The Cryptid Factor - 27: #027 The Room Service Issue

Episode Date: August 7, 2017

This week the CryptidFactor team have spread their wings yet again, and with Dan broadcasting for the last time in his Crystal Palace, Rhys live from his super successful stand-up tour of small-town New Zealand and Buttons back at home in where-ever he is from - they make the time to dial in and delve into the world of the weird! Expect tales of a croc of a wedding, not-so-giant humans remains and not-so-perfect pyramids on Mars. On the Cryptid front, we chat Lake monster sightings, Sea monster's balls (yes, as in testicles) and sasquatch room service. What more could you want?

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. The Cryptid Factor When do I officially become part of this theme tune? I think it was that if you were still around in 10 years, then your name got into the credits. Hang on, I've just read something else. This is unfortunate. The show is only supposed to go for 10 years. I need a bit of lawyer. I can't believe it. You're going to just miss out. Damn it.

We're lost without you, and I think that's the exciting part, is that Buttons is not even in the titles, but he is the backbone of the show. It's kind of like, I guess, I'm the head. Actually, no, I'm the legs. Dan is the head. He's the head. He's the thinker. I'm the mover and shaker. Buttons, you are the vertebrae. You connect us all. Without you, we're just a roffling head and dancing feet. I'm very happy to be the vertebrae. Thank you. I was expecting something like the tail or something. Well, it extends out to the tail. It's a bit weird. You're the slightly deformed tailbone. Thanks. Thanks, guys. I'm feeling the love.

So where are we all today? We're about to be in the global Cryptid Factor record. I think we're pushing things to a new height today, aren't we? Yeah, we're pushing things as far out as we can go. I'm on the west coast of New Zealand. I'm in Westport, which is a beautiful old mining town. I'm on tour. As you guys know, I'm doing the Mystic Timebird tour. So for the next few weeks, I'll be in various locations. I don't know how good the internet is here. I'm in a motel. Yeah, not a hotel, folks. A motel.

A motel? So the tour's going well then? Yeah. It's going OK. It's going OK. We've heard to downgrade on a couple of accommodation situations due to lack of sales. But at the end of the show, I ask for a lift from anyone in the audience if they can either take me home or take me to the next location. It's genius. What's this tour called? The shoestring tour, was it? No, actually, it's a very big budget. I'm sure you've seen the backdrop. I've really gone all out this time. There's new t-shirts.

You guys are going to get some merch. Yeah. Yeah. I did get some, but I'm going to need you to credit card details. Hang on. I'll just read my note. Do you want the number on the back of the card as well? Yeah. Give me the full number and the... OK. And what's the thing on the backcourt? The... The CBC? OK. What is that even for?

The secret three digits on the back. That's a secret. Everyone can see it. It's just on the back there. Yeah. Everyone asked for it. We'd give it immediately, every time. Where are you, Dan? I'm in London. I'm in my home in London in Crystal Palace. Possibly for the last time. We record an episode. It might be moving very soon. But yeah, still in my Crystal Palace hideout right next to the original

Crystal Palace park. World's first ever. Oh, brilliant. Where do you move to after you've been in a Crystal Palace? Are you going to move to like an ice cave or something? Or like a cloud base? I mean, I can't believe anything better than a Crystal Palace. Yeah. That's so true. I have no idea. I mean, I'm not physically in it. It's just the name of it.

All right. Oh, I see. Oh, OK. So you're not living inside a Crystal Palace? No, sorry. That must have been really confusing. That's what we were imagining. It wasn't so much cooler. Yeah, we've had you at such a high esteem there, you know, like a royal, some sort of royal elite living in this Crystal Palace. I was actually going to smash it.

I was going to come over and first I was going to check that it was actual crystal just by pinging it with my finger. I couldn't tell if something's... I was going to... Me and Leon, we were going to ping it. And then after that, then I was just going to sing one of my really high notes and just watch it shatter. Risa's at the door. Hey, guys!

I was just going to whip my finger around the rim of the top of it and see if it goes... Oh, that's enough buttons. That's enough. Where are you, bud? No need to get rude. No, you know, the rim of the glass. You know, you lick your finger and you go around the rim of the glass and go...

And it vibrates. Look, what you do in your own bedroom is up to you, mate. I know you've got a raunchy life with your wife. I know what you guys get up to, but we haven't got time. Come on, let's kick into this podcast. All right, all right. Weekly World Weird News. Crazy, freaky. Watch out.

OK, what have we got for headlines? Ancient skeletons of Chinese giants found. Whoa. Nice. Really? Yeah. Are we doing just headlines? Should we move around and get into that? Well, I reckon we just get straight into that because... Well, what have you guys got?

Well, I'm still coming up, so... I'm... OK, all right. Look. I mean, we've been talking this whole time. I'm not... Sucking me in the background. You guys don't realise that... Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

I mean, what do you do when you talk? No. You can't multitask? Well, no, guys. You're the guy. You're buttons. You're levers and pushing 100 buttons at once. I am, and that's the problem, you see, because I was called you all on my mobile, but then the battery ran out

because my charger stopped working last night, and that's got all my research on it, so I'm having to quickly find the news story that I had lined up all on my phone last night, and then... And at the same time, setting up all of these recording devices and trying to talk briefs through how to plug in his USB microphone and start recording.

Well, we don't need to go into that. That's behind-the-scenes stuff, okay? Right, yeah, right. I'm the legs, remember? Down here for dancing. Well, I've got it now. I've got it now anyway, but you go first. Let's do a round of headlines again.

I'll start again. Okay. Skeletons of 5,000-year-old Chinese giants discovered by archaeologists. Wow. Good. Yeah, that's exciting. I got one here. Perfect Stonehenge spotted on Mars. Wow. Perfect.

That's awesome. Yeah, perfect. That's a big call. That's a very big call. Okay, and here's my one. Mexican mayor marries crocodile to bring luck to local fishermen. Oh, God. Well, that's made me laugh the most.

Let's do that one, Buttons. Okay. Well, this one's actually got a great little video with it, so we can play that down as well. But the story is that a Mexican mayor has actually married, legitimately married a crocodile in a bizarre ceremony

as part of an age-old tradition to bring luck to local fishermen. The female crocodile, known as the princess, was baptized on Thursday, then subsequently dressed in a custom-made wedding dress and had her jaws clamp shut

for the big day. She also wore a veil as she was paraded through the streets, accompanied by a band playing music. Oh, my God. No, after the procession, the reptile was...

Hang on, please, please, please tell me they were playing crocodile rock. Well, certainly it followed by a white wedding. After the procession, the reptile was married to the mayor of San Pedro

Huamilia. Huamilulia. Huamilulia. Yeah, I think you got that, right? Thank you. Victor Aguilarand in the town hall. I'll just do that name

and maybe need a little bit of refining. Hang on, have you stopped speaking English? I'm trying to speak Mexican here. So this practice has been...this ritual has been going since 1789

by the Chantal Indians, and they believe the ceremony will bring good luck and prosperity to the local fishermen. And anyway, apparently it's been done whenever there's fishing isn't good, the mayor has to go off

to the crocodile. So I'm not actually... I know, I don't know exactly what happens after the marriage. They don't talk about then now what happens. Yeah. But they said the guy who's married is quoted as saying,

the role that I play is to be the husband of the princess. And then the wedding guest said afterwards, the dance they do here is like an offer to the gods to thank for the land, the harvest and the fish. It's just so bizarre. The weirdest thing is that

you start looking at the photos and there's this photo of this crocodile. It's like comical. The thing is dressed literally in a wedding gown. Like imagine a wedding gown for a little thing with a little headpiece and a little veil and a nice white ribbon

tied its mouth shut. But the thing is is that all the photos to start with, a forced perspective and it looks like a huge crocodile. You scroll down and look at the photos and like it's like the size of a little baby. It's like it's...

It's only a tiny one. It's quite tiny. Well, I mean it's probably about two foot long or something like that. Do they have photos of the bride getting ready? Yeah. Yeah, they actually do. And the whole I'm going to forward you

the link now so you can all see it. Hey, this is unreal. You've heard of Bridezilla. This is taking it to the extremes. But isn't it fantastic that we live in a

world still where this is news to us and yet it's been going for hundreds of years. And also it's such an absolutely insane tradition. You couldn't write this stuff. No. It's fantastic.

And how did the tradition start? That's the amazing thing. I want to be there at the moment that somebody said man, the fishing is so shitty at the moment. What can we do about it? And somebody putting their hand up and going I know, I've got it. I know

what all appeases the gods. The man must marry a freaking thing that's going to be able to eat him one day. I've always been the mayor. Yeah. It's bizarre. There's a little video here. Should I play you the video?

Yeah, yeah. This is pointless. He's speaking. I'm going to have to read. I'll translate what he says. Local residents call her the princess. So the role that I play is to be a spin to the princess.

That's all he says. But there is literally pictures of him dancing with the crocodile and believe it or not, the first kiss. Oh, wow. What's really cute is that

the crocodiles all nicely dressed up. He's just wearing a yellow polo shirt. Yeah, he's not made any effort at all. He's not put in any effort whatsoever. There's someone in a Batman T-shirt next to him. No one is dressed for the occasion. There's lots of

there's lots of people wearing shirts with a crocodile on the back. Are they the bride side of the family side? Oh, it's a great video. Hello. Hello. Yeah, guys, I'm back. Did you notice I disappeared for a bit?

No, no, we're having a great time without you. Okay. Can I just I'll just say one thing. It kind of reminds me of, I don't know, maybe we're asking about how it started and I can't help but think of maybe it was a flippant comment or something weird

where someone guy came up with a rhyme because it makes no sense to me that you would marry a crocodile to save the fish. It's kind of like if you step on the cracks, you marry a rat. Oh. That's exactly what it is.

You're so right. It's like it started off as a nursery rhyme and it ended up that they all took it seriously and now it's been going for thousands of years. I think it's like and I'll see you in a wild crocodile.

Catch you later, alligator. I mean, it's so bizarre but it's it's fantastic. It's a real thing and it's still going and that it seems insane to us but if we were over there and we were part of that culture

it would make absolute sense and I think that's one of the wonderful things about humanity is that we have our own distinct traditions and they are stooped in such folklore that they won't ever change. I think that's an actual great publicity stunt

for you, Rhys. We actually get you to marry a rat because you imagine the headlines now, Rhys Darby crack. Force to divorce his wife and marry a rat. I don't think I'll do that.

And nonetheless it's a really pretty rat. Yeah, I've never seen a pretty one. Let's go to your story, Dan. Yeah, sure, okay. So my story this week is that a perfect stone hinge has been spotted on Mars. Oh, I'm really excited about that.

It's awesome. So this is an image that was uploaded by Mars' Curiosity rover and it was spotted by someone who is obviously looking out for life on the planet, one of those people who comb through every bit

of photo that's released and they came across this photo that looks I mean to me looking at it now it looks nothing like a perfect stone hinge. It looks like just a bit of a bump in the road. If I could interject this is why when you said a perfect

stone hinge even I the world's biggest believer went, oh yeah, perfect. You sure about that mate? Because of course I came across this article as well whether I watched it or not it was going to come up

on my screen and yeah, I think they're stretching with the word perfect. They are stretching stone hinge. What I like is that I wonder what else has been spotted this year so I've put a list together of all the things spotted on Mars just this year alone

and so far what's been spotted is alien bones, a tree the perfect stone hinge and a Star Wars jawa. That's the scariest one.

The main sightings is also a woman. There's also a sort of half beast dragging itself on the ground and earlier this week NASA were actually accused of having child slaves running all over the planet as well which they

actually commented on and actively denied. They haven't said anything about the Star Wars jawa but they have said that they don't have a child slave colony going on there. The one thing that I can't quite get from the photo

is how big it is that circle. It's hard to tell isn't it? It's a bit like your crocodile situation looks massive initially but then I think if a foot was stepping next to that it'd probably take over the whole thing. It's like a stone hinge

for little little people little aliens. Because I assume the idea would be that that's a distance shot but then that would mean Mars the Curiosity rover would be on a mountain there which it doesn't look like it looks like right next to it is just a shard

of basic stone. Yeah. I'm still trying to pull it up on my screen. So it's known as Mars Henge. That's what it's been named and it was discovered on the top of a raised mound. Oh yeah, I've got it here.

Do you know what would be a fantastic future tourist opportunity would be to take all of these spots that humans are predicting as incredible feats like alien bones and stone hedge and the pyramid that everybody

has seen. And when we've colonised Mars, actually have little day trips where you get to go out and see each of these ridiculous things and have a little giggle at how stupid early man was. The first thing we should do when we get there is put sort of a rope around

these protected sites. Yeah. That should literally be the first thing. That's fantastic. I'd pay for that. And then when people arrive and they are doing a tour of Mars and they come across these roped off artifacts

and it's all done as a big joke and they go, can you believe it back on earth? We thought this was the stone hinge and they look at it and it's literally just three rocks not even in a circle. Completely bizarre shapes like nothing.

Yeah. And we thought this was a pyramid. What? That's just a hole. It looked different through the cameras. I should say I slightly merged two hinges there

a second ago. Mars Henge was a different one that was found in 2015 which there's a shot from above where you can see it and it's rocks are positioned perfectly into a square. It's a square hinge.

Square hinge. Obviously we are fascinated with Mars. We're at a point where we're getting photographic evidence of what's on the planet and it's exciting for humans. But I think at this point really all Mars

is for us. There's a giant magic eye picture and we're looking at it and we're trying to make out some stuff. That's all it is. And I've never been good at magic eye. I've told you this guy. I can't see anything.

For me I think it's a conspiracy and I wonder if there's anyone out there as well I haven't brought this up before that has tried the magic eye pictures. These pictures that came out in the 90s or whenever it was it was a craze. It was like fidget spinning and you'd get

these pictures and you'd try and make out what was in them. I'm one of the few if there's anyone else out there I wonder that believes like I do that they're just a conspiracy that there's nothing there. You just need to go cross-eyed. You're the best at going cross-eyed. All you need to do.

Is that what you got to do? We're going to do this on next week's show. I'm going to get a magic eye and then I'm going to train you how to see it. I'm going to get that moment where all of a sudden the 3D object jumps out at you and you're going to lose you'll never go back. You're going to want

all your books to be magic eye. Does it work through the screen monitor? Like can you do it on a computer screen? Yeah of course you can. Yeah I think so yeah. Why don't they just make movies magic eye then and we could just sit in the movie theater with and do

cross-eyed? No they did. Somebody tried to do that. Somebody actually tried to make a magic eye 3D movie where you actually had to sit there and watch the movie. Oh god how ridiculous. I know but the other thing is I'll give the world my

little secret here. Are you ready for this? This is a big secret that I've been harboring for a long time. You better put some music under it. Dum dum dum. You know those spot the difference things in cartoons and magazines and what have

you and you've got the two pictures side by side and there's one little like 10 little differences in them. If you look at them and go cross-eyed and blur the two images together like a magic eye so they are on top of each other with your cross-eyed

all the little differences that are between the two images actually glow like they sort of like in one picture they're there but in the other picture they're not so they are almost sort of like a gleaming. So my trick in the past is I can sit there and go

I bet you I can get all of these differences in like 5 seconds and I bet you can't and I go boom and I do it and everybody claps. That is fascinating. That's quite amazing. I mean I can see this buttons is probably your party trick.

You probably did this when you went round to parties in your horny and happening 20s. Yeah. Yeah. In my Fort Anglia. Hey this party is a raging guys but can I show you a trick? I know we're having

a good time here. You girls look lovely the bears flowing but hey can I just show you guys a trick? Hey come over here you are in the pink blouse come and check this out. Look at this. Can you spot the differences? Can you spot the differences? I haven't seen this before. John just gave

that to me didn't you John? Yeah he hadn't okay looking at it for the first time now and watch. Gather round gather round. Okay there's a difference here. There's a difference here. There's a difference here. His hat is purple. Okay he's got no umbrella here. Okay he's got three buttons instead of two.

Three buttons instead of two. One of his shoes is off. Boom there you go. Oh my god. You're amazing. Bartons Bartons. Bartons. Bartons. Drink, drink, drink, drink. Speak with me.

That would have happened but generally all that people would normally do at the end of that is go, that's fantastic but you look like a dick with your cross-crossing feet. You don't know you're wetting us out. What do you get locked? Is it like locked or you get lock eye? Yeah.

He's got lock eye again. He's got lock eye. Get him off to the emergency. What I love about that is you you'd have to bring it with you. You'd have to bring your spot the differences to all you parties. There was no one ever just in a party sitting there.

They really had to. They really had to find as well. You know, like I would scour comic books and magazines and what. I haven't seen them in years. Where are they now? Just trying to find them. They're not as popular as they used to be.

The old spot the difference. I say we've got to bring them back. I mean there's a lot of losers out there that need to be popular at parties. Publish a book. And now that your secret is revealed. Oh my god we could do a crypt we could do a cryptid one. That's what we should do

when we bring out the cryptid factor activity bumper activity box. Yeah. We're going to have to design it. Like you spot all the cryptids in the bush. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea. I'm going to start working on that right now. The cryptid factor Christmas bumper

activity book. What was that? I always had bumper. What's bumper mean? Bumper. What is bumper? Bumper edition. I'm going to get the latest activity book but if you haven't got the bumper one, I'm not interested. It's got to be bumper.

I remember it used to be the Christmas gift of like my, for some reason our library at home was just filled of all of these comic book bumper edition you know, 1972 bumper edition and you open up the cover and it would say

Merry Christmas Leon you know, I hope you have a fantastic year and I'm from Aunty June and you'd be like I wasn't even alive in 1972 just to point that out. How old are you man? Happy 18th birthday 1972

Good luck with the parties. I know you'll enjoy the spot the difference. We all know your little secret. Mr. Popular Okay, okay enough of revealing of my secrets. How about your bloody secrets?

Alright, well let me let me reveal my secret. Yeah, there's been some skeletons found. 5,000 year old Chinese giants. Wow. Okay now this article

MSN news archaeologists in eastern China have found 5,000 year old skeletons of people, experts say would have been unusually tall and strong. Wow. Okay so

don't get too excited because I know you think when I say giant you're thinking huge. They're big but they're not you know they're not on the realm of the BFG we're talking 1.8 meters or taller with one man estimated

to have been 1.9 meters so that's close to 2 meters so that's a doorway is 2 meters so I would say hardly a giant but I guess for Chinese people

that is pretty tall it's definitely beyond average especially for China and especially because in the old days you know humans themselves were a lot shorter you'd know this Dan than

they are now. We have grown immensely in size as humans. Why would Dan know this? Is Dan an expert in human size all of a sudden? That's my thing I'm sorry about that I'm sorry. There was always that

thing that I believed and I think a lot of people believed that doors were a lot shorter when you would go through them because back in the day people were shorter so if you come to England they were always a lot lower and you think you gotta bend down in order to get through certain doors

but the reason is not because of people were shorter it's because it cost less to do that you'd use less wood so it was actually a financial thing I thought it was to do with height nothing to do with height it was just it cost less to buy a door

that's not that tall. That's interesting and in fact that's good advice for anyone out there today who can't get on the housing market because I know the housing market in particular in New Zealand and in London is difficult to get in on but I would suggest

look at Wendy houses you know perhaps build something a lot smaller and yes it's tight to get into but it's gonna be a lot cheaper. Imagine today building a house, a brand new house but having doors that are only

like a meter high and then people coming around for dinner and kind of going how come your doors are so, wow just to save on wood you know it's just so expensive isn't it? It's definitely there's you know kids like it and there's certainly

a Willy Wonka element to it isn't there where you've got a really duck down to get through you get into the hallway and it keeps getting smaller and smaller and then at the end you can just see a tiny little door that's the size of your face and you open it up and you just look through

and you say what's in there? Oh that's my bedroom I've never been in it but you can see all the tiny dolls furniture, it looks pretty good it's pretty good Surely that would have been a false economy to make the doors because they would have been cheaper

if they were smaller but you still have to fill above the door where there would have been a door with probably wood and like mortar and stuff like it's not like you're building the whole house smaller I don't get it

Just getting back to my article if you don't mind So although not particularly unusual and by 21st century standards they would have towered over the contemporaries How tall did you say again Rhys?

1.8 meters up to 1.9 meters So just to give you some idea, I mean I hang on I'm 1.8 Yeah I'm like

I think I'm 1.9 So they found the bones of a normal normal human Okay but look So What do we do? How do we back out of this?

Confucius Confucius say Tall is tall Small is Small I think Confucius is quite confused So they found these 6 foot giants

Yeah Archaeologists have been uncovering artifacts and bones from the late Neolithic people since last year who are understood to have lived mostly off pigs and millet The people living in the region 5000 years ago

I believe to have had relatively comfortable lives the rows of houses that have been excavated suggested their living quarters and separate bedrooms had separate bedrooms and kitchens So you know basically the story is about people

of average height just living normal lives 5000 years ago No change guys So that's it's almost anti-news really Honestly

that's the best story ever That's so good Speaking of giants though it's just reminded me a story I read ages ago about I've never been able to find anything more on this other than this one sentence about

a giant so large Earth as a sort of skipping not skipping like a jumping on stone what's the word for that is if it was jumping across the universe and it was hopping on earth just to give a stepping stone using Earth as a stepping stone

and it was a giant footprint that was found by PL Travers who wrote Mary Poppins who believed that a giant space monster had bounced off the Earth on its way to somewhere else Really? No

This is the author of Mary Poppins. That's amazing Wouldn't that put the whole Earth completely out of orbit and what have you though like that You would think yeah She went on an expedition and she found it this footprint and I've found nothing else

since about this giant that once bounced off the Earth so odd I think if that monster does exist then we're all screwed as to where we're going to fight that But yeah maybe if anyone listening has ever heard of that they can write it into us on

the Crypto Factor Twitter let us know Yeah. Alright let's do some cryptid updates Attention all personnel It's time for this week's cryptid CRIPTO BUZZER Okay what have we got in crypto buzzer I've got a headline here from a

British newspaper called the Metro which is what you get given when you get the underground train or the free one Yep yep that's the one Unidentified sea creature with huge balls washes up in California Ha ha ha ha

Oh there's huge balls Huge balls and you can see in the photo that there are in fact huge balls Wow Okay well I've got new sightings of Lake Lyamina monster

in Alaska in L-L-I-A-M-N-A Yeah I think you've got that Perfect Words have been written Words have been written And this comes from the guy

that also believes the stone hand on Mars is perfect Ha ha ha ha Yeah thank you Coming from the guy who thinks 1.9 meters is a giant Ha ha ha ha

We're really nailing it today guys this is awesome Ha ha ha Okay what's your crypto news then Risi? Well there's a Sasquatch nest and what they're looking at doing

this is from Crypto Mundo site just reading it now what they're looking at doing the founder nest what they believe is a Sasquatch nest and they're looking at doing a DNA study and I've got Dr. Jeff Meldrum

here who we all know from cryptozoology he's a bigfoot analyst and a scientist who believes in the Sasquatch he's predicting this as an exciting prospect an opportunity to apply

environmental DNA which is EDNA a survey samples taken from a possible Sasquatch nest site EDNA made the headlines of course when this method was used to identify DNA of the

enigmatic and elusive denisovan hominin from cave deposits where there was no physical or trace evidence of them occupying the cave site the potential applications of this method to the Sasquatch

questions should be obvious that was a well read sentence it may allow us to overcome the historical lack of success extracting DNA from isolated here samples which has always been an issue they've always tried to take DNA from here samples and they can never

isolate the DNA enough from here samples so they believe that extracting DNA from a nest site may work and will of course contribute to this

I've lost on these needs a reboot to the cause can somebody can Rosie can you just give them a quick read you know what just last night I was sitting there thinking about bigfoot nests

and where they actually sleep and how their sleeping quarters must actually work is it sort of how gorillas nest they make a new nest every day right yes it's the same thing if you go to

the crypto Mundo site you can see there's a picture of a nest here under the Sasquatch Nests DNA study and yeah it's obvious it makes perfect sense that they would make nests in the same way that

mountain gorillas do so yeah and then they move to the next location so they're never in the same place more than one night really genius it's like you've made your bed you stepped in it

and then you move on who knows whether they would actually stay around for more than one night but that's the theory it's like you on tour it's just you know new motel in fact that would be great if there were other bush

creatures on the woodlands that come along in the mornings and you know tidy up your bed once you've moved on clean as if you will maybe some red deer or whatever come in or some bear come in

yes I'm finished here thanks you know and if you could just pull apart that nest so that any explorers that come through don't know that I'm actually nesting that would be great because I do believe that I'm being tracked

now in that scenario the sesquatch spoke perfect English as for some reason the bear the bear was rather sesquatch sounding but you know this is confusing they're just confusing us

it's all part of their plan I want to hear what it sounds like in bear to ask if you need a new towel or if you need your shampoo and conditioner replace

yeah look on the side of the wood any of those wood knocks you hear in the sesquatch lore it's often just the bear knocking on the wood yes room service those famous wood knocks

and you get all these big photos oh my god I heard a wood knock but it's just the bear asking if the sesquatch needs room service he comes new towel new towel soaps soaps

no thanks just keep it quiet can you actually stop doing those knocks because I think they're thinking that it's us do I look like I need a towel I need a towel sorry imagine the size of the

shampoos that are needed for the big foot the hotels oh man they wouldn't be able to deal with those tiny ones what the hell am I going to do with this that's why they keep calling room service that's why there's so many wood knocks I'd love to see a

shampooed and conditioned you know that sort of like a dog that's just been washed look amazing yeah beautiful like a flowing temote well onto other exciting

news it sounds like Dan you and I both have lake monster stories yeah yeah yeah so this unidentified sea creature is washed up in California from the observation of the person who found it up on Instagram asking for help to identify it

the observations she gave was that it has no eyes has no mouth limbs or fins that people have been able to find who have been looking at it weighs around 7 pounds and is about 5 inches wide so this is a lady called Courtney

Cohen and she discovered it just washed up on a beach in Malibu California and yeah it's a bizarre looking creature and it has these two big bowls right at the bottom they look sort of like

they look jellyfish-esque and they're slightly deflated like a bit of a sad beach ball that's been left around and they're blueish and yeah it's a very odd looking creature and

who knows if it's been solved what it is yet there's a few theories about what it might be they say that it could be one of the California sea slugs which is called a hare and it's called that because it's got protrusions on its head that look like a bunny rabbit's ears and

in the other words it's a large sea snail but no one's quite sure at the moment oh yeah they are big balls that's really bizarre that's not what I was expecting that is really bizarre you mentioned sea slug

and I've seen sea slugs in Fiji they're quite extraordinary because they really appear to be nothing except they are constantly moving and you're trying to work out where's the head which end is which

and where's the eyes that don't have anything like that it's just a long wobbly thing and when you lift it up all the water comes out of it and it's like it just completely deflates the sea slug where there's nothing off this

it's just like a deflated balloon and then you put it back on the sea and it fills up again and starts heading off and you think that is alien you know but this creature it looks like a giant tick or something like that

I can't really it's like a huge bug the top of it is what gives it its most tick like thing it's like a tortoise shell or something like colour colouring it's obviously not hard

by the looks of it it's clearly got a top and a bottom and the balls are definitely really in the correct spot for balls well we think it doesn't have a face so we don't know where

those could be its eyes it reminds me of that song eyes without a face what song is that is that song do I be original? it's one of my own ones yeah

you know it could be something in its fetus stage because it looks to me like it's dropped out of something, of some creature it could be it may not be fully developed yet

and may have died before it was given its full creation it's truly bizarre, that's a good find it's in California there's a lot of weird stuff going on in California I'm excited about that and like you said there's a few cryptid sightings

popping up in California and that's good for me because that's where I live even though I'm not there now I'm on tour and I can't wait to get back I hope they grab this and use it for a scientific analysis and it gets a proper look at

rather than just someone's kicked it and thrown it back hopefully it's been looked after the person who took the photo does have an Instagram account I've just gone to it she's set to private she's called Honeybun Bunkins

and maybe we can try and follow her and follow up on the story bring an update next week why don't you ask to be her friend on Instagram she may let you in

and then we'll find out a bit more and get an update on that next week stay tuned well guys unfortunately we've come to the end simply because I know so nobody wants to hear about my lake

a little monster then okay go go buttons I'm just very aware that I've got to get in the car and head to Blenheim okay well maybe you could head off and then I could just tell Dan and he could be enthralled

and entertained I've actually got to get to bed it's quite late here maybe I could just talk to myself I don't think the listener's going to want that okay well very quickly there's actually been a number of lake sightings recently lake monster

sightings believe it or not there's been one in Loch Ness and also one in Russia and now one in Alaska which is the famous lake Lilimna monster in Alaska and

it's so hard when there's two like an M and an N right next to each other I don't know what to do with that who's responsible for that I mean who's spelling these things it's ridiculous it is so ridiculous well there's a lake monster there

that everybody knows affectionately is Lily which is three L's and I and an E they're just trying to make it hard for us I tell you what let's put three L's in there one do, nah let's put three I really want to emphasise the L

on this word the Alaskans in the world there's been another sighting of this lake monster in southwestern Alaska tales of this creature go back to the native

Tlingit people T-L-I-N-G-I-T Tlingit people with sightings of a 30 foot creature with a square head that rams boats as they continue on the water and this

eyewitness report came from a guy Gary Nelson as well of those children and adults there's a multiple people sighting and there's a quote saying there was more than one at least three the first was the biggest maybe double

the size of a 32 foot gill netter the animal either blew like a whale or spit water from its mouth or something the smaller animals behind him did the same but not as dramatic they were black or very dark grey

like whales for maybe two or three seconds about a mile offshore and they're at a total loss as to what this animal could be but the really exciting thing is that it's a very very very credible sighting

and yeah it's exciting that the myth has continued you know what we have to do we need to get a map and we need to start pinning these onto the map because these sightings are popping up very regular now and now that we've got the show regular we need to

get this map sorted so we can see where these things are so if we ever have the opportunity to get out and to explore this type of evidence that you know we know where to go I think that would be a cool idea

I mean well done on finding so many sightings and it's funny these things that are popping up sometimes we have weeks where nothing really occurs and then other weeks we have like today where we've got

four or five examples of cryptids right before our eyes it's an exciting world guys it is it's really it's thrilling it's totally thrilling alright well let's get

going I've got to go to Blenheim let's get this thing edited when you say when you say let's get this thing edited you mean me get this thing edited get this edited down get all the information on the site

post it when the time comes and all the best chaps and I'm just I'm just stepping I'm just stepping into the car now so I've got to go he's gone he's gone into announcer voice again I hate it when he goes into it

when I stress out I go into announcer okay folks so basically time's running out for the old Dabster he's got a head off I've reminded you many times throughout the show I'm on tour

but what a pleasure to be able to you know no matter where I am to be able to stop what I'm doing and continue with the show it's really important and thank you listeners for connecting with me and I look forward to

who knows where I'll be next week but I'm sure there'll be more monsters and cryptids to chat about in the meantime the mystic time bird has got to fly ah he's gone full announcer eulogy

and talking in the third person he's fully stressed he's clearly gone off the end okay he's fake hung up we better go as well he's man

when we speak the caller you have tried to reach is not available oh my god I've never seen him the stress of like far out I'm really worried about him now ah

oh oh oh oh oh oh