The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Continued RNC 2020 Coverage & A Tribute to Trump's Unparalleled Greatness

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

Mike Pence gives a slyly dishonest RNC speech, Trevor rolls out a biopic about President Trump's greatness, and Jaboukie Young-White talks to RNC delegate Michael Albrecht. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. Really? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey everybody, what's going on? Welcome to the Daily Social Distancing Show. I'm Trevor Noah. It is Thursday, August 27th, and here's your quarantine tip of the day. Now that movie theaters are starting to open up again, you've got to stay safe. So please, make sure to get the extra large popcorn, the extra large candy, and the extra large drink. COVID can't get you if diabetes kills you first.

Anyway, on tonight's show, Hurricane Laura is cancelling statues. The NBA canceled itself, and for the first time in his life, Mike Pence was the most interesting part of the night. So let's do this, people. Welcome to the Daily Social Distancing Show. From Shorter's Couch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. The Daily Social Distancing Show presents. The Republican National Convention,

celebrating February's record economy. Okay, I'm going to be honest people. Last night was not the most interesting convention night. Actually, I'm going to be super honest. It was extremely boring. And that's only because the other nights have been so rock and roll. I mean, on night one, Kimberly Guilfoyle attempted to summon the crackin. On night two, Donald Trump had a ceremony with immigrants that wasn't a marriage. But last night, the most exciting thing to happen was a speech by Mike Pence, a man so boring

that during his midlife crisis, he bought a minivan. Hey ladies, you want to come on in, I'm going to Costco. And part of what made Pence's speech interesting was how he's able to hide so much bullshit underneath the veneer of a respectable, small-town pastor. In fact, he actually made me appreciate Trump, because Trump says bullshit in a bullshit way. That's always easy to spot. Like this. You mentioned the Bible, you've been talking talking talking talking talking th talking think think th talking think thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thei. thei. thei. thean, thei. thean. thean. thean. that's that's that's's always easy to spot. Like this. You mentioned the Bible. You've been talking about how it's your favorite book.

And you said, I think last night in Iowa, some people are surprised that you say that. I'm wondering what one or two of your most favored Bible verses are and why. I wouldn't want to get into it. I wouldn't want to get into verses I don't want to get into... There's no verse that means a lot to you that you think about or cite the Bible means a lot to me but I don't want to get into specifics even to cite a verse that you like. No I don't want to do that. You're an Old Testament guy or a New Testament? Probably the the the... Probably, the the obvious bullshit. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob. Ob-. Ob. Ob. the. the. the. the. Ob- the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the Bible. the Bible. the Bible. the Bible. the Bible. the Bible. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, the. It's. It's. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. the Bible. Now granted he's never read any book but he's specifically never read the Bible which is your favorite but with Mike Pence if you're not paying

attention he comes across as a reasonable guy. You know it's the same way I didn't trust anything that the Tiger King said but when Doc Antel spoke he almost made me believe that he wasn't running a wild animal sex cult. Just seemed like everyone was just doing their thing. And last night was Mike Pence at his finest. Cool, calm, and full of BS. Starting with the way he talked about the civil unrest happening in America's cities.

Last week, Joe Biden didn't say one word about the violence and chaos engulfing cities across this country. President Trump and I know that the men and women that put on the uniform of law enforcement are the best of us. Every day, when they walk out that door, they consider our lives more important than their own. People like Dave Patrick Underwood, an officer in the Department of Homeland Security's Federal Protective Service, who was shot and killed during the riots in Oakland, California. Dave's heroism is emblematic of the heroes that serve in blue every day.

First off, Pence says that an officer was killed during the riots in Oakland, which gives you the impression that the officer was killed by rioters, right? The truth is, the person charged with killing Officer Underwood is a right-wing terrorist. You know, it's sort of like saying that Bruce Lee died during the Vietnam War. Yeah, technically that's correct because he died in 1973 but it's not while he was fighting the Viet Cong. You got to tell the truth people. Bruce Lee was killed by the Illuminati. When Pence says that Joe Biden didn't say one word about the violence during the convention, he's giving you the impression that Biden supports the riots, when in fact, Biden condemned them a few months ago when they started, and he continued

condemning them again yesterday when they kicked off in Kenosha. And that's what makes Mike Pence so slick. He doesn't lie. He doesn't lie. He just implies. But that's fine, I guess. There's no commandment that says, thou shalt not suggest false witness against thy neighbor. So, according to Mike Pence, America under President Trump is falling into anarchy. But you'll never guess whose fault it actually is. Joe Biden says that America is systemically racist. And that law enforcement in America has, and I quote, an implicit

bias against minorities. Joe Biden would double down on the very policies that are leading to violence in America's cities. The hard truth is, you won't be safe in Joe Biden's America. That's right. You see all the bad stuff that's happening in Trump's America? Well, that's actually Joe Biden's America. So wait, when is it Trump's America?

When things are going well. And as for the idea that you won't be safe when Joe Biden is president, people are not safe now! Forget the riots, coronavirus is waiting to punch me in the lungs as soon as I leave the house. You won't be safe in the future. Bitch, I can't even go to a Denny's right now.

So Mike Pence, talking about riots and protests wasn't exactly on the up and up, but it was nothing compared to his bullshit about Trump's handling of the coronavirus pandemic, which to hear him tell it was more perfect than Trump's call with Ukraine. Before the first case of the coronavirus spread within the United States, the president took unprecedented action and suspended all travel from China, the second largest economy in the world. Now that action saved untold American lives. And I can tell you firsthand, it bought us invaluable time to launch the greatest national mobilization since World War II.

President Trump marshaled the full resources of our federal government from the outset. He directed us to forge a seamless partnership with governors across America in both political parties. Today we're conducting more than 800,000 tests a day and we have coordinated the delivery of billions of pieces of personal protective equipment for our amazing doctors, nurses, and health care workers. Okay I'm not gonna lie. I'm actually kind of impressed by how much cow excrement Pence managed to pack in here. Because yes, America is doing 800,000 tests a day now. What Pence doesn't mention is the many months where America did basically no testing and that Trump himself wants there to be less testing.

Pence brags about coordinating the delivery of P.P.E. what he doesn't mention is that America was so disorganized on P.P.E. that nurses were wrapping themselves up in garbage bags running around looking like some kind of broke ass Missy Elliott's. I mean, it's great that you bought invaluable time to launch a national mobilization. But what would have been even better was if you actually used that invaluable time to actually do the national mobilization. Oh, and as for the seamless partnership,

with America's governors, I assume Pence is referring to when Trump told Democratic governors that they would only get help if they were nice to him? I mean, I guess that's a seamless partnership. The same way when a guy walks into the bank and tells someone to put the money in the bag, they put the money in the bag. HASHTag teamwork. Now, to be fair, Mike Pence did admit that America hasn't completely solved coronavirus. But then he got mad that Joe Biden that that that that that that that that thiiiiii thi the the the the the the tho the thi. the tho thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th said finishing the job would take actual work. Now last week Joe Biden said that no miracle is coming.

Well, what Joe doesn't seem to understand is that America is a nation of miracles. And I'm proud to report that we're on track to have the world's first safe, effective coronavirus vaccine by the end of this year. Wow, what a miracle. We might be getting the vaccine at some point and only 200,000 people had to die first. Take that, Joe Biden. Like, I don't think it still qualifies as a miracle, if it happens long after we needed the miracle.

God parting the Red Sea wouldn't have been quite as miraculous if it happened eight months after the Egyptians stabbed all the Israelites to death. So, that was Mike Pence's speech. And I guess we finally found out why Pence always has that permanent squint. His own face is going, are we really saying this bullshit? But at least Pence managed to finish his address by turning all that BS into one amazing new, terrible campaign slogan.

We will re-elect our president and principled Republican leaders across the land. And with President Donald Trump in the White House for four more years, and with God's health, we will make America great again. Again. Damn, I didn't think they could come up with something worse than make America great again, but they did it. Because MAGA was an ambiguous call to a bygone era that never really existed. This new slogan just sounds like someone got hit in the head with a bag of hammers.

Because what's implied with Make America Great Again, again, is that at some point during your presidency, you f-buck up. It almost makes me think that this whole slogan was a mistake. Mr. President, we need to think of a brand new slogan. How about make America great again? Again? My God, Mike, you're a genius. Honestly, I wouldn't trust anyone who uses the phrase again-again. Like if my plumber said he needed to fix my toilet again again, I would find a new plumber. And a new toilet. Probably a Japanese one. I mean a Japanese toilet, not a

Japanese plumber. Not that I wouldn't hire a Japanese plumber. Like I don't care what race my plumber is. It can be any race. I'm just saying the toilet I didn't want you to think that. You know what? Let me start that joke. that joke that joke that joke that joke that joke that joke that joke that joke th th the th the joke th. th. th the joke. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the theateate. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the the the the the the the th the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to toy toy toy toy toyea. toyea. toyea. toyea. toyea. toye. toye. the. three of the RNC. We'll be right back. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like, none of this stuff gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News.

Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. We're covering the Republican Convention all week long. But as you've probably noticed, there's also plenty of other stuff going on right now too. So let's take a look at all the non-convention stories in our ongoing wrap-up. Since the police shooting of Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin, we've seen a new surge in the activism surrounding racial justice. And last night, the protests moved from the streets to the bubble. Mass protest by pro-athlete, ta, ta taken taken taken taken ta ta ta ta ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, tha, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the toe. the the the the the toe. the the the the the the the the the the toeanananan the toean the toean toean toe, toe, toe, toe, from the streets to the bubble. Mass protest by pro-athletes taking a major stance demanding justice over

the police shooting of Jacob Blake. The Milwaukee Bucks sparked a basketball boycott and a chain reaction throughout the sports world. Overnight the NBA paused the playoffs. This empty court speaking volumes as the Milwaukee Bucks players refused to take the court against the Orlando. This empty court, speaking volumes, as the Milwaukee Bucks players refused to take the court against the Orlando Magic last night just before tip off. Despite the overwhelming plea for change, there has been no action, so our focus today cannot be on basketball. The Bucks spoke by phone with some of Wisconsin's elected officials, and afterwards they released a collective statement calling for change.

They want the police officers involved in the shooting held accountable, and they're also calling on the Wisconsin State Legislature to address police brutality and social justice reform. That's right. In an unprecedented move, the NBA had to postpone its playoff games after the players went on strike. Which, don't get a twisted, is a really big deal. This shit is so radical it makes Colin Kappenik look moderate. I bet right now somewhere out there's an old racist guy like, I miss the good old days when they would take a knee,

but at least they'd show up for work. And massive props to these athletes for using their platform to bring attention to what's happening in the streets. Because when you think about it, sports doesn't stop for anything. So when sports does shut down, people take notice. Like, do you guys remember that time aliens landed on earth? Yeah, of course you don't remember, because it was the playoffs. I'm also glad that this movement was started by the players and not by the league. Because you know the league would have just put out a, let's dunk on racism poster and called it a day.

And a lot of people were impressed that NBA players were willing to come together to make a stand like this. Although, predictably, there were some people who didn't see it that way. After November 3rd, if they don't like the election, if Donald Trump wins, are they going to boycott the next game, is football going to follow? Are we going to play sports by what's in the news every day? They're going to get fans and they will never come back, like myself. So they're hurting themselves.

The fans are saying no. The NBA players are very fortunate that they have the financial position where they're able to have the consequences to themselves financially. I think that it's nice that they're standing up for the issue, but I'd like to see them start moving into concrete solutions that are productive. Ah, okay guys, I'm a little confused. Our NBA player is supposed to just shut up and dribble, or literally fix racism on themselves. Either way, it feels like America relies way too much on their athletes to do everything. They're supposed to play basketball, fix racism, sell cereal, and date all the Kardashians.

And I like how Jared just try to insinuate that NBA players shouldn't complain because they're well paid. First of all, Jared, they're rich because they're the best at what they do. Okay? Why are you rich? What are you the best at, other than, other, other, other, other, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th..... th. th. th. thi, to, to to to to to to to to the. too. too. too, too, too, toe, too, too, toe, toe. And also, rich people shouldn't complain? Your boss father is a rich guy who does nothing but complain. Get the fuck out of here, man. It's always interesting how Republicans choose which rich people

get to complain about politics. Because if you're liberal with money, they say that you need to shut up and just be grateful for what you have. But if you're a conservative with money, then they're like well you're the one person who should complain because you know more than these broke ass Bitches and as for mr. Are we gonna play sports by what's in the news every day? Yeah, why not? I mean we already do that with the weather if we can have a rain delay we sure as hell can have a police brutality delay. Let's move on now to the other ongoing crisis coronavirus the biggest fashion influencer of 2020. For months now, the CDC has been saying that the key to getting the pandemic under control is testing, testing, and more testing.

And then yesterday, something changed. After months of telling Americans that if they're exposed to someone with the coronavirus that they should get tested, the CDC is now saying there's no need in most cases if you have no symptoms. And the New York Times is reporting that the change was ordered from the top down by the president, who believes that bad numbers are meant to hurt his re-election campaign and has said over and over that more tests drive up the numbers of COVID-19 cases. The nation's top infectious disease doctor, Anthony Fauci, says this was done without him. He was under anesthesia and surgery when this was approved.

This is the shadiest thing I have ever seen. President Trump is apparently sabotaging America's coronavirus response because he doesn't like the look of high case numbers. This guy is special. Because clearly he doesn't care if a problem is solved. He only cares if it has the appearance of being solved. I wouldn't be shocked if all the fire extinguishes in these buildings are just painted on.

Ah, we need a ga- What the, who would do this? Who would do this? And if that wasn't bad enough, they waited until Dr. Fauci was having surgery before they did this. Guys, come on, man. I can't believe that Trump went behind Fauci's back while the man was in the hospital. That's like cheating on your wife while she's pregnant.

Which Trump also did, so never mind, I guess I can't believe it. Although, now it finally makes sense why Trump kept offering to buy Fauci a boob job. I think you should consider it, Anthony. A lot of people will pay more attention to you. In fact, just thinking about it, I'm paying more attention to you right now. So big. But this is why, my friends, from now on, we cannot afford to have Fauci unconscious for any reason. No surgery, no sleep, no watching Mike Pence give a speech,

nothing that knocks you out. At the very least, if Fauci is incapacitated, we need like a mini Vice Fauci who can take over at any time. And finally, while America is still dealing with coronavirus, racism and economic depression, it wouldn't be 2020 if we couldn't squeeze in at least one more catastrophe. This morning, Hurricane Laura making landfall.

The storm slamming the Gulf Coast, with Lake Charles, Louisiana, right in the bullseye. More than 100,000 already without power as a coastline is battered by powerful wind gusts and sheets of rain. You can see the winds shredding this skyscraper. Whole buildings going apart. Watch as this RV was flipped onto its side as the storm moves in. Power lines just littering the streets and igniting.

Power surges leading to this massive fire. This reporter in Texas almost hit by a falling power line. Oh, that's not good. The rain is hitting so hard that it legitimately feels like rock. I mean, it stings your face, it stings your skin, anything that you have exposed. It really hurts, okay? This was a Confederate monument that the city voted not to take down, but as you can see, Hurricane Laura has ripped it to the ground.

Damn, this was insane. The Gulf Coast was hit by one of the biggest hurricanes in years, and I'm honestly glad that it started dissipating quickly. But I'm also glad that it knocked down that Confederate statue on the way out. Because Republicans don't believe in climate change. But they do believe in cancel culture. So, if weather is tearing down their statue, their statue, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their believe in cancel culture. So, if weather is tearing down their statues, maybe now they'll finally do something to stop it. It's time to cut down carbon emissions

because I'm sick of these PC storms, telling Americans who we should be. So, props to Hurricane Laura for ripping down that statue. Although, you know next week, Hurricane Karen's going to roll in and call the cops on her for doing it. All right, it's time for a quick break. But when we come back, Djibouki Young White tries to swallow the red pill. Don't miss it. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. As the Republican National Convention comes to a close, the GOP's campaign theme is clear. America is doing great, except for the parts that aren't Trump's fault. And at this point, you either believe that message or you don't. But what if you want to believe what the Republicans are telling you?

Well, our very own Djibukiki Young White spoke to one GOP delegate to try to figure out how he can go full MAGA. After four nights of watching the Republican National Convention, I'd honestly prefer to go live in whatever alternate timeline they're in. We've built our wall. Peace in the Middle East. You have the ability to choose your life and determine your destiny. I mean, who doesn't want that? So, I sat down with 19-year-old

RNC delegate Michael Albrek to see what it takes to buy into this Republican dream world. You're a Maga dude. Where are your wrap-around Oakley sunglasses and the testicles hanging off the back of your truck? Are you even allowed to be a Republican and wear transparent frames? I know there's a lot of stereotypes, especially within the Republican Party of what a Republican looks like. I definitely don't fit that mold. How did you get into this? Were you rebelling against Democratic parents or was there someone who pointed a gun at you? I don't know what's going on outside of the frame. So blink twice if you need help.

So what? You blinked? Oh my God. Are you okay? We could end the zoom right. Like give you your address. Is he in the address? Is he in the d'a'eaned or they? would say. If he wasn't being coerced, then why is he into Donald Trump? Are you

not conflicted that you're a teen and he wants to ban TikTok? Well I do like Trump, obviously. Right. Prior to the coronavirus pandemic, economy was doing great and unemployment was down and all that good stuff. The major thing keeping him from winning election this November would be his tweets. Love you Trump if you're watching this. You know, I'm a big supporter, but I'm just like your mouth sometimes. He's absolutely not watching it. He likes Trump except for his tweets.

That's like liking everything about Kanye but his music. So what was it that drew Michael to the Republican Party? In 2017, the Evergreen State College had this event a day without white people. And so the school sponsored this event in which no white people could go to school for a day. And a professor named Jennings said that he didn't want to follow by that rules because we believe it was discrimination on the basis of race. Hold on, hold on.

He got a paid day off work and said no. Yeah, I guess he put his values before money, unfortunately. But then isn't that antithetical to being a Republican? I think nothing is more damaging than peeing in a broad stroke over a group of people and saying they don't care about life in terms of like school shootings, you don't care about the lot of children's lives, you don't care about, I don't know, voter suppression or it could just be a variety of issues and it's way more complicated than that. No, of course you care about kids' lives, you just also care about gun manufacturers having to meet their quarterly earnings. Like it's a balance of two things. Hey, if if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, their their their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, their, like, their, about gun manufacturers having to meet their quarterly earnings.

Like it's a balance of two things. Hey, if you want to go shooting with me, you're free too. I'm a bad shot, but... Hey, look, it's within your rights. I never said I was anti-gun. I'm from Chicago. Okay, I'm definitely not going to go shooting with this guy, and the more we talked, I realized we just have no common ground. I'm celebrating my one month and six-day anniversary with my boyfriend. Hi, Brian.

Oh my God, that's awesome. I didn't know that she had a boyfriend. That changes everything. If this guy can be gay and a Republican, maybe I could be too. I just need to re-watch the convention with an open mind. Did you know abortion even thi tha tha thi the the the the the the the the the the the thoe thoe thoe thoe thoe tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho- tho- th re-watch the convention with an open mind. Did you know abortion even had a smell? Uh, okay, never mind. Thanks for that, Jabuki.

Well, that's our show for tonight, but before we go, there are less than three months until the elections. And America is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. Now, that's because most poll workers are over 60 and coronavirus is still out there so understandably they are not showing up. But remember, fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations are open and it means that there's going to be fewer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and wait in, especially in poorer communities. The good news is most poll working is paid and in some states you can be as young as 16 to do it. So if you're interested and you have the time, this is your chance to save your granny,

protect democracy, and get paid too. Until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember, you've got to solve racism by yourself. The Daily Show with Trevor Noa, Niaz. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11th, 10, on, on, on, on, and comedy, and comedy, and comedy, and the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. to the Daily Show at the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.