The Commercial Break - To Spain For A Fart

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

Episode #623: Bryan & Krissy return (thank God, I was running out of ideas!) with stories, mischief, and mayhem from their time away.  Bryan & Krissy are back The Greens get to the airport Airport valet To Spain for a fart! Krissy’s Mempho recap Airplane pee pee Fuck them kids Airplanes and physics & the quantum witch Getting wet on a plane Being disgusting on an airplane! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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On this episode of the commercial break. So of course, right before the flame takes off, we go through the list of children and we say, do you have to go to the bathroom? No! Do you have to go to the bathroom? No! Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom? No. Do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom? Because you haven't been to the bathroom in 10 hours.

Are you sure you don't have to go pee-pee, poo-poo? No. No. No. And five fucking seconds after the plane takes off. Daddy, I had to go pee pee! Fuck you! The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eee eee eee eee eee e Hey, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green and this is my calcium-filled friend,

Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristin. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How are you? Thanks for joining us. We're back just here in the studio just for a short period of time before we go off again

to our lovely lives of fame and wealth. In our own minds. In our own heads. Chrissy Fresh from MENFO, I'm back from my incredible wedding in Spain, Astrid's cousin's wedding, which till the very last minute we didn't know if we were going to attend because Astrid kept insisting that my neck would blow up if we got on the plane. I think she really wanted- Her thyroid would explode.

Yes, I think so. I got to be honest. I think at one point it felt like it was going to. She kept on insisting. She was like, let's just cancel this. Let's cancel it. And I'm like, listen, if I thought I could get into surgery one day earlier, then I would cancel the trip and go have the surgery.

But it's not possible. Yeah. The guy's got other people to attend to. I can't just, you know,, he's well, who am I and But what I really think Astrid was trying to say don't you know who I think I am Don't you imagine who I think I might be? What everything asked who was trying to say was why don't you stay home with the kids It'll be much safer for you here and probably a lot more fun for me because you're a calcium filled asshole right now and I think I want you to stay home.

But that's... Well, I'm glad you guys made it though. Yeah, we did. For us, a short trip. For anyone else, a very long trip. For us, a short trip to Spain. Man, it was a lot of fun, but I'm literally off the plane and I am- You are.

I'm all kind of upside down and sideways. It's like nine o'clock at night there. So, I think I feel like I'm going to go to sleep. And the kids who have traditionally not suffered from jet lag are suffering from, I can already tell they're suffering. We just got off the plane, I could already tell they're suffering from it. One of my daughters could not keep her head up still. Like we got home at like two or three in the afternoon yesterday, and she, on the way home, she was like, so drunk, sleepy. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. Knocking into walls, she was doing this whole head bobbing thing in the car. I gotta say, you know, I've lived here in Atlanta for a very long time, and only on a few occasions have I considered myself, have I considered that I'm in

really bad Atlanta traffic, like two hours to get home. Oh, God. Did you get home yesterday and Sunday? Chrissy, we, on the way there, we have the- You just never know what's going to hit. We have this 530, 630, 630 flight. So, like any smart family with children, we say, let's get there by 3-30. That way, we've got three hours, we can go to the Delta check-in, we can beg them for the bulkhead seat so as not to annoy every other fucking person on the plane. If we can get that bulkhead seat, we've got a little bit of room and the kids

can kind of feel like they're stretching their legs a little bit. And then since we have a baby who weighs like 900 pounds and is seven feet tall, I mean, that kid. I know. I picked her up earlier. I can only hold you for a little while. She's in the 99.9 percentile for everything. Height, weight, intelligence. I mean, the girl is super smart, super sassy, prone to meltdowns at any moment because she's the baby of the family. And then she's also huge. So when we see someone and we're trying to convince them that she's still an infant, they're like, yeah.

Right. I know. She does look much older. I know. She can walk into a bar and probably not be carded. But then we try and convince the airline attendant that she's an infant with needs a crib. And she's like, which crib is that child going to fit into? She needs the whole bulkhead. We don't have those kinds of cribs. So we get in the car, let's call it like 2.45. Figuring it normally takes us without any traffic about 30 minutes to get to the airport. With traffic, maybe 45, maybe an hour, but we still got room to spare.

So you're talking about on the way there. On the way there. Got it. Okay. And this is on a weekday. So we're on the night. Yes. So we're just a bit, we got all the bags packed in the car. Everyone's just ready to- Well, now that makes more sense. I thought you were talking about on the Sunday when you came home yesterday.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'll explain. I'll explain. Both ways. So when we are about to get in the car, I kind of feel like I sense we're cutting it a little bit close for wanting to be there at least two hours before the flight takes off. Yeah. Because they start boarding an hour before and that's a whole fucking shit show.

Everybody knows that it's a shit show. Though I do have to say those Delta attendants are whipping people into shape. Yes, they are. Yeah. Sit down. We didn't call you. Sit down. And I like that. I like it too. Okay. So, we get in the car. I sense we're cutting it a little close. It's now like three o'clock, 315. And Astrid says to me, don't worry about it. We got plenty of time. And I'm like, hon, I really think we need to go. Because Astrid, the most organized human being I have ever met in my entire life,

doesn't miss a beat, doesn't miss a detail, does not miss an opportunity to tell me I'm wrong, ever, has made the assumption that the flight is actually 45 minutes later than it actually is. So, when we get in the car, I put on that Waze or whatever, Google, whatever the thing is with the traffic, I put it on and it's telling me it's going to take an hour and 30 minutes to get to the airport. Normally takes 30, hour and 30. And I thought to myself, holy shit, we are fucked. We're gonna get there at 4 45, 5 o'clock for a flight. We have one of those park and fly bullshits, you know what I'm talking about? You park, they fly. You park, you wait for seven hours for one of those little uncomfortable buses to pick you up. And then they, unbelievably,

have someone that's never driven before in their entire lives driving the bus, like two miles per hour to drop you off at the gate or at the door that certainly isn't yours. Okay, so on the way there, it's just the traffic, now it's hour and 30, hour and 35, hour and 40. It keeps getting worse. The time just keeps on inching back. We are in traffic basically from my house all the way to the airport.

That's like 27 miles. It was insane. It was some of the worst traffic I have ever set in. I'm telling you, this is, yeah, I know this traffic well. I know you do. I know you do. It's one of the downsides of recording where we record is that Chrissy has to take the drive up here and then the drive back. The drive up is no problem. It's 30 minutes. I know. It's the drive back. It's the way back. Holy shit. It's heading back into town. So Sussman So, listen, park and fly reservation on deck,

because that's how Astrid is, extremely organized. Park and fly reservation, ready to go, all we have to do is get there. So, about halfway there, I realized that that bus had better be waiting for us, or now, not only are we not going to be early to the flight, we might miss the flight. And missing a flight with 26 children- Beth Dombkowski Miss the flight. We might miss the flight. And missing a flight with 26 children. Beth Dombkowski Miss the flight? Jared Sussman Miss the flight. Beth Dombkowski Oh, God. Jared Sussman Because remember, Astrid thought it was 45 minutes later than it was. So that

45-minute cushion disappeared. They stopped checking people in an hour before, and we have to check in face-to-face because one of the children is a child and their passport needs to be checked independently. It's just the way that it works in this godforsaken place we call the United States of America. Why everybody else can check in, but the baby who is no danger to anybody, I can basically take my burner phone and say, yeah, I'm Joe Schmoe and end up on the plane and the baby who can't even talk, that's the show her face at the front gate. I don't know. Don't ask me. Anyway, so I'm like, babe, babe, and I know Astrid, I'm like, the whole time we're driving, I know Astrid. So I think to myself, there's

got to be a better way. If we could only park at the airport, close to the airport, around the airport, not at a park and fly where we have this X factor, which is, is the bus going to be there? Is the driver going to be competent enough to drive us there in a short amount of time? And how many other people are we going to have to pick up and drop off along the way? And so I start Googling, not recommended you Google while you drive, but I did it. I start Googling, Airport Valet, because I know this has become a thing, because I did it, I've done it in a couple other airports when I've been late for a flight. Airport valet, sure as shit they've got one, sure as shit I call them, sure as shit they

can be there and be ready by the time we get to the airport, they can be ready to pick up the car. And I'm like, babe, she's like, how much? And I know what asked her just thinking two things. Number one, shit, it didn't work out like I wanted it to. Yeah. So she's wrong, right? And that, I know for my love, my beautiful wife, that is a little bit irritating to her. She doesn't want to be wrong. And no one wants to be wrong. Let's just admit it.

No one wants to be wrong. I don't want to be wrong, but I am all the time. It's part of life. So she doesn't want to be wrong, number one. Number two, she's going to be angry at herself if we have to spend more money than initially intended because we don't have any money. Even though we do 7,000 episodes of the commercial break a day, we don't have any money. And so, but I call them and it's double more expensive than it is, of course, to park and fly, park and fly. You leave your car at their location and they decide when the fuck they're going to drop you off. Uh, valet, you leave your car at your location. They take it somewhere and bring it back to you. It's double more expensive, but I, so now we're making, so like I hang up the phone to say, listen, I'm going to call you right back. We hang in the

phone. We're having all this like marriage debate in the car. And she's like, uh, well, it's up to you. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, don't, don't leave this up to me because it's going to be up to me. And then when reviewing the finances at the end of the month, it's up to you. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, don't leave this up to me. Because it's gonna be up to me, and then when reviewing the finances at the end of the month, it's gonna be my fucking fault for everything. When the truth is that we just kind of fucked up. It's no one's fault. We all assumed we had more time than we actually did

between the traffic and not knowing when the actual plane was taking off. We all just made a mistake. That's it. What are we going to do? That happens. Nicole Soule-Nancy Yeah, you got to make a game time decision. Jared Soule-Nancy We did have to make a game time decision. And so, together, collectively, I said, listen, are we going to lose any money on the park and ride reservation? And after some assessment, it was determined that we would lose $15 because we only

made a reservation. Like, hold it for $15, you don't pay till you leave. And it was also, the determination was made that with so many children and so many back, I mean, we are literally going to Spain for a fart and we brought the entire house. Well, you were going to a wedding, so I get it. I know, I'll get into it. I'll get into it. You got to have your lotions, your potions, your dresses, your costumes, your changes of outfits. Oh my God. I know.

You have to have three outfits. Yeah. The flowers, the flower baskets, the flower girls, the wedding, the hair, the makeup, the whole night. The guys have to have this thing for the reception, this thing for the party, this thing for the rehearsal. It's a whole fucking to-do. And then you realize at the end of it,

it really never fucking mattered. It didn't matter at all. I could have just brought one change of clothes. I've gotten to realize that on more than one trip that I've taken. Like I've definitely overpacked. For sure. But I want options.

I want my entire closet. Because I know. And just like I did on this trip, I know. It's the one fucking thing that I, you know that one thing you're debating at the end, like, should I bring that short-sleeved t-shirt? It looks good on me, looks good on me. But a glance of the weather says it's going to be cold in 70, so, you know, it's going to be raining in 70. That is not warm weather. Is short-sleeved shirt an economical, and I mean economical packing-wise, an economical choice to make. No it isn't. You get there, it's sunny and 92 degrees and you hate yourself for leaving

that one fucking short sleeve shirt. I hated myself. And then guess what had just been freshly washed hanging up when I get home? It's that fucking short sleeve shirt reminding me of what an asshole I am. I should have brought another suitcase. Who cares? $50, put it on the plate. Well, always bring the t-shirt. You can always wear a t-shirt at any point, just to make yourself feel like you wore it. Yes, I agree. I agree. But you know, it's Spain, and so, you know, t-shirts... Like I learned the first time I went to Spain. For me, it's like the boots, the coats, the dresses.

Yeah. Well, I figure a jeans and a t-shirt is always an option. Yes, always. But you are definitely an American if you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt. And I have learned over the last 70,000 trips I've taken to Spain that I really don't want to be called out as an American, even though my Spanish is terrible. And I'll get into this at a future point of the conversation, but my Spanish is terrible. And I'll get into this at a future point in the conversation, but my Spanish is terrible and everybody recognizes me as a gringo right off the bat, an American gringo,

no matter what I wear. Well, I mean, you're Irish, so. Yeah, I don't look the part. Yeah. I don't look the part. To begin with. I get one or two compliments on my Spanish, either that's nice that you're trying

or your accent is really good. Just which accent are you doing? That's the question. Back when I used to go to the tanning bed years ago, I now I get really dark. Oh yeah, you're Italian. All of a sudden would, I mean, when I would be out and there would be people who try and talk to me in Spanish.

Yeah. Well, yeah, well that's- But I didn't know. That's so stereotypical. Oy. Oy. would try and talk to me in Spanish. Yeah, well, yeah, well, that's, but I didn't know. So stereotypical. Oi! Oi! Oi. Oi now? Oi now! And she spoke the part too. Yeah, gracias. Gracias, kids. Okay, so, debate going on, the decision is made to, let's go ahead and just do this. That way, there's no chance. Yeah, it cuts down on a little bit of anxiety.

My anxiety was really high. Between the calcium in my brain and my normal inclination to get, to be really irritated by being late, I was in full blown internal panic mode, which I'm sure was like leaking out of the side of my eyeball and Astrid could see it. It was twitching, I was like, ah! Meanwhile, the kids are in the back yelling and screaming, drawing on our brand new car, you know, the whole night long. Drawing with permanent marker all over our car. So, I said, hey, listen, hun, here's the deal. We had formulated a plan A, which what the plan A was, you drop, you take some of the kids with some of the bags, most of the big bags, we'll drop you off as close as we can, so you just have to kind of roll it in there. And then I'll go,

and then I thought to myself, well, no, this just gets, this really just does what Astrid initially wanted me to do, which was leave, take some of the children and stay here in Atlanta. Yes. Because if I miss the flight, then what are we going to do? I'll be there two days later. So, we'd make this, after some conversation, I say, listen, hun, at the end of the day, yes, we could make it and everything could be just fine, but what if we don't? Then we have to pack all these kids and all these fucking bags back in

because there is no other, there's only one direct flight a day out of Atlanta to where we're going. We're gonna have to wait till tomorrow for that to happen. Then you're gonna miss these events that you wanna go to. You're gonna miss your parents being there, all this other stuff that you... If we want to do that, I try to apply some woman logic to it, you know what I'm saying?

Like, you don't want to miss... You've packed half a bag of clothing just for tomorrow's events. You don't want to have to miss those events. What about all that shopping you're going to do on our free day? So we get the valet. And I will tell you something. The valet, while terribly expensive, worked as directed, as advertised.

It was incredible. The guy, I called him and I told him where I was, and he showed up five, 10 minutes later. And I even got a free pass, Blue is back by the way, in case anyone didn't know. Blue is still here, still alive. We left her somewhere. I was hoping not to pick her up, but they reminded me I had to, so here she is. By the way, Astrid made a suggestion that we do a giveaway here on the commercial

break. We give Blue away. Oh, I like that. With a free lifetime of food and medical care. And so, people responded that they would enter that contest. No, you wouldn't. Don't lie to me. No, you wouldn't. So this guy picks up the car and we get in and I am telling you. So you don't just pull right up to a spot.

Yeah, yeah. The valet spot. There's no valet spot. It's just. I thought I obviously see it to the left there, like underneath the lower level. Maybe in the domestic. Maybe on domestic. Yeah Maybe in the domestic.

Yeah, this is international. There's only one place to go. And so he tells you kind of which door to be around. He said, I'll be around this door and that door, and I'll find you. You know, just tell me what car you have and I'll find you. And it took about 10 minutes for him to get there because you gotta call him when you're like

at a certain place and then he follows you. And so there was a police officer standing there the whole time and I'm just standing outside the car like, two different police officers come up to me, is this your car? And I go, it is. And I'm waiting for the valet. Cool, cool. Just wait by the car. And I was like, cool, cool. That's awesome. Cool, cool. I can't think of how many times I've been to the airport where I'm about to get arrested for being five seconds, stopped for five seconds somewhere. I mean, they're no joke in Atlanta.

They keep you moving along. You've got to get your bags and go. No time for kisses. Kiss and ride is a different place altogether. You got to, I don't know what that shit is. That's at a private school. That's at MARTA. Yeah, that's at MARTA and private schools.

Not here. So I wait, he comes in. I have a special kiss and ride place though, that I go to with Jeff. Oh, you do? What is that? What do you mean a special kiss and ride place? Well, I mean, it's kind of-

The cell phone lot? No, they've closed that one down on the Delta side. Oh, fuck that. That was fun. I know, it was fun. Yeah, no, there's like the lower level and you can kind of pull up, but not all the way in to the main area. Yeah, you kind of just hang back. Just scoot a little bit, scoot off to the... Just hang back. Just hang back a little.

Just cause three miles worth of traffic. Well, Jeff fingers me real quick and then, and then, my God. Well, I give Jeff some roadhead and then we're off. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you do.

I think I do know what you're talking about though. Yeah. Other people know to do it too. Cool. They kind of scoot. Next time someone's dropping... Scoot, scoot. Next time, next time someone's dropping. Yeah. Next scoot scoot. Cool cool.

Cool cool. Hey, I'm giving a blow job here. Leave me alone. Everybody would probably say cool cool. Cool cool. If I said that. I swear to God. It's this officer who looks actually cool, cool.

He's like 26 years old, probably in the know about everything. He comes up and he's like, hey, mate, yo, that's your car? And I said, yeah, that's my car. Cool, cool. He's like, you got to mood that shit. And I'm like, no, I'm with the valet. I'm waiting for the valet. Cool, cool.

Cool, cool. Everyone's getting paid. Everyone's getting $10 along the way. I mean, I'm sure it'set, I'm waiting for the valet. Cool, cool. Everyone's getting paid. Everyone's getting $10 along the way. I mean, I'm sure it's some kind of, you know, they are whatever. Anyway, so we get there and we really don't, we finally get through, security took a long time. Of course, we have so many children, it always takes a long time. And we have one of those, whatever you call it, the, you know, fly go pre-checked. I'm not yet a criminal kind of thing. What is that? Right. TSA pre-check. TSA pre-check. We have TSA pre-check and we just go right through. But with so many children,

you're always pissing off everybody behind you. Everyone's always irritated. I'm always carrying 32 different passports with the tickets stuck inside of them. And they're always asking, you got to flip through and they got to... It's a whole fucking order. It gives me so much anxiety. But we get there and we get there with kind of like three minutes to spare before they start boarding. Oh, that's great. It was great, but we cut it close. Had we taken the park and fly,

I think we would have made it, but I think we would have pissed everybody off on the plane. We would have made everybody wait. So two things, two points here, cause there's no point to the story, but to this part of the story, two points. Number because there's no point to the story, but to this part of the story, two points. Number one, I got stuck in really bad fucking traffic on the way there. And I think that's one of the times where I can say to myself, this is really bad Atlanta traffic,

because upon further review, there were no car accidents. There were no blue lights. It's phantom traffic. It's phantom traffic. It's sudden like stopped and then you get to where that stop was and then it just opens up. It just goes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like what? Why? It's one fucking moron cutting across 12 lanes of traffic to get off at his or her particular exit. They got their driver's license on the back of a cereal box. They finally made it to the exit and everybody slowed down just to let that one guy, because that one guy was going to kill everybody. And then that just backs up and backs up and backs up until everybody's just stopping for no reason. It's so frustrating. It is so fucking frustrating.

Not that I want to see a bad car wreck. That's not it. No, but I feel better. I feel better if at least there was an ambulance somewhere. You know what I'm saying? That's the reason. Yeah, I know. There was an accident seven hours ago and now I'm suffering for it 22 miles away. And number two is that airport valet, that's a thing. I think more people should take advantage of this. It's very expensive, but if you have the money like I do, then listen, it was either pick

up blue from the boarding place or get the valet. And I said, honey, what are we really doing here? All right, no. Are we really debating this? Yeah. She's going to go somewhere eventually. I'm like, the boarding place is going to kill her. She's going to go to some shelter somewhere. You don't have to worry about it. Maybe she'll become like the mascot of the place. You know what I'm saying? She'll live in the lap of luxury for the rest of her life. You don't have to worry about it. Why are we worried about it? The mascot.

All right. Let's take a break. Plenty more Spain to talk about, and I want to hear about Mempho also because I heard it was a good time. I saw that it was a good time actually. It was a good time. I'm just glad you survived. I did. I did. Lots of fluids. Lots of fluids? Oh, do tell, Chrissy. Don't threaten me with a good story. All right, we'll be back. I know this sounds crazy because we are a podcast,

but we have a phone number because we are also a Sendian AI chatbot being designed to receive compliments and content ideas at 212-433-3TCB. So crazy how that works. If you wanna follow us on Instagram, our handle is at the commercial break and our TikTok handle is at TCB Podcast.

So go find our profile and watch the videos we painstakingly put together for you and our 20 other followers. If you find yourself wanting more, check out our website at tcbpodcast.com because you can find all of our audio and full-length video episodes. And if you just do all of those things, we will love you forever.

Bye! For the past three seasons of Gone South, we've covered one story per season. We tried to figure out who killed Margaret Coon. She told me I'm gonna kill you. I said, well, do it, bitch. Go ahead and do it. We delved into the violent world of the Dixie Mafia. I'm an outlaw, and I was a thief, but I'm far from being the psychotic nutcase that I've been made out to be.

And we tracked a serial killer in Laredo, Texas. Just turn around, please. Turn around. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Now, Gone South is back for a fourth season. But this time, we're doing things a little differently. So, in Gone South Season 4, we'll be bringing you new stories every week, with no end in sight. I'm Jed Lapinski. Welcome back to Gone South, an Odyssey Original Podcast.

Listen and follow now on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts for new episodes every week. Wait, we've got a TV on in the background here in the studio and I'm watching, I don't know what show this is. Married at First Sight, I think is what it is. And I wanna know, when did like makeup artists and stuff start wearing doctor's coats?

I mean, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, oh yeah, it's a look. Yeah, it's a look, it's a whole thing. I think we should reserve, it's like a badge. You should only wear it if you're actually- I agree, I agree. There was this one guy that I saw one time that was in my chiropractor's office

and he had his own like little separate thing and it was like doctor Dr. Weight Loss or something. And the guy was walking around wearing a white lab coat. But when I looked him up, because he looked kind of different. Sketchy. Let's just be honest about it. I looked him up and he's like a model slash stunt guy. You shouldn't be wearing that white coat.

I know, you know, Astrid. Just because you call yourself doctor. Back when we thought this podcast might make money, Astrid said, you should go get a facial every once on a blue moon. And I was like, okay, all right, you know, I'm down. I'm not, you know, I'm unlikely to get a lot of, you know, Botox and fillers and all that stuff.

So why not keep up with the skin? The skin, yeah. So I said, okay, you know what, I'm down. So she gets me this little, like a membership to this place and you go once a month or once every three weeks and you get a skin treatment, you know, whatever it is. And the lady who did the skin treatments, they're all walking around with lab coats on. And I'm like, why? Why? Can't you just wear a sweater? I mean, it'd make me feel a lot better if we weren't pretending that you're a doctor and pretending that I'm a patient. When what you're a doctor and pretending that I'm a patient.

When what you're really doing is pretending that I have a lot of money and trying to add on services, like butternut squash, eye repair or something. How was Memphis? Memphis was incredible. Yeah, beautiful weather. It was a good time. Unfortunately, it was right after the hurricane.

Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. It was in between two hurricanes. It was in between Helene and Milton. Wow. Which has been devastating. What a disaster. Yeah. For a lot of people. So that MMPHO actually ended up sending up a lot of stuff towards the hurricane relief up in the Carolina. Nice of them. Yes. But the music was great. I was dancing, my butt off.

I saw that. I saw that I saw that yeah, Chris is a professional PR firm, you know putting out reels and I did not know I was gonna be on there. I don't even think they knew who I was. No, I was. Please, Chrissy, everybody knew who you were. You're the wife of the guy who puts on the festival. I'm pretty sure they know who you are. Well, I don't know that everybody knows, like the camera operator people, I don't know. So anyways, yes, I made the reel. Yeah, you did. And I was getting down.

On Saturday night, I was concerned about Chrissy. I think I even told this to Astrid. I was very concerned about Chrissy and her whereabouts and what was going on. Because I went to Memphis with Chrissy a couple of years ago and she didn't show up till like nine in the morning. A little worse for the wear. I was like, where's Chrissy? So I thought to myself, well, I should call.

There's so many people there that you want to see and hang out with. Yeah, of course. It's a party. Jeff doesn't get done with work until late, so I'm out. Chrissy is the social, she's the social manager, not the social media manager, because she doesn't even know what social media is, but the social manager of the festival. Were you impressed that I posted? I posted. You posted?

I did. Oh, I'm impressed that you even know what that means, quite frankly. I was like, I'm posting. I look, I'm posting. I'm gonna do it. All the music was incredible, everything was great, tons of good friends to be seen.

Weather was amazing. The last day I ended up getting an IV fluid. I was a little confused there for a second. I was like, she went in for it. No, they, Jeff actually had one of those, a doctor, an actual doctor. Oh, an actual doctor. And he was not wearing a lab coat. That doesn't make, that makes me feel just as bad as the people who aren't doctors wearing was a doctor, an actual doctor. And he was not wearing a lab coat. But...

That doesn't make... That makes me feel just as bad as the people who aren't doctors wearing doctor's coats. Yeah. But he did the IV, like the IV station. Does make you feel better, doesn't it? It does. It was amazing. I mean, you know, I tend to think, kind of like, eh, is it really going to make a difference?

I can just drink some water. But it does. It does. I think I told you about that one time. I went to like a friend's house party in the woods people, the rich part of the family in the woods kind of people, and they were hanging off the head of stairwell with all the banisters, and they were hanging, the guy was a doctor and he was hanging all the IVs. He bought like a box of IVs and he was hanging them from the banister and then people were sitting all the IVs. He bought like a box of IVs and he was hanging them from the banister

and then people were sitting all the way down the stairs at like 12 p.m. the next day, everyone with needles in their arms. But I'll tell you what, most people felt much better afterwards. And it does give you a jolt, it had like the B12 stuff in it and all the vitamins and things and yeah.

I was like, whoa. The time I almost died from Salmonella back like season number two, I remember that I got a couple IVs and they were life-saving. I mean, I felt like a different human being afterwards. Now I shit it all out within 12 hours, but I felt so much better in that moment. Within an hour of leaving the hospital, I just felt like I was a different person.

I was like, wow, that really does make me feel so much better. Little fluids when you're not feeling it. And, you know, so one of our new sponsors has this product where they talk about how, and this is not an advertisement, I want to make that clear, I'm not advertising, they are a sponsor of the show, but I'm not advertising at this moment. They had a whole phone call with me where they explained that it's not actually dehydration that causes the hangover, it's this enzyme that is broken down from the alcohol to what's called, like, they call it pre-alcohol, right, or some kind of enzyme that's broken down. That enzyme then causes a lot of distress in your body as time goes on.

So by beating back this enzyme with probiotics, then you can hopefully avoid the worst parts of the feeling the next morning. Yeah, I didn't get that sample before I left. I wish I had given it to you for mempho. I really do. But you're right, it came after you left. So anyway, well, good. I'm glad. And financial success for Jeff, not that you tell me it wasn't here on the show, but financial, was it a good turnout? Yeah, it was a great turnout. Did they sell out the festival?

They did not sell it out, but they don't normally sell it out. Well, they did sell out VIP. Okay. Well, that's all that matters. As long as the rich people had a good time. That's all that matters. And the sweets. Yeah, the sweets in VIP were sold out. Oh yeah, what are those sweets? Like 25 grand a pop or something? About.

Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. But then you get like what? Yeah, you get a... Dot treatments with people in lab coats. I hate it. Yeah, you get food, catering, and drinks. A free anal bleaching, stuff like that.

All the important stuff. You get food and drinks. Oh wow. God damn, Matt. Someday when I don't have children, so many children, when I don't call them children anymore, And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks.

And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks.

And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks.

And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. And then you get food and drinks. Andiggable planets. Diggable planets. Warren Haynes. Yeah. I saw the performance by Dick. Trey. Trey was there. Trey with Goose. Goose, I had predicted Goose and Trey would play together. They did not. They did not. No, they were on different nights. But I have to say that, you know, Goose.

Goose, I know. And I saw Goose a few years ago and was kind of like, but I saw them at Mimpo and they were really good. And I had this Goose a few years ago and was kind of like, eh, but I saw them at Memphis and they were really good. And I had this Goose head, I guess, explain to me why. Cause they switched out a member or something. And he was like, this other guy is really good. And it was. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, it's like a baseball team.

You just switch out the players, this mix and match. No one gives a shit. Well, I mean, listen, there's some bands that happens to, you know, you're missing the magic and then someone brings the magic or it all kind of comes together. Goose, over the last year, I have seen they've been on like the Burt cast with Burt Kreischer. I mean, they've been everywhere that Goose has and they're selling out and selling out. So good for them. Listen, if I'm being quite frank, I think there are jam bands that I like better, right? And that jam band side of me, I prefer my fish to my widespread. You know, I like fish better than I like widespread. And I think goose is like some combination,

and I don't want to like, you know, paint them with a broad brush. But I think I would prefer to go see fish if it was up to me, but I have heard a few songs, because I've watched a lot of their videos, I have heard a few songs that I like. Yeah, live they were great. Well, good. There you go. And you know what I wanted to say is that I did not know this, but now I do. Our good friend Reggie Watts is also good friends with Jack White. Did you know that? Oh, no. And Conan O'Brien, they were all together just a day after the show, after the Mempho show,

they were all together for some other show that Jack was doing. So Jack seems to be tearing it up right now. He seems to be having a little renaissance. Yeah, yeah, the new album is so good. I love it. And yeah, his live performance is just, I mean, like shot out of a cannon.

I mean, and it's just boom, boom, boom, song, song, song, song, song. Yeah, wow. Well, high energy. I'll say this, pass along my salute A's to Mr. Jeff Hodes, who I think has done a fantastic job with that. I will, today's his birthday. It's not easy to make a festival work in 2024.

It's the year of festival deaths. So the fact that they put it on and it was a success and that maybe there'll be another one next year. Are they already planning the next one? Oh, yeah. Oh, good. All right. So, we'll wait to see how that unfolds. Now we got Riverbeat in the spring. Yeah, that's right. And then what? Then the big barbecue fest or something?

Yeah. That's gonna happen again? Smoke Slam. Uh-huh. Okay. Smoke Slam, Riverbeat, Mempho, all of that. Three huge events each year. Memphis is the place where Jeff puts on shows. So, if you're in the area at any time during the year, just look, look up Jeff Hoadley, Mrs. Jeff Hoadley, and see if you can find a good festival that's there for you. And happy birthday to Jeff, by the way. It is his birthday. I'm sure I will do something for him, like I do every year. Some audio treat. Some audio treat for Jeff.

It is so fun. Yes. So... Back to Spain. Back to Spain. Back to Spain. So let's get on to the important stuff. Meat and potatoes? The meat and potatoes of the show, as we used to say. Well, here's the question. Here's one more question. Would you consider them, about Mempho, would you consider the Mempho crowd an older crowd or a younger crowd in general?

Well, yeah. So it is a little bit of an older crowd. Like 30s, 40s kind of thing? Okay. Yeah, but the river beat is younger. Is younger. Yeah, it depends on the meeting, depends on who you've got. Yeah, I would say with Trey, Goose, Jack,

the Roots, the Digable Planets. Yeah, I mean, a lot of that, Warren Haynes, I mean, a lot of that is gonna be an older, You're not 17 years old, probably. But like back when Menpo had Post Malone, oh my God. It was packed. Wait, Menpo had Post Malone? When?

This was. Three years ago? Four years ago? Four or five years ago. The year before I went. Yeah, so it was four years ago. Yeah, it was before the pandemic. Oh yeah, yeah.

Wow, great, fantastic. Okay, and so would you say that it's a good, like the people who are partying, the people who are having their treats, their sweets and treats before they, of course, before they get to Menfo, because drugs are illegal inside of Menfo, but treats and sweets,

what do you think their drug of choice is? Is it mushrooms and ecstasy? Is it cocaine? Is it, I'm just wondering what the kids are into this year. I would say weed and mushrooms. Weed and mushrooms, it's mainly a weed and mushrooms crowd. Okay, okay, good. ecstasy? Is it cocaine? Is it... I'm just wondering what the kids are into this year. I would say weed and mushrooms. Weed and mushrooms. It's mainly a weed and mushrooms crowd. Okay, good. I just wanted to know that. I want to know what I'm looking at. I want to know how I appropriately plan

for my next Mempho visit. And I'm going to start collecting my goodie bag now. Just like I did before the further fest. I planned three months in advance and I couldn't wait another 12 hours. I blew it off before I got to the gate. All of it. I did it all in one night. Yeah. Okay. So, we get on the plane to Spain. We get on the plane to Spain with no rain. And we have this bulkhead seat. We've managed to convince the lady that yes, our child is not, in fact, a teenager, but she's one years old. And that we should need the bulkhead seat so that all of us can sit in one big line and then we can take care of the kids.

How did you have to convince that? Because then you just get those seats? Can't you just buy those seats? No, actually on most international flights, those seats where you have like a three, four, three combination on the plane, the bigger planes, the 767s, the 740, whatever they call them. Those planes, they purposefully in economy block those seats out. Because it's the only place on the plane

where they will actually hang a crib for you. If you go and you, if you ever have a bulkhead seat on one of those international flights and you look, there are these little, they look just like little screws in the wall, but they're not actually screws. There are places where they stick these pins inside and then a crib comes hanging down and just like, you know, you can put a child in there and let it go to sleep. And actually we've done this with all of our children at some point. Now, fair enough, our child is way too big to fit into one of these, but the lady was nice enough. And so, they reserve

that you have to go to the gate, to the check-in or to the gate and ask for that, and then they have to take mercy upon you every time. So, we don't get it every time, but this time we got it, thankfully. Jared. Good. Jared. So, everybody's, you know, they come around, they serve dinner first. That's what they do. As soon as the plane gets up in the air, they serve dinner. None of my children like what they're serving.

I think the food is okay. It's not great. I will say that I love fucking Delta Airlines and I will take them every chance I get. It's just a hometown thing. It is. It's just a, they seem to be very nice. The flights don't seem to be as crazy as the ones I see on Instagram. There aren't as many people going nuts I don't know what it is. All of the things are free

You don't have to pay for the bathroom 16 extra bags a bag when you check in right if you want a cracker It's $10 like all of those things are included in the flight and by the time I get done with all of those things on any Other airline I'm sure I would have just spent as much money as I did just buying a Delta ticket in the first place. So why not go ahead and just buy the Delta ticket, especially on an eight or nine hour flight overnight with a bunch of children? Might as well just pay the little bit extra. I'm not flying first class.

I'm just flying economy. But if I want to fly economy, let's have the meals and the drinks included in any snacks I might need along the way. So that happens. Let me tell you a few things about this. When you sit at the bulkhead seat, you're sitting in front of the galley where the ladies and gentlemen do all of their work or some of their work, and also in front of the main stacks of bathrooms. Bathrooms, yeah.

So in this plane configuration, there are two bathrooms on the left, two bathrooms on the right, and one larger, or two larger bathrooms in the middle, one on each side of the plane. It's a double aisle plane. There is also then this door that sits, there's a door and then a little space where they will do their work. This door looks exactly like a bathroom door, except it says on it in big writing, bathroom door. Except it says on it in big writing, employees only. Door must be closed at all times. But other than that, you have, there's no reason to suspect that it's anything different but a bathroom. So less than, so of course, right before the plane takes off, we go through the list of children and we say, do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom? Because you haven't been go to the bathroom? No? Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom because you haven't been to the bathroom in ten hours

Are you sure you don't they go pee-pee poopoo? No No No And five Fucking seconds after the plane takes off As we're taxiing down the Daddy, I had to go baby Fuck you

You're gonna have to shit yourself because I already asked that goddamn question 30 times before we left Why do you say no? This is like the age-old parenting question. Why did you tell me no when you clearly had to go? With some of my children, who I know are just fucking bullshitting me, I make them go to the bathroom and I say, pull down your pants, point your penis toward the water and hope that something comes out Because I'm not having it anymore. You better put that choo-cha on that fucking seat and hope that I hear the sweet noise of tinkling or daddy's gonna be pissed.

I don't want to hear one more word out of you until piss is running down that toilet floor. No. No. That's how they say it too. No. I don't believe you. You're a liar. A bald faced liar. We get on the plane and I swear, Chrissy, the plane is like literally lifting off off the ground. And two of my children are already like, daddy, I need to go, baby.

I'm like, well, I don't know what to tell you. You've got to hold it. I don't know. You can't walk around the plane right now. And now they're both doing this whole dance like, Daddy, Daddy. And now I feel the urgency. Because if it was an adult human being, I'd be like, it's your own fucking fault. Hold it. Take a deep breath. But're kids. And any ramifications from them peeing on themselves is going to come down on me, not them. So, now I know, oh God, what am I going to do about this? So, there's a flight attendant that is sitting in the jump seat, the one that faces you on the right and the left side of the plane, and I can see her because I'm in one of the aisle seats. She's looking straight at me, I'm looking straight at her, she knows what's going on. And I go, ma'am, my kid has to go to

the bathroom. Can I please take him? Because we're all fucking adults here and we know that whether you're heading in the air or already in the air or whatever, you can figure out a way to manage yourself in a bathroom. No one's in danger. My kid's not gonna go rolling down the aisle. It's a fucking airplane. And she goes, no, I'm sorry sir, no. And I'm thinking to myself, well, fuck you. But eventually we do get in the air and finally. To the approved elevation. Yes. Okay.

Now my kids have already made themselves extraordinarily comfortable in the airplane. They have their shoes and their pants off basically. And I'm like, put your shoes on. God damn it. We got to go to the bathroom. This is, if you could think of one place on earth where there are less germs, you let me know, because an airplane toilet is about as bad as it gets. And so, you know, okay, we're putting on our shoes, we're going, and so I tell one of the kids, I say, okay, go, you know, go with that door right there, go and I'll get, I'm going to put the rest of my child's clothing on and then I'll be there in a second. Well, all of a sudden, I turn the corner and I see that my kid has got that door open that says, do not open under any circumstances of penalty of law. And no shit. It's a stairwell. Oh my gosh.

It is the place where they go and they take a nap. It is the lounge for the attendance, which you only hear about in song and story. I mean, right? You don't ever see that shit, you only hear about it. But no shit. It's like a secret club. It's like a Ritz-Carlton down there. And I'm sitting up here trying to manage 70 kids in a bulkhead seat. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, basically like rubbing his whole body against the toilet. You know? Hey daddy, how does the pee pee know where to go? That's a question he had for me. And I'm like, what do you mean how does the pee pee know where to go? He goes, how does it know to go in the water? I was like, because you're pointing your penis in that direction. The kids say the damnedest things. They really do. So now he's done. And then I'm like, okay,

hold on one second, buddy. Now I gotta go wash your hands. So, he's over there making an incredible mess, washing the hands. Jared. Of course. Jared. And then he's like, opening the door and I'm like, no, close it. And he's like, but I'm done. And I'm like, I know, but I'm not. Close it. This is the, this is the plight you must suffer because you said no when I asked you. Now you gotta wait for your dad's prostate to open up so I can go pee-pee too. It's an incredible clusterfuck of affairs going on. But we managed to get through it and we go back to the seat. Now I'm going to share with you, the rest of the flight is relatively uneventful.

I could go into every detail, some of them funny, some of them not, maybe I will in future episodes, but the rest of the flight is relatively uneventful. I could go into every detail, some of them funny, some of them not, maybe I will in a future episode, but the rest of the flight is relatively uneventful. The kids go to sleep, they wake up, they fuss a little, they yell at each other, they, you know, grab iPads and phones and scream at each other. But everyone is relatively cool and the people around us are relatively cool about any little mistakes that happen, except for two, there are two notable incidents on this flight. And I want to tell you about them because I think it's some of the most funny, number one, and then second little item to note is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life without fail.

Really? Without any doubt. And I will share that with you on the other side of this break. Okay. We'll be back. other side of this break. We'll be back. Are you lonely, depressed, listless, feeling silly? Call TCB at 212-433-3TCB to get advice on your most difficult life circumstances. That advice will probably be bad, but that's okay. Call today. It's only $79.99 plus shipping and handling

for Ask TCB Advice Services. That's 212-433-3822. Now that I have your attention, you should know that you can also follow us on Instagram, at The Commercial Break, and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. If you want to request our latest sticker, head to tcbpodcast.com, click contact, and select and select sticker request from the drop down menu. And don't forget, you owe me $79.99 plus shipping and handling.

Okay, let me explain something about airplanes and physics because I know about airplanes and physics. It's a super computer. It flies by magic. There are little birds that go under the wings. about airplanes and physics. It's a super computer. It flies by magic. There are little birds that go under the wings. And the pilot says, go, Raven, go. And whabam, you're in the air.

Your pee pee disappears when you press that loud, fleshy noise. I love how my kids cover their ears too. They love to flush the toilet, they hate the noise it makes. They're fascinated about how quick the pee pee goes away, but they can't stand the noise. It is fast. Yeah, I agree, by the way. It's very loud. You think of all the technology we have in 2024, you could soften the noise of that just a little bit. So, the physics of a plane work

like this. It goes in the air. It's on the ground, then it goes in the air. But when it does, there's something happens between the ground level, the pressure, the air pressure, the amount of pressure on your body from oxygen and other stuff. It changes as you go up. As you go up, it gets lighter. There is less pressure because the air is thinner. There is less oxygen and therefore less things to put weight on your body, just like you would if you

went down like that Titanic submarine did a couple years ago. But when that happens, it does funny things to water bottles and you've all done it. We've all had a water bottle we brought on the plane and it shrinks. My kids have these water bottles that Astrid brought them, they bought them, the indestructible water bottles with some kind of character on them. Peppa Pig, Toy Story, Batman and Robin, you know, whatever. They're basically pieces of like steel that you can't crush, that you can't open. They have tops on them and then they have straws that fold, little plastic straws that fold. So, we get on the plane and it's about 15 minutes into the ride, and of course, right after we go pee-pee, the kids start loading up for the next embarrassing moment

by drinking as much water as humanly possible. So, my kids start saying, I'm thirsty, daddy, I'm thirsty. So, I go to the appropriate bag, of which we have 30, and I grab their water bottles out. And I flip up the straw, just to give them a little head start, a little out and I flip up the straw just to give them a little head start, a little help. I flip up the straw and when I do, water not pouring out, shooting out. And when I say shooting out, I mean three rows behind us like a fucking fountain. And it sprays the guy right behind me the most. And I mean, he got, I don't know, a quarter of a cup of water all over him. I mean, it just went, poof!

And not only was I amazed at this, but when I realized it was going behind us all over the place, I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. The dude was the coolest. He was like, ah, he's like wiping his, cool, cool, man. He's like wiping his face off. He's not wet. You know how freezing cold those fucking planes are?

They do that on purpose to put you to sleep. Those planes get like to be like 58 degrees. I know, but I can't sleep when it's that cold. It's supposed to like slow your body. To keep everybody calm. It's like a be like 58 degrees. I know, but I can't sleep when it's that cold. It's supposed to like slow your body, it's to keep everybody calm. Okay. It's like a hospital or a jail. It's like supposed to keep everybody calm. But it just makes me miserable.

Yeah. Especially the long haul flights where you get super high in the air. It's like, I don't know, it's for efficiency, but I've also had a pilot tell me that it's really, they do that to make you a little bit sleepy. So now he's got to be cold and wet the entire flight because I don't know how physics work. I should have twisted the bottle

open first, and that way if any water poured out, it would have been on me and not on him. So, okay, but while I'm apologizing for this, my other two children grabbed the water bottles out of my hand that I have gotten out of the bag to give to them. So, I'm like, apologize, oh man,'m going to get you a napkin. He's like, no, no, no, it's cool, man. Don't worry about it. I get it. It's cool. That was pretty funny. And I was like, yeah, it really was. So not as soon as I turn around from apologizing to one person, the next child opens up their water bottle and it goes flying to the opposite direction. That lady was not so cool. She was like, ah, ah. Now I get it. I don't want to be wet on a plane either, and I'm sorry about my son's germ filled water spilling all over you. But I really apologize. So,

she was, ah, whatever. Okay, move on. There was only one thing to do in that case is apologize and then just turn forward and pretend it never happened. Or else you're going to end up on Instagram like those other people being hogtied for a seven hour flight. And I don't want to be that guy. So, and then the third child, Astrid and I realized what's going on here. And the third child is about to open it up and we're like, no, no, no! You're right. She managed to get it halfway open and it sprayed forward and not backward, which was good. So, in other words, don't be careful with your water bottles, kids. But here, let me tell you the most disgusting thing. So it's like, I don't know, we got to be five hours into this eight hour flight, eight and a half hour flight. First of all, the weather is so fucking wild that

a normally eight hour flight only took seven hours and 42 minutes because the winds are so strong and so fast up in that stratosphere, however, you know, whatever, five miles up in the air, that it's pushing the plane at an amazing speed. That plane was going like 600 miles per hour, which is crazy. It should be going like 445, 450. Yeah, we got in like 30 minutes, a full 30 minutes early, just coming from Memphis. Oh, really? Back to Atlanta. Yeah, that's crazy. And then it took 10 hours to go the opposite direction because we could

only go 400 miles per hour because we're flying against the wind. Crazy. But anyway, we're like a number of hours into this flight. Everybody's sleepy, everybody's cranky, everybody's tired, it's dark, you know, the kids, some of the kids are sleeping, some of them are just whining. And I'm just sitting there with my earphones on pretending that I'm listening to something, but I'm really not. I'm just hoping that no one talks to me, hoping that none of my kids see that I'm awake. And I'm just sitting there with my earphones on pretending that I'm listening to something, but I'm really not. I'm just hoping that no one talks to me, hoping that none of my kids see that I'm awake. And I've been watching, because I'm right in front of it, as people go in and out of the bathrooms. Some people spend a lot of time in there. Some people are very, they're bigger human

beings. I can't believe that they can fit in there, but they do. It's just fun to kind of people watching. Watching going in and out of the bathroom is a bit, You can tell when someone takes a shit because they come out of a bathroom, they close the door instantaneously and then they look around. You know what I'm saying? And then when it's just a normal- Yeah, they're in there for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. 10 to 15 minutes. But then when it's a normal pee-pee, they're in there for a couple of minutes, maybe five, and then they leave the door open. Then they just get up, they spring out of of there like I didn't have to shit today If we stop the plane it won't be this way because it's PP all the time

You know, okay So but at one point And by the way this bulkhead divides the upper classes from the lower classes, the lower classes being me, and the upper classes being the comfort seats and the premium seats. Well, the comfort seats, I don't think the premium seats have their own, you know, the first class have their own bathrooms way up front that no one can go to or look at, and turn into a stone and die or something like that. I'm not sure. I don't know. Nicole Soule-Nancy Although I've noticed that people do come

up from the other areas to go. A couple of times I've flown in first class. Depends on who the attendant is. And I think they allow those comfort seats sometimes to scoot on up there. If like, you know, the middle bathrooms are taken. But I think under most circumstances, it's only the, you know, only that's reserved

for first class. But anyway, a couple of the- Gold plated. Yes, gold plated bathrooms. for first class. But anyway, a couple of- Gold-plated. Yes, gold-plated bathrooms. But at one point, I noticed a lady walking up and down the comfort aisle, because, you know, kind of sticking out there and I can see without much effort, I can see that comfort aisle. I can see a lady walking up and down the comfort aisle, larger lady,

older, maybe in her 60s, kind of disheveled a little bit, wearing what I can only describe as the sweatpants suit of all sweatpants suits. But whatever, make yourself comfortable. And she's walking up and down the aisle with bare feet. Oh no. Now, we already discussed this on the show, we've discussed it a few times. It's a big fucking no-no. It is. the show, we've discussed it a few times. It's a big fucking no-no. You do not wear no foot apparel on a plane. First of all, it's disgusting for everyone else. Second of all, it's disgusting

for you. You know how many times on average they clean those planes? Zero. That's how many times they clean those planes. The carpets are blue or brown for a reason, because it hides all the disgustingness that is going on on those carpets. They're disgusting. People go walk into those bathrooms with pee and poop and all that shit all over the floor. Then they walk all over the carpet. You don't want to have anything to do with that. I couldn't believe it. I was mortified. I was like, what is this fucking lady doing? Why does she put on some shoes or at the very least some socks at the very- Yes, some compression socks or something. If you had to have, you had to take your shoes

off. Yes. Socks you can throw away at the very first bathroom you see once you land, right? But then she does something that I really thought was just something no human being would ever do. She opens the door of the smaller bathroom in the middle seat, the middle area, and she walks in and is in there for 10 to 15 minutes. She went in to the bathroom of an aeroplane that is being used by additional 300 people, hours into the flight, barefoot, and she is going to the bathroom in there barefoot. Chrissy, I could not believe my eyes. I could not believe my eyes. It was

the most single-handed, single disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Why? Why would you do that? Do you have no sense in your head? Do you have no common... This is why this country is in fucking trouble. It's because we are at a point now where people think it's acceptable in any way, shape or form to go into a airport bathroom, airplane bathroom with zero covering on your stinky ass feet. Yeah, they probably actually clean the bathrooms in the airport more than they do on the plane. Yeah, the airport bathrooms, no problem.

I'm always seeing people mopping and wiping their ass. In Atlanta, there's like one attendant per bathroom, 24 hours a day, they're always in there, monitoring my vaping going on in the bathroom. Monitoring my secret vaping before or after a long flight. You know what I'm saying? But this lady went in and then she walks out, like nothing happened.

She just walks in. This is normal. First of all, she closed the door and she looked around so I noticed she took a shit. Second of all, what are you thinking? What in the world could possibly be rolling around that thick skull of yours that it would be okay to go to the bathroom in an airplane with nothing but your feet? Chris, name another disgusting thing you've ever seen in your life that could top that. Name one. Yeah.

Geez. It's bad. Geez. That's bad. Geez. People have had sex with me who have reported less disgust in their faces, who have a look of less disgust than mine after I saw that lady come out of the bathroom. That was amazing. I can only imagine your face.

That was only, oh, Chrissy, I was like, and then Astrid was like sleeping over in the corner, but I really wanted to wake her up and alert her. Yeah, look. Meanwhile, so the rest of the flight, anytime anyone had to go to the bathroom on my, I avoided that bathroom altogether because I was like, I'm not going to be a part of that. I'm not going to be part of that crime that just happened. If the police want to come and question me about a witness report about that crime, I'll talk.

I'll talk. Because there's no hiding that that lady needs to be arrested. I was embarrassed she was going to the same country I was. Yes, I should have taken a picture of her so that if I saw her in Spain, I could have avoided her like the plague. This lady is disgusting. And then, you know, she got out before I did because she was in front of me. I wanted to see if she was like with somebody.

Was there a man or a woman in her life? Is there children in her life? Well, I mean, you would have to put shoes back on then over the dirty bare feet. Oh, Chrissy. And, ugh. Ugh, ugh. I mean, are you rubbing your feet with disinfectant when you get back? Maybe that would just lessen the disgust a little bit.

Like you figure, I don't want to ruin a good pair of socks or shoes, so what I'm doing is I'm using my feet because at least I can put disinfectant on them. Do you have rubber gloves? I mean, just like the whole, I could not get over it for two hours, I sat on that plane and wondered what would become of this lady? How her life choices would roll out? Would she fall in love? Would she have, you know, would, does she have children, are the grandchildren coming? Does she live with somebody? Is there any hope for this lady to have a meaningful life? I was so curious about this one lady.

I just couldn't get over it for the entire break. Yeah, that's kind of a deal breaker, right? As far as a partner goes. Imagine, imagine you start dating someone. They say, hey, I wanna take you to Paris, first class, all accoutrements included. And then you get into that first class seat and you're like, oh my God, three hours into the flight, they get up with their, take their socks off and head to the bathroom. Imagine what would you think?

No, I would say no. No, no, I'd have would say no. No. No. I'd have to say no. Well, this is quite the beginning to your story. Oh, so much more to come. I can't wait to hear the rest. Stay tuned. Stay tuned.

Tomorrow more. I'm sure we'll be talking about this trip for a long time to come. There's massages and weddings and dancing horses. Oh my. Now I want to hear about the dancing horse. Oh, the dancing horses. I mean, I think that's maybe one of the least interesting things that happened on the trip. So I'll tell you more about it.

It's funny that Christina put out a best of episode about massages. I happened to hear that episode of Listen when I was in Spain, because I love to hear myself when I'm traveling. And I said, oh, that's funny that you just put out a massage episode because I just got one this morning. And she said, I knew it. I knew you were going to get a massage and spend. So anyway, thanks to Christina for all her hard work. Thanks to my wife for joining us.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. We appreciate it. More surprises to come. Thank you, listeners. Yeah. More surprises to come. I'll be going for a procedure later on this week, so hopefully we'll have fresh episodes for you the entire time.

But if we don't, I'm probably dead. And thanks for listening. It's been great. It's been great. We had a lot of fun. That's right. Cool, cool. Cool, cool.

I forgot the phone number. 212-833-3TCV, 212-833-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, comments concerns content ideas we are taking them all send them to us hey we're gonna be doing some special episodes in Christmas time during Christmas time leading up to Christmas Day I want to know if there's any charities that you feel strongly about charities let me know text me send an email at TCB podcast.com. The dropdown menu. You can contact us or get your free sticker. Drop down menu says I want my free

sticker. Give us your address. We'll send it to you. No must, no fuss. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and youtube.com slash commercial break. Thanks to Natasha Legerro for being on our show this week. Go check out her show. Are you smarter than a celebrity with Travis Kelsey? Okay, Chrissy, guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Good bye! That's my opinion!