The Cryptid Factor - #098 The Guerrilla Issue

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

Here we go again! In here you'll find a GI hunting for a costume, dead rockers in finger tattoos, vampire and bogeyman warfare, and monoliths found in the wild (yet again) Also you'll hear of self cloning mutant crayfish become old news and an eyewitness account of bad parenting. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. Well, wake me up before I go-go. The cryptid forests and in the snow snow. Flying, crawling, attack at night. Camera surveillance by windy kite. Where are the beings we seek to find? Ah, ah. Oh well, let's have fun anyway. Nevermind. We're back! Good to be back. Reece, I'm noticing a sort of new hairstyle, like bit military, bit GI

Joe. Oh yes, I have joined the Marines. Have you? My big news, yep. I received the call up, unfortunately, so this will be my last podcast. I am heading into the war zone. Yes, we haven't decided where yet where my skills will be best utilized. But I'll start with the hair. The hair guy came around first and then I've got costumes and then we'll go from there. Not uniform, costumes. Yeah. Costumes. Well, that's the thing. I think Reese would be really useful in war for when, let's say, there was a big gunfire moment going on. Obviously, you've got to change cartilages. You've got to get

going. During cartilage change. Cartilage, did you say? Oh, what is it? Cartilage? Cartridge. Cartilage? No, no, I was talking about the medical side of things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When your ears have been blown off. What about your cartilage? Yeah. Yeah. While they're reloading bullets in, you've got a megaphone and you're doing bullet noises

so the enemy doesn't know that there's a big pause. Oh, yeah, there's no stoppage of fire. There's just constant fire. Yeah. When they've run out of helicopters flying over, suddenly, wait, where are all these new choppers coming from? And it's Dabz just one man army by voice. Oh my god I mean you're not wrong that would work if we had a really good sound system and I wonder who could provide a good audio sound system. Buttons could be. Oh Buttons sorry I've just got you drafted into war.

I'm gonna need my right hand man. Exactly. What reminds me very much of police academy. I'm sure that's actually a scene from police academy, isn't it? Yeah. That guy does this stuff. What's his name? Michael Winslow. Michael Winslow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Michael Winslow. Yeah, he can do the sirens and stuff. Hang on. There's a guy called Michael who does great sound effects. His name is Winslow, Michael Winslow. Michael Winslow, yeah, I got it. Yeah, that's the one.

I got it, that's good. Yeah, yeah, that's good, good, good, good. But also, I saw a documentary recently, and I forget the actual military unit's name during World War II. You probably know it, Reece. Well, there must be a song, surely. There's a military operation that, there must be a song, surely.

There's a military operation that is theatre and employs theatre people and created inflatable tanks. Oh yeah, ain't half hot mum. Meet the gang cause the boys are here, the boys to entertain you, boom boom boom with music and laughter and jokes are all new. We're raising the rafters with a hey hey hey. That's the Three Amigos. You're telling the plot of the Three Amigos now. That is the Three Amigos and yeah, no there's always a military unit that entertain for sure but you're also getting confused with the inflatable tanks that is a deception. Yeah, yeah, yeah, using World War Two. Yeah, but they hired theater technicians.

Oh, they did. They did exactly what you were saying, Dan. They actually had audio recorders with a big boom pole or the microphone. Yeah, another callback to record the sound of a military unit setting up camp and stuff and they would go to the front line and play it through massive speakers so that the enemy was like, oh, they're definitely setting up camp there. We can hear them. We better put more units into here and to try and deceive them. It was amazing. That's the part of the military.

If I did have to go to war, that's one that I'd want to be in. Have you heard of this tactic? I've just googled it because I remembered it as you were saying I was like this was a thing When the US military tried to use vampire tactics. What remember that? Okay, so during the cold war and later again during the vietnam war. Yes. That's the thing that I remember it from They wanted to do a thing where they were made aware about hang on. So meet the gang. When you need padding and you've gone astray. You can't think of really what you want to say.

Okay, thank you. That could be our new theme tune. Beautiful padding. For your padding supplies, please contact 0800 Reese Pads. All right, so here's the headline from a website called How Stuff Works. How the CIA used vampires to fight communism in the Philippines.

What? Yeah. So there are more than 7000 islands that make up the Philippines. One indigenous Yeah. So there are more than 7,000 islands that make up the Philippines. One indigenous belief that survived through the centuries of Spanish rule and continues to haunt Philippine nightmares is the terrifying bogeyman known as Asswang. Or Aswang. Wow. For starters I think it's boogie man isn't it?

Not boogie man. Isn't it boogie? Boogie man. Boogie man I've been saying boogie my my entire life. It's boogie man. It's a boogie man Yeah, and this boogie man has one hell of an ass Wang So wait, who's ass Wang? So as Wang so a s w a n g. Okay as Wang

Yeah, some people call it a vampire vampire but it feeds on more than just blood. It can take alternative forms like a giant pig or a nasty dog or even a man sized vulture whatever shape it takes I'm reading from this article here. The as wang is widely believed to be the source of sudden illness mysterious death and misfortune so. to be the source of sudden illness, mysterious death and misfortune. So in the 1950s, a CIA operative in the Philippines took advantage of this superstition to scare off communist rebels. So he did that by puncturing a victim's neck with two vampire like holes, hanging them from trees, draining them of their blood and even other things. So that as the gorilla were walking through,

you know, the gorillas who are the gorillas, they're not like the animal but like the human gorillas. Yeah, no, it's still pronounced gorilla gorilla warfare. It's just spelt differently. Okay, so the gorilla. What we need here is some gorilla warfare. Excuse me? Some gorilla warfare. You mean gorilla warfare?

No, no, not the apes. We can't use the apes. I'm sorry. I'm against that. No, no, no. It's not. We're not using the apes. It's just pronounced the same.

No, no, no, no. Trust me, it is. It's like gorilla theater. Gorilla. Anyway, so they use this myth to spook the local gorillas. It sounds like I'm saying gorillas when I say it like that. You got to use the new term. Gorilla.

Gorilla. Oh, we were really worried when we started this episode that there was nothing to talk about. Dan's use of English language is enough to fill an entire episode. It's amazing. Look, he went to Steiner School. You've got to hand it to him. Anyway, well, we will also say we were struggling for news this week, but we are here for you. Let's find out what we do have

and everyone's favorite segment. Weekly World Weird News. Crazy, freaky, watch out. I think we need to chat about this monolith situation because they're back guys, the monoliths are popping up and I've tried to avoid it because, you know, they're just artists who are going rogue, I think. But needless to say I'd feel

bad if we didn't mention and so here we are AP US News gleaming monolith pops up in Nevada desert the latest in a series of quickly vanishing structures these things pop up and then they disappear people go out and try and find where they are. It is quite a mystery. So they do look like they've come from another world. This particular one is absolutely mirror-like. It reminds you of something from Space Odyssey 2001 situation, I would say it's even more stunning. And the fact that they get erected in a bizarre location in the middle of nowhere. And you have to dig quite deep to put these things in. But where did the object come from? Well, it's a mystery, say these people that are writing.

Hang on. How have we gone straight into your story? We haven't even done our headlines yet. No, that was just the headline. That was our longest headline. Oh, sorry. Did you guys have, that was just the headline. That was our longest headline. Oh, sorry. Did you guys have stories? I got a headline. Okay.

Motorhead lead member Lemmy has just joined Metallica despite having died in 2015. Oh my god. Oh wow. Wow. My headline is nice and weird. It is escaped cloned female mutant crayfish take over Belgian cemetery. Oh, I love that. Okay, that's a fun one. Let's go back to your story, Reece, because I am very keen to get to the bottom of the

monolith. All right. So remember back in the day, a couple of years ago, I think it was there was a monolith in Utah during the pandemic. OK. This is believed to be the first in the series. So it stood about 12 feet high and it was embedded into the rock in an area so remote that officials didn't immediately reveal its location for fear of people getting lost or stranded trying to find it. Do you remember that one? Yes. Yes, that's right. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, and there was a whole monolith situation

and then other ones started popping up. So now the US Fish and Wildlife Service said, it is worried the same level of damage could happen because a lot of damage happened to the landscape with people wanting to come in and see the thing. People going to look at it. So they're worried that the same thing's gonna happen with this one that is in, what'd I say it was?

In Las Vegas. I'm just testing your memory guys. Hey, did I pass? Did I pass? It was Vegas, well done. Yay, I was listening, but it's disappeared already, is it? Yeah, they've taken it out. The authorities have taken it away.

Yeah, and it was like dug six feet under the ground So whoever's gone in there to install this Art piece they've really you know made an effort. They obviously cracked them open, right? They've obviously when they go and remove them. Yeah, and so they just mirrors that are glued together There's anybody actually sort of showing them, pulling them to bits? Because there's still in my head a chance that they are actual alien contraptions that have just turned up, but probably not, right? Well, there's no definitive piece that's saying that they're art

and that these artists have come forward and have revealed that they are in fact the artists. And I think that's because, you know, they'd get into trouble. I think it's illegal to do what you're doing is to, you know, install something, or is it? Have they bent the law in some way? Or is there a loophole? I imagine they go and they install it

in the middle of the night, and then they give it a really good wipe down with a chamois so that it's absolutely got no fingerprints on it whatsoever, and it looks beautiful, and they disappear into the night, and then they just wait and see till it's discovered. Part of the fun is to then see the news articles handed around, people talking about theories, the alien theory and all that kind of stuff and that I think you could say in a way it's a bit like the art of Banksy you know when Banksy pops up and something like that

and it's kind of he must sit back and go all right let's see what happens with this one how much is this going to go for it's actually guerrilla or guerrilla art because you're going in where you shouldn't be behind enemy lines or just behind, you know, prohibited areas and installing or doing something undercover and which is the complete definition of guerrilla tactics. I wouldn't be surprised at some point if there's some sort of rogue doco comes out by a bunch of artists that, oh, we did this, this is this crazy thing we did. And, you know, we got on a lot of major news sources Including the cryptid factor that mentioned us They thought we were aliens, but we're not we're just artists with heaps of spam mirrors

In great accent Yeah, I mean this is that I'm subtly trying to work out whether I can actually do a good California accent because I've been living here long enough. So if I don't try if I just like go into it Yeah, like I did there. I think you'll find some people will be like Is this for the new GI Joe movie you're being cast for? You're being cast for. G-I-J-O! You would be amazing to G-I-J-O. Come on.

Hey man, are we going to go straight in? I'm not sure about it. I mean, I don't think we can. I've got so many rockets, but they were back in the Humvee. I don't know, I can use my bare hands, but I'm worried about you guys. I mean, the monolith, it's telling me to go west. Alright, we'll leave it there. Thank you. We've got a few others to have a look at.

Who's your agent and are you available all through August? Yeah, yeah I'm available except I'm getting deployed into the war zone. I'm not sure which one yet but I can make myself available for you guys. What are we talking about? Is this a movie we're making here? Oh yeah that's why you're at the audition, yes. Oh yeah great, no I was, I'm on my way to get my uniform, but I thought I'd call in. Great, okay, well thank you. Put that one down, it's a fucking loony.

Sorry. Nothing, love the haircut, all right. Yeah. Next. The costume department is just down the hall, I mean uniform department is just down the hall. Hey, is this the uniform department? Yeah.

I'm being deployed. I need a hat and some army gear, like a jacket and boots as well. Oh, okay. You in the movie? No, no, I'm going to war. I'm not sure. What's your name?

No, I'm not giving him my name. It's Butler. I gave you my name. What? What? What? What? What?

I'm just seeing this guy every time I look at you. Gile from Street Fighter. Gile. Gile. Gile. Should I do my one? Metallica? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lemmy has joined Metallica. How is that possible?

He's dead. He's been dead for close to 10 years now. So what it is is when Lemmy died, he had a lot of amazing friends within the music industry, particularly like Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl, and James Hetfield from Metallica, lead singer Metallica. And one of the things that happened was Lemmy was cremated, and when he was cremated, he was dished out to a lot of his mates. So a lot of them were given bits of Lemmy ash. So this is a story from April. James Hetfield revealed that he's got a new tattoo on his finger, which is an ace of spade and

Infused in the ink of his tattoo is the ashes of Lemmy so Lemmy is literally living now as a bit of ash on the middle finger of James Hetfield and Metallica so that Hetfield can forever on tell everyone to fuck off with Lemmy literally as part of the flipping of the bird and this is happening more and more now right where people's ashes are being integrated into other humans now as part of art well you know what they say ashes to ashes dust to dust I can't remember the next line I can't remember the next line. That's it!

I just need to check my script. Alright, but that's not actually in the movie. That scene is not in the movie. Just give me one more chance. I've got to check. I've got to check the script on this one. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Oh fuck. To Orga!

Yeah, then I think I go, To Orga! And then knock the enemy down, right? Yeah, sure, sure. Absolutely, all right. You're still struggling to find your way out of the building, are you? No, no, I've got my costume. I've seen the wardrobe ladies and they're all very happy with me. They don't need me to get my hair down, which is great.

They say I'm all good to go. I just need makeup. What time's the call in the morning? They don't need me to get my hair down, which is great. They say I'm all good to go. I just need makeup. What time's the call in the morning? Cause I don't want to get up too early. I'm just trying to get you out of the building if you don't mind. Your Californian accent has gone very Trumpy all of a sudden.

Is it? Yeah. How? It's just kind of a little bit breathy. of a sudden. Is it? How? I was just a little bit breathy. I thought it was more Biden-y. It was more Biden-y than Trump-y I thought. I want to see this movie now.

Not the actual movie, just you trying to get cast for the movie. Is the movie that I want to watch. All the behind the scenes of the actual actors sitting being interviewed and going yeah well it's a really interesting one. And then just Reese keeps coming into shot around the back. Yeah, where's the lunch room? I haven't been fed yet. No, look, the doors are just out that way. You're free to go.

No, I don't know. I can't go that way. I've got to go where the movie's taking me. Which is to the lunch room. Well, Lemmy being on the middle finger again I'm trying to look for my first tattoo. Dan here and Reese there. Oh yeah that's nice. The fingers, two fingers. Two fingers. Yeah doing the fingers yeah rather than flicking the bird I forgive two fingers or peace sign. Yeah. Buttons you know what you should do or at least Reese should do this with us. Yeah. Is on one hand two dots of ashes for eyes and a little

nose and then he could do the old... Oh yes! Oh Mike, how's it going? Yeah I like that! A little puppetry! A little puppet! He wouldn't need us, Rhys could have us on each hand! Oh yeah, both hands!

Now that you're big on accents you could do both of us easy! Yeah, it's quite hard to do Dan's weird honkinese. We gotta watch out for the grr-ee-was in this jungle. You gotta watch out for the grr-ee-les. There we go! There he is! I've got some facts about those grr-ee-les. Oh, oh here we go. You got you buttons over there. And I'm here too. Yeah, and I'm here and I've got the facts for the show. Wait a minute, why am I talking like Astin Butler?

I don't know. I'm going gonna put my ear wheel up. Honestly, anyone that's watching this, this is the final show. People are not gonna put up with any more of this. Even the Patreon people will be looking at this. That's it, I'm out. This is the last podcast before I get taken away and institutionalized. In court, this is the video they show. So this was the last podcast before I get taken away and institutionalized. And this is the video they show. So this was the last podcast you did.

Yeah. Oh yeah. All right. Let's carry on. Well, we can't carry on. We've got to sort of jump over my story now after such a fantastic head. No, what's happened? The self-cloning female mutant crayfish that are invading Belgian cemetery.

I've just had a look and it's from 2020. Oh, wow. It's too old. I'm only four years behind in my amazing headline. I got so excited when I read the headline this morning. I forgot to check the expiry date. I got it. The expiry date of the news. What was it called? The self-cloning mutant crayfish.

Self-cloning mutant crayfish. The self-cloning mutant crayfish. It's got the teenage mutant ninja turtles. That is exactly what it needs to be. The self-cloning mutant crayfish. That is exactly what it needs to be. Right after I finish watching GI Joe getting lost in Hollywood casting building, I'm going to be tuning into the self-cloning mutant crayfish. Anyway, for those that can't remember from four years ago, these little crayfish that reproduce just asexually, they just,

they just clone themselves. It's in the name, mate. Literally on the 10. But they have genetically engineered this female crayfish that has now self-cloned itself so many times, people actually had them as pets and would have them in a little tank at home, but they started cloning way too quickly. So people started throwing them away and rivers and ponds and what have you in Germany. And now they have become so insanely voracious that they are taking over and they dig themselves into the

ground and start cloning themselves and then now in a historic ceremetry in Belgium there are so many of them that they're sort of just everywhere you can't walk for these little crayfish popping up out of the ground. That's freaky. How big are they? Are they tiny? Are they little guys? They're wee little things. They grow to about four inches.

Oh wow, how cute. Yeah, so cute. Well that's the thing. That's why people had them as little pets because they're so cute. But they're clogging up ponds and streams. Experts warn the crayfish will eat anything they can get their claws on. Obviously devastating the local biodiversity. They're obviously all through Belgium and Germany and what have you. I can't figure out why the symmetry. It's obviously just for the headline, but why have they sort of focused on this symmetry? I don't know.

It's crazy. So it doesn't say? No, it doesn't say. You would think after four years, there would be some kind of update or report, but it's just sort of gone quiet. And look, it was during COVID. So maybe it was just a slow News Week in October 2020. And they just needed a headline. Well, again, only because I'm the guy with news headlines from 2020.

I've found a headline from December 2020 so it's a couple of months newer than my last headline so I'm getting closer to real time guys which is exciting. This episode would be really good if we put it out in 2020. You can go back buttons and put this one out. That's a great idea. Or release it as an early one. You can do that. Find our 2020 episode and re-upload the file with this episode. Yeah. It's a Easter egg. Yeah, pop it in.

Or we also tell people this is a missing episode from 2020 and then it really makes sense. Oh, there you go. We advertise it as such. Wow. Guys, that's exactly what we could do is because there were so many gaps when we haven't recorded back in the days when we used to do it like once every six months,

we could now just start going and finding cool old news articles from a specific date and go, guys, this is a lost episode from July 2022. And we forgot to release it. Here it is. Yeah. That's good. Don't forget about our 1934 episode when King Tut's tomb was discovered. And so we are releasing that one for you now because that was, it didn't go missing. We thought the episode was cursed. We are now feeling fairly safe about it. We're going to release that for you now. This is the one that came out in the mid 30s. Please enjoy. The tomb opens.

Hey, I'm inside this tomb here. I'm not sure what's going on, but I think I've found King Tut. I'm just looking, actually looking for the wardrobe department, because I've got to get a different... Like, I'm in my army gear, but I need like an explorer kind of thing. Can you come out, please? Can you come out of there, please? Yeah, no, sure. I mean, are we done?

Have you got... You filmed it? Yeah, we've got it. Just come out of there, please. You're not supposed to be in there Well the issue with this episode is if this is our 2020 episode I will be outed as a time traveler with my april 2024 news of lemmy Or is that just a prediction from the aspera monger? Oh the aspera mansa

Yes aspera mansa aspera monger prediction from the asparamunga. Oh, the asparamanser. Oh. Yes. Asparamanser. Asparamanser. Asparamunga. The guy who sells asparagus down on the corner shop. Asparagus, two for a pound. Hot asparagus, two for a pound. But can you tell me what's happening

in the future asparamunga? Wow, I can tell you're gonna be eating asparagus for dinner tonightparamanga? Wow, I can tell you're going to be eating asparagus for dinner tonight. I can tell you that much. You're going to be giving me ten pounds. I'm going to be giving you a bunch of asparagus. I'll tell you that much for free. I don't really want your asparagus. I'm actually trying to find my way to get to the bathrooms.

I don't want my pee looking like weird color. If you don't mind. Keep walking! Guys, I need to finish. I haven't done my December 2020 headline. Oh, sorry. Yes. It's all about the monolith. It's got all the answers to the monolith. And I never actually saw this article at the time, but it says stunt artists who claim they're behind the alien monoliths sell new ones for $45,000. So they outed themselves as the actual artists behind the monolith. And so whether or not it's still the same people

doing them now, this article says it was a community of artists known as the most famous artist. That's the group name? Yeah that's the group name, the most famous artist and they've posted photos and clues on their website and social media channels that seem to take credit for the triple-sided metal monoliths that have been popping up everywhere. the triple sided metal monoliths that have been popping up everywhere. But obviously then they got into trouble because like you said earlier, you know, there was a lot of damage done to the federally. Yeah. Just desert park. So apparently that's what it is.

And I know we wanted this to be a quick episode, but probably in about 10, 15 minutes, I've gone from October 2020 to December 2020. So if we keep podcasting for about another seven or eight hours, I reckon I can get up to probably close to 2024 news. Okay. Well, here's something that is in the now, but it's about something that's going to happen in the future. Elon Musk has been tasked with destroying

the space station in 2013. What the International Space Station? Yeah, NASA has assigned the task of decommissioning the space station to none other than Elon Musk. What? Weird, right? Was that up for grabs that job? Because I could have put in a bid for that. Well, it says NASA has this week selected Elon Musk's company SpaceX to develop a new type of tug vehicle. So they've chosen the right guy there. He's an absolute tugger. The vehicle costing 843 million that will be used to drag the entire space station back down to terra firma because it's coming to its end of use by date the old ISS Yeah that's clever because rather than it breaking up in the atmosphere wherever over the ocean somewhere we can retain it we can bring back this amazing object

Yeah does anyone know how long it's been up there? I mean hang on one second I can tell you exactly because I wrote about it in my new children's book impossible things that is out now Is this a setup are you on commission race for selling his books? Yeah God, I want to get on that deal. So look I've got the information here in this brilliant new book Oh, what's that called? Impossible things unbelievable answers to the world's weirdest questions. How much is it out of interest? £12.99 in the UK. It's out now by the time this episode comes out and it's from professional fact hunter and podcast sensation.

My words, not theirs. Dan Schreiber. Podcast sensation. So here we go. The question was when did it go up into space? Well, here we go. Fitted with two bathrooms, a kitchen and and a gym the International Space Station has housed over 250 flatmates in its time and has been consistently traveling through space with astronauts inside since the year

2000 She's 25 Pop in a couple of killer facts here, which I think you guys will enjoy She's 25. I'm popping a couple of killer facts here, which I think you guys will enjoy. So what an amazing fact. No other civilization in the history of Earth has been able to say that they've had a sleepover in space. And it's all thanks to our space programs. Even more amazing, and this is awesome, is the fact that 1st of November 2000 was the last time that all of humankind was living on Earth at the same time.

time that all of humankind was living on Earth at the same time. Ah. Ever since then, there has always been between one and 13 Earthlings living in space. And then wait, an even better fact, in 1991, there were 5.3 billion people on Earth and 60,000 jellyfish in space. No. fish in space. No, that's because yeah, we sent up 2478 little bits of jellyfish. And they made it up there to the point where we had 60,000 jellyfish orbiting our planet. Oh my god. That is awesome. And that's just three paragraphs. Wow. That's just three paragraphs from this. Wow. Gold. I'm just wondering why we're wasting time trying to come up with news articles particularly ones that are three four years old when we could just be

reading bits out of your book Dan. We've made a huge mistake. For the wonderful price of 12 pounds 99 we have had endless amounts of episodes of facts. It's like way cheaper than a mysterious universe subscription. And the truth is most of those articles came from mysterious universe. Oh yeah, this book is basically a rip off of mysteriousuniverse.com. I want to know are those jellyfish still up there still mating all these years later? Because by now there will be millions and millions of those little things. And potentially this is how we get invaded

from a species that we created. They start to become sentient. They start making little spaceships out of the remnants of the ISS and they attack us. This is the plot for another movie. I mean, we'd have to rely on somebody like G.I. Joe to save us from an invasion of mutant jellyfish invading us from space. Self-mating space jellyfish.

Doesn't quite have the ring. I'm just trying to give more plot lines for G.I. Joe movies for Reese. G.I. Reese. G.I. Reese. G.I. Reese. G.I. Reese. G.I. Reese. America's latest hero.

Come through, come through. Hey, hey, hey, how are you going? Yeah, so I've just had a hell of a day. I'm just on my way to get the monolith, but I had to walk through a market and yeah, I got some asparagus and I didn't need it and my pee was pretty bad. But whatever you need me to do, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. monolith but I had to walk through a market and yeah I got some asparagus and

I didn't need and my pee was pretty bad but whatever you need me to do I mean I'm here. All I can say is my big ambition is really to bring the space station back down to earth so if I can give myself a spacesuit I got a rocket I got a rocket, I got a rocket all sorted. But yeah, I'm five foot six and my agent is a UTP. And yeah, I guess I've done the bit of repertory theater in the past. And yeah, I'm healthy, I can ride horses and I'm pretty handy with a tennis racket. All right.

GI Rees! But can you fight off mutant jellyfish from space Mr. G-I-R-E-S? Chuck anything at me I'll give it a go and I can do improv so just chuck those at me I'll see what I can do. I'll see what I can do if Chuck does jellyfish at me. Improv warfare. Alright well we'll let you know there's a other people, but thanks for coming in and please. I can't be clear enough. The exit is definitely off to the left there. There's a big word exit on the door and it's just a simple push

and you'll be through into the daylight. All right. Absolutely. But I want to like just rehearse over the improv for the jellyfish fight. When does that happen? No, that is not happening. That is not happening. Okay, well, I'm just going to see where catering is because I want to come back and show you something in a minute. I think we've just about done an hour now.

So let's have a look at the time. 56 minutes of padding. So let's have a look at the time 56 minutes of padding Well, we don't have any cryptid news this week But we do well before you do that we keep missing opportunities to play our brilliant stings Oh this one. Oh What have you got there? Oh Great another eyewitness account account account That's a great sting, isn't it? Okay, so this is a Sasquatch account taken off the BFRO

Website, that's the Bigfoot field researchers Organization if you haven't checked it out go check it out if you've ever seen a Sasquatch Those are the people you report to immediately It's great just to go back through and read reports. They're happening all the time and here's one that happened this year in April and I'll just read it to you lovely listeners. My story which I still struggle with understanding. I'm not convinced there was a creature but I can't find a good explanation for my initial thoughts or experience. Straight away the person delivering the report is sceptical, which is good.

That night I was up gaming on my computer at 2am. I had turned the sound down just enough that if my boys were in bed I wouldn't have disturbed them. It was still decently loud however and I can only assume we've got spooky music underneath this as I oh yeah spooky as hell it's just come in I can hear it. I always bring in the cats at night because I've lost a few to coyotes and cars in the dark. I also have a hole in the foundation of the house that was knocked out to treat the termites years ago that the cats like to crawl through and hang out under the floor. This night at first I thought one was still outside, meaning a cat. As I was gaming, I started hearing this real deep growl

that sounded similar to one of my cats. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and then it's often followed up by RAAAARGH! and they jump all over the place and start screaming so it's that growl I think he's hearing The sound seemed muffled so I assumed my cat was under the house growling at the neighbour's cat I ignored it, knowing there was no way I'd be able to get my cat in until he ventured out

from under the house The growling grew louder and less muffled At some point the sound went from this muffled growl to a growl what I can only describe as a cow in distress. Okay, so now he's thinking it sounds like a cow. So you've gone from, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I mean I'm just speculating at least that's what he initially thought at this point and I mean can you imagine thinking oh oh no there's a cow under the house I mean that's that seems odd to me it was loud and sounded like it was right outside my office window about four

feet from my desk he says I had turned off my speaker to listen because at this point I was completely bewildered to what I was listening to was a cow attacking my cat what the hell was going on was it even a cow do we have cows across the street on the hillside but I never hear them from in the house and this sounded like right outside my window. That's a pretty good cow delivered by me there. I started questioning if it was a cow and knowing that there wasn't anything out there that posed a threat to me and fearing for what I presumed was my cat

facing off some unknown creature, I flew to my feet to run outside. For whatever reason, as I got up, I glanced at my office window. The curtains were open and I froze. Staring at me were a set of eyes. Around that time, all the noise stopped. There is no way to truly explain the shock and terror I felt. These eyes were watching me rather at a side glance. We held gaze for a couple of seconds as I stared back. I saw them completely turn and glide away. I grabbed my cell phone and tried to calmly leave the room to a no window

area which was difficult as all of my windows on that side of the house had open curtains. I honestly thought it was a person you know that feeling because my initial thought was a peeping Tom. Honestly originally I thought it was my creepy neighbor and had just assumed he had been snooping. The creepy creepy creepster. Poor neighbor, isn't a shout out. Creepy guy. Then I realized that was unlikely that he wouldn't have held my gaze but probably hide so it must have been my oldest son's friends out drinking beer in the driveway and screwing with

me. It was a Friday night after all. I ran upstairs to find my youngest son. Just needed to be around someone. Maybe get him to go outside and tell them to knock it off as I was still deeply startled. Upon reaching the top of the stairs I found both of my boys asleep and that's when I started to panic so I called my third boy. Yes As I recounted the story I realized whatever was outside my window wasn't human because the eyes were a luminescent yellow green And I was totally dumbfound and relieved maybe it was a deer and I was totally dumbfound and relieved. Maybe it was a deer. The next day, still deeply troubled by the experience, I finally got up the nerve to venture outside and look under the window. Nothing. No tracks or any indication of anything was under my window.

I measured where the eyes hit and if said creature was standing flush with the glass, it would have stood about six feet tall. I'm assuming because he wasn't right at the window. Whatever it was may have been taller. I don't know why my brain thought human as all I saw were eyes. But you would, you know, you'd see two eyes at the distance, the eyes are apart. It's a figure that is of six foot height. Yeah! You would think human. Of course.

I've replayed this experience over and over and still cannot completely rationalize what happened. I've gone over tons of animal sounds, including a Rhys Derby's collection. I added that, obviously. The scariest thing about this is obviously just the eyes and then just imagining the sounds because sometimes even when you don't see anything and you only hear some weird fucking sound that can be just even more freaky than actually seeing something. I actually think the scariest thing about this story is that there's some young kid out there whose dad is willing to send him out on his behalf to look at whatever the funny story thing is out there.

Too scared. You go. Go. Where you going? You go. Yeah. Hey, wake up. Well, I need you to go outside and look what these weird yellow eyes were. Six feet tall. Sounds like a cow trying to attack my cat. Quickly. Go and have a look. That's either that or the creepy creepster neighbor just creeping around he says thinking back the growl proceeded into that cow bleating like sound haven't been able to find anything that could do both these sort of noises you see I've considered lighting bugs we don't have many lighting bugs and I don't have many lighting bugs in there. I don't know what lighting bugs are guys, but yeah

It must be a thing all three of my boys have had other odd experiences around here in the past three years Mainly because I sent them I'll listen to this also noticed my boys also had odd experiences. Green floating orb, large crouching creature beside the highway, advancing odd wet lung sucking death rattle and grunting creature in the tree line by the house. Something hitting our camper behind the house. So those are extra also noticed points. He just thought he'd subtly bring those up at the end there. At what point do you decide to move house? If you've got a creepy neighbour, you've got

something thumping on the side of your camper, you've got cows across the road that sometimes come under your house, this is a shitty place to live. My advice would be maybe move on, maybe move on. But I like at the end of the interview there was like have you noticed anything else in the last three years? And he goes, nothing much. I mean if you don't count the green floating orb with a large crouching creature beside the highway and the advancing odd wet lung sucking death rattle from the grunting creature in the tree line by the house, no nothing at all. from the grunting creature in the tree line by the house. No, nothing at all.

Nothing at all. So there we have it anyway. Wow. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. BFRO, I stumbled across BFRO. I had a link to all of the Bigfoot sightings

that have been registered in the States. That is phenomenal how many sightings there actually are that people report. Sure, a lot of them might be hoaxes and some of them are probably misidentification, you know, like it is a cow under the house rather than some kind of, you know, hominid. But even if 10% of them, even if 5% of them are actual real unexplained hominids walking around that people have seen, there's a lot of sightings. It's certainly good to tap into these every now and again,

especially when the news is light, because just to remind everyone that there are cryptids out there, people are seeing them all the time. And so we're not wasting our time keeping up with this podcast over the many years. We are wasting your time. We're not wasting our time.

We should specify your time has been wasted. And I'm sorry for that. My wife says very differently to that. You're going to go and waste two hours with those idiots, are you? Alright, well hurry up. No, I love these eyewitness accounts. I love the detail. They give everything.

Anyone listening to an eyewitness account for the first time ever, they might have in that gone, I could do with an edit. There was a lot of fine detail there that wasn't necessary. No, that's the brilliance of it. They give you everything. It's important. You need the detail.

Yeah. The guy was there, takes you there. there yeah we'll do some more of those we haven't done those for a long time so that was fun yeah all right guys well I do have another audition for this movie so I've got a I've got a skedattle skedattle not skedattle skedattle yes skedattle is that like r of the movie. The skedattles. They get dropped in behind the lines with these weird rattles. And they just freak people out. To do some improv warfare. Now, you've got to go in and fight the enemy. And the object you have to use is some rattles.

Good luck. Well, I'm part of the skedattles now. And it's been a great career for me I knew eventually this would happen so here I am with my rental and not only that I'm the leader of the skedaddle so they've given me this weird thing I think it's called a Aztec death whistle or something when I do whoever spoke just before I do will die. Ah!

Ah! GI Rees in cinemas December, 2024. But not the cinemas you're thinking of. GI Rees and the Skedattlers. If it's not a movie, it's definitely a bad. All right, well, talk to you guys next week. Hopefully there'll be more news from this year. Come on Earth, pull your finger out.

Pull your finger out. We're trying to go regular. We're too good for you. We're beyond the weirdness. We're too quick. You can't catch up with us. And if not this year, if there's not news from this year, it's definitely gonna be from one of the previous years

of our lost episodes. Oh yeah. Hope you enjoyed this lost episode from 2020. There'll be more to come. Yeah. We're gonna have to sort of figure out some kind of dark board situation, put a calendar up, you know, two decades and just throw a dart and go today's episode is from July the 17th

2085. No, what is it? 2020. I really love it when he goes off on his own comedy tangent that you know he's not going to go anywhere. But you just have to sit there and put up with it. I haven't had any coffee yet. I haven't had my coffee. All right, well on that note, go and get some coffee. I'll go and get this really awesome roll so I never have to work again.

Yeah. some coffee I'll go and get this really awesome role so I never have to work again yeah I gotta go stand outside my neighbor's window so he's got more blogs to write about witness accounts I am the weird David the creepy creeper I keep meeting his sons they're so cool they're awesome Oh my god, across its day. The creepy creepster. Okay, bye! Bye! Look, the doors are just out that way. You're free to go.