The Commercial Break - The Very Unnecessary Best Of Season 1 (Part 2)

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Our favorite clips from Season 1 episodes 19 to 37 all rolled into one new episode! Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this episode of the Commercial Break Hey my Turtles and Tera Dactyls, it's Brian Green, co-host of the Commercial Break. The good news, if you're hearing my voice you've made it to 2021, or were all in podcast purgatory with the commercial break, but in either case, it has to be better than 2020. You must admit that. So here we are. Last episode of season one, episode number 40, the very unnecessary best of season one, part two, episodes 19 through 37.

I think I couldn't have made the name any longer if I tried. We'll be back next week, new studio, new content, new season, and I'll make the announcement now. We are going to have a Patreon channel and we'll do full episodes for those who are members of Patreon, and we will also still do this Tuesday episode for everyone in general. So we're very excited about that. Details to follow next week, so make sure you tune in on Tuesday. Until then, if you want to drop us a line at the commercial break on Instagram, you can go info at tcbpodcast.com, type that into your computer machine, send us a hotmail,

right on over to my Yahoo account, and we'll make sure we respond just as soon as possible. So without any further ado, I give you the very last episode of Season 1. The unnecessary best of Season 1 Part 2 Episode 19 through 37 with a strange British lady narrating the episode straight from my computer box. It's my gift to you. Enjoy. Clips from Episode 19. Shibbibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibib I'm Ryan, it's your mom. Let's get you to talk to you. Listen, I know you didn't answer the phone, but I just want to tell you about the 35 things

I did today. How long did the message go? Two or three minutes. Today I went to the hairdresser. Just know that I don't have coronavirus because no one there has coronavirus, because they don't even touch you. They don't touch you at the hairdresser. They don't touch you at the hairdresser. They don't touch you at the hairdresser, mom?

No, they don't touch you at the hairdresser. They have like a plastic thing in front of you. They have a plastic thing in front of you, but they don't tell how do they get to your hair. No, I didn't even ask them. I just went to sleep for a little while. Thanks, mom. I'm going to send you straight to voicemail now

so you can leave the rest of the conversation. Thanks Brian, love you. Hi Brian, it's your mom. Ah! We sent out our first break room yesterday. Was it yesterday? Yeah, it was, no, yes. Well, a couple days ago, when this show airs, it'll be a couple days ago. I keep forgetting we're not stuck in space and time,

so it's a little bit different. But so I put this voicemail in there that my mom. I can't believe it doesn't cut her off. It doesn't cut her off. It's like a four and a half minute message. It's like I think it's like my phone company knows that it's my mom calling and it's like, I'll give her an extra couple seconds to get it out. And then her ring said that he loves you and he wants you to be his son and then gene

from Texas. You know, gene from Texas. She's from Texas. My mom always qualifies people by saying, you know, who they are and where they're from. So even though there's only one gene that's currently alive at the door, there was two genes, but now only one of them is alive. And but she still calls her gene from Texas and then there's, there's Bob from Oklahoma, and then there's Joe from Utah. You know Joe from Utah, he's got one leg, and he's pruned to all the girls at the table.

Yes, Bob, I know how they do. Well, Irvington said Irvingt doesn't like him very much. Okay, I'm going to go, can you call back? Because I'm going to send you straight to voicemail. Okay, bye. Hi, Brian, it's your mom. Here is Henry F it's your mom. Ha ha ha ha. Here is Henry Fonda's first appearance.

I don't know where they're based out of. I've talked to some people over there and I don't. I found out that some, you know, there's a rather large podcast in Plasma. I'm happy to like actually help you with your research. Do you think I need backup on my research? I too, I'm in quarantine and I don't have two small children, so let me help you with your work. The part that is how I'm going to help you. Yeah, this is Brian Green with the commercial break. Go what?

The commercial break. Okay, okay, what you want? I'd like to buy an advertisement on your platform just so I can get some new listeners. Oh, really? Okay, yeah, currently we're running a special. You can get a large size banner ad and you can supersize it for $6,722. Oh, great. Can you tell me about how many people you have on the website every day? 6 million? Wow, that's awesome. Yes, 6 million.

That's fantastic. So how many clicks do you expect out of that 6 million? Probably five. Wow, where are you guys based? I saw the 6 million people that have a podcast. That's correct. That's correct. At least that was speaking.

It was speaking. I never really speak to one person at the time. It's the law of my country. Which country is that? Shabbala-Robah. Oh, where's Shabbala-Robah located? North of the North Pole. Oh, that's awesome.

In space. Yes, it's where in outer space. Where broadcasting from outer space. Would you like to buy the banner? Yes, I would. What do I sign up? I want you to go to Western Union and send it. Oh, that's awesome.

Yes. Yes. Every time I find a new podcasting platform, I'm like, I wonder if we can do business with that. See if we can find a few new customers. And then I'll get like emails at at four o'clock in the morning. Sure, no problem. How many clicks do you need?

How many clicks do you need? I don't know, how many can you provide? It's many. We have the many pockets or the more pockets which one would you like? I'll take the many. $5 million. That's awesome.

I'm a podcast for somebody. You go as big. I'm willing to pay anything for anything. There's a little joke about podcasters. How much is a podcaster willing to pay for a new listener? The answer is how much you got. How much you got. Brian, almost gets a happy ending in a clip from episode 20. This is quickly turning into something a little bit

strange. And it felt strange. If the woman had been Bertha, and Bertha was doing it, and she was just doing it because that's her years of experience tells you that, you know, there's some tenderness in your nuts and you need to massage those balls. Then I probably would have- I'm feeling nothing from your hands.

I mean, I need to get to the balls. You're balls of very tight. I feel- The tightness is coming in from- You have two nuts in your balls. The chef, did you go to be- It's penis. One knot is one knot in your ball. The shaft of your penis feels very hard. And tight, I must be, that's me where to get out.

So don't do it. Birthday nose out. Birthday nose, what to do? You're in good hands literally. Right, you're like, that's exactly what should happen. Yeah, okay, so. Don're gonna get the good for it. There was like a doctor puts his hands on my nuts or her hands on my nuts.

I don't, there's no sexual feeling about it whatsoever. It's a clinical bullshit. And so there's some masseuses you know that are just clinical, but this was not clinical. It was bordering on getting strange, like a wild orchard scene. So I had to quickly position her hand somewhere else. And then she went forward again.

And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, now to be clear, she wasn't sticking her hand down my pants. She was massaging my lower abdomen, but every time getting a little bit lower. And I was like, what are you doing? There's no muscles in my lower abdomen, the unique massage. I have a work-based ears. What are you? Look at me.

Doesn't look like that's where I hold my stress. That's where all the good stuff is. It's where I eat my stress away. Oh my god, I swear. Now, it's a running joke for the entire, like, you know, if whenever I go get a massage, Astral will say, you're going to get a bone glow. Oh my god, maybe, I don't know,

maybe this will be my lucky day. Here in America just doesn't happen like that. They stay really nipples to these. I mean, sometimes they massage your thigh occasionally, right? But they're quick about it. It is very quick. They're quick about it. I don't know, maybe the busclo would have been quick too.

I mean, I didn't give it a try. Hi, and won't be a rock and roll star in a clip from episode 22. One of the guys in the band knew that you could call the rec room and get yourself a spot for, you know, for nothing, right? You be it. Record room. How can I help you? Yes, I'm a band and I'd like to book a show. Okay, what are you doing this Thursday, hit three o'clock?

Well, I'm a sophomore in high school, so I'm going to be in high school. That's really bad, too bad we got a spot, you could fill it to Thursday, hit three o'clock. Okay, we'll get out of school, I think. You know, everyone in the background is like, we'll get out of school, we'll get out of school, I think. You know, everyone in the background's like, we'll get out of school, we'll get out of school. Yeah, we'll do it. Okay, we're doing it. Okay, so what do we need to do?

Shoah. I didn't know. Okay, how do we promote it? That's entirely up to you. We here at the Rec Room have an open promotion policy. You feel free to do it however you want. Okay, great, can we use your logo and stuff? We don't have a logo. It's just spelled record.

Okay, great. We're going to be there Thursday at three o'clock. What time of sound check? Three o'clock. Oh, that's what time sound check starts? Sure, man. Whatever you want. Three o'clock. You call it sound checker. Three o'clock to 3 call it, sound jacker. Three o'clock to three, 35, it's all you. So we show up, we get our gear, we show up,

I swear to God, maybe it's not a Thursday, but maybe it's a Friday, and it's like four, 30, right? So we show up, we put out these flyers at school, we get like 26 people to attend, right? And everyone is super excited, and I am just a ball of fucking nerves. I'm like, oh my God, I gotta get up there in front of people. Like we've been doing this and this guy's addict

You know and to no one and now I gotta get up and sing these melodramatic songs that no one's gonna like and just all The stuff that goes to your head and I had a real bad bow to stage fright and so I was like, oh my god holy shit And so we get up there we start plugging in our instruments and the guy is in the back of the room, right? He's like in at the soundboard Hey, okay, just go ahead. Uh, go ahead. Oh Okay Fallalala la la la la la similance similance similance Okay, go ahead guys. Right. I'm testing microphone one microphone one

Okay, okay, go ahead guys. Right, I'm testing microphone one, microphone one. You're testing microphone one? It's fine, I can hear you. Oh, okay, you want to do the drums next? No, I want you to start playing. It's 305. You're having exactly 27 minutes left. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we're in, there's like the 26 people are standing out there and they're all like, what is going on? And I was like, I'm sorry, I thought we had a stage, I thought we had a sound check. Hey brother, do the sound check on your own time.

You guys gotta keep going. It was Boatr's safety week on episode 23. I think he'd always wanted a boat. So he goes to the boat show and the boat show guy convinces him to buy a boat, right? An open-bow ski boat. But my dad was not like a boater per se. He just liked going on the boat. But he had never

operated a boat as a boat owner, right? And we go out our first or second, this is our first or second day, but I will never forget this. I, we have these skis, like water skis, and we're trying to learn how to water ski. And my dad's trying to learn how to pull us on the water ski, right? There's a little bit. There's an art to it, right? And so I'm out back and I am skiing, and I'm just not getting up. And my dad says, okay, come on in, and we'll give one of the other boys a try.

The engine is on. And I'm swimming up to the back of the boat where the ladder is, and I say the engine's on, right? My dad says, don't worry about it. It's an idol. Just get up and come on. As I start to pull myself up, I can feel something grabbing my swimsuit. And I'm like, oh my God, you know, like I kind of jump sideways.

I'm like, oh my God, I think something like grabbed my swimsuit or something like an alligator monster. Like monster. It does like, stop it. You know my swimsuit or something like an alligator. Like monster. Like monster. It does like stop it, you know, get in the boat. Come on, it's not fooling around back there. Stop your shit. It's Sunday, spare me the bullshit, right? So I get up into the boat and my shorts are shredded.

Oh my God. I had been, I had the engine, the till had gotten me, right? It had gotten me, but it didn't get me. It got my, my very, at that time, baggy swimsuit because it was 1992 and that was the fashion. Luckily, that was the fashion. I had my hammer time pants on. I can't just...

And so I give back up to the boat and my dad's like, oh my god, you know, my... Kevin's like, why didn't it just take him all the way in? And then... Remember that Brian's mom loves you on episode 24. Hi, Brian, it's your mom. I'm calling on Astrid's phone because I know you don't like me to bother you. That's the first thing she does. She calls on Astrid's phone because I know you don't like me to bother you. That's the first thing she does.

She calls on Astrid's phone because she knows I don't like to be bothered by multiple phone calls. So she leaves the message for me on Astrid's phone. Hi, okay, so listen, I know I came over to your house the other day and my phone is working just fine. And then all of a sudden it's not working anymore. So I don't really know what to do. Like do I turn it on or do I turn it off or I'm not really sure who I call just find and then all of a sudden it's not working anymore. So I don't really know what to do. Like, do I turn it on or do I turn it off or I'm not really sure who I call about it.

And I've read a bunch of stuff from on that book that you gave me to come along with the phone. And it just has a bunch of numbers and letters and it's so call me back okay because I don't know what to do. Okay, bye. She's calling me from the phone. From the phone. I was just calling me from the phone. So I immediately, you know, beep, beep, beep, beep, call up my mom, right?

And it goes to her voicemail, but it's clear that the phone at least should be working. It's raining and it's going up, you know? Yeah. Hey, mom, it's Friday and listen, I just called your phone and it's working just fine. Like if you're getting this message, everything's okay. This is the problem with my mother

and her phone communication skills. That's it, that's all that needs to be said. If you called me and said, hey, Brian, my phone's not working, dial my phone and see if it's working, I would dial your phone, and if it rang, we knew it would be okay, and it would be no need for additional communication

because it's 2020, and we don't need to talk to each other for five seconds about everything that we're doing, right? So then my mom calls. Asteroid's phone first, my phone second, back to Astrid's phone, back to my phone, right? Finally, I pick it up, it's like dinner time. Hi, honey, it's your mom.

I know mom, I see it on the thing. Oh, it tells you I was calling? Yes, mom, it tells me who's calling. It's called the caller ID. They've had that since the 80s. Oh yeah, it does the same thing for me. Okay, what do you got, mom? I'm just sitting here eating.

Listen, I just want to call and let you know that the phone is working just fine. I know because you're calling from it. Oh, that's right. How did you know that? Because you called from it the first time. Wait, did I call from the phone the first time? I didn't even realize it.

What's working? I thought it was broken. And I'm like, mom, you called from the phone to tell me it was broken, but it wasn't broken because you called me from the phone. Oh, I just confused, I think. I don't think I slept very well last night. You know what happened? You don't happen Brian? What happened mom? Irving called me. He told me he loves you. He loved you so much. He went to Grandcress. He says that Matthias is going to be Einstein.

Okay mom, I'm eating dinner. Can you please let me go? I don't want to hear about Irving and the stuff. Can we talk about this later? I'm sorry in a rough. I didn't realize it. You know, I understand. I understand you don't want to talk to me. Oh, mom, don't give me the guilt trip now. I'm trying to get that happens. I know, honey. I just call me back whenever you don't have to call me back today or tomorrow or Thursday or Saturday. Just call me back whenever you want to. If that's next Tuesday, you can call me back. Okay, mom. I'll call you back. Okay. Bye. Mom. Hey, kids, I'll call you back. Okay, bye. Mom. Hey kids, just see no to dope. This clip is from episode 25. One time I ended up

mowing my lawn in my underwear high on LSD. What I was like 16 years old and my dad was out of town. And it was like seven like 645 seven in the morning. You know when, you know when one wants to hear your fucking lawnmower and it's a quiet neighborhood, it's not like we live on a busy street, we live in a cul-de-sac, a mile away from any street, right? And so I was out there, you know, done it, and I had put my speaker outside the window of the house

and I was blaring the music and I was blowing the lawn and I was like apologizing to the grass for killing it. I was like, I'm sorry, dude. I said, something I was gonna ask you, like, how did you think about that? Would Neymar on the LSD? Because I would think he wouldn't want to kill the grass.

Like, hurt the grass. I didn't want to hurt the grass. I was like, it wasn't about hurting the grass. It's that I knew that the grass had to be broken in order to regrow. That's how it all works. You have to be split in half and then you regrow better than ever. You know, it's like the whole thing. Meanwhile, I've got, you know, Beethoven's Ninety Symphony blaring out the window. If it wasn't for my neighbor, who

kindly walked over and was like, Hey, Brian. And I was like, Hey, Mr. You know, Snoop or Snoop's, what's going on? And he's like, I think he should probably go inside. And I was like, what? And he's like, I think he should put us go inside now. Let's go inside. And I was like, I know he was like, bless your heart. He's like, let me finish up the grass for you. Thanks, Mr. Snoopie. Snoop, no problem.

You're in your underrues with your small little man boner running around the front yard talking to the grass. Not a good look. Right, let me help you out here, Brian. The ungrateful spread head from episode 27. For those of you that don't know widespread panic would be a kin, at least the energy in the room would be akin to like a grateful dead show. Even though the music doesn't sound similar,

it's kind of more bluesy rocky, but it's very much the same type of atmosphere. It's just like free wheeling. Yeah, everybody loves each other. And you know, the thing is, is that they play a different set of songs every time they play. So it's not, they never say the same thing. It's not your normal room five. That's right. It's the same show no matter what city you're in. This is something. This is why you travel around to see them. It's they never play the same set.

Special. You get something special song. They haven't played in years. That's right. It's called bust out bust out song. It's called a bust out song. Yeah. Yeah.

Like when they bust out something like one of the old tracks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Lay it down for 26 to 32 minutes While I take a piss find a new girlfriend Get someone pregnant and do a couple hits of ecstasy I come back and I'm I'm I'm just in the middle can share to have the song Sonny's gonna do it's 27-minute jump solo in the middle of a live grand. Is that kind of band?

Yes. Henry Fonda from Hardcast Universe loves Jeff Haudley, a song from Episode 28. Hello everyone, it's Henry Fonda from Podcast Universe, your favorite podcast application, episode 28. Of course, husband of Chrissy Hothley. Now, if you would, everyone, sing along. Okay, here we go. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. I hope you like 90 days if you aren't saying. It's my birthday to you.

Fuck you. Very good, everyone. Now with a little bit more heart. Happy birthday, do you? Happy birthday, do you? If you ever think about the three songs, just give me a call. I do. Very good. Very nice, everyone. Let's take a meditation break from episode 29.

Feel from the deepest part of your longing, the ancestors that came before you and their ancestors. Feel it, right in your penis chakra. Feel it deep in your penis chakra. Then imagine you have a chakra, a chakra of a vagina. Now, our ancestors are really talking to each other. Yeah, this is the place. Look deep inside your manhole. Find inner peace. Intersect them in your inner rectum. No one wants to see Jeffrey Tubin's penis from episode 29. You'd pull a tube in right there. Classic tube in, I'm telling you that tubes always pulling out of the sky. Is he known? That's just like that.

In my experience with the tubes, which I refer to in my experience, the tubes is such a, he's such a character. He's always whacking out his cock and just doing all over the place. Listen, hard and very, very, a zoom call goes by with the tubes, but you don't see his dick. I mean, it's just like, go to the town. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, that's gonna follow him for a while. I'd like to welcome everybody to the Warner Brothers fourth quarter corporate earnings call. On the phone call today, CEO Jeff Zucker, head of our news and opinion division,

Jeffery, oh, there's Jeff Scott. Look at that, that's classic, dudes. What's doing over there, dudes? Getting one off real quick boss. Greg, we're just going to continue with the call. It does like to direct everybody to page 32 in the perspective. We're talking about capital X. Oh, look at that. It just, it's all over. Classic tubes. Henry Fonda is a strange bird in episode 30. I'm not sure if it's true, but I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true.

I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true. I think it's true.

I think it's true. there. Thanks, Henry. Okay, thank you, Viker. Henry Fonda is also a sexist from episode 31. Okay, I'm not a woman, but I, so therefore, I won the lottery as far as genetics are concerned. So I can't imagine what it's like to feel like you don't have the same rights or privileges as someone else. I won the skin color lottery, I won the middle class lottery, I won the man lottery, I won it all, essentially. And that's through no doing of my own, through

no fault of your own, you know, you happen to be a woman. I mean, I think checked. Can I check? No, no, no, no, Henry. You tried that the last time. I went out. No, I didn't. I just wanted to make sure you were folding the clothes correctly in my closet. Can I help it? I just wanted to check and see.

I thought maybe you were wearing my jeans and you I was wearing yours. No, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I can't believe women can vote in your country. Yes, of course they can, Henry, though they can't vote in your country. Of course not. This is men and women have two totally different mineral makeups.

Men are made of steel and vinegar and women are made of dirt and brittle bones. And sure, you're and spice and everything dying. Well, it depends on who you are. She's not being able to ask Harry on the grandaer. Here's what she's made. If you ask me, she's made of vengeance and of attorneys. That's what I know.

Listen, I may be a little, not, maybe this is not the best conversation for me right now, because I'm still a little upset about my tough ending the boss. Wound is still wrong. Wound is still very wrong. But what I do know is that women should probably have their own voting section. I think this will make you feel better, right? Correct?

If you have your own voting section, and we have our own voting section, and then our votes count first, and then we decide, and then you think about things later on. I don't know. Well, the word on that. The word in my country has been working fine for ages. Which country is that? I don't know to say right now. I'm under a few investigative problems here and yeah, I don't know to say, but just let just just show you know we vote first, they vote second. We decide they talk about it at Tea Party. But they have their own Tea Party, and we only have to have four or five security guards at Tea Party, just letting you know.

And we fought hard for that one, let me tell you. I wanted 10. I wanted 10. I don't trust what the women are up to in this country, no, sorry but... If anyone see my ex-wife, by the way, on Twitter, or anything like that, they know your friends are Seth Rogen now. I said, yeah. Have you heard? Has he said anything? No, he hasn't. Okay, well, listen, I've got to go and,

I've got to go and fix this broken website. I think it's best that you do go. Okay, bye. We've podcasting Universal. We've been here, bye. Okay, bye. Hey, listen, you have got some extra time to come over later on tonight? That's right. Okay, I do have a load of 31, 30 minutes.

You, okay, just checking, okay. Okay, bye. Bye. Let's admit it, Santa is a weird man. Episode 32. I'm really concerned about this, because now I'm going to put my son and my daughter in the lab of a strange man who's been touching, you know, thousands of other children over the course of the course. How are they making that safe? They're, they're not, well, you're not. They're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We. Your kids will get COVID. Don't worry.

Her immunity right around the corner. COVID Christmas. It's the COVID Christmas castle. Come on down. We have 12 Santa's 11 of died. Do your kids hate Santa? Wait a two. We permit him to not wear a mask. No, it's Santa Tother.

And we require that he be wrapped in plastic. Nothing else. Yeah, was he wearing a mask? No. No, let's send it to wear a mask, please. It's like a gesture. It's like it could have been disguised underneath like a beard. Could have. Yeah, that would have been a little weird

Santa's got no mouth Because the kids aren't scared enough Santa's got no pupils Oh Santa boxes young man cauliflower eyes no pupils his mouth is missing Right up step right up. He's got a broom for an arm Look lost to me, bag. From being a- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Oh Now the Christmas govincassal. We'll take our view Oh my gosh, that sounds like a great outing

Look all of sickle sale Santa We'll be right back out of these. Oh my gosh. I'm picturing it. Yeah, I know. Every time I would say something, I would picture like another pissing piece of his body. So they weren't sanitizing our master. Corn bread pants for knees. Sartically attached lizard feet, Mateo. Come on down, your kids will love them. the love. It's like the Walmart Santa. Do your balls hang no, do they dangle to and fro episode 33. Those people still

on for me. Here. You are. You're still. I'm still kicking it. Not hanging down right on top of my ankles. Every time I walk, I hear a sound, a thud, thud of another ball, ball. What is that? You know, my wife's name is Nancy. And I said, Nancy, what is that sound? And she says, those must be your balls hitting the top of your loathies. Sometimes my nuts give my shoes a shine.

Sometimes my nuts give my shoes a shine. Occasionally I step on them. I can't feel them so far away. It takes about an hour for me to feel the pain. I'll step on them on two o'clock by three. I wake up and I'm so out. I don't know what's going on. I pee so much up those. That's right.

I take one of those contraptions. I just put a little buff and wax on the bottom of my balls. I just let him go to that. I kick my feet, not. Now that is what I call multi-safety. That's right, I got an important meeting coming up, I just go ahead and wiggle my feet around. Ding, ding, ding, ding.

I've piece so much, I fell asleep on the toilet. Man, Nancy never slept in the same bed. That was rude back then of course. You know, I sleep in one room, she sleeps in the other. So what I do is I just fall asleep on the toilet. I don't get a morning bone or any more. I don't get a morning bone or any more sunshine. I call it the perpetual downward dog.

I let my balls hang out in the water. And I just got a careful not to flush them. I got to stand up. I will have a bottle of your finest wine, please episode 34. It's a little known fact that your testicles are the seventh sense that you use to eat. There's your ears, your eyes, your nose, your mouth, and your testes. It's the taste bud testes, right? And so what you, well, I often do is, when the meal comes, let's say, what do you like? You like to cook Jeff a good pork loin, right?

I'm thinking of it more as like a good ball of wine. I like to open that up. Did you know you can drink through your anus? Just, oh God. You can get drunk through your anus. That's true story. I think I have heard stories about that. I'm in a cheese. Well, I've heard lots of cocaine stories.

Yeah, that was about to say. So let's say you bring a pork loin to the table, right? If I want to enjoy the whole meal, 100% in its complexity, I have to dip my balls on the pork loin to the table, right? If I want to enjoy the whole meal, 100% in its complexity, I have to dip my balls on the pork loin. It has to. What do you have a nice white wine sauce with that? So I instead of making a big scene with the pork loin at the table,

what I would do is I would ask for a little sample of the sauce on the side, and then just very politely. A ram again. I'm thinking about what's gonna happen in the future as we learn and develop the testy taste buds. Okay. So I feel like what's gonna happen is you're gonna order a pork loin with white wine sauce.

And you're gonna say can I please have a testy taste? And? Can I have a little testy taste? I like it. Can I have a little testy taste? A little t-taste. Can I have a little t-taste? Do you mind?

A little t-taste. And the waiter is gonna go of course so. I like it. I like it. Can I have a little tea taste? Do you mind? A little tea taste. And the waiter is going to go, of course, so I'll bring that right away. And I'll say thank you very much. And it'll be like Mr. Green, you're a tea taste. Thank you. And what I'll do is, it'll be a little pocket right under your balls and you'll zip it. And the balls will fall out.

Uh-huh. And you'll take your little cup. You'll just splash. Yeah, it'll be like. Blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah. Bl Yeah, it'll be like, it'll be like, it'll be a little cup. I feel like it'll be a little cup with two circles and then you'll just kinda, bloop, bloop.

That's good. And then you'll tell the rest of the table, you'll say, you'll say this is great pork. Guys, you should order it. It's fantastic. I can taste it. T's fantastic. I can pass the taste. Yeah. Taste, test these taste the taste of the test these.

I feel like you could do with the same thing with the wine, right? When they do, definitely a niche product, you know, they always say to invent something you make a lot of money from the little starting to little cups that you just put on the table. Yeah. Like the testy diaper flaps. Yeah. I feel like jeans, what is the whole thing?

The ball, ramicking. I feel like when you get a bottle of wine and you're gonna detain through it, you just ask if it's a cage, you just pour it over. Your balls. Do you mind pouring that over my ball?

No, it's good. Let that breathe a little bit. It's a pretty little bit. Do you mind? Probably not as you were to the ball, but mine. Thank you. Do I think you, I think I'll have the 1922 set to a memorial? Fine, Joyce.

What you being is free. Would you please bring the decanter? Would you move on my balls? Bring the nut canter, please. Oh, I can't. Bring the decanter by decanter I mean De canter the did decanter The tea canter

Oh my god crying Okay, sir, you are sure that 1929, you're a model. I enjoy it. It's fine. That's an excellent year. But sir, man, I say your balls are smooth pleasant. I Yeah Man, I say your balls are smooth pleasant Yeah balls

Your balls know a great line I don't even know that anybody can hear it or say, because we laughed so hard. I'm crying, I'm literally crying, because I can see my balls in the canter. Good. You have exceptional taste. You have exceptional taste. I can't believe I'm not mine if I do. You're testing that exceptional.

Exceptional. I feel like it's- I can taste things sometimes that you're talking to. Okay, that's right. I get a hint of, I get a hint of floral. And I get a hint of floral right in my scrot. I feel like I'm getting a hint of scrottle. Of scrote, floral notes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, that's...

Oh, sir. I feel like I'm getting a hint of taint. I feel like I'm getting a tint of taint. It's just a little bit of tint of taint. Sir. Such a fine taste. Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink,ink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink,ink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink,ink, tink, tink, my flight. But what people have been doing is they've been taking on all kind of animals to comfort them through the flight. And the list that I read now is against law, right? They've changed the laws or the whatever, the regulations. I don't even know what, what, I don't even know if there's law and it's just regulations. It's a cell. You can no longer take your peacock on the plane. What's a plane?

Is that one of those new flangell things that keeps ice cold? I've got nice box. It's literally a box for ice. box for ice. Stop by the BP. Come on down. I'm pumping your oil for you. That's full surface. Full surface. I'm pumping the oil and I'm refining it right here. Drop your car off on Tuesday by December. You'll have a gallon. Hipsters would do that. Of course that would. Grass fed grass man. I get my oil pumped straight from the ground. The BP on Crossfield and Crab Apple, I don't know if you know, but it's like it's totally, there's no one heard in the process. Literally nothing is heard except the oil in the process.

Like farm to table food, it's oil to tank. Straight well to tank. It's rock to tank, like a rock to tank. I don't want anybody hurting the process. I don't want to lose the dangers, machines running all over the place. Dude, I got a solution. We're going to drill a hole as far as we can when it comes bubbling up like the Beverly Hillbillies will take it. We'll do whatever we do with it. Put it in the car. It's organic. That's right. I don't want my organic grass. I don't want my

organic grass fed gas. Grass fed grass. I don't want my range over hurting anymore people than me. My dad will be pissed. Give me that for my 38th birthday. Give me that for my 38th birthday. You excuse me, I have a first glance, light to Italy. I've got a tick, teaching some students over there how to. With your measurements.

I'm bored. I'm all. How to make sunflower cheese. It's my life's passion, staying at the ritz. If anybody needs me, I'll be staying at the ritz. And finally, Dr. Henry Fonda is back with some marriage advice on episode 36. It's a lecture of magnetic, totally, don't know what you're talking about. Oh look, it's our old friend Henry Fonda.

Hello Henry. Hi everybody, how's everyone doing? Happy Christmas, Merry Holidays, all the shit. There you are. Hello, shit. Well, listen, I mean, I don't know. People practice, you know, there's the Dredald, Dredald, Dredald, and then there's

Hanukkah, there's the Festimists, there's all the Christmas in our country. We call it the day of no presence. You know, there's a couple of different ways. Well, listen, I mean, we have other things more important to worry about than the safety clause or whatever you call it. Oh. So I heard Brian talking about that.

Maybe he's having problems in his marriage and I thought I'd come on. I've recently got my PhD from the local college down here, the university of everything. And it's partly online, partly in person. I just took the online portion of it, but I am now a certified psychologist and marriage counselor. Hi, he's congratulations, thank you. Thank you, and I wanted to be, because you and I have had a hard time connecting on

some things. I know that Jeff has been very protective of you. He's very concerned that I may step on his toes or his balls or whatever. He's a little hanging balls. Get that together Jeff, you need one of those ball straps, you know, the one that you just, you hug two clips and then you put it up, you hug two clips to your balls and then one on your headboard and then you just stretch your scrotesack. I saw that in Sharper Image.

Sharper Image is one of my favorite catalogs. Let me tell you, we also have podcast universe image, which is another place that's full of dildos. It's full of fruit-shaped fruit. That's what you can use for whatever you want. A Bruno-Negma stuff. We sell apple massagers for your apple bags, if you know what I mean. But anyway, with my no-found degree in marriage psychology,

I thought I'd want to come on and share some of the customs and cultures and things that my country, the things I've been learning about marriage. Okay, that sounds good. Okay, so first, did a little update. How are you in Jeff doing? Jeff and I are fantastic. Jeff looks great. I'm telling you, he looks fantastic in those pictures.

And every time I see him come out of the apartment he looks wonderful. I'm glad you've been watching us. Well you know I live in the same neighborhood around the corner just checking to make sure that you're okay. I'm a little suspicious of Jeff I'm just going to be honest. Why? Finally so protective of you. I mean usually in my country we get married it's the last thing we're worried about is our wives. Yeah, that's the only thing we're worried about. This is important, you know, for going to keep the species going or to get out there and make babies, but not with our wives, that's terrible.

Marys is not for sex, it's for toiletries and nice towels that you get when you get a gift. Ah, the gifts. Basically. nice towels that you get when you get a gift. I get it. So the gifts, basically. So let's go through a few things that I think you and Jeff and possibly, Brian and Astrid may be doing wrong or maybe we can just get, maybe there's a little help that I can offer you. Is that OK? You don't mind if I give these or Henry fund us

top 10 marriage tips and tricks. OK. Yes. OK. I took some notes if everyone doesn't mind that keep my notes here because you know I've got a lot of things on my mind lately with the worst going on with Ariana Grande She now refuses to show up the court. She claims she does not even know who I am. Oh, this is crazy business I took picture. I took picture. I buried it in ground. I did ceremony of dance. I

I took picture, I buried it in ground, I did ceremony of dance. I set two Lamafitant on fire and I sent her notification by USPSPSPSPS. Which is our local postal system, not so good, just going to be real honest. Listen, I think one of the things that, that's absolutely blinded correctly that you and Jeff may be missing is you've got to get right to the baby making. I mean, listen, Right to the baby making. There's no other point that being married except the progryate to pop up with the children that can then pay your bills down the line. Right, take care of you when you're old.

And if this is a matter of fertility, I can give you a little help in this department too. There's a fertility technique that I call mash potatoes. And this is it. This has been going on for a long time in my culture. You know what I want you to do is the next time Jeff comes into the door, the first thing is you tell Jeff's there right there. I'm going to come over to him. You're going to kneel down before him, head right around the prachi area right there. That's you.

Yes, that's what it's called. I think that's the technical name. You guys have had your new jewels. So you know, do you understand what a man and a woman do when a woman gets on her knees? I want you to constantly bunch Jeff right in his penis. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, that's the mashed potatoes?

Well, it gets the sperm going. It gets the mouth. It gets the mouth. It lets them go. It's time to go to work, right? It gets the sperm going. It's the mouth. It's time to go to work. Sometimes you can't wake up for work. You need to... You need to... It's smooth, right?

Sometimes you need two punches and a few. This is long-standing family tradition. And I'm telling you, my mom. My aunt had 12 children this way. It was where another thought. Now they're different colors, but you know, that's the story for a different day. That's the story for a different podcast,

which is letting you know. So, you know, get to the match potatoes. You got the nice wizard. Right in the potato. Okay. Bang, bang, keep on going. And if he screams in pain, this is okay. That's just him waking up to the reality of marriage.

So that's it. The very last episode you made it through Tune in next week for the first episode of season 2. We'll give you more details on Patreon and we'll let you know what the schedule is with the live shows. Add the commercial break on Instagram, info at tcbpodcast.com is the email address. tcbpodcast.com is the website, you can find all of our YouTube episodes in every single audio episode there. It's been a great season one. See you next week! you