The Cryptid Factor - 23: #023 The New Guy Issue

Episode Date: July 3, 2017

We're on a roll! This week, Rhys, Dan and Buttons gather themselves together at Rhys's house in LA... and they are obviously giddy with excitement at bringing you this latest podcast - or at least they are giggly. Listen to hear of the strange wonders of the world, including a burglar foiling cat, a mystery ape, an ancient blue monster and fidget spinners.

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. Hello, good evening, good morning, and kanichiwa. We are the Cryptid Factor, I am Rhys Darby. Hi, I'm Dan Schreiber. Yes. Hang on, what? Oh, yeah, that's weird. So who? Dan Schreiber, I did the show, I've been hanging out with you guys all day.

Was that not a joke? Has David actually gone? He was one of those unfortunate jokes where you had to see it through. Poor guys, lost a job. A joke gone too far. No, he, yes, he has gone for now. He's on one of his farrier journeys, investigative, and he said we couldn't say anything about it. But we said, well, the show must go on. And thank goodness, Dan has come here, not only has Dan come here from the UK, but we should say we're all in the same room. Thanks, Dan, for saving the show for us, because we wanted to continue. And, you know, we did try just buttons and myself, and it was a disaster.

Well, it was very funny, but no information actually came out. I just talked about my future tour dates, and I thought, what did you do? I gave an explanation of actually how to restore recovery. Yeah, so like I said, no actual information came out. Not a single bit of cryptozoology, and of course that is what the show's about. So avid listeners, new fans, thanks for returning, especially you new fans. Thanks for coming back for the first time. And yeah, this is predominantly about the study of hidden animals, misplaced animals anywhere on the planet.

But, before we kick into the cryptid side of things, we'd like to start the show with a little segment we call Weekly World Weird News. I think it's only fair, as this is your second official and first official, as one of three members. Dan, for you to go first. For me to kick off, okay. Just before you do, I think we should set the scene. Okay. We are sitting here in Los Angeles, in Reese's house.

I think we should put a photo up because we're sat at a table. You just talked through. I'll take a selfie. You won't get any of the table in, Reese. Just get your face with the selfie. No, I'll take a side selfie. You know, the selfies also include others. Reese told us today that his phone only does selfies.

Well, we don't need to tell everyone that, but it's true. I'll tell you why it's true. The front camera is smashed. As you can see, it's only the rear-facing or forward. The camera that looks at you, and I'm going to say you, I mean me, is in operational mode. So, I'm actually, when I do want to take photos of things that aren't me, I have to turn my camera around and then look at where that thing is. It's the weirdest thing ever.

So anyway, look, we can take it. There we go. This is good. Okay, so we're taking a... Yeah. This is the selfie. And it's got a counter of two. That was the selfie.

And one more because I think I looked weird there. Ready, and... Oh, look, I think you actually... Let's check it. Just checking. Just checking the selfie. This podcast is really riveting at moments like this. But anyway, for those that can't see the selfie, we've got one bottle of whiskey.

We've got a stuffed... Bigfoot. Bigfoot. We've got a bowl of ice, a bunch of cryptozoology books, and... 200 bucks in cash. And we've got this. And you can listen to this, listeners. Any ideas what that is?

What the hell is that? That? What are you doing with your fingers? It's the latest. It's called a fidget spinner. What are you spinning a fidget for? It's because it's the latest craze. Every kid's doing it.

Really? Yeah, I'll be honest. It's not mine. It's my son's. But he swears by them. Why would you? What is it? It's to keep your fingers doing something when you want to...

If you've got a small attention span and you find your fingers wandering. Like, you know, this would be good for you actually in nightclubs. Is that...? Yeah! Let's get on with this. Okay, man claiming to have been the oldest living person has died. Oh! Yeah.

This did happen last month, but I think it's worth talking about. Because this is a man from Indonesia, and he says that he was 146 when he died. 146. Now, here's the thing. That means he was born in 1870. Okay? Which, just to put it in more perspective, he was 70 years old when World War II started. Oh, my goodness.

That's insane. Yeah. So... He didn't fight in World War II. No, he's too old. He was... He was probably too old for World War I as well. Oh, no.

Yeah. So... Why about when he says he says or he proclaims? Why can't he prove it? Is it...? Here's why he can't prove it. Born in 1870, they didn't start recording births in Indonesia until 1900, when he was 29. Oh, my God.

Yeah. So, he's just passed away. They interviewed him. They discovered him about a year before he died, and he gave interviews, and they had a party for him, and they said, what do you want at this age? And he said, what I want is to die. Oh, really? Yeah.

And he said... He had enough. He was prepping for his death since 1992. He was, like, surely any day now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. But little did he know he still had, yeah, 15 years or so. Is there any info on what he did for a living or what he ingested into his body to keep him

going like that? He lived in this... Well, apparently he was a chain smoker, so he was just sucking down tobacco every day. He outlived four wives. Jesus. Yeah, I don't know much about his diet. But if you look at photos of him, I mean, he's a super... There's no body there.

It's just literally the skeletons going, we should be exposed by now, so I don't know what... I don't know why this thing's still over us, but... Oh, fat. Yeah, just no fat. Okay. That's a great piece of weekly world news. Do you know what we didn't do?

We didn't do the headline thing. We didn't do the headlines. We don't always have to do the headline thing. We don't always have to do the headline thing. You know, sometimes it doesn't go too well. The headlines are, you know, a bit of... Or the headlines are brilliant, and then the stories aren't so good. So I'm hoping, Buttons, that you have this time read more than the headline.

Let's have a look, and we'll go to Buttons, and we'll see if the stories as good as the headline. What have you got? Reeves has got commentator voice on now. He's got an Attenborough... Yeah. Buttons is about to expose his headline. And you can hear this in the background. The other thing that we need to point out just before we go into my cat foils burglary

weekly world news story. Oh, he's giving it away. He slipped it into conversation there, like we wouldn't notice. He's sucking it out. Yeah, he's sucking it out. He's throwing it out for size. Yeah, it's gone down well. And if we'd both gone,

What a headline. He would have gone, Oh, I'm under something here, but I read the article. Better read the article. Oh, it's trying to create some anticipation. Okay, the great thing about this story is there's video and great audio. So rather than me actually telling my news, how about I just play?

That would be burglar showed up to a house here on Findlay Avenue determined to get in, not knowing that the family cat would be determined to keep him out. But I was shocked the first time he started growling. For our own protection, Cynthia Coose kept her cat named Binky in her arms during our interview. Binky ended up saving the day when a noise in the backyard near the garage got the attention of her owner sometime around midnight. So I go out and I checked the garage over and didn't see nuts or shut the light out of the garage. Minutes later, a man started banging on Cynthia's front patio window,

trying to convince her to let him in. I mean, he was beating and kicking. Trying to tell me there were men out to shoot him, killing. He said, you got to let me in. Cynthia refused and she says the man decided the window was his next move, a move that cost him dearly. Next thing I knew his hand went through that thing and then next thing I knew, Binky went after him. Binky launched another attack when he tried a second time to get in.

Binky blowed up like a balloon and got him again. Metro police arrived and arrested Earl Scruggs for vandalism and residential entry. Officers had to call paramedics to treat the 41-year-old for his wounds from Binky. He ain't got no claws. He can only bite and he has got some pretty sharp fangs. What? It's all right. At first, even Scruggs had a hard time convincing police officers that a cat was responsible for his injuries. On the crime beat, I'm Steve Jefferson. On the crime beat.

We are focusing on the serious crime stories this week. Unfortunately, this story doesn't show the injuries that this criminal got on his arms from Binky, the cat. So actual damage. But they had to call the paramedics and they couldn't believe the damage that this cat did with its mouth. Just biting. And the crazy thing is that why wouldn't you just take your arm out of the window? Like what is he trying to do? And what's he there? What's the cat holding on like the police had time to get there?

I guess if he was clamped on and then if he goes to pull his arm out and there's a cat in the way so he can't. And then maybe, you know, I would love to see how many giant bite marks are in the arms. Do they go lock jaw? Cats don't do that, do they? Possibility. I think wombats do. No possums, it's possums I think. Oh yeah. Yeah, you have to like literally wrench them up.

And humans. Lock jaw. Yes, I did a show with some other humans a few years back and one of the actors got lock jaw in the middle of the show. Yeah, well we were actually doing a dance routine that involved us opening our mouths quite far. Okay. Anyway, he got to a point where we were supposed to close our mouths. He should have seen this show. And he couldn't and I was like, we're still doing dance moves.

And I said, Mitch, close your mouth. And he couldn't. It's really been half the routine. Mate, you forgot the clothes there. The second half of the dance. The mouth dance isn't done. Anyway, we laugh now but he ended up having to go to the emergency room. Right.

And so they could shut his mouth for a while. It was full on. He was drooling. Oh man. Can he talk? No. Can he talk with that? He was like.

Is he okay now? Is his jaw back to normal? He's absolutely fine now and we have a good laugh about it. Lock jaw is a thing. I mean, I gave him a fake name earlier. That wasn't it? Yeah, that's how sharp I am. He'll listen to this and think, oh, I got my name wrong.

Or you'll think, God, that happened twice to Reese. You need to stop doing this routine. Well, I toured this dancing show with the open mouths for months with different people. All right. Well, here's my piece of news. Keeping in the animal vein, a flock of geese poops on Disneyland Party.

So, yeah. Hazmat crews attended the theme park after 17 visitors were struck with fecal matter. Oh my God. And this is, you know, the happiest place on earth. Well, not for those 17 people. Geese dumped a very unmagical surprise on a group of Disneyland visitors.

Yeah, 17 people were struck with poo as a flock of the birds flew over the theme park in California just before 9pm. Now, Hazmat crews, do you know what that is? Yeah, hazardous materials. They attended the area near the Sleeping Beauty Castle following reports that 11 adults and six children had been hit with fecal matter. And there's a tweet here from the Anaheim Police Department

because they, you know, tweet every time a situation occurs. With Anaheim fire, the fire trucks were there as well. Wow. With Anaheim fire at Disney. No crime occurred. Guests hit with fecal matter. Appears to be geese that flew away. No injuries.

How much fecal matter can one goose supply? And so, like, how many geese were there? And how much fecal matter can you come out of? Must have been a lot. So 17 people must be... Yeah. But it's one of these weird bird singularities, is that the word?

Yeah. Where, you know, they all... Travelling packs. Single-mind mentality where, you know, how when they fly in a flock, they all share the same mind space so they know exactly how to turn at the right time. Yeah.

And so, this is the same situation except for some reason they all shat at the same time. That's amazing. It's quite a shocking... I want to see photos. Surely there's photos. Yeah, there must be. Yeah.

Have you got photos? Well, park staff let all the people who had been pooped on get themselves a clean in a private restroom so they were given, you know, so they were given a lot of good care once they were shat on. Right. But you imagine the staff that would have run to them.

I guess it might have been Goofy or Mickey, you know, running over... Oh, no! Pluto! Oh, no! What's happening here? And then Pluto, of course, he doesn't say anything. And officials also provided them with clean clothes. It was probably your Disney merch.

Okay. How about another round? Should we do headlines this time? Okay. Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. Headline from me.

This again is the last month. I apologize. It's not strictly from the week, but Steven Seagal, action hero Steven Seagal, has been banned from the Ukraine. Oh! If you try to go to Ukraine with Steven Seagal, you will be turned away at immigration.

He is not allowed in. So, he's banned and also has a friend of his? No, but I think if you... If he was your luggage. Right. Yeah. But yeah, he's been banned from the Ukraine. What did he do?

Well, we'll get to that after the headlines. Oh, of course! Yes, headlines. Okay. My headlines. Ridley Scott says aliens are out there. Oh, nice. Well, here's mine.

Ravens are capable of spotting unfair deals. There it is! That's so brilliant. Okay. Okay. Well, fill us in on the details. Okay. So, Steven Seagal is banned from the Ukraine

because last year he had an incredible year where he was going to post-Soviet countries like Russia, he was going to Belarus, Tajikistan, places like that, and making friends with all these places who are enemies in some cases of the Ukraine. Right. So, he's been deemed a national security threat.

So, he's not allowed into the country, and there's a banned list that he joins of things banned from the country that include any Russian film that's made since January 2014. Really? And Gerard Depadu. So, it's a big list.

Just... That's quite extensive! But he... Last year, because he got given a Russian citizenship personally from Putin, handed him a passport. Steven Seagal. Apparently, according to one of the spokespeople for Putin, he said the only reason

that they gave him one, gave Steven one is because he would not stop asking for one. He was just really insistent. Going off your list, would that mean that the most offensive thing you could ever do in the Ukraine would be to turn up with a movie made by the Russians

in, say, 2016, starring Gerard Depadu and Steven Seagal. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Let's get that made. Oh, we've got to make that.

And the documentary of making that and then going into the Ukraine with it could get us to festivals. Imagine trying to get distribution deals in the Ukraine. We've got this movie that we've just made. Okay, what year was it made? Well, it was made last year.

Oh, what country? It's a Russian one. Oh, no. Oh, no. Who's in it? Why are there a couple of good stars? Who? Gerard Depadu. Oh, no, no, no.

Who else? Steven Seagal. Get out! I love hell. I love hell. There's an old samurai master. He's born out of it. Oh, no, no, no.

That's a Ukraine guy. All right. That's a normal Ukraine guy. Of course it is. Do you know what I was reading about this? I put in the search term Steven Seagal and Yeti just to see if I wonder if he's someone who might be interested in the cryptid world.

Yeah. He was meant to make a movie called Bonnable back in the 90s. Oh. And apparently he was meant to get in a fight, a fist fight with a Yeti. Come on. Yeah, and I can't see that it exists.

I would pay good money for that. That's terrible that that never happened. But yeah, anyway, so he's been banned from the Ukraine. Oh, that's so good. That's a shame. What are your details? Okay, my details is Ridley Scott. Obviously the creator of the Fantastic Alien series.

And of course, just recently he released Alien Covenant, which has been fantastic. And he was talking recently. Oh, here we go. This could be good. Really good. Scroll down. All right, moving on to mine.

Ravens are capable. No, listen. All right. So he's basically said at a speaking gig recently that he believes that aliens are true. He says, I believe in superior beings. I think it's certainly likely. He says he was talking to an expert at NASA who said,

have you ever looked into the night sky? You mean to tell me that that's it? That's ridiculous. He said he puts it down that there is high likelihood that there are already aliens amongst us. And the most alarming part of it is he says, because they're a lot smarter than we are, he says it was so much confidence.

And if you're stupid enough to challenge them, you will be taken out in three seconds, he says. Three seconds. Three seconds. He's given it time. Wow. It's just really good. It's as long as it takes for a laser gun

to come out of the whole string. That was 2.7 seconds. We've got a quick one. He said, though, himself, nothing scares me. I have a nine millimeter pistol, which obviously he can whip out faster than three seconds. The only thing that scares him is running out of bullets. That's interesting because to me,

it's not surprising to hear someone say that they think aliens exist. I think it would be weirder for someone to say I think they don't exist. But the detail, that's where the three-second rule thing. Totally. He also says that if you see aliens, he said if you see a large disk in the sky,

start running because inevitably any alien is going to be coming to us for no good. He's pretty adamant. He's made a lot of alien movies. According to his films, I think he's a big fan of his own films. He's watched his films and he's thought, this would be the go. This is probably what happens.

That's quite cool because that suggests that actually he's got proper theories about what they would mean if they were here and the rules of it like three seconds you would be dead. Maybe we need to re-watch the movies and go, this is his projection of what they actually do. They come here with ill intent. And he's saying they're coming here incapable

of spotting a fair deal. Unlike, and I'd like to, I mean, move on now to Ravens. Ravens are capable of spotting unfair deals. New research paper has revealed this fact. Members of the Corvid family, which includes Ravens, Crows and Jays, have long been known to possess a remarkable level of intelligence

with the capacity to remember human faces, solve puzzles, navigate complex environments and even hold funerals for their own dead. Just absolutely fantastic birds. Have you not seen the funeral where there's the dead bird in the middle and there's about 20 living birds just walking around in a circle? No. Yeah, that's what they do.

They hold their own funerals. Oh, my God. They are so smart. Just Ravens. Yeah, absolutely. Well, birds of the Corvid family, so of those I mentioned, Crows as well. But Ravens in particular, they think are the smartest.

Now, a new international study has revealed that Ravens and Crows also possess a concept of fairness when it comes to exchanging one thing for another. The research focused on Ravens which were hand raised to make them less fearful of humans. For the experiment, a fair trainer and an unfair trainer were offered one of the birds, sorry, each offered one of the birds a tasty piece of cheese

in exchange for a small crust of bread. When one of the Ravens placed its bread crust in the fair trainer's hand, it was given the piece of cheese in exchange. When the bread was placed in the hand of the unfair trainer, however, the bird was given nothing whatsoever. After two days, the vast majority of the birds learned to favor the fair trainer over the unfair one.

If one individual supports another, there's a correlation between support given and received on a long-term basis. Now, let's study co-author George Massey. This is a National Geographic article. So there they are. They can judge fairness. That's amazing. And the art of the deal, as it were.

Yes. The trumps of the bird world. That's very exciting. Well, funnily enough, whilst you've been reading, I've been ignoring you and reading another National Geographic article. Oh, yes. Because it's not that I didn't believe you,

but I've typed in Raven funerals. Oh, yeah. And a National Geographic article has come up. And you're right. And the title of my article is, Do Crows Hold Funerals for Their Dead? Right. And National Geographic says that they've looked into it.

And he said, it looks like they're holding some kind of funeral. But what they have now learned, they think it is, is they're actually walking around looking to see if there's a threat where the death occurred so they can learn from it and avoid it in the future. Well, perhaps. But I have footage here of not only are they walking around in a circle as per my funeral theory,

but one Raven then comes forward and actually delivers a eulogy. Ah, mm. I've got some audio here. Can you play that for us? Yeah, listen. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Yeah, no, he's totally nailed Barry, though. That is. He was a good guy. He was.

That's amazing. I can't, that's, that's incredible. Where was that video from? Uh, let me just look it up. Yeah, here it is here. It happened very recently. Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

Also Mystic Timebird, which is my new show, is touring July and August, New Zealand and Australia. By the way, it's probably about that time that we moved on from Weekly World Web News to... Attention, all personnel, it's time for this week's cryptid BL皆ááááááááááááááááááááááááááá. How are we gonna do this?

Ok, um, yeah, I got a bit of news here. There's been a tomb found in China, 1400 years old, and inside it has a mural, a lot of drawings, a lot of paintings, one in which particularly is baffling archaeologists because it's of a blue monster, and they have no idea what this blue monster could be. I'll show you a drawing of it just so you can see. Oh my god, it's kind of like it looks like it's on fire, it looks like it's kind of got arms coming out of its ears. It also looks like it's doing a jumping splits, one of those ones where those guys touch the legs with their hands. Yeah, like a Russian dancer, yeah. So yeah, so they're not sure what this blue monster is, they don't know what it represents, it looks a bit like a dragon to me. But yeah, so, and it's interesting because it comes in the same week that they found this new story where it used to be the case that you would only ever be able to tell the DNA of humans and the age of stuff by their bones.

And there's been a new development that's come out where if it's a cave that looks like it's had humans inside it, they can search the ground for DNA now, so they can find out what was going on inside. Yeah, so they're probably doing it with this tomb as well to see either blue monster DNA or human. But yeah, so yeah, so possible ancient Chinese cryptid has been unearthed as a mural from 1400 years ago. Because it definitely looks like a humanoid sort of figure. Yes. It's doing a almost cossack. And it's wearing trousers. It's got trousers on.

I mean, if you squint, you could be looking at, you know, something from a Disney film as well, like an Aladdin. He looks like the genie, you're right, from Aladdin, yeah. And also, I was thinking, looking at the face, trying to put two and two together, and I think, you know, it reminds me of some ancient tribal masks and that kind of thing. But anyway, what a turn up for the books. That's one of my sayings. Fantastic. Yeah, so there's not much more to say about it. They found winged horses as well, pictures of that, a naked god, which they do recognize.

It's the master of the wind. And he was running in the direction of, there's a burial chamber in there, and that's the direction he's running in. So there were a few things that they've identified going, we know that, we know that, that appears in other tombs. That's a very solid thing. Yeah. Random blue monster suddenly appearing on the walls. That's pretty incredible. Yeah.

Okay, well, my little bit of cryptid news is just happened right here in the United States of America and West Virginia. There's a USPS worker, which I figure is, Reese, you'll be able to help me out there, like a delivery. Yes. Like a postal worker. Yeah, it's, it's UPS, isn't it? Yeah. What's his USPS? Oh, that's the typo.

Is it? Yeah, it'll be UPS. Okay. That's when you get a delivery. Yep. A UPS worker in West Virginia claims he saw an unidentified primate in the western side of the states. Oh. The 34-year-old Brett Smith told Cryptozoology News he was driving home from work on the road between Jefferson and Hurricane when he spotted the creature at about 2.15 a.m.

So another sort of classic middle of the morning yard sighting. I saw her for about 45 seconds, claimed the federal employee. The big fight like creature he added was about eight foot tall and was walking upright. It was black and very hairy, like an eight with a tall long arms. It was huge, Smith said. Last month, a Michigan state trooper also claimed he regularly sees and feeds bigfoot beings in the Cascade range of Washington state. Beans? Some dude reckons he's feeding them.

A state trooper. A state trooper feeds. Yeah. Beans is in like, um, baked beans or? No. Bigfoot beans? Beans. Beans.

I thought you said it. I have to understand the New Zealand accent is slightly different to the Australian one. You said a state trooper is feeding bigfoot beans. You know, that's not a bad idea because we all know what happens when you have too many beans. You fluctuate. Yeah. Is that a word? Yes.

I chose not to say fart. I went for a more complicated option that really didn't serve me well. I'm trying to look intelligent. I certainly don't sound it. But if you saw me from a distance, you'd think, oh yeah, he's got a degree. And you'd be right. But don't come in closer and hear me talk. Now, this, I'm still talking.

Well, this guy. No, listen. If we go, uh, squatching. Yeah. Bigfooting, whatever you want to call it. Why don't we take beans? Why don't we get beans to, uh, bigfoot. Yes.

To the Sasquatch. That's a great idea. And then with a trail of beans, it's only going to be a matter of time before you're going to hear loud farts because imagine, you know, you're a big man yourself. Yeah. I love beans. Your, your windy pops can be heard streets away. No doubt.

Imagine that's a great idea. The enormity of a Sasquatch. Yeah. That's a great idea. That's a side note. No, it's okay. It's down. That's a note.

It's a very good note. On the side, not on the front of it. I'm typing this. I'm typing this. All right. Carry on. Okay. Well, so this steak trooper.

Excuse me. That was. It's been another sighting. Quacky, did you knock yourself? There by the tree. I saw some movement. Sweet kids. Dad, I think, I think we found Bigfoot.

He's near you. Where's he gone? Oh, okay. Don't eat the beans yourself. No. Only, only for the Bigfoot. Only the Bigfoot. Well, this, um, this state trooper,

former state trooper, he's now 64 year old. Um, and he lives in, uh, Washington state. Cascade range of Washington state. Uh, it says usually happens at the end of the year. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It says usually happens at 3am, late at night,

but sometimes during the day, and he claims that, uh, last for, frequently last for hours, where the creatures actually follow him. Oh wow. They follow me now and when I'm in the

area, after I have left them food, they always follow up hill in my blind spot, like a soldier does. Sometimes they just stand away from me and look at me. The former Lauren Forse says that he speaks to them

in a language similar to native Native American Salish American Native Salish that's that's the dialect as a dialect yeah it's a term for a group as opposed to sail sailor ish you know and of course yeah it's a type of a split of a split of blue blistering so yeah anyway so there's so there's a lot of bootfoot sightings continuing which is which is fantastic that's exciting yeah so he's a former state trooper okay yeah he's he does say it does go on to say that a female individual stepped from behind a tree 30 meters from me and then looked at me then

smiled shyly and stepped back behind the tree the alleged female primate he explains was approximately six foot tall and weighed around 200 pounds I don't know how he actually managed to weigh him and this is the best bit everyone's very specific on the numbers aren't they? Ridley this guy? This is the best bit though. Look you're gonna tell a story get the numbers right all right just make the numbers specific okay they're gonna go for it instead of saying three or four say there was 2.7 exactly yeah people want specifics and their and their news and their reporting so they're giving the people what they want yeah anyway this

female primate or bigfoot reportedly had dark hair on a human face medium female breasts with light gray skin around that area okay is what he said okay and dark fingernails she smiled at me and had very white teeth really yeah he also claims he feeds in different types of food which doesn't include beans but candy bars and fruit okay well what about other primates do they have very white teeth I mean that seems odd to me they they very odd they clean their teeth they do clean up with sticks yeah yeah some floss I think even okay yeah so if you picture a picture I mean you've seen a gorilla in the wild yes I feel like they

are quite bright white teeth maybe not though are they? I never really saw the teeth right I think if you see the teeth it's time to get the hell out of you they're certainly not smiling at you they're very gentle you know quiet giants yeah they are going about their grooming processes or lounging about from the experience I've had with mountain gorillas and the you know when you think of teeth you're more you're thinking more of the chimpanzee variety yeah who love to do that face well the gums are the big bows yeah you know tell me what do we make of that story not that we want to poo poo an eyewitness account

because it sounds you know he's definitely talking with a lot of detail and he's certainly talking with a great deal of conviction well to me that that sort of doesn't mean it's more plausible yeah I don't know you can think that perhaps the detail is a little too detailed in terms of medium-sized breasts I mean I don't you know what I mean well as you're looking at 32c 32d these days it's time to point out Rhys actually worked in a brazerie shop not true ladies all right oh you're quite medium

but modern medium not a classic medium classic medium was much larger okay interestingly blue monster very white teeth very white teeth ancient okay that's that's a good that's a that's a good bit okay well well let's let's continue on there's there's more than one ape-like creature that has been seen recently and this this one really hits home for me because it's it's a California sighting it could be some kind of ape unknown creature sighted in lacrosse center climbing through the trees lacrosse center so that's that's in California a cell phone video has been

making the rounds among local news outlets this week showing what appears to be some kind of creature climbing through the trees in the foothills of lacrosse center really I've just done a quick google maps on it oh yeah we're 21 minutes away from look really yeah right now I can't buy car we're 21 minutes away from a sighting wow okay we'll be right back ah it was too dark I don't get it we don't get it either that's why we're laughing

it was what's wrong with saying it's too dark we had never reason to return it you went all that way with no flashlight you left you didn't leave when it was light you left at 9 34 at night I wasn't thinking these fake headphones are pushing too far into my temples all right listen the video and there's a video that comes with this oh yeah and so we'll put it up on the website you must watch it I'll play it now so you can have a look

there's actually just a picture it's not it's not a great video oh no here's an ad there may be a mysterious beast lurking in the foothills of the San Gabriel Valley a man says he spotted a dark creature swinging from tree to tree along a hiking trail near the 210 freeway in La Crescent CBS 2 Zander Fujii is live with the video Andrea well Pat we're in a very populated area the YMCA is just to my left and the entrance to the 210 freeway is just to my right but just 40 feet into these woods was possibly an ape that was caught on video when Jacob Gardner went exploring last week he felt someone or something was

watching him something was like in the trees kind of like going from tree to tree I figured like maybe the bigger bird or something he works nearby some hiking trails in La Crescent and it was during his afternoon break when he started taking video of his walk just 40 feet off the road near the 210 on ramp and the YMCA but it wasn't until later he realized what he'd captured it totally hit me that like that's must have been what I heard and what was making me feel a little bit uneasy at the time we've slow-mo the video and high up in the trees you can see something swinging in the branches we showed the video to

Andrew Hewan from California Fish and Wildlife and it definitely looks like an ape and it definitely could possibly be an ape it's common to see deer in the area just like we saw while shooting the story but Hewan says it's not often people will see an ape in California Woods and we've had this happen before where we get exotic pets and then people can't take care of them they either let them go or they escape but he says apes are extremely dangerous despite the risks Jake says he's gone back nearly every day since trying to document whatever it was it'd be nice to I mean actually see the thing and interact

maybe just a little bit and our fish and wildlife expert says that is exactly what you don't want to do he says he'll contact our local authorities but in the meantime if you come into contact with this possible ape to just stay still and then slowly walk away Pat and Rick back to you Wow so I mean the videos quite convincing yes there's that out again so yeah I mean it's very brief the videos worth checking out it certainly looks like you know chimpanzee I would or something perhaps bigger I think they say an ape and we all know that you don't keep an ape as an exotic pet but I also feel like if you lost

your ape you would report it immediately you would you just you call someone say yes because also all great apes are extremely powerful and can rip your arms off yeah yeah if you were part of a the for some reason the guy talking as part of the fish preservation yeah so he's he's big on the aquatic life fish and other creatures yeah we've got an ape here is there anyone who can deal with it's only me here at the moment it's a Sunday I'm more of the sort of the fish guy but I'll come and have a look gets there yeah that's an ape it's definitely not a fish but yeah I reckon if you brought an

ape to California you'd have to register it I think you'd have to say I have an ape yeah so if they've done the checks that's how we could find out if they've if no one's reported a missing ape we need a follow-ups on this pretty urgently because well we can go there tomorrow morning yeah that's a cool idea did it look to you like it was swinging up through trees yeah yeah that was proper swing yeah the biggest thing there is that the young man the eye witness seemed like a very sensible you know it didn't seem like he was a type of guy to be making stuff up he seemed like yeah was a lovely young man who

just happened to come Jake Gardner you know he looks after himself he's well groomed and I think that makes a difference if you're gonna see something get your ear done make sure you present yourself have a nice shirt on yeah when they come and chat to you because you just you automatically a more trusted and believed yeah you know there must be some people who make a sighting and then they look at themselves in the mirror this is not gonna go down well they sell a lot of suits in those rural areas you know someone comes in every few months and they are you've seen something

come through here we've got the big foot eye witness suit get your head on my drill do a good job on you have seen something have you but you see so you got the new suit on yeah no the primate of some sort they should offer a combo to your suit in the haircut yeah the big foot you're a big photo thunderbird it's the same guy every time you're just coming in here getting new suits you haven't seen anything no I know you've got a job interview next week I've got a very quick story yeah I can throw it in yeah scientists have just discovered a faceless fish oh wow yeah so new species

of fish okay it's called at the moment the faceless cusk and the thing is is it does actually have a face but it's on the bottom of the fish you can't see it so when you see the fish it just looks like two rear ends that's what they say so it just looks like bum and bum on both sides but it's underneath so the interesting thing about it is they've just done this big trawl of an area of the ocean that they haven't done for a long time and they didn't expect to find anything really and they found a number of new species it was quite amazing including the faceless fish the faceless fish has actually been caught

before back in 1873 and it was from the crew of the HMS Challenger and it was off Papua New Guinea so we knew that this thing had existed but like the colliacanth I think it's called it's a species of ciliacanth that's it the species of fish that was thought to be extinct and then we found it used this is the same thing thought to be extinct they now have another example yeah and it's this faceless weird-looking thing what I like about it is everyone constantly just says oh we've discovered everything you know it's all done we found every species yeah and and constantly we're having these these

sort of I mean in this case if someone said I saw this fish they would be treated as someone who'd seen a mythical creature they'd be like they went extinct they you know we haven't seen one since come on yeah so I love these so it's a bit of a reminder that you know mysteries are out there and life is abundant in places and you might not know they exist but particularly in the deep as well I mean it's so hard to prove what is or isn't extinct there I mean yeah it's pretty easy to tell that numbers are declining and lots of the species that we can actually measure but by golly there's so much there that we

don't know about and it's really encouraging to be able to find these things that are lurking that you know the oceans big enough to be able to have these mysteries the place they found this this faceless fish is in a spot which is just above Tasmania and in between Queensland so it's does that make sense more than Tasmania to Queensland is that with that touch on the map well I hate to say this but I think you're the Australian Aussie boy it makes total sense the guy doesn't even know about his own country it's a classic Aussie

I don't know mate the place is too huge if you're ever going to see something without a face it's definitely going to be near Tasmania this place that they said where they caught it they just put nets down they did some sonar it's called the most unexplored environment on earth wow that's what they've identified is which why they went there and then they dipped in some nets and they came out with faceless fish and other stuff yeah this is exactly it get to these places that you know and there's so many of these parts all around the world that are literally unexplored because who's

going to think oh let's go down to Tasmania and have a look yeah you know it's it's almost last on the list yeah go you mentioned that's the phone call that a Californian fish man I'm going to be there in a shot that's right up my alley I had to deal with an ape what else mate yeah my as I was going to say earlier I would love for one day if there was a I can't think of that I was going to say crematorium but aquarium is the word I'm searching for

a an aquarium of deep sea creatures so I know in order to have this they would have to manufacture some sort of aquarium that has the pressure and darkness of absolute deep sea but for us to be able to and I know they all like a lot of them illuminate you know and have the most freakiest visual characteristics and wouldn't it be great to go to an aquarium and just see things that are so alien looking which which which these the hairy angler fish yeah that kind of stuff with the little lights on the end of the sticks to come out there beaks yeah I was told that the when you see footage of those things like the hairy angler

fish I think I'm getting this right I got told this by a guy called Alastair father girl he made a series years ago with the BBC called Blue Planet he was he is the man who writes David Attenborough's stuff he's he made Planet Earth and and all that sort of stuff and he said that when they go down in the submersibles they catch these fish and it's it's I think too hard to film them at that lower depth and get good quality so they have to bring them up in order to do it but by bringing them up they kill them so you actually see when you see the footage yeah largely it's all dead fish pretending they're

alive because you can't get the actual it's the way that we understand what's going on and it's the same way that zoos originated which was that you know it's it's terrible you're putting this live you know wild animal in a small enclosure but then if we didn't do that we wouldn't of course know about them and we wouldn't have any photos but the other thing is yeah good question deep sea submarines you know because you they can take like like unmanned you know subs yeah mechanical arms and things can go that deep and yes you know the odd sub with a one man in it like you know James Cameron yeah for example that

went deeper than yeah other person on the planet and well done him but you're not guaranteed that you're gonna be in the zone where these where these creatures are so so best catch them kill them but I think in the free life no I think in the future I would love to for to be able to work out some sort of way how can we experience these these creatures and then in their actual habitat yeah because it's about just getting the water to be dense gravity of it it's the whole thing this guy Alistair father girl by the way so I met him because he a radio show that I make in the UK he was a guest on are you do you have a

successful radio show in the UK yeah it's called a museum of curiosity it's a yeah it's on the BBC many listeners as the cryptid factors are just wondering no no that's not possible but he so when they went down in the submersibles what they did was if you do you know when you have coffee in a polystyrene cup oh yeah I know what they did was they they did drawings on the outside of these polystyrene cups really cool drawings of fish and he gave me one of these cups and what they did is as they go down in the submersible they tie a massive fishing net full of these cups like 200 cups on the outside of the submersible they go

down collect the fish do the footage whatever they need come back up because of the density of the water down there it shrinks the cups but they retain the shape so what he gave me was a normal-sized coffee cup but star if I'm yep sorry for him but what came back up as is the size of a thimble this tiny tiny car this is nature making shrinky dinkies remember used to go to Pizza Hut and you would get a pizza and you would have like a big card like I had a Hulk the Hulk yeah and you'd put them in the oven and they would shrink down to the size yeah I had the exact one and he's got a silly thimble that's amazing

fascinating but that's hey guys this is a way that we could buy a mini sub we've always as a team we've always wanted a mini sub to be able to explore the depths if we buy like put a mini sub on higher purchase and then buy a fishing net and a whole bunch of polystyrene cups and Reese is a great illustrator yeah draws on these cups we go down that we turn them into thimbles we come back up and then start a tourist industry of selling these thimble cups deep sea tiny shrinky cups the high purchase of the sub yeah it's self-funding your only flaw there is that for some reason you're thinking we're gonna get a submarine on higher

purchase yeah there's lots of people listening to the show right now they have lots and lots of money yeah this is a big shout out to all you I was gonna say millionaires but I think at these days it's billionaires we're looking for people like you Facebook guy yeah mr. Google the Virgin the Virgin guy we need to Silicon Valley money yeah we need to go down to Silicon Valley we're running 22 minutes away and I'll see these yeah well unfortunately guys I hate to be the bearer of bad news but we're running out of time we are running out of time we've had so much fun we've almost gone too long thank you so much

Dan for coming on your first official threesome show it's so good to have a threesome with you mate it's been the best threesome I've had for a long time actually yeah yeah so what we should do just to finish off I think and now we're a highly successful international podcast on the list of podcasts I think I know we haven't quite made that but we the list yeah what I like about the show now we haven't even I've never even heard of the list we're not even at the point of knowing that there's a list of top podcasts I made that up because the list has every podcast on it but here's the best thing this show has got to the

point now where it's so irregular that the listeners are commenting on the Facebook and saying it's almost as rare as is seeing a Bigfoot is actually hearing a cryptid vector podcast so we've become cryptids ourselves the show is a cryptid that's cool it is gonna change what you're gonna hear more of us and this is our kind of we're back show even though I'm sure we've done this quite a few times but so is Bigfoot I have to say as a listener of your podcast prior to being on it you most shows you open with we're back we're gonna be we're gonna be a lot more consistent now because Dan's a lot

more regular yeah yeah well he eats all those prunes you didn't think I was not gonna do a joke there but it's been taking credit for the jokes that was my joke actually I gave rest the lob I know that takes credit for setups like he's achieving something great by just sometimes you'll say a sentence and look through look over his glasses at me as if this could be a joke ending I mean I don't have it but in the right hands this could be yep and there it is I like to I like to I like to give you the gift of yeah yeah you're like the straight man in a comedy duo and the funny guy like was never there in the

first place that's the show I want to see but it's set up show it's just no punchlines you call the show three guys walking to a bar that's yeah and that's there's no punchline to it that's just it walk into a bar and that's as much as I know imagine if a race was here well that's our show for this week thank you so much for listening Dan thanks for coming all the way over from London race thanks for staying at home and thank you buttons for coming all the way from where of it is you live you weirdo Tasmania yeah with your bottomless no faced fish all right she's lovely oh god I got my foot not her bottom leaf

non-faced mouth but just in general as usual all right good bye you