The Commercial Break - The Scuzzy-Guy Special

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

Bryan got a massage, and while he might have asked for hot stones, what he got instead was the Scuzzy-Guy Special. The Superbowl is over! Bryan got a massage Another weird experience for Bryan Don't be weird about the glutes! The warmer the room, the lower the balls She needed protection Bryan’s masseuse had to be very brave Phone.com sold our phone number! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Macaroni with a chicken strip. On this episode of the commercial break. I don't know whether to feel offended. Like it's my fault she had to wear gloves. She assessed me at some point. Maybe that's what the light was about. Maybe it's a special light. The lobby.

Yeah, in the lobby. And they put glasses on and they can see the level of scuds you have on you. Maybe she had to work herself up. This light is revealing. God damn. This guy has come in. Another fucking old white guy. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah boy! Oh yeah cats and kittens welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the beautiful co-host of the commercial break, Kristen Joy. Best of you, Kristen. Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Well, as we are recording this, it's official. The Taylor Swift Super Bowl is over. Yeah. So we can all move on with our lives now. Yep. Time to move on. And there you go So we can all move on with our lives now.

Yep, time to move on. There you go, that's all I gotta say. Great game. Congratulations to Patrick Mahomes and the rest of the team. Yeah, overtime. Only the second one. And Taylor Swift's boyfriend, he did a good job also.

Taylor Swift's boyfriend. Yeah, wow. Only second time has been in overtime. Seventh longest game in NFL history. I'm just repeating facts that I heard somebody else say so if I'm wrong fuck you All right, you got it and the dynasty well underway I do have to say well, I'm not the most the biggest watcher of NFL football. I like college much better I like college much more. I

What a game And I loved usher I have to say I'm an Usher fan and he brought the ATL contingent. Bam bam bam bam bam bam. That's not Usher. But anyway, uh, yeah, okay. I, I, it was a fine performance and they automatically ranked it number seven out of the top 35. Okay. All right. That AV club did. And then I was rolling through them last night after the game and I was like, oh, okay. You know, they had, I forgot that some of these people even played the Super Bowl.

Like why in the fuck did Black Eyed Peas play this fucking Super Bowl? They were really big. For a minute. Yeah, one point. I'm sorry, but I just got to, I have to shout this out. And this is Brian's opinion that she is,

she's a terrible singer. Berge? Berge, she's terrible live. I mean, maybe in the studio, she's okay. And some people are like that, I guess. You get a little nerves or you're dancing around and you know, it's hard to control your voice or whatever. But you're going back and what that thing-

Plus in the studio, you've got help. You've seen the help. Yes, on O-Tune, that's right. And I watched that performance and that aged like cream in my cereal. I mean, honestly, it was terrible. Slashes up there. Remember they did the Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet child of mine.

I was like, oh my God, how fucking horrible can you be? Terrible. She's like grinding up against at slash and I'm like, oh, just felt bad This is like pre guns and roses reunion tour. It's like And they named Prince number one half time show of all time and I cannot argue that you cannot argue that Raining during when he's playing purple rain. I know, it was amazing. It was amazing. I mean, he was just the greatest. I loved him so much.

I think the guy from whoever was writing, a guy or girl who was writing the blurbs for AV club was like, at his best, Prince was the best. And this is Prince at his best. Exactly. And I agree. It's like above and below. Yeah, if you don't get chills watching that performance,

and it's at the fucking Super Bowl, you should not get chills at the Super Bowl halftime show. It's a gaudy, you know overblown big pregnant fucking Show the show of all shows. Yeah, but I sure did a good job And he brought out a lot of superstars on the another talk of the whole thing I was not impressed with the commercials. No, I didn't find anything particularly interesting No, I mean the one with Michael Sarah thought thought was pretty funny for the lotion Sarah V. But if that's the funniest one, that's pretty bad.

You know, there are good years and bad years and some people get really creative. Tons of celebrities were in all of them. But none of them were particularly good commercials. I was expecting more. Not at all. I didn't find anyone stood out. And now I only watched really most of the second half.

And I'll tell you why I watched most of the second half and not the first half, because I got a massage. I was super vocalist going on. Good for you. I was in a terrible way. My back's killing me and I'm like, I'm all twisted up. And so Astrid, my wonderful wife is like, I need you to shut up.

So I'm going to get you a massage. And she's like, it's your early Valentine's Day present. And I was like, oh, okay, thanks babe. And she's like, they have seven o'clock tonight. And I think to myself, Super Bowl or Miss, I'm on my way to the massage. I don't care about the first half. I don't, I didn't plan on watching a whole bunch of it anyway,

but I caught the whole second half. And I was glad I did because it was a really exciting, two quarters of football. Anyway, so I go to this massage place. Now, let me talk about my massage experience because I think it's really important out here in the commercial break. Not gonna give the name of the place,

I'm sure that there are lovely people over there. But I go to the massage place and it's in one of these strip malls, like a lot of massage places are, right? It's in one of the strip malls close to the house and it's new and it's been recommended to us by other people that we know. They say, oh, you gotta go here, it's great, it's wonderful. It the house and it's new and we've it's been recommended to us by other people that we know They say I got to go here. It's great. It's wonderful

It's good, you know new it's new fangled and I'm like, you know love the vibe in there And I'm like, okay vibes. I like the vibes when you go to a massage you want vibes, right? Okay, yeah, all right main vibes. Yeah, I want calming vibes But you know, I could use a little charisma like a little Riz. I'm trying to be cool with the kids I'm a little Riz and my whatever so I show up, it's seven o'clock, the game is already underway and no one is parked out front. Obviously, it's just me and I'm assuming the masseuse and then the person who works up front, the lady who works up front.

So I'm like, but that's kind of what I expected. Like whatever. So I walk into this place and it's this huge lobby and minimalist is not even close to the word that I would use to describe what is going on in this lobby. It is a standalone desk sitting there with a person greeting you and hello, welcome to whatever and how are you doing? Yes, I'm Brian. I'm here for my 7 p.m.

Okay, no problem. There are bathrooms right there, two doors in the lobby that are bathrooms, this huge lobby. Yeah. And then feel free to take a seat of which there is one chair one chair in the entire lobby not a magazine not a book not a nothing to be found it's just one chair with like the room and a chair and a desk huge lobby yeah yeah I mean we're talking like I don't know 30 feet by 60 feet, huge lobby. Yeah. A chair, a desk, that's it.

That's all we got, right? No music playing, nothing. Quiet as a ghost, quiet as a mouse in there. And I'm like, okay, all right, this is a vibe, certainly. And there's one like pendant light hanging over the chair. And so I go and I use the restroom, which is lovely. You know, okay, restroom, whatever. And then I sit down in this chair, which is one of these new fangled pottery barn bullshit chairs where you like sit.

It's a piece, it's one piece of leather, it's like a leather strap. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like one leather strap. Slippery, slidey, and then when I sat down, I expected to sit, but then I fell down into the chair. I'm like, I'm like, my butt is literally a couple inches from the ground and now I'm like, how the fuck am I gonna get up out of this chair? And you have the spotlight on you? And I have the spotlight on me. So I feel like it's dark in there,

so there's a vibe going on and now I am under investigation for being the creep who comes on Super Bowl Sunday at 7 p.m. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, oh, shit. So I get there at 6 50 for my 7 p.m. appointment. I sit down and I check the watch and I'm like, okay, 6 52, I guess they'll take me back to the changing area, the locker room, whatever you want to call it.

That's what I'm accustomed to in any spa I've ever been to is like you go into an area, you have a little bit of privacy, you change, maybe you put on a robe, right? So on occasion, I did have to say this, on occasion I have changed in the actual massage room, but not very frequently. So I'm sitting in this chair under investigation and the girl who's on the very opposite end of the lobby is not saying a fucking word

I'm just sitting there, you know, no phone or anything and I'm just I mean no phone because I didn't turn it on And I'm just sitting there thinking to myself. Okay. Well, I guess I don't have a lot of time Hang out. I'll just hang out here in my leather strap and Somebody's gonna start asking me questions any minute I guess 702 7055, 707. These are the times when I'm watching the, and I'm like, here's what you gotta understand. When I get there, they have a menu on the back,

back behind the lady, right? This menu written in leather strap or whatever, you know, burned into a leather strap. I guess that's the vibe, yeah, calligraphy, right? And it's like non-members pay this, members pay that. And as soon as I see that, I'm like, oh, shit, here comes the sales pitch for the membership that I don't need, that I don't want.

I've never been here before. I'm not gonna buy a membership. I don't know what's going on in here. It could be, you know, fucking Jack Jack for all I know. So far, not good. Not great. Yeah, and then they have all these add-ons, you know. hemp, CBD oil, special doggy bow, sunshine,

rainbow yoga massage, and extra 80 bucks. And I'm like, so she's like, sunshine, rainbow yoga massage. And I'm extra 80 bucks. And I'm like, so she's like, well, thank you. So it's your first time here, you get 30% off. You're brand new, you know, any of the add-ons. And she's like, would you like hot stone? Would you like CBD? Would you like, you know, morning oil?

Would you like the gushy smooshies? And I'm like, massage? Like I just want to massage. Use a little pressure, make me feel better. How's that? Like I just want to massage? Right. Use a little pressure, make me feel better? How's that? What do we do about that? I've tried those hot stones before

and it wasn't my thing. Well, that's what I go for. Because now, You did go for it. Because I had like a certain amount of credit. It felt kind of obligated. I felt obligated. I was using a gift card too.

I felt a little obligated because I thought, well, I'm gonna have to give a tip and then like that's a little uncomfortable. I don't want to carry his cash anymore. So, I mean, it also is 2024. I'm sure they can figure out gonna have to give a tip and then like that's a little uncomfortable I mean no one carries cash anymore and so I mean it also is 2024 I'm sure they can figure out how to ring up a tip But I had a certain amount of credit To use and so I because it was my first time there and I thought well I may never be back here, so I might as well use the credit

Okay, I had to pay in $10 for the hot stone thing. All right, okay, so now we're at 7-11 and No one has come to greet me yet and the lady is just sitting there. And so I'm like, um, I think the appointment was at 7. Is there like, do I just wait here for the, I'm trying to like not be rude about it. Right. And she's like, Oh, I'm sure she'll be here in just a minute. I saw her in the back earlier and I'm like, Oh, okay. Thanks for the update on where my massage therapist is an hour ago. I need her here now.

Is it possible that you check now where she is? Because in, according to the schedule, she's supposed to be here with me. Like I shouldn't be here. I should be there. Yes. That's what I'm thinking. But I'm like, okay. Definitely not sitting in a strap in the lobby.

No, I don't even know how many get up out of the strap. I'm, I'm now I really feel like something's going amiss. I'm under investigation on a leather strap in the lobby because I don't even know how many get up out of the strap. Now I really feel like something's going amiss. I'm under investigation on a leather strap in the lobby because I didn't buy the membership or whatever. I got this whole pitch about the membership. I'm like, I listen, I appreciate the membership thing, but let me give it a try a couple of times. And then if I like it, then we'll go.

I'm fussy, you don't wanna get into it with me. Also, I should say this. So when she made the appointment, when Asher made the appointment, she gave her my commercial break email address, which is kind of for me, like when I do service related things, I don't wanna give my commercial break email address

because alls it takes is a little bit of Googling to figure out who I am and how important I might be. Do you know what I'm saying? It actually might be the first time anybody recognizes anything. But I get a little nervous because if I give a review then I get concerned that someone can easily hear it and they might get upset.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't know what I'm fucking talking about, who cares? So 712, my massage therapist decides to appear out of some huge, you know, farmer's door, sliding farmer's door decides to appear. And yeah, and she's just, she comes out, she's right near the desk, she comes out, you know, lovely, I'm sure lady,

and she just stands there like this, standing there. I'm just looking around. Just looking around, and I'm like, she looks like a massage therapist, she got that oil thing on the side you know where you normally carry a gun. She's got an oil hole. So I'm like oh good morning. What was that? That's so weird. So I'm thinking to myself okay all right this clearly is my lady because there's no one else here like is she just standing there? Chrissy a good 60 seconds. No one else here. Like, is she just standing there?

Chrissy, a good 60 seconds. No one said anything. Really? And then I go, are you looking for Brian? There's anybody else in the lobby? Right. There's no one else. Right here under the light in the strap. The only chair in the place there is nobody else parked outside.

It's me, Brian. I can't believe you had to ask her. And then she goes, Mr. Green. I was like, yes, Brian Green. That's me, Brian. I can't believe you had to ask her. And then she goes, Mr. Green? I was like, yes, Brian Green, that's me. And she goes, I'll be taking you for your appointment now. And I was like, oh, thanks, 15 minutes late. I appreciate it. Let's go back now and do that.

Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go ahead and get that started. Now that we've wasted two minutes staring at each other, let's go ahead. Why not? So now I go through the sliding glass door, or the sliding door, and then you know, big wooden sliding door.

The barn door. Yeah, barn door. And then I, thank you. And then I walk into what I can only describe as like a mud room, like a mud room for a house. Oh, okay. It's got mull, it's got hooks, a big bench, but it's a big bench.

It's probably like 20 feet long, big bench, hooks, and then towels everywhere. So I think got hooks, a big bench, but it's a big bench. It's probably like 20 feet long, big bench, hooks, and then towels everywhere. So I think to myself, oh, this must be the changing area. It's a little, there's a lot of room for a lot of people to be changing at the same time, but thank God I'm the only one here. I guess I'll just change right here. So here I am getting ready to take my belt off

and like, because I think this is the changing area. And she's like, take a seat. She sits down and she taps the. And she's like, take a seat. She sits down and she taps the bench and she's like, take a seat. And I'm like, oh, okay. And I put my belt back on, I'm like, oh, okay. Sorry, I thought this was where I could make it. Like sit down on my lap.

So she says, you know, let me get to know you a little bit in your massage history. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my God, come on. Do we have to do this whole thing? Like my massage history is I know how to get a massage. I lay there, you know, let me get to know you a little bit in your massage history. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my God, come on. Do we have to do this whole thing? Like my massage history is I know how to get a massage. I lay there, you do it, that's it. How about, what else do we need to know about my massage history? Yeah, the most people need to ask really,

like are there any special spots that are- That was part of the 12 question interview that I did there sitting in the mudroom of this fucking place. And you know, are you in any spots? And she's speaking so softly, it's like a little bit hard to hear her. And I'm wondering is this like her normal tone of voice or is she trying to start the vibe?

Does the vibe start here? Still very open-minded. I think, okay, a little bit of a rough start, but now here we are, we're getting into the action. We're at least on the way. Yeah, we're on our way back to the somewhere where I might be getting massaged before they close at 8 p.m. Oh, I forgot to tell you, when she asked about the way. Yeah, we're on our way back to the somewhere where I might be getting massaged before they close at 8 p.m.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, when she asked about the add-ons, they had like a, you know, add 30 minutes, right? This much money. And I said, oh, can I just add 30 minutes? I would do that. And she's like, well, I would, but we close at eight o'clock.

So we can't actually do that. And so by the time, now it's 7.16. And I'm like, well, Jesus, now we got 45 of the 50 minutes I'm like, well, Jesus, we now we got 45 of the 50 minutes I'm supposed to get left. So let's get it. So I'm answering the questions quickly. I'm like, yes, no, maybe so, you know, just stay away from my dick and everything's okay. All right, here we go. All right, ready? Yeah. So she take my pants off now.

Yes. Okay. Now can I undress? And so I was like, do I, do I, is there a robe or something? She goes, Oh, no, no, no, no, back at the room. And I was like, oh, okay, back at the room. I got a 10-4. I'm cool, I'm happy, I'm happy with the new place, the new thing. All right, Chrissy, another huge sliding door. We go through this huge sliding door.

And now imagine a football field sized room. I'm not even kidding you, huge. And this is in a strip mall? Like, did you realize it was this big from the outside? It certainly was a football field. The building was, but I didn't realize how big the room was going to be. Right? It was huge. Like your massage room? No, no, no. Okay. So just imagine one big empty room. You've gone from one room to another room to a, now you've entered another room.

Now I've entered another room that is, the room itself is huge. It's got a hallway in the middle. Then it's got these two beams that just run. I mean, I wanna say football field, it's probably 50 or 60 yards. Maybe it's not a full football field, but it's huge. It's got these two beams that run the length of the room down the hall, this pretend hallway that they've created.

And then there are canvas sheets separating the rooms. Canvas sheets as the doors to the rooms. Canvas sheets that you can see through because I can see through the canvas sheets. I can see the lights, I can see the tables. It is a very weird. And these rooms don't go to the ceilings. They're literally hanging by these beams.

These canvas sheets are separating everything. It's like cubicles for massage. And so now I'm like, oh yeah, okay, I don't want, okay, whatever. I don't want to hear somebody next to me getting massaged, but okay, where I guess that's what's gonna happen. Yeah, I've made it this far. I've already paid, I'm stunned. I've what's gonna happen. Yeah, I've made it this far

I'm done the credit. I've already gotten a thank-you text message from the place and I haven't even gotten the fucking massage yet That's the other thing. Let's calm down on the text message to start worrying about the actual experience. Okay I don't need 12 text messages reminding me of how many things I can buy from your place. So in this place There is extraordinarily in this room, there's extraordinarily loud ocean wave music playing, ocean wave sounds playing, right? Not in the shhhhh. Yeah. Shhhhh. The same exact ocean noises that I use to put my children to sleep.

Yes. I cannot avoid it. And by, it's everywhere. It's in my house, it's outside, now I've got it at the massage. And there's no like, hey, can you turn on some like gentle, you know, music, you know, some of the... Anya? Yeah, Anya. You know, some of that Japanese massage music that makes me so happy when I get a massage.

I love that shit. Just play that. I'll fall asleep and you can just massage me. So there are, what, I don't know, 30 rooms on each side, 30 rooms on each side. It's huge. And she takes me to like basically the last one. So I've got to walk a mile down there. Now it's like 722, right? Before she opens up this big canvas sheet as if I'm in the fucking Lawrence of Arabia or something. It's like, it swings over these sheets. And there it is, massage table, little light, basket. There it is.

There it is. I'm thinking to myself, well, and then I look to each side because canvas sheets are separating us. I look to each side and I can see the other rooms in each side. I can see right through the canvas. And I'm like, I don't know what I wanna get changed in here. I mean, I'm only going to my underwear, but even that is, no one wants to see that.

What if a picture gets out there on the internet? TCB host, flashes. Massage parlor. I don't know, you know what I'm saying? I don't know what's going down. Yeah, yeah. The only good news is all the paparazzi was in Vegas. So, you know, I felt comfortable with paparazzi.

Well, yeah, and were there even any other customers? Well, I'll tell you, there were. And I'll tell you how I knew this. Okay. Cause you can see them. Yeah. See them, you could hear them. Well, I had my face down,

so I couldn't see anything except for the floor. So this, by the way, the massage therapist is nice enough, right? She's doing the do. It's, there's nothing, she's not bad, she's not mean. She's just there. You know what I'm saying? She's being nice enough that you don't have any room to complain about what's going on.

But there's no like, I don't know, there's no vibe coming from my massage therapist. I'm just like, okay, here we go. I guess we're going to do this. Yeah. So we get in the room and she's like, okay, Mr. Green, do you mind if I massage your glutes? And I'm like, oh, sure. Yeah, go ahead. You know, massage my glutes any glute massage will be

over the sheets and only on the side of the glutes and I was like, well, don't get angry with me because I answered yes He like snapped back Letting me know that I wouldn't be getting a can prostate massage And I'm like, okay, that's okay. Okay mad at me Why just answered your question? I'm like, okay, let's get started. Chrissy, it was really uncomfortable. And I was like, well, we don't have to do the glutes. I mean, what I'm saying, you asked, I answered. Why are we all upset now?

All right. And I'm sure you want to hear the rest of this story that I'm sure will take up a majority of this episode. But we got to break it up into pieces because that's how we pay the bills. We'll be back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again.

Here to remind you to go to TCBpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB Podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number

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All right, so here we are in this room. Now we've gotten through the- We're about to get a glute massage. About to get a glute massage. But only on the outside, it's only over the sheet, right? Of course, of course. So she says there's a little basket right there. Keep it professional as is evidenced by the sheets,

that they're separating. Exactly. You're paying $10,000 a month in rents, but you can't afford a room. Walls. That's all I'm asking for. I know, right. Can a guy get some walls? I don't even care about the separators. Okay, if it's like, you know, if you don't have enough to take it all the way up to the 20 foot

ceiling, I get that. But can we get like 10 feet of wall and then we can just leave the rest open? Yeah, you know, they probably started building it out. They're like, ooh, rooms are expensive. Yeah, these walls. You know what we can do. You know what we do? We can. I think in my grandma's basement. Yeah, exactly. She's hoarded 30 years worth of canvas from World War II when she was a Betty Boopmaker or whatever they called those ladies that were stitching together the clothing, right? Those women who really won the war.

Right. So I've got canvas all over the place. We'll just take some canvas and drop it to the floor. Yeah, let's just do that. We'll call it a vibe. It's a vibe. It'll be unique. Now I'm really mad at the person who's recommended this place,

because I'm like, what the fuck is going on in here? This ain't a vibe. This is the anti-vibes vibe. There's no vibe going on here. I've had vanilla ice cream with more vibe. You know what I'm saying? I'm upset. Now I'm angry. And I'm going into the massage heated, and that's not a good thing.

So we get to the glue- She's, okay, here's a basket for your clothing No, I'm angry. And I'm going into the massage heated and that's not a good thing. So we get to the glue question. She's, okay, here's a basket for your clothing on the floor. And I'm like, okay. And she goes, this robe to your level of comfort. And I'm like, well, at this point, you've already alerted me that there would be no touching whatsoever. So my level of comfort, what's your level of comfort? It's really the question.

Yeah. I don't want to answer this one wrong. You told me what to do here. Are we going over the shirt? Under the shirt? I feel like I'm in third grade. Under the bra? Over the bra?

How do we do this? It's whatever your level of comfort is. It's not about me. I want to touch your boobs. I don't want to make a wrong move here. I'm young in my little career. I don't want to make a wrong move here. It's when I'm young in my little career, I don't want to make a mistake. So, uh, so anyway, so she leaves the sheet, she leaves the sheet. Not the room, not the room, the sheets.

She leaves the fort, the kids fort we've built. And now she's like, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm like, what are you going to do? Knock on the sheet? I know. What do you do? Ring a bell? I'm not sure, I don't know.

So I just wrote to my underwear because I never go full naked. I've only done that a few times. I just find that it's a little presumptuous, I think, especially like it was your first time with a massage therapist. Like we have a massage therapist friend that we know. And you know, I know her well enough that I know

she's gonna do my glutes and she's not gonna get weird about it. So I'm okay going full butt. So okay. So now she says, okay, lay down. So I should share with you that when the massage therapist asks what kind of pressure and what kind of massage

Or any areas you'd like to focus on I always say the following listen I love a good full body massage, but if you could spend some time on my back back That's what I really need back and shoulders as me please. Yeah, I like the full rub down sure right? I like a good rub and tug just like everybody else. What if you said Really? The inside on my glutes? My glutes. The inside of my glutes, please. Inside the sheets.

Yeah. Over the sheets is fine. It's really sore. Oh, right in between my jeans. Oh, you know where your butt meets your asshole? In the taintiest area? The glutest taintiest? That's all I'm like, you're focused.

Yes. My prostate's killing me. The taintiest area the glutis taintiest My prostate's killing me That is out of a second me and my balls are on fire. You knock those around for a couple minutes. I Don't care over the sheets under the sheets. I'm just happy someone's touching it besides my urology. Go ahead. I gotta give a donation in a couple of days. You mind jazzing those black boys up a little bit. Let's wake them up. So, okay.

So I'd like- You said the back and then he sold you. Focus on the back. Like, you know, give me a little bright breeze across everything else, but then let's just- Now we have five minutes left of the massage. If you don't mind focusing three of those on my back, I would appreciate it. That's so stupid when I think about it. I'm like, it's unbelievable.

I got a 12 minute massage, I paid her 50. All right, so she says, lay down, get undressed, lay down, face first. Face down, yeah. Okay, so that's what I do. I get undressed down to my underwear, I lay face first. There is a sheet on the table. By the way, the sheets were the most comfortable sheets

I have ever laid in. I do have to say this, I do have to give this place one props. They did not scrimp on the table. By the way, the sheets were the most comfortable sheets I have ever laid in. I do have to say this. I do have to give this place one props. They did not scrimp on the sheets because the sheets were super comfortable. That's good. But then they had one of these bare skin rugs on top, the fur, you know, faux bare skin rugs on top,

and then the table heater was on. I should mention that in Atlanta, it's not particularly cold right now. It's like 67 degrees in the afternoon and probably 55 at night There, you know, it's not freezing in this place. It's nice ambient temperature 68 69 degrees whatever it is But the heater on the table is cooking me like an egg That's right, whatever remaining sperm I have in my Vesecticles.

They're boiling now. My balls are hanging off the table because they're so warm. You know how testicles, they go up when it gets cold and down when it gets warm? That's how they regulate temperature, which is an amazing thing, by the way. The body is an amazing thing. My balls are rolling off the table.

It's so hot. I'm like, okay, all right, here we go. Here they are for easy access. Yes, here you go. They're right down by my feet. Why are you massaging my feet? Get those twiddle twinkles hanging down there. I just throw them back up on the table. They'll be fine. You know those ones that hang out the back of the trucks?

That's what it looks like. the back of the trucks. That's what it looks like. Yeah. Yes. That's what it's all about. Just toss those back up on the table. So cute. So after a few minutes, she pokes her head in the sheets and she's like, Mr. Green, are you ready?

And I'm like, yeah, you can speak up. I can't hear you, please. I don't understand what you're saying a lot because you're very, very quiet. But now I'm going to tell you why I think she was. So I get down. I got, quiet But now I'm gonna tell you why why I think she was so I get down I got I got you know, I'm just laying there and so she's doing this whole dance around the table She's like, you know moving the sheet adjusting the sheet putting the bear skin rug on the top of my head I mean, she's like all over the place

She pulls the bear skin rug up to the top of my neck like this. And so all that's exposed is the top of my head. And I'm like, what is going on here? What are we doing? I've never had a massage like this. But I'm still a little bit open-minded. A little bit open-minded. The device is closing. Yes, it's closing quickly.

It was open. You remember the end of Star Wars where you had to get those two shots right inside just to blow up the Death Star? That's what I feel like has to be done right now by anybody at this place to make me feel a little bit better about what's going on. And so this must take like a full minute and a half. She's just like circling the table adjusting the sheets.

And I'm like, oh my God, why are we wasting so much fucking time on the sheet? I'm fine. I'm hot. So I tell her I go Hey, excuse me. Could you could you turn the table heater down a little bit? She goes, oh, it's uncomfortable and it's a little bit warm with the sheet and the blanket and then the whole thing So if we could just like turn the table down so at least it's not 99 degrees in here under the sheet All right now I'm feeling I'm hot boxing and so she says sure I'll turn it down a little bit for you. Okay great

Go back to that later. So now she says she Chrissy She gets right in my ear because I'm looking down at the floor and I can see her shoes and You know, you're kind of hearing what's going on. You're trying to be spatially aware of what's going on I'm wondering if I'm gonna be touched at any point or is It's this just it? They just throw a bear skin rug on you. Dance around the table. Hope you have a heat stroke and forget about everything.

So I can see her feet under the table and she bends down and she's like, Mr. Green in my ear Chrissy, right in my ear. And I'm like, ha, ha, ha, ha. This is the ASMR bullshit, what is this? And she's like, we have free lavender therapy. Is that okay with you? And I'm like, yes.

I speak loudly just to let her know that we probably can have an adult's conversation in the room. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't like when people whisper in my ears or super sensitive to like touch and stuff And I was like I just like yeah, I'm kind of like I want to push her away like don't get so close So she goes okay now listen to this

This is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me and I understand safety first I get it I get it safety first for the masseuse and for me. We all, we all understand, right? We've laid the ground rules. There's going to be no touching around any buttocks area. Disrobed to your level of comfort, which means keep your clothes on. And I'm going to pull the sheet over your head so I don't actually have to look at you. Okay, got it. 10-4. I understand. I hear what you only hear in a doctor's office. I understand. I hear what you only hear in a doctor's office. Gloves. Fucking latex gloves.

Really? And I am like, under the table you should see my face. My mouth is full open. I'm drooling now. I'm like, water's coming out of my mouth. Oh my god, you have not had the gloves before. I don't care if you have herpes of the hand you stay home that day. I don't care if I have to go a million and a half miles away from my house to get a massage

from a massage therapist who will not use gloves. It's not the same. No, it's not. Chrissy, I'll say this right now. And it's important that we use gloves. It's not the same. No, it's not. Chrissy, I'll say this right now. And it's important that we use protection. But having a massage with gloves on is like having sex with a condom on. It's not the same, okay?

It's what you have to do. And I get it, I understand, right? You use condoms because you don't wanna spread diseases and get people pregnant unintentionally. Exactly, but the hands. But the hands. And in a massage. Are an important part of the whole deal.

I want to feel the human touch. It's like sometimes there's magic energy that comes through those hands. Some people are really good at this. And I'd like to, and I don't care who you are, black, white, big, small, tall, short, whatever. I want to feel some human touch and I want you to apply that pressure. It feels so weird to be massaged with gloves on.

Yeah, I mean, it's basically just sliding oil around. There's no sliding of the oil because whatever they put on there, that walnut dust or whatever it is, the fucking shit that the gymnasts use, they smack their hands and shit comes flying everywhere. I felt like I was getting massaged with that, not with oil, but with like dust. I was like, it was so weird. And the whole time it sounded like someone was having sex in my ear. Like, yeah.

So I'm like, oh my god, did that lady just put on gloves? And sure as shit she did because when she went to do the lavender and you know, take three deep breaths, three of fucking magic number's supposed to make me feel better about this massage She's waving her hands in front of me like this. You know what I'm saying with that massage oil Oh, she's got big yeah, she's like waving it into my face Now I realize most people probably have their eyes closed at this point not me. I am fully awake I am ready usually to like they do like something to where you can smell it like when you're laying down. Yeah, they put a little something like a tissue.

Like a tissue or a cup or a cloth or something. Something with the oil in it. She just put it in her hand and just wafted it in my direction. It's right. I didn't even smell it and I can smell everything. I didn't know what was going on. I have no idea. Like these pans in front of my face, wasting another minute and a half of my life. And now I'm down to 11 minutes for the massage. So she folds back the bare skin,

but not the sheet, just the bare skin, not the sheet. And I am like, Jesus fucking Christ on a cross at this point, could we please for the love of all that's holy, get around to the action, please. Yes. I am not having this. I am like, I'm really kind of irritated at this point. Of course. We need to get on to massaging

because that is what I came here to do. Please. Chrissy. I don't know if she was blowing on my back. I don't know if she was using feathers to massage my back, but all of a sudden she's just like, tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch Pushing on your back, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't pushing, it's like a light, it's like a, she's giving me a high five on my back, but with no pressure.

Like my five year old gives me a high five, like, like a golf clap. All the way down, nowhere near my lower back, nowhere near my butt, then she goes all the way down to my calves. And I'm like, holy mother of all things massage therapy what did I get myself into now I'm like well one of two things is gonna happen this is gonna get better yeah it's gonna get much worse one of two

things is gonna happen and we've only got ten minutes now to get this done so how are we gonna break up that ten minutes is my question it In my mind, it must be 7.45 at this point. This is taking a long fucking time to get to any kind of action. I once dated a Mormon, same thing happened. Anything. Months and months and months of preparation. All right, so now she comes down to my leg. Chrissy, she... I don't even know

the way to describe this particular woman's style of massaging, except to say that I think it was less massaging and more about her sheet folding abilities. Do you know what I'm saying? She kept folding the sheets in weird ways so that she could expose certain parts but leave other parts unexposed. She takes my left leg, she lifts it up in the air, and then she folds the sheet underneath my thigh. So now what we've got is imagine like a... Diaper type. Yes, yes.

Or Catholic school girl uniform where the ruler rule is in full effect. Two inches from your kneecap and your skirt must be down to there. She literally wraps my leg like a, like a diaper, Pee-pee-poop-poop, with only an inch above my kneecap on the back and my foot downward. So now we've got exactly one of the two and a half feet of my legs exposed. And that's what she massages with almost no pressure

whatsoever. Now I do have to say this, I will give credit where credit is due. Once she got into it, then I felt a little bit relaxed. There was no pressure to it, it wasn't working out any knots or anything like that. But okay, I was so wound up at this point that even anything was, I was happy with anything.

The expectations at this point are so low. The Death Star is still there. Darth Vader rules the universe. It's over, it's game over. At least I'm gonna get one leg massage out of this. She spent the next 10 minutes on my left leg. And then she did the same thing with the right leg. She did the exact same thing.

We spent a minute and a half folding the sheet to make sure that she doesn't see anything she doesn't wanna see or I don't feel uncomfortable in any kind of way. You got your underwear on too. I know. And I don't wear a fucking thong. I got boxer briefs.

It's okay, you're good. It's covered everything you could be scared of. All my ass hair is covered by that Ambracombian pitch. Also she's wearing gloves so I was not to touch. Yeah. I don't know whether to feel offended. Like it's my fault she had to wear gloves. She assessed me at some point. Maybe that's what the light was about. Maybe it's a special light. The lobby. me at some point maybe that's what the light was about maybe it's a special light and they put in the lobby and they put glasses on and they can see the level of scuds you have on you. Maybe she had to work herself up. This light is revealing. God damn. This guy has come in.

Another fucking old white guy. This is glove. Glove positive. It's a glove positive. I tested him, he's glove positive. So we get to the second, like another 10 minutes is spent on basically my knee down to my foot, right? Okay, all right, we got that part done. Oh, I feel so much better. Oh, yeah. That front of my calf, my shin bones feeling so relaxed.

I've never had, listen, you worked all those ankle knots out. I'm telling you what, can we get to somewhere as important? Can you work your way up? I'm sure this massage is over. I am honestly stressed because at any moment I feel like she's going to go, well, that's our time for today. Exactly. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much.

All right, now remember, I added the hot stone massage. Yes, yes. Okay, all right. So after the leg gets done, now we're gonna go, after both legs, now we're like 20 minutes, and now I'm sure it's 8.15 or something. I don't even know. I'm like, I guess we're on free time now.

You know, like it used to be when you watched a soccer match, you're just guessing how much free time was left on the end. We think nine minutes extra. That's how I felt. I just felt like they're gonna blow the whistle at any moment. So she goes, I can hear her fooling with something, right? And then all of the sudden she's putting on what I have to imagine, I didn't see it

because it was on my back, is a water bottle, the kind you get in the hospital, a plastic water bottle with warm water. She puts two of them on my back. Over the sheet. And I'm like, and so now she bends down. How's that level of comfort for you? Five, it's five!

The water bottles feel okay. Yeah, I know, the water bottles feel okay. But I should add that during the leg massage, I felt like the table had gotten warmer, not cooler. I felt like she turned it up, not down. So she's like, how's that level of comfort for you? And I go, fine. Can you, did you turn the table down?

And she goes, I did. Do you want me to turn it down even further? I say, yeah, let's just turn it off. Turn it off. Please. And can we get to my back? Yeah. I'm in constant fur and sheets.

Fur sheets, hot water bottles. My ankles feel great. Now let's get on with it. Please. I'm so posse now I'm just like god damn it so so now I've got two hot water bottles from Walmart on the back of my back she puts a hot towel around my neck so now I'm burning up I'm dying I'm having a heat stroke in here, I'm sweating profusely. And I can hear something, right? And now I hear in a room, probably not next to us,

because there was nobody next to us, but I can hear, you know, it's another person getting massaged. You know at the end when they like wipe the sheets, you know, they wipe the sheets like wipe off all the bad energy or whatever. Right? First of all, I'm thinking, I wish I had that masseuse because I can hear more pressure

than this lady put on me. And then I felt with this lady. I can hear more pressure. So, and then I can hear like faintly like, you know, our time today is done, you know? And I'm like, oh, shit, that's it. It's eight o'clock. It's eight o'clock now because that person's finishing up, and I haven't had one finger

on my back yet. Not one. Not one finger on my back. Gloved finger. Yeah, gloved finger. I haven't had one glove on my back yet. We're 20 minutes into my legs. We haven't had one touch of my back.

So now, Chrissyissy swear to you. I'm not exaggerating. I exaggerate a lot here on the commercial break, but this is not an exaggeration. Now she's going to do my arms. And the amount of, it's like she was doing origami with the sheets. She was wrapping them around my shoulder under my armpit over my hand

through my, now my elbows exposed. That's what's exposed. We got my elbow and my actual hand exposed. And she's like rubbing my arm. This is so strange. It's crazy. I am like, where did I come? Where do they get these people? I've never heard so much sheet use. The sheet, like I didn't come for a sheet massage. I can get that in my own bed. I do that every night. Lay down, throw the sheet on me. Feels good, all right, good night. So now I'm getting this weird elbow and hand massage,

right? And this goes on for five minutes. And then over to the other hand, it goes on for five minutes. And I'm like, I just can't even believe that we haven't gotten to my back. Oh, and so I say Can maybe we can focus on my back and she leans down I was just getting to that and I was like, okay, thanks Thanks, could you focus those gloves on my back? Would you mind? Could you focus those gloves on my back? Right.

Would you mind? Please. Please touch my back. So please, somebody touch my back. That's what I wanted to scream in this, you know, sheet fold room. I just wanted to say, please somebody touch my back. I'm leaving a review. Great massage if you're not looking for a massage.

If you're looking for a touch free massage massage, you know like the car washes? Looking for a touch-free massage, here it is. The answer to your prayers. Ask for this lady, she'll blow on your back. But with a mask on. Safety first. So she takes these water bottles off my back. She rolls down the sheets, right?

And I'm like, finally I'm going to get. Here it comes. This is what I came for. This is the big show. This is the super bowl of my massage. I'm ready for it. If I've got 10 or 15, she's gonna be gracious enough to go 10 or 15 minutes extra.

And now I'm thinking to myself, she should go 10 or 15 minutes extra. Because it was no sooner than 720 before I actually started the massage. And 730, if you wanted to count the sheet origami she was doing, I don't know if she was building those little birds, you get on cruise ships or whatever.

You know what I'm saying? They roll the towels up. I don't know what she, they make little polar bears. I felt like she was practicing. All right, so we're getting to the back and we'll get back to the show right after these words. We'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus, Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212-433-3TCB and you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call to leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on TCBpodcast.com.

Now I'm gonna thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. Okay, so now she's brought the sheet down to, I swear the main event is my back. And she brings it, the sheet down to I swear the main event is my back and and she brings it that the sheet up probably two inches from your tailbone okay so there's no fear that she's gonna see anything she doesn't want to see and she tucks the sheet in under my belly under my legs so now I'm wrapped like a little bit

ba ba binky I got my ba ba binky yeah I'm a little fucking baby I feel like I'm wrapped like a little, ba-ba-binky, I got my ba-ba-binky on. Oh, parade out. Yeah, I'm a little fucking baby. I feel like I'm being swaddled. Like I'm an adult, I can handle it. It's all right. Why don't we just take the sheet off because I'm frying on this table. No temperature has deleted from this thing. Or maybe it's just because I've been covered

in a bare skin rug when it's 90 degrees outside. I'm not sure, I don't know. So this is what happens. She works one side, shoulder down to two inches above my butt. That maybe lasts a two and a half minutes. She works the next side two and a half minutes. Chrissy, she goes down to my glutes. She presses one, two, three times on the side of my glute.

One, two, three times on the other side of the glute. And she rolls the sheet back up and puts the water bottles back on it. And I'm like, you have got to be kidding me. I had 30 minutes of a 50 minute massage and 25 minutes was spent on my legs. What the fuck? Not even on my legs, on my calf. So unbelievable. So now she goes around and she turns me around, right? And now I'm like flip over She puts this towel under my neck making the whole experience very uncomfortable because now I got my chin in the air My mouth's wide open

I can the end with all What is going on here? Why are you putting this huge towel behind my neck? It's a, we can do a fucking, this massage my throat, what's going on here? What are we doing? I wouldn't be surprised at this point if that's a good throat massage.

She starts that whole number where they give you the massage in the back of the head, like right at the base of the skull. But she just puts her hands under there and goes like this like a committer And then I go and then she starts to massage my head a little bit and I'm like, okay, I could take him ahead massage I would give that in the plus column, but she stops here like at the back of my head She does not even go anywhere close to the top of my head, the forehead or anything. Chrissy, I'm not even kidding you. She then puts two hot towels under my shoulders.

So now I'm completely uncomfortable, mouth aghast. I can't even breathe because my neck is like stuck in this weird position. And now I've got two hot towels like that. Now I feel like this. I've clearly haven been set up. Right. They're going to pop out with the camera.

Yes. Someone's got TCB in their crosshairs and here I am. They're taking pictures of me from above. They've got a drone that I can't hear because the ocean noises are too loud. She literally gives me the little, you know, hands on the shoulders like this, and then she starts doing the sheet origami again all over my body. And I'm like, oh my God, this is fucking crazy. And so after a minute and a half of sheet origami, she goes, that's our time.

Okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, I can't breathe. Oh, my God. So I grabbed the towel and I pulled it out. I was like, okay, that's enough of that. We're done. This is a fully disappointing experience. I'm not sure and I pulled it out. I was like, okay, that's enough of that. We're done.

This is a fully disappointing experience. I don't care anymore what you think of me. I haven't been polite. Of course, I'm always polite. I never mean to anybody who provides a service because I understand that it might be the end of a long day. She might be fussy. She, her hands might hurt.

Like there's, you know, it could be a million reasons why it wasn't the best massage in the world or maybe she's new at it Or maybe she's not good at it. That's the other option, right? She's just not good. It's okay. It's all right You know, I ain't mad at her She's making a living and I got you know, 38 minutes of a 50 minute massage because when I got out It was like 812 or something like that So from the time she took me back to the time that I actually started getting massage, I think I got like a 40, maybe a 40 minute massage.

Right. But okay, it's eight o'clock, eight to 15. And half of that was sheet folding. Sheet folding. Most of it was sheet folding. So she says, you can get, you know, take your time. Where were the stones? The stones were the water bottles.

There was no stones, it was like a water bottle. I don't even know why they said it's hot stone massage. Well, I know. And did they not like use the stuff? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There were no stones. Only water bottles. They were used twice and a 41 minute massage. They stayed on my back for 10 minutes at a time. So 20 of the 41 minutes I had hot water bottles on my back, a table that is on fire. Never, it never lost any temperature by the way. It only got hotter in my opinion.

So I was like a little bit uncomfortable. Now I always like to take a shower after I do a massage. Like I don't care, most places have them. So you can wipe that oil off. I am covered in this lavender oil, like slathered in this lavender oil. By the way, it didn't feel like it because the gloves. It was just like this weird,

they were sticking every time she was trying to do something, kept sticking and sticking. It just felt really uncomfortable. So I'm now covered, slathered in this oil. I got to get myself dressed. You know, I walk out, you know, most places they have like, you know, like a little glass, they give you with some lemon water or whatever,

you know, some, whatever they call it. Something, yeah a little glass they give you with some lemon water or whatever, you know, some whatever they call it. Something, yeah. What's that shit they put in the water or oregano or I don't know what they put, mint, lemon, whatever. Mint lemon water, mint lime water. And I'm thinking, she's like, I'll have a refreshing glass of water for you when you're done.

And I'm like, okay, great. It's one of those Dixie cups that you literally get out of the, when you go to a doctor's office and they have the water thing, yeah. The world's smallest cup. I walk out and she's got this little cup and she's like, here's a glass of water for you.

I'm like, I think you and I both know that's not a glass. That's a shot. That is a paper Dixie cup. I've had, I give my children more liquid in their Gaga cups. I swear to Christ. What are we doing in here? Oh my God. I gotta take the walk of shame all the way down the sheet hallway.

Right. And then I go up front. Luckily, I think I paid a total of, you know, whatever it was, 20 bucks, 25 bucks with the tip. And I tipped appropriately. I tipped for the effort, you know, whatever it was, 20 bucks, 25 bucks with the tip. And I tipped appropriately. I tipped for the effort, you know, okay. I kind of swallowed a little bit when I did that tip, but, you know, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because I do know it's difficult, difficult to be in the service industry in general.

And maybe she's just new with this. Maybe she's the person that recommended this place to you was the one playing the prank. Knowing him. Yes. And it wasn't a prank. It was just you're an asshole. So go to this place. Here's a gift card to this place. He probably got it from somebody else. He's like, oh no, I've been there. It's a regift. That's exactly it. It's a regift. He's like, oh no, I've been there. I'm gonna give it to him.

That's exactly it. It's a regift. No, it was Astrid that gave me the gift, so it wasn't him. But he had mentioned that it was a good place to go. Okay. You might as well give me a gift card for half eaten, subways sandwiches. That would have been more tasty, I think. I would have been more excited at the end of the day.

I don't know what to say. It was just one of these things. It was like a really weird experience. It was a really weird experience. And I don't know, you know, I tried to make the best of it. And it just- You did, you gave it a chance.

I gave it every opportunity that it had. At every opportunity, I kept my mind a little bit open. It kept it so pointed. The only good part were the sheets. That's it, the sheets were so soft. I sheets. That's it. The sheets were so soft. I do have to say that. The sheets were so soft. But of course, maybe it's because I was just slathering in oil.

I didn't feel anything. That was my Super Bowl Sunday. Oh, God, OK. So, listen, Taylor Swift Bowl is over. We can all go home and go back to our regularly scheduled programs. I just, I do have to mention this. You remember we had the phone debacle with the phone number? Oh yes. 626, Ask TCB, the number three is no longer available

because it was sold by the people I bought it from again. And now they're trying to extort me for more money to get it back. I'm not doing it. Just on principle alone. So I'm gonna inconvenience tens of thousands of people out there, rather than do anything about it.

We have a new phone number. It'll be in the liners soon enough. It'll be on the website and all that other stuff. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3TCB. Is the new phone number text? Leave us a voice message. Here's the good news.

Now finally, we get it directly in the studio. Okay, yes, that's what we wanted. We have people checking those messages. We get it directly in the studio. Maybe at some point in the future we try this. We'll ask people if they wanna call up and talk to us. But that was like, it took so long and so much money. And now three phone numbers later,

we finally got it worked out. And bought this phone number I own it forever. Third time's a charm. Third time's the charm. Eighth time is the charm in the case of the phone numbers of TCB. I think the phone numbers of TCB deserve their own show. When they do the VH1 behind the podcast special, they're gonna be a whole chapter. Oh my God. Two one two four three three three TCB.

That's the new one. Texas call us. Leave us a voicemail. You know how to do it. I love you. I don't know what to say. Sorry I took up the whole episode with Mike. It was quite the story and quite the warning tale. tail yes i don't want to give out the name i will be

asking oh yeah you'll know i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna keep you out of the crosshairs yeah i don't know if they i think it's like a franchise place they must have multiple look i'm assuming okay because it's it's like it looks like a franchise place right and then they have a website and you'll see I'll tell you You have just avoided all together. You have a good masseuse though. I did stick there. Yeah, go in there She's good. She's really good. I would invite her over, but it's just so much chaos at the house that the truth is I don't want to be in my house. I want to leave my house for my massage now That's how I feel about it. It was different when I had, you know, just a few children. Now I have so many.

Yeah. There's nothing relaxing about staying in the house to me. Nothing. All right. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I. You can watch all the video, listen to all the audio, all right there from TCBpodcast.com. You can also get your free piggy fronting sticker. It's now available. They're now being sent out all across the universe. All you have to do is hit the contact us button

on the website. The universe. Universe. Hit the contact us button on the website. There's a little drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Well, if you want your free sticker, give us your address and we'll send it off to you.

If you want us to sign in or say something, whatever you want, just ask and then we'll figure out if we can do it. If we can't, then you're just going to get a sticker back. You'll know if we can't because we won't. There you go. And 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3TCB. Tull free from anywhere in the world.

Text us. Leave us a voicemail right on the studio phone right here in the studio Questions comments concerns content ideas ask tcb aspirin's mom were taking it all right there at the commercial break on Instagram tcb podcast on tick-tock and YouTube comm slash the commercial break All right, I just love about I got it up. All right. I just love how Dr. Phil said that. I gotta cut it up. All right. I guess that's all we can do for today, Chrissy.

But I will tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say and we must say, Goodbye! I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die

I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die

I'm not gonna die I'm not gonna die