The Cryptid Factor - 35: #035 The Rumble-Strip Issue

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

This episode finds Rhys back in Fiji where he has tales of near(ish)-death adventures, Dan in the UK where he has tales of wild-ness (& mild-ness) and Buttons back in NZ after being kicked out of his NYC prison. We also have the scoop on Slendermans dog, punk turtles that breath out of an unusual part of their body, and the latest in crypto-currency. Actual. Oh, and dont want to give too much away, but we also introduce you to the freshest M.C. on the streets... Stay tuned for all this and (a little) more.

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. We are back. Hello and welcome to The Cryptid Factor. My name is Rhys Darby and with me my cohorts Dan Shriver. Hello. Good to be back. What is wrong with you? I'm a bit tired and a bit drunk. You sound like you're in a bunker somewhere and you're mortally wounded. You're on your last legs. And buttons. Hi, how are you? Good. I'm absolutely fine. Just worried about Dan. You sounded a little bit like it's been a hard night. It was a big night. It was more getting up for a baby in the morning. That's the tough thing. That's tough as you get older and you start having babies. Your life does change Dan. You can't keep up the old...

What's the expression? The candle that burns at both ends. That's a bit what's happening. I used to be known as the wild man of Crystal Palace by my wife. And I'm now just the dad of Crystal Palace. The wild dad of the not so wild that they're desperately trying to keep wild. The mild man of Crystal Palace. The mild man. That's good. We all change. But I'll give you some advice. Well, not so much advice. I'll give you an insight into your future. Down the track, you come out the other end and you can get wild again. Oh, nice. Cool. And it's not even when the kids are fully grown and off to college or what not.

It's when they can actually look after themselves. Which is round about the age of eight. So another eight years, mate. Are you planning to be wild one day again, Rhys? Can you tell us when that day is? Because we'll just probably need some forewarning. What do you mean? I've been wild for the last few years. Oh, this is wild Rhys. Ah, yeah. Mild Rhys was... Which one was mild Rhys again? Was that when you were asleep for a bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. When I'm asleep, I'm mild. But every other time, I'm wild.

Hey, listen, we haven't spoken for ages and I'm dying to hear you've had a massive adventure. You got caught up in a massive cyclone. Oh, yes. Let's talk about that. Sandra, terrifying. Yeah, look, guys, I'm in Fiji. I'm coming to you live from Fiji. And, yeah, last week we had a cyclone. The family and I were in one of the little islands. There's about 300 islands in Fiji. A lot of people don't know that, but tiny little ones, you know, like ones you can run across. But they're all gorgeous. And some of them have, or a lot of them, have little resorts on them.

And, you know, places you can stay. And so we went to a place called Muscat Cove. We were there. The cyclone hit. The roof nearly came off our beret all night. Now, the winds were just crazy 40 kilometer per hour winds. And we still in the morning managed to make our way to breakfast. Wow. And there was people having breakfast and the winds were crazy. And but not only that, outside in the pool, there was some dude doing backstroke. He was refusing to, you know, admit that, you know, the weather was not great.

He paid his money for his holiday and he was going to enjoy it. But just the fact he was doing backstroke in the pool. And then when you look out and you could see palm trees literally coming out of their roots. Yeah. And he was like, doodie doodie doodie do on a holiday. And anyways, the production, the TV production that I'm working on was desperate to get us back. And, you know, one of the, well, let's face it, the lead actor in this thing. And not on paper, but certainly with the fans. Well, certainly my fans were me as far as I'm concerned.

And they wanted me to get back. They were desperate to save you. It was like women and children out of the world. I mean, we were so rich. Seven on the call sheet. So they needed me immediately. And I'm an asset to the whole thing, obviously. But enough about me.

Well, we go back to the port because we got a radio signal. We got a radio come through because the driver says, hey, you guys, your production have purchased a boat for you to go in and come round. The only way to get back to the hotel was go along back out at sea. And so it wasn't a big boat. It was a small speed boat. So I pile in there with the wife and two kids and off we go out at sea. And then it starts just absolutely hammering with water.

The storms coming in, it's raining and we're in this open speed boat. Just going over the waves. And it took an hour, an hour along the coast till we finally got to the resort and then managed to, and it was complete dark. It was a pitch black at night by this time. And the kids were just horrified. They were like, we're going to die. And I just held onto them tight.

It was a real adventure and we managed to get back finally. And we got to safety. But yeah, it was one of those moments where, yeah, it was just a real adventure just to survive. At any stage, Risi, were you actually really scared for your life genuinely? No, no. I mean, you think about, well, I guess you're in the boat. I mean, there was elements on that small boat where I thought,

if we hit a wave wrong, we're going to just turn over. And you're in the ocean. Yeah, we're in the ocean during a storm. That is terrifying. And you're not worried about your life. You're such a hard man. You're a wild man. Oh, look, I'm telling you, I told you at the beginning of the show,

I'm a wild man. Well, actually it was Dan that raved on about that. I've stolen that off him. Anyway, what have you been up to, Buttons? OK, well, after making the heady heights of New York, today finds me back in New Zealand. They kicked me out. Oh, what happened?

Yeah, because you were a big, you're a New York based. I know. I made it. I got there. And then all of a sudden, I had to come back to New Zealand and here I am back in New Zealand. And even worse, I'm back in New Zealand and there's no power in New Zealand.

Yeah, that's good. Where is I? What a faggot. I know. Is that why you've come back? You've got to try and fix the power. Does the government want you back? They called me up and said,

look, Leon, we've run out of power. If you could bring some back from America with you. And then I got back and turns out the power is different. It's different power in America to New Zealand. I told you, it's different. The whole plugs are different. I know. Different power.

I'm going to go back. Way more power in America. Way more power. That's why it's sort of pitch black where I am. If I get close to the screen, you can see me a bit better. Is that better? Oh, yeah. There you go.

I'll try and get real close. And then I'll go back to New York. I promise I'll try and make it back there. Okay. And try and be quite important again. Yeah, you've set up stuff there. You can't just leave all that. Would you just leave it all on the side of the road, did you?

Oh, yeah. Well, I've got the prison guards to look after it for me. They said they would take it. You escaped from prison. You managed to escape from that. Yeah, but it was so nice. It's so much nicer than New Zealand in the New York prison. So I want to go back and break back into the New York prison

and have a nice life again. They've got power and everything. Go down that drain pipe. Shoot me down the drain pipe and then be back in luxury. You do look like you've actually just not behaved and you've been put in solitary confinement. I say I'm in New Zealand. Actually, I was walking along with my sharpened toothbrush.

I like a really sharp toothbrush. And I tripped up, accidentally stabbed and killed a prison guard. Oh, no. So I'm in solitary confinement. But a funnily enough, solitary confinement is a lot like New Zealand because in New Zealand, I didn't have any friends. Nobody would come and play with me. So it's very similar.

Very similar. Same as. Same same. Same same. Same same. Weekly World Weird News. Crazy. Freaky.

Watch out. So can I just ask you guys before we crack into Weekly World Weird News? Yeah. Yeah. You're a researching fans. You're the researchers. Oh, the researchers, yeah. What sort of news have they been supplying you guys?

Did you know something? No. No? No? No? No? No? No?

No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No?

No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No.

No? No? Yeah. No? No? No? No? No?

Err. No? No? No? No? No? No? No?

No? No? No? No, I actually had to do it myself this week. I really got very limited information. The last podcast people don't know, no it has gone out, no it has I can tell you it has gone out because a very very dedicated button downer sent me in some research so I'm just saying that's one to the button downers seems like a nil to the uh Shrideers in the uh in

research so well you better kick off with your button down idea okay come on okay how good is this guy no go wow guy girl it's kyla uh yeah kyla has sent through me some news which i'm very grateful for thank you kyla um button downer number 001 um okay so kyla sent through some news uh that states that the green-haired turtle um has been added to the endangered list which and in essence is doesn't sound very crypto or weekly world-wide news apart from the fact that the green-haired turtle has a green mohawk and the green-haired turtle breathes through its genitals so a turtle that has uh like a punk rock look that breathes through its genitals and has wee little knobbly bits coming out of its chin is on the endangered list which

is which is really scary i'm gonna i'm gonna share with you quickly now wow oh cool that is wow that is so cool it's a punk it's a punk rocky it's kind of like a cross between Voldemort and a punk rock it's like it's it's pretty cool so anyway this this uh this little punky dude um as Australian he's found in Queensland um in a place called the Mary River um and he's only about 40 centimeters long and he's he's native to this area and unfortunately he has been put onto the vulnerable reptile species yeah which which is a it was a real shame um it's got a real docile nature this turtle and with its really punk rocky cool appearance it was unfortunately during the 60s and 70s uh a really popular pet for Australians so people used to go out and raid the nests and take

these uh these punk rocky turtles and take them home and they've never really recovered from that from that time from humans being a bit being a bit greedy yeah the price of looking cool yeah it's got uh gill-like organs and um uh within its cloca uh which is an orifice used by reptiles for excretion and mating enabling it to stay underwater for up to three days so if we all just could learn a little bit from the Mary River green head turtle and breathed through our genitals we could all stay underwater for a very very long time isn't that so there's a lot of turtles that breathe either through their their bums or their genitals and they urinate through their mouths a lot of them what yeah it's just the wrong way around for some reason that's awesome that is weird well we've

learned something so anyway so that's my weekly world weird news what what did you guys find well i've got one which is a um there's a dutch village called jelson which is very frustrated with their main road which is constantly singing at them basically um it's it's a new thing that a few roads have started doing what they do is they put down these rumble strips all along the road and the idea is if you drive over the rumble strip at a certain speed and at the correct speed limit that they want you to drive at it plays a song to you and you can hear it oh my god so a symphony erupts around you i think there's bits of route 66 in america where as you're as you're riding over it plays you a song as well um it would have to play get on the highway looking for a

bed too wouldn't it wouldn't it be awesome well yeah yeah that would be a good one what about uh oh you know the willy nelson oh she'll be coming around the mountain on the road again i can't wait to get on the road again singing music and dancing with my friends i can't wait to get on the road again that's man this i really like this wild grease i'm really this is this is good it's wild man yeah yeah yeah anymore you got baby baby you can drive my car that'd be a cool one oh yeah yeah yeah yeah um i've got a video so before we get back to the dutch one i have a video of someone driving over the route 66 one and the song that they play so let me share my screen here

okay well that's that's that's great i mean it's cool it's it's it's you know it's something different i mean these things have obviously been around for a bit and we're on each other discovering it now um the issue obviously with this town is that yeah it's annoying um because everyone can hear it uh and also you know it's it's the white strip on the road right so it's the if you if you're hitting it yeah you're coming off the road yes uh aren't you all i would be wanting to do though is to see what it sounded like faster and faster and faster and to the point like it'd almost encourage people idiots like me to go to hear america the beautiful like you know that'd be hilarious yeah yeah yeah well we always like the the chipmunk version of things

as well yeah when you speed things up exactly that's what the kids all want too i want to hear the chipmunk version go faster dad go faster all right all right kids went to a dark place that uh that america the beautiful so this the one in this dutch town they play the anthem of the freesland region which is the region that it's in and it's just got too many complaints now so they're removing it they just hate it i think that the other thing they could do though is they could uh instead of they could just have beats you know like oh yeah oh yeah yeah so when you're driving along i mean obviously that's you know but that was what they do have when you when you do drive you veer off to the right and start hitting those little things you

get but if if they had ones that um i guess were designed in such a way that you know when you're driving along you can hear and then and that's just and now we just now this is you restart you beat boxing you should get a new zealand rumble strip of you Reese i've got it i've got it that can be your rap name rumble strip and see rumble strip ladies and gentlemen all the way from fiji here's rumble strip speed that car up 2018 tour rumble strip

you know a man's gone and invented an insane cake serving machine this ridiculous uh incredible uh roub goldberg machine designed with one purpose in mind to serve a slice of cake okay so this footage of the absurd contraption which can be found on the joseph's machines youtube channel shows the inventor activating the mechanism while enjoying a roast dinner the various stages of the machine utilizes a plethora of household objects including a laptop a glass of uh orange juice a stick of butter a hammer a phone and even a small child bizarrely after all that effort all the device does is dump a slice of cake onto a plate i hate waiting for dessert so here's a roub goldberg machine to streamline dinner time

is what the caption reads under the uh the video uh it lets me keep eating with no break before cake it's my most complex yet it's my most complex yet and took three months to make so i hope you enjoy it that's that's it took three months to make this thing let's see if i can share this what this is like oh my goodness it's like an okay go video yeah yeah yeah and it's gonna fall off and then that rolls down oh my goodness that goes up it's lit something oh it's melting oh it's gonna makes makes the butter go because it's got a candle underneath it that's genius and then it's gonna get to this little train track here there we go all the way up to there and then it's gonna burn that and make that oh it smashes the keys

wow wow yep the oh there's a hammer onto that hammer oh oh no it's connected up to the sky oh wow it's made that phone buzz and forward forward down oh look and there's a child and then look oh it pulls off which is probably landed on the kid oh yeah but the machine continues there you go look it comes on what's going on oh just missed his head amazing everything everything just just misses his head the little thing goes oh there it is there it is oh that is amazing wow so there we have it there we have this that guy's amazing joseph's machines i mean it's it's it's amazing but it can't just be a hobby

what you've been in that you've been in that room for literally months what's going on the bills are uh he's gone through about 17 laptops and about six iPhones to make that trick work he's he's gotten that uh he's been to the doctor three times because he got the big cartwheel wrong and took his head out and gave himself concussion yeah we gotta make sure to send the link uh if you're listening oh we should send this before but if you're listening click on the video and watch it as we talk and go attention all personnel it's time for this week's cryptid cryptid news what have you got it for when such great weekly worldwide news it almost feels like we don't need cryptid news but but it's necessary we've got to give the people what they really want

yes they're not they're here to hear the updates on any bizarre beasties yeah a bit of a a bit of just cool crypto news as opposed to sightings very quickly uh in canada you can now get a Loch Ness monster coin oh yeah in canada in canada yeah how does that work um they do these occasional sort of commemorative coins that are they're legal tender and they go out in a limited run and um they've decided that the Loch Ness monster should have its own one so yeah it's a new 10 pence piece and you can you can buy it and they it's not the first cryptid to be on one of their coins they actually had back in 2011 I think it was they had um Bigfoot oh he always steals the limelight doesn't he gets the first coin yeah he does nessie comes in seconds always second

four ness yeah and and I'm just reading here that um the new zealand uh mint produces a line of two dollar coins uh valid only on the island of new a and it has coins where it has the minotaur and gorgon and cyclops um oh wow and then there is in Tuvalu minted by the Australian uh gold and silver exchange uh you can get griffons and unicorns and phoenixes so lots of cryptids on coins that are uh oh that's cool you're gonna go collecting coin collecting I never knew no coin collecting was so cool but now it is yeah maybe there's someone out there maybe there's some fans listening who do collect coins or even better collect cryptid coins put your collection up I'd like to see there yeah if you just want to contact the button down his

club then send us and yeah you send us your coins well hang on I just said it was my idea yeah I'd like to see that yes if you could send your coins to the button down well the researchers are just quite they're just they're probably not even listening to this podcast it's quite cool though because this is a um this is a different kind of cryptocurrency so you've got bitcoin it literally is cryptid is anybody else noticed that you type in crypto news now and it's kind of ruined it because all it comes up with bitcoin exchange news and and all this kind of stuff it's kind of ruined my research pattern I was kind of hoping that your news today is just gonna be bitcoin related now I gotta say guys there's a lot of coin stuff happening it's a coin

something I don't know why that's the go there yeah well what news have you got rice well this is only gonna blow your mind a monstrous seven foot half man half beast has been pictured after a murderous rampage yeah a terrifying beast of unknown origin has been pictured prowling the streets of Santa Fe Argentina after the blood thirsty creature reportedly savaged two dogs to death so it's a mysterious half man half animal and there's been some footage that has been taken and so we have that we can put that up local media reports claim a totorus resident snapped the candid picture of the beast with spiny legs shortly after mauling two dogs to death the creature of the night is understood to have killed a pit bull and a german shepherd dog the two toughest

dogs and a raging frenzy the beast has since vanished but the shocking image captured late at night has circulated online as social media sleuths attempt to crack the mystery some who have seen the video likened the ghastly creature to the mythical chupacabra I mean you got to see this thing I mean I'm gonna share the yeah okay for you guys this is exciting is this uh is this sort of like viewers discretion advised it's a little bit yeah I'm I've got to say you're gonna go here we go let's have a look you see oh yeah yeah yeah yeah look at that thing oh the size of it jeez on earth is dead oh that is evil yeah kidding me so it is a photo wow

but that's just so weird hey it's not it's not it's not anything it's not chupacabra it's definitely not it's something completely different how tall is it all yeah it looks almost the size it's like the size of a horse oh my god but it's got long legs it looks like it looks like one of those um star wars big metallic star wars yeah it does it does and the face the head of it it's off off putting wouldn't you say it really is and so listeners that I can't see this it kind of looks like a slender man's dog yeah it's kind of it's horribly emancipated sort of dog type shape yeah really really out of proportionally long legs that are all very very skinny it doesn't there's nothing nice about that at all and other comments here people think it's

could be a werewolf uh and there's an interesting one here here in the Philippines it is called aswang a man transformed into a monster dog uh someone believes that it is a demon it can it can even shift into a cat or a big bird well who's saying that you know uh looks amazing out of interest on that article you've got there Reese yeah there was zombie fish story oh yeah we can have a look at that this is uh fisherman shows off horrifying zombie fish wow uh oh my god look at these I mean the creatures that live and the depths of the sea that we don't know about like red eyes fangs you know I mean there's some true horrific nightmares out there oh my goodness wow it's funny because my story is what they're calling zombie raccoons oh yeah uh people have been calling the

cops and I know Hio Town and asking them to respond to raccoons acting extremely strange and it's been called the the raccoon zombie apocalypse oh finally so well this is the thing and I keep talking about it and people need to start trapping because it's starting with fish and raccoons very shortly it will be with humans it's it's just a matter of time anyway these these raccoons are doing really really strange things which is why they're calling it a zombie thing they they're basically are going into sort of like a really strange almost a fit and and and some kind of a trance where they just stand up on their hind legs and they bare their teeth and it looked like really really scary and and wild and instead of going to almost a comatose type condition

now there's a video here that i'm i'm gonna play you so lovely little raccoon yeah look he starts bearing his teeth oh he's looking angry his his front legs go really stiff and he's going up his hind legs and then you go all the way back and then oh he falls over wow and look he's still going look his little leg is slamming the what what more how more zombieish could you go he's lost complete control of his body and then look yeah he's out of it he shakes it off and he's he's out of it that don't look like to me you know those churches where um the preacher comes over and and everyone freaks out and that's what that looks like yeah right the lane the lane on his hand that's either that or like he's at a rave like he's at a nightclub and he's like starts like

going and here we go if we only had some binks if only emcee rubble strip was here oh oh fine i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine so there you go so dancing zombie records oh man if anyone listening to this doesn't have access to a computer to watch the videos this is the weirdest episode we've ever done really this is one that you really should be watching yeah and we can't enforce this enough guys you can't it's not just a listening thing anymore you've got to have the things up you've

got to be watching them uh otherwise none of it makes sense you need to be dedicated to this podcast you know computer buy the internet and just look at it while this is happening to get the full experience hey um can i throw one more little bit of crypto news that i saw yeah sure so okay here's the question bigfoot we can't see him yeah people are looking for him where is he i guess that's the big question why why do we not see them walking around and so on there's a new theory that's being thrown up by a guy called david martin and there's a youtube clip that you can see and he has discovered while uh out hunting he's found an underground tunnel system oh yeah and he's putting forward the idea that he thinks that maybe what's been going on is

bigfoot's been tunneling big underground tunnels no one's looking there no one's ever thought to look i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it yeah so um i'm gonna i'm gonna send you guys the video it's a bit too long to watch now as we're talking but it's a thing for anyone listening to to check out being a big fan myself of subterranean worlds yeah this is exciting to me to think that yes they do live underground they have tunnels they have huge networks that's why they remain uncovered yeah think about how powerful they would be able for digging you know if we know with the the um the tunnels that humans can make um you think think of the vietnam war think of the the vietcong with their their tunneling system and there all

of that kind of stuff imagine that but with so much more power to be able to create bigger bigger tunnels it would also make sense as to why you never find any of the bodies yeah because if they're tunneling underground those are definitely gonna bury their dead yeah so if you if anyone listening wants to check out the video it's called bigfoot tunnel system part one squash watches 204 and it's 10 minutes into the video and it's a guy called david mornin okay well we should probably wrap up because i've got other things to do um have you yeah yeah for example uh i've just got two those shoes aren't going to line up themselves you gotta go have you got a gig tonight this is on mc rumble strip like in fiji everybody's

gathering now getting ready to pee somebody's tessy pee assistant there's a lot of people out on the on the on the roads waiting for rumble strip to turn up right it's kind of yeah it's a it's a it's somewhat of a festival yeah and of course i get to choose whatever car i want i've gone with a hot ride a tea bucket uh and i'm going to turn up in that and then all i do is rev it up you know and then the crowd goes hey here he comes here he comes and then i just go hell for leather down the road and then hit on them hit on my strip and then just everyone just goes crazy and then and then i call out no just the ones guys

and stick to the speed limits unlike me don't forget i gotta do that the irony that fiji doesn't actually have any rumble strips it barely has any painted white lines in the in the middle of the road no it's you it's driving through water a lot of it's actually risk has to get in the car with you and when you're out of the right speed you just start laughing yeah yeah i've individually handed out uh which is a great tourism idea and i've resided to that now i mean i live here now so that's what's become of me remember when you went through that phase of just being like a dude that sat in people's cars and did beatboxing what was that phase oh yeah it was

that 2018 that business idea never really took off for me really kick off i mean i did it for a couple of weeks so weird that you did that give everything a go mate try things you know you never know what's kind of stick i would book you i would book you every friday night eight o'clock i would i'd have dj rumble strip in my car i'd be driving down the main street of fiji and and we're winding the windows look who i've got look who i've got next to me yay rebel straps turn them up we can't hear them ten bucks an hour he's not cheap i mean the whole thing was a waste of time

uh you