The Cryptid Factor - 64: #064 The UAP Report Issue

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Welcome to the UAP Report special edition. This episode was recorded live as the Pentagon released it's long awaited report on the UFO/UAP situation - and as you'd rightly imagine, we cover the report with delft professionalism and deep insight - Dan even reports live from Buckingham Palace to check if the Queen comments! Also in this ep - Rapisode 5 (yay!), invisible sculptures, a real life Tarzan, Astronauts seeing Sky Serpents, and Rhys invents the revolutionary 'Audio Signature'!

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Shriver. Yes, we are back. Hello, I'm Rhys Darby and of course with me, Buttons. Hey, hello, and guess what? What? Nobody else. Yeah, this is strange, but we do have to report there is no Shriver in the building. And we should also report we're all in separate buildings, so he's not even in his own building. But this is going to be a little bit of a different show.

We didn't even start with a episode because there is going to be one, but it will come a little later. We did have a little chat before we went on air and we thought, hang on, what if people are just tuning into these randomly and they have no idea what this rap is at the start. So I want to do a little, I guess a recap before we go into the next episode and it'll be a little later in the episode. Even I'm sitting there going now at episode four. I'm struggling to remember what was happening in the episode. I have to keep going back and listening back myself.

It's like getting halfway through, you know, like an amazing TV series like Game of Thrones. You get halfway and you're like, hang on, who was that character? Where did that person go from? You got to go back and... It's the book you keep coming back to, but you're only reading bits of it now and again and you've had like a few weeks off where you've been really busy and you pick it up again and you have to flick back through and go, what was this all about again? Oh, that's right.

Or you start watching a movie that you go, this is a great movie. You get halfway through and you go, oh, I've seen this before. That happens to me all the time. See, that has never happened to me. What? No. I don't think so. You start watching the movie and you go, this feels really familiar. No, not for me.

It's just something I have with movies is that I can recall the exact feel of every movie I've seen, at least just the start of it. Not necessarily the plot, but I also had this ability to know immediately if I've seen something before, like not three or four minutes in, I'll be like, no, we've seen it. We've seen this episode. Wow. That's a superhuman skill that's you tuned in to your art form. You're becoming one with the industry.

Yeah, because I can just, I can sense the way it's lit and just the cost. My team. Nothing to do with the plot. That camera angle. I have seen that camera angle before that hat that that lady is wearing. We've definitely seen it. Yeah. I mean, that was that was hanging up in the trailer.

I think I think that I'm in every show. Yeah. But also those books, you know, reading a book that is, I don't know about normal people, but that's how all of my books are read. Like I read a little bit and I put it down. I forget that I was reading it and I start another book and I come back and then I like, I don't know how many books I've actually ever finished. I think I've got like about, I think I've got hundreds of books all in different stages of reading.

Yeah, you got bookmarks through a lot of them. I'd be lovely to come around and just see how far you've got with a lot of them. I struggle. I really struggle. It's like I showed you that really thick Randall Shim one and my bookmark was in still in the, it's like two pages in. It was before the introduction. It was in the preface.

I hadn't even got to the introduction on it and it was, it was put back on the shelf. I always leave the marks in. Can we just go back a little bit there? What is it that comes before the actual body of the book? What's the first part? The preface. Hang on. I'm going to go get it.

It's the preface. Are you sure it's the preface or is it the preface? I genuinely don't know. I've always called it a preface. Yeah, I've got it here. What is it? It's the preface sounds so much cooler. The preface you see before you see the actual face.

You know when you meet people. Yeah. And this, and this is interesting actually because you, you get an image of someone before you meet them. You haven't met them before. Oh yeah. And then you might have seen a picture of them or anything like that, but you still haven't seen the flesh and blood reality of their, of their face. Now that's, that's called the preface. And then you go and meet, you have coffee with the person or whatever the meeting is and then you, then you get the actual face.

The post face. Yeah, it's slightly different. Yeah. You know, when you go, oh, I pictured you, but taller or, oh, that's how your hair looks or, oh, God, you've aged. And it's because your preface doesn't match. Like reading a book then you're effectively, everybody's a preface because if you're reading the book and they're describing a character, you're creating a preface until like it's like reading Harry Potter before seeing the movies. And you go, I imagine Harry Potter would look like this because of it. And then you've got in your head the preface.

And then you watch the movie and you go, stand your redcliffe. It's like, I had a different image of my hair. Similar. It's slightly different. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what the first part of the book is? The sort of the preface is the just sort of like giving you all the faces to get ready.

Yeah. Oh my God, guess what though? What? Dan Shriver just asked to join the call. Oh, thank God. Hey guys. Hello, Dan. Dan, where are you?

I'm just standing outside fucking in palace. Holy. What? Look at that. When you said you couldn't make the show this week? Was it because you were visiting the Queen? Like there's a big disclosure happening this week. Someone had to be called in to monitor the situation here.

Yeah. Wow. The Queen wants her aid. Queen alien lizard maybe standing on the ceiling of the rooms there tonight. How are you guys? Good. I was just going to say this, this is the big day. It's the 25th of June and it is the UAP report handover.

So this episode, which is a bit of a weird one for everybody, a little different. We're going to get to the bottom of the report. The report is apparently released now. So we're online. We're checking your outside Buckingham Palace. It's all happening. Can you report on any updates there as the Queen come out? Not yet.

She, as of yet, the doors are shut. I appear to be the only news media here at the moment, but I'm sure that's going to change any minute now. Okay. Yeah, it's all fairly normal at the moment. Okay. This just in, guys. So I'm following Kelly Mayer.

She is a Washington correspondent and she's tweeting the Senate Intel chair, Mark Warner, calls the report and I quote, rather inconclusive. This has just come out. This is new. She adds, it only marks the beginning of the efforts to understand and illuminate what is causing these risks to aviation in many areas around the country and the world. Wow. Can we get the report or is it like a sealed thing that you've got to apply?

Oh, we are. We're getting it today. This is why we're alive. We're waiting for the report to come through. Wow. That's exciting that it's inconclusive. That's also really disappointing because that's pretty much, that's all that we've got is inconclusiveness so far.

It's very consistent. It's consistent at least with what we've got. What does that mean? Does that mean that they just can't say yes? Because you know, scientists, you know, I think I told you that thing ages ago, guys, that scientists only confirmed that the sun is a sphere in 2011. That's when it was officially confirmed as being a sphere because they had two probes go to the other side so they could officially see that it wasn't a flat surface or anything

else. So scientists, you know, they like to not commit until they've got absolute proof. So inconclusive means they're not saying it's not UFOs. They're just saying we're not saying yes yet. Yeah, exactly. Here's what actually is in the report from what we know so far. According to my sources, US intelligence agencies do not actually have a definitive explanation of what these things are.

Also, in the report, they do not have any evidence to suggest that the UAPs are alien craft. That's also in the report. There's no evidence to suggest that. And also, apparently in the report, they have ruled out the idea of the UAPs being part of a secret government program. So those three things are in the report. I do have to say, though, that I don't necessarily believe that even if it was part of a secret

government program, that this report would talk. If it's part of a secret government program, it's going to remain secret. So this report, of course, isn't it? Yeah. Like it's kind of stupid to even say that. And the truth is, is that I sort of agree with a lot of people that are suggesting that this whole unveiling of the document is just a double bluff. That if they have developed amazing technology that they want to keep secret, the best way

to do that is after all of this time of denying UFOs is to go, actually, yeah, we do know about them, but we know nothing about them. And that just perpetuates the cover-up of secret technology for another few decades because they're like, well, they released that big report of everything they supposedly knew. So, you know, it's like, I don't know. I don't know how much I am sort of like just expecting just more piffle waffle from, you know, from this report. I mean, I was just thinking about the fact that sometimes we do have people that break

the mold and do tell us what's really going on. That's kind of what we need right at the moment. And I was reading about a, this is an example, but it's actually a cryptid example, which is quite cool. I was reading about an astronaut called Story Musgrave, and he's a guy who has been up to the International Space Station on five separate rockets. The first astronaut to do that. No other astronaut's done that.

So all the different kinds of rockets. He is the most, in terms of academic qualifications, most qualified astronaut that we've ever had up there, right? So Story Musgrave said that when he was up there and he was looking out and he felt comfortable saying this, this is why I feel we just need someone on the inside who, if they truly believe it, just to say, actually, I saw what I saw. He said, when he looked out the window down at Earth's atmosphere as they were flying over, that he saw sky serpents flying in the sky and didn't question it.

He's like, that's absolutely what I saw. I saw snakes of the sky in our atmosphere. Wow. And I think we need to look into that. My goodness. It's the most decorated, in terms of academic qualifications, astronaut we've had. He's had over a thousand minutes in space. Yeah.

Or hours, rather. Sorry. A thousand minutes is very quick relative to... Which is very fitting as to why you're outside Buckingham Palace. If we're talking about sky serpents, then it leads very, very beautifully into the lizard people theory. Like her coming out right now and tearing her skin off and revealing her lizard skin underneath. That is the report.

Super tech. Super tech. Exactly. She just ripped her face open and then there's the lizard lady underneath. That's what we need. That's what the world needs right now. Everybody would be like, of course. Of course.

It makes so much sense. That would be mind-blowingly amazing. And Dan Schreiber is the only journalist there to cover it. You like, oh my God. That would be perfect. That would be poetry. Can I just say this idea that there's sky serpents, this is really interesting because you think about these tech techs, the shapes of these objects that the US Navy are seeing and their

capabilities. What if they aren't drones from another world? They aren't actually nuts and bolts machines, but they are living things. So they can dart about. They can go up and down. They can flick off immediately and dart at the speed of making us humans like freak out because they're actually living creatures from that might live up in the upper atmosphere. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it is whenever you see a fly in front of you just able to just go at those speeds. You're just saying that is insane that they don't rip their arm off or anything. Yeah, why not something else in the higher atmosphere moving with that kind of momentum and dexterity. This, Justin, here it is. US, this is from the CNN. The intelligence community has now released the report, the long awaited report. Let me just read this.

I'm just going to read it. Oh, this is good. This reports really good guys. Oh, wow. Oh, you guys should read this. The long awaited report on what it knows about a series of mysterious flying objects that have been seen moving around through restricted military airspace over the last several decades. In short, the answer according to the report is very little.

But the fact that the intelligence community released the unclassified document marks one of the first times the US government has publicly acknowledged that these strange aerial sightings by Navy pilots and others are worthy of legitimate scrutiny. The report examined 144 reports of, so it's a report that examined 144 other reports. Now, that's like the mothership of reports. Only one of which investigators were able to explain by the end of the study. So 144 reports, only one could be explained. Investigators found no evidence that the sightings represented either extraterrestrial life or

a major technical advancement by a foreign adversary like Russia or China. So as I stipulated before, of the 144 reports we are dealing with here, we have no clear indications that there is any non-terrestrial explanation for them. But we will go wherever the data takes us, a senior US official said. That's so weird though. Why would they not give you like an example then of what it could be as a terrestrial thing? They're just saying we have no idea what it is, but we've also decided it's terrestrial. Like why?

Like what? Like a ping-pong ball that's blown up too high? Tell us what it is because it doesn't make sense. So investigators are also convinced that the majority of the sightings were physical objects. So they're convinced of that. Or they're not like flair in the camera or, you know, sort of like they do believe that they're actual. So that's a big one.

They're physical objects. We absolutely do believe what we're seeing are not simply sensor artifacts. These are things that physically exist, the official said, noting that 80 of the reported incidents included data from multiple sensors. In 11 cases, investigators believed that there was a near-miss collision with US personnel. Wow. Wow. So what is it?

What is it? We don't know what it is. It's definitely physical, but we're just going to put it out there. It's not from space. Yeah. Why? How would they know? And how would they also know if it's not from China or Russia or one of their adversaries?

Because they asked them and said, hey, guys, you know, those UFO things you're flying around, you know, the tic-tacs, is that you guys? No, no. Tic-tacs don't know what you're talking about. No. You know, how do you get that intel? The governments of, you know, these separate countries are so secretive and so keeping things close to the chest, not revealing anything to each other that they're not even talking

about this together. It's really like surely someone's had a meeting and said and have asked, hey, is it you guys? And then the Russians go, no, we thought it was you guys. What about the Chinese? Oh, we thought it was you guys, you know? So can we just make it clear that it's none of us? Can we agree it's none of us? Yes.

Yes. Yes. And pinky promise, you know, you've got to cross your heart and hope to die and do all of the serious commitments here. Yeah. It does just sound like time traveling humans. Well, I mean, I was thinking that, but I think Dan's recent sky serpent idea actually gets me more excited that when I think of octopus and how I think they could have come from

another world because they just don't seem to belong here properly. They might have come on an asteroid and landed here. Or a spaceship. Yeah. Oh, more more. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.

These things are entering the sea as well. You know, these, these objects, they fall into the sea. Octopus. Yeah. No, the UAP. Right. Right. Right.

Right. With octopus in them. But jettison octopus as they enter the sea, that's what's, that's what's going on. You know, the, you know, the, remember the rods, we talked about those flying rod back in the day. There's supposedly creatures that are so fast that we can't even tell what they are. Yeah. And there's things that the human eyes can't pick up very well.

Who's to say that these, these objects aren't basically cryptids that we haven't discovered yet that can fly and dart into the sky. That's the vibe I'm on at the moment. Good vibe. All right. Back to you in London. Is there any one coming out from the palace yet? Nothing so far.

They seem to be turning the lights lower generally on the planet. Oh. Yes. I think possibly. The planet lights are going down. Have a look. Keep looking up into the sky. I don't know.

The, the flag is up. Does that mean she's in? Yeah. That means she's in. Yeah. She must be going over the report. Yeah. Exactly.

Okay. So we could expect some movement in the next few hours. I'll keep you, I'll keep you updated. Well, last time I was here actually was when Prince Philip passed away and there was media everywhere. I'm surprised the tents aren't still here. Oh yeah. I was looking at floral tributes and the sky walked up next to me and he looked at it.

There's something up into the prince. Yeah. A once in a lifetime experience happened to him. Yeah. And when he died, he went, no. And I was like, I can't believe I'm talking to the only man in the UK. What luck that I've met the only person who has not heard the news and he's discovering it outside fucking about it.

You need to tell him. Yeah. Hey, Dan, by the way, we kicked off this show. We kicked off this show without you. And we realized at that point, I think the entire world realized just how integral you are to the show. We ended up talking about the importance of a preface of a book. Oh yeah.

So things have gotten a lot more exciting since you joined. So thank you so much for joining. Do you say preface or preface? I've got a, I've got such a weird accent that I, it changes. So hang on. Let me say the preface, the preface. I'd say preface. Preface.

Yeah. That's what most intelligent people say, I think. While you're here, you'll have the joy of listening to the latest episode. I've got it here. We've saved it. We've saved it till now. And we thought it was probably about time going into episode four that Reese does a very quick.

And that's a recap. Oh. And it'll be an actual recap. Well, it could be a reprise. Oh yes, it could. Hang on. Or it could be a reprise or a reprise. What do you say?

Reprise or reprise? I'm a reprise. Reprise, reprise. I think I'm reprise. Reprise. This episode is so awesome. We're just trying to figure out how to say words. Okay, basically, for those out there that are interested or that are still listening,

the episodes, I think there has been, I think we're up to number five now to be fair. But just to give you a brief rundown on what's happened to the team, they were driving through the forest and then I think something happened to the Land Rover and they all got out. There was, yes, there was a huge Sasquatch appeared. Dan and Reese ran. Buttons got caught up in his cords or his cables, I think. And so we had to leave you behind. Yeah.

And then we ended up sheltering with a local hunter that took us to a shack, Dan and I. So we're in this shack and this hunter reveals that he's got some equipment. He's been luring big foots in using peanut butter scones and bunting. And then we look on the computer screen and then we see you buttons. You have revealed yourself and that turns out to be camera footage from another dimension. So you, I think you've been caught by the Sasquatch and taken back to the realm. Which is so exciting. Yeah.

And so I think that is where we are at the moment. Is that correct? That is correct. That is correct. And I can't. I literally is the thing that makes me want to do this podcast more than anything is just. I know. No, honestly, do you guys remember?

Do you remember ages ago? The only reason my parents was listening to the show was because of the lockdown updates. Yeah. And then we dropped, we dropped off with that. So they've disappeared. They've not been listening. Well, they're back because of the Rappatodes. Really?

Yeah, they are back. I was talking to them yesterday and they stopped listening after the Rappatodes done. So this is a bit far into an episode. I must have known that because we haven't done the Rappatodes till now. So we're sort of luring them in there. We're forcing your parents to now listen to the rest of the junk before the gold is delivered. So they'll have a full update on the UAP report, which is great. But you'll shout out to you guys as well.

I will quickly, but before they lose interest, let's get the Rappatodes. Exactly. Exactly done. Okay. But just before it, I do have a news report has just come through from The Guardian. Why the Pentagon UFO report is deeply troubling for the US security experts. If something's out there, let's seek it out. And it is probably a foreign power, says the chair of Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

So they are really starting to think that, you know, it can't be anything else but a foreign power. Do you worry? Says the report found that while intelligence officials do not believe alien life is responsible for the dozens of reports of unidentified aerial phenomena, they cannot fully explain what is. So you just, you're still at square one. All you're doing is refusing to believe that it's aliens. So that's where they're at. And I'll add this, which is also here in quotations in this article.

China has well documented issues with basic jet engines. They rely on espionage to develop their most advanced weapons systems. So I struggle with China having developed this. One of the chaps says Russia has a defense budget that is a fraction of the United States and much of its military infrastructure is crumbling. So I struggle with that too. So they're struggling to believe that it's either China or Russia. But they're also stating it's definitely not aliens. So that really leaves them saying, well, it's either us, which they're saying it's not a secret program that we're doing.

So, hey, it's got to be sky serpents, guys. Sky serpents. And you know what? I'm going to put this down now. I'm going to say sky serpents. And so it's been recorded. That's the name of our new band. Oh, amazing.

I mean, how cool is that? So let's lock that in so that if someone else comes up with that idea. We're checking the time. Quarter past two on Friday, the 25th of June, Restarby. That's how you copyright ideas. You just say the date and time and your name and it's your idea. Nobody else got it. Sorry.

I'm also going to sign this. So I'm going to do the world's first audio signature so that we can get this down. Give us your audio signature. Here's my audio signature. Are you dubbing? There you go. She said I was not expecting that. Are you dubbing?

OK, now prove that you can do the signature. Because you've got to prove that you can do the signature the same every time. Here I go again. All right. That's my audio signature. I want one now too. I can't explain why that's that, but that's it. I don't think audio signatures are a thing.

So you need to quickly copyright that. Copywriter. I'm now here by copywriting the audio signature. The time is quarter past two. 25th of June, 2021. There we go. So that's copywritten. Brilliant.

Oh, we're really on track here. Monumental stuff happening here on this very special episode. All right, let's get into this episode. OK, here we go. I've spent so much time between giving you guys the recap and now to the actual episode, I'm going to have to go back and do another quick recap. Yeah. A recap of the recap.

Yeah. Highlight. So if you can all just recall that recap, which was pretty recently, we were stuck in the forest just recapping that recap. Truck broke down. Sasquatches took buttons. We went to a shack. There was a hunter there.

He had some equipment. We saw buttons on a screen. He's in another dimension. That's where we are. We are now going into F5 and three, two, one. Beep. How do we get our buddy back from another dimension? I wish I paid more attention at that UFO convention.

Wait, says Dan. I've got a shriek there. If we can send him a message, we can get him back here. Suddenly outside the shack, things are getting hairy. There's a beast at every window closing in. It's getting scary. They could smell the scones. They're bashing on the doors.

I don't want to be a big foot researcher anymore. Pull yourself together. Does buttons have his walkie? Yes. Yes, I think he does. Oh, thank God he's such a dorky. Dan sends a message and it goes a little like this. Okay, buttons.

If you're receiving this, I need you to do something urgently. This has got to sound weird, but trust me, you need to imagine as hard as you can, future buttons coming back to rescue us. Do it now. Over and out. Suddenly all the doors burst open. And a pack of big feet walk in. Right, I'm pushing the emergency lever. yells the hunter.

What? Say what? The whole room suddenly drops with everybody in it. We're falling. We're in a sinkhole. That's all for this week. Yeah. Wow.

This adventure is just so freaking exciting. I'm really, really, really loving that I have to now think of my future self saving you guys. Yeah. It must have been some crazy idea Dan suddenly thought that I think I know where he's going with this, but hopefully you got that message buttons. Well, hopefully you know where he's going with this because you're writing this. You've got inside knowledge. Anyway, we're all falling to our death in a giant sinkhole. That's amazing.

That's going to be Jules Verney. We're going to go to the mole man of the earth. You know what? We've got like 10 minutes left and we've done no weekly word world news, no crypto news. This is very much a strange episode. It's a UAP report special. But I've got great news articles that have been sent in. Are we going to, shall we do some very quickly?

I've got a super quick one that I can do if we want to go into it. Are we going to do this thing? Yeah, let's do it. Let's finish on WWWN instead of starting on it. Oh, this episode is on its head. We're just throwing things at the system that, you know, no wonder the queen hasn't come out yet. She's watching this, listening to this live obviously as always through her connections and she is just freaking out. She's like, I can't, how can I get out onto the, on the veranda and reveal the truth?

When these guys are just throwing such a randomness into their, I can't handle it. Into their system. The world is all wrong. Well, I can see because I've been, I've been walking back and forth out front here for a long time now. There's a sort of, there's two police guys in there who has sort of been looking at me. You can't see it's a bit too dark now, but they're just over that way. And they must have a system right where they can hear what I'm saying.

They must have a speaker, you know, that they can hone in. So I kind of think they haven't stopped me because they're enjoying this so much. I think they're like, oh, this is, this is great. You're, you're in the local vicinity. Anything on a cell phone or anything that's being recorded will be brought to their attention through their systems. Usually IIVI, they'll have someone in their lower echelon recording sound studio who's just a security personnel. So all of this will be coming through on it. There's probably be another report actually that they'll be giving the Queen.

I didn't know IIVI was so attached to fucking in Palace. I thought they were New Zealand based. It's very exciting. It's all now, but this is just all stuff that's done pulling up from the UAP report. This is just extra small bits. Right. Okay, so let's do it. Let's do some weird news.

Go. Weekly world weird news. Crazy, freaky. Watch out. Should I do mine first? My headline. This year, an invisible statue made of air went to auction with an estimate of 5,000 pounds. The piece eventually sold at auction for 13,000 pounds.

And the win, the winner went home with literally nothing and a certificate to prove it. Oh my God. That's insane. It's this new thing that's happening in our, it's this guy called Salvador Garral. And he's been selling and building sort of immaterial sculptures, just air sculptures. But he paints the picture of what you're seeing in your head. And so he'll like corner off a section of the ground and say there's a meditating Buddha here or something like that.

And you go and you have to picture in your head the meditating Buddha. And that's what constitutes the art. So he eventually they had it at auction. They had air. Then we go and look at this beautiful sculpture and people started out bidding each other for it. Oh, I love it. 13,000.

That is, I love that so much. I love that about art. It's awesome. I'm excited because I'm seeing the possibilities of myself being an imaginary artist because I can create such vivid pictures and people's minds that perhaps it will do well for me to say, you know, for example, OK, this is what you're looking at. And I'll whisper so that no one else can see or know your artwork. You'd want a recording of it, obviously, so that you may forget because that would be

the worst money spent if you the next day. And you go, oh, shit, what was that? What was that artwork again that I put in the? Oh, God, what was it? What was it? Was it a giraffe with an orange hat? No, hang on a second. You know, the best part about it is if the person who bought it had a whole bunch of

children, you know, normally you sort of go, well, I want that piece of artwork when dad dies. That's I want to keep that. And like, no, he always said it could be mine. All of them can have it. As long as he tells, like now the piece of art, it's a Buddha crouched in the corner. He's got his arms folded and crossed and it's like, you don't have to fight over who's it is.

They can they all they can they can share it. Share it. And it's it's it's like having an imaginary friend again, isn't it? It's sort of it's tapping into this this inventive world that we've forgotten about. I usually find this kind of stuff really pretentious. I actually think this is really cool. He's telling us to imagine. He's telling us the importance of invisibility, which is so it's so wonderful.

The invisible world is such a creative space. Yeah. I could just have this vision of these empty frames in a house and you come in and there's just a big frame and there's nothing inside it. And people say, what's what's going on here? And then you go, well, there's an amazing artwork there. But unfortunately, I can't tell you what it is. But come and I'll show you this one.

And then you, you know, and you go, why can't he tell me what that one is? Oh, well, it's, you know, it's actually worth so much that only those that are in the know can really appreciate it. And you have to pay the money. You have to, you know, it's not for everybody. But here you can have a quick look at this one here in the bathroom. And there's another empty frame in there. And you go, well, what's this one?

Hey, this, this is, this is just a sunset. This is one of those ones that you get from the thrift store that says live life. It's a motivational message with a sunset in the background. Oh, okay. Live, laugh and life. Life. That's not even a thing. I'm trying to think.

Well, that's why it was cheap. It's not a good one. It's not a good one. It's just a literal. It's not even the correct message. That's why I got this one cheap. It's just in the bathroom. Why don't, and they'll be like, why don't you change it?

Why don't you just change it? No, I can't. I've paid for it. I've got the small certificate here. I suppose I could change it. Maybe I'll change it. Repaint it. Yeah.

Repaint it, yeah. Do another version of that really expensive one that you couldn't tell me about in the lounge. Put on here as well. You reckon? Yeah. Just do a smaller one. Do a smaller version of it.

No, I can't. Why not? Well, I've forgotten what that one was. That's why you didn't tell me what it was. You've forgotten. You idiot. How much did that set you back? Don't fucking say anything.

It was 13 grand. But if my wife finds out I've forgotten what it is, I'll be in the bloody shit. So what are you telling her? I've told her it's something else, but it's not. I've told her it was a herd of elephants coming through the savannah in Tanzania. Beautiful. So that's what she thinks of it. Yeah, but what is it?

I don't know. I've forgotten what it is. So she thinks it's nice. She likes elephants, all right? Well, why don't you just call up the artist and ask him? I'd love to, but I've forgotten who's done it. I've forgotten who the artist is. No.

Yes! Where did you get it? I got it at the markets. The guy, he told me about it. He whispered it in my ear. I tried to record it, but the phone wasn't recording. And then he bugged it off. I just gave him the 13 grand.

He vanished into thin air. I got it at home. I was so impressed with it, so happy with my money. I got absolutely drunk that night and woke up the next day. Can't even remember purchasing it. The worst part, guys, is I bought it unframed. So the frame's not even private. I had to go and then buy the frame, which I wanted to get it.

You know, you're getting a $13,000 artwork. You want a decent frame. So I spent $300 on the frame. Put it up, put the damn thing in it, and, you know, got drunk to celebrate. I'm wondering if it's actually even in there, because I may have left the bloody thing in the car. That's my other worry.

The framer may have swapped it out. At the Framer's shop is your artwork. They've got hold of your awesome artwork. They've swapped it out with another shitty one. They head out the back. Elephants. Elephants. Elephants.

You've got your buttons. I've got one here, which is pretty exciting. But it is sent through a button down here. I've got to give a shout out to Algin Sayer. He sent me three great articles. I've got to try to choose it. off of them and we can help you out then.

Okay, so actually a very good idea. Okay, well shall I read out the three? Yeah. Woman mourns after her dolphin husband dies and says she will never remarry. Oh, okay. Kind of sad one. Next one, real life Tarzan who lived in jungle for 41 years had no idea woman even existed.

Whoa. Pretty out there. And the third one. The third one. It's got to be that one. We have to go for that one. Okay, okay, okay, okay. But same with that one.

No, I'll save the other one for another day then. Yeah. So this story, this is, this guy Ho Van Lang who's now 49 years old is in Vietnam and has lived in the jungle with just his dad and his brother Tri for 41 years. The three of them fled civilization in 1972 during the Vietnam War. Yeah. And they lived there in the jungle

and they only saw five other people over those four decades and each time they saw somebody, they ran away from them. Well, this sounds like cryptids. Yeah. Yeah. Cryptid behavior. How old were they when they went into the forest? Sorry.

Eight years old. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, so he didn't see a woman until he was in her whole eight years. Yeah, what about his own mother? Wow. He was in her whole eight years? Yeah, well, he probably would have, but he couldn't,

he probably didn't remember them. Wow, eight years. I mean, eight years old? I mean, yeah, I guess you do know who. You're pretty, you're pretty good at it. You'd have knowledge of a female in those first eight years. Yeah, I guess so. Okay, so he may be, maybe the headline is a little bit exaggerated.

I've also just seen that they actually were found in 2015 and they came out in 2015. So this news article. So they're not just out? It is. They're not just out. They've been out for it. They've been out for, yeah, approximately six years.

They've had six years to realize, oh, hang on, no, we do know what women are. Wait, wait, give us a few more years to get this straight. Before we release this. So women are different to us, aren't they? They're the same size, different sort of features and things. Okay, all right. Oh, what a fail.

No, but what else? Was there anything else in the report? Well, yeah, they basically, they became incredibly great hunters and- As you'd expect, yeah. As you'd expect, but also this guy has been described as a baby in a man's body and they confirmed that Lang has never had the minimum sexual desire and his reproductive instinct has never shown its head in any of its many facets. That's-

I can confirm that Lang has never had the minimum sexual desire. What is this all about? Oh, God, what's gone weird? I'm going, can I go back to the dolphin lady? Yeah, I think you're talking about a guy here who's come out of the bush and he says, look, I'm just not into chicks, mate. I've not- I don't even know what they are.

I don't know what they are. I've got no interest in that. I've got no interest. I've been in the forest for 40 years. I haven't shown my reproductive head in any of its facets. Look at me. I'll take my, have a look down here. Look, I've got nothing there.

There's nothing much happening here. There's no- It's tiny, okay? I've got no interest and it's not getting any bigger. I've got no- Can I just go back in the forest? And I think the point you could be sort of struggling to pull on is that he- If you excuse the pun there, but he-

Yeah, he's had no, he didn't see any females. So he never, he never had the drive to- He didn't have any sexual urges. And how old is he now? 49. 49, that's right. But they're saying, they're saying, if I asked Lang to beat someone, he would do it severely.

He doesn't know the difference between good and bad. And they're saying like, he is basically just a child. He doesn't know anything. Most people know what is, you know, the difference between good and bad. His brother doesn't. He's like, he's completely missed it. It'd be interesting to find out if he does actually just want to go back in. I think it'd be like coming out of jail, right?

When you've been in there for too long. That's right. That's exactly right. It actually does say his dad is apparently still alive. So as dad says, it still has a profound phobia of returning to normal life. And he still does not believe that the Vietnam War is actually over. And he wants to return to the jungle. So it sounds like they've pulled these poor people out and gone,

you know, come. Yeah, enough of that. Come on, get back into society now, you guys. Okay, war was over. What have you got, Reesy? Well, I mean, on that note of, you know, weird humans and kind of, yeah, it's not too far from where you're sort of digging.

Maybe he had with the invisible words in between. Hang on. You are someone's calling me. Hang on, guys. Hang on. Hang on. Hello. I see.

Hold on. I'm just going to quickly go check on someone. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. Okay. Bye. So just give us one more update, Dan. Has the Queen finally come out?

Gee, I think I was facing the other way. Oh, no. So there was a lot of activity, actually, a second ago. So, yeah, I'm afraid I might have missed her, but. Okay. Well, it's still lovely to see the Buckingham Palace in the background there. And unfortunately, as the only reporter trying to get to the nitty gritty of the UAP report, you've unfortunately also done a podcast at the same time and have missed the Queen coming out

to reveal the info. So, but that was, you know, 50-50. That was going to happen. And it has, I think, I think I was so involved in that sort of lack of sex drive of a 49-year-old man from the jungle, Dan, that I missed my journalistic moment of the century there. I think Leon's stories are getting worse each week. Oh, here he is. Hey, hey, buddy.

Just saying, it's always great to hear the weird stories that you're bringing through. Often it's not stories. It's just like, I think last week's was just some email that you received about not having enough friends. And you tried to turn that into some big scientific paradox. I've got to get better at this. This week, just about some other, obviously, clearly some mate of yours that doesn't have any sex drive.

And he's been living in the forest for a while. And you're trying to hook him up with some female friends. Imagine that dating that. I don't know what you're using this podcast for, but it's not what we signed up for. No, that's a great idea. You know, wild people that are raised by other animals. We talked about last week about the one raised by the eagle. Like a dating app for people that have been raised by animals were raised in the wild.

So you can sort of peer yourself. If you sort of believe you're a monkey because you've been raised by monkeys. Yes, peer yourselves with other raised by monkey people. I mean, that's niche. That's a niche app. But there's a need for it. There's something there. You might want to do an audio signature copyright on that buttons.

Oh, good point. First of all, we need to name the app. Just for now, you can you can change it later, but something basic. I don't know if you've got any ideas for the what animal are you app? Girls Gone Wild. The wild ones? Yeah. Wild thing.

I think I love you. No, no, no. I think I love you. Yes. Ah, there you go. Or where the wild things are. Yes. So both of those options, guys, I will have to let you know that both those are probably already

copywritten. One is a song title and the other is a book. So but it's just great to hang out with a couple of real original thinkers. Reese Derby, quarter to three, 25th of June. Home to me. Hmm. Just I just randomly copyright that idea. Can you copyright?

Are you starving? I'm just copywriting things here left, right and center now just in case. I'm going to get my audio signature done so that I can copyright them. You're just going to copyright everything until I get an audio. Well, you better hurry up and copyright that idea. Do you? What the hell was that? Okay, repeat it.

But you failed to put in the time and date and what you were copywriting. You're just you're just literally signing shit. 547 Leon Kirkback. And it was an idea about an app for wild people. Is that that? Am I? Yeah, now sign it. All right, now you got to sign it.

Do you? Okay, good. Nice. Okay, guys. Well, we've run out of time yet again. So to finish off this UAP report special, which by the way has been an absolute joy. Here we have read the Pentagon's UFO report to Congress on my phone. And you might not be able to see this, but if you can read that last line, guys, what does that say?

You can read the full report here. Yep. And as I scroll down, nothing. Nothing. It's empty. Look, completely blank. There's no report. Maybe it was written by that invisible artist guy.

It is. It's a complete invisible report. Isn't that spooky? That's it. That's it's a ghost report. It's the report to evil reports and it's not even a report. So what I've done, guys, is I've actually written the report myself. Here it is.

UAP report. I'm just showing you guys visually for the cryptid knights as well. It's by Dee Disclosures. Dee Disclosures. This is the report. Humans. I've given a D. Okay.

Aliens. Get a B. UAPs. Real or fake. I've put down as real. And cryptids also real. And then there's just a note at the bottom of the report. Humans, you need to stop spreading lies on the internet

or the aliens will shut it down. There you go. So that's the report. That is amazing. That's the preface to the report. But you should quickly send that to the Pentagon so they can photocopy that and put it on all the reports at least. Yeah.

Oh, hang on, guys. 10 to 3, 25th of June. Restarby. I'm dubbing. I'm amazed you remembered that audio signature from just a few minutes ago. And like any signature, I've slightly changed it. Ah, that's important. But I know the cracks of it is there.

It's mine. Imagine, you know, those autograph hunters that stand outside, you know, restaurants until a famous person comes out and gets them to sign. Imagine being an audio autograph hunter just running around as a famous person goes to sign an important, you know, idea with their audio signature and they just sort of sneak a little microphone in there and go,

I got it. I got it. Got his audio signature. Got Tom Cruise's audio signature. Yep. Go down to the finest art gallery in the town with your little dictaphone and you say, look, I'm going to throw down some cash on that imaginary artwork there. Oh, yeah.

What have you got? Have you got where's the coin? I don't have any financial coin, but what I do have is worth way more. I've got Tom Cruise's audio signature. I captured it at a film premiere last night. All right. Play it then.

Okay. Hang on. Here it is. Here it is. Get away. Please, Mr. Cruise. Just your signature. Just your name.

No, wait. Please. Tom Cruise. Why did he give it at the end? Why did he give it at the end? He was going away. Why did he want it? I was expecting a lot more from Tom Cruise on his signature.

To be quite honest. All right. Okay. I've got to go. Yep. Same. I've already gone. I'm just going to stay here until I get an invite in from the Queen.

I'll be here. Okay. Okay. Bye. Sky Serpents, you know. Sky Serpents. Sky Serpents.