The Commercial Break - Two Eager Beavers

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

EP921: Bryan and Krissy celebrate Earth Day the only way they know how...talking about Beavers?? Sure, why not?! Plus, Bryan is now in a New York State of mind, Irish TV comedies can be funny,  Cochella used to fight against corporate greed, Jerry Falwell is just a cucking fool and watch out for the grifters in Tump's cabinet!  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On this episode of the commercial break. Beaver's that can be destructive to human projects, right? Like my dad's boat dock. Right, I was going to say, like we're the ones that have kind of encroached on their homes. Yeah. Somebody said it. Now for the beaver segment. Right.

Exactly. There's no easy transition into the beaver segment. I just got to talk about it. But beavers are important. So we're asking you to take a moment to think about the beaver. We're not paid by any beavers to make this statement, by the way. No, but I do have to say, I went up to the mountains last fall. And at night, the beavers were out there doing their thing, splashing around,

making their little homes and stuff. And I really enjoyed it. Chrissy loves the beaver. I do. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Captain Kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show.

Kristen Joy Haudley, best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. I sound a little weird. Do I sound a little weird on the microphone today? No, okay.

Maybe it's just me getting used to my voice again. I know it is. Yeah. We're going to have to get used to this choppy-changy schedule. It is. My hair's choppy-changy! Have you ever seen the, God damn it, what's the name of that show? It's an Irish show.

It's, it's Eman and, um, Iman and you've never seen it. You've never seen it. You've never seen it. It's an Irish comedy show. And it's got, it is the most ridiculous insane show about a couple in the 1980s in Ireland. And hold on. Is this show from the 1980s or it's current?

No, it's current. Well, I say current, like 2012 or something. Motherfucker. God damn it, I wish, why am I bad at this? Why am I so bad at this? Why can't my brain work? I do have a million things to think about. That's got goddamn right about that, Chrissy.

And I've been in New York for the last couple of days. Yes, you have. Which has been exciting. I'll be up there probably more often than I would like to admit. Oh, I'll find the name of the show and I'll give it to you. It's one of the funniest fucking shows I've ever seen in my entire life. On your Brit box? Yeah, my Brit box.

Yeah, I don't have that. Yeah, it's on Amazon Prime. And man, is it the funniest? It's wild. It is a wild, insane show. And I found it, you know, like, I find all these shows. They're just, like, popped up somewhere on deep in my search engine on Prime. And I was like, oh, okay, let me watch that.

And these two are just, they're constantly smoking cigarettes and trying to assault each other. It's the funniest fucking show. And she's always saying. Prime does do a good job with popping up stuff that you like to watch. Yes, it does. It knows my taste, which is the dumbest television shows you've ever seen. Give that to Brian. Serve that to him. Serve that to him. The shows nobody else watches. Apparently it was very popular in Ireland. Yeah. This show was very popular. It's a Channel 4 show where I first saw dating naked or whatever that show is in the nude. What was the name of that show? That was wild.

That show is so crazy. I think we almost sent Christina into a... Into court to sue us. Right. Because they show it all. They do. And the host, that woman, I mean, she's hilarious. Bridget and Iman. Bridget and Iman is the name of the show.

Bridgett and Eamon. Bridget and Eamon is the name of the show. You can find it on Prime. It's got four seasons. It is absolutely... Four seasons says a lot. It does say a lot. Yeah.

Because if you get a British show or a show on one of those channels over there in the UK, and it lasts more than two seasons, you're really doing something really good because they have like a strict rule. Nothing after four seasons, unless it's like the most, at the absolutely best. They do have shows that last like 12, 15, 20 seasons. But they're either those mega soap operas that have been going on for years. Like I forget what one of them is called, like, you know, the West Side or something like that. And it's been going on for years.

It's a soap opera. That's what it is. Or the... Perrault. Perra. That's right. The shows that your dad watches. The shows that your mom watches claim she understands that she doesn't really understand. Bridget Nieman, watch that show. I promise you, you're going to put subtitles on because that Irish accent is thick. But I promise you, you're going to go, what the fuck is going on in this show? And she's always saying, do you like my head? It's choppy changey. And that's what it. Choppy changing. Yeah, choppy changing. So I'm spending time in New York, and that's why the inconsistent choppy changey nature of the. stream. Yeah, you're working on a new project. Yes, working on a new project. We'll get more into that

later on down the road, but that doesn't mean anything for here. It doesn't mean we stop doing the commercial break. It just means the schedule is going to be a little up in the air from week to week. But I went to New York and, wow, New York is just a different place. It's just a different place. I love New York. I do too. I love it. You know, I don't think I'd necessarily like, I don't think it'd be my first choice of places to live with children. If I was back in my 20s or early 30s. That's the time to go. That's the time to go.

Yeah. And if you want to live anywhere in the city, you better be a millionaire. Because there's nothing. So expensive. Yeah. And so the place where I'm working is in this is in Soho, which is one. Fancy. That's all you got to say.

It is a premier address and a premier location. And it's right next to, you know, like the New York Fashion Institute, all this stuff. So it's just young, beautiful people running around and then brine. With tons of money. Yeah, with tons of money. And then Brian. Well, I don't think they all have tons of money. I think they come to Soho for the day and then they leave at night. Do you know what I'm saying? Sure. The best time in Soho I've learned in my short time there. The best time in Soho is like 7.30 in the morning because there's very few people on the street. There's a crispness to the air. It's beautiful. You can see it kind of unmolested from all of these human beings. This like sea of human beings that's constantly around you. It's very lovely, very lovely. And you know. Spring in New York is beautiful. gorgeous I love it but it's a wild place in the course of 48 hours I saw the following you're ready for this I mean I see it you see a lot of stuff in New York and some stuff you just have to turn your head and just go I don't know what the fuck's going on there but there's there's I'm standing on the street taking a phone call and they have bike lanes everywhere a lot of bikers a lot of bikers in New York I don't know how they do it I don't know why they do it yeah fast and they have those city bikes the renta bikes the city renta bikes that every fucking moron in their money

mother is on, you know what I'm saying? They think, oh, I'll see the city by bike. Yeah, that's great, except you have to see the city by bike and deal with New York drivers who don't care. They don't have any, there is no rules. It's like driving in Mexico City. There are no stop signs. There are no stoplights. There is no green, no yellow, or no red. You look out. Your head is on a fucking swivel. And having driven there now, I can tell you that those people are, I mean, Atlanta is good proving grounds for driving in New York because we drive the same here in Atlanta. Yeah, it's no holds. Wow, is it wild down in the middle of that city?

So I'm standing there on a side street, not one of the major thoroughfare, side street, one-way street. I'm standing there, bike lane. I'm standing on the sidewalk on the side of the bike lane, the right-hand side of the street. And I'm just talking on the phone. And all of the sudden I hear, and I can hear this guy go, boom, thud, on the ground. I swivel around really quickly. and a guy who was on a city bike just had just driven by me at like 20 miles per hour was on the ground, bloodied, bloody to bloodied.

And there was like a cab door that was like half open and crumpled. I mean, the guy hit the cab door so hard, it caused major damage to the door. So moron meet moron. Moron riding down the bike lane meets moron opening the door in a cab. And then you get into a cab in New York, they have videos playing, you know, on the back of the seat. And the video says twist and turn to save a life. That's like a campaign. They keep running in these.

I must have heard it 30 times in an hour to JFK. And it was showing you how to twist and turn and look before you open the door. Why? Because exactly why. What I saw is some guy just went straight into the fucking door on a bike. And he, I don't know because I didn't see it. But he was a good 15 feet from the door on the ground. He must have flown.

Yeah. So, you know, there's a bunch of people rush over. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. I called 911. Even the people on, even the, even the, even the, even the people at the dispatch have in New York attitude. Slow down. Slow down. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, this guy just, you know, I'm trying to be as calm as I can, right? And I'm like, yeah, I'm here on this street and next. I'm sure your adrenaline's going. You just saw that happen. God. Yeah. And he and I'm like, listen, he's bloody, but I, you know, he's, he's a alert and awake. Slow down. Slow down. Let me get the information before you keep going. And I'm like, okay. Hey, asshole. I'm trying to tell you the guy's okay. You don't have to send the fucking coroner, okay? That's what I'm trying to get a...

Right. And it was... But anyway, so one... 24 hours later. Or no, same day. Excuse me. Same day. Later on that evening, I'm in a cab.

I'm on my way to JFK. We're on whatever fucking turnpike is the seventh level of hell in New York at 5.30 at night. It took me two hours to get to the airport. Two fucking hours from Soho to JFK. By the way, that's like 17 miles. It's not... It's not on the other side of Earth. It's 17 miles, but the traffic is so bad.

I could have walked there in less time. I was so frustrated. I almost missed my flight. Anyway. The same flight that was delayed. The same flight that was delayed for two hours. I was sitting on the tar mat. That's the worst.

Next to a guy was like this on the seat. Just sprawled out. There should be a fucking rule about sitting in the middle seat. I understand you're going to need your elbows there. I get it. When you're on the aisle, you can go like this. When you're on the window, you can go like this. you can go like this, but you don't put your hands like this.

No, you don't go, you don't cross the line of demarcation. He had his hand like on my thigh. And I'm like, dude, dude, honestly. And he's like watching these weird like African preachers on his on his YouTube. Like I think the guy was from Africa, real Africa. And he was watching weird African preachers, you know, the kind that are like, pray the gay away. Yeah.

They lick the anus. Oh, I know. It's funny. No, I haven't seen that. But it's funny to see what other people are watching on a plane. Yeah. They lick the poo. They lick the poo.

They lick the anus. Homosexuals. You know, they're like super weird about that shit. And he was watching one of these guys. But now with his earphones in, with his earphones out. And I have my earphones in. And I'm like, this is fucking obnoxious. Great.

I didn't even understand what the guy was saying. But I could already tell I was not into it. Whatever he was preaching, I was not into it. And the guy's like this, like, just hanging his arms on my thigh. I'm like, dude, I don't know about. where you come from. But where we come from, we hate touching other people. Just put your hand in here. Yes, that's a no, no, no. So I'm on the way to the airport. We're sitting in this terrible traffic. It's going nowhere fast. And on one side, and on the other side, you know, froom, fom, fom, fom, fom, fom, fom, fom. And there is a, as we're on the other side of the median, there is two highways dividing. And you know how two highways divide, they put that big metal.

thing in the middle. You know, there's a fork in the road, right? And then the traffic safety people put a big metal thing there with these big water-filled canisters or phone-filled canisters in case you should hit it. Assuming that you hit it, it's a softer

landing. Still not going to be pleasant, but it's a softer landing. At least you don't hit the concrete wall. I am sitting there listening to the Twist and Turn video and I am watching all the cars drive by wondering why we're not on that side of the street. And I watch a old Ford SELICA or something just to go directly in the middle.

It was as if he was in a lane and he thought that was the line? He took no pause, no pause whatsoever. He just ran right into that metal thing, square in the middle of his car. Airbag deploys, you know, I watched the whole thing happen. The guy's, you know, in the air. his car is crumpled. His engine is crumpled. You can see his engine.

The hood is way up. The windshield's crashed out. It's just a mess. And me and the taxi driver are like, oh, shit. The Uber driver are like, oh, shit. You know, hopefully that guy's okay. Oh, my God. And as we're crawling up, because we're going inch by inch.

As we're crawling up, we watch as the airbag deflates, and the guy's got his window down, airbag deflates, and the guy's got this long, like, wavy hair. and he's like doing this with his hair and he's waving out the window like this like waving out the window like he's okay i think yeah i think i'm okay i'm okay backs the car up what and drives back onto the highway no no he drove back onto the highway it was wild me and this uber driver i'm pretty sure english wasn't his first language he was like russian or something we were just like wow wow wow He goes, and this is the only words that he said to me that I could understand the entire ride. There wasn't a lot of talking.

He goes, New York is wild. I was like, fucking a right, dude. That is crazy. That guy just got into a major car accident. There's no way he walked away from that on skate. He broke a leg or something, I'm sure of it. Yeah. The metal thing went right into the engine of the car.

I mean, you could see the fucking engine. And the hood was all the way up here. I can't even see. I can't even see. He could drive. It backed up and drove. away. Sure. Why not? Don't call the ambulance or whatever. The problem is, I think the challenge is, you know, Atlanta is the weed capital of the world. I have been to so many states where weed is

legal. Las Vegas, California, Colorado, you know, New Jersey. I've been to all of these states where all this shit is Washington, where weed is legal. And there has never been a more strong and potent smell of weed than in the city of Atlanta, Chrissy. And I have said this a million times. It is a shit you not statement. I do not. exaggerate one inch. No, I completely agree with you. I'll smell it and I'm not, I'm like, where? Where am I? I'm driving. I was at the Kroger today and I'm in, and I'm walking out of the parking lot, the Home Depot, and I'm walking out in the parking lot. There is not a soul in sight and a car driving way over there and all this, Jesus, someone's talking. I'm taking

a run by the river. It's weed the entire time. I don't even see anybody else. I know that's the thing. Don't see anybody. Yeah, where are they? This is like little hidden weed gnomes that are just like smoking. You know, Disney has those like smell alladers. Yes. They put the smell of popcorn in the air and cake and butter or whatever to make you hungry and, you know, feel good. They must have smell alloters in Atlanta that just put weed smell into the air.

I can be driving 80 miles per hour down I-80 up, I-85 north to North Carolina. And I will tell you right now that it smells like weed. Why? Because someone six miles ahead of me is just like, hitting a ripping a bong while they're driving down the high way. And first of all, second of all, with all the ways to consume weed, you'd think that smoking would be the less fashionable way to do it. But nope, don't, nope. Not in Atlanta. Not in Atlanta and not in New York. It's all over. People smoking joints on the street. I don't even think that is really legal. I don't think

you're supposed to be smoking on the street. But I saw it a number of times. I think people just don't give a shit. Yeah, they don't give a shit. They don't want to enforce it. I also didn't see a lot of police officers, but I guess Soho is not the place where they're going to be hanging out all that much. But I love where we're at. I love the vibe and the energy. It feels good. And I realize I'm in a bit of a gilded bubble in Soho. But I'll take it.

Yeah, exactly. Run with it. Yeah, why not? I'm not looking to argue with anybody about being in Soho. There are worse places to be in New York. Oh, for sure. And you can be in the financial district where it's all kind of, you know, yuppies and stuff like that. At least I'm in like a bohemian.

Yeah, you are. Very rich bohemian. Bohemian chic. Yeah, they have every fucking expensive piece of clothing in the world is sold within a mile of where I am. Those stores. I was like, you know, I need a couple of shirts. Let me pop into this place. And I forgot what it was.

I don't even know what it was. Stozy or something like that. Okay, yeah. It was Stozy. And I go and I open the door and I walk in and there's a guy standing there with one of those ear pieces. Right. But they do that at the fucking American Eagle. Yeah.

It's not that big of a deal. And then there's a late. standing there with a clipboard. And so I walk in and she goes, name. And I go, oh, hi, I'm Brian. And she goes, and last name? And I go, green. And she goes, not on the list. And I go, and she goes, did you stand in the line? And I go, no. I just walked in. And she goes, there's a line, unless you have the invitation. And I was like, oh, okay. All right, cool. I like Stozy. I bought some of their clothing when I was a teenager, right? I thought maybe I'd get a cool t-shirt or something like that, but the Stoosey.

And so then I, then the- Did you see the line? I didn't see the line, but not until the big guy, you know, he said, you got to go stand out there, man. And I was like, oh, okay. And I was, I opened up the door. And I opened up the door coming from the left. And if I looked at the right, there was a line of about 30 people.

And it was like a velvet rope. And I was like, wow. That's crazy. Okay, they were a little event there. It wasn't an event because then every day that I passed by the Stozy or every time I passed by the Stozy. You had to be invited to even shop there? You had to be invited to shop there. Wow.

You had to wait in line to shop there. I assume maybe there was her spring collection or whatever. I'm not really sure. So I thought, okay. Then I went to a different store, which was like, I don't even know what it was. I don't know what the fuck it was. It was something. And I walk in there.

I was on a phone call. I was seeing if I could find a shirt that, you know, something new, fresh to wear. Right. And I look at those prices. And I'm like, Jesus. fucking, you got to pay for this rent somehow, I guess. Yeah, that's true. $700 for a shirt.

I'm going to pay $700 for a shirt. I'll go to T.J. Vax. Exactly. But, you know, it's a lovely place to be. It really is. And I am enjoying my time there. And thank God, because I will be spending a lot of time there. You will.

I'm glad it's, you know, not like, I don't know, what's a city that I probably would drive me crazy if I had to be there every day? Uh-huh. Like a city city, like a big city? city? I think a big city. Downtown Miami, I think I would probably go a little nutty because I'd want to be a, I'd want to be on South Beach or something like that. Right. Yeah. But that's not where the offices are. Houston. Houston for sure. Dallas for sure. Houston or Dallas? No knocking on Houston at Dallas. I know you've got your spots. But if you had to go there every other week, if I had to go there every other week, it could drive me fucking crazy. I've been there a lot. We have family that lives there. Gustavo lives there. Gustavo lives in Houston. And where we go, where Gustavo, we're Gustavo. is lovely, right? Where we go where we have other family in Houston, lovely. Downtown Houston, big sprawling, nothing of a metropolis. And that's not to say there aren't cool places. Of course there are. I've been to lots of cool places there. There are, it's got a vibe.

But that downtown area is just like, it's never ending. It goes on forever. That's also another place where you get stuck in traffic and it's like seven hours of fucking traffic. Yeah. Yeah, there Houston. I think Phoenix probably might drive me a little crazy if I had to spend all my time there. It's beautiful out there, too. Yeah. I haven't been to Phoenix, I don't think. 117 degrees is like December 20. It's like Christmas weather when it's 117.

When your balls are boiling with shorts on, it's like 100 degrees outside. Yeah. But so there are worse places to be and I do enjoy the time. And if you're going to be doing what I'm doing, it kind of is the epicenter for what it is. The good news is when I go up there, you can make a meeting and it's likely the person that you're meeting is going to also be in town so you can go up there and do that. So look at me. I'm a big New York boy now. Yeah, you are. Look at you. Big New York boy. My coffee, Lance, my Starbucks boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he would text. Did you. Yeah, he would text with him. Yeah, I did. He's like,

you know, hey, man, can you meet me up? I said, yeah, I'm running a few minutes late. I'm working on a project. And he goes, oh, big New York boy, big New York projects. Fuck you. I love it. He's giving you show. Yeah, he likes to bust my balls. That's what good friends do. We bust each other's balls. That's true. All right, well, it's good to be... We did a whole segment about that one time, I think, about busting balls and how that's the sign of a great friendship. That is the sign of a great friendship. The sign of a great friendship that's going to last for eternity is someone's ability to call you on your bullshit and tell, and you have to take it. Because even though they are clearly hurting your sensitive little feelings, there is some truth to what they're saying. And you have to recognize. Raphael does this to me all the time, all the time. All the time to the point where it actually like does hurt my feelings like I think he's being mean to be on purpose but there's it but it's being mean on purpose but being mean with a purpose also so you know that's that's the sign of a sign of a great friendship is the ability to reflect on how miserable the other person is and say it out loud all right let's do this let's take a break and we get back

we'll talk earth day because it's not earth day but tomorrow's earth day and so we'll talk about earth day and this is running it'll be earthy Yes, and the eager beavers. Yes, there's little beavers. Those little beavers and how they are ruining everybody's lives, but they're really important to our lives also. All right. They're like the bees of dam building, I guess, I don't know. We'll tell you all about it.

We'll tell you all about it. We're going to do our homework over the break. We'll tell you all about it. All right, we'll be back. Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

Speak in a mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to TCB Podcast.com and visiting the contact us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at TCBpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333-3-TCB. That's 212-433-38-22. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode.

Or you can't make fun of us. That'd be fine too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

I saw you in the VIP. Bottle service in Hennessy. My heart went crazy. It skipped a beat. I thought that you could be with me. I walk over. to you. We lock eyes. You're my wife and I realize. You're with my friend and it's no surprise. Watching you two makes my flag rise. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you.

I hide in the closet and let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. So baby, grab your phone, start to swipe. We need to spend some time getting it right. I don't want you to be alone tonight. I want you to cheat without a fight. When you're in the bed with my favorite guy, I hide myself and try not cry. I love you lady, but I won't lie. My therapist

even wonders why. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet and let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut, crush on you. Man, and let's paint the town.

I'll stay in the corner and watch it all go down. I promise not to make a sound while you are neighbor ground and pound. It's so lovely to be your man. I can't do what the other guys can. But when you're happy, I feel grand. He can be your lion, I'll be your lamb. I have a cut, cut, cut, crush on you. I have a cut, cut, cut, crush on you.

I hide in the closet and let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut, cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut, cut, crush on you. I hide in the closet Let you do what you do I have a cuck-cuck crush on you I love it to get screwed It's a saxophone

Oh my god I used to love with that song I used to play the saxophone Yes you did Sexophone if you don't mind Speaking of cuck cuck cuck on you And hey everybody in this dream We just figured out how to make our chat work

Yeah Hey Sean Hi everybody thank you very much for joining us So I am watching something called God forbid on Hulu of the Jerry Falwell's story about how this is, do you remember this story? Yes, it came out a few years ago, right? Jerry and whatever his night wave's name is. I can't remember Sherry. They had the pool guy. They had the pool guy, the pool guy from the fountain blue. Yes. He got invited upstairs to screw Jerry Falwell's wife while he watched and whacked off in the

corner. But that's only the beginning of the story. It gets. so fucking wild. They bought him commercial real estate. Oh yeah. They took videos of the guy. They had him like under their thumb, like doing this whole song and dance around Liberty University. It was just insane. But that place closed after all that. It should have closed. I mean, honestly. Like, yeah, I mean, and listen, to be a little fair to Jerry Falwell and his wife, nothing wrong with your proclivities. You want to do that cool. And this guy was willing. His name is Giancarlo. Giancarlo was completely willing. Giancarlo. But he was 20 years old, 20 years old. And she was like 43 years old when this happened. And they took advantage of his naivete, his youth, his everything. Plus, the whole thing was you can't, like, do what you want to do, but also don't stand up there like you're those moral high ground.

Good ecamundo. Yes. Yeah. The part that is the craziest is that the whole schtick for Liberty University was projecting power and moral authority. And They got in bed with Donald Trump early, but the reasons why they got in bed with Donald Trump early have to do with getting in bed with Giancarlo. Really? It is wild how these two worlds intersect. Oh, my God. You've got to watch this. Okay, I will be watching this. Fuck does.

I heard the story. Hulu. I heard the story. And when it came out, now it was like, gosh, you fucked up a cool boy. I read a whole article about it. Yeah. This is based on that series of articles that then became a book. And it is the story.

This goes on for years. Yeah. years in and out of his life, buying him commercial real estate, you know, putting his name on other pieces of real estate up near Liberty University. Donald Trump enters the picture. Michael Cohen enters the picture. The attorney, Michael Cohen, uses a lawsuit that was filed. What happened was, I'll tell you just a little bit, and then you can go watch the movie because it really unfolds very, very, very well. This is a great documentary. I'm loving it. I didn't watch the last 20 minutes, but I watch most of it.

The guy starts taking videos, Jerry Falwell, of all of this. It's videotaped the entire time, but Giancarlo does not know until years later that there are videotapes. Oh, he didn't know? When she starts sending him pictures of screen grabs, okay? All right, so that's that. Somehow, some way, a couple of business partners of Giancarlo's, like two wannabe real estate mogals down in Miami,

who helped him buy this hotel that Jerry Falwell paid for, they decide they're going to blackmail him by suing him for the hotel, saying that he promised them 50% of the hotel. He never did that. Giancarlo? Giancarlo. These two want to be real estate ass clinton. They turn on him.

They turn on him years after he bought the hotel, but it's really not about the hotel. It's a front for a blackmail because they have the pictures that were sent to him on his phone. How? Nobody knows. That's what private investigators do all the time. You want it. They'll find it. Hackers, all this other shit. So what happens? They sue him. Jerry Falwell quickly comes in because it's all going to come out. Jerry Falwell comes in, offers these guys a bunch of money. The hotel, the whole nine yards. They say, nope, we want more. They get greedy. And guess what? Guess who steps in to fix it? Cohen? Michael Cohen. Oh, my God. But now Michael Cohen has the pictures. Yes. Guess who needs an endorsement in 2000. 16 from the evangelicals. Guess who needs an endorsement?

Donald Trump. Guess who is the first evangelical Christian and the most powerful one to endorse Donald Trump when honestly his campaign was a joke. No one believed he was going to be president. Remember 2015? Everyone was like, whatever. Yeah. But then Jerry Falwell got involved and all of a sudden all these evangelical Christians are like, this is the second coming of Christ right here. It is fucking wild

All because of a little cuck cuck on you That's it That's what it started with A little we want to have some fun You know take it It's a little weird But whatever And Giancarlo is in this movie

He tells his own story Oh he's in there too He's in the movie He tells his own story And to be honest with you I like the guy I think he's telling the truth And I think that he

It really became this house of cards That had been Lie after lie after lie The only person that knew Was his sister He was being honest with his sister And his parents were big fans of Jerry Falwell.

So, like, the Falwells would invite this guy. They invited this guy to their children's weddings. And the mom would disappear for hours with Giancarlo. And Jerry Falwell was like, make sure you videotape it. While he distracted the children. And they'd be, they had t-shirts made one afternoon when they all went to go to this location for the wedding, you know, this jet-setting location for the wedding. The mom was gone so much.

Someone went to the print shop, t-shirt, where's mom? Oh my God. Mom was fucking the pool boy, but no one knew except for Jerry. Wow. It's wild. Oh my God, I can't wait to watch it. It's fucking wild.

This is like, I don't think Jerry Falwell and his wife are like the worst human beings on earth. I think they also got caught in a really shitty series of lies. But you can't go on stage with all these powerful people. And if you go to Liberty University and you get caught saying a swear word, they find you money. Yeah, they were really. really strict. You can call it with alcohol, you can be kicked off campus. And God forbid,

drugs are sex. That's just a whole different animal altogether. I mean, it is wild how hypocrisy is just the rue of the day. And I'm not saying I can be hypocritical sometimes too. But at the end, but that's my job. I'm on the commercial fucking break. I'm not running Liberty University. God damn it. No, exactly. God. Jesus. Real quick, before we talk talk about the beavers. I just want to say this while we're bouncing on the subject of Donald Trump, did you hear this wild story? I don't know if it's true. It has not come out in any mainstream news. It's only been on Twitter and other places. So take this for what it's worth. And the guy who is saying this is also known to be kind of Russian friendly. So this may be compromise,

if you will. This may be misinformation. But I heard this story and then I'm hearing it again from other sources that seem a little bit more reputable. And so where it started is not reputable. Now there are other people that are digging into the story that Donald Trump walked into the situation room last Saturday and wanted to and asked for the nuclear codes so that he could decide whether or not he wanted to nuke Iran. What? And that the general, Mad Dogg Kane, whatever his name, Maddog, Mattis, whatever his name is, after that guy's name is. Mad Dog. That he was like, no. I'm I'm inserting authority here and I'm saying no, not even an option. Yeah. And it was like a little bit of an argument. And then, you know, thank God for Mad Dog. Thank God for Mad Dog. If that's his real name. I don't even know. It's such a revolving door. Because it seems like he only has yes people around him. So I'm surprised anybody actually assert. Now, again, take that with a grain of salt. I don't want to, I'm not here to spread misinformation. I've just been reading the story from multiple different places. And I think if there isn't truth to it, what,

we do know there is true to is he was he was kept out of the situation room because people were worried about him. So they, so his aides were keeping him out of the situation room, hour by hour as those pilots were rescued. And thank God they were as those pilots were rescued. It's wild. It's wild. It's wild. It's wild. It's very wild. This is a wild time to be alive. Oh my God. Wild time to be alive. And then the labor secretary, she's also out there. Cuck, cuck, cucking. Did you? Yes. She's cuck, cuck, cucking. And her husband is hitting on like the interns and the wife is a. She just. Yeah, she just resigned.

Husband and her father were in the office, like hitting on the interns, texting him, where are you? Where are you staying? I love you. You're the best. You're so sexy. He was texting all this stuff. And when they complained to her, she was like, yeah, you better to pay attention to the men. The men are important.

Pay attention to that. It's her fucking husband. God. Fucking wild. Oh, my God. What is going on? I don't know. We're in an upside down world.

Ah! I can't take it anymore. Yeah. It's all palace intrigue. It's all palace intrigue. We got a bunch of boneheads running and, you know, leading a bunch of other boneheads. All right, the beavers. Let's talk about the beavers. Speaking to beaver, let's talk about beavers. Yes. In honor of birthday. And on our birthday. We, Chris and I wanted to share with you that beavers. I don't even know where to go with this. We have a friend who's very into beavers. And she's a friend of the shows. And so we did a little research on the beavers so that we could talk about this on Earth Day. Let's touch on it. All right. Right. Beavers are important, and they have been hunted almost to extinction. There are less than 100,000 of them left in the wild. Yeah, nature's kind of like it's in little infrastructure. Yeah. Right. These dams that they build help spread out floodplains. They help redirect debris from flooding. They really do a lot of good because it's nature and nature figures out a way, right? And beavers are there for a reason and they do some good. They spread out the wetlands. They help it. South Georgia Sean knows about this. He does. Yeah, he's in the chat right now. He knows about this. He captures beavers. Bevers that can be destructive to human projects, right? Like my dad's boat dock.

Right, I was going to say, like we're the ones that have kind of encroached on their homes. Yeah. Somebody said, and now for the beaver segment. Right, exactly. There's no easy transition into the beaver segment. I just got to talk about it. But beavers are important. So we're asking you to take a moment, think about the beaver. We're not paid by any beavers to make this statement, by the way. No, but I do have to say I went up to the mountains last fall. And at night, the beavers were out there doing their thing, splashing around, making their little homes and stuff. And I really enjoyed it.

Chrissy loves the beavers. I do. I love a beavers. I don't have anything against beavers. My dad does because he's constantly destroying the boat dock he's trying to build. They're rap scallions. They're rapscalions. They are.

They like to get in there and do their thing. They're like, you know, building stuff under the boat dock and then they chew away at the foam. And the boat dock's always falling. But listen, the beavers were there first, Dad. That's all I got to say. That's right. You were the one who decided to buy the house in the boat dock that was, you know, being eaten by the beavers. Beavors are important.

I'm going to put a link in the show notes. If you want to go read more about beavers, don't kill them for their pelts. Don't buy beaver. I don't think anybody does this anymore, but I don't even think they make them. No, I'm sure people make them, right? Like, you know, there's a, there's a market out there somewhere for it. But the beavers are important. They're almost hunted to extinction. A lot of people see them as nuisances and pests so they get rid of them or relocate them, which is what South George Deshaun does sometimes. And I understand sometimes there's an actual need for that, right? You know, you're building a major highway construction project or something like that. That's going to help human. be more efficient. Sometimes you have to deal with wildlife. But, you know, if you should run into a beaver, be nice to the beaver. Save the beavers. Invite them to parties. Check in on your local beaver. Make sure they're okay. And, you know, think about the beavers. Yes. So that was the most awkward segment I've ever done on a commercial break for no reason whatsoever. Have you ever seen a

A beaver out in your pool? No, no, no, no, no, no, no beavers out in the pool. Okay, that's good. No. Moles, squirrels, rats. Well, I actually don't see many rats because I think there's a snake under the house that's eating the rats. There's chipmunks everywhere. It is a chipmunk paradise back there.

Oh, my gosh. They dig the holes, right? They dig the holes. Our yard is like all holes. Yeah, mine too. It's all holes. It's holes from the back of the house to the front of the house. They're under the house.

They're everywhere. They're everywhere. They're on my front porch. And you know what? They are cute. They're cute. So I just leave them alone. I'm like, what are they doing?

I'm fucking cares. There's a hole here and the hole there or whatever. I'm not going to stop them. There's hundreds of them. There must be. And in the pool patio, which is cement, in the cracks, there's one. Oh, there's a whole. The one will just pop up.

He's a guard. He's the guard. He's there all day. I mean, unless we're out there, he's just like doing this thing. He's the guard. He makes noise. He's the lookout. He's the lookout.

He's the lookout. Look out. He is. And there used to be one that would sit on our potter right out front of the house, like right in front of the front door. There was like a flower pot, like a cement flower, a decorative flower pot. And there used to be one that sat right there. So my assumption is these are, this is a family of chipmunks and this is a mom or dad that is protecting the chipmunks probably from the snake and the family of hawks that live back there too. Yeah, we've got hawks. Yeah, I've seen a hawk take a baby chipmunk and a baby squirrel all the way. And it does. did not make me so. We saw that this hawk, we came, Jeff and I were coming out to the car in our driveway, and this hawk all of a sudden swooped down and got another bird, like right in front of us. They're crazy.

What just happened? They're crazy fast. Yeah. They're so fast. Yeah, they're predators that are so. They're flying a mile up in the air, and then all of a sudden they're on the ground, swooping things. Yeah.

It's insane. I actually think that's what happened when that baby squirrel almost died in my back, and on my back porch that one time. I think it got dropped from a distance. Did you ever check? on that little squirrel? Yeah, I did. You did? Yeah, the squirrel was fine. Yeah. Oh, they saved it. The squirrel lived. The squirrel lived. She re-homed it about four weeks after I dropped it off. I love that story. She nursed it back to health with a number, with a four or five other baby squirrels that were like kind of of similar age. And then she re-homed all of them at the same place. And she said it was likely that they would like keep you, they would stay together. Yeah, they would stay together. Because squirrels, they're not necessarily pack animals, but they do live in families. You know, generally live in families. They had little neck.

A little squirrel nest In my fucking addict I can hear him running across the roof I know all day all night But you know it's part of living in Georgia Right You don't hear that in New York No I guess you probably didn't hear it in

No you don't get to Do you see squirrels? No You see a lot of dogs I think it would be in Central Park but Yeah I haven't got I'm sure there's dogs At least not in the last couple years

I haven't made it up to Central Park I was like one morning I got up early. Like, I have kids, so, you know, sometimes I get up early. And I just pop up. And I was like, you know what? Let me put my shoes on and I'll go, go a walk or run up to Central Park. And then I googled it.

It was like, like, okay, well. That's a good idea. I guess I can go to the Starbucks next door. We'll do that. How about we go to the Starbucks next door? Best thing about New York, hot dog anytime day or night. Oh, the hot dogs. And pizza.

Good pizza. Great pizza. And, but someone here in Atlanta recommended to me a burger shop. They said, if you ever get to this burger shop, 7th Street burgers. And I said, well, God damn, New York's big. Like, I'm not going to be anywhere near 7th Street burgers, whatever that is. And you know what? You are?

I gobble it and I'm one minute away. It is literally around the corner from where I'm standing when I get this recommendation. So I'm like, oh, okay, the kiss med. I guess I'll go. And I go in there, it's tiny. It's like you can fit three people in there. Smells lovely. And I say, okay, give me the whatever, you know, the burger that you guys do.

Smash burger in fucking incredible. Love smash burgers. Incredible. Oh, man, was it good. Seven Street Burger, if you ever in Soho, you get a chance to do that. But first, save the beavers, then do the smash burgers in Soho. Yes. Hey, listen, we're trying.

We're trying to help people, okay? Is it right? Yes. Or are we trying to get free lunch? I'm not sure what we're doing. But no, no beavers, no beavers paid us to say any of this, by the way, just to let you know that. It's just a little PSA. In honor of Earth Day.

In honor of Earth Day. Because, you know, it's like way up there on the agenda right now of things that Donald Trump is taking care. Yeah, yeah. Do they even celebrate Earth Day anymore? I don't think he does. I don't think any of them do, really. No. I will say this, like just bouncing back one second to like the rotating cast of Numbuts.

that are up there. Pam Bondi's out. Now the Labor Secretary's out. Who was the other one that left? Well, Kosh is about to be. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Gosh Patel. Did you see that story? Oh, my God. He was like being all paranoid that he had already been fired. So then he just wasn't picking up his phone. Yeah, he wasn't picking up his phone. And they were like, where is he? Yeah. Well, they had to ask to break, they had to ask for equipment to break down his hotel doorroom because he wasn't waking up because he was fucking obliterated. And this, It's like a super well-sourced story. I know Cash is now, you know, in the courtroom, you know,

suing somebody for $250 million, but like all these lawsuits, it will go away also. It's just a scare tactic because it's true. Yeah. Cash Patel, think about this. I want you to think about this just for a second. And listen, I would say this about any Democrat or libertarian or whatever, too. And there were a lot of numb nuts of work for Biden, too. But listen, think about this, the FBI director,

who is in charge of keeping the homeland. safe from threats foreign and domestic. Okay? Takes a plane to Italy, a private plane to Italy, to watch a hockey game that he could watch on TV. Hey, hey, he had other business. He had other business. That's what he says. He was meeting with officials in Italy. About what? You protect the homeland, not Italy. Okay, but let's assume for a minute there is a business trip. Fine. Goes to the game. Not my favorite thing in the world to have our FBI director there showing out at the Olympics. But okay, whatever. I can accept. that. What happens next

is fucking insane. He is literally pounding beers in the locker room. In the locker room. Okay. Let's just take for a moment that some terrible tragedy happens here in the United States of America and our FBI director is slashed

with the USA hockey team 6,000 miles away. Right? Not able to be gotten a hold of and certainly his judgment is impaired. This is not a good thing. And that is why generally the FBI people, they're not supposed to be drinking on the job. This isn't the fucking CIA where you run from bar to bar, you know, finding, yeah, finding dirt on people. Yeah, exactly. Mexican drug lords

snorting cocaine with Mexican drug lords. This is the FBI and you are the director. And I will tell you right now, I promise you, he's going to be gone. So all these people are turning right now. One decision that I saw the other day that I can support is they put somebody in charge of the CDC that is an actual medical professional. Yes, I saw that too. A woman of color. A woman of color. Yeah.

Who has the bona fides to be running the CDC. God bless America. Maybe there's somebody smart somewhere that says, we can't let a RFK Jr. Well, who, who I was reading something about him that he was like in a hot tub with Kid Rock in some video. Yeah. Yeah. He's in a cold plunging with Kid Rock.

Right. Exactly where he needs to be. By the way, did you say the military helicopters flying by Kid Rock's house? This is upside down candy land. It really is. Yeah. Can you imagine that I get the choppers to swing by the commercial breakhouse? For what?

To salute Kid Rock? Yeah. Oh, man. Okay. It's bizarre. All right. Yeah, it's a bizarro. And by the way, I have a feeling that this is not going to go away because some

Democrat comes into office. All of this stuff, the ground has been broken now. And all of this stuff will continue until the guardrails are tightened. And maybe that's what this democracy needs. You think? Yeah. Don't worry. Jared Kushner's figuring all that Iran stuff out right now and making a billion dollars while he's doing it. Maybe we should be in the government. You know what I'm saying? Like, what are we doing here? We should be like the ambassador to some sort of. small country that we can have Donald invade than make a billion dollars with selling the real estate. Yeah.

All right, we'll be back. Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me or Chrissy, at 212-4333-3-TCU.

That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something. Anything. Or text us and we'll text you're right back. Promise. Then head over to TCB Podcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide.

You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Best to you. And Astrid. especially astrid Okay, there we go There we're

I was just reading some of the comments that Sean had said Is that Sean that said that? I don't know About the office Office ladies When they hear that he's hunting beavers

What does it say? Here's some of the jokes From women in the office settings When they find out I hunt beavers To remove Well listen I think in some cases

it's got to be done. Like, I mean, it didn't have to be done in my dad's case, but these things were really causing a lot of damage. So he got beaver people to come and do the beaver thing. They didn't kill them, though. They relocated them to a different part of the lake as per the Department of Natural Resources or whatever. They said, you can put them here. And so, you know, hopefully they're, but then they returned like a year later. They found her late back. They were like, fuck you. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, it's like, hey, we were here first. I know. It is what it is. It's it. It's. What it is. What it is. Like the price of tea in China? It is the price of tea in China or a bowl in a china shop or whatever. Why is China getting the shit into the... The price of tea in China is my favorite one. What does it have to do with the price of tea in China? Nothing.

I was watching a recap of Coachella. Weekend 2 came out and Justin Bieber and all the boys are back in town. The boys are back in town. I saw Madonna showed up with Sabrina Carpenter, I think. Oh, I didn't see that. Oh, that was not part of the recap. That's weird. But Justin was doing his thing and then who got up there on stage? Billy Elish got up stage, got on stage. Oh, I forget. Okay, so they played twice. They played twice. Same line up, two weekends of a row. And it made me think about the beginnings of Coachella and something that I forgot, which is the first three or four years of Coachella. Coachella was the Coachella Festival. was a kick in the face to the live nation huge festivals that were charging

insane amounts of money to show up. So Coachella's whole thing was $50 tickets come see all these great bands for the weekend. And do you know who played the first Coachella? God, was it, it was it like the Stones? Pearl Jam. Oh, Pearl Jam. It was Pearl Jam. And I think the strokes were there and other people.

Of course, Pearl Jam was on board. Yeah, they were on board. They were like, yeah, fuck all these ticket prices. But it just turned into something much different. So I was watching kind of this recap from this guy, who has clearly had a very cynical take on this whole thing, right? Which I kind of do also. Listen, it's not that I'm against Coachella.

If you can get tickets to go, great. But it just seems like a place where now all influencers go. CNBC. Yeah, CNBC and the music, sure, I'm sure there's some great music that happens there. Of course, they're paying these people an immense amount of money. And you're paying $700 to get into the, $700 just for a base rate ticket. That's just beyond bananas to me.

But then they were showing some of the food and how much it costs. $27 for a fucking grilled cheese. $27 for a grill cheese. They have a caviar burger that's $180 and they sell like a thousand of them over the course of the weekend. That doesn't even sound like it tastes good. It just sounds like something you get to show people on your Instagram, right? They have all, you know, $50 red bull, you know, you get three cans of red bowl and two shots of vodka or something. It's like, it's just this insanely, um, commercialized.

Like hedonistic commercialized version of what Coachella always had in mind, at least what the origins were, which is, fuck all these expensive festivals. Come see some great music for a reasonable price. And that kind of made me sad a little bit. And I had forgotten. many years later, 20 years later, whatever it is, I had forgotten that this all started as a very noble idea. Idea. Right? But I forgot who said this.

It was back in the 60s. All good ideas or movements in the United States of America turn into grifts, cults, or otherwise bastardized versions of themselves. And it's true. That's what happens. It happened with Falwell and his Liberty University. be had happened with Coachella. Cochella. I don't know.

Is Bonarro? Is Bonaroo still doing a thing? Can we call Bonaroo a festival that? Are we on the good side of Bonarro? I don't know. I think Live Nation did Bonnery now. Yeah, they bought Bonneroo. But isn't Bonneru tried to keep some semblance of coolness about it?

Yeah, I mean, when was the last time I went? Well, you and I went that one year. God, we went that one year. Jesus Christ, that was a fucking... And then I went another year. Yeah. Yeah, you went like two years later. Yeah.

Up there. So, yeah. I did not get the invite to come back to go to the second time. Well, you left. You left and took my car in the middle of the radio head performance. It's not like I didn't ask to take your car. You told me to take your car. I did.

But you had to go see your girlfriend. I did. I had a moment. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. I got the hot was at four in the morning. That's 700 miles away.

I was like, you really have to go? Okay. take the car. I think I was slips up in that night because I was whacked out, man. I really was. I remember being in the back of that fence and radio head playing, and I was just spinning out of control. And that was the first night that we got it. Yeah.

Yeah, to be fair, I didn't really have a place to stay either. So I think I was going to be sleeping in your car anyway. You guys had a hotel room, but you had just started dating. That's true. Probably not going to be sleeping on the floor in this. hotel room. It was like a days in. That's the only thing that's near there. Yeah, that's true. Not anymore, but back then, yeah, certainly. Now there's a whole infrastructure around it. But, you know, I guess Bonnaroo takes its stab. Shaky knees. You know, I think Tim's trying to do

something cool with shaky knees. Well, obviously, Memfo and Riverbeat are still on the good side of things. Well, listen, they're independent festivals that are largely driven by the wants and desires of musician or musician-friendly, musician-adjacent people. Yes. that make the decision based on what they think would be a cool lineup rather than... And for the city. Yeah, and for the city. Other than what they think about the money making the commercialized version of this. Having Justin Bieber there is just so they can get all those influencers in there to take pictures of Justin Bieber.

I saw a photograph of Justin at Coachella and someone was maybe, let's call it, 200 people back, right? And he took a picture and every single hand in front of him, thousands of people. had a phone like this. Oh, I'm sure. You couldn't even watch the fucking performance. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's like kind of a symptom. That's what happens at most concerts these days.

But it's a, it is. Some artists have, have, they make you put your phone in that bag, you know. I wish they would all do it, honestly. I mean, I like to take a picture or two, too, but I'm not videotaping everything. You're not going back and watching that. Never. I mean, I've got so many pictures of concerts on my phone where I'm like, why did I even? In the moment, I was like, woo.

Yeah. I just don't remember this. And then you take it back and it's like this grainy video of you going like this. Yes. With Eddie Vedder turning upside down and sideways. Right. Right. I probably have some from that night.

And let's be real about it. It's 2006. If you went to a concert in the last two years, it's on videotape better than you did it somewhere, the entire thing, with annotations and lyrics. You know what I'm saying? This is not like we're not living in some information vacuum. The novelty of these phones and our hands should have worn off a long time. ago, but we just seem to get dumber and dumber about them. Now you got people wearing glasses around. I mean, listen, I had a friend who had these glasses, the meta glasses. The meta glasses. I

have somebody that has some... And at first, I thought to myself, what a bad idea. And I think it is generally, I think it can be fun and useful, but I also think it's a bad idea because it's got facial recognition software. It's not available publicly yet, but facial recognition software. And there was a guy that worked for meta, or like some one of those tech companies, like tech magazines that was, he was walking around, yeah, wired. He was walking around identifying people by name through their LinkedIn, through their Facebook. Yeah, that's so creepy.

It's wild. He was walking up to them being like, hey, Jan, and yes, and be like, yeah, do you work at, you know. So weird. John's coffee shop. Yeah, how do you know that? Well, I think you live on 22, 64. And she was like, what?

And he's like, well, I have these glasses here. You know, how do you feel about it? And these people were fucking freaked out because, of course, they were. I think there's a Black Mirror episode that's kind of like that. There is. We're the videotaping everything, and I remember that.

Black Mirror freaks me out sometimes. It is a creepy show. Yeah, it's not a show to watch before you go to bed because then you just have nightmares. But I want you to hear me, I want you to hear me when I say this. We don't need to be dumber

about these fucking cell phones in our goddamn hands. There can be a moment unbastardized by watching it through your goddamn hand with your cell phone out there. I can't think, tell you how many concerts and shows I've been to where I'm literally watching it

through the phone screen of someone else. Yes. And it is obnoxious. I want to watch it through the big screen that sits on top of the stage like it's meant to be. All right. When I pay $600 to go see Taylor Swift. Right. It's just one of those things.

Listen, you know, Coachella, I'm sure that if someone gave me a ticket, I would go. Because just to experience it once in my life. But Coachella is just one of those festivals. And to stay in the guest house. Yeah, and to stay in the guest house. Mm-hmm. Oh, the guess house. Astrid would never let me stay in the guest house.

I'm telling you that right now. She'd be like, I don't think so. Thank you anyway. And listen, to be fair, I think I should, you know, nothing but trouble can come of that. Like, you know, even if I'm on my very best behavior, which I always am with Astrid, even if I'm on my very best behavior,

trouble has a way of finding you, you know? It does. That just does. A naked pool party at three in the morning. All right. Well, honey, what's he supposed to do? Let these girls drown? They're clearly intoxicated. Someone had to be a lifeguard.

I pulled three of them out of the water by their tits. You were saving the beavers. I was saving the beavers. I saw a beaver and I had to save it. Yeah, I agree. The people are saying, they agree with us in the chat. They, you know, put the phone down, be present. Yes.

I agree. You know, when I went to Chris Rock two years ago. I tried. Yeah. After the Will Smith slap. like a month after the Will Smith slap. First show after the slap here in Atlanta. And he was working on new material. And so we went to the Fox Theater,

probably 1,500, 2,000 people fit in there. Astrid and I had pretty good seats. And we walked in there and they had one of those, whatever they call them, the bag, right? The bag that locks and you have to take it to the entrance and swipe it to unlock it. And, you know, they said, if you think there's going to be an emergency,

you can put your phone on vibrate, and if it vibrates and someone's calling you and it might be an emergency, you can come back and someone will unlock it for you. But otherwise, it stays locked in that bag. And it was weird, because we got that like 30 minutes earlier, right? And 30 minutes early, and everyone's just sitting there. But then we're turning in your talk to the person next to you,

and then you're listening to the vibe and the crowd, and then you're listening to the music. Real human contact. That's right. And it was quite amazing. And then Chris came out, and he did his two hours and he was absolutely killed it and he was so fucking funny and it was you know there was no drama around me watching it through someone taking pictures most comedians

have a no photograph no video kind of policy because if someone videotapes their set they're going to do the exact same set next time they go to the next city that's true they don't want it on youtube because then it takes the bite out of the ticket sales right um but chris takes a step further and says like when we went and saw um what's his name from uh impractical jokers uh are cell sal volcano oh sal they had a no phone no you know no video kind of policy and there was a girl in front of me and she was taking pictures of one of the intro comics one of the opening comics and the security guard came over and took his flashlight and pointed and she put it down and you know okay great But that made it enjoyable for the rest of us, knowing that I didn't have to watch it through her screen.

And I can understand. You want to take a picture and, you know, say you were there or whatever. But then get backstage passes like I had. That's right. And give a hug to the notoriously germaphobe Salvokane. That's right. Hey, he went in for the hug. He did. I went to give knuckles because I remembered what he said to me.

You know, I hate, you know, I do shake people's hands, but it drives me crazy. And, you know, I'd give knuckles now because I'm kind of germophobic. about the whole thing. And then he went in for the hug. And I said, you know what? If Sal Volcano is going to give me a hug, then I'm going to give Sal Volcano a hug right back. He was the nicest of guys. Yeah, of course. We're best friends. Talk to him all the time. I say, hey, Sal, what's going on? Where are you at? Are you feeling about the Iran situation? He hasn't responded in months. But I'm sure he's thinking about me. Yeah, I'll keep trying. He gave you the hug. Yeah. Last time I sent him a text message, it's

said this phone number no longer exists. Sorry, user cannot be reached. Yeah. He probably went, report as span and block. Bing. But does not seem to be working on my phone. Just FYI. No, mine doesn't either.

God, it's a million calls. A day. How much money do you need? I know. Do you have insurance? It proves. Yes, your UPS package is on the way. It's like it never fucking stopped.

I've been approved for a million dollars worth of financing, just by the way. I've been approved. I get $2 million into your account today. They just need one more piece of information. They just need one more piece of information, which is any information. Because they call me Jason half the time. I know I could text for Jennifer. Yeah, I'm Jason.

I don't know who Jason. Between that and all the people texting me about the political, too. I'm just like, well. Yeah. That's why I can't get involved this early in the cycle. I can't, like, put my name in any of those things. No. I'm going to volunteer at some point for somebody, but I don't want to volunteer now because

I know volunteering now just means I'm going to get a lot of, text messages about volunteering $5 into their account. And I just don't want to do it. During that election cycle with Kamala, holy shit. Yeah, I was on fire. It's getting 60 of them a minute at one point. It's like, we just need $10 more before midnight.

Or the whole world's going to explode. Donald Trump's going to press the nuclear button if you don't send me $5 tonight. It's like, okay, you know, our fundraising deadline ends at midnight. If we don't get this money, we won't be able to compete. It's like, guys, what deadline?

I googled. There's no deadline. No, there's no deadline. Yeah. Okay. Do what Trump does. You know, sell something. Right. Anything. Donald Trump yogurt. Now available. It's the best yogurt. We have the best yogurt. Oh, I've heard that, like, at the White House, apparently, I was reading the story that there's, like, a whole gift shop of all of his stuff in there. Yeah, they have a gift shop. Well, they've always had a gift shop in the White House, to be fair. But this is his gift shop. Yeah. Now it's, he's spruced up.

up that gift shop and it's all about Donald Trump. It's everywhere Trump. Listen, you know, I've said this before and I know that sometimes we like bounce into this, right? I would, I would and will say this about any politician. I do not like Trump. Why don't I like Trump? Because he's an egomaniac and he is literally lost, he has literally lost his mind. And I think we are all in a lot of danger because he's running around half cocked and saying this thing and doing that thing. And, you know, it's not that I, It's not that I generally hate all Republicans or conservatives. I don't. It's a matter of fact, I voted for them.

And I voted for lots of Democrats. And I voted for independents. Of course, that's a waste of my vote. But, you know, I voted for them anyway. And what's going on right now is just insane. Think about four years ago when Joe Biden was in office. Okay. Forget the fact that he was probably asleep and in a wheelchair somewhere.

Autopending it all day long. There wasn't this kind of drama going on, right? There was some semblance that somebody, some series of people were running the country to some degree. Right now, there's a bunch of drunks and cuckholders pretending. It's like they stayed at a holiday inn last night. I'm not the FBI director, but I stayed at the holiday in last night. And then they had to break the door down because I was too drunk at the holiday in last night. It's like, it's wild.

And Trump has just taken every advantage of this presidency to enrich himself and the people around him. And I just have this idealized version that public service in this way should not be a place to enrich yourself. I know what happens. I know what happens. I'm not dumb. I'm not dumb. I don't think this is the fucking West Wing we're living in. But I just wish that we had like, it was a little less obvious. Let's put it that way. A little less fucking obvious. He sold those Trump cards for a billion dollars a piece or whatever. And they have things something on Kalshi. How many Trump cards will be sold, right? And it's like zero or more than 10 or more than 100. 90% of the betting market is on he'll sell zero. He'll sell zero of those cards. Yeah, it's, it's all. The Trump gold card

and gets you automatic entrance into the United States. Oh, that's right. It's the visa thing. Yeah, it's like $10 million or something like that. That's insane. And where does that $10 million go? Mm-hmm. To a slush fund, guaranteed. All right. Well, you know, all is another fun episode of the commercial break talking about beavers this will go down as the weirdest segment of in commercial break history and that's saying something and that's saying something because we once talked about testicle taste butts tasty teas the tasty teas somebody asked me put together like six or seven episodes of the commercial break that really like showcase what we are about

about? Yeah. And I thought, should I do the one where Irving got dropped out of his casket in the grave? Or should I do tasty testicles? Which one? And then I waited too long to send him something and they started investigating on their own. Oh, okay. Yeah. And somebody was like, so tell me how you really feel about Burning Man. And then they said, I've been to Burning Man every year for that 15 years. What did he say to me? He goes, well, if you think putting a ceiling fan in your tent was a luxury, you should see how I go. Oh, God, I'm sure. Yeah, well.

It's all tricked out. Yeah, listen, we have friends have been going to Burning Man for a long time. Nothing wrong with it. That's what you want to do. Yeah, that's what you want to do. Yeah. And I saw them over the weekend, our Burning Man friends. Oh, good.

I saw our Burning Man friends. I went to, yeah, my dear friend Raphael's beautiful daughter, Cecilia, is getting married. Congratulations, Cecilia. Yes, yes, yes. And we went to a big party to celebrate the wedding, not the actual wedding. I remember going to her kinsenera. Yeah. I remember going to her kinsenera, too.

It feels like yesterday. That's right when I met Astrid. Yeah. And now she's not a little kid anymore. She's all grown up. She's got a wonderful fiancé Ryan. They're getting married. We had a great time at the party.

Maybe we'll talk more about that tomorrow. Let's do that. Okay. You can go to TCBP Podcast.com. Get your free sticker. Watch all the audio. Watch all the video. Go to YouTube.

dot com slash the commercial break. Make sure you follow us and hit the notifications on our channel so that you get notified when we go live. Thanks to everybody in the streaming and the comments and the sections. Yes, thanks for joining. If you've texted the phone number, I promise to get back to you. It's been like three weeks, but you got to understand. Oh, you don't understand, but it's been a little crazy for us here over the last three

weeks. Everything's fine. It's just been crazy busy. At the commercial break on Instagram, you can DM us there and follow us personally. Brian W. you green and TCB Chrissy okay that's all I can do for now chrissey I think so I'll tell you that I love you I love you I'll say best to you best to you best to you out there on the podcast and the streaming audience thank you we love you until next time we will say we do say we must say good

goodbye