The Commercial Break - Two Girls - One Schmuck!

Starting point is 00:00:00 And welcome back to WSHIT's continuing coverage of the 21st annual Cross-Side Olympics. This of course is a cause we can all get behind. Cross-Siolius affects one out of three children born here in Krabapple since the great tire fire of 1998. And to kick off the first event, Tennis Mixed Doubles, which is of course really singles matches, but the players do seebles, which is of course really single smatches, but the players do see double, is Jed Darlington. Back for the fifth year in a row to sing our great national anthem.

Starting point is 00:00:33 Let's hope Jed has the words memorized this year. Let's join Jed down on the field. Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light, what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars were so gallantly there as the rockets were there and the twilight's last gleaming and the rocket's glare and glare were so gallantly there, burst stripes were all there, and the rocket were there. Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet glaze,

Starting point is 00:01:43 for the land of the free and the home of the brave. Somebody get this kid a pen and paper! Better luck next year, Jed. We'll be back to our coverage right after this. Commercial brick. On this episode of the Commercial Brick. After that girl next door tight, total polar opposite of Natalie Natalie who was like the blonde

Starting point is 00:02:26 Big melon stripper, but at this time I'm working every single day at the math lab with Dioia and Sima you're working every single day at the math lab for what? Big melon big melon He said big melon. He used a term from the 80s. They could not be more a misogynistic They're like your melons. Yeah, something like a Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, you all like your melons. Hey, nice set of melons. Would you get those, DJ Max? Would you pick up those melons?

Starting point is 00:02:55 Hahaha. Cole's fantastic. In my experience, when the ladies that I was with wanted to have a threesome, it's because they really wanted to experiment with their sexuality. And that means that... You were just the conduit to that. They already knew what I was like. Yeah, they were like...

Starting point is 00:03:16 Oh, this is so hot, right? Can you get us a beer? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I. Go grab a couple of butt lights. Uh, butt light makes me gassy and I think we're gonna have anal sex later. He did me a favor, go to the store and get me some ciders. Uh, sure, I guess. You'll keep the action going. Oh yeah, we're gonna be here, don't you worry about that. I'd say you what? I don't think the crowgirls. I think the crowgirls on this side of town is out of sighters. Can you go over the bridge? To James Island. To James Island.

Starting point is 00:03:48 You can get some sighters over there. That's right. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. We're in a party mood here at the commercial break because it's another episode of The Quarantine! Happy New Year! It's the new new year and we're all happy for you and guess what, best to you!

Starting point is 00:04:21 Best to you, Emily! Best to you out there, that individual listener, listener sitting in their car taking a run listening to their children ignoring their husband Whatever it is you're doing out there. We hope it's a best day for you. It's a best to you Best to you. I am currently wearing my scundal bundle Which I've decided I'm taking back. Yes. I'm not gonna let the women be the only ones to have fun on the bikinis I've now got a scundal bundle I'm not gonna let the women be the only ones to have fun on the bikinis. I've now got a scundle bundle. It's just a little piece of cloth where you're two potatoes hang out just a little bit.

Starting point is 00:04:53 Is it bright green? Me on green? Imagine what you'd like, hardly. Me on green was just a little bit of my scundle just hanging right out on each side like that. I don't want to show the full package,? I feel like John mayor years ago back when he was dating Jennifer And there was a picture of him on a boat. I know this to be true because I saw the picture Yeah, the scrunder button. No, he had He had on like one of those things that goes up, you know

Starting point is 00:05:19 It's like it was a women's bathing suit. Oh like a boring like Borat did yeah goes over your boobs Yeah, like that comes up really high. Yeah, yeah, yeah So he might that might be the scruntle bundle. I don't know leave it up to your imagination Which at whatever you like out there in the TCB TV minus audience It's up to you, but just know that my scrundles are bundles my scrundles are bundled. Yeah best to you That's right. I'm gonna do what dole. Yeah, best to you. Yeah. It's on there. That's right. I'm going to do it. What do we call that?

Starting point is 00:05:47 The best to you greeting? The Scrundle, but the Scrundle slap. Or two gentlemen walk up. Yeah, two gentlemen walk up to each other. Release their Scrundle opening, which is just a little cut out for your man potatoes. And then your man potatoes touch a little bit. Imagine like chest bumpinging but with your nuts.

Starting point is 00:06:06 I think we determined that that was better than handshake game. But way better, much more clean. Yeah, uh, uh, that was your hands event. Who knows, but your scundle has been safely tucked in your scundle bundle all day long. And now with antibacterial absorb and pads. So you literally sitting in a little pool of antibacterial. That's right. That's right.

Starting point is 00:06:32 Next, scrondles flap. Best of you. Best of you. Put your back into it. Put your back into it. Unbelievable. What's going on with my Instagram? I admittedly, I mean, everybody's

Starting point is 00:06:48 followed the arc of this show. The video arc rise, it's soon to be followed, the commercial break. It knows that we have a little trouble with social media. We've got, you know, however many tens of thousands of, we have had over 100,000 listeners in a 30-day period. That's, I'm just going to say that, right? That's awesome, yeah. It's incredible. Thank you to you out there who listen faithfully each time we put out one of

Starting point is 00:07:15 these stupid pieces of shit. Thank you. We appreciate it. But, you know, so that's a, that's a fair amount of human beings that are listening. However, no one decided to go to our social media and follow us. Now, I understand, I've talked to lots of people about this, it doesn't always translate. People with big social media followings do not always have large podcast listening audiences and vice versa, obviously, because we are one of them. We just started focusing on our social media account

Starting point is 00:07:42 really in mid-January, and we started with like 56 people on our Instagram account. And thanks to Astrid and a bunch of other stuff that we've done. Now we're at, you know, 500 plus maybe 600. And so go to At Look Commercial Break if you'd like to follow us because we do do a lot of content there that you can't get anywhere else clips and all this other stuff. But so I decided I was gonna jump in,

Starting point is 00:08:01 Scrundle first, a couple of weeks ago and get on this real thing. Astrid comes to me, she goes, you gotta do reels. And I'm like, the fuck is a real? What are you talking about? She's like, it's this little video that you do. And I'm like, oh yeah, the IGTV thing.

Starting point is 00:08:13 She's like, no, not IGTV, it's a real. And I'm like, that's a difference. She just explained to me, and then I'm like, posting pictures of myself in the bathroom as a real. I mean, I just like, yeah, and then I had to delete it, and then go back, and it's like a whole thing. I couldn't figure it out. So the rule then became,

Starting point is 00:08:28 don't post anything until I've looked at it. This is what I've said. Don't post anything until I put my eyes on it and let me press post. Share. So that way you don't get any trouble. I'm just recording it with like your video. Oh yeah, most of the time.

Starting point is 00:08:39 Yeah, and then, I mean, occasionally I've done it on, I've done like probably eight reels so far. With two or three of them, getting thousands and then I mean, the occasion I've done it on, I've done like probably eight reels so far, with two or three of them getting thousands and thousands of views, which is amazing because we've never had anybody view anything of mine a thousand times. I mean, except for the podcast, but that's really you listening,

Starting point is 00:08:56 and the YouTube channel, which gets, you know, we get a couple of thousand views on each video, but it was just amazing to me. So here I go, and I decide, I'm gonna really get creative with this, right? I can do this, I can figure out how to do a real. It's 30 seconds or less, you gotta put it, sometimes it goes to a song, that's usually,

Starting point is 00:09:12 you know, that's what all the kids like these days. So I start putting music to it. I do one to Van Halen and I do another one to Queen and then a third one to Bill Withers. And you know, I'm like, these are really creative. I take a lot of time during the day. So I spend two hours, I'm one of these fucking two hours. I take a lot of time during the day. So I spend two hours on one of these fucking two hours of my life.

Starting point is 00:09:27 I only spend two hours on the podcast. I spend two hours of my life making one of these fucking things and I get like, you know, 50 views, right? And two likes from my mom and, you know, and holy, and I'm like, man, I put a lot of time into that damn reel and no one really saw it. So it's kind of sucks a little bit.

Starting point is 00:09:49 And then the other day I am watching other reels to get ideas for reels because that's what you do. You apparently on reels you just copy other reels. That's what that's how the kids get popular. You know, they don't actually think of anything themselves. They just think of doing stuff that other people have already done. And they're with their own little twist on it. So I'm watching and I see these two people doing to an ice cube song, they are doing a dance. That isn't fucking credible. They're like sliding to the left and sliding to the right and then sliding backwards.

Starting point is 00:10:13 Like moonwalk style. So smooth. Yeah, but it looks like the robots just moving around the screen. And I was honestly, I was blown away. So the first time I watched it, I remembered that Astrid had said, you can remix a reel.

Starting point is 00:10:27 Okay. And by pressing this button, now it's double screen. It's two, you know, a double-sided screen. And the original reel will be on the left and then you will be on the right. So people do reaction videos, they copy what they're seeing, whatever.

Starting point is 00:10:39 That's how that's one of the things that the kids are doing today. Unbrius! Not I didn't even re on Reels. Not I do, he's for Reels. Yes. Not Twitch. Not Clubhouse, not Fireside. Not the IMDB.

Starting point is 00:10:51 IMTP. What's the other one? Lonely fans, whatever. It's Reels. It's Reels. Get it right together. Get it all together. Okay.

Starting point is 00:11:02 So I'm like, oh, I can't believe what I just saw. Let me remix this real quicks for my initial, my secondary reaction. So it's not my original reaction, but it's my secondary reaction. But I was so blown away the first time, I'm sure the reaction was just me with my mouth open. It's like how cool these kids are dancing.

Starting point is 00:11:18 So I do it a second time, and that's all I do. I'm just reacting to the video, and I do a little slide to the left and side of the way. But not like these guys, see, I'm just coming in, like, I do a little slide to left and side of the way. But not like these guys too. I'm just coming in like fucking around. Yeah. You 10,000 views. I spent two hours on a real. You could look at it once. That once. But you know, just open my mouth while somebody else is doing a real and I get 10,000 views. I don't understand social media. I feel like we need Jeff Twaskin in here. Oh, he do.

Starting point is 00:11:46 Jeff Twaskin's like, you can face me on a program the other day on his Facebook live program before they talk about, you know, television shows. 10,000 people are watching. Oh. I'm like 10,000 people. How do you do that? Oh, it's kind of small audience.

Starting point is 00:11:59 Small audience. I can't get two people to watch by three hour and a half hour production known as Brian's Reels. I can't get three people to watch it. You just got to try different things. This is what's sticking. I don't get it. Yeah, so now I know I guess I'm just going to be the guy who reacts to everything. I guess people like watching my face, one of people, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, tcbpodcast.com is where you go. You can find out more information about Chrissy and

Starting point is 00:12:24 I. You can read all the show notes and get our entire library on audio and video, commercialbreak.com slash, or youtube.com, commercialbreak.com, youtube.com slash the commercial break like and subscribe, hit that, smash that like bell, smash that subscribe bell, get it, get after it, at the commercial break on Instagram. And please, if you don't mind, 470-584-8449

Starting point is 00:12:49 is where you can leave us a message or text us, we're always available. Here is what we are going to do for the commercial break listeners coming up real soon. I am going to give away, here's what I'm going to give away. Are you ready for this? You haven't even heard about this. I know.

Starting point is 00:13:03 So here it is. Breaking news. Breaking news. I know. So here it is. Breaking news. Breaking news. I am going to give away $500. $500. To me? To one of our, to you.

Starting point is 00:13:15 Yeah, you're like, that's $600 more than I've made on this show. Oh, we're in the money. We're gonna give away $500. Did the best YouTube or Instagram comment that comes our way. Wow. And this is gonna be all the month of June. Now, month of June is not here yet, but it is coming quickly. So I want you to pay attention. You have to go to youtube.got.com slash the commercial break. You have to be a subscriber and you have to comment on one of our videos. I will, and then we will reply to that comment. Same thing with any of our Instagram posts

Starting point is 00:13:56 for the month of June and then on the July 4th or closest to the July 4th as we can get, which I think will be July 2nd. If I'm not mistaken, it is a Friday. Then we will give away $500 right here on air. You're coming on to the commercial break to accept your $500 winnings as the best commenter for the YouTube.

Starting point is 00:14:15 Now, this obvious shield to get more people to engage in our social media, yes it is, but who fucking cares, it's $500. Who can't use $500? I just wanna incentivize you to go and become, you know, get involved because the truth is We respond to comments and we do all this stuff. We want to do all this fun stuff. We want to do it with you our listeners $500 second thing we're going to do is in June

Starting point is 00:14:34 We are going to start broadcasting lot on IG TV and Twitch TCB TV minus DC It's so hard to say. It is. It's so hard to say. Say that five times fast. TCB TV minus will be coming live to Twitch and I.G. Yes, I'm excited about that.

Starting point is 00:14:56 Yes, a whole brand, not the podcast, an actual video of podcast, a live stream, made just for video is coming in June. And that's also why I want to incentivize you to be on our YouTube channel or be on our IG. What do you think? I love it. $500 in American Express gold dot gift cards.

Starting point is 00:15:19 That's a bit of a gold dot. Yeah, let me go. Or what's another place you want me to going to the Makeup Place Sephora. Yes, sir. 500 dollars in Sephora gift cards for you and for your loved ones. TikTok is the thing that the kids are doing. Did you hear about this? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:35 You heard about TikTok? I have, I've been here. TikTok. I've definitely been hearing about TikTok and I love to watch videos in TikTok. It's a black hole, I'll tell you what. I got it about seven months ago and I cannot stop watching.

Starting point is 00:15:46 Like if I can't get on TikTok too much, because just like Clubhouse was at the beginning when I first got on Clubhouse, it's like, it's a total black hole. I just keep on going and going and going. You can. Yeah, and half it is girls and bikinis bouncing their butts around and then the other half

Starting point is 00:16:01 is like super interesting videos. It's got to, they have an interesting mix. They figure out what you like real quick and then they start serving that up to you. I like the cooking ones. Yeah, well, I don't have any cooking. I just don't know how they do it. And by the way, I don't like anything. So I don't know how I know how they do it.

Starting point is 00:16:15 It's like if I stop and watch. Watch it. Yeah. And they're like, ah, got you, Brian. You like that. You like watching you watching it. Yeah, you like those de-tees and the skinny girl. I'm looking for a bikini girl.

Starting point is 00:16:27 And so TikTok is the thing that the kids are doing and TikTok is making stars out of some people. Yes, yes, very big ones. Just like YouTube, you know, there's the dark side, or let's say the dark side, the douche side of- Of TikTok, the douche side. The douche side, ooh. And I have found it.

Starting point is 00:16:46 You ready? His name is Russell Hartley. Russell Hartley is a, I don't know if he is a, like self-proclaimed pickup artist, but everyone else on the internet is claiming that he's a pickup artist. And he is certainly a douche of the highest order. I mean, this guy is like, he is a young.

Starting point is 00:17:05 Is a young Frankie B? He's a young Frankie B. Very young. I can't imagine this guy is more than 24, 25 years old. So he's still at age where you're scared, it puts you in. Ask me. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:18 But my old friend Paul, you're still the age where you're scared, it puts you. Oh, really Paul. Yep, and he was right, actually. Now looking back. Now really, Paul. Yep, and he was right actually. Now looking back. Now looking back, I'm like, he was so right. Girls intimidated me. This girl's still intimidated me, but so,

Starting point is 00:17:34 so Russell is, you know, 23, 24, 25 years old. I'm guessing, I'm guessing, I don't know how old this is. I just started digging into this a couple of days ago. But the things that this guy says on these one-minute videos is infuck incredible. I mean, he is obviously, he is purposefully poking the bear. I think there's two kind of jackasses in the world.

Starting point is 00:17:55 The kind that are being jackasses because they know that just like wrestling, the heel gets a lot of attention, right? Or the theater of it all. That's right, the theater of it all. The hero or the villain. You're the antagonist or the protagonist. One of the two.

Starting point is 00:18:09 And so I have, I wonder if this guy is just a protagonist, or antagonist, that's just what he does because he knows he can do it. And in real life, I mean, he's probably still a douche, just because he's a douche, right? But I wonder if in real life, people actually like this guy, or if he acts exactly like this.

Starting point is 00:18:24 But I went through his videos and so many people are complaining about this guy that I thought I'm gonna have to get to the bottom of exactly what's going on. Brian's investigation, that's right. DCV, TV is this the case. This is hard asking this hard question. Asking those tough questions like is he a douche or is he not a douche? Yeah. I wish he was here. I'd be like is he a douche or is he not a douche?

Starting point is 00:18:46 I wish he was here. I'd be like are you a douche? Inside addition. Inside addition. Yeah. Are you a douche? Inside addition today on Inside Edition Russell Hartley TikTok asshole or friendly guy. We asked the hard-hitting questions. Hi, I'm reporter Brian Green here with Russell Hartley. Russell, are you a douche? questions. Hi, I'm reporter Brian Green here with Russell Hardly. Russell, are you a douche?

Starting point is 00:19:10 Inside editions is over the worst programming available. But you know, it's every once in a while, they have an interesting story on inside edition. They actually have one of my favorite clips of those preachers is when they catch them outside of the airport, getting off his private plane. What's his name? Good old, you know, I kind of co-planned and they catch him outside. He's that they're asking about the private plane. He's like, he just doesn't know what to say. He's like, my wife, whoa, it's not additional. Whoa, praise for you, Jesus Christ. And the reason why I needed a private plane is because

Starting point is 00:19:35 when you're up there on the tube, stuck with other devils and slidily things on that, you can't be, I need my private plane to get from one place to the other one. Oh, that's right, that's my back. With my scrundle for clean. I need a place to wash my scrund other one. That's right. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going.

Starting point is 00:19:47 With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going.

Starting point is 00:19:55 With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going.

Starting point is 00:20:03 With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. With my back going. We're gonna you're gonna see on Tcd Quality Program you to can receive on TcbTV minus cut the cord from those other classes Cut the cord from the pluses take out one of take out one of the hashes from the pluses Why spend so much money on too much when you could just have one? Do you really need a plus or can you take that little stick away and make it a minus? Why pay so much for that straight-up stick? Why pay so much for the vertical in the plus? Take it out.

Starting point is 00:20:33 Yeah, got the vertical stick out of the plus side. You do look at my glasses. Hey, hey everybody Welcome to the commercial break That's your interview. Go to yuck. This is my series. Are you a douche? Are you really a douche? Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break right now.

Starting point is 00:20:57 For these visuals, yes. Are you really a douche? Or do you just appear to be one in every piece of media that I found? Are you really a douche? Or is that just something you're putting on for everybody? Brian Green, hard hitting, inviscuted, journalist, also blinded in his right eye. Are you a douche? What am I just staring at people with my right eye?

Starting point is 00:21:23 I do, douche. That would definitely take people, you know, off-killed her. Yeah, that's right. I'm coming in high. Why do I want to see no? That is glasses. And if I just blinked real hard,

Starting point is 00:21:36 are you a douche? You've got to see these visuals. You've got to see these visuals. OK, you ready? Yeah, let's start off with something easy. I want to show you, so he has multiple girlfriends and he tells this story about having multiple girlfriends at the same time, allegedly. That's correct. Here's the other thing.

Starting point is 00:21:57 I'm a storyteller. I know exactly what storytellers do, right? And I understand when you're putting a little shine on a story like you're making a fish tail, you know, the fish was actually a foot long, you make it two feet long, right? That's a good story teller. And then there's, you know, I've never picked up a pole, a fishing pole in my life and I caught a 30 foot bass, right? Then there's that kind of story teller, which means you're just full of fucking shit. I want you to listen to the story and tell me if it holds water, but let's walk through it as if it's the truth. Are you ready?

Starting point is 00:22:24 Sure, ready. Here we go. There's five parts, five minutes long. if it holds water, but let's walk through it as if it's the truth. Are you ready? Sure, right. Here we go. There's five parts, five minutes long. Five parts to do it. We'll go through it. Having two separate girlfriends, part one. Now I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't say that I'm... When you start off with, well, I'm not perfect. You're already apologizing for the story that you're about to have.

Starting point is 00:22:39 Listen to this guy. So, so cocksure. What is cocksure even mean? Why I put cock in front of it? Proud of this particularly, but I'm not proud of it, but I'm gonna share it to all 350 million of my tink-tacks. I'm not proud of it. Come on, Russell. I thought you needed to know.

Starting point is 00:22:56 I thought you needed to know by that time I had two girlfriends at the same time. The time I wasn't proud. Listen, I don't wanna tell this story, making me look incredibly good to all the women out there. But I'm going to tell it to you anyway. Lessons, and I think it's important that I share with you my experience with how this plays out.

Starting point is 00:23:12 Why is it important that you share with everybody about the time you had two girlfriends? Can't we all figure out that that probably doesn't work out in the end? Like, what were we hoping for? You've got married to both. This is Sister Wives. It's Russell Hartley from Charleston, South Carolina. By the way, I love Charleston. I love Charleston.

Starting point is 00:23:30 You guys need, yeah, growing douches like this. You need to bring in imports from people like me and fight me over. Give me a studio and $250,000 to produce TCBTV minus and I'm yours for six months. Start with how I met the first girlfriend. The so-called Walmart getting groceries and I'm yours for six months. Let's start with how I met the first girlfriend. So I'm at Walmart getting groceries and I'm carrying... Wait, who goes to Walmart for groceries?

Starting point is 00:23:49 Yeah. Yeah, you don't have like a whole foods over there? Or Kroger? Public, sorry. All day. TJ Maxx. You don't have a TJ Maxx, you can pick up some fresh lettuce.

Starting point is 00:24:00 I'm in Trader Joe. TJ Maxx. Welcome to TJ Maxx. Who's your produce department? I heard from Russell. I think in TJ Maxx. Well, usually, welcome to TJ Maxx. Where's your produce department? I heard from Russell. I think in TJ. Okay.

Starting point is 00:24:09 Trader Joe. Trader Joe. TJ. I heard from Russell that you have fresh produce. Right next to the used shoes department at TJ Maxx. You know those shoes are used. You know they're used. They do have dirt on them.

Starting point is 00:24:24 That's right. It looks like they put the little fancy little sticker and they clip the thing on so you can't steal them. But the truth is, is that they're dirty, stretched out. Most of them don't have shoe laces. Most of them don't even have the same shoe. That's true. It's different sizes.

Starting point is 00:24:39 But I shop at DJ Mac. I don't. I'm not, I'm not gonna. Now these groceries to my car, and some girl comes up and taps me on the shoulder. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not gonna. Now these groceries to my car and some girl comes up and taps me on the shoulder. And I'm like holding these groceries and she says, hey, my friend thinks you're cute. And I, okay, this story's already unbelievable

Starting point is 00:24:55 because never in the history of ever. Now I'm not Russell Hartley admittedly. I'm not, no, I'm not, I'm not some, you know, Spit-Chine and polished, handsome man, right? But never in the history have ever, has anyone tapped me on the shoulder anywhere and said, hey, my friend thinks you're cute. And then it led to two girlfriends.

Starting point is 00:25:13 Never, never. Maybe I'm just may not, maybe I'm just jealous. I look across the way and I see an ombre blonde girl who's tan like, Oh, that fuck is ombre blonde girl. It's a hair. It's a hair. Oh, I thought that was a racist term for a Mexican.

Starting point is 00:25:28 No, I know it's an ombre. Ombre. Ombre. What is Ombre like dirty blonde? Yeah, it's like a different kind of shades of colors on your hair. Yeah. Okay, you learn something new every day. Good bake potato dress, head to toe and a hooters outfit standing in the Walmart parking

Starting point is 00:25:44 lot. I was like, oh my god, that's my dream. I mean, what more could you ask for? Uh, a girl not standing in the to yeah, it's your dream. A girl not standing head to toe and a hooters outfit in the Walmart parking lot. The Walmart parking lot just put the cherry on top of that. That's right. Yeah, I know the Walmart parking lot. Where are you living?

Starting point is 00:26:05 Like maybe at Hooters. Are you in this actual Charleston proper? I'm not just wondering, are you over the bridge or under the bridge? I'm not sure. I haven't seen the Hooters or the Walmart downtown Charleston. Nope, no, no, no. I don't see the Hooters in downtown Charleston.

Starting point is 00:26:18 Hey, not can not knock on Hooters girls, I've known a few of them, but this already sounds like a fabricated tale to me. Anyways, we dated for the rest of the summer and she ended up moving in with me in Charleston. So now I'm living with this girl and she's upgraded from being a Hooters girl to being a full-time stripper. Also, she's going to nursing school full-time.

Starting point is 00:26:36 Oh! That's where you're all say, that's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're all say, that's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where you're going to. That's where paying your way through nursing school from hooters to stripper to nursing school to MD. Yeah

Starting point is 00:26:48 To rocket scientists What the fuck dude in wait in three short months She lived with me for the rest of the summer which is three months. Yeah, so in three months She went from hooters to strippers to PhD From the Walmart parking lot to moved in with you in your bachelor pad and downtown Charleston, which is horribly expensive, by the way. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:10 You are, I already know you went to private school and your parents have way too much money. I know, a walking crusher. Anyways, I was in love and we dated like that into my school semester. But into your school semester, what are you in high school? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:23 So here I was 16 years old at the Walmart parking lot. It got a bit. Eventually into that semester one of my classes is on a group project and that's when I met Delia. Delia having two separate girlfriends. Delia, who the fuck is Delia? How do you just matter if we don't know? Who's named Delia? So Delia was a foreign exchange student from Romania. Oh, the old foreign exchange student. Yeah. The lure of the accent. I know. I know how difficult it is to be, you know, it's all you want to do for the summer.

Starting point is 00:27:55 Sit around, you know, clap, scrundle, foot with your friends. Go to the pool, shoot your shot with your girlfriend's best friend. And then all of a sudden you get tapped on the shoulder by the Hooter's Girl story to be stripper. She moves it in with you. And then now you've got some other girl, you know, some hot foreign exchange students, this is into your semester, whatever that means. Under your school semester. School semester.

Starting point is 00:28:17 Because that's versus another type of semester. Yeah, another type of semester. What? Well, one of them's a church. Yeah, one of them's working on their Ph.D. The other one's working on a school project. It's not like you're in high school, dude. And she was one of those like gorgeous,

Starting point is 00:28:32 but like in a low-key way. So ugly. After that girl next door type. Total polar opposite of Natalie, who was like the blonde, big melon stripper. But at this time, I'm working every single day at the math lab with Dioia and some of... You're working every single day at the math lab with Dioia and some you're working every single day at the math lab for what? Big melon big melon. He said big melon. He used the term from the 80s. It could not be more misogynistic

Starting point is 00:28:55 Hey, I like your melons. Yeah, something is like Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, you all like a melons. Hey nice set of melons. Would you get those two J Max? I get the most out of melons would you get those two j max Where's your pick up those melons Coles fantastic Hey Wong what's with all the pictures it's a pocket hot Love rain the day to runny day to see I know and this is a term straight out of a Rodney Dangerfield movie. Melons. Who says that anymore? Big Melons.

Starting point is 00:29:30 When she gets those Melons, DJ Max, that's funny, actually. It's called a callback for all your comedy fans. Other guys in the math department. And one day we break for lunch and Deely and I decided to go to the kick and chicken, which is like a sandwich place in downtown Charles. Anytime you fill a story with too many details, it just starts, yeah, the kick and chicken.

Starting point is 00:29:46 Who would remember that kind of detail? Yeah. Who, who does that? No one does that. You're taught, you're just talking to yourself in circles, dude. He's already feels to me like such a dude, like the kind of guy I don't want to hang out with, you know?

Starting point is 00:29:56 Like, yeah, he's going to tell me that story again about the time. It's him and Deelia went to the kick and chicken. It's going to tell me about the time. He met somebody at the TJ Maxx produce department. And then he went to kick and chicken with somebody from the meth lab. I'm already tuned out.

Starting point is 00:30:11 We had lunch together, but we had some extra time before we had to get back. So we walked around the downtown area and somewhere in there, I kissed her. We went back to the meth lab together and played it off like nothing had happened. Oh! Oh!

Starting point is 00:30:23 There was a kid. Are you in elementary school, dude? There's a kiss in an alley. Yeah, a kiss in an alley in downtown Charleston. You got a little bit of God. Right after the kickin' chicken. I had a bad case of the shits. I had to go behind the dumpster.

Starting point is 00:30:38 You had to go behind the dumpster. I asked her if I could use a tampon to wipe my ass. And then I kissed her so romantic. She was that low-key kind of hot. You know the kind of hot where you don't want to be seen in public with her and you're not afraid to take a shit in front of her. That kind of hot. You know what I'm talking about?

Starting point is 00:30:56 The kind of hot where behind the dumpster is exactly where you would kiss her. That's what she deserved. I would have gotten her in the dumpster, but my stomach hurt from the kick and chicken. But we were high on meth from the meth lab, so it didn't matter. Then we went back to school and pretended like, I could never have it.

Starting point is 00:31:17 What did it play it off? What adult pretends like nothing ever happened? What are you worried about? I know. What are you worried about? People in the meth lab, the meth lab, whatever you're calling it, meth lab. I haven't heard that term since sixth grade. The meth lab. What? First of all, second of all, what are you worried about? Who's gonna? Oh, look at that.

Starting point is 00:31:35 Oh, they seem like they still have hot sauce all over here for China. Did he eat you out at the kick and chicken? Looks like it. Looks like it. You got a, hey, uh, hey, Russell, you got a ring full of like chicken crumbles around your cock. Did you guys make it? Did she give you a blowjob of the kick and chicken? That's right. We had chicken lollipops. She gave me a head right under the table right behind the dumpster. We were trying to play it all. We tried to play it all. I forgot my credit card. So we went and got some chicken chicken out of the dumpster. But you know, she's a, she's a low key kind of hot where you can do that.

Starting point is 00:32:18 Lucky. She's a low key kind of. She doesn't care. She'll eat anything. She's like a trash compactor. You're good. She has stuffed old produce from DJ Maxz. That's a wrap.

Starting point is 00:32:35 But from that moment on, we essentially started dating after that. Now mind you, I'm living with my other girlfriend. Yeah, essentially, what? Essentially started dating. What is essentially dating? That means he takes her behind the dumpster and makes out. Yeah, essentially, what essentially started dating? Essentially. That means he takes her behind the dumpster and makes out. Yeah. The Loki got a day.

Starting point is 00:32:49 Clearly, Bolini or whatever her name is, Delini Delina. Delayless. Delini, I forgot her name already. Bolini, clearly the Loki kind of hot girl from the meth lab doesn't, you know, warrant the kind of respect that the stripper, that's a stripper, who's earning her PhD does. She's got those melons.

Starting point is 00:33:09 That's right, she's got those melons though. In James Island, at the same time this is going on and Deelia has no, why do you have to mention all the places specifically? I just, that part I don't get. Like, I tell a lot of stories and I don't know, I don't know that I get into that much granular details and it's not relevant to the story. Doesn. It doesn't even matter where you're living

Starting point is 00:33:26 She lived on the other side of town would have been appropriate, right? Oh fucking idea and deal you lives across town and Mount Pleasant So there's a huge much deal you lives in one two three four market street and Mount Pleasant zip code 40425 You know what I'm talking about right Justin You know far away those are? You know how this story could possibly be real because they're so far apart that they'll never see each other? That's right. There's no photos or cameras or iPhones at this time.

Starting point is 00:33:53 I'm 22. Divide between the two. But I would drive over there and see Dealier throughout the week while living with my full-time girlfriend. It gets worse. It gets worse. Oh. I'm already, it gets worse. It gets worse. Oh, I'm already bored by the story. He gets worse.

Starting point is 00:34:09 But this while his other girlfriend was stripping, I guess, yeah, well, I mean, you get she's sleeping because you know, the strippers strippers are up late and he's at the meth lab hanging out, hiding the signs of kissing. It was like the fucking movies or like those stories you hear where men have like full-blown families. Like the stories you hear, like the one you're telling? Ha ha ha ha. It was on the other side of the country, like it felt exactly like that.

Starting point is 00:34:34 And I was romantic with both of them, like seriously, I would take one to date, like and there's only a certain amount of things you can do in the Charleston area, and I would take one to the date, like seriously, flowers dates everything. Flowers dates and everything? You threw in and everything? Wow, Russell, you get games on 10. And then I would take the other one to do exactly the same fucking thing. I was literally like reliving the same date, maybe even watching the same movies twice.

Starting point is 00:35:02 You know, nothing says romance like taking somebody to a movie. Yeah, though, he's like taking somebody to a movie. Yeah, though, he's weird. He's so strange. There are so many videos I got to take in from this guy, where he's like, you can tell he's trying to walk the edge between being cool. And like, you know, so girls don't hate him totally,

Starting point is 00:35:16 but talking guy language enough that guys are into it. What would he do the same exact thing too? I don't know why that's taking me away. I don't know, why would you go see the movie the same, all this stuff is sticking out to me. You're gonna go to the same flowers and the same, yeah. Let me tell you a little story. I used to go to a bar.

Starting point is 00:35:31 The Uncle Brian. Yeah, Uncle Brian. Let me tell you a grandpa, Swimmy Trunks. So tell you a story now. Grant, Uncle Bud Light, I'll tell you a story now. When I lived over at the old place with the pool, then I told last week, there was a bar across the street, Central City Tavern. Oh, I'll tell you a story now. When I lived over at the old place with the pool, then I told last week, there was a bar across the street,

Starting point is 00:35:45 Central City Tavern. Oh, I remember that place, yeah. It had been in two locations. This was at second location, and I had been going there since long since, I mean, 10 years in this first location, and then I would've been there for four or five years. That's right, that was the other place

Starting point is 00:35:58 that was then all of it. One, two, three, how old, how old, how a military, that's right. So I used to go into that place twice a day. I mean, I was there all the fucking time. I had a permanent seat at the bar. They knew me. I knew them.

Starting point is 00:36:13 I brought everybody there. All of my friend, we spend so much time in that bar and both of both locations. And and I would take everybody that I would go on a date with there. Yeah. Right. I went on a date one, one time I went on a Tinder date in the morning or in the afternoon, and then at night, I brought another date there. And the bartender fucked me up.

Starting point is 00:36:35 Because when we got there, he said, what happened to the chick, what happened to, he said her name, what happened to Caroline? And I was like, what? You know, trying to play it off? Yeah, like, you know, like, you're here with her. What happened to, he said her name. What happened to Caroline? And I was like, what? You're like, you know, trying to play it off? Yeah, like, you're like, the girl you were here with earlier. What happened to her? He totally fucking busted me.

Starting point is 00:36:50 And I realized he wasn't trying to, but you don't take girls to the same place if you're trying to date twice. And I'm not trying to live two lives. I was just going on two dates. It was still very rude. Yes. Well, it doesn't matter.

Starting point is 00:37:02 She was the low key kind of hot. Or you don't, it doesn't matter. What are, it's not her feelings don't matter. She was the low key kind of hot Where you don't it doesn't matter what her feelings don't matter She's the low key kind of hot And this went on like this for the whole semester on one hand I was dating this crazy exotic stripper type that would bring girls home. We have a great time What oh? Yes, it's all that in yeah now, you know, it was a crazy exotic stripper type where there's six or seven women at the house all the time Licking my taint. Yeah, big melons bouncing around.

Starting point is 00:37:30 I literally didn't take a shower for the whole semester because I would just be washed and women spit. They would lick me up and down like a cat before I would go to school. The cat licks its paw. They would just say, I gotta go to school, wash my scrum to foot. However, and then on the other hand, I was dating this super sweet girl next door nerdy bookworm type, both amazing women. And neither one of them had a clue. Four about four months. And it didn't matter how careful.

Starting point is 00:37:52 Dun dun dun dun dun. Not four about four. Wow, this story almost got interesting. Well, I was. Deal you actually crawled my social media and discovered evidence and Natalie reached out to her and was like, who are you? I guess she went so low key.

Starting point is 00:38:06 Yeah, I guess she went so low key. And why the fuck was she crawling your social media? What does that mean? Second of all, third of all, why are you putting shit on social media? Yeah. We're trying to date two women at the same time. Why would you, she found evidence?

Starting point is 00:38:18 Like what kind of evidence? Was she fine? The fact that she was living with you? Yeah, exactly. That's really kind of hard to fucking, you know, twist and twirl around, my friend. So I'm in the library studying for a final that I have the next day. No, no, I'm living with Natalie and all my stuff's there.

Starting point is 00:38:47 So I literally pack up my bags, I get in my car and then I drive back to James Island. I thought he was at the library first, and now he packs up. Listen, he's at the library, but now he packs up and now he drives across the bridge over to James Island. He takes the left on Market Street and then a right on Turtle Street.

Starting point is 00:39:03 And then he stops for a pack of cigarettes, but he forgot he put his left, left his lighter back at the library so you know what he does? He makes a U-turn on Donald Street and he goes back over the bridge, but remember, there's traffic so he has to get, you're telling too many details to make this story true. It's I live with two girls, one of them busted me,

Starting point is 00:39:18 I got a lot of blow jobs. In an absolute panic the whole way. So much so that I ran the red light right in front of my apartment Complet, uh, uh, the story is a twist and of course there's a cop chill. Oh, of course there's a cop there. I got pulled over but get this shit the cop knew me. He lived literally three doors down from my unit number. I know three doors down is my favorite band. He had seen all the girls coming in. I wanted to, you like that.

Starting point is 00:39:48 I, I will. Yes, I will. Is that three doors down? I think I said that last time. It's not three doors down. I don't even know what three doors down, song. What is it? Is that Wes Scancellin who's in three doors down?

Starting point is 00:39:58 I remember. I know a few of those. Turned that time here and mixed up. You know what we got to do with T.C.B. TV minus? Yeah. That guy Wes Scancellin, I think he's from Three Dores Down. The crackhead singer, he did about a girl song, Nirvana in the I Heart Media Studios one time.

Starting point is 00:40:14 I'm meeting a meaty friend I do ever. He's doing. That's what it sounded like. It's so all. It's going possibly the worst thing you've ever heard. West Scantlin is the worst singer. And I do. The most interesting thing about this story is that you made a three-door down reference that

Starting point is 00:40:40 made me go to West Scantlin. Sometimes seeing him hanging out with Natalie and some girls we would have over at the pool. So he let me go, but remember this for later. I walk into our apartment and all my stuff is like thrown over the couches. I got an open suitcase with this stuff kind of thrown in its general direction. It's just a...

Starting point is 00:40:56 In your general direction, this is what you said. Yeah. A fuck you! I find to earn my nothing degree! You're getting blowjob and chicken chicken! I said the cop would hang out with the stripper and your friend at the pool! Yes, he lived through your doors down from his unit number, which was three, just in case you're keeping, you know, Kiki's your case, you're keeping score here.

Starting point is 00:41:19 And he pulled him over, but he didn't give him a traffic ticket, because let me guess. The cop is fucking your girl. This is how this story is gonna end. This is like straight out of casting 101. Absolute disaster in there. And Natalie's just fucking screaming as soon as I walk in the door. Who the fuck is Dioia? You've been seeing this go for months.

Starting point is 00:41:36 She told me everything. It all came out. And I'm just trying to uselessly salvage this relationship, but something weird came up. She... You're also uselessly trying to sell this story. You I got pulled over. Natalie and I argued the rest of the night.

Starting point is 00:41:49 And in that argument came out that she had been fucking that cop, the same one that pulled me over for months. And then I realized he let me go out of fucking sympathy, I guess. And- I don't believe this story. I don't believe this story first of all. Second of all, it's totally misogynistic, you're talking about women in this story. And third of all, no one really

Starting point is 00:42:09 does this. I mean, I understand there's lots of cheaters out there and they go to great lengths to make sure that one doesn't realize about the other and all this other stuff. There is, yeah. But those are professional cheaters who understand how to lie and they don't sell those stories on TikTok. Okay? There'm just throwing that out there. They're not 22 and the math class. On Facebook posting pictures of the... That's the right, you don't do that. They're not on social media. The real cheaters aren't really on social media.

Starting point is 00:42:32 The professionals. The professionals aren't on social media because they know that's just a trap, right? But here's the thing. I could have believed the story if you would have said, I was dating this hot hooters waitress and I met a girl at math lab and we fucked one time and I got caught But this whole long story about how you had two girlfriends and you were visiting the same places and going to see the same movie and then the cop caught you and

Starting point is 00:42:54 Surprise Surprise She's actually been fucking my girlfriend the whole time so I was in the right Come on man, this doesn't happen. This shit doesn't happen. You're so full of it, the cop happened to pull you over and the cop happened to be fucking the girlfriend that happened to catch you cheating, that happened at the same day. Doesn't, you know what happened?

Starting point is 00:43:13 You're full of shit, that's what happened. I understand why people hate you. It just wanted to get on TikTok. That's right, you just wanted to get on TikTok and tell this interesting story, which by the way was written as if it was a pilot for a bad television program on the CW. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:43:27 He needs a own skills. He's like, man, this story's gonna be great. I can just see Russell, I can put himself up in the mirror. The story's gonna be great. They're gonna eat it up. Never in TikTok history as a story like this been told. It's got twists. It's got turns.

Starting point is 00:43:40 I'm gonna tell them about Market Street. One, two, three, kick and chicken. And I'm gonna be behind the dumpster. We're gonna be kissing in downtown Charleston. And I'm gonna make sure they know about. One, two, three, kickin' chicken. And I'm gonna be behind the dumpster. We're gonna be kissing in downtown Charleston. And I'm gonna make sure they know about the bridge and how it separates you from the rest You deserve that. That's a four. That part I believe. That part I believe that you somehow made a zero on your final.

Starting point is 00:44:12 No. You're too busy writing movie scripts. The next award winning thriller in the library. Yeah. And the Oscar goes to. And then also hardly for I was in the library. Yeah. And the Oscar goes to

Starting point is 00:44:28 Chicken, a kickin' chicken dickin' Putting my dick in the kickin' chicken By Russell Hartley Russell! Oh, yeah, he was playing that in the- Russell, how did you- This script is full of twists and turns. It's suspense building by every moment.

Starting point is 00:44:47 How did you ever write this? Well, part of it's true, you know? I did go to the chicken and kick the chicken chicken once and I was dating a low-key hot girl. Which means ugly. She had no legs. She's okay, that's it, that's it. It was a business course. It wasn't really important to my major.

Starting point is 00:45:07 And at this point, I hadn't even heard from Dio U yet. And I didn't want to call her because I was afraid. Two days later, I'm dealing with moving Natalie out because the apartment was in my name. But Dio U reaches out to me on Facebook. And poor girl, this girl writes this long-winded paragraph and her not-so-great English saying, I don't really care about Natalie.

Starting point is 00:45:25 I just want to know how you care about me. I mean, this girl really loved me. Oh, we've got to make sure everyone knows how much you're loved. Because, you know, even though you were a dick, the other girl was cheating on you first. Yeah, that means this story really isn't that bad, Russell. You actually, I think you redeemed yourself. I think the cop that was plowing your hot girlfriend

Starting point is 00:45:47 redeems the fact that you were cheating on your not-hot-girlfriends. So, but, you know, listen, Russell is full of wisdom. I just want you to know this. Russell can also let you know how you two can be a part of a three-step. Oh, he does. He gives you instructions. He gives you instructions. He lets you know how he's done it and how you may replicate his success.

Starting point is 00:46:06 That's how they basically do the opposite. Let me never, he just said. People are going to Walmart. People are going to Walmart. Don't take this trip. Don't take this trip. Don't take this trip. Don't take this trip.

Starting point is 00:46:15 Don't buy your produce at DJ Max. Don't do that. Don't go to the chicken chicken shipping on 4th Street. Now let me tell you something. The guy people are going to say, well, Brian, you also tell a lot of stories. Some of them don't sound believable. Yes, but I will tell you the truth about those stories, because I'm a little longer in the tooth than Mr. Russell here.

Starting point is 00:46:32 And the truth about three sums is, they're not great, at least not my experience, because the person who gets left out is you, me. There is somebody to get put out. Yes, because my experience, when the ladies that I was with wanted to have a three-some it's because they really wanted to experiment with their sexuality and that means that you were just the conduit. Yeah, I already knew what I was like. Yeah, they were like, oh this is so hot right.

Starting point is 00:47:00 Can you get us a beer? Yeah, yeah, yeah sure. Go grab a couple of butt lights. Uh, butt light makes me gassy, and I think we're gonna have anal sex later. He did me a favor, go to the store and get me some ciders. Uh, sure, I guess. You'll keep the action going.

Starting point is 00:47:18 Oh yeah, we're gonna be here, don't you worry about that. I'd say you what, I don't think the Crogers, I think the Crogers on this side of town, is all the ciders. Can you go over the bridge? To James Island. Yeah, James Island. You can get some ciders over there. You can get some Charles.

Starting point is 00:47:31 That's right. And we're going to want to fish fry after this. So if you can go catch some fish, I appreciate it. Give it seven to twelve days. Come back. We'll be ready for you. We're just going to go ahead and take a shower. I got cleaned up and ready. We're ready to get be ready for you. We're just gonna go ahead and take a shower and get cleaned up and ready

Starting point is 00:47:46 We're ready to get in a bed with you. Oh, you're so hot Brian That's my experience. That's an unreal treat. I was like they asked me to leave the room Then lock the door And then I was like hey, I got your cider. And okay, be right out doing girl stuff. It's messy, I have my period. Why don't you go downstairs and watch, go on with the wind and then we'll let you know how we're feeling later.

Starting point is 00:48:13 Don't worry, it's still super hot in here. We're ready for you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, okay. I'll be downstairs. Okay, start cooking some dinner. Big potatoes on 250 degrees for seven to 12 hours. Call us when they're done.

Starting point is 00:48:33 We're ready for you. That's my experience with three subs. Let's find out what Russell's is. How I convince my girlfriend to have a three way part two. So I'm at this club in part two. It's actually part one. He's got the part wrong. And Russell can't even keep up with his own bullshit.

Starting point is 00:48:53 I'll keep up with it for every one of the part. Everyone's a night. I mean, that's pretty much the spot to go. When you go off to know, you start to know everybody there because there's other regulars just like you. They're like, what's up? You guys never hang out outside of the club, but you know everybody

Starting point is 00:49:06 basically you're having scrundo fuzz hey scrundo food you're slapping potatoes together your high five you're shooting your shot you're giving advice no one gives a shit about hey hot girlfriend make sure if you're gonna date another one. She's on the other side of James Allen. I'll take a bottle of 10 gray. Yes, sir. Who are you? I'm Russell. I've been coming, I've been every week. For like six years. Okay, thank you, sir. We're gonna need a credit card in.

Starting point is 00:49:48 Do you have any ladies with you because we only give the VIP tables to people that, what, I'm Russell, I got two girlfriends. One of them's on James Island. The other ones were studying for her PhD over at a title table. He's dripping down. She's over at tips and dits. Don't you know me?

Starting point is 00:50:04 Don't want me the big melons. Come on, Bob. It's me. I've been coming here. I'm Sorry, sir. We can't let you Here comes that jackass. Let me get in every week. Thanks. He thinks he knows people here Maybe he's got scissor pretty. I'm not sure poor guy No, you and it's all cool and when you become a regular like I was, and you get the hangout with the promoters and stuff, and as long as you're a cool guy, they're cool with you like hanging out on the table talking to the girls, because the girls just sit around the table board, because there's no guys ever around. So you pretty much get to have your pick.

Starting point is 00:50:36 There's no guys around all the hot girls. No worry about it. Never guys around that, girls. Yeah. Russell, take your pick. Yeah, Russell. Yeah, Russell. Does that make me go to a hot table, hot. Yeah. Never guys around our girls get Russell take your pick Back me go to hot table hot

Starting point is 00:50:54 Russell quick all these hot girls that I got for the promotion that no one's talking to them. I don't know what happens They got Russell's here waving him over well, well, it is gay night at the club. Pick it the litter. Only if the girl that you're hitting on isn't the girl that the promoter has his eyes on. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, You are just ran bunches. You rascal. You're a little letty-ask-o, aren't you? Just run it around making trouble everywhere. Hey, it's me, Russell. Hey, are you with the promoter? Because I like to hit directly on that girl.

Starting point is 00:51:37 For my Dic-Tact videos, of course. Can you sign this release? It's four warning. 80-way is it's no shocker that when girls drink, they start to really loose enough. I mean, the next thing you know, they're dancing like strippers or they were making out Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I took that video instead of calling him Melon's I'm gonna call Sherry. Ah! Oh, Russell. Russell. You devil, you. Stop it, Russell. An Asian woman with blonde hair.

Starting point is 00:52:12 An Asian woman with blonde hair. And stripper, those stripper cherries. Stripper cherries, okay. Making out with one of her friends and I'm like, perfect. Perfect. Perfect. This one's for me.

Starting point is 00:52:24 StanVag, this calls for Rasa. This situation calls for Rasa. Quick, Uber, Uber Eats. Can you get some chicken over here to the gay night at the club? I got a bunch of women making out with him. I need some hot chicken. And I need some hot chicken and the keys to the math lab.

Starting point is 00:52:50 In a six foot one well dressed white guy, hitting on a blaze and is like shooting with a handicap. I mean, it's child's play. What? Now, not that I need to prove any of this stuff, but some of you guys have to prove any of this stuff, but I'm going to desperately try it because I need your affection and the attention

Starting point is 00:53:04 and your love. As it are already following me on my Instagram, has seen the blonde Asian girl. And if you're are proving this stuff, but I'm gonna desperately try because I need your affection as a dead dead in your love. As it are already following me on my Instagram has seen the blonde Asian girl, and if you're on my mailing list, you've seen some explicit details. That's a mailing list. What, it's a mailing list. You've got an actual, like, mailing list?

Starting point is 00:53:14 Oh, yeah, holding lists. It brings stamps on the... Yeah, the letters. You've seen some exclusive photos. You're sending photos of the girls that you've slept with. Did they have a newsletter? I guess we need to sign up. How do we do that? He's like a pretty presence in Charleston. He's just sending about. X-Tree, X-Tree, read all about it. Russell gets laid again.

Starting point is 00:53:37 X-Tree, X-Tree, read all about it. Russell gets pulled over by cop that happens to be fucking his girlfriend! That's where he gets caught cheating on his girlfriend! Ha! Ah! Shave in a haircut, two bits! Hi, digress. Anyways, I didn't even have the part-

Starting point is 00:53:55 But I digress. It's in my newsletter. It's in my newsletter. It's in my newsletter. I'm cool with a 13 to 15 year old crowd. I just poured her a drink from the- I'm great with the middle school 15 year old crowd. I heard a drink. I just poured her a drink from the table. I'm great with the middle school crowd, just as much you know. Hey, well, and we just started chatting up, and it was cool. At the end of the night, I ended up back at her place

Starting point is 00:54:11 because it was a little bit closer than mine. And her place was great. Her parents are rich. It was awesome. Anyways, we did a little bit more than just watch a movie at 3 a.m. And we dated for like, what did you go to second base? We did a little bit more than watch a movie. The cherries were popping.

Starting point is 00:54:26 I fingered her over the jeans. What is that second and a half base? Is that like stealing second? I think it's what they call it? I spell second. I think a year and a half after that. Now in the first month or so of that relationship, no three way to happen.

Starting point is 00:54:37 And we're still figuring each other out. It's called a three sum, not a three way. A three way is a phone call you make. God damn, get a right kid. I could teach this kid a thing or two. I feel like I should remix one of his tiktok Uncle Brian this calls for It's calls for grandpa swimming Grandpa's for me trucks It's called a three sum not a three way son

Starting point is 00:55:03 Also, you're still figuring out kind of where your boundaries are and so on anyways once you get over to that home I optimistically suggest we watch adult films it begins My god, I optimistically suggest that we watch adult films optimistically what did that? What hey What do you think about watching a movie movie night? Yeah, I for to be an adult film. I'm an adult film I'm optimistic you'll see yeah, hey Black Asian girl blonde hair Like keep sending news to my news letter 13 year old boys, free food, best in boys all around the country.

Starting point is 00:55:47 And also, I have the fourth thought to screen the videos that we're gonna watch. Oh, you've the fourth out to screen the videos. What were you going to do? Let me ask you a fucking question, you dipshit. What were you going to do? You're just gonna randomly start putting in DVDs that you don't know what they are?

Starting point is 00:56:04 Let's see, gaping, yeah. The fourth thought, because I'd seen all of know what they are. Let's see. Gaping. Yeah. The fourth all because I'd seen all of them a hundred times. That's right. Gaping anises or big bad bears. Which one should I? What should I do? I'll tell you what I'm gonna put it in the five dischanger. Just see what you want. What do you think about me? You have an anal sex with another guy. I'll check ahead of time. So I know what she's's gonna see so I can make some key suggestions. And during the heat of the moment I'd be like, hey, would you try something like that? And she'd always go, hmm, maybe they always say that.

Starting point is 00:56:33 Oh, they always say that. If I know one thing in my 22 years, 22 and a half years of life, it's the day always say that when I randomly, optimistically, book a porn movie out after I met them at the club because they were a black Asian and six foot one guy getting up to them and giving them a drink is completely random because I visit the bar every week for six weeks wherever one new me and when I hang out with a club for hoarers is never another guy around. That's what I know. That's a life lesson you can take to the bank. Russell said so. String that maybe response and encouraging it and especially the dirty talk during sexy time.

Starting point is 00:57:09 Next thing you know, I hear you talking like a three year old. I don't know. Dirty talk during sexy time. Cherries has the name for tips. Talk about a porn movie like it's I don't know. I mean, Hey, hey, it's an adult movie. It's an adult movie. Sorry. Everybody calls it a porn movie like it's, I don't know, I mean, it's an adult movie. It's an adult movie.

Starting point is 00:57:25 Sorry. That's what everybody calls it a porn movie. I should know better. If I want to be like Russell, I'm not gonna sharpen up my language. Have her download Tinder out of curiosity. Now let me see. You ever download a Tinder out of curiosity?

Starting point is 00:57:39 Curiosity for you or for her? Who's really curious here? Cause I have a feeling you might be curious, Russell. Say this, that picking girls to bring home as a couple from Tinder isn't actually the best option. Cause a lot of times those girls are busted. I've learned that shit the hard way. It's not for everybody, but it's better to go meet

Starting point is 00:57:57 the mountain person, but when you're easing into things, it's a good place to start. Oh, what? What? I think he just said that Tinder girls are ugly. into things, it's a good place to start. Huh? Oh, what? I think he just said that Tinder girls are ugly. His method is just, it's way too short of method. The Russell method. There is the right.

Starting point is 00:58:13 Exactly. The Russell method. I don't know if follow it as a method here. Lamaz is a method. Russell is a mess. Fast forwarding a bit, she does match with a girl and they kind of vibe and she eventually invites her on a date with her. Wait you just said that the Tinder was not the place to meet somebody but now you're telling us that Tinder was the place that you met somebody. Yeah okay follow

Starting point is 00:58:31 on along. Us I'm in like one picture in her profile and we took her to the same venue from one of my earlier stories called Firefly in Studio City. And why are you telling us where you want to cares? You getting paid by these places. YouTube can have a threesome if you come to Firefly City down in Studio City. Watch threesome's happen all the time. Many hot girls with no one around. Except for the promoter and his girlfriend. Hit on her first.

Starting point is 00:59:01 Meet Russell from TikTok. Get laid all the way across the bridge. We took this girl on her proper date. I mean, she showed up. She was a little thicker than we anticipated, but whatever we rolled with it, just to see how it would go. And it ended up going really well. She came back home with us and done deal. The newcomer left in the morning and that right there was the time I realized that this was the beginning of a beautiful relationship and then we started doing that like every month. But here's some rules. But here's the newcomer. The newcomer. The newcomer. The newcomer laughs. What are you? How I convince my okay. You're gonna have a three way

Starting point is 00:59:37 part five. Here are the rules. Here are the rules that she. It's part five, but it's really part four because he can't count. He started at number two. So they're don't ask me He said for me these are rules that I'm giving to you from lessons that I've learned because if you try to have a three-way with your girlfriend If you follow these rules, you have a much better time. I promise He promised money back guarantee I promise Coming over from James Island looking to get a late by two women. I promise these rules will work Come to fireside at studio city Tell him you're with Russell

Starting point is 01:00:17 For the threesome conference from a code Russell who Russell he said who's Russell Also, you're 12. Yeah, also, yeah, also you're 13. I got this newsletter. I got this newsletter in the mail from my friend Russell. He said all the hot chicks were here talking to nobody. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Oh, number one, always let her pick the girl.

Starting point is 01:00:44 It don't, I'm just gonna not say anything to that, Well number one always let her pick the girl I'm just gonna not say anything to that because what of course Bring some out of here She's clean I Sacred cherries out and put them in your mouth. I got this one, I got this one at the Walmart parking lot. She's gonna be a doctor any day now. She's working on her thesis. She just won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Starting point is 01:01:17 There's sit on your face. That's her scrundo with your chin. Yeah, here you two fuck for my pleasure. I am Russell. I'm better than the one I'm packing that. I'm better than the DJ Max produce section. Look at those melons. What bucket you asked for?

Starting point is 01:01:46 Doesn't matter how hot she is. It doesn't matter what she looks like. None of that stuff. Let her choose the girl because no matter what, it's something that you're doing with your girlfriend. So that's cool anyways. And this is actually pretty solid advice. That is.

Starting point is 01:01:58 Yeah, before you force sex on your girlfriend, it's a restable offense. Yeah. Takes a role in this. Wow, Russell, what a gentleman. offense. Yeah. Ticks for all of these. Wow, Russell, what a gentleman. No, right. Sometimes before I have sex with him and I ask him if it's okay.

Starting point is 01:02:10 Yeah. That's awful. That's awful. If you pick the girl, that is a recipe for disaster. She's going to be so jealous. It will never happen again. Always let her pick. Rule number two, this one should be obvious,

Starting point is 01:02:24 but where protection? The first thing your girl is is gonna be shuffled about is the jealousy number two though is is she safe You get what I'm saying? So just wear protection and work out better for all of you guys and believe me. I know What is this a public safety announcement? I actually wanted some rules It's I think you're gonna give me some tips and tricks on how to get laid You're telling me to put on a rubber before I have sex with a stranger Yeah, thanks, Ross. So where'd you learn that?

Starting point is 01:02:46 Sex ed, right after math class. That one time. Oh, it sucks, but you got to do it. Rule number three, don't try to encourage player three to hang out with you guys the next day. I know you're going to want to feel like, oh, let's be friends and all that. Don't do it, man. Kick her right out of the door. Get the unknown.

Starting point is 01:03:00 I already get out before my girlfriend wakes up. Hey, it's 5.30 in the morning. You got to go the uber's waiting outside like down the street. The uber's waiting the next neighborhood over Run run Your girlfriend's gonna be super jealous. It is not gonna work and lastly you're gonna catch a little heat So just keep your cool. Let your girlfriend know it's okay What lastly, you're gonna catch a little heat, so just keep your cool, let your girlfriend know it's okay. What? You're gonna catch a little heat.

Starting point is 01:03:28 Yeah, that was kind of an anticlimactic way to end. You're gonna catch a little heat. You mean you're gonna get a little... That's a little simplest? What do you mean? I don't understand. I hear you use it forever. I thought you were using a rubber, Russell.

Starting point is 01:03:37 I thought this worked out every time. I think we found a new person that we can have fun with. Oh yeah. Russell is a ball-ass. It feels to me like actually, Russell is a very inex It feels to me like actually Russell is a very inexperienced young man. Like that Russell may not have all that much experience

Starting point is 01:03:50 out there in the dating world. Because some of the things that he's saying and words that he's using just doesn't make a lot of sense. But maybe to another young man, then, you know. That's how I say it earlier, do not follow Russell's advice, do you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:05 Yeah. Don't worry about three sums. Don't worry about concentrating on one woman at a time. Yeah. Get that down. Yeah, get that down. And then work on two women at a time. Yes.

Starting point is 01:04:14 And if your girlfriend's into that kind of thing, let her lead the charge. And if you're into that kind of thing, find a girl that likes that kind of thing, right? Exactly. And then understand that it's a very complex situation when you get involved in a three sum, unless it's just, you know, at the swingers party, it's just like,

Starting point is 01:04:27 it's an ass flying everywhere. Melons and Jerry's. Yeah, you're just sticking your thing and you're sticking your dick and many holes at a time. Woo-hoo! I brought some pineapple. By the way, Astrid knows shit. Got a brand new welcome map for it. Did you see that?

Starting point is 01:04:41 It's got pineapples on it. I was like, Astrid, you know that's the international sign for swingers? And she's like, what? No, it's that? It's got pineapples on it. I was like, Astrid, do you know that's the international sign for swingers? And she's like, what? No, it's pineapples. It's really not just pineapples, like a pineapple in itself. It's the upside down pineapple. Oh, it's the upside down pet.

Starting point is 01:04:54 Well, a couple of more of them. Not just all point that out. Anyway, don't follow Russ's advice. He's an idiot. Just throw that out there. And you should never have two girlfriends at the same time that don't know about each other. That's just a don't shit thing to do.

Starting point is 01:05:04 Here's the thing, don't cheat. You want to know why? Yeah. Because you're gonna get cheated. Yeah. That's what happens. That's what happens. You think you're just... That's not all there's just a bad thing to do. It doesn't feel good for anybody involved. You'll get that when you grow up. You think you think it's cute and it's fun and I'm playing games and all this other stuff, but then it hurts people's feelings and you're going to realize someday and maybe that day might be not be right now. It might be many years from now, but you're going to realize that that was a very hurtful thing to do and yeah not to mention I can barely get one girl from the loan to at the same time

Starting point is 01:05:34 doesn't happen except for that one time but I threw up I threw up I almost had it I almost had I almost became a cheater yeah I almost did. Anyway, what's that? You didn't do it though. Yeah, and I feel better about it. I actually feel better about it. Yes, I feel better. You got a clean record. That's right, never cheated.

Starting point is 01:05:51 www.tcbpodcast.coms where you go. You can leave all the show notes, find out more about Chrissy and I, and get our entire library, audio and video. You can also leave us a message. Here's the deal. We're giving away $500 near Near the Fourth of July weekend, to encourage people to go to at the commercial break and join Instagram or go to youtube.com slash the commercial break.

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Starting point is 01:06:31 So the entire month of June, we're doing this. So make sure you go, you subscribe, you leave your comment, we're giving away $500 in cash, that's because we love you. Like and subscribe, leave a review if you want to, and make sure you text us or leave us a voice mail at 470-5848-449.

Starting point is 01:06:47 Remember, at the commercial break on Instagram, and or youtube.com slash the commercial break, leave a comment on one of our videos or one of our posts, and we will put you into the running for $500 to be given away near the fourth of July weekend. We're super excited about this. Yes, nice. It's our little gift to you.

Starting point is 01:07:04 It's our little gift to you. It's our little gift to you. We're trying to encourage more people to get on there and engage with us. So, there you go. What else? Like that's it, bro. No, no, how much other damage I can do. I want to say thank you to... I want to say thank you to Zach Efron's people who once again reached out to us.

Starting point is 01:07:21 We're sorry that we didn't get to you today. We had very important information to give away with Russell here. And so it just didn't make it work. And all the other guests that we actually didn't have on the show today. Thank you for reading all the way through the email. We certainly appreciate it. And until next time, all I got to say is best to you.

Starting point is 01:07:38 Best to you, Brian. And goodbye. Bye. The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays, and now Fridays. Bye! on Instagram and join the Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Holtley, with additional content provided by Tina Cano. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

Starting point is 01:08:30 I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. you

The Commercial Break - Two Girls - One Schmuck!

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