The Cryptid Factor - 54: #054 The Unedited Issue

Episode Date: November 21, 2020

With Rhys busy selling his books (Buttons McGinty vol3 *OUT NOW*), Buttons busy learning to speak and Dan busy in lockdown, the team have been struggling to get episode 54 out. To solve this, the team attempt to do this episode 'unedited' for better or (possibly more likely) worse. Outside of the normally omitted mess, they also talk about underwater escapes from FBI, Lasers on Jetplanes, silly world record attempts and expensive farts. Also in this ep - the NZ South Island alien big cat heads north and a UK Sasquatch starts throwing Salmon.

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. Well, paint my legs light green and place me in a bamboo patch full of hungry pandas. We're back! What's going to happen then? Are you painting to get eaten or cuddled? Who knows? These are the experiments that need to be done. The world awaits news. So here we are. It is November, I believe the last one we did. Actually, that was November as well. We're losing track again, because it feels like we're going off week.

We were weekly, now we're sort of week and a halfly. Well, but things keep happening, right? We're trying our hardest, but life is very busy for all of us, isn't it? Yeah, that's true. UK's back in a big lockdown, so Dan's clearly got more free time. Yeah, how does that work? Hang on. Hang on, he's growing a beard. He's beard heavy, everybody. Yeah, I'm face gardening every day. It's my new hobby. Wow, is that for the winter? It is. Yeah, it's very cold here now, and I've lost all motivation in life, so that's also a combo of winter and no dreams.

Don't give up, man. We'll keep you going each week. Don't forget, guys, we've got to get together not just for the world, but our own mental health. Yes, that's so true. And so if it wasn't Dan being busy, because he's in lockdown, have you been busy? Oh, I'm always busy. You know me. I've been pushing my third children's book, Buttons McGinty, The Intergalactic Notes. Oh, Dan's got a copy. Look at that. I've got a copy too. Just off camera. My one's just slightly off camera here. It's here. So if you guys out there haven't received my books yet, it's because you haven't paid for them. I mean, they're not free, but please order them online. Or if you're in New Zealand or Australia, they're in the bookstores. This is the third in the trilogy.

And not only is there Morse code to work out, but also hieroglyphs in this one. They end up on a planet where there's hieroglyphs and they've got to work out the location of the mother. Oh, wow. Well, clearly, this is the reason why we haven't recorded religiously within a week this time, because you've been so busy pushing your third book that you're actually pushing it now on the show. I'm still pushing it. I'm still pushing it. Still going. You're so busy. You're still doing what you were doing. This is the final push. And that's all I've got time for this week, guys. So Buttons McGinty available now. All good bookstores.

Well, can I point out because I've been reading the series I'm on book two at the moment. And this is something I mentioned to you guys, but I think it's worth saying for the show. I've been thinking about Buttons' controversial update segment on the show. Oh, yes. Just something a bit fishy about it to be always. Where did he get it from? Buttons has this barnstorming idea. Where did he get it from? Did he have it on his own? Well, I'm reading Reese's book and I discovered that Buttons has stolen the update segment from another button.

No. That is not true. He stole it from Buttons McGinty. That's right. That's where he got it from. In the book, it's packed with constant updates. Look, update section. See this here? He plagiarized. He plagiarized from another buttons. But okay, back that truck up for a second. Where did the idea of Buttons come from?

So this is a chicken and egg simulation. Oh my God. Did he steal it from me or did I steal it from him? I mean, he basically stole me. Who knows? He's named after you, but you know, is it you? It's a character from the 80s. It could be. I imagine it's kind of an amalgamation of us when we were young and I used the name. But as far as the update, you know, the whole book written entirely by me, of course, did not conspire with Leon in any way. Well, okay, I may have been, it's called inspiration guys, but it's not plagiarism.

It's inspiration. Okay. Inspirationism. Inspirationism. I was, it was art inspiration. Now guys, can I just say we've got a bit of a challenge because today is Wednesday. We put the last podcast out like a weekend ago. So like a week and a half ago. So, and it normally takes me two days worth of painful, very time consuming editing to be able to make.

Because we record for like two hours. Two hours have to make it an hour because nobody would ever listen to two hours of us. But the problem is, is that now I'm busy for a couple of days. So I can't edit for a couple of days. So if, if we, for me editing, this might make it out for like two weeks and we'll break our record. Oh no, we need it out now. We need it out now. Yeah.

So here's an idea. Quit your job. No. Well, that's an option. Yes. Either one of you guys edit it. Well, we're on Patreon now. Surely you're raking it in.

Oh, it's so much money. You guys would have no idea. We don't. Which is the point. We haven't seen it. You guys have no idea. You got no login. Not giving you the login.

You have no idea. But what I'm suggesting then is why don't we do this an unedited issue. Like full on live to where no editing. We have to get it done and out within an hour of, of starting, which is, I don't know. How long have we been talking for already? About five minutes. Yeah. Oh.

We're five minutes. Can we do that? All right. So, okay. So you're saying let's go all the way through so you don't really have to edit this. Yeah. We just put it out. No mistakes.

No ums and ars. Yeah. From now. Yeah. Okay. Well, we can try. We can try. Should we try?

Let's try. We have to start a stopwatch. We have to try and smash it all out and try and like do it within an hour. Who's going to watch? Okay, me. I've got the timer on now. What this is? Can we do it?

Do you think we could do it? Well, if we get on the race on this time and the three of them are chatting away, asking whether they can do it. And I don't know who's going to win this race. I've got an hour left in the show and they're arming and arming and they've got to come up with the stories. They haven't done any stories yet. The guy down the bottom has got a big beard.

The one on the left hand side is talking away. He's got big headphones on like he's in a helicopter. The one on the right is doing all the commentating for no reason. He's wasting time on the show. They're coming around the corner now and they're coming into the weekly World Red News. Here it is. A weekly World Red News. It's crazy.

It's freaky. Watch out. Oh, hey. We're off. What have we got? Oh. I got time. And did it.

I can't. And we haven't got time to laugh at did it. We're going to do the headlines. Okay. Sorry. Okay. Here we go. Here we go.

I've got two. I've got one. Oh, yeah. Reese, you go. Uh, the Air Force is putting death rays on fighter jets. What? Yes. Death rays.

Wow. Oh, okay. That's awesome. I've got two for you to pick from. You can pick one of it. Okay. One of these. We haven't got time for picking.

Well, no, because it's worth it. We want the better story. If we're not editing, we need the better version. True. True. Story number one, man tries to escape from FBI with underwater sea scooter. Oh, I love it. Option one.

Oh. And option two. That's a good option. Wife spends thousands on vet bills after husband blames farts on the dog. Oh, that is awesome. Well, I tell you what, the second one pretty much is summed up in the headline. So I don't need to divulge into that one. My pick would be, although that is very funny, my pick would be number one.

Okay. We'll go for that. Funnily enough, have two options for my headlines as well, because I spent a very long time researching and I can't choose as well. And funnily enough, my first option is also about flatulence. My one, Vienna man find 500 euros for deliberate massive flatulence. Finds 500 euro. Oh, fine.

He's fine. I thought he said he finds it. He finds 500 euros after he does a fart. It's a lucky fart. The weirdest detective. It's the oldest Colombo. Can you just fart? Look, he's really good at what he does, but it gets a bit smelly.

Just fart again, honey. I need to buy a new washing machine and it's just twice because it's a thousand euros. Found it. Thank you. No, he is fined by the police 500 euros for deliberate massive fart. Or... Deliberate massive fart. That's ridiculous.

Or the next one is, man falls inside footpath, trapped with rats underground for half an hour. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. Oh, yeah. That's revolting. It's a sinkhole, isn't it? Yeah.

That's pretty disgusting. And worry. Okay. Well, I wonder what I wonder what the listeners would want. I mean, I think, I think, let's, you know what buttons, let's go. Let's start. We've already kind of started with it. Let's start with your farting news and just carry on with it.

Well, your farting news is very much my bag as well. So I think, I think that's a wise choice. Okay. So this is in Vienna, Austria. Austria and police. Find a man. Vienna. Sorry.

How much time have we got left, by the way? How long have I got for this story? Let's see. You've got a few minutes. I'm worried you're going to go too quickly and end up with only a half an hour show, because we're so nervous around the, around the time limit. Well, we're 10 minutes in. We're 10 minutes in.

Okay. Here we go. Here we go. We're just getting on with it, right? And not questioning every second we go. Okay. It'll be half an hour of content and half an hour of questioning whether we can do it in time.

Including that, but what you didn't need to say. Just carry on. Oh man, it's hard. Okay. Austria and police find a man 500 euros for a loudly breaking wind after officers stopped him earlier this month to check his identity. The police defended this massive fine saying he had deliberately admitted a massive fart lifting his buttocks off from the bench from where he was sitting.

The accused complained of what he called the, just a disproportionate and, oh, the accused come on. Like, God damn it. He says it was an unjustified fine because he just had built up wind and he needed to get rid of it. Yeah. It's what happens. Yeah.

But where was he? He wasn't in court or anything, right? No. He was on a park bench. The police came along and said, give us your identity. We want to see who you are. And... Well, hang on.

How can they do that? Is that a thing? Wow. I don't... In Vienna? Yeah. The ID has to be given if you're asked. Excuse me, mate.

Please. I mean, what is this? Wrong time. Probably. Wow. Well, I thought... You're under a vest. You're under a vest.

Bush's ass was under a vest. Wow. I thought, actually, Shribs, you could probably shed some light here because isn't your grandfather, wasn't he Austrian? Yeah, he is. Yeah. Does he know anything about... Is there strict laws over there?

Well, he... I mean, he's never told us why he ended up in Australia. Could be some sort of deportation for shitting himself on a park bench. I don't know what the levels of trouble you get into there for. No, he's never sort of just told us tales of minor finds that you can get for things. So I don't know. It doesn't... I agree with Rhys.

It sounds a bit odd that they would just ask for ID and then find someone for... Well, I think this guy... It says that he was being provocative and uncooperative in general. Hang on. Provocative? Provocative. That sounds to me like he was doing a bit of... Oh, hello, officer.

Oh, who's got a button? Oh, what's going to come out of my button? Look, please. Oh, that is uncalled for. Five, honey. A quick five, honey. Oh, who's been fined? Well, the interesting thing is, is that the police are now having to defend themselves

because that's like 500 euros is so much money. It's a lot. And they said... Yeah. So they said under their defense, he said he slightly raised himself off the bench, looked directly at the officers and repeatedly in the complete deliberate way emitted a massive flat once in their immediate proximity. Isn't it funny that the cops having to write the police report

and trying to use big words like immediate proximity and massive flatulence? Yeah, and provocative. Provocative trying to use as big words as they can to make it sound. I think they just got pissed off that he did a big fart. Yeah. I think it's out of line. I think I'd like to see what the real laws are there because if it's like the rest of the world, you know, there's a saying,

which my mother always used to say, wherever you be, let your air flow free. Oh. And, you know, it means that it's just part of nature. It is what we do. So when you, you know, you make some noises when you get up off the couch, all that as you get older and all that, you know, my nanny used to walk around the kitchen farting.

She didn't even realize it, you know, when she was in her eighties. It just falls out. What's that? She used to walk. I know that feeling. A couple of times I was in a shop the other day and I was standing there and I thought it was going to be a silent one. And then it made a little bit of noise.

It wasn't smelly, but it was a little bit of noise. And the shopkeeper was like, we both looked at each other and I just had to sort of like slowly sort of shuffle away because it was so embarrassing. I'm like, I shouldn't be embarrassed. If I did a burp, nobody would say anything. Yeah. Well, that's exactly another good point.

How much, how much you get fine for burps in Austria? Is it, is it equal? I'm, I'm, I'm taken aback by that. I'm taken aback. I'm really, I'm really regretting talking about my farting in the hardware store story now because I can't edit it. No, you can't edit that out now. And then the shopkeeper and you, I like, you both look at each other

and then he slowly points up to a sign above the, above the, the exit door, which says the finding for farts, 500 bucks. And you slowly shuffle away going, who was it? I really hope the shopkeeper's a listener of this show and he wakes up his wife in the middle of the night as he's listening to her. There's a guy, there's a guy. I had to change all the carpets because of that fart.

All right. That's all we have time for on that one. Very good. Very interesting. And yeah, if, if any listeners are out, they can, to get, to get, to excuse my pun, but get to the bottom of the law situation in Austria for us, that would be amazing because it doesn't sound right. It doesn't quite sound right.

It does, it does sound rather wrong. Yeah. Okay. So here we go guys. Now this, this, this next report, the death rays attached to fighter jets. Finally it's happening. This is in the States. Lasers will be attached to, and it's for older fighter planes

to keep them alive while flying through the deadly skies. So the US Air Force wants to put laser weapons on fighter jets by the mid-2020s. Wow. Yeah. And it's basically, so they're going to be able to shoot down other aircraft and also anti-aircraft missiles and things like that with actual lasers. It's a system called TALWS or Tactical Airborne Laser Weapon System. A pod-mounted laser developed by Lockheed Martin on behalf of the Air Force Research Laboratory,

mounted on the fuselage or wing of a fighter jet that Talwis would and could shoot down incoming air-to-air and surface air missiles. It's quite frightening because what it is, it is the start of spaceships with laser guns. Yeah. Yeah. Axe wings. Yeah. Do they call it, did the article call it death rays or do they, are they calling it a death ray?

I got this from Popular Mechanics and they are calling it death rays. So, you know, it really is just lasers, but it sounds good, doesn't it? But it does sound good, but it does lend itself to that conspiracy theory around Nikolai Tesla actually developing the death ray as a weapon and then, you know, basically destroying it and getting rid of all the plans because he didn't want to introduce that into the world. And then the Nazis going to try and find those plans during World War II to try and develop the death ray.

And they said that the US government had actually gone enough to Tesla's death and taken those plans and were developing it in secret. Maybe this is Tesla's technology that they've actually kept secret for years and they're now finally putting it, bringing it out. It's now time. I think possibly just you're basing that on the two words death rays. I think it was just an added feature to the headline. They're really just lasers.

And I think the reason for them is, yes, we do have lasers now and the newer aircraft that they're building and that they're going along with, which is things like F-22 Raptors, F-35 Joint Strike Fighters, things like that. They are not going to have them. It's really for the older ones to keep them alive, like F-16s, F-15s. So those are ones and the A-10 Warthogs, those tankbusters, remember them? They're real cool. So all the US have so many of these planes

and the real fast modern ones that have stealth technology can get away from the real fast Russian and Chinese ones, but the older ones can't. So they're putting lasers on the older ones to be able to deal with them. And what is a laser? I don't actually fully know what a laser is. Well, I mean, have you seen the James Bond movie where there's a laser coming up between his legs and gold fingers there and there's this laser, this light, a beam of light,

which is literally cutting anything in its path. So it will cut planes in the distance. Yeah, so a laser will shoot out at a very, very fast pace. And it was just a line of laser like that. And if you keep it on an object for long enough, it will completely destroy it. So they will heat seek target with the lasers on an aircraft going by and the laser will move with the aircraft and it will literally laser it in half. Oh, wow.

So it will sort of pick its point on it. Yeah, no matter where the aircraft goes. It's got the ability to just keep on it. And there's no kind of restriction on distance of the laser. So it could be really, really far. You've seen those little laser pointers that people have. They point to laser pointer and aircraft and stuff. And there's literally, there's no distance on them.

So that, you know, there are real hazard to airline pilots and such and so forth. But yeah, I've got to do this. Well, did you know just quickly asking what a laser is? I just looked it up. Do you know that laser is actually an acronym? Oh, tell us. Yeah. And it stands for Light Amplification.

Amplification. Is it amplification? No, it's a hard word. I'll give that to you. Light Amplification. Amplification. Amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. Wow.

I did not know that. Can you say it one more time? I can't even say it one time. One more time. Light Amplification. There you go. Yes. Amplification.

Why did you try it again? If you slow down, you can get through it. It's Amplification. Amplification. Why is it Amplification? Amplification. We don't have time for this. We're going to have to move on.

We're going to have to move on. I'm sorry. You're going to get hit by a laser. Oh, no, please. Got him. I got a quick thing to say, though, about this, which is that if you were doing that, you need for your enemy to not notice you so you can get as much time as possible in order to burrow in with the heat of the laser and slowly separate them apart.

Yeah. And weirdly, I've just been reading just before we started this book called The Sense of Being Stared At. And this is a question I want to put out to our listeners as well as finding out whether or not farting in Austria gets you a 500. Whether or not this is true, because the author of this book says that in the Second World War, RAF fighter pilots were advised not to stare at an enemy pilot. So if they're flying over them or behind them, getting ready to shoot them, never

to stare at an enemy pilot when preparing to shoot him down. The intensity of the gaze has been known to make the enemy pilot look straight around at the attacker as if they know they're being stared at, which is what this whole book is about, the sense of being stared at. Why do we suddenly turn around sometimes when we think that we're being stared at and he claims, yeah, he claims that in World War Two, they were told that as pilots not to stare at the enemy, which is totally makes sense. It makes sense.

Well, how many times have you guys felt like you've been looked at? You know, when you walk through a room or something, you can feel someone's gaze and you do turn around and lo and behold, yes, there's 10 to 15 fans there. With your book Buttons McGinty Three Wanting It Signed. That happens to me all the time. Well, remember there was an episode that we did when David Farrier was on the show in those old days. Oh, that's right.

Where we stared at each other and just in a low-lit room, you keep staring at each other and staring at each other and then your whole face starts, the other person's face starts to morph and do really weird things because your brain. And you get high, don't you? Yeah. That's what they say. You get high. Yeah.

Well, that's a different, I mean, that's a different thing again. I guess it kind of looked to it, but it is different. It's completely different. That's just looking at each other. That's it. No. The staring is involved. No.

But not really, is it? No, what it could be is rather than just visually, it may just be that you are being so overwhelmed with all of the rays of, notice me, somebody is staring at you. Let's do a little experiment now while we're on air here because we don't have time. Buttons, you look off to your right. Okay. Okay. Look off to your right now.

Yeah. Now, so you're not looking at us. Now, we're going to look, Dan and I will look over to our right, so we're not looking at you. And what I'm going to do is Dan and I will turn at a given choice of our time and look at you buttons. Okay. And when you think that we're looking at you, you say now and swing around and see

if we're looking at you. Okay. Okay. All right. So just to let the listeners know, we've got buttons looking to his right, Dan is looking to his right. I'm going to now look to my right and then, anyway, I've overproduced it. We know what's going on.

Here we go. Now I'm looking away. Now. No. No. No. No. Neither of us.

Neither of us. No. Ah, I got it. I only looked around because I was worried about time and editing. And it was getting really boring. Yeah. But I could sense. I could sense when you were going to turn around and say now because I know you're so well.

I thought, oh, he's not going to be able to stand this more than three or four seconds. And so I was worried more about our poor listeners having to listen to silence. Well, you know, you've got a little bit of silence is nice after hearing you for a while and then they got an abrupt now. No. No. No. No.

And of course, Dan and I were not interested in turning around to look at you. So it was hard for us. I just felt there wasn't enough attention on me for too long. Nobody was looking at me. Your turnarounds and the nows were just you wanting us to look at you. Please. No. Please.

No. Please look at me. No. Why not? All right. Let's move on to Dan's story. Yes. So man tries to escape from FBI with an underwater sea scooter.

Wow. So this is a story that happened in California. A man who was being chased by the FBI because of an alleged 35 million 35 million dollar Ponzi scheme was being chased by them and he was in his truck and he was being chased and then he abandoned the truck that says he abandoned the truck near the edge of Lake Shasta pulled something out and swam into the lake and then he spent 25 minutes under the water trying to escape them on a Yamaha 350 Eli submersible at speeds of I think it's four miles an hour. So he was he was trying to get away from them and they didn't you can go to a hundred feet

below the surface so he probably could have you know got a bit of distance and a bit of you know what direction is what he probably didn't count on is that they could trace where he was going by the huge amount of bubbles that were coming up to the surface from him breathing. Oh no. Did he have an aqua lung on like a he must have breathing apparatus. He must have. He must have. Right.

Because he did 25 minutes and he eventually had to come up because the lake is so cold that he was just freezing and they caught him. So did he gain any distance. Where did he go. Was he just under the water going nowhere. I don't say. Was it a river. It was a lake I believe like yeah Lake Shasta because you think at least he'd want to sort

of get to the other side of the lake that would be a full getaway and then come out and then probably they're waiting at the other side as well. But if he was just sort of under it reminds me of those Tintin books when you're under the river with a reed you know and you're breathing through a piece of bamboo. It's a nice call back to the start of the show. You're breathing through someone's light green leg. Was it just pure chance that whilst he was being chased by the FBI he had the gear in his car or did he have the gear in his car in the event that he was going to get chased

by the FBI. Like was it a getaway scheme. Oh it's got to be the getaway scheme. It's got to be the getaway scheme and the fact that he drove to a lake specifically. I mean four miles an hour. Maybe what he thought was he could get there before they saw him get there. They would see the van open. They might see footprints towards the lake.

They didn't know he had an apparatus and they thought he's drowned in this lake and maybe he would fake his death. Unfortunately they saw him dragging this Yamaha submersible into the lake and then followed the bubbles. He's been watching too many James Bond movies I think that's the general gist of it. I mean good on him for an original getaway. I mean maybe next time bring a jet pack or a micro light that can come out the back of his truck and he can fly off a cliff.

But yeah that would be my advice for next time. In fact it's almost worth buying one of those kind of apparatuses or apparatus. So you can have it in the back of your getaway vehicle if shit does hit the van and you've got to make a bolt. We've all watched enough James Bond movies to know which ones work and which ones don't. I don't think he's ever escaped in a aqua scooter. No he did. Because they're not cool.

For a start. Well he did have a car that turned into an actual submarine. Maybe once he's out of prison that's the way you can go. But also these things kind of look like you know I don't know if you guys have seen them. So when I pictured a scooter I thought a sort of like motorbike looking thing but it's remember in Baywatch the little life thing that David Hasselhoff and everyone would run in with. It's one of those where you hold it in front of you and it propels you by like a bodyboard.

I really want one of those. Anybody's looking for a Christmas gift for me. I'm just saying. Yeah I want one too. I've wanted one for a while. Oh there you go. If there's any underwater scooter companies out there that want us to try getting away from the FBI more successfully we'll have a crack.

On that note if there's any companies at all out there that want us to use any equipment to test out any futuristic cool shit please let us know. Our podcast is one of the most popular in the world now and we are willing to try out your equipment live on air. To put our lives at risk. Well yeah. Put it that way. He's worth the least out of all of us.

Test pilot. This is my middle name. Speaking of being underwater for a long time this week as well the longest scuba diving event has happened. This person has stayed underwater for the longest ever. We set a new world record for that. How long? Well take a guess.

I was quite. Wait is this with scuba gear? With scuba tanks. That's a hard one because I mean it depends how big the tanks are. Because of course there's so many risks with being underwater. He was in the Red Sea so he's not. To mention granddad's fingers you know when your fingers get wrinkly that's the one thing that makes me want to leave the water.

You know you're swimming away next minute your fingers wrinkly go oh I've got to get out of age. So for me. Great grandfathers. What happens when you are an old man and you go swimming and you've got wrinkly fingers to begin with. Do they go straight when you're underwater or do they get so big they turn into like old tree twigs.

You know you go from having granddad fingers to great granddad fingers and if you're a great granddad you get a great great granddad fingers. Hey maybe this is the way you can time travel into the future. Go underwater for a long enough and you become a great great great granddad. You come out. We're all my children and my children's children. I've been underwater for 20 years. What are you?

Some sort of wrinkled tree branch or something. Why did you go under there for 20 years you old git? Because I want to get my future traveling children. You're an idiot but you do have the new record. 20 years. Unfortunately. So that's my guess. That's my guess.

20 years. Yeah. 20 years. I'm going to go seven hours. That's probably that's actually closer but still it's a lot more than seven hours. He was underwater for 145 hours and 30 minutes. No. This guy just under six days underwater.

No. He was an Egyptian scuba diver and he was in the Red Sea. Saddam al-Kalani. He's 29 years old. And I just thought it was like six days. What are you doing? He would just get so boring. What's he doing?

I mean is he checking, is he got games on his phone? Is he got one of those underwater phones? What's he doing for six days? Well that's... I mean if he's constantly exploring. Tell me how is he sleeping? He's just going to be swimming away and go, oh I'm driving an eyes now and fall asleep for eight hours.

I didn't even think about sleeping. How would he sleep? Can you sleep underwater? Wouldn't he? He clearly can. Is that possible? Yeah. Yeah because he couldn't have been awake for that long surely.

At that point he must have had the old bamboo leg adaption kit. Stuck to his thing so he could breathe. Well that doesn't actually... Can't it be good for you breathing out of a tank while you're sleeping? Well it doesn't talk about sleeping or eating because I also wondered how he was obviously feeding himself but it must be through little...

Don't you die if you don't drink after three days? Well he must have been doing such a thing. Something's wrong with this article. I want to see the source. What's the source? It's upi.com. So it's going to be... Well no but this guy has been in the news before

because he... He's a hoaxer. He owns upi.com by the seams of it. No, he and his fiance held their engagement ceremony underwater. Oh the guy's clearly a fish. He is. But if it's to be believed six days,

that's pretty impressive. I mean okay, I'm guessing then he probably just didn't eat or drink or... You know he could have taken his thing out and he put ahead drink some water from another bottle or something that was airtight and... Put it up to his mouth and head. Put that away and then put the other one back on.

Oh boy, I was fine. I was fine. I had a drink. I had a drink every morning. There's a medical team. Medical team would be sitting there going, what did he drink, did he drink? Yeah. Fresh water or seawater? Yeah, what did he get?

Was the container he drank out of empty when he took it down there? I think so. Oh he just drank seawater. He's a fish. He's actually an actual fish. Yeah. Hang on, he's got gills. I'm just watching a video of it.

Let's get this video on in the background buttons because it actually is... I know we're pushed for time, but it's only a minute long. Can you give me sharing abilities? You better. Let's see. Sorry, we haven't got time for that. Fill the gap.

Alright, here we go. Oh wow. That's the whole team we're watching. If you're on Patreon, you can see this. There's the whole team here. Did they all stay down there for six days? No, that's him. I think they were there to help out.

Look, there's a spot on the bottom of the seafloor, which is an official Guinness World Records spot, I guess. So look at this. That's his bed. That's his bed. So he's facing down in some sort of contraption that looks like a washing line that he's caught himself up in.

That is creepy. He's got an actual underwater bed, guys. It looks like a weird washing line. And he's got some of the lines over top of him and some of the lines under him. Oh, there's his water. There's his little food pouch. Just like one of those squeezy things.

Now, he was meant to do the attempt for 150 hours, but he pulled out at 145 because of health concerns. But I think that's pretty good. Look at this. Here's his hobby. He's painting. He's now painting. He's done an underwater painting.

And that's awfully like Bun's McGinty hieroglyphs, to be honest. She does. Yeah, Book 3, available now. I tell you what, I bet it's not water paints. It's got to be. It's got to be enamel. Oh, wow.

That's amazing. All right, well, there we have it. There we have it. It's one of these. Honestly, it's an amazing thing, but it's also one of these things that doesn't need to be done, you know? So there's a lot of these human attempts

that, you know, to do these records and things, where you just go, why? I mean, OK, well done. But A, we're never going to use it, OK? There's no requirement for anyone to paint underwater. It's not, you know, unless we end up in Waterworld, where the world does end up all underwater. It's possible.

In which case, we'll give you a call on the underwater shell phone. Shell phone. I didn't even know that. Jake was going to come out. I see where he did. Was that an accident? Was you like...

Yeah, full accident. No, you can't. You have to keep that in. Yeah. Butson, did you slip in a... Did you say, I see where you did that? Did you see that? Look at this.

Did you see that? This is how natural this show is becoming, guys. This stuff's just coming out, we're not even noticing it. Don't credit him with genius. He never actually came up with. Come on, now. No, I meant to say that.

I meant to say that. But listen, H is... You go. Sorry, go on. No. Why is this... Oh, no, I can't edit that blunder. Well, it's good for people to see

how sometimes that happens. I'd normally edit that. Well, you know, we've been talking, when we started up this podcast again for its rebirth, season 15, that we were going to be in the Guinness Book Records ourselves for the fact that we've done

so many consistent episodes. But I think, I know we say that it's a bit silly to get into the Guinness World Records for something that you're not going to do, but I do know the editor-in-chief of it. Right. I do know Craig Glende who runs it and does records.

I think we get him on the show and we get the cryptid factor into the Guinness World Records with an attempt. Yes, yes. We get him on here and we do something on the show that gets us firmly...

I'm into that. Something silly and I'm sure he'd be up for it. And he's a cool guy. He's written a book about UFOs and vampire hunting. Okay. He's very cryptid.

Wow. Okay. Well, the only thing I can think of is, you know, looking at our skill set and for me personally, it may be something like how many characters can one do

in under a minute or something like that. There's got to be some record like that. Yeah. Yeah. Or I get how slowly can someone edit a podcast. Maybe that could be...

I don't know. Just throwing out ideas here. Yeah. How long it takes someone to say how many goes it gets for them to say amplification? Guys, amplification is... It's not even a word.

Oh, he's getting there. It's not even a word. That was almost correct. It's not even a word. Hey, but that's a good... I love that idea. That's a great idea. Maybe we should leave it to the listeners.

Hey, listeners, what do you think? What should we... What attempt should we do? Listeners. See, I'm talking. Yeah, let us know something that the three of us might be able to do. How many callbacks can we fit into a show?

Oh, yes. How many... Is there a record for callbacks? I mean, I should own that. Yeah. Well, do you know what? Funnily enough, there have been two other record attempts broken this week.

Both of them pretty awesome. One of them, most raw eggs caught in a mouth... in somebody's mouth in a minute. Okay. Yeah. And this guy... This guy is a little bit of a junkie.

Maybe we should talk to this guy. David Rush. He has about 150 Guinness records. And one of those records. Yeah. But he does it to promote stem education, supposedly. Okay.

And he caught in his mouth in one minute. Guess how many he did? One minute. I'm guessing they'll average out to one per second. So you're looking at 60. Well, 60 were thrown. No. Sorry, 36 eggs were thrown.

He caught 24 of them. Wow. And 18 of them were ended up unbroken. Impregnating him. What? Okay. And the other record that's been broken this week was a martial artist hitting tennis balls

in one minute with nun chucks. Guess how many... Oh, yes. It's actually tennis balls. It's actually ping pong balls. The title... Ping pong balls, yeah. The title is wrong.

They say tennis balls. Ping pong balls. Guess how many he hit with nun chucks in one minute? So these are ping pong balls being hit at him and he's having to deflect them with... That's right. Okay. 36.

You can move... Yeah. I'm going to say 69. 34. So it's actually one of those embarrassing ones where you go, how much do you reckon these jeans cost? And it's actually $10.

And people go, $5? $7. No, no. They were $10. There was a bargain. Oh, I don't know. You know, the funny thing, we actually have a recording of this guy

whacking the ping pong balls with his nun chucks. Yeah. So I'm going to play it for you now. Oh, thank you. You guys might need to help out with it, actually. So if... Buttons, if you want to do the sound of the nun chucks going through the ear...

Okay. Dan, if you want to do some exertions, some sort of karate vocalizations, and here come the ping pong balls now. Here they come. Time. That's 34. 24. Yes, it's a new world record. Wow, that's a cool video. That was an awesome video that

we, it's so weird how we all had different parts of that video to play. Yeah, that was it's really weird. I can't believe it because we don't really have time for that. But anyway, that is weekly world weird news for this week. How much time left have we got? We have 20 Let's get into some cryptid buzz. Okay, there's the sting there. Okay, that was good. So now normally I edit the stings in. I'm not even going to be able to edit the stings in. No, you will have to. You'll have to. Oh, maybe we can. Let's not talk about it. Let's not talk about it. Cryptid buzz. Was that the real one? Or is that what you just wrote it? It's an edit, edit, edit. It's needed. It's like added but edited. Okay, I shouldn't have said

all that. Now, what do we have? Well, the news I have is that I just want to give an update. Which is something I own through the buttons books. And I'm able to say it on the big cat situation here in New Zealand. I found out this week that a radio station is following it. The rock FM, the rock, a big rock station here in New Zealand have been kind of following the updates on the big cat situation in the South Island. We've been talking about it on the show. And I've actually sent one of their rock and roll reporters down to Hamna Springs. They sent him down there last week to see if he could find the big cat. He didn't. I watched the report. It was kind of just a ended up being a silly morning rumble rock and roll report that was a waste of

time. But I do have a recording here of some chap that they got on the phone who reckons he's seen a big cat in the North Island. Do you know what that means? It's crazy because it's one of two things. Either we have more than one big cat out there, one in each island at least, or the big cat somehow got on the ferry and came up to the North Island. That swam or floated on a little piece of driftwood or something. Yeah, or an underwater scooter, let's be honest. There he goes. That's another unnecessary recording, but here's an actual... Here we go. The Black Cat. And you're off to Canterbury Bryce on Friday. Thanks to Ian who's here. Let's grab a seat with your team, your crew. I'll try and track it down. But we haven't heard of any sightings

in the North Island. No. And here's Jase on the phone. Jase, we're exactly... And you sent us a photo too. Where was this taken? It was taken at the end of Coast Road in Waido Yamata. And you've tried to tell me there's so much going on in Waido Yamata. You've tried to tell me there's Black Cats there too. Yeah, it seems that way. It was a pretty big cat. I'd say it was about five millimeters. I'd say at least. Mate, would you see the picture? It's almost like you go, hang on. It's this photo shop. It's huge. And why has no one else... I don't know. Why has it not been in the news that there's one of these now... It got on the inter-islander, it would appear. Yeah. It's a horizontal inter-islander. It is now in Waidui. How did that happen?

I don't know. I try to explain, but just as no one thinks too keen, they just say that maybe it was someone main coon or man-coon cat, a large... I don't think anyone in Waido Yamata would own a main coon. I mean, it's pretty southern. Yeah, it's a southern town. It's a very remote. There's no houses here, but I would say about that. But it definitely wasn't someone's pet. And then in the other half, there's these big cats in the wild in this cat. You know, it was a pretty big island. I honestly thought it was a record. And I told them, if I don't move, you know, we'll leave it up there. And she kind of looked at me and like, don't leave it in Waido Yamata. Well, maybe they're like, look, I hit my camera. I mean, it's a pretty big camera. I managed to get a

couple of photos of it, but it's a very large cat. When I was a cat, I used to meet my dad. He used to go into the Aronga-Rongas because dad... Anyway, I think we've given him far too much airtime there, but the Aronga-Rongas. Did you guys hear that? Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Because we can't edit that. So that was just me recording the radio station while I was driving along, taking me to Skull. Yeah. I mean, it's sort of the innovative kind of rustic two by four methods of the cryptid factor to get things done. The interesting thing is with that, though, is it sounded exactly like you had recorded it in your car whilst you were driving along. And then played it from your phone through your microphone. It sounded really terrible.

Wow. Yeah. Good. So how many levels? This is like a photocopy of the photocopy. How many levels of... I think it's four levels down. And by the time it gets to the listener's ears, it goes through their headphones into their ears. And there's another couple of levels. The Internet, their computer, that's another six levels. Yeah. So, you know, I don't know whether anyone will be able to hear that. How do you hear that? It probably just comes out like this. Well, there we have it. So there's proof. But I find that interesting that, you know, this is the bottom of the North Island in Wellington. And there's a sighting there, this chap also has a couple of photos. So there's either a population of big cats in both islands

or, you know, and I was thinking as I was listening to that, you know, and it made sense to me that, of course, cats do love jumping on things. Yeah. A cat could easily head down, head up to Picton at the top of the South Island, jump on a ferry in the middle of the night, hide somewhere. They really got it like hiding in amongst things. That's what cats do. That's true. They easily end up on a boat, end up on the other island. Yeah. And they're clever. They're sneaky. They are. They are. And they're not caught. And it's going to be so hard to capture them because, yeah, cats in the wild are very good. They play a game called Tiger in the Grass. You might have heard of this. This is where they go down very low when they're hunting their prey and stuff. Yeah. And you really

can't see them. And they do that a lot. And they do that just in general to not be caught. These big cats, they think, you know, of us as definitely enemy, something that's going to stop their lives because we're bigger and we're loud. And, yeah, their idea for living is to certainly keep away and that technique of going down is also going to be very useful for evading the ticket inspector on the ferry, isn't it, when... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I might use that technique. Tickets, please. Oh, here we go. Where are you? I actually have to go to Christchurch and come back up from Christchurch in a few days' time. Okay. And I'd really... One of the things that I was actually not excited about that was paying for a ticket on the ferry because I'm like, it's so annoying, you've got to get over

this big piece of water through the islands. So if I... Was it called Tiger in the Grass? Yes. The technique. If I tie it in the grass onto the ferry... Yes. Or the other word... The other term is commando crawl, the same type of thing, yeah. No, Tiger in the Grass is way cooler. Tiger into the grass on and then maybe I'll go unnoticed. Yeah. I'll get a free ride. Good luck with that. I can just hear the guy on the ferry. Hey, we've got a weird-looking guy doing Tiger in the Grass up the ramp and he's actually doing it through the people that are waiting in line and he's getting in the way. No, nobody can see me. Nobody can see me. There he go. Yeah. No, he's clearly visible. Hey, excuse me. Big, big bloke with headphones doing Tiger in

the grass. You're not the first one to attempt that, mate. The last one was actually a Tiger. He actually got away with it. But you, not you, mate. Not you. Yeah. It's either that or I wait for a truck that is carrying a lot of grass from the South Island to the North Island and then I actually Tiger in the grass in actual grass. Does that happen a lot? That's what's missing. There's a lot of grass transfer from the islands of New Zealand. Yeah. Oh yeah, South Island grass. You pay a lot of money for South Island grass. It's a very premium grass. We've got Dickhead in the grass. We've got him. He's Dickhead in the grass in the back of a grass truck. Well, I just figured grass is the one thing missing from our strategy of Tiger in the grass.

So, honestly, I think you're better off hiring five aquascooters. And when the time runs out on each one, you grab another one out of your backpack and treat through with that. And discard the other one. You're going to have to be Guinness Book Record trained for underwater scuba capabilities. So, that's all ties in with the episode, guys. It was our intention all along. This scene without even editing. Without editing, it's much better. Amazing. But see, the problem with that is the ticket on an inter-island ferry is about $300 or so. The cost of one scooter is about $1,500. Times five, that's lots of money more than... So, it's a good idea. Yeah. But it comes from the mindset of that idiot that obviously tried to

escape using a scooter where money is no object. Exactly. He's leaving it all the time or whatever. Because he ponzied it all the way. Well, you can always dip into that Patreon money that Rhys and I don't see any of. Guys, I'm saving it up. I'm keeping it safe for us, guys. I'm investing it very wisely. Yeah, for our research vessel. Okay. Good. Okay. So, it's safe. Don't you worry. I've got it very safe. All right. Well, I'm looking forward to that. And unfortunately, we don't have much time to discuss more prospects and dreams. Is there any more cryptid bars? Yes, I got a story. My story this week. A person in Scotland has been hit by a large salmon which was chucked at him by Bigfoot.

What? What? How do you get this stuff? You get... I've been searching for hours for cryptid news. I can't find a scaric and you come up with something golden like that. Where do you get your sources? I have a source, Paul Seburn, from Mysterious Universe. He delivers so much on that website. And actually, I just read his bio. Exactly. Well, no, I don't know him. I'm just reading his articles. But I've just discovered in reading his bio that he actually has a podcast called What in the World, which looks at all this stuff. So, I think what I'm doing is I'm just nicking his material from his podcast for hours. So, apologies to Paul. No idea. But having said that, let's crack on with his story. This is something that was written about by a British Bigfoot researcher

called Debra Hatswell. And she's the founding member of the British Bigfoot research team. And she's a respected researcher over here. And she was told a story by a relative and it was a relative's friend that this happened to. Colbin Forest, which is 25 miles east of Loch Ness, is apparently a place where a lot of happenings occur. They're not just things like Bigfoot, but there's things like, where did I put it? There's ghost lights. There's all sorts of paranormal activity. There's shadowy figures. There's witches. There's all sorts of encounters that happen in Colbin Forest, so close to Loch Ness. And the description that was given was about this person. He saw a very large dark shape, which stopped when it saw him and turned back

into the forest. When he described the height of this shape, it was approximately seven feet tall. It happened too fast for him to get a photograph of it. And it was over in a matter of seconds. Then, last night, as he was walking the dog, he had a large salmon thrown at him, but he couldn't see the thrower. He said, he said, all was totally silent out in the forest, so when no bird sounds, no small animals, nothing. And so that's the story. The belief by Deborah Hatswell is that this could have been a Bigfoot. There's a lot of reports about tall, hairy mystery animals in the UK, which I'd not actually heard of before. There's things called the Nairn Valley Big Hairy thing. That's the full

title. The Big Hairy thing, or the Clavichairns Hairyman. There's been multiple sightings of, and this might be one of those creatures. It might not necessarily be a Bigfoot, but certainly the Bigfoot researcher has taken note of it. This strongly points towards the multidimensional theory, because when you think about these creatures just being Sasquatches or just being primates, hairy hominids that are living amongst us that are hiding, it doesn't make sense when you talk about these areas in the UK that just simply don't have the amount of range of forestry and bush that the Sierras and North America and stuff have. Therefore, these creatures could just come out of nowhere,

which is exciting. It makes you wonder, okay, well, we don't seem to have anything here in this country. There are other countries, but by that, I mean New Zealand, for the hairy hominid range. But there are other places that do have them that are in small locales as well. So it really is a, yeah, it's certainly a thinking moment. Reese has had a thinking moment, and we've joined in and thought along as well. Lucky there's no song for, and Buttons has an unthinking moment. That song would go, it's been pretty much the whole episode. This thinking moment was brought to you by Aquasquooges.

Escape your past now by going underwater for up to 25 minutes. Bubbles come free. Gotcha. Ah, shit in the surface. Now. But I think this... I can't remember what I was saying, but there was a good point there. Well, Colben Forest, I think it's something that I'd quite like to look more into being, you know, she says that hikers and explorers in the past have found bones stuck high up in trees, tree logs standing upright in paths, unusual arrangements of sticks and stones, and sightings. There are sightings that happen there. And just the lovely thing that it's 25 miles east of Loch Ness. What a mystical area. What a wonderful area to go and have a big adventure in.

We need to check it out. It's obviously an area with negative magnetic anomalies there, and that's where paranormal activity happens, where things come from other dimensions, because I think there's definitely a rift there. There's a weird zone. So we should definitely write that down and visit that place. Yeah, because there's all those sort of lay lines in the earth and the 37th parallel north of, you know, where all these kind of weird things happen and congregate. So it's clearly a hotspot that you've got to get to, Dan, as soon as lockdown is over. Exactly. And it's also because, you know, there's this talk about when you're doing astronomy in the UK of it's too hard in most bits of the UK to see into the sky because

of the lights of the cities and so on. But there's lots of patches of dark sky areas, and Scotland is a big dark sky patch for the UK. So you could see that under the cover of night, even if the forests aren't ginormous, the enveloping blackness of it could be a better hiding spot for sort of, you know, nocturnal, bigfoot activity and so on. Yeah, creatures from another realm. And the other thing I'll say just to end this bit is that there's no way a bear will throw a salmon away. No. So I'm guessing, yeah, that's a slam dunk on the creature from another realm. Yeah, and it's not near water. So where the hell did they get the salmon from? Okay, that's just really mystified me. The fishmonger. There's fishmongers and

other parallels, guys. Other universes have fishmongers. And you can buy them. Get your fish. Fish, everybody. Tap into fish. Tap into fish. Get your fish, all of these characters. That's Victorian England. You all have a fish. You are a fish, mate. There you go, everyone. In the face. Yeah, that's right. Give us your tuppence, mate. Give us your tuppence. Where are you from? Don't matter. Don't matter what realm I'm on for, mate. Get your fish. He's gone. Wow. Was he even here? I don't know. There's no water around here.

And that's time, guys. We've actually run out of time now. Oh, no. Is that it? We've hit the hour as we go any further. I was expecting there to be some kind of alarm or buzzer or some kind of... Yeah, good point. That seems like quite a flat ending. Oh, there it is. Sorry, I set that earlier. Oh, hang on. Is this all just a practice for next week's attempt at the Guinness World Record of characters? It's a bit of that. And it is also filling in time because we did have a couple more minutes. All right. But yeah, that was the unedited cryptid factor. We did it.

Nice. Nice. We did it. Now, but was it any better or was it worse? I mean, maybe this is how we do it from now on forever. Who knows? I don't know. There was too much pressure. I could see it on your face. I couldn't even say some words like, I'm not even going to say it. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. Next week, we're going to come back with another show. That's exciting. And a little bit of a tease, a little bit of a hinty treaty. We're planning a cryptid factor Christmas special. So stay tuned. Stay tuned. And extra, extra tease, extra tease. You're all invited. Apart from underwater guy, he's in prison. Yeah. Now, he's still be able to come along.

Was he? Well, with his ears. Yep. Coming along without his ears would be worse. Yes. You know, I mean, to be able to listen in, listen in. All right. Well, goodbye, everyone. Goodbye. And I'll see you next week. So long. So long. That's so long. So long. So long. So long. And now, actually. So long. And now.