The Cryptid Factor - 56: #056 The Utter Chaos Issue

Episode Date: December 20, 2020

Just as the title says - this has to be the messiest, most chaos ridden episode in quite some time. Arguments about re-caps, pre-caps and updates, disagreements about a cat being a dog or a cat-dog... oh and Buttons gets kicked off the Internet and is relegated to a privileged listener. Also, more on the monolith craze, retired Israeli security chiefs giving the goss on UFOs and the dying art of Iron crotched kung-fu. Wowzers!

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. Well, put me in a discus stance, cover me in butter and enter me into a soft-spread sculpture competition. We're back! So many things to unpack. A discus stance. Oh my God. It's a soft-spread sculpture competition.

Is that an actual thing? I'm going to Google it. I'm going to Google it. Is that like a soft cheese? Soft-spread, you know, like butter, butter sculptures. Haven't you guys not seen them? Is that what it's called? Yes.

But the thing is, I've often seen margarine or butter sculptures. How did you know this? You broke on us for a second there. Yeah, his internet's dodgy, folks. It's when he laughs too hard, the internet breaks down. Well, what an intro. My favorite yet. Well, I tell you what, I've been to restaurants.

I went to one. I think it was my 21st. And in the restaurant, without knowing about it, we were surprised by it. There was a butter sculpture exhibition. So there was these amazing sculptures, and they were all made out of butter. And so you'd go up to them, and they were like,

detailed, because you could think about it. If you had a huge block of butter, what you could sculpt with it, with a knife, and shape anything into it. And they were like, there was, yeah, there was various sort of like Greek statues, but made of butter, and things like that. And flowers and what have you.

And yeah, I was just at the restaurant for my 21st birthday with the family. And there was also a wonderful sculpture, as I thought. It stuck with me. Excuse the pun, but I... Yeah, I've been a fan of that kind of stuff. Oh, my God.

In your intro, because it's so far gone now, there was so much detail, when you said, pop me into the discus stance, were you then being covered in the butter, or were you modeling for the butter? Are you the first butter model that's actually inside the sculpture? Well, this is obviously a new segment now,

where we break down my piece I say it starts. And we work out what the family's talking about. And where it comes from. This is a whole new opportunity for us. It's a problem with me, no matter what I do, people want to break it down, work it out, and explore the meaning behind it. So in this one, I'm actually in a discus stance,

which is one of my favourite stances, where you're throwing a discus. And I can't really show you here in the small box of video that we have, but I used to do discus a lot at school, and I was in the school discus team. Anyway, I say, I go to throw the discus.

Now while I'm in the stance, cover me in butter. So just absolutely, I'm now covered in butter. You can't see me, but I'm still doing the same shape. I'm now made of butter. And then enter me into the soft-spread sculpture competition, and people go, wow, that is amazing. Look at the detail. Little do they know, there's an actual guy underneath the butter.

There's a human under there. You could be like one of those guards, or one of the Centurions outside the big Colosseum in Rome, and charge $5 to have a photo with them. And you could just be covered in butter. You could make a lot of money. A living statue, yeah. I think it comes from the idea

that there was a human butter statue in this restaurant on my birthday years ago. And I had this weird dream that I feel scraping away the butter on the guy's face, and then suddenly this human eyeball peeped out and sort of looked around, you know, and how horrifying that would be. And you realize, oh, my God, there's actual people underneath these things.

It's a science fiction idea that freaks me out. That is amazing. You know what? I've just Googled soft-spread sculpture competitions, and that is a massive thing. And it started 150 years ago with an Arkansas farm woman who really wanted to be an artist, a legit artist.

And the only medium that she could find to actually start sculpting was cow fat. And now it's become this massive thing where people make sculptures, butter sculptures, like the size of an entire room. It's incredible. Crazy, isn't it? And the fact that, you know, they have to be in a cold room

to otherwise they'll melt. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. So good. Yeah. Cold climate. It's amazing. Even as you were telling that story,

sentences that you said along the way have to be unpacked. Oh, dear. It's like one of those choose-your-own-adventures where you just met with a new situation. You said, one of my favorite stances for the discus stat, who has a set of favorite stances for the discus stances. What else is in your cannon of favorite stances? I don't have a favorite stances.

You don't have favorite stances? No. Who has favorite stances? Well, you know, obviously, when you think about, for me, when you strike a pose, you probably don't strike as many poses as I do. I'm a bit of a pose striker. So when I see someone in the distance and they want to say,

hello, I'll strike some sort of a pose, you know. And so there's the classic disco one where you point in the air and then you've got your other arm in your mid-drift area, you know, about to do a boogie. You know, there's obviously, there's the starfish, you know, there's the fist pump. Obviously. Obviously the starfish.

Obviously. Yeah, the starfish, which is just legs are stride, arms are stride, and the air look of horror on your face that you've been pulled out of the ocean. You know, there's, there's, I thought everyone does this stuff. We do. We're teasing.

Okay. Thank God. Freaked out face starfish. In our favorite stance category. I just thought whenever I said, get at you from across the street, that you were pointing up to this, that there was something in the sky.

And I'd just be like, and now I just realized you're doing the disco stance the whole time. I was looking, I just sort of stood there and look in the sky going, is he seeing something? Is there something up there? No, just disco stuff.

Is that disco? Disgust? Disgust. Disgust. So I tell you what, there's been a hell of a lot happening this week in our little wonderful world of weirdness. Yes, absolutely. And before we go any further,

I think we should do an update on such things as the monolith crisis, because that has gone heat-tongued all over the world. These monoliths have been showing up. There was a second one in California. There was one in Romania. There was another one in Isle of Man.

Yeah. And since then, I'm just trying to think, where else were they? Probably more importantly, the original one that was in California has disappeared. Oh yes, that was taken.

It has disappeared. That was taken by a group of... Do you remember who took that? It was a group of artists, or hippies, Christians. I can't remember who took it, but they... They were a little bit of me. They were hippie Christian artists.

Yeah, I'm just trying to look through my notes here. I've got so many old notes from, because things kept updating on that regard. Do you think that there's something genuinely strange behind all this stuff, or that everybody's trying to jump in on it, and it's become like a tourist kind of thing, and everybody's got so much time on their hands

with COVID at the moment, that they're like, let's get John the stainless steel guy down the road to quickly whip up a monolith. Oh, it's definitely a trend. Yeah. So I'm just looking at this article here. Isle of White, I mentioned.

There was another one found standing in a field in Belgium. Also reports emerging from Spain, Germany, Colombia, Texas. And to top things off, the other day, I was walking along one of my main streets here in Oakland, Queen Street, sorry, Caranga Happy Road, and I looked and...

It doesn't matter what street it is, there's just too many details. But anyway, I looked in a building. It was an art exhibition. It wasn't open yet, and it was under construction, but you could see through the glass. And lo and behold,

three monoliths are in there. No. Really? No. I mean, yes. So I took a photo of that. So I just absolutely think it has become a trend. And it is totally, it's a boredom thing.

It's almost like a cry for help from humanity of us doing something weird, because we would love aliens to help us right now. The earth is screwed. We're desperate. There's all of these things that come into it. And how do we express ourselves as humans? We do it through art,

whether it be music, poetry, writing, stories, and creating sculptures, whether they be margarine or metal. And I think that's really got something to do with it. I think it's really quite amazing that different parts of the world, different artists are coming together and going,

you know what? I'll do a monolith as well, and I'll chuck it up here. And it's getting out there. It's really cool. Yeah. But also, I've seen a few articles this year where cryptids are very important

to a lot of these places. Places that have a bit of a reputation that a cryptid might be there. The local councils or the mayors are saying to the cryptid hunters, hey, could you help maybe look a bit harder and see if you can get a latest sighting so that that can make the news

and bring people back to us? Because they mock it, and then they realize how important it is because the curiosity and the desperation of wanting to find all of these hidden animals is so large that it actually funds a lot of these places. It keeps them alive.

It keeps them vibrant. And so they mock, and then they're like, please, please, we need people to remain curious because that's why they come here. They're here for that. And so, you know, it's thanks to these monolith people,

it's to the cryptid hunters that a lot of small towns are able to stay afloat. Well, on that note, there has been 12 reported sightings of Nessie this year. Yeah. And so I was just reading this article here.

And the last year, 2019 was the busiest on record with a total of 18 sightings. And this year, despite the pandemic, there has been 12. So, you know, people are still, still keen to grasp onto something. Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. Another update to quickly mention is that last week, we were talking about this exhibition that happened at the rather behaze presidential library, and it was this thing of cryptids, and it was painted these beautiful

sort of realistic drawings of them, done by a guy called Dan Chazinski, I believe his name was. And since then, someone has told him that he was on the episode, and he's been in touch. That's right. I've got the message right here.

He says, one of your listeners tracked me down to let me know that you had mentioned the Ohio and unnatural history exhibit at the Rutherford behaze presidential museum and library on your last episode. Hashtag 55, the ho ho ho issue. First, I was delighted to discover your podcast.

Second, the exhibit at the haze museum has been extended through October 31st, 2021. So that's awesome. Is that thanks to us? Is that because we talked about it on there? Yeah. I think they must have got a few phone calls immediately,

and they've had to extend. Wow. So there you go, folks. You can go and check that out. You've got ages now, all the way through to next October. And by then, of course, I think life will be back to normal fingers crossed.

Yeah. And on that note, we also have a fan site here, an unofficial cryptid factor fans site on Facebook, which I just came across the other day. And I'm just clicking on it now. Let's have a look. I noticed there was only about 30 followers on that.

So let me just see if there's enough that I can't, I can't get to it because my phone's not letting me unless I put passwords. That's the extended Shriver family. Anyway, if you are keen, it looks like there is a group of fans who are discussing various cryptid stuff on the unofficial cryptid factor fans Facebook site.

I scrolled through to see how many mentions of me there were. There's only a couple. So it's mainly people just chatting about cryptid stuff. Done. I know, I can't believe it. Done. But I did let them know that I will be stealing any news from that site.

Okay, you got tips on that. Yeah. Can I just quickly say guys whilst we're in it, that's a recap. There we go. He's got it. Once again, it's actually Reese's mouth. Genuinely Reese's mouth did that, to say.

The other recap, and I'm sorry to be sad sack again. No, no, you just said it. No, no, no, I started it. No, I started it. No, that's the end of it. No, that's the start because we start with the end. Well, why would you do the start of it then? Well, we'd clearly just done it all.

You can't say that's the start of it. No, you guys are doing an update. You just finished it. I'm going to do the recap. So what was that section? What were we going to do? I don't know. It was clearly your recap update section.

Okay, well then. No, those were precaps. Those were precaps. Oh, the precaps. The precaps of the recap. Well, I just have to add in a little sad recap. Here's old sad sacks again. Well, somebody who can't all be fun, can it?

Sometimes there's to be sad. Well, not when you're around, obviously. No. Come on then. Bring me down. I was feeling good. You know, well, you're not going to any more because the Aracibo Earth satellite station that we talked about last week

in the sad, in the sad, sad news that a couple of cables had broken and that it was teetering on the edge of complete collapse has fully collapsed. Wow. Is that all of the cables have given way and the 900 ton receiver that was suspended in the middle of the air has come crashing down. And to say it's irreparable is an understatement is completely

gone. But the incredible part of it was though the one little bit of good out of it is that they had video cameras recording it. They actually had a drone up in the air surveying the damage of the cables just to see how it was all holding up when it all collapsed. And rather than collapsing in the middle of the night when nobody could see it, it happened in the middle of the day.

I'll show you quickly. Have you got the video? Yes, I certainly do. So all those at home listening now. That's so exciting. Yeah. And it is actually, I have to say, as much as it's really sad, it's really cool at the same time.

No, but to get it, yeah, to get it on film, it's like imploding a building, right? Yeah. It's not planned. How exciting. Telescope. There are seabokes. Stay tuned.

Listeners. Yeah. Okay, here we go. You want ready? Watch. Yeah. Wow. Just literally torn apart.

And these massive poles that have been holding this thing there for 60 years, it just completely just tumbled on top of itself. And it just, it's like, and here's the drone footage. So here's the observatory drone. And look, it's looking at one of the big cables and look, it starts going pop, pop, pop, pop. And then wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap.

And it just like is so violent. You look at these massive cables. These cables are like the size that hold up the Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah. It's just like boom. That is insane. So hang on.

So what's collapsing? Is the dish itself collapsing? No, you can see the thing is that the dish really is just a massive reflector. The most important part of an earth satellite is and any kind of satellite is actually the receiver that actually receives all of the focused information that's coming in that bounces in off the dish and gets received up at the one sort of focal

point. But of course, the challenge is, is that when you've got a 300 meter wide dish, the receiver, the focal point part is huge as well. So it was 900 ton of receiver up in the air. And it's quite an amazing piece of technology, particularly for its day back in the 60s. And the one thing that we forgot to mention last week about this

particular earth satellite is that one of its main functions was also for looking into the universe to try and find extra terrestrial life or signs of extra terrestrial life. Yeah. And there are other satellites that do that. But this was one of the best at doing it. And this was also one of the satellites that actually broadcast messages out into space for other, you know, living beings to be able

to receive hopefully one day. So maybe it was sabotaged by the monolith. Well, it's, you know, timing is everything. And I believe meaningful, even if you can't see it at first, later on you, you look back and you and you see that things happen sequentially for some sort of reason. And it's really is quite freaky that that thing's fallen apart now. As the world feels like it's falling apart as well with, you know,

not only the pandemic, but also obviously the climate crisis. You know, we're scrunching up the world's kind of like going, what's happening? So hopefully, even though that's a bit doom and gloom, we can turn a corner guys. Yeah, we can turn a corner. Who's going to help us? Well, you'll find out in our famous segment coming up now.

And that's an update. No, no, we're going to go into. Oh, for one segment. Weekly World News. We still haven't done it yet. Of course we haven't. Yeah, we've been too busy updating. But well, before we do, can I just show you the message?

So the Erisebo message they've called it was an interstellar radio message carrying basic information about humanity and earth. It was sent to a global globular star cluster called M13 in 1974. This this message that was was broadcast from Erisebo in 1974 has to travel about 25,000 light years to be able to get to this star cluster, which is going to take years and years and years and years. It's going to take about 25,000 years before this message will actually reach there.

So even though Erisebo is completely destroyed now, to some degree, it is kept immortal by this message that is sent out to try and tell other life forms if they're there that we exist. That we exist. That's amazing. Yeah. Buttons is showing us a Wikipedia page here, which has on its right, a demonstration of the message with color added to show

what we've been sending to the aliens. What it looks like, if you look at it, is like a game of Tetris that's got out of hand. It's like eight cave paintings. It's very cool. So that would be a great tattoo, actually. I was thinking the exact same thing. Yes, let's all get it.

Or tiling. We should get that tiled on our walls. Tiling or just a bookmark for you, Dan. Yes, please. That's amazing. Oh, that is brilliant. That's so cool. Messages in space.

We should do a whole series on just messages that humans have sent into space. Yeah. Yeah, what's out there? Yeah. What have we sent into the universe? You know, Carl Sagan, he did the golden disc that went out on the major missions, and it had all the languages of Earth and so on.

And they tried really odd experimental things. This is one of my favorite things that have been sent out into space. So he created the golden disc. He had all these songs on it and all languages of Earth. And he was doing it in conjunction with this lady called Andrewian, who was working on a different coastline of America. And they'd only ever spoken on phone. And they were both married at the time.

And they were working with each other. But basically over the process of putting together humanity's best moments, fell in love with each other, independent of ever admitting that to each other. So a few days before the project needs to get hand in and pressed and sent out into space. And says to Carl Sagan, I've had this idea that what if the aliens who receive the messages don't understand the pictures, don't

understand the words? What if it's telekinesis? We should record someone's mental thinking. Do a kind of CAT scan and record in their brainwaves. And they could read the brainwaves. And he went, that's a brilliant idea. You should do it. You should be the person to do it.

So she booked in a CAT scan and she went there to have her brain read. And the night before she went there, Carl Sagan called her up and said, marry me. I'm in love with you. They've never met. They have never met except for phone calls. And she said, I love you too. Yes.

She was madly in love with him. He was madly in love with her. And they decided to get married over the phone. So the next morning she goes to get this CAT scan. And the job that she is tasked with is she needs to think of all the history of humanity, the best things of humanity, our evolution, the story of how we got to where we are, inventions, everything.

But all she could think about was how much she loved Carl Sagan. It's the only thing she could think of. How excited she was, how much she was ready for this love that was about to happen. So on board this spaceship, out in the middle of the galaxy, traveling millions and billions of miles, is all of humans' recordings. But there is also the brainwaves of love, pure love.

Wow. Someone who was just, and for Carl Sagan, the man who created that thing that went out there. That's my favorite thing. That is awesome. That is so freaking cool. It's wonderful. And she talks about it on the internet.

You can find a clip of her talking, but it makes you cry when you listen to it. Wow. It's stunning to hear. That is super cool. And what a great story to have at this time of the year as we enter the festive season after a very tough 2020 that there's that vibe of love out there in space.

And we can all take something from that. All right, let's get on to the show show. Yes, let's do it. You ready? Weekly World Weird News. Crazy, freaky. Watch out. All right.

What do we have this week, chaps? Nothing. Sorry, I was just actually bringing mine up. Okay. Well, if you want, I can go first because mine segues quite nicely from our space talk. And we seem to be delving into the alien sphere. If that's sphere to say.

So according to an ex Israeli space head, aliens have been working with us, mankind, that is for the last 30 years, if not longer. And this news came out. It was all over the place. I'm reading it from the New York Post. Space aliens have reached an agreement with the US government to stay silent or mum. Mum's the word on experiments they conduct on Earth, as well as

their secret base on Mars, which by the way, apparently they have until mankind is ready to accept them. And that comes from the former head of Israel's space program. And he's claiming this in a new interview. Buttons is disappeared. He's gone. Yeah, he's gone. So he says the aliens have asked not to announce that they are here.

Because humanity is not ready yet. And his name is Haim Eshed. And he's he's this is what he's told the Israeli paper. And this is according to the Jewish press. The Jewish press speculating that Eshed, who was 87, by the way, may have gone to insanity and beyond. But it goes on to unspool his tangled web, which claims the involvement of President Trump and interplanetary diplomacy.

Trump was on the verge of revealing that aliens existed, but the aliens in the Galactic Federation are saying, wait, let people calm down first. Eshed, who helmed Israel's space security program from 1981 to 2010, which is a long time, reportedly said they don't want to start mass hysteria. They don't want to make us sane and understanding. What? They want to first. Oh, they want to first make us sane and understanding.

Sorry, I read that wrong. Where's Buttons gone? Yeah, he's disappeared. We'll just carry on without him. So interestingly, I was passing my local, my local corner shop, which is down the road for me, and they have all the newspapers outside. And this was front page news of the Daily Star, which is a very trashy newspaper in the UK.

But this has made front page in the UK, the story you're telling about. It's bizarre, right? Yeah. Because I think it's because this chap is quite a high ranking official, you know, in the Israeli space program, obviously, and security program. And, you know, he's divulging this information also at the end of his life. He's 87. He's nearing the end.

It's when you get to the point where you go, you know, I've had enough. I'm just going to reveal the truth. What's going to happen to me? Or is it that he's gone potty and is just being silly? It doesn't strike me as something you do at that point in your life to be ridiculed at the end of your days. You know, so I'm kind of really intrigued about it. He said there's an agreement between the US government and the and the aliens.

They signed a contract with us to do experiments here. They too are researching and trying to understand the whole fabric of the universe and they want us as helpers. So I think that's so great. You know, there's not the the extraterrestrials are doing experiments. They're trying to figure out the fabric of the universe. The same as we are. They're probably way more advanced than us.

So they're experimenting here using our planet and all of its wonders that, you know, other planets around us don't have. And it kind of makes sense. But the fact that it just for me, it aligns to the fact that people keep seeing unidentified flying objects and or UAPs and there's no explanation. And then in the last couple of years, we've had proof come out from Navy pilots and many high ranking officials that these things are real. We've recorded them.

We just don't know what they're doing. And if they're just here innocently doing experiments and that kind of checks out. It's so interesting. There are so many reports yet. Isn't it bizarre the lack of interest to really globally just go. Let's listen now and try and work out what these people are seeing. Pilots, the Israeli. I mean, I don't know actually what the Israeli space program is like.

I'm not sure they have people in space. Maybe they do. I don't know how big that is. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't. Yeah, they they they have tried to get to the moon and I think their last attempt failed and they're up and running again. And they're and they're in the middle of launching the next one.

Okay. So they were serious contenders. Absolutely. Yeah. Moon landings. That's amazing. So the fact that the guy who ran that for years. I mean, you have to go seriously loopy in order to and people always people

always don't give benefit of the doubt to a lot of high ranking of it. A lot of NASA people constantly and I'm there's a difference. There's a lot of NASA people who ex NASA and they always say stuff about aliens, but like people who landed on the moon say they saw stuff up there. Yeah. Or they are the best of the right stuff that made it past everything to get to moon and they say that they saw things and we just go, well, they must be going insane.

No, they flew to the fucking moon. Exactly. I think take your head off. Yeah. I don't care if it's a turkey. Take it off and accept that these people are probably not lying. So let me just carry on with this. One of the hubs of the cooperation, according to this chap is a base on Mars

where by the way, Eshed claims American astronauts have already set foot. There's an underground base in the depths of Mars where their representatives are and also our American astronauts, Eshed has said. Let me read this. Let me read this. But if I had come up with what I'm saying today, five years ago, he says, I would have been hospitalized wherever I've gone with this in academia. They've said the man has lost his mind.

He reportedly said today they're already talking differently. I have nothing to lose. I've received my degrees and awards and I am respected in universities abroad where the trend is also changing. So this does go in with the trend of the reveal of the truth of UAPs. These objects are real. They're here. We can admit it.

You're not a wacky weirdo if you say, I believe in UFOs anymore. That's fine. It's a legit thing. So this is just the next fold. It's the next unfold rather that now truth is coming out that we have been working with these extraterrestrials. That there's a secret space program, which we've all talked about before. And this kind of all just fits in with that.

And I think the fact that, as you say, this is now headline news is not necessarily just in wacky tabloids, although it definitely is headlining in that, but it is propping up in regular papers and all over the internet as a thing to read whilst you're looking at the pictures of monoliths on the other side of the page. Why not for this reveal to come out now in 2020 when we're all crunching up and going, what is happening with our planet? Exactly.

OK. It's worth, because sometimes you hear these names and you think, OK, who the hell is this person? So I've just brought up the Wikipedia page of Hyoma Shad. Let's see who he is. I think it's worth hearing the context of these people making these claims. So this is his Wikipedia. Born in 1933 is a retired Brigadier General of the Israeli Defense Forces,

professor at the Asher Institute for Space Research, former director of space programs for the Israeli Ministry of Defense for nearly 30 years. He's also an officer of the Israeli military intelligence. In 1967, he was awarded Chief of Staff Citation, the highest non-combat decoration award by the IDF throughout his career. He's also received the Israeli Defense Prize, the highest civilian defense honor of the state of Israel,

three times, but the reasons remain classified. Wow. He served at the Highly Secretive Unit 81, which, wow, that sounds like Area 51. It does. Which provided technological solutions to the IDF's military intelligence, Dick Toret. So this is a serious guy. Yeah.

He's, this ain't some dick who's... It's not a crackpot. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. We're not even talking about a science fiction author or anything here. This is a legitimate, it doesn't get any more high ranking than this in the field of what he's talking about and the accolades he's received.

So it comes with such strong legitimacy, you know? Yeah. So this is the follow-up from these people. So, sorry, the story was released. This is the response from people in America who were spoken about, because he said that Trump was talking to them. So the White House and Israeli officials did not immediately respond to NBC News' request for comment.

Sue Gauth, a spokesperson for the Pentagon, declined to comment. So, declined, no comment there. NASA did respond. They said they're yet to find signs of extraterrestrial life. And the very famous UFO investigator, Nick Pope, has said, either this is some sort of practical joke or publicity stunt to help sell his book, perhaps with something having been lost in translation, or someone in the know is breaking rank.

Oh. Yeah. So, I mean, it's just that's... This is very interesting. You know, I don't know where I sit on it at all, but what I do know is that this guy is a big deal. Yeah. He's got a lot going on, so also a lot to lose in that regard.

Now, as we know, he is 80... I think it was 87, I said. So, you know, he's... But that doesn't mean he's not going to live another 10 years. Yeah. So, you know, why would you... After all of those accolades and career achievements suddenly go, oh, and by the way, we've got a base on Mars,

we've been working with aliens for 30 years, and you know, all of a sudden everything is worked for, everything is done, people are gone, oh, the guy's an idiot. You know, so it's kind of like, for me, I'm... I sit on the fence of support and belief, and that's obvious, you know, that's who I am. And also because, you know, it's not the first time I've heard about the secret space program.

Being involved in the UFO world the last few years, this comes up all the time. And there's a lot of speculation, but there's really a lot of strong belief that there's a lot of stuff we don't know about that's going on. And not with NASA, with other parts of the US government, whereby we are working alongside extraterrestrials with their ships, and we have communication,

we have ships up in space that we just don't talk about here on this planet. So, yeah, food for thought. Food for thought. You know, it's very noticeable that no silly comments were chucked in, that we should try and work out where the hell Buttons is. Oh yeah, we should point out that we have lost... He hasn't noticed, he's gone.

Well, it's just so much easier to get through the podcast now. Oh, you can actually tell the stories. It flows better, you know, it doesn't go weird. We don't finish a segment, and then he starts the segment again. You know, it's just... It's a joy. So, just for those listeners, we have lost Buttons.

We don't know what's happening. Hopefully we're still recording, because we have lost his technical wizardry. In fact, this might come out really well with this podcast. I do... I have a message here from the wife, Rosie, who suspects that he is actually on his roof painting, as well as trying to record the podcast,

because we all know what he's like, and he has to get his house done by Christmas, and we know he's rebuilding it, so we suspect, and she's probably correct, that he's doing both right now. Look, we wanted to make this one a quick one. I've got to get going. Can we move on to your...

your piece? I'm just... I'm calling him. Oh, here we go. No, that was me calling you. I did a group call, so let me find him and see if we can just bring him into... Okay. Into this.

Here we go. Let's see if he... Hello? Buttons? Hi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you? Are you there? Yeah, can you hear me?

Buttons? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Call ended. Wow, dramas. Yeah, this is huge. We're recording. I think we continue on. At least we've got something here.

Yeah, exactly. Do your story. Yeah, I'll do my story. My story this week is that a small town in China has made a plea to gather more students for their local dying martial art.

Apparently, people are losing interest in the discipline known as Iron Crotch Kung Fu. So... Iron Crotch? Iron Crotch Kung Fu. So, I'm going to just quickly share

the video with you here just to give you an idea what Iron Crotch Kung Fu is. Oh, wow. Is taking a giant batting ram to his penis. And Iron Crotch Kung Fu is effectively...

If you've seen those memes of men being kicked in their genitals repeatedly, that's what it is. I'm going to have to interject. I've got buttons on the phone here. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Hello?

Hello? What's happening? I don't know. My internet just turned to total shit. I'm just on the phone to spark to try and get my other one going. We've got two internet boxes

here. Well, there's your first problem. You're with spark. You should be with two degrees. For it. International listeners, Reese has paid to advertise for them. That's... I was just trying to talk to you.

I'm on my cell phone because now my phone I'm talking on now has gone to 2G. So, you've lost two of your Gs? Oh, no. All my Gs are gone. I'm now only... I'm now only one with the one G. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Okay. But I'll be able to dance for them. Yeah. I tell you what, Dan and I are just continuing on with the weekly World Weird News. It's been really good.

It's going really well, actually. Don't worry about... You just carry on with the house or whatever you've got to do there. I'm going to find your Gs. I'm going to come back. I'm going to get my Gs. I'm going to go find my Gs.

No rush. No rush to get back. I don't want you to realize you can do this all without me. I think we can. You're breaking up. You're breaking up. All right. I'll find up on them there. So...

So, let's see what happens with him. He's on two Gs. I don't know what's going on. He's with the wrong... Yeah, he's on two Gs. Lost two of his Gs. He's with the wrong telecommunication company to start with.

So, I've got no sympathy there. Hopefully he'll figure it out. In the meantime, back to crotch devastation. Now, what the hell is this? Iron crotch kung fu. So, it is guys who basically train crotchers to

withstand insane impact. I'm not sure how it can be classified as kung fu. I don't know if you got into a fight why you would not use other forms of kung fu, but just encourage yourself to be kicked in the dick. I'm not sure how that is...

It's more your receiving punishment as opposed to inflicting it on someone else. But it's a genuine thing. So, the person who's been talking about this is a kung fu master called Wang Liu Tai. A sort of comically unfortunate first name

for foreign languages. But it's a technique which has been going for quite a long time. And this village that he has been living in, which is called Juntun, is on the outskirts of the ancient capital of

Lao Yang, which I've actually not heard of that, but it used to be that there were once around 200 people regularly practicing iron crotch attacks in the village and now there's just over 20 and

that number it says in the article that can practice the iron crotch technique has dropped from 80 to just 5. So, I guess giving demonstrations to the public and showing why it's a fun community thing to be a part of is that less of a...

That is so bizarre. So, there's a technique to receiving. Is it always battering ram as you showed in that video? Is it just anything that can hit the crotch you can sort of withstand? Exactly. This video is extraordinary because it gives you

quite a sort of showcase of all the different I'll just bring us back into. So, if you're watching on Patreon right now, we'll be able to see this. So, in the video you've got a man who's in his, I guess, 60's

or 70's just taking this battering ram. 65, yeah. 65 taking it to his to his crotch and then as we get further down, so this is look, okay, so now there's a big man physically pummeling the battering ram

into the crotch of our hero, Wang. I guess it's like a swing system with a battering ram which is largely the art of attaching. Yeah, so you know what I think it is?

It's because when you're in a fight, you know, one of the easiest places, best places to get a man is in the crotch because it'll take him down. You get the ghoulies, you're gone down, you know. And so, if you've got the skill to be able to withstand

a hit to the groin then you can continue on fighting. So, I can understand why it is an art form. I mean, I have no idea how they do it. Surely based on some sort of technique it ends up being

you just don't feel it after a while and maybe that's what it is. Yeah, I guess it's though, I guess it's not the first martial art you should learn because you do need to know to attack. It's probably the third. It's probably you've got Jiu Jitsu, you know, Kung Fu, then Iron Crotch.

Yeah, I'm going to start with Iron Crotch. No. What can you do? Well, I can tell you what, I can take ball kicks. Yeah, that's what I can do. Can you strike it or know nothing? All I can do is literally my only skill

is I can withstand a punch or a kick to the groin. What about the face? No, I'm out. If you get me in the fight. In that case, if you were about to get in a fight in a pub and you were starting the fight, instead

of saying, hey, buddy, say that to my face. You'd have to go, hey, dude, say that to my balls. Yeah, just that's the only bit of you that's ready for the fight. And also you deserve the genuine term of the guy's a nutcase.

Because you know, that's the only area of the person of this chap, of this man. I'm assuming it's only men that do this, that have that area ready to take some punches.

So you'd be in the bar and you'd basically spread your legs and you'd be pointing down going, come on, give it all you got, give it all you got. And hang on. I think this guy, he might be one of those few, one of the remaining, it's a dying

art form, but he could be the iron. What is it? He could be one of the crotch. He could be an iron crotch aficionado. Well, there's only a few of those left. Yeah, that's right. He looks like he's one of them. Well, I've got a battering ram here. No, honestly, it'll

he'll just take it. What if we, what if we kick him? No, I'm telling you, mate, there's nothing you could drive a truck into that guy's deck and he's just not going to go down. All right, well, let's leave him. I think we should leave him. Boss, should we just punch him in the face? No, no, no, no, no.

Don't be stupid. You don't punch an iron crotch guy in the face. I mean, when his balls are that powerful, could you reverse it? Could you be, if you're an iron crutcher, could you be, could you run at other people with your crutch and get

them? You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. Like if you need to yeah, if you need to break something open, just slam your nuts on it to split it in two because you know you're not going to get any pain through it. That's such a good point. You don't see the practical use of it.

No. Yeah. I think that's such a great idea. It's interesting because there's so many bizarre martial arts that you get in China. There's this other one which everyone for a long time thought it was just a plot line for a movie, a really early Jackie Chan movie which was called Drunken Master

and the idea was that Jackie Chan would only fight people when he was pretending to be drunk because they think he could fight and so he'd throw his arms around and but that's a real thing. It's a real discipline in China called the Drunken Kung Fu style and

the story, the legend of it is that there was a drunk guy who went into a monk's monastery who was a bit wieldy and just drunk and trying to start fights and all the monks who were trained tried to stop him but they couldn't stop him because they couldn't predict his fight. Yeah, where his movements were going.

Yeah, and he kicked ass and the 30 monks or so that got their ass kicked, woke up the next morning and went whatever that was is a style we need to do because you can't predict it. There's no sense to it and so Drunken Kung Fu is a real thing and if you see

it being fought, it's just dudes who haven't had a drink just looking like they're about to pass out and it's yeah, because you can't work out just the way the arm movements and the unpredictable. You know what, that would be my style I think because I like that it's kind

of a freestyle, you don't know where the shots are going to go, there's nothing regimented, it's completely I would probably call it Lucy Goosey, you know I'm a black belt in Lucy Goosey come near me and you don't know where I'm going to flail and that's not

fail, that's flail with an L and also I'll probably have a couple of gin and tonics beforehand, you know just, why not? I think so, I think also if you do it as a butter statue even if they couldn't get any grip this could be

exactly, that's it we dress completely in butter for Lucy Goosey and we have a couple of shots of whatever drink you want and then we just enter villages and we're actually we're probably going to be the rivals to the iron crotches

because we can just rub up against the crotch in the wrong way with a bit of soft spread a couple of drinks that guy's going down imagine explaining the next day to your boss your kung fu boss

of the fight that you lost last night how did they beat you, you're the best of all you're our number one guy alright, you're not going to believe me but this dude covered in butter he was drunk as hell doing a Lucy Goosey thing I'm not Lucy Goosey

I heard the legend but I didn't think it was real what was the pose? Discus he was definitely in the discus he came through the door and did starfish astonished and we knew then

that it was the Lucy Goosey Butter Boys Lucy Goosey Butter Boys yes that should be the message that we send to space don't think of invading you alien dickheads because the Lucy Goosey Butter Boys I'm ready for you

they're going to starfish you and they're going to finish you with a discus move that will take you back to your disco Carl Sagan said it was all love and peace there oh no it used to be before 2020 a little podcast popped up should we quickly get a Leon update

we should try and what's happened to the guy you call him I think maybe because I'm calling him through the internet I'll try him yeah you try him on a phone line I might be a couple of G's above what he's capable of

through an internet call calling Leon hey bro what's up I've just got to the internet system to shut I can't even answer then because he's trying to call me on

I've got 2G and that's it oh man that's stink it's got nothing to do with the satellite falling down in Puerto Rico has it they're gonna see both was our internet

linked to that satellite oh that's it for the internet for New Zealand I knew we had an affiliation with Puerto Rico we're gonna have to pay to make another 300 foot long fish now how are we going to do that well easily we just order, we miss order

like they did in the first place we order one that we think is gonna be 3 meters you know and we get someone a young junior on reception there and they get the numbers wrong and the next thing we know we get a 300 meter one

no we don't order a 30 meter one then they'll deliver a 3 meter one oh yeah that's exactly what's gonna happen just to be sure that doesn't happen what we need to do then is we need to order a 300

1000 meter one so what are you guys doing then we're recording we're recording the podcast you're still on it now I've got this on speaker so if you want to if you've got any shout outs

you want to do to the fans or anything you can do that now I've got I've got my weekly world with you I can relay my comments to you Rhys okay can I still do it

I just don't think the quality is gonna come through very well I mean personally can you give me the quality of content or the quality of audio both the quality of content just never comes out very well

I can hear him really well Dan can hear you really well so do it and if the quality isn't very good you might cut out okay what was your guys' news how did you guys do news without me

it's been very funny it was actually really good yeah we've got the Lucy Goosey Butter Boys vs the Iron Crotch Bandits I saw the Iron Crotch news I was gonna do the Iron Crotch news well that was Dan's

it was a really weird martial art that's dying out for a good reason for a very good reason I think so okay well my one my little bit of news I can't do it now

I was about to read about how the super fast military aircraft marked 20 before hitting the ocean I was just about to read and go into how this whole military aircraft and it looks basically a triangle shaped like all of the UFOs

I think they're the same but then I just looked and saw that it's from August 18th 2011 classic buttons I didn't even I was reading the whole story I was like in a whole bunch of stuff

to be like look what did I say earlier how old is your phone you've only got a 1G phone with really old articles in it you need to leave Spark and go to 2 degrees go to a more modern

tell company tell code honestly this one here is like I hit news I do a search and say news and it comes up with stuff from 2000mm it's like

that's when the company went bust you're their last customer damn it the problem is I can't even try and quickly google any more news because I've got no internet no all right well look

I've got to be honest with you we've got more than enough content for this episode so we're gonna go and do we're gonna do a cryptid buzz story and then we'll call it quits okay okay let's figure it out I'm gonna be able to play this thing

okay now it's time for cryptid something like that buzz attention attention anyway this whole podcast is like

you know in jumanji 2 I'm assuming you've all seen the greatest movies ever made when things get a little out of hand when the video game breaks and all the wires are loose

and characters become the wrong avatars and things like that that's what this podcast feels like we've lost you you're now through a phone on speaker he's looking at a parallel universe here you're in another universe

finally you actually seem you're coming across better than you do normally online and yet the stories aren't working, the communication is not there, the satellite is broken down the monoliths are turning up everywhere

I did my news about the fact that the Israeli secret space chief has admitted that we've been working with ETs for the last 30 years see that was another bit of news but I didn't even bother with that because I knew that you were gonna

catch that one I delivered it I'm not even needed anymore well no, I mean even the podcast is trying to get rid of you like the internet's broken down for you maybe that's what the monoliths are for the monoliths are here just to get rid of me

off the podcast they're actually here taking me out buttons can you hear me oh I can now I can just a little bit now so if Reese holds just for the people who don't have Patreon and can't see this, this is the way this podcast is working

Reese is holding his mobile phone on speakerphone, he's taking one of his headphones off holding it to the top bit of the phone so actually so Reese it's the wrong way round, you should put that bit to the bottom of the phone because that's where you would speak, can you hear me better now

buttons can you hear me not you, Dan talk I can hear you this is like a weird romance blind date where buttons and I are talking to each other via phone and headphone and Reese is

moderating it I can hear you perfectly now I can hear you very well Dan I can only hear through my left ear but you're very faint, I'm wondering whether well I'll wave when I'm talking and you can then it's not my good ear oh okay let's swap ears, let's see how it works

with the other ear that's better, I just didn't have the muff on properly, I had loose muff loose muff, alright I think we're back in business, there we go that's pretty normal, I've got my phone to one headphone

I can't see the screen very well alright well this is I think this is the new way we do it guys this is you look like some mad podcast cyborg alright I think let's just quickly wrap it up

with one cryptid story yeah so I've got something that I have to go into my phone to collect it there's been some more big cat sightings this time in Halifax in the UK so

now I've taken my headphone away from the mic on the phone so Dan can't hear you can't hear Dan but Dan's going to be quiet for a minute anyway while I talk about this mystery continues as the third alleged

sighting of a big cat in Halifax and this one CCTV footage which is really cool yeah I'd really love to show you this but oh I'm looking at it right now and it is definitely a giant cat in CCTV footage

walking from the right of screen into the centre of the screen and just going in behind a van the apparent footage shows a cat like animal

which I would say is definitely a cat in Hopwood Lane near the McVitie's factory remember McVitie's? I think they do bickies and things don't they? yeah yeah so the video comes after two alleged sightings

at Dean Clow Mills and the Peace Hall the Peace Hall that's peace as in a piece of biscuit by the way from the footage it appears to show large animal crossing out of a sheltered car park

close to Stoddfold at the Mill complex it's really really cool footage I'll actually show you Dan I can see that you are available on my screens let me show you this just to show you

where was this did you say? this is in Halifax Dan you're about to watch it can you see the screen here? yeah I can see that okay so I'm going to push play on it watch for the cat there it comes oh whoa

big is it a dog? is it possible that's a dog? this is not fair I hate this it is so exciting buttons you're missing out here man this is a terrible podcast to listen to

I can't understand why anyone would want to listen to this podcast we're going to just to punish you more we're going to watch it again where is Halifax what country is that? it's the UK

because I know there's a bank I know the Halifax bank what are you guys doing now? we're just watching the video again Dan thinks it's a dog I think it's a big dog well actually I think it's an average size dog I don't even think it's a dog

and there's more on it here so we've got more information and this one's from the Daily Star Big Cat Spotted prowling UK Town Centre three times in the last week it's not just one sighting guys three times

the terrifying beast prowling the UK town the beast has said to be have been terrorising the streets of Halifax leaving people mystified as to what the animal could be the first sighting was November 25th

are you seeing what we're seeing? we've seen it on Twitter CCTV footage from the Peace Hall you're not seeing it and then we've got more reports coming through November 27th where it appeared

as I say in a sheltered car park close to Stoddfold a third sighting on Monday November 30th Hopwood Lane near McVitties I'm just repeating myself now but there we have it

you know Big Cats they're really coming out and this is the thing that doesn't surprise me there's so much CCTV going on, especially in the UK literally every street has a camera on so if these things are coming into town

and they're more likely to come into towns and small villages now that people are locked down in their houses human activity is less than what it was six months ago we're just staying inside more because of the pandemic maybe these animals are feeling more

confident to come out we're going to get more we've got someone here on Twitter saying OMG that's no domestic moggy wasn't there sightings of a large black cat 20 or 30 years ago so yeah probably

of course there would have been, that happens all the time I can finish that poem though OMG that's no domestic moggy it's a doggy you're not supposed to be a cynic in these this is cryptic news where I live in south London

there's a local dog that every time we pass it wolf goes, my oldest son goes it's the big bad wolf and it's this giant it's shaggy, it looks like a horse it's a big dog and when I look at that footage

that's what I'm seeing, a giant dog on the loose so actually we should look for the local ads to see if anyone's lost a giant dog because that might solve the the footage that we're seeing can you hear any buttons? we'll see if anybody's lost a big bad wolf

I mean you know little red riding everybody checked in with her no because she died didn't she, didn't she get eaten? no she got saved by the woodsman oh okay, I must have made up my ending

he came up, I'm going to preview it now this is a shit story I'll be like, no no, she's dead she's gone what else have we got, what other stories have we got but look, here's my disagreement with Dan is that I think that that was perfectly cat movement

and I don't think Dan knows much about how cats move they move very differently to dogs am I right listeners? buttons, you're the listener we need your response here well yeah, you're right because for me, having not seen the footage

and only having most of your conviction to judge the footage by which I now realise this is, you know, how people must be able to judge how... excuse me listener, as look

you're getting a lot of privilege here listeners normally get to even have any say so just watch yourself and just bear in mind that I'm the leader of this podcast so if you are going to sway you might want to sway in the right direction Mr. Listener

there we go that's right let me throw this into the mix can you hear me buttons when a cat walks there's a very, and even big cats there's that really sexy walk, the walk that sways

like David Bowie's walking towards you, you know, like a cat walk well I think it's why they call it the cat walk because the legs are moving differently I think in this footage we don't have those hip movements that a cat gives you we're getting a straight out dog walk

the walker shame home kind of walk I think I mean I disagree and I think it's almost worth watching it one more time yeah let's do it one more time I can't wait it's unfortunate for those listeners out there

that can't see this, I know we've got one of our one of our biggest listeners who is a fan of the show, Buttons who's now no longer in the show but is one of our biggest listeners and he's just sort of going through not being able to to watch this but Dan one more time here

okay here we go oh hang on one of my icons got on the way oh I just secretly saw it and I'm so still in the camp of cats so I'm not going to get to see it no no we're doing it again I'm even going to

make the screen bigger alright here we go check this out listeners how's it going listener look at that look at that tail hey I haven't even showed it yet so you're wrong

obvious bias going on here obvious bias just be quiet listener this is for me and Dan the viewers here it comes now Dan you're going to and also look for the curly tail it's a dead giveaway there's no dog happening here here it is

it's a dog come on it's a big ass chow chow like dog oh we saw the tail okay I didn't see the tail before hang on play that again

whoa is that a mind change hello okay yeah because it's like an upside down candy cane for our listeners like it droops to the floor and then turns up like a walking cane flipped upside down

I back off I apologize there we go so mystery solved here on the cryptid factor through one of our toplessness buttons a man wearing a turkey hat which is Dan did we

even mention the fact that Dan is wearing a Christmas turkey hat I think I did elude to it well look at the turkey now because he thought it was a dog see the point of this is to point out that not all cats

have a sexy walk that is exactly true yeah it's I would say it's a cat with a less than sexy walk and also by the way on the video it looked like the cat was very well fed it didn't it looked I had a bit of weight to it because normally

cats have a slim body which which does pertain to it being a possible dog like a lab like a black lab but that curly tail it was a giveaway and I still think the walk was cat like but it was it was

well it wasn't elegant enough but it was it was very it was perhaps it was half cat half dog wow okay well now we're entering a new territory here look Dan's talking

he gets precedence over you I'm sorry what half cat half dog is a whole new podcast let alone are things sent into space my head size is a couple so I can't hear anyone

this is a complete shambles all wave so I'm I'm doing my cat dog theory for a new podcast series okay Reese can't hear he's got nothing buttons can you hear me yeah I can hear you this is great okay so this is weird

Reese is the only one who can't hear us now but we can hear each other which is amazing okay hey guys I can't hear what's going on so I'm just gonna have to head off it's been great um it's not been great

but it's been great it's been quite great this has been the craziest thing that's ever happened to me this week but if anyone out there can hear me

I know that you probably can I just can't hear you guys don't forget next week is our big Christmas show we're gonna stuff recording we're gonna go live okay it's the only way to go we need to get the you need to get more G's on your internet

buttons it's Christmas theme you've come a week early with your turkey hat Dan we need to see that again next week and we're gonna see if we can have some guests and some live action

with the actual fans not just you not just you buttons well I need a show for the patreon viewers of this show which genuinely you need to subscribe to the patreon purely for this episode I think this is this is worth it alone but

just just for those who are on patreon I'll just quickly show you the one last thing I've been wearing a turkey hat the whole time this is not just a stagnant turkey hat it's an interactive turkey hat so to end the show let me quickly show

you the abilities of this hat here we go oh this is gonna be great for the listeners oh my god just hold me strong hold me strong hold me strong lets all carry on

oh my god perfect it's a dancing hat the turkey legs of dancing and there is a song playing you're missing out man i'm missing now

i'm missing Christmas it is the greatest thing ever you should have seen it you'll have to join patreon All right, good feeling. I don't believe it. Okay, the music started. I'll see you later. Bye! See you next week. Bye!