If you have any any any any interactions with air traffic control You have to report those they have to report them like everything is so controlled and monitored and recorded everything is Recording and she says well That's certainly not like these shows we see like from the 70s when they're just flying planes and dropping those out of the bottom I know I'm watching there's an Netflix shows where they're just there these pilots that just go all over wherever But they still yeah, you can still do that right?

You just have to check in with air traffic control. Okay. And then you're cargo. Yeah, you know you would say that. Coconut. Yeah, it's like, you know, uh, yeah, no, no, November Sierra, one, two, seven, five, I'm heading down to the keys and I've got my friend Pablo,

Juan Pablo with me. We're gonna pick up squarely pick up some bananas. And then we're gonna drop him in the ocean and we'll be back real soon. You don't even say that. You don't even have to file a flight plan if you fly under a certain level. If you fly in the ocean, there is no air traffic control.

What there is is there's a relay system. So one plane relays to the next plane, relays to the next plane. And that's why part of the reason why there are highways in the sky. Did you know this? Yes. There are highways in the sky. Yes.

Like you take well-worn paths back and forth. I've seen that on the flight thing on the Delta seat map. Oh, you have? You know, like in the back of the seat. Yeah, yeah. You know, there should just drawings. But it shows the Chris crossing over all the US and everywhere. It's a pretty drawing.

So what I find interesting about, I was reading about, there's two main flight paths to go to Europe. And they light up in the night and they light up in the morning because that's when these planes fly, right? And they fly that way for a certain reason. So that, you know, there's some protection around, you know, the power in numbers and all this other stuff. And flying over the ocean is still a rather dangerous thing

to do, even though there's not a lot of accidents. It's still a rather dangerous thing to do. And it's getting more dangerous. And you know what, I know why? Because of the changing environment, the changing weather. And pilots are more and more frequently reporting know why, because of the changing environment, the changing weather. Oh, that's true. And pilots are more and more frequently reporting that in the middle of the ocean, like over the Atlantic, especially, there are these really incredibly intense pockets of air.

Yeah. Pockets of air that are coming up from the warm water and they're causing all kind of drama. I can see that. Yeah. It's getting scary to just fly between the mother fucking morons that get on every one of these planes. I got a fly in a week and I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

I don't want to get on a plane with a bunch of other cocksure human beings who are all entitled to what they're entitled to. And it seems like every flight something goes wrong. Well, let's think positively. Which we think positively about. The flight or your flight that's coming up. Okay. I'm going to put the vibes out there.

Everything goes smoothly and you don't have a bunch of cock sure. I hope I don't have a bunch of cock sure. In this case, I would rather fly with a plain-for-a-peak-ock. Rohan. Rohan. Rohan was the best. In this case, I would rather fly with a plain from a peacock. Rohan. Rohan. Rohan was the best. I don't know how ahead was the best, because he had a give a shit.

It's just like turn off the engine. You're like, turn off the engine. What do you mean turn off the engine? Yeah, we got to install, just turn it off, then we'll turn it back on. He used to do this. He's a little star. And I don't think this is a little star. That's what I was always thinking.

And he would do this thing, and I know that every pilot goes through this, right? Where you either put something in front of your eyes or they make you cover your eyes. Oh, I have it. It's gonna. They cover your eyes, your hands off the, hands off the steering wheel, hands off the yoke, then you cover your eyes, and then they disorient the plane. They'll go down into the right, up into the left, right? And then they they'll take their hands off the yoke and then they'll go okay open your eyes Yes, I know and then you have to figure out where you're at what you're doing. It's highly disturbing

I mean it's like highly disturbing but it's so that you have some spatial awareness That's what they're trying to create somebody wears an up in the plane today with the ring. Oh my god That's crazy now you can't fly like that. You can't fly, they have rules. So it's the thing about flying is you've got to have some ground rules set. Yeah, I think it's generally a good thing that you're not flying around.

You remember that guy, the In Seattle, that took that plane for a joyride? Do you remember that? He was flying all around the East Coast and he was talking to the guys. He was like, I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm just having fun up there. They were like, yeah, cool.

You mind bringing that thing down? Can you do that? They were like literally trying to push him out into the ocean. They were like, why don't you just take a left hand turn and head out there toward the ocean where nobody else will get hurt. And he eventually ended up crashing the plane like on purpose.

It's fucking unbelievable, unbelievable. I have, we're gone right now. We're gone, we're out of the studio. So I mean, when, not we're literally out of the studio, we're in the studio currently. Yes, in the rain. As physics require us to be in order to talk to you like this. We are taking a break this next couple of weeks.

And so we're really excited to present to you a couple of themed weeks of the commercial break we've taken, I've kind of taken some of the requests that we've gotten and I've said, okay, these are the top pops. And the top pops that are being requested right now, the top of the pops, is love connection and mountain monsters. Okay. Two of our favorites. One of the gentlemen who requested love connection was actually on the love connection. Oh my god. And he has a story to tell about love about what happened after the love connection date that he went on. I love it inside, inside scoot.

It's the inside skinny. It's the inside scoop. I have verified the information to the degree that I can verify. Let's be honest. I'm not like really trying to verify anything. I would give a shit. We don't back check. Yeah, I mean, this is all the stories we've told on here. People just send those in. I assume they're true, right? Because I assume they're true, because I don't want to do any additional homework.

I'm tired, guys. I'm tired. Do you think I'm up all night verifying your facts? What am I? I'm watching Did the fucking post. Uh, so I want to present that story on Wednesday, but since today's Monday, let's get warmed up So I want to present that story on Wednesday, but since today's Monday, let's get warmed up and let's bring the listeners up to speed on exactly

what the love connection is. So Chrissy, I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do. And we all know the love connection. The venerable 80s and 90s dating show. No in love. We know and love it.

It's the blind date show that we all that kicked all of these dating shows off. Really. I mean, I really did. It's no G. I mean, I guess. I guess there was not love connection, but the dating game, which was very first. There was a dating game. There was a newlywed game. Those two. Well, newlyweds, you're already wed. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. But there were some swingers out there. Okay, so let's delineate the line. So take out the newlywed game,

but the dating game was really the OG OG. Okay, I don't quite remember much about the dating game. The dating game was one girl or guy would sit on one side, and then there would be three eligible backpillars on the other side. She would ask questions. Oh, that one. Yeah, but what we learned about that is it was generally rigged.

It wasn't real, there were a lot of celebrities that came on. It was kind of like the, I don't know, it was a slick, it was very highly produced. Not that the love connection wasn't. Not like any of the shows that we were just coming to the day. Not like in the show, yeah. Seeking sister-wise.

Those are all like non-script scripted not highly produced. It's real. That's right. It's actually real. That TLC is full of real shows. MTV. Well, oh my God. MTV.

What a trash. I don't even think that that bucket sure made it three episodes. I don't see it anymore. I think it's not going to look back. I haven't gone either, but it's all. I don't see one commercial like I was watching MTV the other day. And I watch it for an I haven't gone to look back or it's all I don't see one commercial like I was watching MTV the other day and I watch it for an hour hour and a half. I didn't see one fucking commercial for that bucket. If it was a hit, it would be on every commercial

break. And people would be talking about it. I haven't seen anything on my news feed about it. There's not been any PR. No people. No time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, times times times people in the year the fuck it's my dad owns a taco stand and I like put in times man of the times man of the year Buckhead Shore boy my dad is a millionaire and I live at the lake. I'm changing minds. What? Unbutt lighter than time.

I am a Ryan. Not Ryan. It's Ryan. I'm named after the stones and my daddy's belt. Oh, Brian. And I made a whole class of human beings called Lake Boys. We're the Lake Boys. The Lake Brothers, the same dude with brothers. Yeah, the Lake Bros.

But we include girls. This is 2022 and we're cool. And now I'm bringing all six of my ex-girlfriends and some of my other poised, racially diverse, of course, to come up to the lake and hang out with me. It's a great idea. It was time to scum. Uh, lasted one episode. Right.

Lasted one fucking episode. Somebody tell me if I'm wrong about that, by the way. I just don't give a shit. I tried to watch the very first episode, and I just couldn't even get through it. I was ready to laugh about it. I wanted to talk about it on the show. It wasn't even funny.

Yeah. It wasn't even like parody funny. Like if I watch an episode of the first Jersey Shore season or door two, I could probably find that to be really still very funny. Absolutely, yes. Because they were actually interesting human beings. But these six Yahoo's, they got up at that lake.

That's not even close to Bucket. And a lake with some sugar babies, some literally some people whose parents have the money, is not at all stimulating in any shape, way shape, or form. Yeah, it would make fun of you. And why do I care that your ex-girlfriend is coming up to the lake? And who are you?

And why don't you give a shit about your love life? And why do I care that you get all the pussy? Cares it, but the pussy. Pud. Geez, little wheeze. Settle down MTV, stop with all the bullshit. Yeah, stick with what you know. Beavis and butt head, teen mom.

There's a movie coming out. Those two things, there is a movie. Hey guys, it's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. about had Teen Mom. There's a movie coming out. Those two things. There is a movie. Hey guys, it's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. Chrissy and I are out of the studio for the next couple of weeks, but don't worry, we got brand new, fresh episodes lined up in the can ready to go just for you. And when we get back, you can expect some big changes to the commercial break. I'll leave you in suspense for the next couple of weeks, but until then, visit our YouTube

page, youtube.com slash the commercial break, and watch full episodes in their fully edited glory. Go to the website, tcbpodcast.com, listen to any of the audio, or watch any of the video right there from the website. You can also contact us, we'd love to hear from you. Comments, questions, concerns, or content ideas can be sent through the website at the contact us button or 661-237-8296. That's 661, the word best, the number 2, y-o-yo. And while you're thinking of us, please do leave us a review or a rating on your favorite podcast player and make sure to visit our sponsors with the specialized URL and use the codes

that we give you for free shit and let our sponsors know that TCB sent you. Enjoy the last few weeks of the waning summer and we'll be back soon to keep this train chugging along. Let's hear from our sponsors and we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break. Anyway, we are way far off the market as far as love connection is concerned. So let's get back to that. So I present you with a week of love connection, love connection, the Venerable 80s and 90s

for the first real blind date type show. Guy or a girl sits on the couch with Chuck, they give him three options and either they pick one of the people, or the audience picks one of the people, they go out in a blind date and they don't videotape it, they come back to talk about it. Now, or the audience picks one of the people, they go out and apply and date, and they don't videotape, but they come back to talk about it. Now, or both, because really what happens

is if the person picks, does the picking out it for themselves, and then it doesn't work out, and they go back to the audience and say who the audience picks, and if they didn't pick the same person, then they get another shot. That's true, there's up to two dates. Actually, I think I've seen one character on there

three separate times. Yes, because of something happened. Like the date never showed. A really old. Yeah, it was like the date never showed. It was a really weird episode. The date never showed and then she never contacted the producers again.

And it was like a weird kind of, in a very, it was early ghost, a formatting show. Yeah. Wait and see you here, this guy's Wait and see you here this guy's story. When you hear this guy's story, you're gonna wonder what was going on

on all these love connection episodes, too. So I'm gonna give you a choice here, right? I've got three separate love connection episodes that are loaded up into the old T-subiminator. And I would like to give you the option. Okay. Now there's a bad date. There's one where the couple just didn't get along

all that well and it's a bad date. There's one where the couple just didn't get along all that well, and it's a bad date. There's one where the guy starts out by explaining his car has been painted like the Batmobile with bats on it. You can imagine what kind of human being drives around a Batmobile. Yeah. Or there's a real life cowboy that goes on a date with a lady.

Oh, let's go with the cowboy. Cowboy it is, there you go. Okay, ladies and gentlemen Let's talk to He's even the golf equipment Go to tcbpodcast.com you watch the video or you can go to the commercial break Go to tcbpodcast.com if you watch the video or you can go to the commercial break YouTube.com slash the commercial break and you can follow along with Chrissy and I here on the video and I'd like to let you know that for those of you listening at home that our boy Wayne here is in golf equipment sales He's 48 years old. He's divorced and he's wearing a fucking 10 gallon hat a huge one a huge one. With a, like, a art deco, bright pink.

Button down. Button down. Short sleeve shirt. Okay. Go for the short sleeve shirt. He's very tan too. And it has a mustache. Yeah.

I have a feeling this is one of those southern guys that ain't so southern. Here's country western dancing. He especially likes women who wear quarter jeans. Please welcome Wayne Kelly. Quarter jeans. What wear quarter jeans. Please welcome Wayne Kelly. Quarter jeans. What are quarter jeans? It's kind of like a quarter boner.

It's... It goes up halfway, you know? Talk it about. They like the quarter. They're stiff and they go up halfway. I'm going to guess the quarter jeans, the quarter genes, mean that you can see the heads or tails if you put a quarter in the back pocket. Ooh, I have not watched this.

Okay, but let's see if you explain. Yeah, I think I've heard this term before, when I was like, you know, 12. Tight genes, it's very tough. Yeah, something about reading the quarter. Urban cowboy tights, that's right. Yeah. And if ever there was an urban cowboy,

it's our boy Wayne here. Who's in golf equipment sales? It's golf equipment sales. I think what he means golf equipment, I think he means like the machines that fertilize the lawn. Yeah, the lawnmowers. Yeah, I don't think he means like, you know, putters. And you get that, got that Garth Brooks hat on there. Yeah, I don't think he means like get out putters Got that Garth Brooks hat on there

Well, let me ask you some quarter quarter jeans. Let me see what I guess this because I've never heard the expression So I'm gonna try to guess it when they put a quarter in the back pocket you can read the Just kind of figured that might be what it was. That's right. Like I'm so tied. And when you put that quarter into it. Those are hard to get off, way. I like them so tied that literally cut off bun foot in the lower extremities. I like when a woman can't walk at the end of the night and I'm dragging her into the emergency room saying, cut these jeans off with these casts off. Yeah, there's a hard to get off too. I'm just saying Wayne

These think I give shit Chrissy This is Wayne here, and I'm telling you right now But I put those you paint those jeans on girl paint them on I don't where I'll figure out take them on I'm a golf equipment Get a butter down. I got a machine for that put a putter down there Try to lose if you can fit the putter down there, it's too loose. I take a T and I just start peeling it off like a tuna can. Oh, yeah. Well, I'd say better. I like that better than the date. That's right. Now,

how do you think southern women are different than southern California women? Well, just in general, ladies from the South, they just got more time, you know, they got more time They don't have to attend, you know, they got one one worry and one worry only and that's whether or not I am satisfied That's right T and T bagging those two things are the only things We have to worry about down in the South these LA girls are running around trying to get jobs and out in the South. These LA girls are running around trying to get jobs and driving cars and all kind of crazy crap. Crazy. We're not here always in a hurry. You know they got no time to do nothing. They just like they always in a hurry to get somewhere and do something. And check their machine. That's right. Because they're beeper running or

they're telephoning their car. You know, down it, putting their eyelashes on to going down the freeways. But where around from, they just take, they just take a lot slower. So you like that? They ride their horses to the store, pick up some, pick up some cans of breast milk, get some pie crust and they make me some turtle, turtle soup. It's a lot better down there, Chuck. You get the warm, the weather's warm.

Y'all to come on down. That's right. I like how he says that's right. Anybody who says that makes me feel comfortable. It's like Matthew McConaughey. That's right. That's right. I saw Matthew McConaughey in an interview recently.

He's looking a little weird. Yeah. Nice. He's looking a little weird. He hasn't eaten in a couple of months. That's a good one. Maybe. I'm going to take a look at the tapes of Wayne Sauner.

Remember, you're going to vote again. First, they're Sharon. She says that she resembles Baud Derrick. Her interests include going to amusement parks and museums. She likes men who are between 37 and 50 and haven't been married more than twice. And here's some other things. Sitting by far.

Hi, there. Excuse me. She likes. and haven't been married more than twice. And it has some other things. Sitting by far, I think. That's easy. She likes. I like all the little notes on the pillowcase and the chocolate on the in the wine and the bathtub and the ticuesy and. That's you, Brian. And I do write part of the romantic.

I am a romantic. You really are. Yes. Until I had children, I was a high romantic. Now romance is I'll wake up and take the kids for an hour. Now let me put me down for a nap for you. If it used to be all that stuff, I would do it. I remember when you were first day in Astro that I came over to your place and you guys had the little nose. We had the nose everywhere. It was so sweet. I put a thousand roses in her bridal suite for our wedding. That's right.

That's right. Wow. What an incredible waste of money. You really wrote for her. I did. Look at us now. Honey, I'll be in the studio. With every passing episode, and that's where realize is more and more what she got herself

really into. She's like, you did mushrooms, etchers. Graduation? No, no, no, that was cocaine. I did mushrooms at my baptism. I was an early adopter. Legal in three states. One tree and I keep a journal

and I like sending cards and surprising somebody I care about. Next Carol was born and raised in Michigan. Geez, you send the card now, you get it next month. I mean, it's not surprising anybody. That's true, but I would do you have a story about that. So one time I worked down the street from a CVS. And so on my lunch break, sometimes I'd like to just take a walk.

And sometimes I would go to the CVS and I got into Abitify and Jeff. Like the cheesiest card card ever. Or like the most inappropriate ones ever Back up worth of the cards I was funny for Christmas. I would often I would give real gifts For Christmas I used to give Three facts and a crap so you'd get like four gifts from me, but one of them would be like an empty dastardry.

Yeah, right. Or a happy Bob Midsfacard with a picture of a naked man with a three foot. It's fun. It's fun. My brother's hated it. They hated me. They're like really, right? Yeah, it's fun for the giver. It's not fun for the giver. Yeah, I stopped it because brothers hated it they hated me. They're like really brother. Yeah, it's fun for the giver It's not fun for the gather. Yeah, I stopped it because everyone hated it. They hated it. We can do it. Yeah, we do it sure

I'll give you a shitty gift. Yeah, no problem Here here's the T and T CV Look, it's the wire that doesn't work from our studio Fix that okay, yeah, it'll the wire that doesn't work from our studio Fix that okay, yeah, look come with the card the instruction manuals that they have sex on the brain She's looking for a rugged man who like Your thing there and we ask her how she feels about making the first move here's what she says Sales I never know anybody in forklift sales I bet that's a lucrative business get the right account. Yeah, if you like Amazon

Amazon wasn't around back then but you're rolling in it. Yeah, I should you Wait for something to happen if you want to happen make it happen You know why sit back and wait I mean the years keep ticking by You know and you want to sit there being 80 years old and wish you had done all these things you never did. True. So that's why I sunbathe nude at my son's soccer games. I'll figure out. I'm not getting any young girls. Hello. Yeah. Yellow card. Or people you wanted to go out with and you never did. So, why not go for it? Did that say, did that say she's in forklift sale?

Yes, she should be too tough a job. I mean, you either need a forklift or you don't, right? I'm just guessing. Finally, Katie, she says that she rarely date. She doesn't think that her looks are bad, but she thinks that her personality is their best attribute. She's looking for a man who will take her fishing and get a good ball game.

I'm just gonna go out there and say it. Yeah. This lady could be 32 and she looks 89. For those of you that can't see, she's got that permacurral. I mean, it's a boofa. It's a boofa that you see on, you walk into any way. It's like a Betty White boofa, but it is,

she's got brown hair. Walking to any senior citizen home. I don't even know if that's brown. I way it's like a Betty white bouffant but it is she's got brown hair walk into any senior citizen home I don't even know if that's brown I think that's like fire engine red yet walking to any senior citizen home and this is the only hairstyle that seems to be going on with the female sit there maybe it's just like at some point that's the only hair style you can do right maybe my Maybe my grandma had it for two and a five fucking years. Yeah, give it a little volume. Jesus, 40 cents. We got bartender. Oh. I will give anyone the first chance. I will give you my heart.

If you need something, I'm going to give it to you. Just don't betray me. Because then I will murder you. Hey, anybody on the first chance, I can be my heart. The first chance, my heart. Second chance, my pocketbook. Third chance, a nine millimeter straight between the eyeballs. I'm on my third husband. I mean, I'm on my third dead husband. That's what I mean.

As a loyal abilities, if you betray me me that I can be a mean little woman Spice it those are the three women that Wayne had to choose from time for you to pick the one that you think it'd be best Because the audience is picking this one Going to seems like they're going to I'm yelling loudly hoping somebody else changes their mind Well, I'm not decided on this one. Let's see what the person next to me says. It's stupid. Audience has made its choice.

Wayne's gonna tell us who he picked. I picked Sharon. Oh, yeah. That's the right choice. That's the right choice. Yes. I'm trying to find out everything that happened on Wayne's day tomorrow. That's our show for today. All right.

We'll be back tomorrow with Wayne and more singles trying to make a lot of action. Okay, now we're just fast forward. Until we get Wayne back in. To the tomorrow. Yep, here we go. Oh, he's got another outfit on. She is at Rotten.

Well, I started. Sorry, I missed a part there. There we go. Back to USA law. No. She said no. You can't choose. That's right.

She is at Rotten. Well, I suppose. Well, why did you care? I mean, he chewed. So what? Put a little paint between your cheek and gum. So are you happy that he didn't chew? Well, I was delighted he didn't chew, although he still

spit. I think he's so used to chewing and spitting. He spit anyway. You just start to salivate when you're out there on the golf course. OK. Well, you got half of it anyway. You still got to spit. That's good. So I'm too bad. Better to get half in there. So now what's happened? Well, we played 18 holes.

You know, I played pretty good. He took her out to a full-bone golf game. Like not putt putt. Why this guy called a virtual store? The beginning of this guy caught. Yeah, he wants to play 18 holes. Do you know what 18 holes of golf is? It's nine really fun holes of golf and followed by nine fucking miserable holes of golf. And I went to like the practice range. I'm one of our first. Yeah. Okay.

But you know that I wanted to go. Yeah, hitting balls. That's a story. Just stop when you're I wanted to go. You're the hitting balls. That's a historic. Just stop when you're done and you go have a drink. Yeah, this is like a full blown. This is a whole different story. Even, I think even the professionals, if I hold number 13, they're like,

God damn, what's this gonna be over? I mean, I love golf as a sport. I think it's wonderful, but I don't do it anymore. You want to know why? It's fucking expensive and it takes up an entire three days to do it. It's like, you I don't do it anymore. You want to know why it's fucking expensive and it takes up an entire three days to do It's like you have to spend so much time and I never ever have fun after the 13th hole never I hate it

Well the only time to go is when it's warm. Well, yeah, I mean, I believe I've planned it well golf planning when it's cold too, but that's in the different Contents of Nisable Executive course. Yeah, you do the executive course. I'm gonna start putting together a par two course. You know what I'm saying? Like 50 yards a piece. It's definitely just par two course. Yeah, it's a par two executive. It's a par cheesy course. That's it. Oh, that's a par cheesy. So we're actually doing putt putt. Yeah, putt putt. Like 20 yards, you know, it's a great guy. It's a great chip and putt, chip and putt. Playing for a long time, Sharon hasn't played too long, and she did the best that she could,

and she hit the ball at, and... You know, she basically sucked. Chuck him just saying, yeah. If you don't play, and then you're going on a first date? Well, I kind of expected she had more time to practice. I mean, I ask a woman down south to go golfing with me, and... That's right, she comes with a golfing coach

and a brand new outfit and basically it's a fair game but this girl she's too busy putting on her makeup in her car pay attention to golf practice southern LA fucking southerners we're the best he had a pretty nice time good time yeah gotcha what I had a good time golfing except for the lessons from the first tea to the last tea I had a good time golfing except for the lessons from the first tea To the last tea I had instructions throughout what is he 10 cop Kevin Koster

Get behind her going here. I think your kids are getting away. Let me hold those for you I think your brawl is inhibiting your back swing. Why don't you take that off? Oh, I'm fast right there. You'll be able to move easier. You really got to take your pants off in order to get that hip movement. That's right. Don't worry. No one can see you except for all those other people.

Focus on the ball. Don't focus on my balls, Jays. Good. So creepy when you go to give instructions. Yeah. I've done golfing with girls that I've dated before, but it certainly was not even like in the first 10 days, right? As, and we did do executive course in only nine holes.

Yeah. So it's like an hour experience, hour, hour and a half, right? And... Did you get behind? I'm gonna be a little... Maybe! If I had been, once or twice when I was dating the person for like months, and it was kind of joky, right?

I'm just sharing. I'm sharing. I'm sharing. I'm sharing. Wait, tell me you're hunting a way. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Let me show you. Yeah, go ahead give behind you behind the bush and let me show you

Don't worry about your club. I got one right here Here's my nine iron She's like it's more like a one wood Come here let me give behind you and I'll show you that. That was his move. If you just had more time. Well, sometimes I can be helpful and sometimes it can be... I take exception to that. Do you? Yeah. I warned her on the first tea that I was bad about that. And all she had to do is if she'd had enough, just tell me to shut up.

But she didn't, so I did. So you're... Get us, baby! I warned her on the first tea that I was bad about that. And all she had to do is if she'd had enough, just tell me to shut up. But she didn't, so I did. So you're... Get off me! Wait!

What are you saying? Wait, yeah. Wayne, could you take your hands off my assholes? Would you mind putting the vibrator back in the golf cart? She never said, tell me to stop. She never told me not to bring the vibrator as an example club. So I take exception to that. I had my black mama out and I was swinging it across her face. That's sure how it worked. She never said a word, Chuck. I just thought we were

Never said a word, Chuck. I just thought we were Taked it in that way But like the chew, I mean, you know just spit it. Yeah, just spit it right out Absolutely Well, you know, that's the way it is. Yeah, I guess you know some I'm taking some cane. So you say you whoa What? We wouldn't say that in 2022. No. No you wouldn't. Some of them take it and some of them can't. Oh my God.

Can't. Can't. It's a can't word. Some take it and some of them can't. It's the cousin of A. Yeah. Aint. No, it's not even can't.

Can't. Or taint. Well we laid more golf. I was more out and I think she got pretty wore out because we had planned on going dancing later in the evening and later I sensed she didn't, she was tired. She didn't want to go dancing. It's exhausting to play 18 holes in golf. When you play 18 holes in golf,

at my age and Wayne's older than I am at my age. They're both older. I'm taking two naps. I'm just going to sleep and then I'm going to sleep after I go to sleep. I'm thinking of the third level of... Yeah, I'm like a dancing after a quick game of 18 whole golf. Oh, you gotta be 20 to do that.

That's like when you go to the pool and then you go to the bar and then you go to the club or whatever. Yeah, and you usually have four stops of the cocaine dealer along the way, right? That doesn't happen on its own, even when you have the energy to do it. I want to go and I said, well, we wouldn't. And we decided on the way back to her house

after playing our second 18, that we were gonna have a second 18. What are you in fucking sane, Wayne? Insane in the Wayne brain. Insane in the brain. Yeah, this is crazy. It's second. So how many times I played 36 holes in a day?

It's twice. And I will never fucking how many times I played 36 holes in a day? It's twice. And I will never fucking do it again because it is exhausting. I don't care how pretty the course is. I don't care which course is. You can be a fucking pebble beach and Augusta, back to back to back. You would not do 36 holes in a day

unless you are a glutton for punishment because it is miserable to walk around all that time, up and down the hills, all over the place, chasing your ball. Not to mention I'm just a horrible golfer. so it's not fun because I don't score well Right And that we felt that the best way to do would be to order in some Chinese food and have it delivered while we got dressed to go dancing And we did we got dressed to go do some of our differences and some ideas and stuff

Some ideas. Yeah, ideas. I have an idea for a brand new golf course mulcher. Let me break out my idea book here. What do you think? We talked about our differences. So what do you think? I hate you, Wayne. Well, I guess we just don't see on a high level.

That's order Chinese and get ready to dance. Yeah, Chinese food. You tell me how much you hate me and I'm going to show you some of my ideas. I have an idea for a round tire. What do you think? It's not where I come from, or all square, but I have an idea for a round time. Something. Something. Not a lot. It's something. So you had a little chalmein, foo, whatever,

and got rid of that. Well, would be sensitive there. Chuck chalmein, foo. What the fuck? Chuck. Chuck. I hate foo. I haven't seen that one on the menu. No, that's not one on the menu.

That's Chuck's future self coming backwards. For those of you that don't know, turn out to be a real asshole. Yeah, he did. He got ready to go, dancing. And how was dancing? Dancing was kind of like the golf I danced one way I Dance kind of like an old country boy and she dances West Coast swing, which is entirely different

She dances very good, but not like I do so we just like He doing like he's doing this number where he just boot scoop buggy He's doing this number where he just the boot scoop, buggy. The boot scoop. Buggy. Yeah. Just takes his hands, puts it on his, and moves him back and forth.

Is she swinging? Yeah. Well, she's just dancing like a real human being. Yeah. He's hoping not to break a hip. You know, those real cowboys, they actually have the shape of a horse in between their legs.

If you notice, they walk bow like it. Oh, right. Yeah, especially those like the rodeo guys. Oh my God, from riding the bulls. Yeah, they got the, I don't know. It's, it looks really weird. Have you seen a bull rider walk? Yeah, it looks like they literally have a, I don't know, it's like an arched entryway.

Right, right there. I wonder what's happened to those boys all that time when you're banging and banging on that. There's a cup situation. Yeah, I don't think those guys wear cups. Yeah, they got on a they got on a wild bull and decided to ride it around I don't think they're worried about their safety. I don't think safety is the number one priority All right When wasn't bad, but what really like a couple of horses getting a besiectomy could just go bull riding yeah It's what I'm going to do here. Oh, wow. There we go. Pretty much. Now, what? Sharon, tell me how the date ended.

Horrible. He's a dick. It ended like it started with me hating Wayne. It ended with one final golf lesson in the living room. He showed me I could put from my bay window to my couch and then from my bay window to my hutch. I'm sure that come in handy sometime. The old bay window. The old bay window at home putting the old at home putting instruction.

Nothing says I want a second date with you like showing you where the hole is. 36 holes of golf. But putting lessons. Chao main. Boots good and boogie. Chao main foo. Which is not what we said. He said.

Yeah. Boots good and boogie. And ending with a couple of putting lessons. Yeah. Yeah. And put my balls in your hole. That's right. It was hard. The date was hard.

It was hard. It was hard. It was hard. Hard. And I mean it's hard. It was hard. I didn't like it. I didn't want it around.

It was hard. Similar things we were interested in, but we always came from the obsidance of a spectrum. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It would take off the obsidance of a spectrum. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Never take off his hat. Uh, yeah? Did he?

Yeah. That's when I found out he didn't have much here on top. Oh, that's mean. But that is that bother you at all? Someone to find that very attractive. Well, I'm a hairdresser, so I see all degrees. Well, you got less to work with, I suppose. Right.

But she did make a recommendation that she knew some stuff. It helped me, and I just told Riding really care about being ball one way or the other. Because I don't care. Well, here you go. Chewn. Let's buy gons, big golf bonds. Yeah, let's buy gons, be ball gons,

if you know what I mean. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Chalmean food up there Chuckaroo You go on down to the ranch anytime and by ranch. I mean my I don't know when downtown Atlanta where I sail golf equipment Oh my god, well, I'm gonna assume these two don't go on another day. Well, there you go. I don't mind being born, I like two. What can you say about that? There you go. Both he's bald and he choose to back out.

He's a man. And he's in the right. She's a bitch for having rude thoughts. I know. It's so awful. You know something you don't know. It can happen. It can happen. It can happen. It wouldn't be the first time.

Well, they picked Katie for us. Oh, they picked the new one. They picked the mass murderer. Oh no, it's up to you. Now, check, I'm going to go home. Okay. Well, I know. They're going to be a jerk. Oh, well, you know, they all, they can't all work out.

Yeah. They can't all work out, but hopefully, Chuck is, or hopefully Wayne is still somewhere giving hands-on golf lessons to someone. I wonder what Wayne is doing. Oh, I don't know. He's been doing it for 30 years. Yeah.

He's 75 almost. Yeah, 75. That may say. Yeah, God years old. He's 75 almost. Yeah. 75. Yeah. God time flies. You get old. Time just goes quicker. It does. If you're young, here's a piece of advice.

Slow down. Smell the roses. Don't take golf lessons from douchebags. And don't fly planes. And don't call Chinese food, Chao Ming and food. Yeah. Don't put food.

And you actually don't even say Chinese food, you say Asian. Well, I mean, there's Chinese food, there's Japanese food. You know, there's a specific type of food. It's a little culturally insensitive, but it's also 1987. So things were much different back then. Much different back then. And to be honest with you, it wasn't that long ago.

So at least not to us old folks. I know. different back then. And to be honest with you, it wasn't that long ago. So, at least not to us old birds. It's not that long ago. Alright, well, air traffic control is clearing you to go somewhere else because it's done. The episode is done. Thank you very much for listening to tcbpodcast.com. That's where you go. You can find out more information about Chrissy and I. You'll watch all the video. You can listen to all the audio. You can drop us a line. Hit the contact us button, we'd love to hear from you. Do you have an interesting story to tell? Write it right there or let us know you have an interesting story to tell because we'd

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