The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Chelsea Handler On Biden’s State of the Union Address | Alycia Baumgardner

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

Biden delivers the State of the Union address and gets heckled by Republicans. Plus, Mitt Romney gets in a heated exchange with George Santos, and the Twitter hearings get underway with some disputed insults at Trump from Chrissy Teigen. Undisputed Super-Featherweight Champion Alycia Baumgardner discusses the newfound attention the sport is gettingSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day Try it for free at this exclusive web address zip recruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's zip recruiter.com. Zip recruiter the smartest way to hire you're listening to Comedy Central Central. From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that invented news. This is the Daily Show with I am Chelsea Hamler and tonight is night three of me hosting the Daily Show. And tonight is night three of me hosting the Daily Show and I wanted to try something different, so I'm sober.

I'm open-minded enough to try something different, so I'm sober. I'm open-minded enough to try anything once. We have a lot of exciting developments tonight, so let's get right into the headlines. Let's kick things off with the news out of Congress today, where Republicans held a hearing about how social media silences conservatives. At least that's what they were trying to prove. The problem is once Twitter executive started testifying we found out that lots of complaints came from the big fat baby who used to be

president. Earlier you testified about a 2019 tweet that was about President Trump and I think it's from Ms. Teegan. What was the tweet that was about president Trump and I think it's from Miss Tegan What was the tweet about? Please excuse my language. This is a direct quote, but Chrissy Tegan referred to Donald Trump as a pussy ass bitch Okay, from my understanding the White House reached out to ask that this tweet be removed at that time up to three insults were allowed and so it was our job to determine how many insults were included within that phrase. I love that Twitter had to decide whether pussy ass bitch was one insult or three. It does beg the question is Donald Trump a pussy and an ass and a bitch? Or is he just a bitch with pussy ass qualities?

I love when I have to get philosophical. Interesting that Trump doesn't like being called a pussyass bitch when those are his three favorite things. Either way, asking Twitter to take down a mean tweet about you is really a pussy ass bitch move. But that's enough about the old president. Let's move on to the new president, who also is very old. Last night was the State of the Union, Washington, D.C.'s biggest non-orgie event of the year. And I'm going to be honest. I have I have I have I have I have I have the the the to to to to to to the to to to to to to the to to the to to to the to to to the th. the to th. the the to the the to to to thiiiwiwiolioluiol- to to to to to to to to to to is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really is really the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theat. theat. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. today. today. toe. toe. th. th. th. Union, Washington, D.C.'s biggest non-orgi event of the year.

And I'm going to be honest, I have never watched the State of the Union before because I have a life. So I wasn't looking forward to it, but I'm glad I tuned in because it wasn't nearly as boring as I thought it would be. In fact, it's apparently got a bit of a UFC slash junior high cafeteria vibe now. Even before the speech started, things started getting rowdy. There were some tense moments that last night's state of the union address. Cameras captured a heated exchange between embattled Congressman George Santos and Senator Mitt Romney. One lip reader posted this account of how the exchange went down. You ought to be embarrassed.

You ought to be embarrassed. I'm glad to be embarrassed. Got me? That's your opinion. Yes. I would like to go on the record tonight and say that I am sexually attracted to Mitt Romney. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last time. I don't even care that he's a Republican or a Mormon.

It's not the first time. I don't even care that he's a Republican tha he's a Republican he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he hetime, and it won't be the last time. I don't even care that he's a Republican or a Mormon. In fact, since he's a Mormon, he'll be open to another wife, and if not, he's a Republican, so he'll be open to having an affair. Problem solve. And yeah, what Romney said doesn't sound too harsh, but remember, it's Mitt Romney. You ought to be embarrassed son is the Mormon equivalent of, suck my fucking d'ea, you pussy-ass, bitch.

And then when Biden actually started talking, his Republican friends across the aisle, we're not having it. Entering a house chamber now run by Republicans, President Biden extending his hand to the new speaker Kevin McCarthy, before confronting Republican heckling head-on, tangling over the fate of Social Security and Medicare. The president taking aim and an idea floated by just a few Republicans. Instead of making the wealthy pay their fair share, some Republicans, some Republicans want Medicare and Social Security to sunset. I'm not saying it's a majority.

The comment drawing outrage and booze including from GOP firebrand Marjorie Taylor Green. Republicans were acting like wild animals and I liked it. Keep this up you guys. You finally made a State of the Union watchable. Marjorie Taylor Green stood up during this speech and screamed out, liar! And then George Santos stood up and is like, over here! What are we going to do about Marjorie Taylor Green? I mean, she's like one of those dogs that needs a big backyard to run outside and expend all of her energy, but instead she's stuck

living inside a one-bedroom apartment slamming her head against the wall. When are they going to put this woman on Real Housewives of Atlanta? And to be fair, MTG wasn't the only one dressed like a lunatic last night. Look at the outfit Kirsten Cinema chose to wear. She looks like she's going to a kinsinera as the pinata. For a more comprehensive look at the State of the Union, we go to Roy Wood Jr. who's in DC. What's this? Hello.

Hi, Roy, you were at the State of the Union. What did you think of Biden's speech? Chelsea, it was amazing. I loved all the things the president said. Biden talked and he set some stuff and he talked a little bit. Back to you. Wait, wait, wait, we just started. Like what specifically did you like about the state of the union? Oh, well, you know, all of it, you know?

I like the part where he talked about the union and the state it's in. You know, Russia, health care, AX, he was talking. It sounds like you didn't actually watch the speech. All right, fine, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. thi. took, took, took, took, took, took, took care, AX, he was talking. It sounds like you didn't actually watch the speech. All right, fine, I didn't watch it, okay? I didn't watch the State of the Union. I went to a bar to watch LeBron James break the all-time scoring record in the NBA. That's where I was. I was at a bar.

Pardon me for wanting to see history. How do you expect me to pay attention to a boring-ass speech? I don't care about Biden. That moth-fai-m-fai'-m-fai'-m-dunct. Well, first off, you don't know that he can't dunk. And second, I'm sorry the game interfered with your job, but they can't move the state of the union. What you mean they can't move the state of the union? It ain't Christmas. It's just an old dude talking to a bunch of other old dudes. That can happen at any time.

Biden should either have moved the speech back a week or just done the speech at the game. He could have fit the whole thing in during the time out. Infrastructure good. Bill back better on three. One to three th th th thoooooo th th th th th thooo th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's tho, thoo. It's tho' tho' thoooooooo- thoooo-a. It's thoo-a. It's tho-a. It's thoom. It's the thoes. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's just. It's just just. It's just just just. It's just just just just just just just just just tho. It's just a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to better on three, one, two, three, bill back better. It's all we have to do. Well, Roy, I'm glad that you got to watch the Lakers win. Oh, no, no, no, no. The Lakers lost.

But in a way, isn't that a metaphor for America? In what way? I don't know. I was hoping you had you you you you you you you you you you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's all. that's all that's all that's all that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that a metaphor for America? In what way? I don't know, I was hoping you had something. But aren't you excited about this? You live in LA. You must be hyped that LeBron broke the record. Yeah, definitely. Because now he has more points than the guy that had it before. And you know who that is, right?

Yep. Of course I do. He's the tall, black guy. Okay, so you are a fan. That's right. Runnyn, Jr. everybody. All right, when we come back, we'll find out why I'm ruining society. So go away.

Good. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter.com. Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people

for it. And you can use Zip Recruiter' pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address.ziprecruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's zip recruiter.com slash zip.ruder, the smartest way to hire. Welcome back to the daily show. One thing that I have made abundantly clear is that I do not want children. I say it on stage, I say it in interviews, it's the first thing I say to myself in the mirror when I wake up each morning,

right before I tell myself, frankly, the feeling is mutual. And the fact is, there are millions of women just like me, but for some reason, every single one of us, at some point in our lives, is shamed by society for not wanting a baby. And that's what I want to talk about in tonight's installment of Long Story Short. In America and honestly everywhere, motherhood is treated as a woman's essential purpose in life. As if our destiny is to let a tiny stranger rip a hole through our Pikachu from the inside out. And then as soon as we turn 18 we're just supposed to sit back and wait for Nick Cannon to impregnate us. And look I have infinite respect for moms but motherhood is hard. It's so hard it even broke Marie

Condo. Tidying up was her life's work. Then she has kids and was like, fuck it living in squalor is fine. Tidying up was her life's work. Then she has kids and was like, fuck it, living and squalor is fine. So it really shouldn't be surprising that some women aren't signing up. But many people aren't just surprised. They're horrified. Childless women are seen as unfulfilled, unhappy, even the Pope has slammed us, saying that not having children is selfish. First of all, I am not going to take procreation advice from a guy who's

never even penetrated anyone. Well, not that we know of anyway. And what's crazy is that for some reason, people feel entitled to tell you what a horrible person you are right to your face. When people ask me, do you have children and I say no, they always look at me then and say, oh, I'm sorry. As if like there's something like physically wrong with me. I've had people break down in tears to me about the fact that me not having children is robbing them of something. I've gotten everything from your selfish for not wanting children. Your childhood must have been terrible if you don't want to have children.

Are you one of these career-thirsty women that doesn't want children and how could you deny your man the chance to have children? I wouldn't want to be with you. Yes, because men are so upset every time they're denied a chance to have a child. Watch an episode of Moripovic to see how excited men get to find out that they are the father. And it's bad enough when people judge your life choices, but apparently childless women aren't just harming themselves. We're actually destroying society. You look at Kamla Harris, AOC, the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children.

And how does it make any sense that we've turned our country over to people who don't really have a direct stake in it? We're effectively run in this country, via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, by, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too. Maybe if you too weren't such boner killers, women would want to have more children. I don't want to make the country miserable. I love this country. It's where all of my things are. thoes. thoes. th. the thoes. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoes. thoes. their their thoes. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their own. I. I thoes. I thoes. I toes. I will. I will. I'm toooooomoomorrow. I will. I will. I will. I'm tooomorrow. I toes. I to. I'm their their their their the country miserable. I love this country. It's where all of my things are. And I've got news for everyone. Instead of shaming childless women for what we're doing to the country, you should be thanking us. We are saving society. We are more likely to give our money to charity. We have a lower carbon footprint, or the reason there are fewer

screaming children on airplanes in movie theaters and restlats. And every baby we don't give birth to is one less baby that could grow up to be the next Elon Musk. And guess how many children? He has nine. You better bring them all to Mars with you, buddy, okay? And when are you going to Mars? Go already! But these Fox News trolls are right about one thing. I am miserable.

In fact, I was just scrolling through my Instagram feed the other day, realizing how miserable I am! I'm miserable on the beach. And then here I am miserable on the beach and then here I am miserable on the top of a mountain and then here I am miserable scuba diving and then I'm miserable again smoking a joint in a hot tub. Every day is truly a new circle of hell for me. The simple truth is that I'm not having a kid because I'm happier without them and that's really not of anyone's concern but my own. And no, I don't hate kids, I just don't want them. That's what's so great about nieces and nephews.

I love being an aunt. I'm crushing that role. Guess who gave each one of them their first edible? This girl, yeah. But hey, what do I know? I'm just an unfulfilled, lonely, miserable waste of two ovaries. So if you want to know the real issues with not having children, you need to talk to your OBGYN like I did take a look. Oh I bet you have been around the world a couple times. You're like a pussy GoPro. Chelsea. Hi, great to meet you. You too. So I'm just going over your chart here. Says you don't plan on

having any children. No. It actually says quote never ever not even if me and Chris Hemsworth were the last two humans on earth. Yeah I mean if he and I hooked up it would probably just be a bunch of butt play. Okay well not having kids is a big decision and you should know it's going to affect your body and your life in a major way. What kind of ways, doctor? Well, for starters, your body will never go through the trauma of childbirth. You'll have what the medical community calls beautiful boisterous breasts and a very tight,

ti little vagina. That's funny because I've been hearing a lot about that from different people that I've been having boisterous breasts and a very tight, tight, little, little vagina. That's funny because I've been hearing a lot about that from different people that I've been having casual sex with, giving me different kinds of compliments and I thought it was just dirty talk. No, no, no, that's a medical term. How much sleep do you get? I mean, it varies anywhere from eight to 16 hours a night, you know, depending on what I get up to. If I go to like one of Leo's sex parties, I'll be up really, really late and then I'll come home

and I'll be starving and then I'll have an entire pizza in my bed and then I just finish myself off one more time and sleep like a baby. Is that normal? Perfectly normal for someone with your condition. Great. It's probably, it's, thii, thi, it's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th and th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to the to the the they, the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I the thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'll thi. I thi. I's thi. I have a great muscle tone. Thank you. It's probably because I have so much free time to work out after I'm sleeping. Amen to that, sister. Are we doing anything that is going to require me to be in a hospital gown today? No. Now, I know all this information can be really

overwhelming which is why I am going to prescribe some recreational drugs. Here's a sample for you to take home. Oh my god I love pills thank you. Oh oh and there's one more thing we should talk about. Ultrasound. Oh I didn't think I was getting an ultrasound today. Ultrasound, the music festival, three days in the desert, Lizzo headlining. And I bet you can get there, because why? You don't have any kids at home to worry about. Oh my God, thank you. This is like the best doctor's appointment I've ever had.

You are so welcome. And you know what? Literally, nothing is going to go wrong for you. It was so nice to meet you. It was a pleasure to meet you too. Thank you. And you're welcome. Oh, by the way, you do have gone to the world. Thanks, Doc.

Stay tuned because when we come back, I'll be joined by the undisputed Super Featherweight champion of the world. So that's the world. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruter.com. SIP Recruiters smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing

you qualified people for it. And you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a professional boxer who just became the undisputed super featherweight champion.

Please welcome Alicia Baumgardner. Hi, hi, today. Hi. Oh my God, I'm so excited to meet you. You're such a badass. Bad ass. You are. Thank you.

Thank you. to you to break down. You're such a badass. Bad ass. You are! Even though I need you to break down a little bit for me because I'm not familiar with the term. So what does featherweight mean? So I'm super featherweight, so that's 130.

Okay. That is my fighting division that I became undisputed. Okay, I'm one, I'm also, I'm also, I'm one 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30. so. so. to. to. to. to. So. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. So, so. to. So, so. to. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. to. to mean we're in the same weight class at least but had you ever fought at that weight before? Yes it's always been my weight class that I've dominated since I became world champion and yeah. So talk to me a little bit about like you know the gender disparity in boxing because obviously women I mean it is a new thing you're hearing more and more about female boxers but I would obviously guess that you've been around for a long time female boxers and they're just now getting some of the attention that they deserve. Yes very

long time I think it's important that women are just stepping on the platform and making a name for themselves. Yes. And you know we are boxing, boxing is a male-dominated sport, but I don't look at it as a male-dominated sport, I look at it as a sport where I'm able to capitalize in and make a difference as a woman, and I'm truly blessed to be able to do that. Yeah, you are? And so what's your training regimen like? I mean, what's your everyday situation?

Break it down for me. Yeah, so with a camp, it's very, very hard, but it's all rewarding. So we get up for a 5.30 run in the morning, a good 3 miles. And then we go to the gym, depending on how many rounds we're sparring, we can do eight rounds. Women fight two minutes, 10 rounds for championship fights. And then for a third workout, we do a recovery. So that could be a swim, that could be stretching, yoga. But it's very, it's very hard, but it's very rewarding.

And I was well prepared for that fight. Yeah, yeah. It must take a lot of mental grit, right? Yeah. What are you thinking when you're beating the shit out of somebody in a boxing room. I'm like, I hope they feel that. Yeah. So I have a question because I know there's a lot of these like people who aren't really boxers, like influencers, I hate that word so much, influencers. It's so stupid, but like like that are doing, you know, that are having boxing fights like big thiks like Logan Paul I know is one of them what are your thoughts on that? You know my thoughts are boxing is

an entertainment sport right so when you're stepping into this sport it's fine but it's also serious that you have to go in there with a mind that people are risking their lives so it's all fun in games but you have to be a professional when you step in the their sport and to the the the the their their their their their their their their their to.. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the get it, but the same time we have to respect the sport and respect who you are when you're stepping into that ring and who you're fighting as well. Yeah, and what is, can I ask you what you did? Well, how do you celebrate after you win a boxing match like you did at Madison Square Garden this past weekend? You know, honestly three fights so my whole family was there we got to celebrate and just really just mingle and just catch up so that was my celebration I went but do you have alcohol let's get to details like are you are you what are you what are you into what how do you yeah do you drink yeah I do have a drink a

Moscow mules my go-to okay I like a Moscow mule though we have to change that name now with the war we need to call it something something to to to the to to the to the to the to the to the to the the to the the the the to to the to the the to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try. the the try. to to to the to to to to to to the the that name now with the war. We need to call it something else. You know, I like that drink too, but I don't like ordering a Moscow mule. But I would like to share a Moscow mule with you. All right. Yeah. Congratulations on everything. Thank you so much for coming and sitting down with us and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you so much. Not that you'll need it. Alisio Baumgarten, Al G G G Gago, Al Gago, Al Gago, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, but I, but I'll that, but I'll that, but I'll that, but I that, but I'll that, but I'll that, but I'll that, but I'll that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I that, but I tha, but I'll tha, but I'll tha, but I'll tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, but I tha, but I tha, but I tha, but I. Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.