The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Black Friday: Why Do We Celebrate This?

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

It’s the holidays, and that only means one thing: shopping. Desi Lydic investigates the insane event of Black Friday that we know and love today. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Get back. This one's mine. You all ready to die for this flat screen because I am. Hello my shopaholics, maximistas, mall rods, coupon clippers, bargain bitches, capitalism warriors, and sales sluts. It's the holidays, and that means one thing. Family. No, I'm kidding.

That means shopping. Family? What the fuck? Like many of you, I too will be going out on Black Friday. to their today, one of America's most treasured excuses to buy shit. And Black Friday seems like something that's been around forever. I mean, I can't remember a time when Black Friday didn't exist. Then again, my memory is a little fuzzy from all the head trauma from previous Black Fridays.

The history of Black Friday is actually quite interesting. It started in the 1920s when retail stores wanted to set a clear beginning to the Christmas shopping season. So department stores, like Macy's created grand parades to signal to Americans, it's time to start spending cash. Although back then parade balloons weren't as cute as the ones today. You know, classics like Puff the Methuel Dragon, whimsical drifter murderer, and thick daddy Superman. Maybe they were hoping to scare people to run inside the stores?

The point is, retailers dependent on a big Christmas shopping season and were willing to do whatever it took to make it as long as possible. In fact, during the Great Depression, they even lobbied President Franklin Roosevelt to move Thanksgiving a week earlier to allow for more Christmas shopping. And after his cousin finished giving him a handjob, FDR agreed. Eventually they moved Thanksgiving back, but the retailers got what they wanted, because over the next few decades, more and more people began their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. But the first time the day was called Black Friday was in the 1960s.

It was actually coined by the Philadelphia Police Department because the day brought tons of traffic and chaos. And for shopping to cause chaos in Philadelphia, it has to really be chaos. I once set fire to a mannequin at a Zara in Philadelphia and they didn't even kick me out at store. They just threw it in the burnt mannequin pile. Sorry. It was in the 1980s that Black Friday finally went nationwide and it was all thanks to America's obsession with the adorable little vegetable human monster hybrids known as the Cabbage Patch Kids. I got this one for $3, and I and I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tobrids known as the cabbage patch kids. I got this one for $3,000 and I had to get punched by a lot of grandmas to get it, but it was worth it. The toys were in such high demand that it caused literal riots across America.

People fought their neighbor's tooth and nail to pay for some lettuce-shaped plastic. But all the violence was worth it for that precious Christmas morning when their kids would open the box, see the cabbage patch kid, and then play with the box. The cabbage patch kids set the standard for all sorts of Black Friday crazes throughout the 90s. From Furbies to Beanie Babies, to Tickle Me the toys, to countless other toys, theirsese, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and to, to, and to, and to, to, and to to, and con... to toys, toys, and coa, and coa, and coa, and coa, and to, and to, and coa, and coa, and coa, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and coa, and coa, and coa, toys, toys, the toys, toys, the the toys, the toys, the the toys, the toys, toys, ttoys, thea.. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea, thea, the the the thea, thea, the toys, thea dads trying to buy their way into their kids' hearts. By 2002, nearly three quarters of all shoppers were in stores over Black Friday weekend.

It was paradise for people looking for deals and robbers looking for unguarded homes. Black Friday was so successful that stores started pushing the start time back from Friday morning to Friday at midnight, and then all the way back to Thanksgiving night itself. They called the new holiday, Gray Thursday, as a tribute to the moral gray area of abandoning your family on Thanksgiving to choke out a stranger for an instapot. Oh, it's ready. And throughout this time, Black Friday doorbuster sales became more dangerous as consumers turned every big box store into a big octagon arena. It got so bad that in 2011 you were statistically more likely to be

injured in a Black Friday sale than from a shark attack. Unless that shark is also at the Black Friday sale and then it depends on whoever wants that blender more. Got it! Yes! But sadly, the good times and horrific injuries couldn't last forever. With the dawn of online shopping, Black Friday became less relevant than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than the the good times and horrific injuries couldn't last forever. With the dawn of online shopping, Black Friday became less relevant than the newer, shinier, two-day primary holiday that took its place. Along came Cyber Monday, an easier way to score deals while avoiding the mobs at in-person stores.

It's just another way technology has pulled us further apart. I mean, sure it's more convenient, but think of what we lose when we no longer have that one-on-one air fryer to skull contact. Sad. Also in recent years retail employees have begun pushing back on so-called holiday creep, which is a term for stores expanding their holiday shopping periods into Thanksgiving, not what happens when your weird cousin hits the egg-nog too hard and tries to go FDR on your underparts. But. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. tode. tode. to. to. to. to. to. to. toda. toda. today. today. today. today. todaynog too hard and tries to go FDR on your underparts. But even as its golden days are behind it, Black Friday is still an American institution, standing tall beside Thanksgiving and the Super Bowl and the Purge. And now that you know its history, don't forget to keep it in perspective.

Sure, saving money is great, but this season isn't about fighting some stranger at a store. It's about gathering your family and fighting with them. So happy shopping season. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to start practicing for the big day. Hey, step away from that Dyson! You think I won't pull out this pin? Well, guess what? Tick-top, Mothar, fuck! You think I won't pull out this pin? Well guess what? Tick-Tock, Motherfaw... Watch the Daily Show, Week Nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central. And stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.