The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Carpet vs. Hardwood Floors | Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

“Carpet is nice. It's soft. And if you get the chance, you can shuffle your feet on it and shock your brother or your mom, or every once in a while you get static electricity and shock your cat.” - Dulcé Sloan “Cheap motels, they've done carpet dirty, and they've become a representative, an unwanted representative of the dirty carpet brand.” - Josh Johnson It’s carpet vs. hardwood floors this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson. Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. What's up your edition, listener? Is Josh Johnson, right for the Daily Show. You're about to hear an episode of one of our original Daily Show podcast, hold up, hosted by me and Daily Show correspondent Dulce Sloan. It's where we take our office banter into a weekly war words about topics big and small. In this episode, we debate carpet versus hardwood floors. We chat about which option takes less time to claim the perils of carpet burn and why carpet in the bathroom should never happen. Tune in to find out which side the debate we each

land on and if you like to show check out the holdup podcast wherever you get your podcast. You've had a carpet burn as an adult. It's very easy. All you got to do is to catch yourself off some carpet and slip a little and it's it's it's it's it's it's. It's. It's. the the the the th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. the door, it's very easy. All you gotta do is catch yourself on some carpet and slip a little and it's all the wrist. It's not how I got it. Oh, well, there are other ways. There are other ways. Yep. There are other ways and we'll just say there are other ways. There, there are other, there's really only one other way that I know. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Hey everybody, welcome to Hold Up.

This is the show that is, it's really just two people arguing about things that don't really matter, but they matter to everyone, but not in a huge way. It's not going to affect your life that much at all. I'm Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for the Daily Show and I'm a co-host of the podcast I'm joined by to say slain bitches bra bra bra bra tack tacka tacka tacka tacka tacka tacka tacka

tacka ta tack ta tack you the Daily Show. I'm a stand-up comedian. I love Jesus. And one of my favorite things to do is make Josh make the face he's making right now. Pity-poo-pity-pup-pollah-po-po-po. Today, we're going to be talking. You're weeny. Me, me weeny?

I've done nothing. I've done nothing today. Not a weeny at all, all right? I'm a crowman, okay? Um, today can be weenies? I, look, I'm not one. I am not a weeny, okay? I'm just, you remember that that you tell the streets

All right when they talk about me in the streets. I am the whole dog all right I am not a weeny okay Thank you. We're not gonna be talking about the streets today today. Today, we're gonna be talking about the insides. All right. We're talking about carpet the hard wood floors. You know, how bad that sounded? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I that's? I that's? I that's? that's? that's? th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're th. th. the. the. the insides, all right? We're talking about carpet versus hardwood floors. Okay, that sounded? It didn't sound that weird. I was talking about not talking about the streets, talking about the insides. They didn't sound weird. When you let it linger like that, it becomes weird, but if you would just ahead and talk normal when it was normal, it wouldn't be weird, you know, but when you leave a silence in a room, it becomes weird. Oh, yeah. Just me. A hundred percent. Fuck out.

Tell the people where you land on this debate of carpet versus hardwood. I'm going to have to say as someone whose hips and back have been suffering on these hard ass floors. Oh, wow. Since I left the great state of Georgia. Because see, my mama's house had hardwood and carpet, and I love being upstairs. Okay. You know it wasn't upstairs? Hmm. Hardwood. So many places up and people are like, oh carpet's gross. Carpet's not gross if you clean it.

You make nasty. Okay. Oh, okay. All right. Carpet is nice. It's soft, you know, and if you get the chance, you can shuffle your feet on it and shock your brother or your mom. Or every once in a while, you get static electricity, shock your cat. Not on purpose. Uh-huh. Just going to pick up the cat. You've been on the floor all day.

Or they shock you. That's interesting. A cat miracle came up and she went, Zoop. And we were both very much caught off guard. Yeah, yeah. I don't, she was like, Imagine a cat looking at its paw as being like more powers? There's a video of a cat on memory phone. Uh-huh. It's, you know, they stepped down and it goes back up. And at one point the cat's like walking backwards, looking at his paw prints, but they keep popping up. And the cat just looks at his paw.

He's like, step, step, step. The fuck? Like, he just looks at his hand, like, am I not doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Cats also have so much confidence that to see one be like, is it me? Is particularly, is like particularly insane. Where usually cats are like, no, I know better than water. All right? Calm yourself. I'm gonna go ahead and lick the back rather than dip it in some water and actually clean it. I'm gonna lick it until I feel like it's clean. That's the amount of confidence that cats have

right so for a cat to look at its own paw and be like maybe it's me. I don't. That does not happen in nature. No it's because there's no memory foam in nature. It's wild because even humans are like just supposed to bounce in this thing and then everything and I get up and it's not it's the the the th it's th it's th th th th it's th th th th th the th th th the th th th th the the th the th th the the the the the the the the the their their their that's not their that's not that's not their their that's not their their their their their their their their that's not that's not that's not their their their their their their their their their their their their their that's that's that's that's that's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not the that's that's the that's that that's that that that that's that's the the that's the the that's the that's the the that's the to bounce in this thing and then everything and I get up and it's not shaped like me wow. Okay. So I'm saying this carpet is soft. Yeah yeah. Yeah. It hard would be fucking up sciaticus. I love when you start a story like this. I a boy back in the day who his girl was cheating and he found out from the memory. Josh. Because the dude had just left when he got there.

Josh. And it wasn't like a cartoon. It wasn't like a perfect imprint, but it was just like, you don't take up that much space on a bed. Josh Mishak Shack Shack a bidding to go Johnson. I will not. Did I ever tell you? Oh man. Fucking wild Josh Johnson. I can. How does anyone? I mean it was it was one of those things too where I'm sure if he didn't think about it. It wasn't gonna.

It wasn't gonna like really occur to him but. Because of the memory phone because of the memory phone. And once again, not some perfect imprint. Not some head to toe foot, you know, loony-tune through a wall imprint. Not cool-laid man through your side door. No, not cool-aid man in the mattress. I'm saying it was just too big of an indention coming back up off the bed. So he knows what his shape is. He knows what his shape is. And then he saw that shape and said, oh, that's not. That's not me. I just walked in. That's not my backside. Yeah. Also, how is there an indention? If I haven't been here. And that dude just left. But yeah, carpet is also, yeah, you think carpets comfortable and everything.

I'm with you. What I am against is carpet in a bathroom. That's a bad idea. That is wild, and I've seen it a couple times, just in, even, this is the wildest thing to me about, about when people choose to put carpet in, and they do it in a bathroom, or they just do it in a place that doesn't make a lot sense sense. One of the reasons that there's been a turn, there's been a turn this decade against carpet on to my side, onto the hardwood floor side of the argument is because

cheap hotels motels. They've done they've done carpet dirty and they become a representative, an unwanted representative of the carpet brand that this is just covering something up, that this is just dirty. Now, yeah, because they've done carpet dirty, meaning that, not that they've been inappropriate to carpet, is that when they're doing carpet, the carpet is dirty. The carpet's dirty and it doesn't actually, I don't even know what you would call that's that's that thu thu th when they're doing carpet the carpet is dirty? The carpet's dirty and it doesn't actually I don't even know what you would call it someone who actually does Interior design would know what it is but I've never seen in a motel a carpet that was flush to the wall it's either an inch short so you see what the real floor looks like or it's like slightly riding up the wall in the corner. Where you be staying? This is where I was staying.

This is where I'm staying now. Where you be staying? Come on. You know what, you know my literal struggle. I can't say, I mean, listen, I've been in a hotel where there was a band-aid stuck to the wall, so I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I know what you're talking about.

I'm not going to say that I haven't lived this life. I haven't been in a smoking hotel room in Middle Tennessee. I'm not going to say that. I notice that say that. I'm not gonna tell them a lot myself. Mm-hmm What it will say I noticed that now cheaper hotels One it probably is easier to maintain If you're a cheap ass hotel. Yeah, it's probably easier to maintain Not having carpet. One spills are much easier to get in nothing seeping down. Mm-hmm like I can see the the tip. I can see the the tip. I see? I the, I the, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tip tip the the tip the the the the the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the cheaper. I the the the the the the tip tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I the the the the the the the the the the the tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. tip. tip. tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip, nothing seeping down. Like, I can, I see the motivation. The hotels are always cold as shit.

And the floor is so slippery. Like, I'm never in a situation where I'm like, I wanted to bust my ass today. Like, I'm not that, I don't... I don't know why, why I busted my ass I wanted to bust my ass today like I'm not that I don't I don't know why that why I busted my ass always seems to be the option like I just can't live you know what I mean okay because the floors are so slippery it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah oh I've never wanted to meet Jesus like this I wanted you know you know going on my sleep like a Christianrounded by my loved ones and one good enemy. Um, I, that would be funny to just be on your deathbed and look over at somebody and be like, see how many people love me?

Bee! My friend Lace Lace Barrowie, she's an amazing comedian, she's like my sister. She always says that when she dies, she wants to be on a funeral pyre. Hmm. Uh, pushed out like in the middle of Lake Lanier, and she wants one of her biggest enemies to row out to this burning funeral pyre. Light a cigarette off of her burning body, go, bitch, and then row back to shore. What kind of life do you have to be livid to have the type of enemies with the upper body strength?

To row out to the middle of a lake while you're burning. Yep. And not like, not a lake that can get a little choppy if it catches some wind. Yeah, Lanier, a death lake to start with. Yeah. You're already violating the law by burning a body on this lake. Right?

Mm-hmm. But to have someone row out to your body, light of fire, bitch. And then honestly, also this person is your greatest enemy, they have to agree to this. Yeah, yeah, they have to hate you so much that they're like, that's a great idea. Yeah, like, you know what, bitch, I will come to your funeral. I'll bring my own oars. It's like, yeah, she deserved to die, and I hope she burns and hell. Like, that's what's the they. they. they. they. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's. that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th., she deserved to die, and I hope she burns in hell. Like, that's what we're doing.

My thing is, I'll pitch you this real quick. Ooh, I love a pitch. I love a pitch. I think that there's a stigma on hardwood floors that they are what make you really bust ass and and crack skull and bang knee knee right but let's not forget that carpet is not innocent bystander it's not some some sweet catch-all oh you fail let me catch you on this soft carpet no it's not all that it's not all it's cracked up to be there's a dark side to carpet that you all need to understand it's called carpet birds we know. Mm-hmm no no you all that. It's not all it's cracked up to be. There's a dark side to carpet that y'all need to understand. It's called carpet burns. We know. No, no, y'all don't act like you

know though. All the carpet people that I know want to act like they've never slid and burned. Okay, it's been, first of all, I'm not a child. So I don't think I've had a, that's not true. You've had a carpet burn as an adult, it's very easy. All you gotta do is catch yourself on some carpet and slip a little and it's on the wrist. It's not how I got it. Oh, well, there are other ways. There are other ways. Yep. There are other ways, and we'll just say there are other ways.

There, there, there are other other other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there are other, there other there's really only one other way that I know. Really only one other way that we will openly discuss. Yeah there's really mm-hmm crazy now that I think about there are really only two ways yeah yeah yeah an their thin the thing about there are really only two ways yeah yeah yeah Yeah. And then riding down the stairs and you know you you're writing the lit you're riding down the stairs and you know whatever your medium for sliding goes out from underneath you that's how you do. That's the other way. That's the only other way. That's the E for everyone way to get carpet burns on your knees. Or... Now I do feel like the other things. the other things. the other things. the the the the the the the the the the the two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. You. You. You. You. You. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. You're. E. E. You're. E. E. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to get carpet burns on your knees. Now, I do feel like the other thing is, you brought it up, this is a really great point,

the cleanliness and the ability to keep these floors clean. Now, with a carpet, you're going to want to have not just a vacuum, but you're going to want to have the right vacuum for the texture of carpet that you have. It's called the pile. The pile. the height the height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The height. The the height. The height. The height. The the height. The the height. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the're going to want to have the right vacuum for the texture of carpet that you have. It's called the pile. The pile? The height of your carpet? Really? Okay. Yeah. I did not know that. All right. So the old vacuum, do you remember that knob that used to be on the front of like those bag vacums? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was for the pile because if you had like say you had a carpet that was just like a fade Mm-hmm. It was a very short like low cut fade Mm-hmm. You have a town carpet. Yeah Carpet would it would a line up. Yeah with some edges with some edges sidebar can we talk about the ineffectiveness of the carpet sweeper? Okay, okay. I'm glad someone finally brought up. It took about 20 years, but finally someone

has brought up something that's bothered me for decades. My entire childhood, they would be like, they give you this thing and I'm just like, the fuck is this for it. Like the amount of times you went over one, one thing. Yeah. One thing, the worst would you would see somebody in a restaurant using one, you're like, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. That's not gonna work. You're gonna spend your whole shift. You're a whole shift, trying to get them crumbs from underneath that type.

You will have one strong tricep and one regular trice if you're going you you you you you you you that's that's that's that's that's that's that's're going to be annoyed. You might as well just mop. You might as well just mop. That's very funny. You might as well mop the carpet for all the good that you're doing. The way that a carpet needs special care and attention if you're trying to keep it pristine. If you're trying to keep it like the day you bought it for years, you're going to have to do a little bit more than just like, oh I bought a dice and vacuum and you know, I guess we're good. You know? I remember one of the punishments as a kid was cleaning the carpet and not being allowed to use the vacuum like having to sweep carpet. Yeah, yeah, yeah you ever the just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thea. things. things. things. things.ea. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. thia. thi. I thi. I thi. I to use the vacuum. Like having to sweep carpet. Yeah, yeah, you ever just get punished with a puzzle. That's right. And the thing is, but the secret is sweeping carpet.

Mm-hmm. It's swift. You can't, like, you know, with a regular, like on a hardwood floor, you just slide across. Mm-hmm. To get it all, yeah, to get it all irritated and dustied it the puzzle, the puzzle, the puzzle, and to to the puzzle, to to the puzzle, to to their to the puzzle, to their their to their their to to their their their their their the to the thuseseuice, to thiu thi. to thea thea thea, thea' thususus, thus, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu., thu., thu., thus, thus, thus, thus, thus., thus., thus., thususususus., thusususususususk., thea., tea., ta., ta., theanananananananananuananuanuanuanuan motions. Kind of like it all, yeah, to get it all irritated and dust it up. Yeah, to get all dust it up. That's why they started, like when carpet fresh came out, everybody's house smelled wild as hell. Because carpet fresh smelled like something you put down for a pet.

Like it never smelled like, ooh, now my house smells like a meadow. No, it's, ooh, you must have a dog. I also think that, so we, you know, we've talked about potential injury. We've talked about cleanliness. You know, that hardwood wins that one 100%. Easy floor. It does. Easy, Swiffer. easy for easy mop easy swiffer you know yes but swiffer we have to talk

about swiffer changed the game it did yeah I will say before so as someone who didn't grow up with a swiffer the whole time right the swiffer came later there was a true difference that was one of the first products the swiffer was one of the first products the swiffer was one of the first products that was as easy to use to use as it to use as to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the te tel tel tel. tel. tell the the tell the the tell the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to a true difference. That was one of the first products, the Swiffer, was one of the first products that was as easy to use as it actually looked in the commercial. A lot of those commercials like to make it look like they're making your life so much easier. The Swipper really came through and was like, no, you know, you could just stand here and do it. That's the whole thing right there. And then it was like, okay, here's it, like basically it's like, here's a Clorox, here's a baby wipe for your floor, right? Mm-hmm. Also, and then when they got the

Swiffer wet jet, nigger. You're telling me with just two double A batteries and some floor juice. I do feel like it changed my perspective on cleaning too because it used to be when I had to sweep I was like I got to get I got to get under the couch got move the couch got to sweep under here. What what I mean I'm not even going to find any pennies this is this is terrible and then with the swiffer the way it attracted the dust. Yes the way that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that it was that I that I'm not that I'm not th. I I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I I I I th. I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm not th. I'm not thi the the te to te. I'm not te. I'm not te. I'm not te. I'm not te. I'm not te. I'm not the. I'm not the. I to terrible. And then with the Swiffer, the way it attracted the dust. Yes. The way that it was like, no, no, no, you've done enough. I got you. Let me put in some work.

I got you. I want to touch on something now that I feel like is, it's not always considered because, you know, ideally it's not going to happen to you, but you know, you and I, we live in New York. I know you're blessed enough. I've been blessed enough to be in high floors. But not everybody has that, you know? There are people that live below us. There's people that live below other people all the time. What would you rather your upstairs neighbor have?

Heartwood? Clankin' and clanking and clankin' or carpet. I feel like this is one of the things where I have to concede a little bit where carpet, carpet comes in over hardwood. Hardwood takes an L when it comes to the neighbors. It really does. I and my other apartment, I had a neighbor. Mm-hmm.

As I was recording the car, like great north. And this person Would vacuum Every Friday But I didn't know what they were vacuuming. Yeah because we all had hardwood floors Mm-hmm. So what are you doing? A maybe within their hardwood wood they have some spaces might those some of those their? Some of those wood pieces like some extra gaps in their hard wood, they have some spaces. Some of those wood pieces might have some spaces, like some extra gaps in the teeth, and they got to vacuum them out. What I feel like, I was like, maybe they had rugs.

Because the thing is, there's nothing to stop you from running a vacuum over a hardwood floor. I have a rumba, also, a rumba is like if you gave puppies, it's like if you gave a puppy or a kit in a job is a rumba. Mm-hmm. Because they're like, oh, it maps your house. No the fucks it doesn't. It runs into walls. It runs into walls.

Yeah, and then it goes, that's a wall. It runs into walls until it runs out of power. Yeah. It fucks up your floorboards until they can't fucks them up no more. That's all the room. And it's like it's helpful because like I don't have to clean my floor now. Mm-hmm. La Rumba is cleaning my floor. I get it. It's great. But, girl, put the bottle down. Put the bottle down.

What's wrong? The way that you said put the bottle, like the way that all this came together, really was a mystery to me until you... Because you went, you were saying something else and then you just out of nowhere to say, girl, put the bottle down. I was like, I was trying to nod with you. I was trying to be like, okay, maybe this is gonna be something. Yeah, yeah, being a rumba, really, just slamming a vacuum into walls.

Just truly, just really, real stuntman energy. But I can't tell you that that rumba, that rumba, has fucked up three of my pedicures. Oh, because it ran over your foot? Absurds, I mean in the most distressed. So does it, how does it work? Does it run into your foot fast? How does that work?

There's a little bit of speed behind it, but it didn't just run into my foot fast? How does that work? There's a little bit of speed behind it but it didn't just run into my foot it ran over my foot. Damn. I even know they had that type of clearance. I did not either until it shipped like they always is always chipping a big toe or a baby joke. I thought they were really just sucking floor and so the fact the fact that it could go over it's that's terrifying. I think it's always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always they they they they they they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're they they they they th. they they they they they they they th. th. they they th. they're th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're thi they're th the fact, the fact that it could go over, that's terrifying. I think it's got an all-terrain setting. Wait, what did you say? An all-terrain?

No, what? So you think it has an all- so to clean, to clean the outside too, would you put it? I think four setting so you would let it clean a Mountain I think that they have adapted it to where cuz it's like it has to be able to go up Things has to go up on the carpet go down to the floor I don't say it's gonna go over stairs But it has to deal with like probably different heights of things okay So like fuck it. Let's just put a four by four in this bitch. All right. What you mean? I didn't say anything. I said all right.

How did it, if not how? If not me, when? I feel like there's a huge amount of middle ground between what you just proposed and what it's actually doing. The way that you're, the way that you're being like, if it's not that, then what could it be is, is, is not correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct. to correct. correct. correct. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I. I. I. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. the. the. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. to to to to to to to to to to to know what? The way that you're being like, if it's not that, then what could it be is, is not correct to me. Are you a scientist? This is what, this is what happens.

You catch somebody in a wild projection, and then they immediately turn on you. Are you an engineer? It's like, I'm just asking, nigger, are you a scientist? Okay? I want answers. We're both. We're both the theater majors. Yeah, but the fact that we both don't know doesn't mean one of us definitely knows.

But you was talking from a place that you thought you might know No, I'm talking from a place where that does sound right You always do this to me. I always do what you always do this to me you make you sound like that. I'm saying the wild thing Making it sound like? What is talking about? Making it sound like? Yes. Making it sound as if it is not wild that you said that under the Rumba is all terrain. I'm just saying I don't know why to put a four by four in that, bitch. I mean, there's truly no way, to me at least, no way, that carpet comes out on top of hardwood. I think that hardwood has laid down a literal foundation for a beautiful and picturesque comb. I think that carpet sometimes it's very easy for carpet to be ruined.

Let's talk about damaged because you really got to burn hardwood, you really got to smash hardwood to ruin it. All you really need it. Girl I was friends with, who's having like a party at her parents' house. And her little cousin went in the din with a red drink. Okay. And the carpet was like white, like a light cream, white color. Can we just say very brave? Very brave of them. And all of us who were

the young adults, so like late 20s early 30s all went, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come back. Yeah, her mom was like, oh he's fine and we went, excuse me, I don't live there. This isn't my house. But I'm like, hold, hold. I said, that looks like everybody flashbacks. We're not, we don't have to go on a full tangent, but the bravery. The hubris. The hubris. The fucking, and then the thing, we thought it was hubris. But then she was like, no, he's okay. And thin, the thing, and then the thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. We, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thin, that, that look, that look, that look, that look, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We're th. We're that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, that look, in there with that. And not only that, she was like, no, he's fine. And then my friend whose mom and whose house it was, she was like, you would have never let me in there. And we were like, we wouldn't have been allowed. And so, because we all refused. Like, there was older adults, like parent age in there with food and drinks. Everybody who was in the 20s, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, and 30s would not go in the den unless somebody was like,

we're like, are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? It's okay for us to do this? Are you sure? Because of course they had like barbecue or something, we all refused to go in the living room. Because the other issue at play.

Because we were traumatized. Yeah. That's the other, we were truly fucking traumatized. We could not even handle the idea. Imagine ruining a part of your house or someone else's. That's where... Or someone else's. That's the position that carpet can put you in. You can destroy a hardwood floor. Oh it's much harder. There's nothing you can do to a hardwood floor that wouldn't also destroy a carpet floor. You can't scratch carpet. Yeah, but you can make a tear. You can. But a tear on carpet is much easier to fix than a tear in hardwood. You can fuck up a hardwood floor. You can gouging. You can stain a hardwood floor. You can stain a hardwood floor. You can't stain a hardwood floor. You. You. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. You can't scratch. the the. the. You can't scratch it the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t tap. tap. tap. tap. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. try tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. to stain a carpet than it is to stain a hardwood floor.

But it can be done. Now I'll say in, for me in my house, I would prefer carpet just because, like in a hotel room I understand not going to hard, even though, when I'm in a hotel room that doesn't have carpet, it's always, I don't like that either. I do understand what cheaper hotels. Like if I was thinking of a cheap hotel, please have a hardwood. Yeah. But if I'm staying at the London in LA, bro, come on, give me a nice, nice, luscious, you know the wildest place I've ever seen carpet? Huh.

I was the Jamie Fox's house. Okay. And this man had carpet outside that went almost right up to the pool. That is, that is wild. I mean, it's a brilliant thing though because that means when you're getting out of the pool and you're, you know, dripping on the floor, you're drying up as you're walking. Right, so I'm sure a specific indoor carpet, but the thing is it was the same color as the carpet from the house. Hmm.

Oh, so it really makes the pool feel like it's in the living room, I got you. Or, you know, it's a continuous thing where you're like, and it was as softest carpet I've ever been in a normal life. I don't know if they put foam underneath this outdoor carpet, but the steps down to the pool area, and then around the pool area, it was like spongy soft. What's it went? That's wild. It was nice, but I'm like, this is a m, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thi, like, like, like, the the, the, like, like, like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, this is a, I don't, to attain those heights. Mm-hmm. Because people are like, what's luxury?

Okay, yeah. What's luxury? How do you know you've made it? Carpet by your pool? White carpet? By your pool? Come on, dog. That's not like many people get to live.

Right before we go ahead and kick it over to the listener, I want to go over some of our pros and cons of each because I feel like that would be the most fair. I feel like we both agree that when it comes to noise from upstairs neighbors, they could be they could be noisy, but Carpet has a clear advantage over hardwood adults some of the bouncing some of the walking some of the dropping, you know Whereas a hardwood really echoes cleaning hardwood's gonna be much easier to clean because of Swiffer, because of vacuums, because of brooms, and carpet has a bit more upkeep in the cleaning department. We talked about injuries and while injuries are going to be more likely on our hardwood, don't think you can't get burned by carpet. It can happen to all of us.

We've all been burned by carpet, don't get a twisted. And the last one is emotional. It is, it is an a th a th is an thi thi thi thi it is an thi it is an thi is an thi is an thi is an thi is an thi is an thi. It is happen to all of us. We've all been burned by a carpet, don't get a twist it. And the last one is emotional. It is, it is an aesthetic thing. It's literally, what do you feel like accompanies your ensemble the best, your decor in the home appropriately. And for me, it's hardwood. But for you, I see that it's carpet, but we want to know from you the listener What do you do? What would you rather if you don't have it? What do you like about what you have and what do you think about what we said? Okay, you can let us know on any comment you can you can obviously listen to the show you can you can let us know through daily show through any hold up posts that you see. We check, we check our comments and everything. So let us know.

Hit us up, write us a review, leave us five stars and let us know how you feel about at least one of us being right. Yeah, it's, I can say this is the most salient argument we've had in a long conversation we've had in a long time. Yeah. Yeah. We've got ourselves. Mm-hmm. One of those.

Yeah. Kudos. Kudos. Um, but also it's I think where this is one where you I'm very proud of you because usually you get very attactful and Okay, I get attacked. Okay, all right Cool no no no Okay, all right as long as we've known each other you're right. I'm the one. I'm I'm the one that the gets that gets a little combative Immediately, you know, that comes at you sort of sideways and stuff. That's me. I'm not I'm not saying. I'm not saying that I don't be saying stuff. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too. I too. I too. too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. too. I too. too. I too'm not saying that I don't be saying stuff yeah just remember who called who a weenie at the top of the episode talk about you proud to be all right okay cool cool cool cool

Oh wait is this what gas laning is oh I think, yes, I smell gasoline. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. If you like any of my little anecdotes, you should check out the Josh Johnson show. It's my other podcast. It also comes out every Thursday, wherever you get your podcast? And do you have anything that you want to tell them before we go, Dulce? I enjoy the Josh Johnson show. Listen to my podcast. Hold up. Don't see it.

All right. Well, y'all have a great rest of the day at a wonderful weekend. We will catch you next time. Sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep. Swip. Swip. Swip. Swip. Sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep. Swip. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.