The Daily Show: Ears Edition - A Look Back at 2021 - Texas Roundup

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

Ronny Chieng highlights bad news from Texas in 2021, including the state's harmful response to the COVID-19 crisis, restrictions on voting access, its attack on abortion rights and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Howdy, partners. I'm here in Texas. The state that grabbed 2021 by the horns and made it is bitch. E-ha! Everything that happened this year happened in Texas. The border crisis, Q and on Resurrecting J.FK. Jr. Me, developing a crippling dependency on brisket.

Mmm. Of course, Texas wouldn't have had such a big year without its governor, Greg Abbott. He banned mass mandates, he banned vaccine cards, because the best way to fight COVID is your freedom. And I see you bet, but we ran out because of all the COVID. BOOBBBB bill, bill, bill. And maybe some Texas haters will say that Abbott didn't do enough to suppress COVID cases. Well, sorry, he was too busy trying to suppress something else. If enacted, the Texas voting legislation would in drive-through and 24-hour voting, including prohibiting Sunday voting before 1 PM, which critics say, b say, b say, b say, b........ B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Billiuiui-billi. B. Billiu. Bill. Billu. Billillill. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te.e.e.e.e. Ie. Ie. Ia. Ia. Ia. the the the the the the the the voting legislation would in drive-thru and 24-hour voting, including prohibiting Sunday voting before 1 p.m. Which critics say unfairly impacts black voters.

What's that stake then? Effectively, the voting rights of black Texans. Did somebody say steak? That's right, you are the bitch-ass states? Everything is bigger in Texas. Especially the bitch-ass states. Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the lines to vote in black communities. And if you're one of those wimp states who say, oh, there's no such thing as voter fraud, why don't you put your money where your mouth is? Because Texas did.

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, a Trump ally, had promised to pay up to a million dollars if anyone came forward with examples of voter fraud. Fraud he said that existed with no evidence, and he's now made the first payout. But in an ironic and expensive twist, it was fraud being committed on behalf of Republicans. So here's the first check for $25,000. It went to a poll worker in Pennsylvania who reported a Republican who voted twice. Yeah, see? That totally proved this point. In kind of the way that was the exact opposite of this point. And the best part of this Texas bounty story?

It's not even the only Texas bounty story from 2021. Let's lasso in that second bounty story now. Ah, shit. That's the third TV this week. Just play the clip. The nation's most restrictive abortion law is now in effect in Texas after the Supreme Court ignored a request to block it. The measure bans most abortions after six weeks of pregnancy and makes no exceptions for incest or rapes. What's unique about this law is that it's enforced by private parties, not by government

officials. That means private citizens can sue anyone who aids or abets an unlawful abortion, from the doctors who perform them to drivers who take women to the clinic. Okay, this law may be horrible for women, but you got to admit, it's the the to to to to to to to to the to the clinic. Okay, this law may be horrible for women, but you gotta admit, it's great for the wanted poster industry. And that's like 90% of Texas's economy. And say what you want, but what other state would have had the balls to turn their entire population into snitches?

Not Rhode Island. The fact is, Texas was a power house all year long, even when they didn't have power in their house. Millions in Texas tonight are living a freezing nightmare without power huddled against some freezing temperatures. Nowhere is harder hit than Texas. Where more than 3 million homes and businesses are without power and heat, the electrical grid simply can't handle the demand.

Texas is on its own power grid and that has a lot of people asking, why was the state that's known to produce energy so unprepared for this crisis? That's right, thanks to Texas's independent power grid, the energy capital of America had no energy. This past year, Texas was even number one at irony. Pipes were bursting, cell phone towers were down. People couldn't even put gas into their horses. But who cares? Here in Texas, what's so tough, we don't even need electricity. Oh God! Somebody please help! I don't want to divertion!

Oh, oh, oh, hey. The point is, as epic as 2021 was for Texas, it was also a tough time. And when things got tough, the Ted Cruz's got going. Republican Senator from Texas, Ted Cruz, faces growing backlash for leaving his home state and flying to Cancun while Texans were dealing with this crisis. The inbattle Texas senator first claimed he was merely escorting his family to Cancun for a vacation and coming right back. But leaked texts from his wife Heidi appeared to show the entire Cruz family was planning

to stay in Mexico through the weekend to escape the bitter cold wreaking havoc in Texas. That's right. Here in the Wild West, you either die or you're right off into the sunset. And Ted Cruz rode off into the sunset while people in his state died. He's the ultimate Texan, which is why I gotta take my hat off to you, Ted Cruz. Uh-oh, another power outage. That's my cutest kiddattle. Fair be well, 2021. I will see you next year in Cancun.

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