The Cryptid Factor - 42: #042 The Time Travel Issue

Episode Date: April 4, 2019

Here we go again! In this episode, Rhys time travels to wake Buttons up in the future to save him from his own voice (!). You'll also hear tales of Alien disclosing Presidents, a 'close call' with a phone and an arrow, a crim caught in the nude, a time traveling shoulder tap savior, a Mantis Man recall, as well as a 3-year old saved by a friendly Squatch... what more could you want?

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. Hello and welcome back to The Cryptid Factor. I'm Rhys Darby and with me of course Dan Shriver. Hello, welcome back guys. Good to be back. It's been so long. It has been crazy. There's been a lot of talk on the internet about buttons being missing somewhere. I might have added to that. I think an apology is needed because our loyal fans out there, we keep them waiting. There's sometimes long gaps with nothing and I have to actually take full responsibility for that because I've figured out guys why it takes us so long to get podcasts out. Anybody would think it would be because of your two big international touring schedules, Dan with you with your no such thing as a fish and Rhys you making movies. The actual truth is that it's very hard for me to edit The Cryptid Factor because my own voice puts me to sleep. It's true. It takes me months to edit these things because every time I sit down and start editing it, I start talking and I completely wake up about half an hour later going, oh, and I have to go back and re-listen to it because it's weird. I can't explain it. So you've got your sort of hypnotic tone that is only effective on yourself. Well, I don't know. That could be the reason why other people fall asleep while I'm talking to them as well. Maybe it's hypnotic on everybody.

Actually, well, now that you come to say that, yeah, I mean, it certainly drift off. I mean, for me, it's like a power that obviously you can exert on people and I think it's sort of, I mean, I'm sort of a little bit, I'm used to it, but I do now and again sort of start to sort of have to double blink and go, oh, God, he's still talking. I wasn't expecting you to be too honest. What about you, Dan? Well, my trick is to then listen to what, because I do the same, but I then listen to what you're saying and kind of piece together what you're talking about from having listened to Budden. So I can now work out that you're probably talking about how dull or sleep-like his voice is. Oh, that's a good tactic. So you hear him talk and then when you start to go, oh, I'm feeling sleepy, I'll switch off and then I jump in and then you can catch up on what he's actually saying. Exactly. I do some detective work. Brilliant.

Good. So I think if I wasn't around, maybe I'm the buffer that stops you from really putting everyone on the planet to sleep. That's, it's very, it's lucky you're here. You're the antidote to my hypnotic problem. How do you get on when you have your meetings with all the busy work things that you do? Do you have another? I've suddenly realized that's why nobody lets me talk. I go to say something. I've always had a complex that it's actually, I've got nothing valuable to add to the conversation and people just shut me down. I think everybody's figured out and I start talking and then, you know, literally two words will come out of my mouth and somebody will go, oh, and I've got an idea. Oh, yeah. And now I've suddenly realized because none of them want to go to sleep because they're having a good meeting. Yeah. Were they there? They're in fear of it. And you've also got one of those great jump in voices where when you're talking, people go, oh, I'm going to have, I'm going to jump in here.

And it's not because they want to. The current jump in? You've got a good background voice for jumpers. Yeah. And also a lot of it, I think it's people thinking, oh, I'm feeling sleepy. I better jump in here or otherwise I'm out. What's this guy? For a lot of people, what they're hearing when you talk, this is what people hear when you talk, Leon. I wish we were joking right now. What's this? It's so unfortunate that we've opened up this episode with your explanation about why we can't get shows out with a lot of explanation from you.

This won't go out for months now. You've shot yourself in the foot. I'm sleeping right now editing this. Let's jump forward to two months time when you'll be editing this. I can visualise you asleep right now. Wake up. Wake up. Thank you. But it's wake up and keep editing.

Stop it. Listen, I'm talking now. This is the voice here. Use this one. Fast forward that other guy. You're literally during this episode speaking into the future to try and wake me up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. There we go. Hopefully that's done the trick. Thank you. Every time I start talking, if you could do that after three minutes it would be great. Anyway, welcome back everybody and I'm so thrilled I hear that theme music and that certainly gets me jazzed up.

Yeah, because there's still so many things going on constantly in the world. That's the idea of the world, I think. And so we better catch up on some of the stuff we've missed and maybe just yeah. Only fortunately, of course, we've only got an hour. I think I just said only fortunately there. I meant to say unfortunately. That was a slip up. So yeah, let's get into the weekly world weird news.

Weekly world weird news. Crazy. Freaky. Watch out. Okay, headlines. I'll go first. Saved by the cell. Mobile phone stops bow and arrow attack in Australia. That's great. What about you, Dan? I have a few. I quite like this one.

This was in Sweden. A police officer was sitting in a sauna naked when he suddenly noticed the naked man opposite him was a wanted criminal. That's the set up for this story. Can I just, hey, wait, before you say yours, my lights have turned off. I've just got to turn them on. Hang on. How did your lights turn off? I think they're motion activated. Are you one of those toilets where the lights are motion activated?

Yeah. Okay, well, my weekly world weird news, speaking of the future and time travel. A mysterious stranger with knowledge of the future saves man's life with a shoulder tap. Wow. I'm excited about that. I haven't read about that. Oh, yeah. This is from three years ago.

Well, I tell you what, I think that's three years ago. But he's from 20 years in the future. So it's still relevant for another 18 years. Here's what I was just going to say. When you're talking about a time travel story, it's always relevant. It doesn't matter when you bring it up. See, it's a great point. Right, because, you know, I just thought of that.

Right, so bearing that in mind, you should always do time travel stories buttons, because your news is usually quite old. That's why I have been doing them. I've been living by that rule. That's your own rule. Well, here's something about time. I can probably bring this up in a few years. No one will know.

Nostradamus news this week, guys. OK, Rhys, you go. All right, so let's kick off with this amazing survival story. One of those perchance, and we've all heard of these things before, where usually you've got, sometimes it's a bullet. In this case, it's an arrow, and you're saved by something in your, either in your top breast pocket, or in this case, the gentleman was holding a phone.

He was about to film this guy who was going to attack him with a bow and arrow. And one of the chances, the arrow was released, you know, and, you know, it was quite a close range, zooming in and it just happened to hit the dude's phone as he was lifting it up to film the attack. And so, yeah, let me just read. And this has made headlines all over the world. I'm reading this one from Time Magazine talking about it.

A 43-year-old Australian man's mobile phone was the only thing that stood between him and a pointy arrow during an attack in Australia. So this confrontation happened at the man's house in Nimbun. Have you heard of that place? Yeah. Nimbun is right next to Iron Bay, just for anyone who knows a bit about Australia. The attacker shot an arrow at the man which pierced the phone.

The force of the arrow caused the phone to hit the man's chin and just slightly scraped his chin, but no medical treatment was required. So what are the chances? That's amazing. And there's a picture here. I might try and put this picture up on Zoom so you can see it if you haven't checked out this...

You know why? This happens every week. I say every week. This happens, you know, every third month. When I have to share a video, I can't find how to do it. All right, here it is. Check this out. Whoa!

Oh, my God. So you can see the force of that. I mean, how did he... How did that... I must have knocked out of his hand, but the fact that it just then went into his chin, definitely saved his life. For those not being able to look at it,

guys, there's a big, long arrow, like a professional arrow that you'd imagine would come from, you know, somebody who knows how to use it, and it's pierced right through the middle of the phone. And do you know what the amazing thing is? He clearly had a screen protector on. That could probably now be called a human protector

because without that screen protector, it might not have been enough to stop the arrow, and it would have gone through and killed him. Yeah. It's amazing. Did they catch the guy who did it? Yeah, they did. They got him.

They arrested him. A 39-year-old guy was arrested at the scene. So I'd be amazing to see that happen, and then the guy... I guess imagine if the guy was about to call the cops, and that's where he has his phone out, and the guy shot the phone like he's a classic, he's an amazing William Tell kind of,

oh, yeah, you think you're going to call the cops? What the... These stories happen quite a lot, don't they? The sort of, you know, a bullet or an arrow gets in the way. Yeah. My favorite one was... It was 1912 when Teddy Roosevelt was president. He was on his way to do a speech,

and someone shot him. It was an assassination attempt, and the bullets went into the bit of his jacket, where on the inside he had his speech for that rally that he was going to. Oh, wow. But he had such a long speech. It was so thick with paper that the bullets

only sort of kind of hurt him as opposed to really going through him. So he still went to do the speech, and when he got there, he said, I've been shot, but I'm going to do the speech, and he read from the bits of paper that were pierced with bullet holes. Wow.

Just such a badass. That is so cool. Wow. It's made me wonder why whether the breast pocket was designed to be a pocket where you can put something in, because it does cover that left-hand side breast pocket that covers the heart,

whether they originally designed that maybe back in the Middle Ages, if they had that then. I don't think they did, but let's jump forward into the 70s. 1870s. That maybe that was designed so that you could put something in there, i.e. a hip flask or something that would

protect the heart, or probably a Bible back then. Yes. Worth looking into. Yeah, that's worth looking into. OK, Dan, I am desperately keen to hear about being in a bath with a wanted criminal. No, so this was in a sauna.

This was an off-duty police officer. He works in the suburb called Rinkenby, which is in Stockholm in Sweden, and he just sat down to enjoy a nice sauna, sitting butt-naked there, and he looks up, and in the misty heat of the sauna, notices sitting across from him a man,

also naked, who is on the run for drug offences and an assault. Wow. Now, the nice thing is, by coincidence, they both recognized each other. They knew who each other were. That is hilarious. It's like a scene from a film.

Oh. So it was a moment of, hang on a minute, are you? Oh, are you? Yeah, you know who I am. I know who you are. Um, should we? What happened?

He arrested him. He made a naked arrest. Oh, no. There and then? Yeah. And the history of the world, how many naked arrests would have there been? I mean, sure, probably lots of plainclothes cops

arresting naked villains. Yeah. But how many arrests would there have been where there was? And how do you hold them, like, how do you wrestle them to the ground without being, that being totally awkward and inappropriate? It's like... Yeah, exactly.

You can't tell me that, you can't tell me this didn't happen. Right, hands up. Just your hands, please. Oh, come on. Come on now. I'll give you a minute to calm yourself down. But, um, he got a lot of sort of praise online for doing it,

and some people said that he is a hero who never takes the day off. He's known for sort of, like, always being on. But in this case, that's sort of like, you know, when Poirot goes off on holiday and he just happens to sit in a hotel as a murder happened. This is what's happened. I can't believe that...

And it's interesting that these guys who are on the run, these wanted criminals or whatever, take out the time to have a sauna. Yeah. You know, to go to... You know what? I need to take five here. I'm going to go to a popular sauna

that's probably frequented by, you know, big names in the law. But it's a risk. It's a risk I'm willing to take, because I need to get nude, and I need to sweat this shit out. What are the chances? But where do you...

Yeah, also, where do you... How do you make the arrest? You obviously have to say, can we do it outside? Because you haven't got your... You haven't got your handcuffs with you. You don't bring in metal to a sauna. That's going to...

Oh, exactly. You're going to earn your... Do you think he sort of slowly picked up his towel that might have been somewhere there and started sort of slowly spinning it around, you know, turning it into one of those little whiplashing towels that you see in a full metal jacket?

You know, that kind of... Like, mate, before you make any moves, just be careful. I've got a towel here, my friend. You're under a vest. Actually, I'm completely naked. Vest? I mean, arrest. Wow.

Did you mention there, Dan, whether or not they did wrestle to the ground? No, there's no... I wish there was more detail. It's... Yeah. They said the arrest was as stripped down as it gets. No strip search required.

I'd love to know how that played out. Wow. I have in mind to put together a big book for time travelers of, you know, places to go that aren't the Titanic or, you know, the forgotten pockets of history. Oh, yes. This should be in there.

Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, hidden gems. Yeah. Yeah. Off kilter moments. Yeah. Just off the tourist trap, sort of, you know. Don't go back to Titanic.

Everyone's going to Titanic. Okay. Well, onto my little bit of weekly Word World news. This is in Turkey, in a place called Adana. And there's a shopkeeper called Sardar. He was stacking some goods outside of his storefront. And now it just so happens that his storefront, which is out on kind of a busy street,

if you like, or at least on a street corner, there's a CCTV camera right there, right above where he sets up his shop. And you see in this video, Sardar setting up stuff in front of his shop. And somebody comes walking right through the middle of the shop, down the road, and you see them just tap this shopkeeper on the shoulder.

A fraction of a second after the shopkeeper turns around, a truck comes flying around the corner. And the tailgate, which is a swinging tailgate, up and down one, comes flying around from the side of the truck and swings and basically swipes right in front of, right in the space where the shopkeeper's head was. If this person hadn't have tapped him on the shoulder, this gate would have come and taken his head off.

Wow. The thing that happened after that is that this person kept walking straight past him around the corner. And the shopkeeper was so completely startled that by the time that he realized what had happened, he ran around the corner. This person had vanished and completely gone. Wow.

Yeah, the truth is, is that this person saved his life. Yeah. Wow. I'm just going to bring up the footage. That's amazing. Before you bring that up, I've got two things to say. First of all, wake up. Wake up.

Buttons. Wake up. Thank you. I know you'll be editing this. And that was almost like five minutes of you talking. Yeah. So I want you to... Thank you.

And here's a note for you. Rewind and have another listen to it in smaller increments. This is Rhys speaking. Oh, man, I love it when you talk into the future and help me. It's very helpful. And what better a story to be talking into the future? Your time travelling, your voice is time travelling right now. This time travelling story in itself has three levels of time travel within it.

It's got its own level. It's got you talking about it now and it's got me projecting into the future to tell you to rewind it and edit it differently. Wow. Less of you talking in it. I can't wait to hear what this story is, Rhys. Can you tell me? Right.

So basically, there's this dude who gets tapped on the shoulder and then a truck comes past and almost swipes him out. And it doesn't because he got tapped on the shoulder from someone from the future. Wow. Isn't that amazing how you can... That's the Reader's Digest version. That's the blurb.

That's the tweet. That's the tweet of the YouTube video. Dan's just been listening to the sound of wind and creaking doors in the voice of Rhys Darby for the last five minutes. He's listening to an old truck as well, just slowly driving along. You bastards. Okay.

No, that's... And the second thing I'll say is that I'm excited about this because it has all the elements of the fact that we can appear from another dimension or time and adjust things but only in the slightest way to save a life. Well, this is what you've got to ask yourself. Why this person... And that's the thing.

He's sitting there now, the shopkeeper, Siddharah, asking himself this question. Why me? Why was I saved? He must invent something or have something that, you know, changes humanity for the better. We should try and get in contact with him and get a weekly update from now on

for the rest of the show's existence. What's happened this week? Bearing in mind, Dan, that this was three years ago, remember? So there's a lot of time... This would have been more relevant. But also, imagine... Imagine... I think we should...

If we could go back in time now and put this article out, put this show out three years ago, this is going to be way more relevant too. Well, this... Well, can one of you, Time Travel Back, tap me on the shoulder at the point that this news article comes out.

Oh, that's perfect. And then I will notice a news article and I will talk about it when it's relevant. Wow. And then you guys would have saved the future. I will, I will. I'll go back three years from now and I think we're doing more regular shows back then.

So I'll tap you on the shoulder and say, hey, hurry up and edit the Time Travel One that's happening in three years' time. How many layers of time travel are we up to now? I'm lost. What if the Time Traveler is a listener of the cryptid factor and originally in this episode,

Buttons' weird story was about a guy who got decapitated by a flying tail bit of the... Oh, yeah. So he's gone back and he's tapped him and he's prevented it and now we're talking about him, but it's one of the people who listen to us crazy. I like that because you know why he's done that

because Buttons' original story about this dude being taken out by a tailgate was so long and boring that a lot of listeners were falling asleep. And so one listener's come in and thought, you know what, I'm going to go back and tie him on a tap this guy so that he doesn't get hit by the tailgate so the story doesn't happen.

But unfortunately, if anything, he takes longer to tell it. He's made a longer story out of it. It's the butterfly effect, no matter what you do and this is what happens, you know, and things don't change. Yeah, the Time Traveler's at home going, what have I done? I thought I sorted this.

I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have done it. Maybe he'll go back again now and try and change it again. Yeah, there you go. That was the video. Yeah. All right, let's see the video.

Here he comes, random guy walking down the street. Watch this. See the truck coming in the background. Yeah. Shoulder tap, turns around, swinging gay. Oh. I like it because that shoulder tap is so subtle.

Like, why else would you do that? Yeah. You wouldn't just walk along and then just touch someone like that for no, yeah. But also the Time Traveler is in the firing line there. Yes. Oh, he died for sure. That was the great irony of the whole story.

Yeah. That'd be great if he did die there because his tombstone would read, 2017, died 2015. Yeah. Amazing. But here's the tricky mind-bending part. Watch it again and look at the person walking past

and look for similarities between him and the shopkeeper. Some people say it is him come back from the future saving himself. Wow. Yeah. But here's my issue with that. He's already sort of middle-aged to, you know,

getting on a bit. I mean, how much forward in time are we looking before, you know, Time Traveler is devised for this guy to then come back. Wow. Here's another concept. The person walking to shoulder tap him has a little bit of a funny kind of a walk,

like he may have suffered a bad head injury. Potentially, this is him coming back with a severe injury, having sorted out Time Traveler and going, I'm going to go back and tap myself on the shoulder so I don't have the head injury. You look, he's got a bit of a funny walk. His arm, sort of one arm is going to straight out like he's almost had a stroke or something.

And maybe he's kind of has a bad head injury, doesn't have a bad injury. And now that guy walking around the corner, Time Traveler, all of a sudden starts walking normally, doesn't have a head injury. Oh, I see. And he's safe. Right.

So you think in one timeline, he does get hit by this thing. Yeah. And that's what caused his, I mean, that would be one hell of an injury. But that would account for that type of walk, for sure. But I guess the question I'm putting forth is that if he doesn't really look any older there, this, you know, does Time Traveler

have all invented the next week? I've got to turn my light on. Oh, your light's gone off again. Yeah. Nobody's coming into the toilet for a good five minutes. It's not the toilets. This is my, I'm in my North Hollywood office. This is the, the boardroom.

Right. Just happens to have urinals against the wall, but it is a wonderful boardroom. This is such a good point by Rhys. But the audience, if you had found this story three years ago, we could have been talking about it in the present and got excited by the idea that maybe Time Travel

would be cracked next week. But it's now three years later. No, but here's the counter-argument to that. This is proof that he had a head injury, that head injury, which made him not be able to walk properly, gave him the inspiration. Like I've heard many times,

people have a near-death experience and then all of a sudden have the blueprints of an amazing machine, which they didn't have before, I've met somebody that has had that happen, that ended up designing the best speakers in the world after a near-death experience. And he's designed Time Travel

and he's decided, I'm going to go back now and stop myself from getting that head injury, saves itself from getting the head injury. Time Travel's no longer invented. Mmm. So it's a sort of one-off. Yeah.

I missed that. I must have, I actually drifted off during a... And this is why a lot of your theories don't quite make it out into the real world. I caught the end of it when I woke up, but I thought, what do you mean? How can it suddenly not be invented? You must have said something interesting at the start, did you?

Yeah, we flipped roles there. I listened for some reason. It sort of came through. Oh. Yeah. I listened. I love that sentence. I listened for some reason.

Thanks, guys. He gave it a shot. And he's regretted it ever since. So the idea is that the man in the original timeline got the hit, made him a bit wonky. Yeah. And so in the wonky state of his brain, he suddenly realized how time travel could be cracked.

Oh, I see. I see. Goes back, saves him out. Yeah, saves himself. But by doing so, knocks out the invention of time travel because he no longer is. Oh, that is genius.

Is that your idea, Buttons? No, I came up with that myself. That's really good, man. That's great. No, you've outdone yourself there, classic. No, that's great. OK, well, that's all well and good. Definitely more well than good.

But now it's time to move on to listening to my voice for a little while, while our listeners can sort of slowly wake up and come back to life because it's time for Darby's Disclosure. Is it possible that Rise Darby came from another star system and has been visiting Earth for millions of years?

Ancient astronaut theorists say yes. Darby's Disclosure is truly this inside here. Now it's out there. All right. Well, I still can't get over how you get the best theme tune. How come you get it? Guys, you're not supposed to be part of this, remember?

You're supposed to be in your little booths with your headphones on, looking at the wall. I might just have a little sleep, OK? If you sleep when I talk, I might just have a little sleep. Well, OK, you get yourself off to sleep. You talk to yourself and... Actually, if you could talk through a little tube so that Dan can hear you as well.

Put the tube up to your ears, Dan, and then you'll drift off as well. And you guys have a little nap. Back to me. Former Polish president warns of E.T. invasion. Now, this has just come out recently. By the time you hear of this, of course, old news, worth time travelling for

to go back and listen to it when it first came out. This is just a dude who used to be a president. So, obviously, these type of people, high-ranking, they get to hear everything within the realms of their own country advisory committees. Sorry, what was that I heard there? I heard someone... I know. No, I just get really nervous during Darby's disclosures.

That's just what I'm just getting. I'm just texting a few people just to try and keep myself awake. OK, I told you to have a nap. I want you out. I don't want you listening to this. OK, sorry. Right, in a recent speech, Lecz Wielasa, or, you know, forgive me for my pronunciation, Lech,

but it's probably better that I don't get your name right during these circumstances. Now, I can hear you laughing in there. Sorry, sorry. I know you're not laughing at your own story, that you're trying to get yourself off to sleep. Anyway, Lech or Lecz has made some rather out-there comments

about extraterrestrial visitors of late. Now, unfortunately, well, most of it is all in Polish, so let's... Lucky, you took those Polish lessons three years ago. Yeah, so this is all worth it. Time to go back and teach yourself quickly. Excuse me, is that someone listening? His unexpected remarks were made during a talk

at the Civic Club in a Krosno where he went inexplicably off topic and started to discuss his belief that intelligent extraterrestrials are not only watching us, but could soon intervene in a catastrophic way due to the actions of other world leaders. Wow. And in quotes, there are three levels

of intellectual development in other galaxies, he says. We are the lowest, and the higher civilization comes as a UFO and others and looks at what we are doing here. So, yeah, that's paraphrased. But basically, and this is very believable, that we're definitely the lowest of the low in terms of the intellectual species

that are in the universe. Were you looking at me when you said that? I was hoping you had drifted off by that point, but, yeah, obviously, he's secretly listening. If we threaten to destabilize here, and he talks of Macron, Putin, they will interrupt us. He thinks the extraterrestrials will interrupt

if we go any further with what these leaders are doing, and they will interrupt and cut us in half. The Earth, I don't think he means, like, physically, they'll come down and will... Ow, my torso's gone! I think he means he'll stop civilization on... Sorry, the extraterrestrials will stop civilization on this planet.

Earth will collapse and everyone will be crushed, he's basically saying. They can hold us that way for 5,000 years. This is what he's saying. And then they will send Adam and Eve and will build the world again. So, in his theory that the extraterrestrials are watching, when we get to a point where we're obliterating ourselves,

they will call time. So the aliens will go, that's it, you've gone too far, and then basically we'll all be exterminated, and then they'll start again. Because, you know, there's that idea that, I guess, that we are a creation from them, or they've been observing us for a long time.

But I guess the main point about all this is that for a world leader to... or an ex-world leader, certainly, to be a former Polish president, to be out on the open in the public and be talking this way, which, you know, even a few years ago would have been completely bonkers.

But people are sort of putting articles about it and putting it out there, and sort of at least attempting to, rather than just laugh at the idea, sort of listen to it and think, oh yeah, is there a point there? Well, of course there is, but is it for realsies? He goes on to say,

people find things, dig in stones, these pyramids, no answer, where do they come from? He said, so now he's clearly... this is also, you could read an article like this and then think, okay, so he's watched a couple of episodes of Ancient Aliens, or... and he's getting excited.

Or he's read Charits of the Gods. Either way, good on him, he's on the right track. The thing that I love to think about is what that Civic Club meeting actually was about before he went off script and started talking about making new footpaths on the high street. And he's like, now we need new... Well, actually, we don't really need new footpaths, to be honest,

because we're all an alien experiment, and they're going to come back and take us out. I just would love to be in that meeting. It's exciting because exactly I feel the same way. And of course, this guy's looking at the photo there, if I can share this with you again. It's going to be another half hour where I work it out. But...

Oh, there we go. Share. Just talk amongst yourselves for... No, you know what? You've run out of time because I've already shared it. And there he is. Oh, look at him! That's the guy. So when you get to that point in your life,

you do have a give a shit attitude, you know? And he's sitting there in a public meeting where they're talking about, you know, as you say, new footpaths or whatever. And like you said, he's going, yeah, you know what? Fuck this. Oh, shit. We're all part of a massive experiment.

You think we built the pyramids? Don't be so stupid. Why are we bothering with the different types of tar-sealed colours on the pavements when, let's be honest, is basically almost destroying this planet, which is clearly controlled by extraterrestrials, and we might as well just give up.

Let's start the experiment again, guys. Now souls regenerate, will become back, and look, I'm actually excited personally about being part of the pyramids to begin with. So let's go back there. I'd love to meet Cleopatra. I have an affair. I'm into milk.

Let's do it. Excuse me, Mr Litch. Mr Litch, yeah, your car's waiting. There's no such thing as cars, mate. They're in a construction that never really worked. You know, we can't use fuel. We don't need to use fuel. All we have to do is use ESP.

Our thoughts should be able to get us anywhere. If I think hard enough now, I can literally transport myself to another galaxy. Could you please do it? I'm going to do it. Just do it, please, mate. I'm going to do it. Do it as quick as you can.

Just as quick as you can, Mr Litch. All right, well, I'm thinking now. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Fuck, he's gone. The old bastard is right. Hang on. And I've reappeared, guys.

Oh, fuck, you know what? I'm going to walk down the street here. Oh, shit, there's a guy just outside his store. Fuck, it's me. Oh, my God, here comes a truck. Oh, my God. Hey, tap, tap, tap. Hey, who's that?

Just get inside. No, turn around the wrong way. Turn around the wrong way. Turn around the wrong way. What the fuck? Litch? It's me, Litch. And just by coincidence in the video,

he is on a footpath on a high street. So that conference he was at. Exactly. Oh, it all comes full circle. Exactly. And that was this week's Derby's Disclosure. Disclosure. Disclosure.

All right. Codes in. Wake up. Why, guys? Wake up. What is it? Is it all over now? Is it all over?

Dad, wake up. Oh, my God. Oh, blow your mind. And you can either go forward or back three years, and you'll find the information there available. I'd love to know what you think. I'd love to know what you think. I'd love to know what you think.

I'd love to know what you think. I'd love to know what you think. I'd love to add to your Derby's Disclosures. We'll call this the Button Enclosures. Oh, yeah. That quite an amazing thing has happened. A professor has released a book about UFOs being time travelers from the future.

Yeah. And I know about this. And I thought about you straight away, Buttons. I really did. And you've read, so you've read into it, haven't you? And how close is he to your idea? Oh, my goodness. This book is just amazing.

It's all of my ideas basically turned into a book, which I'm fine with, because I don't know how to write. But he is basically using all of the same logic that I've been banging on about for years, but nobody's listened to me, because I've found out they've all been asleep. Well, this is my first question. So you found one guy who's listened to you long enough

to actually get the idea into his head and write a book about it. I mean, we're going to meet this guy, because he's probably the only guy in the world that can actually have the power to be able to not fall asleep by listening to you or having the old jump-in syndrome, which most of us do, so that we don't fall asleep.

But the thing is as well, he's bulletproof in a courtroom, because even if they play extracts of you claiming this theory, no jury's going to hear it. No judge is... Depending on how long the extracts are. We've got a couple of extracts here, but they're only 1.2 seconds long,

because we don't want to risk it. Now, that's a bit of it there. Everyone's still okay. Oh, there's one guy starting to drift off. Well, but this is the thing. Remember our episode where we were talking about giving away free film ideas? I didn't realise we were giving away free book ideas as well

at the same time. It's crazy. Anyway, the book is called Identified Flying Objects. He does this great thing. And being a doctor, his name's Dr. Michael P Masters, he basically makes the argument that we should call these things identified flying objects, because if we presume that they are time-traveling machines

from the future, well, then we know what they are, they're identified flying objects. But the best word that he uses is rather than saying the word extraterrestrials, he calls them extra-tempestrials. Right. They are people that we are from a different time rather than from a different universe.

Amazing. Identified flying objects. Why don't we get them on the show? Yeah, definitely what we've got to do. It's available on Amazon as an audio book as well. Worth noting at this point, just to jump in again for those still awake, I want to advertise that we are going to be at contact

in the desert this year, which is the big UFO conference in Palm Springs. It'll just be Buttons and I, I think Dan will be still in the UK, UKing it out. But we'll be there, we'll be doing a live podcast show on the Sunday, and that's the second of June, where Buttons will be bringing this theory up, which has been his for a long time,

we'll be discussing the book, we'll bring up that guy, we'll talk about alternative ideas on this theory, as well as many other theories and other guests who will be part of the UFO conference. So that's a bit of fun. Coming up, contact in the desert. June 2nd, our show, and the actual conference is May 31st to the 3rd of June.

So exciting. It's such a great conference. We went last year, didn't we? Yeah, we loved it. That's why we're going back, and we managed to get in with the organisers. We said, look, give us a room. We'll get an audience for you.

Well, we'll bring our own. We've got a big podcast audience. I don't know how many we'll turn up, but you guys are listening right now. We want you to make massive road trips, fly. I don't care how much it costs. Take out a loan, you know. Get to contact in the desert.

Bring your cryptid factor t-shirts. Go to cryptid factor. What is it? If you buy the merch, it's just... We've got some sort of store where you just Google it. The cryptidfactor.com. If you come wearing one of our famous shower curtains, if you turn that into some form of outfit or something like that,

a cape maybe will give you a special prize. The amazing thing with this though is, is that remember at that conference, I had a Georgio, our friend Georgio, from the ancient aliens, and I asked him whether or not this could be possible at the time travelling humans, being UFOs and aliens.

He literally laughed me off the microphone. Yeah. This was in a room full of 300-plus people too, where you... Yeah, they all started laughing, bastards. And then one time I didn't want people to listen to me, and then the other one was in a previous episode, I had the opportunity to ask Neil deGrasse Tyson about this theory, and he too, he ended up using swear words

to define me. You were sworn at. Neil made it very obvious that he didn't believe in this. Now we've got a doctor from Ohio State University who has a doctorate in anthropology, coming out writing a whole book about it, saying that it is, like I've said all the time, the science of time travel is actually more understandable

and more within our reach than it is to be able to travel millions of light years across the universe, to be able to get from planet to planet. I will jump in there briefly and just say also, though, but it's just because you've got one other dude on the planet that is backing your idea. Doesn't mean that that's proof that it actually is... But he's a doctor. He's an actual doctor.

You've got one dude, OK, and I guess in a room full of people that disagree... He's a very clever man. Listen to this guy. And then you sort of disappear, and then you reappear dressed as some other dude. Well, the truth is... It's clearly you with the suit on. Is he a doctor? We've established he's made up his name.

Yes. Is that not just a bit of his name? You admitted you made up the name. The great thing is, is this doctor, this good doctor, Michael, he has been interested in this subject or had this theory or this idea ever since he was a little kid. So he has developed this idea.

He's become a doctorate of anthropology, and he's now written all his ideas down. There's two really important things that he talks about there. One of which is he talks about Project Blue Book and Project Grudge and all these 1950s, 40s, 50s. So he knows his ufology. But he doesn't call himself a ufologist because he doesn't buy into that.

But when talking about Blue Book and that, the reason why he brings it up is because he talks about the fact that the ridicule that people get late upon them when they say they've seen a UFO or when they talk about believing in UFOs was designed by the American government to quell all of the disquiet that was happening around all the UFOs.

Of course, yeah. And they have now revealed that the U.S. government came out to create ridicule for those people because it was destabilizing governmental control. And so it was actually planned as proven. And so now, I think, with even with Darby's disclosures, even you are now coming out and risking your fame and fortune around coming out.

And in the 60s and 70s, you wouldn't have done that because people would have thought you're a crackpot or more of a crackpot than you are. Yeah. And so the fact that he's not a uit doesn't call himself a ufologist and he's a doctor. Or is he just a ufologist that's scared of becoming labeled as a crackpot

and so he's changing his ideal into a time travel. Because it's time traveling less crackpot. That's a very, very good point. But the thing is, is that he's going to be able to be proven right or wrong one day. Is that if they design time travel, the amazing thing is, people will be looking up his book and he'll be heralded

as they would have forgotten about me. My name won't be remembered. Dr. Michael P. Masters, they'll have celebrations for him because he would be like, see, we ridiculed him because it turns out he was bang on right. And it led me to think, imagine being the people in the future time traveling back and the government or whatever who's organizing the time travel says,

right, this time travel UFO is going back to Roswell in the 1940s. And you'll be like, no, no, I know what happens to that one. They crash. So I don't want to go on that one, go, no, we have to do it. We know you're going to crash. But if we don't send it back and crash, it'll change the history of the world

and time travel might not happen. So we're going to send you back, even though we know you're going to die. Wow. I'm looking forward to your next book, Dr. Masters. And with that, I'll just put my doctorate away and my fake doctorate when I got off the universe. All right. So that was a 10-minute ad about Buttons' new book, which is coming out when he plays his alter ego.

Dr. P Masters, who I think he just got the name from an old Magnum PI episode personally. By the way, the book is a graphic novel. So it's just drawings he's done. And because if you read actual words from him, you will fall asleep. The only way of getting through it is with pictures. It's a great idea, though.

And now let's get to some cryptozoology after all. That's what the show is about. Finally, let's end this episode on some cryptid buzz. Attention, old personnel. It's time for this week's cryptid. Help me! Dan, have you got something? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Should I lob in?

So sometimes encounters are reported. They don't necessarily have to have happened this year, but it's all about building up a case for a cryptid. Sometimes people don't tell people for years because they're a bit scared, or they haven't heard of this thing before. So what I'm about to present here is a sort of sighting that happened back in 2011,

but it's only been passed on to someone who's been building the case for encounters with what is known as Mantis Man. Oh, wow. That's amazing. Was that just a mess of preamble to excuse the fact that this is old news like I use in drama? Dan is way clever at boxing things together.

I wish I knew how to use words. Damn it. That was so... Ah, I can't do it. I'm just going to write that down for a bit, and every time I do weekly where we're at news, I'm just going to say that and then go into like this. Well, why don't you just play in what I've said?

You don't even need to write it down. Just play in the book. There's an intro on your stories. Before I reveal the story, I have a little intro here from Dan Shriver, who really sort of connects to the idea. Who's an intellect? We'll call him an intellect.

So this is an article that was published on the 22nd of March 2019 on a website called phantomsandmonsters.com. And there was an episode called Monsters and Mysteries in America, which was on the Travel Channel, and in it, they talk about the idea of Mantis Man. Mantis Man is a praying mantis-looking character

that is said to be about seven foot tall, and it's only been seen a few times, but this person is sent in an account from in 2011 where they said I was driving home from work in Mohegan's Sun Casino, and it was after midnight, I saw a small one and a half to two foot tall praying mantis humanoid standing on the side of the avenue in New London, CT.

The avenue runs along the Thames River, and I was driving southbound when I saw it on the side of the road, directly on my left. It was a mahogany brown color, and it looked exactly like the CGI version on the show, which I mentioned it just before. I stopped my car and watched it,

and it was looking right at me the whole while as it ran towards a storm drain. It never took its eyes off me, then it jumped into the storm drain. When I got home, I told my boyfriend at the time about it, and we both laughed it off. I chalked it up to being overtired and seeing things because I was so exhausted,

but now I know I wasn't seeing things. It's disturbing to realize that this could have been real. Now, as far as I can tell, there's only a few mantis man sightings that happened. There's two links on this website which suggest two other sightings, but yeah, there's supposedly a mantis man out there. What's weird is it was seen by water

or heading to a storm drain, which is not the natural place that a full praying mantis would hang out. Praying mantises are found in the wood under sticks and so on. So this is a evolved aquatic mantis. Yeah, and now, just to jump in there, with ufology, there's the mantis is also one of the alien beings

that people talk about. Experiences have talked about which they see during abductions where there's often a sometimes a six foot tall praying mantis looking insecticide sort of character. Well, an earlier post on phantoms and monsters, he says exactly that, searching mantis alien online

instead of praying mantis man. He found a lot more. They said that they're possibly interdimensional. It's all in the name though, isn't it? Because mantis man sounds so great. Praying man just doesn't have the ring, doesn't it? Well, it's a different thing, isn't it? It's just a lot of people in the world.

Exactly. I came across a praying man and I couldn't believe it. He wouldn't take his eyes off me. I'm thinking, God, mate, you should be praying right now. Well, you don't look at me. And he jumped down the drain. Exactly. Chan's megastick man.

Do you know Chan's megastick? What's that? It's the longest stick insect in the world. It's huge. It's called the Chan megastick. The megastick. The megastick man. That's me. Wow. That's what people call me sometimes.

12 foot tall. And watch out because when he talks, you'll fall asleep. So that's his power. Special powers. He's got an incredibly weird torso. Really. Comic books are going to be seen. They're going to be stealing ideas from our podcast.

You'll see a book come out about three years on megastick man. He's a time-travelling guy who puts people to sleep and you'll be like, I told you, I told you. I told you, I told you, I knew it. I bloody knew it. Let's do it.

Okay, let's finish on. Hang on. Hang on, I've even done microping news! What are you talking about? Dude, I run out of time in the boardroom. I only had it till 2.30. It's now 2.34. I'm just literally waiting for someone to come and knock on the door.

Oh, wow. Right. OK. OK. Well, good. Some good news. I've got a new button down now. Oh.

Jerry Butchie signed up to the Button Downers Club for my research institute. Brilliant. Which is very good. She does think that my name is Dr Michael P Masters. So if you don't, please don't tell Jerry that way. I see. A three-year-old toddler called Casey Hathaway in North Carolina

went missing overnight. There was a search party sent out. Everybody feared for his life. And we're expecting him not to be alive because temperatures plunged below zero. He was only wearing light clothing. He turned up the next day alive and well with a story that a bear had taken care of him overnight.

Now, a three-year-old, what would a Sasquatch look like? A bear. And now North Carolina has many sightings of Sasquatch, a bigfoot, down there. And so this lost little boy story, potentially, he's been taken care of overnight by a compassionate bigfoot. That's crazy. I'll say this as well.

The animals in general, they treat younger humans differently. There's something to be said about even that it could have been a bear that wouldn't have ripped the person to shreds and eat in it rather than maybe it was a female bear and had that kind of nurturing thing about it. So there's something to be said about that possibility. But I'm not saying that it wasn't a Sasquatch.

I believe that that would be great because it's so little. I mean, it's like, you know... Well, it's amazing because there's actually a lot of... the term that they use as feral children when they're raised by wolves. And there's actually quite a lot of cases of it. There's people that have been kept alive by cats.

There's an ostrich boy who was cared for by birds. There's a wolf boy of Moscow who was raised by wolves. Yeah, there's a little baby that was taken care of by a monkey out in the wild. You never hear of adult humans that have been sort of cared for by animals? No. I mean, look, I was happily married.

I had a couple of kids, but I eventually had enough of that. You know, I went through a terrible divorce. I moved into the forest. And a large Sasquatch just sort of looked after me for a while there. Sure, I'm pretty well, but then eventually, you know, I pissed her off. And so we had another break-up.

And I moved into... Well, I moved straight to the ocean, actually, there. And I've been swimming with dolphins for the last six months. Have you thought about, like, just making human friends? No, no, no one's really into me. I think one of the main reasons is when I... After a while, when I've been talking, they sort of drift away.

They fall asleep. And so I think for animals, really, is probably the key for me. Hello? Hello? Oh, I'm sorry. I've knotted off there. Well, it's been great to talk to... What's your name? Who cares?

Yeah. I've got to get out of here anyway. Ah! Ah! Oh, he's my latest girlfriend. All right, Horky! What are we doing tonight? Oh, fuck, we're raiding nests again. All right, all right.

Dr. Peamaster's there with his... LAUGHTER His new book, which is coming out, which is... I've now joined the animal kingdom, so I enjoy that. It's obviously a comic. No, that's good.

That's interesting. That's cool. And that probably is the end of our show, given that Rhys is, um, urinal, um, urinal, um, urinal, um, urinal, um, urinal, um, time has come to an end.

Yeah, I was going to carry on, but I don't want to be too rude with this office here. I've already done 14 minutes over my, my allotted time in the boardroom. And there's a, there's a queue of people waiting. I can see them in the hallway. LAUGHTER They're looking at me, watching some of them have got,

like, white boards and all kind of... There's a dude here. He's obviously going to do a demonstration on something. He's got some new, a new sneaker. A new sneaker's design. He's holding there. There's a couple of young kids. Oh, God. Oh, there's a six-foot tall praying mantis lining up. He's obviously going to do some sort of lecture.

Oh, there's an old dude. Looks like he's from Poland. Oh, there's a huge, massive queue of people. I really probably shouldn't... Oh, do you know what it is? Yeah. I put an ad out three years in the future about this podcast, and I invited them all to come back

and meet you at the time that you recorded this. They won't come back. This is crazy. You know what I'm like. In the original podcast, does Rhys actually tell his story, and that's what they've come back to start? They've all come to sue you for taking their story

and cashing it on it, you know? They're all waiting there. They've all got... They've all got affidavits to serve from the future. So in three years, you're going to be rooted. Oh, great. Well, once again, time has screwed me. Ah...

I've got one last thing just to mention before we go, and it's that this is another... Time Traveler has been tampering with something because I'm on the Cryptid Factor website. We mentioned the famous shower curtain, and I can't see any trace of our shower curtain

on our store. What? What? Has it come off? It's not there. There is no shower curtain. Oh, my God. You know what's happened, guys? People have listened to this podcast and they've gone online and they've already

sold out, and they've been... we've been called, and we've had to take the item off the website, and this has happened three years ago. Oh, wow. This is so deep. Sorry, there's my phone. Hello. I know you want the room, mate, but I've...

I'm trying to wrap things up, but these guys just won't... They won't take no for an answer. Just good news, though. I have seen that new items have gone up, so you can now instead purchase the Cryptid Factor official bath mat. So...

Yay! And I think... And let's just reiterate that fact. If you guys do turn up, you listeners, if you turn up at Contact in the Desert and you turn up wearing a bath mat or the shower curtain or have any merch,

the most ridiculous the better. I know there's socks. I know there's tote bags. Also, there's... it's sold out, though. There's a beach towel, the official beach blanket. But you can see on every single one of our items, there's a giant logo, but this beach blanket

is effectively a white blanket and right in the top corner there's a tiny logo right in the corner. We didn't want to overdo it with the logo on the beach towel. There's nothing worse than when you're up at the beach, people are walking long, they see a Cryptid Factor

massive logo on your towel and they'll come over and they'll push your ice cream out of your hand. What a shame because I would have bought that and sadly the mug, the Cryptid Factor mug, is sold out as well. Sold out? I did buy a mug.

I think we only probably had one mug that we made, so I sold it out. Sorry guys. I'll put it back in the shop so somebody else can buy it. Give it a wash and dry with a tea towel and put it back in the shop. Yeah, and then if people buy it, if you do

want to buy the mug, and then if you just use it for a couple of months and then send it back, we'll wash it and dry it for you and then we'll put it back in the shop. So give everybody a turn to buy it. Yeah, I think so. And we can all, you know... And what we should do is you get your name engraved

on the mug when you've bought it and used it and then we'll just have it and then you get your name on it and then the next person when they buy it, they get their name on it and we'll see if every fan can use the same mug. Wow. It'd be worth a mint. That's such a cool idea.

And on that note, I've got to go because seriously the praying mantis is trying to get through the door. LAUGHTER Alright guys. See you all again in six months. LAUGHTER MUSIC Can you just say wake up one more time quickly though for those that haven't woken up.

Just wake me up quickly so I can edit. Wake up. Finish this goddamn thing. It's been going for hours, please. LAUGHTER