The Commercial Break - Ticket Masters & Finger Disasters!

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

Ticket Master is a monopoly taking middle class concert goers out of the ticket market...on purpose! Bryan has a few words TM and Miss Swift. Than, C writes in to share their butt-play story and Bryan has some butt-play of his own at the Dr. office. It's a messy, messy episode of TCB! The Ticket Masters are out in full force around the T. Swift tour Bryan once bought an off market ticket...from his twin! Bryan's dad get's involved in Kevin's ticket broker business A colonoscopy is a ton of prep followed by a few minutes of getting really high! The colon prep proves too much for Bryan Talking while under anesthesia is not a normal reaction C is an open minded lesbian who gives men & butt-play a try! Anal is a messy mess...but you can always prep! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for MEN too! Watch Us on YouTube Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! 1.855.TCB.8383  or 661.BEST.2.YO (1-661-237-8296) Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Much Gratitude to Our Supportive Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff Check out Mempho Music Fest each October in Memphis TN: Memphofest.com Thanks To Our Associate Content Producers: Big Will The Champ Marianne Duke Luke Thanks For Reaching Out To TCB This Week! Roxanne Dave Sydney Natalie Stu C Therese Jake DAS Amanda Julie Charlene Dave T David L Sonny Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi Pearl. Where's that man? You don't have to raise your voice. You pay! I can give you half. You pay! You're bitch! Hey, don't talk to me like that, okay?

I'm damn bitch crap. I love my money! You need to relax. You're a asshole. Uh-uh. I love my money bitch. It'll call me bitch, I'm a grown man! God you're mean! I'm a little bit lazy. It'll call me bitch, I'm a grown man.

God your means. On this episode of the commercial break, does Jeff sell his tickets to their ticket master? He does not. Good for chat. Fightin' the good fight. He does not sell them through ticket master. Wow, he just sells them through like his own ticket customers. There's a couple other things. like there's like event bright.

There's another one and another one that they've used. So yeah, no ticket master. Yeah. I say put Kevin and my dad and I in charge of these tickets and we'll figure it out real. This is probably where all the drug use, you know, all my many years of drug abuse. I'm like, my body is wants to stick with the hot. You know what I'm saying? So my head is not letting me go to sleep. So I'm like, oh yeah, that shit hits real quick. That's what I said. I go, this is from high as fuck. I've talked to the I talked to the younger generation. I talked to the younger generation like fucking Ronald Reagan. Oh, it's all good. I can't paint stuff. Let's laugh! Out of my train tour.

I've talked to a guy that's been my steam train tour. I've talked to the young people. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

I had a cat that gets welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, Kristen Joy, hopefully best to you, Chris. And Betsy Bryant. And Betsy Bryant. And Betsy, you are there in the podcast universe. Hallelujah. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this. The commercial break, it's not for everyone, but the back news are fiction, is guaranteed. In 30 seconds or less, or your money back, go to the TCBpodgas.com website, like so many of you have to collect your earnings that just aren't there because let's face it

You didn't pay us a fucking thing for the show anyway. Cheap bastards While I'm all fired up Chrissy Yes, you are I'm all fired up today. I'm all fired up. Well, it's good reason. I think with good reason But we'll leave that on the we'll leave that for a different time. Yes, so I'm fired up on behalf of so many of the people that I know that can't get fucking Taylor Swift tickets.

Oh, it's a big deal. What a nightmare. And while I understand that ticket master is one of the, is one of the only companies that you can get tickets through. So, so, so. It's so crazy it's been consolidated again and again and again to where the, yeah, they're it. I just want to express my extraordinary frustration

on behalf of all of these working class families that cannot get Taylor Swift tickets because ticket master for some undescribed reason has decided to go to demand pricing on tickets and they own the ticket contract for almost any notable venue in the entirety of the universe. Not just here in the United States, and it's time for the shit to stop. When I was a kid, you had to stand in line to get your tickets or you had to call up on the phone

where a nice live nation person or ticket master person might help you walk through the ticketing process. You didn't even know what the fuck you were gonna say. Yeah, we're getting tickets at like record stores too. Yeah, you could go to a record store. I mean, there were so many different ways to go get your tickets and what happened was, at some point, ticket brokers decided that they knew they could scalpers, essentially, professionalized the organization. And I know this because I used to do it. I did it for a couple, for like a couple years on the side, I would like, you know, there's this guy that I knew and we would like, you know, sell tickets on the side But we're making like a 20% profit Now in the last 10 years since this has all been, you know,

Webify, it's all online. The ticket brokers are making an insane amount of money doing this and ticket master Rather than put a stop to it with all of the technology Sell them as NFTs, individualized codes, put your fucking ID, put your literally put your name on the ticket, and then you have to show that at the front door, transferable once, but you can't sell it. Instead of doing what they knew they could do

to put a stop to this shit, they got in bed and became the broker. I know, that's the craziest part when I heard that a while back. I was like, wait, what? So, they're in with them too? Yeah, they're in with them too. They are now the brokers. And sometimes the artists are in with the brokers too.

This is Taylor Swift's fault, and this is ticket master's fault. I don't want to, I don't want to single out Taylor Swift. Listen, she, I just, I just read us a statistic that Taylor Swift would have to do 900 stadium shows to meet the demand that came in the door just a week ago when It's a supply and demand to a certain extent to a certain extent. I mean when tickets are $20,000 $50,000 for front road tickets 50 That of any kind of possibility for regular people to be able to do this

It's gonna be corporations or celebrities or people that have the money to spend. It's the halves and the half-nots and I'm getting quite fucking sick of it. Regardless of whether or not I could afford an individual, Twitt Taylor Swift ticket or you can, think about this. Think about the dad or the mom who go and they work at the car dealership fixing cars. So the mother who's working as a teacher, working at a grocery store or a restaurant. A teacher, yeah. And the cheapest fucking ticket is $580.

Partick it. Partick it. And that's not the broker price. That's the price price. And that's the nosebleeds. That's the fucking nosebleeds behind the stage. It's absolutely assingying. And I just have to say out loud, put a fucking stop to it, man.

The first one of the first concerts I ever went to by myself was a Pearl Jam concert. I told this story before. Here's how it goes. Brian, since the day that he heard Eddie Vetter, Silky Smooth voice, set a rock hard on for Eddie fucking better. Right, I love the guy. I think just Pearl Jam is just the, that cats me out for me.

It's not everybody's cup of tea, but it was mine. And when I was a teenager, I was greatly affected by their music. Like, we all have that band or that musician. It's emotional. Yeah. Emotional connection. I got pubes growing out my balls. I'm fucking getting testosterone all over the place.

I'm crying for no reason whatsoever. I'm madly in love with, you know, for no... Stop, girl. Yeah, with my goth girl. And all I can hear in the back of my head is uh... you know did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did it did did me in the goose better my favorite song with yellow lead better where he actually says different things each time there are no lyrics to yellow lead that that's just yeah the box

uh... uh... uh... uh... okay it's stupid i get it but i like any better yes here's the point they got they decide that they're going to put on a tour right as their second album comes is their big the big tour like the first album killed it then they were doing a lot of blues and then they go they do their own solo tour and they are playing the Fox theater here in Atlanta

Capacity five or six thousand people Very intimate venue and this is the place you want to see a fucking concert. It's gorgeous So they're gonna do two nights in In Atlanta. They're gonna do Saturday in Easter Sunday, and I think this is 1993 if I'm not mistaken, in 1994. Still known as one of the best live Pearl Jam concerts, performances ever. I heard about it.

It is the fastest selling show in ticket master history. Those two shows sold out in like an hour and 20 minutes because people actually had to stay in a fucking hot to get the tickets. I do not get one of those tickets, but my twin brother does. So here it comes, Kevin, I'm about to a hot! To get the tickets, I do not get one of those tickets, but my twin brother does. So here it comes, Kevin, I'm about to shit on you. I love my brother, by the way.

But this was an interesting moment in our lives. Kevin buys the ticket for $22.50 with taxes, tag, and title. That's it, $22.50. I know, tickets used to be that cheap. That's how cheap it is. $22.50. Now, back then, $22's it, $22.50. I know tickets used to be that cheap. That's how cheap tickets would be. $20 ticket. Now, back then, $22 was inflation, $22.60, but I would even pay 160.

Like, okay, that's all right, right? So, he buys this ticket. I managed to get a ticket to Saturday, but he's got a Sunday ticket, I think is how it goes. And I just really want to go to this show. And Kevin is like I don't like give a fuck about Pearl in widespread brother widespread David a dab do but the dab and the do I'm gonna go to a chic down street with my friends I don't get shit about no Pearl jam dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad 150 dollars. I got 150 dollars. Kevin, what are you talking about?

Sorry, man, it's like, you know, everyone wants to go. And I could probably sell it to somebody else for like, you know, 160, so I'll give it to you for 150. The brother does count. Yeah, this turned into like a three week fucking fight between me and my brother. So finally, we took it to my dad. We didn't ever took anything to my dad.

It was quite frankly, my dad was gonna shit on whatever we said. Or at least that was our perception of the world. And I was like, I was like, I'm going to tell, don't you dare, man, do tell dad. I'm going to tell dad, you shit, man. 145, brother, just for you. Fuck you, I'm going to tell dad.

I go upstairs and I say, dad, what? Kevin won't tell me his Pearl Jam ticket. What, what kind of jam that's a pearl jam we go through all this and my dad calls us both in the room he says here's the deal kevin got the ticket you want the ticket kevin wants to sell the ticket he should have the right to sell the ticket but he should have the right to sell it at a reasonable

upcharge because that's just the way the world works right supply he takes this as a lesson. He says, but Kevin, Brian is your brother. And he really likes Pearl Jam and Patch for in brother. And he really likes Pearl Jam and you don't get a shit. You came out of the womb at the same time. At the same time, one minute. One and half of the other.

One and half of the other. So my dad says, Kevin, I think $75 is a reasonable upcharge. It's a 300% markup on what you pay. Yeah, that sounds fair. It sounds fair. $75 was more than I wanted to pay, but at the time, I was like, fine, fuck. So Kevin kind of got forced to sell the ticket for $75. This is a ticket broker in action right now.

This is what has been happening, but to an accelerated degree, I went to that show, and I had the best time of my life, and I'll never remember the $75. I'll always remember the experience. But if you are that mother who's working at a restaurant, and she's got a teenage daughter who's just dying to go to Taylor Swift, and you get in line, and you can't get a fucking ticket. God forbid, you have to get on the ticket broker websites, which I did this morning because Astro always wants, also wants to go. It's a thousand dollars per ticket without fees, without fees, a thousand dollars per ticket

to sit anywhere where you could even pretend to see Taylor Swift. And even then, you're still probably watching the whole thing on a video site, right? But just to be in the room is an ordeal for a lot of people and that mother who's working on a restaurant job and making six or seven hundred or eight hundred dollars a week and tips that is four weeks worth of work to take her and her daughter to go and I feel so much and I know this is so stupid as like you know white people problems Taylor Swift concert tickets

but it's uh it's macro of the micro that we just don't have to take advantage of everybody at every second. That's, you know, we can be kind to each other. Like Taylor could put a stop to this, ticket master could put a stop to this. Corporations are not kind. They could all put a stop to this. I put more blame on ticket master than I do on Taylor.

Well, and I guess the whole, the whole fiasco, right, was that people were in line. They got on the site and they were in the queue, right? And they kicked out and they waited and waited and waited hours. Five hours. And then got kicked out. And then the next thing, you know, all the brokers have the tickets. That's right.

So they were forced then. Yes. Guess who managed to get tickets to Taylor Swift? StubHub. StubHub managed to get tickets to, and I'mubHub, StubHub managed to get tickets to, and I'm not faulting StubHub for their business model. Okay, there are people out there who are willing to pay tens of thousands of dollars

for Taylor Swift tickets and can afford it, but there has got to be some, just some like reciprocity here. There has to be some balance in the universe. Taylor, sell your tickets at face value for $100 up in the nose, bleed seats, $150 in the balcony and $250 on the floor, and require that you have an, like, require that someone have a unique identifier, each person that wants to walk in the door. That's what they tried to do with this on-sale

presale code. But you know what I learned? There's a whole fucking website that ticket brokers pay for, and they share these codes. Yeah, I've seen those. It's fucked up, man. Fucked up. Yeah, it's hard for just a regular person out there to go get a good ticket for a good price. Does Jeff sell his tickets through ticket master? He does not. Good for check. Fightin' the good fight.

He does not sell them through ticket master. Wow, he just sells them through like his own a couple other. There's a cup of other things. Like there's like event bright. There's another one and another one that they've used. So yeah, no ticket master. Yeah, I say put Kevin and my dad and I in charge of these tickets and we'll figure it out real.

Yeah. That's true. If my dad was in charge yeah he'd be like okay you want to make a profit I get it but let's be reasonable. 300% markup. And part of the problem is is now that ticket master for really in demand shows has thrown out the ticket pricing model altogether. It's no longer like $75.50 for this seat and $100 for that seat.

It's demand pricing. Right. So the more demand that there is for one particular section, then the more that the price raises, like a fucking airplane ticket, which is assanine. It's out of control. This is a commodity. It should be priced accordingly. You shouldn't have demand pricing on these tickets because no one

Will ever no working mother or father will ever be allowed to afford they won't be able to afford tickets to these concerts ever again I know it's sad I know I heard one story where the mom was saying this was gonna be my daughter's first concert. Yeah, I was a huge fan Yeah, nope If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Or you're going in debt. You're throwing it on a credit card. Just to make your kid happy.

Yeah, and I said too. I mean, she's an adult. She's alright. She's so great. She's amazing, but no, the system's whack. She smells really good. I'll tell you that much. I'll tell you that story.

I think you did. 94 or not when we worked at the country station. And she had just had her first album out. She came up to the station. And even then she was a big deal. Like everyone's really excited. She was a big songwriter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Before she turned pro. She was a big songwriter. Before she's 16 years old. She was. She was. It's true. Yeah. People like that pissed me off.

I didn't work off the show much. I'm 40 something I'm still trying to make my way in the world. Hey, why don't we make a pledge right now Brian? Yes, we go on tour We're not going to use ticket no just it's you're gonna have to get a tcb. Yeah, we're gonna do unique codes It's a calm Fend for now sticker We're gonna find somebody to help us with. Well, we're still making the pledge. We're still making the pledge.

We will not use Ticketmaster.com. That's right. That's the sidewalk tree. And then we added something else to it a couple of weeks ago. I can't remember. But now the Ticketmaster pledge of 2020, is that when Chrissy and I eventually do live shows, we are not going to use venues that have Ticketmaster contract.

They all do, but... Well, let's be realistic about the kind of shows that we're going to be doing like Bob's basement in a high. Yes. That's the ticket master. Right. When the capacity is seven people, I think we can handle it. Yeah, we can. We'll have it the local coffee show.

Oh my god. I don't even think we should. Zavavino. I don't even think we should shoot that. I'd show the video. Starbucks, we just show up with our equipment. I'll take a vintage ice coffee. Thanks so much. Yeah.

Who are these two idiots? We're the commercial break. Okay, get the fuck out of my store. I need a code for the bathroom. Can I get a code for the bathroom? All those Starbucks now they have codes for the bathroom. Speaking of codes for the bathroom, I just get a code for the bathroom? All those Starbucks and now they have codes for the bathroom. Speaking of codes for the bathroom, I just got my first colonoscopy.

I shared that with you. I know. So I figured it out. So why do you get them proud of you? The prep is really... It's tough. I don't know why. This whole process was very miserable for me. And I don't know if it was just because I was just being

a crank about it or if it was really that miserable. they have like a seven day, a three day and then a 24 hour prep, right? So seven days before you got to start take you can't take any aspirin, you got to do this, you got to do that, that's not meeting meat, nuts and seeds and certain types of cheeses. Then three days ahead of time, no red meat, no ground beef, no complex carbohydrates, no literally said this. It said no fibrous vegetables, which vegetables is not fibrous, which vegetables share with me that. Am I right? Like potatoes.

I guess that's all right, but you know, this is a really stupid diet. I can't have potatoes anyway. So then I get into the, so I'm already kind of miserable two days ahead of time. On Saturday, you know, I've been on this diet because I gotta get the fucking pictures taken for another stupid fucking website we're building, I have no idea why. We can do it.

So 24 hours before, or the day before, sad, I'm getting it on Monday afternoon, Saturday, you know, you really gotta start to spread. I ignore the, just kind of ignore those rules altogether and I'm like, okay, listen, I'm gonna break my diet because if I'm gonna have 20, 36 hours of no eating anything except for clear liquids, then I want something really hearty in my stomach right now, right? Yes. So I decide that of all the things that I could get, I'm gonna go to the local, I'm not

even gonna mention which one it was, but like a, I'm gonna go to the local, I'm gonna even mention which one it was, but like I'm gonna say, like a Mose-type place, right? Like a burrito place. So I go to the burrito place. I get what I think is gonna be a fantastic burrito, and it's just awful, it's disgusting. That's the worst thing. It's the worst man.

The you know, that's the worst. That's the worst. When you were expecting something that was really good, it's kind of like your last supper. Yeah. For a while, and And it's bad. I've been on this stupid fucking diet for, you know, almost a month now. And I've had no fantastic food whatsoever.

I mean, I have, you know, a meeting stage. That's great and wonderful. But even you get sick of the steak after a while. So then I'm so excited about this last supper that I've been having. You're right about this. The anticipation is building all day long. Your mouths are watering. Oh my god.

I'm just like all day. I'm going to get it all. It's going to be great. Aster it's like, what do you want? And I'm watering. Oh my God, I'm just like all day. I'm gonna get it all, it's gonna be great. Asher, it's like, what do you want? And I'm like, oh baby, I'm just, I'm just, when, when we give the kids a bath, I'm gonna run out, I'm gonna grab this, she's like, go for it, sounds good. Yeah.

So I go, I got the cheese dip and the chips and the wachimollis and the whole fucking nine yard. And then I take one bite of that thing and it tastes like a rotten anus. It's just disgusting. It was just disgusting. And I thought to myself, I know. That's what I thought I chose wrong. Now do I waste it? Do I throw it away? Do I go back out? The kids are already ready for bed. I'm like, I'll just, you know,

I'll have some chips and salsa and I'll just call it a night. So then by Sunday, when all I can have is clear liquids, I am a fucking moose. I am so miserable and I know that I'm causing everybody in this house to just hate me because I'm like, oh, um, imagine he's like, we have play with me daddy. I can't, I gotta have a colonoscopy tomorrow. What's a colonoscopy? You don't even want to know they go up your ass. Up your butt and I'm like, up my butt. Go the whole day, liquid, liquid, liquid,

Gatorade, Astrid got this like, she got this bone broth. Oh yeah, bone broth. Chrissy, it literally tastes like you're chewing on bones. Oh yeah, it is highly disgusting. I do not know how people get into this bone broth. People love it. Really bad.

I know, I can't really do it very well either. And I like broth, but not the bone broth. You know how you break yourself and you get like a little blood on your finger, right? You know that irony taste. Yes. I literally felt like I was chewing on someone's foot. Like I was chewing because it tasted like a foot

and then it tasted like blood and it was just, I couldn't eat for the college in, but I, yes, hard to get past the town. Take the college in pills, forget it. Yeah, exactly. Okay. but I, yes, hard to get past the town. I'll take the collagen pills, forget it. Yeah, exactly. Hey everyone, it's time for the commercial break inside the commercial break. Did you know you can dial 1-855-TCB-8383? That's 1-855-TCB-8383 from anywhere in the world.

toll-free, text us, call us, leave us a voicemail, it's not spam. We will respond, and we want to hear from you. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, you want to ask TcB for our advice? It'll be horrible, but it certainly will be funny. Do it at 855, TcB8383 or TcBpodcast.com. Hit the contact us button and shoot off an email directly to our happy bag. YouTube can hear all of the audio and watch all of the video from tcbpodcast.com and now youtube.com slash the commercial break. Our full episodes are on YouTube a few days after they air on the podcast feed and they're filled with visual delights you cannot get here on the audio version. Why? Because you can't see with your ears. The doctor told me that once. And please, if you have two minutes free,

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and then I have to start prepping like at four or five o'clock. Chris, you didn't tell me, you didn't warn me just how intense this all would be. Yeah. Like it's super intense. I mean, I gave you an overview. Babe, it's a gut fucking bomb. It is a gut bomb. It was like, what's it say? At first, it wasn't so bad. I was like, you know, take two pills, wait an hour, let's do some sleep. Well, I didn't think I was what you had in there. That's where the, that's what I try and preface. Kinda glad I didn't get the whole burrito down.

No, exactly. Let's fuck it, let's just go stick. And you know how much I hate poop. And it was just like the whole situation was just miserable to me. So I spent the next 12 hours attached to that toilet. I mean, I really did. Oh my God, it was awful.

So then I get, so then the next morning, I'm having this at 2.30 and they say, the two hours before do not eat or drink anything, because you might aspirate and they don't want you to aspirate, whatever the fuck that means sounds bad. I didn't want to happen. Don't aspirate. So my procedure is at 2.30.

So at noon, I am so fucking thirsty. I've been shit in my ass out the at noon, I am so fucking thirsty. I've been shit in my ass out the entire day and I am so fucking thirsty. I have to have something to drink at 12. This is, I'm still in within the window. So I'm like, give me two really large cups of water and man did I down those so fast. Well, they went right out my ass.

But it tasted good at the top. Right. I get to the place. It is a lit lit like you said It is an assembly line of As viewing I mean just asshole after asshole the whole entire time so I get in there They tell Astrid that you have to leave you actually can't stay you can't even stay in the waiting room You got to get out of the building like is the COVID who fucking knows?

I mean, it's really because of COVID or is like is the COVID? Who fucking knows? I mean, is it really because of COVID or is it? Because you're waiting for stuff, but I didn't actually wait in the building. I went on a walk. So they're like, it's going to be, you know, two to three hours, but you get you got stay close and we'll call you. So then I'm sitting there. I sit there and then they call me back at the appropriate time and the nurse starts asking me a bunch of questions about the diet and medications and all this and then she said Okay, when's the last time you had anything to drink and I said it new she said how much did you have to drink? I said two glasses of water

She's like like sips of water glasses of water and I go glasses of water and she goes okay Just sit here for a second she comes back and then like the head nurse comes over the anesthesiologist nurse comes over and he's like I'm not gonna be able to put you under for another hour maybe hour and a half and I'm like why and he's like, I'm not going to be able to put you under for another hour, maybe hour and a half. And I'm like, why? And he's like, because you drank two glasses of water, and I don't want you to aspirate when I give you propa-ful. And I'm like, really? And so now I am totally fucking scared shitless about this. I start texting Astrid.

I'm like, Astrid. If something happens to me, I'm starting writing my last will and test it and I'll be a text. I'm like, Astrid, if something happens to me, Call HODLY, she can do the show by herself. Take the light, do the licensing deals. I don't know, I hear the attorney's phone number. And the answer is like, shut up, everything's gonna be fine.

So, I wait an hour and a half. I'm so exhausted, I'm so weak. I just need, I'm so, I haven't eaten anything proper in probably three full days, and now I'm just like, I'm wasted, I'm falling in and out of sleep. I'm in this weird tw days, and now I'm just like, I'm wasted energy. Falling in and out of sleep, I'm in this weird twilight. Finally, they come back to get me.

They're like, okay, let's do this. So I get in there and they're, let's do this shit. Yeah, let's do this shit. The nice thing, I got the little thing in my hand. So the nurse says, okay, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna give you some numbing medication through your IV there.

That's gonna make sure that the propa fall, which can burn, doesn't burn, so I'm gonna give you some lidocaine or whatever it is. And then we're gonna hit you up with some propa fall. That propa fall is gonna put you to sleep. I want you to turn on your side, ass facing the doctor, right? And you're not gonna feel a thing, you won't know anything. You're gonna go for a really nice nap, you're gonna wake up. This really will only take probably about 15 to 30 minutes, actually.

Yeah, the actual procedure to the cycle. And I'm like, oh really? And she's like really will only take probably about 15 to 30 minutes, actually. It's like, oh, yeah. It's like actual procedure to the cycle. And I'm like, oh, really? And she's like, if there's nothing wrong, 15 minutes tops, right? She's like, it's just, he's just gonna go up there, look real quick, and you're gonna be done,

but we're gonna put you to sleep. So she does the whole light of cane thing, and then she starts putting in the propifal, and she's telling me while she's, while I'm watching this Milky White substance go into my body, she's like, you're gonna feel it real soon, and you won't even know what happened, right?

But I can feel it. I can feel the propifal taking over. This is probably where all the drug use, you know, all my many years of drug abuse. I'm like, my body is wants to stick with the hot. You know what I'm saying? So my head is not letting me go to sleep. So I'm like, oh yeah, that shit hits real quick.

That's what I said. I go, this is from high as fuck. She was like, oh yeah, that's pretty good said. I go, this is from high as fuck. She was like, oh yeah, that's pretty good stuff. I did not fall asleep, right? I was just, I was definitely out of it. No doubt, like my whole body was tingling. I was fighting this sleeping sensation. Because I was having fun, I was high, right?

And I'm like, I'm not sleeping yet. So she goes under the next thing that I remember, Kirstie, is a vibration on my ass, like a bimbe right on my butt cheeks. And I can hear somebody in the room is talking about Clark Howard. Clark Howard for those of you who don't know is like a famous radio guy from here in Atlanta who's consumer reports. And he's very famous, very nice guy.

And he's all around town and everyone from Atlanta knows who Clark Howard is. So. That looks like Jerry Seinfeld. He does a lot of things. And in person, he looks even more like, yeah, you're right about that. So think about it, Jerry Seinfeld, like character, but a real nerd, like talking about

like how you can save 60 cents on your grocery, is that right? And that a reuser razor, like 10 years. That's right. I'm never buying a razor again. This is Clark Howard with Clark Performance. So I hear this and I'm awake and I can feel the buzzing in my ass and I can hear this and I go, I have a podcasting.

I know Clark Howard. And the nurse is like, can you hear us? And I'm like, yeah, I know Clark. I'm a podcast and the doctors laugh and you're a podcast I go I'm famous so that nurses like I can give you a little bit yeah okay I back out and then I come back again. The position assistant who's with doing this procedure with the actual gastronomist or whatever, whatever you. He's like, he's standing there and I go, Hey, man, I hear the doctors say something

about, well, you definitely need a friend. And I go, hey man, I'm your friend. I can feel my ass, she's vibrating. I don't feel anything except my ass, she's vibrating. I'm awake. I'm your friend. I'm your friend, I'm a wake, well, this is going on. Okay, so then I'm out, I don't remember anything. Next thing I know, I'm a wake.

Yeah. My boy Teddy is standing there. Teddy, the guy who needs a friend, right? He's standing there, he's like, I'm awake. Yeah. My boy Teddy is standing there. Teddy, the guy who needs a friend, right? He's standing there and he's like, hey Brian. Hey Brian, and I am, when I wake up, when I come to realization, I am the middle of singing a Megan Trainers song. I am singing, you know.

What? Which one? I'm like, you can very a good change. You can't have your baby, if a town, but even with us, there you go. I'm so funny the brain. It's like your brain, I know. Yeah, so he's like,

I'm funny stuff for a day. He's like, hey, Brian, was you singing a megatrain in song there? You can you hear me? I'm like, hey, Hey, Brian. Yeah, I'm like, hey, buddy. He's like, yeah, I gotta tell you something.

I've been doing this a long time. He goes, I'm like, hey, buddy. He's like, yeah, I got to tell you something. I've been doing this a long time. He goes, I'm about 10 years into this. He goes, I have never had someone talk so much during a procedure. I go, oh shit, was I talking? He goes, you couldn't stop talking about how you're a podcaster. He goes, something about the break or something. I was like, the commercial break. He's like, that's it.

Yeah. He said it was like you were doing a show for yourself. He goes, we were talking and you jump in the conversation, but your eyes were closed and you weren't moving. I was like, holy shit. Don't do drugs, kids. Don't do drugs. Oh my god. Well, I'm proud of you for getting it done. So we're leaving Astrid picks me up and Teddy rolls me out there and he opens up the door and Astrid says this because I don't remember this part. I don't remember much of the drive home, but she said that I go, Hey, Teddy, don't worry

about it. We'll be friends forever. Fun with Brian's ass. Fun with anesthesia. Anesthesia, that's ass. Fun with anesthesia. Anesthesia, that's right. That shit is good. Jeff, oh god, he had a procedure one time, and I remember going back into the area

where the nurse's station was, and there was this flooring that was kind of encircling the nurse's station, and Jeff was in one of the beds, and he was in front of it, and he was like, look, there's a river. It's for only your brother nurse's station. Oh my God. Trails, bro.

And the nurse was his best friend. Yeah. And he's like, that'd be me and her. Chrissy, me and her were such good friends. Oh, man. Yeah, I was really, I got really nervous about being put out But what it actually was is someone was trying to put just put me to sleep just to shut me up Yeah, I think I heard the nurse say that they have to give me quite a bit of pro-popol just to make sure that I was comfortable

Yeah, listen I'm glad I got it done too like you know you're at a certain age I also have a family history of colon cancer and that is why I'm glad I got it done too. You're at a certain age. I also have a family history of colon cancer. And that is why I'm getting it. That's such an early age. Yeah, but he gave me the all clear and he said, come back 10 years. Come back in a decade.

So we'll be on episode number 755,000. Still making no fucking money. Still waiting for a page. That's right. Still creating new websites. Still creating new websites. We're going to make a new website every season. That's what we've decided to do.

We get more expensive as we go on. I wanted to share that I'm like totally floored right now at what's going on with our podcast. And I say this actually with a little bit of gratitude in my heart and I'm trying not to be too funny about it. We, if you think back like a year ago, I think on average, maybe every three to seven days, we would get some kind of communication from somebody. Yeah, yeah, it was very low.

A new communication. Like there were certain people that were interacting with us all the time, but a new communication would come back every three to seven days. And when we first started the show, we had this thing called the break room. We got like 150 people to sign up to the break room, but we really had no idea why I think that they never responded to us again. So what has happened over the last,

I'll say like five months, and I guess it's kind of slowly happened to now I'm realizing that trickle has turned into a literal waterfall of communication from our fans, and I just couldn't be more excited about it. And we're, in listen, we do respond. Like literally, Chrissy and I will respond most of the time to most people.

And so thanks so much. Keep them coming in. We'd love to talk to you. We'd love to hear what our listeners are up to. We've gotten a lot of Ask TCBs. And I'll get to that next week. I'm thinking that probably maybe even once a week, we might have to address some of these questions

before they piled up. Let's break a little bit. But we had an got an interesting. I should have a segment each show where we do like two or three questions Yeah, yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll get to them like we will Whatever we say we're gonna do right now plan on us not doing the opposite of that anytime soon Just for the audience now lazy guys. I mean come on. It's hard enough to get on here and talk for an hour for a naughty sense. We're just too lazy, guys. I mean, come on. It's hard enough to get on here and talk for an hour.

But we did get, I think this is relevant to the colonoscopy thing. And this just came through a couple of days ago and a day ago. And I know this is, if you're squeamish, don't listen to this story, but I have to tell. I have to tell. Okay. See, who is a they and them, all right? So let's be, I think this is the first time we have to be really aware, really conscious of how we address this person.

Hello TCB podcast, my name is C. I identify as they and them and I'm a big fan. I probably listen to your podcast for 10 to 12 hours a day since I am in Amazon employing 10 to 12 hours a day. It's still gonna take you 100 years to get through all the episodes. Yeah, killing time. Christian, I record 10 to 12 hours a day, it's still gonna take you 100 years to get through all the episodes. Yeah, killing times. Christian, I record 12 hours a day.

The two of you have continuously brightened my day for the last couple of months. Some might say I'm obsessed. Well, feel free to be obsessed. You wanna pay us? You have any money? We take them out. But I had a short, funny, sex story that I thought I might

share with you and put it on the podcast. If you'd like, well, we would like and we are going to. For starters, I'm 24 year old Lesbian. Last summer I met a man that was 39 and I thought I might see if I was just not liking younger men. In other words, they were curious. Curious, they were like, hey, listen, maybe it's just the young punks that turned me off.

And I get this, like, you know, older men are sexy. We're experienced. That's right. And we're this, like, you know, older men are sexy. We're experienced. That's right. And we're like, I don't know, we're like an old leather couch you fall into. And so are our balls. So there you go. I am honestly not sure what I was thinking, but we started getting freaky a couple of

nights a week. One night I had, one night, I had asked him to put his finger in my butt so I could achieve the golden goblet. What exactly is the golden goblet? I don't know. Is that like a dual orgasm? I know, I'm not a god.

I've never heard it. Well, he did and he didn't stick the whole fist in me or anything, but all of the sudden he pulls his finger out and something else came out with it. And I was, and I was more than fine. I make sense. I sat up, looked around, and wouldn't you know it. There it was, a little piece of myself down on the ground.

Before I could even react from the embarrassment, I ran to the bathroom, grabbed some toilet paper, and picked it up. After that, we decided to just sit and drink for the rest of the night. Not to bring up the forbidden, not to bring up the forbidden story that something had just fallen out of me and landed on his lap. Needless to say, I don't too much but play anymore. Keep up the positivity. Love you guys both. This is exactly why I stay away from but play. It's because I- There's nothing wrong with but play. Let me just say each to their own.

I'm talking about my but play. Anybody wants to do, but there's ways to do it. And you have to prepare as in. Like a colonoscopy. Yeah, correct. That's right. I've read stories from porn stars, magazines, and different, you know, just across the web.

And I remember reading a blog, wrote to this one, when this one porn star who does a lot of by play? Totally gay, she's like, I have to eat only this and then do the cleansing before that, the day before we shoot, so it makes sense. Okay. So if you want to do but play go for it.

Oh, there's a thing I've bought. You know, know how to do it. I like to be, I'm, I'm all about whatever. I'm really open-minded, but the number of times in my life, where first of all,

the, but play with me is a no fucking girl. I'm not clean of myself out like a colonoscopy so that we can have a couple of fingers in my ass. But the couple times where I have been involved in but play with someone else, it just wasn't pleasurable for me. Like at the end of the day, and that's just me, right? It just wasn't all that fun.

And this is the kind of thing that I'm fearing. It's just gonna get becoming like kind of a nasty mess. And I have heard from so many different stories that I've read and porn stars talking about this, that they do have to do quite a bit of preparation before any of this happens. Yeah. Was you really want to prepare for a full day and a half in order to get freaky? Like that?

Let me tell you something. I just went through this. Each other own. Each other own, but I just went through this. I don't think there's anything pleasant about it. Some people find it very pleasurable to do the butt play. So, if you want to do it, just know how to do it. Well, listen, I have to see you.

Can you knock yourself out? Well, I mean, first of all, I like to see has the open-mindedness to not just like shut down everything. Yeah. They might identify as a lesbian, but they're saying, let's give it a try. Let's go give it. Let's go. I think this is what's interesting about the generation that's coming up. They identify as younger, right? Right. Or they say they're younger, like in their 20s.

They're open. They're open. I feel like, honestly, I feel like everybody in the world has to be on a spectrum of sexuality. Sexuality. For sure. Yeah. Some people are going to be way, one way. Some people are going to be way, the other, and there's going to be a gradian in the middle.

And there's so many gradians. They all seem to be open. Great. I've talked to the I talked to the younger generation Yeah, I talked to the younger generation like Fucking Ronald Reagan Oh, I can't paint stuff. Let's laugh Lot out of out of my train tour I've talked to the out of my steam train tour I took my model to the McDonald's. McDonald's.

But when I've spoken with the younger generation, like teenagers, they are so open-minded. Totally. Most of them. We have to. About what sexuality means. Yeah, we have to. I mean, they're very open. I think that's great.

I think it's fucking great. I think you're gonna love who you're gonna love. I think our generation kind of set the tone a little bit because we didn't get all upset. If someone, you know, you're gay, you're gay, okay, great. Whatever. Whatever. Enjoy yourself.

And I just don't think we gave a shot because it didn't really seem like it was significant who you loved or who you did things with. That wasn't really terribly like, it wasn't, it wasn't a thing you really thought about. I didn't anyway. That's how I was raised now but play on the other hand that's the thing altogether

oh but plays the least of the things that can get crazy oh my god I tell you about that one one tantric yoga seminar that I went to and they were literally asked some of the people in the class to stay back so they can do a live broadcast they've got you just talking about that I've seen that before too, I mean not. You've seen prostitutes? No, but you know, like HBO are different things over the years have happened. Oh yeah, yeah.

You know, they investigate those kind of things and do documentaries about them. Yeah, real sex. Real sex, that show was awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that show was awesome. I love that show. I love that show. I think that I actually think that they should,

that they have it out on HBO Max Like you can go watch all the old shows, but they're probably a hundred if you have HBO Max and you're younger and you haven't seen this series called Real sex go watch it. It's it was really quite forward at the time. It really was and it's all about a lot of door Yeah, anything to do with sex was that's what I learned to have sex actually I used to watch the little squakly lined real sex in my room, but yeah, they did show a lot of that stuff like that, a lot of that kind of courses that people take. Yeah, the tantrums. Anals sex. That is being our game. Bondage. Yeah, setting your nipples on fire. Right. There's a whole spectrum. There's a whole spectrum. There's a whole spectrum.

There's a whole spectrum. Anything you're in. Anything you're in. I remember watching either it was a real sex or it was some kind of other special about guys, maybe it was vice, guys who like to have their balls destroyed. Like they literally like women taking high heels and kicking them in the nuts repeatedly and they get off on that. Well, and I know and then there's the, something that I had not heard about, but there's a

Netflix show about it was it's called Killer Sally. Killer Sally. No. Yes, this woman was a major bodybuilder. So she was like, oh, I saw that. The bodies got married to a major bodybuilder. They had a very tumultuous relationship, but something and it's a really sad story actually that comes down the end. He dies. But you can see the story unfold how

things happen. Is it documentary? Yeah. Well, yeah, it's a documentary. And so they interview her, they interview the kids and friends and people. But the side note to this is this like underground, the kind of thing, I didn't realize was a thing that guys, some guys like to get women bodybuilders and have them wrestle them and throw them around. They pay for it. That sounds kind of hot actually. Well, lay me up and throw me around the room. That's sickle-drafante. I could barely, I could barely hold up 20 pounds on my own. Just to the kid beat enough by something. So the body does what I'm around. Yeah, listen, ever, ever, and we talk about sex. One time I was talking with my wife and she's, or I was talking with Tina, Tina was like,

you talk about sex so much on that show and I'm like, that's not true. We don't always talk about sex and she's like, it's literally every episode by every episode. You're talking about some of the sex. Whether it's a show or our show or the way that we're talking. Okay. All right. All right. Fair enough. The commercial break has a little sexual content in it. But see, I know you're not asking for any advice, but I say good for you. I think what I take from this story is... Try new things. Try new things, and you know, if they don't work out. And I also told see this in my response to them.

I told see that the one thing that I really liked about this story, the one thing I really liked about this story was that the older man took this all and stride, and I think that says something about folks who have a few miles under their feet, which is, you know, you see things and you're like, okay, well, what are you gonna do? I mean, you know, what are you gonna do?

It calls a big scene. Yeah, but I could see how like a younger, like younger buck might get all upset about this. Right, tell all his friends, post it on Instagram, you know, make a big fucking deal about it. Yeah. This guy, sounds like he just took it in stride. Let's have some words. That's what us older men do because you know We're probably not gonna get late anytime soon, so

We're having fun with it while it lasts All right, so keep on trucking love you mean it Thank you to everybody who's been writing and calling and texting I don't know what to say. I'm just like I I'm grateful, I guess. Yeah, we are definitely. Yeah, Thanksgiving, as the Thanksgiving week rounds the corner. It's the fuel, it's fuel for us to keep doing this. You know that's exactly what I've said to some people. I'm like, this fills our cup.

It does. It's a lonely venture that Chrissy and I have a terribly great time sitting in this studio, but it's a lonely venture in the sense that we send it out to the world. And for at least a year and a half of the three years we've been doing this show, there were a few people like Hardcore, you know, Tina, Will the Champ, Mary Ann, Roxanne, who really just kept us going by writing us a note everyone's and saying great job. Right? And now we're hearing it Hundreds, you know, once every hour.

So thank you very much. YouTube can write in text us. I promise one of us will respond. One of us here at TCB will respond. And that's 855. TCB 8383. One 855 TCB 8383 will pick up the charges anywhere in the world.

We had someone that texted us from Kampala, which is in Africa. And we'll talk about that text message when we do another Ask.com. So go to tcbwebsite, tcbpodcast.com website. You can hit the contact us form. You can also contact us that way. And remember, 661 bestieos still works.

So if you got that stuck in your head, do the 661. We're unnecessarily paying for new websites, many different phone numbers, and an Instagram page we never post on. But I do want you to go to youtube.com slash the commercial break. So many of you talking about that commercial break YouTube channel too. It's different.

There's visual elements that get put into the show that just add a whole nother layer of hilarity. Morgan does such a great job and I want to thank Christina our brand new audio editor our audio producer she's also doing a great job so now I can actually see my family at night which you know when you have a family it's nice to see that everyone's in a while oh man yeah you know what what else can I say to I think there's only so much but play we can talk about in one episode We'll have to save it for another episode. Okay So from my ass to yours, Chris. Yeah, I guess that's all that's all we can do today

That's all we can do so I will say that I love you. I love you. We love you see best you best you Best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say. Bye!I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man you