The Current - What’s life like for young adults stuck living with mom and dad?

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

The high cost of housing (and life in general) is forcing many young people to move back in with their parents, if they ever moved out in the first place. Maclean's journalist Claire Gagne looks at what that means for both the young adults stuck in their childhood bedrooms, and their parents’ hopes and dreams for retirement — and perhaps an empty nest.

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Imagine this, you come home from a night out, you open the fridge for a midnight snack, the leftover lasagna is gone, eaten by your roommate. You'd get mad, but your roommate is your mom and the lasagna, well, she made it and she paid for it. More and more young adults are living at home with their parents and they are staying for longer and perhaps eating the snacks that are left over in the fridge. For many, the cost of living does not leave them much choice. That doesn't mean they always feel great about it though.

Because it's hard to like be an adult and have all these societal expectations and pressures, even if you don't put them on yourself, while you're then living at home and trying to make ends meet. Yeah, it can get to you sometimes. Yeah, we were even saying in high school, we felt that pressure that we had to go to university, get a job, and move out and all of this.

And then once now that we're living it, we realize that that's not sustainable or possible now, even though perhaps it was before. Some don't understand because they're like, you know, it was different back in the day, but it's a different time and you know, with inflation it's just a little bit different now. It's a couple of young Vancouverites who have found themselves living at home in their 20s and they are far from alone in their complicated feelings about bunking up with their parents. Claire Gagne is an editor with Maclean's magazine.

She has written about this in a new piece. It's called Stuck at Home. Claire, good morning. Good morning. We heard a bit of it there. What is the stereotype of young adults, adult kids, perhaps we can call them that, who live at home? How are they judged?

Yeah, I think there's, you know, the stereotype has always been you're probably lazy, maybe a little bit coddled, sort of unable to make it and need your parents to support you. So it's not a positive image generally. The phrase that was tossed around for awhile is failure to launch. Exactly.

What about their parents? Failure. How are their parents seen if the kids move out and go on to do things but then end up coming back home? Yeah, I think as a parent, you're sort of, you're understanding from the beginning is your job is to raise kids who can become independent of you.

And that's both economic independence and sort of just those life skills that's your job as a parent. So if that doesn't happen, then it's seen as a reflection on sort of the job you did. And as we know, that's not exactly the reality in today's environment. Tell me more about this reality, because what you found, I mean, these kids aren't lazy, they're out, they're working, they're trying to strive in this world, but they are facing, as we've heard,

a very different reality than perhaps they may have expected or their parents may have grown up in. How tough is it out there for those young people right now? Yeah, I mean, it's tough for everybody out there right now. It's tough for their parents too. And I think that when you are coming out of school and you have your degree and you have a good job the people that I spoke to for the piece are are doing well in that sense and then but when they look at the reality of Getting an apartment where they could start living independently it it would take so much of their income that they're really looking at it as smarter to stay at home

and save a little bit knowing that if they got out now, they really wouldn't be able to get ahead. Tell me about one of these young people, Kylie. She is a McGill grad, she lives in Toronto. Why is it that she can't afford a place of her own? I mean, it's exactly that. So Toronto is one of the most expensive places to live in the world, and it's not just rent,

it's all the cost of living that people are experiencing right now, cost of food, cost of transportation, and so even though she is working full time, when she did the sort of cost benefit analysis of I could move out and I could live on my own and keep that independence that I had sort of started developing because she did go away for school and had those sort of great formative years, she just decided that it didn't, the math didn't make sense. And so she's moved back home,

she's living with her parents and she, you know, it's not all bad. It's they all, they are all enjoying living together, but she does miss that independence that she had and those, that ability to sort of, you know, be, you know, like be with people your own age. She did mention she, she's noticing she's fine, falling back into some of those old habits

she had in high school, you know, let letting her parents cook dinner when it's her turn, maybe not cleaning up after herself the way she expected. So, so her, she herself was noticing that she was not being able to be the adult she knows she could be in that environment. What else did you learn about, maybe because it's not just people in their early twenties, right?

How much longer are some young people staying at home? Yeah. I mean, the data does show that in that 25 to 30 year range. So still, you know, I guess it's somewhat reasonable in your early twenties, you might be still going to school, still getting you know, I guess it's somewhat reasonable in your early 20s, you might be still going to school, still getting that job, but in those those later 30s, more people are living at home, I think it's a third of Canadians in that age range are living with a parent.

I also talked to some families where their kids were in their 30s. very much the same situation where got a university education, found a job, rent was expensive, there was never a real reason to move out and so just stayed and now are living as roommates with no real end date. One of those adult children that you spoke with is Evie. She's 27 years old and how old are her parents? 60s and 70s, I believe her father is 72. Yeah, and so she lives at home with them.

Why is she still at home in her late 20s? Right, so Evie, I thought was a great example because she is someone who, she lives in Kelowna. It's actually quite expensive to rent in Kelowna. I believe the average rent for a one bedroom is $2,100. And it was a very conscious decision on their part. They had a conversation. She did go to school. She got a master. She has a good paying job. I believe she makes $70,000 a year. But the decision was made as a family

that she would stay at home a little bit longer and she was consciously saving and, um, she's sort of reached that point now, I believe she's 27 where she is planning on moving out. So she's got her nest egg. She's got her eye out on apartment. It's quite expensive still. Um, and she knows she's going to have to make some, um, you know, sort of, she's going to have to be saving, but she has reached that point where she's able to move out at 27. So maybe a bit different than what her parents expected, probably didn't expect to have her there into their 60s and 70s,

but they did what worked for them as a family and they really wanted to be able to support their daughter. I mean, $70,000 is a decent amount of money to make. She's not paying rent. And as you write in the piece, I mean, in some ways, she says, why would she move out? Because she has it so good. She doesn't have to do some of the chores at home.

She's able to live rent free. Is that a common sentiment that people feel welcome at home, but also that they aren't obliged to chip in perhaps for some of the expenses? Yeah, I think that was a common sentiment in the people I spoke to, but I do think it really depends on the family's economic situation

in terms of whether a child can just stay there for four or five years and save money, or if that child needs to be contributing. And there were families that I spoke to where the child was contributing. So I think it is one of those things where every situation, every family is different. And the sense that I got from the parents where the child was not contributing, it was not because, you know, they felt they were giving their child a free ride or they didn't

think their child could or, you know, it was more that was their way of providing support and a leg up that they actually mentioned, I didn't have that I was sort of right from the get go always behind, didn't wasn't making a lot of money, had to pay rent. And so it was sort of this idea that, if my child doesn't need to go through that and I can support them, then why not? Do you think people who aren't in their 20s understand how difficult it is

to live independently right now? You could imagine there is a cohort of people who are listening to this who would say, come on, you're 27 years old, you make $70,000 a year, now is the time for you to go and make it on your own. Do you think people understand what a younger generation is up against? I think there are certainly lots of people who don't understand, and even in writing this piece and you mentioned it, I would hear that comment.

I think anyone who has a child in that age range, who is in that age range, understands. I mean, everybody I spoke to would say, oh, all my friends have young adults living with them. Oh, all my friends are living with their parents still. One of the people I spoke to, she's a single mom and she said she goes on dates and every guy I date has a young child living with them or like a young adult child. And so I think it's actually quite common.

And so the stigma around it that was sort of alluded to at the beginning, I think it's going away. And I think that it's just because it's, when it's something becomes so common, it can't really be stigmatized anymore. I just wonder whether something's changing, because I mean, in some ways,

and you point this out in the piece, this idea of young people moving out of the parents' home and living on their own is kind of a relatively recent phenomenon, certainly a Western idea or a fairly Western idea. Has that changed where people are now embracing a kind of multi-generational family life that for the last couple of generations seemed like

it was not something that would be desirable or possible? I think it is changing, but I think that, you know, I did speak to several sociologists and economics for this piece, economics, economists for this piece. And I, you know, I put that question to all of them. And the sense that I got was that this is a very economically driven phenomenon right now. And it, so it's not a

sociological phenomenon. It's not a situation where people have decided it actually makes better sense for their families and how they want to live their lives to be together. It's purely economic. And so I think time will tell about whether or not people decide that, you know, we did it for economic reasons, but actually this was a great way to live and our society moves in that direction. Clearly there are many cultures where multi-generational living is the norm and that is something that is prevalent in Canada, but I think everybody I spoke to still had this idea that it's a very ingrained idea in our society that you are growing up in

order to move out. That's sort of, you're growing up to become economically independent. And actually, if you look at studies and surveys where they ask young adults what makes an adult Generally, it's economic independence is The marker of adulthood and I don't think that that is something that is has changed in our society There's no playbook for this type of fraud many couples dream of adopting a child But what if that dream became a nightmare? She kept telling us forget about Serena's baby.. Now Tara has a problem because there's no baby.

And we all became investigators. From Sony Music Entertainment and Perfect Cadence, this is Baby Broker. Available now on The Binge. Search for Baby Broker wherever you get your podcasts to start listening today. The reality is when they come back or if they don't leave, I mean, they're not kids anymore. They are young adults and that changes the dynamic in the household. Have a listen to what a 30-year-old named Ali had to say on TikTok about living at home. This time spent with my parents is truly a gift.

Like I have become so close to my parents. My mom is literally my best friend. I love spending time with them. They're not gonna live forever. I'm not gonna live forever. I got this extra time with them that maybe I wouldn't have gotten before if I had met someone or if I was living somewhere else.

I don't know, I think there's a different perspective we can take on living at home without parents. In your reporting, did you see that sort of closeness between kids and parents as well? Absolutely. And every young adult that I spoke to was so grateful for their parents. And, you know, knowing that it was exactly as

that young adult said it was a gift that they were providing them, I saw it from the parents too. And I think they often said, I wouldn't have wanted this. I wouldn't have wanted to live with my own parents. And they felt, it felt good to know that their own children were happy to be living with them into their adulthood.

Weren't making the choice of living in a sort of a dingy apartment, going up dirty stairs, you know, weren't taking that, making the choice of living in a sort of a dingy apartment, going up dirty stairs, et cetera, and were rather, were choosing to live with them. There was certainly a closeness that I encountered that was quite touching. Although, I mean, living in the dingy apartment and going up the dirty stairs, part of that to some people is a rite of passage. That's how you grow up and that's just something that you experience as you move through life. And you could imagine, and I want to play

something from another young person, that coming home and living with your parents could feel like you've had your wings clipped in some ways because you're under their roof, maybe under their rules as well. Take a listen to what Sabine said about that. Sabine Hennig The thing at home is like literally the most frustrating thing in the world. And like, I feel so ungrateful for like, the way that I'm feeling, because I know that I'm like lucky that, at least I like have a home to go to after I like left my job. I'm really lucky, but at the same time, like it just contributes to like so much of like a loss of identity and like a loss of independence. Like someone is home all the time

and I like don't have any privacy and I like don't have like any like spaces to myself. What do young people lose? I mean, sure they gain things, the ability to have a roof over their head, but what do they lose do you think when they move home at a time when they should be out as young adults doing young adult things? Yeah, I can only think about do you think, when they move home? At a time when they should be out as young adults

doing young adult things? Yeah, I can only think about my young adulthood, my early 20s, and how much I learned when I moved out. And I moved to Toronto from Winnipeg and just had to take on things that I wouldn't have done if I was living at home. And a person learns so much by doing. And so I think that, um, you do, young adults are losing that, those formative years of

developing their independence. And I think that it's interesting because that's where I think the parenting kind of shifts and actually continues into when you have young adults living with you. When they're their twenties is now as a parent, you start thinking, how can I give my child some of that independence? How can I, how can I, you know, they're going to maybe start paying a little bit of rent or take on actually paying this bill, you have to sort of manufacture those, um, those sort of, um, scenarios where they can gain that independence that they would be, um, normally just doing obviously naturally if they were out on their own. And you know, it's that whereas I think it's kind of an interesting like shift in the parenting,

probably when you thought your parenting was done, now you're thinking of new ways to kind of manufacture that independence for your child. What about independence for the parents? I mean, parents spend a lot of time parenting. And one of the things when your kids go off and leave is that the phrase is you get some of your life back. And that can be for personal independence, but

also financial independence. You have a stat in the piece that 64% of Canadians, 55 through 64 are worried about having enough money to retire. And when your kids go is often the time typically when you can begin to save. So what are the big implications of that for parents do you think? Yeah, I think it's exactly that.

I think parents are sort of expecting, and I think for a lot of parents and I think, you know, for a lot of parents, it's very hard to save for retirement when they have kids at home, going to school, playing sports, all that stuff. And the general advice from financial advisors is, you know, in your fifties or you know, you're, you're going to be able to start saving money, your expenses will go down and you can plan for your retirement. And if you still have kids living with you who aren't contributing, I mean, obviously there's many nuances to how the finances, you know, in every situation.

But people are sort of, I think, you know, some of the families that I spoke to just were quite surprised and not quite sure how it was going to affect them yet, having their kids there longer. But as for myself, I, you know, I have always thought of those, looking forward to those years without children. And, you know, it takes a bit of a mind shift

to imagine having them there as adults and seeing them as roommates rather than someone who comes over once a week for dinner. You have three kids, grade seven, eight, and 12? That's right. Has writing this piece made you more or less hopeful for your kids' future? I mean, I'm sure they have a wonderful future ahead of them

and they will do great and wonderful things, but at the same time, as we've said, I mean, the environment that they're growing up in is tough. Yeah, I mean, I guess really very honestly, I went into this piece quite nervous for my children, wondering what I was going to find. And it had been on the back of my mind for a while, living in Toronto and having them grow up here,

wondering where they were going to live, just seeing all the prices go up and sort of trying to imagine what that would look like in the future. Would they then be, would they have to, would they be moving away? Would they be moving out of the city? Where would that be? And so that was sort of on the back of my mind going into the piece. And I'm more hopeful now. And I think that's because of the young adults that I spoke to. And because even though they couldn't necessarily see

where they were going to be living, they all really were looking forward to their futures and finding a way to make it work. And so it won't be that idea where, you know, we've raised them, they're able to take off, spread their wings and, you know, and that's sort of our job is done. I think we'll be supporting them for a long time. But I don't see that as a negative. And I think that they, we all have a great future. Claire, this piece struck a chord with me, certainly, but with a lot of readers as well.

I appreciate you being here. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Claire Gagne is an editor at Maclean's Magazine. Her piece, Stuck at Home, is available now on the Maclean's website at macleanes.ca. Are your adult children still living at home? Have they returned home?

How's that going for you? Has it caused, we talked about financial pressure, but also just a mind shift in terms of what you thought was going to happen versus what is actually happening? And if you have moved back home, we would love to hear from you as well. What is that like? What's driving your decision? There could be good, there could be bad. You can let us know.

You can email us. TheCurrent at cbc.ca. For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca slash podcasts.