The Commercial Break - The Enya-Trap Comedy Club

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Bryan takes us through some of his recent life dramas, and gives his opinion on Pete Davidson's new material. People having public sex? Edging The EVOO coffee Wifi drama at Starbucks Bryan’s new ploy to save money Bryan’s not an outside dumper We have a new phone number 212.433.3TCB Bryan is giving crotchety Bryan went to see Petey D! Things were very strict at the show A weird and disgusting room Bryan has a soft spot for Pete! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Isn't it funny? I wear mates. But if your mum would let me bury me face in a d***, I would, without hesitation. Isn't that weird? I've never really thought about it mate would we really not be mates anymore we'd get through it I thought you'd ever come to have a tea again though nah

see now that's a problem because your mum makes a sick pork casserole long after we think on this episode of the commercial break long after we think. On this episode of the Commercial Break. There's a DJ booth in back and the guy is playing like a weird mix

of Trap and Enya. I swear to God he is. It's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking but just, you know, low enough that you can't really make out

which song it is but it's like Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Horseradon the clone get your bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat. but just low enough that you can't really make out which song it is. But it's like, Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is the diggity diggity dank Kristen Joy Holdley.

Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Good.

I think we're approaching episode number 500. Of course, I really don't know because I don't, I don't know. But I feel like we're approaching episode number 500. Of course, I really don't know because I don't know. But I feel like we're in the 500 range. And I would say that we should do something special, but then I know it's just not going to happen. So let's just make it a regular episode.

This might be episode 500. I'm not really sure, depending on how many we throw away between here and there. Exactly. I think we're like maybe 20 episodes away. Yeah, maybe a little less maybe 20 episodes away. 20 episodes away. Yeah, maybe a little less than 20 episodes away. I think we'll do something special, but you'll just have to wait for the 500th episode to figure out. Because we'll also figure out on the same day as the 500th episode what special we're going to do.

I am just, you know, there's a week after Super Bowl inundated with all this content about all the after parties and all the junk that went on afterwards i'm not going to speak the name i'm just not going to speak the name anymore on this show because i'm over it but travis scott was doing some after party pre-show whatever concert and he's doing it in this like weird i don't know where this was um but he's doing it in this let's call it a courtyard of what must be a hotel and then there are hotel rooms that are overlooking this courtyard but rather close and so somebody's filming travis scott and then they pan up and they notice that one of the rooms has a window wide open and these two a guy and a girl are fucking going at it Chrissy and I mean banging hard right so everybody starts looking now the security guards are pointing now people in the audience are

pointing and Travis stops the entire concert and he's like can we give it up for those two going at it and everyone's like these people have give it up for those two going at it? And everyone's like, woo! These people have no idea. Either they're doing it because they know that people are going to be watching them. Which is what I would think. Or they're just so fucked up. They have no idea what's going on.

It is a 50-50. It's a 50-50. Or it could be both. Yeah. And I kind of felt a little jealous. I was like, wow. No one's ever going to find out who they are. Right? Unless mom and dad see them on it. Or friends see them on Instagram. And I kind of felt a little jealous. I was like, wow. No one's ever going to find out who they are, right? Unless mom and dad see them on it or friends see them on Instagram.

Unless this was like a lady of the night and this guy just was wild that night. You know, he's like fucked up. He's like, I'm going to 6-6-7 Bunny Ranch or whatever and get this girl over here. Chrissy, they were like multiple positions. Him giving, you know, her giving him head or taking him from behind. It was fucking outrageous and i thought to myself at first i was like wow they should close the way it's like holy shit they should close the windows then as the video went on i found myself getting a little jealous i was

like this guy's got stamina we're already like two minutes into this reel and he's still going two minutes do tell show me tell. Show me the secrets. Oh, Yoda. Well, I guess you just could have watched. You shall come, he does. Freak up. Edging is the... Edging he will.

Edging he does. I'm learning all about the edging. Have you heard about the edging? Do you know about the edging? I have heard about it. Are you guys practicing the edging at your house? Safe edging practices over there? We haven't delved into the...

The world of edging? The world of edging quite yet. When you do, let me know so I can imagine it here at my house. Yeah. I just pretend... I've heard about it a lot. I've known it... Not a lot, a lot, but...

I've known it under a different name for a long time. There's like a yogatic, like a tantra practice. That's what I meant. And you go, go, go, go, go, but don't go all the way. And you come off the edge. And then you go, go, go, go, go, and you come off the edge a little bit. And then that's practices. Your stamina keeps everybody happy.

Didn't Sting do this practice? Sting did this for like seven hours, he claimed, at one time. I also have a friend who claimed he had sex for seven hours once, and I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I know you. I know you. You drink entirely too much whiskey to go anywhere for seven hours. I just don't believe it.

I don't believe it. Seven hours is a long time to have sex. It is. Yeah. Now, I can understand if like multiple... Like there's a stop and a start. Yeah, there's interludes. Interludes.

Yeah, intermissions. Intermissions. Yeah, and by intermissions, I mean start. Let's take like a typical seven-hour sex session. This is how I would do it. This is how Brian would accomplish that. Foreplay at noon. Sex at 12.03.

Cigarette at 12.05. Lunch. Nap. Watch a couple episodes of The Office. Come back to it at 6.45. I'll probably go a little bit longer the second session. You know what I'm saying? That's the benefit of the second session.

You go a little bit longer. So now I You know what I'm saying? That's the benefit of the second session. You go a little bit longer. So now I'm thinking we're like at 651. By 657, we're done. Everything feels good. Another cigarette. Go put the children to bed. That's how I imagine my seven hours. If that is a seven-hour sex session.

What a day. Then I have done that plenty. What a day. If I could actually accomplish two things in a day with all these children i would be proud of myself me too yeah you'd be proud of me too i go to starbucks a couple days ago and like totally off topic sorry just change topics real quick i go to your favorite place yeah my favorite place i go to starbucks a couple days ago. And, like, totally off topic. Sorry, I just changed topics real quick. Your favorite. Your favorite place.

Yeah, my favorite place. I go to Starbucks a couple of days ago. And I order the drink, talk to the people. The EVOO? No, I had the EVOO. Well, let's talk about that for a second. I had the EVOO.

Because last time we talked, you were going to try it. Yes. But you hadn't yet. The Olaid or the old lady or whatever they call it the so someone made it for me just they just made it for me they were like here just try it and i will tell i will confirm that putting olive oil in coffee is like coating your stomach with super slick uh do you remember in christmas vacation how he put that stuff on the bottom sprayed it

sprayed the bottom of the aluminum sled and then he went flying down like this whatever was preservative or something yeah like a flash of light that indeed is what happens to your stomach when you drink the olive oil and fuse coffee it just coats your stomach with super slick slidey stuff so anything that's trying to stick to the walls of your gut just runs right out i am telling you cleaned me right the fuck out and i wasn't necessarily like when someone makes the drink for you you can't then just walk out the door when they're saying oh try this you gotta try it tell me how it is it's really good so good it was good it was extra creamy it. Tell me how it is. It's really good. It's so good. It was good.

It was extra creamy. It was extra frothy. It was extra creamy. I liked it very much, but I had to go. Like I drank two sips of it and I was like, whoa, see you later, guys. I'm getting a call. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. From my stomach.

I was out of there. I swear. So I'm going to stay away from it because you never know when that's going to hit. Sometimes it goes instantaneously, but sometimes you're like in the middle of a meeting and then you're like, oh, is that a fart? I hope so. I hope so. Excuse me for 30 to 40 minutes. I'll be right back.

I got to go for a press conference. But I will confirm that go to a press conference. But I will confirm that it was good. Okay. And I will also confirm that it helps you pass your morning pleasures. Maybe from the dinner last night. Maybe from dinner two weeks ago. I mean,

it really felt like a colonic is what it felt like. Like that time I had the high colonic and they had the bathroom right next door and I could barely make it three steps after I got off that table before I just emptied the contents of everything I had ever eaten. This also felt like that. So congratulations, Starbucks. You have now, you have a awesome diuretic. You need to lose a quick five pounds.

Yes. Five pounds. I think I lost 12. Okay. So I go to Starbucks the other morning and I'm just standing there. I think I lost 12. So I go to Starbucks the other morning, and I'm just standing there. I go and I sit. I stand there saying hello to everybody, and then I go and I sit

at the end of the counter. I say hello to everybody. I do. I say hello to everybody. Hey, Jennifer. It's like cheers in there when I walk in. Hey, everyone's like, Brian! And I'm like, hey, good morning. Hello. kid yeah hey everyone's like brian and i'm like hey good morning hello 30 minutes later after i said hello to everybody did you know he's a middling podcaster i feel like that's what's coming next i feel like starbucks is safe too because i don't think anybody's on to me over there they're entirely too young to be on to the commercial break yes

so i say hi to everybody and then i'm and'm standing there, I noticed that there's a gentleman in the corner at one of the tables. He's, I'm going to guess in his 60s. He's got very disheveled hair. He's got a big old, like, I don't know, Walmart type t-shirt, like long sleeve t-shirt. You know what i'm talking about worker type shirt now like a pastel shirt oh okay that obviously has seen its better days probably could use some washing he's got those khaki pants on that oftentimes uh men of a certain flavor will will like and then they're all dirt know, the knees are all dirty and everything. But he's over there with like a brand new Apple laptop. So at first I thought, is he de-homed?

No, he's not de-homed. He's got a brand new Apple laptop. Like, you know, he's okay over there. But he's like banging on the table. And I was like, uh-oh, here we go. I've been waiting for someone to come shoot up the local starbucks here it comes and he's like and so then i go and i sit down at the end of the bar and i can hear him continue god damn every state has a different rule and i'm like what every state has

a different rule what is he talking about every Every fucking state. Why does Starbucks do this? And I was like, every state has a different rule. I'm not, I'm not understanding. Now I think clearly the guy has mental illness. Right. So I'm trying to put my empathy hat on.

Right. Okay. Guy's a little disturbed over there. He's having a bad day. Every state has a different rule. I agree. Every state has a different rule. I just can't keep up with all of them.

So I'm like, just thinking to myself, well, I hope this doesn't escalate. He gets up. He walks over to the barista counter. And he's like, excuse me? Excuse me?

And I was like, whoa, dude. And I'm standing right next to the guy because I'm at the end of the counter in one of those seats. And he's like, excuse me? And so finally someone's like, turns and said yes sir can i help you i don't understand why i cannot connect to your internet and he the guy was like well you just all you have to do is just no no no no no no no no no don't tell me how to do it come do it for me oh and i was like geez that's a little demanding of you and the gentleman behind the barista says i'm sorry just let me i can explain to you no no no every state has a different rule at these goddamn starbucks and i don't know how to connect and i thought well

change my oil while you're at it i mean while you're at it can you change my oil give me a prostate massage brush my teeth also maybe don't go to a starbucks if you're so frustrated chrissy i couldn't understand for the life of me why this guy was asked all of a sudden like are these who were at best buy is this the geek squad why are you asking him to connect your internet for you you if you can't do that, you probably should not have a computer where you're getting on Wi-Fi. What about your old hotspot? I don't know.

Yeah. Or like anybody else in the world, go home and use your computer. Like anybody else in the world, go steal your neighbor's internet. Right. FBI. That's my favorite. When people put FBI. go steal your neighbor's internet. Right. FBI. That's my favorite. When people put FBI. We put virus on ours one time.

You put virus? Yeah. My dad put fuck off or something like that. It's pretty funny. So here he is pounding the top of the counter. Just, God damn it. Every state has a different rule. I don't understand why you can't connect. Why can i connect you have to do this for me so finally someone walks around the counter

the manager walks around the counter and says i'm sorry you're having trouble connecting sir i don't think i can touch your laptop but i would be happy to stand there and see if you're connecting correctly right i mean i would think it's as soon as if he touched it, then something could be broken or whatever. I was one second away from getting involved. Right. I was real close to getting involved. I was real close to being like,

hey, dude, you got to settle down just a little bit. Like, I'm happy to explain to you how to use your laptop. But then, you know, he seemed so disturbed about this that I felt it was best left to the professionals. Yeah, I don't want to get involved in any drama. I don't want to be on TikTok or anything like that, you know, arguing with an old man about how you get on your... No, you want to be on TikTok parking in the hotel. Yes, that's exactly what I want to do.

I want to be on TikTok with a large schlong getting action in Travis Scott's concert, which conveniently happens to be in the middle of a hotel. I don't know how that worked out. bam bam bam slamming the guy okay i'll let me go over there so now i'm like well i better stay here and pay attention and videotape this for posterity no i didn't i did but he goes over there and this is the guy goes like this, the manager is like, sir, you got to turn your Wi-Fi on. Ha! You got to turn the Wi-Fi on. You got to actually have it on your computer. You got to be able to connect.

You have to turn it on. And he's like, I didn't have to do that at the last Starbucks. The guy was like, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. And he's like. That's generally the way it works. He goes, you should be able to connect automatically. And the manager's. Automatically. Like what? you and he's like that's generally the way it works he goes you should be able to connect automatically and uh and the managers automatically like what like there's some magic wi-fi genie that's just going to connect automatically to every internet yes you're online

starbucks internet so so finally the guy they they connect and the guy says this and uh the manager goes well thank you very much have a nice day you just let me know if you need anything and he goes well i think i need a cup of coffee and he goes okay well just come up to the thing and order it no no no no no no no i should get a cup of coffee for the trouble star Starbucks has put me through connecting to their internet. So then I noticed, then I noticed the guy has no drinks, has no water, has no food. He does not, he's not even a patron of the Starbucks. He's sitting there and now he's demanding a free cup of coffee because he could not connect to the internet. The balls on this guy, the cojones on this guy.

Now let me tell you the kicker. Let me tell you the kicker. So I leave. I come back an hour later to get a refill on my coffee because they spilled my coffee. So I come to get a refill on my coffee and the guy is leaving. And to get away from the kids. And to get away from the kids. Okay. Which is my favorite part of the day. Right.

I come back and this guy is packing up and he's leaving and i thought to myself well now i gotta stay and see what the punch line is here right where is this guy going is he walking down the street does he have a shopping cart somewhere full of his stuff or is he getting into a car that's got like alabama license plate now i just need to know yeah some about this guy. Now I'm so fascinated because it's been stuck in my head for the last hour. Why would that guy demand that someone connect him to the internet, then demand a free cup of coffee because he couldn't turn on his wifi. This guy gets into,

I shit you negatively, a brand new E series Mercedes Benz, shiny fucking tires and all brand new 2024. I know my Benz. This was one of them. I know my Benz because I would desperately want one someday. And this guy got into a brand new E-Series Benz with his brand new Apple laptop. And I think this was all a ploy to get a free cup of coffee. Now, some of you might say to yourself, God, Brian, that's really shitty of that guy who probably has money to go in there and bother everybody to look for a free cup of coffee. But as they say, as our friend Mark Cuban would tell us, it's not about how much

money you make, it's about how much money you save. So, in my advanced age, I think what I'm going to do is go get myself a pair of Dickies, Cackers, you know, the khaki slacks. I'm going to get some Cackers, an old Walmart t-shirt, and I'm going to start walking around demanding free stuff because I cannot connect to their internet. It's my new ploy to get rich, Chrissy. Well, let me know how that goes. Let us know how that goes. Here's the only problem. You know, when they say that it's not about how much money you make, it's about how much money you save? We actually have to make money in order to save it.

So if you would do us a favor and send in donations to my GoFundMe page, Brian Can't Connect. GoFundMe page, Brian Can't Connect. That's my new employee, I can't connect. That's my new get-rich-quick scheme brian can't connect

with listeners or to the or to the wi-fi i'll donate yeah i just i just had there was a moment at the starbucks i thought i've been going to that starbucks for years never had one strange thing happen there was that one time when they shut down for like a week because it was a crazy person stalking one of the employees or something. But I didn't see any of that. I mean, I saw, I knew who the guy was. I'd seen him in there before, but I wasn't a party to any craziness. And besides the really handsome dude that comes in every once in a while that smells like an angel, there's nothing particularly extraordinary about this Starbucks until this couple days ago when this guy was making a big stink for a fucking free cup of coffee. Is this where society is at?

Yeah. I bet they see all kinds of stuff. I remember I used to have to go to Starbucks to meet people when I was doing recruiting and just to meet them and talk, be sure, go over the resume, that kind of thing. And I would see a lot of crazy stuff at starbucks oh you did yeah no well i mean you live in that part of town where there's crazy stuff happening anyway like every big city has its issues right and atlanta is no stranger to kind of its its weirdness and so you live in that part of town and i probably know which starbucks you go to well maybe not at your new house but at your old house, I knew which Starbucks you went to.

That was the Midtown one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went to that Midtown one a couple times. It's scary. Scary in there a couple times. Very nice people there, but there was some scary, scary, scary people there. That can only imagine with the people that work at Starbucks, see. Oh.

They're all the day. They're closing Starbucks left and right over there in California and other places because it's just like the situation's out of control and people, you know, they lock the bathrooms here at this Starbucks. So I think I've used the restroom one time to pee. Like I'm not going to take a dump at fucking Starbucks. It's just not my thing. I'm just not an outside dumper. Are you an outside dumper? I'm not an outside dumper. Unless there's an emergency. Yeah. Unless there's a poop urgency, I don't go to outside dumping. I don't know.

I had a friend one time. He had to visit every fucking bathroom we ever went to. Really? Every time we went somewhere, he had to go to the bathroom. Oh, not unless you have to. I mean, for me. Gotta go drop a deuce. Not unless I have got, like, it's an emergency.

Do I do? No. No. No. I want the comfort of my own bathroom. I had this friend in like privacy privacy and let the smell of paper exactly the comfort of knowing my ass germs are my ass germs and my fecal matter stays here in my own fecal matter world right you know i I hate, it's like my nightmare when the urge comes and I'm somewhere out in

the universe. I'm like, oh, how quickly can I get home? I mean, I have been in Spain before and literally been like, how quickly can I get back to north of Atlanta before I really have to do this? I'm just not an outside dumper. I don't know. I can't do it. I can't do it. I have to be inside my house. I will go days without pooping.

You know, sometimes there's hotel rooms I'm not comfortable. I'm like, well, it was nice while I knew. Like, I've been on cruises before, and it's a tiny little room, and I'm like, oh, it's a seven-day cruise. Keep the food light juice and ice cream that's all we need brian well nope juice and ice cream is gonna make it go through you so cheese platters and rye crackers let's do that cheese and rye crackers let's go that direction i just feel so discomforted by the knowing that other people have used the facility.

So they lock this Starbucks bathroom. And one time I asked, why do you lock the Starbucks bathroom? Because I've been in plenty of Starbucks where there's not locked bathrooms. And she said, well, it's a corporate policy for most stores now because people will go in there and they will do drugs. People will go in there and they'll be in there for two hours and we don't know what they're doing right and then it's just a general safety issue like you know we don't want people just like hanging out in the bathrooms for days at a time yeah and that's a that's a terrible reflection on society my first job at mcdonald's not only were the bathrooms wide open but there were a lot of outside dumpers a lot of outside

dumpers there was two or three guys who came in every fucking morning i worked mornings came in same thing bacon egg and cheese shit bagel or whatever you know give me four packets of mayonnaise and a cup of coffee and they'd just be like eating their and we had the free newspapers that's right they take their newspaper they take their cup of coffee. They go in there with an ashtray and a cigarette. And then my manager would be like, you know, let's do a restroom check at 10 and 20 after. 10 after and 20 before. And I'd be like, oh, man. Can someone else do the morning bathroom check?

You're 14. It's your job. I don't want it to be my i think that's honestly where i got some of my fear of poop probably yes probably the things that i saw well-founded it was like a war ptsd i bet that's why if i'm on the road you know you're traveling and you've got to go and i normally thank goodness don't have to go number two. Yes. But if I have to pee, I have to pee. So I will usually go to a Chick-fil-A because they're good. They're going to be good. You're so right. Tino Venturi, my mentor in all things Italian trattorias and fine wine, used to say,

Brian, give them a bottle of Chianti Classico. Give them some soft-shell crabs. Come on, Brian, what are you doing? And remember, when someone goes into the bathroom, it is the cleanliness of the bathroom that determines the cleanliness of the restaurant. And I thought to myself, those bathrooms look pretty good. But that fucking restaurant back there, you are literally using old bread to make croutons. There's nothing cleanly about that back there.

It's all unsanitary. But it felt true to me, and I've carried that with me through the rest of my life. And you're right. The Chick-fil-A's, Chick-fil-A just does it different. I don't know what to tell you. They have flowers on the tables. They have flowers on the tables. They make two things, chicken and french fries.

And they're both goddamn good. They're so delicious. And so I don't agree with all of Chick-fil-A's comings and goings and musings about this. And that are the owners or whoever it is, the Cathy's or whatever. But the food is delicious. But the food is delicious. And so I will separate the chaff from the whey or whatever you say. The chick.

The chick. The chick from the filet. The chick from the filet. We'll separate the chick from the filet and say to you now, the chick filet just does it different. That's why there's lines out the door every time they fucking open a fucking chick filet. They even do a great job with their drive-thrus. Yeah. What's up with that?

Yeah. Go to a Wendy's. Yeah. Go to a Wendy's and try and get anything correct in your order. I'm not knocking on the people that work at Wendy's. Yeah. Go to a Wendy's and try and get anything correct in your order. I'm not knocking on the people that work at a Wendy's. I know. It's a tough job. You're slinging fucking burgers and fries for nothing.

Yeah. I get it. But go to a Wendy's at 11 p.m. and see what's happening. See what's doing at that Wendy's. And then go into their bathroom and see if you want to be an outside dumper. You want to be an outside dumper. You want to be an outside dumper after you visit a Wendy's bathroom? That's on you, my friend. Not for me.

I go to the Ritz Carlton and I'm afraid to take a shit. You know what I'm saying? I want to tell you about seeing Pete Davidson. Oh, that's right. Over the weekend. An exciting experience. Yeah, it was. All right. So let's take a break and we'll be back.

What? Oh, hi. Yeah, it was. All right, so let's take a break and we'll be back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again. Here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And guess what?

We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last tcb phone number you will ever have to remember so call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3tcb once more for the people in the back that's 212-433-3tcb oh and check out our youtube channel at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. Welcome back winter with a Starbucks drink in hand. Whether you've been waiting for a pistachio latte and pistachio cream cold brew, or are in the mood to shake things up with the new iced hazelnut O'Shaken espresso. Need to cozy up with a tea latte? There should be nothing stopping you from achieving all your goals. You've got this.

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number, our fifth one in the history of the commercial break. It is, and it's ours. We own it forever and ever. Amen. We'll probably not be a show forever and ever amen maybe not even for two more weeks but 212-433-3tcb that's 1-212-433-3tcb questions comments concerns content ideas you get it okay and it goes directly to a phone it does our studio phone standing right there yeah sitting far away from us sitting far away from the studio yeah i don't know who it was, but one of our guests the other day was like, now I'm talking to you guys from your basement. And I was like, does it look like we're in our basement? Most people are complimentary, but someone saw right through us.

They were like, ah, from your basement. So, I am scrolling through Instagram a number of weeks ago. As you do. As I do. Oh, man, do weeks ago. As you do. As I do. Oh, man, do I. Yes, you do. Yes. Well, before I tell the Pete Davidson story, I'm scrolling through Instagram and I follow

this person who is the anti-influencer influencer. Her whole life on social media has been dedicated to being the anti-influencer influencer. She will make duck faces. She will stick her ass out in pictures. And she's generally trying to be, I think it's like she's trying to be a little satirical about this and say that, you know, I can't believe all these girls with the fillers and the liners and the hairs and the blah, blah, blah. They're all trying to be influencers, you know, so thirsty, thirsty, thirsty, thirsty this this and then i wake up the other day and in by the way she's been saying this forever but then she's posting these pictures and they're

a little too on the nose if you know what i mean it's like she'll say that she's the anti-influencer influencer but why are we showing you know why are we posing like this? I believe she's embarrassed by her own behavior. So she has to make it look satirical because even she feels like she's a little thirsty. And whatever you do with your Instagram is up to you. I don't give a shit. I'm not a hater. I'm just find it very funny because the other day I wake up now, I'm not going to describe the pose because I don't want necessarily like, I don't want this to come back in any way shape or form i don't want to embarrass anybody

in any way shape or form but we've talked about this before on the show i wake up and this girl is half fucking naked on instagram and jam jam And jam, jam. I normally don't post pics like this, but I wanted you to see the results of my working out. And I mean, this was a rat. Am I right? It was a rather risque photo. Yeah. Yeah.

It was not something that I think. I mean, I wouldn't send my dad that picture and say, hey, look at me. No. Look at I've been working out. I think she's married. Look at me. Yeah, I know. Look at me. I've been working out.

Here is the under, here's my undercarriage, which is basically what the picture was of. Yes. Undercarriage. Like, you know, not even a good, you know, cleavage pic. It was undercarriage. It's the kind of post, you know, the girls who are on Instagram doing the yoga poses

when it has nothing to do with yoga and everything to do with the fact that you can see their vagina through their fucking yoga pants. You get it. You've seen it. We do it. Some inspirational quote down behind it. And I just thought to myself, the fucking hypocrisy that we also probably do all the time, too, but the fucking hypocrisy. It was so fucking funny to me. I had to send it to Chrissy immediately. I was like, Chrissy, look at this. Thirst trap.

Thirst trap. Thirst trap. I guess we've gone from anti-influencer to full fucking influencer. By the way, she got like 12 followers. So I don't know who she's influencing. But so do we. So I'm not going to throw stones in a glass house. So I got scrolling.

Well, if you're going to go to me, and I think I brought this up in the text back to you. To me, if you're going to go full thirst trap, go all the way. Show your face. Show the whole thing and say, look at me. Yes, the only thing, she was covering her face. Yeah, don't go halfway in. Well, I don't think you go out tonight without pants on but i mean that's just and it's another bathroom selfie which is the most which is the strangest

part about all the postings of this particular person they are always in public bathrooms somewhere so she's in a public bathroom i dump her she's an outside dumper for sure she takes pleasure in outside dumping she's like let me take a quick shit and then i'm gonna snap a photograph of my ass and send it out there to the world just lost 12 pounds outside dumper hashtag outside hashtag outside dumper but hey listen no shame if you're an outside dumper it's just not for me it's not for me i'm an inside dumper i like to dump inside my own house i like to remove the contents of my tummy here in the comfort and privacy of my own home so a couple weeks ago scrolling through instagram

and i see pete davidson's mug but it's one of those sponsored posts. And I was like, oh, it's a little Pete up too. Yeah. Which hot chick is he dating now? Yeah. And it says down below, working out new material. And click here. And I was like, working out new material, click here. What is that? Now I'm thinking it's just clickbait, but I'm bought in now. I see Pete Davidson.

I'm like, okay, let me see. So I click over. I took the bait. I did. I took the clickbait. Absolutely. If it's Pete Davidson, I take the bait. I don't know. He seems like the kind of guy I took the bait. I did. I took the click bait. Absolutely. If it's Pete Davidson, I take the bait.

I don't know. He seems like the kind of guy you take the bait for. So I click over and what happened or where I went was this tiny little comedy club north of Atlanta, not in the city of Atlanta, north of Atlanta, definitely not in the city of Atlanta, north of Atlanta. And Pete is putting on two

performances. And I guess Working Out New Material is either the name of the show or what I'm really assuming is that he's working out new material for his next special. He's going to do that in small rooms where he can kind of throw stuff at the wall. Of course, everybody does it. Jerry Seinfeld still does it. You know, he says, I'm going to do a new hour. I hit the clubs and I go around New York and, you know, Chris Rock, everybody does it because that way you have to figure out the timing.

You have to hone in the jokes that are working. Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. I just saw Rolling Stones the other day at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Right. Yeah, they're working on their new album. Eddie Vedder's over at the Shake Shack tomorrow night for his new solo record. So...

Well, I meant, they do it in like obscure cities to start. Yes. And I do remember when Rolling Stone did like that tour of small club. They have 75 albums,

but they had this one album, I don't know, maybe like 10 years ago. And they were going to these tiny little rooms to play acoustically, to work out their new music. And I think they, if I'm not mistaken, they came here to Atlanta and played one of the small rooms around here. And that's an amazing opportunity, right? If you can actually get a ticket, what an amazing opportunity to see someone that you like up close and personal.

Well, I mean, Pete Davidson is the Rolling Stones of comedy. he's the rolling stones of people who got famous for dating famous people but he also was on saturday night live and he he has gotten a chuckle or two out of me and i generally think pizza an okay guy all right sure i don't feel anything about pete one way or the other up until this performance i don't feel feel anything. So here we go. Tiny little club north of Atlanta. You got tickets. I got tickets. Pete's gonna I got tickets. And there's only 100 tickets in the entire room. It's a tiny room. And so I managed to get two seats. Astrid and I decide we're gonna go the shows at 10pm. So we get a babysitter. Unbelievably. I know. Unbelievably. I can't believe it. Babysitter will be important here in a second. So we get a babysitter, unbelievably. I know. Unbelievably. I can't believe it.

The babysitter will be important here in a second. So we get a babysitter for this, like, you know, let us go out between 8 and midnight. There's a second show at 11.55 I should also mention. So I thought, okay, for this amount of money, which wasn't a small amount of money, but it wasn't crazy either. For this amount of money, I'm going to get 30 to 40 minutes of Pete Davidson working on new material.

At the very least, it's going to be entertaining. It might not be hilarious. Stuff's always better in person. Yeah. And we're right there. We're sitting 15 feet from Pete. So he's going to be working out some new material. I'm sure he's going to have something interesting to say.

I'll be entertained at the very least. And if I get a chuckle or two out of it, well, then that's good news too. I don't think anybody would argue that pete as a stand-up comic doesn't exactly have a huge long resume it's not like they had 13 netflix specials or something like that i know he's got the one special but i thought well okay let's go give this guy a try it's interesting he's here i'm 15 feet for like seeing the rolling not like seeing the rolling stones but it's kind of like seeing the rolling stones right there so day comes around saturday night astor and i pop in the car kids are

sleeping lovely jump in the car and we drive i don't know maybe 30 minutes from the house yeah to a part of atlanta that is maybe not known as the best part of atlanta right it's not the rolling hills of hollywood cal California. It's not Buckhead, Atlanta. It is off the beaten path. Well, it's part of the metro. It is. It's part of the metro, but it's seen better days. How about that? Yeah, I think so. It's seen better days or will see better days. One of the two is happening. It's in a transition. It's definitely a transitional neighborhood. But I explained to Astrid, I said, these comedy clubs, they don't have Pete Davidson every night. So they don't make a ton of money.

You get 100 people in a room paying $50 a ticket, you've made $5,000, a two-item minimum. Maybe you make another $5,000 on cheap food and cheap liquor. So you're making $10,000 on the best night of the year inside of this comedy club. So you got to have cheap rent and you just got to hope you survive from one show to the next because probably most shows it's less than 20 people in the room. So we pull up to this strip mall in this not so great part of town. And I am telling you what, Chrissy, I am instantaneously nervous because there are a lot of people that are mulling around and i think to myself wow there's a lot of people mulling around at 11 at 11 p.m at night and here i am pulling up with astrid and i just hope that

i'm safe not that i had any reason to be like concerned but it was unfamiliar territory. Let's put it that way. So the strip mall has like coin laundry mats, you know, empty, lots of empty spaces. What looked like it once may have been a Kohl's is now like a thrift store owned by the guy who collects a lot of stuff. You know what I'm saying? Old washer and dryer parts, just in case you need them. So we pull up and outside there's a number of police officers so you're like okay at least they know this you gotta put you know let's let's be safe about this yeah let's add a little security pull up we're a little bit early but they told us to be there early they said be there early it's going to be a process to get in the show you got to be there early be there at least 30 minutes early astor and i are there 45 minutes

early one of the first people inside the club. So here we are. Imagine this. Walking into this dark, dingy, strip mall place. And we walk in the front door. You're like, come on, Astrid. I'm taking you out. Hey, baby. I got one hell of a

night planned. We haven't been out forever. We're going to go to the gun range. Only it's not a range it's just where people shoot and everybody shoots because we're all allowed to carry guns in georgia no matter what don't worry about it carry your gun everywhere i probably should have carried a gun uh so we walk up we get closed parking so that So that's good. The police officer right there. So that's extra good. Because, you know, Astor doesn't deal well with some of these situations.

She's got some PTSD from Venezuela. So we walking in red velvet rope, but we didn't have to wait because we're one of the first people in there. We go in, they scan, they ask for our ID. The ID has to be connected to the name on the ticket. Like it's a whole process getting in. And then we go through security, which is a very nice off-duty police officer, I must mention. But he gives me the full pat down, up into my crotch and everything, as if I'm being arrested. I just

didn't have to put my hands on the wall. I just had to put them directly up in the air. And trust me, I know this position. So I'm like, all right, don't reach for anything. Don't make any sudden movements. I've been here before. I've been here before before i know how to do this i'm uh hey i'm part of the five-time club here we go all right hands up so i put my hands up he gives me the full uh you know proctor exam like he's just giving it to me and he's like i'm sorry man and i go hey listen if you're buying me a drink later i'm cool but he goes now i, no, I got to do it with everybody. I'm like, no, I understand. Totally. Cool.

All right. So we get into this room. Now imagine a room, let's call it 20 by 20, not particularly bigger, a little bigger than this studio that we're sitting in here right now, which is tiny, by the way. And there's two couches lining each end of the wall. There's a big desk, like a desk, the hostess desk for a restaurant, but it's big. It's like six feet long and it has two double doors behind it. So I'm imagining there's the club it's in there. There is a guy standing behind. There's a lot of security in the room. There's a couple of us that

have come for the show. And then there is a huge, and when I say huge,rissy he must have been 600 pounds guy standing behind that desk and he's like all right listen up absolutely no phones sold out show buy your food early get your check 50 minutes before the show ends do you understand and we're like yeah okay minutes before the show ends. Do you understand? Wow. And we're like, yeah, okay. Watches, cell phones, electronic items, security cameras, you know, pacemakers, brain implants, screws and plates and legs and knees all need to go in a bag, a yonder bag. Absolutely no telephone communications during

any part of the show and i'm like all right dude we got it yeah and then out come the yonder people you know they got the yonder bags you know what i'm talking about those locked bags that they do we have a babysitter so i'm like oh shit you know we got a babysitter so instantaneously so the lady comes up hey i need to check your phone and then your watch i thought i thought i'd get away with the watch so you know what i did i had this coat on so i kind of slid it on my arm a little bit i kind of did this number like while she wasn't looking i like shook my hand a little bit you know and i was like this yeah and then she goes do you have a watch on and i was like do i have a watch on that's what i said i go do i i'm holding my hand up like this

like i'm holding the coat on my fingers like a yeah like a three-year-old i got my coat over my hands do i i don't think so i don't remember i can't remember if i put on a watch today let me check when i get in there i'll let you know all right so i give her the watch we stuff it into this yonder this poor yonder bag it's like oh you know all right so i give her the watch we stuff it into this yonder this poor yonder bag is like oh i can't take anymore i've got my watch in there i got my phone in there but i quickly like dial through the phone and i'm like okay i got the baby's phone number let me turn on emergency contact real quick so at least i will get some kind of notification yeah astrid says well make sure that it's on buzz and i go yeah yeah yeah

the lady's standing right there and i'm like yeah it's on buzz buzz okay and she's like well as long as doesn't make any noise right as long as it's buzzing and I'm like and she goes and you can always come back out I'll open it for you if you get you know if you need to check or whatever and I'm like oh thank you so much but I know I know she doesn't know but I know that when I put on my emergency contacts that phone is ringing it is ringing and I will hear it and I don't give two fucks who said what. Because it's my children. Yes. And I know my babysitter's not going to call unless it's an absolute emergency. Okay, so phones on buzz, except for emergency contacts, watches away, everybody's happy, we go, we sit down at the table. They open these doors and

Chrissy, it is the strangest comedy. It's the strangest room I've ever been in, period, in a sentence. There are paintings on the wall of people, all like, you know, face paintings of people, with these weird colored bubbles around their head. It is surreal painting, but I can't make out who one of those people is. I'm sure they're supposed to be famous people but i cannot make like small bubbles or like they've got a astronaut bubble head no like small like i don't know if you know like imagine if my head is the actual picture the bubbles are like this big like the size of my hand okay but they're bigger than your eyes yeah

bigger than way bigger than my they're placed all around the face so you can make out the face the Okay. Bigger than your eyes? they were like you know pretty realistic renditions if it had been someone famous you know i don't know uh chris rock somebody you know uh somebody you would have known i would have been able to tell but i could not for the life of me figure out who it was now the room has seven tables up front seven tables right behind them two foot tables two feet wide and then five chairs along each table so we've got like i don don't know, whatever it is. Do the math. Let's carry the one, seven. 16,000 people in this one room. And I am sitting right next to, right across from Astrid on this table.

Are they round tables? Nope, they're straight, like card tables. Oh, okay. But like card tables that have been cut in half. There was no room. You could barely put your elbow. It's like, you know the airplanes, how they have those little dividers? Yes.

It felt like that width. Like you were uncomfortable. Like if I put my elbow there. And then these terrible chairs. Listen, it was just, it wasn't great. There was a smell in the room. A smell like dirty feet. You know?

There was a bar on the side. Smoke from 10 years ago. Oh, God god it was just like weird and disgusting but i'm not here for the room and i understand it's got to be hard to make a comedy club work i'm here to see pete davidson there's a dj booth in back and the guy is playing like a weird mix of trap and enya i swear to god he is it's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking, but just low enough that you can't really make out which song it is. But it's like,

I don't know what's going on. I have no idea. I'm like, he looks like he's doing, having fun back there. He's like, he's got his one earphone on like, but there's no wiki,

wiki, wiki going on. It's just him like playing this weird music on top of other weird music. And I thought, okay, it's a vibe. I don't know what kind of vibe it is, but it's a confusing vibe.

Cause you can't make out who's on the walls. Well, I was confused confused it was so strange you can't put your elbow down yes it was so strange so uh stage up front two three feet riser and then on the back wall there's two red velvet curtains to the floor and then this big sign that says the name of the comedy theater right and i'm like oh okay you know interesting the decor in there it looked i don't know how to explain it it looked like it looked like my basement when i was 13 years old like i had got you know we get really high put a couple of those you know glow-in-the-dark posters yes some uh you know mood lighting and then just really paint the walls black because, I don't know, that's just the thing to do. There's really a weird

essence going on in this room. And the mix in the crowd as that people start filing in, it was some of the most fun people-watching I've done since i've been to the airport because it was all kinds of people black white yellow green big small short tall it was everybody everybody was there guys with guys girls with girls the girls out you know single girls out for one there was one girl who there were seats up front and there was one girl by herself that she made it known when she came in the club that she was there by herself i thought to myself this girl wants to get that p she was like dress boop you know cha-cha's out the whole nine yards okay and she was like hey hey hey hey to everybody and i thought oh there she is There's Pete Stalker walking right in the door.

Kim Kardashian, too, walking in the door. Or maybe she was someone famous and I just didn't know. Then you had the four white guy comics. And you know that they were white guy comics because, you know, two were already seated and two came in the door. You know, give me a brewski, you know, 42020 and they're like cracking jokes that each i could hear them like cracking jokes i use this line on the and they were talking loud enough that you that everybody around them knew that they had been on a stage before they oh yeah one time i used that set at the punchline it was a tartar one time on my podcast that's what i thought i

thought okay i'm to go for it. Let me start screaming about the podcast. All right, so we're getting to the show. Let me tell you about it, and we'll do that right after these messages. I'm using this against you now. I'm wielding it as a tool. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number.

That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram, at The Commercial Break, and on TikTok, at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com.

Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G, and here they are. Want to travel the world? International Experience Canada provides opportunities for young Canadians to get a work permit in over 35 countries and territories. Visit Canada.ca slash IEC. A message from the Government of Canada. Hear that? That's the sound of waves crashing on a beach. And that? That's the sound of ice clinking in your favourite drink.

The secret to making your retirement dreams come true is simple. Lower your investment fees. If your retirement savings are in high fee mutual funds, you could be losing a lot of your money to those fees. With Quest Wealth Portfolios, your investments are managed for you at a fraction of the cost. So you can earn more and make your retirement dreams come true. Get started today at Questrade.com. Okay, so the witching hour is upon us. You can tell. It took a long time for the room to fill up, but I think that was because it was like this four-step process to get inside. And so in that sense, I was glad. We were the first ones in the door, literally. And so then in that sense, I was glad they were the first ones in the door because you know how

much I like waiting around in line. Like, I hate it. Did you get to choose your seat? No, it was assigned seating. Oh, okay. So we're on one of the back tables where if you're out at the stage looking right, we're like at the right side, we're over near this right hand bar, but we are right in between, like we're at the end of the table where the next table starts and the hallway or the walkway to get between those two tables is not but two feet wide and i have these gangly fucking legs i mean i'm not particularly tall but i'm like all leg and so i'm you know i'm trying to get to a comfortable position but

everybody's stepping on my feet it happened it happened every three seconds a waitress was stepping on my feet and at some point i just had to give up. I was like, whatever. And I couldn't move backwards because it was a girl literally breathing down my neck the entire time. I had like three sorority sisters behind me. And then a single guy who had friends in the room, but they were at a different table. He like got that extra ticket, you know, the last minute extra ticket. And he was hitting on them hard. mean hard he's like so we're bringing you to atlanta and they're like well we live here and he's like oh yeah i live here too i got some friends that are over there what are you guys doing after the show and these girls are like

i don't know we're gonna go back to the sorority house i don't know we're not yeah yeah yeah you're not i am we'll see you later this guy was like oh and he at one point he went to the bathroom and he like he was like waving at his and his friend was waving to him back, and he's like pointing toward the bathroom, and then they get up and go to the bathroom together. It took them at least 12 minutes to get back to the room, and so I knew exactly what was going on. Little toot, snoot, and boogie.

You know what I'm talking about? Little toot, snoot, and boogie. All right, so now I can feel the witching hours upon us. Room's filling. There's not a particular mood. Everyone's just talking and mingling. The guy's playing weird music in the background, trying to figure out who the paintings are.

Everyone's trying to figure out who the paintings are. And then, you know, finally the guy says, In five minutes, you're going to see the show of a lifetime at Pete Davidson. Remember, absolutely no flash photography. Anybody who has flash photography will be arrested on sight, shot and killed. Don't talk about it. Don't look at him. Don't think about him.

He's Pete Davidson. We're like, okay, we get it. All right, we got it. We all have our phones locked in this fucking bag. What do you want us to do? Right? Meanwhile, they have menus on the table, but they only put two menus per table so we've got to share the menu around you have to buy two things but they do have convenient

table toppers you know those little tabletop yes with the qr code says scan here for menu and i'm like how the fuck do you want me to scan here for menu yeah so witching hour and then and then astrid is like oh no what no. What? The phone is buzzing. And I'm like, okay. All right, the phone's buzzing. Well, it could be. Could be the babysitter. Could be.

Could just be American Express reminding me that I haven't paid my bill in a couple months. I don't know. You know? What do we do? And so she's like, and I'm like, the obligatory husband thing. I'm like, do you want me to go outside and check? You know, because it's a whole fucking production. Do you want me to go outside and check?

Would you? Sure, babe. No problem. So I scoot myself along this two foot path while everybody's, it's like a plane. People are coming toward me and I got to move over to the side. Inconvenience, everybody. Like send somebody's lap. Exactly.

Yes, I know. Yeah. I'm basically on my ass in someone's face. Well, it's so weird and uncomfortable. It just really was. The comfort level in this place was zero,

but I was optimistic that the show was going to be good. So I get out, I check it. Of course, it is American Express. And then I come back

and I'm like, nope, just someone we owe money to. Talk to you later. And so lights go down you know ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage pete davidson and friends and i was like and friends i didn't buy an and friends ticket i bought a pete davidson ticket what do you mean and friends and i think everyone was a little stunned because we're all like and friends who are the

friends right now welcome from all the way from new jersey you know whatever whoever the guy's name was i'm not going to mention the comic because i'm about to tell the story and i felt really terrible for the guy guy comes out he's obviously out of his element he comes out probably he this may be his shtick i don't know i've never seen him before the face look kind of familiar but i don't know he comes out and he's like is at a atlanta is this whole town kind of cracky or is it just this side of the town and everyone's like oh you know and then he goes i'm serious this is the weirdest fucking place I've ever seen. I don't know. I've done comedy for 26 years, and I've never seen a comedy club shittier than this.

And I thought to myself, wow. Way to ingratiate yourself right out of the door. Not going to give his whole set. But the guy bombed spectacularly to the point where he was telling jokes and i was the only one laughing in the entire room i got his vibe his vibe was like a little bit off kilter he kind of wanted to like catch you on your back foot a little bit his timing might have been a little bit off but i actually thought he was very funny but no one else did and i mean no one else so then he started with crowd work because i think he thought he knew his set had gone sideways and he didn't do a great job

of like connecting his jokes so he started telling these one-off jokes right and then he started doing crowd work and not even the people he was doing the crowd work with were engaging with him and i thought to myself geez this poor this is going to be a long fucking night for all of us if no one's laughing no one's laughing so this guy bombed at the end of the set he goes honestly this is the best show i've ever done this is as good as it's ever been and i just could not stop laughing i thought it was so funny how self-effacing he was he gets off stage next guy comes out this is his is his shtick. His shtick is, I am going to shock you and then make you laugh. So he gets out there. He's kind of got this dopey,

like, you know, stone personality. He's probably in his 30s and, you know, cute looking kid. And he's like a cute looking kid. Like I'm 80 years older than him. He goes, Israel, Hamas. Yeah, I'll talk about it And then he starts Going into it And then he's like I'm giving an example I don't want to give His set away

But he was like Abortion Yeah right why not Let's talk about it So his whole shtick Was let's talk about Super controversial things Right

And then Okay He got the crowd worked up Now the crowd is laughing Oh that's good And oohing And laughing And oohing

And like oh that genocide is funny we're amongst friends we can laugh about it he also makes mention he's like i don't know who decorated this place but i felt like it's my blind grandpa he goes i don't want to talk about the art but and then everyone starts laughing he's like oh y'all are already talking about the art you know i don't need to say it i thought that was such a funny line y'all are already talking about it. I don't need to say it. So he gets a crowd worked up for 10 minutes, and then on time for the big show.

It's Pete Davidson. I'm not going to repeat his jokes, because if he's working on new material, I don't want to be the asshole who's out there repeating his new material. There's a reason why he didn't want phones in there, and I'm not going to be, and besides, I'm not, I could never be as funny as Pete was,

because I do have to say this i didn't expect much but i came out of there really fucking rooting for pete i mean pete nice entertained he was sincere at moments he was entertaining always he was hilarious most of the time he told stories about his personal life including including Kim and Kanye. He told the story about how he drove into the house. Remember he drove into a house about a year ago? Yeah. He told the story about how he drove into the house and how that all happened and what got reported, but what actually happened, which, you know, it's his side of the story, I'm sure.

The time he called PETA and said, fuck you, you bunch of cunts. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. He explained why that, you know, he's, he needed a hypoallergenic dog. And he's like, you go to the pound and try and find a fucking labradoodle. I dare you. And he was so funny. He was so good. He was so engaging. He, it felt like you were talking to him. It felt like you were just having a conversation with Pete Davidson. He had a way of really making the room much smaller

than it was, and trust me, it was already pretty fucking small. Pete was spot on, and he lit up the room. I mean, people were dying laughing, and I was one of them. He won me over. The guy won me over. Maybe we can get him for the interview. I'd love to have him on the interview, but he doesn't have a cell phone, so it's hard to reach him.

He doesn't have a cell phone. I didn't know this. Because of his mental health, he doesn't have a cell phone. He talked a lot about his mental health issues, right? He said he doesn't drive much because he's always fucked up. Some other people should follow in those footsteps. Yeah, probably Brian should be one of them. Or maybe an American Express.

Seems like they have a problem, too. You're so stalky when it's time for my bill to come due. I've gotten less text messages from eight crazy ex-girlfriends. Swear to God, I have. I have to tell you, Pete fucking killed it. He absolutely killed it. When you go in with a lower expectation, you are pleasantly surprised. Yeah.

And so Pete comes out, and now I'm thinking to myself, I don't have a good sense of time because I have no watch I've checked in almost two hours, right? But I know he's got another show at 11.55. So my thought is they need at least 30 minutes to turn the room. They got to get everybody out, clean it up. Yeah. And then do it all over again. So I'm thinking, you know, 1115 is probably the latest this show is going to go. And now these first two guys probably took 10 to 12 minutes themselves. And they started a little bit late in my, in my mind, they started a little bit late. So now I'm thinking, oh, we got maybe 25

minutes with Pete, right? Maybe 25 minutes with Pete. And he starts going down this road talking about the story about the car. And I thought that was it. He's just working on this piece of his hour-long special, right? This is going to be the piece that he works on. He kept going and going and going and going. And he even asked somebody on the side of the stage, he's like, can I have five more minutes?

I want to tell one more story to these guys. Can I have five more minutes? He was feeling it. Yeah, he was feeling it. He was. He was feeling it. He's like, I really want to tell this one I want to tell one more story to these guys. Can I have five more minutes? He was feeling it. Yeah, he was feeling it. He was. He was feeling it. He's like, I really want to tell this one more thing. I really want to say this about Kanye.

You know, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. He's feeling it. We get out of the room and we get that. First of all, it's like deplaning, right? Everyone's got to shuffle out. Of course, we're the first ones in, so we're the last ones out. We're trying to squeeze through this crowd. I have to

you know then you get your yonder bag opened up so the time we get our yonder bag opened up it's 12 fucking 15 oh wow and when we leave the club that that velvet rope that red rope sure did come in handy because now there are people like lined up down the strip mall to get in you can tell they're not too plussed about having stood out. The show's supposed to start at 11.55. It's 12 fucking 15. They probably got off stage at 2.30 in the morning. But I wanted to mention one more thing. I do want to say one thing about what Pete said,

and I'll repeat this, and Pete, I apologize to you if this is like a super thing you want to keep secret. Pete mentioned his story about Kanye, about how him and Kanye got into it. Pete mentioned his story about Kanye, about how him and Kanye got into it. And he said this about Kanye. He said, you know, Kanye has Grammys. He's written albums. He's got more money than God. He married Kim Kardashian. He's got children. He's got that clothing brand that you guys keep buying. I don't know why. And he says, but at the end of the day, brand that you guys keep buying. I don't know why. And he says, but at the end of the day,

Kanye is a human being and everybody fucks with him. He goes, Kanye was one of the first people that made other people feel comfortable celebrities about coming out with their mental health issues. And he goes, and when people found out, they spent about a month going good for you, Kanye. And then they started fucking with them and fucking with him and fucking with him. He's like, there is no good day for Kanye. No one says anything nice to him. No one comes at him in a nice way. They're all looking to prod him into some kind of action that makes him look like an asshole so they can get clicks. And he's like, so in this sense, I feel for Kanye, he's bored, he's stressed, he's tired, and there's no good energy coming his way. So when Kanye says, I love Hitler, he doesn't really love Hitler. He's trolling you. He's bored. He wants to have, he wants to garner some kind of reaction that's going to make his day a little bit more

exciting than the normal bullshit he goes through. I'm not sure I believe 100% of what Pete said, but it made me think about the whole Kanye situation just a little bit differently. Because yeah, he's a human being with mental health issues and everybody fucks with him. And goodnight! Hey! That's that. Everybody

keep up with your mental health. Yeah, keep up with your mental health. Yeah. If you need medication, there's no shame in taking it. No. One other thing he said, I don't want to give. No. No. One other thing he said. I don't want to give too much away, but one other thing he said is, imagine me without medication. He goes, I'm like this with medication because I take my medication. He goes, imagine me without medication.

That's Kanye. Yeah. Right? And he goes, Kanye just won't take his medication. A lot of people do that. A lot of people. We know this from our own personal life experiences. People close to us, Chrissy and I, we both have mental illness.

A lot of times people get on medication and then they feel better, so they think they don't need it. But the reason they feel better is because they're taking it. Because they need it, yeah. Because they're taking it, that's right. Keep taking it. Yeah, I've seen that cycle a couple of times with people that I know, with people that I've dated. You know, they feel good because they're taking their medication. So they say, oh, I don't need my medication anymore.

But what's making you feel good is the medication. I'm not saying everybody should take medication for every little issue. But I am also saying that if you need it, there's no shame in taking it. Go ahead, take it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Especially if you're displaying erratic behavior and saying awful things. Yeah, I think Kanye is on the high end of erratic behavior.

Yeah, he really says some shit that's way out there that I completely don't agree with, but then he'll say a few things that I do agree with. He'll be like, well, I don't want to get into it. He said some things, and you're like, wow, yeah, absolutely. You're right, Kanye. But then he says like something really fucking crazy. And this is kind of along the lines of something Pete would say. He says something really fucking crazy.

And everybody's like, Oh, Oh yeah. I agree with two of the three things. Well, that's good to know about Pete though. And I'll be looking forward to seeing the new special. If you get a chance and he comes to a town near you,

I promise he won't disappoint. That's my two cents. I'm throwing it out there. I walked in feeling like, eh, whatever. Let's see what this is about. A night of entertainment, and I got a night of fun. All right, TCBpodcast.com is where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I. Read all the show notes.

Get all the sponsors codes. You can also get your free piggy fronting sticker. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. At the commercial break on Instagram. Okay, Chrissy. That's all I can do for right now.

I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, me, Chrissy, and Pete Davidson must say, we will say, and we should say, Goodbye!

At Enterprise, we know you're constantly on the move. Getting this. Thanks, Mom. Fixing that. You reach a destination. And then it's on to the next. And when life is moving at the speed of, well, life, Enterprise is right there with you, around the corner and around the globe.

We'll keep you moving forward. Enterprise. For lives in drive. Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip.

It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation. I can get by deal. So good. Everyone approves only at home sense. I get ass.