The Confessionals - 363: The Shadows of Suicide

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

Episode 363: The Shadows Of Suicide might be one of the most important episodes I will ever put out as a podcaster. Veteran suicide is something that plagues our soldiers, and Episode 363’s guest Jake is a testament to that. Jake was a soldier who was injured in the line of duty. Once he returned home, he couldn’t find any work because no one wanted to hire him with his disability. Jake entered a dark hole of depression, but in the moment of him holding a gun, ready to take his life, something happened that would pull him through the darkest moment of his life.I recorded this interview with Jake a few weeks ago, and after we were done I told him that I felt like this conversation needed to be released ASAP because I thought it could help a lot of people persevere through suicidal thoughts. My month of August episodes had already been planned, so I added this interview to be released today. Last week, I got a direct message on Instagram from an ex-wife of a listener named Greg. He and I connected a few months back about interviewing to share his experiences, and we scheduled him for December 24th, 2021. But, sadly, Greg’s ex-wife informed me that Greg had taken his life the week before last. Greg lost his battle with the darkness that plagued him, and I am left wondering if I would have released the interview sooner, would it have made a difference in Greg’s life?Please, I truly beg you, if you are fighting thoughts of suicide, seek out the help you need. Today does not need to be the final chapter of your life’s book. Time moves forward and so can you! With every day that goes by, you are one day closer to finding that hope that you have been searching for that could give your life the meaning every person needs. If you woke up today and suicide was something on the table of consideration for you, I am here to tell you that today is not your day. It’s not your predetermined fate, it’s not your destiny. Hope and meaning can be right around the corner for you if you just hold out. Let that be your hope if you have no other. Find hope in finding the hope to carry on. We love you here at The Confessionals. Lindsay, myself, and all the listeners. Don’t do it. - Tony TRIBUTE INSTAGRAM POST FOR GREG: https://bit.ly/3xKUup3 SPONSORSGET SIMPLISAFE TODAY: https://simplisafe.com/confessionalsGET Hello Fresh: https://hellofresh.com/confessionals14 Promo Code: "confessionals14" for 14 FREE MEALS!!!GET ACORN.TV: https://acorn.tv/ Promo Code: "tony" (Code must be applied in all lowercase letters!)Get Emergency Food Supplies: http://www.preparewiththeconfessionals.comGet Beard Oil: https://bit.ly/2FbOhN5CONNECT WITH USWebsite: www.theconfessionalspodcast.comEmail: [e-mail] Community: Text "YUP" to 844-215-0819Subscribe to the Newsletter: https://www.theconfessionalspodcast.com/the-newsletter SOCIAL MEDIASubscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/2TlREaIDiscord: https://discord.gg/KDn4D2uw7h Show Instagram: theconfessionalspodcastTony's Instagram: merkificationFacebook: www.facebook.com/TheConfessionalsPodcast Twitter: @TConfessionals Tony's Twitter: @tony_merkelSHOW INTRO Show Intro INSTRUMENTAL: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyub39AXxUw Show Intro FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/2HxNcw3

Hey, everyone, before we get into this week's episode, I want to just talk to you more on a serious note about this coming episode and also some of the things happening behind the scenes. Last week, I got a direct message on Instagram from an ex-wife of somebody who was supposed to come on the show on December 24th in an interview with me. His name's Greg, and I talked to him on the phone for about an hour, hour and a half, a very pleasant conversation. He's from Alaska and just was a really cool dude. And she messaged me to let me know that that interview was not going to happen because Greg lost his battle with his darkness. And it kind of hit me hard. It kind of hit me hard. One, I tried to make a habit of supporting companies and different efforts to fight against veteran suicide. And also, a few weeks ago, I recorded the interview you're about to hear today. And I believe I even

told Jake either on the recording or after the recording was over that I felt like I was going to air this soon because I just felt like the message needed to be heard. And as you're going to hear today, Jake is going to talk about how his paranormal life unfolded, but it all stems from his time in the military getting injured and getting to the point where he was in such despair that he was almost ready to take his own life. And then he shares what happened that kept him from taking his own life. And after I talked to Jake, I just had this gut feeling that this show needed to be released ASAP. And I had already had my entire July scheduled, so I put it in for August. And I find out last week that Greg is gone. And I just feel like maybe if I would have posted this show sooner and

kind of followed my gut, maybe it would have made a difference. I don't know. But knowing how I felt about this interview that you're about to hear and then finding out that Greg took his life, it really it was really rough for me to to hear and Greg was a veteran and he served honorably and I just want to let anybody know that is listening that maybe is struggling with such thoughts of suicide that there is hope at the end of this tunnel there is something worth living for even if you don't see it right now every day that goes by you're getting closer and closer to finding that thing that's worth living for. You just got to fight through every moment to get there.

And I understand it's hard, whether you're a veteran or somebody that's dealing with depression, serious depression. There's a lot of things in life that can kind of get us down this dark road where you start thinking that you're better off, not here. And I urge you to seek help. And I hope that what you're going to listen to today might inspire you. you to think that maybe there is hope and maybe if I just keep pushing and fighting, I'll find that one thing worth living for. But please, please, please do not take your own life. With that said,

I want to dedicate this entire episode to Greg and he will forever be an honorary guest on this show. Greg, you will be missed, my friend. This was all circulating around the base that a giant had to kill, but no one was supposed to talk about it. I saw three long, bony fingers, reach up underneath the door, curl up to grab it, and then disappear. When he came over to me, dude, he slithered over to me. And this giant comes out of the cave, and they're all frozen. And he starts running and firing at this giant. With a giant move, he's got a spear in one hand, and he's running really fast.

And spears, Dan, holds him up like this. Somebody else, shoot him in the face, shoot him in the face, they basically decapitated. Got closer, got closer, got spurs him, when he got about this blow his head off. I feel something pulling at my leg, and I look over, and there are two small gray entities pulling it. and they're literally, I'm getting pulled off the bed. I reached my hand into this bush, and I touch air. Couldn't breathe and I couldn't move because I know I'm seeing a monster. Yep.

Welcome to the show, everybody. You're listening to The Confessionals. I am your host, Tony Merkel. Thank you for being here. If you've had an encounter or a story like to share with me on the show, go ahead and shoot me an email. My email address is The Confessionals at the Confessionals at the Confessionalspodcast.com. That's The Confessionals at the Confessionalspodcast.com. or go to the website, the confessionalspodcast.com, hit the contact section, and you can reach me that way as well.

Either it works for me, just get a hold of me. If you want more shows every week on Thursdays, we drop a bonus show for members only. All you got to do is go to the website, the confessionalspodcast.com, hit the join button and become a member, and there you'll get access to exclusive shows on the website and the app. If you want access to the app, just check your email after you become a member because you'll have an invite waiting for you to register on our app. Now, I want to let you guys. know before we get into anything else that we are launching the very first episode of Legion of Legends on the Confessionals YouTube channel. It is available for you to view right now. It was released on Sunday at noon. And it is a video where I went urban exploring in an abandoned industrial park. It has 15 to 20

buildings that have been vacant since the 80s. And I thought I would be the only one there searching these buildings. I was sorely mistaken. It was a very interesting visit. It was a very interesting visit. If you want to check it out, just go to the YouTube channel, The Confessionals, look us up on YouTube, The Confessionals. Hit subscribe and check out the latest video of Legion of Legends called Exploring an Abandoned Industrial Park. Check it out. I released it on Sunday at noon. I hope you guys enjoy it and we are doing more and more stuff for Legion of Legends. I am actually spending the night in the middle of the woods this coming Friday in a prisoner of war camp from World War II where they interrogated Nazis and Japanese soldiers. So that will be coming

for you guys as well, but this is the very first episode of Legion of Legends exploring an abandoned industrial park available right now on the Confessionals YouTube channel. Now, before we get into this week's show, I want to talk to you guys about a company that I was referencing earlier before the intro started. It's a company called Tilvalhalaulloproject.com. Go check it out. Tillvalhaalla project.com. T-I-L-H-L-A project.com. In 2019, this company started and they donate an additional 20% of net proceeds towards reducing veteran suicide. This is a company that I get probably 70 to 80% of the t-shirts that I actually wear come from Till Valhalla Project.

And I hope you guys that maybe are moved to do so. Go ahead and check out their apparel, buy some stuff, knowing that the proceeds go to a very good cause of stopping veterans from committing suicide. That's Till Valhalla Project.com. Now this week we have Jake coming on the show. And Jake is one of those veterans we were talking about who he almost, walked that line. He almost went over that line. He starts us out by his time in the military and how he got injured and what happened and then coming home to find out that there are no jobs for him. He's injured.

Nobody wants to hire him. And those kind of things set him into a deep depression to the point where he was ready to commit suicide. And then he talks about what happened in that moment that stopped him from committing suicide and how the rest of his life continued. This was a very moving story for me to listen to. And I hope you guys gain a lot from it just. like I did. And if you're struggling with the thoughts of suicide, whether you're a veteran or somebody that is just in deep depression, if you're thinking about these things, listen to Jake, because Jake's story is hope for those who are thinking about these things, knowing that he was there. He was ready to cross that line and something happened where he didn't. And now he has his life still.

I hope that you guys benefit from this episode. Let's get to Jake right now. All right, today we got Jake on the show. What's up, Jake? Hey, how's it going, man? Man, it's going good. It's going good. So, uh, Jake, man, you have an interesting story. And when you wrote the email, man, uh, the way you laid it out in email was like, oh, this is juicy. Like, I was like, I was like, what's going on here? Like, so, um, I think the way you laid it out in the email and how you laid the background up to leading up to that, the events and stuff, I think really helps draw the picture out. So I'm just going to hand it over to you, man,

and start us off, man, where you were in the military and just paint the picture to us as to what led you to these bizarre experiences. All right. Well, I spent four years at duty military. I had one deployment to Afghanistan. And, you know, I was in right around the time. when everything is real fired up. You know, we were just getting in there, and it's when things were hot. And we were in a convoy, and we were just, you know,

scoping out the area. And we're just kind of cruising along and chit-chatting as we go. And next thing, you know, we just heard this huge explosion and everything went black and dark. I didn't know what was going on. on.

And I'm looking, all I could hear was a big ringing in my ears and all these muffled sounds and everything. And as I'm looking around, I can see everybody there. I was the only one that was really scrambling around to get the heck out of there. And I was trying to pull other people out. And I ended up trying to grab, you know, he was my good friend. I tried grabbing him out. and I ended up feeling this sharp pain and everything in my whole entire left side.

And I looked down and I, from my whole left side, my arm was flayed. I had shrapnel just above my plate carrier hit in in my rib cage. And they ended up taking that out somewhere in my armpit. I got all the way up from my shoulder down to my hip. I got scars. and at that point, you know, it's, it's kind of, you kind of drive on instinct, you know, like my instinct on that point was I got to get to cover. I got to get out of here.

I got to get out of here. And I'm trying to take anybody who can get out of here with me. I got ahead that, but anyways, I grabbed the guy and I try to. I tried to pull him out and I felt the pain and I was flayed on my side. I was I had blood go everywhere. I know it's kind of graphic and I ended up not being able to get him out and ended up just running for cover because he was he wasn't moving. That's all I'm going to say. And so I left and I went to group, get with everyone and to kind of fast forward after the threat I went to then Medbay got taken care of and all that.

And the thing that gets me about that whole thing, and it'll make sense later on, is I'm the only one that came out with scars. Okay, I had other guys missing limbs, and I came out with scars, and I was in the same, same place within a matter of feet from these other guys. And I'm the only one that walked out with just scars. That's all I had. I'm still mobile. I'm still able to go.

Well, you know, it does it. You know, later on, Survivor's guilt started kind of going in, you know, as I spent my time, you know, finished out my time with the military. And I got out. Well, when I got out, you know, you got to go through a psychologist, you know, you know, I got to see therapists and all this stuff. And I was going to see a therapist to help treat my PTSD. And so I am trying to adapt to civilian world with the help of this psychologist and everything. And then at the same time, I'm also trying to forget everything to happen.

And it was a very conflicting thing for me because I wanted to do what everybody, you know, like what everybody else does when something tragic like that happens, they bury it in the back of their head. And, you know, every once in a while, I might flashback. But the psychologist kept bringing that up. So eventually it got worse. My PTSD and then I was applying for jobs everywhere within an hour drive, my house. I couldn't get jobs anywhere. no one wanted to hire me. And all I have is

this military experience. That's all I got, you know, because I went straight out of high school. So time went on, I started getting depressed. You know, I had, nobody wanted to hire me. I started getting depressed. And I was, I kind of went to a dark place.

I, one night was sitting in my room, and I was staying at my dad's house, because mind you, I've only been home for a month, and I was trying to get a job before I got a house. So I was, my dad's a truck driver and he's gone for long periods of time. So I was the only one home. And I went in and sat on my bed and I'm watching a movie and I'm just sitting there thinking, you know, I'm just doing. Like, I don't know what to do because I'm running low on my bank account.

And no one wants to hire me. I'm getting depressed. I got a newborn son now that I also had to take care of. And I'm sitting thinking like, how am I going to do that when no one wants me? You know, I felt used up. I really did. I felt like I was used up. So that really got to me.

And I had a deer rifle, an old 30-30 lever action that my dad had bought me when I was, when I turned 14, because I was old enough to finally deer hunt. And I took the gun and I loaded it. And I took the butter that I sat down on my bed and I took the butt of gun, put it out in the ground and rested my chin on the end of the barrel. And I was ready to go. You know, there was nothing here for me as far as I seen it. So I did that and I'm just, I had my finger, I was playing with the trigger and I had a little bit of pressure. and because of my IED strike,

I had nerd problems in my lower back, so every once in a while I get a shooting pain down my arm, you know, or in my shoulder, and it makes my hand twitch, like make a fist. So I'm playing with this trigger, and my hand could twitch at any point in time, and I would be done. I'd be gone.

I wouldn't be here right now to talk to you. And so I, ended up sitting there contemplating thinking of all this stuff and then all of a sudden out of nowhere i just had all these images flood my head of my son my newborn son i seen my newborn son when he was just as he was a baby i seen the pictures of my newborn son when he was older we were doing something and I don't know what we were doing, but I seen it. And then I had voices telling me, how could you do this? You're being selfish.

You're going to leave them without a dad. Who's going to teach him to do this? Who's going to teach him to do that? I broke down. I broke down and I started crying. I couldn't take that. I'm like, you know what? I can't do this.

Who's going to teach him how to go out, honey? Who's going to teach him how to fish? who's going to teach him how to do man stuff? You know, and I'll be damned if I'll let someone else do it. So I ended up unloading the gun, and I went and took it and sat on my dad's bed. So that way it was out of my room. I didn't want it anymore. Went back in my room, and I sat on my bed, and I just cried, you know, for good,

it was a good cry for a good 10 minutes because I didn't know what to do. and I can't believe I went that far. That wasn't me. I can't believe I went that far. And I just said to myself, you know, whoever can make me a millionaire and solve my problems, I owe my life and soul to. That was possibly the worst, dumbest thing that I could have ever done. But you see, back then, I didn't believe in any of this stuff. you know i went to church every i grew up going to church every sunday i went to church every

sunday in the military i carried a bible with me i mean that's what i did that's how i got through the some of the the stuff that i went through that was like that that was what helped me and i didn't know that at that moment being at rock bottom where i was i was vulnerable very vulnerable And when I said that, I said anyone. I didn't specify who. Good, bad, evil. You know, it doesn't matter. And so I didn't think anything of it because I don't believe in it.

So I got out, locked over to my light switch, put my light off, turned my TV off, got in my futon, and I had to fold it up like a couch. And I had this window right above my bed that we had the old mercury light in the backyard that shined in through my window and lit up my room. So I could see my whole room. I mean, it wasn't really bright. So I can see in my closet, see my door, and everything.

So I went to sleep, and I started having this nightmare. And I was running through my in-laws house. I don't know why it was my in-law's house. And it was dark. Like all the lights were off and something was chasing. I didn't know what because I couldn't catch a glimpse of it. All I could see was stuff being thrown off of the shelves and chairs moving and stuff like that because, you know, I'm running through the house.

Well, I get to the other side of the house where their basement doors. And I looked down the basement doors open. I looked down the basement. It looked like a light was on. So I'm like, well, I'm like, you know, all the horror movies that I've watched, you think I would have known, you don't go in the basement. but here I am I went down in the basement and when I got down there it was all red-lit

there was it was all red light there was no other color or anything was all red and I'm like all right this is weird and I started getting a weird feeling and mind you I'm still dreaming and it was a very lucid dream because I had thought I had control of everything it. And I'm aware of where I'm at and I just started getting a feeling like, this ain't right.

Like something's going on. And I'm like, why is it just red down here? You know, you should be seeing some kind of sunlight or something because my in-laws have windows in their basement. Well, I look up towards this one window and it looked like there was like a curtain over it, this jet black curtain that just absorbed light. I'm like, well, that's weird. You know, that's not I was not supposed to be there. And then I started looking at it and it was waving, kind of, you know, like a curtain blowing in the wind. I'm like, all right, that's, that's not a curtain. Like, what's going on? All of a sudden, it shot up the wall, crossed the ceiling right over top of me, jumped down on me. We fell on a table and I rolled. And when we rolled, I was, we hit the floor and I was, I was on top. I had control. And I had it pinned down by the shoulders.

and I kept screaming at it. What are you? What are you on? You know? And I'm just like, I don't know what this is because I can't see the face and I stood up and I started walking backwards. And this thing stood up. But when it stood up, it didn't stand up like a person. It stood up like Dracula in the old movies.

When he was in his coffin, he never bent his knees or anything. He just went right up and just walked. And it got up, was standing there. in the face, I couldn't make out the face. Because the face was shaking and moving so sporadically and twitching that it was just one big blur. And then the body was a female body. It was a female body. It was clothes and everything and female clothes and everything.

And I'm looking, I'm like, what, you know, like, what is this? I'm just kind of back it up slowly and next thing you know I'm like what are you what do you want you're in the head stop twitch and start staring at and it was one of the most grotesque looking things that I've ever seen and I've seen some pretty nasty stuff it looked like the face was melted one eye was like way down by its mouth the mouth was all crooked it had it was like a deep dark purple color. The head was out of proportion to the body because the head was actually too big for the body. And it had like boils all over it. It was just bad. And it kept repeating, you can have whatever you want, just name it. And I'm like, that's, and I found myself like,

I didn't even think of it. And I just started saying, that's not the deal. You know what the deal is. And it just kept repeating it. Tell me what you want. You can have it. What do you want? Anything. You can have it. I'm just like, that's not the deal. You know what the deal is. Well, then I woke up. And when I woke up, I couldn't move. I was paralyzed. I could move my eyes around and look around, but that's it.

And I'm laying on my back, and I have my hand on my stomach, and my other arm just laid down to my side. So I'm laying straight on my back. And I look over, and where my closet is, and then my door, was just pitch black. I couldn't see in my closet. I couldn't see that wall. I couldn't see the door to my room.

It was just black. So I started freaking out a little bit. You know, I'm trying to talk. They're trying to yell, and I can't. All you can move is move my eyes. So, you know, once again, instate kicked in. I'm like, and it's like, dude, you got to move.

You got to move. You have to move. You have to move. So I'm like, I started to slide my hand across my stomach. and once it got to my arm in my fingertips touched my forearm, all of a sudden this black mass, whatever was there, just started dissipating and soaking up into this corner. And then it all of a sudden it just disappeared in the corner of the room.

And I got this real calming, like this real tangly sensation all over my body and I could move again. I got up, went over, flipped my light on. I'm sweating. My heart's going. I'm thinking, what the heck just happened? You know, I can't explain it. I couldn't explain it. And at the same time, I'm like, if I talk to someone about this, no one's going to believe me.

So I, you know, I kept it to myself for years. And after that, I kind of, I started noticing things. I started noticing that when things go bad, when things would go bad, they would go really bad. I never had that little, like,

just little screw up. It was always a big screw up. I always had bad luck. You know, my dad always joked and said it was a family curse. Well, looking back on it, like being a non-believer of that, I just overpaced it as I'm just having a bad run, you know, a bad luck streak and I'll be out of it soon. So I finally, you know, I finally get a job and I'm like, all right, sweet, you know. and, you know, it's, you know, only a few months since my first episode.

And I started dating this girl. And I'm like, all right. You know, she asked me to come over and come over and stay the weekend. I'm like, okay, well, I went over. And Friday night, we ended up watching movies and ended up passing out. well we were laying at the foot of the bed and I fell asleep at the foot of the bed and she did too well I started having another dream of this it was a I couldn't tell but it was like a I couldn't make out like features but it was just gold it was it was a gold color and it was

so shiny it was blurry it blurred and it was trying to it was trying to point to something in trying to tell me something but I couldn't hear it. I didn't know what it was saying. Then I just remember a big flash and I woke up and when I woke up I was paralyzed again. But I'm not I'm at my girlfriend's house, you know, like what the heck's going on? I'm paralyzed. I can look around and I look and she's up at the head of the bed now and I'm still at the foot of the bed. And all of a sudden, I could hear, I could hear, like, footsteps on the carpet coming down the hallway. And, okay, I can't make any noise.

I can't talk. I can't move, but I can look. And then once the footsteps got to the doorway, the bedroom, they just stop. I'm like, and I'm thinking, okay, there's something there. I know there's something there. And I, you know what? I know you're there. You might as well come out.

But I can't say it. So I'm thinking, you know, maybe this thing can read minds. If it is a figmented my imagination, then I should have full control over it. At least that's logic in my mind. And I'm thinking, show yourself, you know, go ahead, show yourself. No, I didn't have any control over this. This thing, I kept saying it, and then all of a sudden I just stopped, and I'm just like, okay, maybe there's not anything there.

And I'm trying to calm myself and I'm trying to start moving. And I just happened to look over at the door again, move my eyes, looked at the door again. And I see this head at the top of the door in the corner. It was just shadow. It was looking down from the top corner. And then when I looked over at it, I seen it pop back up. And that's kind of when I really started going like, okay, now I really have to move. I really have to get up.

Someone's in here. and well I tried to start moving my arm again like I did last time and it all went away. So I started moving my arm again. Well, I started getting able to move my arm and I tried to roll myself off the bed. And when I did, I rolled off the bed and I laid there and I went to stand up. And as I stood up, I looked up at the door and I watched this shadow that was blacked. blackered and black, come in the doorway. When this came in the doorway, it had to duck.

It was so tall. It came in. It ducked under the doorway and took one long step in, stood there for a second, and then it took off walking. And I hurried up, jumped up, and as soon as I spun around and went to take off after it, it just disappeared right by her closet. Just gone. this thing was really tall.

It had to duck to be in the room, had really long arms, and these long, thin, bony fingers, they had really long legs, and it kind of walked with, like,

slumped over, and the knees bent a little bit as it walked, because if it stood up straight, its head would go through the ceiling. And I have no, that's, that's all the feature. I could get out of it. It was just a shadow.

And at that time, that's kind of when I started thinking, like, what's going on? Well, you know, once again, I took it and I didn't tell me about it. And a couple months later, I decided that I wanted to buy a motorcycle. So I went ahead and I bought a motorcycle. And I was out for a ride one day and a lady, pulled out in front. I ended up hitting her and went over the handlebars. And the last thing I remember is seeing the ground come up. And then after that, I can't tell you. And when I woke up, I was in a helicopter landing at some other hospital in another city so that they could treat me.

and I look over in this guy with a helmet and the pilot lenses on, the tinted lenses, I had needles coming out of me, hoses coming out of me. I didn't know what was going on. And I kind of started freaking out a little bit. And the guy leans over and puts his hand in my chest and he goes, just relax. You were in a bad motorcycle accident and you're being airlifted to this hospital. I'm like And I just lay back down

And I just trying to think of what happened And he's like You've been knocked out for two hours Two hours I've been unconscious for two hours That's two hours of my life That I have no idea what happened I don't remember anything

That's a blink space I had I was pretty messed up And my mom came down with my body, my best friend, my sister, my brother, they all came down to the hospital to pick me up when they were going to release me. And it was like an hour and a half drive from our house. So we get in, I had severe brain trauma. So my mind, my memory was bad.

I had to go through six months of speech therapy and memory therapy. You know, trying to remember cards where they're at and then trying to pronounce letters appropriately because they sound like I was drunk all the time because I was slurred my words. And I couldn't even remember what the McDonald's menu was. That's how much I didn't know. So now I'm gimped up. Okay, I just got a job. You know, I've been having this weird stuff happening to me. I've been nothing on this.

And when something, like, I'll have good streaks, and then all of a sudden these bad things just start happening. And no matter what I do to avoid it, it happens. It's inevitable. You know, I got struck by an IED, the only one to make it out. I got into a bad motorcycle wreck. Somehow I survived when my cousin was in the same wreck two months before that and wasn't so lucky.

same speed same way and you know I at that time I'm just starting to look at it like hey man maybe I don't have bad luck maybe I'm really lucky I've been through all this stuff and I've survived so now I just got a job and I'm out of a job now because I got to do a motorcycle wreck and I can't work well you know time went on and I understood that I had to heal and everything out. I just had to take it easy for a little bit and just kind of let my body heal. So a few months later, I finally felt good enough. My doctor gave me the okay to go back out to the world and start working. So I went back out, started applying for all these jobs. Once again, same situation. I couldn't get anybody to hire me because now not only am I

a bet that had PTSD, but now I'm also gimped up because of a motorcycle wreck. So now people are looking at it like, can you stand for a long period of time? Well, I can, you know, but I might have to take a rest every now again because my hip's messed up. And I can't stand for a long time. Well, that's not going to do because you got to stand for eight hours or whatever. Well, okay. And stuff like that. well then finally i had this local factory call and they're like uh we have a part-time position

that we're willing to you know offer you it's two days a week friday saturday you work two-twelves and then if you do good with that and you're feeling all right then we can take and move you to full time i'm like great that's all i needed i just needed someone to give me an opportunity that's awesome so i went and uh i went showed up and i was at work every day I did this for, oh, three months. And after two months, they told me like, yeah, we got a spot open on a full-time spot. We're going to get you right in there, get you right in there. They kept telling me every day for a good month.

Well, I'm like, I don't, and then after a month, I just stopped listening because I'm like, obviously it's not going to happen. I'm making $180 a week. I got bills I got to pay. I got a kid, the son that I have to take care of. I got, not to mention, I got to eat groceries and everything else that comes with the adulthood on $180 a week. Because no one else will hire. What am I getting? What, you know, I don't want to live at my dad's forever.

That's not the plan. So, you know, I got in a bad spot. Again, I started going to a bad spot again. Well, I wasn't at rock bottom. Like, I knew that there was some sort of hope out there. I knew there was someone out there that could, that would give me a shot, and I just wasn't looking right. So I got on Craigslist, and I'm looking. Well, I had, there was an ad for a carpenter apprentice building houses.

I'm like, you know what? I'm going to try it. Screw it. So I tried it. And this is when I ended up meeting my friend. Well, my boss became my friend, and then I started work. and I found out that he was also a pastor. Great.

You know, I used to be into that stuff. I mean, I kind of fell out of it when I got out of the military because I was more into hanging out with my friends and going out and drinking and stuff like that because I didn't get to do it when everybody else was doing. So he gave me a shot. He was a pastor and we're talking and everything. And he invited me to come to his church.

I'm like, yeah, great. Yeah, you know, I need to get back in there. I need to. So we're on a job one day, and he's like, hey, why come eat lunch with me in my truck? I'm like, all right. So I went with them. We got in a truck, and he goes, do you want to bring Jesus into your life, bring God in there, God into your life?

And I'm like, yes, more than anything. I need it. You know, I've been really down. I need a pick. I need a good pick me up. and he's like all right well let's do a prayer and I'll let you take the lead and bring it on so you can accept Jesus Christ into your life okay great so we bowed our heads we said prayer and I just started getting really hot like really hot and it's in the middle of winter

I mean there's a foot of snow on the ground and we're sitting in his truck and I'm burning up. I mean, I am, I'm sweating. Everything else. I started feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. As I'm saying this. And we get Donnie, he looks at me. He goes, are you right? I was like, yeah, just like really hot. He goes, hey, man, it's all right. He's like, he did it with a couple other guys. He's like, they cried and he cried and everything else. He's like, it's a big step in your life. He's like, it's usual to feel like that. I'm like, all right. you know, whatever. I just talked it up to that's just what happens. So I started going to church with them, you know, and became good friends. We'd go to church and then after church, we'd go out to lunch

and whatnot. Well, I started really getting into it. I was like reading the Bible at night. I put my son down for bed. We'd say prayer together. And this went on for a while. Well, I started having these dreams that like at prayer at night, I would pray at night before I went to bed. And I would say something like, you know, just please show me a job that will leave me down the right paths or show me who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I mean, just silly things like that. You know, I was still kind of young in an aspect. So I was saying things like that. Well, then I would have dreams not knowing it about the questions I asked. I was getting answers, you know, almost instantly.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I was dreaming about it. And I didn't really pick this up until about the second time I happened is when I really started taking notice. But I went to work and we went out on a job site. And I was walking up to the job site. And then all of a sudden, I just stopped and I'm just staring. I'm like, holy crap, I've been here before. and I started going back and reeling through memories and stuff

I'm like I dreamt about this this very very exact same scene I was standing here he was there he was there it looked like this exactly I knew this was going to happen and I just I'm like holy cow that was deja vu

just went on with my day well then it just started happening more often every time I'd ask something I'd get an answer I'm like that's really cool you know So I started really kind of testing it, you know, asking just off-the-wall things, you know, like what's the weather going to be like tomorrow?

Am I going to get a raise? Stuff like that. And trust me, if I would have known this at the time, you don't talk things like that. There's forces at work that we don't understand. And they can be cruel. and, you know, I was taunting, like, just asking these off-to-all questions just because I could. And then I would get answers. I had deja vu all the time, and it was great.

It was cool. Well, then I went to work, and my boss and I asked if I would eat lunch for them again. I'm like, yeah, I was seeing in there, and we're talking. I've been working for quite a while now, and we're talking about the job. And then he started asking me how my journey was going and, you know, with Christ and everything. And I told him, I was going great. You know, it's great. And then I told him, I'm like, but it's weird because ever since I started going to church and started praying and all this stuff, I, every time I pray at night and I ask, like, questions, I get answers at night.

Like, I see what's happening. And I told him, I'm like, I knew that I was going to be here. I knew that I was going to have this job. I knew that. Like today, I knew that today was going to be 80 degrees and just full of sun. When everybody else is wearing jeans, I'm wearing shorts and I'm comfortable. I mean, it was unreal. I mean, I didn't even think anything like that existed.

And so it continued. Well, then things kind of took another turn. I kind of, I had my girlfriend, ended up getting into an accident. I left for work that day, and she left to go back down state to her home. And she was on the freeway and ended up rolling her car. And I'm on my way to work. Thank God she was all right.

She did make it, you know, just bruised a little bit. But I got a call on my way to work. And I was already halfway there. And she's like, I just rolled my car. I'm like, you got to be kidding me. So I called my boss and told him, I was like, hey, I'm not going to be there. A girlfriend just rolled their car and stuff. And this is kind of weird because it was very uncharacteristic of him.

Like this wasn't him at all. This guy was one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life. You know, he cared about everybody. He never cursed, never swear. When we were on his job sites, he even made us abide by the same rules. and he mocked me. He's like, yeah, right. He's like, whatever, Jake, you know, whatever.

And I'm like, man, I don't know why you're not believing me. Like, I'm here. I show up to work every day. I'm loyal to you. Like, I don't lie to you. Why aren't you believing? You know, he's like, if you just wanted the day off, all you had to do and say something, I'm like, man, I'm not kidding.

I'm already halfway there. I'm turning around. I'm heading back. and then when I got there I took a picture of her vehicle on its side off the side of the freeway and sent it to him and he still mocked me he's like dude he's like he said I'm not interested in pictures from Google I you know I why aren't you believing me I had so much faith in you and you were such a great guy and everything every day all day 24 seven and now you're just now you're being

different for lack of better words I don't understand that so I told them I'm like man I'm telling you the truth if you don't believe me then I can't work for you anymore I can't work for someone who's going to treat me like this and talk to me like this so I told them I will never work for you again

ever I don't know why it came to that or anything so I just lost a big influence in my life and I'm like okay well that's I just lost a friend I just lost influence in my life that was actually making my life better I was going down the right path because of that I'm great like I am happy that that person became in my life when he did and directed me and put me on the right path because things started looking up and now I don't have that so now I jobless. I lost a friend. My girlfriend rolled her car. I mean, things kind of seemed pretty

crappy at that point. Like, I, at that time, I don't know. I was, I don't know if anything could have gotten worse at that point. So now I had to drive her all the way back down, two-hour drive back down to her house. And I don't have a job. So the gas in my gas tank, It's got to last me. And I drove her down there, and I had a Honda Civic, so I got a pretty good gas mileage. I got down there. I still had a half a tank. I'm like, it'll probably take me maybe like a little over a quarter tank to make it back.

Things great on gas. So when I'm down here, I'm going to stay the night because it's going to get, it's, it was late when we got down there. And then I'm going to head back in the morning and to my job hunting again. You know, but at least now I was at a carpentry job. for a while so now I have some experience in some kind of job field so now I have more job opportunities and better chances of getting them that's great so I came back and I went and I drove back up home and it was it was maybe two weeks after I left from dropping her off that we split up and you know now I two within a matter of two weeks uh lost my job lost a friend girlfriend rolled a car

I drove all over all the back home then two weeks later she breaks up with me kind of seems like things are going bad you know I'm starting to feel it it's starting to be taxing on me so you know I went out and I dealt with that. I remorse like every guy does. So a little bit later, a little bit time passed. Well, then I ended up going over to a friend's house, you know, to hang out, drink few beers, just kind of getting back out into the social scene. And that's been the end.

My wife had mutual friends. So my wife ended up being there and we ended up talking. And, you know, after I left and, you know, after I left and, She left. We ended up getting a hold each other off Facebook, talking to each other. Then we dated for, you know, a little bit because I was still sore from the previous relationship. And at first we were just friends, you know, we were really good friends. We talked. You know, we had a lot in common. And then after that, we decided like, hey, maybe we should start a relationship. Great. So we started a relationship. Things were great.

You know, things are, I mean, things are still great, but back there, you know, I mean, we didn't have any children. We were free to do as we will, young, I mean, everything. So, well, we decided that we wanted to take the next step in our relationship. And I was working for another local builder. And so we ended up finding a house that was for rent. And we were like, okay, well, her parents ended up knowing the owner. So we got the house. We move in.

And stuff kind of started picking up again. Like I went a long, I went a good amount of time without anything happening. But at the same time, but at the same time, I wasn't going to church or anything anymore. I didn't go to church since my, since I left that job and my ex-girlfriend flipped her car. That whole time I've never been a church, never touched the Bible or anything. And I was out there drinking, I was partying, I was going to bar, you know, strip clubs doing all these shenanigans. Now, when I met my wife, it all stopped.

But at the same time, everything kind of started taking a shift for the worst again. The builder that I was working for was losing his license and didn't tell any of us workers. because he had a lot of messed up jobs that he wasn't telling us about. So I found that out two days before he told everybody. And then when he told everybody, we basically just packed everything up and left, and the person, the homeowners had to hire another contractor to come in and finish it. So here I am, I left. Now I'm jobless again.

what the heck? Why does this keep happening? Well, this time, this time, this go-around was probably where things really picked up and things really started getting aggressive. I started kind of falling back down. You know, it was great. You know, jobless for a couple weeks, great. Time off. You know, I get to rest, sleep, do whatever. Kids off to school, great.

And it wasn't it was like two weeks You know it was great Then after that I kind of started getting bored Start feeling bad because my wife's got to get out Go to work every single day And you know what I do? I get up Go get my coffee

Go sit in my chair All day I'm probably being one of the worst One of the worst boyfriends She could ask for it I don't have a job And I'm fucking depressed because my car's broke.

I don't have a way to go apply for jobs, even though she's offered to take me several times, and I denied her. I don't do dishes. I didn't vacuum. I don't help out around the house. I just started around, drink coffee, watch TV, play video games.

That's not someone she needs. She needs someone better than that. Well, I started realizing that, and I started thinking about that, and that's kind of when I started really getting down. You know, and I just started thinking about all these bad things. like, you know, like I, I can't do anything right.

I've been jumping around. I've been after job, after job, after job, after job, and I just can't keep a job. My wife has to go to work every single day and try to support us because I don't want to get my ass out and go get, look for a job. So I started getting depressed again. And these things, the stuff only happens when I'm vulnerable.

Because if I'm, you know, happy and fully, then my guard's up, they can't touch me. and this is something that I learned. So I was leaning in bed one night and I started twitching really bad. You know, like I could feel my body twitching but I couldn't, but I couldn't wake up out of my sleep. I was stuck.

It scared to, it scared me pretty bad. And, you know, it was almost like my eyes were glued shut. And I tried saying something. something, but I couldn't. And my wife, next thing you know, I felt my wife's hand touched my chest. And all of a sudden I woke up, I sat up, breathing hard and everything. She asked if I was all right. I'm like, I'm fine. I'm great. I heard I could hear you. I just couldn't talk to you. Like I could hear her, but I couldn't open my eyes and talk to her. I was stuck. and that happened, you know, and then the next night it happened, the night after that, it happened again.

And I'm just starting to wonder what's going on. Like, should I go to the doctor, get this checked out? And so I'm like, all right, well, I went to see my therapist. You know, I started going back to my therapist again to try to kind of help out, smooth everything out with me again. so that I didn't go back to that dark place I used to be. And I told her about this stuff. You know, what was happening, waking up, paralyzed, seeing this thing, and things happening. She's like, and she tried to tell me, she's like, it's sleep paralysis.

I'm like, really, what's that? And she told me what it was. I'm like, oh, I mean, I guess. I guess that could be it. but then does sleep paralysis get really like distinct like really um right on with sounds and everything because this stuff changes like whatever surface it's walking on you can hear the sound of it walking through that surface or on that surface and i don't know how detailed sleep paralysis gets but that's pretty dang detail and so i started going to see it her and then i started having these

more experiences. I'd be laying in bed and I woke up and I look over and I just happened to see something off the corner of my eye and I look over and this is probably the worst one is

this black. It was black against the wall standing in front of the closet which is my side of the bed had its hand outstretched and over top of me and it had these long bony fingers. But this thing was, it wasn't as tall as the other ones.

Bony fingers, and they were stretched out over top of me. And it was kind of wiggling its fingers over top of me. You know, like it was like trying to, like someone grabbed salt, like a pinch of salt, and they're just sprinkling it on me, almost is what it looked like. And I seen the hand, I followed the arm down. And I looked. And this thing, it looked like it was in like a cloak, like it really ripped and torn. cloak.

It had a hood on, but I couldn't make out more details than that, and I could see the elbow where the elbow was turned on the other side, and it was in. And I could kind of see an outline of it, of it standing in front of it. And it had these these beads clenched in its fists and hanging

there as it's kind of moving its fingers over top of me and everything. And this scared the heck out of it. You know, I was terrified. This is the worst one yet. So instinct kicked in again, you know, you got to move. You got to get up and go. You got to get your wife out of here.

You have to. Go. Get up, go. I'm okay. I tried moving. I started trying to wiggle my toes, my fingers. And as soon as I started moving again, I watched this thing pull its arm back in and just step backwards into the closet and vanish.

And then I rolled out of bed and I got up and started. going through the closet. I'm ripping clothes out of the closet and everything and I'm cussing and swearing. My wife wakes up and she's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm going to get that, you know, I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him. You know, how dare he comes in, how dare he come in my home, you know, where my family is and everything else. I'm going to get him. And she ended up talking and calling me down and everything. So, you know, probably about a week later, you know, we all got ready and went to bed. And I had to go to the bathroom, so I woke up.

And I couldn't move. And I'm like, oh, you got to be kidding. You know, you got to be kidding. So I tried to go back. I'm like, I'll just go back to sleep, wake up a little bit, it'll be over. You know, I'm like, these things, I'm done messing with them. So I closed my eyes, so I go back to sleep. and that's when I started all of a sudden

I didn't know where I started hearing all these thousands of voices just whispering in my ears and I couldn't hear anything else other than me and we sleep with the fan on I couldn't hear anything else other than all these thousands of whispers couldn't make them out or anything and then all of a sudden it just stops

goes dead silent what the heck is going on And then all of a sudden I can hear footsteps coming towards our bedroom through the kitchen. And we have tile in our kitchen. And I can hear the footsteps. Like if someone was bare foot, you know how like sometimes you can walk on like linoleum or tile. Your foot kind of sticks to the tile. Yeah.

And it kind of makes that sticky sound. And that's what it sounded like. Someone was walking across the tile and you could hear it like they're walking bare foot because you can hear kind of the stickiness of it. And then I'm looking and once it got to the door, it sounded like it was at the door. It stopped. I'm like, oh, man, someone's in the house. Someone's in the house. So I started wiggling around trying to get moving again.

And next thing, you know, I kind of looked out. I just happened to look down at the door and I see the head at the door pop back up. And the thing wasted no time this time. It just ducked underneath the door, walked into the room, and came over on my side of the bed walking towards that wall. And I got my one arm, and my arm was still kind of paralyzed, but I could flop it around. And I kind of leave one hell of a run in my shoulder to try to flat my arm to try to smack this thing, just to poke the bear and see what happened.

So I rolled, and when my hand went down, I watched my hand physically. Hit this thing and go right through and kept falling. And the thing just kind of paused, took a step backwards, and was gone. Scared the heck right out of me. I was expecting to touch something physical because it looked physical. It looked like it was solid. But my hand ended up going right through it. And it was the same tall, black thing with long fingers, long, skinny, arms, and legs.

It looked like it was sick. or dying. It was so thin. And I'm, you know, a lot of things are going through my head, like what the heck's happening? You know, like now I, my house is haunted and everything else. Like, now I got to deal with this. And not to mention, my wife is about to bring my beautiful daughter into the world. And I got to bring my daughter into this house. So something's got to happen. So I got to start, I really got to start trying to do something to try to get rid of this. So that's kind of when I started diving down that random hole. I started looking for answers of what could be happening and what I'm seeing.

I tried to find pictures of things that look close to it and explanations. I started digging into all this stuff. And we have these things up here. I mean, it's a little bit, a little ways from our house called Psychic Fares. I don't know if you've ever been to one or heard of one. No, I haven't. But it's basically where people go and they like do like, tarot card readings and palm readings, you know, and it's like a, and they have like carnival

rinds there. It's, it's a fun time. And my wife goes to them, you know, every year. So I ended up going with her when I was doing all this research and stuff. And I just happened to notice that like I could feel, I could feel things. I could feel pressure. Like there was pressure pushing against me from. from every direction.

And I started getting a really bad headache. I'm like, man, this is, I told my wife, I was like, we got to go soon. I was like, I'm starting to get a migraine. I just got a lot of pressure on my head. I can't, you know, my eyes are water. So she's like, okay, well, we'll go. Let me, can I go and see? Because she had a friend and his mom was at the psychic fair.

She was doing, I think she was doing my tarot card readings or something. So I'm like, okay. So I went with her, did this one last thing, seen her friend's mom, they caught up, did the Tara Car reading. And her friend's mom just stops. Dead set, just dead stops in the middle of the sentence just stops. And looks, and she's looking over my head. Looks directly at me, looks over my head. And just, she just turns ghost white.

I'm standing there looking at her, like trying to figure out what's going on. And my wife, you know, my wife is just talking away, just carrying on, telling her life story. And she doesn't know as you stop. I'm like, okay. I'm like, I look at her and I'm like, what do you see? I'm curious now. You got my attention. What do you see?

She looked at me and she goes, you got something that you don't want. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait a second. What did you just say? She's like, you got something and you might want to get rid of them. Really? You know, me, I'm like, really? I came to a psychic fair.

I mean, I don't believe in crystal balls and cards being able to tell my future, my life, or anything like that. Okay. You know, I'm like, all right. You know, we're going a little far here. Like, you can see stuff now. Like, you know, because I went in with the idea of, like, these people do this stuff just to take your money.

You know, I mean, it's like they just tell you what you want to hear like a car salesman and then take your money from you and you walk away satisfied when really you just got ripped off. I know that's a poor mindset, but at least now I know it's not that's not the case, but most of them. Most of them truly have some talent in some field because when she told me that, I didn't believe her. But by God, was she right? she was very right i had something that wanted me and it was going to take me one way or another so after that my you know my curiosity sparked even more now i'm getting real curious like i really want to dig into this like this is really like what is this it's a whole new world for me and so i went and i started uh going more going there and going well i should say not going to the fair

but going to see her friend's mom more to have conversations with her and try to get to the bottom of this. And I was really just trying to feel her out to see how genuine she was. So, you know, I kind of started going and having like readings done or talking to her and stuff like that. And because I really did find this stuff very interested. And she just told me she's like, something just wants you. It wants you and it's going to get you one way or another unless you get rid of it. And I'm sitting there looking at her. I'm like, there's no way.

I was like, what's stopping you from taking? And she looked at him. She goes, because you won't let it. What do you mean? I won't let it. I haven't done anything special. She's like, and she told me it's because I have, because my will. I have a stronger will than the thing that is trying to take me.

I have a stronger will to stay here and raise my family and be with my kids and see my grandkids when I get older. And all that, that's stronger than this presence that wants to take me. So we talked further into that and I told her to elaborate and I told her, you know, I'm like, that's weird. And I start telling her about all these experiences, you know, and I told her about the military, the IED. I told her about the motorcycle crash, told her about all this other weird stuff that happened to me. And she just looked at me. She goes, you have gone through a lot in your life. Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I have. I'm surprised to be here right now. And she goes, you're not supposed to be here right now. Well, wait a second. Back up. What do you mean? I'm not supposed to be here. She goes, at some point in time, you're supposed to die.

And I'm like, really? Yes. So how many times have I've come close to death? Well, there's IED. I almost committed suicide. I was in a motorcycle accident. And things aren't getting better. So I'm like, okay, now things are starting to make sense.

Now I'm kind of starting to believe her. Now I'm really, really kind of interested. So she's kind of started picking her brain. You know, I'm like, I was supposed to die. She goes, yeah. I'm like, well, do you know when? She goes, no, you know, she can't tell that, obviously. I'm like, well, okay.

Well, that's, I was like, that's great. Well, at least now I know how to approach this. because this thing, I don't know where it attached itself to me or what happened, but this thing wants me, and it wants me, and it wants me, and it wants, it wants me dead. It wants me gone. And it's doing whatever it can to do it to make me go that way. And from what it seemed like, it was trying to influence me. It wasn't, it couldn't, it wasn't taking a direct, um, a direct approach to try to move me in that direct,

instead it was trying to influence me. Well, after some research, I found out that the demons, that it's the pact in faith, it's the pact between heaven and hell, that they cannot directly interact with us, but they can influence us with other things. So that kind of matched that, because this thing wasn't, like, physically touching me.

Whenever I seen it, it was somewhere else. but at the same time, things were going to hell in a hand basket around me. Nothing was going right. I kept losing jobs. I was in multiple incidents where I should have died. So that and then when you really look at it that way, you really start painting out that picture,

you're like, wow, this thing really wants me gone. This thing is really trying. And I'm like, okay, well, how do I get rid of this? Because I'm not going to have this thing running around trying to kill me while my newborn daughters is in the house, not to mention my son who's already scared of the dark, you know. So I'm, I tried telling you talk to my wife about this, but I couldn't because it's scared. It made it to where she slept with her eyes open. She couldn't sleep because she was scared.

And I told her not to worry. I told her I was going to protect us and I'm not, and I don't go back on my word. When I tell you I'm going to do something, I do it. So, you know, we went out to eat one night and we came back. And this is probably, it's about eight months after I had that meeting, the last meeting with the psychic or the psych. And she told me, you know, that this thing wanted me dead and everything.

It was about eight months from that. Went out to eat. just my wife and I, and my mom took the kids. And we wanted to eat, came home, and when we got home, it was really late. You know, we're like, yeah, you know, we got to get the kids early in the morning. Let's just go to bed, get up in the morning, go kids, maybe go out to breakfast. Great day, great family day. So we went to bed, and I'm laying in bed.

And I was just starting to fall asleep. I mean, just right on the cost of actually going to sleep. And I started feeling the blanket's depressed next to my leg. Well, first, it was kind of like in my mid-calf area. And I felt the blanket depressed. And I kind of wake up, I sit up thinking maybe it's my daughter, you know, or she somehow crawled out of her bed or it's my son trying to crawl into bed with. us or it's a dog jumping on the bed or something large school like that because it happens every night

because my daughter was an escape artist and I was like nothing there well okay that's weird so I looked up even farther looked around the bed and there was nothing there and I'm like my son liked to hide under her bed sometimes so I looked under the bed my son nothing was there oh whatever the dogs weren't on the bed so I got back in bed and I laid down and I shut my eyes and maybe a minute later, I felt the sheets depressed again, but further up on my leg. So I sat on a bed.

I looked, nothing was there, and I just looked and pointed in point, you know, I gritted my teeth, pointed at the door, and I said, go.

And I watched the sheet, like the sheet kind of uncompressed, and then after that, it was gone. I didn't have any more problems after that. I was able to go back to sleep, still get four eight hours sleep. I'm like, okay, now things are starting, now things are starting to really come to.

Like this thing is starting to directly come at me. You know, he's not just walking in my doorway, disappearing in the shadow, into the closet, like a freaking coward. Now this thing's actually coming to interact with me. Great. I want to interact with it too. And I'm like, okay, this is getting serious, you know, I can't, this is going on too far. And now my newborn, now my daughter's in the house. I'm like, so at that moment, I'm just, I'm mad. You know, like, how dare you? How dare you come into my house and possibly put my son and my daughter, my wife,

all at danger, you know, like, that's not right to me. Well, now I'm mad. Now I'm really going to get rid of the same. So I went and I did. I bought a bunch of like Wicked materials, you know, like candle, like protection candles, stuff like that. And I tried to, and I did a couple, like, protection rituals for my house thinking that would work. No, it didn't. I don't know if I did it wrong or what, but it didn't.

And instead it just kind of made it more mad. Now this thing is really mad. You know, during the day, it's great. During the day, it's quiet. You know, and nobody else in the house is saying anything about it. So I don't know if anybody else in the house has experienced the same issues or anything because they're not saying anything. Just like I'm not.

I'm not telling anybody this because I don't want to scare anybody. I don't want my kids to not be able to sleep at night. So I'm battling with this thing basically on my own. and I'm going and it's me I'm a I'm a human going against some supernatural force and I don't even know what the heck I'm going against

I'm blind so I started really and once I did that you know the ritual and I knew I found out that it didn't work because one night I had a dream of I had a nightmare

and the thing was chasing it and I was supposed to be protecting this little girl. This little girl looks awfully like my daughter, but older. She's probably about six, seven years old. And the saying, this guy, was carrying my daughter out of the house through a sliding glass door and was walking out towards the woods. I'm like, there's no way.

He's not getting my daughter. So I picked this flower pot up and I threw it and ended up hitting them in the back of the head. He dropped my daughter, turned around. round looked at me and then just let out this blood-curdling scream and started to run towards him. I looked down, these big bony fingers, his claws, it was chasing after me. This man was just disfigured. I didn't know what to do. Well, I was having another loose. I was having another dream. Like, I'm fully conscious when this is going on. I know exactly what's going on. And I'm like,

I got to get in the house. I got to get in the house. I got to grab my son and my wife. I didn't see my daughter anymore. I don't know what the heck happened to her. I'm lost, and I just have this thing chasing me. And I have no idea where to go and what to do. So I ran in the house and shut the sliding glass door. Why, I thought they would stop it.

I don't know. And this thing, bus through a sliding glass door, I grabbed the table or a chair and threw it at it, and it broke the chair. and it said, why the F do people always throw chairs at me? What? Why do people always throw chairs at me? Like, you do this to other people too, scare the shit out, or scare the heck out of them in their dreams?

And then he came over to me, and I was done. Like, I couldn't do anything. I just, I stood there, and the thing walked up to me, didn't look and do anything and took its claw and carved something into my forehead. I felt it. I felt the nail and everything, carving my forehead.

And I'm supposed to be dreaming. And the thing put its arm down, walked away, and as soon as it got past me, I turned around to look and watched it walk up the stairs. It turned and looked at me, nodded at its head,

and slowly walked up the stairs. I woke up. I woke up, and I had an excruciating headache. I heard my ears were ringing to high heaven. And I just felt really nauseous. No idea why. No idea.

I don't know what happened. Well, it was a dream. So I'm like, I probably can tell my wife about this and she'll just blow it off. So I told my wife about it. I told her how crazy it was. And she's like, you know, we just talked about it. And whatever, brushed her under the rug. And one night I got the kids ready for bed and I'm kind of feeling like I felt off that day.

You know, I felt off like something, like I was missing something or something was gone. But I just couldn't figure out what it was. I'm like, all right. So I did my, you know, I stayed up for a little bit later being as it was a weekend. I stayed up a little bit later, watching TV. And I'm like, all right, it's getting late. So I'm going to go to bed. I shut all the lights off, locked the doors, went in.

crawled into bed. And I'm laying there, and I ended up in the middle of the night, woke up, because I had to go to the bathroom. And I'm laying there like, man, I don't want to get out of bed. Like, I'm so comfortable, can't I hold it until, you know, I can hold it for a couple more hours. And then all of a sudden, I hear, like, coat hangers banging together. Like, what? I look over in the closet, and my clothes and the clothes hangers are moving, like, a big gust of wind came in and blew them all.

And they were all moving and banging together. I'm like, I looked at it and I got up out of bed and I got in the closet. I'm looking like moving clothes looking in the closet. I went over to the window to look at the window. The window was shut. I looked at the fan. The fan was off. There is no logical explanation for why my clothes are doing that.

Why my clothes hangers were moving like that. No idea. It was no idea why. And I'm like, okay, that wasn't that bad. but my rituals haven't worked, nothing's worked. You know, I'm having these wacky dreams. No idea what's going on. So I went desperate measures.

I ended up going through, and I did a lot of research and everything. And I did one of the dumbest things to this day that I still regret. I made, it's so dumb, I made a blood oath or a blood pack with a goddess. because I was getting desperate, man. Like this stuff was in my house. You know, and now it's not just some shadow person. Now it is starting to build up strength and physically start to move things

and physically start to affect things. So desperate measures, I decided like, okay, blood packed with the goddess, ask for protection, protect my home, protect me, protect my family. Because I try to, praying to Christian, I tried praying like I used to, and that ain't happening. That ain't working. So I kind of fell out of that. And I'm like, okay, I just need something to go on. I just need

protection. I need this to disappear. Go away forever. So I did that. And I started noticing things changing. My mood was changing. Like I was becoming a happier person. Um, things seemed more quiet and peaceful at my house. It was great until I started figuring out the consequences of it all. I asked for protection and I put my blood on it. I did like go all out like crazy, you know, gushing blood. It was like a needle prick. And now I have a standard that I have to live to.

and you can tell, and I know that sounds crazy, but I can tell when I kind of start straying from this path, you know, because if I start straying from that path, I will start having some bad luck. Like it's called, it's karma. I'll start having bad karma. Like I'll start off.

For instance, if I go and my wife and I are messing around and say like I just pinched my wife or something like that, We're just messing around. Right after that, I'll go to get up and go to walk away from her, and I'll like stub my toe and break my toes, or I'll freaking smack my head on something or something else. But if I don't touch her and we don't mess and I don't hurt her in any way, even if we are goofing around, everything's great, everything's fine, everything's peachy.

Same with my life. If I do something and I'm sitting there like, man, you shouldn't do this. Like, this is kind of mean. And I'm sitting there like, ah, it's all right. You know, I find this to happen a lot with my job. Sometimes, you know, it happens. I'm like, man, you shouldn't do that. Like, that's not the right way.

Yeah, but it's the easiest way. And I'll go and do it. Well, that's going to come back on me because later on in the day, my truck's going to break down because I did something in my car was how bad. And I'm telling you, before any of this, I never believed in any of this stuff. and by the end of it, I'm fully, I fully believe that there are other forces out there that 100% interact with our lives on a daily basis, whether or not we notice it. Whether, you know, you pick up on it or not is completely up to you.

You know, it's how you see the world. You know, everybody's got a logical mind, but there's some things that a logical mind can't even comprehend. And, you know, in all of this, this stuff started happening. And the last thing to happen to me was one of the best things that's happened to me. It was kind of like a reward to me for doing good. Like I'm being as nice as I can to everybody. I'm being helpful with my wife.

You know, I'm spending more time with my kids because I have to make time for this stuff. Because it's been showing to me that this is the most important thing. you know, you are, you know, you want to treat people like you want to be treated. So I started doing that. I started finding myself getting better. Everything started getting better. I got to raise at work. Everything got great at work.

Compliments every day. Everything's great. Then my best friend, did I have been best friends with my whole life and ended up committing suicide? But he ended up committing suicide, and it was devastating. You know, like, it was completely unexpected. I, you know, none of us knew what was going to happen. None of us expected it. It kind of caught everybody off guard.

So I went to his funeral and everything, and I'm like, you know, it really hit me home, but it really tore me up. It tore me up for a good week, you know. I'd be at work and running my route, and I'd be in my route, and I'd be in my truck and I'd be crying and then every time I'd go to meet a customer or something I'd have to suck it up be like man suck it up you know stop doing that well it went on you know and it was like two weeks after he after he passed I had this dream and it was the last dream that I can remember because after this my mind went blank I haven't had I don't remember any

dreams after that or what you know but I had that dream and it was weird because I was at work and I was getting getting gas in my truck you know and I just had to look over and I see my friend standing in a window looking at me with a smile on its face now this window mind you was in just mid-air like it was just there like someone took a window and opened it in our reality and was just looking through it. And he was just looking at me smiling. I'm like, oh, that's weird. That can't be right because he died. He's not here. It's not possible. That wasn't him. I talk myself out of it. Well, then I look over and I see him in line going into this, um, going into this club, this place. I don't know exactly what it was. And I'm like, what the heck? I was like, that's him.

that's him. So I started walking towards him. And when I got there, everyone was frozen. Nobody was moving. When I got there, I'm looking and I couldn't see him. I'm like, what the heck? Well, I turned. And all of a sudden, he was like right there in front of me, walking towards me.

And he walks over to me, looks at me, was smiling his face and says, what's up? I broke down. Like, in my dream, I was crying like a little baby. you know I'm like this ain't possible you're dead you're dead you know this can't happen and I'm crying next thing you know he's going through and telling me you know like um you know you were the best friend that I ever had you know um I hope you can forgive me and I'm like man I was like why'd you do it you couldn't done it I know that's not you you know was it like you were like possessed or something and he just looked at me and rolled his eyes

he's like no he's like man i was like well then if i would have picked up the phone that one time or texted that one time you would have done he looked at me and he says no matter what you would have done i would have still done it and i wouldn't have been your guy he's like i had this plan for a while i was going to do it no matter what i was dead set on it and i just broke down crying again man i'm like why why he's like you know and my my buddy went through he had a substance abuse problem and he knew it he was trying to get help for it and the system ended up failing him in the end and I'm like okay I'm like you just cry man he's talking to me he's like yeah I'm trying to I'm talking to my dad to through all this

ESP crap ESP crap that I got going on trying to let him know that the way he did some things wasn't right and all this stuff he just kept talking and everything and we get there and then all of a sudden an image pops up and it stops. We're in this image. And it's his dad, his sister when she was younger and his brother and him. All running to the car, they're getting ready to go to the beach. I'm just standing there looking at the scene. I look at him.

And all of a sudden his sister walks around the edge of the car and he looks at me. He goes, don't let her see me. Don't let her see me. So I went and grabbed her and I pulled her back. And I went over and I talked to him and I told him, I'm like, what's death like? He just looked at me and goes, pop. It's all he said, pop.

Just pop. But I understood what he said. I understood what he meant. And, you know, and I got to say my last goodbyes. You know, he said he'll be around. And that's where it ended. And my alarm went off in the morning. I woke up and I had tears just streaming out of my face, streaming down my face.

Got out and took a shower. I'm a sobbing fool in the shower. But it's not, I'm not sad. I'm happy. Like, finally, I got to see him. I got to tell him goodbye. I got that closure for myself. I feel a lot better.

You know, and that kind of right there was the end of everything. Any paranormal experiences that I have other than my whole karma thing, I can't go outside of that. I can't beat that. If anybody knows it cheap for that, let me know. but yeah that's pretty much the whole thing that went on from start to finish unbelievable dude man I'm sitting here just captivated one you did a great job you did a great job sharing the details

your email wasn't nearly as detailed as your story and that's why I didn't want to give it all away so I well I that's why before we started the interview you, I was trying to tell you, make sure you start in the military and how that all started. Because I wanted you to make sure you laid everything out. And you were 10 steps ahead of me, man. You were 10 steps ahead of me. Thank you. Listen, I was writing down questions towards, like, I'd say the first 30, 40 minutes of this. And as you were going, you were answering the questions I had for the most part.

But one question that, one thing that you just said that I do have a question about is you said that he told he just said pop and you knew what he meant but what do you mean you knew what he meant do you know what he meant now like what what what do you mean pop because that that means nothing to me how i felt is it's it's like a like a pop like you go from one existence and then pop you know you're just kind of going through and changing over into another area another like space uh like another realm almost because that's what it was you know i was in another area there were people there were cars or everything i was somewhere else and he was talking to me telling me the whole story and he was younger looked healthy he was happy and said he's doing fine and what i met and he

said pop i took you know i'm like pop you pop from this existence into a another, you know, wherever it may be. So I'm like, well, that kind of took it off, you know, it kind of makes you a little less scared of death. Well, it's like, well, just because I'm done in this existence doesn't mean I'm done completely. So Pop was like a description of instantaneous transition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. So let me ask you this, though. Towards the beginning, you were talking about some things, I mean, throughout the episode, you talked about things that were emotional. And sometimes people will comment on an episode saying,

you need to give warnings when we're going to cry. I honestly don't know when you're going to cry. I don't know. Some people cry about the puppies and the dogs, like with the dog man story. Some people cry about, you know, relationships like father and son. But I think people are going to cry throughout this episode of times, man. Which is tears of probably sadness,

but also gratitude and thankfulness that you didn't go through with the suicide, you know? And in that moment, you're sitting there and you're thinking about doing what your friend did later on. Exactly. And you start having those images of your son flashing in your head and things that you guys were going to do together. I wanted to ask you about that because there's no right or wrong answer. this. I just, I'm curious. When you saw those images and stuff, especially the things that you guys were going to do in the future together, do you remember any of those images? And does your son look like he did in those images now? Or was it just more of like the idea of the things that

were to come? Oh, no. My son looks exactly like he looked. It's the same age and everything. Like, same. And that's what I'm saying. Like, to this day, like now, I'm looking at it and I'm like man I knew what you were going to be like I knew what my kid was supposed to look like and I just thinking like man this kid is what kept me alive you know I owe it to him at least just be here and raise him and show him how to do all this cool stuff yeah you know man I think uh your story is one of those stories that's gonna you know find its way into the inspiration category for people uh right just and I don't think everybody's going to identify with your story in the sense that they'll see things the way you see it as far as how you identify some of the situations you found yourself in and things like that. Yeah. But the inspiration, at least that I draw from it, is how you did persevere through a lot of hardship in life, whether it's almost losing your life several times to doing it yourself

almost, to the relationships, the pastor, which baffled me. Like the way you were telling the story, how he reacted, it just doesn't make sense. Even forget the fact that he's a pastor. Like, it doesn't make sense that a friend who's your boss would react that way. I had a similar situation. My wife didn't roll the car. She was going to work and it was a snowy day. And she was at a red light and somebody rear-ended her.

And she called me and I was getting ready to go to work myself. And I called my boss. said, I'm not going to be in today. My wife got rear-ended. And he said, all right, go take care of your wife. You know what I mean? Like, he's not my friend. He was a boss. But it's, there's certain things in life that you, that take precedent over showing up to, you know, work on a job site. And exactly. And that's one of them. I mean, a loved one, whether it's a girlfriend, an actual family member or a neighbor. Like, if somebody's in need, most human beings should understand. understand that that comes over everything else and let alone a pastor, you know?

Exactly. That's kind of why it threw me for a loop. Like it just confused the heck out of me. Like, why is he doing this? It's baffling. It's like truly baffling. I just can't imagine a situation in his life. Like what like the day that you called him that he has something going on that's so hard pressed important that he's making light of your situation and not believing you. Like, like he's almost trying to get you to just come into work because he needed you that bad. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like, what situation did he find himself in that he needed you there so bad that he was willing to try to get you to, you know, just shrug it off and she'll be okay and go to work and push off the fact that she rolled her freaking car, you know?

Yeah, on the freeway of all places. It's insane. It really is insane. When you said that, I was just like, what? You know, I would have left too. I would have been like, bro, I'm done. Like, you, no. They crossed the line. And you talk about earlier, you're talking about how, you know, you walked away with scars from that accident. But there's a lot of things in your life that you walked away with scars from, you know? I have scars everywhere.

Yeah. My life, like my scars are, my scars are my story. You know, I have a story for every scar. So, I mean. Yeah. You, you really do. And, you know, like that pastor, I mean, that's a scar in your life that you walk away with, you know, because of that. Yeah. Yeah.

And I just, dude, I find your story very interesting. I, um, uh, even whatever that thing was. was and you threw a chair at it and he's like, why is everybody throwing an eff chair of me? I got to be honest with you. I laughed. Like, I was like, I was like, that's almost comical relief right there. Yeah, that's what I said.

I'm like, why is this thing telling me? Why is everybody throw chairs at me? Like, who else are you doing this to? Yeah. Like, I was just like, what in the world? Like, where'd that come from? You know? So, yeah.

But I'll tell you, man. I really hope that your experiences and, life inspire people to push through tough times. There's a lot of people to listen to this show. I know that there have been suicidal people to listen to the show because I've gotten emails from them saying that listening to the show help them just distract them from what they were thinking about, you know? And I really hope that there are people out there that listen to your story that maybe they find themselves in some of those situations, whether it's, you know, post-military injuries to suicidal thoughts, to the paranormal obsession that's going on in their

life with them to pull through and hang in there because there's been a lot of times in your life that you probably could have for the, you know, you could have pulled that per per, that, that trigger per se, you know, and just called it quits, whether it's the actual suicide to just giving up and just saying, screw it. I'm going to sit on this chair and play video games and just whatever for rest of my life because nothing's going well for me. Nothing is working out for me. Everything is working against me and I'm just going to say screw it. My life is what it is. That's it. You know what I mean? And so the fact that you were able to look at yourself and I say this sometimes on the show and it's something that I think because I relate personally to it so much, the idea of being introspective.

The fact you were able to be introspective and look at yourself and like, this is not what I want to be. I don't want to be this this guy who, you know, is just existing. And I got to try. And that in itself, I think a lot of people are going to pull inspiration from. I really do. And I did. I really did. And, you know, I don't, to be honest with you, what, when you were talking about the suicide stuff, man,

there's some things in my life, man, that I've gone down dark roads mentally with. And I don't think I've ever shared it publicly, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But I just can say I can relate, man. I really can. Like I'm getting emotional right now because, man, like, the people, man, they need to hear this kind of stuff, you know? Like, um, there's people out there like you, man, that have stories and they, those stories are going to help other people pull through. And, um, I'm just, man, I'm just really glad that I'm really glad you contacted me and wanted to share this. I really am. At, uh, at first I was kind of nervous about it, you know, but I'm like, I got to go out and tell the people, you know, things might look bad, but, you know, you got to remember

that you can go through anything with the willpower. You can get through anything that any, whatever's throwing at you can push right through it. You just have to find the way. You know, you can't just sit there and just play the poor me at because then how are things going to get better when you're not trying to be proactive about it and try to make things better. Well, that's the show, everybody. I really hope you enjoyed it. And if you did enjoy, please share this show with your friends. I don't care where or how you share the show, but if I'm creating it, I want you to share it. So thank you very much in advance. Thank you for sharing the show. And I hope this show impacted some people, helped some people to move past the thoughts of suicide.

And just a reminder, we do have our first episode of Legion of Legends on YouTube. Look up the Confessionals YouTube channel and the video is on that channel. I made a playlist for Legion of Legends. You can also just type in on YouTube Legion of Legends. or Legion of Legends, Tony Merkel. It will pop up. You'll be able to watch these videos right there on YouTube. The first one's out exploring an abandoned industrial park of Legion of Legends right there on the Confessionals YouTube channel.

Thanks a lot for being here, friends, and until next Thursday, stay safe, take care, and remember the truth will set you free, but first they'll piss you off. Bye. Awakened from the forest in the depths of the abyss. This creature is a paradigm of time lost and time. itself. It fears no one. It adheres to no rule that man can create. It forges its own path, and yet its path remains hidden from the world. The sphere of his existence is beyond most comprehension as it exudes its power quietly but transcendent. It needs no one's approval

to exist, but yet its very existence is sought after by many. It watches. It watches. It learns Adapt to the ever-changing environment around it Even as the environment is wrought with corruption It battles the corruption only when pressed Or for the protection of others like it It is a mirage that few will ever understand It's a cornucopia of knowledge from an era long past

It's free It's Bigfoot My fantasy's always consisted of making it big My soul was nothing more than a bargaining chip. Marketing is what they tell you to do and what you're willing to give. Larkin to the fullest extent. I don't wait. I shoot first like hide on a rodeian,

and people don't understand me like reading anokian. Stretch thin, like pulling in accordion. My heart ain't timidium. All these historians telling us lies the genocide. Everything is medicalized. Politicians selling the ride. I bet him would die where the relevance lies. They're dressing alike.

Reptillions. My resilience is brilliant. I'm here to lead the rebellion on helium. alien with no melanin. I'm a Yeti ain't hiding from Armagedd hiding.