The Cryptid Factor - 48: #048 The Segmented Issue

Episode Date: September 20, 2020

In a vain attempt to be helpful, Buttons creates his first (and hopefully last) segment. Also covered in this chaotic ep: an explosive fly swatting experience, some snake swallowing surgery, taxidermied high fives, and a sighting (and a shooting) of New Zealand's own ABC's!

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. And we're back! Just like that, another week has passed and we are still in the game, ladies and gentlemen. I have to say, it's starting to feel like a job though, isn't it? It's Sunday, I have to go and talk to those guys. You do all the buttons, we just rock up, talk yatties and we disappear. That is a good point. I mean, you are essentially doing a job. You've got the most responsible position. You've got to edit this thing, get it looking and sounding fantastic. And you know, you're yet to do that.

No, we are very thankful for your work buttons. Without your tireless work and the fans, more importantly, wouldn't have this production every week. So thank you so much for keeping this going. Stop it, stop it. I know you're a busy guy. Okay, okay, keep going, keep going. That's all I have. No, look, it is my, it is an honour, it's a pleasure and an honour and I'm just so glad we're doing this regularly now.

Oh yeah. Hey, I think I'd like to invent a new segment, if that's permissible. Oh, here we go. Wow. Wow. Hey, we need a sting for a new segment. New segment, new segment. Here it is.

So if I am permitted, if you will permit me to, I am struggling to come up with an appropriate title. Don't ask Dan, whatever you do. Don't ask Dan, that's a great title for it. Don't ask Dan's segment. Thank you, Rhys, you're so good at coming up with title names. I am, it's one of my few talents. Okay, well, this is the best I've come up with, which is updates. What?

Just the word updates. No, well, I was struggling. Hang on, no. That's abysmal. Okay, no. Okay, how about this, the recaps? Ah, recaps? Oh, Rhys.

All right, like so, wait, what? So the segment that I want to create, maybe you can both help me here. I think you need it. There are so many things that we start talking about that we go, oh, well, we will do this and then we'll let you know how we got on. And because there's such a massive long distance of time between each episode or there used to be, we never recapped. It's less so now, it's a week.

Exactly, but we're still not recapping. Yeah. Like we left the other day, somebody pulled me up the other day and said, so what happened with Rhys contacting the baseball RV? Jose Canseco. Jose Canseco. And I was like, I don't know. I haven't even asked him myself.

So I thought we need a recap segment where we can actually, and then an updates on news stories that because I've just got an update on a new story that you did a few weeks ago, Rhys. Oh, brilliant. Yeah. Okay. All right. So how about, I mean, the first thing that that sprang to my mind as a title was, and that's a recap.

Yeah. But you should say that at the end of the segment. Yeah. Yeah. You're tired at the end. But it's funnier if it's at the beginning. Oh, that's, yeah, I see. It's very mental.

But then that was sound like our whole intro chat with the recap. Yeah. That'll be confusing. And that's a recap. And then at the end of the recap, we can go, and now it's time for a recap. But I think we should do it by, I say, and that's, and then we all go. A recap. A recap.

Yeah. Okay. Well, let's do it. Okay. Here we go. All right. Well, folks, it's time for our brand new segment, courtesy of buttons. It's called, and that's a recap.

A recap. A recap. Oh God. Okay. What do we got? What's our first? Well, you've got the first recap. What happened with the Jose Conceco?

Oh, yes. Yes. Did he call you back? No, here's the thing. Luckily, after we got off the air, I had a little think and I remembered that in the states, it's illegal to record phone calls without asking permission first. And we would have gone through and just done that. We would have put it out to air.

And of course, knowing our luck, we would have got severely sued, especially a gentleman like that who's living in Las Vegas. He's doing, you know, what was it, $4,000 tours round in his golf cart while he talks about bollocks. So my recap on that is, yeah, my recap on that is that, yeah, I didn't bother following it up. You got stuff. Yeah.

No, I didn't get scared. I saved my ass. Good work. Good work. Yeah. Hey, can I ask a quick question? This is a bit of a diversion, but the money that he wanted. Is it still part of the recap?

No, it kind of would have been a question I would have asked in the original show. So Dan, we are mid new section. We're in the recap section. You can't. I can't do new segment. No. Diversion. It has to pertain to the recap section we're in at the moment.

Otherwise, bring it up later. Or do you want us to go back? No, I'll do it after the recap. I'll do it after the recap. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Well, the other recap that I have is on a news article that you shared a little while ago and gave us massive concern, Rhys. Yeah.

Hang on. My phone's talking. Everybody's interrupting my new segment. Listen, I just, I said, I said, cool, cool, cool. And my phone has suddenly decided to come up and search for Coco. And started talking about, despite his family's generations old ban on music, young miguel dreams of becoming an accomplished musician. Like his idol.

I see. That's always happens to me. I feel like this, this would be really good for my diversion segment, Rhys. If we could save it for after this segment. All right, I'm going to, I'm going to put that into the diversion segment. You know what? I should have the diversion segment because I always get, this is a problem that I've suffered my entire life.

Mate, we're doing the recap section. Save this for later. That's not part of recap buttons. You can't, personal complaints. You're doing personal complaints. Okay, I'll save that for personal complaints. Yeah. God dammit.

My personal complaints is interfering with my recap section. Still complaining mate. Still complaining. Are you, are you just recapping your complaint there? You can't recap your complaint just so you can get it in the recap section. Well, it's now a diversion. Now we're being diverted from the. I'm not diverted.

Yes. We're now. I'm still within the recaps. I'm just stating more of the rules. Yeah. I did divert earlier with the Coco thing. But now Dan's getting his diversion segment into my personal issue segment. Yeah.

No personal issues is not happening. Stop recapping that. It's a recap. I'm so confused. I think we should just be doing the diversion segment. It's clearly the most popular. You know what? The entire show is a diversion.

The entire crypto show is just one big diversion. Okay. So back to recap. Reese, you did a story and gave us massive concern a few weeks ago around eating seeds that were being sent from China. That's right. Yes. And I just saw an update on that.

And I think because you raised this story and because the crypto factor covered this story so intensely, Amazon have actually gone as far as changing their policy on sending seeds around the world globally because you almost got killed by eating these. I almost died on live air. I know. It would have been dead air. Which is what you generally produce. Especially in the new segments.

Dead air would be a lot better than what's happening right now. Let's put it that way. That should have been the name of the segment. Or even better, edit it out. Welcome to Button's new segment. Okay. So a quick update. Your authorities have warned people not to plant the seeds that were sent to them, although

it has been proven that the seeds were simply just morning glory flowers and the purpose that they think that they were being sent via Amazon was so that the resellers could get a whole bunch of false positive reviews so that they would send them out and then create a positive review on their seed selling business. So unfortunately nowhere near as exciting as them trying to send out an alien plant species that were genetically engineered to be listening devices or spying paraphernalia like we might have thought. But still, it feels like our news article changed.

It definitely would have sparked. It did, I think. That billionaire, what's his name? Jeff Bezos. Yeah, Bezos. Oh, God, just listen to the cryptid factor this morning. We're going to do something about our seeds. I'm telling you.

Yeah, well, he was listening to get ideas again. Yeah, of course he was. Of course he was. As we established, yeah. Yes. And the final part of the updates, guys, and this is the most exciting part of Update News. And I don't...

You've got the name of the segment wrong. What is it? Update News? Oh, now I'm diverting my own segment. God damn it. It's that's a recap. Okay, so the other part, the other that's a recap, recap, is that I set up the Patreon account.

No. Yes. And guess what? Wow. Guess what? What? Three people have signed up already. Oh, my God.

Is that us three? Three people. Yes. No, it's not even us three. That's awesome. And seriously, within the first day of setting up the Patreon, without even setting anything up, a guy called Stephen Davies signed up. He's our first ever Patreon account.

Wow. Wow. Well, he deserves a bit of fame. I mean, that is fandom. Good on him. You should send him Buttons as medal as a nice prize. You know what? I'm getting it out of the drawer.

No. No, it's not that cool. It's just... Well, I've got it out. He was the first. No. What's his address? No, give him one of my books.

Give him one of the terrible books that I've got. Okay. He might want that more, actually. Which book? Pick out a book. Well, the funny thing with your books, by the way, also, is that Leon has put his name in the front cover of all of them, like you do when you're a child. Look.

No. So, he's the first one. Yeah. Leon. Leon. And then there's another one here, and he's put his little name in the front cover of Leon's book. Impossible Visits, a fantastic book by all accounts.

And of course, Leon's name's up there. Oh, see, these are very... These are important books to me, guys. These are going in my mind. They're so important, you just left them behind. Well, look. Okay. So, our first Patreon.

And here we go. Our first Patreon guy. You've got the choice of these four books you can have. Which one you want? So, there's Phantom Pines. You can have Impossible Visits, The Locals, or you can go for Sasquatch Revelations. Sasquatch Revelations. That's a good...

But of course... And they're all signed by Leon. They're all signed by Leon. We'll send one of these to you. So, you just know which one you want. Well, hang on. The only problem with that is, they're stuck in LA with you. And you're leaving tomorrow to come back to New Zealand.

So, you're going to have to bring all of those books back with you until we figure out which one Stephen Davies wants. Which is perfect because I wanted you to bring them back anyway. So, for the price of one book, I'm getting my books back. All right. We'll work it out. But look... That's exciting, isn't it?

Well, for some reason, yeah. Dan's new section, Distraction, really took over there. Distraction Tiverse. Distraction Tiverse. Distraction. That's a different one. Hang on a second, guys. Someone's just walked into the room here.

What the hell are you wearing? That's bloody saucy. Looks like my section's just kicked in. Oh, mate. Gee, take those tassels off your nipples and sit down. I'll have a... Yeah, wouldn't mind a hard drink. Thank you.

It's a bit early. All right. We're back. Sorry, guys. That was Distraction. I want... How come you get all the cool segments? I've just got a stupid, recapping update.

You get one when you get... But he goes with tassels on their nipples walking into the room. Well, I tell you what. At least Dan came up with a very secretive one. Diversion just sneaks in there. You don't even realise it. Oh, yes.

You know? He doesn't even have to announce it just before you know it. It's happening. And we're all lost. And we all go, oh, Dan, your bloody segment. Oh, got there again.

Okay, so let's get back on track. Tell us about this Patreon. When's it happening? What do we have to do? Well, no. So what are we going to be doing? We're going to have a brainstorm, the three of us,

around the type of stuff that we can add up, including our old library books. But all of a sudden, it makes me go, oh, what can we give them? It's a good incentive to actually go, oh, you know, we want to do something. Put some stuff up. Yeah, I doubt we probably will.

But it's nice feeling. We've got plenty of content we can put up there. And like Dan said, it's out on the field. All three of us are out with our video phones. We can record stuff and all that kind of stuff can go on the Patreon. Yeah, so cool stuff like that.

So it's really exciting. And so thank you for those people that get enough joy out of us to actually want to be a part of that. I've just gone to the page buttons. And it looks really cool. Just one slight quibble. Here we go.

No, you have to save this for the quibble. The quibble segment. Quibble segment. No, that comes after the diversion. I'm going to allow the quibble here. No, no, I think we're in a diversion. Is this a diversion segment? Are you quibbling in a diversion segment?

Yeah, yeah. So we've got our logo, which is very cool. And then like when you have on certain websites, there's a banner at the top. And you've uploaded a really good picture of the three of us when we were in Illinois, sitting on the top of a mountain. Great classic shot of the three.

You've put up the photo so that none of our heads are in it. It cuts off just in our heads. Oh, no. And effectively, it's a photo of three men's just legs. Oh, no. Just a lot of leg energy. Hey, like I'm new to this. OK, I'm new to this.

I'm still figuring it out. You're putting up photos online. Yes. It's a new thing for me. I'm still figuring it out. God damn it. Go easy on me. I got the Patreon up.

That's amazing, isn't it? Within two years. Let me share the screen. I just want to show you. I just want to show Reese what you've done here. That sort of leg. He's cropped down the heads, is he? Oh, yeah.

Oh, right. Unbelievable. Come on. How hard is it? Why is it we will not be identified or something? I mean, I've heard of crop circles, but that's a crop circle. What sort of behaviour would lead you to cut the heads off

the three stars of the damn show? I can't. It just said upload a photo and I uploaded it. OK. And then there it is. So there's a bit of work that needs to be done. I'm sorry to those three members so far that are probably going, what have we signed up for here?

And I think we need that fixing before we get to the fourth member. Yeah, I'll work on that today. All right. But guys, I think at the end of the day, that is the end of this new segment. It was very long, but I'll say it once. I'll say it proud. Don't forget to join in because that is a recap.

You've got it wrong. We're supposed to say, and now it's time for a recap. What? That's how we end it. We end it reversed? Yeah, because we started it with a recap. Did I miss out on that conversation? You might have been buffering.

I might have been buffering at that point. OK, I'll say it again. And that, no, so it's OK. And so that's all for that segment. And now it's time to make no sense. It's my brain's gone. I can't understand what I'm doing. Well, neither do we.

That's the whole point. We've got to start this show. We have to do a show. OK. Come on. All right. And now it's time for a recap. Beautiful.

That is amazing. I'm so excited. I'm so excited that my first ever design segment went so well. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. We're out of time now, guys. I think we should wrap this up. Honestly, I'm going to head off and do Darby's Disclosures because it just makes more sense.

People are more into it. Imagine the amount of spin-off shows we're going to be able to run. Your band from making any new segments. That's it. I'll give you this one if you make it better next week. But that's it. Don't come up with any more. We've been talking for an hour now.

No one cares about any of those recaps anyway. There was a lot to recap, wasn't there? The recap is exhausting, the amount of recaps. We just had to quickly recap the last 10 years because we hadn't done any recaps. That's why it was longer than usual, OK? I want to break your recaps. That's what we should call it.

OK. Shall we move on and do some news? Let's do the most famous segment of all time. Weekly World Weird News. Crazy, freaky, watch out. OK. Well, for those that are still listening, here's your favourite part.

What do we have this week? Well, good question, I hear myself ask. What are the headlines? What are the headlines? I've got this. A man blows up his house trying to swat a fly. Oh, that's my one. No way.

Yeah, that's my one. That's great. Well, we'll just, you know, we can just talk that. I saw that one and I avoided it because I knew you guys would both take it. So I went off and found something different. And in fact, I've got so many that I couldn't choose. Oh, wow.

So yeah, so I've got, do you want snake news or do you want World War II veteran receives licence to be buried in a chewing gum coffin? No, it's a tough choice. It's a tough choice. What, how much snake news have you got? Because I know about the snakes falling through the ceiling. Oh, there's two other great snake news stories.

Because it's an animal, I think we should do the snake news. OK, here we go. Here's the other snake headline then. OK. Teenager rushed to hospital after snake bites his penis whilst on toilet. Oh, dear. And the other one is four foot snake removed from women's throat

after it got in there whilst she was sleeping. Four foot? No. Oh, come on. No. How big is Lady's neck? Was she a giraffe? How is that possible?

I want to dispute that one. OK, do you want me to do both of them? No, let's just do the Lady's deep snake. Deep snake. How could you not notice a snake entering your mouth and going down your throat while you're sleeping? I wish I was a deep sleeper like that. That would be amazing.

Wake up with a bit of snake in the throat, no probes. By the way, I like the way that you're just going straight into your news article. We didn't even do Dan's headline. Oh, no, his headline was the same as your headline. Mine was the same as yours. OK. You didn't have a backup.

You know, you should always have two guys. I didn't think anyone would find that one. I was so cocky. I was so confident. OK. Wow. So, well, you can both cover it off from your angle and then I'm going to...

Yeah, we'll both do it. You can research some whilst I read those. Read your one for the first time? No. Drs. Paul, a four foot snake from women's throat. So this is in Russia, a place called Lovashi. Drs. surgically removed a four foot long snake from inside a woman after it slithered into her mouth

while she was asleep. The animal managed to get inside the woman's mouth as she slept in the yard of her home in Russia. Following the incident, the woman was taken to hospital where medical workers placed her under general anesthesia and prepared to remove the snake. Footage of the procedure shows a doctor inserting a black tube into the woman's throat while she lay unconscious

on the operating table. Seconds later, the tube managed to latch onto the snake, which the doctor then pulled out with the help of his colleague. Wow. After extracting the whole reptile from the woman, medical staff placed it in a plastic tub. So there's video footage of it here. Would you like to see it?

Yes, of course, please. And for our new Patreon listeners, viewers, viewers, we've got viewers. Okay, here we go. Oh, wow. See, look how long that is. See, even longer than four foot. That's crazy, yeah.

So the whole thing went down into her mouth and just sort of settled there. Settled in there. It was obviously trying to get warm, you know. It's like, if you lie in there, if you're a mouth, this is why being a mouth sleeper is not good. A mouth breather. Yeah.

I was going to say it's mouth breather, not mouth sleeper. Look at this. Look, look at them pulling the last little bit out. Oh, wow. Oh, look. See, there's the start of the, look. Oh, wow. It's real.

It's real. Yeah. Yeah. Despite it being on TMZ. Amazing. Wow. Yeah. Well, you know, it gives, it gives you some faith

that if this does happen to you, that, you know, it can be rectified. Yeah. You can get it out. Wow. I mean, that's sort of like one in a million occurrence. I don't think I've ever heard of something like that ever happened before, where someone is sleeping that deeply,

where a snake enters the throat, goes all the way down, and can you imagine when she woke? No. I mean, what that kind of... Oh, oh. I mean, you'd want to get it out yourself, but I must have gone so far down that she couldn't even grab it.

Well, apparently they also removed from her a cat and a rat and a, and a fly. What? Because she was an old woman who swallowed a fly. Oh, right. I hope she'll die. Yeah. I thought that's where you're going.

It's just your, your style of humor, the way you're being very serious with it. And I don't know, this has got to be a joke. And I was like... I was thinking, that's a big, that's a big leap from swallowing a fly to go, what next to catch it? A rat.

I seem to remember in the original nursery rhyme, it stagnates a bit. What was that? What was after the fly? It gets bigger and bigger about this. Absolutely. I mentioned of a snake. What was after the fly?

Well, I swore to fly. What chased the fly? Oh, see? A spider. A spider. A spider. A spider. It wriggled and tickled and

inside her. Remember? Right. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Can I try that joke again? I'll just edit myself.

Why don't you save it for next week's recap? Yes. I'm going to insist on that. You're right, Dan. Yeah. Because also, why should you get to edit out your crap jokes when you leave all mine in?

I do two or three takes sometimes and they're always in there. It's just because they're so good. Even, see, that's how good you are at comedy, Rhys. Even when you're screwing up, you're incredibly funny. Some would say that you're at your funniest

when you're screwing up. Right. Righto. Well, that's exciting news. It's actually not exciting. It's revolting, but well done. Okay.

And, you know, it's something that I'm glad, I'm glad if you forgive the pun that we've brought that up because it's, as I say, one in a million occurrence. Yeah. It's almost,

maybe a world first in recent history anyway. And we didn't even cover off the teenage boy getting his willy bit by a snake that was hiding in the toilet bowl and rushed to hospital or the snakes falling out of the ceiling after they were trying to slither

across the ceiling and falling into the kitchen. We don't even need to because the headlines say it all. But what I am getting from this is it's been a very sneaky week. Oh, yeah. And so it's interesting

that there's a lot of serpent, sneaky stuff happening because with the world in the state it's in, it could be more end times kind of activity. Scary.

Yeah. Sorry. My son just walked in making car noises. When did you get distraction? Segment. How did I? I got a distraction.

Yes. I did. He didn't have tassels. He didn't have tassels on his nipples, but he certainly... Stop stealing my segments. It was a distraction.

Tell your son to bug her off. You can't have my... Well, that's... I'll just let you know. I've got a copyright on that segment. So... You'll hear more about that in my new segment.

See you in court. Which, ironically, is just us playing tennis. But it's got sort of... It's a play on words. But... OK. And now,

your news story. Both of you covering it off at the same time. Who can cover it the best? I've got a news story that I can throw in afterwards if we want one. But let's do Reese's now.

I have a funny feeling we won't have time. All right. So, man blows up part of his house while chasing fly. This was all over the news.

He should have got an old lady to swallow it. Oh, God. It's much safer. Much safer. So, this was in France. He was trying to swat it.

He was in his 80s. He was about to tuck into his dinner when he became irritated by a fly buzzing around him. He picked up an electric fly swatter and started targeting it. But a gas canister was leaking in his home.

A reaction between the device and the gas caused an explosion destroying the kitchen and partly damaging the roof of the home. According to local media, the unnamed man

had a lucky escape sustaining just a burn to the hand. So, good result there for him. You know, he could have been disastrous. And then he checked

into a local campsite while his family repaired the house. I mean, that's amazing. Oh, God. I love it says unnamed man. They went, do you want to use your name? No, I'm all right.

Thanks. Could you not? Could you not, maybe? There was an old man who swatted a fly. We'll never know why he swatted the fly. But he nearly died.

That was good. That's why I do the comedy and you barely do the editing. Don't even need to edit it. Don't even need to. Do you have any more comments on that story, Dan, from your perspective?

Well, yeah. I mean, it seems to happen quite a lot. So it's the sort of electric fly swat seemed to be a bit of a problem. There was a story back in 2014. A 31 year old Greek woman had rubbed her legs with alcohol

to relieve the itching from mosquitoes that were biting her. And then after she did that, a mosquito then landed on her leg to bite it once again. So she had one of those tennis racket swatting things. Yeah, I know the ones.

Yeah, so she hit her leg with it. But of course, it ignited the alcohol on her leg. So her leg went up in flames. Yeah. And so it seems to be a bit of an issue. These electric fly swatters, they cause a lot of problems,

particularly around gas leaks and so on. So be careful is the message. The fly swat that I highly recommend, I actually got when we went on the Thunderbird hunt in Illinois. Oh, really? And we went into that camping store and I'd never seen them before

and I've never seen them again. But it was a shotgun that you put salt into the top of. And then you, it was a plastic shotgun and you went up to the flies and you just went, and it was like buckshot but salt.

Oh, wow. And it would just, and it would blast the fly. And then of course the worst part of it, which isn't even that bad, is you end up with bits of salt around the house. Yeah. Which some people say is good

for keeping witches out of your house. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And for listening to the cryptid factor, always have a grain of salt. So I think it's a great,

it's a great idea and it gives you that power of having a shotgun. You know, if the flies are really pissing you off, it's like, now you're going down. So you've got one.

Yeah. And you can even buy a little, you can buy laser sights for them. So you got like a little laser slide. So you sort of feel like like a fly sniper. Well, I tell you what, would you be good enough to

next week, bring that in and let us have a look at that for your new segment, Recap. That's a Recap. No, that's the show and tell

segment that we've been wanting to start for a long time. No, none of us have mentioned that. It is. You have these ideas in your head. Yeah.

None of us, we've never spoken about a show and tell. For a start, we're an audio podcast. That's a good point. All right, let's move on.

Okay. Dan, did you find a little extra? I did. This is, this is really freaky. So, there's,

it's a bit disgusting. So again, apologies. I seem to be turning it to the guy that needs trigger warnings every time I mention the story. But here we go. There's a taxidermist in Britain

who during this lockdown has created a solution for people who are missing high fives. And he's created a high five machine out of the legs of rats that he uses for taxidermy. So obviously that's his job.

He gets animals. He turns them into taxidermy animals. Lots of rats, I guess come by his way. So what he uses when he's building other things, he uses the discarded legs

of rats and he calls it a portable high five machine. PAW, portable, portable. Right. And it's basically these little, I'll share my screen here,

these little these little rat legs that are put on the end of the little spring. And the idea is that you would high five them. That's absolutely disgusting. Oh no.

It's making me want to vomit. I quite like them. I think they're cute. No, I'm having to block them up. I can't look anymore. Rhys, you might love this then. The reason he came up with this idea is that he accidentally

ripped off a lot of the legs of rats. And he's like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know I don't know, I understand, I don't see that I don't know.

When he personally ripped off a leg, when he was building using the testicle sack of said rats that these legs belonged to, his version of a yeti, a taxidomi yeti, using the Bull sacks

of the rats head. And here it is there. A bum and a ball. A bum and a ball. A bum and a ball. A bum and a ball. A bum and a ball. A bum and a ball.

A bum and a ball. I want one of those, please. It's so cute. Wow, look at these guys. So yeah. What surprises me is after all the detail on that, because it looks fantastic, and he's got those big googly eyes,

those cheap craft shop eyes. He could have put better eyes on it. They're exactly the same eyes that as a kid, you would put on a rock, and then call it a pet rock. Exactly. He could have put more effort in there.

They're the ones that spin around when you shake it. But I think, other than that, I mean, I'm in. We should give the shop a shout out. The website. www.worldaroundue.com He's got a bestsellers page,

so it's obviously very popular this guy. Oh, my God. Three bits of snake. You had three snake stories. How weird is that? Three bits of a snake. It's a sign. I like how everything's sold out.

It's because he probably only made one or two of them. I mean... A millipede. You go. He's got a millipede's arsehole, which is nine pounds, sold out as well. A lot like a lizard's arsehole. A lot like the lizard's arsehole

I'm also offering. Except this bumhole was taken from a dead millipede. This is terrible. What is this guy? What is this sight? This is extraordinary. Oh, my God. Go back up there.

He's got Barbie legs out the back and a rat. This is Marge. That's Marge Simpson. It's a rat Marge Simpson. Oh, okay. I can't handle this any longer. No! Are you surprised we got this far? I was into it initially,

but it's too... It's too foul. Unfortunately, I've just ordered you one for Christmas. I've just hit by now. Well, I'll take the Yeti, but my wife won't get it in the house. What is it? It's not a Yeti. It's a...

A bum in a ball, man. That's a recap. What is it? Sorry, I'm confused. A bum in a ball. A bum in a ball snowman. Yeah, I'll take one of those. That's a recap.

Oh, my God. All right. Let's get to the... The nitty-gritty, the cryptid news, because I've got something really good this week that I want to share with y'all. Oh, okay. Let's get in it. Attention, all personnel,

it's time for this week's cryptid... Help me! We all know about the ABCs, the alien big cats sighted all around the world, even in New Zealand, which makes me very happy that we have a cryptozoology element

in our little country. Two sightings in a week put Canterbury's big cats back in the spotlight. This is from Emma Dangerfield on stuff.co.nz and my wife sent me this

and I'm strolling through it. Not scrolling, but strolling. You're strolling through this story. That's slow scrolling. And I'm thinking, oh, yeah, another sighting or two because of the headline, but turns out this chap

actually shot one. So this is, as far as I know, the first big cat shooting and he has the evidence. So this is evidential evidence of proof that we do have ABCs

in New Zealand. So let me just read this out to you. A North Canterbury possum hunter has vowed never to go alone after encountering what he believes to be Canterbury's mysterious big cats. Jesse was out

near the Ashley forest last weekend when he got his first scare. He says, I saw something on the other side of the gully so I took a high shot to see what it was, he said. When it ran off, the speed it moved at, I won't

go up there on my own anymore. So this is a hunter, so they're used to seeing what they see out there. This spooked him. On Friday night, Ferry and a friend went out spotlighting for possums

when they saw what they thought was a deer. We walked around, got to the gate and shone the torch around when this black streak just ran across the track. After the previous weekend's experience, this is when he

felt that he saw a big cat. Ferry wasn't taking any chances. He says, I spotted it not even 100 meters away from us. It was down as low as it could be and coming for us. Classic cat hunting procedures.

So he shot the cat from about 50 meters and he said he was sure that it was the baby of the adult cat he witnessed last week. So he's got it here, I'll put the old screen share for you guys so we can have a look at it.

Okay, so I can make this go up. Beauty camera, what's that? You got beauty setting. Why do you think I look so good on these things? Don't give away my secrets, Dan! Alright, so here... That's what the beauty is sitting on.

Here we go, so here it is, so you can see he's laid it out beside his rifle. Okay, so it's... So, is he going to get it tested or identified? Well, this is where it gets sticky because you can see there's a feral one there. So the debate goes

on as to, you know, is this just a regular feral cat or is it as he states a young puma? Now, you know, there's not enough information here. There's another measurement here. Jesse Ferry described the cat, the wild cat he shot as monstrous

and you can see it laid out there with a tape measure. It comes down to weight, basically. Ferry said the cat weighed in at 11kg with a 45cm tail and 14mm fangs stretched out, it was 1.05m long.

He estimated the adult he saw the previous weekend would be about twice the size. An average domestic adult cat weighs about between 3 and 6kg. Although the larger raccoon breed

can exceed 8kg. So it comes down to the fact that this one was 11kgs, normal cats are between 3 and 6, so it weighs a lot more. And then the article goes on about other

previous sightings which have been over the last few years starting in 77 but 96 that has a 99 sighting and also I know from the article in the New Zealand Herald that there's been sightings right up into the

2013 is one of the most recent ones, 2012 as well. So, you know, these big cat sightings are happening a lot. My question is, is this a young big cat or has he just actually got a feral

because it's just slightly bigger than a normal cat yet it is not as big as a big cat. It's in that grey area. So, it's interesting and I'm not completely convinced myself. See, it's interesting isn't it? In the UK

there's been alien big cats spotted a lot more recently as well. And the question is, this whole thing of the world going into lockdown and everybody sort of not going out as much globally, is it

the fact that this is enabling these big cats in particular to actually get braver and to come out and actually start to show themselves a lot more. Well, I'll tell you what, in London where there's a lot of urban foxes around

there's definitely during the lockdown the bravery of foxes they've just been taking over they've been roaming the streets you suddenly see them everywhere so noticeably as a local of London you can see the animals

gaining confidence and taking to the streets in a way that they never would usually. So, yeah, why not? As you say, now is definitely the time to get out there and find these things when there are less people around and it's a real development to hear that there's a possibility

that we have finally managed to shoot one. So, we've got one we've got proof. Now, we just need to get a bit more information on this so we need an update or even dare I say it, a that's a recap

on this story for next week. This is my segments. I'm telling you, your segment. Oh, I'm sorry. Can I bring up another quibble? Oh, yeah, sure. There's always quibbles when

recaps is mentioned. To recap something is to just tell you about the thing that's been said before. Whereas an update would be new information. So, really, Buttons' recap section should just be us telling people what happened on last week's

podcast. That's a good point. That's a good quibble. Why didn't we realise this earlier? I'm afraid Buttons, that quibble has destroyed your segment.

It's been cancelled. Because the title doesn't work. Your quibble cancelled my segment. Sorry, Dad. That's what my quibble segment does. Quibbles is a powerful segment and if it does get into your segment

it will destroy it. And that's what's happened here today. It will be sadly missed. That's a recap. Hang on. How can quibble ever be cancelled then? What segment can cancel quibble?

Is quibble the strongest chess piece? The strongest, I was going to say Pokemon monster. Right. Salamander or something like that. Is that a Pokemon character?

I don't know what can topple a quibble. How exciting that you, I had no segments but you had your first segment today and now you have no segments and I have two segments. How is that exciting? Why should I be excited about that?

That's not exciting. You're happy for your friends. Isn't that funny how life works out? It always works out like this for me. That's what I was going to say. What always happens to me is that I start talking or saying something and then I get interrupted all the time

and that's what happened in my recap segment and I was getting interrupted and now Hey, guess what? Guess what's happening right now guys. You're doing a diversion? I'm doing a diversion and a personal grievance segment.

I've still got two segments until you come up with a quibble that's going to cancel those two. A diversion is my segment. Hang on. You can't steal other guys' segments. The only one you've got is personal issues or whatever it's called.

Hang on. Does that mean I was doing my segment inside a diversion segment? Does that mean it's your segment still? The personal grievances? I was doing personal grievances as a diversion. Does that mean? It's Dan's segment by law

so you've stolen his segment so your one doesn't count. You can't do personal grievances during a diversion. You can't do a segment inside a segment. Well then how do I ever bring up a personal grievance? Outside of segments. Outside of segment status.

Well then it's going to be a diversion. No, it's not. There's no segments on. At the moment we're in crypto buzz we're officially actually in a segment. The only time we're not in a segment is after the show's finished. Yeah, when the same song

comes on at the end. That's when you can, like, as we're played out you can quickly get your grievances in there. And I think that's coming up very shortly. Because I've got to go. Hang on, here it is. Here's the music. Guys, there's just a couple of things I want to raise

because I'm really sick and tired of this being done on a Sunday morning. Oh, look who's there. I have to wake up now. Look at those tassels, here we go. Hang on, I was doing this segment. You can't do that. Can I put any advice in it?

Wow, those shorts are tied, my friend. See you next week, bye! Thank you for watching!