The Cryptid Factor - 51: #051 The Tongue Biting Issue

Episode Date: October 24, 2020

Well, it's episode 51, and just like the Area after the same name, this episode is a real enigma. Rhys has a LA Jet-packing Mothman, Dan has  a brand new yet historically exclusive interview with actor, thespian and explorer Brian Blessed, and Buttons has a fat tongue. Also in this ep, there's 4G on the moon, a Drummer goes to hell and back and a Mothman doco gets released.

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. Well. Attach a fake head to my shoulder and call me a freak. We're in the same room. Look, muttons and Rhys together in the same realm. High five. I wasn't ready. And Dan, where are you? I've not been able to fly over to Auckland. I am still in London. I love that you call New Zealand rooms a realm. That's very exciting. We're so lucky we're in the same room. We can touch each other, can't we? This is why I put out the restraining order to be in separate locations from the beginning. You think I was in LA that whole time? No. I was just up the road. I had to hide from you for years downtown. I know where you go for lunch. I tell you, there's no hiding from me. I'm like a super sloop. I'm like a detective. A super sloop. A sloop, a sloop, a sloop. More words for his vocabulary there. So yeah, this is quite the undertaking.

Episode 51, I believe. Episode 50, Area 51. This is it. And so that's, well, that's unique and we're in the same area. And our combined age is 51. And your street number is number 51 Brown Street. Oh, that's weird. Don't put that out on the internet. Yeah, but luckily it's a highly secured building and you don't know which apartment I am inside there. So listeners. But if you pay for Patreon, I actually walked Teresa's house with a video screen on. So you get any fans out there that want to come and watch them get dressed in the window. If you get at the right angle, you can just see straight through the blinds and you can just see a little bit naked. This will be the last time you get to be in the same room as me. Ah, will you move? Yes. No, I will move you. Oh, add to the restraining order. I'll have to get it re-issued. Can I have the order? I want to frame that. I'm so proud of that restraining order. This is why Bruce moved to LA to begin with. His subsequent career has been just an accident. It was just a getaway from you.

Absolutely. I had to do something while I was waiting over there. So I thought, oh, might as well have a career. Well, no, but then I moved to America to chase him. He said, I'm moving to America to get away from you. I'm like, I'm going to move to America too. I'm going to chase you. Luckily, he ended up in the wrong city. Well, nobody told me how big it was. Yeah, you thought it was just like New Zealand, but it's a massive place. That's right. Yeah. Did you just go to the other new? You went to New York because you thought New Zealand, New York, you just had the new... Literally on the other coast. Well, I watched Flight of the Concords and I saw that you were, you know, like in New York and I thought, well, surely that's the place to go. You're mistaking reality with fiction again and thinking it's all the same thing. Is that? No, well, it's not. A lot of that is acting. Now, Dan, I believe you have something to add this week as well. That's right. I've secured an exclusive interview for the Cryptid Factor with the almighty, self-proclaimed, yeti-hunting lead expert of planet Earth, Brian Blessed.

No! No! Gets out of town. You're kidding me. Wow. The Hawkman himself. Exactly. Hawkman himself. Flash Gordon's great villain. He was in Blackadder. He was in Down Amongst the Zed Men. He was in all the Kenneth Branagh movies that have ever been made. Wow.

And he's been up Everest. This is the real deal. This is a guy who has been hunting cryptids his entire life and he's agreed to give us an interview on the Cryptid Factor exclusively. I hear he's a great storyteller. I'm looking forward to that. Yeah, so that's going to be amazing. Dan, I've got the masks, the Cryptid Factor masks, so I'll be sending you this. This is coming to you. Congratulations. Much needed in my side of the planet. Yeah, I hear that things are still pretty woeful in the UK on the virus front. I was just going to quickly say that I think in the time of having been told to sit back in their house, I think it's very exciting that three dorks can get on the microphone and talk to big pop stars like Benny and ask them, do you think this footage is of the Loch Ness monster or a log? I do love that.

And I think that's the most important thing we can do right now as humanity to continue to ask questions like that. Exactly. I see that as our job and it's to keep the silliness going, but also the genuine mystery and also just entertainment and just the humanity of it all. You know, if you take the bad stuff and push it to the side slightly, you know, we're still here, we're still living, we're still breathing, some worse than others. Sorry I had to put that in as a cover to side. You know, life goes on and the best part about being human and this is so boring, but it is that we have the resolve to keep going, you know. Fuck me, let's do some news. I thought we were having a go at the breathing bit before. I thought you were talking about my mouth breathing and I became very self conscious.

Some people breathing worse than others and I was like, am I mouth breathing again? He's inside his head going, oh, I'm so close to Rhys. I'm ruining myself by breathing too loudly. He won't let me in again. I think this show works when you guys are in the same room. I think Rhys gets too annoyed with just the physical presence button. Stay away from my area. I'm going to get the pin out and draw a line.

All right, well, let's do weekly world weird news. Weekly world weird news. Crazy, freaky, watch out. Well, what do we have? Well, I'd like to kick things off with... Because you haven't got a backup. I know you, you want to go first because you haven't got a backup story and you can see my screen and you know that I've got the same story as you.

Rubbish. No, I'm the jetpack guy. Everyone knows it so I'm surprised that you've even bothered Googling it. All right, well, first things first, you know, there's another jetpacker. He's been seen. Let's look it up here. It's all over the different newspapers. New York Times, yada, yada, yada, right across the board.

This time, 6,000 feet. So, yeah. What was it? What was it last time? It was 3,000 feet. Now, it's the same airport, Los Angeles, LAX. For the second time in six weeks, two airline pilots, of course, previously spotted a man

believed to be in a jetpack at 3,000 feet. This time, 6,000 feet. Nearly six times the height of the Wilshire Grand Tower. Now, do we all know that one? Yeah. What is that? It's just reading off. It's a reference point.

In case you didn't know what 6,000 feet was, I would have just said twice as high as last time. And this time it was a... I'm surmising. Am I? Is that a word? Yes, you're surmising. Yeah, you're surmising. Good.

So, it was Chinese Airlines this time, 1.45pm. Isn't that astonishing? Because, and here is where it gets interesting. Because, depending on what article you read, you can then also go to various points of view that state, perhaps, this is not a jetpack person. What is it then? Exactly.

A jetpack maker. This is on NBC News. The jetpack people are saying that they're not sure whether that actually is a jetpack up there, because there are only a handful of companies working on this type of technology, and none of us have heard about anybody doing something like this, says one of the jetpack people.

The question is, he added, why the heck would you go fly around LAX? You need to have your head read. That's a catastrophic accident waiting to happen, which makes total sense. Why would you do this? It's not a PR exercise, because no one is revealing, oh, this is the type of jetpack,

or this is going to be on sale soon. So, it is, and also, these things are not common. But, you know what, I hear that, but at the same time, I kind of go, they are completely disregarding all of the backyard genius mechanics and that, that could just be out there making this technology for the hell of it.

Because they've got the smarts to make it. Yeah, during lockdown, they've gone, you know what, I'm going to finally make my jetpack, because I've got this great idea. They're not doing it for any commercial purpose. They haven't licensed it. They haven't copyrighted it. They haven't developed it with another technology company.

You're suggesting it's a homemade in the garage. And why not? So many other things. I mean, were the Wright brothers telling everybody about their airplane at Kitty Hawk, whilst they were trying to fly it, you know, and then if they all of a sudden were seen at 3,000 feet by another airplane, I guess that doesn't work.

No. They, because they were the first airplane. Yeah. I'm going to shut you down there. By the way. Now, back to me. Don't stop shutting me down. Some of that, well, when you're in the same room

and you're breathing loudly, you're going to get shut down. Now, I think... What? My God. I'm going to get you to put this mask on in a minute. Now, some ideas are that it could be a drone with a figure attached to it. So this does play into the idea of someone just

tuttling around, inventing something, attaching either a dummy or some sort of inflatable thing that looks like that's humanoid in figure to a drone and getting it right up there so that it looks like a jetpack. But these pilots are so good at spotting things and knowing what stuff looks like. I think it's more likely.

No, they're not. What are you talking about? I appreciate it. Hang on. They know what they're looking at. I think they're busy flying a plane and they have a quick glance to some sort of human-shaped figure

that's hanging off a drone, but not necessarily, you know, they're not going to tilt the plane towards a thing that's a distance of 5,000 metres just to get a closer look. They'll report a thing. That's true. It doesn't be like it looked inflatable.

Well, you know. Also, how fast do planes travel? They're so fast that probably by the time they've spotted it, it's behind them. And I don't think they have rear-view mirrors on planes. No, no, because if you think about it, the amount of times that if you're in an airplane and you see another airplane flying past you,

even though you're going, you know, however 1,000 miles per hour, I don't know what it is, how fast a plane flies, it still looks like it passes quite slowly. That's true. And when you're on the ground and watching a plane come into your land, it's going, that's going way too slowly.

Why isn't it dropping out of the sky? I think... But if you were someone who had the genius to create a jet pack, why would you fly it in one of the most densely populated air spaces as opposed to driving out to the countryside? Yeah, it makes no sense.

Well, because if you haven't released the technology and announced the technology, then you're a little bit kind of reclusive and a little bit kind of like, you'd want to just actually go, you know what, I'm going to make the headlines. It's like Banksy. Why Banksy does amazing pieces of art

and goes, nah, I'm going to stay in the background. But he doesn't put lives at risk. Putting something up there in the sky where jet airliners are coming down to land and also taking off, that's ridiculously dangerous. This is what the articles are saying. Well, I do have an anecdote about

a New Zealand jet pack inventor. Okay. There's Guy Martin jet pack. You know them well. They invented a jet pack which has the ability to go that high. Yeah, it's a great big one. It has huge sort of turbine jet engines

on the back and, you know, that's... It's more like you're standing on a platform. It's happening in the end. He did. But interestingly, when he was developing the technology, he was developing it in his shed

and he was so secretive about what he was developing and one of his kids went to school and told all of us, as you do as a little kid, you tell your friends, my dad's making a jet pack in his garage and all of the kids teased him so much and that his teacher called up and said,

hey, look, your son's making up silly claims that you're making a jet pack at school and it's getting him bullied and it's not good. He had to invite the teacher around to his garage, have them sign an NDA and unveil the jet pack he was inventing just to prove that his kid wasn't making up silly stories at school.

That's awesome. What a failed opportunity. He should have at collection time at the end of school, picked his son up, picked his son up like one of those claws that picks up a soft toy in those machines and just exited.

And the kid would have been like, who's laughing now, dickheads? You know? I was right. But yeah, he never flew higher than six feet in that thing because he was so safety conscious and we never saw any videos of that thing getting very high.

They did have him, they put a mannequin on one and did one remote control. Oh, hang on a second. Did you see this? What did I say earlier? Well, okay, here we go. About dummies and mannequins. So that's what happened.

So perhaps it is that. Yeah. What happened to that jet pack? Is that now an LA with a mannequin attached to it flying at 6,000 feet? I think they lost control of it and it just took off and it just... Ended up in LA?

No way. Well, look, here's the news article. Here. And has been reported. A startling warning in the skies over Los Angeles after a China Airlines crew reported a shocking sight. What appeared to be someone wearing a jet pack flying 6,000 feet in the air

about seven miles northwest of Los Angeles International Airport. The latest midair incident, a repeat of a similar sighting just six weeks ago when a commercial Airlines pilot radiated in saying he saw the same thing just east of LAX. So we're American 1997. We just passed a guy in a jet pack. American 1997, OK.

Thank you. Are they up to your left side or right side? Off the left side, maybe 300 yards or so? About an hour altitude. Shortly after, a second pilot called the tower. We just saw the guy pass by a jet pack. The FAA says it contacted law enforcement

and is looking into Wednesday's report. The FBI now says it's also investigating multiple reported sightings of a jet pack flyer. And on a long list of modern dangers facing pilots like drones and laser pointers, jet packs could potentially put planes at risk. The airliner could run into you and it could bring the airliner down.

They clearly haven't listened to our podcast, have they? Because surely they know by now that's fine because everybody in the seats of the airplane are going to have jet packs as well. This is the start of everybody having the jet pack. And the new hit single, it's all jet pack. Everybody jet pack, woo-hoo, everybody jet pack, woo-hoo. Oh, we're going to get back, woo-hoo.

And we're going to jet pack, woo-hoo. And you're flying along and you got to get out. Put it on and scream and shout. The door opens and off you go. Jet jet jet pack, here we go. Jet pack, woo-hoo, everybody jet pack, woo-hoo. Everybody jet pack, woo-hoo, everybody jet pack. Jet pack, boo-boo.

See you suckers. He's laughing at it again. So, what I wanted to get to at this point was that... It's the best. What if it isn't a man with a jet pack and it is Mothman? Oh. Because I bring this up because encrypted buzz later on today when we get to it in about three hours,

I have news of a new Mothman documentary which is coming out, which is actually out today. And I'm going to play the trailer for it. What if this is Mothman himself or sort of a buildup to that because he's also linked with disasters and things like that. And I'm just putting it out there because he's a cryptid. Guys? Yeah.

Remember how there were so many sightings of Mothman in Chicago and in and around Chicago and after the tragedy and point pleasant where Mothman was sighted just before the Silver Bridge came down back in the 70s, 60s, 70s, whenever it was, late 60s. 68. 68. Maybe he was warning us of the pandemic and just chose Chicago as a place to try and warn everybody.

In 1960. Because there was all those sightings leading up to the pandemic. He hasn't been seen again now until being spotted by airplanes. Yeah. I wait. Sorry. Back up on the logic there. What's the logic?

Yeah. Was there a pandemic in the late 70s that he was warning us about? No. He started being seen. He showed up before the bridge collapsed and everybody thought he was a harbinger of harbinger. Harbinger. Harbinger.

No, I call it a harbinger. Look, I bit my tongue yesterday. I was doing some construction and I was lifting a thing with my crowbar and it gave way quickly and I whacked myself under the chin and I bit my tongue. Oh no. Today. Oh Jesus. I can see it.

It's not good. Yeah. And then now when I try and talk. This is your excuse for not talking properly. It's wonderful. This is a good moment to remind people that they can see this video on Patreon. See my tongue. Worth signing up just for it.

Do a good one. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That's good for the Patreons. So for those not on Patreon. Patreon, Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. Well, I like to call it Patreon because it's a bit patronizing, isn't it? Have you bit your tongue too?

No. I'm not an idiot. Now I think that, but that's a good visual close up for those, for those lucky viewers. It was very close. So what's the logic? Sorry, but what was the logic here? What was your logic? I can't remember.

I bit my tongue. We were talking about how harbinger predicted. He was a harbinger. How do you say it? Harbinger. Harbinger. He was a harbinger of doom. I actually don't know what that means.

So it is basically an advertisement, a warning. A warning. So advertisement works in the same way. It's an early selling point to something. It's more of a warning. Like an omen. Yeah, exactly. Omen is another good one.

Birds are known as harbingers of doom. You know when birds, and that comes from the idea of birds circling, and you're so thinking, oh, what's happening here, and the next minute you're dead. And so you're saying, and that's what they say. That's where I got the word from. You're saying Mothman being around a bridge collapse was a harbinger for the global. Yeah, it was the lead up. That's the main part of the story is that Mothman, after being sighted a few days before being

spotted on the bridge and eating a dog and all the other stuff he did chasing people in a car, he was spotted on the top of this bridge called the Silver Bridge, which is this huge big bridge being built in this place called Pleasant Point. Pleasant Point. One of them. Pleasant Point. And then after that, the bridge collapsed and a whole bunch of people died. So I think what Dan's saying is how is that linked to the pandemic?

Because he was spotted so many times in Chicago. No, no, you can't just say he was spotted. If we were doing a podcast about Tupac, you could say, well, of course Mothman called this years ago when he noticed the death of people at a bridge collapse. No, he was spotted in Chicago, like for the last 10 months. Recently. Yeah, before the pandemic. Yes, yes, yes.

If we go back a few episodes, yeah, if we edit this and now that piece from that episode, that's not going to happen. No, just go back and listen to it. Yeah. And then he's been spotted all this time and people are like, well, if he's a harbinger of bad things. Harbinger of a boob. A boob.

A boob. A boob. A boob. I put my pun today. A boob. I put my pun. A boob. A boob.

A boob. A boob. You don't sound any different. Any different. It's just hard for me to make noises out of my mouth at the moment. Okay, good. And it makes me want to mouth breathe because I can't. It's like hard.

But you should be focusing more on the nose if your mouth is an issue. Why are you breathing through the mouth? If I could talk through my nose, I would do that. Are you cooling down your tongue? Is it sore? It's very sore. Okay. All right.

I love that when we do this podcast, you guys are doing it in the morning. I'm doing it in the evening. And it's usually like tonight where I've had a full evening. I've had a lot of drinks. So I'm slightly drunk. I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you two going, God, these guys are too drunk to do the show right now. The chance that they're having.

I can't believe I'm the sober one despite being the drunk one. So, yeah, so there's that. Dan, what do you have? We'll get back to my friend later in the show. We'll get back to my friend later. My story is that I read a story about a heavy metal drummer who was in a coma, regained consciousness and claimed that during his time in the coma, he went to hell and believes that he met Satan.

What? Yeah. And he now says, I don't think Satan's quite as cool as I used to think. Now, is this guy a heavy metal drummer? Did you say he's a heavy metal guy? So he's a bit of a devil worshiper anyway. Exactly. This is someone who thought Satan was really cool and is now reassessing.

Wow. That's interesting. Yeah. So this is someone who sadly suffered the coma as a result of COVID-19. Oh, dear. And he was 12 days in a coma. I don't understand what people go through in comas. It feels like that's a deeper level than a natural dream that you would wake up in the morning.

And he says that he felt his body plummet down to hell and he met Satan. And Satan morphed him into a Jabba the Hutt-like monster and he vomited blood. And then he had a heart attack, which he genuinely had in real life during the coma, I believe. Wow. And he eventually came out of the coma. So he's fine. He's all good. But he says he has all of these memories and he's not so hot on Satan anymore in the

way that he used to be as part of a, as a metal band. Yeah. That's interesting. And yeah. There you go. No, it won't be as good as what you're about to say. What? But it'd definitely be better than what Leon was thinking.

Hey, guys. I believe you got something. I'm going to flip it. Shh. Just let Dan finish. I'm finding it very hard to hold my tongue right now because it hurts. Oh God. I was saying it's really interesting when you hear about stories of people who have

an afterlife experience, but return to tell us about it. And there are many cases where you have doctors who do a thing where when people say that they die, they ascend upwards out of their body to have an outer body experience. So sometimes what they do is on the top of cupboards in hospitals, this is, I can't actually verify this as truth. This is just what I've heard. They'll leave the latest newspaper on the top of a shelf that's higher than where the operation is happening.

So that when someone says, I went above me and saw my body below, they say, can you tell me what the headline was on the newspaper that was sitting on top of that cabinet as you ascended over your own body? That's unfair. It's a bit unfair. It's sitting above my body. The newspaper is the last thing I'm going to be. I'm going to be checking myself going, how many chins do I need?

You'll be looking down from above. You won't see the chins. You'll be looking at your head going, oh, God, I've got so much dandruff. But I have heard that as well, Dan, about the putting things on top of cupboards. I've never heard this before of going down, not going up, going down inside, going down to hell. And I can only think that he might have had these in his subconscious anyway, being into a bit of satanic stuff, being a rock and roller until he was reaching inside himself, going

on some weird journey and meeting a devil type character. Well, OK, here's what's interesting. Did he have a chat with the afterlife? And there's a story, Rhys, do you know Sam Kinnison? Do you know Sam Kinnison? Yes, yes, I do. I know the name. Sam Kinnison was the original rock and roll comedian of America.

He walked on stage and he was a religious person who did preaching. But if you know Bill Hicks, Bill Hicks' act was basically Sam Kinnison. Sam Kinnison was the original guy to go rock and roll in comedy and yell and be angry and be furious and flip that upside down. And Sam Kinnison was in a car and it crashed. And he had a few of his friends, I think a relative was in there. And he didn't have any obvious harm to his body. But as they were holding him on the side, he was laying on the side of the road.

He was looking up in the sky and he said, I don't want to die. And they were trying to chat to him, everyone around him, but he was clearly in a dialogue with something above him, something in the air. So he said, I don't want to die. And then they didn't get through to him. The next thing he said was, but why? And then he didn't hear anything else that everyone else was saying to him. And the last things he said before he died on the side of the road was, OK, OK, OK.

So last thing he said, he had a conversation with something in this last moment. And he didn't come back to tell us what that was in the same way that this person did. That's cool. That's his on the back of my chest. What was that chat? That raised the his on the back of my neck. Yeah, you get the terminology right there. You've got to excuse him. He's got a fat tongue.

Yeah, that's freaky. And so so it was basically three OKs. And the last one they said, the last OK was soft and at peace. The last OK was an acceptance. And it was the last thing he said. And then he passed away from internal injuries. I love that. But why is like, I don't want to die.

And then whoever is looking, it's going, nah, you should out of luck. Yeah, but but but buttons, you raise the best point of this whole thing, which is if we have to if if if we accept this as a real thing that Sam Kinnison experienced a real moment here in between the moment where he said, but why and said, OK, OK, OK, a sentence was said to him that made him realize something happens afterwards that's acceptable or something that doesn't happen afterwards that's acceptable. But something was said that made him.

There is hope there. Absolutely. Yeah. Because so, you know, it was, you know, your time is is now. We want you up here. Do you know what I reckon it is? What? There was it went like this. It was like, so you might you got to die.

But why is that? Well, because we need somebody really clever to be reborn as Rhys Darby in a few years time. And so and so you're going to have a better life, mate. You're going to come back as Rhys Darby. And he's like, is he going to do is he going to do all my political stuff? I'll tell you, you like him because you know, you'll be him. But he's going to be more more physical, you know, different,

not so much political, more sound effects and things. What a small mermaid stuff. He's going to have a you're going to have a podcast that's going to reach at least 10,000 people. There's going to be a guy that's just going to be so close to you that you're going to have to get a restraining order. He's going to follow you around the world. And he's going to take over.

OK, OK, OK, OK. God, I don't know. I think we're going to we're going to get flack for taking the piss out of Sam Kinnison's death there. But I think really it does give one hope. It does. But also going down to how that that metal artist is going to be interesting to follow his career now and to see whether or not he does change his his part.

And also is that whole thing again. And I love this concept of crossroads, you know, where the guy, you know, guitar and because the, you know, he sells his soul to the Satan and has to Robert Johnson, I think his name. Yeah. And he had to play against Steve Vai at the end. Like basically Satan came back as Steve Vai to play lead breaks against each other. Great movie.

Or was his band, you know, not doing so well. And the guy said to him, look, we're going to have to let you go. There's a couple of options here. Would you be interested in coming up with a story? What's the story? Well, you actually met the devil and he told you after turning you into Jabba the Hutt and you had a little vomit that I think, you know, you, you should change your career.

Okay, I'll go with that. I'll go with that. Right. That's just an option. Either that or we really put it out there on the PR that we've had to let you go. No, I think I'll go with the weird dream. All right. All the best, man.

Kid guys. I just want to say is that when you guys finally decide to replace me with an actual proper podcaster, we'll give you some options like that. Give me some options like that. I'll give it to you right now. Yeah. So we're going to let you go. This is the 51st episode.

So this is probably the last one for you. I think I've done better than I thought. Yeah. I'm quite happy. We wanted to take you to 50. I was surprised I got over 15, to be honest. We're getting a lot of people, you know, sort of requesting that you, your name goes in the theme song and it's just too much work for us to re, to re-record that.

So we're going to have to definitely let you go because then we'll get less people banging on to us about putting your name in the theme song if you're not there. So you can, you can just get straight out fired on here here. Okay. Or. You could go through a doorway into another realm. Oh, and then, yeah, you can message us from another world telling us that you've actually found real the cryptids are and you have a special key of getting back and forth into

our world, but then you lose the key in their world and you can't return. Oh, that's very tempting. But can I just ask if I get fired? Will I get my three weeks holiday pay? Holiday pay. Don't I get holiday pay? Absolutely. You'll get that.

Now you will receive that money from the other side. So I think it'll be cryptid coins, you know, crypto currency. Cryptid currency. I tell you, why don't you go through the door into the other realm now? I'll just pop through now. Let's see how that goes for you. You through? You.

Hi guys. Oh, there's a big one here. He tells me I just need to vomit some blood. Okay. You keep talking to him. I'm just going to shut that door, mate. I can hear him vomiting. Okay.

I think that's the end of him. Oh, God. So that was the way I knew that would work out how to get rid of him eventually. Well done on that whole made up story about that drama, Dan. That really worked out. Thank you. Oh, yeah, that was. Hey guys, I'm just back to the doorway.

I just figured out that was an unfair dismissal and you're going to hear from my lawyers because I realized that I didn't get to invite somebody to represent me at my performance management meeting. So. I can't. Sorry. Give me one sec. Farrier.

Yeah. No, he's back. Oh, shit. This was the big, I know this was the big moment. Yeah. All right, mate. Well, episode 100. We'll see you then.

Yeah. All right, bye, mate. Right. It's great to have you back, buddy. So good to have you back. That was great. Wow. How did the show go for that little moment that it was only two of yours?

Well, it was only three or four seconds, but it was probably the best we've ever done. Well, big foot in there and me, we talked about the study now. How did you get back through when I clearly closed the door, by the way? Was there a? No, it was the back door. You forgot the back door. All right. The back door door.

It's always another door. Yeah. Isn't that one of my sayings? Isn't it? I think it is. I don't know what that's from. All right. Let's move on to the third news article.

Here we go. So my news story, because somebody stole my jetpack story. It's quite predicted. My news story relates back to the moon. Oh, yes. And if you remember from a previous episode, I was telling everybody to go out and buy moon plots because NASA is starting to get commercial companies to go and mine it for them so that they can start staking claims on moon territory.

I'm just getting a coffee. You keep talking. He's gone to get a coffee. So that's okay. We're in the same room. He can still hear me. And that's really interesting because they now mind the title of my news story. I just need to toilet quickly.

Is that cool? Guys. But you keep telling my new story. Everybody's going to toilet. You're going. And can I just say, can I just say it is really, really interesting. You guys come back. You keep talking.

But I'm going to you. I have AirPods. So I can hear you. I can hear you. I've got AirPods. I have AirPods. I can walk away from the microphone and hear it. To my amazing news story.

I'll. Oh, whilst you're on the toilet. Well, listen out for a flush. I'll flush anytime. It sounds interesting. He's literally going to the toilet. He's literally just walked off the toilet. Reese is in literally.

This is a one man podcast now. What? Can you hear me? Yeah. Well, unfortunately, I can hear you a little bit too well because now I'm listening for a splash. And now Reese is just going to toilet. Tell me your story.

Oh, guys. I'm back guys. What is it when I talk everybody needs to go to the toilet? It's just that time. He's literally through that door in the toilet. Oh, OK. He wasn't even. Well, you want to wait for him to get back?

No, you can hear us. OK. He's got his AirPods in. Oh, OK. We'll keep going then. Talk about this moon news. OK. Well, my news is the moon's getting a 4G mobile network.

Really? Yeah. And so this is this. He's gone again. Reese has just got. Oh, he's back. I forgot my coffee. And where's my coffee?

I'll get on to that in a minute. This is a shambles. You're busy. You're busy delivering your news. No coffee time for you. Clearly. NASA have just signed a contract with Nokia to build the first cellular network on the moon.

The US Bayer Agency plans for a future where humans return there and establish lunar settlements. So by 2024, they're going to be back there. And one of the things that they're going to start establishing along with Nokia is a 4G mobile network. Why is it? Why is it not 5G? Well, they said they're doing a 4G network. Nokia said the network would be using 4G LTE and use worldwide for the last decade instead

of the latest 5G technology because they're concerned that 5G technology is spreading coronavirus. No. Sorry. Some of our listeners will actually believe that. No, exactly. That's not the truth. That was a very low blow joke because the former was a more known quality with proven reliability.

The company would also pursue space applications of the successor technology 5G. But 4G is so proven for 10 years, because you don't want to be sending technicians to go and fix the 5G thing because they need to do an update on the antenna. But 4G, they're not... Well, and so the reason why they are putting that up there is, again, to have commercial companies staking claims up there so that it's like, well, if we get telecommunication companies up there, then we own the airwaves, and so there's a lot of sort of meta stuff under that.

But from a practical point of view, they're wanting to transmit biometric data around as the astronauts are getting around, setting up these bases and what have you, communication systems and all of that. And the most practical way of doing that is to... But those that are still listening, can I just wake everyone up with this? Everybody jet pack. Everybody jet pack. This is bullshit.

I'll just... Everybody jet pack. You're not gonna hear me. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! This is bullshit. I'm taking the microphone away.

This is, why do you guys do this on my news story? This is a really interesting news story. I've always been able to read a room. It's one of the few skills I have. Read a Zoom room. No, particularly the room I'm in. Can I just quickly share? I think we saw that I wasn't awake.

I wouldn't be audience there. Yeah. Well, you used the toilet break excuse already. So you had very few other excuses to pull from. No, I'm just going to show you now. I have to, I have to declare and I have to put this in because I'm starting to create some family tension. Oh, really?

My brother-in-law pointed out three things that I have mentioned that involve him, that he's getting annoyed with. First of all, he was one of the ones who suggested the segment, that's a recap, which I'm going to bring back a little bit later today. The story is basically a recap. I'm recapping.

Wait, no. The recap segment. No. Yes, I am. No, you're not. I'm recapping. This is new information. What is new information?

The moon story. This is an update. No, it's an unwind. It's not a recap. A couple of episodes ago about NASA racing to the moon and moon deeds and selling moon blocks. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But no, I think Dan's right.

It's an update. It's an update. It's a recap of an update. Right, but he did call. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? It's a recap of an update. That's a tricky question.

Hang on, hang on, sorry, sorry. So you're going to recap an update. You're going to give us a recap of the thing you haven't told us yet. Yeah. He's arguing that he brought up the news about moon stuff about three weeks ago and now he's recapping it and he's finally getting his segment back in.

I know, I know, but you can't give an update as a recap. A recap. No, you can't. Yeah, because see what I'm telling you. You can't recap latest information because a recap has to be old information. No, but it's a follow on from the previous information and I'm recapping the previous information

whilst updating that previous information. A recap is when the Empire Strikes Back is telling you what happened in a new hope, but you're saying you're going to tell us what happens in Empire Strikes Back at the beginning of Empire Strikes Back. You can't recap an update. We did have this argument a few weeks ago

and I think we decided that even though it was the wrong term, we did go with the terminology of, and that's a recap. And now we're officially in the segment because he said, and that's a recap. Shit, okay, go for it, go for it. My brother-in-law, Tim, plays a trombone. A trombone? There's the tongue again.

My booboo, my booboo will plum. A plume of plum-bomb. That's a recap. Ah, this is so painful. I know, that's why we're losing listeners. Can I be fired again? I thought this would be better when you two were in the same room.

This is... Why do you think I tried to get him into another room even though it was imaginary? I am put into imaginary rooms part of often. Anyway, let me get this out. My brother-in-law, Tim, who plays a trombone. He's still said it wrong. Trombone?

I can't say trombone. I'll give you, it's his tongue, folks, it's fine. He's normal. Well, he's not normal, but he... I normally can say trombone. When you want to say trombone, just touch me on the shoulder and I'll say it. Anyway, he asked me to record a piece of music for him

that he had to post online. It hurts to say please. And guess what that piece of music was? Four minutes and 33 seconds. What's that? What do you mean? This is another recap of a story that you said... No, no, it's not a recap.

No, it's not a recap. It's an update of a news story that you did about the longest piece of music. No, no, no. And the guy who wrote the music. Buttons, it's a callback. It's a callback. I'm so confused.

Yeah, but he's insisting on his old segment and he's got some, you know, he's named it wrong, but what he's proving here is that, you know, it's a useful segment. So he is... Is he? Yeah, he's just... You've got to remember, Dan, it's the wrong title.

It's not the wrong... We just need to let him breathe. Yeah, we... Yeah. It depends on the frame of reference. Anyway, four minutes, 33, was the song that you talked about? Yes, yeah, yeah. That we spoke about. John Cage.

And he wrote a piece of music called Four Minutes, 33. Four Minutes. Four Minutes, 33. That's the tongue. And my brother-in-law, Tim, plays the... Trombone. And... But he doesn't.

And I had to film him doing that. And I could play you it on YouTube if you wanted, but it's him standing there, not playing the... Trombone. Four. Four Minutes and 33. 33.

Seconds. And he also... Then we talked about the moon deed. He has a moon deed, and so I'm going to show you the moon deed. OK. Do you want to see a moon deed? Yeah.

I don't want to set us back because I know we've made so much progress in this story, but I don't know what the relevance of the Four Minute, 30 thing was with your... Because my brother-in-law, Tim, keeps getting angry at me because he suggested the recap section. Oh, right.

It all comes down to... And I talked about Four Minute, 33, which I recorded with him and then I forgot about. And then he has a moon deed. So, Tim, for the last few episodes, has been basically delivering all the content. But now he's getting his moon deed up on the show here. I see you've shared the screen.

Timothy John Sutton has a moon deed. So, he actually owns a piece of the moon. Is that what we're seeing here? Yeah. But it feels like Timothy John Sutton has been delivering solid information as a co-host of this show and Buttons has just been misinterpreting.

Yeah? Can we get him on the show? Is he the third host of this show? He's just giving us the replacement guy, isn't he? Yeah. Now the point... All your best stuff from the last few weeks has come from Tim.

I thought he was better than he usually is. I know, because in the background, it felt like Buttons was saying really useful stuff, but the way he was coming across was, well, that's not entirely true because you said four minutes 33. And then he... But anyway, Tim said he's not gonna give me

any more hot leads on stories unless I mention his name. Okay. So I've done that now. Oh, great. Now let's have a look at this deed. So, I'll just read it out from the recognized authority of the lighted lunar surface.

This document represents the issuing of real property on the moon of Earth. Yes. This deed is for the lunar property listed below, lunar land description, number of acres issued, one in brackets, one. Area, M7, quadrant, hotel. He's got a hotel.

Tim does. So this is like, this area is like perfect for a hotel on the moon, yeah? Lot number 318 forward slash 0597. This property is located at 015 square south and 010 squares east of the extreme northwest corner of the recognized lunar chart. Longitude, oh my God, longitude as well.

It's got all the details here. And the point that I keep saying about people should go and buy an acre of moon land is because down the bottom of this thing, it says this document conforms to all the lunar real estate regulation set forth by the head cheese. I'm going to stop you there. So it says head cheese.

I mean, that sounds a little illegitimate. But no. Dr. Dennis M. Hope. Yeah. Is that a real name? Of course it is. And then, and shall be considered in proper order when his signature and seal are affixed to this document.

So that's legit. This seal approved by the Board of Realtor, the omnipotent ruler of the lighted lunar surface. Is that so? And then there's a signature there. The head cheese. The head cheese. And then what is it?

Is this an organization who believes that the moon is made of cheese? Or is it? I don't know where that's coming from. Wow. I've got to say, this is all very not interesting buttons. Dan, could you do us a favor by saving us? With that actual interesting interview

that you promised us at the top end of the show? Yeah. I should add when this interview happened for the cryptid factor, which I've not mentioned. I conducted this interview for the cryptid factor, specifically in 2009. Oh my God. Are you kidding me?

I'm not joking. When I heard that Reese and you and David Farrier were starting a podcast, I wrote to you guys, and I said, we, as we mentioned a few episodes ago, I have a couple of buddies who can do the theme tune for you guys. And then I also wrote in a series of emails that went back and forth between me, David Farrier,

and Leon. Could I interview Brian Blessed for your opening episode? And Farrier wrote back and said, yes. And I organized it, and I did the interview, and it happened, and because it lasted two hours and I didn't know how to edit, I never sent it to you guys. I've been waiting for that. I've been sitting there checking my email all the time.

And then three days ago, Facebook gave me an update saying eight years ago, this happened, and it was a photo of me and Brian Blessed. And I realized, oh my God, I never sent you guys the interview that I did with Brian Blessed. So this is an interview that was conducted for the very first episode of Cryptid Factor that you guys never got.

It's amazing. So that shows that you were professional before the show even began. You were so professional that you were too professional. Apart from timekeeping, obviously, two hour long. But this is such a Cryptid Factor story. It's unbelievable. We're now going to give you the exclusive first section

of an interview that happened in 2009. The gorilla wasn't found until the end of the, as it was 1886, the gorilla was found, a large animal like that in Africa, the Highland Gorilla. And of course, and if we'd not discovered the gorilla, we would have invented it. And there is a need for monsters. I mean, my biggest shock as a child

was that there were no dinosaurs. I mean, I was so heartbroken as a child. I had in my beenocomics strangled the terrible, I had just pet dinosaurs. I wanted a dinosaur. I wanted to run the sorcery. So I wanted a Brontosaurus. I'm genuine heartache that it didn't exist

in the pursuit of the Yeti, the Sasquatch, Bigfoot, the Chukwa, Maitre-Masukpa, and the various names in the various continents is we try, there is a need to find out who we are. For God's sake, in Russia, they have seminars of the world's best scientists in Russia. They have academies of sciences in Leningrad and Moscow. They get together 10 times a year

to discuss all the sightings of the almas. The almas from Tianxian, we don't know the world. Look at, on television, we're so ignorant about the geography of our world. We don't know where bloody Georgia is. We don't know where Armenia is and so forth. I'm the same. But from the Caucasus to the Tianxian,

right through the Pamirs, right through to Inner and Outer Mongolia, right through to Siberia, we're talking about, there's a part of Russia. One and a quarter million square miles of Russia from the Anxian to the Almas Mountains, and it's completely unexplored, unknown. I had been to Mongolia, recent clear-to-climb mountain, Q-Tib,

and up there, I rode for 120 days with the Mongols on horseback. No roads, nothing. Millions of marsh camels, millions of wolves. The Mongols have wolves like Alsatians. I had a wolf sleeping in my tent when I climbed the mountain. He climbed the mountain with me. You had a wolf.

Yes, I had a wolf. He climbs the mountain. It's a big, black and gray wolf. He's a very friendly. Give him Mars Vars and his like. And he slept in my tent. He slept in your tent? Yes, in my tent.

Wow. It's part of the Mongolia, yes. And I've got photographs of him. We climbed Malkin together. There was some Q-Tib nearby, and Malkin was a much drier climb, and the wolf knew the way out. And they said, give him food,

but he will follow you right through the summit. It was a kind of ridge route, a broad ridge route, 14,000 feet, and I went to the top, and I climbed it with a wolf. In out of Mongolia, there are trillions of caves, mountain regions, unexplored. When I talk to the Mongols, when I'm with the Mongols,

they talk about, they call it the Almus Giant, the Almus. And they describe in the spring and autumn that they migrate. We see them. But I only see them. We don't bother. In 20, 30, 40, 50, sometimes 100, big hairy men, seven, eight feet tall,

and they have their wolves and their horses. We don't bother them. They don't bother us. They go to out of Mongolia, to the caves, and they move. Gorbachev! Gorbachev mounted a 25 million pound expedition with 300 scientists and soldiers into the Tianxian Almus region,

because the people in that part of the world were complaining that women and children were being abducted by the Almus Giants. I'm telling you, things that affect the Chinese, China, 70% of it completely unexplored. The Hubei province, the Shenengui Forest, which is 1,300 square miles, big mountainous regions,

has tremendous sightings. They call it the hairy man there. Tremendous sightings. The Chinese government, 15 years ago, sent 300 scientists, 700 soldiers to this region because of the numerous sightings of very big hairy men. This is a government expedition.

You can check it on the internet, anything. This is a fact that the ones in China tend to be very large indeed. They tend to be between seven and eight feet tall, with tremendous personal sightings. Within five feet of them, face to face. These are countries, talking about top scientists and top doctors, you can get all the information

about this as much as you want. Wow. That is great. There's legitimately legitimizing not only what we do, but our thoughts and processes and... And passion. Passion is the big one, yeah, absolutely. You know, the only thing that kept going through my mind,

I just want to be in an expedition with them. But somebody that believes that much to be on an expedition with them would be so exciting going and hunting with these monsters. But also, going on an expedition with a man like that with a voice like that, that he would just have to say, onwards we march.

And I'd be like, yes, we do. Onwards march. Yeah, yeah, it's important. We're heading this way. And I'd be like, OK, there's like fire and earthquakes and stuff, but sure, let's go. It'd be amazing. It'd be, what an amazing human.

And to sleep with wolves. Wow, yeah. And the Mars bars. It just goes to show that there's so much more going on that then we realize that it's worth it on a show like this to even just bring up tips of icebergs that get people excited about the fact that, you know, there's more to life than what we experience on a nine to five

basis and what we see on our stupid TV shows or whatever we're watching on Netflix. You know, there's so much out there that needs exploring. And I hope it encourages people to drop what they're doing when they can and actually get out there and find the truth, search for the truth, find things that have meaning to us, like the origin of where we are from.

That's a good point. That's one of the greatest reasons to believe in these things and to not cage them, but to prove their existence. And on that note, let's get to Mothman, because we said we would. So this is a new documentary about Mothman. It's called The Mothman Legacy.

Today is the release day. And here is the official trailer. I've read and collected several newspaper articles from the late 60s, early 70s. I've talked to people that were still seeing whatever this thing was in the T-interia. And it was well after 1966, 67. Some people describe the wings as looking like bat wings.

Some describe him as having feathers. He looked flesh and blood, but yet his eyes looked electrical. By the time I set up to look out the window, because I thought whatever this was would fly right into the window. It's the wingspan of this covered the windows. I almost get the feeling that once it was suggested in the movie that people had seen The Mothman at Chernobyl,

I think it became sort of part of urban legend. It kind of stands up a little bit and puts out what I have, sitting on the wings of an arm, something. And they reached almost the side of the road. So I immediately woke up, and when I did, there was this figure standing beside the bed. So there we have it.

Wow. Mothman is a great one because it enters so many different realms. I mean, there's owl man. There's giant thunderbird flying creature. There's the devilish aspect to it. There's the extraterrestrial aspect to it. So it crosses over so many different zones of cryptozoology

and horror. And it's a harbinger of death. Yeah, harbinger. That's so weird again. So yeah, that's exciting. And it also reminds me that our next episode, folks, is going to be the Halloween special. So that's next week.

So I think what we'll do is all of our stories and all of our chat will be of a Halloween nature. What do you reckon? That's a great idea. Definitely. Yeah. And that does. And we, you know, up to you if you

want to turn up with a pumpkin spice latte. We should also mention that we're all in countries that really don't do Halloween as big as, you know, the states right now. Well, the UK does. And I was going to get a Ouija board. Oh, that's right. We were going to do the online Ouija.

Oh, that's right. This is, are we just to be clear? Are we recapping right now? No. We're updating. As I said before, Ouija board. I remember we talked about that in a previous episode. You don't get your extra $2 at the end of this.

I can see you start writing it down in your notebook. We are not in that segment. We're recapping something. But we have two issues on my side, which is I'm the person who's getting the Ouija board. And A, Poundland has banned the Ouija board that Rhys was talking about. So when I went to get it, it is no longer available.

Is that because of us commenting on it? And maybe the cryptid factor took it down. Exactly. So we need to stop commenting on things that we want to feature in our shows if we want to make sure they're still on sale. We need to get less listeners. One of our big issues is we're getting so many listeners now

that we're affecting the world. So please, I love that you guys love the show. I'm talking to the listeners now. But don't tell your friends about it. We don't need to be on the UK charts again. We've reached the high levels of 21. That's not good. 21 in the charts, not the year, because that sounds like you're

just heading forward from where we are right now. But yeah, so the other thing is that Fenella has told me specifically I'm not allowed to bring a Ouija board into the house. Yeah. That's the evil. It's the evilness. I'm going to invite spirits, yeah.

Exactly, yeah. And we're in lockdown in London, you know? It's not like we can even leave. Not a good time to tempt fate of a devilish nature. Anyway, so what I've done is I've ordered a different Ouija board from the Poundland Ouija board, and I'm going to record next week's episode somewhere in the streets.

Oh, god. We can do this. Hilarious. Oh, I look forward to that. And hopefully Buttons will be somewhere else other than next to me on the kitchen table here. Because he's been so annoying. Hey, it's like been a lot of fun for me already going to.

I mean, the coffee service isn't very good. I even have got no coffee. I've got no snacks. Yeah, well, there's a few things. He got himself a coffee, didn't he? He got himself a coffee. He brought a coffee with him. Yeah, but that was empty.

I was just doing that to recall. I had the last of what was in the coffee pot during while Leon was rambling on about some moon thing. Now, unfortunately, we have run out of time again. I can already hear the theme music's been put on. So it's time for us to get going. OK. Hey, keep an eye out on the skies,

especially if you're landing in LAX, which you're not, let's be honest, because no one's flying right now. All the best, and I'll see you all again next week. Can I go back to breathing out of my mouth now? Yes. I'm struggling. Can I get back through into that other dimension, please?

I'm opening the door again. You can have him back! Oh! Oh, gosh.