The Commercial Break - Walking The Cardboard Carpet!

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

EP #748: Bryan gets invited no where. But when he does, he is the "guest of dishonor" walking the red cardboard carpet for a wanna-be MTV Reality star! And...As the 12 Hours of TCB approaches, Bryan and Krissy are halfway between excitement and existential crisis. This episode kicks off with updates about the event’s May 31st launch—including the herculean logistics involved, the guest lineup, and whether Apple Podcasts will let them get away with hitting the RSS feed with 12 episodes in one day. Later in the episode, Bryan recounts a bizarre party experience involving a couple who brought their own snacks (uninvited), lingered way too long, and talked about spiritual healing until everyone else left. He uses this encounter to illustrate why “open invite” parties are dangerous—and how saying “you can bring a friend” can escalate into a full-blown hostage situati TCBits Music: WSHIT studio sponsor, Tina, Tan & Tweeze Watch EP #748 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Youtube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tcbpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.tcbpodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ CREDITS: Hosts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bryan Green⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ &⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Krissy Hoadley⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits / TCBits Music: Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And I just think you're right. Hold on, hold on. And the moral of this story, always clean your head and your shafts after every hole. That about does it for me, Kit Thorson, in the WSHIT Sports Tonight Studio. Hambone and Holey coming up in just a few minutes, but it's the top of the hour. Let's take a listen to a message from our exclusive sponsor, Tina, Tam, and Tweez. At Tina's you can be your best, At Tina's you can be your best At Tina's you can leave the rest and relax your mind Because at Tina's you're the star

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Tina Tannen Tweed Tina Tannen Tweed Tina Tannen Tweed Tina, Tan and Tweez. Tina, Tan and Tweez. On this episode of The Commercial Break Okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer? Yeah, like a beer now.

Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks, you want me to chip in a couple bucks. I'm the guest of honor. At a party where Vogue was going to film me. And you want me to pay a couple bucks for a Natty Ice out of your cooler, DJ Dan.

Guest of honor. I guess the honor. I guess the honor. I guess the dishonor. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris and... Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there with the podcast universe.

Thanks for joining us on this lead up into the 12 hours of TCB. Everybody getting very excited. Very excited. Chrissy, mainly. Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Will she, won't she?

I don't know. Tune in and see. Will she, won't she? I'll't know. Tune in and see. I'll be here. I'm excited. I'm excited too. I am excited. I like a good challenge. This is a big one, but we're going to tackle it. For those of you that don't know, the 12 hours of TCB, May 31st, that's a Saturday. We're going to be starting 9, 10 a.m. Keep your phones close and you'll get that ding when that... Make sure you're following us and then you get that ding when the first of many episodes comes into your phone that day. Ding ding ding. So many episodes we had to contact Apple to make sure that they wouldn't delist us on the RSS directory.

If we put out 12 episodes in one go but um so a little bit about the minutiae of the 12 hours of TCB which we're talking about this week so everyone get used to it so Chrissy and I are actually going to be doing six or seven episodes on that day just about an hour before you hear it so that then we can edit it and publish it on the hour on the next hour and in between those hours when we're recording you're gonna be hearing an episode with a celebrity guest that we are pre-recording because God bless us, that would never work out in our favor

should we try and do that on the day. Though we did have some guests that offered. Yeah. And one of those guests was Tom Papa, who I like very much. He's like, I just think he's one of the coolest guys out there Another middle-aged white man saying Tom Papa is cool. I'm probably is cool. I like Tom Papa I've loved him for a long time. Yes, and

So I wanted to share that I'm like keeping an eye on Tom Papa and all social media I have been for a long time. I like I was following him on last year. Yeah had him on last year So yeah, we've certainly been following him closely. Well, the commercial break has at least been following him since then. We have this like sly move that we do on the commercial break, which might be part of the reason why no one follows us, is that we only follow the people who come on the show.

Why? I don't know. I don't know. Some strategy we were told to do. I don't think it's working out in our, I don't think any social don't know. Some strategy we were told to do. I don't think it's working out in our... I don't think any social media strategy is working out in our favor, but we are desperately trying. Just know that. We are cutting up the exact same content we put everywhere else and putting it on Instagram.

So much of it. So much of it. So much. So I'm watching his social media and I think, you know, you and I have been talking about this, grateful bread tour which he is doing right now. It's his stand-up tour. He's running around doing theaters and he's got all the imagery and iconography of the Grateful Dead and very interested to hear whether I think he is he must be a fan of the Grateful Dead. He must be. But I love that so much. And I was telling Astrid, I'm like, we should do this. We should do a Grateful Dead kind of thing for merch

for the commercial break. To which she said, don't you think Tom might be a little bit upset if you just took his idea and ripped it off? And I go, it's the age of AI, babe. Everybody's ripping off everybody. Don't worry about it. So I said, let me go in that little AI thing

that I've been playing around with. Let me see if it can whoop up a commercial break logo that would be a Grateful Dead-ish type logo. Now, I'm not the world's biggest Grateful Dead fan. I do like them very much. I actually think they're the greatest American rock and roll band that has ever been and maybe ever will be,

but not because I personally think, not because they're my personal favorite band ever, but just because they are the true American rock and roll story, right? Okay, we've talked about this before. So I go and I say, give me the image, Chatty. Go for it. Give me that commercial break logo in Grateful Dead Imagery.

And I'm going to send this to Marco so we can put it on YouTube or maybe we'll put it on, maybe we'll do something besides put a clip of our show on Instagram and I'll show this. Chrissy, it's, it's a tie dyed piece of poop is what it is. It's what it came up with. A tie dyed piece of poop that has the commercial break neon logo. That says it all.

Chad GBT thinks so little of the commercial break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie dye. Where did it get this idea that that was the imagery that should be associated with the commercial break? I don't know. I really don't. But it's just another example of why you shouldn't trust everything that you find on chat. GPT, Chrissy.

That's true. However, we have been getting a lot of feedback on the songs that we have been playing that I have been making through AI. Now to be clear, I write all the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go out there and do that. None of these lyrics are written by AI because if there's one thing I've been known for in

my life, it is my lyricism. I am a poet at heart. Sunny Side Up! Sunny Side Up is all you need to know. Exhibit A. Exhibit A, sunny side up. Exhibit B, dapper dialogue. Oh, it's not total shit, says the producer.

Just tie-dyed shit. Yeah, just tie-dyed shit. So lest you think that I am just asking GT to do this whole cloth or Udio Studio, whatever I'm using, Udio Studio is a weird name for it by the way, Udio Studio. But anyway, I give it the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go. Well, the other day, I decided, what if I just went out there, What if I just found a bunch of reviews and asked chat GPT or Udi O Studio to make me a pop song based on nothing but the reviews? Now if you've been listening to the commercial break you'll know that this song played in

front of an episode earlier this week because it was just too good to even let it wait one minute. Hot off the presses it had to go off the door. He sent that out in the evening and it was a rousing hit. It was a rousing success. Yes. Everybody agreed, TCB is terrible. The worst to you. It's very catchy and hilarious.

Oh my God. And we have so much feedback about it. People were going wild. They loved it. And somebody said, are those really reviews? Well, you can't get reviews to rhyme, so I had to take lines from certain reviews and piece them together. And I took a little artistic liberty with some of the wording around some of them

so that I could get it to be like a catchy song that actually runs. The spirit is there. The spirit is there. Trust me, if you heard it in the song, it's the sentiment of someone out there, probably most people out there. Let's be honest about it. TCB is terrible.

Alright, so for your own edification and at your request, in case you did not hear it, TCB is terrible or as Astrid said it should be named, worst to you. Yeah, worst to you. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Ryan's mouth. This podcast is fucking sad. This podcast is fucking sad. Is this what we think is funny now? How do I turn it off?

My ears are staying out. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? at least I didn't pay They left the funny behind What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul Brian is a hack, these two aren't funny and so old Why all the hype? How did this get made? So many episodes, not with which are great. TCB is terrible. Worst show you could do.

TCB is terrible. Worst to you. I like the harmonization afterwards. Oh, it's great. It really is fantastic. I love it. Oh my God. So great.

Thank you, Udio Studio, for one of the laps I'm getting this week because that was great. And by the way, someone actually did say that in an email. Worse to you? No, well, worse to you, that's a joke that many people have said. That's not particularly original. We say best to you, they say worst to you, worst podcast ever. But they said, I'm deaf in my defense. So the actual comment went, I kind of like this show, but I'm deaf in my defense.

So if you're reading it, I guess it's okay. We just talked about the in my defense too. Yeah. In my defense, in my defense. If you have to be defended, if you're starting in my defense, then it's already bad. Like Chrissy said, in my defense, I have to be drinking at all these. I have to stay up till four in the morning. So anyway, thanks to everyone who's written in. We're having a lot of fun with it. It's a week full of musical charm here on the commercial break. Yes. Experimentation.

Musical charm and disarm. Yes, and experimentation for sure. So the P Diddy trial started in case you didn't know. In case you're living under a rock, the P Diddy trial started in case you didn't know, in case you're living under a rock, the P Diddy trial has started and wow. Wow. Wow, I mean, if one third, one tenth of what is being said is even close to the truth, and we're only on like day one or two,

but if one, first of all, the video with Cassie of her being dragged down the hallway by her hair. I can't even watch it. I saw it once and I can't watch it. It is fucking intense, man. It's awful. It's intense and it's awful. And I'm sorry, if you're a man,

you're not a man if you treat somebody that way. You're not a man if you treat another human that way, let alone a woman. And I know that chivalry is dead and equal and all that other bullshit, but I just am a firm believer in chivalry. And one of those things is that you never touch a woman in anger for any reason except self-defense. That's it. Period. End of sentence. And this does not look like self-defense to me. And I don't think there's

Oh no, he's like coming after her. He's coming after her. He's running after her. He's dragging her by her hair. He's throwing things at her and he's got a million bodyguards. He doesn't need any self-defense. No. He is the opposite of self-defense. He has a whole crew of people defending him. Even that right there is enough for me to say, lock away, put him away for a little bit.

But then all of the other drama that has come out around this is so many people saying so many things that are just, quite frankly, base, violent, and nasty. P. Diddy was, is not the superstar, you know, R&B mogul that we thought he was. I mean, I don't know who we thought he was, but... And I don't know what... We didn't think he was that. Yeah. Who hot, who not. You not, P. Diddy. He just wasn't. And now this is making me... I say all this... Oh, he seemed like a fun-loving guy that liked to party. Maybe he was a little bad boy. I

mean, he had the whole bad boy records, but... Yes. I mean, I did not know all of that was hiding underneath the surface. And for years. Decades. Decades. Yeah. He certainly had a reputation for having a strong arm when needed. He certainly had a reputation for not shying away from threats or violence when he wanted

to get something done or he thought you were wronged. I mean, that was the guy's whole image, bad boy records. And people who worked for him said he was a real tyrant at times. But until a year or two ago, I don't think anybody really could have conceived the depths at which the depravity that was going on. And here's two things that I just think this makes me think. Number one, did Diddy have

anything to do with Tupac Shakur's death? Because if you're capable of all this, aren't you capable of that? And a lot of people for a long time have believed that he had something to do with it. I'm sure there's some kind of involvement. Some kind of involvement. But then, number two, and I think maybe even more damning, how many people went to these parties and knew that this shit was going on and have not ever and not now said a fucking word. Nobody, nobody, no famous person, no Beyonce, no, I mean, you could go on and you could name people forever, up to and including, I don't know,

the other day I saw like Seinfeld or somebody was at these, I can't remember, some comedian. Well, I mean, a lot of people were at these parties. It was a big deal every year, his white party. And I mean, I think there's a difference between going to a party and mingling around and having some drinks and leaving. And then what was happening behind the scenes

at these parties or after the party. Couldn't agree with you more. Being there doesn't implicate you in some crazy, illegal, violent sex party. That's not the truth. But there are certainly people who went to those parties, who had to have known something was going on or participated in something or were forced to do something or were part of something. And no one, and I mean no one in the celebrity, you know, a group of celebrities, big, big old blanket here,

has said a fucking word? No one? The only person I have heard that has talked about this is Howard Stern. What did he say? This is what he said. And this is Howard's story and so I might be bastardizing it, and you can text me and tell me if you know something different. But what he said was he was invited

to one of these white parties, and that he went, and that he was put in a cordoned off area at the house, and he was not allowed to go to any other part of the house. And the cordoned off area where he was was not like where all the other big time celebrities were.

That he was kind of just like shoved in a corner and had to stay there. Like a little rope? Yes, like with a rope. No. Yes, that's the way he tells the story. And that he was like, you know. Not in a corner. I'm sure.

Why would he, he wouldn't stay. He didn't stay. He left. I mean, I would too. Yeah. I'm not going to, you invited me here to put me into a corner. I can't even go into the house. What are you talking about?

That's the kind of thing that happens to Brian Green and Howard Stern. Because I have been to parties. Where they put you in a corner? I have waited so long to tell this story. It wasn't you. I don't think that went, did you go with me to the party at the house in the mansion at Simcoe FM?

No, I did not. Okay. All right. All right. I'm going to tell this story in a few minutes. Well, on the opposite side of the break, I'll tell the story and you will be fascinated. I remember you did tell me, I remember hearing about this mansion party. The My Sweet 16 party that I ended up showing up at.

Yeah, I remember talking about that. That's right. And not because I knew that it was a My Sweet 16 party that I ended up showing up at. That's right. And not because I knew that it was a My Sweet 16 party. Yeah, I did not go with you. All right, I'll tell you the story. Oh, it was me and Cam, I think. I think it was me and Cam that ended up duped into going to My Sweet 16 party. And let me tell you about this party.

I will in just a few minutes. But if you go to a party and they're coordinating you off and there was like security, armed security, not letting Howard go anywhere. Yeah. Why? Why wouldn't he be able to go anywhere? Well, because he's a huge mouthpiece.

That's right. For the world. You got it. You got it. Because he is a huge blabber fucking mouth. It's just like, no one's ever gonna tell Brian a secret. My family stopped talking to me because they don't want to hear it on a secret. My family stopped talking to me

because they don't want to hear it on the air. They don't want to hear it on the radio. This is just like, it befuddles me and no one has come out in the defense of any of these alleged victims. And no one has come out. And I think other victims have come out in defense of the other victims.

No one's coming out in defense of him. No one's coming out in defense of him. No one's coming out in defense of him. Well, because I think everyone pretty much knows they got his number. When you have 65,000 gallons of lube in your basement. Yeah, and this isn't just one person. This is world's tons of people coming out from over the years. What I'm, I guess my finer point

is that none of these celebrities have come out. Like these people who were at the parties, who may have known, who saw something, who could have just like had an inkling that something was going on. Like, you know, not everyone's super sharp, but a lot of people are, have good intuition. And they go, huh, what's going on in that back room over there?

And why are these people, and why is this person completely plunked out? And why is that person doesn't have control over their arms and legs? Like... Well, I don't know. What I'm gathering is that was like a very, very inner circle, but basically the people that were in the room

with these people that were drugged and incapacitated. Intersting to them and you're gonna erect them. But I saw a video of like Leo DiCaprio at some of these parties and he was conked out, Justin Bieber and he was conked out. There's a lot of celebrities that were in like really weird states of mind that videos are now coming out from back in the late 90s, early 2000s.

And they just look like they're in a different frame of mind altogether, like not their right mind. So anyway, listen. I guess it's all gonna come out. Yeah, whatever the prosecution has against him. And listen, if this is a witch hunt, this is all legend, and innocent until proven guilty, I think one thing he's clearly guilty of is battering. That's for

sure. Assault and battery without any doubt, like aggravated assault and battery without any doubt. And for that, there is indisputable evidence, indisputable proof that that happened and he needs to have some time to think about that on his own, right? And he needs to make amends for that. But if any of this other stuff is true, throw away the key. Now, if he's innocent, I'll be the first one to come on here and say they had it wrong. There's no way he's innocent. There's smoke, there's fire. There's like so much evidence and so many people. It's it. That's it.

And you know there's videos. He's not innocent. No, and you know there's videos. You know there's videos. Pictures, whatever. Videos, people went home and took pictures of themselves, battered, bruised in different states. You know that there's all kind of shit

that's just gonna come up through the woodwork. And I think he knows. I think he knows that this has now gotta be a, it's gotta be a trial of public opinion, and that's the only way that he's going to win, is if for some reason he gets the jury to believe that the government is after him for some reason. And we see that works all the time.

So, you know, welcome to 2020 fucking five. Now let's have, let's be optimistic. Let's be optimistic. Yeah, let's be optimistic that the prosecution gets this one right. And by the way, the government does go after people all the time that are innocent. So, well, yes, yeah.

I'm playing both sides of the fence. I'm like a Perry Mason today. I'm like, I'm trying to, trying to balance the, what do they call that? Balance the levers of justice, the scales of justice, Chrissy. Perry Mason. Perry fucking Mason, that's me. I am an investigator with a keen eye

and a good sense of smell. They're not going after somebody who's got that much money and that much power without cause. True story. And without a whole shitload of lube. That's all I gotta say. Big baby oil. Yeah, big baby oil. Big baby oil is framing P. Diddy because they have been moving oil across state lines illegally. And now big lube is after P. Diddy. Big lube. Can a man enjoy his lube?

Can a man have gallons? Can't a man take baths in lube? I literally have a lube jacuzzi in my house. Baby oil isn't even lube is the thing. Oh, but it is. It can be, it's not the proper lube. It's a tanning enhancer, is what I like to call it. I have gallons of baby oil too. I put it all over me before I go to the tanning enhancer, is what I like to call it. I have gallons of baby oil too.

I put it all over me before I go to the tanning bed. I slide right in and I slide right out. Baby oil is the worst kind of lube. If you're using baby oil for lube. Yeah, you're doing it wrong. Yeah, well, it's like a last minute, holy shit. Do we have anything in the house that could work, right? I'd rather use lotion before I use baby oil.

That's all I gotta say. All right. Well, those are my personal preferences. That's good to know, Mr. Mason. 530! I sure hope the retirement village is listening. You can bet Judy is. Joan.

Joan. Joan is definitely not listening. Joan's on to you. Yeah. I'm not worried about Joan. Well, that's true. Joan is onto me. She's going to keep tabs on you. I bet you a thousand bucks that Joan hates me, but Owen thinks the show is great. That's true. Owen's listening. He's like, I'll be right back, Joan. I got to go to the grocery store.

That's funny. He hasn't been to the grocery store by himself in 26 years. He's sitting out in the public's parking lot. Best to you, Brian, best to you. All right, let's take a break and I'll tell the story about my sweet 16 party. I can't wait. Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us in reply, and so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at it. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email also,

tcbpodcast.com. And while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the Contact Us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at The Commercial Break and watch the episodes at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game. You wanna play? Come on. Bye. This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip, and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner, and there will be no rest for the weary there either.

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algorithm all the time because, you know, my algorithm. And he's just like, seems like a lonely Midwesterner. Maybe he lives in Canada, not even sure. Here's how he looks, you know, now maybe I'll send this video to Marco so he can put it up there. Seems like a nice enough guy, likes to tell jokes, just sits in his chair all day long and just reel after reel tells terrible jokes and says weird stuff into the camera. But nothing offensive. He doesn't get into politics.

He doesn't talk about women in a particularly terrible way. I mean, you know, he's just one of those guys. He just thinks he's funny, right? He's got his own audience. But to his defense, he's got, already got way more likes than 99% of our posts. And this is the post. Here, let me play it for you. right? He's got his own audience. But to his defense, he's got, already got way more likes than 99% of our posts. And this is the post. Here, let me play it for you. To the tune of Gangster's Paradise, we've been spending most our lives watching streaming

and eating potato chips. We've been spending most our lives watching streaming and drinking our Z-Cola. And he thinks that, that's just great for him. He thinks that's funny. And listen, I most our lives watching streaming and drinking RC Cola. And he thinks that's just great for him. He thinks that's funny. And listen, I would make it rhyme at least, but okay, whatever, to each their own. To each their own. So the year is the year. And we have, Christy and I have now left Clear Channel, and I am working in marketing. I've started my own internet marketing company. I can sell you SEOs.

Top of the Googles. Top of the Googles. How about some pay-per-clicks? You know those ones right up top, like you can pay to get there, and that's gonna make, boom, your business out of control. 10X your business for $45,000 a month reporting what's that Chrissy sold SEOs too. I went to another another SEO company. Yes one much it's

not the point of the story but but then about two or three years in to me owning this business with Raphael, having this business with Raphael, I got a strange phone call from a mutual friend that had worked at Clear Channel with us. The mutual friend says, there is a Nigerian oil man. Now instantaneously I'm skeptical because Nigerian oil men, it doesn't necessarily have the best connotation in the world. Not that I want to paint all Nigerians the same way, but Nigerian oil scam is like the phrase you use when you've been duped online.

That's what you use, right? I have $50 million in a bank account. If you could give me $5, then I could get you $5 million of it. You know, the whole thing anyway. Yeah. So she says, there's a Nigerian oil man here. He's very prominent. He's very rich.

And he has an idea to start an online radio station. Well online radio stations at that time were just becoming kind of like a thing. Yeah, they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station. Yeah, most of the time they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station. You would take the feed from the terrestrial station, you would put it streaming on a website, you would go to the radio station's website, click play,

and then the feed would come up, the same feed you were hearing over air. That was revolutionary in the sense that you could be in Chicago and listening to Atlanta's radio stations where before you could never do that unless it was a clear night and the wind was blowing to the west or whatever the fuck all that shit works. Anyway, but what was becoming fad is for people like individuals to buy these like rather inexpensive licenses for music and then they would have their own radio station online.

They'd build a website, you'd press play, and they would be the one, they'd have their own radio station online, basically is what was happening. And this is the during the time of Ustream, like very early live streaming technology. And this is before or right as podcasting is starting, like maybe the same year.

So podcasting is not a thing, certainly not like it is now. And this is kind of revolutionary, cool, cutting edge at the time. And he wants to start one, but he doesn't know how and he has no idea who's gonna run it. This is an ego project for him, a vanity project for him. So, and I've told this story before, so I meet a man named Simon Guabadia. Now those of you, there's

gonna be just a few of you out there who are gonna know this. If you're a real Housewives of Atlanta fan. That's right. You're gonna know Simon Guabadia as the ex-husband of Portia. Portia, who got married to Simon Gwabadia after falling for the same scam that Simon has been running on everybody, that he is a Nigerian oil man who has millions and millions of dollars, who is a very successful human being, who has created many businesses, all of them worth billions of dollars. There's only one problem. None of it is true, none of it.

He actually is a guy from Nigeria that came to America illegally, got kicked out of the country, came back under a different name, got kicked out of the country again, came back a third time under a different name. And now he is currently sitting in a detention center, an ICE detention center,

because Donald Trump don't play that. I hope he don't play that anymore. So now the latest anybody has ever has heard of Simon is that he is sitting in an ICE detention center, waiting to get deported back to wherever it is he came from or wants to go or they want to send him and then he will never be allowed back in the United States. Once Portia found all this out, she divorced him. Anyway, he also got us.

He got, he scammed us. He scammed us. He told us we had hundreds of thousands. He asked me, how much would it cost to build an online radio station? And I went- Meanwhile too, he's like picking you up in what? The Rolls or the Ghost? Rolls Royce Phantom.

The Phantom, yeah. The Phantom. He's picking me up in a Phantom. He's driving me around town. Yeah, going to the hottest restaurants, places, spending all kinds of money. Buying, you know, thousands of dollars in bottle services, taking me to studios, meeting famous people, parties with red carpets. He's wooing me to come over and work for him because I'm like, I'm not going to do, I'm not going to leave the job that's paying me okay money. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest about it, I've never been

rich, but you know, I'm making a living. And I know what I'm doing and I helped start this company and I don't want to leave it for a wing and a prayer and He is wooing me, showing me that He's got the means to not only pay for this, but make it happen the right way. And that's the one condition I had. I need a staff, this needs to be a job, you need to be able to at least provide one year of financing for this. And then an additional six months, if it's not making its way at that point, then we can all say, maybe this didn't work,

or we have to retool it. And he said, make me the budget and bring it to me, to which I did. And I'll never forget, I got this, I put the staff together from people that he knew and people that I knew. There was a big meeting at one of his restaurants that he quote unquote owned,

which turned out he didn't ever owned it in the first place. But anyway, I went- He was an investor. He was an investor, which meant that he pretended he put money into it. And then he took money out of the till to pay for Brian's bottle service at the hottest restaurants in Atlanta. And so I go upstairs, it's me and him and our mutual friend, we have this big meeting, I explain to him that this is going to be between $600,000 and $800,000 on the low end

for a year to pay for everybody and make this work. And he says, and he signs it, done deal, right? Without questioning any of it. And I was like, I come back downstairs, there's like 20 people waiting for me and I'm like, green light, go kids. Yeah, you're like, we're doing it. Yeah, we're doing it. And within weeks, we had a space, we had bought equipment, we had the real deal, we did it the right way. We had like an actual radio station. You did. I went over there quite a few times.

Cameras, microphones, radio boards, thousands of yards of wire that somebody else helped me set up, luckily. I mean, we just put it together. It was an amazing feat. We did it in like two weeks and we got that bad boy up and running. And we met many people along the way, celebrities and otherwise. A lot of the Real Housewives of Atlanta stopped by. This was what we called a genre-free radio station. So every color, every race, every creed, every style of music, we had tons of different,

it was kind of a good idea. Oh yeah, it was. I mean, because there were blocks of hours where people had their own shows. And it could be anything. It could be hip hop, it could be R&B Yes. And it could be anything. Could be hip hop. It could be R&B and soul. Could be rock and roll.

I did the morning show. And you know, essentially an early version of the commercial break. Much worse, but an early version of the commercial break. And we would do that a couple hours in the morning. And then at late at night, there would be, you know, LA Reads children were doing a show. Anyway, we met many people.

And one day, Simon comes in with somebody that somebody related to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And right now I won't say the name, but actually I'm gonna say the name, Kim Zoliak. Remember Kim? Oh yeah, of course. Okay, early in the show's history, you know what I mean,

the Real Housewives of Atlanta history, there was a lady named Kim Zoliak who- Zolciak. Zolciak. Remember Kim? Oh yeah, of course. Okay, early in the show's history, you know what I mean, the Real Housewives of Atlanta history, there was a lady named Kim Zoliak, who- Zolsiak. Who was on the show and she had a boyfriend and the boyfriend was married and the boyfriend was referred to as Big Papa. Big Papa. Big Papa was not almost ever on camera,

but he was just known as Big Papa. Mm-hmm. But people who knew things here in Atlanta knew exactly who Big Papa was. He was a well-heeled real estate developer, quote unquote. Yeah. Yeah. He was another Simon Guabaria, it turned out, but okay, all right. Simon comes in with this lady, not Kim, but another lady, who is a person who is

friendly with Big Papa. And they are going to throw a party. And this party is going to be covered by some of the biggest press outlets in the world, Elle magazine, Vogue, early TMZ. I remember you talking about this party, because I think you did try to get me to go. Yes, I think I did try to get you to go. I was like, no. I don't know what the reason was. Normally I would be right there with you, but yeah, I did not go.

Rolling Stone magazine. Everybody was going to be there. But the coup de grace was it was going to be filmed by MTV for a reality show for like a reality show about fancy parties, you know, big lavish parties that were going to be thrown. And this was going to be thrown at a mansion directly across the street from the governor's mansion here in Atlanta. Now if you know Atlanta, then you know that the governor's mansion is on a street called

West Paces Ferry, which is the most expensive real estate in the state. These are huge estates, opulent, crazy houses. Al Capone bought a house for his wife right next to the governor, and it's like a six acre compound called like the Pink Mansion or the Pink Palace or something like that. These houses are crazy. They're huge. 32 rooms, that kind of shit. So I see the address and basically the request is go, cover it, talk about it, be there as a guest, a guest of honor, it was quote unquote, a guest of honor. Brian Green, president of Simcoe FM, morning show host extraordinaire on Ustream to 110 people. I'll cover it. I'll

cover it. What am I? Kurt Loder? I mean, Dan Rather? Anderson Cooper? But at the moment, I'm like, wow. Sounds exciting. This is a, by the way, this is a birthday party, but it's going to be the bash of all bashes. You got to be there. It's at Big Papa's house. His personal house. And I thought to myself, well. How can I turn this down? How can I turn it down? Can I bring a guest? Sure.

But give me the name. It's got to be on the guest list. Okay. So I think I asked Chrissy. Chrissy said no or couldn't go or whatever the deal was. I think I asked another lady I was dating. Okay, she said no or maybe she met us there later or something like that. I can't remember. But I asked Cam, who's my morning show co-host guy, to come with me at the time.

And we go to this party in a car. I asked Cam, who's my morning show co-host guy, to come with me at the time. And we go to this party in a cab. And the cab drops us off in this crazy long driveway, this huge circular driveway. And I can see on the side of the house, there's a red carpet, there are lights, there's a big to do. And by the way, I think this is like February, it's like 42 degrees outside.

It is freezing cold, freezing cold. For Atlanta. For Atlanta. Listen, 42 when it's nighttime, and I think anywhere is pretty cold, but it's pretty bone chillingly, to me it's bone chillingly cold. So I'm dressed with a little, you know, sweater on figuring. Dressed for success. Dressed for success. Chrissy, I had my best Doc Martens on. Your finest chain. I had my finest wallet chain. That's right. Only the finest

wallet chain for you, sir. Big papa. So as we're pulling into the driveway, I can see on the side of the house, there's this little red carpet thing set up. Now the party, let's say it starts, I don't know, who knows this many years off, but let's say it starts at eight o'clock. I think we got there eight fifteen, eight thirty, knowing just to be a little fashionably late, right? So we get there and, you know, I open the door and there's a guy standing there, like we, it opens the door like there's a guy standing there.

It opens the door like near where the front of the house would be, this incredibly large mansion, huge stairs leading up to the front door. There is a huge man standing there. As I walk up to go to the front of the stairs, the guy goes, here for the party? And I said, yes, do you need my name? Uh-uh. And I go, OK.

And he goes, side of house. And I'm like, oh, OK, side of house. I guess that's how we're entering the party. So we walk to like, you know, football field over to the side of the house in this like mucky grass. We walk over to the side of the house. There's a little path. We get up to where I'd seen all the lights

and the carpet and the commotion. And Chrissy, I instantaneously know little path, we get up to where I'd seen all the lights and the carpet and the commotion. And Chrissy, I instantaneously know that I am in for not the night I expected, as what was going on was like two rented lights, a rented heater, a backdrop that had been printed at Kinko's, Kinko's. It was hanging from a string by clotheslines. And the red carpet was not a carpet at all. It was cardboard paper taped together. Oh my God.

And I was like, oh, okay. I guess this is how. And by the way, there is no one standing there. Not a soul. No cars parked in front, no one there, not a soul. And I'm like, okay, I guess we have to, I guess we should have been more fashionably late. We came a little bit too early.

We walked down the red carpet, someone pops out from behind the little clothesline Kinko's thing and is like, oh, hello. Are you on the list? And I go, I am. Brian Green? And who's with you? I said, Cam, you know, this guy, Cam. And she goes, hmm, I see your name, Mr. Green, but I do not see Cam's name here.

Let me make a phone call really quick while we get the photographers over here. And I'm like, okay, Cam and I are looking at each other. We're like, mm-mm, okay, maybe we just, maybe it looks better on TV. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we're here now.

Might as well make the best of it. Let's go with it. Yeah, they have to make a phone call to let us in. That we gotta be important, right? I mean, it's gotta be some kind of party. And even though this looks a little rinky-dink. No matter of the cardboard I'm standing on. No, no, the cardboard, by the way, it's mucky and wet,

so now we've just tracked mud all over the red carpet. We're the first ones to walk this red carpet. Red cardboard, I'm sure. The red cardboard. We're walking the red cardboard. So these terrible lights are like blaring down on us. I've seen those before where they're just like alternating. And they're.

Yeah, they're clinky and clunky and they're doing it. It's just terrible. And then you could see the clothes pins hanging, like holding this piece of like flappy paper up and it's blowing in the wind. That was like the step and repeat or they were taking pictures of people. Yes, step and repeat.

Step but don't repeat. You might rip the cardboard. No repeating. Don't rip the red cardboard., you might rip the cardboard. No repeating. Don't rip the red cardboard. Yeah, just step, stand. Lightly. Yes, can we put a towel down? So, the girl is like behind the magic curtain

and I can hear her on the phone. She's like, you know. The magic Kinko's curtain. Yeah, the magic Kinko's curtain. And I'm standing on the red cardboard, carpet, and I'm like, I can hear her back there. And she's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, wonderful, okay, okay, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay. And then she pops her head back and she goes, well, I didn't get a hold of who I needed

to get a hold of, but I'm going to allow it. And I was like, oh, okay. And pictures, are we supposed to take pictures? And she's like, I've called the photographer, please wait. And I'm like, oh, okay. All right. Well, down comes from the front of the house, down comes running, some like 15 year old dude with wild hair,

like dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and he's got like a, I don't know, like a Nikon. $35. That was the photographer? Yes, and he's like, bzz, bzz, bzz. And Cam and I are just like, he doesn't tell us anything, so we're just like standing there and he's like, like running around us taking pictures. And I'm like, wow, this is strange.

And so then he stops and he starts to walk away and I go, hey, is that like, are you the, what outlet are you from? And he goes, oh, no, I'm just taking pictures. And I go, I know, are you from an outlet? And he's like, I don't get it. And I go, are you like from a magazine outlet? Are you from like, is this for like, do you need my name or anything? You want to make sure you get the spelling right? You know, something like that. And he's like, oh, no, don't worry about it. It's just going to go in a collage. And I was like, a collage? What

kind of collage is it going to go in? A collage? Like an art collage go in a collage. And I was like, a collage? What kind of collage is it going to go in? A collage, like an art collage? MTV's collage. Yeah, MTV does collages. That's what they're known for. They're collages. Collage. So now Cam and I are just looking at each other like,

oh God, at least we'll get drunk. Right? Yeah, like where is the bar at this point? Where is the bar? So I pop around the little thing and I go, uh, can we go into the party now? And she's like, yes, yes. You're a little bit early. We're not expecting most of the big names for a little bit now, but there are some people in there. Please feel free to mix and mingle. It's me. Yeah.

And I go, wait, the big names are here? I showed up? Yeah, I'm here. It's me and that cam is not even on the list. So I go, okay, all right, cool. And she goes just right around the corner. And I'm like, okay, so we walk around this dark corner, no lights, no nothing.

We walk around this dark corner. There's like two wrought iron gates. We walk into a little plaza area. Then you open up this like black door, this gate, essentially an outdoor gate. You open it. Surprise! It's a courtyard.

Surprise! You're on camera. Yeah, da da da da da da da da. Yeah, da da da da. Da da da da da. Da da da da da da. Happy birthday! We open up this black door door and it's a pool with a courtyard around it.

And the house is like a budding two, like two sides of it is the house. And then there's like a little pool house to the left and a brick wall around it. So we're talking like half a football sized field area right here, right? And there are, and I shit you negatively, 50, 50 children under the age of 18, all hanging around, like this is a Sadie Hawkins dance and no one has been asked to do it. It is the most unbelievable scene.

Kam and I are like- Was there like DJ? There had to be a DJ. Not yet. Oh, not yet. Not yet. But it started quickly after we got there. And it was like, DJ Dan brings you all the best from the 90s. And today your DJ Dan is starting in five and a half. And I'm like, holy shit. This is like a cruise ship for teenage. Like, we showed up at a teenage nightclub.

What is this? What are we doing? I look at Cam and I go, oh my God, what is this? Like, these are kids. These are children. What are we doing here? And Cam's like, I don't know, dude, get to the bar, bro. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'd be saying. Immediately I'm pissed off. I'm like, I don't know what's going on here.

Maybe this is like the children of the celebrities hanging outside. Maybe they have like a, this is the playpen area. This is the area for... Right, all the big party, the main party's inside. Yeah, this is the children's table. I know it's got to be inside. I know it. In my head, I, the main party is inside. This is the children's table. I know it's got to be inside. I know it. In my head, I'm like, it's inside. Just don't worry about it. It's inside. Come on, come on, Cam. Let's go.

Let's find the bar. Let's get in here. So I can hear DJ Dan, you know, DJ Dan does all the parties, weddings, and bar mitzvahs. Call DJ Dan, 7 Dan 7777777. He's like doing commercials for himself, testing the microphone. And I'm like, oh my God. Meanwhile, there's one large speaker stuck on a stick outside facing the pool.

That's the sound system going on in here. And there's like those rented twirly lights going all around. Yep, yep, yep. I'm trying to figure out what the scene here is. And all I can think of is the scene is, these are the children of the people who are at the party and it's just a weird mix.

We've been directed. We've been directed into the kids' angle. Now it makes sense. They thought I was like the high school teacher. The collage, the whole thing. They're doing an art project. The cardboard. Yes.

I needed to go to the other side of the house where the adults are going in. Yes, you went to the wrong side. Yes, that's where Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear have showed up. I showed up, you know, I don't know, with that kid from Malcolm in the Middle. Like, I showed up on that side of the aisle. But it's okay, I'll figure it out. I'm determined, I'm here. I got a cab.

Back then, you didn't call an Uber, you called a cab, it was gonna take a half an hour. Might as well find the bar and get a shot of Jägermeister before you leave, right? All right, okay, so let's take a break and I'll tell the rest of the story. We'll be back. You make this rather snappy, won't you, I have some really heavy thinking to do before 10 o'clock.

Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void, like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a race. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier, the better, by the way.

We'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta, TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch, oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video,

youtube.com slash the commercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously, I gotta go now. I've got a date. With my dog? No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day. All right, so here it is, me and my buddy.

We've entered into the wrong side of the house. We've entered into the teenage part of the party, but we're gonna find the adult part of the party. But the thing is, is that I, like, I can see up into the house and I don't see a whole lot of lights on or anything, so or anything, but it's a huge house. So I'm thinking I just got to get in there and find the party, maybe, you know, downstairs. Sure, it's in another wing.

It's in another wing of the building. So I find my way into, I find my way to where this DJ Dan is. I can see him on a picnic table inside of a basement. He's got his equipment set up. I can see him in there. So I go and I grab the door to open it and it gets pulled right away, closed back. Like it's a big glass door and someone jumps right in front of it and pulls it back.

And I was like, oh, sorry. And then he cracks the door open in a little and he goes, yeah. And I go, yeah, I'm here with the party. Like Simon, I got here with the party, like Simon, I got invited to the party, I'm supposed to be here covering it. Oh, oh, you with that Simon guy? I said, yeah, I am, he told me to come here. All right, Simon guy, okay. And then someone goes, I guess, man. And he's like, all right, man, come on, buddy. You go, only in this room. And I was like, oh, okay. All right, only in this room. I guess. All right. So he opens

the door. Cam and I go in. He closed the door right behind us. And he goes, you only allowed in this room. That's it. That's all we've rented. And I go, that's all you've rented. And he goes, yeah, this is all for the party. That's what's rented is this room. And I was like, wait, this room in the outside? And he goes, yeah, that's the party. And I go, okay, can you explain to me what this party is? And he goes, I don't know, I'm just here for security. And I go, oh, okay. And where is the bar?

And he goes, well, a couple of us, a couple of guys got some beers over there in the cooler. And I go, a couple of guys got some beers in the cooler? That's the bar? The bar is, a couple guys got some beers in the cooler. That's the bar? The bar is a couple guys got some beers in a cooler? And he's like, I don't know, man, talk to DJ. He seems to know what's going on. Okay. All right. Hey, Dan. DJ Dan. So I go up, he's like, you know, he's got that headset in and he's doing a wicky, wicky, wicky, wicky. He's doing his sound check or whatever.

You can't hear anything, but he's doing this whole thing. And so I walk up and he's doing this whole number and he goes, he points his finger up. One minute, one minute. Yeah. He's doing this whole thing. One minute again. And I'm like, okay, all right. Like a third time.

Now it's like three minutes I've been standing there like a fucking moron to talk to DJ Dan, the Bar Mitzvah DJ, at a party where Rolling Stone is supposed to be covering. Where is Richie Sambora? So finally he takes the headset off and he goes, what's up dude? And I go, hey, DJ Dan, what is this party all about? And he goes, sweet 16, baby. And I go, hey, DJ Dan, what is this party all about? And he goes, Sweet 16, baby.

And I go, Sweet 16? And he goes, it's Sweet 16 party. And I go, it's a Sweet 16 party? I thought MTV was going to be here. And he goes, well, they applied to be on that show, My Sweet 16. So they got a camera crew running around to take some footage. Hopefully they're going to,

I remember that show. Yeah. They're going to do it over at a different location. I think, and this is where I swear to God, he says, I think they're going to try and do it at Diddy's at a different location, a different day. But this is like the primer. They're doing like a cut reel, like a hype reel. And I was like, they're doing a hype reel for my sweet 16. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, and this is rented? And he goes, just this room. And I go, just this room is rented? The whole party is outside where those kids are? And he goes, he goes, yeah. I go, is any adult showing up besides me, you and the security guard, making sure that this one room you've rented

doesn't get bastardized. And he's like, yeah, I don't know. I've been told a lot of people are showing up, a lot of people. And I go, like, who is showing up? And this is what he says. He goes, I'm not supposed to say this, but you know that guy from Bush? And I go, Gavin? Rosdale? And he goes, that's right, the one that's married to, you know, Gwen Stefani at the time. And I go, really? And he goes, word is Gwen's in town doing a record and he's been invited and he knows somebody. And he goes, so I'm supposed to keep that on the hush hush, but we're hoping.

And I'm like, we're hoping. And he goes, it'd be good for the real. And I go, and I'm not talking about a real for Instagram. I'm talking about like a VHS movie that they're gonna send to MTV, hoping amongst hope that they get picked for a Mind Sweet 16 showcase on it. And I was like, oh my God, whose kid is this?

And he tells me, and I know the name of the lady. And so, and I'm not going to say it here, but it's a real housewife of Atlanta. And I was like, okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer? Yeah, like a beer now. Can I have a beer? And he goes, a beer and he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks, you want me to chip in a couple bucks. I'm the guest of honor at a party where Vogue was going to film me and you want me to pay a couple bucks for a Natty Ice out of your cooler, DJ Dan. I'm a guest of honor. Guest of honor.

A guest of dishonor. So I throw a fiver down and I grab two. Whatever it takes, I need a drink. Yes, absolutely. And I grab two. In order to make this. Yes, tall boy, Natty Isis. Ah. Meanwhile, a couple other people have managed to mull in here,

to like, you know, mull it in, right? You know, a couple other adults in this room now. And so I'm just standing there and guy comes up to me, you know, really nice. And he goes, so did you know this was a sweet 16 party? And I go, I had no fucking idea. And he goes, that was not on the invite. He said, I was supposed to show up,

but gonna be the rager. And then- The rager. A rager, that's what he said. And I go, yeah, man, I was totally not thinking this was gonna be this. And I go, I feel a little strange about being a guy in a glass encased room room overlooking a sweet 16 party

with a tall boy of Natty Ice. You know what I'm saying? While DJ Dan has to sound check on a picnic table. I don't know what's going on here. And he goes, yeah, man, this is not how it was pitched to me. He goes, I think I'm just going to head, but you want to smoke some weed? And I was like, no, no, no, I'm cool, you know, whatever. So him and he goes back over, I can see him, he's rolling up something. Cam and I are standing there talking. DJ Dan starts the music,

which is the most obnoxiously loud thing you've ever heard for a party that is like, you know, not even the size of my house. Honestly, it's not, there's no need for all this loudness, but it's just going on and on. And then all of the sudden, I see out of the corner of my eye, like moving lights. And what happens next has gotta be probably

one of the funnier things I've ever seen in my life. As a crew of four or five people with cameras come into the party and are running around with those lights on like the, you know, like the mountain monsters have on top of the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're running around filming as if this is the Vietnam War. They are literally filming everything from head to toe, moving their cameras so quick, all quick cuts moving around, you know, going over to people, handing a microphone

to them, there's a girl who's talking, all this other stuff. I'm like, oh wow, okay, this is crazy. So instantly, instantly I'm like, we got to bail on this. Let's get a cab. That's our cue. I get a cab, I call the cab, they're going to be here in 20 minutes. So let's finish these beers. Let's get out of here. DJ Dan's loud. I'm not going to be in some sweet 16s super cut. Like, I'm just not going to do it. Let's get out of here. And as we're leaving, as we open the door and now we're leaving, we get caught by one of the cameras, right? Like, you know, the guy's just

doing this whole number around our heads. And I'm like, oh my God, as we're trying to walk, I don't know what to do. So I'm like, ah, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to leave. And he's like, hold on, we gotta get some words from you, words from you, who are you? And I go, Jason. Jason, that's my name. Jason. This girl comes running over with that microphone,

little like a tape deck recorder on her thing. And she's like, she's like, what does it feel like to be at Daniela's birthday party? And I'm like, um, it's, congratulations on turning 16. It really has been quite the surprise. We've all been very surprised about the turnout tonight. Me, especially. I've been very surprised. And she's like, any words of wisdom for the birthday girl? And I'm like, make your invites more clear next time. I don't know, what do you want me to do? Actual carpet, red carpet.

And as I'm leaving, I see two of the Real Housewives getting out of their car, walking the red cardboard carpet. And they have their own camera crews. Oh yeah. Following them around, doing shot, you know, cameras, video, the whole nine yards, one of which I know. And so I wait for a second so I don't get in the middle of it, but I'm still headed out the door.

Like, I don't care who showed up. I'm out. This is not my scene. I'm not into it. It's not for Brian and Cam. We're going to go to an adult place. But as she turns the corner, she's like, oh, hey, I'm so glad that you came. I'm so glad Simon invited you. So what I was thinking is you can do like a little birthday,

like little speech when the cake comes. Do a little birthday speech and then I want you to talk a little bit on the camera and then I want you to do a little number, a little song, you know, a little thing, little song and dance. And I go, hey, listen, I'm really sorry, but I actually just called a cab.

I had no idea that this was a sweet 16 party, and I am not 16. Like, this is just, I just don't feel comfortable being here. I apologize. I don't want to do that. I'm sorry. And she goes, but Simon told me, if I put you on the guest list, that you would come here and you would do this whole,

like, kind of be like the thing of the night, and like the MC of the night. And I was like, I don't. The jester? Yeah, the court jester? What am I supposed to do, entertain a bunch of 16-year-olds? How do I do that? DJ Dan's doing just a fine job.

All the 16-year-olds seem just as uncomfortable as they did before DJ Dan started playing. They're all in little corner, they're all in their little groups, hanging out around the cold pool. By the way, it's 42 degrees outside and I've dressed to be in an inside party. So I gotta go. I gotta go. And she's like, I'm really disappointed and I thought you were going to stay. I said, listen, no one told me what this was. So I thought

I was coming to like an adult party where someone had told me that Rolling Stone Magazine was gonna be here and she's like, oh, oh they still might show up and I was like no Rolling Stone Magazine writer and the history of ever has covered a 16 year old's birthday party For a Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm sorry, it just has never happened. And I go, listen, no offense, but there's not even a bar here. It's DJ Dan's personal stash of beer that he brought in a roll away igloo. I'm sorry, but this is not my vibe.

And I was indignant about it. And when we were leaving, here's the best part. When we were leaving, we got boxed in, like the cab got boxed in. So the cab's all, he doesn't know what to do. So he's like, I don't know what to do, dah, dah, dah. And these people have the nicest lawn you have ever seen in your entire life. And I said, roll over the lawn. Yeah.

Go through it. Get me out of here. Get me out of here. And he left tracks all the way to the street. I mean, that guy just tore up the grass from one end to the other. And I couldn't have been more happy about it because I figured, well, I got duped, but at least I put a few dents in Big Papa's blog. And that my friends is why you always should double check your invitations. Oh, yes. That tracks with the whole era. Yes. That was the Simcoe FM. Simcoe FM was a comedy

of errors and wannabes quite frankly, me being one of them. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal here. We all were hoping amongst hope that for some reason this was the magic bullet that would send us all to fame and success. And I really thought this this was another stepping stone to get there. I was gonna be filmed at this luxurious party with celebrities and what I found out was Big Papa has no furniture in his house. That's what I figured out was big papa has no furniture in his house That's what I figured out right he wasn't even there. No, of course he wasn't he wasn't even there They rented the fucking property. That's and not even the whole property

It's just that pool and the and the room yeah, DJ. Dan needed warmth DJ. Dan was smart. He got paid to show up. Yeah. He was the only one that got paid to show up. Yeah. Anyway, very interesting. Very interesting. That has made the commercial break. So you know what? That was the pay off. It was funny when Cam and I got drunk later on that night. It's even funnier. You call me the next day. You're like, you're never going to play. Oh my God. I'm expecting like, Oh wow. You know, it was that night. It's even funnier. I remember you called me the next day, you're like, you're never going to play at that party. I'm expecting like, oh wow, you know, it was that good. You're like, no. It was a sweet 16 birthday party. And I could not have been more mad at our mutual friend because she had a lot to do with me

showing up there because I was a little reluctant because I really didn't know what to expect. And she was like, oh my God, you've got to go. Like this is like, this is going to be the it party of the year. And I'm like, but it party of the year. Don't even know what that means. But okay. I don't want to miss it. Yeah. God forbid I miss it. Oh, that's funny. Anyway, turns out I don't think that girl ever got her sweet 16 MTV show. But either did I. So there you go. Fair enough.

All right. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas or call us on the 31st of May to be on the 12 hours of TCB. TCBpodcast.com, all the information and your free swag, and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.

I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say. Goodbye. Goodbye. And we must say, goodbye! Bye 30!