The Commercial Break - The Ghostly Dong Gong

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

Blue is the insane canine living inside the studio grounds. Bryan hires a trainer to come help with some behavioral issues and he bring his clicker and Dog Training Dong Gong! It's an unusual way to train an animal but it seems to have Bryan convinced! And...a woman in England wants to marry her ghost boyfriend on Halloween. Will he? Won't he? Can he hear her?? The TCB opening is WAY too long! Listen to TCB at double time. You'll get more of your life back and it's funnier. Niko the smelly ghost dog is less smelly now that he is an actual ghost! Blue the remaining canine at the Green house is bonkers. She has lost the plot! Blue is a perfect dog when no one is home? Bryan puts Blue on one very expensive diets. The new dog food smells like s*&t and looks even worse. One dog trainer brings over a very interesting training tool A woman in England wants to marry her ghost BAE...will he go through with it? LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for people who like comfort! Watch Us on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Huge Thanks To Our Supportive Listeners, Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you gonna tell me what's going on? I would, but I think explaining it might give us both an aneurysm. On this episode of the commercial break, Gabahat in front of counter wants pro-zac for his three- old child who he calls a dog The dong dong dong's when the dong dong's Another woman being seduced by a ghost. I don't know what's going on in England But there's a lot of women being seduced by ghosts. I know I'm wearing a dong It's my traditional Victorian gobb we all wore dong dong's back then It's how we Victorian golf! We all wore dong-dongs back then.

That's how we protected our dong! The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Katsuki! Oh yeah, Katsuki! Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, Kristen Joy. Holy Oh, yeah, cats and kids. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, Kristen Joy, holy best to you, Chrissy. Hi, best to you, Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this The Uncommercial Break. It's not for everyone, but fact news or fiction is guaranteed in 15 seconds or less. You heard it here last. That's it.

That's all I'm gonna say now. I'm gonna cut that down, we're gonna find a way to cut that down. You know. We might switch up the aliens too. Yeah, yeah, what do you wanna do? I mean, a new one. What do you wanna do?

I don't know, we'll brainstorm. We could bring back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no or we had... Yeah? Or occasionally there was a... Yes, yes. I've really liked... I really liked... It's been a good one for us, but you know you do have to change it up. Well you do because a lot of people maybe new listeners have never heard the aliens ever say. They have no idea what aliens mean.

And I heard a lot of people say what is that sound in the beginning? I know, they can't even understand what it really means. Right, so. And there's a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways.

I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways. I see that in a lot of ways.

What is that sound in the beginning? I know. They can't even understand what it really means. Right, so. And there's a lot of reviews that refer to the aliens. Like, not sure what that aliens is at the beginning one. I have. You can show your future employer. Here, check out the work I've been doing. Check out the work of the commercial fridge.

Or chances of finding other. Maybe it could be a monster hunter thing. Yeah, oh yeah, there could be like, get out of the log or we can have that guy. I don't say to my dad I'm a traitor, that is a thing. To where no one understands. No one understands understands a fucking word that guy's saying, but it's funny, whatever it is, it's funny. That's for sure. So.

Or it can be a Teresa Caputo. Oh yeah, Teresa Caputo. I'll have to go through her. Everything's third thing she says is horseshit. It's funny to me. You know what I've also found, and I think I already told you this, but listening to the show at like one and a half X speed,

it's actually much fun here than the regular show. I don't know why. Maybe it's the chipmunk voices. Maybe it's just a little more punchy. As if you listen to it on speed and half. So, you know, this year's been an interesting year for the Green family. We have a new one coming in just a couple of weeks here.

And then we lost Nico, the smelly ghost dog. We did. We did. All right, Nico. All right, PNeko. He's still with us. He's still with us. He's over there. Yeah, his stink is right over there.

It's amazing how this, like the whole house seemed to have some, like a little bit of the Niko's tank, because Niko was everywhere. Yes. But the stink is gone. It's amazing how that happens. Once you get the, once the dead dog is actually dead and you get it out of your house, there's no more smell.

Although I did love Niko. I do have to say that. We all love Niko. It was sad. That was a tough week there. But now we have this other dog. Her name is Blue. She's been around for a while. You hear her in the back of the show often, barking at nothing whatsoever. She is an absolutely

obnoxious dog, but she's my absolutely obnoxious dog. And I've had her since she was young and a baby. And so a funny thing happened. It used to be that when Nico and Blu were around, I was at my wits end with both of them, right? It's not, like I don't abuse dogs, I don't hit them, anything like that. But I was finding myself being real. You irritated. I was so irritated, I got it. Nico, stop it, shut up, stop it.

All the time, when Nico went away, Blue calmed down. Like Blue, I think actually probably felt threatened by Nico, or never really like Nico in the first place as evidenced by many attacks that happened in the house. But blue started calming down and I got a new appreciation for blue. Like I was like, oh, you know what? She hasn't calmed down when I went over her house. No, she's not going to show that to anybody else. She just does that in the down from her house. No, she's not gonna show that to anybody else. She just does that in the silence of her own.

She's really calm when we're not here. She's really calm. She's perfect when we're not here. But I found that she has calmed down a little bit and then like now I feel this is my dog. I don't know that I'm ever gonna have another one. I hope so, but I don't know. It's hard to raise children and a puppy is not coming in the mix anytime soon. I'm telling gonna have another one. I hope so, but I don't know. It's hard to raise children,

and a puppy is not coming in the mix anytime soon. I'm telling you that, no matter how much they ask. So I'm like, oh, I really gotta make sure that we keep blue and good health and good spirits so that she sticks around for a while. So we took her to the vet. I was like, let me get a little checkup on blue, just to make sure everything's okay.

Well, the first thing that the vet noticed, that he has, it's not gone unnoticed. He've told us this before, but it really opened my eyes. Well the first thing that the bet notice that he has is not gone unnoticed he's told us this before but it really opened my eyes. He put her on that scale and it's at 19 pounds. It's a fucking Yorkie. It's the fattest thing you've ever seen. It is so she is so roly-poly and this all started when she started getting a lot of anxiousness and started barking and all this crap, we would have these sticks, like these raw hide sticks,

that we would give her, and it would shut her up for five to six times. That would do a slam jam. Yes, that would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam.

That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. That would do a slam jam. are so bad for dogs. It's like if you and I were to sit around eating crispy creams all day long, they're good,

they'll keep your mouth occupied for a few minutes, but they're not gonna help you or long-term health, you know what I'm saying? So blue has gone through the same thing, but with these raw hide sticks. Now we stopped giving them to her years ago because we realized that she was getting a little roly-poly, so we found another treat that was a little bit less,

you know, egregious. But she must have had thousands of those sticks. I mean, we give her five or six a day because it would shut her up for five to six minutes. So we were like, well, just give her the stick. Just let, you know, shut up, blue. Well, the vet looks at Astrid and goes, Hey, Astrid, the dog is 19 pounds.

Even a big Yorkie is only 12 pounds. The dog weighs twice as much as it does normally. So Astrid comes in and she's like, if we want to keep this dog around, we really got to get her slimed down. She can't be walking around like this. She's a big fat fatty. We got to like slim her down a little bit.

New year, new year. New year, new year. New year, new year, new blue. New year, new blue. Look at that. You heard it here last. So Astrid goes researching on the internet as she does and she finds this, I don't know what it's called.

Eat right for dogs or whatever. You know, it's like a really super ultra premium food for dogs that's freshly made with real meat, blood and bones and all the stuff that they would normally eat out there in the, blood, and bones, and all the stuff that they would normally eat out there in the wild, you know, wild vegetables and all the stuff. And they mush it up, and then they send it to you in a frozen package. You got a de-thought, you got to weigh it out exactly, and it smells, and looks, kind of like people food.

It looks like a little bit like a gulash or something, you know, it's like, it's gulash, or is that the gulag? I don't know. That's gulash, yeah. It looks a little bit like a gulash or something, you know, it's like, it's gulash, or is that the gulag? I don't know. That's gulash, yeah. It looks a little bit. Like a stew? You get kind of like a stew, but like a little bit, like a mushi.

Yeah. Like, it's something you would feed a child, right? Mushi and smushi. But this shit is expensive. Yeah. It's $24 for a week's worth of food. And normally I could get $24 for the week's worth of food at Sam's.

It would last me six months. I could get one of those ultra big bags of, you know, kibbles and shits or whatever the fuck it is. You put it in the thing and she eats it. Kibbles and shits and shits and shits. Kibbles and shits. So now I'm going to go kibbles and bits and bits and bits and bits. I do remember that commercial.

So this, here's what's happening at the greenhouse hold now. So we got a kid on the way. We got in-laws in the house. We got mass chaos everywhere we look. And now blue has gone from that for she had like a little lull of a little period of calm and quiet. And now Chrissy she's amateurs. She's amused by that. She will not leave my side. Think about blue is. She thinks she's a person. So when people are talking,

she thinks she needs to talk, right? So Chrissy and I will be having a conversation of blue bigger. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

And you're like, shut up! And the more you say, shut up, the more she barks, right? But the other thing is, when she wants food, or she wants something from you, she will stand in front of you. No matter where you go, she will follow you, and then she will stand in front of you.

And she'll be like, so blue is now continually hungry. She's like, she's like a dog who hasn't been fed because when you get on the diet. Yes. And when you're like a person too. So you have to weigh this shit out like by the milligram.

So it's like take this package of pre-produced mush and weigh it out in 32 gram servings and then feed it to the dog because you're supposed to weigh, they make this food exactly for blue. You go, you type in her weight, her height, her breed, and all this other stuff, and they tell you exactly how much to feed it so that she can lose weight

and still feel full. They're a full of fucking shit, Chrissy, because I took 32 grams of this dog food is less than a teaspoon, a tablespoon of food. It's a tiny amount of food. Oh, yeah. How many times do you feed it a day? Twice.

What? Yeah. Two tablespoons. And now we're not giving her treats because we know that those treats are just bad for. I give her one treat a day that she takes medicine with it. She takes a X-France to pop up.

She takes pro's X-France. I'll tell that in a second, but. So I give her this food Chrissy she goes absolutely fucking ape shit for this food. She loves that She's crazy about it. She's like pushing the bowl around. She's trying to chew on the bowl She's went she went bananas. She loves this food, but I can only give her the very smallest amount of this food It's like me on this stupid fucking diet that I am constantly I'm consummately hungry. I can't eat anything. It's driving me crazy. So blue, whatever calmness she gained by getting the threat out of the house or whatever she saw Niko as has now been super seated by the fact that she is hungry. Her tummy is growling.

She's got to lose seven pounds for a dog that's only 19 pounds. That's a lot of fucking weight. It is. That really is. And I can't feed her anything else. And it's driving me nutty now. So now everybody's and it's crazed because blues on a diet. The whole house has to suffer because blues on a diet. So I'm kind of making a decision in my head that I don't care anymore. I'm just going to feed her. I'm just going to feed her what she wants to eat. I'm kind of making a decision in my head that I don't care anymore. I'm just gonna feed her. I'm just gonna feed her what she wants to eat. I'm just gonna feed her much of food. Now I know those people on my 600 pound life get 600 pounds when you when they can't even get to the refrigerator. Yeah. Is everybody else is bringing them food. I watch that 600 pound life. I watch it. It's fascinating. It's sad in a lot of ways.

But it's fascinating to see how somebody can get themselves in this kind of condition. But it's fascinating to see how somebody can get themselves in this kind of condition. But it's an addiction. And it's not something they can put down because you have to fucking eat to live. So it's not like you can just stage an intervention, take all the drugs away from them, put them in a rehab center and say no more drugs because you have to give them the drug

that they crave so often. But I watch this without fail. It's the same fucking thing every time. Johnny's 780 pounds can't get out of bed, got bed sores, got sick, you know, all kind of conditions, taken a bunch of medications, but there's always some fucking moron in their life that's ordering them two 65 inch pizzas from Papa fucking John's every six seconds or bringing them 30 sticks of bacon and you know 75 eggs and pancakes and that would be you. That's me. I know.

I am the enabler in this relationship. I have been the guy ordering 65 inch pizzas for my fucking dog forever. I gave her five sticks a day for two years, unknowingly, unknowingly, causing her to get fat, to get big, to get too heavy for her little frame. And now I'm going through the pains of what it must be

It's like having an addict with draw from heroin in your house. She's going fucking bananas Chrissy bananas And so it's gonna take a little while for the stomach to shrink. Oh We've been doing this for a couple weeks now. I don't think that's shrimp. This thing is her head that needs to shrink. She's crazy So now I understand a little bit of the psychology that goes on with these my 600 pound life people, is that when the people are enabling them, yeah, you don't want someone bitching at you all day long, you have some fussing and complaining at you all day,

you know what you do? You go buy them the fun, 15 pound bag of funnions or whatever it is. Chrissy, I saw, if you watched that my 600 pound life, yeah, you ever seen that? I watched an episode the other day. And the girl for breakfast has 12 scrambled eggs, a packet of bacon, three waffles,

and homemade biscuits that her mom makes her, right? That's what she has. Then she gets in the car, her mom goes to work, and then she gets in the car an hour later and she goes to Mickey fucking Donalds or whatever it is and she gets herself two double quarter pounders which is two French fries, a milkshake and barbecue sauce, right? Because as barbecue sauce, that's a barbecue sauce. Why not? Yeah, why not? I feel like that mom, I feel like blue is, I think God blue can drive.

They God blue can't talk. She can't call child protective services, because I'd be in trouble, like doggy protective services. It's unbelievable. And you know, we already got on the same anxiety medication, right? And so you get it through the whatever, the pill mail, whatever pet pills or whatever. Fuck your, all that.

The vets? Yeah, no, no, it's a service that sends you pills. Okay. The vet writes a prescription and then you get it at a discount using pet pills and you put it on an auto-exproctor. Mail order pills. This is another thing we all got a problem

with, the mail order fucking pills. Yeah. So the mail order pill place accidentally doesn't get the prescription. So now I gotta go do it the old way. I gotta go to the vet. I gotta get the pill prescription and then I gotta bring it to the pharmacy.

I gotta fucking CVS. Does the regular pharmacy have the stuff for dogs? It's the same medication you give a human. Same pro-zac. It's not actually Xanx, it's pro-zac, right? It's the same pro-zac. It's just in a much smaller dose. It's like a child's dose or whatever it is. Yeah, so we've been given her this for a long time Doesn't do a fucking thing. I don't know why we're giving her this fucking

No idea why we could do this but But we're given this medication. So I go to CVS the confusion in the the CVS To try and get a dog prescription in a human name is unbelievable. They could not figure out for the life of them who I was getting the prescription for, why I was getting the prescription and who the prescriptions name was under. I was like the name is blue green, you know, 12 ones, you know, 2019 or whatever fucking birthday is. And they're like, of one's, you know, 2019 or whatever fucking birthday is. And they're like, wait a second, let me get this right. You come through it three years old.

Your three years old. And I said, no, it's not for me. My name is not blue green. My name is Brian Green. So it's under Brian Green. No, it's under blue green, that's my dog. So wait, this is a canine prescription. It is.

Well, it should be under the canine's name. Okay, blue green. Blue is the first name green is the last name Okay, listen, I'm gonna spell it out for you. I have a dog sometimes people get dogs They have them in their house their little pets that run around on the floor Sometimes they're fucking crazy because you're not feeding them enough food and you got to feed them pills So I'm just trying to get a fucking prescription for my dog! It took the guy 20 fucking minutes to figure this out, Chrissy. 20 minutes this guy behind CVS pharmacy, uh, uh, computer screen.

Uh, the other thing is, uh, why are the people the pharmacy always typing so much stuff? I'm only giving them a little bit of information. I say 1, 2, 1997 for the dogs whatever birthday and the guy spends five minutes typing stuff in he's like Spelling that out in aerobach. What are you doing is that hieroglyphs? Doing I make a note the other make a note as to how all crazy Yeah, yeah, in front of counter wants pro-zac for his three-year-old child who he calls adult. He's pressing the emergency alarm button underneath. We're getting robbed of Prozac.

He's selling, but I swear to God, he's like typing in for like five minutes. And he's like, well, I don't have a blue green here. And I'm like, oh my God. It's like, call my way. And I say, astrot. Who's the dog? What is, do we have an account for the dog? Yes, we have an account for the dog.

It's blue green. Finally, we get to straight out. It's, now listen to this. Now I want you to listen to this, okay? It's blue's name under the account, but it's my birth date. So the dog is 40 something fucking years old, according to this man. He says, well, you got the dogs birth date wrong. The dog's birthday is, you know, September, whatever, 1970, whatever. And I'm like, no, the dog is only 10 years old. The dog is only nine years old. It's

actually not for it. Says here, it's 40 nine years old. It's actually not for it. Says here, it's 40, something years old. And I said, I just gotta tell you something. Most dogs don't live to 40 years old. Well, it says on the computer, and you know, it's illegal to put a wrong birthday on the prescription. Oh, God.

So now there's a prescription sitting in my house that has, that has, that doesn't have blues name on it. It's got my sitting in my house that has, that does not have blue's name on it. It's got my name, it's my birthday, it's on her name, it's fucking crazy what we go through for these animals. And now they want to clean his, her teeth. You know how much the teeth cleaning costs? $7,000 because it got to put them under,

they got to get an x-rays, and they're gonna pull teeth, and they're gonna clean it. I don't know what's going on with his dog, Chrissy, I'm trying my best. You thought you were gonna sweet little puppy. I told Astrid. I told Astrid. I gotta get some cocaine.

I told Astrid when we got this dog. I said Astrid. She had just gotten here. Chrissy. Chrissy. You know, many times I've called Astrid Chrissy a lot. Do you know what I mean? times I've called Jeff Bryan.

Oh my God. That's just, that gets a smile on her face every time. Nothing like making your spouses. Nothing like convincing your spouses that the commercial break is good for everybody involved and start calling, calling your wife by your co-hosts name. As if the commercial break doesn't take up enough of our time. So I say to Asher before we get this dog. Now she's new to the country.

And she says, listen, I've never even had dogs inside. They're outside. They're guard dogs. They're dogs that I've had growing up. But I think it might be cool to have a dog and that way we've got a little something and I've got someone to keep me company for the first couple of months she was here. She couldn't work, she couldn't drive, stuff like that. And so I said, okay, let's get a dog.

She spends time researching and she says, I found it. She shows me that picture of that little fucking Yorkie. And it was cute. It was tiny and adorable. It was adorable. But I knew enough about dogs to know the following. The smaller the dog, the harder they are to deal with. The bigger the dog, they're just kind of like big, lovey lug nuts.

You know? If you have a big dog, it's kind of like a big, lovey lug nut, unless you have a highly trained German Shepherd or something. And so my opinion was, let's get a frasadoodle or whatever the fuck they're doing these days. Let's get a frasadoodle or whatever the fuck there's whatever the fuck they're doing these days Let's get a frasadoodle and that way we can yeah, they're basically breeding everything with poodles. Yeah, they're pretty everything with poodles Cuz it's a multi-poodle. Yeah, multi-poo a doodle poo Poodie-doodle a Yorkie Poodie-doodle. Yeah, frasadoodle. Whatever it is So I said all right, I reckon I'll never forget, right before,

right as we're driving to go get this dog. I say, now, I just want you to know, I think this dog is gonna be yappy. I think it's gonna be difficult to control. It's gonna be difficult to train, and I think it's gonna be yappy. Are you sure you want this breed a dog before we go spend this money on this dog

in this trailer park in the middle of nowhere, Georgia? And she says, no, listen, I think it's gonna be fine. They're cute. I did a little research. Yeah, she might be a little barky, but that's our job. Our job is, no, listen, you know, I think it's gonna be fine. They're cute. I did a little research. Yeah, she might be a little barky, but that's our job. Our job is to little, did we know? Right.

Little did we know. This dog has been in bread. 35. It's the smartest in bread dog I've ever met in my entire life. She is so highly intelligent. Yet so fucking stupid. And I remember coming over after you had gotten blue. For as a doodle. For as a gotten blue. For a fiddle.

For a fiddle, and she was wild. Oh my God. Wild. Wild. She was like running around in circles. Run. Do you know how they'll get her trained? I want to explain to the audience,

who hasn't been through this with me, because you got here like halfway through the dog owning. But we have been through three dog trainers, four dog psychologists, and a specialized dog something. I don't even know what it was. We have spent thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars, trying to get this dog to shut the fuck up.

It never worked. There was one guy, a dog trainer. He was trying to do a TV show, right? He wanted to be the next C.C. Amarlaw. C.C. are, yeah. Oh, and by the way, you know, many times I've written to say Zara Malon many, many times, many times. He won't listen. Please don't. Yeah, even he knows. He's like, no, that's a love cause. I've said to video and he was like, no. I'm not putting that on my show. Even he knows he's like no, that's a lot of cause I said to video and he was like no

I'm not putting that on my show. I'm 32 for zero on my show I'm not taking on a lost cause He goes uh, it's an in bread Yorkie not doing it Take this before it's a fat in bread Yorkie not doinging, not doing it. Not doing it. So we had this one dog trainer. Comes over and he says, so we spend like, I don't know, countless hours on the phone talking, sending emails and talking about behaviors, videos and all this stuff that he has to have before he shows up. This guy's like such a fucking prima d'amma. Now, you know, he just wants to know every, he's gonna be the pre-eminent thought leader on dog behavior according to himself.

Yes. And he's full of fucking himself. But I figure if he's full of himself, he's got confidence. Maybe there's something to back it up. Maybe there's something to back it up, right? So this guy calls me a couple days beforehand and he says, listen, I'm actually trying to put together

a television show, reality television show, about my dog training. And so the production company would like to come over and they would like to film a couple of these sessions and I'm going to have some assistants with me who I'm also training to be my assistants in this dog training business. Yeah.

And he says, so would it be okay if we all did a session together and I'm thinking to myself, well, fuck, whatever gets the job done. Like I don't care. Right? And he says, so would it be okay if we all did a session together? And I'm thinking to myself, well, fuck whatever gets the job done. Like, I don't care. Yeah. You can fucking, you know, fly in Tom Cruise. I don't give a shit. Just shut her up. Like, I just want some sleep. That's all I want. Yeah. So this guy comes out, we meet at a park. It's like the second time we, like, second time we trained a first time. The guy didn't have much success. He had these methodology. He had a clicker and a I don't know something wrapped around it. He had like something on his belt and he was like it was like a gong

It was like every time he moved every time is like shake his hips and to be like BONG It's like the weirdest thing and he had this clicker. He said click click click click click click click click click And blue at first And he had this clickery, he said, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, and blue. At first, I thought he was actually, I like thought he walked in and magically trained blue. But what I found was, he was just scared shitless of the guy and after 15 minutes, he just started barking again.

He would just click louder and he, boom, click, boom, click, boom. He's like shaking his hips like Elvis at blue with this clicker. Boom, boom, boom,ong, bong, bong. Okay. Alright, so we didn't make much progress on the first one. Second one, he says, listen, I gotta get her out in the wild. Like, let's get her out in an environment where she can see other people and other dogs.

I'm like, are you gonna work? Click, click, click, click, click. Just imagine a guy who has got like a fanny pack right on his balls, but it's a little gong. And he's like swinging his nuts and making the bong sound. I'm picturing it. Okay, so now he wants to go out in the wild with his contraption and I'm not going to fuck your self out kid, whatever. Just shut her up.

I don't care. He's got these two young girls with him, and they look clueless as shit. And you know, he's like, notice how when I gong, she backs off. And I'm like, it's, most women are going to back up after you're thrusting your ballgong at them.

Your ballgong at them. You're ballgong, you're ballgong. Listen, you got your dumb gong. You got your dumb gong but, you're picking over there. She's scared of you. No, it's how she backs. Yeah, notice how she backs. Notice how all the women in the room back up. That's right, everyone. Yeah, when your dumb gong gets going

and you're clicking at us, you got your dumb gong. How are you thinking of seeing this? You're okay, so he's got his dumb gong and his clicker. I'm gonna see that. Okay, so he's got his dong-gong and his clicker. That was like, let's go meet at the park. Yeah, sure, why not? Why does that say, what the hell? 10,000 dollars into this already, why not? Let's go.

Let's go. We'll go to the park, you bring your dong-gong, I'll bring the dong. So we go to the park, and blue is a fucking hot mess, right? Because she just doesn't know she's so anxious she doesn't know how to control herself in any environment whatsoever. Let alone a park full of people. She just she's and at this time she's just kind of a puppy. She's still like a year and a half old. She doesn't know what to do. And so he's got his dong-gong and his clicker and he's walking down the pathway.

And he's like, you know, so he puts her on a lead, like a choker, right? And he's like, he's basically dragging the dog along the path while he's doing his dong-gong and his clicker. He's like dong-gong, dong-gong, click, click, click, click, click, click, and blue is like a limp leg, like being dragged across the trail.

So blue finally decides, I've had enough of the dongong in the clicker. I'm revolting here. This is embarrassing for all of us. I'm gonna, I'm revolting. I quite frankly, I didn't blame her at this point. I was on blue side. So blue just lays down.

She just lays down. And like, you know, clicks is clicker, click, click, click, click, click. You know, he's got this dong-dong, he's trying to, you know, get her to go. The other two girls are looking at, and this guy is getting increasingly upset. Yeah. He's not very good with his own emotions. That well, and the dogs can sense that. Yeah, of course they can't, right?

And blue's fully scared of this man and now I understand why and I wish I remembered his name because I would say it out loud here on the podcast and tell you to stay away from the Dong Dong guy but he literally picks blew up by the Choker and drags her and lifts her up in the air about three and a half feet and asked her and I were like no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Well, you got to understand, you got to use a little, and I'm like, no, no, no, dude,

we're not going to use a little force here. That's not what I signed up for. I didn't sign up for you to drag my dog along a path with the fucking choke who, like it's just me, right? If you want to wear a dongong and point your clicker at everybody, that's fine. Feel free. But don't take it out of poor blue. Like, you know, she's not paying attention to what you're doing and you're in barest in front of your whatever they are. People don't take it out on the dog because it's just not

fit. It's not a fair assessment. We paid this guy thousands of dollars and it was just be like a 16 week course where he's going to come over once or twice a week. We only got through two sessions because after that session, I was done. We have spent so much money trying to get this dog, but you know what I decided? I don't know, a couple of years ago, many years ago, I decided to give up. I said it, let blue be blue. That's exactly it. Give up. I give up.

I give up. I give up. No more dong-dong, no more clickers. No more fancy dogs. I call them just like that. We're all out the P-pads for the entire house. Oh. Yeah, we have P-pads.

This house is just one big litter box for blue. It's one big noisy litter box. Letter box for blue. We had another guy came over, he came over with his wife and they had a franchise for some dog training business and they wrote out this whole plan for blue and they pushed the paper over the table, like they were closing me.

I was already paying them, like they were closing me. They're like, do you agree with this? Do you agree blue needs this stuff? And I was like, what am I buying a time share? I got a dog, it needs training. Can we figure this out together? Well, they push it over the table and they're like, your dog needs this, this, this, and this.

And I'm like, okay, so what are we doing here? And so he says, well, if you sign up today, you're cutting. Oh God, you're signing up to $600 discount on the $33,000 services. Right. And I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna fucking know. I'm not gonna fucking, no.

Show me, oh, and what did these people do? They, these people had the, I forget what they had. They either had the spray bottle. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what they had is they had a, a thing, a, a noise maker that went, shh, shh, shh. So, what they were doing is they had a machine that made this noise, but then they also had their mouth.

So, they came over and they just went like this to blew the hole, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. And I'm like, guys, you don't think we've tried that? You don't think enough, you're the half that I've been sitting here listening to this dog, Bar, that I tried, shh, or quiet, come on guys They had this machine they were like look is this machine comes with the program? I'm like I

Don't need a machine that go shh. I had been doing that for two years. It's not working I don't know what to do with blue. I just don't know Chrissy I think it's just it is what it is. I think you gotta let blue be blue. You know what I'm saying? The heart wants with the heart wants. The dog, dog, gongs when the dog gongs. When you're listening to this, this episode is definitely called the dog gong.

Oh my god. You know what time it is? It's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. And I'll keep it short because you already know. 855-TCB-8383. That's 1-855-TCB-8383. Is how you get a hold of us directly. It's not a spam text message line. You can send us your comments, questions,

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I'm saying it again. Never did I picture myself a Lululemon kind of guy and now I'm sold for life. Chrissy got a jacket, she's in love with it, Astrid's ordered some apparel for after the baby comes, and now I am Iing some slacks for Christmas. So go to lululemon.com, get comfortable, get cozy, get lululemon this holiday season. For anyone who needs a little comfort in their life, lululemon.com, and we want to thank lululemon for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. Alright, well, let's get into the end of the year.

Yeah, we're a little punchy. I had so much to talk about. And I got off on a tangent about my dog. We're getting to the end of the year. And Chrissy, I wanted to take one last check in with our friends over at ITV to find out exactly what they were up to. And this is a couple of months old, as is most of the content we put out. But I actually found a lady.

Am I fresh? Semifresh. You heard of your last folks. But I actually found a lady, them talking to a lady who married a ghost on Halloween here in the studio. What? So our friends at the morning show at ITV are marrying a woman on the night. Now like our own family on ex-guest was always skipped. Okay. All right. We got to describe this a little bit. So the morning show is two British people on ITV that do a daily

morning show. They do they and they'll do anything. It's like a variety show. They'll talk to anybody. I fuck to ghost. I have sex with the tree. I have babies with giraffes. I mean, they'll figure out anything, right? Sugar daddy's sugar daddy's they do it all. They they entertain the British public and they entertain us throughout the years. We's. Sugar daddy's, they do it all. They entertain the British public and they entertain us throughout the years. We just love it. Yeah, well because they do it seriously.

Yeah, they take the most ridiculous things and they turn it into serious gnashing. And so now this is obviously the Halloween episode because they're dressed up like the Wednesday and whatever his name is. Cousin it. Cousin it, that's right. Uh, with the power. He makes it convincing Cousin it, I don't even have to say.

He does. But that all changed one evening when she fell head over heels in love with a ghost called Eduardo. And it's, uh, I literally just felt, I feel like that's racist. I don't know why. I'm hard. And it's I literally just I feel like that's racist. I don't know why I was burning sensation in my heart. I was propelled forward. Then what's that? Was that Nicholas a was that Nicholas a?

No, that's not Nicholas a but it looks like Nicholas a This is the new lovers blind. Yeah, Halloween. He's taking a break from his seven second appearance on his own show called Love Is Blind to come on ITV. Asian in my heart, I was propelled forward, then it literally went cold. This hand grabbed my arm through it back. It's been a year and a half now, this presence has been around. And it's just got progressively more intense.

He left with the words saying, I love you. I've quested... Ah! It's another woman being seduced by a ghost. I don't know what's going on in England, but there's a lot of women being seduced by ghosts. Human men are hard to find. Yeah, human men are hard to find

and they're hard to get rid of. It's keep coming. Jindy, a lot. No, what? As far as I'm concerned, love is love. Human men are hard to find and they're hard to get rid of It's keep coming I'm gonna love is love What about when you don't have heart because you're physically not there We've just I'm holding space for that. I'm holding space for your ghost sex. Would you please come to my ghost wedding on TV on Halloween morning? Of course I will. This comes to my ghost wedding on TV on Halloween morning.

Of course I will, I'm holding space for that. It's unusual. It is unusual, but their supernatural love story doesn't end there because later on today Brockhardt and Eduardo will be getting married in a special Halloween ceremony or the head of the wedding. She's dressed like the queen of Shiba. What the fuck is going on there? This woman who is gonna get ready to marry a ghost

looks like a ghost herself. She's dressed as like, what was that? Malificent. What was that? Malificent. Yeah. Malificent? Yeah, it's Malificent.

Yeah, yeah. I think she's joining us now. So let me see. Well, good. Happy wedding day. Thank you. Yes. So just, just, just. Happy wedding you. Well, good. Happy wedding day. Thank you. Yes.

So just, um, just... Happy wedding day. That's what I was thinking. What is that? What is that? Is that Nico? Nico. Nico's there.

Nico made it. Oh my god. There's a bone dog. There's a bone dog standing next to her. Sitting next to her. Remind us how you met Eduardo. Well, he was, it was an unconventional meeting, let's say that. Kind of better.

An unconventional meeting, I made it out of it. There was a murder at the street. Next day. I killed my husband and the next day he's bought, he started to smell. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER The murderer wants what the murderer wants, what can I say? I stood into my bedroom in the dead of night and kind of captivated me,

sensations all over my body, and that was offer. This whole thing is so cock-a-baby! Oh my god, it's so ridiculous, but they're acting like this is the most serious thing that ever happened. The one guy has his head tilted. Yeah, he's like, you know how when you're making fun

of people but not quite, and you tilt your head a little bit, I have such a bad poker face, so I don't get, I probably couldn't do this, but this is like clear horse shit, and they know it, but they are taking it so seriously. And there's something about the British people They're always seem so sincere. You know, they always had to look on your face. Well, at least they they know what they're talking about

Yeah, they do rotate it. Yeah, that's right Comes out with a British accent you believe it Victorian he's a Victorian soldier. Yes, right and so how do you Good day. Good day. You said it's a big time. Right. Yeah. And Victoria is not a right. Ditz on, Ditz on. You sort of communicate with him. I mean, if this is a relationship in the sense of like other people would have a relationship, is it a physical relationship?

Yeah, it... Yeah, kind of, only with a ghost. It'd feel me a senior, I can't hear it, I'll talk to it. Only, it's kind of like a real relationship. Almost there. Almost there. Almost there. I couldn't have struck out a little bit in love, so I've made up a friend.

He communicates by putting sensations through my body. So when he's around, I feel like I'm being embraced like a kind of warm hug. And if there's things that he's really, really unhappy about, he will send chills down my body and things like that. I think that's just bad guess, darling. And with sometimes one way of kind of trying to get more conversational.

We'll kind of converse by candle lights. They'll flicker a candle as a sign of saying yes. Oh, wow. So it's very interesting. So, are we starting? Oh, my God. This is like the blue of people over here. You're in reduction by saying that you were initially very skeptical about the supernatural. This is like the blue of people over here.

You're introduction by saying that you were initially very skeptical about the supernatural. Now, if you're skeptical about the supernatural and you're suddenly a ghost burst into your bedroom in the dead of night, that would be enough to probably finish me off. Well, exactly. Yeah, it's one of... Well, there's a lot of things that have finished me off.

But if I got me a ghost in me bedroom, it could finish me off, too. Yeah. me a ghost in me bedroom, it could finish me off too. As the ghost ever finished you off. Ride-o, Ride-o. Those things that before I didn't have any kind of, I wasn't one of those people that believed in ghosts, I didn't have a preference either way. You can be now. Look at me now, I'm here on ITV in front of all God's witnesses Marrying a ghost Let's talk to my ghost friend, shall we Peter are you there? Peter

Yes, darling How are you feeling darling on growing a leg thinking about having sex with you later? I've got a ghost bone right now. Let's put on the Dongong so you can tell where I am in the house. His voice scare you. It completely terrified me. The first time I met him, it was, it was on nothing like I sat up in bed and I had tears streaming down my face and it was really really intense and I think it was the fact that it was so intense that kind of converted me into believing that there was the hat to be something that did this to me. I felt that way after a bad sticky icky. I mean I just think that you're

thinking of a bad trip. To be something that you know, I just think you had a bad trip. Seriously. To be something that, you know, there had to be something to it. So you've got to use the relationship, you're now very much in love. And if at last time when you came to talk about it, you told that here. What?

What? What? What? What? What? What is it? He's here. Is he?

What? What should I do? Oh my god god what just happened there let's play the tape back there her hat fell off and she she claim oh she did pull it down herself let's let's go to the tail of the tape on this one folks we're gonna have to do an instant replay we don't do this often on the commercial break but I want to see what kind of horse shit i tv is up to so she's got this big pile of it you got to understand what if you can't see it go to youtube.com slash the commercial break it is a big pile of her shit. She's got this big crown on her. You look a game of thrown. But it's all black. Yeah, it's all black with like dymity things on it. And it's obviously heavy and sitting on her head.

I think it just falls off. And then she claims that the ghost did it. Much in love and if last time when you came to talk about it, you told that here. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What is it? He's here. Is he? Well, I should hope so too, it's your wedding day. LAUGHTER Welcome. Spod on it! It's me!

Frankie BBC! Look at my barbell, because you can't look at my body! I'm here in the spirit world just affecting physical things here and there, because that's what we do! What a load! Well just affecting physical things here and there because that's what we do What a load It's our ridiculous But also so entertained I know it's so entertaining so this woman who's getting married really looks like she got so she's looks scared She does but no mercy Feeling his package right now.

I'm looking for his Donggong. He's clicker is right behind his Donggong. I hear the dong and then I know the clicker is coming. It's the host. Hostess. She's doing that. that noise that weird. Yeah, that we Really hammin it out. I know this is not what I'm used to on the idea No, you see him No, definitely not definitely not here and you'd think that I would be able to see him

He doesn't like you. He doesn't like me. Oh my God. I will less fern. Oh, this is just offensive. Why? Bring a ghost into my fucking studio. I'll rude. Oh, sorry. Don't worry.

He's a... Can't you see him? No, definitely not here. And you think that I would be able to see him. You'd think. He doesn't like you. He doesn't like me. Oh my God. I will. Less for him. Well, I'm sorry.

So does. Yeah, and cue the music, by the way, like as if you didn't believe this enough, you know, they're cues and spooky music. Why are you so bit rude? I'm not marrying. No, I know. So it is welcome wherever he is. It is your wedding day today.

You're going straight to the church. Yeah, if I'm quite difficult to find it. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun.

Dun dun. Dun dun. My gang. Oh, the dogs in town are sitting still. By the way, nothing like getting married in the church to a ghost. How does a pope feel about that one? Church that was studio.

Yeah, in the studio. I mean, you're gonna get married to a ghost. You might as well do it on ITV. Yeah, you have to. Yeah, because I think there's a little bit of an issue in terms of religion and the afterlife and not all priests believe in he's really ruined my crown. Oh yeah see I told you her crown just fell off her head and now she's

pretending like the ghost did it. Thank said water. Why has he done that? Maybe he doesn't like it. Do you think it's a sign? I don't know. Well the thing is that I Thank you, sir. I told you not to wear that fucking thing. It just looks stupid. Now you've embarrassed both of us. What's my family gonna think when you show up with that ridiculous headpiece on? I know I'm wearing a dongon. It's my traditional Victorian gob. We all wore dongongs back then. It's how we protected our dongs. If

something was heading toward our dongs we would know because it would go and it's the name dongon go on now get this fat host on here let me do the rest of the show you go change bearers the spoke as if my mother doesn't hate you enough the last time you came on here and talked him, he ghosted you for a week. He did ghost me for what? Go on one, go on one. Okay, let's center it on Gene, they're going to you, go on two. Don't forget the ghosting joke.

Okay, I'm going to throw that in there. Wait. Yeah. I bet maybe he doesn't approve of being spoken about. So maybe he's going over there. I don't know what's going on. It's Halloween and everyone's going crazy on this show. I'm drunk, I think. I would be too if I had to talk to the lady

who was getting married to a ghost. Maybe he doesn't like you coming on the telly and talking about him. I honestly don't think that he should take that off as well. I actually can't even take it off. It's literally just there now, isn't it? It's fine. See, Eduardo has ruined my wedding day

by making me look like an idiot. Can you be? I'm going to marry him. Is this, is this, I mean, I think I don't know. It's not looking good, is it? Well, I mean, I don't know. Is this about the bachelor party again? I don't know. It's not looking good, is it? Well, I mean, I don't know. Is this about the bachelor party again?

I told you, we go to strip clubs because no one notice is. I'm literally grinding up against the strippers. They can't even feel it. It's the best thing ever. It's hard for us to... I mean, I can't... You can't judge about somebody else's relationship. You've got to go on how you feel in this situation. I think we should definitely ditch the crown for this. I would think that that is quite a strong protest against Edwardo.

I wonder whether there is any way that you could... Whoa! You know, should have made... Stop jumping! Make some sort of make my script move or or something. There's anything you could do. What am I doing? Yeah, okay. Could you possibly give me a hand shandy?

That's the proof you're real. Just the proof you're real. It's not a gay thing. It's not a gay effort to go. It's giving my script move. Could you make my script move? Could you reach under my donggon with your clicker? Can you give the top of my penis a love tap?

This is really gotten ridiculous. Do you want to be a to leave me standing at the altar after this? No, I have. Well, I hope. How will you know? Well, I'll feel his presence. How will you know? He's so good. This house is so good. You don't think he'll leave me a day out to do you? I would you know? I would

any of us know. I guess that's the point isn't it? Right. I do. Well I hope it all goes well. So do I. I'm worried now. That's the world.

Good worry, it's the world. Best of you in your Dongong. No, go off the telly and have a cup of tea with your daughter. Yeah. You might have candle. Yeah, I have to woo him back again. Exactly. Right, him another song.

Did that last time with your song yeah which I think you're walking down the aisle too aren't you? Yes I am yeah it's good haunted so yeah it's about that it's gone haunted and it's on Spotify right now orange it's that one you know that one orange it's haunted Haunted Horned it Sorry you talking about You're like my wife she has no comprehension of an English accent if there's an English accent she needs some titles Haunted too

It's called haunted and it's available on my YouTube channel Spotify and anywhere you find your music. Natural romance. Well happy wedding day. Thank you for having a lovely afternoon. Make sure you take a photo with him. Please don't leave him in Austin. Yeah, I don't think he wants to be here so I'll take him with me. Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay and we'll see you next time you have to promote some shitty song you wrote for your ghost boyfriend. Oh my god. Well folks, I can't claim that we're not entertaining. At least not to myself. I find myself highly entertaining.

I find you highly entertaining. Thank you. That's one fan I got out of. One fan. And I find you highly entertaining. I find you highly entertaining. Thank you. That's one fan I got out there. One fan. And I find you highly entertaining too. Thank you, Brian. I don't know what I do without you. Wow. I really don't.

But we'll find out in season four, as you're replaced by a ghost, wearing a dongle. Call for a tip. I'm going to call for a tip. See you, she can get on air. I'm going to get the clicker out for season 4. I'm just gonna click at you. I think I'm gonna click at you. Make sure you bring the dog on. That's what really gets them. That's what gets the dogs all scared. Yeah, for sure. Well, the saga continues in 2023. Will Brian

spend more money on his dog. It's the world's most expensive Yorkie. And I don't even carry him and carry her in a purse or anything. But you know what, we did start taking her outside. Oh she's too heavy to do that. She's way too heavy. She's 20 pounds. My wife isn't even supposed to lift our dog because she's pregnant. You know what I'm saying? That's how heavy the dog is. How ridiculous. Poor dog. All she's all. Well, just suffer through this for a little while. I'm going to get used to the mood.

I'm going to power through. I talk a lot of shit, but we're going to power through it because I really do want her to be around for a while. She's good with my children, and that's the one thing that has saved her ass. That is. Well, not only my responsibility to her because I actually got her, and I'm not going to be one of those shit heads that drops the dog back. You know, drops the dog at the pounder, let's it go.

Number one, number two, she is good with the children. Serious. Like, Nico was not good with the children and he didn't bother them, like bite them or anything. He just didn't want anything to do with them. He'd run away as soon as they came into the room. Nico, I mean, blue however, gets in the fray. She wants to get.

We'll be kitchen there's dropped food to be had. Her and Mia have this whole thing going on. There's part of the reason why she's so fat right now. It's because Mia takes half of her plate and just feeds it to Blue. While we're not looking, she's sneaky. Yeah, she'll take a bite, she'll give it to Blue. Okay, anyway, whatever, YouTube.com slash the commercial break

855 TCB 8383 1 855 TCB 8383 text message voicemail for anywhere around the world TCB podcast.com. That's all I can do today Chrissy. I think so. I love you. I love you and best to you Best to you out there in the podcast universe until you! Best of you! Best of you! Best of you! Best of you! Best of you!

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