The Cryptid Factor - 67: #067 The Buzz Bingo Issue

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

Ep 67 has some great finds in it - Dan finds the Alien Sex capital of the UK, Rhys finds a nazi tank in a basement, and Buttons finds the elevator service hut in Superman's Building. We also shoe-horn in a Jet-pack Re-cap, a Fairy/Theory Time, a Rapisode Sandwich and a Sci-fi Robot Rangers Prequel - before the 'quel' is even quelled!

The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. And first, a Rhys cap. Remember last time in the episodes, I'm pushing the emergency lever yells the hunter. What? The whole room suddenly drops with everybody in it. We're falling. We're in a sinkhole. It's a sinkhole. Not a sinkhole. There's no time to think. When it comes to life and death, I think these guys are on the brink. Oh yes, they're falling. Their bodies are getting smaller. They jump away from the world today. Jump away from the world today. Jump away from the world today. Then suddenly a beam. A tractor beam. Yes, a beam coming from a tractor. I'll save the Cryptid Factor. What? Where am I? says Dan. Did we make

it back? Oh, not exactly guys. You're in a giant tic-tac. Buttons. Oh my God. Buttons. I'm future buttons. You can tell because I've had Botox and laser eye surgery. Wow. You don't need glasses anymore? No, I still do, but I broke my last pair because I can shoot lasers out of my eyeballs now. Stop firing at us. I'm sorry guys. I'm just crying because I'm so happy to see you. Part two later on in the episode. Wow. That is incredible. I'm so excited for episodes back. When you say part two, is that the final part of the entire saga? Yeah, part two of the final double bumper episode is happening at the end of this episode and it's going to be all wrapped up. This is actually a true definition now of a shit sandwich because people are like,

that was awesome. There are going to be so many people now fast-forwarding through. Yeah. Well, no, just Dan's parents, mainly. I think that's why I want people to, particularly them, to listen to this whole episode so they get through to the end and they have to wait to hear the conclusion. They listen to the episode and go, actually, it's really good. That guy buttons. I wonder if he needs adopting. I thought you were going to say a doctor. I wonder if he needs a doctor. That's the only thing I'd say about that young man. But let's break down what just happened there. I mean, what do you think just happened? I'm not fully sure. I've come back. I'm a future buttons in a tic-tac with laser eyes and Botox at last.

I'm so excited about Botox. I got confused about the glasses situation because he's got laser eyes. So what are the glasses? Is it like Cyclops from X-Men? He needs to wear glasses to stop the lasers from shooting out? He got laser eye surgery just so he could have lasers shooting out of his eyes. It didn't actually fix his eyes. So he still needs glasses. Got it. Because I can't wear glasses because every time I cry, I shoot lasers and break my glasses. And so I can't see well at all. But the problem with that is that I see is that I would be shooting all manner of stuff because I've got blurry eyes. And I'd be like, oh, that's a baddie. I'm going to shoot them. It's also a typical error on your part that you must have done in the future.

But anyway, you did rescue us. Remember a couple episodes back? I think Dan told you you had to imagine yourself rescuing us as hard as you could. And then it would happen. That's right. So anyway, I can't remember any of the plot. It's so, I mean, it's so brilliantly complicated, but it's kind of like a Christopher Nolan movie, you know, I'm just like, what's happening? What's going on? Well, there we are at the moment anyway, in a giant tic-tac rescued by Future Buttons. And yeah, that's where we're at. But also we're in a parallel universe because I remember last time you guys looked through a TV set and I was in a parallel universe. And there was the

Sasquatch that was falling with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He didn't pick him up. He still, he just fell. He's still falling. So did the hunter. You just beamed Dan and I up. Just got you two. Ah, so they're in perpetual falling motion. We don't know what's happening with them. How freaking exciting. So much to unpack there. Oh, wow. Is that going to get wrapped up at the end as well? Are they just casualties of the story? Who knows? Oh, I don't know. We just have to wait till the end of this show to find the conclusion. Oh, hey guys, I've just got to first of all apologize and give you a little bit of a warning because it's a bit noisy where I am because you look like in a lab. Well, I've ended up having

to do today's podcast from the elevator service shed in the Daily News building, which is the building based on Superman's Daily Planet building in the middle of New York City. So I'm at the very top of this building, but the only quiet space I could find was this place. I don't know if you can see there, but there's the elevator unions of New York and New Jersey's sticker. There's lockers there. I mean, are you in a restricted area? Yeah. What is this? What's in there? Don't touch anything. What if you break the elevators? Nobody, they don't know that I'm in here. So if all of a sudden somebody walks in here. One of the elevator maintenance men might come through. Yes. Yes. Why would you put the elevator

maintenance office at the top of the building? Well, so because you get to choose where you want your offices, don't you? Yeah. But if you get to work and the elevator's broken and you need a piece to fix it, you've got to walk up 37 points. Yeah. The lift isn't working. You're going to have to go and see the people in the office. We're there in the 36th floor. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, we need to get those guys down here because the bloody lift's not working. Can they come down on the lift? No. That's funny. But it's a building. There's a beautiful building. It's the one that they modeled the Daily Planet after. So like, it's cool. Talking about lasers coming out of eyes. Oh yeah. And Clark Kent with glasses. That's you. Clark Kent. Wait a minute. Don't take those off.

I can't recognize you. The ultimate disguise. Just take the glasses off. Who was that guy? That's cool. So yeah. So we genuinely may have to be escorted out or something. Yeah. Yeah. Apologies. This is definitely the coolest location. You know, we've done weird locations, haven't we, from time to time of where we, you know, I was in a children's playground in Cornwall once. That wasn't a bit weird. In the middle of the night, that one was particularly concerning. And Buttons was once in a car park with his family in the car. His family were revealed it's still in the car with him. No, the whole time, just silent listening to us. It's going, time travelers. That was weird. Was that the same one where he was also in a staples using their

Wi-Fi. At the time it made so much sense. That's how dedicated I am guys. The show can stop at nothing. I think it's that's how busy you are. Well, it's dedicated to too many things. I'm actually supposed to be right now in filming the NBA draft and I've snuck away. If there's anyone that needs cloning, it's you. That would be terrible. That would be. Everyone can have a Buttons. And the other thing that I just wanted to cover off is last episode, those who haven't heard it, there was a little bit of copyright issues that we dealt with where Reese, you got me for breaching your copyright and I owe you 300 smackers in the future. I just wanted to point something out. The other thing that you did in that episode,

just to refresh you was you gave us a little sneak peek of sci-fi robot Rangers, the next serial to come out. And whilst I was editing it, I listened to the intro theme that you did. Yeah. And I thought, well, if we're going to be talking about copyright issues, that maybe we might need to just deal with this. Oh, can I, okay. Sorry. Can I guess what he's breached copyright of? And I can't remember the song. Okay. No, but what you can do, Reese, take your headphones off. Okay. You got to go mute for a second. Okay. No, what do you think it is? I'm going, can you hear us, Reese? Okay. I can't hear us. I'm going purely from memory. Did he use the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? No, close though. Very close. Okay, Reese. You can come back now,

Reese. You can come back. Yeah. I didn't get it right. I got it very close though, Button says. So first of all, I'm just going to remind people and play them the theme tune again. It's sci-fi robot Rangers. Okay. So I just wanted to quickly go to a little YouTube clip and just play you this little bit. So I just, yeah, I just, I mean, I don't know. It could just be coincidental. Sci-fi robot Rangers. It's different. No, it's not. It really isn't. There's, listen to them on top of each other. Hang on. It's sci-fi robot Rangers. There's a certain amount of inspiration you've taken, sure.

But I just, you know, Bob Marley, I don't know, has a state maybe interested in that. I don't know. Tiny quibble, just based on your- Is it a quibble? No, no, it's just a quibble about a comment that you made earlier. Reese, when you were off, I made a prediction of what it was and Button said, you're so close. You're so close. Okay. And what was your- I said teenage mutant Ninja Turtles. Now, I would argue that Bob Marley and teenage mutant Ninja Turtles are not next to each other in closeness. You're so close. Oh, you were just like right next door to it. I'm so close to I shot the sheriff. Guys, Bob Marley did not shoot the deputy. I'm sure Bob Marley at some point needed a little bit of extra cash and probably did

some jingles and show things. There's every chance. Who knows? Does anybody here know who wrote Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles track? Why could it? It could have been Bob Marley. No, but we do have a link because we know that Reese has been on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a voice. So if anyone has the right to sing a tune similar to both I shot the sheriff and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I think it's me. And also, by the way, I'm army trained, so I know how to use guns, so therefore I can shoot things. That's true. Yeah, back in the day. Yeah, that's a very good point. Who would have thought the center of a Venn diagram of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on one side? Bob Marley on the other would be Reese Darvey in the middle. Finally, it's revealed.

All right, look, I'm not paying any copyright shit for that. I ain't playing that. You still owe me 300. This is an elaborate way of you getting out of your 300 debt. I'm so terrible at blackmail. Are you supposed to be like, oh, OK, mate, just don't tell Bob, OK? That's cool. I'll cut it down to 250. I'll take 50 off. Oh, thank you, mate. Thank you. All right, let's get into some news. Yeah. Weekly World Weird News. Crazy. Freaky. Watch out. Shall we do some headlines? Yes. OK. Here's my headline. A recent poll has revealed that hundreds of Brits have claimed to have had sex with an alien. Wow. What? Hundreds. Hundreds. This is a new survey that's just been done hundreds. And yeah, quite a lot of them from Norwich.

Was the poll taken in Norwich? No, more than a quarter of the people who said they had done it were from Norwich. And that was 300 people in the UK who claimed to have had sex with an alien. I can't wait to get to that one. Reezy, what do you got? I've got an 84-year-old German had a World War II tank in his cellar. What? A whole tank from the war in his cellar. He kept it in there. He stole it. The war finished. He drove it in there. If this is over, I'm bloody having this. I'm going to keep this. He kept it, just lifted it in there and it's being discovered. And he's in trouble. He's in trouble? Yeah, he's in trouble. More to be revealed during the article. Don't give too much away. Oh, you can't have that in there. What's going on here? It was all over, you know.

You're going to give that back, mate. We said water tank. I said water tank, not war tank. Oh, fuck me. Sorry, my English isn't good. I'm German. Why are you English anyway? Oh, that's so good. Okay, well, my one in a warning has been issued to aliens. Oh, good, finally. Aliens have been put on warning because the United States have officially launched space marines. Oh, wow. That is exciting. Yeah, they come in the days of sci-fi robot ranges. Yeah, this is how it all starts. This is perfect. And being a big moon raker fan, I am very excited. Alrighty. Okay, well, do you want to kick it off then, Reezy? Me? Oh, no. Dan, I did so long ago that we did his headline.

His is alien based as well. So let's have an alien sandwich and we'll shove a World War II tank in the middle of it. Very good. That sounds cool. Okay, so this was a survey that was carried out by a website called buzzbingo.com and I'm out. I'm not. Sorry. Buzz bingo. Yeah. No, all right. That sounds like one of your characters, Reece, from one of your buns McGinty. I call Buzz bingo. He'll know what to do. I go and see Buzz bingo. He'll help you out. He does surveys. Hey, Buzz. Yes, guys. We need help. We need a survey. Okay. Any survey in particular? Anything? Just something about aliens? Oh, I've got a good one for that. Where are you? Norwich.

On my way. Oh, this is so good. Buzz bingo saves the day. Okay. Just like to fill out this form. Are you a human be nonhuman? See? Not sure. Unless the things you've had sex with. Yeah. I aliens be aliens. See people. D aliens. A lost knowledge. So buzz bingo. It's gambling sites and that's worse. Yeah, this is cool. Well, a survey is a survey. So, you know, it's, it's either people are lying or they've been attracted to the survey and they wanted to give a true answer. So there's 300 people responded to it and they claimed that they have had intimate relations with ET and over 25% were from Norwich, which in a different

buzz bingo survey, Norwich was named the UFO capital of the UK with 31% of the people living there claiming to have seen a UFO. That's interesting. Yeah. That's good to know for our studies. And also, I wonder if there's a negative magnetic anomaly around Norwich that these UFOs are coming through. That sounds like some sort of new restaurant. Oh, is any of these lovely negative anomalies? I'd love to go. Oh, they have a great steak sandwich. Negative magnetic anomaly. Nigel speaking. Oh, yes, I'd like a table for tonight. Yes, who put you on to this? Buzz bingo. Oh, yeah, lovely guy. He's a great guy. Yeah, did you do a survey? Yeah, he said you were the one of the top restaurants. Absolutely. We can, we can, we can fit you in.

Our meals are out of this world. Hang on, is this an alien themed restaurant? Sure is. Yeah, we've got a, we've got a massage parlor out the back as well, actually. Oh, I see where this is going. I see where this is going. Yes, alien special this week. Yeah, ask for the abduction shoulder rub. Did we mention ages ago about the fact that Area 51 does have alien themed brothels? Did we mention that? Oh, no. Alien themed what? Brothels. No. Yeah, so you can go and, you know, you can have the, the rectal probing room, for example. Oh my God. Yeah, it's, it's just tying

into Area 51. I just realized when you said the rectal probing room, what meant to come out of my mouth was, oh, but came out. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. What time's that open? How a noise, the wrong noise could ruin you. So this is a bit unfair on the people of Norwich because we're using buzz bingo as the big source here to sort of say that they've had a lot of sex with aliens and that they've seen UFOs most, but it is, it is a survey that claimed that. So they also claim that the second top place for the alien sex survey that they took was Bristol, which had 23% of people in the survey were from, and the third was Liverpool. So Bristol for anyone who's not British, who's listening to this,

Bristol's like a university town. Yeah, very arty, lovely place, good people, really nice to do comedy there is to go and do the junglers and also the other great stand up venues that Bristol has. Yeah, really cool place. If you are international listening to this, it kind of made it into the news during the BLM movements that were going on with the statue that was torn down and thrown into the river. That was Bristol that that happened in. Yeah. So they, they have a lot of sex with aliens apparently, 23% in the survey. Well, see, this is weird. Can I just quickly, I have a theory on this. Yeah. Oh, that means we're going to have to play the sting. I've been waiting for this. Let's play buttons, very time sting down in the garden beside the

little pond. That's a little dainty boy with the special bond. He likes to watch the pecs he's traveling through the trees. The sprinkle or the magic dust. He says, yes, please. It's buttons, very time buttons, very time buttons, very time. Come join in buttons, very time, buttons, very time. Everybody hold your hands and have a big grin. So terrible. Okay, I wish this was a fairy theory. One day I will have a fairy theory, and that'll just completely mess with everything. But wouldn't it make sense that in the future, one of the biggest reasons why they say that it's likely that if humans figure out time travel, and the reason they would have to come back is to save ourselves from the existential

crisis of our fertility drying up coming to an end. So it could actually make a lot of sense. If in the future they go, we need to find the very best DNA to go back and sample from. What was the time and the place and the world's history that we're best to get the very ultimate sperm samples from? And we'll send back these future humans to be impregnated by the people from the best place and the best time. Turns out that's Bristol in the 20th century. Right. Okay, but why? Because they needed coming for pregnant to be able to take back and have children in the future with better genes and DNA. Because in the future. I understand that. I'm asking why is Bristol the best place? But this is the thing that we don't know until the future. They've

figured it out. They've got an algorithm. They've got AI and they've figured out in the future. They run the numbers. That's really cool. You're looking at the pattern. That makes sense. If they're all from that one area and it's all, there's lots of UFO sightings and there's lots of sexual, you know, I guess activity with the aliens, aliens, time triplets, that would have to make sense, right? They're either all lying or there's a pattern to it. Well, I mean, do you know what's very interesting? It just so happens that if they're coming back right now for this very specific astounding moment of sperm that you apparently think is going on buttons. Bristol's astounding moment of sperm. Welcome to Bristol's astounding moment of sperm. I'm your host,

Buzz Bingo. Well, that was it. That was the moment. How'd it feel? Pretty good, actually. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't sure much was going to come out, but in the end, I'm pretty happy with it. Well, we've got half a small bottle here. We're going to head that back to the future and see what happens with it. Thanks. Thanks once again. What's your name? Nigel. I just had dinner last night at the wonderful negative anomaly restaurant, which has a massage parlor out the back. And that's how I got the leaflet. So I'm just happy to be here.

Ah, so coming together. Yeah. But listen, this will back up your theory a bit more buttons that we are living in the great age of sperm for aliens to come and take deposits from because right now in China, there is a sperm bank that is holding a competition to find out who has the most vigorous swimmers. And that is currently happening. Yeah. Because sperm quality is declining at the moment. Yeah. Come on. That's incredible. Yes. There's only 25 to 30% of donations that the sperm bank is getting that is usable. So they're trying to find who's gone. Yeah. I would have to figure out time travel in the future and Bristol, what a better place. I mean, you know, the amount

of sperm that must be there must be incredible. It's a university town. Well, actually Norwich, Bristol, yeah, party towns. I mean, you know, quite a few towns in England are, but I guess we'll find out in the future. Why? Yeah. Anyway, that's my story done. That's great. Great story. Let's move on to this tank. Yeah. So lawyers are currently negotiating penalties for a German man who was storing weapons of war in his cellar. This was in the BBC News. The story basically began in 2015 when a significant amount of World War II weaponry was removed from the cellar of a pensioner who lived in the northern German town of Heikendorf. Among his collection was a full-size panther tank. Oh my gosh. He also

had an anti-aircraft gun, a torpedo and a large selection of small arms, including assault rifles and pistols. Torpedo? Yeah. Keeping such items is considered illegal in the country due to Germany's War Weapons Control Act, which forbids the manufacture, sale and storage or transport of weapons used during wartime. That's a great act to have. It makes a lot of sense. The authorities were reportedly tipped off after a search was conducted for stolen Nazi art. So this is quite the Indiana Jones story here. They're still, can you believe it? They're still looking for stolen Nazi art. Even after all of these years, a lot of it still hasn't been recovered. So it's stolen art by the Nazis as opposed to like Nazi art.

Make sure we get that right. It's not just a whole bunch of Nazis that did some art and it's gone missing. Oh, that's a lovely one. What do you call that? It looks like a spider. Yeah, she's a spider, but it looks, if you look at the legs and the spider, the way they are curled up, it looks like, oh, it likes the swastika. Yeah, yeah. So that's not missing. That's not even a piece of art. But very Indiana Jones. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. This man is now facing two problems, a potentially hefty fine of up to 500,000 euros. Wow. And also the task of finding new homes for all the items. His lawyers have argued that since the weapons are now non-functional, that the tank was originally bought for scrap, apparently, that the fine

should be reduced to 50,000 euros. I mean, I don't know. It's a funny one because he's just storing old war memorabilia, basically, which I don't have a problem with, but apparently it's illegal. And also a museum in the US has expressed interest in acquiring the vehicle, which is cool. I think all of everything like this just needs to be in a museum, you know. That's very Indiana Jones, that sentence. There you go. To make matters worse, guys, I've got the whole article out of my new Indiana Jones magazine. Yes. What is that? Is that actually a new magazine or is that from the 80s? Are you telling me that's a new one? It's just come out. It's the Life Magazine, all the adventure, all the thrills.

I've got to say, Life Magazine, normally on their game, that's a little late. They've sort of missed the... What? There was a lot of life to report on. It was quite a while that the last Indiana Jones movie came out. There's been so much life buttons. They've got a backlog. We've been busy, all right. We've been busy. We're just working on the Back to the Future one. We're releasing that one next week. Hang on. Did we miss something? Well, those Indiana Jones movies came out. We did nothing about that. Oh, Jesus. Let's get something out quickly. Put it out now. And it works because there's the fifth one that's on its way. The fifth magazine. No, the fifth movie. Oh, that's exciting. That's really exciting.

I just thought it was odd that someone's got a cellar big enough to put a big tank in it. A tank? Yeah. Like a World War II Panther tank. But the other question you have to ask is, it's got to be big enough, you're right, Rhys. But also, how do you get it into your cellar? Exactly. It's like with a chair. You've got to turn it around the corner, you know, if you... You've got to take all the cushions off. You know what I think he's done? I think he's just, he's found this tank. He's driven it somewhere and he's built a house over it. Yeah. It's the only way. Unless he's built like a Batcave kind of thing, where he's driven it in under a waterfall. Yeah. He's got a special layer. We don't know how big

this thing is. We know how big the tank is, but his place must be huge. He drives this thing into the garage or garage, and then it goes down a huge lift, which actually you might want to check. You're in the lift elevator section, aren't you? Yes. As soon as I get busted by the elevator guys, as they kick me out, I'll quickly try and get a question. Yeah. Is it possible, is there an elevator big enough and can take the weight of a tank when it descends? That's what we need to know. If you do get busted, get that question out before you get arrested. I just really hope I get busted now. Before, previous to your news article, I was a little bit terrified of getting caught. Now, kind of excited. And meanwhile, I'll figure out the

weight of a World War II Panzer tank. I mean, yeah. How do you sneak? Even just like the other items you said, you know, you've built a house around your tank. So that's solid. But now you've got the itch to get a bit more memorabilia. So you've got to sort of sneak your torpedo in at night, don't you? Oh, yeah. That's a hefty item. I'd love to know who dubbed the men. It was people seeing him just sort of like sneaking stuff in. Or did he take his tank for a burn one night? Yeah, you think word would get out? Yeah. Hey, while I just did a quick Google of trying to figure out the weight, it came up here, a couple of interesting points. How much does a Panther tank cost? And it turns out it's 117,100 Reichmarks, Reichmarks, which is the German currency,

or it's 176,100 Reichmarks combat ready. But how much is that in American dollars or pounds? That's another question. Yeah. But also, don't they use euros now? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. But what was that article? Reichmarks. I mean, isn't that literally third Reich? Isn't that from the tank? No, it does sound like a similar word for sure. Because it's Deutschmarks, isn't it? Yeah. That must have been what they were called in World War II, 1942. That's when the tank was designed. He still only accepts Reichmarks. Yeah. This guy's definitely from an Indiana Jones film. What's he doing with the Reichmarks? He's obviously got a time machine as well. I also put in here, like, can you actually own one? And it says,

would be tank importers must prove the weapons have been disabled. A tank in the US can have operational guns if the owner has a federal destructive device permit. Whoa. So Reichmark is, yeah, it was the currency in Germany during between 1924 and 1948 in West Germany. My friend, my friend used to have a tank in East London. Really? He owned a tank. Yeah. He would drive around? He legally was allowed to drive it around and he did. I never went in it when it was moving. I just went in it when it was parked outside his house. It was a smaller tank. It wasn't one of the biggies. You know, it could fit two, three people inside. Wow. That's awesome. Well, this one is big. I'm going to show you a picture of just how huge this panther tank

is, which was removed from the property. Whoa. Look how big it is. That is huge. It's a beast. It's one of the greatest tanks ever. You know, they built such awesome tanks. I wonder what else other people, because there's so many stories, isn't there, of people building things in their basements and what have you? I mean, that's a show, isn't it? What's in your shed? You know, and I think there are some amazing secret things that must have in their sheds that they're either building or that they've found artifacts, things like that, that they've just kept to themselves and pass it on to generation to generation. Like that tank was probably going to be passed on to his son or he'd get the tank, mate. Don't worry about that. You're going to get the tank. Oh,

great. The one day this will all be yours. Yeah. What? The tank? No, I don't want to go to prison. Oh, Nazi shit. I don't want to. I don't want to have the burden of that. Keep it. Which reminds me, I've got a recap. That's a recap. So two people have sent me videos on the crazy jet pack guy buzzing around LA airport. I'm excited about this. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about it a couple of times and it led to that classic show tune. Let's all jet pack. That's right. Can we play that now? Yeah, it's about time. This show is fantastic. We're bringing everything back to life. Here we go. Everybody jet pack. Woohoo. Everybody jet pack. Woohoo. Oh, we're going to get back. Woohoo. And we're going to jet pack. Woohoo. And you're flying along and you got to get out. Put it on and a

scream and shout. The door opens and off you go. Jet jet jet pack. Here we go. Jet pack. Woohoo. Everybody jet pack. Woohoo. Everybody jet pack. Woohoo. Everybody jet pack. Jet pack. Woohoo. See your suckers. He's laughing at it again. Oh, that's great. Genius. Genius. I can't realize why, why didn't that hit number one? It still shocks me. It didn't get it on the charts at all. How did that not chart? How did that not chart? Somebody needs to do a dance remix of that. We need to release a soundtrack. Yeah, please. Okay. So there were two videos that were sent to me about that. One from my brother, Anton. Thanks, Anton. And it was a pilot actually caught footage of the jet pack guy. Unbelievable. And they have before, but that's been like from a distance

and hard to tell. So finally we've got a closer image. Now, look at this. A full size one to one radio controlled jet pack man. Oh, I see. And he looks exactly the same structure and everything as that previous video. Okay, but not a real man. Not a real man. That's a very light styrofoam drone jet pack man to make make it look like a jet pack, but it is effectively just a really big drone. It's a drone. So this is surprising, but also at the same time not surprising. These are the same people that do the big foot hoaxes. Now we're getting full hoaxes on flying humanoids flying humanoid jet pack because it's it is that but it's not it's a fake. Yeah, that's so bizarre. Maybe you know back to what's in your shed TV show. Yeah. I don't know if you remember,

but at the time we talked about how there could have been somebody making a jet pack in their shed. Yes. Well, we also at the same time said what if it's a drone? What if it's a radio controlled one? So in some ways, we got it right both times. Crypto factor comes through again. We predicted it. Unbelievable. Yeah, we did it. And we came out with a hit song at the same plausible hit song at the same time. Yeah, that still hasn't charted. The other thing that this could lead to, by the way, you know, I'm putting it out there for those people to now try, but why not create a witch on a broomstick and have that flying around, especially at Halloween and stuff, you could have massive drones the size of actual witches on broomsticks flying around.

That's a genius idea. Put a Superman on one and have it going around the building you're in. Yeah. That is a great idea around the daily news building. Yeah. Slash daily planet building. Inside the Superman body have a big speaker system coming through the chest so it can play that awesome Superman theme tune. Yes. And it's just flying through the streets of New York. With laser eyes. I can't really recall it, but it's pretty cool. Doesn't it go something like... That's it. I shot the sheriff.

I shot Superman. And don't forget, you've got those futuristic robot ranges. There are also turtles, Leonardo and the heroes in a hard shell. I am Superman. But I'm also a robot ranger and a turtle. I just got a couple of copyright issues there, guys. Someone owes me thousands. Anyway, what have you got, Buttons? Okay. Well, in the theme of continuing the sci-fi robot ranges or at least creating maybe what could be considered the prequel, sci-fi robot ranges hasn't even aired yet.

We're talking about possible prequels. You're already talking about prequels now. This is exciting. Well, if it's not out yet, everything will be a prequel until it's out. Exactly. Well, this is the thing, right? What better way to have a prequel kickoff than to involve the marines? And there's a division of the marines now, which is going to effectively be the space marines, with a view to protecting us from all future harms and nails. And that would seem to include even aliens.

So this is from Mysterious Universe, and they've picked up on the fact that the army have started this department of the marines, and it's got a fantastic name, as always. You know, they love their acronyms and what have you. Yeah. The marines are now part of the newly activated Marine Corps Forces Space Command Unit. Oh, wow. Marine Corps Forces. Marine Corps Command Unit. I know, which is incredible, right?

I mean, isn't it amazing we're living in this time where we have that? I mean, it's so sci-fi, but now it's official. There's a space command. There's a space command. What's it? Can you say it one more time? What is it? Marine? It's the Marine Corps Forces Space Command Unit. Really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Really? Yeah. It's even better. It's acronym state, isn't it?

What are you in? I mean, Mokkukusk. Mokkukusk. Imagine that at a cocktail party. Mokkukusk. Are you in the Mokkukusk? Oh, we've got a guy here from the Mokkukusk. How long you been in that, mate? I can't reveal.

Wait a minute. It's a marine. There's not much water up in space, mate. What are you marines doing up there? And you're supposed to just do beach landings? It's not 1945 anymore, my friend. We're doing space landings. Well, it's not 1945 anymore. I've just bought a tank. It's combat ready and everything. I had to go and rob a museum to get enough rake marks to buy the thing.

You're telling me this is going to be no good? Well, it's fine, but it's not going to be of any use here. And besides, you don't have an elevator operational enough to take the weight of getting your fucking thing up to earth. Well, I tell you what, some of the things they're training for are really quite phenomenal. It's things like situational awareness of space capabilities is one of the actual things they're saying.

Situational awareness. It's a Mokkukup who's really into a cinema. Really? You're trained on that? Yeah. I'm a Maris Kapat and I'm into something to come up. Wow, I can see from your badges. And you don't want to buy this old tank? No, I'm not interested. I've got a spaceship out the back. That's all good.

So they do situational awareness of space capabilities. They do space assets and space products. Space assets. And the impact of space on operations are some of the things that they do. It sounds like jargon. Well, it is. It is. It definitely is. But eventually what they want to do is establish their own autonomous marine space support teams.

Let's talk about what we really want to see. We want to see the space outfits. We want to see the laser guns. And we want to see the little spaceships. Yeah. And the badges. Like you say, you've got to have a cool badge. Yeah. I mean, the badge, that'll be the first thing done. But I won't be happy till I see these guys looking

like the cool space ranges in Moonraker. Buttons at the headline point, you said that they'd sent a warning out to the aliens. Oh, yeah. What's that about? What's that? That's the bit we're waiting for. Well, they just, well, that's mysterious universe seven. And they've just created a headline.

Oh, false teaser. False teaser, false headline. What's the warning? Well, no, but that's what all these acronyms are for. Like, here's another acronym for you. The Space Marines will be a part of the Army Space Support Team. Army Space. Or the A-R-S-S-T, the ARST.

Is that pirates? I mean, the ARST. And they're going to be providing enhanced intelligence and operational planning capabilities for units in the field, especially in the area of space-based military capabilities. Okay. Still no sign of a warning for the aliens here. Well, no, it's all leading towards...

Where's the warning coming? It's all leading towards the fact that the aliens have to get past the Space Marines. And they're saying that the whole reason why they're investing in this is that they have come to the realization that at the moment, the world has no capacity whatsoever to fight in space, to be able to fight off any inward-facing threat, any aliens. Yeah. If you have an alien that's traversed the distances you need to travel

across space to get to us, they're not getting here with swords to fight us with. They're going to obliterate us. They'll have laser eyes. Yeah, exactly. What we need is the drones with Superman flying in the sky and them going, fucking hell, I'm not messing with that. We could actually make a whole bunch of fake space soldiers,

life-size with drone packs, and just send them up, like thousands of them, and send them up into the ionosphere before the aliens come down. And they'll be like, holy shit, look, there's millions of them. Oh my god, we can't, we can't cope. We retreat, retreat. Just the polis tiring. Yeah. But it reminds me of a scene from Flash Gordon,

you know, just waves of these things coming through. The Hawkmen. The Hawkmen, exactly. But they're all fake, fake men. Or the Wizard of Oz. Oh yeah, the Flying Monkeys, if you want to go back that far. But hey, this actually all works out, because I've got an article here which is hot off the press,

just come through from one of the researchers. And you'll be interested in this. A time traveler from the year 5,000 claims to have photographic proof of apocalypse. What? So this is from the mirror. Basically, a man is claiming that he says, entire cities will be underwater because of climate change,

and he has photographic evidence. What? The man, known only as Edward, told Apex TV, he was part of a top secret time traveling experiment in 2004, and was sent 3,000 years into the future. To his surprise, the man claims that when he arrived in the future, he was presented with the site of Los Angeles, submerged by a giant body of water.

Edward says he had been working in LA in a laboratory, when he said he was given an assignment to go into the future and take photographs. Wait, where was he working? Was he working in a elevator installation side? He was working at a Kodak colour shop, and they're like, hey, mate, we just want to test this camera out. Yeah, how it works in the future.

Can you cruise into the future? In the video, the man's face is blurred, and his voice distorted as he tells the story. And yes, I will show you this video. I appeared to place. What? Oh, he says, I will tell you a story which will amaze you, and you will be astonished.

I appeared to place. It was unbelievable. What? I appeared to place. Place what? I was standing on a huge wooden platform. Not only me, houses, buildings. Hang on, he knows at the Olympics, isn't he?

He placed, he got first, and he's up on the wooden podium. He's doing a confused. I was beaten by a polystyrene jetpack man in the flying competition, but apart from that, I placed very well in the leaping over houses competition. Oh, he says, not only me, houses, building, of course, all made from wood.

And after, I realised it was the same city, Los Angeles, but underwater. Edward was claimed. But 3,000 years is still wooden houses. Yeah, come on. Also claimed that he had spoken with people who live there, all underwater, of course. Oh, there you go, there you go, there you go.

It's not too good here. It's not very watery. Maybe a lot of us kind of floored a snorkel. Who told him the flood had happened due to global warming. Last week, a time travel claiming to be from the year 2491 said giant aliens with a distorted appearance will arrive on Earth in 2022. That's next year.

That would then are from the future. They're humans from the future. The adventurer who goes by the name Future Time Traveller on TikTok revealed, you know about this one? Yeah, some of the details of the extraterrestrial species and bizarrely claimed they will spark war with humans. So this is working out and this is next year.

So this is why we're just getting the space ranges now. That's right. And that's because they heard this guy's news and saw his photographs. And then the Marines went, we've got to start a skibaboo. Here, we need to come up with an acronym that the aliens aren't going to be able to pronounce.

And they'll spend a lot of time trying to get it right. And when they're trying to talk about it and get the pronunciation right, we strike them. Here's the video. So this is video footage from the future. Let's just wait and see. I've never seen this has just come through. So I'm just going to watch this ad and then it'll be on.

What was that? You there? You there, Rhys? Rhys? Hello? You there? Oh, are you there? I'm restarting my computer.

Restarby's restarting. Resbooting. Resbooting. That's what it is. Resbooting. We couldn't complete the updates. I'm doing changes. Don't turn off your computer.

Oh, for the love of gosh. I feel like Rhys' computer is always rebooting. I know. Oh, shit. What have I got on to here? What have you got on to there? Oh, no. Hi.

Oh, no. I've clicked on Rosie's link instead of the Zoom link. So I clicked on... I tried to click on the Zoom link, but I ended up going to the Time Trapper from the year 5000 link. Here we go. Okay, guys, I'm really sorry about that. Obviously, something went wrong.

Little blip there, little... Yeah, my entire computer shut down. My microphone, my headphones didn't work. There was literally some sort of, perhaps, a cosmic buzz come through from a high frequency sent by the government to shut down that Time Travelling Alien talk. So... I tell you what, though.

It's all about the prequel to the Syfo robot ranges. This is what happens. This is how it all starts. This is how it all starts. And this is how this show is going to end, because now I'm going to go into the final episode of... Here we go. The whole thing is going to be wound up.

I'm so excited and so sad at the same time. I don't want this moment to happen. I love this moment. Now, this is going to be raw and rough. I'm a little frazzled because Buzz Bingo has been, you know, trying to shut me down since I tried to do some Alien Time Travel Reveals without being underneath the Derby's Disclosure banner.

Also, this is such a sensitive material. It's like a Harry Potter book. It's been under embargo that even as you were writing it, you weren't allowed to know what was happening. So this is fresh to you as well. Yeah, it is. This is going to be exciting. Oh, my God.

Wow. Here we go. Wait, sis Reese. Are we in a flying tic-tac? That's right, my brother. It's a wickety, wickety whack. Hey, look outside. I see some navy planes.

Let's do some ziggity moves and drive them insane. Suddenly, future buttons dove the craft into the sea. I'm taking us to the portal, the universe's key. Down and down and down they go, seeking the answers to the mysteries of the world we know. There it is, says Future Buttons. And behold, what a sight. An ancient golden city in all of its might,

with hieroglyphic pillars encased in a dome of air. I'm dropping you guys off so you go through there. Say, what? What you talking about, Willis? I'm Future Buttons. Present Buttons isn't there waiting for you. We can't be seen in the same room at the same time. Otherwise, the universe implodes.

Okay. Shriver and Farrier have that very same issue. Yeah, it's a real bummer, says Dan, because I'd love to meet the guy. Reese and Dan fare well their future friend, and step outside. Oh, my God. Is this the end?

Hey, guys! Buttons! Look, I've made friends with all these sesquatches. I think I'm one of them. Meet Tarquin and Rastus, Kelo and Shimi. Hi, hi. Hey, what happened to the wrap, asks Dan. I don't want my parents switching off.

Guys, this is Atlantis! We found it! Oh, oh, and you can't wrap here. They've got pretty strict rules. Also, no skateboarding, graffiti, or barbecues. Stink, says Reese. All my favorite things. This is amazing, says Dan.

I'm gonna decipher all the hieroglyphs. Anyway, in a long story, even longer and mostly in a wrap form, encased in an elongated nutshell, which very much resembles a tic-tac, that's the story of how the cryptid factor finally proved big foots were real, found Atlantis, and then discovered a dimensional portal enabling them to find and explore other worlds in the multiverse.

Oh, and by the way, that last bit. Well, let me do some beats, and then I'll end on a cliffhanger tag. Bip, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. How do we get out of here? ask Reese. I think I know, replied Dan, after deciphering all the symbols on the wall. The only way to go through the portal is to become AI. Shut the door!

No, seriously, shut the door. There's a cold draft coming through. Hey guys! yells buttons from another room. I found heaps of cool stuff over here. recent Dan run over look there's a gallery with just frames on the wall and look through the window into this room wow that is a lot of pigeons there must be about 10,000 of them in there and check out this AI storage room there's

three robots shut the door seriously again honestly it's like living with Nana wait says Dan there's upload instructions here if we can transfer our consciousness into these robots we can leave as robots wait that's my fourth favorite thing I'm surprised they're not banned in Atlantis oh my god guys let's become sci-fi robots and explore the universe sci-fi robot Rangers they are sci-fi the very low-fi everywhere they go they need Wi-Fi coming soon to a cryptic factor podcast near you yes

heroes in a half-show can I just say all levels of genius that is amazing that is an incredible story and all ties together so beautifully. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I love, love, love that story. I'm going to pay somebody to turn that into a comic book. It is brilliant. Your brain is a really weird and wonderful place to be. Thank you. And thank you for saving us and finding the Sasquatches. And Dan, thank you for deciphering all the info knowing that now to carry on we have to become AI. Which, which tied into us becoming the robot ranges we're going to become for the next series.

I just have one request for sci-fi robot ranges and one of the episodes in the future. Can you please just find a way to write in Bristol's astounding moment of sperm. Absolutely. And on that note. That's it. That'll do for this week. Good luck getting out of that elevator room. Where are they by the way? I think this whole podcast has just shown that maybe they don't actually have much work on their heads or they've gone. They've left me. I was quite surprised that the elevator room was open. There's every chance that most have been in here. They've locked me in.

They might not be there. It's at times are tough. And if you ask an elevator guy, you know, how's his job going at the moment? I'm sure what he's probably going to say to you. It's a bit up and down. Bye everyone. I saw that coming like a really slow freight train. You didn't get off the track. You thought, fuck it, it's going to be a soft drive.