The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Asian Countries Reject Western Trash & Bizarre Sports News | David Spade

Episode Date: July 24, 2019

Asian nations reject shipments of recyclable trash from the West, Michael Kosta and Roy Wood Jr. cover odd sports news, and David Spade discusses Lights Out with David Spade. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but

how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. July 23, 2019. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York. This is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Welcome to the Daily Show, Thank you so much for shooting in. Thank you as al as to coming out. You, yeah! Welcome to it.

All theankewit. Let's do it. Thank you so much for coming out. You! Yeah! Welcome to it. Daily Show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you as always for coming out. You, yeah! Welcome to it. All right, let's do it. Let's do it. I'm Trevor Noah.

Our guest tonight is an S&L legend and host of a brand new show coming to Comedy Central. It's called Lights Out. David Spade is joining us everybody. Also, on tonight's show, Great Britain gets its very own Trump, the biggest scandal from the world of chess, and why recycling is a lie. So let's catch up on today's headlines. First up, if you've ever thought, I like Donald Trump and his policies and his hair, but I really just wish he could read? Well, then Great Britain has the leader for you.

Breaking news out of London this morning. There's a new Prime Minister for Britain. Forrest Johnson will take over from Teresa May. Johnson is a divisive figure, seen by many as Britain's Donald Trump, blonde, brash, a populist, fond of anti-immigrant rhetoric who's built a career twisting the truth. I know some wag was already pointed out that deliver, unite, and defeat was not the perfect acronym for an election campaign, since unfortunately it spells DUD, but they forgot the final

E, my friends, E for energise. And I say to all the doubters,ters dude we are going to energize the country we're gonna get Brexit done dude dude where is my motor vehicle dude you know what I love about Brexit is how confident everyone is when they come into the job yeah like everyone before them hasn't failed at Brexit dismally it's already wiped out two prime ministers but the next guy's like all right my turn let's do it. Come on Brexit. Brexit. Brexit is basically the cinnamon challenge of politics. That's what it is. Yeah.

Everyone starts to like, hey guys I'm gonna be doing the Brexit. It's gonna be super blah blah blah blah. I mean if I came into the job I would be a lot more humble. I would just be like, I mean, I th. I tha, I tha, I tha, I thi thi, I thi, if I thi, if I thi, if I thi, if I thi, if I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th is th is th is th is basically th, thi, th is basically th is basically th is basically th is basically is basically is basically th is basically is basically th is basically th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th is basically basically basically basically basically th is basically th is basically th is basically th is basically thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi that thee that the the the the the thi the thi thi thi th like look we've seen that Brexit is not messing around so here's a shotgun if it's looking really bad just finish me off thank you very much moving on if you were one of those people who spent last week saying it's so hot I wish we could cool down with some rain well your wish was granted you son of a bitch this deadly heat wave that we've been having has broken but now we've got the rain and you can't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I I I th. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm the. I'm the. the. the. the. I's the. I's the. I's the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I I I I I I I I I's is is th. th. I I I I I I I I I I I's th. I I I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. t. te. te. te. te. te. you can see it of course the East Coast was hit hard by severe thunderstorms. Severe storms creating travel nightmares in the region throughout the night bringing traffic on one major highway to a complete stop during the

evening commute. New York City subway riders inundated by unexpected indoor waterfall. One New Yorker bravely walking through floodwaters up to her thighs. At airports, delayed and canceled flights piled up. Our own Craig Melvin, surrounded by frustrated flyers at New Jersey's Newark Liberty International Airport. That's right, yesterday, New York City got floods from Brooklyn all the way to Queens. Cars couldn't drive. Subways

were filling up with water and most tragically, Pizza Rat drowned. Yeah, it turns out there was only room for his girlfriend on that slice of pizza. He had to make a choice. And by the way, just so we're all on the same page. First we had the giant heat wave, right? We got floods, plus there's earthquakes in California, and we've got a plague of measles. Guys, I think God is trying to send us a message. I don't quite remember the Old Testament, but I think he's working up to something. Like he's either going to wipe us out,

or he's dropping I'm saying. Oh, and by the way, by the way, this is a personal thing for me. Like, I know that being stranded in an airport is frustrating, but I'm always shocked when I see people complaining to airport staff that a plane can't take off in a storm. Always get those people like, why, why, why, why, I want want th. th. I want th. th. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi?? th. thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th? I don't care, I have somewhere to be. Is that somewhere heaven? They shut the fuck up. Stop being assholes. There's a storm. It's like you see these people all the time in the thing.

It's like, ah, I can't believe we're not flying. Yeah, no one can believe we're not flying. Yeah, no, no, tho th th th th th th th th th. No th. No th. No one th. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th. No, th. No, no, th. No, th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No th. No one th. No th. th. th. th. th. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. Stop. thi. tho. Stop. Stop. tho. Stop. th tho. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop th tho. Stop. Stop tho. Stop thoo. Stop tho. Stop tha all of those people who complain. Everyone who wants to fly, they should be like, oh you want to fly? Okay, go, go and fly, go and fly. Go and fly. Go and fly. Go and fly. Go and fly. Yeah.

That's what every airport needs. Basically, every airport needs. Basically, every airport. Every to? Go on fly. Go on fly. Go on fly. See what happens to you. Go on fly. You see what happens. Then the plane crashes. They're like, okay, who's next? Anybody next? Finally, if you're a cat, you're probably having a great month of July. There's a movie coming out out about you. And if you live in New York, New York State, the way the way the way to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the way, to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, go their, go their, go their, go. Go. Go. Go, go. Go, go. Go, go. Go, go. Go, go. Go, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. Go. Go. Go. their, their. their. to to their, to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their. Go. Go, the to keep your claws. New York State now leading the way when it comes to taking care of cats. It is the first in the country to ban declawing the felines. Advocates in favor of the ban say declawing causes not only severe pain but lasting psychological

damage for cats. Pet advocates say the practice that has gone on for decades is cruel. The common reason pet owners declaw their cats is to protect their furniture. That's right. New York has passed a law saying that you cannot remove a cat's clause, which is great news because I always thought that declawing was a little weird, especially since American laws still allow cats to own assault rifles, like I don't get it. But on a serious note like I've always found it strange that people want to have animals but then also want to change what makes them that animal.

You're like, I want a cat, but I don't want my furniture to get scratched or hair on my carpet. Then you don't want to cat, you want to rumba. That's what you want, okay? I go get the cat and then clip their nails out. It's the same thap, I thine, I thine, I thine, I thine, I thine, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I that, I that, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th also also also also also also also also also also also also also also also also th, I th, I th an th an th an th an th an th an th an that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, that, I that, I that, I that, that, the same thing of people who clip like a bird's wings. I want a bird that doesn't fly. No, no. Well, like people who cut off a dog's tail. It's just like, what do you want? Yeah, I like the wagging, but it just distracts me from the dog's butt.

Like, what are you doing? Imagine if they did that to you. That should be the headlines. Let's move on to our main story. Every day, thousands of shipping containers show up on America's shores, carrying everything from cars to electronics to democratic candidates. Yeah, I don't know who keeps ordering these things, but there's too many. But now, there's a new import flooding the country that you won't be as excited about. A massive shipment of contaminated waste could be headed back to the United States.

Malaysia says it's sending back 3,300 tons of plastic waste to countries like the United States, the UK and Canada. South East Asian countries are sending back anything that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th., th. th. to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, and their, their, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, their, their, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thiiii. We, thi, the, thea, thea, thriiiiiiiiole, thea''ea'ea'eaqaqaqa, thea, their, their, thea, thea, the United States, the UK, and Canada. South-East Asian countries are sending back anything that can't be recycled. And countries like the US, Australia, and the UK have all been told to expect their garbage to be returned to them. That's right. Shipping containers full of plastic waste are showing up on America's doorstep, which doesn't make anybody happy. No one's happy to see trash, like, except seagulls. They love trash.

Yeah, seagulls must be like the easiest people to buy gifts for, you know. It's just like, oh wow, dude, a plastic fork? Thank you. It's like, you really like this? No, but I sell it to the little mermaid. Why are containers full of plastic waste showing up in America? Well, let's find out in another installment of, if you don't know, now you know. When you think of recycling, you probably think of a magical process where you throw your plastic in the blue bin and a unicorn takes it away and then nine months later you get a beautiful new baby water bottle. But the truth is, much like making an actual baby, the recycling process is much messier than what you may believe.

When most of us put out our recycling on trash day, recyclers sort through it, bundle it up, and ship it overseas to be recycled. For decades, much of that waste was sold to China. America's main export to China by volume was trash, recycled metal, cardboard and plastic. For decades, China's been a global dustbin, taking huge quantities of our rubbish and recycling it. The relationship was symbiotic. China would ship goods to the US, the US would use the empty ships to send China recycling. China would

then use the recycling to make new goods to ship to the US and the cycle continued. Yep from China to America and then back to China and then to America again. Basically it's the circle of trash. Paper, plastic into paper. Oh paper, plastic into paper. A paper, plastic into paper. Yeah, believe it or not, America creates so much trash, that it's had to send it over to China to be recycled. Which isn't really surprising when you think about it.

Like, nobody is better at creating unnecessary trash than America. I mean, this is the same country where you can buy orange orange orange orange orange orange orange tha thoen, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, th. th. the, the, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, thi, thi, thri. thri. the thri. thea. thea. thea. thi thi. the thi. the the thi. trash than America. I mean, this is the same country where you can buy orange slices in a plastic container. Yeah, as if there wasn't already a container for orange slices called an orange. It's in the container. And for a very long time, the relationship worked, right? America sent China's recycling, China turned into fake Louis Vuton bags. But then, just like your exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thxx thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thia tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toa, toa, toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toeea. thea. thea. thea. thea into fake Louis Vuitton bags, but then, just like your ex, after a while, China decided it was sick of taking trash. By 2012, China was receiving nearly half of all the recycling that Americans shipped out of the country.

A lot of those materials could not be recycled. They were ending up in landfills, the environment, or worse, taking a human toll. Now the country is trying trying trying trying trying trying trying trying the crying the crying thea thea thea tthea to toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, taking a human toll. Now the country is trying to clean up its image. In January, China stopped taking most of the dirty recycling. It called foreign garbage. Which means some 7 million tons of plastic needs to be recycled elsewhere. Yep. You see, back when China was a poorer country, they were fine with sorting through America's recycling. But now that they're more rich and more powerful, they've decided that that's beneath them, which is understandable, right?

You start making some money, you upgrade your life. It's like when you get a big promotion, you know, so you start buying the super soft toilet paper, yeah? Instead of using napkins you stole from Burger King? You know what I mean? You know when you lay th th th th th th th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th th thi that that that that that tho that all that thi that, tho tho tho tho tho thoom tho-s, thoom? thoom. th, right, right, right, right, right, you're th, you start th, you start th, you start th, you start th, you start th, you start th, you start th, you start th th th th th th th th th that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thin, thoan that, that, that, thin, that, that, together and you make sure the corners overlap. We've all done that, come on. So with China no longer taking America's plastic, all the recycling has had to find somewhere else to go.

And for a while, there were a lot of countries in Asia that were willing to take it. In fact, they were happy to take it. This used to be mostly paddy feels. But rubbish which has been dumped here for almost 40 years dominates the landscape. Villagers here don't mind, in fact they welcome it. Like many others, Gimman makes a living from sorting through the waste. This used to be a poor area. I can even afford to go to school, but with this trash I could put my three children through school. My oldest is getting a PhD. That's insane right. That is one of the I could put my three children through school. My oldest is getting a PhD.

That's insane, right? That is one of the craziest things ever. This guy managed to get his kids a degree from trash, which is ironic because that trash probably contained a few actual degrees. And his story wasn't the only one. Many people around Asia were making money by sorting through America's recycling, right? Which isn't a great job, but for many people that changed their lives. But as we said earlier, America uses a lot of

plastic. And after China closed its stores, many of these smaller countries couldn't handle the volume of plastic recycling that was coming into their countries. You turn from a blessing into a curse, which is always the case with plastic recycling, orastic, th plastic, th plastic, th plastic, th plastic, th plastic, thuuuuuu. that that th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, which thi, which thi, which thi, which thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which thi, which thi, which thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is a thi, which is a thi, which is a thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th a curse, which is always the case with plastic. Let's be honest, right? With this plastic recycling, oh, plastic surgery, a little bit is okay. Yeah, yeah. But if you do too much, you look like you're always watching the end of an M-night Shamiland movie. Just like, what?

They're allergic to water? So just like China, all these other countries have decided that they've had enough of Western trash. We don't want your recyclable trash. That is the message from Cambodia. That country just sent back 83 shipping containers filled with 1,600 tons of plastic waste back to the U.S. and Canada, saying, quote, Cambodia is not a dust bin where foreign countries can dispose of waste. Countries like the Philippines say it's western waste littering their shores, sent to poorer countries instead of being recycled. The president of the Philippines, Rodrigo de Terté even made it very clear to Canada that the trash was not welcome to send it back to Canada.

Your garbage is on the way. Prepare a grand reception. Eat it if you want to. Oh wow. Wow. Rodriguez de Terte, Rodrigo de Tertte does not mess around. Prepare a grand reception for your trash and eat it if you want to. It's a slam but it's such a weirdly formal way to tell way to tell someone to shove it up their ass. No, like I'd love to hear Duterte deliver a your mama joke. It's just like your mother has overindulged so much that the government recently bestowed upon her own area code. Slam! called slam. So Cambodia, Malaysia, Philippines, China, all of them have come together to say it is time for America's trash to go home. In other words, send it

back, send it back. So now the trash is headed back here to the US and you might be saying well fine Trevor we'll just have to recycle it ourselves. Well Unfortunately it's not that easy. So what happens now to the plastic we used to ship to China? Not much. A lot of it's just piling up here in the states. A lot of plastic comes to recyclers like Bagaria all mixed together, impossible to separate cost effectively.

Cities across the country are now reexamining whether they're recycling programs are going to waste. Is it better for people to recycle wrong or not at all? It's better for people not to recycle at all. It sounds crazy, but you have to put it in context. When it comes to like tin, cans, like all of that stuff, you can still recycle it. But when it comes to plastic, incorrect recycling is worse than no recycling at all. And even though you might think, no, I recycle correctly, the chances are that you're

not. Like, we all think we're recycling when we put a plastic bottle in the little blue plastic bin. But what we're actually supposed to be doing is taking the lid off the bottle and then you're supposed to take that little ring off that's under the lid of every single bottle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all, thi all, thi all all thi all all all all tho, th. And th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's throanananananananananan, throanananananan, throanananananananan, thrown, thrown, thr-a, thi's thrown off that's under the lid of every single bottle. Yeah. Oh, and if you get takeout, you can't just throw that in the bin and call it a day. Even just rinsing it off isn't good enough. You're supposed to wash that thing, like make it clean, like cleaner than Mike Pence's browser history. Just everything. Yeah, his shit is. You're like, I'm throwne. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thin. thin. thin. thin. th. th. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. It. It. It's???. It's. It's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toea. toeea. toea. toe. toe. toe. thin. thin. thin. th when I say these things, you might be thinking, dude, I love this planet,

but those plastic rings, that's too much. Well, then there's one other thing we could be doing, and that is using less plastic. Which I know is hard because we've all gotten used to it. Like I'm obsessed with it, we all use it. It's convenient, but we're going to plastic plates, I was thinking, we can just use our iPads, okay? Think about it, it's flat, it's big, and as an added bonus, when you watch Netflix during dinner, you don't even have to look up, yeah? Because it's be like, oh no, they killed 11.

Oh no, that's just Bolognaise. Mm, yeah, she's fired. We can do it for everything. Yeah, as for all those delivery containers that you get from like postmates, no, that's something you don't need. Just have the delivery guy put all your food in his mouth. And then he feeds it to you like a baby bird when he arrives. You'll be helping the planet and you'll make a really close friend. Yeah, so the next time you plan on tossing out a piece of plastic that you used for like a total of three seconds, just remember that pretty soon that plastic may be headed back your way. So if you don't know, now you know. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, John Stewart here.

I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second.

I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. Every now and then we like to check in on the world of sports, which means it's time for another edition of I apologize for talk motorcycle Costa and he's Roy Grapefruit Lacroiwood Jr. How's that my nickname?

LaCroix, we are officially in the most boring part of the sports calendar, nothing exciting is happening. Wait, wait, wait, we still got baseball action. Like I said, nothing exciting is happening. But luckily, that means we've got some time to cover some of the more obscure sports like snail racing. The world's fastest snails slugging it out at the World Championship snail race.

The snails race to reach the outer circle of a 13-inch course, which is just a table with a damn cloth spread out. This year's winner was a snail named Sammy, who completed the course in two minutes and 38 seconds, a lightning fast time for one of the world's slowest animals. Wow, snail racing, that has got to be the slowest sport in the world. Well, not as slow as baseball. Damn it. You say one more thing about America's pastime.

I'll send you back to your shit-hole country. Roy, I'm from Michigan. Exactly. But here's what I wonder about this sport, Costa. How do you train a snail to race? Maybe you hire a French guy to chase him with a knife and foe. Oh, good idea. I am going to eat you and then I will seduce your sister.

Yeah. I sound like a Mexican Nigerian. Let's move on. Because if you thought snail racing was quirky, wait till you see what's happening under the water. It's fast, it's furious, it's octopus. Underwater hockey is a lung-busting team sport. And believe it or not, there are rules to this madness. Rules are that it's a non-contact sport, but you know, you've got to be busy in there,

you've got to get next to things, so you can only pass the puck of size you can throw it, so you get pretty close to people. And then whoever scores the most goals is the winner. It's just unlike any other sport you can really because you're just around it. It's just around it. It's just around. It's just around. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost. It's almost th. It's almost the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. It's almost the the the like white people saw one black guy playing hockey and they were like, we should add water. Yeah, I, I think this looks fun Roy but personally I don't mess with swimming pools. I dove into the shallow end years ago and bumped my head. Yeah. Were you okay? Yeah, but personally I don't mess with swimming pools. I dove into the shallow end years ago and I bumped my head.

So... All right, well moving on. You know another sport we don't hear much about? Chess. Lots of people think chess is boring, but it turns out it's a lot more exciting than you think. A chess grandmaster is accused of cheating in a bathroom during a tournament in France last week. This is a picture of Igor Rouss on the toilet. He was suspended after this photo show them sitting there and looking at a cell phone during

a break from a competition. The World Chess Federation director on Facebook said he has long been suspected of cheating. The 58-year-old has stunned the chess world by racking up winnings at an age when most players, you know, decline. Wow. Wow. Caught cheating in a bathroom stall. Major kudos to whichever bathroom pervert snapped that photo.

Yeah. I, thank you. I got to start using this, Roy. What's that officer? Why am I setting up a toilet cam? Because I respect the integrity of chess. My thing is this though, you don't even need to leave the room to cheat at chess. You want to cheat at chess, this is what you do. All right, you're playing chess and you're losing. Then you go, oh my god, look that people actually consider chess a sport.

Chess is a sport, you need focused, strategy, mental endurance, is a lot. Chess is a board game, like Monopoly. Does that mean Monopoly is a sport? I'll whoop your ass in Monopoly. I'll send your ass to jail. That was not meant as a racial thing. And Monopoly, if you don't pay rent, then you have to you have to you have to you have to to to jail. That was not meant as a racial thing. In Monopoly, if you don't pay rent, then you have to... Do you guys know how Monopoly works? Let's go, right now, right now. We're playing Monopoly. Let's go, right now. All right,

you're on. Let's go. You're on, you're on. Let's go right back. I see 10 to 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. I'll come right back. Okay. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're to. We're to. We're to play. We're t. You t. You t. You t. You t. You t. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You. You. We t. You. You. We t. We t. You. You. We. We. We. We t. We t. We. We t. We t. We t. t. You. You. You. t. t. t. t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t today. try. try. today. try. try. today. try. today. try. You today. You today. You t jump in the pool. We're going to play Monopoly. Whitewood Junior, Michael Costa, everyone. We'll be right back. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian and host of the new late night show on Comedy Central called Lights Out with David Spade. Please welcome, David Spade. Yes. Welcome to the show. It's me and you buddy, we're back together again. I mean, although last time we were back together, I was watching you on TV as a kid in South Africa. Oh, is that right? Yeah, no, genuine. I was like, my mom was like easily one of your biggest fans.

She just like loved you on the show. She was like, he's so grumpy and funny. Is that one to like just like, this this this this this this this this this this this this this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My thii. My mom. My mom. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me. me like loved you on the show. She was like, he's so grumpy and funny. And is that one? He was like, just shoot me. And my mom was just like, this guy is so angry, but I like him. Yeah, yeah, that still sort of holds true today. Same hair cut, same jokes. Right, but uh, yeah, you know, you say't care, but you're in touch with everything. David Spade is connected, we see you online, connecting with younger audiences than people would think. Yeah. Is that what the new show is going to be about?

The new show will be right after this one, as I think he told you, which is great. You guys get to come thi. to to to to come Don't go in. You know it's a goal. Yeah. You've got the easy. Just sit there and just carry on. I do like that because you know you move on and it's not, you know, I'm not trying to be Madonna and change everything. You know, she always reinvents herself. I'm just basically doing Instagram stories and stuff because I didn't have it growing up. When you were in between movies or TV shows, you just had to wait. I'm like, oh, when am I going to be on Letterman or something? I want to do this one joke.

Right, right. You know where to do it. But this is sort of interesting, because during the day I can just film just film thin, thin, the tough. Is that gonna change how you create your show? Because one thing that made you famous and beloved in the country and in the world was that used to take shots at celebrities like all the time. But now celebrities can like just respond to you instantly.

Yeah, right, I have. Has that changed your vibe now? I don't do that as of things. I like it, but you know, I've had the career with the ups and downs. It's a little different when you're in the mix. I've turned into one of these idiots also. So I used to just make fun of them, but then I got to go, oh, it's not so easy. But I was talking this guy and he's so funny. She goes, you're funny, I like funny guys. I go, oh, let me see how funny this guy is. Let me see how hilarious.

So she, he's sending her all these memes. I go, this guy's a middleman. He's not, he's not coming up with any jokes. This is a scam. Get rid of him. He's a phoan't him. He's a funny. He's a funny. He's a funny. He's a phone. He's a phone. He's a phone. He's a phone. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the th the the the th the the the the the the. He's for sure funny and then gives it to her and she's like, he's hysterical. So I go, we have to come up with the stuff on her own in my day. Are you ready for like a nightly show? Like are you ready for that vibe just like every single day?

Oh, by the way, it's a show's a half hour. I'm already winded. I'm not used to, and they're, and th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm not, I, I, I'm not, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I have, I, I'm, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to, I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have,, and they go, you gotta come in before I go, before the show, didn't start yet. I go, work and write, and I go, no one mentioned any of that stuff. So, but you know, it is, it's tough. I wanted to be good, so I work hard on it, try to write on it, make it interesting. And then we'll just cross her fingers. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to be coming out before you. Nights out with David Spade for me as July 29th at 11.30pm on Comedy Central right off to the Daily Show.

David Spade everybody. The Daily Show with Covernoa, ears edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11th, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings

calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.