The Current - Stop worrying about using exclamation marks! They’re great!!

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Women use exclamation marks way more than men — and worry a lot more about it too! That's according to a new research paper co-authored by Cherly Wakslak of the University of Southern California! She says the results allowed her to fully embrace her love of the punctuation mark!

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I just got to send a quick note here. Hey, mom, thanks for sending me that stuff I asked for, exclamation mark. Yay, exclamation mark. You're the best, exclamation mark. Thanks, love you. Exclamation mark. That's a lot of exclamations. Whatever, sending.

Have you ever had a mini debate like that in your head when you're writing a text or an email? If you have, odds are that you are a woman. A new research paper shows that women are not only way more likely to use exclamation marks, they also question their use of them a lot more than men. Cheryl Waxlach is one of the authors, Cheryl studies the dynamics of communication at the University of Southern California's Marshall School of Business. Cheryl, good morning, exclamation mark. Good morning.

Could you hear the exclamation mark there in my voice? If you haven't already guessed, I am a big fan of them. I use them, might be accused of overusing them. How often do you use them? Pretty much the same thing. I think that's actually a little bit what sparked the interest in this topic for us. I am definitely a big exclamation point user and definitely an overthinker when it comes to exclamation points.

What are the conversations? Because I use them. I don't often think about how much I use them. People point you out, though, what are the conversations that go on inside your head or other people when you're putting them into a message? Like, they jump out of you, huh? Yeah, they do. And, you know, I've noticed, for example, as, you know, sort of the exclamation point creep that happens. So you used to start an email, you know, high comma. And now it suddenly like, high exclamation point, you know. And then as that sort of became a norm, you're like, wait, is that actually this? like, am I that happy to meet you? I'm that enthusiastic? Why am I doing that? And then that gets into that overthinking loop. Yeah, to be clear, we're talking about the use of exclamation marks to express enthusiasm, not the angry kind. That's right.

That's right. You can use exclamation points to symbol anger. Exclamation points are like an amplifier. So, you know, you can definitely use them in that way. But on average, most people don't. So they're used that way, but they don't tend to be used that way as much as for the more traditional, enthusiastic usage that people are pretty familiar with. You know, one of the things I find, like, when I handwrite, which is rare these days,

admittedly, but I use exclamation point. And when I used to, like, type, before computers, like, on a typewriter, I'd use a single exclamation point. But now I find myself using, like, multiple, like, high three exclamation points. Exactly. It's part of that exclamation point creep. It's exactly true. You start seeing, like, doubling and tripling the exclamation points.

Again, that's sort of like, wait, like, does that actually fit? You know, you're trying to convey the enthusiasm that's conveyed by speech, by tone, right? And so you do that to try to signal that. And maybe partially it's like it's harder and harder to do that in like this, you know, over-digitized world. So then it becomes, you know, I want to use three exclamation points to signal I'm really enthusiastic. You talk about the creep. Where does the creep come from? Like, it's habitual now for me, and I think for a lot of other people.

But where do you sort of go to where you're like, how did this? creep really start? Yeah, it's a great, it's a great question. And the honest answer is I'm not, I'm not sure. My best best is probably, probably some of it really does have to do with digitization. And like, as more and more of our communication has moved towards our screen, we're searching for more and more ways to convey human warmth, right? Like, we're trying to convey whether there's a person behind here. And also, like, to some degree, you know, digital communication is just harder to understand. And so you can spend a lot of time, I always say, like, I have a a good friend who, you know, is a very terse texter, you know? And so whenever I get these like,

yes, no, I'm like, are you angry at me? Like, did I do something wrong? And you're like, no, that's just how she chooses to communicate by text. And so it's sort of evolved this whole additional layer of like interpretation and language as we're sort of sending the sort of blast of constant communications, but still trying to like communicate what we're actually saying as human beings one to another. So I think it's like more of a challenge today. Yeah, because concern around using them. It's, I guess, like, sort of like a double bind because if you don't use them, you don't want to be seen as mean. On the other side, you don't want to be seen as unsurious if you do. How real are those concerns? I think, I think they're real. Like, and that's sort of

where we started, you know, in some ways our exploration, like that feeling of, you know, people feel exactly as you said, that double bind of on the one hand, like, you know, as I gave the example of, like if I just say no and there's no, you know, or yes, sir, there's no enthusiasm to my response, then are people going to interpret that as anger? And so that's, you know, that's a real concern. And at the same time, like there is this other side, which is like, wait, how enthusiastic am I? Do I sound like, you know, I'm in Southern California? Do I sound like, you know, the traditional valley tier leader? Like, what is going on? You know, and I don't want to sound unsurious either. And so I think that that balance, especially, you know, for women who think a lot about warmth perceptions

and making sure they're seen as warm and are very conscious of like how important that is, they're concerned about that. And so they sort of have this tension between navigating, like, on the one hand, I want to be seen as warm, but I don't want to be seen as unsurious. And so how do I navigate that with something as, you know, as small, if you will, as a punctuation point? So let's talk about that gender divide. I said in the introduction, and tell me what your research found, that men use exclamation marks less frequently than women, but they're also perceived different.

differently than women. How so? So men do use exclamation points differently. We also found that people are conscious. So if you show someone, for example, a text with an exclamation point and an ambiguous gender of the sender, people will tend to assume that a woman wrote the text. So people are sensitive to this idea that women do use exclamations more than men. And women themselves and men as well are actually sensitive to this. So women feel like people like them are supposed to use exclamation points and men feel this perceived norm not to use exclamation points. And that seems to drive their usage. So women tend to assume like, oh, yeah, I feel like I'm somehow supposed to do this.

Like people expect this of me and they do this more. Now, whether they're right or wrong, we actually looked at quite a bit. So we were interested in like, is there something special about women's use of exclamation points? Like maybe it really is demanded more of women. And what we find is that it's not particularly the case. So we do find exclamation points matter. And so they do shape how people view. you. You do seem warmer. You do seem overall, more approachable. You do seem more enthusiastic.

You also seem like less of an analytic thinker and like you have less power. So there exactly is that tension of like navigating this, but those effects are actually similar for men and women. So it doesn't really matter if you're a man or a woman in terms of sheeping how you're seen with this, with this usage. So what you're saying to me is that it doesn't matter what your gender is. When exclamation points are used in text or email communication, that on the one hand, you're being seen as friendly and warm. On the other, you're being seen as less analytical. So what's the balance?

Exactly, exactly. So I'll sort of start with a gender point. One of the things that was important for me was this tendency to think about, how much time am I wasting worrying about this? Like, goes get out of my head and just be comfortable with whatever style I've decided to go with. So let's say, for example, I'm our professor. there I send out an opening email to my students, you know, every semester. And so, you know, you have that. I want to be approachable. I want students to be excited. I, you know, I want them to

take me seriously. But there's that balance. And so once I've made that decision of like how I want to come across, I can like lean into that decision. Like I can say, okay, I'm going to come across this way. I'm not going to overthink it. I'm certainly not going to waste too much time debating every exclamation point. And there's something I think that that's very valid about that. But it can matter. So, like, if there was a context where being taken, you know, being seen in this regular, like, analytical way was important, then I would say, even though my normal tendency is to be exclamatory, now's the time to take a step back from that. Yeah, you know, you talk about sort of the one-word responses that your friend sends and it's

hard to interpret her, her text or the context of her text sometimes. I see that with my kids who are quite, I find, ters into the way that they text. They seem to be wondered. So is there a generational thing with exclamation marks as well? So our research doesn't speak to that. And I can't say that I have a ton of knowledge about it, but I completely agree. As someone with children, I am constantly learning. And I find myself influenced by their, you know, texting styles. Like I pick it up and suddenly, you know, I'm like, wow, I sound like I'm done alpha now. You know, we pick it up from our kids. I do think that this is constantly evolving. Each generation gets to interpret and reinterpret what they think is normal, especially in areas of communication, you know, whether it's slang. But also like you said, it's It's just the norms of communication vary and are constantly evolving, which I think is what makes it so interesting. Yeah. It's not just question marks. Periods are seen as passive aggressive by some people, especially younger people.

I'm like, it's just how I's raised. We use periods. We write in full sentences. Exactly. Is there a context in which you'd say, hey, don't use an exclamation mark? Like, is there anyone you would write to where you'd say, oh, Pia, don't know, no exclamation points here. Right. I do think it is interesting, like, for example, if you don't know someone would be a good,

a good question, like, do I? And I think for myself, having done this work and, like, thought way too much about exclamation points, I think, I think I've actually embraced that more of, like, if the general goal, because when we study, for example, overall impressions, like a general sense of the person, we find it's positive. So as a whole, I think it's a good, it's a good thing. But like I said, certainly in cases where you're in, for example, a context where, like, it's very important that you come across as serious or that you're, you know, maybe you sense that, you know, I'm not sure if I'm going to be taken as seriously, then that's something that that becomes the dominant concern that you might, you might think about as you like

make these sort of small choices, yeah. The women, I'm speaking, like for a lot of women, I'm not speaking for them, but if the research shows that women tend to use exclamation marks or points, I don't know which one we're supposed to use in this conversation, I'll say both ways. if women not only use them more but think about them more should we just put this on the guys like what's your advice to men should they start thinking about

their exclamation marks more yeah I think I think there's two ways to see the findings like on the one hand we do find that they're important so you can sort of look at this and say women are right for overthinking this like they do matter in terms of shaping you know how people see us

and not just by us being all people so maybe maybe guys should start thinking about this a little bit more but at the same time like I really think about how, like, for women, especially with communication, we're so conscious of these issues that sometimes, like I said, we get in our own head. So at least for myself, the lesson I'm taking is to sort of take an approach, decide in general that I'm okay with this or that communication style, and then go forward without, like, realizing that I'm in my head more

than most men in my situation would be has actually been giving me the license to sort of say, okay, I don't need to do that. I can just write this with confidence. Yeah, I honestly, people have pointed out how much I use exclamation marks. And I'm like, that is not my problem. That is yours. Like, I got other things to worry about in the world. I'm not going to worry about this. That's right. That's exactly right. Well, thank you for liberating my any doubts. I had very few. But now I'm going to dig in. Exclamation points, marks come, and not everyone's way. Text me. That's all you're getting. No letters anymore. Just exclamation marks.

Thanks, Cheryl. Thanks. Cheryl Waxlach is an associate professor at the University of Southern California's Marshall School of Business. Her paper on exclamation mark use is in the November issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. We reached her in L.A. This has been the current podcast.

You can hear our show Monday to Friday on CBC Radio 1 at 8.30 a.m. at all time zones. You can also listen online at cbc.c.com.ca. slash the current or on the CBC Listen app or wherever you get your podcasts. My name is Matt Galloway. Thanks for listening. For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca.ca slash podcasts.