The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Back in Black - Why Are Young People Acting Older?

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

Embracing the early bird special, signing up for AARP and falling victim to online scams? Young people are acting older these days and Lewis Black is mad about it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. As a man in the entertainment industry, I do everything I can to cling to youth, like a 60-year-old Tom Cruise clinging to the side of a helicopter. And don't tell the casting people at Euphoria that I'm not actually in my early 20s. I'm up for a juicy role as Zendez little brother, who wish me luck. But lately I've been noticing a new trend. Young people are starting to act like older people.

It's subtle, but once you notice it, you start seeing it everywhere, especially if you're at dinner at 4 p.m. It's the early bird special for young folks. The elderly have long been the butt of jokes about early bird dining. But now, a younger generation is embracing the early bird special. The busier times used to start at 8 p.m. But nowadays, it definitely starts on the earlier side. A pizza joint in Lower Manhattan is also booking tables earlier and earlier.

Just look at all these early bird reservations. With so many people working from home during the pandemic, employees are eager to get out of their homes as soon as the work day ends, which is definitely contributing to the shift. Are you shitting me? Young people stealing all the early bird reservations? Seniors need those spots. They have to be in bed by 7.30 or else all their organs slide into their ankles. This has to end though. Old people eating early is part of a social contract.

Old people get the early restaurant spots. And in exchange, old people eating early is part of a social contract. Old people get the early restaurant spots and in exchange young people get to not watch old people eat. It's about privacy. Old people don't walk into your bedroom and watch you have energetic robust sex. They watch through the window because they respect boundaries. And it's one thing for young people to claim seniors restaurant reservations, but now they're claiming something even more sacred, the discounts. One surprising trend now among young people, signing up for benefits from the AARP.

The Wall Street Journal finding 20-somethings as new card carriers in an effort to snag discount amid inflation, showing it's not just for the 50 and older crowd. In my head it was always something for senior citizens. 28-year-old Marissa Schwartz says she learned a lot about AARP benefits through TickTock and couldn't help but join in on the savings. Contrary to popular to to to to popular to to to the popular to the popular to the the to to the the to the the the the to be the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their -Tock and couldn't help but join in on the savings. Contrary to popular belief, you can be any age to join AARP. And the benefits are awesome. Back the fuck off! Old people earn those A-A-R-P memberships fair and square by not dying.

And a bad economy is no excuse. Did I horn in on a senior citizen discount to get me through the Great Depression? No! Because I wasn't alive during the Great Depression, you assholes. How old do you think I am? You're going to blow my shot at euphoria! I just hope these underage AARP members don't find out the secret perks of the card. I don't want to brag, but I can shoplift as much as I want. And if I get caught, I flash this, and they

assume I'm just senile and let me go. Ha ha ha ha! You thought I was a deranged man, but now I've got a free giant bag of bird seed, suckers. I don't even have a bird. All that seed is for me. Who's the deranged man now? But I get it. I get it. It's fun to eat early and get discounts on catheters. But there's one aspect of elder culture that the youth

might want to avoid getting scammed. From TikTok to Instagram, teens are being victimized on everyday apps. In fact, a new study find some tech-savvy Genziers are falling for online scams at a higher rate than their grandparents. A study from social catfish shows the top scams targeting teens are sex-stortion plots against boys. The FBI says scammers poses attractive women on social media and send nude photos to the victim, demanding they do the same and send them money. Talent Scout scams are on the rise too.

Users on Instagrams are on Instagram and Tick Tock receive DMs offering modeling and acting opportunities. Scammers then ask for a fee to apply, but of course there's no talent job inside. Another common scam is student loan forgiveness. Scammers are creating fake student loan websites, tricking people into providing their bank info. Ha ha ha ha ha! Who's bad in technology now, you pimply little f-fix? But look, if the guy who was only recently a teen boy, a wink, I sympathize. If I had Tick-Tock in my youth, my brain would also be a gullible bowl of horny barrage. But still, I'm worried about where this acting older trend could go. I mean what's next? Stealing all the best rooms at the retirement community?

Overcrowded bingo halls? Quitting your steady job behind a desk before you're even 40? Can you even imagine something doing something that crazy Trevor? Anyway, here's something I came up with that will help the kids from getting screwed. Take a look. Hi, I'm Louis Black. Are you an overconfident Gen Zier who thinks you're immune from getting took? Then you need Lewis Flack's scam seeker. Scam Seeker. Oh, that's obviously a scam.

Look at her. Now look at you. Not happening. You know, dangers everywhere online. And nobody's told you that life sucks. Good things don't just fall into your life, and nothing ever works out for the best. This site will forgive my student loans if I just fill out my social security number.

Scam! You'll be paying those loans off until death. Read a newspaper! What's a newspaper? Look, today's youth need a reality check. Years of self-esteem building is resulting in dangerous levels of gullibility wow for 50 bucks I can audition for Riverdale. That's a scam. Okay, you got no talent you got no charisma you're a hack Thanks, Louis Flex scam seeker today sounds lit so do I just give you my credit card? You know what? Let me just take that card. You can trust me.

And so can you. Watch the Daily Show Weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central. And stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.