The Current - Listeners share stories of quitting alcohol

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Listeners had a big response to our conversations on alcohol and grey-area drinking, and helping a loved one drink less. We read some of your letters, and call up a listener who says it’s been scary to take those first steps into sobriety.

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could hit the follow button on whatever app you're using. There is a lot of news that's out there these days. We're trying to help you make sense of it all and give you a bit of a break from some of that news too. So if you already follow the program, thank you. And if you have done that, maybe you could leave us a rating or review as well. The whole point of this is to let more listeners find our show and perhaps find some of that information that's so important in these really tricky times. So thanks for all of that, appreciate it,

and on to today's show. After a month that felt like perhaps several months, February has arrived. Some of you may have had your first drink over the year, over the weekend after dry January. Maybe you will stretch this stint of sobriety out a little bit longer, maybe even for good. We've had a couple of conversations on the program recently

about people wanting to change their relationship with alcohol. This is a broader thing in society, a little bit longer, maybe even for good. We've had a couple of conversations on the program recently about people wanting to change their relationship with alcohol. This is a broader thing in society, but we wanted to take a look specifically at how people are working through that. We spoke with Jeff Turner. He's the host of the CBC podcast On Drugs,

and he got very personal about his own experience. I consider myself kind of OG, dry January guy. I was doing it a long time ago like 20 years ago before people called it that I think there came to be a realization for me that It was a trick that I was playing on myself Where you know it gave me a bit of a reset and an opportunity to say to myself and to say to the world Yeah, you see I can quit anytime I like but the trouble is when I'd be back it would be to say to the world, oh, you see, I can quit anytime I like.

But the trouble is, when I'd be back, it would be really pedal to the metal, almost like catching up on lost opportunities to drink. Jeff now hasn't had a drink in over a year, and he and I spoke about the idea of alcohol use disorder as a spectrum rather than simply a black and white issue. I've never been a pee your pants, wrap your car around a telephone pole type of drunk.

And I sometimes say to people, it almost would have been easier for me if I was a really sloppy drunk. People didn't, some people close to me saw what was going on, but it wasn't necessarily obvious to the world. And I think maybe it would have been to my benefit. And that's why people call it the gray area, because it wasn't necessarily obvious to the world, and I think maybe it would have been to my benefit. And that's why people call it the gray area,

because it's just not obvious. He gets into this in great detail in his podcast on drugs. Would recommend that you listen to that, especially the first episode of that new season. We also spoke with Maureen Palmer and her partner Mike Pond. Mike has struggled with alcohol abuse for five decades. He is managing to maintain what he calls

a mostly sober lifestyle. Maureen wrote a book provocatively titled You Don't Have to Quit, and she and Mike believe the words we use to talk about problem drinking are actually doing some people more harm than good. If we view relapses of failure, it's against the monolith of abstinence. The AA way of viewing it is that

if you have one drop, that's it, down you go, right? You can't stop. Well, what we find is that you can. And so what happens is when you do drink is what's been termed abstinence violation effect. So I've been abstinent, I violated it, and the effect is, there I go, I'm a loser,

and I got to start all over again, and it's a fail and I, you know, I might as well just keep drinking, everybody's going to be mad at me and so that's the effect that can compel a person to just keep drinking and drinking. These conversations generated a lot of response from you and so here to read some of your mail is one of our producers, Megan Carty. Megan, good morning. Good morning, Matt. It's true.

We got a lot of mail. This first letter is from David Seymour. He calls himself a grateful listener in Ontario. David writes, I am someone who has struggled with alcohol for many years. I was struck by the refreshing way your guests talked about this topic in an honest and forthright way. I understand this is a journey, but rarely have I heard it spoken about like this. Normally, with discussion around alcoholism, it seems abstinence is the beginning and end

of the conversation, instead of talking about the falls and the shame associated with your failure, which just pushes your behavior into secrecy and heavy, heavy shame. And the acknowledgement that falls happen, and it doesn't mean you are an awful person. Your conversation offered me a very welcome feeling of support and the belief that I can and will be better. Tina Johansson writes, Your broadcast brought me to tears as it took me back to so much of what my experience with alcohol once was. I'm still coming to terms with some of what I went through, but I can attest that after

just celebrating 10 years of sobriety, this was a long overdue excellent decision for my life and for those I love. I had to laugh when Jeff commented on the rock star who got to live out his partying life as I too went through a time of questioning why I had to make this decision when others didn't. No offense to Keith Richards, but I now know that we made the right decision and are in fact on the winning side of this one. Next one's from Gary Westover. I found this discussion interesting, instructive and provocative. Not only did it elicit my ambivalence on this subject, it stirred painful memories of a

loved one whose life was marred and tragically cut short because of their alcohol addiction. Years later, the painful effects of this loss on those of us left behind are still being felt. I really wanna believe that with respectful, compassionate, effective care, some problem drinkers may be able to learn to drink without damaging their lives and the lives of those around them.

However, experience tells me that there are a whole lot of others for whom there is no gray. Susan Wenner writes, I have struggled with alcohol use disorder for the past 30 years. It's always been my happy crutch. White wine, just about every evening, 5pm onwards was my time to crack open the bottle and sip the night away. It was my best friend but then turned into my worst enemy. Alcohol controlled me by slowly isolating me from friends and

family. Alcohol is very sneaky. It sucks you in with euphoria, then dumps on you like a betrayal from a close friend. It wore me down, turned me angry and confrontational to my partner, put me asleep by 9pm, then woke me up again. The worst part of drinking to excess every night was the 3am wake up. Like clockwork, I would awaken and berate myself for once again drinking too much. I recognized I was headed down a very bleak path and stopped a year ago. Not an easy thing to do to learn to live in the moment without alcohol to dim your senses or take away life's challenges. I am able to drink normally now. A glass occasionally, out for dinner or a celebration and that's

it. I feel one must not have an addictive personality to be able to accomplish this feat so in that sense I am extremely lucky. Glenn Tremel writes, Quit demonizing our simple pleasures and just stay out of our liquor cabinets and our lives. Dry January is about the most stupid idea ever conceived. January is a cold month and evenings are long. There are few pleasures better than enjoying a good drink like a scotch in a warm house on a cold, dark winter night. If they're going to do this, then claim May as dry May.

The days are longer and people are tending to gardens, long before the summer months when we enjoy tall, cold drinks out on the decks. Addiction is a serious problem. We need governments to stop taxing alcohol. No government should be profiting from people who are addicted. Andy O'Reilly in Alberta writes, today is day 816 without alcohol. I drank away my marriage.

My relationships with many people have suffered greatly. Trying to get help was near impossible. By the end, I was putting away a bottle of liquor per day for many years. There were 18 full garbage bags of empty vodka bottles when I had my home cleaned. Larissa Loiwa from Vancouver writes, I've struggled with guilt and shame over my drinking and have concluded that moderation and rethinking the way I drink is the most effective approach for me. After much reflection and therapy, I felt ready to change my habits in December.

I went into the holidays with a mindset of less is better. And while I didn't stop completely, I probably had half of what I normally would have. I've also had a number of days where I didn't drink at all, which is huge for me. The thought of stopping drinking completely is terrifying to lots of people and probably puts many folks off changing their habits because they can't imagine something in the middle.

Stephen Cost writes, and this is a brief letter to the point, sober for 27 years, there is no such thing as dry January. From Charlotte Sexsmith, I am a 74-year-old gal. I stopped drinking completely on August 31st 2014. The reason was a good one. My first grandchild had been born and I never ever wanted him to say, Grandma's drunk. The answer for me was a drug with the commercial name of Campral or Accompressate. Saved my life. It turned off my desire to consume alcohol. I've had the joy of being sober for 10 plus years. I have a clear head, sleep so well, lots more money in the bank,

and I now have three grandsons who will never ever utter those words, grandma's drunk. We have one last letter. This is from someone who heard the conversation with Maureen and Mike, just as he was beginning to make changes in his own life. Jack Williams wrote,

I recently stopped drinking, December 1st, 2024, after a heart attack. It is a good choice and a scary journey to healing. Jack is on the line now from Marathon, Ontario to tell us how that journey is going. Jack, good morning. Good morning, Matt. How are you today? Well, I'm okay. How are you doing? I'm doing good. I'm recovering. I'm back to work and doing quite well now, health-wise anyway. That's what we like to hear. That's great. Heart attack is a scary thing

and that can lead to any number of things that people would go through. Why did that, coming out of it, lead you to want to stop drinking? Well, I think mostly because of my health. You know, I've been going through a lot of trauma the last few years, you know, having some hard times in my personal life

and work and stuff too as well. But the choice was made for me because it's a good way, healthy way to move on, especially with the work I do. You know, I'm a first aid CPR instructor. I've been teaching CPR now for about 20 years. So I got to think, about moving on now after, especially what happened to me in December. Tell me a little bit about, if you don't mind me asking,

and I say this just because you heard our conversation around drinking and how people are rethinking it and then decided to write to us. Just how would you describe your relationship with alcohol? Well, I would say it's a struggle all the time. Hasn't been most of my life, but I always kept that balance in my life as well, working and supporting my family.

I've been quite successful in my career, but after seeing your program, when I wrote in, it kind of really touched me. I really felt for the people that were on the program, people that were being interviewed. I really feel and know where they are. You said that you were able to keep that balance. One of the things we've talked about is this idea of gray area drinking where it's not a problem but it lurks in the background and is always around you. Does that sound familiar? Yeah, it does. Especially growing up as a problem, but it kind of lurks in the background and is sort of just always around you. Does that sound familiar?

Yeah, it does, especially growing up as a child. You know, there was a lot of drinking in my own home with my mom and my siblings and that. But when I got into my teenage years, I didn't want to be that way myself, but I made a lot of good changes. I went to school and got educated and started working at a young age.

So I think the motivation that I have in me and still do keeps me going. In the letter that you wrote to us, you said it's a good choice to stop drinking, but it's also a scary journey to healing. What's scary about it? I think what's scary about it is what's going on around you, the people you're exposed to, the things that you see, you hear, especially with COVID happening and all the social problems that we have in our communities right now.

People are going through a lot of trauma. And I think the thing for me being scary is even the withdrawals, the anxiety we get. But I'm quite happy, I guess I would say, how I've been doing. I've been doing quite well with it. I do get the urge to when I get really stressed out. So I'm trying to live a life now without stress. Just move on and be happy. I'm not young anymore. I'm getting older. I'm a grandfather now. I got grandkids that I love very much. I've got a family. You know, I'm a grandfather now. I got grandkids that I love very much. Got a family. But I think the scary part is succeeding.

And I think I'm going in the right direction. Yeah. You said in your letter that the 1st of December, 2024 was when you stopped drinking. How's it been going since then? It's been going good. I didn't drink for 57 days. And one day I woke up and I opened a bottle and had a drink. And that was just not long ago, probably last week. But the next day I really had the regret where I shouldn't have done that.

Do you know why you did that? I mean, can you understand what led you to that, having gone, as you said, sober for 57 days? Yeah, I think I did it because I was really stressed out. I just woke up that morning. I was very, anxiety I had. You know, I was a little frustrated about the way things are going sometimes, not just for me, but for people that I'm close to as well. But I really found like at that moment,

why am I doing this? I was questioning myself, doubting myself. So you had some regret after that drink? I did, yeah. And I haven't drank since now. I'm back on that track again and I hope I stay there. I'm trying to make good changes. I'm doing a job right now. I live in Timmins, Ontario, I'm trying to make good changes. I'm doing a job right now. I live in Timmins, Ontario, but I travel a lot in my work. But I want to move on. I want to motivate people.

I want to continue teaching health and safety courses, CPR courses. I got a lot of good stories to share. And I'm a good role model, I think, anyway, to others that are going through rough times. One of the things we talked about on our program was we had a couple of people, Mike and Maureen, and they were talking about this idea of grace, that you can be mostly sober and that if you have a drink or you have a day in Mike's case where he would have a few drinks, that it

wouldn't be seen as a failure, but it would be seen as part of a continuum and that you kind of apologize to yourself for yourself and you continue on. Does that make sense to you? It makes a lot of sense to me. That you don't beat yourself up over something. No, like when I said, I had a regret about it. I did have, I felt bad, you know,

because I'm on medication too, for my heart attack. And I just need to take care of myself. I wanna live, you know, I wanna live an old age to enjoy life. What is the message, I mean, part of this is about speaking to other people. You wrote to us, but then you agreed to speak with us as well, publicly.

What is the message you have to somebody else who might be listening, who can hear themselves in you and hear the struggles that they are going through, but also just they're trying to figure out what their relationship with alcohol would be like in the future, what would you say to them? I think my message would be, don't give up, move on. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're not the only one that's in that position.

I am and I was and I still am, but I'm happy with the steps I'm taking. I'm really proud of myself. You know, feel good about yourself. Smile more and do the things you love. Make those changes to be happy. Jack, I'm really glad you're doing okay, and I'm really glad that you would take the time

to write to us, but also to speak with us. Thank you very much. Thank you for talking to me today. Take care of yourself. I will, you too. Jack Williams was in Marathon, Ontario. Just some of the mail that you sent us on this subject of alcohol

and our larger relationship to it. Megan, thank you very much. Thank you so much, Matt. Megan Carty is a producer here on The Current. If you want to comment on anything you hear on the program, get in touch. You can email us, thecurrent at cbc.ca. For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.