The Cryptid Factor - #111 EdFringe LIVE Night Two Issue

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

Night two of the Edinburgh Fringe and the boys put whole jail house of stories behind bars.  In this rebellious issue we have backstage gatecrashing, psychic attacks, deceitful leggy leaves, cryptid impersonators, historically resentful house pets, a poorly pulled-off coattail theory theft and the tiniest noisiest cat-erpillar to ever be eye-witnessed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Cryptid Factor with Reitz-Darby, Gangdriver, and Fubler! Welcome back, show number two with the Edinburgh Fringe. Here we are and what a huge crowd we have tonight. against us. I'm a bit shook because this corridor leads to another show over there and I just literally walked into the other show just now. With his laptop in hands. Laptop I had a tea and it was literally just mid-sentence and 200 people looked at me and the person on stage looked at me and by the way when you do that it does take a few seconds for you to recognize what is happening. In some ways it was the obvious and quite epic Shreiber reveal. It was. It was. So anyway, are you guys ready for a podcast recording?

Let's crack in to weekly. Well, actually, we have a sting. Do we? Well, hang on. It's really hard when your extra screen is behind you and massive. And everybody looking at, you're going to see my search history. You're going to, like, it's really dangerous, I've got to say. This was a good night to invite the reviewers to.

We had technical difficulties last night, and we thought, oh, it's going to be okay today. But I was thinking, I wonder if it's actually technical difficulties, or there's quite a few similar shows to us here at the fringe, maybe we're having sort of, I don't know, psychic attacks on the show, you know, something going on. So there's a shop, it's just down the road, and it's called Candlemaker Occult Goods, and you can

go into it, and they actually sell anti-psychic attack rocks, and so I bought an anti-psychic attack rock. Now that's thinking. I thought, well, that's going to guarantee we have no technical difficulties tonight. Well, it was in its bag, I think I know where it needs to go.

Oh, yeah, thank you. I thought, yeah, that's much better. Okay, check it now. Is it working? Weekly World Weird News. Crazy. Freaky, watch out. Okay.

Thanks, guys. There we go. Weekly World Weird News. Let's do headlines. Mine is, people are absolutely terrified after seeing a video of a leaf. Okay. What have you got, Dan? There's a new job that's been put out in China that people are applying to at the moment.

local person to dress up as crypted wild man on a daily basis and eat raw meat thrown by tourists. Oh my God. Yeah. Because they don't have a cryptid. Well, they do have a cryptid, but no one's seen it. So they thought if we get someone to be it, then they can see it. Get the ball rolling, rather. Okay, well, my one, quite excitingly, scientists have at last figured out why cats hate us humans.

Oh. Actual scientists have actually figured it out. Not all of us, surely. Should we go with you? First, Rhys, let's get into these stories. Yes. Forget about that. Trying to have a sip of water.

Fuck it. Okay. Some things are better not knowing. And we can only apologize in advance for alerting you to a leaf that actually might not be a leaf at all. Okay. Back in 2015, something called a eryoxy, eryoxy. It doesn't matter what it's called, but it was discovered in India. Now, the problem is it looks a lot like any leaf you'd find on the ground.

This is a leaf mimicking spider. Do we have it up on the screen? All right, let's play this video. Looks like a leaf. You might want to pick that up. That looks like a leaf. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh! No. No, not having it. Okay. like a scorpion now. It does. That is hideous. Oh, it looks like Nessie. Oh my god, it could be. Tiny little nissie. Oh! That is not appropriate. Yeah, put that down. Put it down. Wow. It's like a transformer. That's enough, leave it. Think twice when you pick up a leaf, particularly when you are in India. The new spider species was only discovered 10 years ago in the mountains of southwest India.

Thanks to its leaf-like appearance, people have compared it to the sort of. hat out of Harry Potter. In fact, that's where it gets its name from, named after Godrick Gryffindor. Oh, yes, Gryndoria. Gryndori, the aria-reuxia griffindori. Oh, okay. It's the fucking leaf spider, isn't it? Fair enough. Let's be honest.

Yeah, but this plays into a theory that I've held for a long time, which is, I think, like stick insects, these are leaves. They've become sentient. and it's too big for us to deal with that we've just gone I guess that's just an insect no mate that's a leaf that's woken up and it doesn't work for us to build that into our understanding of the world because that's not how science works but maybe it does work like that because camouflage is extraordinary it's amazing things like the octopus has the most extraordinary camouflage because not only can it change its skin color but it can change the fabric of its skin as well

So if it's pretending to be a coral, it not only looks like a coral, it can make the fabric of its skin literally feel like the coral that it's resting against. That's wild. That's next level. But regards to that, in your theory, which sort of breaks it apart of it, you're saying that the octopus is, in fact, probably a coral that's become sentient. A sentient coral, absolutely. Right. So the octopus is... Is not part of this theory, it turns out.

Right. I just want to clear things up, that's all. But good. Thank you. All right, we should move on to another story. Yeah, we should. So this is pretty interesting. This is in a area of China called the Shen Nongjia Forest District in Hubei Province. And basically, there's a local idea that there is a cryptid roaming through its forest.

And they thought, we'd like to make things a bit more exciting for the tourists. So they put an ad up, which they're asking for NPCs, for some reason, non-player characters. More commonly known as actors, it says in the article, who can behave. like the wild men to provide an immersive, interactive experience for tourists. So they're going to be paying the person who does it a daily wage of 500 yen, which is about, in American dollars, about $90. It's not too bad. It's pretty good.

The cryptid that they have is said to be two meters tall, covered in reddish-brown hair. It moves swiftly, and it emits a sound that resembles a low, who-woo, cry. There's a few caveats that seem a bit extreme, I think, to this job. They have to accept being fed. by visitors and they have a preference for someone who's willing to be fed raw meat that they're more likely to get the job if they do that they need to occasionally perform abstract dances what yeah that's a weird one it is in fact so weird it sort of makes it feel like this article's lying to me you've dressed up a few times in sort of

that chinese job that sounds like something i could definitely do abstract dancing as well Yeah. I mean, I have dressed as a mascot in Japan. It's called the Yurikara. I created the mascot. It was for a TV show and it was called Papa Chan. Oh, you know, you've heard of it. Some of you have seen it and it was basically a dessert in New Zealand pavlova with big eyes. And I kind of walked around in Tokyo and just the amount of people that came up to me to get photos. They didn't, you know, really know what my character was, but it was very cute and they really love cuteness in Japan. So I was very busy inside this suit with a fan, an actual fan, and many new fans. It was very hot, just giving cuddles and having photos with just random people.

And it was a really special time of my life. And that's a very Japanese thing to do. So I was quite privileged. Would you be enticed to do it for $89 a day? No, I was on a good $200,000 for the TV show. I wasn't. Not that one. Yeah, I'd do it for 90 bucks a day

Just because it felt good We don't have that culture here Like if someone dressed up in the UK They'd just get abuse You know, and it's the same in New Zealand And I have actually dressed up In that regard as well I did a Christmas parade once

Where I dressed up as Mr. Blubby Not blobby but Blubbblub It's a bad name And it was a new like a drink And it was promoting some squishy drink That was actually like a jello drink Which never caught on But I gave them out

And I was dressed as the character and someone came up to me in the middle of the Christmas parade and just punched the hell out of me. I fell over and then they just laid into me. Really? And I had no security. How long ago was this? This was many years ago.

I can't believe you had to ask buttons as if like... Oh, it might have been last year. Do you imagine how's the career going, Reese? How's Hollywood? It was last year. Jamungi 3 on the cards. Actually, I'm a bit busy to take that on right now. Mr. Blubby, a drink made out of Wales or something.

It sounds terrible. Let's get to more mysteries. Buttons, what have you got? Mysteries abound with cats. Everybody's favorite pet. But there's a good reason why a lot of them actually could give two shits about us humans. Hands up who's got a cat who's just like, meh. Let's hear a chair for cat people.

Let's hear it for dogs. Always slightly more. Very close. I heard some people there being both cat and dogs. You can't be both. Sorry. It's illegal. You can be.

Okay. Well, it turns out some actual scientists, well, actual's a strong word, isn't it? I have done some research into the domestication of cats and where they came from. It has previously been thought that we have had them for around 9,000 years domesticated, taking care of grain stores and the like for keeping rats and mice away. Turns out that's actually wrong. It's actually much sooner than that, but they've figured out actually why they were domesticated in the first place, which isn't great. They've proven now these scientists folk, they were bred for sacrifice, for the Egyptian gods.

They bred them in the thousands to actually have them as sacrifices for the god Bastet, who has apparently really loved felons. But the thing is, is that the scientists say that it's potential, okay, it's not the scientist. My theory is that maybe it's generational trauma and that these cats are kind of looking at us going, I know what you did. Right. And that's why sometimes they walk around and they look at you funny and you go, oh, come up here on a little cuddle. And they go, no. I'll cuddle you when I want to. Yeah.

So you're saying it's steep in their DNA that they know that they were once sacrificed. Yeah, and actual scientists have done this research. But that makes sense. It sounds like a dog lover has done that research to me. I do love my dog. I do, though, at the same time when researching cat news, came up with an article, unfortunately, which under a lot of my prior research,

a cat led a rescue team to an 83-year-old woman who had fallen down a ravine. Okay. So the cat saved the young lady. Well, what a turnaround. That's one of the biggest, fastest turnarounds of seeing. And for those dog lovers out there, I think my last news story in the last episode was a dog that pushed its owner down into a ravine. Okay, well, that's fascinating.

I think for the time we've weighed those things up, you've come to nothing. Yeah, it's a pretty close to nothing. Life back to normal. buttons you were just saying that that was a theory that you have which it turns out you were just commandeering someone else's theory but yeah we haven't had one of your great theories in a while so why don't we allow this audience to experience oh boy oh boy buttons theory time down in the garden beside the little pond sits a little dainty boy with a special bond he likes to watch the pixies traveling through the trees the sprinkler

the magic dust he says yes please it's buttons fairy time buttons fairy time buttons fairy time come join in buttons fairy time everybody hold your hands and have a big it doesn't get any better i keep his pretty good yeah all right what's the theory well okay Another admission, tonight seems to be my night for stealing other people's theories. I have a theory on somebody else's theory. Oh, okay. This is a coattail theory. This is a coat tail theory.

This is very much a coattail theory. So I heard this theory, and it's very relevant to right now and right here, because it is a lock nest monster theory. Oh, perfect. We're in the right place, almost. A couple hours out. This theory came about because of the photos that you helped uncover a year ago with Chee Kelly. Me? Yeah.

When I made all those headlines. Yeah, as much as I like to steal other people's theories, restall somebody else's thunder. Yeah, the thunder stealer. Anyway, this theory is one about the Loch Ness Monster that came about from looking at those photos. And the theory is that the Loch Ness Monster, is quite possibly a giant clam. Wow. Really?

D-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-o. He's a clam! It's a clam! I have to say, when I saw the headline of the theory, I was like, no, you lost me. I was then talked through the theory, which I'm going to do to you now, and back end of it, I was like,

it is most likely that the Loch Ness Monster is a giant clam. Why, you're really on board. Yeah. There's another reveal that has to come about. The author of this theory is in the audience tonight with us. Oh, wow. Wow, let's have a look.

Stand up. Wow. There we go. Katie Crichton has this theory. Oh, you're putting your actual name to this, are you? Oh, actually, well, yeah. Casey? I mean, it was sort of like a co-theory now.

It's because we like to say co-authored. Here's a little slideshow that I pulled together. This is Katie. I'm going to add photos of me in there later. We're short on time, so we're not going to go through it. But look at this. This is really good. So, bivalves. We're talking about bivalves. This is the worst TED talk, I think. Is she happy for you to be the spokesperson of this?

She's put years into this. So I chose a Times New Roman font for this one. Look, there's a couple of things with bivalves or clams, as we like to talk about them. One of them is that they have these great, massive things. You know when you kind of go the tongue of the clam or the bivalve? Do you know what it's actually called? It's called a foot. Look at this.

Oh, yes. Yeah, it's the foot out one. We don't often see them. Exactly. Because you just see the shell. So buttons, how big are these? Wow, that is a very good. question, Dan, do you know what? We have no idea how big

biovalves can grow to. The largest that has been found is a fossil which is 10 foot big. Wow. Crazy, right? Yeah. I mean, things were massive back in the day, weren't they? No, no, no, but we found one that has lived up to 800 years old. Do you know that would biovales? No, but that could have lived up to 800 years old 56 million years ago. No, no, no, they found it the other day. You don't turn into a fossil.

They found it, and they didn't realize it was 800 years old until they had killed it. And then they had opened it up. They found it in the Arctic, right, Katie? Yeah, so we co-authored this. They opened it up and went, ate it. No, they didn't.

Probably not. But, and then they cut it. Do you know how you can tell how old a bivalve is? By the rings on the shell? Oh, wow. Well done. Yes. Really?

That's right. Look at that. If you imagine a 10 foot, one of those, the foot that comes out of it. could easily be a serpentine kind of movement. We're talking about growers rather than showers here, aren't we? You know what I mean. Oh, yeah, we know what you mean.

But the thing is, guess the other thing that bio valves can do? They can swim really fast. Can they go on the water? Can we see a video of that? Yes, you can. Oh, here we go. You watch this. Look, where's it gone?

Oh, yeah. Wow, off it goes. Look at that. And that's a little baby one. Imagine a 10-foot big one. Yeah. Yeah. I suppose the other big question is, do they live in Scotland?

That's a very good question, Dan. Thank you for asking. Yes, they do. They are actually proven to originate from Europe. Wow. So clams are in Loch Ness, are they? Well, no, this is a really good point. They have found them in other locks.

Clams are bivalves. And they haven't yet found them in Loch Ness. But... It's a big butt, isn't it? It is. big part. But this is the thing. They have only in the last couple of years found clams and other locks. So it's only a very recent discovery that biovalves are being found in locks and what have you. They have known to grow really big. They can swim really fast. They've got a great big,

humpy type kind of thing. And they can hide. So when they go and do sonar scans and what have you of the lock, unless they're swimming around, you're not going to notice them. Quick question. Are we absolutely sure that that isn't an octopus disguising itself as a clan? Katie, is this an original theory? So I was speaking with Steve Feltham a couple days ago. Steve Feltham is the longest hunter of the Lochness monster in one go, 35 years in running. He lives on the side of the banks, yep. He has confirmed that it is a novel theory, and it's also not the most hairbrain one he's thought.

Not the most hairbrae. Beautiful, beautiful. It's a good one. because it's outside of the box. It's outside of the shell. And I think that's where you have to look when you try and find the answers. The toughness for me is this the size.

But, you know, there's something in it, especially with the movement and the foot thing. So isn't that great, folks? Yeah. So you've learned a new theory tonight that you've piggybacked on. Yeah, that's right. From Katie. Well done.

Thank you, Katie. Thank you so much. And the great thing is that if they do actually find by valves in the lock. What may well happen is that then they will have to put a protection on the lock to be able to protect those by valves. And so regardless of whether they represent the monster that we all know and love, it will actually help protect the lock for the actual monster. So say there is a pleasiosa in there and what have you.

Is at threat of boats coming in from other locks that aren't washed? It's a really delicate ecosystems. And it may well help save the monster that's in there. that may well perish because of all these other human activity. It's the exact same plot as the Yogi Bear movie that came out a few years ago. Jellystone Park was being deforested and it was going down. Yogi had been kicked out because they were throwing a fundraiser. Him and Bubu had this amazing raceboat kind of act,

but they landed in fireworks, shot it into the crowd. He's kicked out, Jellystone Park. And then they're going to take all the trees down and they discovered that there's an incredibly rare frog living in Yogi's cave that he didn't know about. He's a friend of Bubu's, this frog. And as a result of proving its existence, they had to protect the forest. Jellystone was saved and Yogi could move back because he helped save it.

So it's like that. Oh, my God. Yeah. I also don't need to see that film anymore, which is great. Ruined. Weird fact, it was filmed in New Zealand. Was it? The Yogi Bear movie, yeah.

And Dan Aykroyd was the voice of Yogi, so a Ghostbuster. Yeah. Fact piggybacker. We were on the broad. of running out of show. What? So we can make a decision here. Oh, really?

Okay. We've got either our ability to do eyewitness or we're going to find a strange story from the crowd. What should we do? I think we do eyewitness. Eyewitness accounts. Yeah. Okay.

So listen, here's the problem. There are so many stories that come out there in the wild where people tell of an amazing experience that they have, yet it gets no press because on black and white paper it just looks a bit boring. We're here to amplify their story with the beautiful element of sound effect. Which works really well for an audio podcast, which is what this is that you're watching. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never forget that. So, in order to bring those sound effects to the table, we've hired the world's premier sound effect artist, Restarby, to provide the accompaniment.

So, should we do it? Eyewitness account? Yes, here we go. I have not heard this, by the way, so... Have you not heard it? No. No, my... So Kiwi, eh?

I haven't heard this. Oh, haven't you? That's what I just said. So you haven't heard it? You haven't heard it? No. I think Budden thinks you meant the sting. I've heard the sting.

There we go. Oh, what have you got there? Oh, great. Another eyewitness account. Account. Account. I've heard that sting, but I've heard that sting. Here we go.

Okay, this is a story that took place September 2017, and it is a story from a man called Turner. So this is him speaking. We live in remote Kentucky in the Appalachian foothills on the side of steepy bluff property bordering Daniel Boone National Forest. One day, all of our outside cats started behaving abnormally. Miao! Miao! Like wanting to be fed at the front door as opposed to the back door. No!

Miao! I hate you for what you've done in the past. We know! We've fucking no! Mew! Push him off the hill. No! I'll save him.

Get out of here. It's not your show. Weird things started happening. Pea would magically appear in our house. We had no idea what was going on. Most possible... That cat pee? What the fuck's this pee?

Most possibilities were eliminated. I just figured that... Gone. That pee was here a second. I figured when the culprit is found out, I will know. But little did I know how weird it would be. During this time, sometimes at night, I would hear what sounded like our cats clawing their way across a metal roof. It didn't make sense.

It seemed more like there was a hyper-energetic carpenter up there tapping stuff in with a nail. You, I'm so excited. And he's a more Red Bull. Then, about the beginning of September, I opened the door and out of the corner of my eye. You just put open door in there, didn't you? I swear to God. What a lucky crowd.

He gets paid $200,000 for that at other TV shows. I looked at the corner of my eye and I saw what I thought was a large caterpillar on the bottom of the door just in view for a microsecond I told my wife quick look but no luck it was gone

what was it they get it's gone the world's fastest caterpillar gone now forward to September 5th 2017 I've been working September 5th

I didn't need that bit. I'm glad I bought that audio alarm with the dates. September 5th. All right. I'm up, I'm ready. I repeat, September 5th. What time is it?

Why don't you buy the alarm card? It just tells you the date. So stupid. A waste of money. September 5th. It's random as well. Turn it off. September 5th.

Then I went outside having... Oh, no. I went outside. And as I was turning, I started hearing the ticking noise again, and I knew that I was about to see it. It then, as I turned, issued an aggressive warning stance, lifting its two front legs off the side of the house, and it was swinging around on them.

It seemed to be saying with its pincers, don't try anything. Don't sign anything is what I'm basically saying with my pincers. Also, I need another red ball. It all takes seconds for me to take this in. I start chasing it. It runs quick as a mouse, nail-gunning it. The body was oscillating left to right so fast.

And then... Ossolating. It ran to the side of the house and then went into a crack and then in full capitals that you would not think it could fit in underneath the house. I fed.

My watch. I gave my hands free. As you can imagine. Watch gone. Much was quickly September 5th. Fuck. As you can imagine, much was quickly deduced by me in seconds.

The cats, the weird bee in the house, the ticking at night. I immediately notified my wife and we spent hours sealing every possible way under and around the house. The pipes, the electrics, the doors, everything. Hello? Seal the house. It's me, your husband. Ah, yes, I've already done that, dickhead. Cut to September 8th, 2017.

September 8th. Have you not taken that fucking thing back yet? No, I like it. I like it. September 8th. Cut to then, we heard nothing more, and the mystery has not been here since. The next day... September 9th.

While it was fresh in my mind, I made a 3D model sketch. of it and that's where the story ends we're very lucky tonight to have the sketch so you've probably been picturing this insanely scary caterpillar let's have a quick look at yeah this is the creature this is the creature okay what do we look at in here oh my god that's so weird yeah that's the 3d modeling of it that's a that's a 3d model that he did a bit he said he didn't actually see the eyes he took the liberty of putting them on assuming that they must be there

I didn't see you put boggly eyes on it. That's gross. Wow, it's weird. It looks like a doobie or something. Or like one of those chocolate log cakes. Or, going with my theory, sentient sausage. Oh, my God. Could be.

Or foot of a bivalve with little sticky bits off eggs. Oh, yes. Yeah, look at that prick at the back. That's freaky-diki. What size are we talking? A caterpillar size Catapillar What? The story was so confusing

I thought there was a cat on the roof at some point He thought it was a cat But it was a caterpillar Wow Are we talking is it this big? Yeah like so picture a caterpillar That big That's how big it was

They really panics Did they take the alarm clock back The dates I'm worried about how their relationship's going with that Hang on so this is an eyewitness account Of an insect well yeah it says at the top when he was asked to describe it small insectoid alien life form intelligent wow yeah i do love that yeah because it's just weird it is weird

listen guys we need to wrap up that's the end of our show we have run through time you had fun awesome all right come everyone thank you for being here And so, you know, I'm going to be able to be. And so, you're going to be able to, you know, and we're going to be a lot. Also, I need another red bull.