The Cryptid Factor - 38: #038 The Monologue Issue

Episode Date: August 16, 2018

Welcome to yet another episode of the Cryptidfactor! As well as being peppered with the odd monologue, you'll find this one fill to the brim with hairy sea monsters, Chinese lake monsters, gollum hunting moose and robots that are solving our childhood puzzles. Also inside this issue Bermuda Triangle's secrets revealed! (then Bermuda Triangle's secrets un-revealed just shortly after they were revealed) Confused? so were we. Enjoy!

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. Hello! Yes, who's back? Who? It's just me! It's literally just me... No! Butters! You're there? Hi, I'm here too! Anyone else, Dan? I'm here! I'm here! I thought we all just walked through a portal at different times. I arrived first. I'm always second. Yep, and then Dan's behind dropping books as he goes.

But we're through, we're through into this world. We're back. This is The Cryptid Factor, your favourite podcast about, well, what is it about? How do you sum it up? It's about every month or so. The podcast itself, of course, is encrypted, and so we're proud to find it on occasion and rescue it from the deep, dark woods where it's hiding. And it comes out to feed. I guess here we are now, feeding in the middle of the night, or three different time zones, if you will. L.A. for me, just after lunch. Where are you, Buttons? I'm back in New Zealand again. Honestly, I don't know where I live anymore. You escaped that prison! You got deported from the States. And now I'm back in the gymnasium. Oh, good.

Gymnasium studio for me today. Something you picked up from Prison Life, obviously, keeping fit. Doing my best. That's what they do, isn't it? They always get real muscly so they can escape. Yeah, I'm doing what I can. We're about to hear you, Dan. I'm in London, Crystal Palace, my HQ. Yeah, I read a really funny thing the other day about the idea of Buttons having been in prison. I was reading about El Chapo. You know, he's on Netflix. Yeah, so he famously broke out of jail, right? They built this mile-long tunnel in order to break him out.

And it turns out that when they initially built it, they brought it up underneath his shower, but they got the wrong cell the first time they did it. Oh, no. Yeah, almost blew the whole thing by breaking into Buttons' cell and stuff. I would be like, oh no, no, you've got the wrong place, guys. I'm so sorry. I mean, I'm willing to come out if you want. This is a big escape plan. I mean, that'd be a great movie. He actually does get out. The guys who are doing the tunneling don't really know what the guy looks like that they're retrieving. And he goes through with them. Two miles down the road, comes up into the forest to the special headquarters. All right, we've got him. We've got Shabby. Hey, who the hell's this?

No, really, I'm a Mexican drug lord. Really? I love drugs. I've got Paracetamol. I've got all the drugs. Wait a minute. I know this guy. You're in prison for parking fines. Yeah, 25 years of unpaid parking fines, but thanks for the escape. See ya. Takes off with a car. No, it's under my name. Packed on WLLA. Well, it's good to be back, bringing you the latest and greatest in weird news, cryptozoological expeditions, findings, everything you need to know about the... I hate to say the word paranormal, but I guess it's kind of the unnormal.

You know why? Because when I think of para, I think of para-trained, you know, ex-military. There's no parachutes. I came this close to being para-trained. Really? But now I'm just paranormal. Is that what they actually call a para-trained? Yeah. When you're a para trooper, you've been para-trained. But that's kind of like, they've been in the para-olympics, and then that's all gets very confusing.

Actually, that is weird, isn't it? Why? There's no parachutes in the para-olympics. No. And do I have to even go the parakeet? I mean, where does that fit in? What about para? Remember that shop in New Zealand? No. Para the indoor-outdoor store. I think it went under in the end.

But yes, we're used to buy your cheap jandals. All right, let's kick into some weekly world-weird news. Weekly world-weird news. Crazy, freaky. Watch out. Okay, why don't I start this week? I've been obsessing over AI. I think it's pretty scary stuff that's going on. This is a headline that I spotted this week. There is now an AI-powered robot that can find Wally immediately.

No matter what page, no matter which book. Oh, wow. My God. This is the start of the end, guys. This is how they predicted it in the Terminator. Yeah. This is a robot that's been fed a 62 Wally heads and 42 full-bodied Wollies from Google Image Search. And it's memorized it. And so you can see a picture of it.

It's quite an exciting robot. Just for the American listeners, Dan's talking about Waldo. That's right. Because it's where's Waldo over here, here, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. They say, where's Waldo? But we're talking about the chap at the red and white striped top who pops up in many adventures. You've got to find him.

And there's other characters, too, isn't there? Yeah, there's an evil Wally. There's a wizard. Yeah, there's a wizard. There's a dog. Yeah. Well, there's a whole page of characters to be fair. No, but there's like six main characters.

A fantastic book series, by the way. Okay, so as you can see, they've created the arm and they've put a fake rubber hand to point out exactly where Wally is. Let's see if you can see from this video. Wow, look at it. Wow. Oh, I see. It's searching for Wally. Oh, wow.

So it breaks it up. Oh, it finds every face. Wow. So the hand shoves down onto the page and we found Wally. My only issue with this little hand thing, so for the audio listeners here, which is most of you, there's a robot, a little robot device and it has a little mechanical arm on it. And on the end of it, it's a small, little plastic hand. But instead of pointing as a finger, which you'd think it would be, it's just like a little baby's doll hand that just goes down all five digits and just sort of hanging down. And that's what's being flomped onto the book after it's searched for where it thinks Waldo is.

So, yeah, I mean, very obviously very accurate, although when the hand does come down, you know, you just got to still search within that area of the hand. You'd think it would go down to one single pointer. It's a little odd. Also, you're bound to find Wally if you just shove your whole hand on the page. Where's Wally? Where's the accuracy there? In fact, the bigger the hand, the easier it is to find on the small page. They should have used a huge hand and just dumped it down.

There it is. Whereabouts? Can you pinpoint? No, it's there. Next page. But it's interesting because these AI, they're suddenly getting into pop culture and retroness. So they're training them to answer all the things that we were trained to do as kids that helped us to spot things better or cognitively understand like a Rubik's Cube. There is currently an AI robot up in the International Space Station called Simmon, C-I-M-O-N, and it's helping astronauts to solve Rubik's Cubes.

And it's a floating robot head. I'm going to share this with you again in this screenshot here. This is Simmon here. Oh, wow. Oh, yes. You know that the space station is really dredging the bottom of the experiment drawer. You're just like, what experiment can we do next, guys? Well, how about we get a robot to teach astronauts how to do the Rubik's Cube and compare that to how a robot would teach an astronaut to do a Rubik's Cube on land?

Are you saying they've got too much money and too much time on their hands? They've done all the experiments. They've done all the good ones. Do plants grow in space? Tick. Yeah, they do. What next? And it's basically a floating head.

I wonder if they attach all these things together. You've got the floating head Rubik's Cube solving AI. If you get attached to the AI hand of the Where's Waldo scenario, you'd have a hand that can find Waldo, a head that can solve a cube. All you need now is a couple of legs, and this machine is really coming together. The legs could do Twister.

Someone just calls up now, looking, I've got a robot here that's only two legs, but boy can it do Twister. It can solve any Twisted Twister, even Twisted Sister in under four minutes, but we just need to attach it to some arms and head systems. We're talking about the ultimate party robot here. Hey guys, I've got quite a few things I can do

as long as it's the Cube, Twister or Where's Wally. And maybe the other arm gets attached and it opens bottles. It's a bottle opener. It's the perfect party AI. That's actually fairly enough, very similar to how my parties go. Is it? Well, my theory, it's me.

I was basing it on parties I've been to at your place. The Butron, because it's basically Voltron, with these different powers connected. It'll be good at quizzes as well, because the technology that Simon, Ash Simon is using is a technology that powered a machine that won Jeopardy. It was the first AI machine to win the TV show Jeopardy,

beat two champions. If AI couldn't work in Jeopardy, and now it's doing Where's Waldo, surely that's a regression in intelligence. I don't want to skip things, because I don't want to get to the point of being the all-seeing, all-powerful robot, which human slips in a quick game of snakes and ladders

and goes, hey, you've done this one. And the guy goes, the robot's like, does not compute, too simple, cannot work it out. So you've got to, and that's definitely how they're going to talk, by the way, so you've definitely got to slip in a bit of Where's Waldo and a couple of Twister games on the way through. Otherwise Butron 3000 will not be the all-time party defender that we're hoping it's going to be.

I am Butron 3000. No relation to Andre. Good. We'll start off with a bit of Twister, and here you did pretty well at the... What was that game you played? What was that game show you talked about? Jeopardy. Oh, Jeopardy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's my other worry with the Where's Waldo situation,

because I was thinking one of my plans, post-apocalyptic plans, and I'm sure you've all got, you know, your own plans for when disaster does strike, and there's a whiteboard. I know there's one in my office that says, you know, different columns, obviously, zombie apocalypse, natural disasters, you know, alien invasion,

Noah's Flood 2, the sequel. There's various options, and what I'm going to do, and I've got bullet points, you know, obviously, mask and snorkels, definitely there for the Noah's one, and things like that. And one of my getaways from AI, which is another post-apocalyptic end-of-the-world scenario where robots take over, obviously.

That's a big one people are worried about. One of mine was to dress up as Wally and just absolutely disappear, because no one, it's really hard to find a dude in a white and red striped sweater. So I was hoping that was going to be my plan. Now, obviously, someone seen my whiteboard and thought, right, we're going to have to suss out

the AI situation on how we find this little bugger. There's a huge flaw in your Wally plan, which is, as soon as word gets around, that there's a guy that you can't find in red and white. You'll be the most hunted man on the planet. The most hunted man on the planet. And also, your plans for the second Noah flood. Yes.

I hope you've run them by your family, because if they're looking to you as the saviour, then you have them snorkel. I don't think you really thought that through. No, that's high up on the list. The list does go down further. There's obviously a mini submarine and then a large submarine. It's all budget constraints.

But there's a dream list, and then there's, you know, what do I have at the moment? And so I've got my column of what do I have at the moment. Mask and snorkel, towels, flippers, connections to the navy. It's actually written up there too, which is good. So I imagine, you know, the flood's starting to rise. I go, right, straight to the naval base.

Knock, knock, knock. Put the arm up, mate. There's my old army ID. Oh, Darby, you're still with us? Well, you know, a few years out now, but... Oh, I see you've got your mask and snorkel kit. Yeah. Any chance the family and I could come through?

You're most welcome, my friend. Obviously there's nothing much left of the base now, but... LAUGHTER Grab yourself a flatter board and we'll head to the ship. That's another thing on my list, obviously. I've got four flatter boards. Actually only three in a chilli bin lid. LAUGHTER

A lot of these terms will be going over people's heads, if you're listening, but please do question us at a later date and we'll tell you what all these things mean. Well, that takes me nicely into my weekly World Weird News talking about the Navy. Yeah. Because a university in the United Kingdom has come up with the reason why the Bermuda Triangle is so deadly

and they think they've cracked the mystery. It's pretty exciting because they believe the answer and the mystery, wait for it, are 100-foot waves. Right. Yeah. So they believe they're... Rogue waves. You're talking about rogue?

Rogue waves from different storm systems coming into the Bermuda Triangle at the right time can push sea currents up against each other and create freak 100-foot waves. They say when a storm comes from the south and the northern comes together, these waves can obviously take out ships, they can take out aeroplanes.

Yeah. I was just going to say, Buttons, here's my big question. How big are these waves? 100-foot. They're not taking out aeroplanes. Come on. Well, if a plane is flying at 100 or 99-foot and it gets a little bit of a lick of a sea big wave...

A little bit of a lick of the sea, did you say? A little bit of a... Now, how far are we flying here? How high? You know, well... 100-foot? 199-foot high. Who's flying that low to the sea?

On the off chance, they might get a bit of a lick of the sea and get dropped down. Oh, I got a bit of water on the wings. We're going down. Well, this is why I say I'm a little bit skeptical because the University of Southampton, who are the ones who have come up with this... Oh, they're notorious for their theories.

I've been there. I've been to that university. They're good. Oh, yeah. You like them, do you? Yeah, yeah. They actually train people for the Navy there. They have these swimming pools

and these one-man boats. You hop in a boat. It's called a kayak. No, no, no. It looks like a ship. Like, it's a mini... It's made the model of a ship. Oh, really?

Basically. Yeah, yeah. So you hop in the middle. It's very cool. That's the thing. They've created a model of the USS Cyclops. Yeah, it's like that stuff. Yeah, and which disappeared in 1918

with 306 people aboard. They've created these two storm systems and which created, well, a scaled version of a 100-foot wave and it swamped and sunk this USS Cyclops model. So they have deducted from that. That's the mystery.

It's all done. We're just going to show you the piece of artwork that is created for this. It shows a massive wave taking out the front of a 747 aircraft. So that's... It's legit. Stop being such a naysayer.

Look, I'm... You know me. I'm a big believer in exciting, ridiculous scenarios. But I've... I really... For a start, I know those planes, you know, travel at 36,000 feet.

And I... It might have just been sight-seeing. It might have come down for a little quick look at them for you to try and go. The whole fleet of World War II planes that went down. Waves. Yeah.

Okay. No, that's great. That's great, guys. Look. I'm a believer in rogue waves, absolutely. But what's really going to blow this theory out of the water, literally, because it's not... It's not a plausible theory,

is the fact that, and this is my news, very recently, and this has come up... This was sent to me by one of my researchers. A treasure hunter claims he found evidence of a USO, which is Unidentified Submerged Object, one of my favourite things, beneath Bermuda Triangle. A treasure hunter has made an astonishing,

unexplained discovery deep beneath the Bermuda Triangle. He believes could provide the first evidence of an extraterrestrial visit to Earth hundreds of years ago. Explorer Daryl Meclos has been using secret maps created by his close friend and famed NASA astronaut, Gordon Cooper, who, by the way, has seen weird objects up in space and does believe in extraterrestrial vehicles.

So he's fully behind it. He's given this explorer secret maps of the oceans. Where he got those from, I have no idea. Maybe it'll come up in this article. Defined shipwrecks in the Caribbean. You know where he got them from, the maps. He made them from space. Really?

Yeah, he looked out the window and he saw these patches and he started building treasure maps up in space, and that's what he's handed over. Oh, that is awesome. Isn't that cool? It's a treasure map from space. That is very cool. So this article also originally Daily Mail

and it's been sprouted out to various other UK ones. I'll talk about tabloids in a minute, actually, and about the realness of stuff that's being filtered through tabloids so that it looks like a joke. But we'll talk about that later. So this is also being filmed for Discovery Channel, Cooper's Treasure,

which looks like it's going to be a great show, using maps put together in the 1960s by Cooper to identify more than 100 magnetic anomalies in the Caribbean. And Miklos dived at an undisclosed location near the Bahamas to investigate what he thought could be an ancient shipwreck. Instead, the veteran treasure hunter found a bizarre structure

like nothing he's ever seen. The huge unidentified submerged object, USO, has 15,300 feet long obtrutions jutting from its side. And an exclusive interview, which is no longer exclusive because I'm going on about it as well, he described what he found

while filming episode 7 of Cooper's Treasure. Oh, look, he tells how he and his team want to bring the alien spaceship to the surface. Yes, wow. He says, We were doing a scene where I was sitting in a two-man submersible. We were out in the Bahamas and we were on an English shipwreck trail,

somehow related to Sir Francis Drake. I was, this story just keeps getting cooler. I was trying to identify shipwreck material based on one of the anomaly readings on Gordon's charts when I noticed something that stuck out, that shocked me. It was a formation unlike anything I've ever seen related to shipwreck material.

It was too big for that. It was also something that was completely different from anything that I've seen that was made by nature. What? It's almost like there are five arms coming out of a steep wall cliff. And each one of these is the size of a gun on a battleship.

They're enormous, and then there's five over here and five over there, 15 in total. There's identical formations in three different areas and they don't look nature-made. They don't look man-made. Certainly nothing I've seen based on my experiences and I have years of experience in doing this. We've identified multiple different types of shipwreck materials.

This doesn't match or look anything like that. The deepest part of the site is 300 feet below the surface. Divers had to use special breathing apparatus and state-of-the-art submarines to access it. The explorers also found other bizarre and unexplained formations around the main object, all of which are covered in thick coral, which he believes are hundreds if not thousands of years old.

So this article goes on and on, but basically he's convinced he's found a huge alien spaceship right underneath in the Bermuda Triangle. That's incredible. Isn't that awesome? Yeah. I mean, I think there's always been talk about a UFO base underneath the Bermuda Triangle.

I like that theory. I like the idea that there is a base down there and that yes, they are taking off from there because it's a nice big bunch of ocean where land is so far away from parts that you can't see things come out. And there's a theory that yes, there's a weird energy down there

that can be pulling things by a vacuum that can travel over the top and can suck things down and maybe they're taking them down because they are requiring those things during experiments on either the human entities in them or the machines themselves. There could have been there for millions of years, or this could be a crashed UFO

because we know this happens quite often and this is a huge mothership-style one that's actually crashed into the sea millions of years ago and has just been there sitting there. Wouldn't it be cool in theory that extra-terrestrials would have been discovered by someone who first spotted them as an extra-terrestrial as in wasn't on Earth.

He was up in space looking down. Yeah. Yeah, life of another planet was found by someone who wasn't on the planet. This is Cooper, the astronaut. Yeah, I'm trying to understand what you mean, but... Well, Cooper, the astronaut, drew the map from space, so he wasn't on Earth.

Oh, I see. He found it. Yeah, he was in space. He was in the ISS. Right, right, right. Yes, good. Now... Well, just quickly,

before we go on to our cryptozoology news, I've just got one little recap to play from the UFO conference that Rhys and I went to, that we covered in the last episode. Oh, wonderful. Rhys and I, whilst we were there, went to some amazing talks and hearing some wonderful professionals in the field

give their opinions on ufology. Rhys and I also took the time to talk to a bunch of the audience members and actually just quiz them on their experiences. And it was an amazing time meeting all these very like-minded and open-minded people. But I created a quick little audio snippet of them, which I can play to you guys now, if you like.

So, I have contact every day in my life. Well, not every day in my life, but since I can remember even when I was a kid, I was getting contacted. But then, you know how everybody tells you that those are invisible people and those are invisible friends and then you start to believe that they are.

And then they kind of leave you for a while and then they come back to me. They came back to me in 2004 in Mexico in Cabo San Lucas for three and a half hours on that day. And then they've been following me ever since, hundreds of thousands of them. We got in the car now. We're driving an old 1954,

I'm pretty sure it was, to Soto. Now, it would only go like 60, 65 miles an hour. And so, she had to pedal to the metal. I mean, we were wanting to get home because we knew we were in trouble. How did you two meet? We actually met at a conference up in a place called Big Bear.

And the guys that put it on didn't advertise it enough and it's kind of out of the way. Only 60 paying people showed up. It was real nice. There was just one room and, you know, it was like everybody got to know everybody there, got to know everybody that were there. And that's how we met.

Basically, you can't run, you can't hide because they can come through everything. The walls, the windows, the wood, the metal, everything, they can come through. And so, you can't run from them. And all of a sudden, the radio started crackling. And then, you hear this sound like taking a rope and spinning the rope around above your head.

And it makes like a whirling, switching noise. And then, right after that, this flying saucer literally came right to the right of us and just literally just, just, we just hung there. It just was right there beside us. So, UFOs brought you two together? Yes, definitely. And it's great because we're life-minded.

He's been interested in the field for a long time. Me and Mom, at Experiences, that's what brought me there. I'm with somebody who can understand and tolerate that we have some contact here. And so, I think everybody has them. I just happen to have 100,000 of them following me. Okay, so through... Does that ever freak you out having 100,000 warps following you?

Yes, it did. Really, in the beginning, it freaked me out. And what is so crazy is we couldn't move. And she still had her foot on the pedal, all the way to the floor. And we weren't going anywhere. Like, did it feel like time had stopped or the car had stopped? Like, time had stopped. Yeah.

And I also like all the people. The people here, we're all like-minded and we're all genuine. And that's why we come here. There's just real people here. And that's what I like. It's nice. Wow. Awesome, man.

That is awesome. And that's exactly why I liked it as well. It's because everyone was genuine. It was a good feeling. It felt like a real positive community of people who knew the truth, wanted to know further the truth, and wanted to be around people that were comfortable with knowing that we're not alone. And we're okay with it and could even have fun with it.

Who weren't scared, but knew that it was very important. And who wanted to basically further who they were as humans because we're stuck in these little cases and stuck within these parameters. And that's not what life is about. We need to escape. We need to get off this planet. We need to see the rest of the universe.

We need to mingle and be part of every other living species in every star system. So I think I would just wish more people would get behind it. And then we can use our friendly masses to sort of barge through those doors of eternal truth. You okay, mate? I just want to know what song you're going to put behind my speech. I'm hoping for Kermit the Frog when he's sitting in the...

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? What's on the other side? If you could just put that beneath my speech. Awesome. That's either that or Insane in the Membrane. Insane in the Membrane. Thank you, dear. Maybe I'm crazy.

Attention, all personnel. It's time for this week's Cryptid. Help me! Cryptid news this week. I say this week, but there's probably been two, three, possibly four weeks since we've been on air. So there's definitely an abundance of stuff we can talk about. But one of the big ones that I found was this Gollum-like creature

which was spotted in Canadian woods. This was all over the different tabloids and regular press articles as well. Taking this one from Express, which is a UK paper. A mysterious Gollum-like creature was seen stalking a moose at the edge of a forest in Quebec, Canada. The white figure watched on as the moose was grazing the grass. So it was filmed.

It was caught on video. The intriguing video was reportedly filmed on July 29th, as I say, in Quebec, Canada. The witness says I was filming a moose on the roadside. Her name's Audrey. She recorded the footage. Looking at the video, I saw this strange shape at the back left. And she says, can someone tell me what it is? Now, we'll put the video up.

Oh, there we go. So you can see it on the left there, behind the moose. There's a weird Gollum creature coming out from the woods. And it's got long spindly arms. And it's bald. And it's got weird movements. And you see it sort of going back and forth, like a jutting. It's not quite sure what it's doing.

And there has been some people comment that they think it only moves when the camera moves, and that it's some sort of bug or something on the screen of the camera. Before you know it, it's over. Have a look at it another few times and see what you think. Some internet users have noted that the creature looks a bit like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. It kind of looks a little slender man as well.

But it does, because it has very long, slim front arms. I say front arms, but that's because it seemed to me like it was on all fours. And it's got rear arms as well, which also are known as legs in certain terms and certain circles. My horse has a problem with its rear arms. It's rear arms. I'll tell you the problem. They're legs. No.

They can't be. Well, he doesn't stand. Now he's on all four arms. No, those last two at the back there are legs, my friend. So what do you think it is, Risi? Well, I mean, you know, the jury's out. It could be a reptilian alien. Unfortunately, it's too far away to really be able to zoom in on it.

You would probably see it when you had your screen up when you're looking at it. When you're filming the moose, you'd probably see something back there and then go, oh, hang on, let's then zoom in on that rather than the very boring moose. Moose, by the way, do not move. They're famous for it. There's one of their defensive protective mechanisms

is to stand still so they can't be seen. But it also makes sense that this creature might have been coming out of the forest spotting this huge thing and thinking, oh, I'll have a bit of that. There's our dinner tonight. But unfortunately, we don't see any more. We don't know if the moose is attacked or anything. Gollum might have been filming the moose as well.

It might have been quite a spectacular moose. They might have both been... It could have been all about the moose. Gollum could have been like, what the hell's this? I can't wait to get this back to the ship. I've got footage of something here. This definitely not the usual human looking thing. He gets home and Gollum starts showing his mates.

Look at this weird moose thing. They go, what? Is that a car with a woman filming it in the background? Is that the background there? I think you've got some footage of an actual human car woman there. No, that'll be just part of the something on the screen, I think. What is a Gollum? I know Gollum from Lord of the Rings is a sort of a man who turned into a monster over time.

I mean, it's very alien-like as well. When you think of the greys and you think of the long spindly arms and things like that, which makes people believe that it could be an alien. Basically, a Gollum is similar to a grey, but it's definitely got longer appendages, and it's got that idea of it doesn't have a huge head, so it's got the smaller... I mean, I'm picturing definitely Gollum

when I think about Gollums. I crash, yes, you know, big eyes or whatever, but these images of these things have probably been around for centuries, and through folklore and then into fantasy books, creating these types of creatures that might live in caves or whatnot. But in actual fact, the reality is they're probably extraterrestrials, they're probably greys, they're probably aliens back in the day that people have then made into fairytale characters.

That's true. That's a really interesting point. Now, underneath that one, I'm just trying to decide what track I want. If you could play... I don't know why, but I just think something like that might be uplifting for us all to realise that we are together, we're brothers and sisters, no matter what planet we're from, we can connect, we just need to come together, stop filming each other from a distance and, you know, making it and speculating as to whether we are real or not,

just actually come out and introduce each other. Yeah, hop out of the car, go over and talk to the little scary Gollum thing that might rip your head off. That's what you'll be good for, Buttons. You've got to be with your big hugs and your big happiness, you know, your positive optimistic outlook on life. We need to send you and obviously Dan and I in the background, just slightly up behind you.

Just a little bit behind. Yeah, behind you with weaponry, nets, maybe just some books, things like that. Dan will have a various array of, you know, translation books and devices and I'll have a big pair so I can draw and we'll go through and we'll meet to all the different alien species. Where should be the ones being sent through? Absolutely.

Oh, they've eaten Buttons. They've eaten Buttons, let's go. Yeah, and as soon as he's gone, because, you know, if something does go, we'll be out of there. I mean, with my connections, I'll have a NASA device on my wrist, which I'll be able to push and I will instantly zap back into my dimension. Dan will have to make a run for it. I've got one of your snorkels.

You'll get the button wrong and hit the connection to the Bluetooth speaker and suddenly going, Yeah, start playing your favorite Celine Dion tricks. That's what's going to happen. The aliens will go, I love Celine Dion. Oh, my God. Of course, you know who brought down the Titanic, they'll say.

A lot. No, you guys. Absolutely. Yep. There was the big ship underneath the Bermuda Triangle. We sucked it down, my friend. Wow. We knew it.

Everything comes back full circle. Well, onto my wee little bit of cryptid news. We've got a giant hairy sea monster washed up on the shores in Russia. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah, it's quite amazing. The only thing with it is, is it's a hairy sea monster covered in white hair and big long tentacles.

It's washed up on the eastern coast of Russia, right over the very far eastern side. It's got locals completely baffled. It's this huge, smelly carcass and it just turned up. A couple of people walking on the beach. They found it in your classic way. They smelt it first and they see this huge thing with a great big long tail or tentacle coming out of it. And the hair on it, all this white hair is like tube-like hair or fur that's covering it.

Oh, that's super freaky. Yeah, it's reported to be sort of larger than three men. They can't see any head or eyes or defined kind of features that would give it a face or something like that. But they say that half of it seems to be actually buried in the sand so it needs to be excavated to be able to get it up to see quite likely the heads down there. Now there's a bunch of people that are actually suggesting it could actually be like a woolly mammoth or something like that, some ancient animal that's sort of been released from permafrost.

Oh yes, with ice melting. Yeah. If it was kept in ice for millions of years and then as with global warming, things melted. Yeah. And it has been released, you know, it has then just become part of the ocean and has swept itself up onto land. And the tubular hair makes sense then because I don't know if woolly mammoths' hair was tubular but certainly, you know, tubular hair is good for insulation and keeping animals warm in Arctic conditions.

So that could make sense. We really need to know about the bone structure, really, don't we? Has it got any bones? This article hasn't said that the dissected or anybody's gone to it yet of any sort of scientific nature. But they do say that other people say it's sort of a likened it to a hairy octopus or something way more marine based. So they certainly say it's very, very strange. Other people are liking it to the globster. Obviously the Tasmanian sea creature that was washed up in the 60s.

The footage is amazing. If you see, it's worth if you're listening to this right now, check it out online. It's extraordinary. It looks like a gigantic primitive wet dog that's just come out of the ocean ready to shake its fur all over. Wow, this is good. This is good. You can really see it looks like a big sheepskin rug. Yes.

Doesn't it? Well, you know, look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Kind of tail. Yeah, that's awesome. Look at that. Look at the size of his shoe.

You know, the thing is, is that, you know how carpet, when you've got wet carpet, it smells really bad. Maybe this is like somebody's massive shag pile rug, which they sort of like came off a sailing ship or something like that. A huge sailing ship. Yeah. Now, have you got everything on the ship? Have you got your ginormous sheepskin rug that we're going to be having? Because we don't go perfect with water. So just bring that out.

Use a crane to lower it onto the ship. And the whole back deck is going to have a massive sheepskin rug. So we're going to be real comfy and lounging about in the evenings. Oh, hang on. There's a bit of wind. Oh, no waves. What? We've got a 100 foot rogue wave.

I know we shouldn't have gone across the Bermuda Triangle. We've lost the sheepskin. It's gone overboard. Not to mention it was still alive, Nigel. Yeah, I wasn't going to tell you about that, but frankly, there was actually a petty of bastard. Oh, that's floating off to Russia. That's the end of that. Still alive.

That'll confuse those brusquies, won't it? Yeah. Just speaking of confusing, can I just for the sake of clarity for the listener, when Buddin said, look at the size of that shoe, he was talking about the person in the video, as opposed to the sea monster. The sea monster itself wasn't wearing shoes, which is what it sounded like. It's really unusual about the creature. It had shoes on its back arms.

Very... On the rear arms. Well, that's a good find. Very good find. We'll have to put these up on the Facebook. I like that one. What have you got, Dan? I also got a water-based cryptid.

This is a report that comes from China. This is a Canas Lake scenic park in China that has spotted a monster. It's got footage showing four objects moving in the lake and leaping out of the water. What's really interesting about it, I reckon, is that it is not just a person visiting the park who has said it. It is, in fact, a park ranger who has claimed that they have seen what is known as the Chinese Loch Ness Monster. Yeah, so this is in Xinjiang, and this is the guy called Wang Xin'an.

He is the person who made the discovery of this video, but the monster itself has been seen in this lake many, many times before. This is the first sighting of 2018. I have a feeling that this is one of those very much like Nessie, where there are sightings all the time. We just haven't really heard about this Canas Lake monster before. You just quite have the press that, obviously, the famous Nessie does. Yeah, but look at that.

It's a beautiful lake. As you can see here, it started being reported, this lake monster, in 1980. I'm going to play the video now. Here we go. This is, he sees these ripples that are going across the lake, and he says what's interesting about them is that they're going against the current. So that immediately suggests to him that this is not a wave which many people have suggested.

It is definitely going against the current. You can see that. There's an anomaly. Yeah, so it's a freshwater lake that this is in. This is in the top. It's very near Russia, actually, when you look on the map. It's sort of nearing the border, and it's 390 feet deep as a lake. So that's massive.

Yeah, so you could hide a large creature in there should you need to for the size that it is. That's great. We can add that to the list. And when we go and looking for lake monsters, that'll be our first stop in China. Oh, yeah. So talking about global media and the conglomerates, the power that let us see what they want us to see

and siphon things through various channels, anything important, anything that is real or frightening or could be construed as a cover up by any means will not come through general big media. It is filtered down through the tabloids, which is all owned by the same conglomerates. But for the idea that therefore it could be pertained as joke, you know. And so you can this where all the UFO stuff comes up, you know,

and generally anything encrypted like this. And so you can you can share it. You can talk about it. But ultimately, you know, because of the source, you can't have any kind of strength behind the idea of it. It's scientifically not plausible in some way. And all you have to do is accept that those are the only channels that are going to be putting this, that they're going to let this go through

and ignore the fact that tabloid media has the name that it has. You know, some of these crazy headlines obviously are ridiculous. Elvis had, you know, twin babies on Mars and things like that. You don't need to buy those kind of things. But in some of these, and by the way, that's the extreme, the examiner or whatever, you know, those really bad tabloid ones. But just these regular kind of normal everyday newspapers, which are still tabloids, you know,

these things are the best source to find, is to actually filter through and find the truth. You know the song that's going to go under there? What? It would have been chosen. I'm so high. Cypress Hill. I can't wait to hear the super-soaked. It's actually a new part of the show, my monologues,

which we need soundbases on them. Yeah, great idea. What should we call those? We have to come up, see if you guys come up with a name. When I go into one, you're going to have to go, there's going to be a noise of some sort. Yeah. And then they'll go into a track.

Oh, I got one. I got one. Darbeats. Oh, Darbeats. Okay, yeah. I'll message you guys with more ideas throughout the evening. Yeah, that's a good starter. I don't know if it's the ender. Well, I've got nothing yet, so...

Oh, that doesn't surprise me. I shouldn't have to come up with it. I'm the guy coming up with these monologues, these emotional... Oh, here we go. ...platform, moving... kind of genre-breaking movements of words and ideas that I guess really fulfill people's dreams and destinies

as they sort of go throughout their day and they realise that there's more to life than just a nine to five or a chocolate latte or a close relationship with a friend. I think it's about what's out there in the world beyond our own world. That one's going to have unchained melodies under there.

No, that's why we could call them the hack tracks. What? What? That doesn't sound good. No, just Reese having a hack at doing a monologue whilst we put a track under it. Oh, right. What about the... what about the inspirationals?

No, no. Those are backup monologues who repeat certain great bits of the monologue in harmony. Another inspirational moment brought to you by the cryptid factor and the shameful tiki bar. 8 a.m. through till midnight, Thursday Fridays. Try the Hurricane Frankie special

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