The Cryptid Factor - #092 The Trigger Issue

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

Here we are again - in a scarily regular type fashion! In here theres there's your usual Schreiber wang-ons, Buttons blah-blahs & Darby breakdowns - but in amongst it all there's an ACTUAL EARTH RUMBLING! Also you'll find flying zombie salt shakers, flying spaghetti monsters, haunted swag dolls, Donald Duck call-ups, unlicensed cut-outs, mountain cover-ups, coat-tail ridings, quantum imaginary mates, cringy cameos and conscious shoes. Also we have a seemingly 'fresh' eye-witness account of a Squatch along with some massive Shaq-attack footprints!**TRIGGER WARNING** For those of you who get easy triggered from excessive trigger warnings... this episode may not be for you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. Come on! Mayday! Mayday! We're going down! Mayday! No time! No time! Must bail! We never fail! It's May! The fifth month and this is our fifth episode! Woo! We are bailed! Yeah!

Which means roughly what's one a month? That's a really good record for us. Well, in trying to get to one a week, that's like very close to one a week, isn't it? It's only four off. Yeah. Yeah. Good one.

So I quickly wrote that during the theme song. I was thinking, well, it's May, first day of May. So I went May, Mayday. Obviously that's the, you know, you gotta bail out. Yeah in May so I went May Mayday obviously that's the you know. Mayday Mayday and then of course it's the it's our fifth episode of that we've recorded this year officially right it's one a month so you can't they can't complain it's always good to get the Derby breakdown. The Derby Polem. And then I said we're trying to get to one a week, because that's what we've talked about. And then I said we're only four off, which is wrong. Because we're actually four times four off.

Four weeks off? Yeah. That confused me that bit. Maybe more so now with the breakdown of your bit. If you hadn't have broken your bit down, I think you might have got away with it. Ah, I'm gonna start breaking my shit down. Damn it.

Yeah, Puss, it's my thing. Oh yeah, true. I break my stuff down. You know, who said you could come in and quickly break your own stuff down? That's his thing. Wow, that's my thing. That was the Derby breakdown. Always stealing my thing. Button.

Dan just called it the Derby breakdown. No, but that's what I do. I always just copy whatever you do. Oh, that's your thing. You've got to get in before I coin a term for it. Okay. Derby does a thing. I coin a thing. The Derby something. If you you slip in before then it can be the Darby buttons break

Yeah, but no you're always just after the naming ceremony This is this is so relevant. I'm in the Shriver Erie So I'm just gonna quickly get a book that's relevant to what we just said so hang on one sec. I love it this is a book by comedian Eric Sykes from the one of the biggest British TV stars during the 1950s and so on used to write the goon show with Spike Milligan. Called UFOs are coming Wednesday right. He opens the book with a forward where he says unidentified flying objects have throughout the centuries been observed by people of earth it is a fact that we now accept these UFOs. We accept that they are from a distant planet and they are products of a much higher intelligence than our own it's a fact it's a fact and he's he's then written a science fiction book. Any opens and this is astonishing because this is a book in the nineties by saying apart from the people who were born or die on the 4th of May there is nothing significant for anyone in the date

itself like may the fourth be with you it's literally if there's any alien based date and he opens. Can I just interrupt here is a slight earthquake happening here. For the subject! Why did he choose made of four? Exactly! Can I just interrupt here? There's a slight earthquake happening here. No! You're kidding me! If we get a live earthquake... Have you seen a live earthquake? Yeah, it was just a little ripple. And I'm just looking over to the desk next to me, and there's a remote for the TV that's sitting on top of a console.

It was wobbling, and I was just watching watching it and it's just finished wobbling. Are you sure? Was that an earthquake? Yeah, it was. I was trying to see how big it was. It was an earthquake. Whoa! Quite a tremor. Rosie's just confirmed.

It went for about 20 to 19 seconds. I can't believe you let me wang on about a book by Eric Sykes while your whole room was shaking for 20 seconds with Eric Sykes. You know, because I love a good Shriver wang on. You know, honestly, it was so gentle. I felt it on the floor and I looked over and it was just that almost like a movie telltale thing, you know, where you see the glass of water with the shaking water. It was like that with the remote.

I'd like to reenact the remote thing for you guys now. Oh, thank you. So Dan, you talk. Yeah, so Eric Sykes was writing about the UFO phenomena in his local. Oh, shaking the remote. Poltergeist! Poltergeist! Is it Poltergeist? No, that's how Amater was shaking and then it just slowed down like this.

And what I love about these Samsung remotes is they're shaped like the hull of a boat. So they are perfect for detecting earthquakes. So what I've done is I've put this in the room specifically for that. And I'm going to take this with me everywhere around the world and just wherever I'm doing a job or working, I'm just going to gently set that on the table.

And that's my earthquake detector. Your kids will be at home going, oh, god damn it, I need to change the channel. Where's the earthquake detector? Who's misplaced the earthquake detector? Oh no, dad's on tour. Oh damn it, we're stuck on CNN. I like the fact that you think you've only got one TV in my house when you know how successful I am. I like the fact that you think you've only got one TV in my house when you know how successful I am. What happens now? Life just goes on. You don't do anything. You don't get under a table. Yep, that's it for now. Well, unless there's another bigger one, unless it was a prequake and you're going to be doing the rest of the podcast from the door frame. It's quite exciting.

Do you usually get follow up earthquakes or is it just the one? Well, you know, it's nature. You never know whether that's it's it. Yeah. Or whether that is a precursor to something bigger. It could be a pre-shock. Could be a pre-shock. But we've been waiting for years here in LA for the big one. We're on a fault line. We've had big earthquakes back in the day. So hopefully that is it.

Well, you know what you could do? And this is something I've mentioned on the show before and in multiple places. There's this idea that cats know that an earthquake is going to happen and you can tell if an earthquake is on the way by looking in the newspapers for the missing cat ads if they've gone up if there's lots of missing cat ads it means that an earthquake is on the way so you need to get a newspaper for today and see how many missing cats are in there because this might prove a theory. Do you know what this is why we need to podcast more frequently because you told that exact

story in the last podcast. That's what I'm saying like this is this is an application that said it I said I've already said it I knew I said it. I've said it in my book I've said it in my new book I've said I said it's all I say. It's a he but it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it would do it say. It's a hey, but it would do it. Do So in some ways the internet is quite good still, hey? It is quite good still. Six miles from Corona. Yeah, you don't want to get the virus.

Wait, no, no. I think that's a town. Is it? It's a city in Southern California, Corona. Oh, OK. No, different Corona there. No, it's South of LA. Oh, it's right near It's right in Disneyland.

Everybody in Disneyland would have had a good ride as it were. Imagine Mickey's all right and Donald and Goofy and all those guys. Don't give them a quick call and check. I'll give Donald a call. He's my favorite. Donald. I'm just wanting to know if you're okay from the earthquake. Donald. He's hung up. I think you'll be all right. I think I actually stressed him out.

That's the thing with Donald. You got to be careful. I love you've got him on speed dial. That's so great. The one person, the one person from Disneyland. Yeah, he's my favorite. Well, you can't get hold of me. I'm just going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like,

oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be careful. I love you've got him on speed dial. That's so great. The one person, the one person from Disneyland. Yeah, he's my favourite. Well, you can't get hold of me and you just need to hear some bullshit nonsense. You just give him a call instead. Well, I'm always asking about how the nephews are, you know, and Uncle Scrooge, you know, they're such adventurers. They're right up my tree, obviously. I love ducktails.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're my boys. Yeah, well, he's fine. Obviously. I love duck tales. So yeah, yeah, yeah, they're my boys Yeah, well, he's fine. He's just I think I stressed him out. He didn't know there was an earthquake happening Basically, just let us know if there's another earthquake Unless of course Dan's in middle of you know reciting from a book Oh if he's wanging on Shriver Wang on leads to earthquake energy Will test it later, we'll. We'll see if it happens again. I can almost guarantee you that when we get to the buttons, blah, blah,

you'll definitely interrupt me if there's an earthquake. Then we'll make up a natural disaster to get out of what you're saying. Oh, there's a wildfire outside the window. The house is burning down. Sorry, mate. We've got to go. Love you to bits, but shit, man. Woo. But I'm in the middle of my blah blah. Oh really? I didn't notice.

Hey so guys, I want to show you guys something very quickly. So I had a big birthday. Oh yeah, happy birthday! Thank you. Yeah, it was very cool. Got a lot of really cool presents. I went to the Czech Republic a couple of days before my birthday and they gave me a present. As you do. As you do. I was invited over to talk about weird stuff and look at the book they gave me.

It's a Czech Republic crystal skull. Oh wow. Like mystery book in the vein of Arthur C. Clark. Right. So cool. It's so awesome. What language is it in? Is it in in check in these it's in check yeah so I can't I can't read anything about it but it's it's got everything it's got everything that we would read about and talk about on this show. You know UFO through to classic von Daniken S.

Brilliant ancient sort of. Brilliant ancient sort of drawings and all that to the collection to the shrub quantum bumping with another universe and that's a real person. Occupying the space near them and latching onto them what and she's like and this is science. What yeah and she's from she's from like a top museum in Chicago the theory of quantum imaginary friends it was it was a very exciting chat. Dude that is amazing so that means a person in a parallel universe has an imaginary friend which is the real kid in this universe yeah so they've both got imaginary friends. They are each other it's like pen pals yeah from different universes hanging out. Amazing. And then I come back home and I have my big birthday party and it's amazing and I get lots of incredible presents and I'll show you the weirdest present that I got which I have no idea why someone decided to get me this.

Let's have a little look at what's going on here. Oh my god. What a handsome gentleman. What is that James Bond? He got a cardboard cut out ugly's. Darby. About the height of my one year old son is the height of this cardboard cutout. Everybody wants a mini derby.

It's a certified. What? How can that be certified? By who? It's genuine celebrity cutouts. Oh wow. But I never, I never okayed that. It's my likeness.

I say likeness more like loveness. Look at that. What a hot dude. He's got to work for Her Majesty's Secret Service. There's no two ways about it. So, no, the one thing that I did do recently is that I wrote to the celebrity likeness people and gave them my permission to print as many cutouts of me as they wanted. So I'm just wondering who gave you the cutout of me? Where is that one?

I think that got cut out. That just got cut out altogether. I did specifically ask anybody who orders the Reese Darby unlicensed one, gets a free licensed buttons one. The buttons, yeah. Yeah, just regardless if you ask for it or not, you just get one. But did that not come with it?

One's made out of like a corrugated cardboard and it's sort of it's cut out really badly. So it's got it. And it's got like a seven year old child. Yeah. Yeah. Which is you. And you have signed it. He might come out. Which is you and you have signed it. Anyway, this was given to me by a dad at the school that my son goes to called Rob. Tell Rob I love it. Rob knows you and your desires. So to be honest with him, my one's actually coming, that one's about a third of the size of the real Reese. My one's actually coming that one's about a third of the size of the real race

My one's actually three times the size of It's taking quite a while to get to you Bottoms any cameo update. Yes, you're still doing it. I am I have read some of the reviews from you cameo Dan will read a couple. Yeah, I'll find some No Well, I've got one to do at the moment. Somebody just wrote the other day and said they just want me to Rumble on about any old thing just so they can watch it and feel happy whenever they're feeling down. They want a video book today You're getting all five stars.

Yeah. Am I? Yeah. Am I on five? Am I this first time I've been five stars at anything? Oh, apart from when the measurement is 10 stars, then I usually get around five. Yeah, they're all just nice.

Buttons has the most beautiful horses and the sickest burns imaginable. Sickest burns!able. What? Sickest burns? Worth every penny. Are you forcing your family into all of these? There's all this like, thanks Michelle for joining in. Hey Hudson. Oh my gosh.

Are you farming out your cameos? It's a family business guys. I've turned it into a family business. He's whoring out the household. Unbelievable. No, it's something- Why are you giving them a few coin on the side. Well, we'll see. Look at this. Clever and funny message.

Great audio and video quality with an uber fast turnaround time. 10 out of 10. Why can't you bring that kind of energy to Arshad? Yes. Why can't you bring great audio and video quality? I'm exhausted from all my cameos. That really surprises me.

Amazing video quality and audio. See, all my cameos. That really surprises me amazing video quality and audio. See why is he using all his best equipment and his care for cameos and not giving a shit about our show? Well if you guys paid me $40 a show then you know then maybe I would win. Yes this is nuts you are fucked look he's not even in this one. It's just some sort of You're getting AI to do your cameos All of them all did you not you can watch all of them they're not private Well, let's play one of them. No, don't do that One will play it have a laugh Wow. Let's play one of them. No, don't do that. Yeah, Dan finds a real embarrassing one

and we'll play it. I have a laugh. Hannah, hello, how are you? So nice of you to ask for a cameo from me. I'm always embarrassed. I did it all as a little bit of a joke. Now I have to say I really enjoy doing this. No, stop that.

Hang out. Well, I don't kind of. He gets hang out hanging out with a friend that just talks to you the whole time there's a bit of buttons blah blah happening here I've got to move guys, there's actually a bit of a quake happening and I'm just going to go to the shelters. You're having a cognitive disorder. I'm a messenger. Move to the shelters. Move to the shelters.

That's sad because that's exactly what my cameos are. It just extended buttons blah blahs and nobody to interrupt them. It's the worst possible. People pay for buttons blah blahs and they just let them play in their houses so they can bugger off and go and do something else. How embarrassing. No, that's great. Exactly. You're bringing love and joy and happiness to the world and what more can you ask for for 40 bucks? Exactly. Great reviews. 5 out of 10. That's good. I think Dan and I might ask you to do a cameo. We'll put half in each. We'll come up with an idea when I'm in London and we'll do a strange request for you but you have to

do it under a different name so I don't know it's you okay okay otherwise I'll just let it expire money's not good enough for you I know what Ha ha! I know what you'll do to it. I know, you'll just interrupt it half way through. With a fake emergency. I know how it goes. I wouldn't do that. Okay, let's get into our favourite segment everybody. It's...

Weekly World Weird News. Crazy, freaky, watch out. Alright, what have we got? Let's do headlines. Yes, please. I've got one here. To fend off tourists, a town in Japan is building a big screen blocking the view of Mount Fuji. Unbelievable. What?

That's mad. My article headline is, trillions of zombie cicadas about to hit the US. Yes! No, I've read that headline. I think that's exciting. Yeah, that sounds good. Hopefully because I haven't read the article yet.

So let's see. Well, don't spoil it. Get ready for a fake emergency. The blah blah is about to begin. My headline this week. A biologist believes that my shoes may be conscious. Your actual shoes? Just yours.

My actual shoes. Just my shoes. Just Dan Shivers. I'll get to it. I'll get to it when we get to it. It may be more than just my shoes. Okay. Okay.

You go, Rhys, we go with your amazing headbutt. Yeah, let's kick off with this. I was going to say we've all been to Japan, but we haven't. I certainly have. And as you guys know, if you haven't seen my show listeners, it's called Reese Darby in Japan or Reese Darby Big in Japan, depending on where you find it. I think it's on Amazon. It was an amazing trip I took over there. And there's four hour long episodes of me on my escapades throughout the country. It's really good.

I'm serious. It's really, really good. Which country went, nah, he's not big there. Let's lose that word. Yeah, that's a good question. They tried to run with mediocre in Japan, but it just didn't have a ring to it. Well they wanted to go with not heard of at all and I said I'm not having that what's the point of doing a show I'm not heard of at all

restar be in Japan perfect perfect that's it cuz he was in Japan anyway whether I'm big or not there and let's be honest I'm not I was while I was there I certainly saw Mount Fuji and it's got that beautiful cone shape and it's one of the most famous mountains in the world and people love it. People love to take photos of it, obviously. Now I'm going to get the pronunciation wrong of this town, but it's nice to give it a go. I think it starts with Fuji. Fuji Kawagachiko is the town. It's quite a long word actually for a Japanese word. Either of my sons could pronounce it correctly

because they both take Japanese, but without going to- Classic derby breakdown. Post-precision as well. I was actually gonna count the letters. And I was gonna go, now that's too much. Let's move on from the- So what I did there was I laughed

and I was actually going to say something post-army You can't break down nothing! You've done nothing! So what I did there was nothing because I thought oh geez I don't want to ruin the flow of his article And then I ruined the flow of your article! What I've done is I knew he was going to do a breakdown and so as soon as he started doing it I bloody belittled his breakdown because I knew he had going to do a breakdown and so as soon as he started doing it I bloody belittled his breakdown because he knew he had nothing to break down and then he finally did have something to break down which was the fact that he didn't have anything to break down. Now known for a number of scenic photo spots the little

town that's opposite the mountain it actually offers a near perfect shot of Japan's iconic Mount Fuji and the town on Tuesday began to actually construct a large black screen on a stretch of the sidewalk to block the view of the mountain. That's like billboard. So weird so that you cannot see the mountain from the town. I mean is that crazy or what? I wonder what the point is. It'd be amazing. I'll tell you the reason. Oh yeah here we go. No you want to do a quick be amazing. I'll tell you the reason. Oh, yeah. Here we go No, you can do a quick breakdown. Why not? Just do a quick breakdown of that. No, a quick theory on it Oh theory. Maybe they that big screen they're going to project an image of the mountain

You know, like if it's winter they can make it look like it's not winter on the mountain or vice versa One would think that is a good idea. I get you using technology yada yada yada that would make sense but no it is literally just a big black screen because they're trying to stop misbehaving foreign tourists. Misbehaving? What are they doing? I'll read this quote here from someone. Koa Jikiko is a town built on tourism. I welcome many visitors and the town welcomes them too but there are many things about their manners that are worrying said Mitchie owner of a cafe serving Japanese sweets. Basically people are complaining that there's too many tourists there taking photos. Wow, I'll tell you what it is back in the day. You went there. You took a photo. It was really simple.

You moved on and these days with Instagram and so yeah, I've witnessed this now Multiple times anywhere I go any you know anywhere that has a bit of tourism you're stuck behind Ten people you were taking half an hour to get this perfect pose Where they've got some partner who's bored as shit taking a photo behind them for like half an hour and it's just causing chaos 100% so these guys have taken the next step and just gone. You know what? We're blocking it. We're blocking it I don't care. There's people all over the streets. They're just in the way Normally towns are loved tourism and I love the money it brings in but people are complaining here about the all the litter and all They so it's the adverse effects that it's having on the town. Yeah, that's crazy.

There was a town in America, which when the eclipse happened recently, it got it for a nice long bit of time. So a lot of people would get in cars and it was huge. Tourism would come there and the town really kind of suffers from it because they can't support the number of people that come into it in this one influx and so I think it was like the mayor or someone was talking about it saying I've had locals calling me up saying is there any way that we can cancel the eclipse. We all to the pattern of the sun. Yeah it's super annoying for these small town sometimes when they become a hub. Well, there's an invention here to be had and any fabric technologists can take this idea for free. It's a free idea here is that instead of a big black screen, there needs to be some form of fabric that they put up in the screen so you can still see through it and see the mountain,

but it confuses cameras and you go to take a photo, the camera sees the words just fuck off tourists or something like that. So you can't actually take a photo, but you can still see it with your naked eye because I feel sad for the locals who would normally be stood there and going, man, I love that mountain.

Update, update. So the screen hasn't been completed yet. It is not completed till mid May, maybe. I thought you were doing an update to stop my blah blah. No I will over a bit of that but you're on to it here buttons because the screen is made from black mesh net. Oh are you kidding me? No will be 2.5 meters 8.2 feet high and 20 meters long and will almost completely block the view but the fact that I've just read here it's black mesh net might be there already thinking about what you're suggesting. Was that a live update? Are they listening to us?

They've time-tripled forward, listened to this podcast and gone, hey she, we're going to change it. You know what they could use instead of that, you know that giant cardboard buttons that's making an army of cardboard buttons that's a much better idea do you know what's gonna happen because this podcast is so popular this big screen that's gonna stop people gonna go and take photos of the screen. Take photos of the screen! The screen's gonna get more famous than the mountain! Hilarious. They're gonna have to eventually move Mount Fuji in front of the screen to stop them taking

pictures of the screen. It's gonna be a weird cult for the screen. And people are going to go and take photos of the screen. What's behind it? Oh, don't worry about that. It won't. I'm sticking to my big cutout of buttons idea. So we'll have the giant cutout. We put that on top of Lawson's convenience store. But I think we go there, we film it, we film the installation

and we call that documentary buttons literally big in Japan. That'd be a great adventure for us. That is genius. All right, tell us about your cicadas, your zombie cicadas. OK, here we go. Americans living in Southeast states are about to have their eardrums tested. Trillions of cicadas are about to emerge from the ground, numbers reportedly not seen since 200 years ago in 1803,

when Thomas Jefferson was the president. Wow. The event dubbed Cicada Giddin is occurring because the cycles of two different types of periodical cicadas have matched up this year. So it only happens once every 200 years. But there's another element that makes this emergence even more bizarre.

These cicadas have a sexually transmitted infection that experts say turns them into zombies. No. And it says it affects their genitalia, the fungus grows on it, and then this fungus alters their brain behavior. And then over time, their genitalia will fall off. What? Yeah.

And they're called zombies because it alters their behavior. Yeah. And there's another term for them called the flying salt shakers of death. Oh, that's awesome. The flying salt shakers of death. That's a band name. Agreed.

That's a free band name out there for anybody starting a band, the flying salt shakers of death. That's good. And they're there for anybody starting a band the flying salt shakers a dish That's good and I called that because they're flying around and the spores of the fungus are falling off and going into the soil and affecting other cicadas When's this supposed to all kick off this summer so very very soon Southeast States What's that Georgia and and Florida and all that kind of stuff? Is that Southeast? It's not where I am. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm writing down, we'll have to get an update on that

when that's happening and see how bad that's going down. But I'd love to know what their behaviour is that's changed, because you know, it's like the zombie ant, their brain is taken over and it forces them to go and park themselves above the ant's nest, and then they basically are fixed there and the fungus takes them over and then grows this big antenna and poisons the ant nest below it. Yeah. So it must be similar, right? Must be a parasite that's infected them and then the sex is transferring it to others. That's amazing. If we ever do a Cryptid Factor tour, the Flying Salt Shakers of Death definitely need to open for us. Yeah, that'll be our band.akers of death definitely need to open for. Alright so we open for.

A second. Yes it is not. Cicada. That's our first song, actually. Potato, potato, cicada, cicada. Let's call the whole thing off by killing you with our zombie blood and flaking all over your farms. You can run, you can hide, but you'll never get away.

The flying soot shakers of death. You know, it's really weird. This is such an odd thing and it's probably incredibly boring but I'm gonna say it anyway when you said this is 200 years ago and I'm thinking okay yeah hello and he said so Thomas Jefferson was around. Okay that kind of roots it I can see which bit of time it was in but if you did that the opposite way and you said these last were seen when Thomas Jefferson is around I'd be going I wonder when that would be and you go that was two over 200 years ago go oh okay I needed both to place where that wasn't. Is that weird. I don't know if the same for you guys. I mean all I needed was the 200 years ago because I can count and I know how many days are in a year and how long a year is. You were on top of it. I was already there but but you could probably picture a bit of time. Yes, you're into Thomas Jefferson.

I'm not too sure what his situation was. Obviously he was a president. That's what I mean. If buttons had just said Thomas Jefferson that wouldn't have helped. But then the 200 and the pairing just yeah, they't work without each other that's just it's. I said it was boring ahead of ahead of saying. No I would say it's my mainly boring there was a bit of interest in it but I did wane off something. From now on whenever I'm start talking I'm gonna say guys this is a bit boring

just as a little free car. Why do you keep stealing our things? Because that's all he does. Because this is how you ride coattails guys. That's his thing. I just came up with the title of my first book guys it's gonna be like a self-improvement book and it's going to be how to ride coattails. That's a terrible title for the book. Why? It should be the coattail rider. Oh, the coattail rider. Yeah, that sounds like you're sort of like an action hero or something.

The coattail rider. How to follow other people's dreams. That's really good. There you go. Yeah. Or you could call it, you heard it here forth. It's just you. It's the sequel to my book. It's just lifting. Yeah, you could call it you heard it here fourth

The sequel to my book is lifting sequel just lifting everything for reasons Okay, well I will say that's quite scary I can't wait to get an update on that this summer It's very end of days isn't it when you think of locusts and cicadas for Dan. Thank you. And the big question is how long until there is a fungus that takes over human brains and we actually have an actual zombie apocalypse. If it takes over an insect's brain why couldn't it take over a human's brain? I think the scary thing is, is that someone's probably developing it. There's an evil villain, some lab. Oh, don't want to think about it. But hopefully there's also a goodie who knows that's being developed

and is developing an antidote. All the time developing one. The do no gooder develops the poison and then the do gooder goes, ha ha ha. I have an antidote. I was going to say they're flat flatmates they're both hired by different organizations who had you get on today while I've developed this amazing thing that's gonna kill everyone through locust zombies oh yeah well it's funny because I've just developed an antidote to a zombie locust killing what what what

I want to see that TV series it's like spy versus spy you know spy versus spy with different spies in each spy versus spy. What? OK, for me, when I read it, one would die at the end or both of them die or whatever. And then they'd both come back next week. They were like Kenny from South Park. They would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were different spies.

When the spy died, he was dead. But they looked exactly the same because they were just wearing like ninja outfits. Effectively spies who were just dressed the same that was just full of death spy versus spy how do you know that I've been reading up on like mad comics recently and I've been reading up on national lampoon there's a lot of like weird stuff you read do you remember national lampoon which was what became then the movies and so on it started is like like a magazine that they did at Harvard, the Harvard Lampoon. That's a very famous intro magazine cover that they had was of a dog with a gun to its head, which said, buy this or we shoot the dog. It's a brilliant cover. I was reading into it. Someone shot the dog. Yeah. The dog they used was a dog that was just a friend's dog.

It lived out on a farm. And then one day someone broke onto the farm totally unrelated and killed the dog with a gun Yeah, so the dog was shot Crazy is that it's insane. Anyway, so the dog died and the spies all died Everywhere in these funny mags end of the day. We're all like a good laugh, but just never forget someone is going to die in the end. Dan, you didn't preface that story with this is going to be a bit sad. That's, you know, like you need to start prefacing like this. What I do now is I preface all my stories if it's going to be sad or boring. I just wrote some coattails.

This is what happens when you write coattails. Break it down as to what you actually do. So what I'm doing there is i'm trying to do a callback oh guys you're not going to believe this but there is something happening in this house i don't know what it is okay we'll put a tsunami and an earthquake you guys okay okay i get it i get it Alright, it's time for Dan's news. I'll do my news and I only do trigger warnings for when I'm boring. Okay.

You should have the sad triggers. Yeah. I have sad triggers. So, story I've read. This is more a story that's just appeared in the news because someone's written about it and it's reminded people that this is a concept. And so a few science mags and journals have been repeating it. It's the idea that my shoes are conscious. Not only my shoes, everything in the universe might be conscious. Our sun might be conscious.

And it's an old ancient idea that is called panpsychism. And panpsychism, that term dates all the way back to the 16th century. So it's like a really old term. The word itself was coined by the Italian philosopher Francesco Patrizzi in the 16th century and the definition is quite general, raises two immediate questions. What does one mean by all things and what does one mean by mind? So if things are conscious, does it have a mind? Well, what does that mean and why do humans have consciousness supposedly nothing else has why are we the ones that have it so there's a scientist called Rupert Sheldrake who I worked with years and years ago.

He's a bit of an avi lobe in that he's a really legit scientist many PhDs and studied at Cambridge and like you can't get more legit kind of like a V but he keeps making it into the news with these insane claims of how the world is functioning and one thing that he's mentioned years ago is that he thinks everything might be conscious of the sun actually might be. I thinking being that my shoes might be thinking being they're just thinking differently in ways that we can't get so panpsychism. Everything around us is conscious it's not just us observing inanimate object and that's making the news the earthquake Samsung remote detector is conscious what is not that to dissimilar when you think about it, because you go, oh, that's crazy. But then if you think about things like haunted items, like I've got a haunted item here in my cryptid bar where I'm podcasting from. Do you? Yeah.

My daughter Helena bought this. She didn't actually buy it for me. She went to a flea market. This is almost like a horror story script just in itself. Sorry, I just have to give a little pre-warning this may be boring and or sad. This story. But not scary?

You said it was a horror. Not scary. Oh, hang on. Hang on. I'm just a trigger warning. This story could be sad, dull, quite upsetting. And you might get a bit of a laugh out of it. My daughter Helena went to a flea market

and she saw this item which is a doll in a tube, in a plastic tube which is a bit dented up and it's about 10 inches high. Buttons is holding up a tiny doll and it's inside a see-through cylinder. Yeah plastic tube and if you look closely enough you see it's actually a swag man, like from Once a Jolly Swag Man from Waltzing Matilda. It's got a billy there to boil. It's got a swag. Like an Aussie character. It's an Aussie character, yeah.

It's got a hat with corks dangling from the front of it. And it's got a little bag, like a bedroll and stuff. And it is effectively the swag man. You see its arm has fallen out of its socket and is dangling down beside it. Now Helena said that she was attracted to it. She was weird. She was like looked over and saw a little doll and picked it up. It's not a pretty doll. It's pretty ugly. In fact, that's actually just like a baby doll that they've just glued a fake beard to to make it look like

an old man. And the flea market was like, can you please take that? And she's like, oh, how much? She's like, no, no cost. We just have to get rid of it. We believe it's haunted. It's brought us lots of bad luck and we just hate it. And we've been trying to get rid of it for years and nobody will take it.

And so Helena took it and brought it to me to have in the cryptid bar, which is really exciting. That is so nice. Oh, isn't it lovely? So lovely, just taking the cursed thing away from someone, giving it to her father. And it's such a beautiful thing to do. Exactly.

She knows her dad so well. I tell you what, though. Listen, I love Helena, so this is nothing against her. But I think she's been had, because I think there's a growing trend for getting rid of all the old tat you don't want by saying a haunted toy. This is a haunted refrigerator that doesn't work anymore.

Please if you really want to take it. You know why they really wanted to get rid of that doll? The arm fell off. So what better way to go, oh it's haunted, it's cursed, yeah the arm has fallen off. Well see my thing with the arm falling off, if you see it's cursed, yeah, the arm has fallen off. Well, see, my thing with the arm falling off, if you see it, it's never been open. You would be able to tell if it's open because it'd be very hard to repackage again. And I'm pretty sure the doll has removed its own arm to dangle it down there to try and entice people

to want to open it up, to put the arm back on. That's one of those things like, oh, that's annoying, I'll open up. I like that. And as soon as you open it. I like that. But my point relating to Dan's story is that people believe that this inanimate object has a personality and has a soul. Can I just interrupt and say you should do a trigger warning when you're going to tell us that you've got a point to it. No one's expecting a

point from anything you say. Maybe a trigger warning for substance as well. There's going to be substance in what you're saying. Guys, I'll never need that trigger warning. Let's face it, that'll never be used. Do you know, just a quick coda. This is my new thing, coders. Coda. And yeah, I'm going to throw a coda in.

So obviously the Waltzing Matilda song. Do you know what happens to the swag man? No. He commits suicide. Yeah, he jumps in the billabong. He commits suicide and he haunts the billabong. He himself becomes a ghost. And in the final verse of the song,

you can hear the lyric. It says, Up jumped the swag man and sprang into the billabong. You'll never catch me alive said he, and his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong. You'll come a waltzing matoo. That is amazing. Well, there you go. That makes it way more legitimate. does you pass by the billabong you'll come a waltzing. Oh there you go that's makes it way more legitimate that doll and another unnecessary death spy versus five.

So that's it everything in the universe might be conscious and according to biologists when you look at the sun it's slowly as we study it more displaying signs of what you would deem consciousness so they're looking at our sun going shit is that actually a conscious thing and so more on that soon interesting and just as a side note i'll do it from over the side here um basically the uh you, the mind and the brain aren't the same thing. And I think that's where we're heading with regards to consciousness. It doesn't come from our brain, because all animals have brains. But it's a consciousness thing.

It's the ability to know that we exist. Coming back. Did you guys hear that side note? That was interesting. That was huge. That was huge. That was really amazing. It may be good enough to start another earthquake. Big side note earthquake.

Okay, what should we get into our... Cryptid buzz. Attention, all personnel. It's time for this week's Cryptid Drop. Help me! I've got two potential articles. One of them is sad, trigger warning. So I think we avoid that one,

because we've had enough sad stories with all this death and what have you. And this one does involve death and Bigfoot, but not in a good way. So we'll skip that one. So my other news article is actually only about eight hours old, and it's an eyewitness account of a Bigfoot

at close range in an Oregon forest. Oh, I'm excited about that. And it literally has just been posted by Brobible about eight hours ago. I tell you what, let's end on that one because then we can do the eyewitness account. Ah, account sting, yes. Good point.

Okay, what else have you got? I got one. I've got another Bigfoot one as well. So Bigfoot, with size 23 feet, is found in rural Wales. What? Or rather, the footprint of Bigfoot, which is the same shoe size, apparently, of Shaquille O'Neal. Right. So it could be him.

It could be Shaq. It could be Shaq. Could be a Shaq attack. Is it a bear footprint, though, is it? It is a bear footprint. I'll show you though, is it? It is a bear footprint. I'll show you a photo of it. It's a bear foot. Oh, yeah, just the one.

So you can see the toes. Oh, that is big. Yeah, very big. So it could be a giant dude. It could be a giant dude. That's absolutely true. So I'll give you the basic story here. It says it's not just big cats rumored to be roaming across the British countryside,

as there are now claims Bigfoot is at large with his huge size 23 feet. The creatures footprints and woodland lair have been found in Wales filmmakers claim filmmakers you know them. Yeah but there's don't trust them because you're one because I know exactly what they're up to talking conspiracy level they're trying level there? They're trying to make a film aren't they? They've run out of things to film so they've made themselves a fake footprint. Oh okay. I love it. One footprint is not going to be enough really to sell the story. I mean it's enough to make a story and obviously we're talking about it but I think we need

more evidence. Yeah what I quite like about this story is I learned something which may be very obvious to a lot of Bigfoot experts and there's a Canadian Sasquatch researcher called Jason Kenzie, who was talking about it saying it could possibly be a Sasquatch footprint the toes are clear but I don't see a mid-tarsal break is an anatomical feature of the feet believed to be unique to Sasquatch, which is sometimes visible in its tracks. Yes, I have heard of this. And there's not a mid-tarsal break. There's not a mid-tarsal break.

Yeah, so as far as I can see, the mid-tarsal break is where the toes bend slightly just before it reaches the top flat bits of your feet. I might be wrong about that because I haven't tried to look up photos of it. I tell you what Dan why don't you look up the mid tassel break and give us some info on that. While you're doing that I've got a headline here that's quite astonishing. Flying spaghetti monster found along with 50 other unidentified submerged species off the coast of Rapa Nui, Easter Island. Wow!

Very cool. A flying spaghetti monster! Yeah, because... How cool is that? Yes. I don't want the image that's in my brain right now to change, so I don't kind of want you to give any more details because the fly spaghetti monster is freaking awesome. You guys know what that is right the flying spaghetti monster.

No don't tell me I'm not listening I'm not listening I'm not listening. Okay. Wait what are you saying Dan? Well there's a unofficial but slightly official religion called the flying spaghetti monster which was set up by atheists to sort of put their own spin on how you invent a religion and part of it is wearing colanders on your head, kind of like a tinfoil hat. And there's been cases in America where people have been allowed to take photos of their driver's licenses with this upside down strainer, colander thing on their heads because they've claimed it on religious grounds of their belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. My God, that's brilliant.

It's kind of a piss-take of religion. Yeah, it's a parody religion to raise points about religion. I tell you why I was intrigued. For me, the Flying Spaghetti Monster was also the name given to the UAP that has been seen recently. They're calling the jellyfish. Do you remember that one quite recently? There was this floating thing that had these long tentacles.

Yes, yes it was. That was spotted from a drone or from an aerial camera drifting across. And so we got some really good footage of that and people discussed that online for quite a long time and it was called the jellyfish. But the other name that was given to it, particularly by the military,

the flying spaghetti monster. Isn't it particularly by the military the um flying spaghetti isn't it amazing that people start a parody religion and then it starts becoming true yeah that's incredible and this is the the matrix the lazy code you know example again that the matrix that we're living is going flying spaghetti monster is it that you want okay well we'll chuck some near Rapa Nui east, and they'll find that at some point jokes on them. Those people trying to create a fake religion just made one for you. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, if you become a follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you're known as a pastafarian. Why don't we know about this? Obviously, Dan did know, but I mean, it's weird how this is all kind of linking in and yet that is an odd

thing. And it's no mention of anything all kind of linking in and yet that is an odd thing. And there's no mention of anything in this article about that cult or anything either. So this particular creature, one of many that they've discovered in the waters just off Easter Island, is actually called a Bathyphososophonophore, okay? And Sophonophores are essentially colonies

of highly specialized organisms which work together to form a massive animal. Kind of like Voltron. Yeah. Yeah. Essentially. Well like a king rat. Exactly, so it's a community of things

that becomes one thing, which is just quite scary really. Yeah, so a 40 day research expedition was held and then they used this underwater remote operated vehicle. It's called the Sub Bastion, S-U-B Sub Bastion, and it studied the ecosystem of that region of the Pacific. Very complex, hasn't been looked at before, the entire region, and they covered a whopping

30,000 square miles of area they have never seen. And they found over 50 new species including this spaghetti monster they could just name everything because they're seeing it for the first time. I love it so much. I'll show you guys a photo of this particular creature here we go sharing sharing my thoughts I want you to know what I am seeing so I'm sharing them. Can you guys see this video? Oh, flying spaghetti monster. These are some beautiful creatures.

Creatures, hey look at them all, look at this thing. Look at that one. That one does look like the flying spaghetti monster. If you look at the image of it. Exactly, it looks like the UAP that was flying over and I'm worried that it is it. But isn't it strange that that's a whole bunch of things put together to make one yeah amazing beautiful amazing gorgeous I love that there's still so much to discover from the

deep yeah cool just wanted to show you guys that now did you get any update on your Sasquatch foot bones yeah I do so the idea is that the mid-tarsal break is something that we don't have anymore but we might have had back in the day chimps have it which is a flexible foot so you can bend sort of that flat bit in the middle of the top of your foot. Where is we have a very sturdy top of foot that allows us to walk and run faster but 8% of people today still have the mid-tarsal break so you can see videos of people online demonstrating and showing. They can really bend their foot back. Yeah, and they can have a big bend in the middle. So I thought I'd quickly check just to go with the theory if Shaquille O'Neal has a mid-tarsal break because then that would give us a bit more evidence towards the idea that he might have been walking through rural Wales without his shoes on. Unfortunately, it doesn't look as if he does. However, I did just come on a new question that someone's posed, which is can Shaquille O'Neal use a normal sized toilet? Big answer. Does it have an answer to check you all right well the question this person's trying to ask is how how can a toilet withstand the full force of a 326 pound man's anus that is the mathematical equation that someone's just try to work out here.

They've come up with a lot of ideas I don't think we need to go into it but that's what happens when you google Shaquille O'Neal mid-tossel break. That's the first return on the search. God, humans are weird. I know I've said that twice. Humans are weird, eh? Here he goes. Why don't you break that down? I just did that as I just said it, just the same time as you again, because we're so in tune in sync.

Okay, so then all that is left was for me to do an eyewitness account, which we haven't done for quite some time, which I'm very excited about. Hell of a way to go out. Yeah. And this thing we haven't played for a long time. So are you ready for this? Oh, what have you got there?

Oh, great. Another eyewitness account. Account, account, account. So good. Okay, so this is from the Bro Bible. And as I said, it's only eight or nine hours old. So I'm going to go ahead and do this. I'm going to go ahead and do this. I'm going to go ahead and do this. I'm going to go ahead and do this. I'm going to go ahead and do this. I'm going to go ahead and do this. account account account. So good. So good.

Okay, so this is from the Bro Bible and as I said, it's only eight or nine hours old so... Oh, this is very fresh for us. Yes, very, very fresh. These two witnesses have a close range eyewitness account in an Oregon forest. Bigfoot Field Research Organisation, BFRO,

that we love to bits, has just recorded this latest sighting two eyewitnesses that were staying in an off-grid cabin on a lake in a wooded area north of Coos Bay in the state of Oregon. Oregon obviously being a fantastic spot for Bigfoot sightings over the years. The person says we had a kitchen light on and one other lamp in the front room at about 10 p.m. at night. We heard a noticeable bang on our cabin,

one of the witnesses explained. She says her husband went outside to investigate but didn't see anything and came back inside the cabin. A few minutes later, they heard the same banging sound. This time I turned off the TV and lights and he looked out the window and also went into our bedroom which was on the backside of the house she continued. In the light from the generator shed he saw a huge figure that began to move toward the light of the generator shed window where my husband could see the creature extremely well.

Oh god. Stunned by what he was looking at, her husband called to her to come and see what he had found. I took one look at it. Hey wait buttons! We need to put some spooky music under this. Good point! Yeah okay well what I'll do in the edit, I'll go back and I'll put it on from the start

so this little part here will be really weird because you're going to say, put some spooky music on, which is going to be weird because there will already be spooky music. Some extra spooky music on top of the spooky music. From here, we're going to double down on the spooky music. Okay, here we go. And then I go even spookier voice. Oh, I took one look at it and it scared me so badly. I ran into another room, she said. This is making it less believable.

Go back to your normal voice. There's a reason I get paid the big bucks for doing this kind of thing. That's why he's almost normal size in Japan. Yeah. the big bucks for doing this kind of thing. That's why he's almost normal size in Japan. I took one look at it and it scared me so badly I ran into another room she said I knew right away that it was a Sasquatch. Wow. She described the Bigfoot as having a flat face with a prominent brow covered in reddish brown hair all over its body block type teeth and lips with a prominent brow covered in reddish brown hair all over its body, block type teeth and lips with a flat type nose. It walked upright as it swung its arms to side to side as it moved.

She explained the look on its face was a look of curiosity and it had intelligence to it. It did not seem aggressive but we did not approach it or threaten it after about two minutes and moved into the woods. The next morning after fleeing the cabin following the Bigfoot sighting, they returned and determined that the creature had to have been eight and a half foot tall. BFRO investigator Matthew Moneymaker, Yep, still Moneymaker. Yep, personally spoke with the witnesses. He said both of them are very credible, respectable, retired people from Oregon. The incident happened at

their off-grid lakefront cabin built entirely by the husband. He wrote in his report adding they are so shaken by this incident that they sold the lakefront cabin not long afterwards. Okay, a couple of questions. You said this was nine hours old, this report. Yeah. But they've already sold the place. Okay. Okay. Just for the listener, just to avoid confusion, nine hours ago.

So when Biden was president, I know when you're talking about that. Well, interestingly, is it though, it's just going to be interesting. I know when you're talking down to that. Yeah, I know. It did help. Well, interestingly. Is it though? Is this going to be interesting? Give us a trigger warning that it might not be. Trigger warning.

Please, because I don't want to be let down. Well, this is a history trigger warning because I have noted that this article was put out on Brobible eight hours ago, like I said, at 9.55am. Brobible? Yeah. Is that different to Ladbible? Yeah, Brobible eight hours ago, like I said, at 9.55am. Brobible? Yeah. Is that different to Ladbible? Yeah, Brobible is for bros. And... But you may have heard a little stumble in my reading of this eyewitness account halfway

through at the point where I said at about 10pm at night, and then I stumbled a little bit, a little bit that I skipped at 10pm at night on October the 3rd 2019 so when president was actually Donald Trump Sorry, I call some presidential confusion there But it is a historical eyewitness account that it turns out has just been regurgitated But still great still good. Oh good. I like the description descriptions wild Yeah, yeah And they were genuinely shaken up and the last part of it was that the deputies didn't try and persuade them that they'd merely seen

A common animal like a bear Yeah when the couple asked the deputies if they'd ever received calls like this from around that area the Deputies looked at each other and only said yes a few times. Wait did they say yes a few times or did they say the word yes a few times like yes yes they said yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes, yes. Okay, well, lot to pull apart there. And it's quite freaky that the couple that lived there sold it and moved on. There's something in that too, because it's like, you know, I'm not getting a visitation like that again. Let's get out of here.

But if they said it's curious and intelligent and didn't actually hurt them. No, and of course it would have. I'm just surprised at how scared people are of these creatures. It's not like you hear of Bigfoot attacking people. No. So why wouldn't you try and run out or at least you know try and communicate or do something? Also I feel like you're special you've been visited. Yeah. I mean that's a massive thing it doesn't happen to many people. Well the sad thing is... Trigger warning please. Trigger warning that this is a great idea that we

haven't yet enacted is the whole cryptid cabins idea that we buy these properties where there have been amazing sightings like on Loch Ness and what have you. And then we rent them out as like a special kind of Airbnb. Airbnb style. Yeah. Airbnb-st.

Oh, Airbnb-st. That is genius. Break that down, Dan. How did you come up with that? Alright we'll leave the show there folks but AirBnBeast is something we do want to definitely do so if you, and we've said this before, if you are in a place that has seen something let us know and if you want to hire your place out or join AirBnBeast. Or if you're an incredibly wealthy person

that would like to help us by investing in these little cabins in the woods, just get in touch with us, because we will take your money. We really will. Yeah, we'll probably do a funding model. Maybe if I do a few more cameos and save up the cameos and get more of my family

and friends involved in helping me do cameos, then we could save up enough at $40 each we could actually oh guys i can't believe this but there is another let me just finish i was no honestly this is going to get real interesting this is a 3.7 no joke this time i've got to go i've got to go sorry i love you No joke this time. I've got to go. I've got to go. Sorry. I love you. I love you too. Love you. Bye everyone. See you next time. Bye. Now see what I did there is I just played the outro theme tune underneath the thing and then I've just decided that I would kind of tell everybody that I played the theme tune just to be able to round out the show and finish it.

Move to your shelters.