The Cryptid Factor - 5: #005 The Australian Issue (With Special Guest Steve Hues)

Episode Date: May 21, 2013

('Radio station days' archive) David is not with us, but comedian Steve Hughes is! Together from the food court we discuss mushroom ski resort giraffe race, a future without men, exploding meteor turns night to day, time machines being invented, Chocolate dipped portabello mushrooms. In other news, a man sees Tasmanian tiger twice, Steve has a theory about taking power away from the media and a Russian billionaire wants to make humans immortal by using robots.

The Quintet Factor, with Rhys, Derby, and David Fatterjaugh. The Quintet Factor, with Rhys, Derby, and David Fatterjaugh. Yes! We're back! Week 3. This is our third episode of the 2013 season. Unfortunately, tonight we have a scratching, a late scratching. You want to get that checked out, but that's David Fatterjaugh. He's out for the count this week. But with me is the one and only... Buttoy! How are you everybody? So thank God, because if he wasn't here, I wouldn't be here, basically. I have no idea what I'm doing.

Is this even on? This is definitely on. The green light means on. The weird thing is though, being that it's Anzac Day, where we normally have a building full of bristling activity of people eating sushi in Ponsonby Central and pizzas and beer and food and stuff, we've got nobody that's empty. We're alone in it, because it's Anzac Day. And this is our Anzac Day special. That's right, and by that, we mean we will not be mentioning anything Anzac-y or army in this show. So that's why it's special.

Weekly World Weird News. Crazy, freaky, watch out. Yes, this is the first section of the show where we give you an update on what's happening around the world. We'll start off with a couple of crazy headlines. You're not going to be able to beat this one, Buttons. Check this out. I don't know. High-speed mushroom-fuelled ski resort giraffe chase. Holy moly. I just want to go straight to that one right now.

Okay, my one, are you ready for this? Uh-huh. Men's sex chromosome set to die. What?! It's not as good as your one, I gotta say. It's nowhere near as good as your one. It's slightly more frightening. Yeah. Wake frightening. You won't hear these stats. It's terrifying.

Alright. Okay, what else have you got in your headlines? Well, you want some more headlines? I was going to rock into that first... Okay, screw the headlines. Screw the headlines. No, too late. I've already clicked on other headlines section in my note. Okay. Night turns today as spectacular meteor explodes over Argentina. Oh, my gosh.

That happened this week, folks. Okay, my next headline. The other bit of weekly world-weird news to fill your Thursday. The Iranian scientist claims to have invented time machine. Oh, brilliant. I know. About time. This happens every couple of months, isn't it?

That's fantastic. Time is for real. Alright. Well, let's kick into my article, this first one here. There's a ski town's most exciting incident in years, as you can imagine, with a high-speed giraffe chase. Alright? I actually can't imagine that.

In 10.05, police received a call from a woman who said her juvenile granddaughter was at the ski area last week and ran into a person who was selling bags of what she said were Portobello mushrooms, dipped in chocolate for $30. Police said the granddaughter further informed her grandmother that giraffes were chasing her down the hill after she ate the mushrooms. So good. 10.17 a.m. A woman called police to inform them of an incident that had occurred in the first

block, 7th Street, around Easter. She told police that she was talking with a group of Russians at a bar and one of them told her, you have to fight for what you believe in. She was concerned that they could have been speaking about the events in Boston this week. Police determined there was no connection. That is seriously, seriously amazing. Yeah.

Can you imagine, so if you took some Portobello chocolate-covered mushrooms, what is it that you reckon you would see chasing you down the hill? I mean, clearly she's got... I'm not saying I've taken Portobello mushrooms. I mean, I've definitely put it this way. I've been to Portobello and I've tried their mushrooms. But I don't know whether there was a connection there. Did anything chase you down a mountain?

Well, you know, it was standard mushrooms and it was legal. And everyone was taking them at the time. It was Take Mushrooms Day and it was a trying thing, you know. And I had these brown shoes on, you know. And I swear to God, one of them turned into a massive chocolate. And did you... I mean, how fast through did you get? The worst thing is when someone comes up to you when you're eating a chocolate shoe

and says, dude, what are you doing? Because up until that point, it sort of made sense that I was doing that. I feel like, no, no, no, this is what I do. Yeah. And I immediately felt guilty. I immediately felt it was wrong. That's seriously, seriously sick. Okay, well, I can't quite beat that,

but I can scare the entire male nation by letting them know that unfortunately we're all set to die off our male's men, because the Y chromosome are basically not going to be around in the future. Sure, it's going to take about five million years or so, but we're not going to be here. Basically, the scientists, they have found out that the Y chromosome is rapidly degenerating and is going to disappear, probably within about five million years,

but even if humans are still around, there's going to be no blokes. Really? Yeah. That means there'll be no muscle cars. That means there's going to be no beer. That means there's going to be a tear of the world. It's going to be a terrible place. No porn?

No porn. None. Nothing at all. No. So it's a man's world really is diminishing that term. Yeah. The joke's on us. It's a man's world is not true.

It's true right now, but not for long. Evolutionary geneticist Ginny Graves says that while the process is likely to happen within the next five million years, it could have begun in some isolated groups already. And I think we know which of those groups they are. They're those ones who don't drive muscle cars and drink beer. Guys that literally don't care about cars. They're happy to just get in whatever car.

It's terrible. And who will just drink whatever beer, and if given the chance, won't even drink it. I know. It's seriously concerning. So they said as long as unless something comes along instead, we could not even imagine what's going to happen because with no blokes around,

I figure at some point there's no more babies. Yeah. I guess. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because they're going to grab all the sperm and they're going to put it in fridges and stuff. So it'll be all kept there. I mean, we're essentially just a vessel anyway. That's true.

All of the other stuff that we're going to, like cars and drinks, beers and skiing and Bond films, all that sort of stuff. It's all really just superfluous. All that's going to go. Well, no, it's gone. Yeah, totally. And essentially, we'll just be inside fridges.

Well, that's fine. There's probably a lot of people out there that are happy with this news. They're probably females and they're probably married females and probably don't really care. The only issue they're going to have is, I was trying to think about what are our strengths and when I think about being handymen around the house,

doing the lawns, taking out the rubbish, lifting things, reaching high places, that sort of stuff. Though I was thinking, well, we'll always have that. I mean, the ladies aren't going to be able to sort of cope without those abilities, those things that need to be done that they certainly aren't going to do, not necessarily because they can't do them, because they don't want to do them.

And they rely on us. That's what we've got. That's all we've got. That's all we've got left. But if that is replaced by robots who can do all that stuff, No, we're buggered. Then that's our sprued.

We're so buggered. We're gone. And later in the show, when I read an article to you guys about cyborgs and how robots are increasing in their... Proficiency. I'm lost for words here, but what I'm trying to say is they're coming. They're coming.

And robot news. As they come, we leave. We leave. I tell you what, that's why I... Actually, I'm sorry, I've actually just seen one big flaw with this news story. I've just read ahead a little bit further where I didn't read in my research earlier.

And it says that Professor Graves has been doing her study, doing six determining genes study on Australian animals to shed light on human genetics. So she's basing all her study. And we all know that they're Australian male. Of course, he's going. He's completely... There's enough kiwis over there now

to get rid of the Australian males. So that's why it's actually flawed research. Flawed research. Yeah, but she's based on Australian animals, males, I guess. Animals or males? Is it quite a difference? Because animals to me, Australian animals... Male animals.

You know, are the most loopy, interesting and fascinating animals on the planet. In contrast, Australian males... You know, are exactly the sort of the redneck species that we're talking about, the hardcore car lovers, the beer drinkers, the dudes that put posters on their walls

of Arnold Schwarzenegger, that sort of thing. Those dudes, surely, they're going to be the last to go. They'll be hanging on to their guns and their grenades and their, you know... Well, just their manliness. Australian men are the most manly men you can ever get. And that's why, ladies and gentlemen, we have one with us this evening,

special guest, Steve Hughes! Hey! How are you? I know. Steve's... I might be going to the studio. He's just walked in from the mall into the studio. No, he's in the mall now.

No, he's just walked out of the studio. He's in the mall. Two steps. Look, he's back in the studio. Look at that. No! And he's experiencing what life is like in the radio world of New Zealand.

Couldn't get you a full studio, but we've got you the quarter of the mall. We'll bring you a doughnut and a strawberry milk. None of it actually works. But you can go through the motions, and, you know, when you get up to speed, we'll get your proper setup. This actually doesn't go out to anyone.

You have to come into the mall. You've been here before then! It's like CCTV, but a radio version. So, Rhys talks, and I go out the front with a loud halo. What was that, Rhys? If only he was incorrect. Ah! Anyway...

Little cry for help there. Hey, look. Isn't it weird that Meteor's are coming down quite frequently now? Yeah, it is, really. Because this is, I think, the third or possibly fourth one in the last couple of weeks. And, of course, they had that Meteor shower. Yeah.

I was talking to an insurance company big week the other day, and he said the first time they've ever had to do a claim for Meteor insurance claim. So, heavenly bodies. It's happening a lot. When a planet supernovas, and it gives birth to, or it's about to give birth to another planet, it always has a Meteor shower just beforehand,

and all the other little planets turn up. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all give each other little, you know... Just gifts. Gifts of things like that. And that's what a Meteor shower is. And there's one that's happening over our planet right now.

And so I wonder which planet's gonna give birth. And I think it's definitely in our solar system because the shower is hitting us, hitting Earth. Well, that's a earthquake. Maybe it's us. Maybe we've got... Maybe we've got Brexton Hicks. It's scary.

Actually, I've got their first album. And it's weird because a lot of the tunes are fake. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it's a tune, but it's not. It's getting you ready for when you actually hear a tune. That is awesome. Yeah.

That is genius. A dazzling display of light appeared over Argentina on Sunday, April 21st and was captured on video by a concert goer filming the band playing on stage. In the video, a giant fireball can be seen in the background lighting up the night sky as it exploded high in the atmosphere. The flash of light only appeared for a few seconds before it was gone, but the incident, which was witnessed by thousands of Argentinians, left most wondering what it could have been.

Locals said they felt the ground shake in Santiago del Estaro as night turned today for a fleeting moment. A meteor expert in Argentina said the fireball was in fact a meteor and may have been travelling at speeds in excess of 80,000 miles per hour when it crashed into the Earth's upper atmosphere. Freakin' fast. Yeah. The fireball was visible in at least eight provinces in Argentina

and was widely shared with the world via Twitter and Facebook. See, this is the thing. They're shareable now. You can share a meteor now. It's an option on Twitter to share a meteor. Have you had a good meteor today? Share it? I mean, I love it when you go to websites and you can share it and then you push share and the options comes up.

And quite often, it's one of those stink options from LinkedIn or something or on YouTube. What about Twitter? I've got a meteorite. I've got a meteor here. I don't share that with LinkedIn. Who is LinkedIn? What's he gonna do with it? Anyway, it was shared widely

and some traffic cams and other static cameras also caught a glimpse of it and so it's been and you can look it up. If you Google night turns today as spectacular meteor explodes over Argentina. I mean, that's quite long. You could just Google. I would just type in meteor Argentina himself.

But if you wanna go straight to where I am, that's what you wanna do. I wanna go straight to where you are. In a later report by Nine News, it was said that it was closer to nine inches in diameter. Nine inches, that's it. So it's very small. And it made that turn night in today for nine inches.

But second and was visible in at least eight provinces. That's why when the big one comes, imagine it, you'll know that you're doomed because night will turn into more than day. Well, I think we're all gonna see it. And no matter where you are on the planet, you'll see it. I mean, if we're talking about something big enough to wipe out the dinosaurs here,

then yeah, it's gonna be bigger than nine inches. So let's hope that that doesn't happen. Not soon anyway. Okay, well, I've got, I'm just changing the background music because that one was sounding really sad. That one, that your sad meteorite music was actually from the Bourne Legacy movie soundtrack.

Just in case anybody wanted to know. My next piece of weekly world-weird news, Iranian scientists claim to have invented time machine. Wow, tell us about this. I'm waiting for this moment. I mean, when they, I'm waiting for the time machine moment, not my news article. Oh, okay. You're not waiting for your own moment here.

And Iranian scientists claims he has invented a time machine. No! Yes, that allows you to predict the future with a 98% accuracy. Wow. Ali Razigi says his device can produce a printout detailing any individual's life between five and eight years in advance after taking readings from the touch of a user.

He claims the Iranian government, whose nuclear program has caused concern around the world, can use his invention to predict military conflicts and forecasts of fluctuations in the value of foreign currencies and oil. What? Exactly. He says the device is the size of a laptop

and uses a complex set of algorithms, which took him 10 years to develop, but he has not revealed any concrete details about this invention. Unlike the time traveling DeLorean in the hit film Back to the Future, Mr Razigi said his device will not take you into the future. It will bring the future to you. How good is that? He tells the Farz State News Agency,

the invention easily fits into the size of a personal computer case and can predict details of the next five to eight years of the life of its users. Naturally, the government can see five years into the future, and that would be able to prepare itself for challenges that might destabilise it. That's amazing. How good would that computer be?

Wow, two things. First of all, it sounds to me like it's less of a time machine and more of a future predictions device. True, true, true. It's in the title, isn't it? It's kind of like you led to believe something and then the story itself is very different. Not quite the same.

If I can take you back to the giraffe chase ski incident, which when I first read that, I thought, wow, I'm going to tell everyone about this, I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it on air, live. I'm not going to look at this beforehand, simply because I'm too busy. I've got a career and kids, and when you've got the two Cs, a career and kids,

then your time factor is limited. The second thing I was going to say was, as you were reading out that article, an elderly couple looked it through the front doors of the moor and they saw us and I could see them looking at us and they opened the door and then they sort of, they tilted their head and they could hear what was going on on the radio

and then they slowly closed the door and left. They don't want to predict the future. Five to eight years time, they don't want to know what's happening then. It's the terrible news. What? Anyway, it has been said that he's got 179 inventions listed under his name, but he has been criticized.

Is that all? 179. He's been criticized by friends and family for trying to play God. Yeah. By making a prediction machine. Well, I'll tell you what. It's always these guys that try to play God

that end up the biggest villains the world has ever seen and end up having to be brought down by James Bond. Yeah. Like George Bush. That's right. They think they're the almighty God and that they can pull strings and they can, you know, shift mountains and make things,

it's just something within them that, you know, they've all had, you know, bad childhoods or something that have been, you know, I don't know. I don't know, neglected in some way. Yeah, yeah. And they feel as though they need to, they need the whole world. Yeah.

But, you know, that can also be a good thing because if you use that power for good, and I'm harking back to Bond again because he's a good friend. On his plaque, you know, his family motto is the world is not enough. Is that right? That's right.

Is that as I know it as crest? That's his crest. Yeah. Oh, man. So the world is definitely not enough for that man. That's right. He has to go to the moon and the moon raker. But exactly.

You know, the world's definitely not enough. But you could also argue that is still our world. You know, I mean, our world isn't necessarily just our planet. Our world is everything that we can see. And dimensions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I know we've sort of, you know, gone off to a weird tangent there.

But my point is, my point is, is that the big bad guys of the world who want to play God, you know, they probably feel that the world is not enough for them as well. Yeah. Or maybe it's different. Maybe they feel the world is enough. They just want to be controlling that.

Yeah. Either way. What I'm trying to find here is the difference between good and evil. Because I know it's only a thin, you know, the ultimate good and the ultimate evil. It's a fine line. It's a fine line.

Yeah. And, yeah, I think you can sway both ways. And you've got to be, you know that saying, you've got to get up to get down, y'all. And that all the one, it cuts like a knife? Yeah. Yep. That's the other one.

Yeah. And I think, so you've got to be able to, you've got to be able to, you've got to be bad to be good. You've got to be good to be bad. Yeah. But it's when, it's when you heavily weigh yourself on one side and choose to. That's terrible.

Not join the other side or not even, you know, dip your toes in it. So then you're truly from that side that you've chosen. So you're, so you're a final piece of advice. Can I also say, do you see some Portobello mushrooms are great. It's such a funny idea that you like bring these on. Like, because we did that story early and then like buttons just, I had some.

He said, I've got some with me. I've got some with me. Let's have some now. And, you know, they'd have no effect. Chocolate. Chocolate dipped. It just was chocolate dipped Portobello mushrooms, readily available.

And, yeah, I'm not finding sort of like, what I'm finding from them is that it's sort of opening wormholes in my mind, which I think is a good thing. And we didn't need to open any more of those. There's enough. Anyway, to wrap it up, this lovely Iranian man says that he's not planning to launch the prototype just yet, in case quoting, in case the Chinese will steal the idea

and produce it in millions overnight. Wow. And they will. They will. Millions overnight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little bit of issues there between Iran and China. They're keeping all there.

Yeah. And I'd be itching to put one of those made in China stickers on the back of it, wouldn't they? Future prediction device. Yeah. There must be a factory in China that makes the made in China stickers. Of course there is. And, jeez, that, that of a few, wouldn't they?

Yeah. Do you know what they look like? I can tell you now. They're rugby ball. No, they're not. I like it a little. They're little, they're gold. They're little, thin gold.

And it just says made in China and black. I thought they were in the shape of a different, no, that's Korea. Korea's in the shape of a rugby ball. Oh, is it? You'd think that would be New Zealand. What's the, what's the New Zealand one? The New Zealand one's got a Kiwi on it. Little Kiwi.

Yeah. Well, that's cool. Yeah. That's all right, eh? Yep. Well, that's, that's weekly World Wide News. All right. And now it's time for our next section called Cryptid Buzz.

Giving you the rundown on all the latest cryptid news that's happening around the world. We've got a author here called Colonel Bailey. He's releasing a book next month. This is Memoise. All right. And yeah, he's actually seen the Tasmanian Tiger a couple of times in his life. No, lucky bastard. Yeah, a couple of times, which is more than anyone I'd say.

It's so lucky. So this is his second book. And it's called The Shadow of the Thylacine, which is the name of the Tasmanian Tiger. And he's seen it twice. So this book should be really good. It's a read. He's obviously from Australia. The Tasmanian Tiger appeared to Colonel Bailey for the second time in 1995 while he was taking

a leak in the bush. What? Yeah, that's right. That never happened. He's got a quote here. It shot out of some ferns behind me. I thought it was a kettle dog at first. But then I was face to face with the darn thing.

Mr. Bailey said an old bushman had told him exactly which part of the weird river valley he would find the fabled creature. But then I just went into lockdown. He said, I don't even take my camera out of my pack. Now I've only got memory to back me up. Memory to back me up. So he's placing this on his memory. Mr. Bailey said the encounter was the dramatic highlight of his book, The Shadow of the

Thylacine, which is releasing. And it's his second work on the officially extinct. Because it is officially extinct, of course. Is that? Yeah. Oh, yeah, did you know? It's officially extinct, the Tasmanian Tiger. How do they know?

Because he's just seen one. Well, yeah, but his last sighting was 1995. Yeah, and did he have any mushrooms before him? And he was lying then. No, we don't know. But look, some believe, like any other cryptid, that this could still be alive. These guys could still be alive. They could be hiding in the shadows.

Who nice if they were. And he's basically, this guy's spent his life chasing the Thylacine. He's checked through acres of remote bushland to chance a glimpse of the beast's fable hide. And searching for mushrooms. He's even gone in helicopters. And he's just, you know, he's really gone. Have you seen the, there's a new film called The Hunter? You've seen that one.

Oh, yeah. And that's... That looks amazing. Who's the actor in that one? He was in... Sean Co... No, not Sean Co... No, he was in Platoon.

He did the famous dying scene. No. Matt Damon. No, no. He was also in Speed 2. Willem Dafoe. Oh, Willem Dafoe. There it is.

Willem Dafoe. It's a Willem Dafoe film. And that's basically, seems to be based on what this dude's been doing. The search for the Thylacine. Expanding civilization, of course, has pushed it right back into the bush, he says, to places where people really can't get to. So he thinks, you know, he's convinced that they're still there. Which I think, you know, is similar to our dude here with the moose in Fjordland.

Which is huge. You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's that from? Tasmania. Steve has decided to join us again in the studio. And he's a man of many questions. Lucky we're men of many answers.

Not many answers for the whole team. Yeah, not many answers. He's more of a question type. Yeah, he'll generally ask a question with an answer. So yeah, what do you take on? What's your take on that? Do these Tasmanian tigers are still kicking around? Yeah, I think Australia is a country full of amazing cryptids still.

I think particularly things like the, you know, their version of the Yeti, the Yali. You know, there's so many. They've got lots of big cats over there. I'm so envious. It's enough of a reason outside of earning 25% more than you do in New Zealand. And that's the other brilliant reason to move to Australia. Isn't it? Yeah, it's the creatures.

The yawies. Yeah, absolutely. And the mushrooms. Have you seen anything, Steve? John Howard at the airport. He saw John Howard at the airport. Fortunately, he is anything but a myth. Oh, God.

Okay. Well, and... Hey, but he's got the same theory as me, this author. He's up where I'm, you know, I'm talking about the Sasquatch and how we will never find it if we jump into the forest and start walking and look for it, okay, with the cameras. Because as he says, and I agree with him, you know, he can smell people a mile off. The cameras are being set up by people, so he's not going anywhere near them, you know? So when you go in there to set your cameras up, he can smell you then.

Because my... I've always said this. I haven't always said it, but I think I've said it twice. You know, we've got to send robots in. Yeah. We've got to send those robot dogs in with cameras on their backs. Yeah. Because it doesn't matter that they make noise.

They've got no scent. No. Well, they're blunt. Are you pretending to be a robot? No. Well, if we can't afford that, I'll pretend to be a robot. I don't have any scent. And then you go...

Who is there? Is there another human? Who? Who? Oh, yeah, she's a robot. He's a robot. Are you a robot? Yes, I am a robot.

Are you a human doing a voice to a robot? Yes, yeah. No, you got me there. And then he runs off. You're up to robot. Whilst you're taking photos. And you know, that whole... That's the other thing.

When you see something, you know, do you automatically take a photo or do you spend, you know, a good 30 seconds just in awe? And in shock? Yeah. Because none of us know if we haven't seen, you know... I mean, I... I reportedly... Well, to be honest, I didn't report it. But I...

I saw a ghost. You know, and I didn't... You did. I didn't get the camera out. No. Mind you, you know... It was quick. It was quick.

But also, I was a kid and I didn't have a camera or a phone and there was no such thing as a camera phone. But in this day and age, you know, could you honestly say if you saw something that... No, that shocked you to the very bones, would you get your camera out straightaway and take a photo of it? I think, you know, this is what people do. They generally just stare and shock and then... And are afraid and then it's gone. And then they get excited and think about filming it. Then you know what's going to change all of that?

Is Google Glasses. Oh, yes. There's a little camera on all of our glasses. Everybody wear glasses. There'll be a little camera recording the whole time. Yeah. And then you'll see something and you'll hit record and record the last 10 minutes that you saw. Yeah.

And there'll be so much more found when there's cameras rolling the whole time. Exactly. And that leads me to the other point, which is most of the video footage that we're getting of these cryptids, whether it be a Chupacabra or, you know, a Bigfoot or a Lake Monster of some sort. They're generally from video cameras that are attached to things that are just filming anyway. I know. Like it's on a truck that's filming for some... Just rolling.

Just rolling anyway. You know, and then all of a sudden it's picked up something. That's what we need. It's very rarely is it someone who is walking through the bush with camera rolling, hoping to capture something. Funnily enough, that leads perfectly into my cryptid buzz story, which is exactly that, the very first piece of legitimate film of Bigfoot, which is obviously the Patterson-Gimlin film. Now, for those that don't know, the Patterson-Gimlin film is the two guys who were in the forest

and got the classic, very, very first bit of footage of Sasquatch in the forest. And it's when he's sort of walking between the trees, that classic piece. You'll be able to find it. Go to YouTube. Look up Patterson-Gimlin. It's the piece there. Anyone who's actually bothering to listen to this show probably knows that. Okay.

We'll presume that for a moment. Well, on eBay at the moment is for sale, the second generation copy of that film. So not the original film, but the very, very first copy. And as you know, copies of copies of copies get worse and worse and worse in quality. There's somebody is selling what is reportedly the second generation. So the very first copy of the original, so it's by far the best quality. Really? And this film, that's the film runs for approximately 10 minutes.

It went to Russia after being in America. And then it was left by somebody in a vault somewhere and it sort of just sat around. And now it's coming up for sale on eBay. What do they want for it? It hasn't got a buy now. I've asked them if they could do a buy now. It means up to $27.50. I've put an auto bid up to 50 bucks.

Okay. Why aren't we buying this? We should be buying this when doing something with it. Yeah, definitely. Ultimately watching it. We'll buy it and watch it. Yeah. That's a great idea.

We can roll it here. We can play it on these screens. If you haven't been down to Ponsonby Central, and I'm guessing a lot of you haven't been down today, we've got video screens here at the radio station. There's two massive screens. We can run it on there. One of our ideas is to run footage of cryptids on these two big screens while we're playing the show. And so that would be great.

We could buy that footage. Yeah. Let's do it. I'm guessing it would be clearer than anything we've seen on YouTube. No, it would be amazing. It'll be incredible. Well, and the other thing is that there's only one other copy, no one copy out there. So it could go up in value and then we could sell it and make lots of money.

It's always about the money for you. Oh, no. Because, you know, you've got to bring the bling. What? I just did a... What are you talking about? No. I just said...

I just... Then I kicked my bum out to the side and kind of did a... That was weird. But it's all being caught on webcam. Oh, no. Everyone's seen that. Oh, somebody's just seen my ass being kicked out to the side. All right.

Well, that's fantastic. Well, maybe we'll bid on that and hopefully this time next week we'll have it. Now it's time for our next segment, which is called... We're all a bunch of theories. And it's where we discuss any theories that we have. It's week three. And this time we've got our special guest with a theory. He's a man with a million theories.

Please welcome Steve Hughes. Hello. Hello. Right, theories. Theories. Give us your theory. I don't know if this is a theory. It's an idea I have.

Oh, yeah. It's about taking power away from the media. Yeah. By all the news they feed us, which is generally rubbish. So I was wondering, because we can't have a revolution anymore, because we have no weapons, and we don't have any power, because we don't have the cash. So weapons and power are out for a revolution. So what we should do is all turn our TVs and radios off.

Right? If you could get a whole country, start with New Zealand. That's not a massive country. It's not like a Russia or something. If we start with New Zealand, all stop watching and listening. Right? And then where will the information that they're telling us go? Right.

It'll just go into a void, and then they'll just be talking to us, and we'll be going, oh, none of us. None of us are listening. I've no idea what you're talking about. I've no idea what you're talking about. I didn't watch that. I've just been actually thinking for myself. Yeah, right.

Of course, switch off. So TVs are gone. Everything. Radios gone. And you actually just go on. What about an internet? Oh, yes, it is. That's where we're trapped now.

I feel you, Steve, and I have a feeling that tonight, it's actually already started happening. People have been turning off their radios all through Ponson B. Oh, it'd be fat. You know, I've been switching. They've started already. Well, this is why I decided to join you on here today, to try and kickstart my theory into practice. Unfortunately, we won't be able to communicate.

You won't hear what we're saying. Oh, no, we don't have to do anything. We don't want to communicate. Anyway, you've just got to sit down and think for yourself. Because, you know, the media can't tell you what to think, but it can definitely tell you what to think about. Cut it. So.

That's amazing. Well, that's a great theory. Yeah, yeah. It is probably more a thought than a theory. Yeah, yeah. More of a dream. A theory would be an extension of that. What do you think will happen if everything was shut off?

And we had to think for ourselves. We just didn't listen to them going, oh, the terrorists, and the money, and the doom, and the what not. And Barack Obama's going to bring peace. And we're all going, Barack who? Yeah. Who? I'm sorry, I've been fishing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it would probably lead much less stressful lives. Yeah. Because we wouldn't have to worry about it. We would be caught up in our own consciousness being drawn into a sort of psychic acceptance

of the apocalypse. Brought about by them in their mischievous ways as they spread peace with F-hawkchats. Okay, that's what I'll tell you what, that's a great theory, and how lucky we are to have that come along tonight. So switch off now, folks. Switch off. That's what we're getting at. Switch off now.

Switch off. You know, more and more as life goes on, people are switching on more and more electronic items. So many things, you know, you've got your iPads, your laptops, your smartphones, your talking watches. Yeah. Talking watches. Our smartphones as smart as if you switched off and actually developed telekinetic powers.

Right. See, the more they create systems that you can put things through, the more they take you further away from your spiritual evolution, which could be eventually to be able to just discuss things telekinetically. Because people go to the internet, it's wonderful, but that's no good really, because you can't get information out to everyone, you start a revolution with the internet, because then your battle plans are on display. Unfortunately.

The whole world. Yeah, that's right. You have literally blown my mind tonight. So if you just come in here, just to come along and partake a little bit, and you end up blowing people's minds with these. That's what he is. He's a mind-blower. He's a mind-blower, Steve Hughes.

One Dr. Burger Fuel. It's theory evolution. That's right. It's amazing. I think that there's a great point there with regards to the fact that, you know, Electronica is really turning us into drones, because if we didn't have it, our own mind is far more powerful than anything we can create with electronics. Everyone gives the internet good, spread ideas, and everyone can hear, but the internet is

still just a system. Exactly. And who created the internet? We did. It's over your system. And the level of the consciousness of the creatures, the system can only assist in it will represent the level of the consciousness, transform the consciousness, will it? It's only assist.

No. And it's not going to... I mean, the only thing it can do is expand. It's never got... It's not going to get any greater than it is now. Unless the machines, through having our constant focus on them, start to imbibe themselves with consciousness. They are.

They are. We... That's something that we have been discussing. Yeah. Yeah. My cousin is actually inventing artificial intelligence for the Auckland University. Eventually he goes to turn off your computer, it just goes, bugger off. I'm staying on.

I don't feel like turning off right now. That's the moment where you go, oh my God, we've gone too far. I'm going fishing. If I can hark back to science fiction films and human minds and how powerful we are and how great we are and how we should really back ourselves and not rely on electronica You know, you look back at Star Wars and one of the greatest lines was, I've got a bad feeling about this one. Oh, yeah.

You know, and that's a famous line, obviously, Han Solo says it, and then of course, Indiana Jones says it. I think it's basically Harrison Ford saying it many times. But it's such a simple line, but it's that feeling, you've got a bad feeling of it. And a computer doesn't have a bad feeling about something, you know, and it never will. It's like when you ring up to get a taxi or something and you have to stand there at a party because you're talking to a machine going, one, yes, Ponson B, and then sometimes the machine goes, sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

No, you're a machine. You either caught it or you didn't. You didn't not quite catch it. You're not a person. Stop trying to convince me. You either got it or you didn't. Sorry, I was just, you know, so I didn't quite catch that. Did you?

Is that you, Rhys? You know, I was like, no, you still don't know that, you don't have to say that. Is that you, Rhys? Yeah. Oh, I've got a theory on Bigfoot, Rhys. Oh, great. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I think there was a really quite a successful mind-blowing session that went from, you know, from news media controlling the world to artificial intelligence that covered quite a gamut there. The final, the final clamp on it would be for me is to, for humans, just as a message, you know, just, you know, don't, don't rely too much on your electronics, don't, don't give up, don't give up learning, don't give up on your brain because it will always be more powerful than anything that we can, we can create because it's, it's our brain that created the thing that we've, we've created that you're steering out in the first place.

So, um, beyond the brain, the brain is, you know, the antenna for the invisible realms, but they don't want you to believe in invisible realms because they promote empirical science, which is why Richard Dawkins loves to run around the world telling everybody that God doesn't exist, but he doesn't know, and as he knows, as he chatted, now I'm not saying God exists like an old boat with a bead on a chariot that fires the lightning, but although that would be very cool. Very unlikely. Very unlikely.

Very, very bad. Cool. Here he comes again. Something. Definitely something exists. See, that's what myths are for. They're the bridge for the mind to actually have some kind of dialect with the unknowable. Yes, exactly.

They are. So, because you can't speak beyond the consciousness because you're entering the realm of, of the unspeakable and the unnameless, which is God, that's just a word for the unnameless, and then you have myth and then empirical science goes myth, no, these crazy primitive idiots made all this stuff up because they were a bit dumb. Well, I don't believe that. See, I do have to say, guys, you've been poo-pooing artificial intelligence a lot there in computers and what they do, but imagine how do we, as mere humans, combat at a dinner table conversation

when we've got an android across the table from us, and you're trying to chat up this chick here and the android's over there, and he's got all of Wikipedia in him and a connection to the internet, and you start talking about a topic, and you go, I once read this book and I think it was about 37% of something, trying to impress a girl, and then all of a sudden the android points up and goes, well, actually, what it is, it's 27.34%, and what actually happened was the, you know, and all of a sudden has this wealth of knowledge, and then the androids would get all the girls. That's the bigger problem.

And they wouldn't be affected through drinking. No, no, no. They will always have that over us. And as I reach for my, my, my next bill, there's your android friend, just constantly hard as a circuit board. Oh, what have you got there? Oh, great, another eye witness account. Account, account, account.

So as eye witness account goes, we would like to bring to you actual real stories of people who have come out the back end of seeing something that they cannot explain, generally always within the animal realm. Because it's an Anzac Day special, and because we're an Australian guest, we'd like to play you some eye witness accounts from one of our favorite Australian cryptids, the Yali. Which essentially is the Australian Bigfoot. It's a hairy hominid, walks on two legs, and we've got some great recordings. Let's play one, Buttons.

We'll play one here. Now, now these are recorded by a cryptozoologist in Australia, very well known, so well known, I can't remember his name. But he did, he conducted these interviews after people had said that they had seen something. After these people, he had to very much obviously screw down to try and get the story out of them because they didn't want to talk about it. But we've got a few of them here. We're going to play just one of them now.

A couple of people who were driving along in Australia, Melbourne, and saw something run across the road, and they went back to check it out. Listen to this. For an instance, I thought there was a bear caught in the fence. Just for an instance, I thought, what is this? And I thought it was a bear. It sounded like a bear caught in the fence. What?

It was still making a noise at the time that you saw it? It was not a calling, it was a distressed noise. It was a distressed noise. And it was, I mean, as you came close upon it and saw this figure, it was still making the noise. This was going low to high. It was going woo! Woo! But very stressed, screeching.

When the headlights of the four-wheeler first hit this thing, I thought it was a bear. It was facing the fence, and it was in between two poor paws, and I saw it back. And it was bent over. And I saw it back. And I thought it was a bear because it had quite shaggy hair. And it was a light brownie, bready, brownie color. It was pushing the fence down, down into the ground, like crushing the fence down. For an instance, I thought it was a bear until it stood up.

And it wasn't a bear. Well, when you say it stood up, what was it doing first off? It was crushing the fence down. Yeah. And making this distressed noise like it was caught in the fence. But it didn't appear to be caught in the fence. It was just screaming about something. I don't know what it was screaming about, but it was crushing the fence down.

It didn't look, it didn't look my way. But when it stood up, I screamed. I screamed, and I swung the four-wheeler around so hard I nearly flipped it over. And I screamed. And sharp when it stood up, it started to run down along the fence. It was a reddish brown hair. It looked to me about seven foot. Thumbs were very long.

They were longer than they would have went down to its knees. OK. Thumbs were long. They were long arms. There was no neck. And it had no shoulders as in the shoulders we had. The shoulders were just like sloped. I was screaming all the way back.

I was just screaming and screaming like a spherical. And when I got back, the dogs were still, they were howling and crying. And they weren't locked in though. This is the thing. They could have come up with me, but they didn't. This night they were in their pens screaming and carrying on like idiots. And they're quite vicious dogs. There's one there that's an attack-trained dog.

It's quite a very good guard dog, quite vicious. I was really scared so I drove right to the stairs and ran up the stairs and I actually locked the door. And then I locked the veranda and I shut all the windows. And I turned most of the lights out and then I ran into the bedroom and I actually, we've got a big lock on the bedroom door. I locked the bedroom door as well. That was a good report.

It's just hard. I believe that. Steve Hughes, because he is purportedly, supposedly Australian, it's hard to take somebody seriously when they talk in an Australian accent. Oh, come on. To a degree. To a degree. Would you not admit that?

Listening to her, listening to her. I have not offended on a patriotic by any stretch of the imagination. It certainly can. It certainly. You've never seen... Imagine trying to have an Australian science fiction film. You know, you're on the spaceship. Yeah.

That would be amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon we should totally get the spaceship totally going. Oh, the force fields. The force fields are down, mate. Oh, fuck it. The force fields are down. Oh, shit.

Watch out. There's aliens coming after us now. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my bolt. Street. The freaking alien shooting a fucking laser at me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'll put it in the poof, Jack. Do, do, do, do, do. Get out of it. Oh. Fucking leave it. Do, do, do. I'll ring the cops. Cops.

How's it going? Yeah. Yeah, good on you, mate. A little couple of aliens here on the ship. Oh, yeah, they're driving me barmy, mate. Did they come in on a boat or they buddy's? Yeah. Shoot them, mate.

Shoot them. Well, get them up to Christmas Island sort of mouth. New segment. No, not new segment. Old segment, but no sting. So we have to rock this one live. Are you ready? Are you ready for the sting?

It is time for... Robot news. Best live sting ever. All right. Russian billionaire wants to create cyborgs. Yes. Yes. Russian cyborgs is exactly what we need.

Dmitry Itzkov. All right. Dmitry Itzkov. Awesome. Itzkov. Itzkov. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, so he's serious about wanting to make humans immortal by merging them with machines. Yes. This Russian billionaire, Steve. His name is... What do you want to be immortal for? Well... How much tax would you pay then? I told you he was Australian.

See, he's a realist. I mean, a tax would be gone. I'm assuming at this stage. But he wants, you know, to merge people with machines. And he's pushing the project forward. He's been doing it since 2011 when he founded the 2045 initiative, which he's called it,

ostensibly the deadline for substance-independent mines to receive artificial bodies. What some scientists refer to as singularity. Have you heard of that? Yes. No, that's when your wife leaves here for being a nod. And then you're like... Hey, yeah.

What's happening with you, our singularity? Singularity. Oh, really? You're a cyborg. You're a cyborg. I've got robotic arms. I'm still with the wife. I've got robotic arms.

What's that mean, singularity? What are you coming out for, Artie? Solidarity. Tardly. Can I bring my arms? Are you still with that woman? OK. The ultimate goal is to be able to transfer a person's mind

or consciousness from a living brain into a machine with that person's personality and memories intact. So what happens then? That means he's creating immortality. But if consciousness is not embodied in the physical dimension, as per se, where a renders it visible, then it's eternal anyway. So you're already living eternally,

internally and the physical body is just a temporal manifestation within one certain dimension. So it's like it's exactly, that's exactly what I was gonna say, but I was gonna say, whew, ming ming ming ming, ah my shrooge please, but I mean the same thing, I mean it feels to me like a snail who's, you know, if the snail is the soul or the mind, you know, leaving its shell behind and the shell is our body and whether you change the snail's shell into a fancy mechanical shell, you know, the snail's still gonna leave it. I don't know whether that makes any sense. That was awesome. Yeah, that was awesome. I was thinking they

want to create living forever purely based in a physical dimension. I find them stupid. Like atheists, you're actually satanists but you're too dumb to work it out. Right, right. Well there's another, there's another spectrum there. It's an ambitious plan, you know, he's mapped out several key steps to get there, this Russian guy. The first goal called Avatar A involves a person controlling a robotic human replica via a brain machine interface or BMI, which is very similar to IBM. That's BMI. Is it a coincidence? It's a technology apparently that already exists today. Next step is Avatar B, due in 2025, which

would involve transplanting a human brain into an artificial body at the end of one's life. Now that sounds eerily similar to what one of Dr. Who's most notorious monsters, the Cybermen, do to their victims. So this is obviously a dude who's watched a lot of Dr. Who, granting them immortality but at the cost of losing all emotion and individuality, which is essentially what the Cybermen do. Politicians. So who's to say that politicians aren't already there with their singularity? Don't worry too much about that though, since Itzkov will take care of it by the time Avatar C rolls around in 2035, which

would also involve a human machine brain transplant, only this time with all personality intact. To achieve this step, it will be necessary to create a computer model of human consciousness. Finally, by 2045, Itzkov hopes the initiative will have learned enough about the human mind to free it completely from physical form. From the internet-like hive mind, individual personalities could manifest themselves as holograms when they need to interact with their environment. Holy. The hive mind. Wow. That's one of the goals of the ruling elite for us all. That's actually taken from the Sydney

Morning Herald. So whether that helps at all or answers any questions you may have. Well, it answers a couple for me. In my anti-Australian rant, a continuation. Okay, well, that's great robot news. But how's this for robot news? Scientists, US researchers slash scientists on Wednesday have reported that they have made a display which gives three dimensional images that can be viewed without special glasses and is 3D, very much like Princess Leia, coming out of RTD2, that can come out of watches and cell phones. Oh, wow. Who's doing this? When's this happening? Okay. That was some of the cut scenes. US research.

What is that? Boy or a girl? It's hard to say. Come this way. It's more of a droid type. That is very capable. Save the universe on many times. Steve Hughes has gone to get some mineral water. Give him a hand, folks. That's it for our guest, Steve Hughes. You can see him in the comedy festival. Kicks off the end of this week. He's in the gala this weekend, and then he's got, I guess, festival shows in Auckland and in Wellington. And top, I'd say he's probably in the top five greatest comics in the world working today. So go and check him out. And intelligent too, apparently. Despite Buttons theories. My theories

are sound. So anyway, this display, they say, unlike a lot of the normal technology that's out there that's trying to do this kind of holographic stuff, they're based on things called a horizontal parallax, which means you only see 3D when you move your head left to right. And actually, what they're talking about is technology that gives a full 3D, full parallax view. And so what that means, if you were to display a 3D image of the planet Earth with the North Pole facing out from the screen, by tuning your head around the display and walking around the display, you'd actually be able to see and have a full

view of every country on the globe. Wow. That's what I'm waiting for. I know, same. I know. Imagine the movies we'll be able to make when you can watch it from multiple different angles. You'll be able to make one movie and be able to watch it multiple times from different angles. Oh, wow. And see things you never saw the first time. Exactly. It sounds very similar to sort of, you're in a sort of virtual reality zone. Yeah. You're almost like you're amongst it. That's right. But it sounds like definitely the next step from 3D. Remember when I saw Avatar the first time and it really felt like I was in that

forest with the Navi. And you know, it's very, it felt very, very, you know, one of those, you'd hit, you'd hit a moment where you go, oh, wow. Okay. Okay. We've, we've, we've, we've moved to the next step, step of evolution here. And it's exciting. And I think in our lifetime, you know, this is just, that's just the beginning. And it's funny how it's all sort of, it's starting to manifest in popular culture and, and, and entertainment, essentially, is where it's all, all going to come from. Well, remember, it's happened before. Remember when you used to have a Commodore 64 and you'd go around to your

rich friend's house and he'd have an Amiga 500 and you'd go, wow, the graphics are so much better. The color, you, you can load off a floppy disk and set up a cassette. And you're like, this is the future. And this is the future again. Yeah. The future keeps coming back, doesn't it? And hits you in the face. Anyway, you're like this. This paragraph of the article that I'm ripping off here, it says, unlike a lot of technology out there that only does so called residential parallax from some UC3, this gives you full 3D parallax. Says David Fertel, who led a team at Hewlett Packard Laboratories and

Palo Alto, California. And so he Hewlett Packard at Devware Point. Imagine it like everybody would be like, what's TV have you got? Yeah. Hewlett Packard. Yeah. Fully holographic HP TV. I'd buy one of them. I'd buy one of them. You know, but soon as someone that they're all in at the same time, aren't they, you can't tell me that all of those big companies aren't parallel ripping each other off. They've all got spies. As soon as someone jumps out with something, you know, a week later,

someone else has got the same thing or is trying to undercut it. It doesn't worry me because competition's good. And as long as the technology is made and we get it. Shall we actually, well, that's actually probably about the show for the evening, isn't it? With the next DJs here ready to take you through to the wee hours or 10 o'clock. The wee hours, the wee hours of the early evening. Buttons will certainly be asleep by the like a whole

I'll be on the couch watching the following or something and drifting off with a glass of red wine. But thank you all for listening to episode three of The Cryptid Factor. It was a disjointed one. It was it was a rough diamond. There was some great stuff, as always. David Farrier wasn't here. And, you know, we missed an element where we had special guest, Steve Hughes, who brought some fantastic thoughts and theories in our new segment.

We're all a bunch of theories and yes, very enjoyable. Well, this is the greatest track known to mankind, the theme song to The Cryptid Factor. Thank you very much. We'll see you next week. Bye, everyone. Bye. Happy Enzac Day. The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby and David Farrier. The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby