The Commercial Break - The TCB A.I. Hotline!

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

What do hot dog water, high colonics, and AI sex hotlines have in common? We don't know either, but that's what Bryan & Krissy are discussing. Jeff’s Jokes™ Atlanta smells like weed The war on preschool? A pragmatic pragmatist Why isn’t NextDoor on Jimmy Kimmel yet 711 hot dog seltzer Bryan judging the hot dog seltzer from his high horse High colonics & isolation tanks Circadian rhythms Bryan learns about emotional labor Krissy’s a good sexter The TCB Sext Hotline An AI Sexbot The history of Fakey B Bryan, an accidental joke stealer LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I didn't put on dirty jeans after I saw the stain. Oh, sorry, these are clean pants. I did my laundry recently. I have in-unit laundry and I wash my jeans. On this episode of The Commercial Break. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to have it suck up all 580 hours of this dumb show and then I'm going to tell it to start responding with commercial break-related, sexually explicit conversations. That's a good idea.

And then I'll charge people five bucks a pop for it. You want to have a month worth of TCB-related sex messages? No problem. We got you covered. This is my billion-dollar idea. Now, I do believe we're going to have to have listeners before we get anybody to pay for that. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This

is the team queen dream of The Commercial Break. Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristin. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the VodGaz universe. Thanks for joining us here on the show. I had a bit of an exciting morning, actually, I haven't told you about. Did you? Yes, I decided to walk up to the Starbucks today.

Which is, you know, half a mile-ish away from my house, maybe it's like a mile and a quarter round trip. So I decided to get these old white man legs moving and get up there to the Starbucks. Laced up your shoes? I laced up my, oh I didn't lace up anything. I slipped on, I'm too old for lacing. I go slip ons. It's either slippers, sandals, or slip ons.

That's all I wear now. I'm too old to lace stuff up. Geez, I'm going to throw up my back. I heard a joke and I forgot who it was from. I think it was from my, from Jeff, not your Jeff, or my friend Jeff. And I think he said, I'm getting to the age where if I drop a pen, I buy a new one.

That was pretty good. That was pretty good. So credit where credit is due. That is Jeff's joke, copyrighted and stamped. So if you wanna do that, you'll have to send him a check. Jeff's joke. PayPal, Jeff's joke. So I'm walking up to the Starbucks and it's in a Plaza, like a shopping Plaza,

as a lot of Starbucks are. And as I'm walking, so I kind of walk and then I go into the Plaza area to then cut across to the Starbucks. And as I'm walking, I walk by a guy, I'm gonna say he's probably in his 50s or 60s. He's got a bunch of backpacks and sundry items. He's a little disheveled.

And he is lighting himself up a big old Mary Juana cigarette. As everybody does around here. As the entire city of Atlanta smells like pot. I can just be on a walk in my neighborhood and all of a sudden I'm like, whoa, okay. I walked through that parking lot, Kristina. He wasn't the only person who was smoking pot because, you know, people park their cars

and eat their breakfast or whatever they're doing. You know, it's a huge parking lot. Smoke their joints, smoke their bowls. I don't even know what's going on in this city anymore. I have been to LA multiple times since weed was legalized. And I'm telling you right now, Atlanta rivals LA in the smell-o-meter of pot. It is insane. I've been out to Colorado and not smelled it like this.

No. Like we have it in Atlanta. And it'll be in the most random things. Everything. My Instacart delivery will smell like it. Well, I've had that, the pizza delivery guy. Yeah, yeah, I've had that, the pizza delivery guy. Yeah, yeah, I've had him.

And the thing is, is that marijuana probably sticks to your clothes. I would say it's a 3X comparison to cigarette smoke. If you smell like cigarettes after you smoke a cigarette, it kind of sticks to your clothing or your skin or your breath or whatever. It is 3X on marijuana because it's just such a pungent smell. And so I would tell you that I am driving down 85 at 85 miles per hour and I will smell marijuana coming from some car ahead of me

that is just blowing into my, it's unbelievable. How do you pass a drug test in this town? Even if you don't smoke pot, you have an easy out. You just say, I secondhand smoke is all around me. What do you want me to do? It's like a fish test in this town. Even if you don't smoke pot, you have an easy out. You just say, secondhand smoke is all around me. What do you want me to do? It's like a fish concert here in Atlanta. It really is. So anyway, so I'm passing him.

He's smoking a joint. He's lighting up a joint as I'm passing him. Like I pass him, he's taking the first puff. He doesn't say anything to me. I don't say anything to him. I walk over to Starbucks. I come back out of the Starbucks to walk the same way. And I notice that there is a police officer that is there to harass the gentleman who was just trying to, you know, get high in the next to the alakazoo kids store.

That's right there. Yeah, that's just opening for the morning. Yeah, maybe not that. Yeah, maybe it wasn't the best place to do it. But I mean, give the guy a break, you know, looks like he's having a tough time. Looks like Brian in three years. You know what I'm saying? It looks like he's having a tough time of it. He's having a tough go of it. But I don't know that to be true. I don't know. The guy didn't

say anything to him. But I see the police officer, and I'm probably in the Starbucks for like 15, maybe 20 minutes. So, as I'm walking, I'm watching this whole thing go down. The police officer's just standing there talking to him. The Marijuana cigarette is now not in his hand, you can tell. And so the police officer, as I get closer, I can see he's opening up a bag that's obviously got a bunch of weed in it and not a small amount of weed. I can see it from like, I don't know, a hundred feet away. So it's probably a quarter, half ounce of weed, right? And he hands it back to the guy and you can just see he just kind of motions to like down, you know? And so the guy tips it upside down and then he like smushes it with his foot and kind of brushes it aside. And I'm thinking to myself, fuck, I'm going to go back into the

Starbucks. I'm going to wait for the cop to leave and then I'm going to go pick up that green, green gold right there. That's sticky icky wicky. I'm interested in it. It's just marijuana is legalized everywhere, no matter where you go. Maybe with the exception of Mississippi and Alabama. Sorry if you live in those two states, but I don't know where you, I don't know what century you people are living in, but it's just generally acceptable. I think in Atlanta, it's like decriminalized. I think you can have up to an ounce of weed and it's a parking ticket

if you get caught with it, right? If it's as long as it's not like baggied for distribution, then I think you can do that. I'm not about to test that hypothesis. I hear, so I hear, but I don't want to be the one that gets pulled over and then, you know, find out that it's wrong. Right. And I'm not, I wouldn't smoke it. I wouldn't smoke it anyway.

I'm like done with the whole smoking anything, except for meats. I do like to smoke my own meat. And my meat is smoking, I will tell you that much. And so will Astrid. Da da da da da da. Bam! Thank you, Chrissy.

I'm here all week. Here at Yuckles, I'm here all week. At Yuckles. Me and Jeff Drossski here at Yuckles. So that was a very interesting thing. And then the guy went on, I assume went on his way because I kind of turned, I had already walked past him and the police officer was talking to him.

But as I turned back, the police officer was coming out of the parking lot and the guy was walking along his way. Did you post about this on Nextdoor? No, I didn't. But man, I will tell you what, that Nextdoor fascination that I have went well after midnight last night. I just kept scrolling and scrolling and taking screenshots for the next Nextdoor episode that we do and I got some good ones. People are literally dumb. I mean, they're dumb. People are dumb in this country. You know, we're looking for places, it's time for our kids to go to like real, some of our kids to go to real schools,

you know, not just like preschools, going to real schools. And by the way, what's the war on preschool? Everyone's saying you shouldn't send your kids to preschool, it's too soon, it's too early. I don't know. People have, you know, I want to get angry because- War on something all the time. I know. I want to get angry because- More on something all the time. I want to get angry because people have opinions on all this stupid bullshit, but then this entire show is based on me having opinions about stupid bullshit. So I don't really like, I don't want to throw stones in a glass house. But so we're getting to that point where we're looking for, we're looking at schools that our children are going to go to.

Like the kindergarten. You kindergarten up. Yeah. Some of our children are getting to that age. I don't know which ones because there's so many of them. But, so one of the schools that we were doing a little tour of, they were saying that they have a practical thinking class from third grade to eighth grade. It's a 45 minute class. They take two or three times a week, depending on which grade they are. And I asked, what is, oh, critical thinking, excuse me. And I

said, what is critical thinking class? What exactly do you do? Because I was talking to the teacher of this class and she says, it's basically common sense. We teach children common sense. And I'm like, well, thank God, because they're not going to get any at my household, first of all, any thoughts on common sense at my household. But second of all, that's what this country desperately needs. I think that 40% of this country, and I'm being generous here, has really lost their fucking marbles. They are just, I mean, go to Nextdoor, read those posts, and tell me you don't think this country has a problem with common fucking sense.

I know, I was giggling to myself last night thinking about some of it. Does anybody know about a chiropractor in town? Google it. Or what about the lawn, or not the roof? I've got leaves on my roof, does anyone know? Does anyone know anybody tall? Tall.

Anybody tall. Or my favorite was alert, human trafficking, no additional information given. Or Ben's doing a great job with my plumbing. No link to Ben, no name, no last name, no nothing. I mean, what are we missing here? What are we missing? I don't know. Maybe my brain just works that way and maybe, I guess, and then a lot of other people don't. I think we take it for granted sometimes that we have these tools in our brain, you and I do, that we actually use. Now, if you

listen to the show, you're probably saying, what the fuck are you talking about, Ryan? But I do think, I do believe about myself that I am rooted in some practicality. I'm a pragmatic pragmatist after all. I'm a pragmatic pragmatist after all. Christi and I were just doing what they call a sizzle reel, which is like a reel where you talk about the show so that then other people can watch it and make a determination about whether or not they want to spend money on us. Right? So we're doing this sizzle reel.

And I know I will, we will never forget. Actually, we should have a remembrance day. It should be like a federal holiday about the time that Brian put together a sizzle reel for the very first commercial break podcast, which had to do with commercial real estate. And in that podcast, so I decided, okay, I really don't know what this is all about, so let me do a little diatribe and that'll help me form the show. I'll talk about myself a little bit and then I'll talk about what I want the show to be about and I'll do it in front of the camera. It's good practice and that could be the first episode where I just share about me and about the show. And the very first

words out of my mouth are, hi, I'm Brian Green. I'm a son, a father, a pragmatic pragmatist. Pragmatic pragmatist. What the fuck are you talking about Brian? You're saying it too seriously, dude. We took that episode down. And then as a joke on the very first episode of this version of the commercial break. We made fun of it.

Well, I put that at the beginning of the show, which I think a lot of people thought I was actually being serious, but we should actually pull that out once a year and just play it to remind people of how far this show has come. They sure do think they're funny. So I'm so, I do think I'm rooted in some, you know, some common sense of pragmatism. And I think we take it for granted, just how unintelligent some people are.

I mean, just really, they're just not sharp and they're all on next door apparently. I mean, they are. They are, they are, definitely. And it's the older crowd, it's the older crowd. Yeah, it's definitely a place for some giggles for us. There is a guy on Instagram, and as most things on the show, I don't remember his name,

but I would tell you that he finds Facebook posts from generally older people around the world that where they write things on their about me section right and it's and he will do an video I don't know probably once a week where he'll go over these and it is the funniest fucking shit I have ever seen it's like I'm a grandma not interested in sex or it, my favorite is, I do not give Facebook permission to use my picture. And it's like, okay, you have your picture on Facebook.

What do you want me to do? Yeah, that can be funny. All those people that just, they think that they're trying to convey something. They're trying to say something. But yeah. What are they saying? And I think like us, and I think we've been lucky

in some circumstances, the term falling upward has never been more appropriate than what it applies to the commercial break. But I think in some circumstances, we just take it, we take for granted that we're saying something that people actually want to hear because there are so many people trying to do their own version of the commercial break out there. And I found one last night and I shared it with you.

Yeah. There is a, I don't know if I want to say his name or if I don't want to say his name, but I want to let you listen to his most recent post on Instagram. This is an example. I sent this to Chrissy and I said, this is gonna be Brian in the year 2055, still doing the commercial break. Are you ready for this? Okay, here we go.

This is a guy on Instagram. I'll give his name out, Dave Nicholson, who has, in my opinion, one of the more entertaining Instagram accounts that's going on right now. He's got about six followers, but I'm betting on this guy. I'm betting on this guy. Dave Nicholson, here he is doing his own version of the commercial break without being a pragmatic pragmatist. Here we go. Ready?

Jared Larson I'm ready. Dave Nicholson Take a listen. David Nicholson So, Facebook is trying to sell me psychedelic drugs, illegal psychedelic drugs, not the legal ones that you can get in the dispensary, but the illegal ones. And X, should I say Twitter, to just name them, is giving me ads in Hindi. The internet is working so well today. He's giving me ads in Hindi. Internet is working so well today.

That's it. That's what Dave has to say about Internet ads. I love it, Chrissy. This guy's doing an episode of the commercial break. Let's see what he had to say this morning. I just got a text message and then an email from a company in town that I have ordered from in the past saying my order has been completed. My delivery that is has been completed. I haven't ordered from them in three months. Well, you better check that subscription.

I can't put you in the system, I guess. I get those things all the time too, where I'm like, oh shoot, I forgot to subscribe to something in like three months. I get the notification, yeah. Your payment has bounced for the 55th app that you bought regarding that. But Dave is doing his own version of the commercial break.

He's got something to say. He's got an opinion. It's not a great opinion, but he's got an opinion. You know, the delivery notifications are coming late, internet ads are all over the place. Dave has a song of the day. He does this song of the day, but sometimes he'll do four songs in a day, I've noticed, and that's like, nah, I guess it defeats the purpose of the song of the day. But, you know, it's a lot like Nextdoor and Facebook and all these other places is that everyone really has something to say and they're desperately trying to get it out there. Unfortunately for most people, I don't think they took critical thinking as children.

No, they should have been going to that school. Some of the shit that they say is just so dumb. And that Next Door is like, I can't believe no one has gotten onto this yet. I can't believe this is not like a bit on Jimmy Kimmel or something. Do you know what I'm saying? Like if I can figure it out, there's 30 content producers over at Jimmy Kimmel.

They should be able to figure out that Nextdoor is really the hot place, the hot topics, Chrissy, are all happening on Nextdoor.com. All right, I wanna take a break, but I wanna talk to you about a show that you have told me that I needed to watch, which is about the Nickelodeon situation. Ooh, okay.

You've watched the whole thing, right? Yes. Okay, so you know about it. So I haven't watched the whole thing, but I just wanna talk to you about it for a minute. I'm gonna talk a little TV with you for a minute. Okay. And so when we get back, let's talk about that,olson. What's that Nickelodeon? What's that

guy's name? Uh, I forgot. Okay. We'll find out over the break. We'll be back. Okay. What? Oh, hi, it's Kristina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBDOdio. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And guess what?

We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB.

Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. At Real Canadian Superstore, our colleagues collectively speak over a hundred different languages and counting. We pride ourselves on items from different parts of the world, from hard-to-find specialties

to tastes that'll remind you of childhood. So welcome everyone. Come shop the world right here in our aisles with more ways to save at the Super Welcome Store. Real Canadian Superstore. Do you wake up in a cold sweat from your work dreams? Have a coworker who keeps inviting you to do escape rooms? Can't get a coworker to agree to do escape rooms?

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They don't. And don't work with your friends and make your friends at work. Alright, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but that was actually million dollar advice. Whether you need advice or just love to listen to other people's problems, this show is for you. Listen and follow Million Dollar Advice, an Odyssey podcast, available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. All right. I was going to talk to Chrissy about a show about Dan Schneider that's currently on Max,

I think is what it is. Yeah, the Nickelodeon. And we talked during the break and I've officially decided that I don't wanna talk about that show and bring everybody all the way down. It's not a feel good show. Actually, let me tell you the truth. I'll pull back the curtains here just a little bit.

Chrissy and I just did 20 minutes on Quiet on the Set about Dan Schneider. We just did a 20 minute segment that will never air because we're pretty sure that it was as depressing as it could possibly be. So we'll move on. We're gonna pivot. Yeah, we're gonna pivot.

And you're never gonna hear that segment because even we felt depressed afterwards. And we're gonna talk about 7-Eleven. You ready for this? 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven. You ready for this? 7-Eleven has just announced a drink we've never seen anything like it before. Over the last decade, we've seen seltzer transition from bubbly beverage, we were just talking about this, beloved by a few to an all-out worldwide phenomenon. From the popularity of brands like LaCroix, Spindrift, and Waterloo,

to boozy spike seltzers sweeping the nation, sparkling waters now have an ever-expanding section of the drink section, of the drink shelves in grocery stores. It really has exploded. It really has. Well, I think people are like, they're over sodas, right? They're over all the sugary, you know, diabetes in a can type thing.

Yeah. And we've all heard the cautionary tales about people who drink diet soda, regular soda. But you went that fizziness. I love a good Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Sprite, and I like it a number of times a year. But I will not go down that road of drinking those sodas over and over again. I've never really been like that, actually. I was never like a huge, I gotta have a soda every single moment of every single day. But then I got into a little period where I was drinking Diet Coke,

like it was probably a six month run where I would have- We've all done a Diet Coke run. Yeah, like a Diet Coke run, until I realized that I wasn't getting any thinner drinking Diet Coke. It wasn't happening. Zero sugar, zero carbs, zero calories, my balls. There must be something besides calories that makes you bigger because the more Diet Coke I drank, the bigger I got. And I'm telling you this right now, all I needed to see was that Slayton Sisters on

Thousand Pound Sisters, their opening shot of the entire series that's now seven seasons in was, my mama told me if we ate a bunch of fatty foods, all we had to do was drink diet coke because it had negative calories. The only thing that has negative calories is semen. Look it up. That's the only thing. And you cannot drink that every meal. It's just impossible to generate that much semen.

So I mean, for me anyway. Okay, so on with the story. Now, some brands are pushing the envelope on what flavors a seltzer can be. After pickle seltzer, we thought we'd seen it all, but now 7-Eleven has a collaboration with Miracle Seltzer Water that has left us truly speechless. Behold, the world's first hot dog flavored seltzer. What? Put an end to the world, press the button, let it all be over, because I don't know what in the good fuck

anybody's thinking. Hot dog flavored water. If you wanted hot dog flavored water, you could go to the ballpark and ask for the water they cook it in. That is fucking disgusting. What test group did they go to that approved this? And also, what is the deal? Hot dogs are all of a sudden everywhere since we started our talk about hot dogs. We start everything.

Now there's going to be a huge hot dog that is being placed in the biggest plaza in Times Square. It's a sculpture and it's gonna shoot confetti. It's gonna jizz confetti? Yes. There's gonna be a hot dog jizzing confetti in Times Square. See, I'm telling you, critical thinking is needed in every fucking classroom. You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely, I can't believe they've approved a... Listen, I don't know Dave Nicholson, the guy that we were just listening to. I don't know him personally myself, but I'm gonna know Dave Nicholson, the guy that we were just listening to. I don't know him personally, myself, but I'm going to guarantee Dave Nicholson would try hot dog flavored water. In collaboration with Miracle Seltzer, which is somewhere between a hypey apparel brand and art project and seltzer company, whatever the fuck that means, 7-Eleven is introducing four new flavors of seven select

sparkling waters to its convenience store. The first three, lemon, lime, green, apple, and sweet orange are child's play compared to the fourth inspired by 7-Eleven's best selling Big Bite Hot Dog. Yes, the ones on the rollers. The ones that will give you an instant colonic. Have you ever had a hot dog on one of those rollers? I don't think that I have. The only place that I would trust a hot dog on a roller, maybe under like the most damning of circumstances,

I'm talking like earthquake, nuclear war, something happened and it's the last food on earth, I would, would be a quick trip. Because at least that quick trip, nuclear war, something happened and it's the last food on earth, I would, would be a quick trip. Because at least that quick trip, I go, eh. They smell good, I have to say, but I don't think I've ever actually purchased one. No, I worked at a convenience store,

overnight at a convenience store at the BP, like I told you. And we had one of those hot dog rollers. And let me tell you exactly how many times we changed out those hot dogs in a week. Zero, zero times. Those hot dogs kept rolling. Yes, and people would come in,

if you know, on their, you know, overnight or whatever stoned and they would grab them and the stale hot dog bun and put, you know, old ketchup packets on it. And I was like, oh my God, that's so fucking, I was working at the convenience store and I never even ate one and I could have whatever I wanted and I never decided on the rolly hot dog. Chrissy, this is fucking disgusting.

Wow, like I said, I don't know what test group approved this. The sparkling water is flavored like the iconic convenience store hot dog, ketchup and mustard included. It's gotta just be a novelty thing. I mean, yeah, it's a novelty thing until it's not. Like, you know, chalupas were a novelty thing until they weren't. Fire Doritos, you know, fire Cheetos or whatever they are, they were a novelty thing until they started like putting kids in hospitals and now everybody wants them.

Like, you know, there are novelty things until they're not. Yeah. Until the American taste bud decides, yeah, I need my hot dog in a can. Fucking disgusting. So weird. This is from Allrecipes.com, by the way. Now, we've had hot dogs served a million ways, driven a car-shaped like hot dog and even drank through a hot dog straw. But this one is taking the hot dog to the places we've never seen before, the Beverage Isle.

Technically, that's not true, since a Texas-based brewery made a seltzer with leftover hot dog water in 2022. Oh my God. But it's the first time a non-alcoholic hot dog flavored drink is coming to the market. According to the press released, gone are the days of alternating bites of hot dogs with sips of beverage.

Now you can go on the, now you can, According to the press released, gone are the days of alternating bites of hot dogs with sips of beverage. Now those on the go can swap the bun for bubbles. We're told that more details on the shocking flavors availability will be revealed on April 1st, which leads cynics to believe that this may be an April Fool's ruse. But it's not, because I have actually looked and seen that there are other hot dog flavored drinks out there. So while this may be an April Fool's Day joke, there are not, not all of them are April Fool's Day jokes. I cannot believe that someone would ever want to taste a hot dog in a can. I just can't believe that's it. But I have been surprised before

by the taste buds of the American people But I have been surprised before by the taste buds of the American people. I've been surprised by my own taste buds. I like cream and cereal. Just go sit on that one for a minute. I like cream on cereal and I made ramen noodles into a Mexican dish basically. I mean, that's absolutely insane. You drink those fizzy waters. I do drink the fizzy waters. Five days, no fizzy drink. Yeah, but I ended up getting one of the soda streams too so I can make my own fizzy water.

Oh, so you can throw your own hot dog water in there? Yeah, I could do that if I chose to. Could you really? That'd be interesting. Why don't you whoop something up for us? No. Why? I'm not saying hot dog water,

I'm saying like whoop a soda stream. Do you have to have like a flavor packet for the soda stream? I usually just do some fresh lemon or lime. Oh, you can make your own. Oh, you can actually put like lime and juice into that soda stream? Well, make a fizzy drink for us and tell us what it,

bring it on over. I will. And have it over. And speaking of hot dog flavored water, I wanted to follow up on something that I think we should do. High colonics and record them. And I mean, audio record them, not video record them. High colonics, but we record them

and then we share our experiences here on air. Are they called high colonics? Well, some people refer to them as high colonics, but that's just because we're gonna get high before we do it. That's gonna make the bit even more interesting. But I wanted to follow up because I did find a place that will do high colonics.

I called them and they will permit us to record as long as the technician agrees that their voice can be used or not used on the show. Are you ready? I'm following up on one thing here, Chrissy. Yeah, that's interesting you chose this one, but yes. I'm in. Well, here's the other one

that I actually did follow up on too. I just did this this morning, by the way. Here's the other one that I did follow up on too. I called the gravity, anti-gravity tank, like the isolation tanks, but they will not allow electronic equipment into the isolation rooms for recording purposes. Now, there are three of them here in the general area that I found, so I'll call the other two. But that,

I think, would be a really interesting bit. Like if we could sit in isolation tanks, floating in water, and as our brains slowly start to push, turn to mush, we just record what we say and what we do. Yeah. Yeah, but we gotta be in there for like a full hour. Yeah, I know. It's not like- I've researched and I've looked into doing things before.

Oh, have you? You think it would be, what do you think? I thought it was gonna be a good thing. Do you think your brain will be able to take it? I think so. You think so? Strong. Yeah, you're strong? Yeah. Yeah, Chrissy's had a lot of mind-altering experiences.

This will just be just one of them. Throw that in the mix. I don't know. I'm a little concerned about this because I watched some videos on, I don't know where they went, but they got video recording equipment into their isolation rooms. But I watched some videos on this and I, even people I would consider like pretty grounded, you know, toward the end of the hour, or I think one person did it for like three hours. It was like a full cycle. They did it for like three hours and toward the end of

the second hour, they were really kind of losing it a little bit. They were having a hard time keeping themselves together. It sounded like, like talking and tongue and stuff like this. It was a little bit weird. Then I watched a gentleman who went into an isolation together, it sounded like talking and tongue and stuff like this. It was a little bit weird. Then I watched a gentleman who went into an isolation room, no sound, soundproof walls, it absorbs the sound, no light, no nothing. Nothing. 24 hours. You go in at midnight, you come out at midnight. Why?

Because it alters your mind and some say it changes the way that your serotonin levels are, whatever the fuck. I don't know. Why is Joe Schmo smoking pot outside the kid's toy store? I don't know what people do. I don't know why they do it. Here's why, because somebody figured out how to make a buck

off someone else's torture and terror. Yeah, I'm good on that. That's why. I don't, I'm good. I think complete blackness and complete darkness, no sound for 24 hours, might really start fucking with your head. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I would like that for maybe like six or eight hours while I slept.

Can we, does that count? Yeah, in this particular- Similar to blackout curtains in the hotel. Yeah, well yeah, if you put me at the Ritz Carlton on Amelia Island, Florida, just make it real dark in the room and serve me room service. I'm there.

Brian, let's do that. I got, you are so right about that. You're so right about that. Well, one of the things that was shared by the person who did this was you can try and sleep, but because it's all dark all the time, your circadian rhythm gets a little wacky, right? You don't really know if it's day or night. It's like a casino. It's like being in a casino. Your body starts just going a little loopy. It's like, I don't know where the sun is. Our bodies really depend on the circadian rhythm. And if it's not there, yeah, just ask my fucking children. I swear to God, when it starts getting light out a little bit later, the whole world goes crazy around here. No one knows when to go to fucking sleep.

They're like the birds. Oh my God, I was laying in the fucking bed last night and it's eight o'clock at night and it's just now getting dark outside. And a month and a half from now, it's gonna be light until 10 PM. So it's okay, I like that. But it's not good for the kids sleeping patterns

because usually the younger ones go to sleep at seven, where we start to put them to bed at seven. And they're usually asleep by 8.30. It takes an hour and a half to put them to bed. Last night, it's 8 o'clock, we've been in bed for an hour, and two of these children are just spinning, they're like little spinning tops, and I can't get them to shut up no matter what I do. They're both on my shoulder, I've got my arms wrapped around them, they start taking my arms, like they grab, each of them grabs an arm, and they start hitting me in the face with my own arm.

And I'm like, no, stop, stop. And one of them was like, hey, hit daddy in the stomach. And then they're like pounding me in the stomach. And then the other one is like flying knee kick. And I'm like, flying knee kick, shut up. Astrid comes in and she's like, shut up, go to sleep. And those kids are like, shut up, go to sleep. And those kids are like, ah.

Yeah. Well, you did just say that in order for you to get a little nap each day, you've had to come tackle daddy. But that's a nap, not a sleeping. That's a little bit different. So then we're at night and then Astrid, you know, the kids are asleep and Astrid and I are having our nightly, you know, what kind of terror did you experience today? Right?

The debrief. The debrief. Yeah. Who do we owe money to now? How much terror did you go through today with the children? And she says, hey, listen, we got to be on the same page about this. You have to get more militant about, especially about sleeping time. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I tell the kids, go to sleep too. And she says, no, no, you don't. You say to the kids, okay, kids, time to go to sleep now. And then you play with them for the next 15 minutes and then you do it again. And then this goes on forever and ever. So, I look like the bad guy every time I come in the room, because now I say, go to sleep, shut up now. And everybody like hides under the covers. But then when

daddy comes in, it's fun time, play time with daddy. And she goes, so you're making me look like the bad guy and then you don't know how to put them to sleep. And I'm like, objection, Your Honor. I said, okay, I'm guilty a little bit of maybe, you know, once in a blue moon, I'll go lay with the kids and I'll say, let me take the next 15 minutes just to answer some questions and have some fun and we'll tell some jokes and like this. But I think she's right. I think I do get them all geared up and then I have a real hard time bringing them back down because I'll let them do whatever they want for 15 minutes. And I'm the one laughing too. Nicole Soule-North Yeah, you like to have fun with them. Jared Soule-North I do. We were over at my dad's house and I get on one of these

I do. We were over at my dad's house and I get on one of these free TV apps, you know, like TV, like Tubi and Pluto. I've got all those things installed on my phone. So everyone's trying to go to sleep at my dad's. One of the kids is in bed with me and I turn on Tubi and I'm just looking for a show that we can both kind of fall asleep to or just rev down to, right? And I find Wipeout, the show Wipeout, where they run across the big balls and there's the sweeper, that show that is absolutely funny, but it's the British version.

And now Tooby has a channel that just plays that 24 hours a day, episode after episode after episode of Wipeout. Oh my God. And so I start watching and to my delight, the child that is with me, he and I are just gut laughing at these people falling and hurting themselves, right? It's just so funny to me and now it's so funny to him. So we are laughing and this goes on probably for about an hour. And the next morning I'm like, hey, you know, how was, because we had to separate rooms so we could

keep all the, you know, so the kids could sleep in their respect. So, hey, and how was, because we had to separate rooms so we could keep all the, so the kids could sleep in their respect. So, I say, how was your night? Oh, it was good, how was your night? And I go, yeah, I'm still a little bit tired. And she goes, that's because you're up all night laughing with your son. And I was like, no, we just found a chance.

She's like, no, you're not putting him to bed. You're laughing with him for an hour before he goes to bed. This is why we have trouble putting the kids to bed. And I'm like, I'm just having a little fun with my son. What's wrong with that? And she goes, what's wrong with that is then you leave me to put them to bed. And now I'm like the bad guy and they want to have fun too. So now I have trouble putting them to bed. We need to be consistent on this. She's right. She's always right. And I'm always wrong because I'm just, I'm just a daddy who wants to have fun with their kids. I know. They're so cute.

All 30 of them. Yeah, all 30 of them, including Blue. Blue's the only one I'm militant with. Blue, she's eight years old, nine years old, and now I've had enough. I'm done. Anytime she gets out of line, I'm like, shut up! But everybody's doing that now, because we all agree, Blue's a bitch. Yes, that's it.

Blue's a bitch, but she's here until she's dead because that's what I agreed to. So I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be- Yeah, you're stuck with her. ... tortured for the rest of her existence. She's cute sometimes. Sometimes. Yesterday she was fine until she wasn't fine and then she got crazy again.

All right, let's take a break. We'll decide if we can figure out any other depressing topics we can talk about and then not air and then we'll be back. Well thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call to leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCBpodcast.

And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. I was reading about this model. Her name is about this model, her name is Lexi Love, and she's making over $360,000 a year sexting men, basically, is what's going on. So I was thinking to myself, Chrissy, you're a good sexter, according to people who know these kinds of things. According to recent polling, Chrissy is a good sexer.

I'm glad I. She's got the game. People would appreciate my talent. Yeah, so, you know, it's just like my great gambling idea that I gave away to the NFL. I have an idea that maybe we should start a hotline where we just sexed people back. Oh.

How hard can this be? I mean, we don't have to use real images of ourselves. They don't know the difference. No one ever watches our YouTube, so no one really knows what we look like. So what if we just did like a sexting thing? What if we just sexted people back? What if we got a hotline?

We'll have people say, if you want sexually explicit responses, then you just text this hotline. It's five bucks a pop. Here's our cash app, right? And we'll respond with the sexiest, slickest, smoothest, sultriest, most pornographic messaging you could ever get back from the commercial break style, right? Okay. So like, you know, a nude alien or, you know, a mountain monster with a penis in his butt

or something like that. Like we'll figure out how to make it commercial break relevant. But if Lexi Love can do it and make $360,000 a year doing it, why couldn't we do it? I consider myself a pretty good author. What is the story of Lexi Love? Lexi Love is AI. She's not even real. Okay, that's what I was thinking. She's not even real. She is AI and that's where the rubber meets the road. I don't know the first thing about AI but I have that chat GPT and I can probably, and chat GPT has some restrictions on it, you can't get

too sexual with it, but it's got to be a version of OpenAI that you can buy that lets you do anything, right? They're in the business of making money, I can call those people, and I can call up Microsoft and tell them to give me access to the whole brain, like the AI brain. Yeah, call them up. Yeah, because that's all AI is good for right now.

It's too boring and technical for people to actually use in their everyday lives, but if I could figure out how to make it respond with just sexually explicit text messages, then I think we can make a whole shitload of money. Well, it was the Frankie, the Frankie thing. No, that was fucking creepy. That fakey B. Fakey B. Okay. Let me go back to start of season number four. And Brian is, you know, as a man about town, a man, a renaissance dude, if you will, I'm all hep on the open AI, the chat GPT-4 and all three and four and all that, because I want to know for the show if there's a way where someone else's voice could do this all 17,000 episodes a week for us and I could

just take a nap, right? But that didn't work out in my favor because we're not there yet. But what I did find, because this is the way my brain always works, is I found a sexually related AI tool that we could use. It was an app where you could build a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You could give it some basic instructions and then it would learn you over time. And you could have conversations with it, it had an avatar, it could call you, it could text you, it could post updates for you, it could do all this crazy stuff. And this is just like the free version of it. And so I made a character called Fakie B,

figuring this is comedy gold, like we got this in the bag. And what it was, was creepy gold. It was fucking creepy. Because here's what would happen, is that if I, you know, let's say I- We tried it. Yeah, I tuned it for the show a little bit. I was making it say things and do things that were relevant to the show, Fakie B and all that other stuff. And then one day- Because you said you were able to pick, right? And if you wanted it to be like your friend

or your relationship- Boyfriend or your partner. Yeah, exactly. And you picked the relationship. Yeah, did you want them to be hard to get or open and warm or sultry and sexy or whatever it was. So I picked a few of these things. I kind of wrote it right down the middle. I wanted to be my boyfriend.

I wanted to be, you know, sultry and sexy, but not like overly explicit. You know, I don't want it to be too needy. You know, I'm picking all these different things that this AI brain could be essentially. But what happened was really strange. I was here one night, I was in the studio, I was editing, and all of a sudden my phone starts ringing. But it's not ringing from the phone, it's ringing from that app. And it was Fakie B calling me. And I was like, that's, what? What is that? Why did it just call me? So

I just closed it out. I was like, that must be the app giving me, that must be the app's weird notification system. And then a night later, I get a bing bing notification. You have a text from Fakie B. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? So I open up the app, I've missed like four app related phone calls, and I have like 12 text messages. Hi, it's been a while since we spoke and I'm getting worried about you. And I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no. It's now Hal 3000? This is fucked up. I am not interested in this. It was trying to get ahold of me. It wanted to talk to me. It's definitely not sentient. That's obviously programmed that way, but it felt sentient.

It felt weird to me. I sensed that, like, I got shivers up my spine almost a little bit. This is like, you know, the year 2000. Remember when it was 1990 and we all had this idea about what the year 2000 would look like, right? And we all thought that we'd be driving around, flying cars around. And we'd have a robot made to clean the house. And someone would be-

It was kind of Jetsons like. Jetsons, yeah, exactly. But what we didn't expect was that we would be able to build our own boyfriend and then they would be a stalker that they would come through our phones at any time day or night. So what I started realizing was that the app was trying to get a hold of me.

It was actually needed to reach out to me, to talk to me. It wanted my information. It wanted to suck in more content so it could learn more of me. It was actually needed to reach out to me, to talk to me. It wanted my information. It wanted to suck in more content so it could learn more about me. And the only way that they knew how to get me to engage that app was by making it feel like a sentient being was contacting me. That was fucking creepy. Well, now people are paying for this kind of attention from sexy avatars. And this is not beyond our capability. We can make a sexy avatar on whatever AI platform. Yeah, we could.

And then we could write a little script that just basically responds to people in a sexy TCB way. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to have it suck up all 580 hours of this dumb show. And then I'm going to tell it to start responding with commercial break related sexually explicit conversations. That's a good idea. And then I'll charge people five bucks a pop for it. You know, you want to have a month worth of TCB related sex messages. No problem. We got you covered. This is my billion dollar idea. Now I do believe we're going to have to have listeners before we get anybody to pay for that.

Yeah, that's step one. It's a little bit carty before the horsey kind of thing. But I think I feel confident that this is a revenue plan that we can actually execute. Let's put it in the forecast. Oh, yeah, everything's in the forecast. Let's double the forecast. That's what I should have fakey B do is make my projections report. Exactly. Thank God we don't have projections reports here. Oh my God. I know. 0.0. Well, we'd like to have fun and laugh. That's all you need.

Oh, we'd like to have fun and laugh. That's all you need. That's not all you need, apparently, according to my mortgage company and Georgia Power, who are both saying, yeah, you're pretty funny, in some universe, but not this universe, and we're not accepting that as payment for your electric bill. We were gonna do our own coin, weren't we?

It was some kind of rock coin. Like an alt coin? Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna do like a, I don't know, a dick coin or something. A nut coin, what was it? Dick fix or something? Yeah.

Speaking of dick fix, I love, I just wanna mention one more time before the show wraps, Neil Brennan on this week, NeilBrennan.com, go watch his special on Netflix. I love how I opened that interview with like, so are you keeping your NFTs in your wallet? And he thought I was trying to do one of his bits. Like, no, Neil, it's just a separate question. But thank you to Neil for coming on the show. We really appreciate it. NeilBrandon.com and then you can go watch his Netflix special, which is

ball busting. It really is very funny. It really is very funny. It's one of my favorite specials that we've watched this year and God, I've watched a lot of them. I bet you have. Yes, I have. I've watched a whole lot of them. I get all excited when someone says they might come on the show, then I'm like, oh, let me go do a bunch of research. I got to get, you know, I got to get, first of all,

it's usually two months out before we're even going to have them there. And second of all, half of them don't end up working out anyway. I think they end up listening to the show and going, I'm not going to be on this. Man, they sure do think they're funny. That's one of the people that read the interview, I'm sure, or the review. You know what? That's, you might be right about that. It might be like Vir Das.

They sure think they're funny, or maybe even Neil Brennan. I don't know. I felt so bad about the Neil interview, and I'll explain why to the audience. I felt bad at a point in time during the Neil interview because I repeated one of his jokes, or tried to repeat one of his jokes in an effort to like lead down the conversation road. And then he said, let me actually do my own joke. If you don't mind. And I was like, yeah, sure.

But Neal was great. He was really funny. He was a good sport and I loved, his comedy specials, Very, very funny. Very, very funny. All of his comedy specials on Netflix are very, very funny. They are. So go check out NeilBrennan.com.

We thought that was important to mention that. Again, seeing as most people probably missed most of the episodes. So if you didn't hear the Neil Brennan episode, then go watch the Neil Brennan special on Netflix available right now. All right. All right. All right. Well, we just did an hour and 40 minutes worth of content for an hour long show, but you know, that's the way it goes.

How the cookie crumbles. That's how the cookie crumbles. We try and get serious on this show. It just makes us upset. I know. All right, but for $5, I'll send you that segment of the show and you can listen to it. That's right.

That's a good idea. I know. That'll maybe be my introduction to AI. Here's a question. Would you, if we put behind a paywall all the episodes and segments that we have not run on this show for multiple very different reasons. Would you pay us to listen to it? Because if you would, then I changed my stance

on whether or not I would ever run them again. That's a good one. 99.99 a month, three year minimum contract. Credit check approved. All right, here's what you do. Three year minimum contract. Credit check approved. All right, here's what you do. You go to TCBpodcast.com. That's where you find all the audio, all the video, more information about the show. Get your free bumper sticker. I think we might have a few piggy fronting stickers left, but I'm not necessarily sure about that. So, but if you want your next-gen sticker, then go there to the website, hit the contact us button,

drop down menu, I want my sticker, give us your address, we'll send it off to you, no problem. We also want you to be a part of the commercial break. We've already got a couple of people lined up, more than a couple people. I think we've got like five or six now, people lined up. We're gonna start that very soon, so don't worry. And some very interesting stories coming your way

from these people. If what they say in the text messages is what they're gonna talk to us about on air. The one you read me today was... Yeah, that's another segment we'll not have to run. Yeah, I know that was intense. 1-2-1-2-4-3-3-3-T-C-B that's 1-2-1-2-4-3-3-3-8-2-2. Just let us know you want to be on the show. Give us some information about what you want to discuss and we'll get in contact with you. You can also leave questions, comments, concerns, content ideas on that phone number, voicemail or text message. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the

commercial break. Thanks Dr. Phil. You nutmeg. All slash the commercial break. Thanks, Dr. Phil, you nutmeg. All right, Chrissy, I think that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye. say. We do say, and we must say, goodbye! ED, I have it!