The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Constance Wu: “Discomfort Is Often Where You Find Growth”

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Actor Constance Wu chats about why she made the stylistic choice to write “scenes” in her memoir, the reason she took a step back from Hollywood, and why the Asian-American community should focus more on “whole human representation.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Why am I so read the book? No. Making a scene. You know that there's so many different interpretations of that. the scene. the film making a scene. You write a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memoir a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo a memo about a memo about a memo about a memo about a memo about a memo about a memo about the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the title the title the title the the title that the title that that that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that. that I. that. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're the. You're the. You write. You write a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the full making a scene. You write a memoir about your life, that is the title. Why that? Well, you kind of got it, because it's supposed to have multiple meanings.

There's two overarching themes in the book. One is how art is very healing. And for me, art was always doing theater. And in the theater, you make scenes in a play. And the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theater, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, you make, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, to have to have to have their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th........, th., th., theat, theat, th., theat, theat, theat, that, that, their, their, is sort of about what it means when somebody makes a scene. And how growing up I sort of felt that it was unladylike to make scenes and how that repression was something that I've been struggling with my whole life as a naturally extroverted emotional person. And so now I'm just like, I'll just be emotional and just make a scene. You know?

Right? I didn't know what to expect when I picked up the book, you know, because when you read somebody's memoir, you have an idea of who they are, and then you have an idea of what you think their memoir will be. You've written it in a really interesting way in that I've seen a book that's written in a completely linear format. But you've told some of the stories, or you've written them as screenplays,

and it feels like we're in a movie that is your life. Why did you choose to do that? Is that how you saw it? Or do you want us to feel like we thi the movie? the movie? the the the the the the the the the the the the thi., or to feel like the thi., or to the the the thi., or thi., or to to to thi., or th th th th th thi. the that. thrown, or tho, or tho, or do tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. Or, or th. Or, or th. Or, or th. Or, or the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, or their, or their, or their, or the the the the the the the the that?. thrown. throwne? throwne? throwne? throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne, or throwne, or th are certain scenes or parts of the book that were originally written as dialogue that happened to me as I recount my experiences. And then I put them in a sort of screenplay or a playwriting format because I feel like sometimes with actor memoirs there's a little bit of a kind of a slant like they're trying to make themselves be the victim or the hero or like cooler than and I felt like by putting it in a th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th like th like thi thi the the the the thi the the the the the the the that the that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the thean the an the an the trying to make themselves be the victim or the hero or like cooler than. And I felt like by putting it in a scene format, it sort of took you out of the book in a way that made the experience more objective. So if I'm talking about somebody putting, you know,

his hand on my crotch, I could talk about how that felt to me or I could just explain the action and everybody will have their own response to it. Let's talk a little bit about that. Yeah, because that was something interesting in the book. You know, you shared some really vulnerable moments in your life. You talked about going through sexual harassment, you know, one of the producers on the show, the hit show that you are on, fresh off the boat. But what's interesting is, it doesn't seem like you are trying to slam somebody. It seems like you're recounting what happened.

You even seem to have, honestly, a compassion that I don't think many people would, where you go, I understand where this guy came from. I didn't appreciate what he did. He made my life of living hell, but I forgive him. And the the the they. And they. And they. And the,talk about parts, you know, late on the book where you realized that there were moments where you felt like you were creating an environment that was harassing to people, not on the same level in any way.

But I was intrigued by why you would do that and how you would even begin to think like that. Well, I mean, you don't do. And the reason I do it is not to have compassion and not to take their side. But I do feel that if I am asking for people to look at my life and my mistakes with curiosity and empathy rather than judgment, I feel like I want to do the same for other people.

And it was beautiful because as I was doing that, it made me stop blaming myself. So, you know, I felt really bad with the sexual harassment on Fresh Off the Boat, because sometimes I wanted to be part of the Boys Club. So, like, when he would do or say something that was inappropriate, I'd be like, oh my god, you're such a dick. You know, like laughing with him.

And I felt like that was a type of permissiveness and I felt guilty because of that. But then when I thought about how he's an Asian-American man and how Asian-American men have traditionally felt very masculated in this country and what that does to a person and why and how they might exercise their feelings of powerlessness and exercise it on the women in their own community because he was always respectful to white and black women all around me. It was just to Asian women who weren't in positions of power

that he sort of exercised his power. And I consider that and I consider the pressure he was under, not to excuse him, but just to understand people better. Wow. Wow. Wow. Thank you. You know, you bring up your life and everything that you've gone through.

You know, you bring up your life and everything that you've gone through. There are many people who are familiar with it and they're obviously those who learn about it or maybe even from us speaking about it, but you went through a really interesting period where you were on this hit show. It came out of nowhere, it was a supernova fresh off the boat, people were loving it. It represented, you know, the Asian community and it was this exciting new idea and it was funny, it was powerful. And then I think it was after about five seasons,

people thought the show was done. You started booking a few projects. Then the show got picked up and you had to go back You spoke up about it on Twitter, you know, and... I mean, I more than spoke up about it. I had some rather profane tweets. Yeah, I'll let you, I'm objectively giving it to you. Thank you. We'll write it in a screenplay format. Yes, I'll put it on a screen.

You said a few things. And what you talk about in the book, and I then you talk about the response and how people made you feel leading to a point where you contemplated suicide. Yeah, I actually really did pull myself over a balcony ledge. So it was very close and I'm very lucky that I had a friend there to help me. But, um... But yeah, I mean, I do think the reaction to my not ladylike tweets was outsized in proportion to my mistake. And it's... You got, I remember, you were getting slammed.

Like people, people were coming off to you, people were like, oh, they were saying like, you should kill yourself, you're ungrateful. You all... I remember it at the time, and it, and it, it was, and it, I remember it, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I do the reaction, I do the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction the reaction the reaction the reaction the reaction the reaction, the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I the reaction, I to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do th. th. th. I do th. I do people were coming off to you, people were like, oh they were saying like you should kill yourself, you're ungrateful, you all, I remember it at the time and it was huge, it went far beyond like what it happened, you know, it felt like you were angry and you were lashing out, but the response was, like it seemed like you're killed someone. It was, it was pretty cruel. Yeah, and so that's why I ended up in a hospital and why I inevitably had to take a break from Hollywood to sort of, I didn't want to cry, I'm sorry, to like work on my mental health. And it was lonely, and I'll tell you what, it remains a little bit lonely because one

of the things I wanted to talk about was how the Asian American community has largely remained silent because the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th th th th. th. th. I th. I th. th. thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I inevitably thi. I inevitably thi. I inevitably thi. I inevitably thi. I inevitably thi. I inevitably th. I inevitably th. th. I inevitably th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. It is th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi theeeeeeeeee. It's the to talk about was how the Asian American community has largely remained silent because they're so hyper-focused on this idea of positive representation and I think that is such an illusion. It's like the model minority coin but just the other side of it. We need a whole human representation, which includes mistakes, which includes insecurities and vulnerabilities. And it includes the includes insecurities and vulnerabilities. And it includes the intersections of race and gender because one of the few people that I told back in season 2 that I was being sexually harassed was one of the most vocal and prominent advocates for Asian Americans. Very progressive, very outspoken. And I sort of told him, I guess, as a testing ground,

to see if he would believe me. And he just looked at me like my dog had died and then never asked said anything again. And a week later I saw him introducing my abuser on an Asian American panel with the most profuse praise. And it felt like such a betrayal. And I'm like, if even he doesn't believe me, who's going to believe me? And this is prior to the Me Too movement.

And I just want to say to a lot of Asian American male activists, if you claim to stand for Asian Americans, you have to stand for women too, because that's 50% of that population. When you experienced this, it was really, it was really interesting to read through how you felt about it in the book, you know, because you share the complexities of what you were going through, and one of those complexities was around the burden of carrying for an entire group. You know, I spoke to a friend of mine and she was telling me, you know, she's Chinese and she moved to the US and she was saying how she's always been taught that the group is more important

than the whole, regardless of the cost. And you, you talk about it in the book about how many said to you, it doesn't matter what happened to you, what's more important is how the Asian community is perceived. Yes, that positive representation of the whole and when you stray from that. Right, and so how did you, how did you find the balance and also the fortitude to say, look, I am here representing the Asian community as a whole, as a complex person, but I also wish to be protected as an individual. Like where did you find that strength? Where did you, because as you say, you were contemplating suicide, you know, you were in a mental

hospital. You went through so many things. What is it that changed in Constance's life where you decided, no, you know what, I've got to change how I deal with this. Well, to be honest, I think I'm still finding it. But I think one thing I learned is that repressing those stories of abuse that happened to me, it wasn't just going to go away, because I wanted it to go away, because I wanted to maintain the reputation of the show. And I realized if I'm going to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live the the to live the the the the the the the the the the the the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation the reputation to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live to live the to live the reputation of the reputation of the the reputation of the reputation of the reputation of the reputation of the to live the to live to live to live'm going to live as my authentic self, then I just need to do it even at the risk of some other people's discomfort.

And so I do think my speaking out is going to make some people uncomfortable, but I think discomfort is often where you find growth, and it's sort of the only way I know how to be right now. I love that for you. I wouldn't be doing, I could throw, I'll put that away if I used that for myself. Like evidence of my two eyes. I, um, I would be doing the book and your life at this service if we just stayed on the saddest parts and the saddest moments that you experience. I know that's all anybody wants to talk about. Well, no, no, because it is a life, you know.

There are many funny moments. You tell amazingly funny stories. I feel bad for almost every guy who's dated you, especially like... No, no, no, what I mean is because you tell the stories in a really funny way. And if I was one of, like the Matradi, for instance, there's so many great stories you tell about dating and life going well, life not going well. It's silly things, there's funny moments, you know, you talk about moving in your 20s, you know, you share really fun stories about. And I love how in the book you talk about how Helen is just like your

favorite sister and I was like, you do realize your sister's gonna read this book. Are you not worried about that? Them knowing that you have a favorite now? Did I say favorite? Yeah, no, no, no I said she's the one I've closest to. That's not much better. But what I th. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the the the, the, th, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha'a'a'a, tha'a, tha'a'a, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, that's even worse. Oh, she's the one I'm closest to? That's not much better. But what I love is that you share a lot, and it's funny, and it's complex. When you look at your life, when you look at the laughter that you bring to yourself, like what are some of the funniest moments

that you loved reading about in your own book? Because I feel like writing a book means. you have to relive some of what you've been through. Oh yeah, you have to read it so many times when you're editing. It's like a whole thing, and I wrote it all myself. That's why it took me so long. I mean, there's one essay I really enjoyed writing about my first ever job, which was at a bread bakery, where I learned about what it means, what it really means to bake bread when you think about it for centuries, the recipe has stayed the same. And it's funny, I was almost embarrassed. I'm almost embarrassed of my job now because an acting career feels so flimsy

next to something as substantial as a loaf of bread. When you really think about what that is meant for cultures, and also like writing that one, brought back all the smells of the bakery and the taste. Do you still bake? No. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I I I I I, I, I I I I I I, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. back all the smells of the bakery and the taste. Do you still bake? No. Oh wow. I feel like that's like a missed opportunity just like now and again. Well I mean I do explain in the book you know I was I was at the needing table so I needed the bread and I shaped it but I was never the mixer. That's like a very important role where they mix the dough. And that was never my job because I was like a 15-year-old.

It's too important of a job for a 15-year-old. When you walk past a place that's baking something, do you get memories immediately? Oh yes. I even tried to audition to be a baker when I first moved to L.A. And I was like, let me try it. So they auditioned me for this baking role and I remember the mixer, he and I were working together and I'm trying to make small talk the way you might do with your waitressing

staff and saying like, oh, you know, I'm an actress, what do you do? And he looked at me and he said, I'm a baker. And I remember thinking like, that's, that's right. Yeah, you are. That's an honorable job. You know? And you were like, I'm just here as my side hustle. And I didn't get the job. You didn't. And you know what? You ended up in the right one. Constance. Thank you so so, thank you so much for taking the time. Thank you th you so th you so th you so th you so th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. And that. that. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And tha. And tha. And tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And tha. And tha. And tha. And tha. And th. And you so much for taking the time. Thank you for joining me on the show. Congratulations. And a really fascinating book. Making a scene is available wherever you buy your books. There are tons more stories to make sure you go out and get a concert to everybody. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

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