The Daily Show: Ears Edition - A Look Back at 2021 - The Year in Scams | Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Congress holds former Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows in contempt, Michael Kosta highlights the biggest scams of 2021, and Chelsea Handler talks about her Vaccinated and Horny Tour. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Steph Curry is about to break one of the hardest records in the NBA most three-pointers ever, I'm assuming it's scored. Because otherwise that would be a weird record. Just like the most three-pointers that someone has tried. Those should be cool records as well. They should have that. You tried a lot.

I mean, you got none of them, but you really tried a lot. Most tries. No, he's gonna break the record. It was Ray Allen's record. And then Ray Allen, they asked him what do you think? And he said, even if Steph breaks it the greatest. the greatest but you're not the greatest. That's literally how the record works. Yeah. So Steph has to shoot just two. He shoots one and then he's tied and then he shoots another one and then he breaks the record. Yes. Unless he gets cursed and then never scores another three ever

again. Like maybe I should be the one to tell you American. Steph Curry's broken. Scareer's broken. Stifurry is broken. He's. th. th. th. th. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. S. S. th. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sote. Sote. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. So. Soes. Soes. Soes. Soes. Soes. Soes. Soes. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. soccer. No one can break it. Basketball? Broken. Steph Curry figured out that if you throw the ball, you can throw it over everybody and then you just get the same points. Before that, people were like, you've got to like run and then fight people like Shaq. Imagine if you had been like, fighting against Shaq all tho from like the line, because they were like, this is the three-point line. Then he was like, but what if you just do it from like the other line? Then he was like, what have you just,

have you seen, Steph Curry does it from like not even on the court now? He does it from like the tunnel that comes to the court. At some point, Stavre Curr is just going to be like like the the the to thkeke. to be from the th. th. thke. to be from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. teea. te. te. te. te. te. te. to be like the first step of the hybrid work in the NBA. Be like, yeah, man, I remember when the game changed. Before that, we had to come into the arena, man. You have to play games. And then Steph Curry came along, man, shit. Now, now, man, people, these mrs. These mobs are the towards from there. Yeah, just be like, one of the greatest greatest greatest greatest greatest greatest throws from there. Man, you can't guard that shit.

You can't guard that shit. You gotta catch two planes just to guard him. Whole game has changed. You'd be telling your grandkids, back in my day in basketball, you had to be there to defend the player. They were there shooting in your face like a man. And now nothing. You don't know when it's going to come.

The other day, I got a envelope in the mail. I thought it was from your Nana. I opened it. It was a three-point shot. We lost the heart of Times Square in New York City, the only city in America. It's the Daily Show, ears edition. Tonight, text from Fox News, the year in Scams, and Chelsea Handler. This is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

Hey, what's going on everybody. Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah. And joining me for today's headlines is my good friend, Roy Wood Jr. What's going on, Roy? Hey, what up, man? I'm just trying to find a karate class. My five-year-old taking karate,

so that mean I gotta learn karate, because the showdown is coming. I don't think that's how it works, Roy. I think you can just let him do karate. Which one of us has a child? You. Okay, so do you let me worry about the showdown that's looming with my child? Every child at some point challenges the father. That's how it goes. You've seen Star Wars. Well, good luck with that, Roy. And good luck to your child. All right, let's jump right into today's headlines. We kick things off with Omicron, the coronavirus variant named after disgraced CNN anchor

Chris Cuomocron. It's now been three weeks since Omicron was discovered, which means scientists are starting to get a handle on exactly what we might be dealing with. This morning, the fast-spreading Omicron variant is adding fresh fears around the world. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is warning of a looming title wave of Omicron cases in the UK. Health officials here are saying that no other COVID variant has spread this fast and

they fear that in less than 36 hours, Omicron will become the dominant variant here in London. Already it makes up 44% of cases in the city and numbers are doubling every two to three days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days days. the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. ti. ti. toda. ti. ti. today. today. today. today. today. thi. thi. the the the the city and numbers are doubling every two to three days. The country of Norway is ramping up efforts to slow the spread of O'macron. In a new approach to decreasing gatherings there, the Prime Minister announced the country is placing a ban on serving alcohol in bars and restaurants. The moratorium comes as the country is facing record high COVID-19 infections and hospitalizations. Wow, no drinking in Norway in the winter. I mean at that point, you might as well die of COVID.

Also, why are they keeping the bars open if you can't drink? Are there people out there who are like, I still enjoy the communal peanuts and shouty conversations and standing in someone else's pee while I pee. You know, there's more to a bar than just drinking, guys. But look, the point is, Omicron is spreading super fast, like way faster than any other variants. We hadn't even heard about it a few weeks ago, and now it's dominating the world. It's like the Olivia Rodrigo variants. And as it spreads, we're learning

more about the effects of Omicron. In fact, the first large study was just released out of South Africa. Woo-woo! And it has good news and bad news. The bad news is even if you have two doses of the Pfizer vaccine, you only get 33% protection against infection from Omicron, right? The good news is if you do get Omicron, you're about 30 percent less likely to go to the hospital than with Delta. But the bad news is there was a hot single doctor at the hospital who could have been your soulmate and you'll never get to meet him. Yeah. The good news is he has a lot of student debt and that would have totally weighed on your relationship after a while. Sorry where was I going with this? Oh yeah yeah if

you're worried about catching Omercron the good news is that a booster shot is actually very effective. It's really effective protection. In fact we shouldn't even be calling it a booster at this point. We should just call it the third shot. You know it seems like it's going to be completely necessary. Calling it a booster makes it sound optional, like someone's offering you a hot towel. Would you care for a booster shot, yes? Yeah, what's with them hot towels? What's with them hot towel, man? One minute is hot and then like a second later it's cold, towel.

Right? It doesn't even feel like it was felt nice, a thahanice it just turn into a cold rag. You know nobody want a rag. It's instance as well. Yeah, that's part of the problem with it. It's just like it's just work. It's like a thing, but it's like it's too hot as well. Like they give it to you and you can't hold it. And the next secondowels at all. You know where they messed up with this booster shot also, doll, is that they like, they, they messed up calling the first shot to vaccine.

We're supposed to be the vaccine, done. They should have just called that medicine and then call this shot more medicine. the medicine. Everybody, everybody like more medicine. That's all you have to call it. Yeah. More medicine. And not market it. That's how you do it. You know our people was taking all that whole stuff and drinking a bleach? Word of mouth. Wasn't no commercials for it.

Everybody want to be up on that new, new. Stop, stop, talking about the booster. Stop, stop. the booster. Nah, it's no booster. There ain't no, I thought it was a booster. Now, there's no booster. Man, let me get the booster, I know you've got that booster. There's no booster, man. Stop, hey, baby, come on, man.

All right, I'll talk to you later. All right, let's move on to a story that involves two of America's most vowsii teachers often have to spend their own money to buy supplies for their classrooms. Which is insane. I mean every time you hear this in America you realize how insane this is because no other job makes you do this. No one at McDonald's is ever like, oh they won't fix the ice cream from home. And if it's not depressing enough that teachers buy supplies for their students, toose, too, their, their, too, their, their, too, their, tho, tho, tho, their, tho, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr-s, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, throoooooooooooooooooooooomuuuuuua, their, their, the enough that teachers buy supplies for their students, one hockey team in South Dakota, well they found a way to make it even worse. Time now for stories everyone's talking about this morning, we start in South Dakota.

This blew up social media yesterday. Yeah. Believe it. Yeah. And here's's going on. The Sioux Falls Stampede Hockey team held a dash for cash competition Saturday. So these are 10 teachers crawling around on the ice, grabbing as much money as they can to buy classroom supplies.

However, many found this wrong to have teachers fight for money. Some even compared it to the Netflix show, Squid Game. Oh, come on. This is nothing like Squid Game. I mean, for starters, you don't need subtitles to realize how sad this is. And, at least if you win Squid Game, you get to keep the money. These poor teachers are debasing themselves to pay for textbooks that don't even teach slavery. Like this is the most depressing thing I've ever seen at a sporting event, aside from any game where the jets are playing. Like, I get that they were trying to help out the local teachers who need money for their classrooms,

but you realize they could have just given them the money, yeah? You don't have to turn their need into our entertainment. Can you imagine if they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're to to they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theirn't made you do like the duggy before they saved you? Huh? Now you're there drowning and you're like, woo-lo, woo-lo. I mean, would that be funny? Yes, but it's not appropriate. And you know, this really highlights how America cares so little about education.

I mean, its teachers are wrestling on the ground for dollar bills. Meanwhile, the defense budget of this country is over half a trillion dollars a year. And I'm not saying that defense contractors can't have that money, but they should at least have to wrestle around in jello for it and naked. I want to see butts. It's a crazy story, too. Right? It's very crazy. It's like, why would you give teachers money for supplies at the end the year year year the year the the the th the th th th th th th th th th th th. the the the the the the thi th crazy. It's like why would you give teachers money for supplies at the end of the year? It's too late. Them kids are already flunked, man.

They needed them supplies back in August. Why are you getting supplies to help kids? You ain't made a F. You can't bounce back from a December F. I don't know if you ever had a December F, but it's a rap. Ain't nothing that you can do to say it, they can just got to tell them see you next year. You can stay in the class for the rest of the year so you can be familiar with this shit next year. But once you got a December F, that's a waste of time. They should have had them teachers out there on the ice back back back back back back ice. I I I I I I I I I to to to to to the ice. I the ice, I to the ice, I the ice, I their to to their their to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to toldld told told to to to to to to to to to to to told told to told told to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say to say to say to say to say to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their te. their te. their their tell you just their their their tell you just their their tolde. tolde. tolde. going to lie. It's a fair point. It's a solid point, is what you meant to say. That is what I mean. That is what I mean. Also, they didn't offer them teachers a hot towel. That's a disrespectful part of it.

They touching money. Ugh. O'Moch trys. O'Mkron out there, out there. Raw dog and cash? You raw dog cash? I've never thought of it like that actually. We should hang out. We should. We should hang out. We should.

You'd learn some shit. Yeah, I would. Okay. All right, let's move on now to our main story, which is about former president Donald Jussie Smollett Trump. And his attempt last year to overturn the election, which by the way, no judgment, no judgment at all.

I mean, if you lost anything to Joe Biden, you'd also deny the shit out of it. An election, a foot race, an arm wrestling match. I mean, have you seen that guy? It's like losing to a soggy sponge. Hell, if Joe Biden beat me paper scissors, I'd chop off both my hands. I'd just be like, yeah, I never played this game. Now, one of the guys who has the most information about Trump's attempts to overthrow the election is his former chief of staff, Mark Meadows.

But as of a few weeks ago, he suddenly stopped talking. Lawmakers investigating the January 6th attack on the Capitol have run out of patience with Mark Meadows. Marque Meadows made the decision to to decision to decision to the decision to to the decision to to the decision to to the decision to to the decision to the decision to to the decision to to the decision to to the decision to to the decision to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I will. th. tape. tr. tr. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. I. I. Mark Meadows made the decision to cooperate and then he made the decision to uncooperate and as a result we're going to have to hold him in criminal contempt. The committee says they've got questions about documents Meadows has handed over, which shed light on what the Trump White House knew about the insurrection before it began. The committee is also interested in the weeks leading up to the insurrection and Meadows' involvement in efforts to undermine the election outcome. When presented with the idea of certain states, sending alternate

slates of electors to Congress, Meadows responded, I love it. I love it. Mmm, get you a man who loves you the way Mark Meadows loves overthrowing democracy. See that? I love it. I love it. I mean, no, to be fair, though, I love it is also what you send the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the to to the to to to the the to to the the to to to to the to to to the to to to to toe to it. I mean, to be fair, though, I love it is also what you send when you want the other person to think you actually read through all their texts when you didn't. So maybe it was like that with Mark Meadows? I don't know. The fact is, though, it looks like Mark Meadows was very involved in Trump's plan to overturn the election. He pushed the justice department to investigate made-up voter fraud. He tried to block states from certifying their electors. And he even made Trump lick the Oval Office desk to claim dibs. And it definitely doesn't look good that he stopped cooperating with the investigation. I mean I do get it though.

You know he can't be disloyal to Trump, because in Trump world, loyalty is everything. You take care of Trump, and Trump takes care of you, unless you're John Bolton, or Jeff Sessions, or Rudy Giuliani, or Melania, or Michael Cohen, or anybody else he's ever known. It's called loyalty. But before he stopped cooperating, Meadows did hand over a lot of documents to the committee. And one thing they discovered were a bunch of franticed text messages that he got during the Capitol riot. And some of them, some of them came from Donald Trump's closest advisors.

Fox Entertainers frantically texted Mark Meadows as the Capitol riot was happening and urged him to get then President Trump to stop it. In one text exchange Hannity urged Meadows to tell Mr. Trump to quote, make a statement and ask people to leave the Capitol. Brian Kilmeade saying, please get him, Trump, on TV, destroying everything you have accomplished. Laura Ingram writing, Mark, the president needs to tell the people in the Capitol to go home. This is hurting all of us. He is destroying his legacy.

Oh, man, this is so amazing. Yeah, because you realize Fox News has spent the whole year acting like January 6th was nothing, just nothing. It's just a few, you know, Patriots, just having their voices heard. But it turns out that in private, they were freaking out about it. Freaking out! This is like finding out the flight attendant who's been telling you that it's just a little turbulence, is actually going back into the cockpit, like,

doesn't anybody know how to fly this thing? We're all going to die! Why? On your left, you can see the Rocky Mountains. Really beautiful. Just please stay in your seat, folks. And I love that they were so concerned that this could ruin Trump's legacy. If he gets somebody killed today, no one will remember that time he told everyone to drink bleach. It's crazy that CNN fired Chris Cuomo because he was caught giving secret advice to a politician, his brother. But now, it turns out that basically everyone at Fox News was giving secret advice to President Trump and his people.

But I mean, I guess that's what makes it okay, yeah? Like if one person at your network has no integrity, that's a problem. Well, if nobody has integrity, that's a company policy. Fox News, we all island. But the best part of this text dump is that it wasn't just Fox hosts who were freaking out about Trump's response to the riot. No, there were also texts from President Trump's oldest son and man who never has to worry about chin cancer, Don Jr. As the violence continued, one of the president's sons texted Mr. Meadows, quote, he's got to condemn this shit ASAP.

The Capitol Police tweet is not enough. Donald Trump Jr. texted, again and again, urging action by the president. Quote, we need an oval office address. He has to lead now. It has gone too far and gotten out of hand. Yeah. It appears that Don Jr. himself thought the insurrection had gone too far and had gotten out of hand,

which suggests that he was okay with an insurrection that was a little more in control. Whoa, what's with all this violence? I kind of thought we could overthrow the government in like a cool fun way, like Ocean's 11. Like we'd sneak in and steal democracy before anyone noticed, and we're all wearing cool suits and George Clooney is like, you guys are cool. And I'd be like, you're cool, George Clooney, something like that. Now, clearly Don Jr.'s texts didn't work, which, honestly, I'm kind of glad about, because the only thing worse than an insurrection would have been having to thank Don Jr.

Thank you for saving democracy, Don Jr. But still, seeing Don Jr. desperately trying to get a message to his own father. I mean that tells you a lot about their relationship, right? And those aren't even the only texts that he sent Mark Meadows that day. In fact, a source has provided the Daily Show with additional texts. And I'm going to read them to you right now. Later that day, Don Jr. texted Mark Meadows again, quote, Hey, man, just wanted to see if you passed those messages to my dad yet. And then, quote, actually, it might be easier if you gave me my dad's number so I can text

him directly, question mark. Some time passed, and then another text. Let me know about my dad's number. But no rush. I know shit is cray, lull. And finally that night, quote, come on man, at least give me his email. And then three prayer hands emogies. There was no response.

So yes, the January 6th riot rocked America to its call. But even worse, it broke Don Jr.'s heart. Hilarious. All right, when we come back, we'll take a look at all the biggest scams of 2021 and Chelsea Handler is my guest, which means she's joining me on the show. You don't want to miss it. Welcome back to the Daily Show. 2021 is almost over. And I think we can all agree that compared to last year, it has been a perfect year. So for the rest of the month, we'll be remembering all of 2021's best moments in our year-end segment,

a look back at 2021, the least bad year of the last two years. Tonight, Michael Costa takes a look at all the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the of of of the last two years. Tonight, Michael Costa takes a look at all the top scams of the year. A lot changed in 2021, the length of Kanye's name, the energy level of our president, my in-law's Hulu password. But one thing that didn't change is that people still fell for anything. You know how they say a sucker's thanker. the toy, that they say th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho-toduu, tho-a, tho-a, tho-s that, tho-s, tho-s, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho-s tho-s, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-s, tho-s, to-s, toda, today, today, today, today, today, tho''-s, th. But one thing that didn't change is that people still fell for anything. You know how they say a suckers-born every minute? Well, this year there was more sucking going on than an orgy at the Dyson factory. Oof. Starting with one of the most ridiculous scams people fell for,

NFTs. Otherwise known as non-fungible tokens. It's basically when you buy the rights to a piece of digital art. And hang on to your Apple wallets, they got pretty expensive. $200,000 for a LeGron James dunking clip. $600,000 for, I don't even know what that is in the middle. And millions for Jack Dorsey's first tweet. This image of digital toilet paper is worth $2,100. Yeah, $2,100 for digital toilet paper. I guess it'll come in handy when I had to take a dump in the metaverse. Sadly, gullible, idiots spent millions on NFTs

thinking they have actual value, when in reality, they can become worthless at any time, which I found out the hard way when I sold my house to buy this NFT of a dog wearing pantyhose. What can I say? I love art. My next favorite scam of 2021 was the meme stock. All year long, people were pumping money into terrible businesses just because the internet thought it was cool. It was the financial equivalent of the Tide Pod Challenge. And no stock had been declining in value thiiiii thine thine thine thine th th th thine that that that that that that that that that that that thi that thi that that thi thi that thi thi thi thi thi thi that thi that that thi thi the of that that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the an the an the an theate an toa the an toa. toa toe an toe an toe an the an the an the no stock was more memeed than Game Stop. Its stock had been declining in value for a long time because it's a store

that tries to sell you video games that you can download at home. And if there's one thing gamers love, it's leaving their house. Ever. But of course, like all meme stocks, this whole thing is just a big roller coaster and the to' the to-s. thtoy, thtoy, thtoy, thtoy, thtree, thtie, thtie, thtie, thtie, thtie, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, ththau-s, ththau-s, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, the the the thi, the the the thi, thi, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin.. is thin. thin, thin, thin, thau. thau. tttttttttttttttttfoge, tttttttttttttfoge, the toe. the the their to be left holding the bag when the price crashes. Turns out it was me. I bought it all at the top. Not totally my fault. My cousin is a hedge fund manager and he assured me that this thing was foolproof. Anyway he's living in Turks and Caicos now and I'm living in an airport La Quinta. But let's let's move from Wall Street Avenue. Home of the scam that kicked off 2021 is somehow still going strong. It's the biggest lie since, oh, that fedora looks great on you. Trump's claims of voter fraud.

He and the GOP convinced his supporters that Joe Biden stole the 2020 election, which led to the January 6th insurrection, aka Q. Chela, Maga Paloza, Whitestock. I mean, guys, come on. If the election had been rigged, we would know by now. Probably because Biden would have accidentally said it in a speech. The man has no filter. But instead, people were foolishly led to believe that they could actually stop the election from being certified.

But the truth is, that was never possible. Unfortunately, I only found that out after I got maced by Capitol Police inside Chuck Schumer's office. I got his mouse pad as a souvenir, though. Ah, still has some chicken salad stains on. Anyhue, as I said at my bail hearing, I deeply regret my participation. Let's move on to CRT or critical race theory. This was a big scam spread by right-wing culture warriors that suggested your kids elementary school was teaching white kids that slavery was their fault. And some parents, they bought

it hookline and sinker. The Western culture and values that brought forth Christianity in the founding documents are being called evil and racist. Critical waste theory is a Marxist philosophy and cancer. Just because I do not want critical race theory taught to my children in school does not mean that I'm a racist, damn it. C.R.T. is evil. If I lived in the school zone or had a kid, I would pull him out of this school forever. Oh yeah, I forgot that. I was part of that too, so. I got got again.

But the scam that best sums up 2021 is without a doubt, Ivermectin. It was the medicine for people who would take anything to prevent COVID except for the free and effective vaccine that could prevent COVID. So some pretty twisted individuals took to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the t. t. I. I. I. I. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I'm tip. I'm te. I'm tie. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I tea. I tie. I t. I t. I t. I I I t. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I t. I I. I I. I t. I. I. I t. I. I tie. I tie. I tie. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'm try. I'm try. except for the free and effective vaccine that could prevent COVID. So some pretty twisted individuals took this opportunity to promote the idea that a veterinary grade horse dewormer could prevent and treat COVID. And people fell for it so bad, that pet stores even started selling out of it, which really sucks for the horses. It's bad enough humans give them names like daddy's velvet and Smoky Midnight Blossom. Now people were taking all their medicine? Although, full disclosure, I did take some. But in my defense, it seemed like such a bad idea that it made me think maybe it wasn't a bad idea.

That's how they get you sometimes. Anyway, long story short, I came down with something my vet is calling horse diarrhea. I don't know exactly what that means because that's the clinical term, but to be honest, I've never felt so worm-free in my entire life. So as we go into 2022, let's take with us the lessons we learned this year. Stay vigilant, be smart, and do your own research, but not in the crazy way. The only way to protect yourself from getting scammed is to... Oh. Holy shit Bill Gates just emailed me and he wants to send me some cash? I'm gonna be rich.

Woo! Woo! Ha! Woo! Thank you so much for that, Michael. All right, when we come back, the hilarious Chelsea Handler will be joining me right here in the studio, so don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is best-selling author and comedian

Chelsea Handler. She's here to talk about her vaccinated and horny stand-up tour and her recent Grammy nomination. Chelsea Handler, welcome to the show. Hi, Trevor. I've thiiiiii'm getting better every day. How are you? I'm doing well. I noticed that you got a new studio here. The last time I was here we were somewhere else. Yes, which means we weren't here but yes. Yeah, that's the the, the, throwns, they's, throwne. thrown. to's, that's, that's, that's, thrown, that's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm they's, I'm th's, I'm th's, I'm th's, I'm the the they. th. th. th. tha's, I'm tha's, I'm tha's, I'm tha's, I'm tha's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thr. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tooo. toooooo' tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. to. to. tr. to. to. today. tod's like a work in progress of life and I feel like we're all in it right now. It's like nothing is back to normal. We're in the hybrid phase and then you know we're gonna get ready to go back to a different phase of life and let's talk about you and your phases though. People's Choice Award, congratulations though. Oh my God I beat you in the people's choice, best. I'm in the c. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to be. I'm to be. I'm to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. thin. thin thin thin thin thin thin' to be thin' to be to be thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thr. the thr. thr. the the the thr. the the thri. the thri. thi. say congratulations had I known. I just thought you won an award and I was happy for you.

I thought you were being a big boy about it. I was going to say, great, look at you. No. No, OK, well, let's take it back, you know. Let's go back. No, but for real, congratulations. us as comedians the Grammy nomination I mean you know this is your first one right? No I was in Hawaii with Joe Coy and I woke up and I yeah this was definitely my first one and I got a text from my agent and she said you've been nominated for a Grammy award and I was like a Grammy for what? I mean the irony I

have like no rhythm I can't sing I can't dance and so I was like Joe I'm thin nominated for a Grammy he's like you're th. th I th you th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thin. thi thi the. I'm the the the the the the the the th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. I'm th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. He's like, you're kidding me. So that's exciting. That's so cool. I think all comedians have that feeling. It literally is a weird feel. Because you don't think of the Grammys as including like stand up in that way. Yeah. Because you do have the comedy album as well. And so, I mean, New York Times best-selling books.

I mean, but who am I to brag? You know what I mean? I just want to set the record straight. You know what I mean? You have, I mean, every TV show has been a hit. And now, we're seeing the new Chelsea, the Chel, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, t, t, t, t, I, t, to, I, to, I, I, I, to, to, I, to, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, I. to. the, I. the, I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the, I. the, I. the, I. the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I mean, I'm, I'm, I mean, I'm, I mean, I'm. the, I'm. the. the, I. the. it. They love to see me in love. Well, I think because for a long time, people have only seen you as like the horny Chelsea. I mean, like even your two is like, vaccinated and horny, like, we know like that Chelsea's like, I'm drinking wine, I'm horny.

And now this Chelsea's like, well, I'm in love. Yeah, I'm still horny, but th, but more, but more, but more, but more, but more, but more, but more, but more, but more, but more, they, they, they, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, they, thi, th, th., th., th., th., th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, is is th........... t, is, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, thi. thr. thrown. thrown. thi. thrown, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t see the reaction from people being so happy that I'm in love. Like, I didn't realize how many people were rooting for me, you know. Like I want to give people, women, my age, hope. Like, you know, if you don't settle for all these idiots out there, the good one is going to come. And I mean, for men and women alike, youthe tide rises. I like that. I think that's true. One thing I've always wanted though is like what it's like to date a comedian.

I don't think I ever could because I don't know, like what are the rules? If you're dating a comedian, then who gets the jokes? Because at some point you're having a conversation, a brilliant premise, throwne........ comes up, who gets it? Yeah, well, I mean, we're pretty good about sharing that, you know, and Joe is like, he's not your typical comedian. No, he's not. He's very, very bright and cheerful and it's infectious, you know? He keeps everybody kind of up, up, up. So I mean, it's a lot to handle, especially for me, because I'm such a sinister bitch,

I'm like, to these days So we split the jokes, you know like if he comes up with a he sleeps with a CPAP machine on his face for instance Because he's sleep apnea. So he sleeps with one of the like the contraption. Yeah, yeah, and I tried that it was terrible. Oh, do you have a sleep? No, I just tried the machine? thrown. th. th th th th. th th. th. th. thr- I thr- I just thr- I just thr-I. thr-I. thr-I's. thr-I's. thr-I's the thr-I's sleep. their. their sleep sleep sleep. their. the the their sleep their sleep with a sleep with a sleep. the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. hea. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. he. he. he. he. he. he. hee. hee. tip. tipe. tape. tape. S tapeapeapeapeapot. S tapeapapapot. S tapap. S tapapapap. He's sleep sleep sleep sleep's sleep's like, let's see how this goes. He sleeps with one of those on and that's like, it's like when he puts that on, it's like he is going into a submarine for the rest of the night. You know, it's out. Yes, see you later. Yes. Yeah, there's no like romance with those things. There's no interruption. It's like you're on life support the whole night and then wake up. Yeah, he's trying not to die all night long and then in the morning he wakes up to this piece of work

So I told him, you know, I was like listen he said something about the way I sleep and I said listen I'm going to bed with an octopus every single night, so why don't you go and he uses that in his stand-up. you know that I like he, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he he. He he's he he's he he's he's he says he he says he he says he he says he he says he he says he he says he he says he he says. He says he he says he he says he he says. He says he he says he he says he he says. He says he hea. He says he hea. He says he hea. He says he hea. He hea. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. He. He. He. He. He's he he. He's he he. He's he he. He's he he. He's he. He's he. He's he says he he says he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he all these men out there, I understand it's a contraption and it's not hot. No, it's not. But I mean if I'm sitting there sleeping with it every night, I bet you there's a lot more women out there. I think that's a lot more women out there. I think that's like the definition of love. Yeah, as if you can see papapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap that that that the that that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's the that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a c. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a c. that's a that's a that's a that. I've always envied that about you, to be honest. Like I love how you just, you share everything in your life. You'll make jokes about it, you'll have fun with it. There's no barriers for you. I mean, you even joked about you wanting to have sex with Andrew Cuomo

and then like dealing with like the him now being canceled and also just like being found guilty of thi. etc. Yeah, yeah. Like as Chelsea Handler, I'd love to know where you got that confidence just to do that. Like, where did that come from? Oh, well, thanks. I mean, I have a lot of misplaced confidence. For a long time, I thought I could sing and dance until I tried out for the cheerleading squad and they tested me for scoliosis thing was very funny because when that didn't work out with Andrew Cuomo, like he, nothing ever happened between us but I had a big, you know, loud crush on him. My sister's like, mom is cockblocking you from heaven. And I go, really, that's what you think mom is doing up in heaven cock blocking me?

She's like, yeah, you need to be cocked blocked by these. and th. And she's, and she's, and she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, and she, and she, and she, yeah, yeah, yeah, and she, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. Yeah, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi's, nothing, thi's, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, thi, nothing, nothing, thi, thi, nothing, th. yeah, she's like, if you were with Andrew Cuomo, you would have never met Joe Coy. She's like, mom's at work up there. I like this. You're on tour. It's still happening. You've won the award for it over me. Congratulations. That sounded very angry. No, I'm not angry.

I'm just, bitter. I thin, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. the. the. the. the. the. the, it. the, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's like, yeah, this is a horrible time for me to find out. So we got the tour, you got the Grammy nomination. What are you looking forward to? I've been really enjoying being on the road for this tour. It's been, it's so great to be a reason, as you will know, to bring people back together for the politics of everything right now because I'm so exhausted by all of that too. Yeah I think everyone is. Yeah everyone's sick of me hearing and talking about it and people are sick of talking about it so it's been nice to have like a celebratory fun you know making fun of all the

behavior we all got up to during COVID which was seriously embarrassing. I mean I was when indexing my food my take out food for about three months you know you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho the th. thi tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi to thi to to theeeeeeeeeeeean. I thean. I'm thean. I'm theea. I'm thi. Yeah. I'm thi thi thi food, my takeout food for about three months. You were one of those, Chelsea. So I didn't get COVID, but I probably have cancer. Wow, I'll tell you this, it's always a pleasure having you. I think this is the fifth time I've had you on the show. Congratulations on love, congratulations on all the success. And hope to. Tickets for Chelsea's Vaccinated and Hornytour are available at Chelsea Handler.com. It won a People's Choice Award over me, so go and watch it. All right, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.

Well that's our show for tonight, but before we go, our new daily show holiday merch has officially dropped. It's our happy belated holiday sweatshirt, the only gift that won't have you worried about supply chain issues. So if you wanna check it out, scan the QR code or head to the link below. Until tomorrow, stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember, if Don Jr. asks, Donald Trump isn't here.