The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Back in Black - Primary Candidates Go to Extremes

Episode Date: May 6, 2018

Lewis Black looks at West Virginia Senate candidate Don Blankenship's attacks on Mitch McConnell and Cynthia Nixon's progressive campaign against New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever

you get your podcast. When a new story falls through the cracks, our very own Louis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in black. Before the midterm elections come the primaries, where Republicans and Democrats try to win their parties' nomination by acting the most extreme. It's like the X Games, only with more brain damage. Trying to win over either party's hardcore base brings out the worst in people. On the right, Republicans who want to seem trumpy

are doing everything short of hiring Russian hookers. I'm Todd Roquita, and I'll proudly stand with our president and Mike Pence to drain the swamp. We don't need to investigate our president. We need to arrest Hillary. I'm a hardcore card-carrying Tennessee conservative. I'm politically incorrect and proud of it. And yes, I stand when I hear the star spangled banner. I'm with you! Everyone should stand for the national anthem. For God

sakes it's two minutes before game time. When else are you going to go to the bathroom? And with my prostate, sing it twice. And the primaries are great, because you get to see the candidates who are willing to tell it like it is. West Virginia Republican Senate candidate Don Blankenship going after Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, defending an ad in which he referred to McConnell this way. If you want jobs, if you want to end the drug epidemic and you want to protect the unborn,

you need to vote for me. One of my goals as U.S. Senator will be to ditch cocaine Mitch. When you vote for me, you're voting for the sake of the kids. It's for the sake of the kids. I believe him because I'd rather have a guy like that in office than within 500 feet of a playground. But is he really trying to say Mitch McConnell's on cocaine? Our Mitch McConnell? If that's true, someone's cutting Mitch's blow with Ambien! But primary fright's work their stupid magic on both sides.

And here in New York, Democratic Governor Andrew Cuomo, who made his name as a moderate, is being challenged by actress and progressive Cynthia Nixon. And I couldn't be happier about her candidacy. And I know you're all expecting me to make a sex in the city joke like saying, I'm such a Miranda. But the show ended 14 years ago, so get over it! And stop being such a Charlotte!

And while polls have Nixon trailing Cuomo, he's been swerving left faster than an MTA bus driver on bathsaws. For Cuomo, he's following Nixon's entrance by checking off a left-wing wish list. Governor Cuomo issued an executive order yesterday that will give prison parolees the right to vote. There is a major push in New York to legalize marijuana. Cynthia Nixon came out in favor of legalization, and now even Governor Cuomo is considering it. Governor Cuomo has introduced legislation that would ban disposable plastic shopping bags throughout New York state.

While he was making the ban the bag announcement, his Democratic opponent, Cynthia Nixon was leading a rally with environmental activists. No more plastic bags in New York. Finally, everybody's dog shit will be able to breathe in public garbage cans as God intended. If you don't like the smell of turds roasting in July, you don't belong in this city. But if having celebrities in the race means politicians taking stronger positions, I'm all for it.

Worst case scenario, the celeb becomes president. It can't be a nightmare if it's already a reality. And these are just the primaries. If I'm going to have the energy to endure the next six months, I'm going to need all of Mitch McConnell's stash. I don't want to do it, but it's for the sake of the kids. Trevor, Lewis Black, everyone! The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and the Comedy Central app.

Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. And follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID.

Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go,

but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.