The Cryptid Factor - 70: #070 The Pick-a-Path Issue

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

Welcome to Ep 70 where we try and 'choose our own adventure' through segments and end up picking a bad path. No doubt you'll find yourself just as confused and lost as we were. In the mess we somehow manage to cover multi-crash planes, almost crashed ISS space station, recaps on birds and marriages, a UK bigfoot and the hatching of decades old dormant underground shrimp eggs. Also, Dan levels-up to 'premiere grade' whilst Buttons levels-down to a 'back-sider'.  *New Segment alert* Weird animals doing strange things! (the animals are normal, what they do is weird). First episode covers Bovine hydro-slides and Possum kidnappers.... as in, it's the nasty possums doing the 'napping!!

The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. Well, paint us in the colours of the fall and roll us into little balls to pop out of your pothole at full throttle. Befuss at the front row, baby, because the tangy fruits are back! Oh my god, this is like I want to see little animations on each of these entrance. Yeah, best one yet? I think that was the best one yet. What, of this series? Yeah, so what, two episodes into this series, aren't we? Yeah, good. Well, the first episode, which was known as the Rusties, the Challenged Rusties.

Didn't come out too bad, I thought, in the end. That's actually one of my nicknames, is Challenged Rusty. Oh yeah, you did a pretty good job editing that one, Challenged Rusty. Well done. Thank you, thank you. How are we all doing? Good. Hey, look, what's the word? Dusty. Not so much Rusty now, just Dusty. Oh yeah. I am, I'm very, very, very hungover, even though it is now 10.43 in the evening here, the hangover has sailed through the day.

It's still happening? It's still here with me. Yeah, co-hosting this with me, today's episode. I went to a Beatles premiere, I got to see Paul McCartney in the flesh, so I had to get drunk, because it was too powerful to be in his presence. That's amazing, yeah, I can understand that fully. Now that's the, when you say Beatles premiere, you're talking about the Peter Jackson production, right? That's right, get back. There was a London premiere, didn't know I was going to premiere, I thought I was going to a screening.

You know, sometimes we get invited to screenings, where you just sit with six journalists in a room and watch a new movie. Yeah. Turned out, you know, I walked through the front door of this screening, and there's Noel Gallagher standing there, next to Mick Huckknell, next to Kathy Lett, Aussie author Kathy Lett. Wow. Unbelievable. And then Macca, Macca walks in and delivers a speech. It was wonderful. So you know what's happened, mate, you have levelled up.

You are now in the premiere league, as we say, in the show biz, because not just screenings, premieres. So I hope you wore a nice jacket. No, I thought I was going to a screening. I came in like mud track pants. Oh, God. Stain junk. You might have dropped back down a level. Once people see that, mate, they're going to have a word.

So next time, please. Oh, man. Rhys, I didn't realise, are you the official judge of who levels up? Are you, like, on the board of deciding which celebrities actually get bumped up? Amongst us three. Yeah. I was wondering who I had to pay to level up. How do I level up from just average ordinary person to somebody who actually goes to the movies?

No, you were born levelled up. OK, so you've got the magical skills. You'll never be an ordinary person. Oh, that's nice. That doesn't still mean that you're going to get through the front door. OK, you've got to come round the servants entrance, OK? Hard cut your van. Get all your shitty equipment out and we'll get the garage door opened.

Oh, can I come in? Yeah, all right. Hurry up. And then you go. You've got a special pass, but you're through the back. That's so true. Like, you've got to actually do some work. It's fine.

You can come to this premiere, but you have to film it and then spend four or five days editing a little video afterwards. Can I come to the party? Just quickly, OK? But I need you to stock up those beers out the back when you come through, OK? So just... How was the premiere last night, Leon? Oh, it was wonderful.

Oh, my God. It's such a good time. We got to meet all these celebrities and hand them a bottle of beer. It was very exciting. Are you still in quarantine, but... No, I'm out. I'm in my actual own house. It's free.

How does it feel to be back? Wow, amazing. You know, I've gotten straight into projects because I've been away in America for six months, finished my cryptid bar, my explorers bar, which have been working on for years and years. Really? Yeah, I just went harder and did that and didn't realize how much DIY I was lacking. Pick up those tools and away you go. Where's the bar?

We need to put a picture of it up on the Cryptid Nights Patreon. Yeah, OK. That's a great... I'll do that. We filmed a little before video so I can do a little after video now with all of that. And it's surprising how many books I didn't... Like I've been collecting cryptid and weird books. And I suddenly started putting them all up on the shelves.

It's like being reunited with old friends. I'm like, I forgot about this one. Yeah. It's really nice. When we bury you, we're going to bury you with just so many cryptid books. And we're going to bury you in a big like... We're going to sort of obviously taxidermy you first and put you in like a hug position. And then we're just going to surround you with all of your cryptid books that you never quite read.

But all the ones you love and a couple of your models. And then me and Dan are just going to jump on top of you and we'll all get buried together. Oh, no. Oh, that would be yours. The worst part about that is that Dan and I will still be alive. So we'll be buried alive. But, you know, it'd be worth it. And there's plenty of books there that Dan, while he's still alive, can actually turn over and have a quick read as the soil's coming in.

And a couple of bottles of whiskey chuck those in there as well. Yeah, that'll sort me out when the soil's coming in. Yeah, yeah. I'll just have a couple of drinks before it's all in. Hey guys, I'm not actually dead. I was just doing some maintenance out the back and I got told to come through the back entrance of the taxidermy place. I went to give the guy a hug and he taxidermied me. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Now look at us. Look at the neprechaun, but we're in there, you bloody idiot. Oh, these books are quite interesting. I haven't read some of these. Oh, shut up, Dan. There's soil all over us. I tell you what, that would be a great way to go. That's a great way to go.

I could ask for nothing more than to be buried alive. All right. Well, we haven't got any more time for that carry on. Let's get on with everyone's favorite segment. Weekly World Weird News. Crazy. Freaky. Watch out.

Okay, what do we got? Well, I'm going to go first this time. I learnt my lesson last week. Screw you guys. Oh, no. Oh, no. But you've got my one. Because the one that I have is about a...

No, you can't just go. You're going to watch him. He's cheeky. He's a sneaky guy. My one is... Oh, you're going to have to go. My news articles just started itself. No.

Oh, no. Yes. My story this week is that a pilot crashes a plane for the seventh time in seven days. Wow. What? That's ridiculous. Yeah.

He's in four different states in America. Oh, come on. We'll get to the story properly, but yeah. Seven times in seven days. That's amazing. And he's fine. He's fine. Okay.

I've got two. I've got one here, which is retro, but we have to do it because the heading is hilarious. And it was sent by one of the knights, I think. Man eaten by piranhas after jumping into lake to escape swarm of bees. Wow. That's amazing.

Here's one for you in case yours doesn't come up. This might be your one. What's the bet? This will be my one. Cow escapes, goes to water park and rides down slide. No. Awesome. No, see, I think we save that one for encrypted news

because I actually have a page full of weird news titles from this week of animals doing really weird things. And that one probably tops the list. But there is a whole list of incredibly strange things that animals are doing at the moment. That sounds to me just quietly like a new segment. It does, doesn't it? Animals doing weird things.

The animals aren't weird, but the things they do are. Yeah. Well, should we go into it now then? You've done it. Let's do it. Sure. Well, we're on that mode. All your tabs have shut though, haven't they?

No, I actually prepared for this segment and actually wrote them down in an email to myself so that I couldn't lose them. So you knew this was going to happen. So this is another case of you coming back from the future, knowing what happens here, preparing yourself for it, sending yourself an email for the future disaster. The disasters happened and now you're fine.

See, this is how the future is going to serve us really well when we can time travel. But why did future buttons not send the links to all the tabs that have shut as well? Oh, that's a good point. As well as your... Yeah. Well, future buttons, even though he's slightly better

than current buttons, is still buttons. So he's going to screw it up somehow. That's true. Well, I think things through, not necessarily to their fullest. I get the idea and I just lurch at it. I just get too excited and I just want to do it. That's the problem. That's the problem with current buttons.

And future buttons, unfortunately. Yeah. Everyone gets away with stuff as past buttons because all the stuff he does, you know, we've moved on from it and he's forgotten about the lucky bugger. But God, he's the worst. He's sitting back there in the past going, oh, well, I've forgotten about it.

They've moved on from me. I've fucked up again. Doesn't matter. But I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm going to sit here and keep screwing up. They've moved on. Doesn't worry me.

Genius. Genius. Wow. We're so far away from weekly World Weird news now. I don't know that we're ever getting back there. What segment are we in? What segment? Where are we?

We're actually between segments. We're in a weird... Yeah, we're sort of a stage between segments and we're kind of just floating about, wondering which way to go. So we can either go through one door that goes back to weekly World Weird news, or we can go through the other door that takes us

to the new segment that I've already stipulated, which is weird animals doing strange things. And then we have to find our way from that room somehow back to the weekly World Weird newsroom and then onwards. Yeah. Okay, that sounds fun. Shall we do that?

Yeah. This is like a pick a path podcast. There's two doors at the end of that segment as well. So if we choose the wrong one, we'll actually go somewhere else instead of heading back to weekly World Weird news. And we'll never find out that great news story that Dan told us about.

Well, let's open that door. Can I just ask quickly, once pick a path, is that like some cheap New Zealand knockoff of choose your own adventure? I think it's exactly that. Hang on. Did you guys...

Pick a path. Oh my God. Choose your own adventure. Choose your own adventure. Yeah, that's the global brand. No one was pick a path. Pick a path? No.

No one got pick a path. That was a real bad... No, they were cheap, those ones. Oh, what did it? Is there a whole... That's not the genuine UK or American style. But pick a path is so much cooler. I think that's Australian.

Are they Australian? Oh, man, I've been duped. Actually, you should Google it because I'm making this up as I'm talking. I'm picking my own path here. Exactly. Okay. Well, whilst we look it up,

which one do we choose? We've already selected. The mystery door? Yeah, we've already selected the door. We're going through into... I'm already... I'm opening it now. And that's a recap.

That's the wrong door. Oh my gosh. Where did they go? Oh my gosh. Oh, guess what, guys? You opened a door to a recap. I just closed it. No, there's no going back.

You can't. That's like choosing a pick a path and going to page 29 and it's saying that you die from a gruesome, horrible death from a seven-headed lizard. And then you're going, oh, no, no, I didn't really choose that page.

And going back, you can't. That's cheating. Good point. Right. So we're now in... That's a recap. And that's a recap. Okay.

Okay. Sorry. Here we go. This one, we remember we talked last week about people marrying weird things. We talked about marrying off the hippos that are now humans. Well, an Indonesian man

divorces a rice cooker merely only days after the wedding. Oh, no. What happened? A man from Java is set to divorce a rice cooker. He wed in an unusual nuptial ceremony. Him and his electoral bride have split only just after four days.

What was the reasoning? Well, he said the sad news saying it was a heavy decision on his part that the marriage was over. But he says not everyone can handle the pressure of married life. Did it? He's got to be some sort of come there

with the pressure, the amount of rice. Exactly. Too much. He says his original post described the appliance as fair, quiet, obedient, doesn't talk much and knows how to cook. But the relationship was not meant to be. So he hasn't really given the reason.

He's just said that it's over after only four days. But it's sad. Well, here's my question. Is the rice cooker still in the house with him? The rice cooker gets the house and the divorce, unfortunately for him. That's what I'm wondering

because otherwise if the rice cooker's just still there and the kitchen is like, yeah, I know you're still with me, but you're not with me, but you're not. We're not married anymore. So don't look at me like you expect me to chuck rice in you anymore because it's not happening.

Can you set me free? Can you set me free? No. But imagine if he does lose the house to the rice cooker and he's now renting a flat with six other uni students. Oh, my God. The rice cooker's just living the life.

What happened to the marriage? She ended it. Did she end it with him? Or is it a she? Well, is it a she? Who knows? So many questions. Well, it's a good point

because it actually says here in this News Hub article, even though it may feel like this is a stunt for entertainment purposes, humans are often romantically or sexually attracted to inanimate objects. And this is called objectophilia. So it's got a term.

You know, I think you and I have a touch of that. I think so. We do enjoy machines, particularly cars and military vehicles, aircraft. We both love that kind of stuff. I mean, I'd love to surround myself with cool mechanical vehicles, historical ones. I just, yeah, there's something about it.

I don't want to marry them. I mean, that's, for me, that's like, why would you ruin a perfectly good relationship by putting a ring on it? Next thing, the tank is nagging you, you know? When are you going to drive me? Huh? All you do is look at me.

I'm some sort of object. Put something in me and shoot me out. Wait, who's talking here? The shell or the actual tank? Oh, both of us. Fix my tracks, you bitch. No, I'm not fixing your tracks. You're staying in the garage.

You just had me looked at. Oh, see, I'm just eye candy. When's the next war? That's all you bought me for, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's not the only that's a recap as well. Also, news out this week.

Headline, critically endangered condors, shock scientists by reproducing without mating. Ignoring males all together. No. Wow. Yeah. So much for condor man. Thanks, guys.

Do you validate parking? Yeah, it's the BMW, just the X5, it's a classic. I think he just grounded himself a level up. What are the benefits you get now? This is unbelievable. People come to premiers at my house now. So I don't even have to leave. I don't have to leave the place.

I'm getting to poor McCartney. All those cronies, you know, no Gallagher. McCocknell. McCocknell. McCocknell. Yeah. Jason Donovan, they're all going to show up at my place now. Wow.

Michelle Obama. Oh, that's amazing. Just one quick question on that. What sort of beer do you like to serve your guests? Because I'm just interested in what I should start preparing. Oh, you're the back door side door delivery guy? Back door side door delivery guy. Yeah, sure.

Obviously local, you know, you're looking at something that's tasty, but it's not going to affect my appearance if I drink too many. Okay, that's great. I'm just taking notes here. This is very important for my level up. I just want to quickly remind listeners that the horn noise that you heard earlier came from Reese's mouth. It's not an actual horn.

Every time I hear it, it blows my mind. It sounds like he's got a little air horn with him, but he doesn't. That was his mouth. It is possibly my greatest sound effect. It's extraordinary. And I don't know how it came about, but I enjoy it. Just to prove how awesome a sound effect it is,

Dan, do you and I just want to quickly give our rendition? Yeah, yeah, exactly. All right, you go first. Dan goes first. This is Dan's ear horn. Okay. Oh my God. That was a first go.

It sounded like you were slowly slipping off a table. I didn't realise there was a sound effect for that. That's amazing. Okay, go buttons. This is buttons. Okay, here we go. Come on, what? I know.

I went to do that. I got... See, this is your problem. You're always striving to do something too interesting. And that's why you stuff up. Keep it simple. You haven't levelled up to that point yet. I just don't know when...

If I can't make the noise, at least I could reference the juxtaposit, you know, the classic TV show. Yeah, I know. But here's the problem with you side backdoor boys. You go through and you see all the fame and the glory. You see on the stage because you're working on it. You're setting up the lights.

You see the genius. And you think, oh, I can do that. That's what you have to do, is it? And then you come round the side. You try and do it. And we're just looking at you going, mate, you're not coming through the front door with that. It's the saddest air horn from Duke's Ahazard I've ever heard.

That is so close to reality that little scenario you just painted then, it's unbelievable. People like me going, no, I can do that. It's not that hard, is it? You're just talking stuff. It's just like, you know, easy. Wait, so we need a reminder then for the listener

of what it actually sounds like now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, my one. Okay. Yeah. Oh, God, I probably won't be able to pull it off now with the pressure. Incredible.

Yeah, that's good and all, but it's no Duke's of a hazard. That was a mouth. Yeah, but it's just one noise, wasn't it? Oh, guess what happened there? What? As soon as I made that noise, the door opened. We've just left this segment.

We got through. We got through, guys. Well done. And it serves us right, doesn't it? Serves us right for opening mystery doors. You get taken down in places where people like me do things like recaps. Yeah, by the way, during that whole segment,

I saw you setting up lights and laying down the cables. We were in your area. It was weird. Okay. Thank God we're back on stage again. All right, now. You guys level down to my area there for just a second. How did it feel?

It's not a level down to level across, babe. Okay. Don't you? Don't forget that. It's, you know, it's not good, but it's just a cross. Okay. Talking about things. Okay, so what's rumour we are now?

Well, you'll see, because I'm about to tell you. We're going into weekly World Weird News. Man eaten by piranhas after jumping into a lake to escape a swarm of bees. I mean, it's like something off a cartoon, but I haven't really read this. So, yeah, he might have had a miserable death. So let's not joke too much until we get through it.

But it was from the mirror. Okay. That great paper in the UK. And it came through in November. So it's not as old as I thought it was. Wow. Oh, and I've just read the first couple of words and he did die.

So I, I now do feel bad. I do feel bad. Quick, back up, back up. Going to another mystery door. It's going to another room. Quick. Oh, it's button's dairy time. Oh, shit.

No, it's not. It's not. Okay. But you know where we've ended up? Where? We have now ended up in the weird animals doing strange things. Oh, but I've just found my weekly, weird news article.

Do you want me to shoot back through again? Or should we stay here? Pick a path. Dang it. I'm too hungover for this. This is the weirdest episode. This is the worst episode for a hangover. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Like pick a path episodes. I don't get it. So you can't understand. So in that case, we might as well stay here. All right. Okay. What we're going to do now is we're going to do this new segment

and it's about weird animals doing strange things. But the weird part about it is the animals aren't actually weird. It's the weird things that they do that are strange. How was that for your hangover? That was great. It was eloquent. And it was, yeah. It was like a good aspirin.

Yeah. So, okay. Buttons, you've collected a bunch of headlines. Yes. We're just doing weird things. Yet somehow didn't get probably the best headline we've ever heard of a cow going down a slide. That's the incredible thing.

My half-assed research of 10 minutes and clearly not doing, you know, going to the fullest extent. I still came up with a lot of great ones and how many better ones are there out there that I haven't even come across. Let's hear them. But it does seem a little bit weird that all of a sudden, in the early time of the world,

that animals seem to be increasingly doing more and more strange shit, right? Yeah. So what was your... I can kick off with mine if you like, and then that'll give you time to regroup and recap on your own findings. Yeah.

Good. Thank you. So this has just come out. A cow in Brazil recently filmed staging a daring escape attempt at a nearby water park. Seemingly unaware, I'll say that again, aware of its imminent demise. At a slaughterhouse in Nova Granada earlier this month,

the adventurous bovine managed to flee the premises, sparking a rather peculiar chase. The incident ended up going viral when the cow broke into the India Club de Campo water park, headed for one of the pools and then decided to make a break for freedom down a water slide. Wow. Footage shows the intrepid bovine having some difficulty

keeping its balance as it descended the slide. The owners had turned off the water to make it less slippery for the animal. Fortunately, there weren't many other people around, so the cow wasn't too spooked. A member of staff was ultimately able to get a rope around the cow and lead it to safety. Right.

The story even has a happy ending because the staff at the cattle ranch, which the cow had escaped, decided to spare its life. And it now lives out its days as a visitor attraction. I'm so happy. That's so great. Sorry. The only detail I would have changed

that I would have loved more is if the cow sort of collected one of those rubber rings to go down the slide in. And one of those slides that has a lazy river in between. I'd love to be in a rubber ring and to see a cow next to me. Slowly floating across. And then it just needs some teenage kid lifeguard at the bottom going,

no, you can't go down backwards, mate. You've got to go head first. Head first. No feet first. Sorry. Apparently, he was at the top of the slide. There was a bit of a cue. So he was like, move.

Now, do you guys want to see the little video here? Share the screen. Yes. Of course. Here we go. It's a video. There he is. Oh, wow.

It's trying to ride it. The poor thing. Yeah. How scary. He is literally escaping down the slide. So what we're seeing here, guys, is a classic big blue slippery slide, which comes down and goes around

in a little loop-de-loop around the bottom into a pool. And the cow is literally sort of trying to, sort of standing up halfway along and then sort of sits down to try and slide. Now it's sitting down. And they've switched the water off. How cruel is that? That's the worst.

No, they switched it off so that he wouldn't hurt himself. Yeah, but I used to have nightmares about that. It would like going to the water park and being halfway down, they switched the water off. Yeah. It's like, that's the worst. Yeah. This is like, I'm watching that now.

And I'm at the age where my son is going to sort of soft play things and I have to go down slides after I chase him through it. And I seem to have, I'm at that age where I've lost my slip. So I'm the dude who's just having to shimmy down every slider go on because I'm getting stuck in it. So I feel for that cow. Oh, well, that was amazing.

That's incredible. What a great ending to the story as well. Yeah. Well, now the problem that I've got with my weird animals doing strange things or whatever the segment's called, is I've got like probably a good eight or 10 title. So maybe I just read through them just to prove my point of how many weird things are happening.

Yeah, yeah. You guys can choose if we delve down into one or if we just move on. But here we go. The first one, owl flies into elementary school where the mascot is an owl. Wow. Quite amazing.

Roadrunner stows away from Las Vegas to Maine in a moving van. Rearest mammal in North America wanders into Colorado garage, which is a black-footed ferret. Just walked on in front of the people and said, g'day. Deer runs through Louisiana Hospital. Wow. Firefighters baffled as kangaroo on roof of Queensland home. Deer crashes through the window of a Michigan store.

And a New Zealand woman was held hostage by a possum. OK. You've got to go into that one. So start. Because how can that be possible? Wow. I have to say possums are scary, scary things over here. They're cute in other parts of the world.

But possums here are brave and terrifying. I was outside my house yesterday and there was one literally just crawling along the side of my garage. Just in the middle of the day, just crawling along and hissing at me. Oh, during the day? Terrifying. Wow. Possum bit my dad's toe the other night outside our house.

Say that again. That's what's going on. I was on the phone. I was on Zoom to my dad and a possum bit him on the toe as we were talking. Oh, wow. How does it? Was he outside? Was he outside?

Yeah, he was outside on the balcony in Sydney. And he went, oh, what was that? Possum just bit my toe. I mean, I don't think I've heard anything more Australian than that. Yeah, he just got bitten on the toe by a possum, mate. What do you think? Chuck is a can of fosters, will you buddy? Anyway, how's things in the old blighty?

Not too bad, dad. I went to a Beatles premiere. Oh, that's my boy. I see you leveled up, have you? Yeah, yeah. I hope you wore a nice bloody jacket. I didn't. Oh, Flamin' Gala.

Oh, shit. Another bite from a possum. Get out of it, will you? Well, see, isn't it funny that being bitten on your toe by a possum in Australia is cute because the possums are protected. And that's lovely. Over here, because they're a pest, exactly the same animal. But over here, people literally try and run over them in their cars.

If they see one walking on the road, they swerve and try and get them because they're killing all of the native birds, which are... Yeah. If you had a toe bite from a possum in New Zealand, you'd pick the possum up and you'd kill it. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Australia, you'd be like, ah, a cheeky little bugger.

Ha, you cute little guy. Why are you going like, yeah, you can have a bit of my toe. No worries. It's quite weird, isn't it? That's amazing. It's a pest. That's crazy. They're so big.

They're bigger than something you'd expect would be acceptable to kill in a day-to-day scenario. Yeah, like dogs. Yeah, it's absolutely no shame in New Zealand in killing them, I think, is there. There's no... I think there's a sense of pride, unless you're an animal lover and believe that every animal has its own right to live. Every living being has sacred buttons and you know that.

Yeah, it is. Where would it be without the wonderful mosquitoes? They're so cute. I've got actually a few pet mosquitoes. Gotcha. So, how did the possum hold this lady hostage? So, this woman actually had to call the police for help when she found herself being held hostage, she says.

She called the cops? Yeah. She didn't call like a park ranger? Well, that's the incredible thing. She said she's a graduate student at Otago University in Dunedin and she was unpacking her car at the time when she felt something run up her leg. She says, I pulled it off me thinking it was a cat and then I saw it was a possum, the woman told me at Otago Daily Times.

The woman said she fled into her house but then every time she tried to go outside, the possum would reappear out of nowhere and charge at her. Animal control officers referred her to the police so she did actually call the animal control officers and they told her to call the police. No way. Yeah. The 111, our emergency number here, they turned up and they got the animal into a box with some dried pet food and took it away.

I don't think that this animal had quite as happy an ending as the cow though. I think they said that it had to be destroyed. They were worried that the animal was rabid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Can you use, I just, I think the term hostage, like when I hear that term, I presume that when she calls the police, she says, he slipped me a note with his demands, you know, like, yeah, that's hostage.

Yeah. It's a bit loosey-goosey with the word in there. Yeah. But in a way, because the lady could not leave the house, you know, she couldn't go anywhere without being attacked. Yeah. I mean, that in a way is being held hostage. I guess so.

Yeah. It's more house arrest, I would say. Yeah. If anyone had any sympathy for the possums, anyone outside of New Zealand and they hearing us, you know, talk about killing them, just listen to that story again. Yeah. These things often... Brutal.

...rabid and brutal and vicious and just to reiterate, you know, they really do wreak havoc on our natural habitat in New Zealand, you know, including all the native birds and trees. And trees, yeah. The funny thing is, though, with that, they've got the photo of the possum, clearly they didn't get a photo to put on it, so they've gone and got a stock photo for the story. They've managed to find a possum sitting in a tree at night, eating a peanut butter sandwich.

Of course. It's quite a very specific... It's like a cute possum. ...eating a peanut butter sandwich, not even just like a square of a sandwich, like it's stolen a little kid's lunch. That's when somebody's cut a sandwich into quarters and then it's eating one. So it's like, I don't... And it's got glowing red eyes, obviously from the flesh, but it looks like an evil possum

that's stolen a little kid's lunch. So... Yeah. Yeah. That's what happens in New Zealand. That's so funny. The kids at New Zealand schools being bullied at lunchtime by possums, slapping them, stealing their sandwiches.

They're holding them hostage. It's a weird world you guys have down there. New Zealand. Yeah. So funny. And so sums up this week's segment of weird animals doing strange things. The animals aren't weird, but the things they do are weird animals. Hey!

Wow, there's so much going on in this episode. Wow. Oh my God, we've made it through, guys. Where are we? We're back in weekly World Weird Newsland. Yay! Oh, so happy to be back in a normal nice old segment. Yeah, comfy segment.

And particularly because I've been waiting for Dan's news. Oh, yeah. Hit us, Dan. Okay, so just a recap on the headline. No! No! Well, actually, I haven't even done my headline yet. We're going to Dan when breaking all the formats.

Poor Dan's brain, must be. You're going to need to take another couple of paracetamol to get through the rest of this. Recap. Re. Recap alert. Recap alert. So this is a plane crashed for the seventh time in seven days.

And this was, this is the story of a pilot called Dennis Collier. And what it was is he bought this amphibious airplane. It was a Seawin 3000. And he went to California where he checked it out to buy it. It had not been flown for a long time. In fact, I think it had only 20 hours on its clock for, for how many flights it had done, 20 hours in total. So he kind of got the plane and started to fly it.

So there's a summary of each of the crashes. So the first crash happened while he was attempting to land it after a test flight in California and his landing gear was still up. So he landed, he banged up the plane quite badly, but he survived. He was okay. So then he goes back up, presumably on another day. The engine stalls this time, causing the plane. This is the same plane, same plane, same amphibious plane.

The plane comes down hard on the side of the runway in New Mexico, taking out a sign, taking out the runway lights again, he's crashed his plane, basically head down into the ground and it's fine. Crash number three takes place in the same airport in New Mexico, same as crash number two, but there is less details on what actually happened on this crash that we don't know. Crash number four, he leaves New Mexico and he's in the air for a couple of hours. When some problems arrives again, the left wing hinge has, the tab is stuck. So the plane is pitching up basically.

So he has to fight the aircraft to control it and he takes four attempts to land and that landing finally happens in Nebraska and he crashes it when he lands. So this is his fourth crash, undeterred. He decides to go back up. I like how he's undeterred. Same plane. No worries, mate. No worries.

It's like a bite on the toe by a possum. I'll get straight back up there. He performs a flight test to make sure that the plane that he had crashed previously was all fixed. So he'd done it up. Let me do a quick flight just to see if it's okay. It's not any crashes in Nebraska. He is still fine.

He is absolutely fine. Crash number six, the hydraulic pressure gauge. This is a quote from a report. The hydraulic pressure gauge was registering zero, Collier said, and the fuel gauge showed an uneven supply. He radioed the airport to ask whether there was a spotter on the ground who could look up as he passed to let him know if his landing gear was down. There is no response and the nose hits the landing and the plane skids down the runway

and he crashes. Oh my God. And is absolutely fine. He is fine. Wow. What a legend. What point do you give up? Well, not at this point because he gets back into it for the seventh crash, the seventh

crash at the end of a week. It's a week long crash situation going on. This time he crashes into Lake Michigan. So he has so many issues with the landing gear deploying that he promises the FAA that he will keep the landing. This is the same plane. This is the same plane. The problem is that the landing gear is not coming down, which is why some of the crashes

are happening for him. So he promises them this time because they're like, mate, we need you to not take this plane off anymore. Just stop. It's not safe. Just stop. Yeah. He promises this time I will keep the landing gear down the whole flight.

Oh, that's nice of him. Right. For his own safety. For his own safety. So he goes up in the plane, flying around, unfortunately something goes wrong and he's forced to make an emergency water landing, which of course you want your wheels up for. The landing gear is down. So his wheels are down, which causes the plane to go vertical in the water, nose first.

And he is absolutely okay. Come on. Not injured. Uninjured. Not a scratch. Yeah. Unfortunately, I think the plane's got to be. The plane's at the bottom of Lake Michigan now.

Oh, no. It's gone. Poor guy. It's gone. Okay. It's finally over. Probably ready for another flight. Can't do it.

Oh, my God. This has got to be the real life incarnation of Launchpad McDuck from the DuckTales. It really is. And it's just like, how many lives has he got? Almost a cartoon character's worth. Yeah. But also that'll be a fantastic movie of, you know, because, you know, presumably no one got hurt and he walked away or all got taken away in a boat from this plane, which

eventually, you know, that plane was clearly not meant to last, but the courage and the balls to just keep going up on it when it's clearly needing fixing. Extraordinary. Yeah. But you know, you know how whenever you buy a car, you're just a secondhand car in particular. Yeah. So nervous about it being a lemon and you drive down the road and then all of a sudden the engine blows up or that, you know, there's, you know, big problems.

He literally has bought the biggest lemon airplane that possibly has ever existed. And but he kept going at some point, surely after crash, I don't know, number three or number four, you'd be calling up the guy you got it from and going, mate, I've got to say, you've got to come pick this thing up. Yeah. I'm leaving. It's on the end of a runway. I want my money back.

You got to come get it. Yeah. But he keeps going four, five, six, seven. I suppose the problem is the only way to test whether you fix the problem is to fly the thing, right? Like that's what a risky business that is, you know, a car is much easier, but yeah, he's fine. He's fine.

You've got to give it to him. He's like, he's tenacious. But also there's a lot of luck involved because, you know, it was clearly, it was a sea plane. You know, therefore that last time when he took off and then there was a altercation and he had to crash land in the sea, if it wasn't a sea plane, that would have been all over at that point. Yeah. At least he land.

I mean, even though he had the wheels down and it didn't land very well, he was used to sea landings and knew how to handle it. Yeah. Anyway, what a hero. What a hero. What a hero. Oh, Dennis, there's a little bit of Dennis in all of us in there. Just, you know, doing something stupid.

He was like, what do they say? Isn't there a quote around that? Like the, the, here we go. This is a quote verbatim. Doing the same thing, stupid thing lots of times over and over is stupid. You don't learn from your mistakes. You know, doing the same stupid thing. No.

Not learning from your mistakes. So this is definitely verbatim. You do stupid things. It's a long quote. You guys, you guys know it. No. The definition. I'm not sure that's the quote.

The definition of stupidity or something is doing the same thing, expecting a different result. Doing the same thing again. Get back to us. Get back to us. If you can just deliver your stuff to the side door. There's also a back garage door. If you want to try that out as well, just deliver your stuff into there.

I know it's not ready yet. You've got to pack it up. Put it together. Get one of them guys to come through from the front of stage and tell you how it actually is supposed to be said. Oh yeah. No, you come through, mate. Come through.

I was hoping you level-upperers would know the quote and save me. No, just leave me hanging there. Just keep backing it up, mate. I'm now a living example of my own quote that I can't remember. I've got to pass. I've got to pass. I'm trying to save you. This is something you heard from one of the front stages.

And you're trying to re-deliver it. Oh, me making it to episode 70 of this podcast is the literal version of that quote. Doing the same stupid thing, expecting a different result. Yeah. Whatever the quote is. Yeah, look. It's so hard. It's like a crap forest gup.

It's like a... Mama always said, what did she say? Crap forest gup. Forest gup is pretty crap already. You're a level below forest gup. You're a level below forest gup. Oh, that's good. Life is like a box of something.

I can't remember what it is. You know who it is. Like, what do you know how you say? Like a box? Life is like a box of cryptozoology books and a couple of bottles of whiskey and your body lining it. Oh, no, that's death. Death is like a box with cryptozoology books

and a couple of bottles of... Okay, do you have an article? Yeah, well, do you still have one to go? No, I've given up on mine now. I'm waiting for the cryptid buzz. Okay, here we go. My headline... Because I didn't even get a go at a headline...

International Space Station forced to dodge space junk after Russians blow up spy satellite. Oh, wow. Now, the amazing thing is is that I read through this article going, surely, at what point are they going to reference

that this is the starting of the movie. Intergalactic... No, which is the one with Julia Roberts floating around in space? It's just... Just keep backing it up, mate. Have you got a pass? Who are you with?

Okay, just keep backing it up. Life is like that movie. Where's Julia Roberts? Actually, show me your pass. I don't know if it's a valid pass. Let's have a look at that, mate. I've got some news. Intergalactic...

That probably makes sense is why I read the whole article and they didn't reference the movie Intergalactic. What's the... Julia Roberts one. Gravity? Is thinking gravity with Sandra Bullock? Do you know what the sad thing is?

I've just reread the article and in the first sentence it says experts think it may have been created by a Russian missile strike eerily similar to the plot of Hollywood blockbuster, Gravity. Okay, so it was there. I was running through all the other...

I was like, is there a scene like that in the runaway bride? I'm not sure. Anyway, so basically exactly what the start of the movie Gravity has happened which is where Russia blew up a defunct spy

satellite and the craft that they missile broke up into thousands of pieces and heading straight for ISS. The astronauts in the ISS literally had to take a vase of action like hopping

into the emergency escape pod and getting ready to get out of there and also make maneuvers or what have you to get out of the way obviously. Can they actually move the ISS at all to get out the way?

I was surprised at that, it sounds like it. Do you know about that Dan? As far as I know, the way that the ISS works, so we all picture that the ISS is... when you're floating in the ISS the thought is that that's the gravity in space. I actually think that basically the ISS is constantly

falling to Earth and that's why they're floating inside because it's falling and so it's like a vomit rocket and they pump it back up to a certain level at a point. I think they can maneuver it around using... So it has thrusters on it? Yeah, I mean

I'm not 100% sure that I'm right about the gravity thing but I think that they constantly have to push it back up from Earth because it's constantly being pulled. Of course that would make sense because otherwise how does it just hang there at that same point? It must be slowly coming down because of gravity, because of the pull.

But these bits of debris are incredibly scary. They travel so much faster than say like a bullet out of the gun, right? So you have even the tiniest of scrap metal if it's like a ball bearing imagine that heading through absolute... Yeah, it would go

right through it, it would rip right through it. As soon as you rip through it, any hole would suddenly cause the whole thing to explode because the vacuum of space would suck everything towards this tiny hole. So you have the hole and so let's say it goes...

and you would have like all of the equipment just go... and create a bigger hole and then that's your whole thing screwed and so that's one of the big issues that we have with space generally is anything, because people used to just chuck their own shit and blow up satellites and stuff in

space back in the day and it was getting to... like they worried it was getting to the point we were going to trap ourselves on our own planet because you couldn't leave it because you would just be hit by this a million bullets that are just running around our planet. Yeah, right.

So it's huge, I mean it's a huge problem and that's a very scary thing that's just happened because that's there now just circling the planet. And did the Americans not know that was going to happen, that the Russians were just going to blow up a satellite because they don't have to tell anyone. No, and that's the interesting thing here

well, funnily enough, I mean there's a lot of international astronauts and actually a cosmonaut on the ISS at the moment as well, so they almost blew up one of their own, but the US Space Command who confirmed the strike has said that this test will significantly

increase the risk to astronauts and cosmonauts on the ISS going forward, as well as other human spaceflight activities. They say Russia's dangerous and irresponsible behavior jeopardizes the long-term sustainability of our outer space

and clearly demonstrates that Russia's claims of opposing the weaponization of space are disingenuous and hypocritical. Oh really? He said a Russian onboard the ISS said that incident hadn't created

tensions with his European and American colleagues. He says friends, everything is regular with us. We continue to work according to the program, said Anton Shapirol of one of the two cosmonauts currently at the ISS. Hey comrades,

everything okay, huh? Have another vodka. It's gonna be fine. It's scary though because that's exactly the truth. I think Dan, didn't you talk about in a previous episode the fact that at some point there's so many old satellites and space junk up there

that launching rockets into space in the future will actually be a really tricky thing to do to try and navigate and play Frogger basically to get up past all of the space junk. Yeah, I mean I may have said that earlier

but I also did just say it three minutes ago. Three minutes ago he was raving on about that. So that's definitely been covered. It wasn't a previous episode, it was a previous minute. Is this still the same episode guys? This has been going on forever.

I thought that was like a week ago. Wow. Time flies when you're trying to get words out, doesn't it? Hey listen mate, we're just about finished up here. You might as well grab all your stuff and get back in the van and go up the side alley because we don't want you

hanging around when we have the encore. Okay, all the fans like to come through. Okay, there's a meet and greet organised. There's a champagne dinner. Okay, but we don't want you back-siders getting in amongst them. Back-siders? Back-siders mate.

That is so fitting. We've got a pass! Honestly dude, how much can you just flash the pass at me and me go, I don't care. I've got a... That's really embarrassing. Anyway, so

what other doors have we got to go through to get us out of this mess? Well, we're going to try and do some cryptid news if we can before we sign off. Oh, great idea. Attention, all personnel, it's time for this week's cryptid... Help me!

Anybody got anything? Yeah, I got a story from my favourite news source, the journalist that is Paul Seaburn. I've been poaching for the last, whatever, 60 odd episodes. Right. We can keep admitting it too, which is lovely.

Which is awesome. He just has all the best stories. It's in Mysterious Universe. And he has a podcast. He's probably telling the story on a podcast and I've just rippered it as well. So, British Bigfoot Footprint found by Ghost Hunter is the headline.

Oh, nice. And so this is a story about a British guy called Lee Brickley who... He's a Ghost Hunter and he likes to hunt around in Staffordshire and he got this anonymous tip-off saying he should go to a certain bit

of a wood because there's been reports of a Bigfoot having been sighted in the area. So he went there and in the area that he was told about, he said, I was astounded. I'd never seen a footprint that large in my life and it was clearly not made

using a mould or cast. That is probably the moment I realised that the Canuck Chase Bigfoot was more than just a myth. So that's the area in Staffordshire, Canuck Chase. So yeah, he claims that it's possibly

Bigfoot. He's heard of 12 Bigfoot slash Wildman slash Monkeyman sightings over the last two years. In that area? In that area, yeah. I've got a bit of skepticism about it in that I feel like he's been given an anonymous tip

that there's going to be something to look for in this specific bit and then he immediately finds this giant footprint. It does sound to me like a prankster's sort of seen what he does got interested in kind of going hey, you should check out this spot and has made

a footprint with a mould or a cast. I don't know how he could say, I don't know if you guys know how he would know that it's not made by a mould or a cast. How it differs a footprint versus a mould of a footprint

actually don't know that. Yeah, well we'd need to see the footprint for a start and if there's only one footprint that's a little suspicious too but yeah, you'll want to look for the dermal ridges and the toe spacing and the foot

and just the general shape of it and also whereabouts is this in the UK? Staffordshire. Right and I don't know that area I know vaguely that the UK doesn't really have many

Sasquatch sightings at all so it gets you thinking straight away that it's particularly odd. I know there has been a few, we talked about them a while ago but there's not that many so it's very rare. Yeah, so his other thing is that he said

that while he was there a month later, in the same area, he found a claw mark on a tree which was next to a dead deer whose throat had been ripped out and it's belly eaten. Yeah, so

it could be either a big foot or it could be an alien big cat is the other option. Yeah, that's what I was thinking it's more likely to be that. I'd believe that. And even this footprint we could, if we had a look at it

we'd be able to tell if it is primate in nature so just putting myself out there as the expert of the team I would need to see a visual representation of the footprint in question. So let me share a screen here and you

will be able to see here is the footprints. Interesting. Okay, the listeners we're now looking at the footprint. It looks to me a little too perfect. It looks too perfect. Yeah. I can imagine a prankster doing

like literally going and pressing that in and going now what is a big foot how many toes, five toes. And it's because particularly if there's just the one there Dan what is what it's in the sort of a very footprint perfect place. That's what I mean. Yeah.

The sand and it looks to me like it's from a cast of some sort. What's that? That's the that's now we're now looking at the claw marks. The claw marks. Yeah. Of a nearby tree. Those are quite horrific. Yeah, they are. But again, they look to

kind of perfect. Too deep and there's only three. There's only three and what kind of animal can scratch into a tree where you go past the bark and into the actual fiber of the tree and then make perfect sort of V cuts in it. I don't know.

It's it also you know that looks like to me it looks like the claw from Wolverine. The three pronged claw thing and someone's bought that and just done a really good dig mark on the side of the bark. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm on I'm on the mirror website now which is

where I'm showing you the photos from. So we've left Paul Seaburn's beautiful Mystery Universe site over to here and so Lee Brickley 33 years old so he says it was 31 centimetres to from toe to heel. It's not the first time he's been reported on

in this newspaper because here's another article below. I saw dead people age 10 and I've met the black eyed child and creepy man monkey is another headline from this guy. Some people get all the luck. It's not fair.

I'll just settle with one of those things. Okay. A dead person. I'll see a dead person. I'll do that one. He is a paranormal investigator so he's going to come up with a few things that he's seen. Yeah. He's also written

a number of books there which you know. Yeah. I don't know. Are you authors? You tell me if that's a way to sell books by getting yourself in the mirror. Of course it is. Is that a leveled up author strategy? Yeah. But you know it's a chicken and egg

situation too because you can't write a book unless you've had an experience and you can't you know have an experience if you haven't written a book. And that's where you fall short buttons. I've done neither

of those things. Damn it. God, just one of them. Do one of them already. You could write a book about how to get through into the back passage. I know that's not. That doesn't sound good. That was my rear end pass. No, what have I got? Back end, isn't it? Backside. Backside.

Yeah. A backsideers guide to fame and misfortune. The Buttons Kirkback story. Did you guys hear about these hundreds of alien shrimp-like creatures that have suddenly emerged in Arizona? No. No, no, no. Okay.

So this is from Live Science. A recent torrential downpour in the north of the state prompted hundreds of long dormant eggs to hatch and hidden beneath the arid soil, these tiny eggs

are nothing if not patient as they wait dormant. Sometimes, for decades at a time, for the right amount of moisture to facilitate hatching. Wow. That's incredible. And there's shrimp. Look at what we're looking at there, guys. Whoa.

My God. Okay. So just for the listeners at home, it looks like a tiny snake with, yeah, almost scorpion-type appendages at the end of it. And it looks like it's slipped into

a miniature slipper. Someone's old man's slipper. And it's, you know? Yes. It's so bizarre. It's so weird. And it's like pink and white kind of flesh-colored. Yeah. But it looks like it's got some sort of pincers on the end of its

tail or something like that. And on the front. It's not the sort of thing you want to look at. No. It looks a bit like a end manta ray. That's what it looks like to me. Oh, yeah. There's a bit of that to it as well. What is that in the front? Is it an eyeball? What is it? Yeah.

It's like a cyclops. Yeah. Well, all these things, somebody listening right now is like, oh, manta ray cyclops snake with an old man's slipper. That picture in your head. These things are described as being like little mini horseshoe crabs

with three eyes. Yes. Where's the third one? Well, apparently there's three eyes on that one eye. On that one eye. Wow. And it's called a triop. That makes sense. Yeah. They can grow up to around 1.5 inches in size. Wow.

It's kind of cute in some silly way, but at the same time, terrifying. I imagine one of those things, like you accidentally swallow one and it just mints you up from the inside out. Well, it's because you haven't seen these things before, but here's the freaky thing. These tiny animals, they

hark back to the days of the dinosaurs. So they were evolved around 400 million years ago. Wow. And after all this time, they really haven't changed at all. The ability of their eggs to remain viable for decades in dry conditions has no doubt

contributed to the fact that they have managed to survive for hundreds of millions of years. That's extraordinary. It's interesting when you relate that to something like panspermia, where people say life on Earth started after an asteroid crashed

into what was already a perfect scenario for life. And something was just added that was alive from an asteroid. And people go, well, something can't stay alive in deep space for that amount of time. Who's to say that? This is something living in

dry arid soil that needs liquid, but it can stay there in that state for decades. Decades. It's incredible. It's freaky. Life is so hard to define. Like sea monkeys, right? Yes. Well, yes and no. I think...

I thought they were a... They're a gyp. I used to order my sea monkeys from the back of my Pick-A-Path books. Well, now I know this shit. There's none of that kind of advertising at the back of the Choose Your Own Adventures, mate. This is where you went wrong

from the beginnings buttons. You went Pick-A-Path instead of Choose Your Own Adventure. That's why you ended up down the side down the alleyway going through the back garage door. That's all us back-siders do is sit around and talk about our favourite Pick-A-Path books. We've got to go home feed the sea monkeys.

See you guys later. God, those funny back-sider parties, I tell you. They start with a garage door opening down the side of an alley and you're in there with a couple of cheap bears and a couple of shitty Pick-A-Path books. It's a masking tape

and a couple of lights. Hey, welcome in, guys. We're going to just check your pass. If you just keep it down because Mr George Clooney and Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber are just in through the other room, I'm going to take care of them later. Any chance you could ever look through their buttons?

Or you could take them a cheese board if you like because they need a cheese board. Oh, yeah. Oh, take them in a cheese board. I've never seen a little upper room in the real flesh. Oh, man. Oh, and with that,

have we opened all the doors yet? Can we put a close to this episode yet? Because it feels like we've gone through a lot of doors. I think we're there. I'm exhausted. Dan's got a headache. Actually, my hangover's gone. Oh, wow. Let's do it. There you go. I'm ready.

Oh, my God. Episode 70 forever is going to be your hangover cure. You'll wake up in the morning and go, oh, man, I really need an IV and episode 70. Quick, somebody put my headphones in. An hour later, no, I feel great.

All right. So I'll do a headline. Mike Tyson. I'll save this for next week. Here's a new one. You didn't have a go. No, I did have a go, but I'm going to...

I'm trailering my next week, my next episode's headline. This is a new bit. Here we go. Teaser trail. Mike Tyson has done over 50 trips, and I mean psychedelic trips

by he ate or licked the sonoran desert toad and had its venom. More on that next week. Wow. I love this new teaser idea. Yeah.

You'd like such... God, now that you've levelled up, you're bringing so much more to the podcast. It's amazing. All right. Well, we'll leave it there. We'll catch you guys next week. Thanks for tuning in.

See you next week. Bye. Get the hell out of here and take your stupid bloody level-up mates with you buttons. Oh, guys. Let's go. We've got to go now, guys. Oh, buddy.

Possum on the toe again. Get out of there. Flaming killer. Flaming killer.