The Confessionals - 148: It Dragged My Puppy Away

Episode Date: August 6, 2019

The start of tonight's show is a little different. The Confessionals had a record month in July with 751,000 downloads and as I pondered where the show was at with its reach I began to wonder who is hitting play on a weekly bases. With the horrific shootings over this past weekend, I felt an overwhelming sense of obligation to speak to some of the people that might be listening that are thinking about hurting themselves or other people. For the first 30 minutes, you will not hear your typical introduction to a weekly episode. I don't like living with regrets and if I didn't say what I felt inside I would regret it in the morning. So as much as I bounced back and forth on whether or not to do something different I decided to go for it and I hope that it reaches someone that needed to hear something that I said.After the extended introduction, we bring on Kimberly who shares about here haunting experiences living in a few apartments in the midst of some really bad life circumstances. Some of the things she describes sound completely terrifying to have to go through yet she came out seemingly upbeat about life!Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/2TlREaISubscribe to the Newsletter: https://www.theconfessionalspodcast.com/the-newsletterBecome a member: www.theconfessionalspodcast.comEmail: [e-mail]: www.facebook.com/TheConfessionalsPodcastInstagram: @theconfessionalspodcastTony's Instagram: @tony_merkelShow Intro INSTRUMENTAL: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyub39AXxUwShow Intro FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/2HxNcw3Nate Hallinan (www.natehallinan.com)Audio Trailer: Dalton Boyd (www.soundcloud.com/supernova-city)Outro: DJ Cummerbund - Earth, Wind & Ozzys (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuOuUixdSvY)Intro Speaker: Jordan Peterson - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qszCTyK9tHk&t=184s

This was all circulating around the base that a giant had to kill, but no one was supposed to talk about it. I saw three long, bony fingers reach up underneath the door, curl up to grab it, and then disappear. When he came over to me, dude, he slithered over to me. And this giant comes out of the cave and they're all frozen. And he starts running and firing up this giant. Well, the giant moves. He's got a spear in one hand and he's running really fast. And spears, Dan, holds him up like this.

Somebody else, shoot him in the face, shoot him in the face. They basically decapitated. Spicer got splice him, got spurson when he got about... And I look over and there are two small gray entities. And they're literally, I'm getting pulled off the bed. I reached my hand into this bush and I touch air. Couldn't breathe and I couldn't move because I know I'm seeing. A monster.

It's not okay for you to be a weak loser. It's not okay. And the reason it's not okay is because you could be way more than that. And it's a crime, an ethical crime, for you to allow all that necessary potential to go to waste. It hurts you, it hurts your family, it hurts the world. Really, really, it does. And people think, oh, okay, I get it. And they do get it because they know at some level.

If you turn around and you confront the suffering voluntarily, you find out that you are way tougher than you think. It's not that life is better than you think. Life is as harsh as you think. It might even be worse. But you are way tougher than you think if you turn around and confront it. And so then what you discover is that there's a spirit within you that can pursue something meaningful,

that has the resilience and the strength to contend properly with the catastrophe of existence without becoming bitter. That's actually the central. And I would say that's one of the central themes of 12 Rules for Life, is that make no mistake about it. Like the first noble truth of Buddhism, life is suffering. This is true. And it's worse than that because it's suffering contaminated by malevolence.

That's the baseline. And so that's very pessimistic. But the optimistic part is that you are so damn tough you can actually. not only deal with that, you can improve it. It's like, hmm, oh, well, that's a horrible situation, but it turns out that I'm armed for the task. Well, that's a great thing for people to know. And I do believe, I think the fact that we're armed for the task

is even more true than the fact that life is catastrophe contaminated by malevolence. We're stronger than things are terrible. And things are pretty terrible. So that means we're pretty damn strong. Wow. Yes, it's a very good thing to know, and it's not naive optimism. It's a very different thing. It's like, no, things are terrible. They're brutal, and you are so damn tough, you can't believe it.

You know, the idea that in some sense, you're an eternal victim, well, there's a truth in that, given that nature is conspiring to destroy you and will be successful in the end, that you're undermined by your own society at the same time, you're buttressed by it, and that you're a target of your own malevolence and that of others. I mean, so there's plenty, there's a triad of tragic and malevolent forces that are aimed directly at your heart, and that's always the case. But to not take responsibility for that and to attribute that to a cosmic injustice or a sociological injustice in some sense that's aimed particularly at you that's somehow the fault of others is to miss the great adventure of your life. in that adoption of that adventurous mode of being, there's a deep meaning to be found, right, a meaning maybe that transcends just you that involves your family and that involves your community and maybe even the destiny of humanity itself. But there's nothing about that that's secure or easy and very little that has to do with happiness. The idea that your problems should be solved for you, let's say, and that it's unfair that you have them,

well, it's attractive in that there's nothing for you to do, except complain, but it's horrifying in that there's nothing for you to do except complain. The difficulty is actually, the funny thing is, is the difficulty is actually the destiny, and it is insanely difficult, but maybe you're insanely up to the task.

The problem with the pursuit of happiness is that when life's storms come along, happiness disappears, and then you're left with nothing. And so you need to pursue something that's deeper than happiness. And if happiness comes along, well, then hooray for you, you don't want to despise it because it's fleeting, but it's much better to pursue things that are meaningful than things that make you happy. It's deeper, and it orientes you more appropriately, and it keeps you centered in your own life,

it makes you more useful for your family and your community. So a lot of what people find in life that provides them with a sustaining meaning is a consequence of not the pursuit of rights or the pursuit of happiness or the development of self-esteem, but the adoption of responsibility. And the more responsibility in some sense the better. Responsibility for yourself, for making sure that your life lays itself out like it should. Responsibility for your family. Responsibility for the community.

It's people who take responsibility that are the ones that you admire, and that's the right pathway through life. That's where meaning is to be found. And I think that's probably the crucial issue is that identification of a profound relationship between responsibility and meaning. And for many of the people that I'm talking with, it seems like that's the first time that that's been articulated for them. Well, the suffering is pain, and the suffering is anxiety and uncertainty,

and the suffering is hopelessness. But the consequence of all that is that you get bitter. And when you get bitter, you get mean and you get cruel and you start to hurt yourself and other people. So it's not only that if you don't have a goal, you suffer. It's that if you don't have a goal, you suffer, and then you get cruel and bitter and resentful. And then you start to actively try to make the world a worse place. And so, because you can't suffer pointlessly without becoming bitter, and you can't become bitter without becoming cruel.

So then the question is, what should your aim be? But it's not easy to ask people to say, well, It's easy to ask them. What do you want in your life? It's a very hard question to answer because it's too vague and grand. So we help, in the future authoring program, we help people break that down.

So here's the situation. So put yourself in the right frame of mind. So what's the right frame of mind? It's like rule to in this book. Treat yourself like you're someone responsible for helping. You're someone that you are responsible for helping. So what that means is you have to start from the presupposition that despite all your first,

flaws and insufficiencies, that it's worth having you around and that it would be okay if things were better for you. So you need to take care of yourself, like you're taking care of someone you care for. So there's a bit of a detachment in that. And then the next thing is, okay, so now look three to five years down the road. You get to have what you need and want, assuming you're being reasonable and that you actually want it, which means you're willing to make the sacrifices that would make it possible. I would say that the goal in life is to conduct yourself so that life improves, at least so that undue suffering is forestalled, but more than that. So that's, it's to constrain malevolence and suffering to the degree that that's possible. But then also to

work for a positive improvement in things at every level. And that's, that's how you should orient yourself. Now, if there are things about your life that are bothering you, things about the world that are bothering you, then you want to decompose them into solvable sub-problems. And you do this, if you have a child, this is the sort of thing that you do naturally, right, because it's You want to set your child a challenge that's sufficiently challenging to push them forward in their development. So that makes it meaningful for the child. That puts them in the zone of proximal development, which is where proper maturation takes place. They'll find that intrinsically meaningful.

You want to make it challenging, but also with a reasonable probability of success. And there's an art to that. So you want to set yourself a task that's difficult, but not so difficult you can't attain it. And then what happens is that you step up improvement across time incrementally. And there's also a certain element of humility to it, right, which is don't bite off more than you can chew, right? Don't set grandiose goals, but incremental improvement will get you a tremendous distance. Well, greatness is what reveals itself when you attempt to formulate, when you attempt to carefully articulate and live out what you believe to be true. It just happens.

because there isn't anything more powerful than truth. That's the antidote to suffering, truth. So it's a strange thing because you think, well, yeah, it produces a lot of suffering too. It's like, yeah, in the short term. Many times in life, people don't get what they want and they need because they don't aim at it. And it's a hard lesson for people to learn

because they're cynical to begin with and they presume that there's no possible way of moving forward. But it's not so unreasonable to assume that you're not going to hit what you don't aim at, or you're not going to hit what you aim at and don't shoot at. And I've seen time and time again that if people do put forward a vision for what they regard as worthy of pursuit, which is something you have to determine in dialogue with yourself,

it's like given the difficult preconditions of existence, is there anything that you could conceive of that you would regard a sufficiently worthwhile? so that you would be motivated to pursue it. It's a profound philosophical question, and it's not an unreasonable one. It's a good place to start. It's like, well, life is difficult and enough to make you cynical and bitter,

and perhaps enough to make you cynical and bitter and suicidal and homicidal and even genocidal. And it's not surprising in some sense. And then the question is, well, is there something that you can pursue? that allows that to be acceptable or perhaps even desirable, which is something to do that justifies the suffering. And it's hard to say what that would be for each of you. It's something that you can discover.

This is partly why Nietzsche was wrong. Nietzsche thought that after God had died, that human beings would have to invent their own values. But the psychoanalysts, I would say Jung, foremost among them, put forward a very powerful counterclaim, which was that, well, you can't invent values. They're already built into you. You have to discover them. And I think that's true for each person. It's like, well, what would justify you in the abandonment of your resentment and hostility? What would be a sufficiently adventurous goal? You know, this is probably the

10th time that I've tried recording the intro. I bounce back and forth with trying to record something that's normal like business as usual and then I go with the idea of recording something with a little bit more to it and this is the little bit more. I'm not even sure if it's going to make the actual show or not. But, you know, I was driving my truck today and I was just thinking about the podcast and everything that it's become. We had a record month last month, 750,000 downloads and started thinking about, you know, all the people who listen to the show and how I wanted to say thank you to everybody who listens to the show and shares it with friends and family because without you doing that, we wouldn't have had those kind of numbers. And I'm not into

this for talking to myself. So if there wasn't anybody listening, I promise you the show wouldn't be in existence. So thank you very much for listening to the show and sharing it with friends and family. It means the world to me. I remember when I had just 200 downloads on my first episode and how excited I was about that, that 200 people actually listened to this podcast. I was like, wow. And then when I hit 1,000 downloads, I was like, you got to be kidding me. A thousand people listen to my show. Are you kidding me? I'm going to quit truck driving tomorrow, you know? Like, I was just so excited. And now we're at 750,000 for the month of July. And,

I started thinking today about what those download numbers mean, what they represent. There's people behind every number. Two sets of ears that listen to my show in July. And I started thinking about the people that listen to the show. I don't know any of you. Most of you know me from the show, but you really don't know who I am. And with everything that transpired this past weekend, with the mass shootings in Texas and in Ohio, I really started thinking about who listens to my show.

Like who's out there listening to my words right now? Where are they in their life? What circumstances do they find themselves in positive, negative? Did those guys that shot up those places this weekend? did either one of them ever listen to my show? Over the last year, my show has had over 5 million downloads. What is it the chances that either one of those guys could have possibly pushed play on one of my episodes? I don't make a habit of talking about tragedies in the world often on the show.

If I did that, there would be no show because I'd spend all my time to, talking about the tragedies in the world. If you want to hear about the tragedies in the world, you can turn on the nightly news, the mainstream media. They blast the talking points, whichever one you prefer, left leaning, right leaning, they got it for you. So I usually don't comment on such things. Not that I don't have opinions on things. But it's just not what the show is for. It's an escape, right? But sometimes I feel like the need to say something. And the idea that there are so many people that listen to the show and just one of you out there listening right now might be in a bad spot mentally. The thought of somebody out there pushing play on this week's show

that's thinking about killing themselves, hurting somebody around them, or hurting complete strangers, in a fit of rage of this identity that's battling within you, just kind of felt the need to speak to you. Specifically, you get one shot at this life. One. There is no redos, there is no resetting the game console so your avatar comes back to life. This is the only shot you get, but you don't live like that. You're not thinking about the fact that you really don't get a redo on this.

Every minute that passes by is a minute you don't get back. Everything that you did wrong in your life up to this point, you can't undo. But the good news is that this life is a gift. You get one shot at it, but time is a real thing. And every minute that comes is a minute that you can change. Every day that comes by, every week, every month, every year. year, you have a possibility to change. You get time. Even though you've lost so much, you get more time to make it right. I know you're out there and you're listening and you're

angry inside. You feel like you've been dealt a bad hand and you have this anger inside of you that you just don't know how to get out. You have this rage inside. You feel like your atomic bomb just ready to explode. I know because I've been there. Believe me, I've been there. You can ask anybody in my real life that knows me, they will tell you all the same story.

I was once a person who was filled with anger and rage about life. but I'll tell you something. I realize something. Change is a very real thing that you and I and everybody around us goes through. Whether you like it or not, you're going to change. As sure as time goes by, you will change. You aren't the same person you were 10 years ago. You're a different person than you were 10 years ago.

And I promise you, 10 years from now, you're going to be a different person. The thing is, are you going to control that change? Because you can do that. I did that. I made a decision in my life to change for the better. I was this person that was filled with anger and rage because of my life, my history, everything that happened. up to that point in my life I was angry about into my adult life. I was angry, filled with rage person. I didn't have it easy growing up. I grew up in a trailer park with a run-down

trailer that was leaky roof, poor family. And I was picked on mercilessly my entire life growing up as a kid. I was beat up all the time, all the time. And most of the time. And most of the the time it was because I wasn't the same skin color as the kids around me. I get it. There are things that happen to us in life that lead to us living this angry, rage-filled life. We've been dealt bad hands in life sometimes. You look around and it seems like everybody's got it easier than you and you just get filled with this anger and you let it fester and smolder inside until it's a burning, raging fire and you don't know what to do with it but to take it out on somebody. I've been there. You can change. Control that change. Understand we get one shot at this. Life is a gift. Don't waste it.

Everything you do in life has a ripple effect. Start sewing some good seeds into your life because you're not going to see the immediate gratification right away, but down the road you're going to start seeing a sprout from that seed you planted. And if you keep watering it with pure love, good deeds, good intentions, you're going to see that sprout grow into a beautiful, strong, healthy life. Control the change. Don't let the change control. you. I was driving my truck and I realized that I hated who I had become. I didn't like the fact that I was an

angry individual that I just lashed out on people. And I made this decision in my truck to change. No jokes. I was like, I got to become a better person in life. I got to be nicer to people. And so I made this decision to just change who I was and it was hard. It was so hard. But little by little, I started changing. And for me, the complete transformation happened on March 29th, 2014. I was at a funeral, didn't want to be there. I was raised in a Christian household and I didn't want anything to do with that.

And then a preacher got up and started preaching the gospel. And it was actually my wife's uncle. And I was sitting there. I was getting so angry inside. I was like, dude, just sit down. You're embarrassing yourself. And then in the middle of my anger, in the middle of my rage, I felt this very small but piercing voice speak to the inner man inside of me.

I felt like the universe just split in half and God was just like looking straight at me. And I just felt this voice say to me, you don't need to change to come to me. Just come to me and I'll change you. And that broke me. And I walked out of that church, a different man, to the point that my wife didn't even recognize me. She's like, are you all right?

And I'm like, I'm good. I just didn't understand what just happened to me. But I had this like complete, this complete makeover inside in just a matter of minutes. And I just had this deep love and compassion for people. And I wanted to find something in my life that I could put into to help people and to change the world. I walked out of that church thinking, I want the whole world to feel the way I feel right now.

the love that I had inside for other people that I never felt before my entire life. I just, I wanted to everybody, I wanted everybody to have that. I wanted everybody to feel that. And so I started slowly putting this, this idea of changing the world and to play in little things in life, which led me to this podcast. Believe it or not, I mean, I didn't start the podcast to change the world, but it's just that small piece of the puzzle. maybe I started this podcast that just for this very moment.

I don't know. But what I'm saying is if you're out there and you're struggling with self-hate or hate of other people to the point you want to hurt yourself or hurt other people, stop. Assess the situation. Understand that that's not the answer. And look and find something that in you makes you feel like you're making a situation. a difference in the world. Find something that you can feel like you're being an impact in the world in a positive way. That's all part of the change. You're not going to change overnight,

but you just start taking those baby steps towards the change. Try to change into the person that you want to be. You're going to change either way. Ten years from now, you're going to be a different person. So either you control that change and change into a person that you want to be or you let life and the circumstances in your life change you. And I'm telling you, that's not the best way to go about it. It's only going to lead to anger and rage and regret. Everybody in your life deserves to live as much as you deserve. serve to live. So if you're thinking about hurting somebody, if you're thinking about hurting yourself, stop, breathe, and know that you can change if you want to control that change in your life.

We live in a world where people let other people control their minds. I had this thought last week and I wrote it down and I've used it several times in conversations since then. didn't realize that it was going to be something that I would use like that, but I'm going to use it again. The thought is, people don't have ideas. Ideas have people. And what I mean by that is the ideas around you that are being thrown at you from every direction, no matter what political stance you come from, whatever religious stance you come from, all these different ideas that are thrown at you and force fed down your throat,

you're handcuffed by them. and it leads to anger and hate because then you find yourself in a situation where you don't even know who you are. Divorce yourself from other people's opinions. Divorce yourself for what everybody else says that you should do. What in your life makes you happy? Pursue that. And by pursuing that, you can make a change in this world, but you got to try. It's not going to be easy.

but you got to try. Well, welcome to the show, everybody. I'm not sure how to transition into an interview, but I hope what I had to say, help somebody out there. I know there's a lot of people out there that are hurting. And sometimes it takes a complete stranger to snap us out of that.

And I just felt this overwhelming responsibility knowing how many people listened to this show just last month alone. To just say something. And I don't know if what I had to say was corny. I don't know if I helped anybody or, you know, what. But I just felt compelled to say that and share that. And so I did. Not your typical show intro, but it is what it is.

And to be honest with you, this coming week's show, today's show is kind of fitting in the sense that Kimberly, who we are going to be talking to tonight, she shares her paranormal experiences that she's went through, but her paranormal experiences are kind of cloaked and coded and surrounded by life situations that were really bad, abusive situations. And you hear her share these stories and the situations that she found herself in during these experiences. And listen to the tone of her voice because she's a very upbeat and positive. And she didn't let the bad situations in her life change her.

And she's found meaning in life and she's found things to live for. And, you know, one of the situations that she found herself in, she almost died. Same with her child. yet she has this upbeat spirit about her. I think we could probably learn a lot from Kimberly just by hearing how she reacts to the things that she went through in her past because you can tell those things and those situations didn't define her. And so let's get to Kimberly.

We're going to play the trailer for this coming week's episode for members. And right after that trailer, we're going to bring on Kimberly and let her share her experiences. And I hope you guys find encouragement in this week's show and also get a little creeped out. All right, guys, let's get to it. When I think about it, I'm like, I don't get what happened. I was a kid in elementary school age. And I was obsessed with Barbie horses.

Like, I loved horses and loved Barbies and all that. And so I had this particular Barbie horse that. with all the time. And so I had stayed the weekend at my grandmother's house, which often did. She lived like 20 minutes away in like the next town. And I was sitting in my floor of my room playing with my Barbie horse. And it was the afternoon. And I hear my mom call me downstairs.

I put my Barbie horse down on the floor. My mom says, you know, like grandmother is here. She says you left some things at her house when you were at her house yesterday. So I go downstairs and she hands me this bag and I open it up and there's a Barbie horse that looks exactly like my Barbie nurse.

I'm like, hey, they spent mine that somebody else is. Mine's upstairs. I was just playing with it. And then there's like, no, that's yours. And I was like, okay. And so I took it and I was getting really excited because I'm like, this is awesome.

Like now I have two Barbie horses. This is amazing. And so, like, I grab it and I'm running upstairs and I get to my room and the puppy horse is no longer in my room. Never found it. It's not there. Okay, today we have a great guest coming on. We have Kimberly. Kimberly, how you doing?

Good. How are you? I'm doing great. I'm doing great. So we were just talking a little bit and stuff and it sounds like you got some good stuff to share with us. And I know the first thing that you shared with me that was that something that happened to you when you were 19 in an apartment.

And we'll get into that in the second of stuff. But I just wanted to give you a quick shout out because you were telling me how big of a Batman fan you are and stuff. And I was quizzing a little bit. And I'll tell you, you really know Batman. So welcome to the show. Everybody's pretty amazed about how much I know and how much stuff I have lying around.

Yeah. Well, you know, it's everybody's got to be into something and stuff. I just, when you said to me that you were really into Batman, I was like, oh, that's cool. Let me see how much you know. I was very impressed. Thanks. My brother's a big Superman fan,

so we're kind of always like battling here and there on Facebook about who's better. Yeah. Well, I mean, Superman is my favorite, to be honest with you. And I was watching those movies since, you know, the early 90s, what is it, late 80s. You were talking about Michael Keaton and things like that. So I was like, okay, cool, cool.

But that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about some of your paranormal experiences that you had when you were starting, I think, you said around 19 and stuff. So why don't you just kind of walk us into this apartment that you had gotten and what happened? Okay. So I was 19 years old. I was pregnant with my first child and I had just gotten married. And we decided that we were going to not live in his grandma's basement. And we got ourselves our first apartment. And it was like a house, but it had been reconstructed into three different apartments.

So when you walk in, you see, like, there's a staircase going upstairs, and that was our apartment. And one day, I don't know, it wasn't, it was shortly after we moved in. I wouldn't say about a couple weeks. And we were just sitting there in the living room, just talking. And all of a sudden, this soda can that had been sitting on the table first. a couple days probably because I wasn't a very good housekeeper yet. And it just slid across the table. And I looked up and my husband and I'm like, he goes, yep, he said, I saw it too. And I'm like, well, the window's not open. And there's no condensation on it whatsoever.

I'm like, uh, I, I don't know what to think of it. And he's like, yeah, I'm not, I don't know. So we just kind of like over, like we just kind of let it go, you know, just says, oh, whatever, you know, maybe I just bumped it or something. I don't know. So he, but it stayed straight up. So I knew we were both just probably in shock because I've never ever ever experienced anything like that before. So a little time goes on, and I noticed that we start fighting a lot in the house. But as soon as we leave, we were fine, which was really odd to me because we would fight a lot. Every time we were at home, we had a fight about anything. And it was really crazy because we had this neighbor that had moved in underneath us,

and he come upstairs one day and he's like, why is it so hot up here? He looked at my husband and he started backing out slowly, and I'm like, what's wrong with you? And he's like, that boy's got fire in his eyes. About your husband? Yeah, he said that about him. he's like you got fire in your eyes

and I'm like I just looked at my husband and we looked at each other like what here we are a couple kids and this is like an older guy and I explain to him like it only gets hot up here at certain times of the day

and usually it was when my husband got home but I didn't put two and two together until later like I started piecing this all together as things happened and I really everything. So he was home, it would get really, really hot, and we would start fighting. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So this guy told us, now I can't tell you, to be honest, I don't know the truth because I never lived in this town before this time. And I didn't know the history of the town.

And I haven't looked into it either. But I did make mention of it to my landlord, and she just thought I was nuts. So I just said, okay, whatever. the guy that lived below us said that it used to be a house. And I said, I know it looks like that on the outside. It looks like a house. It used to be a house, but the guy that lived here, OD'd on drugs. Wow.

And he died. And I'm like, okay, so what's that got to do with us? You know, and he's like, well, his spirit's probably in your house. And I don't think he likes your husband. and I'm like, that's just absurd. That's just ridiculous, you know? So here I am thinking, okay, whatever. Well, I noticed that I started seeing shadows when I was home alone.

And I just thought maybe it was a car that drove by or something. But usually the car drives by, it's not really a shadow. It's more like a light, right? Depending on how it goes. Well, um, this. is the more, I don't know, this part kind of, I mean, I can tell it, but it kind of, like, right now it's like making me feel like I'm glad I'm not 19 anymore. I can probably handle it. Okay, so we had a puppy and it was just a couple weeks old and my husband had decided that he was going to drop me off and he was going to go to hang out with some friends. So I'm like, okay, no problem. And so I go inside, you know, make sure the puppy's okay. I get ready for bed. And usually, well, because I was pregnant, I would just sleep with a t-shirt on. And I just had

bare legs or whatever. And we had a twin mattress. This is how fresh we were starting out in life. We've all been there. Yeah. Well, fortunately, I mean, unfortunately, we ended up getting a divorce later, but that's besides the point. So I was laying there and I had fallen asleep and it felt like, you know, maybe the way to somebody next to me and I thought, oh, he's probably home, you know, and I wasn't going to wake up. And then before I knew it, the bedroom light turned on and, you know, it like shines in my eyes. So I kind of opened him a little bit and he's standing over me and I'm like,

what are you doing? He goes, I just got home. And I'm like, what? And I looked behind me and you can. could see the bed rise. Wow. Right there. Yeah. And I'm like sitting here looking at him like, well, maybe it's just me. Maybe I just moved wrong, you know, or something. And so I just like, whatever. So I just blew it off. And he lays down with me and we're back to back because this bed is so small. And I had to have my belly hanging off the edge, you know. And I was about seven and a half

once pregnant at this time. And, well, I started feeling like my head being pushed forward. Does that, like, somebody's behind you kind of like, you know, just like pushing on your head. Yeah. A couple times. And I felt this cold feeling on my leg. And I turned around, I'm like, will you just stop it? And he just, my husband was looking at me.

He's like, what the hell are you talking about? He's like, he's like, I don't do anything. Go back to sleep. And I said, I said, if you didn't do that, then who did? Because my arms are down, like, around my stomach. And I'm like, I didn't push my head or throw my head forward, you know? And he's like, I don't know. And then we started hearing rattling in the kitchen.

And I thought, oh, it's a puppy. And I looked down at the bottom of the bed. and the puppies lay in there whimpering at me. And I'm like, oh, my God. And we just started hearing stuff. So we jumped out of bed, both of us. And I said, I can't stay here. So I get up, put some pants on.

And as we're walking out the door, like rushing out the door, our puppy is standing there waiting for us. And all of a sudden it just gets fucked through the doorway. there was a like a sheet hanging that we had pinned up as a door like a makeshift door and all we did was put stuff in the front room it was the living room but we just like used it as storage and we just lived in the back part of our apartment okay and this puppy gets dragged like it literally gets dragged underneath the sheet and it whimpered as it did and I'm like I'm sorry I can't stay and I just took off down the stairs and we get in the car and we locked the doors because we're both freaking out. And we look upstairs and that light was on in that room that we never used. And then we went around the block and it was off. And I was like, okay, this is just too creepy for me. And so we drove around until light came up and then we went home to see what had happened. And we were so scared we were going to find something really

nasty or bad. And I wouldn't go upstairs first. I went around the apartment, like around the complex, and I looked up at the window of the apartment. And the puppy was just sitting there, chilling in the window. And I'm like, oh, God, thank God it's okay. But we went upstairs. And it looked like there had been some kind of activity up there, but I couldn't explain it. So after that, we both moved out pretty much. We left our stuff there, but we lived with his grandma for a little bit until we ended up getting separated in the week, when our separate ways.

And I went back there. I was terrified to go back. But I went back there to pack my stuff, but I wouldn't go at night. I'd just go during the day. And when my dad asked me, if I wanted him to go in there and get the rest of my stuff, nope, I'm good.

Let's go. Wow. So you just left your stuff there? Most of it, yeah, because I just didn't want to go back in there. I just got my baby stuff and my clothes and just left. It was, I mean, it wasn't the most horrific story, but it was, you know, it was, I was 19 and pregnant. I was like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, the fact that you're, you're 19, you're pregnant, you're trying to get used to this whole new life that you're starting with a husband. and then you move into your first place and you have this haunting going on. I mean,

anytime that you have a haunting going into your home, going on in your home, is something that kind of puts people on uneasy. Because it's like this is where I'm supposed to be comfortable at. This is where I'm supposed to live and feel safe and secure. And everywhere I look, there's something happening that is freaking me out. So I totally understand it.

What's your... Well, our fights got physical after a while. And it got to the point where, like, I just didn't know why. But then as soon as we went outside, we were fine. It was really crazy. One night he just went off on me and he started whipping me with a pair of wet blue jeans. And, I mean, I was terrified. So I stood up and I chucked the big old candy dish at him and cut his head open.

I'm like, we can't do this. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know why that, you know, like, if it just. The guy downstairs said that whatever's upstairs doesn't like your husband. But every single time I was home by myself, nothing terrible happened except seeing shadows. And as soon as he came home, it was like an inferno. And he was just angry. And I just, we would just fight about the smallest thing.

It was just horrible. So do you think that your husband, uh, had something that was attracting the spirit to him and making him, uh, making him, uh, violent or I mean, how do you think this whole thing worked out? I mean, because the guy said that a drug addict lived there, died. And I'm assuming that you think that that spirit was the drug addict. Do you think that there was something about your husband that the drug addict didn't like? Or do you think there was something about your husband that attracted this spirit to him and made, I don't know, like what are your conclusions that's all that what happened there? I mean, it was, I don't know, it's kind of crazy.

Well, I feel like attracted itself to him because he knew he was, like he wasn't a very good guy. He, he actually after me, he had abused another woman. So, um, I don't, I don't think that it liked him because he wasn't a good person. And it just like, but it made the, I think what it, I don't know, this is my thought, but I felt like maybe it caused the fight so that he would leave. But every time he left, I would end up leaving with him. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Like, there's only a few times where we fought that he would take off and I would stay home. But most of the time, if we fought, he would take me to his grandma, leave me there with her and then he would go. leave, you know, because he didn't, like, I wouldn't let him leave me home alone. How about that? So, even though he was bad at me. Yeah, that was because of what was going on at home, right? Yeah, because I didn't want to be at home by myself with what I felt like was something in their haunting the apartment.

I just, you know, and but I never, like, really told anybody, oh, yeah, my apartment's haunted, you know, it's like, what do you? I mean, I'm already in a town. nobody knows me and, you know, what few people I'm learning to, you know, trust. I just didn't want them thinking I was crazy. Yeah, I can understand that, totally. Yeah, but he, um, he and I witnessed a few things together, you know, but it's just, um, I don't know how, how I survived it because, you know, with, like, abusive the way he was.

Right. I mean, he was, it was bad. I actually, we got into a big fight out in front of his grandma's house and the police were called. So it was pretty bad. Yeah, he was a piece of work. I only have one kid with him. Do you think that he was like that because of the spirit affecting him, or do you think he was like that before and the spirit just recognized that?

He was like that before. I think it just recognized it. And also the fact that, like, when I was like, I was oblivious to any sort of drugs. I didn't, you know, I wasn't raised around marijuana or anything. And I knew he smoked. But from what I was told later by some of his other friends that he was on other stuff. But I didn't know because I don't know, you know, I didn't know anything about drugs at that time. So I felt like maybe the whatever the spirit was could sense that he was on something

because he, you know, because it knew itself what it was like to be on something or what it looks like maybe. And maybe it was, he was trying to protect me from getting hurt even further because I guess some drugs make you go out of control. Well, I'll tell you what, that's a good, that's a good angle to look at it by. I mean, especially when you're telling me that, you know, he was probably into things other than just marijuana. Because if he's doing that and the spirit that's in that apartment knows that kind of stuff intimately, maybe he was trying to protect you. And I don't know.

But it's very interesting. I don't know either. Yeah, because I only stayed in that apartment. I want to say I was already about four months pregnant when we moved. in and I was like I had already, I had my baby when I decided to leave him. So I stopped staying there like around my seven and I think it was about that incident that happened where we were, where we both left the apartment. I believe that was like the last time I'd actually stayed there by myself for, you know, just actually wanting to live there. I ended up moving in with his grandma and

staying in her basement. And we had our apartment still, but, like, I didn't stay there. And he was always off cheating on me with some other girls. So I didn't know that until the night before I had my baby. So I just found out, like, he was cheating on me and doing all this things. And I just, you know, I was taken to confront him and everything. And it just, he didn't care. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, it's okay. I mean, it's probably for the best. I mean, he's done it to other people. There's only one girl that I knew of that he didn't do it, too,

because her dad was a state patrolman. What a coward. I'm sorry. I mean, come on. Yeah. You're going to, you're going to abuse these women and all that stuff, except for the one that the dad could probably take you. I see how it is.

Oh, yeah. And he's a piece of work, too, because he has never involved in any of his three kids' lives. that he's had with three different women. And then he's a stepdad to like four different kids. And he's more of a dad to them than he was his own kids. So that tells you what kind of guy he is. Well, let's talk about some other things that you had emailed me about

because I'm interested to hear about your father's ashes. Now, you said that your dad had passed away and that you had brought his ashes home. And what happened there? What was that whole situation about? Okay, so my dad, my biological father, he passed away in 2013, like January of 2013, and he had died from hypothermia. He fell outside and he couldn't get back up and he was just taken out the trash. And he fell down and he couldn't get back up. so he ended up falling his sleep or whatever and dying of hypothermia.

He was, okay, so this kind of, I don't know how to put this nicely. He was the type of guy that was considered a hermit. So he basically, he lived in my grandma's basement and he would only come up once in a while to like make tea or go to the bathroom. And then he would drive around outside at night through the town at 3 o'clock of the morning or whatever. And I'm just like, okay, when people associated him to me, I would be like, mm-hmm. Like, yep, that's my dad.

So he's the odd person that people think is real, like, weird or creepy. He chased people off his lawn with shotgun. done. I mean, he's weird. Yeah. So, and he actually had gotten upset with me when I was 19 or not 19. I was 20 by this time. By the time I actually had my son, I was actually 20 years old, like two weeks before I had him.

I had my birthday. Well, I moved in with my aunt and uncle that raised me and I disrespected my aunt. so they kicked me out. And I had just called my dad up and I asked him if I could come and live with him with my baby. And he had gotten a house through the government for being on like, I guess, disability or something. I don't know. And so I went and stayed there with him for like a week. And he got so mad at me for mouth and off to him that he kicked me out.

And this is a man who's never been in my life. But yet he has, he wants to tell me how to live my life, you know. So he didn't like that. So he kicked me out. So this is like how short of a fuse he has. Like he has no, you know, he had no time. I can't say has because he's passed. He has no time for that, you know.

So we just didn't have a really close relationship. And when I found out that he passed away, I took it really hard. because I don't ever remember in my life him telling me that he loved me. And so everyone says that he did, but I don't remember ever hearing it from him. So that, it hit me really hard, and it was really, really hard.

Well, during his funeral, the, I don't know, funeral guy, like the funeral home guy, I don't know what you call him. Yeah, I know what I mean. But he came up and said, if any of the family members was like a heapstake urn, where it's like a little two-inch, little, I don't know, about four-inch high little urn that can hold ashes in it, he said that, you know, we can provide that at a fee. And so my uncle bought me one.

And I took it back to Texas with me because I'd been staying in San Antonio at this time. and the night that I took the night of my flight I put it in my my um my undercarriage luggage and I got on the plane no big deal I had a note saying what it was or whatever and I never got it out because nobody asked me so that night I get to the airport I get to the San Antonio Airport and I go to pick up my bags and it's nowhere to be found. So I'm like, huh, this is weird. So I go over to like baggage claim and tell them, hey, this is my name. This is my bag and blah, blah, blah.

And they say, oh, your bag got held back for observation. And I'm like, why? And they said, because they thought they saw something in it that was unusual. So they kept it from it. It was the urn. Yeah. So there's the first. thing of bad luck so I had to stay up like pretty much till like one o'clock in the morning for them

to deliver my bag and I get it and I get the earn out and you know I show it to my roommate and I'm like yep this is my dad so he's like nice to meet you dad so I was just like making a joke about it and I put it in my room I have like a little shelf again on one corner of my room and I put it in there and like no big right well a few days later i come home and i started walking down the hallway and i'd just taken my shoes off and i had socks on and all of a sudden i was like why is the floor wet and i'm like my roommate's like what oh that yeah that that that's an explainable flooding we just had there's no water coming out of any faucet any fixture, anything, but there's water all over our floor.

And I'm like, what? He goes, yep. And it's bleeding back to my room. So I go back to my room and it's like seeping underneath like the, I don't know how, but it steeped into my wall under, like on the carpet or whatever, in my closet. And it was heading back towards my bathroom. And I'm like, wow, so this must have happened in my roommate's bathroom. So they get a, we call the landlord or whatever and they have somebody come dry it up and clean it up, right?

And the guy's like, I really don't know how this flooded. I don't see where it would have came from. And I'm like, me neither. So I just like, whatever. And I'm like, thanks, you know, and he lessed. Well, I had a boyfriend at the time that wasn't so great either. He was the type that, like, he used women for everything, and then he has a couple girls on the side. I didn't really, like, pick up on that until it was too late.

Well, he started coming over, and weird things would start happening. Like, my bedroom door, I would always lock it, you know, behind us. I heard somebody kick on it on the other side. And it was like, I opened the door and I looked out there and I'm like calling for my roommate. And it's like, are you home? And nobody answered. So I walk out there and his car's not outside. He's not here.

I'm like, that was really strange. Go back in, shut my door, lock it. and then I mean then I hear that kick again and I'm like this is really strange so I'm just like getting nervous so I'm just like oh great you know not this again like I was sitting here thinking back like back when I was 19 and in that house so I'm like oh no so here I you know like I don't I don't know what to do at this point, you know. And then the guy that I'm seeing, he's like, oh, by the way, I can sense there's a spirit in here. And I'm like, what?

He said that he could feel that there was a spirit in my room. And it didn't like him. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't know what to tell you. you know, I'm new here myself. I don't know what to tell you. I said I, yeah, I didn't even think about my dad's ashes. Like, I honestly did not even think anything of it. And he said that he felt like there was something really strong in that room that did not want him there.

And I'm like, okay. Well, the next day, we had that flooding again. And I had no idea why it happened. So I was like, okay, we got to figure something out here. So this guy had to come back and clean up our apartment again. And he's like, really, I don't know what to tell you why this is happening to you, you know. And I'm like, I don't either. Well, that night my boyfriend had come home or come to my place.

It wasn't his place. It was mine. And he started acting like a different person. like a I don't I don't know how to explain it like one minute he's you know we'll just call him Joe the next minute he's Michael like for real I mean was he describing himself like I'm not kidding you I'm not kidding you he like his voice would change his eyes look really well that sounds like a Well, yeah. And then I'm just in here like, I was smacking him on the face and everything trying to get him to snap out of it. It was really horrible. It was like I've never,

ever experienced this before. Like I'm like, okay, stop playing around. You know, I'm done. And I started crying. Like, I was so scared. It was not even, I mean, I was like, this can't be real. you're just messing with me and he would not snap out of it and then when he was this other person he told me that David's here with him and I'm like David who

you know and he's like your father and I'm like I never told my boyfriend my dad's name I never told him that I had that earn in my room. Like, it was in my room, but it was on a shelf, you know, and it would buy a bunch of other stuff, so, like, nobody, he never, like, went over there.

Oh, hey, what's this, you know? I never talked about it. And when he said that your, you know, when he said your father, like, um, okay, I'm like, I didn't know what to do. Like, I just started crying. Um, like, I'm, I don't even, to this day, understand it. and I'm going to be 40 next month, and I still don't understand. You know, this happened in 2013.

Well, it was just like, all of a sudden he come out of it, and he was exhausted. Like, he was like, I'm so tired, and I don't even know why. And, oh, my God. He didn't remember any of the things that he said? No. Wow. He said that he, yeah, and I told him, and he's like, Um, he's sitting, he's like, I'm so tired.

And he's like, he's like, why does my face hurt? His face? His face hurt because I kept smack in it. Oh, geez. Because I was trying to get him to, like, I was, I could have punched him and he wouldn't, he wouldn't have fased. It wouldn't have phased him. Like, but I was smacking him, like, really hard on his face. He had my handprint on his face.

And I'm sitting here, he's like, why is my face? Like, he does it stings. And I'm like, because I was smacking the crap out of you. You wouldn't come out of whatever you were doing to me. He's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, oh, my God. I don't know. It's just, it's too freaky.

To me, it's like. Is that how the, the relationship ended? Or are you still with the guy? Oh, no. It ended shortly after that. It's just like, he was, I, ended on different terms, not because of that. But it was just like, I just couldn't imagine. Like, it happened twice. And that was enough for me. The second time it happened, I was, I guess I can't say

I was ready for it, but I was more, like, a little bit more aware. Yeah, you kind of seen it before, so you know what to expect the second time around. Right. So this time I didn't do anything to too. I just let him, you know, I just kind of like, staffed. there. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to do anything. I just, I just looked at him. He started talking to me, but I said, I'm not talking to you. I said, you bring my boyfriend back. I don't want to talk to you. Wow. So, I mean, by you saying that, I'm assuming you had an idea, at least of what was going on there. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Because when he said that he was, you know, that he said his name again.

It was like, oh, nope, I'm not doing this again. I just said, I don't care. Who's with you? I don't want to talk to you. I was like, I don't know. What was the name again, Michael? Well, that's just the name I made up just for you. I don't want to, like, I don't, it was just off the top of mine.

His name was Angel, but. Okay, so I'm confused. His real name was Angel? So Angel is my boyfriend. Okay. But the name that he gave you, you don't want to say. Oh, no, no. It was, I don't know what it said.

I'm just saying, like, I was giving an example, like, say, my boyfriend's name is Joe, and then all of a sudden his name was, like, he was Michael. Does that make sense? I was, like, saying he was two different people inside one person. Gotcha. So what I'm saying is. But my dad's name was David. I didn't get the name of whoever was talking to me.

Gotcha. Okay. I just didn't care I just didn't like because I thought my boyfriend was making like I thought he was playing a joke on me the first time it happened I thought he was just messing with me

and when you know I'm like what is going on and you know all I remember is saying I'm like so and so and I'm with your dad like your father's here you know like when I said who's my father

and he's like David I'm like, oh. Did his voice change at all? Yes, it was weird. And it's like, it wasn't, to me, it didn't sound, because this is, like, I've never experienced it before, but it didn't sound like, maybe this is why I don't like when Christian Vale uses that dark voice. Because it kind of sounded like he was just trying to deepen his voice to make himself sound like a different person. Really? Yeah.

So maybe that's why I don't like it when Batman talks like that. I don't know. I think it's funny that you're relating your life to Batman. Oh my God. Yeah, it's crazy. So I just thought, like, I didn't catch his name, whatever he said he was, you know, but I just remember. So I just, after, you know, that second time that it happened, I'm like, I don't want to talk to you.

I just want to, you know, bring my boyfriend back, whatever. It took about, I don't know exactly, time frame, but I would say it took probably a good 10 to 15 minutes for him to change. Before I had to, I mean, because I kept arguing with this, and I'm not going to talk to you. So after that night, I decided the urn had to stay in my closet because I felt like whatever, whatever was there, whenever was making this, you know, happen with my boyfriend,

had to do something with my dad. So I felt like, okay, I'm taking this turn. It's going to my closet and I'm going to, and I told it you. I don't even know why I said that to an urn, but I'm like, you stay here. Like it's going to crawl legs or grow legs and crawl out. Yeah, I mean, the way things are going, you never know. Yeah, see. And I, so I shut my closet door.

and I just left it in there. And to be honest, I don't have it anymore because I had come home for Christmas in 2013 and a friend of mine had asked me if I would just stay in Iowa and help her out. So I left a bunch of my stuff back in Texas. And at this time, I had already moved out at this apartment and moved in with somebody else. And I'd always had the urn, like, wrapped up and, like, tucked away deep in. a bunch of stuff so I didn't ever have to get it out. It was like in a little box.

And she and I had just reconnected like a couple weeks or not weeks a couple days ago. And I'd asked her she still has my stuff because I have never been able to go back and get it. And she's like, I'm sorry I don't. And I'm like, that is perfectly fine. So who knows? Maybe someday somebody will find my dad earn. and they're going to get a string of bad luck. Or maybe it's just bad luck that came your way because it was your father's earn.

Maybe nobody else is going to go out of the way. I'm wondering that too because I have, I mean, even his sister got some. You know, she got one. And I think my grandma got one too. And my grandma told me she always senses that he's there. Yeah, that's interesting. Now, you see, my parents, they told me and the kids that they want to be cremated. and they said, you know, it's more cost efficient.

They don't really care about the whole graves and all that stuff. And so, I mean, they want to be cremated. They'll be cremated. But I'm not sure if I want to bring their remains home with me. And I don't think they're making that a prerec, you know, so like, I don't think I have to. But I just, I don't know if I have interest in having either one of my parents' ashes sitting somewhere in my house, even if it's in a closet. It just seems like something that's just not really my cup of tea.

maybe you just go spread it around somewhere yeah or I'll just let the morgue take care of it and throw it out the trash or you could bury it too you could always bury the urn yeah maybe I could bear the urn that would probably be more respectful my dad listens to this podcast he's probably thinking geez you're just going to let me go out in the trash right oh my goodness no dad we'll bury your ashes I live next to a cemetery. And I've had a couple experiences since I've been in my apartment.

But I just, I don't know. It's just, it only happened two times and that was it. And I basically, at this point in my life, since I've experienced what I have already, it was kind of funny because one night I was laying in bed and I knew I was asleep, but I kind of felt like something was standing on top of me. and I opened my eyes just barely, and it was a dog. I do not have a dog. And I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

Well, then I felt like this something staring at me again, but I kind of felt like, you know how a dog pants when they sit there next to you? Yeah. Like how they're, when they breathe, it's kind of like a light pant. I felt that. And so I opened up my eyes And I said, I'm like, geez, will you just let me go to sleep already?

Just let me go to sleep. And I rolled over and it was gone. I was like, what the hell? And the next day I woke up, I was like, was that a dream? Right. Or was that real? Because it was really, it was just awkward.

It was just like, I just like, but I just like casually, I'm like, God, will you just let me go to sleep already? Yeah. And that's the thing. I mean, I know you've listened to, all my episodes. You mentioned that earlier. I'm not sure if you remember me talking about this briefly

on one of my shows. But, you know, I heard this one guy's story, and it wasn't on my show. But this guy said that him and his wife were fighting. They went to bed angry. They're laying in bed, and they start seeing shapes and stuff, like these shapes appear in their room. I guess light or something like that, but it was some kind of shapes. They also saw red eyes appear within the shapes. And he's like, says to his wife, do you see this? And she's like, yes. And then something told him that he should look to his left. And so he looks to his left and he said there's a dog standing in his room staring at him. And the only thing he could think to do was to tell it to leave in the name of Jesus and it left and it never came back. And you tell me this. And you have these stories of people

saying they see dogmen, but they feel like they're evil. And I just wonder if this thing that people are seeing that it's a dog man, uh, is some kind of demonic entity that people are experiencing. And I don't know if, if that's something that you experience that. Well, I don't feel. I don't feel that mine is demonic.

It, its eyes weren't red. It just looked like a, it looked like a husky or a German shepherd. So it looked like a very real dog. Yeah, it was like a real dog and I could feel it pushing on me. And I'm like, you know, I was like,

but I thought I was dreaming because, because I was like, I don't own a dog. It was really, really strange. But then when I felt it, like, next to me, and I'm like, God, you just wouldn't go to bed already. A feed you in the morning wherever you came from. It disappeared. Yeah, it just disappeared.

Like, I don't know where it came from. And it was, I mean, it was pitch black outside. So, I mean, I know it wasn't. I mean, I live on the second story. so it's not like it could have jumped in my window. But I couldn't touch it because I didn't reach out for it, you know, but I felt the pressure of it on me as I woke up like I looked over and I'm like, that's weird.

So I closed my eyes. Yeah. I don't know. I just casually did it and I just laugh at myself because if that was real, because I can't say that it was real or not because I don't know if I was dreaming or if it was actually something that happened. But it felt real. And I know I said it out loud,

but I heard myself say it. But yet, I have a tendency once in a while if I'm dreaming really deep. I talk in my sleep, and I remember putting my hands up in the air once and saying Guayaava. So I don't even know.

I'm like, I'm a weirdo, I guess. I don't know. No, you know, I think that, I've said this before in the show, I do think that there are certain people that just tend to have more experiences than others where something, there's just something about them that these kind of experiences attract themselves to these people. And it just sounds like you might, you know, have one of those

oras about you. I don't know. But I know that you mentioned to me earlier and I want you to go into this as, you know, as much as you'd like. But you did mention that you're, your mom was into some things that maybe would provide answers as to why you experienced the things that you've experienced. Well, yeah, I, you know, I don't know exactly what, um, what she did before I met her. But I do know that after we connected and we started spending more time together, I did find out that she was, you know, she had the crystals. She had the wicka stuff.

And she had done online readings for people. Like she would, I don't know, she was in a group or some chat group, and then she was doing online readings for people. And I was staying with her one time. And I felt like I felt like I was, I don't know how you explain it. Like, I don't know how to say it without misinterpreting it. I kind of felt like when I was around my mom, I felt like I could sense things stronger. Like, I felt like things felt a little weird to me.

Does it make sense? Like, it makes, I felt like I was a little bit more aware of what was going on. And I went into her bedroom. room and I said I was going to take a nap and I laid down and I couldn't. My chest started hurting really bad and I'm like, what the heck is wrong with me? You know, I'm like, I'm too young to be having a heart attack or whatever, you know, and I was like sitting there. And then I couldn't breathe. So I was like trying to call for my mom and I really couldn't. But then I really couldn't. But then I just, she had started coming back towards, like, to use the restroom.

And the restroom was, like, near her bedroom. So I called her again, and I'm like, Mom, I need help. So she came back there and I'm like, my chest hurts really bad. I don't know. I should have mentioned to you that my friend Joe's ashes are in the closet and she died of a heart attack or a stroke. I can't really remember what my mom said it was. Oh, man.

The stinking ashes again. Yeah. So she helped me out of her bed and I walked up to the front room and it's like, it was just like a big heavy weight had just been lifted off on my chest. And I felt dizzy. And I'm like, what the hell? She's like, well, I told you. I told you the women in our family are sensitive.

but I don't like that I said I don't want that I don't want this gift or whatever you call it I want this to be normal I don't want that so I do whatever I can just to ignore stuff which

it's not always a good thing if you ignore things because sometimes bad things happen if you ignore them and you could have prevented it and then you feel guilty. But then you don't know. I think of it as, yeah, it was a, you know, it was a kind of a notification, but it doesn't matter. Maybe it would have happened regardless if I knew about it or not.

Or if I had taken action, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like I think that some things are not preventable. Like the day that I found out my dad died, I had this sense. to call my grandma. Like this, it was around 10 o'clock in the morning. I kept having this feeling, you should call grandma, you should call grandma. And I'm like, ah, no, it's okay.

Because I'm one of those people, I'm not real super close to my family. So when it comes to having to, like, talk to somebody, I'm kind of, I put it off to the last minute. And I just, you know, I said, oh, I'll call her later. Well, then I got a message on Facebook from one of my cousins saying, call me. And that just shows how close I am to my family. They don't even have my number. And I called him and he says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your dad died. That same day that I had that urge to call my grandma. And I'm like, okay, so I felt guilty. You know, I say maybe I could

have called and, you know, asked where he was. And if I could talk to him, maybe she would have went looking for him and found him, you know? But who knows? I don't know if that would have happened or not. And in 2005, my ex-husband and I have three kids together, and our boys were little, and then I have one older one,

and then three with my second ex-husband, I guess I should say. And the two little ones, he took them to Mexico with him to visit his mom. And my baby stayed home with me. She was eight months old. And we had decided that I was going to drive three hours to our family Christmas on New Year's Day. And I was going to take my daughter with me. And that night when we went to bed, I had had this dream flash. I call it a dream slash premonition

that I had a really bad car accident. And the next day, I wake up, I shake it off. I'm like, wow, that was terrible. You know, I'm like, what a bad dream. And I start driving, and I'm about an hour away from my family by this point. and I flipped six times end-over-end in the vehicle I was driving. That was the same day you had a dream? Yeah, it was the next day.

Like, I had had the dream on December 31st, and I had the accident January 1st. Wow. And so growing up with a fire chief for a father, you kind of know what to do in certain situations. because I used to do the practice, I would be their practice dummy or victim when I was a teenager, me and a couple friends would,

like they would cover us in fake blood and set us outside where it looked like it was a staged car accident and they would have to come check on us and stuff. And so by learning that through that, I was, didn't realize it at the time, but my vehicle was on the side. It was a Ford Explorer. So that gives you an idea of the size.

My left leg was hanging out the door of the window. And it was broken in half by the seamer. And I didn't realize that my leg was broken. And here I was taking off my seatbelt, trying to get out of this vehicle so I could go find my baby. And she had been ejected. from the vehicle 14 feet away. They found her in her car seat.

And the paramedic kept, like, he was on his stomach. I remember him looking in at me. And I was rocking back and forth saying my parents' name and their number over and over again. Had I not given that information, my daughter and I both would have been Jane Doe's because they didn't have any information on us whatsoever. It was back when we had like those little small Nokia cell phones. They barely got service anywhere. So I didn't take it with me on my trip because I didn't get service where my parents lived.

Well, I kept crying out for my baby and they finally showed her to me and she was alive. She was still alive. She had her. She had broken her leg. They didn't know that until the next day. So they take us to the hospital, they call my family, and I wake up eight days later out of a coma because I broke both my legs, my collarbone, and a bunch of ribs. I punctured a lung, tore my spleen, lost three fists in my body's blood. I died on the table, and they resuscitated me, incubated me, and put me in a coma to let that lung heal.

while I was at the hospital, I remembered seeing my best friend from high school standing at the car accident. She had died in 2003. She was standing. Yeah, I remember her name was Wendy, and I told her parents this. And the anniversary of her death is coming up December 4th. and I had found out that she had passed away when I was pregnant with my first born, and he was born a month to the day of her death. And she had been hit by a semi-head-on going to school on on a foggy road.

And I remember seeing her there, and I feel like she's the one that was making sure that my daughter was okay. because a passer buyer, a van, or a group of Mexicans, I don't know, this is what I was told, found my baby and they couldn't speak English. And the only thing they kept saying was baby van, baby van. And they gave her to the paramedics. And then my family actually had to come. And two of my relatives actually claimed my body, even because I was unconscious. And I was in a coma. they had me as a Jane Doe at the hospital,

but they had to actually tell them who I was. But had I not been able to call my family through those paramedics, nobody would have known. So I remember that as being, that's always something that gives me goosebumps because I remember seeing her there, and I hadn't seen her since high school. Right.

And when I found out that she died, I couldn't go to her funeral because I was five hours. hours away. And my doctor said no. And I just, I don't know, I get chills every time I talk about that because we were so close in school. And I moved away and, you know, I ended up getting pregnant and whatever. And I found out on the news that she had passed away. And I called her parents, like, frantic, you know, and they're like, we're so sorry. We didn't know a number for you. And, you know, It was just, it's just, I feel that she was there for me because I was there for her. When she was in high, when we were in high school, she came to my house and my mom had left for the bank, or not my mom.

I call my aunt and uncle, my mom and dad. She had left for the bank. And when she came home, the yard was filled with fire trucks and ambulances because my friend had had a seizure. And I didn't, she'd never had one before. and I never knew that, you know, I didn't know she was epileptic. So I called 911 for her and I saved her life. But she, I feel like she was paying me forward, you know? She was making sure that my daughter was okay.

Yeah. It was almost like she was watching over her to make sure that somebody found her. Because, I mean, you're eight months old and you're getting ejected out 14 feet away in your car seat. And, you know, like, you're. you lived. And now she's 14. You know, that's just a miracle in itself. Right.

Do you think... So I'm very lucky. Huh? No, I was just going to say, do you think that having those experiences where you had a dream about having an accident and then it happens the next day, do you ever try to follow that intuition? Do you ever, does it ever happen to you now? I did.

You're going to laugh. So I wasn't messes. I was taking a nap after work one night, and I had gotten this weird sense and this dream that my brother was going to be hit by a drunk driver. And I wake up almost instantly. And I called him and I'm like, what are you doing? Because like, I'm getting trashed.

He goes, I'm getting trash. What are you doing? And I'm like, don't go anywhere. He's like, why? And I'm like, because you're going to get hit by a drunk driver and you're going to die. He's like, what? And I told him. And he's like, okay, okay, I'm not going to.

And the next thing I know, I'm getting a phone call from him. he's like, you had me on guard the whole night. He's like, you had me looking like a crazy person walking around all paranoid. Well, good. I mean, maybe it saved his life. Oh, my goodness. I was just like, the funny thing to me is that I wake up frantically out of this dream, you know, just like, I just wake up and I'm like, oh, my God, he's my only brother. I've got to call him, you know.

he's like, I'm getting trashed. What are you doing? I mean, it's like sometimes I find the humor in things, you know, it's just like, this could have been deadly, but, you know, he made it funny. Well, that's my brother for you. I'll tell you what. That's a funny, happy story. And I know, it's just funny how he said, you had me paranoid all night.

That was like good. I could just picture him walking down the street, like turning around really fast. It's sure nobody was around. Every time a car comes by and stuff, he's ducking behind bushes. Right. Oh, my goodness. But I'm just glad, like, you know, I called him because I just feel like something bad was going to happen. And it's just like a couple weeks ago, I felt like I needed to talk to my mom.

And I didn't. I put it off and put it off and put it off. And two weeks ago, I found out her husband died. He had a stroke. And she told me, this is her word, not mine. He's here with me because the door opened and it closed. And he died at home. They were given him CPR. He had a massive heart attack. And he was in the stages of dementia, too. So he was, he was in the stages of dementia, too. So he was. he didn't remember my mom's name. But she was giving him CPR, her and my uncle. But the next day when I, you know, I called her, see how she was doing. She's like, oh, he's here. I'm like, he is, huh? And she's like, yep, the front door opened and it closed. And then my bedroom door opened.

And I know he's here. I'm like, oh, boy. And she goes, and it wasn't the wind either. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure mom, I'm pretty sure it's him, you know. Yeah. She's, you know, I know, she may sound crazy to some, but I know she's legit. But I just like, you know, at least I said, well, maybe he's back in his easy chair watching his TV again, you know? Like, what can you do?

But at least it's, you know, it's funny because she's. is this the way she said it, you know, I was like, yep, he's here. Like, okay, well, at least he can keep you company. But I just, I don't know, it's why that was kind of crazy. Yeah, I mean, you got some stories, though. I'd tell you that much. I really enjoyed hearing them, and I really just thank you for coming on the show and sharing with us.

Thanks. I know, it kind of sounds like maybe you're going to have to edit some of it, but. No, I don't, I don't edit. I don't edit the guest. Whatever they say gets put on the show. So you don't have to worry about that. Oh, my goodness. You have my permission to edit some of the crazy offbeat.

It's fine. It's fine. Well, I appreciate you talking tonight. And take care, okay? You too. It was nice talking to you. Well, that's the show, everybody. I really hope you enjoyed it.

And if you did enjoy, go ahead and share the show with your friends. That is the best thing you can do to help support the show. So thank you very much for doing that. And since we had a different kind of introduction to the show and stuff, I just wanted to say to everybody, if you had an encounter that you'd like to share on the show, go ahead and shoot me an email. My email address is The Confessionalspodcast at gmail.com. That's the confessionalspodcast at gmail.com or go to the website, theconfessionalspodcast.com, or go to the website, theconfessionalspodcast.com, or go to the website, thecafessionalspodcast.com, and join and become a member to the website where you'll get an extra episode, and you can reach me. week on Thursdays, plus you get access to the forum community where we're building a community on the website where people can share thoughts and post videos and pictures and things like that. It's a real good, fun community.

But all that stuff's on the website, the confessionalspodcast.com. If you're new to the show this week, I apologize for the introduction that might be a little bit more serious. Typically, we have a more upbeat and lively show, but this week was just a little bit of a different week. but hopefully you come back next week for another encounter episode. I promise you next week's show is going to be a good one. We're going to be having a guy on to share his UFO experience that was very up close and

personal, plus some details about his dad's military life past, which is very intriguing. So next week's going to be a great week. Tune in for that. And until then, stay safe, take care, and remember, the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. Bye.