The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Bonus - Michael Kosta: Detroit. NY. LA. - Home Life with the Parents and NYC Misery

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

From his one-hour stand-up special Detroit. NY. LA., Michael Kosta talks about the struggle of growing up middle-class, living with his parents, staying wet in New York City and more.Full special available now at http://cc.com/michaelkosta. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News,

listened to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple Podcasts starting September 17. Up next is a special bonus episode, featuring a preview of Daily Show correspondent, Michael Costa's debut Comedy Central Stand-up Special Detroit, New York, LA, available now at CC.com slash Michael Costa. Comedy is a terrible profession. It is a terrible, terrible profession.

You get paid nothing for many, many years. Everything about it sucks. But every once in a while you have an evening that makes you do it for many, many years. Everything about it sucks. But every once in a while, you have an evening that makes you do it for another 10 years. And that's tonight's evening. Thank you very much. All the lights in New York are brighter. Because Costa is back in town. In Detroit and LA, people stop and they say

Hey Del Costa is back in time. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Acosta. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you everybody. This is great. Michigan. We're in the house. We're in the house, huh? Come on. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. This is great. Michigan. We're in the house, huh? Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Love Michigan from Ann Arbor, you know, not too far away. I live in New York now. They don't know what Michigan is. I say, yeah, I'm from Michigan, and they'll go, oh yeah, I have a cousin in Minneapolis.

What? You mean a 15-hour drive west of where I said I'm from? And they go, oh yeah, my grandpa fishes in Montana. Are you just saying places that start with the letter M? I grew up middle class. I grew up middle class, you know? I'm wealthy now, but I was middle class then, you know? We had everything we needed, middle class, we weren't rich, we weren't poor. One summer I remember I couldn't go to soccer camp, my dad said we don't have enough money

to send you to soccer camp. So I understand struggle, you know, I, I, I understand sacrifice. And then seven years ago my dad retires, what? Excuse me? And he and my mom retire to New York City. What? They got a three bedroom condominium in the upper west side of Manhattan, excuse me, with a doorman? What? The first time I walked in their apartment I said, what the fuck is this, huh? I can't go to soccer camp in 1996 and you got two guest bedrooms?

Oh no! and you got two guest bedrooms right up? So I live with my parents. I did, I did. I did. I was 38 years old, I got hired on the Daily Show, and I was sleeping in a twin bed at my parents' house, and... It was nice. It's nice, dude, I'm twin bed at my parents' house and it's nice. It's nice dude, I tell you, I'm tel you, I'm tel you. 28 with your parents, something went wrong, you know, but 38 is nice, but I'm telling you. Yeah, mom, make coffee. They're getting old now. When I was living with them before as a kid, you didn't know they're old.

But now I'm like, holy shit, that's a lot of vitamins on dad's plate, you know? Dad loves vitamins. Your dad into vitamins? My dad is into vitamins. He read a blog on vitamins four years ago and he is sticking with it, ladies and gentlemen. Any problem? Vitamids, I'll fix it. My mom's been depressed. I don't, we don't know why. Mom, why are you depressed? Michael, I'm 73, I can't move like I used to. I lost two of my friends this year. Isn't that sad? Heartbreaking? Hearing your mom say that? My dad, oh she just needs more zinc. What? Is

is that how zinc works, Dad? Is zinc going to bring mom's dead friends back to life? This can't... So now I'm in New York, living in New York City. Greatest city in the world. You know, that's what they scream at you right before they shove you down the subway stairs. Greatest city in the world. You know, that's what they scream at you, right before they shove you down the subway stairs. Greatest city! Greatest! Greatest!

Snap! Snap! Snap! Greatest city! Snap! Snap? Greatest city in the world! Greatest city is like, prettiest girl in the bar if she was like, hey, prettyest girl's right fucking here! Prettyest girl! Prettyest girl is right here!

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, okay, you're pretty. You know who's prettier? The girl behind you, who's shutting the fuck up for a second. I think her name's Montreal? You walk everywhere in New York. You guys don't walk anywhere here. Holy shit did you not walk anywhere here. Holy shit did you not walk anywhere. You hate when you see somebody walking here. I was walking. Get them, you guys drive your car up. What's he doing walking? Get him!

Nobody walks. Detroit, Motor City. Hit them! No walking allowed here. Don't even think about walking. You're always wet. You're always wet. I'm always wet. Every day in New York, somehow. Summer, it's humid.

I'm walking. Ass wet, armpits, wet. Random, air conditioners dripping on you. Was that an air conditioner? I don't know, keep going. Wet, wet, wet. Fall, I put a jacket on, then the sun comes out. Neck, wet, head wet, backpack, wet. Winter, you put on all these clothes right then you sit in the subway, heat, neck, wet, hamstricks, wet, feet wet, changed my socks, feet, wet, change my socks. Spring, raining, raining, wet, bus, puddles, wet. I'm always wet. Living in New York is like being Leonardo DiCaprio in every single one of his movies.

Let's go through him. What do you want to start with? Titanic, drowns to death. Wet. Great Gatsby dies in the pool at the end. Wet. Shutter Island, it's an island. Wet. The beach?

Wet. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some. Inception, first dream, pouring rain. the thinne. the whole time, wet, Gilbert Grape takes a bath in the second act.

Wet, give me some more! Departed, movie theater scene, wearing a hat, starts raining on him. Wet! Revenant starts in a fucking river! Wet! Great Gatsby, I already said it was the second example. What's wrong with this audience? He dies in the pool, I the pool, I the pool, I the pool, I the pool, I the pool, I the pool, I the pool, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, th, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, gait, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, threat, the, the, the, ta'er, ta'er, taping, tape, the, the, the, the, the, with this audience? He dies in the pool at the end. Pay attention. Wet! Blood diamond runs into a river shooting a machine gun. Wet. Aviator crashes into the ocean. Wet. Basketball diaries, top of the building, jerking off,

starts raining on him. Wet. He's always wet. He's always wet. He's always wet. He is always wet. Tom Cruise always running. They should do a movie together called He's Running. I'm wet. My point is that I hate New York. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. My point is that I hate New York. It's the only city I've lived in where I see a pill on the sidewalk and I'll pick it up and swallow it.

I don't know what I'm going to feel but it's got to be better than this shitty reality. What the fuck are we doing here? Everybody hates it. Everybody hates living here. But we lie, don't we? We say we love it to defend our rent and our life decisions. Oh, I love New York. Number one lie. I love the energy.

I love the energy. I love the energy. It's not energy, you idiots, it's panic. It's desperation, it's poverty. It's working three jobs and trying to not get hit by a bus every time you step outside. Oh, but it's the city that never sleeps. Yeah, and that does explain why everybody's such a fucking asshole all the time. Maybe we should go to bed. Anybody ever think of that?

That should be New York slogan, go to fucking bed you guys, Jesus Christ! Every day, every day, I see grown men and women weeping in the streets. What? Don't look at your phone when you're walking. Look around. You will see a grown man crying in the streets of Manhattan. That's not the greatest city in the world. I've been a lot of places. People aren't crying in the streets of Sydney, Australia,

or Ann Arbor, Michigan, where I'm from. Yeah, you cry there. You cry there, but you go home, don't you? You can't do that here. You got nine roommates in your one-bedroom apartment. You can't cry in front of them every day. They'll call you a pussy every day. You can't even cry in the shower. Two people are showering at the same time to save time and money and energy. The only good thing about living in New York City is that once I got used to how expensive it was now when I go other places. I feel like a Saudi prince. You know what I mean? I was in Kansas City I ordered two margaritas. The guy will be like that'll be 975 and I was like I want 500 margaritas! I am the Saudi prince of Kansas City.

Give me my change. I want to buy a lake house with it. The Daily Show with Kervanoa, ears edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11th, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News, listen to 60 Minutes, a Second Look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.